La Grande Vadrouille (1966) - full transcript

An RAF bomber

Night attack over Germany

Operation codename "Tea for 2"

Water's nippy this morning, isn't it?

Come quickly

Take my hand

American?

No, English.

Hurry up, the zoo will open soon.
Germans are everywhere.

Give me the parachute.

Take all your things.



Get back up!

He's gonna make me fall!

I'm sorry...

Did I dirty your uniform?

This is a misunderstanding.

No way.

I'm coming up.

Stop shooting. Search the houses
and take them alive.

This is not a place to land!
Are you injured?

Very high.

Thank you Gentlemen. It was very good.

You over there: very good.

You were good, well so so...

You over there, we did no hear you.
We never hear you.



You do nothing but chit-chat
You better behave.

I have a personal vision of this work.

Not triumphant enough,
Not proud enough!

All this is mush actually.

It was not bad,
It was very bad.

Let's start again from Number 17

No Sir, chit-chatting again!

Stay focused.
Goodness gracious, you are talkative!

From Number 17 again

Who did this?

Me, Maestro

Where do you think you are?
The Opera, Maestro.

Amusing. Out!

Mephisto, Marguerite, Faust, out!

I want nobody here when I'm working!

Only Berlioz and I.

Keep it down please.

Sorry Mr Lefort.

Number 17

More flamboyant please.
Like lightning before thunder.

Are you coming darling?
In a minute.

Bébert, the explosives.

Wires
Make sure there's nobody outside.

You plug the hole.

If you keep making so much noise,
Lefort will poke his nose in our business.

Are you done?
Ready to blow.

This flower is poking out.
Do not touch it!

My wire is connected to it.
You'd blow the whole thing.

Silence!

Search everywhere.

Lights!

Everyone stay put.
Leaving is forbidden!

A British paratrooper has hidden
in the opera house

Anyone giving him assistance
will be shot

Herr Conductor, we have shot down
a British bomber over Paris.

Two pilots are hiding here.

Very sorry to interrupt your rehearsal.

You heard the man...

Machine guns have reduced our
rehearsal to 12 minutes.

It will be a nice performance tonight!

Let me through.

The nerve.
Stopping a rehearsal!

I am French... The Germans...
Please help.

I am fed up, fed up!

Open the door
or we break it open.

Yes, yes, I'm coming!

Sorry Gentlemen.
This is a global house search.

Me too I'm fed up!

Shut up, you pain in the ass.
Can't you see we have visitors?

Do not mind her, please come in

You are lucky.
Your wife is far away.

You there soldier,
since you're here.

Catch this suitcase
and put it on the bed.

I'm out of here.

Stop it. Can't you see you're
putting yourself on show?

I will not stay another minute
with this idiot.

You'll see once they're gone.
I'll cure you...

Nobody on the balcony, sir.

Let's go.

I am really sorry.

They are upstairs.
Quick.

If the elevator goes to the top floor,
the Brit will be crushed.

Wait.

Too heavy.

People never close the doors...

I lost it. What?
The key.

I always put it under the carpet
but...

Quick!

Nothing to worry about.

Augustin Bouvet,
Paint and renovation

Bury this straight away. Dangerous.

U kidding? I have a wife and 6 kids. I have
enough material for shirts til the war ends.

Thanks

Alright, they have left.
The street is empty.

We shall leave too.
I'll try to bring him to my place.

Your place?
The Germans must be there already!

At my place?

Do you have a telephone at home?

Yes, Clignancourt 1335
is the number.

Wait

It won't answer. I'm not there,
since I'm here.

Augustin Bouvet please.

Speaking.

He's lying, he's not me.

Without you we would have gone home
and been captured.

What a mess!

What shall I do now?

What's he saying?

He wants to go to the Turkish Baths.

He's supposed to meet his pals
at the Turkish Baths.

Another English brain-dead idea...

Wounded, and not speaking French.

He will be caught straight away.

I'll find him clothing.
We'll meet at my grandfather's place

Where is that?

