La bidonata (1977) - full transcript

So why's he writing to you from Rome?

Because in Rome he's preparing
the biggest heist of his life...

a kidnapping!

And this jerk wrote you...

"I'm organizing a kidnapping in Rome...

and I'm going to come back
to Paris a millionaire!"

And you... silly fool, you believe it?

He's not like you. You're all talk,
and no action...

and you stay just a petty thief.

He talks little, but when
he does something...

he does it for real.



So, do you think...

this kidnapping that he's
going to do in Rome...

is something that might work?

It's as if it were done already!

He told me that with
the money from the hit...

he's going to buy me an apartment!

And I'm counting on it!

I'm only with him for the benefits...

but I earn the money he gives me.

Do you know that when I'm with him
I have to act...

like a sadist!

Sadist? Why?

Because he's a masochist!

If you only knew what
I had to do!



I have to dress up as a mistress,
whip him, put him in chains!

Even kicks to the mouth!

Goddamn! Listen to that!

Look at what kind of
people are in the world!

It makes ya crazy!

What an idiot. So in this
romantic atmosphere...

between one kick in the face
and another,

maybe he talks to you normally,
tells you all about his business,

and, perhaps,

he also told you how he's going
to do the heist in Rome...

some details...
- No!

Maybe he said so inadvertently...
- No, no!

No, I know nothing. I only know
that it's a kidnapping.

On the phone he called it
"Operation BB".

BB?
- Yes, BB.

And... what does it mean?
- Well, they could be initials...

maybe they belong to the one
they want to kidnap.

That's all I know.

To organize it
they need 50 or 60 million...

Speaking of money, could you
lend me 50 francs?

No, no. I only have a check, but today's
a holiday, so I couldn't cash it.

By the way... will you come with me
to Chalon tomorrow?

We can take the Mini
or the Maserati he left me.

And how many cars does
this jerk have?

So these kidnappings
really work for him!

You ask too many questions!

I don't care! He's got money,
he's got as many cars as he wants...

Ok, ok, but he treats you like
a servant!

He doesn't tell you anything,
you know nothing about him...

Me, I tell you everything!

Not him! So are you coming
with me tomorrow or not?

I still don't know if I can.
- And when will you know?

It depends on what I decide this
evening. I might be going on a trip.

But can't you postpone it?

I'm sorry but...
I have to go to Marseille.

Go to Marseille?! Why?

Because I've got a big heist there,
but I can't tell you anything.

A big heist?
- Well, if I make it...

Eh, if I make it...
- What will you do?

If I make it, I'll buy you such a
big place that your friend's...

will seem like a barn.

You wanna buy that!? You're lucky if
you find money enough to eat every day!

Come on! Tomorrow if you come
with me to Chalon...

I'll treat you to lunch, ok?

Ok?

Renato?

Well, answer me!
Renato?

He did it again!

Ugly son of a bitch!

THE RIP-OFF

Get in! I'm free!

Where to?

To the cinema... where is it?

Volturno!
- Ok!

Chubby!

Come on, move your ass!

Watch out ya don't drop yer cane!

Ah! I told you he'd drop it!

Yeah, but you're bringing me bad luck!

Hurry up and get out here,
I can't keep this up much longer!

I'm ready! Come on!

# It rains and you wander
through the city

# Without any thoughts...

# and the water gets
in your shoes

And what got into yours?

# What would you say?
What would you do?

# If you already hear
your soles saying "chick chack"...

#What can you do if in your pocket
you rummage and rummage again...

# but you can't find a bean?

But who'd give any
money to you?

# What you own...
- Heifer!

# is bread, but you know...

# that you'd give as a present...

# Don't despair, if life gives you
nothing, if you hope in the future

# Don't despair, you know what I mean...

# After all, after all, some day
the clouds will pass along.

# Drops fall but, who cares,
if we get a little bit wet?

# Tomorrow the sunshine
will dry us

# Your tail-coat won't get ruined

# Your shoes'll go "chick chack"...

# let's follow destiny's road.

You're breakin' my balls!
I can't take anymore!

Off! Get off!

Bitch!

Women! Women! Women!

What do you want?
Who cares?

Women! Women! Women!

What are you doing?

You don't have a bit of class!
Rude people!

So you want women?
Here you go!

Come on! Come on!
Get out here!

Here you are! Lowlifes!
Voyeurs!

I salute you!

They still don't understand
who we are, these lowlifes!

Our next postcard will be
from Las Vegas!

Come on, Maurizio...
forget 'em, pathetic bunch!

Hurry up! I'm dying of hunger!
- The lady, always thinking of eating!

The pot calling the kettle black!

Yeah, I get it.

These buttons...
Did you stick them on with spit?

I'm not your servant!

Call a seamstress! Either she sews
them on or you do!

Pardon me, Countess!

Don't you understand that
you can't leave the stage that way...

like an angry dog!

You're crude!
You'll never have a future!

But what do these
jerks know of art?

Enough! I can't do it anymore!
After tonight, Vaudeville is over.

A long time it's been over.
I was 20!

Mom!
- What?

I can't do it any longer!

Ma, you were right, it would've
been better if I'd studied!

My poor little son!

Hey, please,
Where's Fred Astaire's dressing room?

Fred who?
- Maurizio!

Ah! Over there!
Next to the toilet!

So, we'll eat at
our usual joint.

Renato "Shiny Shoes"!

Damn!
- Chubby!

One hand here, one hand there
and nobody'll cheat us!

Damn! You're lookin' good!
So elegant!

Where've you been?
- [In French] Paris, my boy!

From Paris?
So what are you doin' here?

To talk business.
- What's it about?

Renato! Last time you came
here to talk business...

thank God we had enough
money to pay a lawyer!

Who are you, sir?
- Madame...

So what's this business about?

Don't forget, Maurizio is an artist!
He can't be risking time in the pen.

Can't you understand
that Maurizio's a dancer...

with his name on the play-bill!

So all I've gotta say is...
back to Paris with ya!

Ma, please! This is my deal!

I'm the one who decides!

So is it worth it?

Worth it?

It's something that needs
three people.

And, what is it exactly?

Ma'am, it's the heist of the century!

But you... you're out!

Then my boy's not in either!

You'll just use him,
'cause he's weak!

Ah!
- He'll say "Yes" to the first punk...

…that talks! Wanna know
the last thing he did!?

The other day he got in
three card sharp game...

they got him for 5,000 lira!

And, as if that wasn't enough,
they smacked him!

Cut it out, Ma!
Yer makin' me look like a jerk!

All I gotta say to both of you is
bugger off and die!

There she goes! You see that?!

She's the one who messed up
my life, she ruined me!

I was going to be a dancer at the
opera, but no! Look where I ended up!

Here's where! In a music-hall!

And then... there was
a beautiful girl I liked...

so lovely... a blond angel!

I listened to her and in two days she
convinced me the girl was a slut!

I don't know which
way to turn anymore!

She made me miss my plane to
America. I was goin' there to dance!

That's when she ruined my career!

So ya know what I say?
Fuck off!

Fuck you!
- Sure, sure I'm supposed to thank God...

...you're my mother!
- Look at yourself!

Yeah, yeah.
- You've turned into a sack of shit!

Maurizio! That's enough.

[in French] Remember, your
mother is always your mother!

See?! Renato's right!
Shit is always shit!

No, madame.
A mother is always a mother!

Mother!

I raised him by gathering crumbs!

Making sacrifices!

What does he care about his mother!

He wants to see me dead!

He wants to see me...
Oh my God!

Oh my God!
It's time!

Ma!
- Oh my God!

How do you feel?
- I feel a pain...

I can't go on like this!
- Ma, don't say that! I'll feel bad!

Ma, calm down. I'm sorry!
Come here, my love!

You want me dead, because you're
an ungrateful son!

No, Ma, I'm not an ungrateful son!

You want me dead!
Because you're a son with no heart!

No Ma, I'm not a son without a heart!

You want me dead because
you're a son of a bitch!

No Ma... well, I don't know...
you'd know that better than I.

Renato! She's the one that said it!

My god! Now he's calling
me a whore as well!

C'mon! You said it, not me!

Did you hear?
He's calling me whore!

