La Cage aux Folles II (1980) - full transcript

* LOOK AT MY BODY

* IT'S WAITING FOR YOU

* FOLLOW MY EYES

* YES, THEY'RE

BURNING YOU THROUGH *

* DARLING,

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU *

* SO TAKE ME

IN YOUR ARMS *

* MY BODY'S ACHING

* NOW, COME CLOSER TO ME

I WAS MORE SENSUAL THIS TIME.

BETTER, ISN'T IT?

IF YOU SAY SO.

AND HOW ABOUT MY FIGURE?

NOW THAT I'VE CUT OUT BREAD,

I LOOK BETTER, DON'T I?

YOU'RE MARVELOUS,

BUT I WAS JUST THINKING.

WHAT?

YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE SHOW

ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

IF YOU DO MARLENE, YOU

WON'T HAVE TIME TO CHANGE.

I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME

BEFORE THE FINALE.

IF SOMETHING'S WRONG,

JUST SAY SO.

NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.

I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T

BEEN FEELING WELL.

AND TO DO THE MARLENE NUMBER

SEEMS UNWISE.

YES, BUT, RENATO,

WE NEED SOMETHING ROMANTIC.

THE COMEDY ROUTINES ARE FINE,

BUT PEOPLE NEED TO DREAM.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO GIVE THEM:

BEAUTY, EMOTION, SENSUALITY.

AND IF I KILL MYSELF

DOING IT, TOO BAD.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

I'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

LOOK, I HAVE AN IDEA.

CARAMEL?

* DARLING,

JUST LOOK AT ME, NOW *

* I CAN SEE YOU'RE MINE

* YOU FELL IN LOVE...

DO YOU MIND?

THAT'S MY STOOL!

* YES, SO MANY TIMES

WHAT IS THIS FOOLISHNESS?

ALBIN.

* STILL THE ONE, NOW

* I CAN SEE YOUR SMILE

LISTEN TO ME.

IT'S NOT A QUESTION

OF ARTISTIC PREFERENCE.

YOU'RE UNIQUE,

IRREPLACEABLE,

THE STAR OF THE SHOW.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE

THINGS EASIER FOR YOU.

GIVE YOU A LITTLE TIME

TO YOURSELF.

STOP!

BOYS, GIVE ME A SECOND.

LOOK AT THE NEW STAR.

THERE SHE IS!

AH, HA HA, AH HA!

THE NEW MARLENE.

AND WHO'S RESPONSIBLE

FOR THIS?

THE BOSS--RENATO!

3 CHEERS FOR THE BOSS,

HIP, HIP, HOORAY!

OH, BRAVO, DARLING.

VERY GOOD. A REAL BITCH.

LOTS OF LUCK.

AND HE CAN DO THE REST

OF THE SHOW, TOO.

ALBIN.

ALBIN, ARE YOU

LISTENING TO ME?

ALBIN, WE'RE

PAST OUR PRIME,

AND WE CAN'T DO

A THING ABOUT IT.

THERE COMES A TIME

WHEN ONE MUST CHANGE,

PLAY IT FOR THE LAUGHS.

IT'S NOT A CATASTROPHE.

C'EST LA VIE.

YOU CAN'T GO ON BEING

WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN.

AT FIRST

YOU MAKE PEOPLE DREAM,

THEN YOU MAKE PEOPLE

LAUGH.

I MAKE YOU LAUGH?

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

NO, I'M NOT RIDICULOUS.

I CAN STILL AROUSE DESIRE.

OF COURSE. GO TO BED.

I'LL MAKE YOU SOME TEA.

YOU KNOW, RENATO,

IF I'M NO LONGER

ATTRACTIVE,

I'LL KILL MYSELF.

DARJEELING OR JASMINE?

IS MONSIE AWAKE?

SHE'S HAD BREAKFAST

AND IS GETTING DRESSED.

JACOB, I'VE TOLD YOU TO SAY,

"MONSIEUR HAS HAD BREAKFAST,"

OR "H IS GETTING DRESSED."

UNDERSTAND?

HELLO, MY DEARS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING

LIKE THAT?

OUT.

DRESSED LIKE THAT?

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

YOU BURIED ME A LITTLE

TOO SOON, RENATO.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A DRINK

AT A CAFé ON THE PATIO

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

WE'LL SOON SEE

IF I'M STILL SEDUCTIVE.