The Puppet Theatre on Champs-Elysees.
I work with him.

Search there

Search here

I go in to check

Come in

No no no like the birds,
Chirp chirp chirp.

This time I shall not interrupt
your rehearsal. Please continue.

Enough.

What are you looking for?
Your Englishman?

Not him

Follow me

He's not here right?

Not here either?

Not here.

You interrupt my rehearsal.

Now you interrupt my lesson.

Forgive me Herr Conductor.
Yeah yeah I forgive you.

Come here. He's not here right?

There? He's no more there.

And here, what's here?

Allow me.

Ah. Black Market.

No - It's for the interval.
I'm always hungry.

My stomach goes like this...

So I need to eat.
That's why I keep provisions.

Big crook.

No, small crook.

Have some...

No thank you, Herr Conductor.

Sorry, I must be going.

Good-bye

Right, back to lesson Number 4.

Let's see...

No speaking, just shut up.

Do not say a word.

Sit on the music stool.

We shall now read a bit of music.

Me, go to the Turkish baths?

Do not whistle this.

American song
Forbidden here.

Gentlemen, I overheard you.
You were talking of Mc Intosh and Peter, right?

No no no
Don't know what you are talking about.

I am looking for a friend.
Lost him in the fog.

Have you met him by chance?

Big mustache.

I am... I was big mustache.

Follow me

His accent sounds real.
Let's follow him.

Herr Conductor, are you there?

Open this door, now!

Major, have a look.

He has fled

Catch him.

Put this back in its original place

Now, I wait for you, Herr Conductor.

Opera house, quick.

Coming.

Are you crazy?
Stealing German uniforms!

We need them for operation Mc Intosh
tonight at the Opera house.

No, it is too dangerous
I do not want to, understood?

Where is the Englishman?

I am sick...

Not sick... It was him!

No, this is a harp.

Where is the Englishman?
There's an Englishman here?

Your explanation does not
satisfy me!

But it's rather clear!

I am regular army
not secret police

But if you refuse to talk

I'll hand you over to a department
that will make you talk.

Naturally

Only after this evening's performance,
held for our Brigadier.

Until then, you are my prisoner.

I arrest you, Madame Crook.

You have no right to arrest me.
Isn't it, children?

No

If Guignol was here,
He would save me.

He won't come.

Help me shout for him...

Guignol, Guignol.

What audacity, going around dressed
as German officers.

What if the police asks for
our papers?

You are talking too loudly.

She is only 3.

You're right, she's looking at me.

Two Germans at the back.

Fortunately, General AUGUSTIN
will come to my rescue.

Help me call for him.

Augustin.

What a great day...
Two English pilots,

A French hero

My granddaughter spoke of
you and your great courage.

Really? You mentioned me to your family?

How about her. She was great.

I am not surprised.

Gentlemen, my noble theatre is a
poor hiding place...

However Juliette and I can help
you leave Paris.

If we manage to sneak into unoccupied France,
we sure can make it back to England.

England?
I bloody well can't go to England!

Go with them.
It's safer for you.

There you have it.
The beautiful France.

I summarize

Tomorrow morning 8h05 you
take the train for Burgundy.

Once in Meursault, go directly to
"Hotel du Globe".

No need to take notes.
My granddaughter is going with you.

You're coming along?

Of course, the adventure goes on.
Isn't it exciting, Augustin?

Kindof.

Thanks. Thanks to all of you.

However tonight
I must first go to the Opera

To look for my friend Mc Intosh.

Augustin, you will come with me.

Well, err...

Ok, I'll go.

Won't take long. Get in, pick up
Mc Intosh and hightail out of there.

We have to get backstage.

Excuse me sir, how do we get backstage?

End of the corridor, to the left.

This way, Herr General.

Poor Lefort.

What do we do?
Shall we cancel?

Too late. Too bad for Lefort.
Let's go.

Thank you.

30 more seconds.

5.4

Shit. It failed.

This time it was not me!

Stop

Intermission...

It was not me, it was not me!