Ma, calm down!!
- Ma!

I wanna die!
- Madam, you must live!

If you die, I'll die too!
- Maurizio, nobody's gonna die!

I wanna die!

Madame, you must live!

Ma, if you die, I'll die too!
- Maurizio must not die!

I wanna die!

[in dialect]
Enough! You're breakin' my balls!

Ma cherie!

Die! Die! Die! We've gotta live!

There are millions and
millions waiting for you!

What?
- So, what are you still doing here?

Come on, go!
- All right, let's go! Let's go!

Bye Ma!
- Bye!

Maurizio, hurry up! We've
gotta go to Ettore's!

Maurizio! Your vitamins!

Come on, Ettore! Don't drink
or we'll have to listen to your wife!

What do I care about that witch!
Let her scream!

Maybe she'll burst an artery!

Renato "Shiny Shoes"!

Oh Renato!
It's really you!

What a pleasure!
- Ettore!

Look how fancy!

[in French]
And you're so fat, old friend!

You've become a ball!

What's wrong?
- Why've you brought this spy to my place?

This chump thinks it was I that
landed him in the joint...

the last time! Tell him!
- Four years!

Go on, have a drink!
- Calm down!

Ettore! I'm here because I've
organized a formidable heist...

and if it goes ok
we'll be well off... forever!

[in French]
An' I don't believe you!

What?
- I can't believe he was an informer!

Speak Italian, so he understands!

Behave you two!

I'm so happy to see you in such
a nice place! Is it yours?

The walls are yours too?
- Sure it's all mine, yeah.

What a beautiful place! Show me!
- Of course. Come!

Here we serve the meals.

Here it is.

From servant to boss.
It's all mine.

Ah, my pal the boss.

Small, but nice.

Yeah, I've got big plans...
repainting, remodelling everything...

Make it a restaurant
with a select clientele.

You know, it's always crowded,
they wait in line to get in.

But it's ten at night
and there's nobody...

Ettore! Come here!

Who's she?
- My wife!

[in French]
My God, what shit!

What? You say it that
way in French too?

No, it means "a mother
is always a mother"!

Sure, back in your dressing room!

But here it means...
"What shit this lady is!"

My boy! How could you marry
something so scary!

What could I do, Renato!
She trapped me!

She's got five brothers who
are bigger than me.

They dragged me into the church
when I was drunk!

That's crazy!

But she gave me the restaurant!

And she respects me!

Hey asshole! Move it over here!

I gotta go-

Ah, poor slob!
He's whipped!

Makes me feel bad.

[in French]
Prison is no fun! Ya know.

In prison. For four years!

What do you expect?
And he's the only one that went in!

You're bringing that up again!

What! It's my fault if he went
in for four years!?

Everybody took off!

You went to Marseille, the other ones,
who knows where they went...

just the two of us went on trial,
me and him! Eh!

But you got out, and him no!

How's that?

Renato, I've gotta tell you why.

But listen,
keep it to yourself!

It was my mother who squealed...

Your mother?!
- …to get me out on parole.

Now that you're here,
try this gnocchi.

Made fresh.

But, they're all stuck to each other!

So cut 'em up with a knife!

Stick them with your fork
one after the other.

Ettore! Get in here and slice the onions!

Hurry up!

This gnocchi is ancient.

And don't forget the tomatoes!

All right, ok.

They were so good.

Too bad, they were so few!

You've already eaten them all!

But we can't talk here!

I've gotta explain who
the stoolie was...

...and how can I do it with
that scarecrow badgering him!

The stoolie was Julien Le Martot.

Julien?!
- Right, him!

That's why he was killed!

The rotten ones gotta die!
But we're not rotten, we're friends!

And we've gotta be
friends like we used to!

So are we gonna do this
big job or what!?

As friends? Yes?

One...

two...
- three...

four... - five...
- six!

Your business is mine!

Who breaks this bond
is a son of a bitch!

My dear friends,
you're moved by all this!

Fuck off, it's the onions you sliced!

Wash your hands next time!

It's her fault! She's always on me!
- No!

It's not her fault! It's yours!
You let her treat you like a schmuck!

Ettore! Come here!
- Yes?

No! This time don't get up!
- She's calling me!

Don't move!

Don't you understand
that you've blown everything?

You've blown the wife,
you've blown the life...

Now you're coming with us, forever!

What can I do?
She hits me!

She'll hit you if you stay here!
- Right!

Ettore, can't you understand that
this is the heist of the century?

If we succeed, we'll be set
for life! We'll be set!

All three rich... forever!

I'm coming with you!
- Finally, you've understood!

Yes, but... what do I do?
- Do... what?

To get out of here.

Renato!

Let's do the midget-escape.

We'll do the midget-escape.

Let's go!

[in French] Good night, madame!
- Good night.

Thank you for the gnocchi, madame.
- Were they good?

[in French] Yes, formidable!
- Oh good!

Goodbye!
- [in French] We hope to come back.

Ettore!

Ettore, where are you going?

Madame...
- Run, your wife!

Ettore!
- Don't worry, I'll bring him back!

That's right!
- Delinquent! Where are you going!?

They're doing it all.They organize it,
they kidnap, they run the risks.

They pay.
- It's better that way.

When it's time to demand the
ransom and get the money...

we'll get the money, because
we'll be demanding the ransom...

…not them!
- How?

That's what I'm gonna
explain to you now.

The kidnapping'll cost them 50
or 60 million: guarding, expenses...

And for me, about the same.

But you don't worry about that...

...at all.

An' this is the boss.

Take a good look at him.

My, my!

Yeah, he's a degenerate,
but dangerous!

Sear that face into your brain
and don't forget it!

Let me see.

Christ what a sicko!

And who is this?

He's the boss of the gang,
the brains behind the kidnapping.

Do you know him?

Never seen him. But I know he's
French and he likes night clubs.

And who's he gonna kidnap?

I don't know.

And when's this
kidnapping gonna take place?

Who knows...

So, you don't know who he is, you
don't know who he's supposed to kidnap...

you don't know when
the kidnappings taking place...

Renato, ya know I
gotta say to you?

Fuck off!
- Fuck off!

Your mother is always
a real lady!

Mrs. Maria, don't be offended if
he brings home a few million!

Sorry, Renato, but I don't think
Mrs. Maria meant to offend you.

As a matter of fact we still
don't get it.

The one sure thing is that the
money's really there. Right, Renato?

We'll need organizing money,
and you've got some. Right, Renato?

Right, Renato?

Actually, when I mentioned 50 million,
I said 50 million...

and, sure, somebody's got it but,

[in French]
...it ain't exactly pocket change...

[in French]
50 million is real money!

Stop speaking French!

I didn't understand a thing!

Are you gonna explain or what!

My friends...
- I'm broke! - What?

If I had 50 million would I be
eating here! C'mon, Maurizio!

So why did you come here?

He made me leave the restaurant,
my security!

You won't regret it, meat-head!

Nobody'll regret it!

We've just gotta find ourselves 25-30
million.

That's a joke!

I've been away from
Rome for ten years

I don't know the score anymore, where
to go, what to do...

Who knows where you
can find 25-30 million...

In a bank.

[in Apulian dialect]

You've started speaking French again!

This isn't French, it's Apulian!

According to him, I go to the bank, I
knock at the door and I say...

"Will you give me 25-30 million?"

Idiot!
- The last time I saw...

so much money, was when...

I payed a bill, a while ago.

There was a big safe.

It was at Gargiulo's, the notary...

in that small square where we
used to go to shoot pool.

Do you remember?

Hello, jerks!

Fred Astaire here.

Everything's fine.

Do you really have to call in
each and every minute!?

We're trying to do something
serious here!

I told you, call
only if it's an emergency!

Over.

He doesn't even know how
to keep watch anymore.

All that dancing's made him
soft in the head.

It's an hour and a half
that you've been working!

You said you needed 6 or 7 minutes!

Instead, it's been an hour that
these lousy acids aren't working.

I don't get it...

...it either evaporates or…

Christ almighty!

Would ya look at this!

Who brought these bottles?

I did!

I prepared two small bottles...

one with nitroglycerin
and the other one with trypanosone.