CIAO, BABY.

HA HA!

CRÈME DE MENTHE.

YES, MA'AM.

WITH WATER.

YES, MA'AM.

HA HA HA.

ALBIN, PLEASE.

COME HOME.

DON'T BE STUBBORN.

GO AWAY!

BE REASONABLE.

COME ON,

LET'S GO HOME.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

COME ON.

NO, LATER.

LOVELY DAY, ISN'T IT?

DO YOU WANT SOMETHING

TO DRINK?

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

DRIVE AWAY.

WHERE TO, LOVE BIRDS?

TO THE RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

TO THE LEFT.

I MUSTN'T GET HOME LATE.

I HAVE A DANCE CLASS

AT 6:00.

TO THE RIGHT.

WHAT DID YOU SAY

YOUR NAME WAS?

STOP!

Albin: AAH!

BUT...

HEH HEH.

AH! BACK AGAIN.

HA HA HA!

REALLY, YOU DON'T SEEM

TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

A ROOM.

A ROOM?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!

RENATO!

COME ON, HONEY, LET'S GO.

THAT'LL TEACH HIM A LESSON.

HI, THERE.

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING

TO BE DISAPPOINTED,

BUT I DIDN'T COME UP HERE

FOR WHAT YOU THINK.

I JUST WANTED TO PROVE

A POINT TO A FRIEND.

WELL, THE POINT IS MADE.

I MUST RUN ALONG.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

IF I LED YOU ON.

I'M NOT THAT TYPE.

I HOPE WE CAN BE

GOOD FRIENDS.

I WAS DELIGHTED

TO MEET YOU.

I HOPE WE MEET AGAIN.

PLEASE ACCEPT

MY BEST REGARDS.

BE REASONABLE.

I HAVE MY LIFE,

AND SURELY YOU HAVE YOURS.

WE MUST BE STRONG.

THAT'S BETTER.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO

UNDERSTANDING, YOU YOUNG HUNK.

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

BELIEVE ME, IT WOULDN'T

HAVE LED ANYWHERE.

AND THERE'S

THE AGE DIFFERENCE.

I'M 2 OR 3 YEARS

OLDER THAN YOU.

IT'S NOT

A BIG DIFFERENCE NOW,

BUT IN 10 YEARS...

GIVE ME A SMILE.

I'M SAD, TOO.

Renato: ALBIN!

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED?

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU PICKED UP?

LISTEN TO ME.

HE'S IN FOR A HELL

OF A SURPRISE.

SHUT UP!

BECAUSE THIS "LADY"

IS ACTUALLY A MAN.

WELL, YOU'VE KILLED HIM.

MY PET, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

SAY SOMETHING!

HE'S DEAD.

THE POLICE!

WE'VE GOT TO CALL

THE POLICE!

NO POLICE! WE'RE DEFINITELY

NOT CALLING THE POLICE.

WHY SHOULDN'T I?

LISTEN TO ME.

YOU CALL THE POLICE,

AND WHAT WILL THEY FIND?

AN UNMARRIED COUPLE.

THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

A COUPLE WHERE THE WOMAN

IS ACTUALLY A MAN...

THAT COULD POSE

A PROBLEM.

BUT WHERE

THE WOMAN IS A MAN

AND THE MAN

IS A CORPSE...

THAT IS

A 4-LETTER MESS!

AAH!

QUIET!

OH, MY GOD.

WE'VE GOT TO GET

OUT OF HERE, RENATO.

THE ROOM

WITH THE BALCONY?

NUMBER 24.

WHO'S IN IT?

A FAT REDHEAD

AND A GUY ABOUT 25.

AAH!

GOD, I LOOK AWFUL.

ALBIN.

OHH!

WHO IS IT?

READ THIS.

ARE YOU CRAZY,

WAKING ME UP LIKE THIS?

READ THIS!

HMM? WHAT?

TAKE OUT YOUR EAR PLUGS.

YOUR GLASSES.

THANKS.

"DOUBLE MURDER

IN A HOTEL IN NICE.

A MYSTERIOUS WOMAN FLEES,

LEAVING 2 CORPSES."

I WASN'T DREAMING?

IT WASN'T A NIGHTMARE, THEN.

MY GOD, HOW AWFUL.

READ THE ARTICLE.

GO ON, READ IT.

"IT'S 1 P.M.

