La galette du roi (1986) - full transcript
In this conventional, broadly comic farce of greed and royal matrimony, nearly bankrupt businessman Victor Harris is marrying Maria-Helena, a princess who comes with a dowry that is made up of one half of her island kingdom. Her father, the cowardly King Arnold III is counting on the money this marriage will bring him. The country is now almost bankrupt because of the king's gambling debts. As Harris and the king look forward to their illusory profits from the royal merger, other characters add some liveliness to the otherwise predictable story.
Today, the eyes of the world
are on Corsalina,
that beautiful principality located
the pop of a champagne cork away
from its big sister Corsica.
Corsalina, pearl of the Mediterranean,
where enchanting shores stretch out
gracefully beneath an ever-radiant sky.
In San Marco, the capital, rumor has it
that Maria-Helena,
the isle's ravishing princess,
is in love.
Some are even claiming that
a wedding is on the cards.
Is it not true that we are seeing her
more and more often
walking in the palace gardens
in the company of Jérémie Harris,
the kind son of the frozen foods emperor
who seems, at present, hardly concerned
with his doctorate in freezing?
And why else, indeed,
would the Princess's cousin,
Prince Utte of Denmark,
Hamlet's great-grandson,
arrive suddenly in Corsalina?
So many questions
to which, we hope, Prince Arnold III
will be able to provide answers
this very morning in San Marco,
at the long-awaited palace
press conference.
- Have they already started?
- They're running 15 minutes late.
And they say that punctuality
is the politeness of kings!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you please.
His Serene Highness Arnold III,
Prince of Corsalina.
Please be upstanding.
Please.
Ladies and gentlemen, good day.
I am delighted to announce
that my darling daughter Maria-Helena
will be married here, on June 15,
in the Castigliari Chapel,
to the man she loves
and whom we are all very fond of.
Jérémie Harris.
Maria-Helena, last of the Castigliaris,
is marrying a commoner.
The heir to Harris Frozen Foods
has captured the heart...
Maria-Helena has chosen...
The Princess of Corsalina...
The son of the frozen foods emperor!
For once,
it is not the Prince of Corsalina
but quite simply, a happy father
who is addressing you.
I hope to see you all
on the day of the ceremony,
and I am sure that many of you
will come to practice
your noble journalistic profession.
Good day.
Congratulations, Mr. Harris.
I wish your son all the very best.
Thank you, Your Highness.
Nothing can stop you now.
Absolutely nothing.
Costerman, give us some privacy.
Your Highness, we are now united
by a bond just as strong as marriage.
Excuse me?
Just as my father used to say,
"The sand fox is the same color
as the dunes in the desert,
but he is much faster."
Delighted.
God bless you, Prince Ibn Abdallah Ibn.
Until next time, dear Mr. Harris.
- You're taking a risk with Mr. Harris.
- He's taking a bigger one.
"I am most touched by your charming words
announcing the union of our children."
"I am looking forward
to joining you soon."
"Expect me in San Marco early on June 8."
I would rather he arrived on the 7th.
We have the big company meeting
on the morning of the 7th,
so we'd have to take the plane.
As you know, the only one I'd take
the plane for isn't born yet.
The 8th is fine.
Very well, sir.
- Perfect, you're all here.
- What's going on, Boss?
Is it bad news, Boss?
Clermont, did you get beaten up again?
Just a little.
Say, Boss, no more grandmamas for me.
Look what that last dog did to my shoes.
They're in a real state!
No more old ladies, starlets, brothels.
It's over.
- Are we fired?
- No.
From tonight onwards,
you will probably be part
of France's top security agency.
Force 9
has just been appointed by
Harris International Ice's insurers
to accompany the billionaire
himself to Corsalina!
- For his son's wedding!
- Exactly.
- His son's wedding.
- And they chose us?
Probably because nobody else
was available.
We are meeting tomorrow
at Victor Harris' place,
ten o'clock sharp,
to take an aptitude test.
It's your time to shine, kids.
It's an honor.
- An honor.
- An honor.
- Wait, wait...
- Damn.
Don't force it!
All right, all right.
I'm sorry, you have to open it
from the outside.
- May I?
- Yes, of course.
I like how you opened
the door for me, young man.
You will open great doors in your time.
I don't have much else to do.
I still have some laundry to finish.
Now, you're in trouble, buddy.
- What did I do?
- You didn't pass.
Why not?
Because danger will sneak up on you
from behind! Here, look.
You open the door. Elegance.
You sweep. Security.
- Elegance!
- Elegance, right.
Security.
What's wrong with you?
That's the original door!
Don't touch anything!
All right, bye, Princes! See you at
Porte d'Auteuil tomorrow at ten o'clock.
Don't hold it like that,
you'll scratch the paintwork!
- I don't have long nails!
- That's not the point!
Françoise, it's only me.
Françoise? Are you asleep?
Françoise?
BYE! FRANÇOISE.
- Gentlemen.
- The Force 9 Agency.
Please follow me.
One June evening,
Lord Davenport
is invited to the Bulgarian Embassy
to celebrate the birthday
of Stefan Goulevich,
permanent secretary of the party.
While walking around,
Lord Davenport notices, first of all,
that the maid cutting the turkey
is using a knife far sharper
than necessary for poultry.
Then he notices
that the pianist is playing a grand piano
that makes a ticking sound.
A ticking sound?
That's right.
My question is,
which of the three individuals
would you eliminate right away
to save Davenport's life?
Françoise.
Don't touch me!
I'm sorry, miss.
Far too sharp for breakfast,
don't you think?
I think you'll do just fine.
Here they come!
Over there, in the car!
Mr. Harris, one question!
Are you on your way to Corsalina?
Mr. Harris, just a moment!
Stop the car!
Hit the brakes!
- You can't do this at every rest stop.
- I swear, this is the one.
So you had a sandwich there
with Françoise once, so what?
- We're not lighting a candle.
- I recognize the bridge!
That's where we went!
There were cherry trees in the back.
I don't understand. We were so happy.
We picked cherries!
So she likes cherries.
She might not love you.
She was going to visit her uncle
and wanted me to go with her.
That means she loves her uncle.
Look, I understand how you feel.
I went through
exactly the same thing with Olga.
- You can't compare it to that.
- No? Why not?
A Brittany spaniel is not the same.
You can't say that.
Olga was a huge part of my life.
Especially at home in my apartment.
Lead vehicle, lead vehicle, come in.
This is vehicle number 1. Come in.
That cow! And when we made love
before Pantin,
when she was begging me to stay
and kissing me all over,
and when we had sex in the shower
and had sex again in the shower...
Nothing to report. Over.
Why are you wasting your life
on a girl that doesn't love you?
She's not the one.
- Then who is?
- Oh, come on, Léo!
We've been invited to go somewhere
most people only dream of.
It makes Tahiti look like Roubaix.
No more old ladies, just soft sheets.
The Mediterranean!
I lent you my favorite jacket,
but no, that's not enough, Mr. Grumble!
- You slept with her.
- What?
Is that why you hate talking
about Françoise so much?
- What?
- You bastard! Tell me everything!
You're crazy!
Is there a problem?
No, no. Just a little... sweep.
A sweep?
Yes.
Yes, in... in wooded areas,
it's protocol to do a little... sweep.
It's so we can see behind the trees.
Very good.
A simple forest sweep.
Utte!
I love it! Go on, Utte!
Denmark is crazy, crazy, crazy.
It runs in the family.
They already had Hamlet.
- Go!
- Come on, Utte!
Oh my God.
Utte!
- Go on!
- Oh my goodness!
He's simply mad! I love it!
Utte!
- Do you think he'll make it?
- No.
I missed.
- No!
- Bravo!
- Utte, that was wonderful!
- No, no.
It's my fault. I hesitated.
To jump or not to jump,
that is the question.
No, no.
I need to start over.
That's enough.
You did very well, but we should go.
Alberto, take us back to the harbor!
Very well, Your Highness.
- To the palace!
- All engines, on.
- Do you think she's still a virgin?
- No.
Oh.
Oh, isn't this sun, this sun, this sun
just fabulous, Lord Pinkerton?
Jérémie!
Maria-Helena!
Is that better, Jérémie?
Jérémie, what kind of fish is this?
It's an Oceanox noxia.
I shot it under the rock.
It's an extremely rare species.
- Do you know why, darling?
- No.
Because it cannot be frozen.
For you, my darling.
Three cheers! Hip hip hooray!
Here's to Maria-Helena!
The most beautiful of all my cousins!
Utte! What a sweetheart. How lovely!
That's so nice!
To Maria-Helena!
What a sweetheart!
Your job must be so exciting.
I would have loved
to have been a director.
Where will the camera be?
There will be 12 cameras.
And one up above.
The ceremony from a bird's-eye view?
Just magnificent. Magnificent!
By the way, Mr. Morrisson.
Your Majesty?
If the Emperor of Japan
attends the ceremony, will you
add a little something?
Everything is under control, Your Majesty.
- Paragraph 12.
- I beg your pardon.
You know, I've never liked
reading contracts.
Oh yes!
Oh, just 50,000 for the Queen of England.
Seventy-five thousand
with the Prince Consort.
Yes, I mean, she's not Queen Victoria,
but still, it's not much.
Don't you worry.
With one rehearsal,
everything will be sorted.
World Super TV has left nothing to chance.
Why, of course. I wouldn't have sold
the exclusive to just anyone.
It's my daughter, Mr. Morrisson.
What is that?
Scratch O'Scratch.
It's the best you can get
for your kitchen sink.
Right, yes. Very good.
They've bought two 30-second spots
just before the bride enters the chapel.
Zupicorn, the instant corn soup!
That's airing just before and just after
she reaches the altar.
And this. Beauty is beautiful.
A moisturizing cream.
You know the jingle.
Of course, I ruled out
all the low-end stuff.
Cat food, dog food.
But why? We can't have people thinking
that we use nothing
but luxury products here in Corsalina.
We're just like everyone else,
Mr. Morrisson.
We like animals.
In any case, Your Majesty,
we don't have any spots left.
By the way, is the ceremony
still taking place at 2 a.m.?