It's me!
Ah then it's me.

Pretend you are our prisoner.

No, go left.

The gates of Hell?
No, an underground river under the Opera.

Where does it exit?
According to Victor Hugo, nowhere.

God bless you.

With your bald head, you're gonna catch a cold.
Take my cap.

Leave me alone and mind your oars!

Would you please calm down...

Germans?

No, the subway

Get out? Ah, ok.

Come on, quickly.

We cannot get out
dressed like this...

We will all be caught.

Wait

Who are you?

Do not worry.
We will not harm you.

My wallet

What time is it?
8h04- Come on.

Excuse me, was this the train for
Chalons-sur-Saone?

Yes
When is the next one?

I don't know.
Ask the information counter.

Look - a roadblock.
Something must be going down.

Stop - What is this?

Postal Service

Don't bother.
It's out of gas.

Push the car this way.
To hide it.

Push

Come on! Push!
Speak to me politely.

Would you please push, maestro?
That's better.

Slowly, slowly

Stop

Now dear friends,
let's share our food stamps.

French stamps, printed in London.

French money.
Not printed in London.

Let's go Augustin.

Why must he always call me Augustine?

Hey, why don't I get any?

Wait a minute.

I am short of one.

Are you sure?
Yes.

Wait for me, for crying out loud!
Hurry up!

My feet are swelling up.

Leave me alone.
My foot is huge.

Come on, let's go.
Stand up... Stanislas.

A little bit of respect, please.

You cannot order me around.

Listen, my dear.
We belong to two different worlds.

Between us, there will always be... this

Give me your hand.

You are so showy!

Be careful... Be very careful.

Fine.
Wait for me...

We'll be back!

Look, they ran off!
They are abandoning us!

Darn, I never thought
they could be like that

What will become of us?

Do not worry, we will keep walking.
We will make it anyway, gentlemen!

Wear your shoes

Lean on my arm for support.

See, that's what the English are capable of.

I'm surprised. They were rather nice.

You must have had an English nanny!

Thief! Thief!

These shoes are not made for long walks.
That explains why.

I accept your kind offer.
What offer?

To lend me your shoes.

What size do you wear?
Same as yours.

All right

Ah. That's better.

Wait for me.
Come on...

I have to get used to them.
Come on, get moving.

The Germans!

We're lucky you have quick reflexes.

Thank you
Don't mention it.

How about the Englishmen?

What?
They will be caught

You're right - they should had stayed with us

Alright. Let's go.

Wait. I return you your shoes.
I'm afraid of making them bigger.

Ah yes. You are damaging them...

Are my shoes ok?
A bit wide.

Sorry about that.

Are you coming?

Come on, come on.

Who did you steal this from?

Me. Good morning, sirs

Good morning, Sister.

Let's hurry. I am expected
at the Beaunes hospital.

Get on quickly

Would you pass the salt please.

This needs pepper too.

Charles Péguy.
Wonderful poet, isn't he?

You see,
I know your language well.

What is it?

What? Really? Excellent!

We searched the whole train.
There was no other Englishman.

Excellent.
Search the entire neighbourhood.

Yes Major.

Send him to the nearest Kommandantur
... Meursault.

Ok, Meursault.
I'll be there tonight.

Maybe we should turn around...

Sorry chaps, too late to go back.

What did he say?

Throw pumpkins at them.

Ouch Ouch.

You confuse my head with a pumpkin!

Stop pushing, you'll make me fall out!

To the right!
This is not England!

Give me a pumpkin, quick!

No more pumpkins, we're out of ammo.

We reached Meursault.
I know. I can see for myself!

Now we have to find I'Hotel du Globe'.
This you cannot see.

Enough. Push me.
No, the saddle.

Don't forget to brake.
You may fall otherwise.

What's the matter?
Why are you making so much noise?

My chain came off.

Give it to me. I'll fix it.

You are really clumsy.

To go faster, you ride my bad bike
and I'll ride yours.

Second time you've done this.

First my shoes, now my bike.

It's normal, no?

