La liceale, il diavolo e l'acquasanta (1979) - full transcript

THE LICEAL, THE DEVIL AND THE BENTA WATER

Production

Realization

PARADISE COME AND GO

Comendador.

- Commander. - Let me see in peace!

Good dancer, isn't she?

He sings, dances, knows how to move, he really lacks nothing.

Not even good references.

Commander, this girl has many things inside her.

And on the outside too.



The useful joins the pleasant. Here I taste, at home how.

- At home? - Yes at home.

This is the complete meal.

At home ... big pig. And even convinced.

- Very well, Luna. Angry. - Good, Luna. Good!

- Luna! - Yes?

Get ready, you have to go to the commander's house,

for an interview for two.

Please come in. The Commander is waiting for you.

- Commander, have a visitor. - Did you send for me?

- Are you Luna? - Yes, I am.

- Very well, Luna. You really have a way. - Thank you, Commander.

I want to give you the role of protagonist.

If you're good with the rest.



- Rest? What rest? - I'll explain.

- Hurry, at 5 am there's the gargling. - Dispatch in an instant.

- So you haven't lost your way yet? - No way.

I see, you want me to undress you.

- It does better than gargling! - You're crazy!

No, I am chaste and so I want to stay until the wedding.

Okay, well, you're going to paradise, but you're not making a career.

I'm spraying myself! I prefer to go to paradise.

Fool! Paradise does not exist.

Excuse me. Where does the seal for the wings pay?

- First door on the left. - Thank you.

Paraiso - Legion Guardian Angels XIl

The Holy Virgin?

Ah, there are references to the Holy Virgin.

Do not worry. We have already dealt with the matter.

A guardian angel. Do not worry. Greetings to your Excellency.

- Sub-boss. - At your service!

Get yourself a guardian angel.

A guardian angel is not easy. This is the actual staff.

These are on duty, these are low.

They were appointed as an escort for the saints.

There are no saints that serve us. Get yourself a guardian angel.

It's easy to say ... Ah! There was one!

- It's just a little ... - Is it geek?

No, geek is not, but anyway.

- So, conductor? - Yeah.

Yes, today we are going to try

Gregorian chant nº 6,

Opera K2 in Lá bemol! Major:

"Qui domina venia pargulos".

One two three four.

What is it? This is a regret. Do you call that singing?

Maestro, these Gregorian chants are really dry.

- Dry? It is sacred music. - It will be sacred, but it is a drought.

Can we do something more modern?

It's ok. We try to do something with more rhythm.

But without making a sound, unless Saint Peter sends us away.

- Hurry up! - This São Pedro is a drought too.

One two three four.

I like it more than the mazurka.

- What a wonderful dance. - Are you crazy? Little joke.

I apologize.

Ciclamino, what are you doing ?!

Not the wings, I have vertigo.

Can't I ride with someone?

Who, the superman S. Petrónio?

Flights are suspended until the UFO issue is clarified.

- You fly with your wings. - Communicate with us through this.

Get ready to leave.

You have to arrive before she changes her mind.

- Who she? -Read the instructions in the suitcase.

My God! Mamma mia!

The wings do not open!

Ciclamino, don't worry, they never open!

You have no reason to sing.

20 years old, you're 20 years old, honey, you're getting old.

And you're still nobody.

Three months of home rent to pay, Monday, the installment of the motorcycle.

You haven't had a full meal in a week.

When there is an opportunity, you are weird.

The problem is that you have too many scruples.

Go down to earth and stop dreaming.

Our Lady, I know I promised, but you also promised to help me.

Tell me what should I do? Go on, tell me what to do!

Are you talking to me?

- What did you say? - Are you talking to me?

- No, I was talking to Our Lady. - With Our Lady?

Anyway.

I know what I have to do.

Commander?

- I'm Luna, the girl from yesterday. - Casfa.

I changed my mind. I renounce paradise in exchange for such a role.

- But it needs to be fast. - Yes. Can it be at your house? See you soon.

What is this?

Where did you enter? What clothes is that?

26 Seara Street, door 12. Is it here or not?

The address is right but it is not the time for an assault.

I am not a thief. I'm Ciclamino, your guardian angel.

Are you? And I'm Santa Rita de Cássia.

Seriously? I've wanted to meet you for a long time. Much pleasure.

Go!

I don't know who gave you the information, but it's wrong.

So get out where you came in!

- Not! I can break my head! - Well, if I push you, I'll leave you all.

Do you want to tell me how you got in ?!

- Madam! - Are you talking to Our Lady?

No, it's up to you.

- Did this stop by your house? - Who?

This one next to me.

- I don't see anyone. - This one with the wings.

Wings ?!

Are you drunk in the morning? Leave me alone or I'll call the priest!

Can I know how you got in?

I told you I'm an angel, she doesn't see me, only you can see me.

The old woman doesn't count, it doesn't hit well!

By the way of knocking, isn't it the bell?

I don't throw you out the window, but you stay here dumb and falling,

because if I don't rip your wings off and force you to eat them!

Open it.

The girl has lived in this house for 3 months

and has not yet paid the rent.

I'm fed up,

or you pay me or tonight ...

What's going on? What is all this water?

- Is nothing. - Get out of the way, I want to see.

- Broken glass, everything flooded. - Let me explain.

All this water on the floor, the dryer on,

can cause a short circuit.

It's a criminal! An irresponsible one.

Listen, I don't want you to stay in this house!

You don't pay my rent and you destroy the whole house!

I'll send you away.

You really have to get out of this house tonight.

Tonight!

Tonight, if you will,

I will prepare a meal for you myself.

Don't tell me you don't.

It is not right for such a beautiful girl to

eat in restaurants, to end her stomach.

With income do not worry. Pay when you can.

What a dear, what a lovely tenant.

- Ask him for some money. - Shut up!

If you need money, feel free.

I give you half.

- All! - Yes, everything is better.

If you need more, feel free, will you?

Goodbye dear.