You haven't changed your mind?
There's nothing I can do about that.
With the time difference,
if we start at 2 a.m. here,
we're getting
the 8 p.m. time spot in America.
It gets the highest number of viewers.
If we reschedule
by even half an hour,
we'll lose 40% of the overall price.
Then we don't change a thing.
In any case, whether it's 2 a.m.
or 4 p.m., it's all the same
when you're in love. Where do I sign?
Right here, Your Majesty.
Here's your 10% on signature as we agreed.
JO LONGO'S BIG BAND
WILL HOST TEN SPECIAL CONCERTS
FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE CORSALINA RED CROSS
I hate mornings.
- If this wasn't for the Red Cross...
- What you're doing is fabulous, Jo.
Wherever I can help out, you know.
- Anyway. Have you seen it?
- Yes!
- What is it now?
- It's Cabrini, Jo.
Excuse me a moment.
We got him. He said it, the bastard.
Yes, Jo.
It was me
who replaced everything with flour.
Marcello.
I beg you. Don't put my feet
in the cement, Jo!
A fault confessed is half forgiven.
Just one foot, Luigi. But make sure
he's nice and far out to sea.
Jo!
No, Jo! No!
It's all trouble at the moment.
I don't know how I manage.
All this hassle is giving me wrinkles.
Look at that!
And I'm getting grayer by the day.
I have split ends, too!
Arnold, you're not going to give me
any extra stress, are you?
Here, look at this!
I'm very happy for you.
I was starting to worry because
I know what these people are like.
Time is of the essence.
What about the rest?
The day after the wedding.
Say...
- What is it?
- It's so silly, but...
I came out without any cash.
You don't happen to have
100,000 bucks, do you?
- Don't start this again.
- Jo!
I've been feeling number six
and the neighbors of zero for a week now.
You're right.
I've been going through a rough patch.
With five million dollars in losses,
you might say that.
But you know I'll pay you back
everything I owe.
Jo!
Six. I'm sure of it.
Red seven, odd, high.
- How is everything, Mr. Harris?
- Very nice, thank you.
Did you like the Charolais stuffed shrimp?
All good fun, isn't it?
I find that red meat really
balances out the flavor in crustaceans.
- All without removing the iodine.
- Delicious.
What about you, gentlemen?
Yes, yes. Very tasty.
It was very good.
It reminded me a little of...
of mutton, right?
Yes, exactly. Mutton.
With garlic.
Mr. Harris, on behalf of the team
here, at Valence Manor,
we wish your dear son
all the happiness in the world.
CUISINE OF FRANCE
I'm so sorry, but ever since
the bomb last winter,
Mr. Harris cannot stand the sight
of an unopened package.
I must apologize. I am really sorry.
Check the window.
Bathroom.
Everything's in order.
Goodnight, Mr. Harris.
Is everything all right?
It's quiet. Too quiet.
I don't like it.
Did you hear that?
Twice.
The owl sounds fearful. I don't like it.
I'll take the first shift.
Léo, you're up next.
Élégant, keep watch outside.
But why did you do that?
In a year's time, we'd be leaving
for Brazil together!
- We leave tomorrow at seven. Goodnight.
- Goodnight, sir.
Are you all right?
Yes, fine.
The lobster definitely did have
a muttony aftertaste.
Léo, could you take over for five minutes
while I clean this, please?
What is it?
Virgin wool with 20% fearful owl shit.
This is bullshit.
Jérémie!
No!
Béatrice of Salamanca!
No!
- He's gone!
- He ran away!
I hate this game.
She lost the game!
- Last chance.
- Utte.
Utte.
Utte!
Well done!
My hand!
The little man tried to cut it off!
My hand! The little man!
My hand, my hand, the little man!
The little man, my hand!
- What's he saying?
- "My hand, the little man."
- "My hand, the little man"?
- What little man?
My hand, the little man!
- Something about a little man?
- And his hand.
- What's going on?
- My hand, the little man!
- The little man!
- Where?
- I don't...
- Go and find him!
It's just... All right.
The little man!
My hand, the little man.
- A little man.
- My hand, the little man!
A little man.
My hand, the little man...
Little man.
You probably just had a nightmare.
Thank you all.
No, don't leave me! Please don't leave me!
I don't want to be alone.
Ah, to be 15 years old again!
When I first came to Paris,
I had but 12 francs in my pocket.
Of course, 12 francs at the time
was worth a lot more than it is now
but not much.
At the Gare de Lyon, I thought to myself,
"There's got to be something for me
in this city."
At the buffet,
I saw an ice cube in a glass,
just a tiny little ice cube.
I immediately understood that
with this little ice cube...
The Mustak brothers weren't happy
with me taking over their group.
I brought Sam and Max with me.
What about Daniel?
He'd just had his throat cut,
but I didn't know it yet.
Cut? With a razor?
I had only two bodyguards left
whom I lost soon after
in the raid on the Stock Exchange.
That makes 16!
All dead, as though I had to pay
with the life of one of my men
for every good deal made.
And things weren't going to get any better
in the gold mines of Katanga...
Well, obviously,
we underestimated the risks.
Maybe he was exaggerating.
If you ask me, that wasn't even all of it.
You guys can do what you like,
but I, for one, don't want to end up
like Daniel.
What do you have in mind?
Far East tactics. There's no other option.
What do you mean?
No time to draw our guns,
so we go in with the knife.
The Malay kris.
Sure.
With this at my side, I can relax.
It's just a scratch.
We'll put white wine on it.
It won't stain.
I assure you, sir,
it was the only solution.
- Are you sure, Costerman?
- Yes, sir.
You know I am.
If you separate from them,
the insurance agency won't cover us.
This time, it wasn't even my fault!
What do we do now?
Do we wait or find someone else?
That one's clearly out of action.
EMERGENCY ROOM
Be honest. Does he have a chance?
He has half an hour
unless there's a complication.
- And if there is a complication?
- 45 minutes.
Hey.
I can't deal with this, Costerman.
Hang in there, sir. It's almost over.
I don't want to look at them.
MARIA-HELENA AND JÉRÉMIE HARRIS:
LOVE IN TROUBLE?
Jérémie! Is this a joke?
- No, your daughter doesn't love me.
- She adores you!
Believe me, Your Majesty.
Did she leave you on the island
with the seals after the picnic again?
No, that doesn't matter.
It does me good to get a long swim in.
Then, did something happen at that
ridiculous masked ball the other night?
Not at all.
Perhaps it wasn't her best idea.
You dress up as a gas pump
to make her laugh
and she arrives on a bicycle.
But so what? Her head's in the clouds,
sometimes. She's a woman, after all!
- Jérémie!
- She's a free woman. She has every right.
Then, what's going on?
Is it the way she jumps up
every time she sees you?
Oh no. I'm getting used to that.
Then, what is it?
Utte!
Utte?
Yes, Utte. Her cousin from Denmark.
He's like a great wall between us!
Surely you're not jealous of that clown,
that joke of a Viking?
She won't take her eyes off of him!
Of course not!
He looks like a blond potato!
He makes her laugh,
he makes her eyes light up, he amazes her.
Jérémie. Let's be serious now.
Utte is the shame of Copenhagen.
You know what they call him
over there? A skunska.
It means "woman-repeller".
Not even Greta of Iceland wanted him,
and you can't say that Eskimos
are particularly choosy.
In any case, everyone in Corsalina
loves him. He wins. I'm out.
Jérémie, that mealy-mouthed fool
is incapable of sentiment!
Is that so? Do you remember
his costume at the masked ball?
- He wore a yellow jersey.
- So what?
She came on a bicycle.
He wore a yellow jersey.
He's crazy about her.
I'd just like to speak to my father.
He'll understand.
He's a Harris.
A yellow jersey, you say?
Yes, Your Majesty.
Are you sure about this, Jérémie?
Yes. It's a no.
Well played, Utte!
- That was wonderful.
- Yes.
Well done, Utte.
All of this is happening so suddenly.
I hesitate. To believe or not to believe,
that is the question.
I don't know what to say.
If you don't love her, be quiet.
If I don't love Maria-Helena?
If I don't love Maria-Helena!
Why do you think I climbed
Mount Everest in 1982?
Why did I spend three years fighting
for the Kurds?
Goddammit!
It was all for her.
Aerobics classes, salt-free diets,
tap dancing lessons,
my Afro-Cuban dance award.
All for her.
Only for her.
The more I loved her,
the less I could say.
Then that cursed day came where I learned
the terrible news of her marriage.
I said to myself,
"Utte,
the time has come to accomplish
your greatest achievement."
"You must be there, at her side,
applauding her happiness
without her ever suspecting a thing."
Maria-Helena?
She had it all figured out.
Oh, Arnold.
All of this is a dream come true!
A dream!
- A dream!
- Utte!
- Utte!
- A dream come true!
- Utte!
- A dream!
- Utte!
- A dream!
Utte!
Dream.
No, you're not dreaming. Here, pinch me.
But for how long has she loved me?
Probably forever.
But she was just like you.
She didn't dare to. She was afraid!
Afraid?
Oh, Maria-Helena.
I will defend you. I will protect you!
You will never be afraid again!
Never again, I swear!
My dear Dane.
Maria-Helena!
Oh no! Don't fall!
Mr. Harris was wondering if
there's anything you can do to make
the flight less turbulent!
Yes, we'll have to land in Genoa
and wait for this to pass!
I warned him about that personally.
If he really wants to be in Corsalina
tonight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
It's going to be a bumpy ride!
We need to wait for it to finish!
Look at it out there!
Is everything going to be OK?
He says it's best we land in Genoa!
- No! Keep flying!
- I don't understand you, sir!
If I'm not there tonight,
they'll cut off my hand.
- What?
- My right hand.
That's what they do to thieves
in his country. He warned me!
- Who did?
- Ibn!
Prince Ibn Abdallah Ibn?
Yes, I sold him the south of Corsalina!
What? That was what you signed
on last Tuesday?
But it doesn't belong to you!
No, but it will belong to my son
once he's married.
The south of the island is the Princess'
dowry and you've already sold it?