AT THE HOTEL DE LYS,

ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHICH

RENTS ROOMS BY THE HOUR."

WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

KEEP READING.

"A COUPLE APPEARS

AT THE RECEPTION DESK.

"A MAN ABOUT 30

WITH A WOMAN OLD ENOUGH

TO BE HIS MOTHER."

WHO IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

"THE CLERK DESCRIBES HER

AS A FA--"

"AS A FAT...

A FAT REDHEAD..."

"ABOUT 60 YEARS OLD."

RATHER VULGAR.

I'D LIKE TO GO BACK

TO SLEEP NOW.

YOU'LL SLEEP FOR 20 YEARS

ACTING THIS WAY!

"THE WOMAN WAS WEARING A SILK

PANTSUIT WITH A FLORAL PATTERN."

THIS WILL BRING YOU 20 YEARS,

AND THAT'S IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

LOOK, THERE'S EVEN

A POLICE COMPOSITE.

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ME?

LOOK AT ME.

I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS.

I HARDLY EAT ANYTHING.

I'M ALL SKIN AND BONES.

JACOB.

OH. JACOB.

YES?

TAKE A LOOK AT NICE MATIN.

IT'S ON THE BED.

LEAVE THAT ALONE.

GO ON, LOOK AT THE PHOTO

ON THE FRONT PAGE.

HA HA HA!

OH, MISTRESS!

HA HA HA HA!

OUT.

WHAT?

GO BACK UP YOUR

COCONUT TREE, YOU IDIOT!

20 YEARS!

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO US?

NO, NO! I DON'T WANT

TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD!

YOUR ESCAPADES

DON'T INTEREST ME.

IF YOU'VE GOT YOURSELVES

INTO A MESS,

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOUR SON MAY BE MARRIED

TO MY DAUGHTER,

BUTSTILL BELONG

TO 2 DIFFERENT WORLDS.

AND YOU KNOW

WHAT I THINK OF YOURS!

BESIDES, I'M IN THE MIDDLE

OF MY ELECTORAL CAMPAIGN.

AND YOUR PRESENCE

IS A CONSTANT MENACE.

A CONSTANT MENACE!

I'M SORRY TO HAVE

TO BE SO BRUTAL.

PLEASE LEAVE MY OFFICE

AT ONCE!

Renato: NO CHOCOLATE.

IT'S NO GOOD FOR YOU,

AND IT WON'T SOLVE ANYTHING.

THAT CHARRIER

IS A REAL BASTARD.

I WAS STUPID TO ASK HIM.

A POLITICIAN CAN'T DIRTY

HIS HANDS WITH THE LIKES OF US.

WE'LL HAVE

TO HANDLE IT OURSELVES.

GIVE ME A CHOCOLATE.

NO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SINCE THE POLICE

ARE LOOKING FOR A WOMAN,

THE ONLY SOLUTION

IS TO GET RID OF HER.

YOU MUST NEVER AGAIN

DRESS LIKE A WOMAN. NEVER!

IT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

STOP CRYING.

IT'S NOT SUCH A TRAGEDY.

THE WORLD IS FULL OF MEN

DRESSED LIKE MEN.

DON'T CRY.

WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

I CAN'T HELP IT.

I'M JUST SO UPSET.

DON'T OVERDO IT.

WELL, OF COURSE,

YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND.

IT'S BEYOND YOU.

YOU KNOW,

WHEN I STARTED OUT,

I DIDN'T EVEN

OWN A GARTER BELT.

ALL I HAD

WAS A LITTLE SKIRT,

BORROWED FROM MY SISTER.

I'VE HAD TO WORK HARD

TO GET ALL THIS.

BUT THEN,

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

NO MAN HAS WORKED AS HARD

TO BUY HIMSELF DRESSES.

NOT A ONE!

IT'S INCREDIBLE!

IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO FOOLISH,

THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.

WHEN YOU TELL A GUY

THAT HE CAN NO LONGER

ATTRACT OTHER MEN,

YOU DRIVE HIM

TO DESPAIR.

THAT'S HOW IT IS, MADAME.

IT'S REALLY YOUR FAULT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH THAT DRESS?

WE HAVE

TO BURN IT.

I ONLY WORE IT ONCE!

IT'S THE EVIDENCE.

Albin: A PART OF ME

IS BURNING, RENATO.