Now you are going to say who you are. Are you a hypnotist?

- Why do you want to help me? - Because I'm your guardian angel.

Again the same story.

- What is your name? - Cyclamine.

Listen, Ciclamino.

- Cyclamine. You have a beautiful name. - Luna is also a beautiful name.

Very well. Now I have a very important meeting, I have to go.

I'll go with you. I have to protect you.

You can't come. It's a delicate encounter, I can't take you.

It's like it's not there. Nobody sees me, only you.

It's ok. Now you see that I have to undress. If not, I'm late.

- Tighten less, I have to breathe. - Excuse.

Linda, don't you get bored alone?

- Come here. - I'm all yours.

Feminist! If I catch you, you'll see!

Look at this! And now?

So stop at the traffic light? It's stalling traffic. Get out of here.

As? With square tires?

Go back to the joiner and ask for round tires.

- Commander. - Did the plumber arrive?

- No, the girl I was waiting for arrived. - Very well, whatever.

You were quick. It has to be quick because the plumber is coming.

I'll look for the contact.

I hope you come. We ran out of water, I had to wash myself with beer.

If this also broke, I have to call the locksmith. I hope you come.

This is the contract, read, undress and sign.

You have to be quick, I can't keep the plumber waiting when I arrive.

There is also classical music here.

- Have you changed the disc? - So it seems.

- Did you change the record? - No.

Do you want to see that this also doesn't work?

I have to call for assistance. I wish they were quick.

I'm ready, but first I have to sign the contract.

- Don't you? - No.

You do well.

- And then you won't leave me hanging? - I swear to paradise.

Undress yourself. After the plumber comes the electrician,

the carpenter and the glazier, if nothing else happens.

Luna, I read the instructions.

I must prevent you from giving in to this man's flattery, let's go.

- Why do you undress? - To yield to man's flattery.

You come with me!

For. He signed and I swore to heaven.

Are you an angel and urge sacrilege?

What is it, Ciclamino? And your mission?

What do I do, boss? I can't convince you.

Move, asshole! Have an idea!

At your command, boss! But what do I do?

Nothing works in this house! I sell it and I go back to my mother!

- Leave, I'll help. - Thank you.

Does the commander like me after all?

You will see that you will get along with me!

You won't need the others!

What are you doing?! Got mad?!

He's undressing me. Control yourself!

- I wanted to help you! - Sit down and stop it!

You're ready, thankfully.

Fast! I have to call the construction company, nothing works in this house.

Come, sit here.

- Do you want a vodka? - No.

- Two fried eggs? - No.

Do you want me to loosen you?

So? Don't even the buttons work?

Slowly. He has a strangled hernia.

It's huge, it looks like a rugby ball. We have to operate urgently.

- Cyclamine. - Yes, boss.

- Don't you think you overreacted? - It was all in a hurry.

Well. More moderation in the future.

You're the best. I obtained the paper without losing my chastity.

- I'm your guardian angel. - You're nice.

I like being with you.

- Me too, it's a shame it's over. - Ended? Why?

My mission is accomplished, I have to go back.

Back to where?

And I? Do you leave me alone?

- You don't need me anymore. - Need! Next week is the debut!

You have to do it yourself. Goodbye, Luna, it was a pleasure to meet you.

You can't, you left the wings at my house.

It's ok. Goodbye, Ciclamino.

- Will we meet again one day? - Who knows.

Now turn around, don't look. Goodbyes make me cry.

You could tell me that the hunting season has started.

You came back, Ciclamino, good. I need help, I'm in trouble.

- What have you done? - The contract.

I left it at the Commander's house.

I looked everywhere, but I can't find the contract.

- Of course not, it's on the bike. - So you haven't forgotten him here.

You lied.

- Why? - I didn't want you to abandon me.

I need your help to succeed.

- Do you want a chocolate? - Angels don't eat.

- Do you want to drink something? - Angels don't drink.

Nor does the rest.

- Banana, isn't there anyone? - No.

The commander is at the clinic and the housekeeper is afraid to sleep alone.

Wait, Banana, I'm afraid.

It's normal, that's why they call you medicine. Come with me, go.

Come on, rob the house.

- What's it? - An electronic alarm system?

You said the housekeeper was gone.

It's not the housekeeper.

- Who will be? - Must be a woman of life.

He came to the commander but he is at the clinic.

- I need your help. - You don't need help from heaven.

- You'll get away with it alone. - I'll never make it.

Go then. By the way do you want me to teach you some steps?

- Do you want me to be your conductor? - Yes. And the music?

The music ...

Banana, where is the orchestra?

It must be an apparatus among the plants, in the home of the rich it is normal.

She is dancing on top of the water.

What water? It is a pretend pool.

- Pretending? - That's right.

There must be two fingers of water. It is not Jesus to walk on water.

A pool with two fingers of water?

It is decorative, yes. There are in the homes of the rich.

- Maybe, but I'm all blurry. - Then go.

- The alarm! - Must be connected to the police.

- Run! - Let's go this way.

- There's the pool. - Only has two fingers of water.

Damn you! There is nothing missing in the rich people's home.

Not even shit like you!

One, two, three, four five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four five, six, seven and stop.

Luna, get ready.

One two three four. One two three four.

One, two, three, at first.

The main role was mine. He stayed with him because he slept with the commander.

- She has a way, she deserved the role. - You tell me that you are my husband.

I am also the choreographer and I have to teach her how to dance.

- You don't teach. - Don't ask me to harm you.

It is not a request, it is an order.

Luna, it's your turn.

Don't make that face, you will make a beautiful figure.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

- Very well. That. - One, two, three, four ...

Very well. But stop, stop.

Where did you learn to dance? You look like a bar.

Let's restart. Bears also dance.

- Lucky, you're always happy. - Why are you so sad today?

Haven't you seen? Cico made fun of me in front of everyone.

It's the woman's fault because she wanted the role.

He will stop treating you like that, I made him fall in love with you.