Yes, for 100 million dollars.
It's the greatest deal
of my entire career.
My hand!
He has to marry her.
They have to get married.
They have to get married.
Go, Costerman, quick!
- To Corsalina!
- Quick, get us to Corsalina!
Get us to Corsalina, quick!
- Quick, get us to Corsalina!
- Quickly!
You'll see, my dear, the countryside
around Copenhagen is just delightful.
I'm so happy for her.
Utte is a wonderful man.
Maria-Helena has gained
the most beautiful kingdom in the North.
- But she's losing the frozen foods empire.
- You think she really likes that putz?
I'm convinced she's crazy,
crazy, crazy about Denmark.
His Excellency Prince Utte of Denmark.
Here he is, my dear.
Count of Helsingborg,
Baron of Fioni and Odense,
Knight of Kungstaaf, Prince of Laponia.
Isn't your cousin handsome?
Mambo.
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!
Are you sure you're not making me do
something stupid?
No, no, my dear! A man who dances
the mambo like that, out of love for you,
is anything... anything but stupid.
The Freezly, miss.
That's right, yes! A 50-meter yacht
belonging to Mr. Harris.
It still hasn't arrived? Are you sure?
No boats have docked in Corsalina
since eight o'clock?
All right. Thank you.
Mambo!
Mambo!
Isn't he marvelous?
Mambo!
I'm Victor Harris! I am expected.
- I'm sorry, Mister...?
- Harris!
Mr. Victor Harris.
What a lovely location!
Mambo!
Maria-Helena, I'm overjoyed
to be dancing with you!
- Your mother was the love of my life!
- Yes, Daddy.
When we were engaged,
not only did she refuse to look at me,
she never even spoke to me!
But Maria-Helena is avoiding me, Daddy.
Excellent, Jérémie, excellent!
Do you really think so, Daddy?
Would you prefer that she held your hand
all day long and kissed you in public?
No, of course not.
You've found the perfect girl
who wants to build a real partnership,
she's not in a rush! That's rare.
She's doing all she can
to show you she loves you!
Meanwhile, you're ruining everything!
I'm sorry, Daddy.
How could I have been so oblivious?
I'm a major disappointment to you,
aren't I?
Don't think about me.
Think about what makes you happy.
Here we go. One final combover,
off you go downstairs to apologize
and waltz. We'll say no more about it.
- What about Utte, Daddy?
- Who?
The man she loves. Or rather, the man
she made me think she loves
to tell me it's me she loves.
He doesn't know any of this,
so he might actually marry her!
- Utte, you say?
- Yes, Dad.
He's down there?
Yes, Dad. He never leaves her side.
Now, you stay here.
I'm going to see what I can do, OK?
- Costerman.
- Gentlemen!
- Six.
- Yes.
- And six, split bet.
- Very good, Your Majesty.
So, you've heard?
Just now.
I'm very upset, but I wanted to come
and apologize to you.
I'm very fond of Jérémie, you know.
Well, you shouldn't be.
That stubborn, dirty little bastard.
He's utterly obstinate.
It won't do him any favors.
I hope, at the very least,
she hasn't suffered too much.
Who?
Your daughter.
Oh, yes. She's
terribly shaken up about it.
I'm very concerned.
She's refusing to eat, refusing to talk.
It's worse than I thought.
She seems to be recovering.
Ah, yes. Thank God her cousin Utte
is restoring her zest for life.
Utte?
Yes, indeed. He's a marvelous boy,
full of energy. I have total faith in him.
- Which one is he?
- The one holding the maracas.
Oh, the chubby, friendly-looking one
just over there?
Mambo!
He carries a real torch for Maria-Helena.
How wonderful. Costerman?
See that boy throwing himself around
over there?
That's him. Utte.
I noticed him, sir.
The best thing to do would be
to make a joint statement
to the press.
Is he a king?
That's Feroud of Albania.
Albania can't be that big, then.
Say, isn't that...
That guy there, Von Stoffen, with the...
That's Béatrice of Salamanca
with Lord Pinkerton.
- Ah, there he is.
- Who?
Bourbon Chanterelle! A real class act.
- Look at those shoes!
- The real deal. Look over there.
Is he Charles of England
or someone like that?
Probably not.
I'm exhausted.
Irina!
- Do you know that boy over there?
- Is that Jean-Émile of Luxembourg?
Don't be silly. He's far too classy.
Alexis Bardoukos?
Look at his eyes.
He's no amateur.
He's so alluring.
Don't you think?
- What's going on?
- Stand behind me, quickly.
- Is there a terrorist?
- Get a move on.
- What is it?
- My pants.
- Your pants?
- Yes. I ripped them.
Dammit. Don't move.
This had to happen to me.
Take your shoelace and tie them up
with a sailor's knot.
Then how about I use my tie
to go windsurfing?
Well, we can't cover your ass
like this for the next two hours.
Go and grab that shawl over there.
Steal it.
Look how handsome he is when he walks!
He looks so mysterious.
Other-worldly.
As though he fell from heaven.
Oh! He's a magician!
Maria-Helena!
Can I tempt you with a cha-cha conga?
Thank you, cousin, but I've had enough
dancing for tonight.
Ah, yes!
It's the only solution, Costerman.
But I only did it last time
because that American banker was so old!
You underestimate yourself.
Will we make it back to Paris
safe and sound?
Of course. All I'm asking you to do
is hold on. For at least three minutes.
Mambo!
Come on. Hurry up, please!
Lord Pinkerton's pastries are ready.
Pancakes for Salamanca y Leon.
Granola in Prince Utte's yogurt, please!
Let's get moving.
Mr. Roger, start the coffee.
Let's get it started. Please, let's go!
Breakfast time.
What a wonderful evening.
Mambo!
You're new, aren't you?
What's your name?
Hey?
Oh, you're very tall.
You can't be from around here.
Am I wrong?
What are you doing?
No, no!
Help!
Help! Police!
See, it wasn't a burst pipe.
Damn, that's a dude!
SOMETHING'S ROTTEN
IN THE KINGDOM OF DENMARK
KING OF THE MAMBO IS REALLY A QUEEN
CRAZY NIGHTS IN CORSALINA:
SCANDAL AT THE PALACE
UTTE IN HIDING:
WHERE IS THE PRINCE OF DENMARK?
WHERE DID JÉRÉMIE GO!
Well, he's right here.
He's boating with the woman he loves,
who loves him back.
Absolutely.
That draws a line under
those silly little rumors
attempting to spoil the happiness
of our children.
Is the wedding postponed?
- No, no.
- No.
- I can never thank you enough, Dad.
- Not at all.
You see, my dear, all things considered,
your first love is always the one. Always.
Not so fast, Bridey!
I've told you three times already!
Yes, Morrisson. Please forgive us.
He's right, my dear. Walk a little slower.
Yes, Papa.
Imagine you're serving
the Queen of England!
Serve her. Come on!
This is a terrible rehearsal!
My God, he's handsome.
Everybody get down!
Get down!
Are you all right?
I've never been better.
Missed!
He's gone.
That's it. Alert over!
Alert over!
Alert over!
Gentlemen, Corsalina is not in the habit
of ignoring its saviors.
Therefore, allow me, here,
on the very site of your heroic action,
to dub you Knights
of the Order of San Marco.
It's funny.
It's almost as though I frighten you.
- Not at all.
- What was that?
You're so far away that I can't hear you.
- I can't dance.
- Sure you can!
You're doing so well! Come on. Dance!
Follow my lead.
I'm very happy, Salamanca.
Look at her. She's radiant.
All of those dark clouds
have finally cleared.
She's just as she was before.
Cheerful, joyful, enjoying life.
I couldn't believe it, Salamanca.
Yes, indeed. She seems very happy.
You need to distribute
your body weight evenly
across both feet.
Just like that, breathe deeply.
Never let them see your fear.
And when your adversary attacks,
boom! Extension!
Their knife will get stuck
in the wet cloth, then you turn it...
and it's all over.
- Mr. Clermont?
- Yes, ma'am?
What if you're held at gunpoint?
Well, that's simple.
It's a move called the swing pivot.
The swing pivot!
My turn!
All right, fine. It's Feroud of Albania,
Honorary President.
Thank you.
We're only drinking
champagne and cocktails.
Fine by me!
Leon Von De Zoute...
Leon Von De Zoute and Lord Pinkerton,
you're making me a Red Tequila punch.
Bourbon Chanterelle,
you're working on this Blue Lagoon for me.
This is crazy, crazy, crazy!
Bourbon. Bourbon!
A Blue Lagoon is a dream.
If you shake it too hard like that,
you'll wake it up,
and there will be nothing left of it.
You understand?
A dry martini!
From the little lighthouse over there
to the hill, that's a long way, right?
It's a quarter of the island.
It's gorgeous. How wild and lush.
What a gift!
My son will be absolutely delighted
with his new land.
It's really too much, Arnold.
You shouldn't have.
You have my aunt to thank for that.
It belongs to her.
- Just like the rest of the island.
- Is that so?
She won it from me with an English Pass.
Luckily, she adores Maria-Helena.
Excuse me.
- Well?
- Seven, Your Majesty.
Damn.
Super.
Very well done. Great job.
Excellent movement. I...
Now, we're going to work on our balance.
Sound good?
And at what age were you told all this?
When I was five. My nanny was a psychic.
Right.
"He'll arrive through the air
when you least expect it."
"Your guguyavo will save you."
- Your guguyavo?
- "Prince Charming" in Cameroonian.
"Guguyavo" sounds a little like a parrot.
She said I'd recognize him immediately.
Does he have big green feathers
and a little yellow beak?
- No.
- Then how would you know?
By kissing him.
- Stop.
- What's the matter?
Enough of all the guguyavo talk.
I know how this ends.
- What?
- Yes, yes.
Cherries, laughter, shower sex.
Stopping at a restaurant on the way
to your uncle's. That's a happy ending!
I'm out. Ciao.
When the day comes,
what will we have to drink to?
Who'll end up alone in their one-bedroom
apartment, dumped like a bag of trash?
No explanation, nothing!
With their stomach in knots
and a constant headache?