How's it possible that this
one's cough syrup...

and this one's for hemorrhoids!

Maybe with so many small bottles,
I made a mistake!

Can't you read, you wretch!?

I dunno what to say...

An' I dunno how to blow a safe with
hemorrhoid lotion!

So what are we going to do?

What the hell are we supposed to do?
Let's go home! Let's go!

Attention boys!
A cop car's passing by!

Got it.

Renato!

The police've come by!

In the meantime move those cases!

And don't leave any finger-prints!

Don't worry!

ROSINA,THE SAFE KEY IS
UNDER THE SMALL STATUE.

I'll BE BACK IN TWO DAYS.
DON'T TELL YOUR WIFE!

False alarm, boys.
They've gone.

Take your time and
don't leave anything behind.

Gargiulo the notary's gonna
be cleaned out good.

Turn around!
- Over.

Car number three, calling "White Sail"...
requesting back-up.

A robbery taking place in zone six.

I was wrong.
They've come back.

Emergency! Over and out, an'
I'll see ya when I see ya!

Good evening!

Renato! Cops are all
over the place!

I'm done.

Come on!

It's better if we take
two different directions.

Bye. See you at Maurizio's house.

Good luck!

I guessed on the second race.
He was a half-length behind.

Come! Hurry up!
- Here I am!

What do you think?
- I'd say Little Goldie.

Not Little Goldie!
- Violetta!

No, not Violetta!
- No, Violetta can't even trot!

Oh yeah? I saw her
at the track yesterday!

200 meters. Little Willie's just
passed Vetusto as well.

They're at the finish-line.

Bolivar, who lead the
entire race, wins!

Followed by Little Willie, Vetusto
and Pimpinella.

Excuse me, I'd like
some water, please!

No, not that! I want it from
the tap, it's got calcium in it.

[in French]
Matches, please.

[in French]
Thanks, Coco.

Look how you're dancing!
Like a sack of potatos.

Me, a sack of potatos!?

Why don't you have a dance
with chubby over there?

Let's go!

Hey, boss!
- Yes?

How about a lap around
the track with this beauty?

Sorry?
- Why? Don't you like her?

Don't worry, I don't care!
- Can I?

Go ahead! No problem!
- Thanks!

May I? Thank you!
- Go!

There we are!

Giovanni! Look at that hussy! She
finds herself an elephant, and barn!

Hey, won't your
boyfriend be jealous?

What boyfriend?! He's just
a jerk with a bunch of money!

So he's a big cash register then!

You know that without a boyfriend
you're even more beautiful!

Well...
- Sorry?

Which horse do you want to bet on?
- Anyone!

But it better be one that's a long shot.

A long shot?
- Yes.

A martingale! What is it?

It's quite easy. Look.

Choose a horse for each race.
Eight horses.

Eight horses?
- Eight horses.

So which one do you
want for the first race?

Go on, tell me.

First horse... Little Lady!

Little Lady. The second one?

What a jerk!

Listen... what's the midget's name?

His name is Baby Bronky.

His father's a businessman.

They're very rich people.

Loan-sharks.

Baby Bronky.

I think I've
heard that name before.

You've done a martingale
with eight winners.

If they all make it, you'll
win a truck-load.

2,000, 3,000.
There's your change.

And good luck!

Stop!

I'm gonna take Stop coming
in first and Cesena on second...

Stopper, winner. Cesena, to place.
- and Spagnoletto and Madrigale...

together on San Siro's third.
- Spagnoletto...

You're chic...
I like you!

Listen! Do you know him?

No, never met him.

Let's go!
- Yes.

I'm going to introduce you
to these idiot friends of mine!

You, have a seat.

And you, next to me.
- Thank you.

You're welcome!
- Good evening!

Nice guy! He's so nice!
- Thank you!

So so...
- Nice guy!

You did a great heist!

28 million in unpaid bills...

and 27,000 liras cash!

Go hide yourselves in shame,
all three of ya!

Go on!
And now he's sleeping!

Renato!
Where's Maurizio?

I'm so worried!

How could you leave
my son behind?

Madonna! What troubles!

He's been giving me
trouble my whole life!

Feel it! Feel my heartbeat!

Yes, i feel it.
- Feel it!

You coulda been dead!

Where've ya been all night?!

Are ya trying to kill me!?

Ma, leave me be.
I can barely stay on my feet!

My dear son, you're so pale!

Do you want me to
cook an egg for you?

Five!
- Right away!

Renato!
I did it five times!

You did it five times?!

I'm sorry!
So you got a case of diarrhea.

Take two lemons and it will pass!

Renato!
What are you talkin' about?

Five times I did it!

This woman is amazing!
A French nose, like that...

two big eyes, a
beautiful figure... lusty!

I met her at the night
club, The Scarabeo!

Yeah, then she introduced me
into her circle of friends...

all of them mama's boys!

There was a dwarf, this short!

Putting on airs!
He was full a money!

His name was Baby... Baby Bronky!

Baby Bronky, you said?

Yes, his name is Baby Bronky!

Baby Bronky... He's BB

Listen, Maurizio! In the night club...

did you see a Frenchman?
A tall, thin man...

but distinguished!

There was a guy. I'd seen him
before, but I don't remember where!

Maybe, he was French!

Can ya believe it! Goddamn!

Do you know who you saw?
- No!

Do you know who you've
discovered, without knowing it?

No!
- The Frenchman!

The boss of the organization! The
one who's gonna do the kidnapping!

Ah, the masochist guy!

And do you know who Baby Bronky is?
- No...

He's BB!

The one they're gonna kidnap!

That's why they're keeping an
eye on him at the night club...

they're staying close!

I'm the man!
C'mon, Renato, say it's so!

You're the greatest!

What's with him?

He's having nightmares about the
restaurant... listen!

Ettore!

Come to the kitchen!

Not the plates!
I won't wash any plates!

What a chump!

That one is Jacquelin Nerdaux.

If he's come all the way here from
Paris, then the hit is imminent.

Two more bitters, please.
- Right away.

Hey, that one over in the
corner is the Frenchman?

[in French]
Yes, ok, like that!

[in French]
Good!

He's the one in
the photo, yeah.

And the one over there, see him?

That's Baby Bronky.

And her nose was so big
she looked like a schnauser!

Sheesh!
So you did her?

Me?! No way!

Pig!

Nice bunch, eh?

Bye!
- What, you're going!?

Yes, it's late!
- See you!

Bye!
- [in French] You idiot!

[in French]
Go!

Bye everybody.

Oh, sorry!

[in French]
Go!

Go to the door.
- I'm going.

So what do we do?
- Oh, my God! My God!

Ettore! What is it?
Are you sick?

Are you Ok?
- What's happened?

Come on! Come on!
- Let's go!

This is crazy!

A fraud!
A robbery!

You should go to jail!
To jail!

Thank God you don't know
how to bet! Thank God!

You bet on the worst horses!

This isn't betting... this is
murdering the book-maker!

I've been counting
money for 12 minutes!

Uh, excuse me!

Could you please tell us the total
amount? How much is it?

Of course...

Would you divide it
into 3 equal packets?

And count them all again,
one by one!?

I'll break your...
- Nevermind!

Hey Moustache!

One! Two! Three!

All fer us
and none fer you!

Oy! Would ya look at that!

Jeezuz!
Look!

Look at this schmuck!
How he's got himself up!

Like a clown!
I told you...!

You gotta look
like normal people!

You gotta look like
municipal employees!

We've gotta pass by unobserved!

We gotta be inconspicuous!

We need to pass by unnoticed!

Hey!

Here I am!

These are for you.

What is it?
- Look at your get-up!

Why?
- Why!? We don't wanna attract attention!

The booty!

There he is. See him!?

I see him, I see him.

We gotta figure out where
they plan to grab him.

For sure on the street, an intersection,
some place where he always goes...

maybe in front of his house...
- At the night club!

Not the night club!

Too many people there.
It'd be impossible.

And they've all been seen
there too often anyway.

That must be his usual news stand.

And this is one of the places
where the hit might happen.

There he's coming back.
He was fast.

All the time needed
to kidnap him.

Hitler was right!