Did you make him fall in love with me?

What are you there to say?

Luna. It's me, Cico.

- Luna. - Yes.

Luna, I ... I love you.

Come, dear.

I said in love, I was not bold.

- Ciclamino, do something! - I'm a romantic!

What do I do now?

Hurry up, geek! Do you see the beautiful service you got?

Ciclamino, do something. Quickly!

Hold on, I'll take care of it.

Not! Hernia, no! He has to dance with me!

What is this pain? They are contractions! He's kicking!

She'll be born in 7 months and I don't even have the layette ready.

Tomorrow will be fine. I caused him to contract.

Did you cause contractions? You are a really nice angel.

- Are you just a soul or body? - We angels are just a soul.

It is a pity. If I too were just a soul, everything would be simpler.

Why simpler?

If I were just a soul, I could fall in love with you.

Ciclamino, then, are you drinking? Angels cannot drink.

Yeah. And this is wine.

What if São Pedro knows?

- He drinks too. - Ciclamino, you can feel bad.

Bad? I'm even fine.

I feel light. I've never been so well in my life.

- Go, rest. - Thank you, Luna.

What you said? If you were also a soul ...

That if you were a soul, I could fall in love with you.

I can wait for you.

Sooner or later you're going to die.

So you will also be a soul.

We will live happily together and we will have so many

little animals ... No, "almimals" ... animals.

Massimo, don't run because you have arthritis, tonsils and even diabetes.

Slowly, carefully.

- What is up?! - The knee, the knee hurts.

- Geek, you hear me. - Yes, sir, present.

- Do you see where you are? - What's up?

It turns out that you were released from your mission and lost your powers.

What am I doing here?

You have been transported so as not to injure more fentations, put the wings and return.

I left the wings at the girl's house.

The wings are behind the hedge, playboy!

Luna, I was waiting for you.

Luna, it's me, I came to say goodbye.

Yeah, you can't see or hear me. What a bore.

What are you doing? It's Luna's bike.

Excuse me.

I want to see if you can stay whole for the premiere, goofy goat.

If I were also a soul, I

could fall in love with you.

- Cyclamine. - Luna.

Hello, Ciclamino. See, I'm finally a soul too.

Are you still there? I told you to come back immediately.

- She unscrewed the wheels. - You have nothing to do with it.

I have nothing to do with it? Are you sure?

- I told you to come and forget everything. - Okay, boss. I'll go now.

There I go!

Come on, boys. Gregorian chant nº.4,

opera K79 in C major.

- Maestro, you have visitors. - Are there visits for me?

Boys, be quiet if not São Pedro ...

When do you replace this São Pedro?

- Hello, Ciclamino. - Hello, Luna.

- Hello, Ciclamino. - How did he die?

- It was by chance, I was on the bike with me. - By any chance?

What happened in life could never happen.

You know my moral principles, Cico was married.

The sacrament of marriage lasts a lifetime, but after death ...

- There is divorce. - More or less.

You know how it is, during the trip ... I

fell in love with him.

- It was love at first sight. - No, it was the first blow.

- But I didn't feel anything. - What a shame.

That is, what a pity he also died.

It was enough to take the tram instead of the motorbike.

- A fatality. - Fatality and bad luck too.

Goodbye, Ciclamino. Thanks for everything.

Goodbye, Ciclamino. You're a friend!

We will come to visit you from time to time.

- Come on, boys. - Gregorian chants again?

Do not want. Better with more rhythm.

- Yes! Yes! - Go there.

One two Three. One two three four.

LOVE AND HANDCUFFS

- What a beautiful thief. - Nice.

- Do not hinder justice. - Malandra! Thief!

- It's the equality they want. - Robberies, muggings, worse than men!

I am? It's from the police station.

I'm Agent Petralini. Yes, she is a pickpocket. Send a car.

Well, I have to go.

At one point he saw that the girl was touching his body.

No, I leaned against the girl's ass. Like this.

- I put my hand ... - Don't go into details.

- Sit down and cite only the facts. - These are the facts.

She was rubbing herself against me and I put my hand ...

We have noticed. Sit there that it looks much better.

- The girl touched me too. - Forward?

No, in the ass, and he took it out.

- Why? Is yours behind? - Of course, I always put it behind.

Abh, the wallet.

Go to identification and ask to sign. I finished my job.

- Petralia, come and see. - What is it? I already left the service.

- It's a man. - A man?

- Girl, is it true that it is a man? - I'm not sure.

The father wanted a boy, the mother a girl. I was born and satisfied both.

Watch out, patrol cars.

Go to Piazza Navona. There are riots in the gay demonstration.

Tubarão 14. We will take a suspect to the central.

The order is to go to the square.

The sissies are hitting our comrades.

- Quickly! - Okay, lock.

- Move, get out. - How gross. Calm.

Get out too. Take it to the central. We have to go to Piazza Navona.

I can't, I'm going to my girlfriend and I'm out of the job.

An agent is always on duty, Petralia. Handcuff him.

I've been on duty for two years. I have things arranged.

- And am I alone? Can I come with you? - Entertain yourself with the mariconço.

We will take reinforcements to the enemy.

- Mean. - Well done.

- Have you never seen a man? - Not like this. What is your name?

- Ernesto. - Come on, we have a lot to walk.

- I can't run with high heels. - You learn not to dress as a woman.

- We took a bus. - No, it is prohibited by regulation.

- Then we took a taxi. - It's forbidden by my pocket.

I think you're really nice. Can I offer?

- What are you taking ?! Ah, the wallet. - It's to pay for the taxi.

Stolen, isn't it? Keep that, we do accounts at the police station.

Cover the legs that we are on the street.

- Let's go back there. - Are you one of ours?

- Nothing like that, I'm going to pee. - Take off the handcuffs and val.

- To run away? - So am I going too?

See that the dress is new. Don't splash me. Calm.

- You dress only as a woman or ... - Or what?

- Do you like men or women? - I did not decide yet.