MY YOUTH...

IS GOING UP IN SMOKE.

BE BRAVE, ALBIN,

BE BRAVE.

A PAGE HAS BEEN TURNED.

ALL THAT WAS GRACEFUL,

FRAGILE...

DELICATE IN ME...

HAS TURNED TO ASHES.

I HAVE BECOME A MAN, RENATO.

WHO'S GOING TO REPLACE ME?

WHAT?

IN THE SHOW.

YOU WANT US TO GET

SOMEONE TO REPLACE YOU?

WHY?

LOOK, YOU TOLD ME NOT

TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN ANYMORE.

BUT LET ME POINT OUT

THAT IN THE SHOW,

I AM RARELY...

DRESSED LIKE A MAN.

SHIT!

EXACTLY!

FOR THE SHOW

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT?

IN YOUR WIG AND COSTUME,

I DOUBT THAT ANYONE

WILL RECOGNIZE YOU.

YOU'RE AFRAID BUSINESS

WILL DROP OFF.

ME? IT DIDN'T EVEN

CROSS MY MIND.

LIAR!

YOU'D SEND ME

OFF TO WAR

JUST TO SAVE

A FEW BUCKS.

DO YOU PREFER TO END UP

AT THE SALVATION ARMY

OR UNDER A BRIDGE

LIKE AN OLD BUM?

CAN YOU IMAGINE

WHAT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE THEN?

I CAN ALREADY PICTURE YOU

IN THE GUTTER.

OK, I'LL REPLACE YOU.

HA! MAMA!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

IT'S ME, IDIOT!

"MAMA" IS GONNA

GIVE YOU A SPANKING

IF YOU KEEP THIS UP.

Announcer: AND HERE SHE IS...

THE QUEEN OF SEX APPEAL,

THE UNFORGETTABLE BLUE ANGEL,

THE DIVINE MARLENE!

OH, NO.

IT SEEMS TO BE

WORKING.

IT'S NOT SO BAD,

REALLY.

* AND DRIVE YOU SO INSANE

* WITH MY SWEET CARESS

* LOOK AT MY BODY

* IT'S WAITING FOR YOU

* FOLLOW MY EYES, YES

* BURNING YOU THROUGH

* DARLING,

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU *

* SO, I WILL BE THERE

* COME CLOSER TO ME

BRAVO! A REAL SUCCESS.

THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

BEHIND THE PILLAR THERE!

IT'S ONE OF THE MEN

WE SAW AT THE HOTEL.

YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS.

GO TAKE A BOW.

I'LL NEVER DRESS

LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN!

LOOK, I'M STILL SHAKING.

PROTECT ME, RENATO!

I'VE GOT TO HIDE!

THEY'RE GOING TO FIND ME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO

TO JAIL, RENATO!

ISN'T THAT A BIT FEMININE?

FEMININE?

THEY'RE

CARPENTER'S PANTS.

BUT VELVET FOR A MAN,

IT COULD SUGGEST...

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING

MORE...CRUDE?

CRUDE?

FAGGOT!

IS THAT HE?

WHO? ZAZA NAPOLI?

DON'T BE SILLY!

ARE YOU KIDDING?

WHO IS IT?

WHO IS IT?

IT'S MAURICE.

THE WINDOW WASHER.

OH, MAURICE.

HOW ARE YOU, MAURICE?

FINE, MR. BALDI.

GOOD.

HOW'S THE FAMILY?

DO YOU KNOW

HOW MANY KIDS HE HAS?

GUESS.

HOW MANY?

8.

AND HIS WIFE

IS EXPECTING ANOTHER.

RIGHT, MAURICE?

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT

WE HAVEN'T BEEN TRYING.

OUCH, THAT HURTS!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE,

GET TO WORK.

WHERE SHOULD I START?

HERE, OR THERE?

WHEREVER.

IT'S YOUR WORK.

OK, OK.

SO HE JUST DISAPPEARED?

LIKE I TOLD YOU, LAST NIGHT

AT DINNER, WE QUARRELED.

WE BEGAN TO SHOUT.

AND HE THREW A PLATE AT ME.

THEN HE GOT UP AND LEFT,

SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM!

DON'T LIE TO US,

MR. BALDI.

I'M NOT LYING. IF I KNEW

WHERE HE WAS, I'D TELL YOU.