Ah ok. I'm sorry.

Actually, why is it normal?

Because...
Because I am a manual worker is it?

Yes, that's rite, yes!

But you know,
It's not your fault.

It won't last.
I'm fed up of traveling with someone like you.

You are dumping me.
You found the perfect excuse.

This is all your fault.

There was no need to run errands
for the Brits.

We could have stayed with them
at the nunnery!

They could not fetch Peter themselves!

I don't give a damn about Peter.
And neither do you!

You dragged me here for that girl
from the Guignol Theatre!

I forbid you from talking about the girl
from the Guignol Theatre.

I'm fed up. Manage on your own.

Don't want to see you again.
Same here.

Quick!

Thank you.

Be quiet!

Nobody.
Do you have a match?

I don't have anything.

Look at the time!
And drunk again!

Forgive my husband, general.
And mine, general.

Go to the kitchen, there are dishes to be washed!

Scoundrel, come here!

Today is my birthday.
Champagne for these men!

Woman should not order man around.
Man wears the trousers!

Even if trousers are too big.

How to get to 'Hotel du Globe'?

Straight ahead, Major.

There you are. Number 6.

Sorry gentlemen,
But you will have to sleep together.

Unthinkable!

In the same bed?

This is wartime...

Leave me alone.

This belongs to war atrocities...

Leave me alone I said!

Why?

Sorry, please move over.

Augustin, help me.
With pleasure, Juliette.

We were afraid you would not make it.

They are combing the region for you.

It must be because of Peter's arrest.

Peter arrested? That's awful.

But us? What will we do? What will happen to us?

At dawn tomorrow,

I will get you smuggled you to Free France.

You will meet your British friends there.

What is that?

Curfew. They cut electricity.

Who is knocking?

It's the front door.

Stay put.

Yes?

We requisitioned a room, from Paris.

One moment, gentlemen.

Maybe they are coming for us?

No it's for me, a requisition. Good night.

Have a rest. You'll sleep well, the beds are good.

I will wake you up at 5 am.
Let's go, Juliette.

Sorry for keeping you waiting.

Would you please come in.

Good night Juliette.

I wanted to say... I'm happy to be here.

Very kind of you Augustin but...

Quick, get back in.

Sorry gentlemen but the hotel is full.

I could only get you one room with a big bed.
Number 9

It's wartime, madam.

There's a washbasin in the room.

If you want to take a shower,
it's at the end of the corridor on your right.

Thanks

You will sleep well.

The beds are good.

Do you mind?
Sorry.

Come to bed.

I will never get used to it.
Of course you will - don't be a prude.

Little Stanislas will be real comfy.

Please...

Get the covers back.

Sorry. You are not married rite?
No.

Neither am I. But it won't be long.
Cos Juliette...

War does have its benefits...

I want to ask you...
Do you find me attractive?

It is late, let's go to sleep.

Good night.
Forgot to tell you: I snore.

But it's ok. Just whistle and I stop.

I'm not gonna whistle the whole night long!

What's wrong? Are you upset?

It's Interval time.

I get hungry. My stomach goes like this...

I have to eat.

Are you crazy? You can eat tomorrow morning!

The hotel is full of Germans!

Am I not the owner's husband?

Close the door behind me.

Am I not Juliette's husband?

Steuber!
Yes Major?

Go get me some food
while I have a bath.

Yes, sir!

During the war,
a house painter...

a charming man...

met a lovely blond girl.

She passed him off for her husband to save his life.

Today, war is over.

Victory has arrived.

So of course, we must kiss...

Augustin...
Yes, I know. It didn't work.

But war is not over yet...

Do you really think we must wait until Victory day?

We must go to sleep, and for good this time.

What is it?

Sorry sir.

Lieutenant Steuber

Excuse me sir. Who are you?

Who are you?

I am the owner's husband.

I am the Maitre d'H

Are you the boss?

Not boss, boss's husband.

Is there anything left to eat?

Nothing left to eat, nothing!

How about this?

I forgot about this. It's eatable, yes.