- Don't suddenly decide now. - Weren't you worried?

I am, but I use the other hand, I get more rested.

Quiet, otherwise they will!

- The blonde is mine. - The short guy is mine.

- These are handcuffs! - This one has a dick!

- Run! - Let's go!

- I asked you not to splash me. - It wasn't my fault.

Rays break them. But they couldn't get my wallet out.

My pants were torn.

Ten more minutes and I was like you ... I started calling you sister.

- Now it's better to take a taxi. - Yes, it's better than taking it in the ass.

But first we stopped by my house to take care of the kid.

- Kid? - You don't understand anything.

- The kid I have at home. - Come on.

Slowly.

Quiet, otherwise he wakes up. You will eat in 10 minutes.

Rays! Today is early. Let's go.

- Where are we going? - Shut up and walk.

- Be careful with the head. - I won't get there.

If I don’t give it to you right away, you’ll be beastly.

- Can't you take this from me? - Only 5 minutes.

- Ready. - Thank you.

- In fact, take it while I prepare. - Where are you going?

I'm going to heat the milk for the bottle, he doesn't like to wait.

Be careful with the head.

Put a finger in his mouth so he calms down.

- Are you your sister's son? - Yes, why?

- He's really a son of a bitch. - Do you know her?

- I can see why I left you. - That fool, always getting pregnant.

The last 15 we managed to distribute them but this one is so boring.

- Are they your sister's colleagues? - No.

They are artistic photos. I'm the one who shoots.

- I attend the 2nd year of the academy. - Balls.

Yeah, I don't steal for fun.

I have to pay for my studies, support the kid, and the mana that is stuck.

But you policemen will never understand these things.

Finally, she stopped crying.

Do not shake it which is worse.

Always do that to me. Do you think I take him to the doctor?

No, take him to a plumber first.

How beautiful, my cutie.

He drank the milk and will be quiet without bothering.

Take it, I'll get you a dry shirt.

- Get him up to burp. - Also ...

It smells like sewage. Regarding sewage, I forgot about Concetta.

- Who's Concetta? - My girlfriend.

Passes at 11am through the station, on the train to Turin.

- What do I do now? - If you take a taxi you can do it.

- And the money? - I'll lend you.

- It's late. - Thank you!

- But you have to go with me. - I thought you wanted to go alone.

Thank you. So you are alone and run away.

- Okay, put on the wig and go. - Which wig changes, but it's clothes.

If Concetta sees me with an ember, it will happen.

You're a bit of a geek, but I think you're nice.

- Wait! - Run!

I'm glad the train didn't leave.

Where will it be? Concetta!

Concetta!

- Wait! Is this it? - It was good, it was ...

- Sorry. -There she is!

Concettinal!

How you grew up! They eat well at the police.

We ate well, yes, but what you're kissing isn't me.

- Who is it? - A friend of mine, thief and sissy.

- Much pleasure. Ernesto. - It's my pleasure. Concetta Pallone.

I recognized you right away by the lead tooth. You are so beautiful.

And where is your mother?

He took the drops for nausea and fell asleep right away.

- You're free. When are you leaving? - You don't know.

We inform the passengers

that the employees went on strike indefinitely.

Trains are stopped until the strike is over.

Perfect. The mother sleeps, the train stopped

can come and prove that you love me.

At midnight I have to go back to give you the drops, otherwise who will put up with it?

It only takes me 3 or 4 seconds. They say I'm schizophrenic. Come on, let's go.

- What's the money for the taxi? - Yes. Here.

- Open the handcuffs. I wait for you here. - And when I get back I'll find the place.

You must be kidding. Come on, Concettina.

Low noise. Come here, Concettina.

- Undress and hurry up. - And where is your friend?

- My friend is here. - And will you stay here?

No, you're leaving now.

Watch out for the landlady, if you discover a woman here at home is the end.

- Do not worry. - Take off your makeup, hurry up.

Clean up well.

- Where are you taking me? - Come on, get in.

Funny this place is intimate.

I'm glad you like it, you'll be half an hour.

Better here than with your girlfriend. Sorry, but it really is a monster.

I don't care. She is very rich, only child. I take her to bed.

They force me to marry her and I rest for the rest of my life.

Do you think so? It is better to steal the wallet from people in transport.

It was best to find the key to open this.

How do I make love with Concettina stuck to you?

- I am ashamed. - What a shame, we're alone.

Imagine that we are on our honeymoon in Venice.

- In Venice there are gondolas. - I'll take you to Naples. There are mussels.

I am ashamed.

- How's it going? - Don't upset!

- Give me your hand, Concettina. - I can not.

It is not this hand!

- Just the blouse. - I can not!

Come on, Concettina, hurry up.

Let's get up.

- I'm glad they're done. - We haven't even started.

- Get it up. - I am ashamed.

Up ...

Down.

- It's uncomfortable. - The vertical bed is in fashion.

- Say me something. - Help.

- It takes too long? - It's not you, get out!

- Say me something. - I have to go to the bathroom.

Now? Relax.

Concetta, relax.

- What do I do? - Relax, Concetta.

Relax how? What do I do? The landlady is there.

Commit the soul to Our Lord.

Last week he stabbed a thief who came into the house.

- What? - Stab!

Thieves, pigs, excommunicated.

If you wake up, stab us all.

At midnight I have to give mom the drops.

Run, run!

Run for what? The train is no longer here.

- The train to Turin? - Already left.

- Wasn't there a strike? - Agreed.

Thankfully, they reached an agreement. So, Concettina?

- Was anyone waiting in Turin? - Aunt Adele!

- Then just call Aunt Adele. - Concettina ?!

Come, come with us. The hat!

The pants! The pants!

Is it Mrs. Adele Cucurullo? Good evening. It speaks of the Youth Center.

It's the director. You have to get your sister who arrives quickly, right?

I know it's not me, but it is to let you know that Concetta is with us.

She is fine. It is not in the health center. Youth center.