- Who?
- I don't know.
It'll be me, believe it or not!
So, no, thanks. This is over.
Pardon me, my darling Maria-Helena.
I just wanted to say goodnight
and assure you
that I'm the happiest of men.
Are you off to bed, Jérémie?
I'll dream of you. What time is it?
Ten past two.
Jérémie?
It's nothing. I just realized that
tomorrow, at this time,
you'll have been Mrs. Jérémie Harris
for a whole ten minutes.
How potent this feeling of happiness is.
Congratulations once again, sir,
on your great bravery.
If you have any left in you,
might I take advantage?
At your service.
Accompany her back to her room.
It's silly, but it would reassure me.
Very well.
Thank you!
Well, thank you. You may leave.
All right. Everything looks fine.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not used to having
so much security around.
Am I supposed to give you something,
a little tip?
- I pity him.
- Who?
Jérémie.
Over there! There's someone in here!
Ouch!
Missed again.
There's no one there.
It was probably a parrot.
I still haven't been able to make sure.
Make sure of what?
Who my guguyavo is.
- You know, I really do believe it's you.
- No, you're mistaken, I assure you.
But if it's not me, then what's the name
of your princess?
- Françoise.
- Liar.
That's not a princess' name.
Maria-Helena!
What was that?
Probably a big parrot.
Well, we're doomed,
so we should just give up on us now.
His Majesty Honoré I,
King of Bakundi.
Thank you. Hello!
Ladies.
Your seats in the chapel
and the time of the ceremony.
- Two o'clock in the morning?
- Please be on time.
Her Highness,
the sister of the Dalai Lama.
He even sent his cousin. Go figure.
- I'll give you 3,000 for her.
- Six.
Five thousand?
Deal.
Your Majesty.
Morrisson, please.
Did we get a six last night?
"Papa, I know this is going to hurt you..."
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena?
Are you hiding, Your Majesty?
BYE! MARIA-HELENA.
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena!
I don't believe it.
Wait, Jo!
They're very concerned.
About what? Good God, about what?
That.
"I love neither Utte nor Jérémie.
I love no one but my guguyavo."
"I'm leaving forever."
"Tell everyone I'm sorry."
Signed,
"Maria-Helena,
former Princess of Corsalina."
Is he a friend of yours, this guguyavo?
Guguyavo?
But... She's only joking, Jo.
Obviously, she's joking.
Well, they aren't.
How are you going to pay them?
Because it's pretty difficult to have
a wedding without the bride.
Jo.
Let's not get mad, all right?
Your hair is perfect today.
Five million dollars.
How are you going to pay them tomorrow?
How?
Honestly, Jo, what do you take me for?
- What do you mean?
- You think I'm an idiot?
- What's wrong with you, Nono?
- You think I'm a loser?
Some kind of spineless worm?
- I never said that.
- You think I'm a nincompoop?
- Did you steal from the Red Cross?
- Ha!
What do you want me to do
with the 2% you leave them?
No, honestly!
It makes me quite sad, to be frank.
You and I have been friends
for 20 years, haven't we?
What will you do?
I have the richest man in Europe.
Harris?
- Will he pay?
- No, but his family will.
You know that the Harris family
pays its ransoms in under 24 hours.
And he's right here, ripe for the taking!
Besides, he's worth double
what I owe them.
So... What do you say to that?
Nightingale.
- We can work with that.
- Yes, it should be fine.
All right.
They don't want to take any risks.
You kidnap him and deliver the money
by three o'clock tomorrow.
Where?
Behind the creek.
Done.
There's nothing like a little golf
before things get emotional.
The day I married your mother,
I sunk the seventh hole in two strokes,
just like you.
It's a sign, Jérémie.
Yes, but you didn't end up
in the pond at the fourth.
Ever the pessimist, this one!
Let's get a move on,
otherwise, we'll be late
for the rehearsal dinner.
I'm sure the first guests
have arrived by now.
Clermont?
- Yes, sir?
- Go on.
- Run along and get ready.
- Yes, sir, right away.
Honestly, look at this! Look at it!
Am I cursed or something?
- What's wrong with you anyway?
- I saw Léo.
- Where?
- Naked.
On the rooftop. Sneaking out
of the Princess's room.
- What? The Princess's room?
- Yes.
You're saying... He spent the night
with the Princess?
Without a doubt.
So, you're saying that he... basically...
He had sex with her?
My dear Mr. Harris.
You scared me.
What a wonderful surprise!
I just arrived.
I wanted to be the first to greet you.
That's kind, Prince Ibn.
Have you met Rashmal Al-Rashmal?
Is this your son?
Yes.
He's all grown up. What grade is he in?
He's Minister for Justice.
Ah, very good.
He's very advanced for his age.
So, my dear Mr. Harris,
how are the lovebirds?
My dear Prince,
they are just so blissfully happy.
I bless the marriage that will make
my long-standing dream come true.
Come on!
CORSALINA OIL REFINERY
The largest refinery in the Mediterranean.
It's gorgeous.
Now, I'm wondering whether
I should have asked for
a little more money for my son's dowry.
Hundred million dollars
for that pile of rocks?
- You got yourself a good deal.
- But it's a quarter of the island!
I told you so, Dad! She doesn't love me!
She even wrote it down!
She's run away with another man.
It must be Utte.
Utte, whom she's always loved!
Jérémie, don't be a clown.
He loves to clown around.
No, Dad! It's over!
The wedding is off.
I'm getting on the first plane home,
and you can't stop me.
How is everything in your country?
My son has just reminded me
of an old saying in our culture.
"Take your friend's hand,
but if your friend is a thief,
don't give it back."
- Seize him!
- No!
Mr. Harris!
Mr. Harris!
Mr. Harris!
Not the hand!
No!
- I think it's the little man again.
- The little man after the hand?
His hand, the little man, his hand!
Léo!
Jérémie must have killed him.
Why Jérémie?
What do you mean "why"?
He had sex with the Princess!
Léo.
Léo.
They took old Mr. Harris.
- Who?
- The Arabs.
Right, so it's the Arabs, now?
That doesn't surprise me.
Ever since this morning,
I've been saying it's far too quiet.
He was here and now he isn't!
Where did he go?
Why, it's you!
You saved my life!
A boat? Why a boat?
How else do you get someone off an island?
- Of course, a boat!
- Well, then!
Get in. I'll take care of this guy.
Clermont! Clermont, it's fine.
Right.
Arnold, I understand you,
believe it or not.
I don't blame you for doing this.
If I were in your shoes
and you were worth something,
I wouldn't hesitate to kidnap you.
- But my situation today...
- Stop it, Harris.
Don't try to tell me you don't have
enough cash to pay the ransom.
If you didn't have any money,
do you really think I'd have sold
my daughter into your family of schmucks?
Honestly!
Arnold, despite the fact that
the entire world considers you
to be the stupidest Prince in Europe,
I still have hope,
and I'm sure that you can understand
how simple all this really is.
Really, it's very, very simple.
Damn right it's simple.
I'm going to liquidate you
and pay off my outstanding debts.
For goodness' sake, Arnold!
I've never earned a dollar in my life
by the sweat of my brow.
I've been toiling for a month
to sell your rotten island.
I risked my own hand for it!
It was too tempting
for a scumbag like you.
No, you idiot,
it was to keep the banks quiet.
Ever since November, Harris International
has been worthless.
Not a cent. Nothing!
Taiwan's frozen foods got us good.
Sure, Taiwan's a convenient scapegoat!
Check my pocket. Take it.
What is it?
The latest telegram from Costerman.
It's from this morning.
"French frozen cod
has sung its swan song."
"I'm throwing in the towel. Costerman."
Once they see they've got a cork
instead of a diamond,
you'll be good for nothing.
After all, it's yours.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
But Victor...
What do we have left?
Colombia, Uruguay, and northern Australia.
That's pretty much it.
There they are!
Seize them both!
- He must already be there!
- You really think he'll come?
He promised he would. You know
Alberto's like a father to me.
Maria-Helena.
- Are you sure about this?
- I don't want anyone else.
There's Alberto!
Yoohoo! Over here!
How will you manage all by yourself?
- I'll eat cherries.
- Cherries?
- Léo, think! Was the little man there?
- I think so.
Hope we find his hand
before the little man.
Say, Léo, is it true
you were in her bedroom?
There's not even a boat here!
The English method.
To catch the rat, you need
an eye in all the cheese holes.
Then I think there's someone
in the gruyère. Look!
Damn, an Arab!
With the Princess.
Right, so she's with an Arab now?
Nothing, Giorgio.
Lean a little to the left.
- Is that Tunisia on the left?
- Yes.
- Isn't Tunisia dangerous?
- Less so than Italy.
Even with one foot,
the cement still worked!
What was that?
Faster!
Don't you worry, my love!
I have everything planned out.
In three days' time,
it will be just the two of us
facing a lifetime of happiness
in a little wooden chapel
emerging from the mist.
To Kungstaaf!
- To Kungstaaf?
- Yes!
In Laponia, where I am still Prince,
my darling!
You will become my wife
away from this world,
where something is rotten.
But Utte, I don't love you.
To love or not to love.
That is not the question in Kungstaaf.
It's him! He came back!
Irina, I was right! He loves me!
Do people really buy these
for their vacations?
Hold on!
Maria-Helena!
Ready, Léo? Time for the Surcouf method.
Arms out, core tight, and then you turn,
using your calves to pivot!
Help! Police!
My guguyavo!
Missed!
Missed again!
So, it's true. He really did...
He... He really...
- Had sex with the Princess.
- Yeah.
He seems like a nice, kind boy.
He acted like a real Harris.
I want to adopt him.
Great idea. Adopt him.
Is there much paperwork for that here?
For 200,000, I'll have them for you
in 15 minutes.
I get the feeling he'll be far more
satisfactory than Jérémie.
I really can't believe
what's happened, can you?
It's too quiet in here. Far too quiet.
I don't like it.
Do you, Maria-Helena de Castigliari,
Princess of Corsalina,
before God and all mankind,
take Léopold Harris,
né Tallier,
to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Léopold Harris, né Tallier,
before God and all mankind,
take Maria-Helena de Castigliari...