LIKE I SAID,

WE'VE BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS.

THAT HAPPENS

TO COUPLES, RIGHT?

YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT DOES HAPPEN.

MAURICE, THE WINDOWS.

HEY, WHAT AM I?

A WORK HORSE?

I CUT MYSELF!

I'M BLEEDING.

I'M BLEEDING. LOOK.

HA HA HA HA!

OH, MISTRESS!

HA HA HA!

GET OUT OF HERE. HURRY

AND GET THE FIRST AID KIT.

I'M INNOCENT. I SWEAR

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

DON'T SEND ME TO PRISON,

I BEG YOU, INSPECTOR.

THEY'RE NOT

FROM THE POLICE.

THEY'RE

SECRET AGENTS.

DID THE GUY WHO LURED YOU

TO THE HOTEL GIVE YOU ANYTHING?

WHAT?

A SMALL CAPSULE?

A CAPSULE?

HE WAS A FOREIGN AGENT

WHO HAD COME OVER TO OUR SIDE.

HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE US

A MICROFILM.

OH, MY GOD.

SHOW ME YOUR HAND.

I HAVE 5 FINGERS

LIKE EVERYONE.

THERE'S NOTHING THERE,

YOU NINNY.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP US,

MOUGEOTTE.

HELP YOU? DO WHAT?

BRING THEM INTO THE OPEN.

THEY OBVIOUSLY THINK

YOU HAVE THE MICROFILM.

YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM

ON YOUR TRACK.

HOW?

SO YOU'RE GOING TO DRESS

LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN,

IN THE SAME WIG,

AND SHOW YOURSELF

AROUND TOWN.

THAT'LL BRING THEM

INTO THE OPEN.

NO.

NOT A CHANCE.

ALBIN CAN'T DO

SUCH A THING.

SHALL I CALL

THE POLICE?

NO.

YOU CAN TELL THEM

WHY YOU WERE

IN A HOTEL ROOM

WITH 2 CORPSES.

LIFE IS FUNNY.

FOR YEARS I'VE HAD

PROBLEMS WITH THE POLICE

FOR DRESSING LIKE A WOMAN.

AND WHEN I DECIDE TO START

DRESSING LIKE A MAN,

THE POLICE INSIST

I DRESS LIKE A WOMAN.

THE ABSURDITY OF THINGS.

HURRY. THEY'LL

BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

RENATO...

ARE CYANIDE DARTS

VERY PAINFUL?

WHAT AN IDEA!

DON'T BE SILLY.

EVERYTHING

WILL BE FINE.

YOU THINK SO?

I'M POSITIVE.

IS SHE READY?

ALMOST.

I'M GOING WITH HIM.

IT'S NOT NECESSARY.

THERE'S NO WAY I WOULD

LET HIM GO ALONE.

THIS COULD BE MY LAST.

LET'S GO.

EH, MONSIEUR MOUGEOTTE.

YOUR HAIR WASN'T

LIKE THAT BEFORE.

THIS IS A LITTLE

MORE FORMAL.

WE WANT THEM

TO RECOGNIZE YOU.

WHAT'S HE DOING?

IS HE CRAZY?

JUST LOOK AT THAT.

SO, BROCA, YOU DON'T

LIKE ME LIKE THIS?

MR. BROCA,

WHERE ARE WE OFF TO?

A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

VERY CHIC.

ALL THE PRESS

WILL BE THERE.

THIS ISN'T DRESSY ENOUGH.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE NOTHING

I GOT ON SALE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME.

I'D HAVE WORN--I DON'T KNOW.

YOU LOOK FINE.

THE MAIN THING IS

TO ATTRACT ATTENTION.

AND WE'LL SEE TO THAT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

MR. MANDERSTAM.

MR. DEPUTY.

Albin:

I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.

WHAT KIND

OF CAKE IS IT?

MERINGUE.

OH, MERINGUE.

YOU DON'T EXPECT ME

TO GET IN THERE,

DO YOU?

DON'T WORRY,

YOU'LL STILL BE PAID.

YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

A MERINGUE!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT'S NOT EVEN MY SIZE.

NO, IT'S NOT MY SIZE.

GET IN.

TAKE MY BAG AND GLOVES.

WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

I'M AFRAID.

RENATO...

DON'T LEAVE ME.

THAT'S ENOUGH!

I'LL SUFFOCATE IN THERE!