He only got off the train to make a chichizinho.

Not in front of everyone, no. He went to the station bathroom.

Yes, the toilet.

When he left, the train was already gone. It was funny.

No, there are no men here, we are all women.

Religious, no. Lay.

Lay people are not lesbians. No, it's not the same.

- I'll give you the phone: six, one ... - Stupid!

Four three two one. Good evening. It's dispatched.

- Finally, a sip of whiskey. - What are you doing, are you crazy ?!

It's just a sip.

It's not whiskey. It's acid for the photos, do you want to die?

Since the Concetta train leaves tomorrow at 6 am, be

calm, you have six hours.

Whatever 6 hours, I don't take more than 1 minute.

Then I have to take you to the police station.

- Boring. - The baby stays here.

- Why? - Stay hostage so you don't run away.

Be discreet, because everything you see wants to repeat.

Then I will cover it.

Concetta.

Concettina.

How beautiful. Come here.

- Whose are these tities? - Mine, Carminuzzo.

- Whose thighs are these? - Mine.

Whose is it...?

Concetta, uncover yourself.

- Do you have a hernia? - No.

- Then why do you have the belt? - It's the chastity belt.

The chastity belt?

Made by my father in stainless steel with 3 locks.

One in front, one in the back and one in the middle.

- Do you have the keys? - No, they are with the mother.

- Ernesto, I need the drill. - Do you have the iron thing?

- Quiet, Concettina. - I can't, I'm ticklish.

The drill is over. Give me the key.

Number 3.

You're an expert at that, I didn't know you were a burglar.

I took a course at night, but this is the first experience. AÀ nº 4.

Here you are at 4.

I forgot that the father had also set an alarm.

Quickly! Scissors to cut the threads!

Already knew. The siren woke the baby. Hurry up!

Damn it, the milk ran out. I'm going to the street, I'll be right back.

- Where are you going? - I'm going to buy milk from the pharmacy.

Give me the money I'm going to. I get more rested.

Give it to me, Concettina. Don't get out of here.

It can rain. If there is no milk what do I bring?

Tripe! It's really police.

- You need more to shut up. - You need a breast.

-Do you have milk? - No, but you do. And if it's a boy ...

It's a boy.

It's a boy, it's a boy.

- Do you know you have a beautiful breast? - No, I know I'm awful.

Come with me.

- So what do you think? - I don't see well.

And with these?

- I still don't see well. - Why do you use them?

My father wants to, so he doesn't see men well.

Try these.

My God, I'm pretty after all.

You are also beautiful. Tall, blond, thin. I've always dreamed of someone like you.

- What is it, don't you like me? - It's just that I'm a little virgin.

I am too, but we can try.

I took a sexual correspondence course but never practiced.

- It won't be that hard. - Will you help me? Then come with me.

Sorry, honey, but these are teenage fantasies.

"For Carminuzzo".

"Forgive us, but we discover that we love each other hopelessly.

We ran away with me, Ernesto and the baby. PS and the money too."

Children of the mother.

The acid. Poison!

I poisoned myself ... so young.

The stomach swells.

I end my career so young.

Damn it!

Where am I?

I still feel all bloated.

Do you think you're in a toilet?

It escaped me, it doesn't happen again.

- I expelled Adam for much less. - Adam? Where am I?

- In earthly paradise, you're dead. - In Paradise? I'm dead?

Italians outside their homeland always make sad figures.

Rest assured.

- Do you want an apple? - No thanks, they make me gas.

I've already been scolded. Thank you.

- Are you new here? - I arrived now.

- Do you want to play with us? - What is the game?

- The autumn game. - How to play?

- We dropped the leaves. - Isn't it a sin?

Like a sin, an apple is a sin, not the vine.

This is paradise on earth, nothing is missing!

Nor the police!

- Petralial! - At your service!

Since you're here, take this sissy to the police station.

He was in a fennel field dressed as a woman.

I'm not on duty, I'm dead.

Handcuff them. Petralia, an agent is always on duty, even dead.

- It can not be. What do I do? - Hurry up.

Come on.

Damn you!

POOR DEVIL

Damn it! The tooth.

I have to experiment with the model, you can't work like that.

Filomena.

Wait. I'll take the mold.

It's done.

Damn! Is it possible that 2 or 3 clinging teeth come every day?

There is no point in grumbling.

You were hired as a model for a dental mechanic,

not as a haute couture model. You earn 5,000 lire a day!

- Do you want to say something? - Damn you.

Already knew. Come on. Every day the same story.

You have become a hysterical girl. I don't call you anymore. Luigi!

Take your mother-in-law who's done. Tomorrow at 7:30 am, another experience.

Give him liquid food. Don't stop still and I pulled out 3 teeth.

- So we have an extra. - At the end of the month we do the math.

I treat your mother-in-law well.

- Is not true? - Damn you.

Goodbye and get well.

- Good Morning. - Good morning Doctor. Do a favour.

I'm in a hurry. In fact, I prefer to pick it up here.

Rosaria, the doctor is in a hurry. Prefer to give it here.

- Excuse me, I'll open it. - Please.

- Hello, Mariuccio. Did you bring everything? - Here is the bread and here the eggs.

- Good Morning. - What a good day. Come here.

You never want to get an injection. You are a beautiful boy, you have even lost weight.

Look, the doctor doesn't mind being beaten.

Doctor? Sorry, I didn't realize where the face was.

I want to leave, your wife killed me yesterday.

My wife has butterfly hands.

- Can I excuse this? - What? I help you undress.

Your father sent ... Look at that! He ordered you to give one a day.

Don't laugh, or you will.

Rosaria, hurry up. Are two. Ministry guards left.

- I'm going. Where is Incatenata? - In the bathroom, as usual.

I'll be back. Do not run away. You get punched in the ear and break your knee.

Come on, hurry up.

So?

- Anything. - Like nothing? Eight days passed.

- What can I do? - Eat plums.