Six. Split bet.
...Princess of Corsalina,
to be your lawful wedded wife?
Please.
Subtitle translation by: Rebecca Schofield
are on Corsalina,
that beautiful principality located
the pop of a champagne cork away
from its big sister Corsica.
Corsalina, pearl of the Mediterranean,
where enchanting shores stretch out
gracefully beneath an ever-radiant sky.
In San Marco, the capital, rumor has it
that Maria-Helena,
the isle's ravishing princess,
is in love.
Some are even claiming that
a wedding is on the cards.
Is it not true that we are seeing her
more and more often
walking in the palace gardens
in the company of Jérémie Harris,
the kind son of the frozen foods emperor
who seems, at present, hardly concerned
with his doctorate in freezing?
And why else, indeed,
would the Princess's cousin,
Prince Utte of Denmark,
Hamlet's great-grandson,
arrive suddenly in Corsalina?
So many questions
to which, we hope, Prince Arnold III
will be able to provide answers
this very morning in San Marco,
at the long-awaited palace
press conference.
- Have they already started?
- They're running 15 minutes late.
And they say that punctuality
is the politeness of kings!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you please.
His Serene Highness Arnold III,
Prince of Corsalina.
Please be upstanding.
Please.
Ladies and gentlemen, good day.
I am delighted to announce
that my darling daughter Maria-Helena
will be married here, on June 15,
in the Castigliari Chapel,
to the man she loves
and whom we are all very fond of.
Jérémie Harris.
Maria-Helena, last of the Castigliaris,
is marrying a commoner.
The heir to Harris Frozen Foods
has captured the heart...
Maria-Helena has chosen...
The Princess of Corsalina...
The son of the frozen foods emperor!
For once,
it is not the Prince of Corsalina
but quite simply, a happy father
who is addressing you.
I hope to see you all
on the day of the ceremony,
and I am sure that many of you
will come to practice
your noble journalistic profession.
Good day.
Congratulations, Mr. Harris.
I wish your son all the very best.
Thank you, Your Highness.
Nothing can stop you now.
Absolutely nothing.
Costerman, give us some privacy.
Your Highness, we are now united
by a bond just as strong as marriage.
Excuse me?
Just as my father used to say,
"The sand fox is the same color
as the dunes in the desert,
but he is much faster."
Delighted.
God bless you, Prince Ibn Abdallah Ibn.
Until next time, dear Mr. Harris.
- You're taking a risk with Mr. Harris.
- He's taking a bigger one.
"I am most touched by your charming words
announcing the union of our children."
"I am looking forward
to joining you soon."
"Expect me in San Marco early on June 8."
I would rather he arrived on the 7th.
We have the big company meeting
on the morning of the 7th,
so we'd have to take the plane.
As you know, the only one I'd take
the plane for isn't born yet.
The 8th is fine.
Very well, sir.
- Perfect, you're all here.
- What's going on, Boss?
Is it bad news, Boss?
Clermont, did you get beaten up again?
Just a little.
Say, Boss, no more grandmamas for me.
Look what that last dog did to my shoes.
They're in a real state!
No more old ladies, starlets, brothels.
It's over.
- Are we fired?
- No.
From tonight onwards,
you will probably be part
of France's top security agency.
Force 9
has just been appointed by
Harris International Ice's insurers
to accompany the billionaire
himself to Corsalina!
- For his son's wedding!
- Exactly.
- His son's wedding.
- And they chose us?
Probably because nobody else
was available.
We are meeting tomorrow
at Victor Harris' place,
ten o'clock sharp,
to take an aptitude test.
It's your time to shine, kids.
It's an honor.
- An honor.
- An honor.
- Wait, wait...
- Damn.
Don't force it!
All right, all right.
I'm sorry, you have to open it
from the outside.
- May I?
- Yes, of course.
I like how you opened
the door for me, young man.
You will open great doors in your time.
I don't have much else to do.
I still have some laundry to finish.
Now, you're in trouble, buddy.
- What did I do?
- You didn't pass.
Why not?
Because danger will sneak up on you
from behind! Here, look.
You open the door. Elegance.
You sweep. Security.
- Elegance!
- Elegance, right.
Security.
What's wrong with you?
That's the original door!
Don't touch anything!
All right, bye, Princes! See you at
Porte d'Auteuil tomorrow at ten o'clock.
Don't hold it like that,
you'll scratch the paintwork!
- I don't have long nails!
- That's not the point!
Françoise, it's only me.
Françoise? Are you asleep?
Françoise?
BYE! FRANÇOISE.
- Gentlemen.
- The Force 9 Agency.
Please follow me.
One June evening,
Lord Davenport
is invited to the Bulgarian Embassy
to celebrate the birthday
of Stefan Goulevich,
permanent secretary of the party.
While walking around,
Lord Davenport notices, first of all,
that the maid cutting the turkey
is using a knife far sharper
than necessary for poultry.
Then he notices
that the pianist is playing a grand piano
that makes a ticking sound.
A ticking sound?
That's right.
My question is,
which of the three individuals
would you eliminate right away
to save Davenport's life?
Françoise.
Don't touch me!
I'm sorry, miss.
Far too sharp for breakfast,
don't you think?
I think you'll do just fine.
Here they come!
Over there, in the car!
Mr. Harris, one question!
Are you on your way to Corsalina?
Mr. Harris, just a moment!
Stop the car!
Hit the brakes!
- You can't do this at every rest stop.
- I swear, this is the one.
So you had a sandwich there
with Françoise once, so what?
- We're not lighting a candle.
- I recognize the bridge!
That's where we went!
There were cherry trees in the back.
I don't understand. We were so happy.
We picked cherries!
So she likes cherries.
She might not love you.
She was going to visit her uncle
and wanted me to go with her.
That means she loves her uncle.
Look, I understand how you feel.
I went through
exactly the same thing with Olga.
- You can't compare it to that.
- No? Why not?
A Brittany spaniel is not the same.
You can't say that.
Olga was a huge part of my life.
Especially at home in my apartment.
Lead vehicle, lead vehicle, come in.
This is vehicle number 1. Come in.
That cow! And when we made love
before Pantin,
when she was begging me to stay
and kissing me all over,
and when we had sex in the shower
and had sex again in the shower...
Nothing to report. Over.
Why are you wasting your life
on a girl that doesn't love you?
She's not the one.
- Then who is?
- Oh, come on, Léo!
We've been invited to go somewhere
most people only dream of.
It makes Tahiti look like Roubaix.
No more old ladies, just soft sheets.
The Mediterranean!
I lent you my favorite jacket,
but no, that's not enough, Mr. Grumble!
- You slept with her.
- What?
Is that why you hate talking
about Françoise so much?
- What?
- You bastard! Tell me everything!
You're crazy!
Is there a problem?
No, no. Just a little... sweep.
A sweep?
Yes.
Yes, in... in wooded areas,
it's protocol to do a little... sweep.
It's so we can see behind the trees.
Very good.
A simple forest sweep.
Utte!
I love it! Go on, Utte!
Denmark is crazy, crazy, crazy.
It runs in the family.
They already had Hamlet.
- Go!
- Come on, Utte!
Oh my God.
Utte!
- Go on!
- Oh my goodness!
He's simply mad! I love it!
Utte!
- Do you think he'll make it?
- No.
I missed.
- No!
- Bravo!
- Utte, that was wonderful!
- No, no.
It's my fault. I hesitated.
To jump or not to jump,
that is the question.
No, no.
I need to start over.
That's enough.
You did very well, but we should go.
Alberto, take us back to the harbor!
Very well, Your Highness.
- To the palace!
- All engines, on.
- Do you think she's still a virgin?
- No.
Oh.
Oh, isn't this sun, this sun, this sun
just fabulous, Lord Pinkerton?
Jérémie!
Maria-Helena!
Is that better, Jérémie?
Jérémie, what kind of fish is this?
It's an Oceanox noxia.
I shot it under the rock.
It's an extremely rare species.
- Do you know why, darling?
- No.
Because it cannot be frozen.
For you, my darling.
Three cheers! Hip hip hooray!
Here's to Maria-Helena!
The most beautiful of all my cousins!
Utte! What a sweetheart. How lovely!
That's so nice!
To Maria-Helena!
What a sweetheart!
Your job must be so exciting.
I would have loved
to have been a director.
Where will the camera be?
There will be 12 cameras.
And one up above.
The ceremony from a bird's-eye view?
Just magnificent. Magnificent!
By the way, Mr. Morrisson.
Your Majesty?
If the Emperor of Japan
attends the ceremony, will you
add a little something?
Everything is under control, Your Majesty.
- Paragraph 12.
- I beg your pardon.
You know, I've never liked
reading contracts.
Oh yes!
Oh, just 50,000 for the Queen of England.
Seventy-five thousand
with the Prince Consort.
Yes, I mean, she's not Queen Victoria,
but still, it's not much.
Don't you worry.
With one rehearsal,
everything will be sorted.
World Super TV has left nothing to chance.
Why, of course. I wouldn't have sold
the exclusive to just anyone.
It's my daughter, Mr. Morrisson.
What is that?
Scratch O'Scratch.
It's the best you can get
for your kitchen sink.
Right, yes. Very good.
They've bought two 30-second spots
just before the bride enters the chapel.
Zupicorn, the instant corn soup!
That's airing just before and just after
she reaches the altar.
And this. Beauty is beautiful.
A moisturizing cream.
You know the jingle.
Of course, I ruled out
all the low-end stuff.
Cat food, dog food.
But why? We can't have people thinking
that we use nothing
but luxury products here in Corsalina.
We're just like everyone else,
Mr. Morrisson.
We like animals.
In any case, Your Majesty,
we don't have any spots left.
By the way, is the ceremony
still taking place at 2 a.m.?
You haven't changed your mind?
There's nothing I can do about that.
With the time difference,
if we start at 2 a.m. here,
we're getting
the 8 p.m. time spot in America.
It gets the highest number of viewers.
If we reschedule
by even half an hour,
we'll lose 40% of the overall price.