To the gas chamber with ya after 60!

What kinda crappy death-trap is this!?
- What do I know. I'm not a car-maker!

Hey, go and see
where he's headed!

Hurry up! Push the car, come on!

Push, idiot, push!

Come on Maurizio, help this fool!
He can't do it!

What're you doin' shouting!
He lives right there!

Dammit... stop!
- What is it?

Stop! Cover me!

Maurizio, move over
and lemme see.

Can you see?

Look at those two with the
moped behind you!

There's the proof.
It's the obvious proof.

There's no longer
any doubt about it.

But who are they?

They're both French...
I recognize 'em.

One is Francois Le Renan...

and the other one is...
- A tramp!

Yeah, a tramp.

But the kind that spends
her life screwing 'em over!

If there's gonna be a hit,
just remember...

The kidnapping's
gonna take place here!

So what should we do?

Push a little bit more, please!

Yes.
- Release the brake!

Come on!

I can't take anymore.
Try starting it up.

Nothing gonna's get her moving.

Not even an earthquake.

I'm taking a break.
I need to catch my breath!

APARTMENT FOR RENT MANSARD-ATTIC

Let's get in, so
we can sit down.

Fellas, today we enter the
next, extremely precise step.

No more mistakes, no more bullshit.
I will not permit anymore screw-ups!

Got it?

Right.

That was the last one!

How do you want your spaghetti,
spicy or with ham?

Anything, Ma,
I'm starving!

Ettore's done.

In a little bit we'll be wired into
Bronky's phone line.

Wanna try it right now?

Wait a minute.
Ettore's on his way up.

Excuse me... is this
the Proietti residence?

Is this the Proietti residence?

Yes, Renato.
This is the Proietti residence.

So yeah, this is the Proietti residence.

A package for you.

Sign here, please.

Sure.
Proietti… with one or two T's?

With two T's, Renato.

Well I've written it with three.

Thank you. Good day.
- You're welcome.

God Almighty! Would ya look at him!

Mauri'! Stop being such an ass!

Go and play with yer train-set!

Ma, how the hell could I know
who it was!? Eh!

Madame, would you go on
watch at the window?

Yes. Renato.
- The big package has arrived!

Go on, open it.

Open it.

C'mon, it's easy for us.
- Ah No! 'Cause the lawyer's an asshole!

And you're gonna tell him! That's it!
- No, you've gotta tell him.You do it!

Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Who is it looking for me this time!?

Renato!

His father's gone out and the wife had
the phone brought out to the garden.

Very good!
- What do I do?

Keep watching!

How is it on you?
- It fits fine on my shoulders.

Not too heavy, is it?
- No.

Have you tried it?

Renato said we
had to wait for you.

There was no need!

Hold on,
Madame.

Are they still talking?
- Yes, yes!

Go on, then.
- Go on then, chubby.

So we'll see, we'll see.
What can I say?

I'm not interested
in those apartments...

either the whole building or
the entire area.You know...

Otherwise, we're wasting
time for nothing.

Madame, I told you...

And the Pirelli shares,
how are they going?

Come here! Something's up
and I don't like the look of it.

Shall we sell?
- When they reach 5 points, sell them...

at least we'll make a couple million.

Take a look, Renato.

So what are they doing?

What are they doing?

They're demonstrating in
theory...

what they're gonna
put into practice tonight.

This is it!

...no, no, everything into the
Swiss account. Goodbye.

The alarm has sounded!

The kidnapping will
take place tonight!

Hence, the hit must
be carried out...

with chronometrical precision!

And "chronometrical" means..

That there can't be an error of
even a fraction of a second!

In Puglia we always say...

[unintelligible dialect]

Which means... "If you
waste your time on the mule...

the horse'll kick you from behind"

Got it?

So we'll start from now.

At 7:30 sharp...

the intensive stake-out begins!

I'll do the first shift
from 7:30 to 7:45.

At 7:45 it's your turn!

Ettore!

At about 7:50 you, Maurizio...

you run inside and ask Ma...

"What did they
say on the phone?"

At 7:56 at the latest,
you, downstairs again...

at 8:00 you start your shift
and so on, up until the kidnapping!

You've gotta understand that
everything depends on the perfect...

synchronization of our movements.

We must be as a single clock!

Now, let's crosscheck.

Answer precisely.

Maurizio!
What time is it?

2:10!

2:10.

Ettore!

2:40!

God Almighty!

Mrs. Maria.

For me it's 8:45.

Fuck all of ya!

Pathetic Romans!

You're worse than the
clocks in the streets...

not a single one is in
sync with another!

Hey! I'm fed up!

Enough with the watches already!

How do you want your pasta,
spicy or ham?

Ham!

Look at this one!

You wanna move it pal?
Lemme pass!

I'm in a hurry!

Don't move!

Nice and quiet... get in!

Is this a robbery?

No, a kidnapping!
Come on!

A kidnapping?!
- Drive! And don't mess around!

You try acting up,
we blast ya!

Now... drive very slowly, Ok?

And stop at all the red lights!
- Ok, ok, no problem.

So go!

Hey! Hey!

What's happening?
- My God, the Germans!

A kidnapping! There was a kidnapping!
- Where?

Where?
- Over there!

A boy?
- Yes.

In a white Mercedes?
- Yes.

How did they do it?
- Thank goodness!

What do you mean 'Thank goodness'!?
- I mean... uh, don't tell anybody!

We're police.
We were pretending to be asleep.

Yes, yes.
- We'll take care of it!

Come on, let's go!
- Go straight ahead!

Jeanot! There's a truck
following us!

What do you do in a case like this?
Do you speed up?

No, no, we always keep
the same speed.

Shit!

They stopped at the red light.

Come on, turn right.

They weren't following us. See?
They turned!

Do you want a cigarette?

Thank goodness!
I was too afraid to ask!

The road's dark.
I'll switch off the headlights now.

To the right.

Turn left now.

Slow down!

SLOW DOWN

Now where do I go?

On the left, that building site.

Turn right! Right! Quick!

Turn around!

Come on, walk! Turn around!

Put the blindfold on him!

Would you tell me where
you're taking me now?

For a nice walk.

Dammit! I'd have been
better off born poor!

Come on! Walk!

Come on! Hurry up! Walk!

Get down in there, now!

Go on!
- But I can't fit into it!

C'mon, that way!

OK!

Then, as agreed!
- [in French] All right. Goodbye!

[in French]
Shall we go?

[in French]
Doris! Quick!

They've stuck him inside
of a concrete mixer.

It's over there, look!

Hey, that
truck's following us.

What do I do?
Slow down?

No, wait a bit!

How long have we
been following them?

Almost six hours.

Seems like enough to me.

Turn off at the next crossroads.

Maurizio!

Maurizio!

Maurizio!
- The Germans!

The crossroads is coming up.

Get ready.

I could be wrong, but Maurizio's
gonna make a mess of it.

You can swear on that!

Overtake him!
- Yes, boss.

He's overtaking us!

Good!

They've finally decided
to pass us.

Finish up the other side.

Maurizio!
What are you doing?

Are you sleeping?
- What are you saying...!

It took me 30 seconds to
get the license plate off!

Come on!
- Come on! Pull!

Pull!
- Pull!

Leave it!

Ok?
- They've just gone past.

Go!

Hey!

Keep an eye on Ettore.
He's drinking too much!

Ok. I'll take care of it.
Get in!

Watch your hands!

Come on! Hurry up! Idiot!

Ah! You're always shouting!
- Move it!

Come on! Hurry up! Let's go!

Ok, chubby.

Renato!
Can you hear me?

Yes.
- Everything's fine, as planned.

We're off to follow the
concrete mixer again.

There they are!

There's another truck behind us!

Is it the one we saw before?

No! That one was green,
this one is red!

You know what...

Let's pull off at the
next rest-stop.

All right.
- Let's see what they do.

Renato! Can you hear me?

Listen.They're gonna stop.
What should we do?

Pass 'em!

Pass 'em? Duh!

If we don't then
we've gotta stop too!

All right. Over and out!

I think they've spotted us!

Nah, relax!
They didn't notice a thing!

Renato! Now that we've passed 'em,
what do we do?