I ate 1 kg yesterday and 1 kg this morning.

You have to learn to spit the lumps!

Hurry up. We have many people.

I'm ashamed, it disgusts me.

You have to treat some customers. Your sister can't do it alone.

Sister-in-law boring like potash!

Put your gloves on.

- Who's first? - The doctor, who is ready right away.

- Extract and vitamin D. - Ready. I help you.

I'm going to disinfect Mariuccio, but hurry up.

Here I am. Rejoice. Disinfection operation.

- I'm going to blur myself. - Then disinfect yourself.

I'm going!

- Give me a pat. - A little pat, yes.

- Good morning, Lino. Is your wife there? - Yes, there it is.

- Good Morning. - I prefer your sister-in-law.

- How are you doing? - Terrible.

- Tantum Forte. - Also for you.

- No, these are the injections I have. - I always forget. In between.

This way. You already know the way, at the bottom right.

Excuse me, get your buttocks out of here. Rosaria, Father Lurio's injection.

- It's in the cart. - I'll take it now.

Here I am. Incatenata, the sacred buttock of Father Lurio.

- Tantum forte. - Blessed.

- Want help? - Let us pray ...

- This is not a tavern. Go over there. - We are waiting for the injection.

The injections are elsewhere, here I work with dentures.

- Mr. civil servant! - I hadn't noticed.

Not? It was clinging to the buttock.

It is certain that the buttocks are full of holes.

This is from Engineer Zagaria.

This is from Consul Mazumbo.

Friend of Giscard d'Estaing.

The Mazumbo golden crown!

- Did you see a golden crown around here? - No, where?

I can't find her, they're all naked. Someone must have sat on it.

- Did you ask the Incatenata? - Yeah, not sel. I ask.

Sorry, 8r. General. Unintentionally, it may have stuck to your buttock.

- Did you feel anything? - Nothing at all.

Rays.

- Are you taking me by car? - Good morning, Engineer.

- They are at home? - I can see.

The usual outrage. But it will end.

Excuse.

- Then? - One moment, I'm reading.

I want to be within the law. Is the income 800,000 lire a year?

- No. For 12. - 12 years? Arrive 4.

Times 12 months. 800 thousand lire a month.

800 thousand lire a month? You are crazy! I hadn't noticed.

Crazy?! Is it a noble apartment, in the center and with 600 m? of terrace.

The 600 m? of terraces are not in my house, they are on the roof!

The pigeons go there! Let them pay the rent.

I don't care!

The terrace belongs to the apartment. The income is 800 thousand per month.

Do not get mad! For 30 years I have paid 8,000 lire a month.

It's a shame! 30 years that occupies the apartment with a thousand scams!

Don't say what offends me.

It calls scams to the recognition of the homeland, the State, the government!

My poor dad was an invalid!

And you are also an invalid ?!

I am the son of an invalid! If my father was ...

What the hell does that have to do with it ?!

- Stop stealing money from me! - Stop stealing dentures!

Damn it!

- Come on. - Lino, what do I tell the doctor?

You say your sister has congenital constipation.

It is either unclogged chemically or has to be operated.

- Operate? - Today there is the "quinotera" ...

How is it? That cold.

- You come and explain it better. - I have my head at the interest rate.

I wait here, I'll walk for a while.

I don't want to be operated, I'm ashamed to get undressed.

Come on.

Where do I turn? In Rome, houses are expensive.

If we move, my wife will no longer give injections, I will no longer make dentures.

Are we going to another part of Rome? there anymore.

If it were true that one could sell his soul to the devil, I sold it here.

Excuse me? I'm the devil.

- Don't you have horns? - I'm not single.

- Are they all like that in winter? - As?

- Ugly and boring. - There are worse.

What do you need to do?

Just sign the contract and I solve all the problems.

This is the contract.

- Interior Ministery". - Read it well.

Ministry of Hell.

- Who are you, Satan? - That's my boss.

I'm Abamelec Putifar.

- Pupú for friends. - How funny.

- It's not funny. - Excuse me.

I smell weird, like rotten eggs.

It's sulfur. All the devils smell of sulfur.

- What do you want from me? The soul? - No, I want the body.

Let me know the devils always wanted the soul, you arrive ...

Putifar, with so many people in Rome, are you really going to make fun of me?

- Not with you, with your wife. - I didn't get it right.

What you said?

With so many people in Rome you come to make fun of me.

- You said it another way. - It was figuratively.

I understood the concrete meaning.

Do you want something from my wife in a concrete sense?

I let you do what you want, then I go back to Earth and make a fool of myself.

You know the lady who lives on the floor below yours.

Until recently, she lived with her husband's retirement.

Suddenly, his income tripled. He picked up the phone ... Phone

whore.

- The widow Petacchione has become a whore! - So will your wife.

I did not understand.

- No injections and dentures? - Play prostitute.

If I think about it, I can become rich.

With my wife and sister-in-law, there are many customers and a lot of money.

They serve customers and I stay at the register, like a pimp.

It's not a sin. You sign an agreement with me and solve the problem.

Everything's solved.

Do you think I, 43 years old, fall for it?

While I believe in the devil and other nonsense, I get a ticket.

No. Stop there. Here is the devil. Attention.

- Our Lady! - Where are you going? Come here! Don't be silly.

- See you later. - Until never!

Got it! Here is the eviction order.

If you don't leave here within 48 hours, the police come and put you out on the street.

The moment of truth has come, my dear! See you in Filippi.

- Where?! - Filippi!

- Where's Filippi? - You know very well.

- Where's Filippi? - Seila me.

- If I don't know where is how to get there? - May the devil take you!

All go to the ray that breaks you! I open my mouth and everyone gets angry!

Who is it? Just a moment.

You again? I don't want to see you.

Don't be silly, I am your salvation.

I don't understand. If you talk to me behind the neck I don't hear. Speak ahead.

Give it a drink ...

Give it to your wife, drink it. I'll take care of the rest.