Then we don't change a thing.
In any case, whether it's 2 a.m.
or 4 p.m., it's all the same
when you're in love. Where do I sign?
Right here, Your Majesty.
Here's your 10% on signature as we agreed.
JO LONGO'S BIG BAND
WILL HOST TEN SPECIAL CONCERTS
FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE CORSALINA RED CROSS
I hate mornings.
- If this wasn't for the Red Cross...
- What you're doing is fabulous, Jo.
Wherever I can help out, you know.
- Anyway. Have you seen it?
- Yes!
- What is it now?
- It's Cabrini, Jo.
Excuse me a moment.
We got him. He said it, the bastard.
Yes, Jo.
It was me
who replaced everything with flour.
Marcello.
I beg you. Don't put my feet
in the cement, Jo!
A fault confessed is half forgiven.
Just one foot, Luigi. But make sure
he's nice and far out to sea.
Jo!
No, Jo! No!
It's all trouble at the moment.
I don't know how I manage.
All this hassle is giving me wrinkles.
Look at that!
And I'm getting grayer by the day.
I have split ends, too!
Arnold, you're not going to give me
any extra stress, are you?
Here, look at this!
I'm very happy for you.
I was starting to worry because
I know what these people are like.
Time is of the essence.
What about the rest?
The day after the wedding.
Say...
- What is it?
- It's so silly, but...
I came out without any cash.
You don't happen to have
100,000 bucks, do you?
- Don't start this again.
- Jo!
I've been feeling number six
and the neighbors of zero for a week now.
You're right.
I've been going through a rough patch.
With five million dollars in losses,
you might say that.
But you know I'll pay you back
everything I owe.
Jo!
Six. I'm sure of it.
Red seven, odd, high.
- How is everything, Mr. Harris?
- Very nice, thank you.
Did you like the Charolais stuffed shrimp?
All good fun, isn't it?
I find that red meat really
balances out the flavor in crustaceans.
- All without removing the iodine.
- Delicious.
What about you, gentlemen?
Yes, yes. Very tasty.
It was very good.
It reminded me a little of...
of mutton, right?
Yes, exactly. Mutton.
With garlic.
Mr. Harris, on behalf of the team
here, at Valence Manor,
we wish your dear son
all the happiness in the world.
CUISINE OF FRANCE
I'm so sorry, but ever since
the bomb last winter,
Mr. Harris cannot stand the sight
of an unopened package.
I must apologize. I am really sorry.
Check the window.
Bathroom.
Everything's in order.
Goodnight, Mr. Harris.
Is everything all right?
It's quiet. Too quiet.
I don't like it.
Did you hear that?
Twice.
The owl sounds fearful. I don't like it.
I'll take the first shift.
Léo, you're up next.
Élégant, keep watch outside.
But why did you do that?
In a year's time, we'd be leaving
for Brazil together!
- We leave tomorrow at seven. Goodnight.
- Goodnight, sir.
Are you all right?
Yes, fine.
The lobster definitely did have
a muttony aftertaste.
Léo, could you take over for five minutes
while I clean this, please?
What is it?
Virgin wool with 20% fearful owl shit.
This is bullshit.
Jérémie!
No!
Béatrice of Salamanca!
No!
- He's gone!
- He ran away!
I hate this game.
She lost the game!
- Last chance.
- Utte.
Utte.
Utte!
Well done!
My hand!
The little man tried to cut it off!
My hand! The little man!
My hand, my hand, the little man!
The little man, my hand!
- What's he saying?
- "My hand, the little man."
- "My hand, the little man"?
- What little man?
My hand, the little man!
- Something about a little man?
- And his hand.
- What's going on?
- My hand, the little man!
- The little man!
- Where?
- I don't...
- Go and find him!
It's just... All right.
The little man!
My hand, the little man.
- A little man.
- My hand, the little man!
A little man.
My hand, the little man...
Little man.
You probably just had a nightmare.
Thank you all.
No, don't leave me! Please don't leave me!
I don't want to be alone.
Ah, to be 15 years old again!
When I first came to Paris,
I had but 12 francs in my pocket.
Of course, 12 francs at the time
was worth a lot more than it is now
but not much.
At the Gare de Lyon, I thought to myself,
"There's got to be something for me
in this city."
At the buffet,
I saw an ice cube in a glass,
just a tiny little ice cube.
I immediately understood that
with this little ice cube...
The Mustak brothers weren't happy
with me taking over their group.
I brought Sam and Max with me.
What about Daniel?
He'd just had his throat cut,
but I didn't know it yet.
Cut? With a razor?
I had only two bodyguards left
whom I lost soon after
in the raid on the Stock Exchange.
That makes 16!
All dead, as though I had to pay
with the life of one of my men
for every good deal made.
And things weren't going to get any better
in the gold mines of Katanga...
Well, obviously,
we underestimated the risks.
Maybe he was exaggerating.
If you ask me, that wasn't even all of it.
You guys can do what you like,
but I, for one, don't want to end up
like Daniel.
What do you have in mind?
Far East tactics. There's no other option.
What do you mean?
No time to draw our guns,
so we go in with the knife.
The Malay kris.
Sure.
With this at my side, I can relax.
It's just a scratch.
We'll put white wine on it.
It won't stain.
I assure you, sir,
it was the only solution.
- Are you sure, Costerman?
- Yes, sir.
You know I am.
If you separate from them,
the insurance agency won't cover us.
This time, it wasn't even my fault!
What do we do now?
Do we wait or find someone else?
That one's clearly out of action.
EMERGENCY ROOM
Be honest. Does he have a chance?
He has half an hour
unless there's a complication.
- And if there is a complication?
- 45 minutes.
Hey.
I can't deal with this, Costerman.
Hang in there, sir. It's almost over.
I don't want to look at them.
MARIA-HELENA AND JÉRÉMIE HARRIS:
LOVE IN TROUBLE?
Jérémie! Is this a joke?
- No, your daughter doesn't love me.
- She adores you!
Believe me, Your Majesty.
Did she leave you on the island
with the seals after the picnic again?
No, that doesn't matter.
It does me good to get a long swim in.
Then, did something happen at that
ridiculous masked ball the other night?
Not at all.
Perhaps it wasn't her best idea.
You dress up as a gas pump
to make her laugh
and she arrives on a bicycle.
But so what? Her head's in the clouds,
sometimes. She's a woman, after all!
- Jérémie!
- She's a free woman. She has every right.
Then, what's going on?
Is it the way she jumps up
every time she sees you?
Oh no. I'm getting used to that.
Then, what is it?
Utte!
Utte?
Yes, Utte. Her cousin from Denmark.
He's like a great wall between us!
Surely you're not jealous of that clown,
that joke of a Viking?
She won't take her eyes off of him!
Of course not!
He looks like a blond potato!
He makes her laugh,
he makes her eyes light up, he amazes her.
Jérémie. Let's be serious now.
Utte is the shame of Copenhagen.
You know what they call him
over there? A skunska.
It means "woman-repeller".
Not even Greta of Iceland wanted him,
and you can't say that Eskimos
are particularly choosy.
In any case, everyone in Corsalina
loves him. He wins. I'm out.
Jérémie, that mealy-mouthed fool
is incapable of sentiment!
Is that so? Do you remember
his costume at the masked ball?
- He wore a yellow jersey.
- So what?
She came on a bicycle.
He wore a yellow jersey.
He's crazy about her.
I'd just like to speak to my father.
He'll understand.
He's a Harris.
A yellow jersey, you say?
Yes, Your Majesty.
Are you sure about this, Jérémie?
Yes. It's a no.
Well played, Utte!
- That was wonderful.
- Yes.
Well done, Utte.
All of this is happening so suddenly.
I hesitate. To believe or not to believe,
that is the question.
I don't know what to say.
If you don't love her, be quiet.
If I don't love Maria-Helena?
If I don't love Maria-Helena!
Why do you think I climbed
Mount Everest in 1982?
Why did I spend three years fighting
for the Kurds?
Goddammit!
It was all for her.
Aerobics classes, salt-free diets,
tap dancing lessons,
my Afro-Cuban dance award.
All for her.
Only for her.
The more I loved her,
the less I could say.
Then that cursed day came where I learned
the terrible news of her marriage.
I said to myself,
"Utte,
the time has come to accomplish
your greatest achievement."
"You must be there, at her side,
applauding her happiness
without her ever suspecting a thing."
Maria-Helena?
She had it all figured out.
Oh, Arnold.
All of this is a dream come true!
A dream!
- A dream!
- Utte!
- Utte!
- A dream come true!
- Utte!
- A dream!
- Utte!
- A dream!
Utte!
Dream.
No, you're not dreaming. Here, pinch me.
But for how long has she loved me?
Probably forever.
But she was just like you.
She didn't dare to. She was afraid!
Afraid?
Oh, Maria-Helena.
I will defend you. I will protect you!
You will never be afraid again!
Never again, I swear!
My dear Dane.
Maria-Helena!
Oh no! Don't fall!
Mr. Harris was wondering if
there's anything you can do to make
the flight less turbulent!
Yes, we'll have to land in Genoa
and wait for this to pass!
I warned him about that personally.
If he really wants to be in Corsalina
tonight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
It's going to be a bumpy ride!
We need to wait for it to finish!
Look at it out there!
Is everything going to be OK?
He says it's best we land in Genoa!
- No! Keep flying!
- I don't understand you, sir!
If I'm not there tonight,
they'll cut off my hand.
- What?
- My right hand.
That's what they do to thieves
in his country. He warned me!
- Who did?
- Ibn!
Prince Ibn Abdallah Ibn?
Yes, I sold him the south of Corsalina!
What? That was what you signed
on last Tuesday?
But it doesn't belong to you!
No, but it will belong to my son
once he's married.
The south of the island is the Princess'
dowry and you've already sold it?
Yes, for 100 million dollars.
It's the greatest deal
of my entire career.
My hand!
He has to marry her.
They have to get married.
They have to get married.
Go, Costerman, quick!
- To Corsalina!
- Quick, get us to Corsalina!
Get us to Corsalina, quick!
- Quick, get us to Corsalina!