Is that a German officer?

German officer, really?

Looks like a general.

General, really?

This one can be eaten.

Would you like some?

I cannot eat a German officer

Cannibal?

Good night, madam.

Thank you for keeping some food
for my officer.

Naughty liar...

Your food, Major.

How nice of him...

Thank you Stanislas.

How are we today?

Do I get a smile? Yes, he looks better.

Continue the treatment for 48 hours

But decrease the dosage slowly.
Are you happy here?

Stop looking so glum.

Better be sick here than able-bodied elsewhere...

Next!

Ah, a new one.

What's wrong with you my son?
Oh, he does look ill.

Sit up.

Show me your tongue.

Your tongue.

White tongue, yellow eyes, red nose...
Liver disease!

Pain there, that's the liver.

You enjoy all good things in life right?
That's very bad.

Sit up.

Say 33...!

Say it!

I see...

I admitted those 2 patients, doctor.
This one and the one next door.

Best remedy is a change in scenery...

Straight away, doctor.

You will still need to keep an eye on this liver...

Juliette get up, go make coffee.

I'm coming.

Time to wake up!

What is the matter?

Sorry, wrong room.

5 am. Get up!

It's 5am! What on earth is the matter?

What is the matter?

Sorry, wrong room.

5 o'clock - Are you crazy?
The major is tired - He's resting.

What are you doing here?

Come on boy, come on!

Mine fits, but yours...

Your helmet

Yours

Your military police breastplate.

Your gun.

Be careful they are loaded.

Juliette, open the door.

They will be your guides. They know the way.
Don't worry they do not bite.

With my dogs and the uniforms, you are the patrol.

What if we meet the real patrol?

They will think you are another patrol.

Do not release them. It happened before and
the men got lost.

Good-bye Juliette.

Are you going back to Paris?

Yes, back to Guignol.

No more General Augustin.

No

But he promised to visit me.
After the war.

Actually I wanted to tell you...

A wall. What do we do?

I don't know. They seem confused.

Hold onto the leashes. I'll get over the wall
and get the dogs.

But they will bite me.

They can't. They are on the other side.

Don't move.

What are you doing?

Come on, climb over the wall.

Be careful! I'm here!

Help me come down.

I can't. I have the dogs!

Come closer.

Stop, stop.

Why would you want them to stop?

So that you can come down.

It's quite alrlight this way.

You don't actually believe I'm gonna carry you on my back?

Don't waste time chit-chatting. Let's go.

This is the third time.

My shoes, my bicycle...

Go towards the left, there...

You think it's this way?

Yes.
Ok

You are very heavy for your height.

Wait for me!

I am here.

You saved my life again.

I thank you.

We have no dogs. We are lost.

I'm exhausted.

If we stay here, we will be captured.

Great.
No, come on...

I want to stay here.

Leave me alone!

He's not gonna have a nervous breakdown!

I want to go back to Paris, back to my paints.

You'll see them again...

My brushes.. Silk, Brand new.
Let's go.

I'll buy you a box of big square ones.

You need round ones. You don't know anything.

You'll come to the shop with me.

And my paints?

We'll buy 3 tubs in the same shop.
Come on.

If Juliette was here, she would know.

But look, I'm here!

This is not the same.

You'll see her again, your Guignol girl...

Don't make fun of her, or else...

Sorry, are you feeling better?

Maybe another one would help.

You ok now?

Tell me, you don't want one yourself, no?

No, I'm ok, thanks.

You'll get one anyway!

First, we go to the Kommandantur

I'm delivering the 2 barrels of wine behind you.

And they renew my 'Ausweiss'

It is a pass that lets me enter the free zone.

What if they refuse?

Never happened. They like our wine too much.

They are right.

We will then cross the border line.

Hide, we are arriving.

These days they arrest each other.

They mustn't be doing too well.

Please do sit inside.
We will bring the Englishman.

Come out!

Quick!

Good morning, sir

I bring wine for your colonel

Excellent, sister.

4 barrels?