She will not remember anything, in fact she will pretend not to remember.

- You don't deal with anything. Go away. - Bye.

Goodbye, I was just kidding. You are susceptible.

You can't even joke.

- Incatenata, Rosaria ... - Say it.

- Guess who's here. - Who is it?

He's my right cousin, my mother's brother's son.

- Wasn't your mother an only child? - She was an only child.

He did not know that he had a brother in Sweden, he had emigrated many years before.

This is my cousin Pupú.

- Rosaria. Incatenata (chained). - Are you stuck?

No, it's her name.

- What is your wife? - AÀ from the left.

- I smell sulfur. -It's Pupú.

In Sweden they make matches, so you can smell this sulfur smell.

But it's Pupú.

- The food is ready? - It is.

- He dines too. - Then we have Pupú for dinner.

- And also stay to sleep. - Very well, do yourself a favor.

- The table is set. - To the tail!

- What are you doing? - You see the tail.

Sorry.

- What are you doing there ?! - Nothing, nothing.

It was a dance we did as kids. A Swedish dance, the Tarantella.

It's ok. We have to do it in the kitchen.

You have something outside, put it inside. Hell!

Excuse.

Here it is. Spicy impish chicken.

It is a specialty, made on the fire ... Do you prefer something cold?

Sorry, eat the plums with the peels, the chicken with bones.

Yesterday you ate 2 kg of mussels with the shell, then how do you want ...?

Chat later.

Let's start with a toast.

Like a toast, there is a drama in this family.

Incatenata, I'm talking about something serious. Did you swallow the lid? We already talked.

It's a drama, Pupú.

After so many years they gave us an eviction order.

Put us out like dogs!

- I can try to resolve the matter. - Can you help us?

- So you have friends up there? - No, down there.

They will only need to sign a power of attorney and I will try to resolve the matter.

- I really have one in my pocket. - How unexpected, you have one in your pocket.

Here you are, madam, just sign here.

- I? - You sign and he does the rest.

- Contract on behalf of Fafone Maria. - But my name is Rosaria.

Maria is him. My husband is called Maria Pasquale.

I didn't remember this detail. My name is Fafone Maria Pasquale.

My father wanted to put me Pasquale Maria but he got drunk ...

- Will anything change if you sign? - Will anything change if I sign?

- Just a little detail. - I don't care if it's small ...

- Let's prepare a surprise. - Stop with your hand, otherwise I'm wrong.

What have you done? Have you signed? You already signed.

What's the small detail?

Whatever you want to do with your wife now has to be with you.

With me? But my wife is female as possible.

It is possible, it is.

I didn't get hit.

I'm not interested in that. We tear this up.

You can't tear it up.

You signed a deal with the devil. Do you want to awaken Lucifer's fury?

What does Lucifer do?

It's done.

If you want I sleep here and Pupú stays in the double bed.

Not! Pupú sleeps here alone.

After so many years without seeing each other, they will have Intimate things to tell.

Two cousins ​​who haven't seen each other for a long time don't have to sleep together.

Do as you wish. Bye.

Don't be smart with me. You signed a deal with the devil.

- I'll be waiting for you at night on the landing. - No, on the landing, there are people watching.

- In the elevator. - Does not work.

- On the terrace. - I am cold. I have duodenal arthrosis.

- If it has to be, it's in the kitchen. - Dangerous. There is gas and there will be sparks.

- Do you make sparks? - Yes, and you will do some too.

- To the tail. - What?

- You have your tail out of your pants. - Caluda.

- It's not the tail. - It is not?

I have a pocket stuck and the thing always appears.

- The thing, the glasses case. - Are they silent or not?

It was the case and I thought it was the thing.

- To the bathroom? -It's there.

- I'll go with you. - Leave it, go ahead.

- What are you going to do? - Pee.

- But not in the toilet. - What you say?

We have the gas installation, you better do it in the dishwasher.

Santa Maria! What was that?

What is it?

You have to get the water heater.

The water heater belongs to the landlord, but the rear is mine.

- Who is it?! - Who would it be? It's me.

- Aren't you going to the bathroom today? - I do not want to go.

- You go every night. - I don't want it today, okay ?!

As you wish. You and your family are all weird.

The cousin was behind the bathroom door, as if waiting for someone.

I said I wanted to talk to you.

- If you go to the bathroom it's there. - I don't want to go to the bathroom!

How neat. Who put these saints here ?!

- I did it. - And what are they for?

- Because I need. - For what?

Does everything in this house have a reason? I like saints!

There, stay with them!

- Wicked! What a lack of civility! - Is that how you water the flowers?

- People who pass by get wet. - And sprinkle with hot water?

- Lino, what are you doing? - I got wet all over you.

- What is it? Pee at the window? - Yeah, I didn't realize it.

That's why he was screaming: hot water on his head.

- Go to the bathroom. - I don't want to go to the bathroom.

What is up?

It may be your cousin, but you owe me explanations.

Let it be, don't go there. Want to go? Then go.

You will eat it too, we are the family of rabbados. I don't care.

I saw your cousin undress. I saw a scary thing.

- Front or back? - Does not matter.

It interests me. If I go back, select what it is,

but if I go ahead, I am screwed.

- Lino! Your cousin is not normal! - Calm down.

If that were all ...

My cousin is not like other men. My cousin is the devil.

I couldn't believe it.

Behind me.

If it is true that you are the devil and can help us,

then please him.

Do you understand what he wants from me?

I realized, it won't be the end of the world.

If I ask you not to say that, with me it's the end of the world!

He told me clearly.

To me.

Rosaria, I'm going out to buy the syringes, will you give me money?

- Give me the money over there. - Where do I get the money from?

You also never have anything!

- Rosarial! - Take the money.

Don't talk to soldiers and hurry up.

Dear cousin ... go

to the doorman and leave Lino in the bath, all naked.

You may need something, a back wash.

Can you handle it? Can I go rested? Make yourselves comfortable.