- Quickly!
You'll see, my dear, the countryside
around Copenhagen is just delightful.
I'm so happy for her.
Utte is a wonderful man.
Maria-Helena has gained
the most beautiful kingdom in the North.
- But she's losing the frozen foods empire.
- You think she really likes that putz?
I'm convinced she's crazy,
crazy, crazy about Denmark.
His Excellency Prince Utte of Denmark.
Here he is, my dear.
Count of Helsingborg,
Baron of Fioni and Odense,
Knight of Kungstaaf, Prince of Laponia.
Isn't your cousin handsome?
Mambo.
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!
Are you sure you're not making me do
something stupid?
No, no, my dear! A man who dances
the mambo like that, out of love for you,
is anything... anything but stupid.
The Freezly, miss.
That's right, yes! A 50-meter yacht
belonging to Mr. Harris.
It still hasn't arrived? Are you sure?
No boats have docked in Corsalina
since eight o'clock?
All right. Thank you.
Mambo!
Mambo!
Isn't he marvelous?
Mambo!
I'm Victor Harris! I am expected.
- I'm sorry, Mister...?
- Harris!
Mr. Victor Harris.
What a lovely location!
Mambo!
Maria-Helena, I'm overjoyed
to be dancing with you!
- Your mother was the love of my life!
- Yes, Daddy.
When we were engaged,
not only did she refuse to look at me,
she never even spoke to me!
But Maria-Helena is avoiding me, Daddy.
Excellent, Jérémie, excellent!
Do you really think so, Daddy?
Would you prefer that she held your hand
all day long and kissed you in public?
No, of course not.
You've found the perfect girl
who wants to build a real partnership,
she's not in a rush! That's rare.
She's doing all she can
to show you she loves you!
Meanwhile, you're ruining everything!
I'm sorry, Daddy.
How could I have been so oblivious?
I'm a major disappointment to you,
aren't I?
Don't think about me.
Think about what makes you happy.
Here we go. One final combover,
off you go downstairs to apologize
and waltz. We'll say no more about it.
- What about Utte, Daddy?
- Who?
The man she loves. Or rather, the man
she made me think she loves
to tell me it's me she loves.
He doesn't know any of this,
so he might actually marry her!
- Utte, you say?
- Yes, Dad.
He's down there?
Yes, Dad. He never leaves her side.
Now, you stay here.
I'm going to see what I can do, OK?
- Costerman.
- Gentlemen!
- Six.
- Yes.
- And six, split bet.
- Very good, Your Majesty.
So, you've heard?
Just now.
I'm very upset, but I wanted to come
and apologize to you.
I'm very fond of Jérémie, you know.
Well, you shouldn't be.
That stubborn, dirty little bastard.
He's utterly obstinate.
It won't do him any favors.
I hope, at the very least,
she hasn't suffered too much.
Who?
Your daughter.
Oh, yes. She's
terribly shaken up about it.
I'm very concerned.
She's refusing to eat, refusing to talk.
It's worse than I thought.
She seems to be recovering.
Ah, yes. Thank God her cousin Utte
is restoring her zest for life.
Utte?
Yes, indeed. He's a marvelous boy,
full of energy. I have total faith in him.
- Which one is he?
- The one holding the maracas.
Oh, the chubby, friendly-looking one
just over there?
Mambo!
He carries a real torch for Maria-Helena.
How wonderful. Costerman?
See that boy throwing himself around
over there?
That's him. Utte.
I noticed him, sir.
The best thing to do would be
to make a joint statement
to the press.
Is he a king?
That's Feroud of Albania.
Albania can't be that big, then.
Say, isn't that...
That guy there, Von Stoffen, with the...
That's Béatrice of Salamanca
with Lord Pinkerton.
- Ah, there he is.
- Who?
Bourbon Chanterelle! A real class act.
- Look at those shoes!
- The real deal. Look over there.
Is he Charles of England
or someone like that?
Probably not.
I'm exhausted.
Irina!
- Do you know that boy over there?
- Is that Jean-Émile of Luxembourg?
Don't be silly. He's far too classy.
Alexis Bardoukos?
Look at his eyes.
He's no amateur.
He's so alluring.
Don't you think?
- What's going on?
- Stand behind me, quickly.
- Is there a terrorist?
- Get a move on.
- What is it?
- My pants.
- Your pants?
- Yes. I ripped them.
Dammit. Don't move.
This had to happen to me.
Take your shoelace and tie them up
with a sailor's knot.
Then how about I use my tie
to go windsurfing?
Well, we can't cover your ass
like this for the next two hours.
Go and grab that shawl over there.
Steal it.
Look how handsome he is when he walks!
He looks so mysterious.
Other-worldly.
As though he fell from heaven.
Oh! He's a magician!
Maria-Helena!
Can I tempt you with a cha-cha conga?
Thank you, cousin, but I've had enough
dancing for tonight.
Ah, yes!
It's the only solution, Costerman.
But I only did it last time
because that American banker was so old!
You underestimate yourself.
Will we make it back to Paris
safe and sound?
Of course. All I'm asking you to do
is hold on. For at least three minutes.
Mambo!
Come on. Hurry up, please!
Lord Pinkerton's pastries are ready.
Pancakes for Salamanca y Leon.
Granola in Prince Utte's yogurt, please!
Let's get moving.
Mr. Roger, start the coffee.
Let's get it started. Please, let's go!
Breakfast time.
What a wonderful evening.
Mambo!
You're new, aren't you?
What's your name?
Hey?
Oh, you're very tall.
You can't be from around here.
Am I wrong?
What are you doing?
No, no!
Help!
Help! Police!
See, it wasn't a burst pipe.
Damn, that's a dude!
SOMETHING'S ROTTEN
IN THE KINGDOM OF DENMARK
KING OF THE MAMBO IS REALLY A QUEEN
CRAZY NIGHTS IN CORSALINA:
SCANDAL AT THE PALACE
UTTE IN HIDING:
WHERE IS THE PRINCE OF DENMARK?
WHERE DID JÉRÉMIE GO!
Well, he's right here.
He's boating with the woman he loves,
who loves him back.
Absolutely.
That draws a line under
those silly little rumors
attempting to spoil the happiness
of our children.
Is the wedding postponed?
- No, no.
- No.
- I can never thank you enough, Dad.
- Not at all.
You see, my dear, all things considered,
your first love is always the one. Always.
Not so fast, Bridey!
I've told you three times already!
Yes, Morrisson. Please forgive us.
He's right, my dear. Walk a little slower.
Yes, Papa.
Imagine you're serving
the Queen of England!
Serve her. Come on!
This is a terrible rehearsal!
My God, he's handsome.
Everybody get down!
Get down!
Are you all right?
I've never been better.
Missed!
He's gone.
That's it. Alert over!
Alert over!
Alert over!
Gentlemen, Corsalina is not in the habit
of ignoring its saviors.
Therefore, allow me, here,
on the very site of your heroic action,
to dub you Knights
of the Order of San Marco.
It's funny.
It's almost as though I frighten you.
- Not at all.
- What was that?
You're so far away that I can't hear you.
- I can't dance.
- Sure you can!
You're doing so well! Come on. Dance!
Follow my lead.
I'm very happy, Salamanca.
Look at her. She's radiant.
All of those dark clouds
have finally cleared.
She's just as she was before.
Cheerful, joyful, enjoying life.
I couldn't believe it, Salamanca.
Yes, indeed. She seems very happy.
You need to distribute
your body weight evenly
across both feet.
Just like that, breathe deeply.
Never let them see your fear.
And when your adversary attacks,
boom! Extension!
Their knife will get stuck
in the wet cloth, then you turn it...
and it's all over.
- Mr. Clermont?
- Yes, ma'am?
What if you're held at gunpoint?
Well, that's simple.
It's a move called the swing pivot.
The swing pivot!
My turn!
All right, fine. It's Feroud of Albania,
Honorary President.
Thank you.
We're only drinking
champagne and cocktails.
Fine by me!
Leon Von De Zoute...
Leon Von De Zoute and Lord Pinkerton,
you're making me a Red Tequila punch.
Bourbon Chanterelle,
you're working on this Blue Lagoon for me.
This is crazy, crazy, crazy!
Bourbon. Bourbon!
A Blue Lagoon is a dream.
If you shake it too hard like that,
you'll wake it up,
and there will be nothing left of it.
You understand?
A dry martini!
From the little lighthouse over there
to the hill, that's a long way, right?
It's a quarter of the island.
It's gorgeous. How wild and lush.
What a gift!
My son will be absolutely delighted
with his new land.
It's really too much, Arnold.
You shouldn't have.
You have my aunt to thank for that.
It belongs to her.
- Just like the rest of the island.
- Is that so?
She won it from me with an English Pass.
Luckily, she adores Maria-Helena.
Excuse me.
- Well?
- Seven, Your Majesty.
Damn.
Super.
Very well done. Great job.
Excellent movement. I...
Now, we're going to work on our balance.
Sound good?
And at what age were you told all this?
When I was five. My nanny was a psychic.
Right.
"He'll arrive through the air
when you least expect it."
"Your guguyavo will save you."
- Your guguyavo?
- "Prince Charming" in Cameroonian.
"Guguyavo" sounds a little like a parrot.
She said I'd recognize him immediately.
Does he have big green feathers
and a little yellow beak?
- No.
- Then how would you know?
By kissing him.
- Stop.
- What's the matter?
Enough of all the guguyavo talk.
I know how this ends.
- What?
- Yes, yes.
Cherries, laughter, shower sex.
Stopping at a restaurant on the way
to your uncle's. That's a happy ending!
I'm out. Ciao.
When the day comes,
what will we have to drink to?
Who'll end up alone in their one-bedroom
apartment, dumped like a bag of trash?
No explanation, nothing!
With their stomach in knots
and a constant headache?
- Who?
- I don't know.
It'll be me, believe it or not!
So, no, thanks. This is over.
Pardon me, my darling Maria-Helena.
I just wanted to say goodnight
and assure you
that I'm the happiest of men.
Are you off to bed, Jérémie?
I'll dream of you. What time is it?