Take the next exit.
- Ok!

I think we can get going now.
- All right.

Not that way, Renato!
To the left.

Come on!

That way.
Perfect!

My God, Renato! Renato!
Did you hurt yourself?

Renato! Did you hurt yourself?

We're some gang, eh?

So, we're here.

All right?

You! Leave the main road...

take the county road,
go around...

and come to this junction where the
concrete mixer is sure to pass.

All right! Quick! Go!

Stop drinking!

Who's drinking!
- Sorry... give me a cigarette!

What is this?

It's an old jacket. Who knows
how long that's been in there!

He wanted to do it all;
set up the ramps...

fit in the slides...
he didn't want me to help him!

I think Ettore got in over his head!

And then... you coulda died!

It's no use scratchin' your balls for luck,
scratch your head, it works the same!

There's the police!

Now, what do we do!?

It'll be a mess if they stop
the concrete mixer!

The last thing we need!

What can we do?
- I'll take care of it!

We'll flip 'em off so they'll
have to stop us instead!

All right, boss!

Jesus H!

Sergeant, did you see that car!?

Go on and stop them.
I'll finish this up.

Thank you.

Now, we slow down.

We wait quietly while the cops
catch up with that little '500'...

and then we pass them by.

We've got the twins behind us!

Do we do the spastics,
or the local dialect act?

You still remember those!

Let's try the dialect act.
- All right!

Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning, marshall.

Speeding, passing on the right...

and you, this you do...
to your sister!?

No! It was for that
concrete mixer!

They closed in on us and
wouldn't let us pass!

You risk jail!
- Ah, c'mon!

[in Neapolitan dialect]
Maurizio! Be quiet!

I gotta speak with
this gentleman here!

You! Show the papers
to the officer!

Here they are.
- Listen, lieutenant. Come here.

Look here...
Your tires are worn!

Ah, they were fine when we left...

it was either the road or the
tire guy cheated us!

Listen, lieutenant!
- I'm not lieutenant!

But you'll become lieutenant!

What a neapolitan wants,
he always gets!

It's a shame we always
get a raw deal!

Our land!
Our city!

Forever torn and exploited!

On the one side the police,
on the other… thieves!

We're all thieves or police!

Ah, how we bleed!

Good Lord!

Where are you from?

From Casoria.
- Casoria!

My village!

Dad died there!

Do you know the Pizzolorussos?
- They are my relatives.

You know them!

And my primary-school teacher!

Look! We've got the same blood!

And they bleed us
till we're dry!

Pizzolorusso!

Don't be fooled,
it's all an act!

These kind deserve to be shot!

Ask the lieutenant if there's a garage
around here to change the tires!

General, Do you know...
- [in Tuscan dialect] Sorry...

lieutenant,
I can't understand you, what is it?

I'm not a lieutenant and the fine is

85,000 liras!

For what!
What did we do?

My colleague already told you.
Come on!

But I don't know Neapolitan dialect.
I know Neapolitans, but...

Tuscans, like us,
are practical, human

we know how things work.

Where are you from?
- From Prato.

I'm from Prato! I want
respect but then I cross you!

Yeah sure, Prato or no,
it's 85,000!

[in Apulian dialect]

Renato! Pay up!
There's nothing else we can do!

Come on! Pay! Let's get rid of
'em and be on our way!

Come here!

You're late!

If you only knew what a mess
we had with the cops!

Is the mini-van out?

A little bit.

What do ya mean,
"A little bit"?

Anyway, I did it all alone!

Come on! Get moving!

Get him out.

Come on! Pull yourself up.

And no funny stuff!

Fuck you! If you'd told me before,
I would've paid for a taxi!

Shut up and get out!

Come on! Quick! Quick!

Come on! Go on!
Don't waste time!

On the cart, quick!

Come on! Hold on to him!
Hurry up!

Listen up! Don't let him escape!
- Careful!

Let go of my arms!
You're hurting me!

Shut up and don't move or else!

Shut up!

Come on! Come on!
Start the tractor!

Get a move on with this cart!
Go!

Well, guys, we have
to part company.

I'll go back to Rome.

You, Maurizio, plant yourself
at the inn down in the village...

and don't move from there till
you've had news from Ettore...

and don't do anything without
checking in with me first!

All right?

You, Ettore, follow the tractor...

see where it goes and
take a picture of the place...

give it to Maurizio and
he'll bring it to me in Rome.

If they move the puppet,
you're always right behind 'em.

Take care of yourselves...

...be smart, don't let 'em
shake you off...

and above all, don't get caught!

And by the way, don't drink!

Good morning!
How's hunting around here?

I was told that it's good around here...

partridge, pheasant
and wolves too, eh?

People make so much noise talking...

that the game disappears.

There are too many of us hunters.

Do you want a cigarette?

So fuck off then!

Today I had a place set for Baby again...

and he still hasn't come!

I haven't seen
him for four days!

God only knows how
many steaks I've wasted!

Where could he be?

Where do you expect him to be?
He's out whoring!

Dear me! What vulgarity!

Control yourself for once!

I can't listen to you!
Dear!

There's an urgent
call for you, sir.

How many times
do! have to tell you...

not while I'm eating. Don't
be such a pain in the ass!

You just don't get it!

Watch how you speak... at
least in front of the help!

Go on and answer before they hear
you on the phone as well.

Hello. Ah, De Carolis, what is it?

Yes, I know they expire tomorrow.
I know...

No, no...
The loan expires on the 21st...

and tomorrow is the 21st.

How about a little charity! Just
a little payment deferral!

No, nothing doing. The papers are
already in the bank's hands...

Then they go to the notary
and if you don't pay them...

- it's a problem
- Renato? How are you, Renato?

I'm beat.

Think of my family, please!

Come and listen!
If you knew...

Think of my children!
- ...and I'll eat your children as well!

Was my money useful?

So now you pay up!

No, because I...
De Carolis, De Carolis!

I don't use my money for charity.

I work it!
Got it?

Take care!

Can you believe it!
For four notes of a million each...

he's gotta break my balls
while I'm trying to eat!

Speaking of promissory notes...
when do my brother's expire?

No, there's time enough!

Don't renew them...

I know him all too well!

And the Frenchman, tell me... has
he tried yet...

- Never!
- …to contact...

No.
- Never.

That one's a fox. So when is
he ever gonna call the house!?

He'll call either some friend or
acquaintance of theirs...

who will act as an intermediary.

It's him. It's the
Frenchman we've gotta bug.

We have to find someone that...

Mrs. Maria...

I need a hooker.

Immediately!

How l understand you! Renato...

After four days on the road...

...and to think that I've known
you since you were a boy.

And now, you've become a man!

Maria, what are you saying?

Don't stare at me with
those eyes...

you're giving me hot flashes!

Please don't tell
anything to Maurizio!

God Almighty!

What are you thinking!?

Mrs. Maria... I haven't
slept for four days!

I've got a little bird
that's dead tired...

lying down asleep like this!

And you're squashing it as well!

Can ya get up for a minute!

I said I needed a hooker
'cause I need her...

for a mission.
I've gotta give her an assignment!

Then Ornella's available
down in the piazza.

You know her well! She's been
your little friend for ten years!

And you were even in love!

What's Ornella got to do with it?
What are you saying?

My story with Ornella is over!
Finished!

And when a love story's over,
it's over forever!

For me, she might as well be dead!

I'm not interested
in her anymore!

What do I care for Ornella!

Come here for a second.

Let's think a little bit.
- Renato, what do you want from me?

I just want to say that...well,
...as you said...

I haven't slept for four days...

and when I was a boy...

you noticed all those
times I stared at you!

No!

I like it either straightaway
or not at all!

You wanted a whore?
Take Ornella...

Who's a lot more of a whore than me!

God damn, Renato.
You're incredible!

You destroyed me!

Wanna go again?

A second one?

We just did it! That was the second one!
I don't do first ones anymore!

Well, ten years ago...

you would have
done 'em ...and how!

Ten years ago we were
different, both of us!

You were a glass of water..

Fresh water!
- And transparent!

So what
the hell have you been doing...

these last ten years?

Whaddya think I been doing?

Hookin'!