See you then.

Goodbye.

S. Nicolau helps you to resist. Our future depends on it.

- Have you finished? - The bath? It was not halfway.

Weird. I heard scream.

While picking up the soap, the devil appeared.

- Didn't you feel anything? - Anything.

I told you it wouldn't be the end of the world.

What end of the world? If I said anything, it was nothing.

Okay, if you prefer to think like that.

- Nothing happened! - It `s OK dear.

However, only you and I know.

- They even say it's lucky. - How lucky! Nothing happened!

Ugly, ugly. All hairy. Horrible!

Did you hear it? Ready.

- He didn't like you. - You never let me talk.

When I was in the shower, he saw my tail and almost threw up.

You were once attractive. Now? You eat, eat and drink.

Get fat, you're bloated, you're disgusted!

- Are you praying? - No, I'm blaspheming.

Listen, Pupú. When I was young, I was beautiful but over the years ...

I got married, got fat, went bald. Like, I drink.

- And you're disgusted. - Did you talk to my wife?

Let's pretend that what happened was meant to happen between us.

- I liked it, but it makes me sick. - You too, we're even.

I can even pretend ...

Don't love yourselves in fools! I see and control everything.

- We just wanted to ... - And down there.

- We just wanted to ... - Get it over with, geek.

The eviction order. If we do nothing in 8 days we are on the street.

Now that I wanted it he no longer wants.

I didn't want to either ... but remember when you were courting me?

You had a lot of imagination, so many ideas. See if you have an idea.

An idea ...

What beautiful buttocks.

Honestly, the male body is more beautiful than the female.

You will tell me that modern sculptors prefer women.

But the man is funnier. Look at me, for example.

If you make a sculpture of mine, it would be very funny.

Babylonian sculptors carved women exceptionally.

They may be tall, but they always have something hanging, breasts, buttocks, hips.

Do you want to compare with the man? There are no lumps.

There are also some, but they are minimal.

- How the hell are you physically? - Look alike.

- Comparing with the statue. - So-so.

- But more or less? - Roughly speaking.

Roughly ... way.

This is an Etruscan-Calabra-Lucania statue from 700.

By a painter from Cerignola. Look at the virility of the foot.

Pupú, where are you?

He's training the half marathon.

Pupu! Pupu!

I'm done, you can go.

"See if you have an idea ..." I dress up as a dude.

He likes women. He hasn't seen a woman for 1785 years, he's anxious.

If he likes women, then I do it. sacrifice.

what what. Even wanting to can not see and feel everything we do.

hast to see, the voice of television. Even geeks called us.

and I is that I signed the contract.

But does not specify the contract who is the subject and what is the object. ”

“ What does that mean? ”“ What are you going to throw at him.

I? | "to bed with the devil?

I'm not a perverted sexual maniac.

- What does that mean? - I don't know, I heard in the news.

- But you were willing first. - Willing is like saying.

A person resigns. Submits. "Fate, reality.

The opposite is different. I have to stimulate myself in some way.

This thing appears in front of me, small, ugly,

bald, with a tail and smelling of sulfur.

" "Think about the eviction order.

I think about it, yes. But why should it be like that?"

"Come in and do your duty. Move." "Don't shout that you're sleeping.

" "No, let's go."

He disappeared.

Pupú. I have to tell you something.

Incatenata. Incatenata.

- What did he say? - I do not know. Sleeps upside down.

- I said, Incatenata! - Okay, don't be angry.

Said Incatenata. Do you understand?

- Let's go. - Why do I have to go?

Today I don't want to be alone.

- What does Lino have to do? - It has nothing to do with it.

It is better not to see myself in the mirror or I vomit.

Pupu!

- Where are you, Incatenata? - I'm here.

- Where are you, Incatenata? - I'm here, come on.

- Where? - In my room.

- Incatenata? - It really sucks.

- Where are you? - In front of you.

You are going to spend a hell of a night.

No. Well ... This is my home again.

I've seen you. Finally mine.

Crazy thing. The burnt ass looks like King Kong.

- Already? -What? You don't even know what's going on.

- The sparks! There he goes. - Yes, he is.

But first the other passed with sparks.

I don't understand anything anymore.

More sparks. It is out of the shell.

And you are two with her.

But don't you understand ?! Nothing happened!

- Calm. I already told you it's lucky. - No luck at all!

Okay, no luck, but play on the totobola.

I play, ready.

I give you the game! Damn it!

- Pape Satan. - My dad died four years ago.

- Satan! - His name is Papa Satan?

- It's for me. - It's for you?

- Pape Satan is my boss. - Do not know.

- I am? Boss. - Putifar. Go away.

- As? I? - Yes, you understand.

- I have to go? - Yes!

I? After 3785 years? I will go to the unions.

Very well.

- Are you angry? - You fired me.

Let's face it, Pupú, as the devil so far you haven't given one to the box.

White smoke.

So, Incatenata?

The operation is no longer necessary.

- At least you got it right. - Where am I going to sleep now?

What do you want from me?

I don't have a home, a bed, a pillowcase. I do not have anything.

See where you put the sticks.

- Have you done what you had to do? - He's crying because he was fired.

Feel free, however, I prepare a coffee.

- You have that idea fixed in your head. - I can not stay here?

Stay ready. Where three poor devils eat four.

I can even sleep with the Incatenata.

- Sleep there with the Incatenata. - Thank you.

- I can go? - Yes, but no sparks.

But with one condition, tomorrow you will come with Professor Branzoletti with me.

- Who is it? - And the vet.

- You have to cut the tail. Disgust. - It's ok.

I know, it's been 48 hours and we have to get out of here.

It was very hard on you, but tonight everything changed, you imp.

But I don't make sparks.

I don't say anything else, in fact I decided that I'm coming to live with you.

And stay on your way. You are an imp! A little devil!

Incatenata, Rosaria, guess who arrived.

FIM

Translation and Subtitling Rosanna Fiorella / Sintagma