Ten past two.
Jérémie?
It's nothing. I just realized that
tomorrow, at this time,
you'll have been Mrs. Jérémie Harris
for a whole ten minutes.
How potent this feeling of happiness is.
Congratulations once again, sir,
on your great bravery.
If you have any left in you,
might I take advantage?
At your service.
Accompany her back to her room.
It's silly, but it would reassure me.
Very well.
Thank you!
Well, thank you. You may leave.
All right. Everything looks fine.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not used to having
so much security around.
Am I supposed to give you something,
a little tip?
- I pity him.
- Who?
Jérémie.
Over there! There's someone in here!
Ouch!
Missed again.
There's no one there.
It was probably a parrot.
I still haven't been able to make sure.
Make sure of what?
Who my guguyavo is.
- You know, I really do believe it's you.
- No, you're mistaken, I assure you.
But if it's not me, then what's the name
of your princess?
- Françoise.
- Liar.
That's not a princess' name.
Maria-Helena!
What was that?
Probably a big parrot.
Well, we're doomed,
so we should just give up on us now.
His Majesty Honoré I,
King of Bakundi.
Thank you. Hello!
Ladies.
Your seats in the chapel
and the time of the ceremony.
- Two o'clock in the morning?
- Please be on time.
Her Highness,
the sister of the Dalai Lama.
He even sent his cousin. Go figure.
- I'll give you 3,000 for her.
- Six.
Five thousand?
Deal.
Your Majesty.
Morrisson, please.
Did we get a six last night?
"Papa, I know this is going to hurt you..."
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena?
Are you hiding, Your Majesty?
BYE! MARIA-HELENA.
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena!
Maria-Helena?
Maria-Helena!
I don't believe it.
Wait, Jo!
They're very concerned.
About what? Good God, about what?
That.
"I love neither Utte nor Jérémie.
I love no one but my guguyavo."
"I'm leaving forever."
"Tell everyone I'm sorry."
Signed,
"Maria-Helena,
former Princess of Corsalina."
Is he a friend of yours, this guguyavo?
Guguyavo?
But... She's only joking, Jo.
Obviously, she's joking.
Well, they aren't.
How are you going to pay them?
Because it's pretty difficult to have
a wedding without the bride.
Jo.
Let's not get mad, all right?
Your hair is perfect today.
Five million dollars.
How are you going to pay them tomorrow?
How?
Honestly, Jo, what do you take me for?
- What do you mean?
- You think I'm an idiot?
- What's wrong with you, Nono?
- You think I'm a loser?
Some kind of spineless worm?
- I never said that.
- You think I'm a nincompoop?
- Did you steal from the Red Cross?
- Ha!
What do you want me to do
with the 2% you leave them?
No, honestly!
It makes me quite sad, to be frank.
You and I have been friends
for 20 years, haven't we?
What will you do?
I have the richest man in Europe.
Harris?
- Will he pay?
- No, but his family will.
You know that the Harris family
pays its ransoms in under 24 hours.
And he's right here, ripe for the taking!
Besides, he's worth double
what I owe them.
So... What do you say to that?
Nightingale.
- We can work with that.
- Yes, it should be fine.
All right.
They don't want to take any risks.
You kidnap him and deliver the money
by three o'clock tomorrow.
Where?
Behind the creek.
Done.
There's nothing like a little golf
before things get emotional.
The day I married your mother,
I sunk the seventh hole in two strokes,
just like you.
It's a sign, Jérémie.
Yes, but you didn't end up
in the pond at the fourth.
Ever the pessimist, this one!
Let's get a move on,
otherwise, we'll be late
for the rehearsal dinner.
I'm sure the first guests
have arrived by now.
Clermont?
- Yes, sir?
- Go on.
- Run along and get ready.
- Yes, sir, right away.
Honestly, look at this! Look at it!
Am I cursed or something?
- What's wrong with you anyway?
- I saw Léo.
- Where?
- Naked.
On the rooftop. Sneaking out
of the Princess's room.
- What? The Princess's room?
- Yes.
You're saying... He spent the night
with the Princess?
Without a doubt.
So, you're saying that he... basically...
He had sex with her?
My dear Mr. Harris.
You scared me.
What a wonderful surprise!
I just arrived.
I wanted to be the first to greet you.
That's kind, Prince Ibn.
Have you met Rashmal Al-Rashmal?
Is this your son?
Yes.
He's all grown up. What grade is he in?
He's Minister for Justice.
Ah, very good.
He's very advanced for his age.
So, my dear Mr. Harris,
how are the lovebirds?
My dear Prince,
they are just so blissfully happy.
I bless the marriage that will make
my long-standing dream come true.
Come on!
CORSALINA OIL REFINERY
The largest refinery in the Mediterranean.
It's gorgeous.
Now, I'm wondering whether
I should have asked for
a little more money for my son's dowry.
Hundred million dollars
for that pile of rocks?
- You got yourself a good deal.
- But it's a quarter of the island!
I told you so, Dad! She doesn't love me!
She even wrote it down!
She's run away with another man.
It must be Utte.
Utte, whom she's always loved!
Jérémie, don't be a clown.
He loves to clown around.
No, Dad! It's over!
The wedding is off.
I'm getting on the first plane home,
and you can't stop me.
How is everything in your country?
My son has just reminded me
of an old saying in our culture.
"Take your friend's hand,
but if your friend is a thief,
don't give it back."
- Seize him!
- No!
Mr. Harris!
Mr. Harris!
Mr. Harris!
Not the hand!
No!
- I think it's the little man again.
- The little man after the hand?
His hand, the little man, his hand!
Léo!
Jérémie must have killed him.
Why Jérémie?
What do you mean "why"?
He had sex with the Princess!
Léo.
Léo.
They took old Mr. Harris.
- Who?
- The Arabs.
Right, so it's the Arabs, now?
That doesn't surprise me.
Ever since this morning,
I've been saying it's far too quiet.
He was here and now he isn't!
Where did he go?
Why, it's you!
You saved my life!
A boat? Why a boat?
How else do you get someone off an island?
- Of course, a boat!
- Well, then!
Get in. I'll take care of this guy.
Clermont! Clermont, it's fine.
Right.
Arnold, I understand you,
believe it or not.
I don't blame you for doing this.
If I were in your shoes
and you were worth something,
I wouldn't hesitate to kidnap you.
- But my situation today...
- Stop it, Harris.
Don't try to tell me you don't have
enough cash to pay the ransom.
If you didn't have any money,
do you really think I'd have sold
my daughter into your family of schmucks?
Honestly!
Arnold, despite the fact that
the entire world considers you
to be the stupidest Prince in Europe,
I still have hope,
and I'm sure that you can understand
how simple all this really is.
Really, it's very, very simple.
Damn right it's simple.
I'm going to liquidate you
and pay off my outstanding debts.
For goodness' sake, Arnold!
I've never earned a dollar in my life
by the sweat of my brow.
I've been toiling for a month
to sell your rotten island.
I risked my own hand for it!
It was too tempting
for a scumbag like you.
No, you idiot,
it was to keep the banks quiet.
Ever since November, Harris International
has been worthless.
Not a cent. Nothing!
Taiwan's frozen foods got us good.
Sure, Taiwan's a convenient scapegoat!
Check my pocket. Take it.
What is it?
The latest telegram from Costerman.
It's from this morning.
"French frozen cod
has sung its swan song."
"I'm throwing in the towel. Costerman."
Once they see they've got a cork
instead of a diamond,
you'll be good for nothing.
After all, it's yours.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
But Victor...
What do we have left?
Colombia, Uruguay, and northern Australia.
That's pretty much it.
There they are!
Seize them both!
- He must already be there!
- You really think he'll come?
He promised he would. You know
Alberto's like a father to me.
Maria-Helena.
- Are you sure about this?
- I don't want anyone else.
There's Alberto!
Yoohoo! Over here!
How will you manage all by yourself?
- I'll eat cherries.
- Cherries?
- Léo, think! Was the little man there?
- I think so.
Hope we find his hand
before the little man.
Say, Léo, is it true
you were in her bedroom?
There's not even a boat here!
The English method.
To catch the rat, you need
an eye in all the cheese holes.
Then I think there's someone
in the gruyère. Look!
Damn, an Arab!
With the Princess.
Right, so she's with an Arab now?
Nothing, Giorgio.
Lean a little to the left.
- Is that Tunisia on the left?
- Yes.
- Isn't Tunisia dangerous?
- Less so than Italy.
Even with one foot,
the cement still worked!
What was that?
Faster!
Don't you worry, my love!
I have everything planned out.
In three days' time,
it will be just the two of us
facing a lifetime of happiness
in a little wooden chapel
emerging from the mist.
To Kungstaaf!
- To Kungstaaf?
- Yes!
In Laponia, where I am still Prince,
my darling!
You will become my wife
away from this world,
where something is rotten.
But Utte, I don't love you.
To love or not to love.
That is not the question in Kungstaaf.
It's him! He came back!
Irina, I was right! He loves me!
Do people really buy these
for their vacations?
Hold on!
Maria-Helena!
Ready, Léo? Time for the Surcouf method.
Arms out, core tight, and then you turn,
using your calves to pivot!
Help! Police!
My guguyavo!
Missed!
Missed again!
So, it's true. He really did...
He... He really...
- Had sex with the Princess.
- Yeah.
He seems like a nice, kind boy.
He acted like a real Harris.
I want to adopt him.
Great idea. Adopt him.
Is there much paperwork for that here?
For 200,000, I'll have them for you
in 15 minutes.
I get the feeling he'll be far more
satisfactory than Jérémie.
I really can't believe
what's happened, can you?
It's too quiet in here. Far too quiet.
I don't like it.
Do you, Maria-Helena de Castigliari,
Princess of Corsalina,
before God and all mankind,
take Léopold Harris,
né Tallier,
to be your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
Do you, Léopold Harris, né Tallier,
before God and all mankind,
take Maria-Helena de Castigliari...
Six. Split bet.
...Princess of Corsalina,
to be your lawful wedded wife?
Please.
Subtitle translation by: Rebecca Schofield