Say it with pride!

Wave the flag
and strike up the band!

The hooker!

I'd like to throttle ya!

Well, look at this one!
It was you that put me out there!

You were smuggling
American cigarettes.

And you had me make the rounds
of half the police force!

Or... don't you remember that?

I told you, "Go there!...

Promise them your goods...

And get them to give
you the cigarettes!"

But, instead, they got
what you gave 'em...

then they promised you the
cigarettes... and they screwed us both!

Hey, sorry...

...why are we arguing?
- Exactly.

The first time we've seen
each other in ten years...

an' anyway we were talking
about an important job...

so, Ornella, did you
understand the whole thing?

Are you willing
to give us a hand?

Call it... a "hand"!

And with whom
do I have to swing?

I'll take care of introducing
you to him.

Tonight we'll catch up with
him in a nightclub.

I bought you a dress for
the occasion.

And if you succeed with what
I need you to succeed in...

for you there'll be at least 100!

100 what?

Million!

Million?!

What is it?

Renato?

You're gonna give me a
heart attack!

You show up here after
so many years...

I figure you're
still a down-and-out loser.

And you offer me 100 million!

As if they were peanuts!

My God, my God, my God!

Where are you going?

I have to pee!

Come on, Maurizio!
Come in!

Hello, Maurizio!

Ornella!

Look how you've stayed fit!

For as long as we're healthy!

How are you, Mrs. Maria?

Hi, Ornella.

Ornella, do you remember
those good times...

in Viterbo in 1966?
- We had a lot of fun!

So you take this house
for what, a brothel!?

You know how the work goes... it's
business… we had to talk...

You call this "business"...

What's that got to do with it?

Maurizio. Look!
Look at Renato's face!

Ah, now we're starting all over again!

Idiot! What are you doing?

You're dancing like a fool, with...

all the stuff we gotta do!

You wanna give me the newel?
What's happened?

May I know?

I got it!

I'll go and get dressed!
- Renato! Come on!

You're still jealous,
after all these years!

Ornella is like a sister for me!

Like as if she was my mother!

After all, would you do it
with my mother!?

I...

What nonsense!

Anyway, everything
is under control!

Ettore's staking them out from
the dawn till dusk!

We can relax!

You see this cave?

Baby Bronky's there!

And where's the cave?

Three kilometers from the village.

Hello, Bronky residence.
Who is it?

Is that you, Giovanna?
- It's you, Benjamin?

Tell me, Baby's not there, is he?
- I already told you!

He hasn't been
home in four days!

Then listen... Giovanna...
sit down!

Sit down! I have to
tell you something!

They've kidnapped the little shit!

Our lawyer, Dr. Barone,
got a phone call...

demanding a ransom
of four billion!

Hello! Gio... Giovanna.

Giovanna!

Hello! Answer me!
Hello!

Yes, Benjamin.

I was a bit upset for a moment.

What? What is it?
- Oh, my God!

And how do they want
this money? In cash?

Giovanna, are you crazy?

She already wants to pay!

Giovanna, calm down!

We'll be at the house soon...

with the lawyer... and
Father Nicolò too.

He's here, he's here! Now
we're bringing him with us!

We're coming now...
we can discuss it calmly.

All right?
Right.

Listen, Giovanna!

Make some spaghetti.

No, with garlic, oil and hot pepper, yes.

Damn! What cynicism!

Four billion!

Four billion!
- What's the matter with you?

Oh, my God!
I'm Wetting my pants!

Now you begin to understand...

the business I've put you in!

We could use some good-living

after so many years
sacrifice, my son!

Mrs. Maria, the good-living you're
talking about, has to be conquered!

Now, the most
important thing is that...

from this moment we can't miss one
word that's spoken in that family!

But, we've got the
telephone line tapped!

It's not enough! We need one
of those little things... one of those...

I see! A bug!
Otello sells them!

I'll take care of it!

Here I am!

So... how do I look?

Not too bad... you don't look
anything like a hooker!

Mrs. Maria, Only I am allowed
to call Ornella a hooker!

Maybe it's too...
- All right?

…racy?
- Racy?

You decide.

This is your man!

I understand.

He's a typical masochist!

Go on. Attack.

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Are you crazy?

What are you, a cannibal!?

Good God! She practically
bit off by ear!

Jeez! That hurts!

Luigi!

[in French] A bottle of champagne
to that lady's table.

The lady over there?

[in French]
Yes, yes.

Very good, sir.

Two almond-shaped eyes...

that would drive you crazy!

This has been offered to you.
- Offered? For me?

No, for the lady.
- For the lady?

Phooey!

Listen, my lovely little Turk...

Who offered it?

That man over there!

He's coming, he's coming!
- Yes? Good.

Has he stopped or has he gone?
- No, he's there, looking at us!

Are you ready?

That's it! Not another sip of it
and you're going tell that big lout off!

I do what I want!

[in Apulian dialect]
Not in the slightest!

Take back what you said or you'll
have my nails in your face!

I'd like to see you try!

Hey, Dracula! Stop it!
Take your nails outta my skin!

Watch how they sink in!

Stop it, you crazy bitch!

Ouch!

You at what you've done!
I'm bleeding!

My blood, my blood!

Crazy damn woman! Vampire!

I need a transfusion!

What blood-type am I?

I can't remember my
blood group anymore!

I'm leaving!
- Yes, yes, all right!

I'll have to get work done on my face!
- Of course!

Just like the actor Alain Delon!

I need to call my mama, now.
Where's my mama?

[in French] It is an honor, madame.

You're even French!

Yes, madame.
At your orders.

No, no, no, no, no.
I've decided.

I won't pay!

It's only four miserable billion...
you won't pay!

And our son!?
Can't you think of him!?

The police'll take of it!

I pay taxes and it's the
police's job to protect me!

But since you've actually
never paid taxes...

at least, fork out
the money for your son!

Since you earn so much
illegally anyway...

And now you!
Don't even start!

Counsel us, Father.
Make him understand!

Let's try to organize
ourselves calmly.

First, it's better not
to deal with the police.

Second... you, Lady Giovanna...

tell people... the boy's left!

Third... get ready to pay!

To pay?
Pay! Pay!

After all, it's always
me who pays!

No, no. Wait a minute.

...pay after
having negotiated...

and try to reduce the price.

Well, that seems to
me to be the least we can do.

Well... you know what
the usual procedure is.

They will call again...

there will be
some more contacts

and, at the end, you'll pay!

I would be inclined
to contribute personally...

considering our
friendly relations

In short, it seems to me that
you would give up...

a part of your profits in
our common business...

or rather, you'll
fork out some money..

To save my son!
That's the idea?

No, business is sacred...
- Is that so!

And what is due
to the congregation...

mustn't be touched!

Right...
- As I was saying...

if I can contribute
as a humble intermediary.

One who is able to
negotiate with some tact...

You see, Giovanna!
What a son of a bitch!

That's exactly why
it's better if he negotiates!

We'll at least be sure
to get a discount!

But, considering the
new penal code, the police...

Attorney! You've kept silent till
now... continue doing so!

When you talk in the name
of the law it's all bullshit...

be quiet! Fer Christ sakes!

Giovanna!

What? You lean in?

Come here!

What, you think I can talk in
front of these two!?

So... what do I do?

I don't know.
I don't know what to say...

I don't know what to suggest...

well, as for the
social point of view...

we'll make a poor showing...

we don't even have the
money for the ransom!

Ornella! Come, my queen!

I'm ready!

Just a moment!
I give the orders here!

How dare you to call for me when
you're not ready as commanded!?

You're gonna get smacked,
ya know!

I've caught you with your hand
in the cookie-jar again!

Shame on you!

Just you wait!

Come forward, slave!

On your knees!
- [in French] Yes!

[in French]
I beg you...

My princess, my beloved queen...

my black panther,
my lioness, my everything!

Let me lick your
boots, please!

All rig ht, if you want to lick...

Uncover your ass!

This is for
stealing the cookies...

and this one, for
not going to school!

[in French] Again!
- You like it!

And this one is because
you're a pain in the ass!

[in French]
Yes, again!

Please come in, madame.

Can you hear me?

Maurizio, did you take your vitamins?