No, 2 only. This one and this one.

Do you understand?

Yes, sister.

You ausweiss, sister.

Come, sister.

No, these two.

There you go, sister.
Thanks.

Stop!

Turn back!

What is he saying?

Turn around!

March!

Halt!

Dismissed.

They captured Mr Augustin and Mr Stanislas!

What shall we do?

Let's have a quick drink.

Are these the 2 Frenchmen you are looking for?
Yes.

We have them. They are here.

They can kill me. I will not talk.

Same for me. They can kill you, I shall not talk!

I knew you could be relied upon.

We must get out of here.

Impossible!

I have an idea!

Since you played Wagner, how do you say 'Come in' in German?

Herein.

Bring him back to his cell.

What is wrong with him?

What a nice surprise...

This way please.

The Brits are here. We must stall for time.

Herr Conductor, this time I am the one conducting!

And you will be doing the singing!

12 bullets for you, 12 bullets for you.
What a waste for men like you!

Who gave you the dogs?

Who got you the uniforms?

Who are your accomplices?

Enough shaking!

Mr Chief of police...

I am not chief of police, I am major!

I shall not waste time. I shall tell you everything.

Excellent. You are becoming reasonable.

I had an appointment on November 15th.

Sorry.

I had an appointment with Commandant Jean-Pierre,
who actually is Sergeant Henri.

His real name being Marechal!

No, no, there's a small mistake, Major Harbach.

It was not a Monday,
It was a Sunday.

It was not November,
since it was January!

And Henri was not named Marechal just yet at the time...

But I was born in 1914.

It was the First World War.

For 4 years, 4 years

Frightful 4 years...

Who is Marechal!

I don't know anymore! He interrupts all the time,
coughing and spitting, coughing and spitting!

Try to remember...

It happened in Victory Square.

Just opposite the bronze statue of Louis XIV

Is there a Louis XIV satue there?

Impossible.
Why?

Because at the time, the Germans had already removed the statues!

You dare take me for a fool!

I know we are missing 2 English pilots!

How many?
Two!

That's not much...

You know where they are,
and I know they are not far!

Long live, Napoleon

I gave the wrong barrels by mistake.

What?

Wrong barrels!

Barrel? What is barrel?

Quick, there are two men downstairs. They will burn!

Take my mask!

Mr Lefort!

Ah, Mr Bouvet!

It's me. Stanislas. Come on, let's go.

French firefighters, put out the fire!

Get into the vehicules and pursue the escapees!

We are too heavy. Get rid of the barrels!

Quick, we are too slow!

Two armored vehicles just arrived.

Please send an observation plane straight away.

Thanks, over

This way!

Found them. Road 328, going South, over.

Understood. Over.

Let's go!

Be careful, for goodness sake!
It's not my fault!

Yes, it's you!

Look! Look!

They will strafe us

No. Reconnaissance plane.

Don't look at them. They are spying on us,
Let's look nonchalant.

Do you like cowboy movies?

The door is closed. There's a padlock!

Open the hangar doors!

Gliders!

I was sure they were still here!

Sadly, no propellers...
That's the problem...

Fugitives took a turn at the Marble Cross.

I did not understand. Please repeat.

I repeat, turn at the Marble Cross. Over.

Understood, thank you.

Come on, push!
I'm pushing, step on the clutch goddammit - Sorry Sister.

It's no use. There's no gas!

There's one litre. That's enough.

That's it. Get out and push!

Where is second gear?
It's in the car.

Where?
Between first and third.

Thanks... Push!

Come on, sister. Push!

I hope it's properly fastened.

What's he saying?
He says to get in.

I cannot...

You are scared!

No, I'm not scared!

This glider is for 2 and there's 3 of us!

Look there!

I'm climbing in!

Me first, me first!

My first time in an airplane!

I'm hanging outside!

They are already over the border.

The wind is bringing them back!

Not this way!

The air currents are pushing us!

Be careful!

Set up the machine gun!

There

Long live France!

If I may, sister!

Thank you lord!