Good morning!
- You didn't take your vitamins?

No!
- So go and take them.

For sure! I'm going!
- We never see you...

at church.

You know, with such a big house,
there's always a lot to do!

Look! I still have dressed.

So, tell me.
What is it about?

It's a silly little thing!

It's about helping
many families...

who suffer and need us!

Well, in short,
get to the point!

It's about money, it seems!

In a sense... yes.

You could say it's about...

four billion!

Then you're one of
the kidnappers!

I belong to the liberators!

I've come here to
make a proposal.

Well, make this
proposal. Quick!

Once you've paid and obtained
your son safe and sound...

suppose that the ransom money

ends up in our hands, instead
of the kidnappers'!

To have this money back...

how much would you give us?

I'll send you to prison!

This is pure blackmail!

Call it whatever you wish.

Is it possible, madame,
that you don't understand...

in this case, you'll
lose all four billion?

Instead, if you put
yourself in our hands...

And, how much would
this kickback be?

Fifty.

Fifty million? I'll give it to
you rig ht now!

No, madame.
Fifty percent.

Two billion!

Well then... fuck off!

I'm surprised
that a lady like you...

expresses herself
with such words!

Really! I come here

to save you two billion...

Why? Are you used to
pissing on two billion?

You know what
I have to say, madame?

At this point, you've
really broke my balls!

Madame, where
are you going now?

I'm gonna fuck off like
you told me to!

Anyway, you're pretending
that you don't get it!

No, no, I get it but,
this is a real hemorrhage!

Anyway... I'm involved,
after all... right?

Very good, madame.
Now that's right.

Trust us and everything
will be fine.

I'll keep in touch, madame.

Instead, I pray you...

if you want everything
to work out all right...

please, keep your mouth zipped shut!

Don't worry, madame!
I know the way out!

Goodbye!

Well, if we can get down to
a billion and a half!

You women were
born to be hookers!

Right! You understand nothing!

You have no sensitivity,
no humanity...

I loved you for ten years!
Bitch!

For ten years!

And when I hear you say...
"I get him off...

any which way I want"...

I think about what you did with me!

And now you're doing it with him!
And a man can't stand this!

So then it's you
who's the real asshole!

Add cuckold to that!
- Is he a masochist?

Is he someone, who likes
being beaten?

Yes.
- So I beat him!

He enjoys himself, he talks... and I
tell you everything!

I don't make love with him!

Do you still not get it?

Sorry.

What can I do? I'm Italian...
and from the South!

Well, better this way!

Well, today he
made lots of calls.

I heard him say that if the
family doesn't pay promptly...

he'll send for a sample of the
item that's in Calabria.

Those people don't joke around!

And then I didn't understand well...
he says he's negotiating...

with a lawyer... but his
contact will be a priest...

a certain... Father... Father...

Father Nicolò.
Do you know him?

I believe so.

He's the priest that's always
speaking with the Bronky family...

their spiritual advisor.

Maybe they trust him
and they'll send him...

This is very interesting!

Renato, what the
hell does it mean...

...they'll send
"a sample of the item"?

See... I told you they're
people who don't joke around!

I know what "a
sample of the item" is.

Good job!

But, don't overdo it!

Renato!

It's still raining outside!

And it's cold, too!

And if we remain here,
in the warmth!

To do what?

Love!

When you have an idea like that...

I gotta take my hat off.

They've ordered us
to send a sample.

Did they say what
we have to cut off?

No, they've left us
free to decide..

We'll use our imagination.

I'd cut off the dick.
- What, my dick!?

It's a sample with no value.

Let's cut off an ear!

No, not an ear!

It brings on the evil eye!

Last time they didn't pay us!

Are you crazy?

Ask for more money, but...
leave me in peace!

Come on! Don't be afraid!
You won't feel a thing!

The veterinarian is a professional!

No, no!

Doctor, let's cut off a finger!

A finger!

I won't even soil my
surgical instruments.

The hatchet'll do just fine.

Just give me a pen and some paper...

an' I'll write to that
stingy loan-shark...

my father!
The son of a bitch...

...will pay!

Come on! Let's get this done!
I still have 3 sheep...

and 4 pigs to visit...
will a finger do?

No! Don't cut off my finger!

Not my finger!
- Then you prefer it to be your dick!

Are you crazy?
It's better the finger!

Help!
Help!

Keep him still!

No! Not with the hatchet!

Not with the hatchet!

Fuck you!

Madame, there's
a package for you.

Just a minute... I'm on the phone.

No, attorney. No one's called.

I've been here for 48 hours.

If they call I'll
let you know.

That's obvious, isn't it?

It's from the jeweler,
sending me my bracelet.

Right now when the last thing
I want to wear is jewellery.

Mama mia!

All that's happening is this...

Oh, my God!

THIS IS A SAMPLE...
- Oh, my God!

The finger!

Baby's finger!
The ring finger, it's his!

The master's finger?

What is this?

Oh my God! A tape!
Could it be a message?

Go and get the...
- What?

The thing... the cassette player!

And the finger?
- The finger, unfortunately...

the attorney has to see it.

We need to put it in the freezer.

Listen to her!
How she rubs it in!

After all, they only cut off a finger,
not the willy!

Put it in...
- What do you have..

In place of your heart?
A chunk of metal!?

Ma! It's Baby!

The finger is mine!

Tell Papa to pay,
otherwise they'll send me home...

Piece by piece!

I'm living like an animal...

I eat little. And now they've
put another man in here with me...

who only speaks in Sardinian
dialect and drinks all of my wine ration!

That jerk Ettore has
gotten himself caught!

Tell dad that I'll go
every day to the office...

But, he has to pay! Tell him, Ma!
Tell him!

Annetta!
Annetta! The car, at once!

Hi, Ornella!

Are you alone?

Sure?

The Frenchman's not there, is he?

I hope not.

Because, if I catch you seeing him
when you're not working...

I'll break all of yer bones!

What jealous!?

It's morality!

Well, forget it!

Listen!
Do you remember Father Nicolò?

Go visit him, and listen carefully to
what you've gotta do!

Your reasons are all
very convincing...

as I told you, I am inclined
to saving... it's our rule!

Anyway, I think I can convince...

the boy's family!

Then... very good!

If they accept our proposal,
the plan will progress...

as I explained it to you and it
must be followed scrupulously!

You just need to inform me
when they've decided to pay...

and we will intervene.

We're honest people.

And you must trust us.

Yes, yes, I trust you.

You can tell your friends
that I totally agree.

And remember...

all of it
in Swiss currency...

of ten-franc notes.

I've already made a note of it.

Concerning me...

I am very, very much obliged...

Really?
- Remember that, Father!

Certainly!

I forgot... how silly I am!

This is my telephone number!

Thank you.

I'll make a note of it.

I'm telling you,
they're flexible people...

It's possible to
negotiate with them!

I spoke with a gentle woman...

who impressed me as
being very sympathetic...

as sympathetic to me
as was her proposal...

when all is said and done,
your son comes back home.

By paying four
billion promptly...

and getting two billion back...

at the end of the operation.

In a word, they wanna screw me...

but for only 50 percent!

But you also need
to face the facts!

There's a big difference
between two and four billion!

But we have to carry out
their plan scrupulously...

if we want to save some money.

I would accept.

Look, even if we had to...
dip into our Swiss accounts, I'd pay!

I don't mind!

You? Pay?
With what!?

With what are
you gonna pay!?

The Swiss account belongs
to both of us!

I pay!

Look at this!
He's so stingy!

Stingy!

For you billions are trifles!
They're candies!

Candies!

Attorney!
- Yes?

If they call...
Mr. Benjamin Bronky...

isn't paying!

I've already told you.
They're not going to call again.

They've only informed me...

of the meeting place, the time...
and that the priest must go there.

Benjamin! They've already
cut off our son's finger... right?

What do you want? That they
grind him into sausage!?

You've gotta pay!

I don't have my checkbook!

I've already prepared the check...

I've already put my signature,
it just needs yours. Here.

Sign it!

What's the saying? If you've
got lemons, make lemonade.

It's also two billion less

that's a bit of a savings...

Don't you think?

All right!

There we are.

Here you are, Father. I've already
spoken with the bank manager...

and he's already waiting for you
to withdraw the money.

Has he already gone to the bank?

We'll get going right away.

Listen, the Frenchman must not
leave your house.

Keep him locked inside,
at all costs.

So cook for him!

Make him a salad with broken glass...

and safety pins!

After all, the more you hurt him,
the happier he'll be.

Bye, take care.

Let go.
There's no time to waste!

Ok. Ma, quick, please!
- Come on!

Listen.
You keep an eye on everything, Ok?

Good evening, my sons.
ls our delivery for you?

Just a moment, Father!

You! Let me see your face!

It's written here
where you have to go!

And no funny stuff, eh!

Go!

Everything's in order.
They've left for the appointed spot.

There's a
priest with dark glasses...

and a chauffeur with
a stupid face!

Answer the signal!

Come on!

Stupid face... dark glasses! Ok!

[in Latin]

Come on, Father!
The briefcases! Come on!

Puncture it!

They've punctured the tires!
Now how do we get home!?

Men are all the same!

When a woman falls in love...

you abandon her!

My dear, my dear, I must go.
Duty!

I'll come back soon.

Actually, you know what?

When I come back,
I'll give you a surprise!

I'll buy a flat for you!
Ok?

I'm quite late. I've got to go...
- No!

I won't let you go!

I can't live without you!

I'll do something to you
that no one has ever done!

A pain you've never experienced!

[in French]
To me?

[in French]
What can it be?

[in French]
It's not possible!

[in French] It's not possible!
- Now, I'll show you!

Come here, come here!

Lay down!

[in French] Here?
- [in French] Here!

[in French]
I want to see.

I want to see what it is.

Take it out!

[in French] What?
- Take it out!

[in French]
Him?

How do you call this new thing?

Balls, spicy style!

Does it hurt?

[in French] Yes!
- A lot?

[in French] Yes!
- Are you suffering!

A little bit... but I like it!

Tighter! Harder!

Finally, you're here!

So? Everything all right?

Everything went smoothly.
Here you are, the briefcases.

The money's there. I checked.

Good, good.
- Then it's over!

See you.
- The next time.

Get in the car! Come on!

Bye!

Hello! The package has arrived.

But nobody's here yet.

Ah! The Frenchmans on his way?

Good, I'll be here waiting.

Well if there's any news, let me know.

We'll talk later.

Hey meathead, you've got company.

Stand up!

Move to your right.

More… That's right.

Keep looking at me.

A little more to the right.

A little more...

more... take a step back...

good! And now I'm gonna
take your picture!

Put the briefcases in
the Frenchman's car.

Renato!
- I want more spice! Again!

I can't take anymore!

Idiot! What've you done to him! What
kinda spaghetti did you make him!?

What spaghetti!?
Two bottles of cognac!

Don't kiss me, fag!
- Balls "spicy style'

Get in!

How are you doing, Ornella?

Well, still in good health!

You go in the other car.

[in French]
Com'ere my love!

Shut up!
Get in!

So, Ornella... three things...
take the car you know where...

deliver the keys to the cashier...

and remember... I love you!

[in French]
Why did you stop?

Go on speaking in French,
I don't understand you anyway.

You've gotta get out and make a call!
Get out!

Come on, son of a bitch!
Come on! Move!

Come here!
Quick!

Excuse me... is there a telephone here?
His mother is ill, you know...

Thank you. This way.

Come on! Walk!

How much, Father?
- Four billion!

The full tank!

Nunzio!

Free the two of them!

No, don't think...
just do what I say!

Put them in the tractor and take
them to the spot.

Halt! Stop! Stop!

Down! Come on!

Let him down!

Quiet!

Come on!
Go! go!

Walk straight ahead and
take your blindfold off. Go!

Don't let them escape!

Peace! Peace!

Father, go away!
I'm gonna order "fire" in a second!

Always violence, violence, violence!

Why spill blood...
- What does he want?

What the hell is he talking about?

Fuck off!

Fuck you...
and all your race!

Prepare to open fire!

Take cover!
Help!

Take cover!

They're must be at
least fifty of 'em!

Run away! Quick!
- Away!

I'm coming too!
- No, not you!

Why not?
- Because, that's why!

Is it over?

There's nobody!
- Good!

Let's walk, boys.

The boy is fine.

Ettore! Great! How are you?

Hi, Ettore.
- Hi.

What a nice boy!
They got him all dirty.

Get out, pervert! Out!

Maurizio!
- Let the young master get in!

No, no. Don't abandon me here!

Otherwise, my boss will kill me!
I'm not the real boss!

Don't leave me here!
Take me with you!

[in French]
I beg you!

Put him in the back.
Come on, let's get going.

Are we taking Pepé Le Mokò with us?

Let's take him!
- [in French] Thanks a lot!

My Italian brothers! The same blood!

[in French] Hurrah! Italy!
- Come on! Go!

[in French]
Bastards!

Italians are shit!

Macaronis!

Guys, thank God
everything ended up fine!

Ended?
The fun starts now, guys!

When are you
taking me back to Mama?

Right away!
- To Ma?

You're capital for us,
understand?

And you know, where
do good Italians...

take their capital?

To Switzerland!
- Good!

Mama and Papa have
taught you well!

Guys, the hag's coming.

Take it, Father.

Madame!
- Gentlemen!

Well, the Swiss francs are here.

Now I'd like to know
where my son is.

He's much nearer than
you think, madame!

So... what?

Can we count it?

Sorry, count... what?
- The money!

Then my husband has
to count yours!

Then we have to trust each other!

Right, we have to
trust each other!

Who is it?
- Giovanna, it's me!

Who else would it be...the pope!?

Giovanna, speak quickly...

can you hear that lullaby?

It's phone tokens dropping!
Got it? It's costing a ton.

So... a brown Citroen.

On the right.

The cashier's got the keys.

Got it?

No, I'm talking to the lawyer.

But, hurry up!

I don't know what to do.

Well, you have to check
if the money's there!

Sorry, wait a minute.

Get out of the way!

Hello! Hello, Giovanna!
The money isn't there!

God Almighty!

What a jerk! Did he look
in the trunk?

Benjamin! Tell that idiot lawyer...

to lookin the trunk!

Wait a minute!

Attorney!

Look in the trunk!

What?

Look in the trunk!
Where else?!

Ah, yes.

Everything's all right!

Thank you Mother Mary!

Well, the money's there!

I'm only trying to think of how...

we can screw 'em out of it!

Who do you wanna screw?

Nice guy! You thought
you were alone, eh?

Look, I'm here keeping
an eye on the situation!

I was just joking!

Pardon me.

Of course.

So, what do we wanna do?

Let's have a coffee.
- Benjamin!

Oh, Benjamin?

Madame, don't worry.
He was trying to act smart...

and it didn't work.

Then let's take briefcases
of money.

No, my dear!
The agreement is...

...the briefcases stay here...

and you'll have them
when I see my Baby.

Let me go!
- I'll kill ya! And the others tool

Madame, leave the
cases with the Father...

I'll take you to your son!

Here you are, Father.
- Open this door!

Renato! Help!

Give me the gun! Ugly whore!
- Let me go!

Look at this idiot and the gun!
What are you doing?

I didn't do anything!

What are you doing?
- Baby, Baby! My love!

You're healthy and handsome!

Show me the finger!
- How? I haven't got it anymore!

I've got it!
It's in the fridge!

Renato! Why don't you
throw him out?

He called me a whore!

Madame, take Mm away...
'Nd be baker...

Let's go, Baby! Come with your Mama!

Before I cut off another finger!

Halt!

Stop there!

Don't move!

We've got you in our sights!

It's forbidden
to cross the border in this area!

You are all subject to arrest!

Who are you?

What nationality are you?

We are Italian!

And what are you carrying?

Two billion!

In what currency?

Swiss francs!

So... cross then!

[THEY SING THE
ITALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM]

THE FACTS AND CHARACTERS
IN THE MOVIE ARE IMAGINARY.

EACH REFERENCE TO FACTS OR PEOPLE
EXISTING OR EXISTED IS MERELY INCIDENTAL.