I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK.

BESIDES, I'M A DIABETIC.

NOBODY'S ASKING YOU

TO EAT IT!

I WON'T GET ENOUGH AIR

IN THERE!

COULDN'T WE LEAVE

THE TOP OFF?

NO. NO.

MAY I HAVE

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR US

TO TELL OUR FRIEND

ANDREW MANDERSTAM...

ALL THE ROTTEN THINGS

WE THINK ABOUT HIM.

MR. MANDERSTAM

IS THAT AMERICAN CHAP

WHO SETTLED IN FRANCE

SOME 15 YEARS AGO

HERE IN THIS TOWN,

OF WHICH I AM THE DEPUTY.

HE HAS FOUND

2 MEANS OF

ATTRACTING ATTENTION:

HIS GENEROSITY

AND HIS KINDNESS.

LET'S GO!

Albin:

ARE YOU THERE, RENATO?

YES, I'M HERE.

EVERYTHING'S

GOING TO BE FINE.

ALBIN, YOU NEED

TO GO BACK ON A DIET.

Albin: THAT'S A NICE THING

TO SAY IN FRONT OF THE CHEFS!

ALBIN, IT'S CHARRIER!

Albin: OH, MY GOD!

MY SON'S FATHER-IN-LAW

IS CHARRIER, THE DEPUTY.

WE PROMISED HIM

WE'D NEVER

SHOW OUR FACES

IN FRONT OF HIM.

SHH.

HE'S IN THE MIDDLE

OF HIS CAMPAIGN.

WE'LL RUIN

HIS CAREER!

MY DEAR ANDREW,

OUR ENTIRE TOWN

WISHES YOU TODAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OUR TOWN WANTED TO GIVE

A BIRTHDAY PARTY

AMERICAN STYLE

TO ITS AMERICAN

BENEFACTOR.

A LITTLE TECHNICAL PROBLEM,

IT SEEMS.

USUALLY, THERE'S--

THERE'S A SURPRISE IN THERE.

IT SEEMS OUR "SURPRISE"

DIDN'T HEAR THE ORCHESTRA.

THE "SURPRISE."

MY DEAR ANDREW,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HEH HEH HEH.

IT SEEMS OUR "SURPRISE"

HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.

WE'RE READY, MISS!

MAYBE SHE CAN'T HEAR

WITH ALL THAT CREAM.

IT'S SUCH A RICH CAKE.

HA HA HA HA.

I'VE NEVER GONE TO THE RESCUE

OF A CAKE BEFORE!

NO ONE'S THERE!

SHE'S NOT THERE.

AAAH!

Jacob: POOR MISTRESS.

SHE'S GOING TO DIE.

SHE'S GOING TO DIE!

WOULD YOU SHUT UP,

JACOB?

JACOB,

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

HELLO? SORRY,

I CAN'T HEAR A THING.

COULD YOU COME

RIGHT OVER?

IT'S AN EMERGENCY,

DOCTOR.

THIS WAY, DOCTOR.

HE JUST FELL ASLEEP.

HE HAD A TERRIBLE SHOCK

YESTERDAY.

HE'S VERY SICK.

ALBIN?

THE DOCTOR'S HERE.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE

HIS BLOOD PRESSURE.

AND GIVE HIM SOMETHING

FOR HIS HEART.

I'M SO AFRAID

HE MIGHT LET HIMSELF DIE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

STOP CRYING.

IT'S ANNOYING.

POOR MISTRESS.

SHE WAS SO NICE.

SHE'S NOT DEAD YET.

GO DO THE SHOPPING.

WHAT A PAIN!

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU REALLY DID A GREAT JOB!

HIS PHOTO'S

IN EVERY NEWSPAPER.

THE DOCTOR IS WITH HIM.

I HOPE HE'LL BE ABLE

TO PULL HIM THROUGH.

THE MICROFILM.

THE MICROFILM.

IS THAT YOU?

IS THAT YOU, RENATO?

IS THAT YOU, HONEY?

AAH!

WHAT'S THAT?

NOTHING. AN INJECTION.

ALBIN HATES INJECTIONS.

AAAH!

THE MICROFILM.

I'LL KNOCK HIM

BACK INTO SHAPE!

YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

LET ME THROUGH.

NO. IT'S OUR BEDROOM.

HE'S WITH THE DOCTOR.

LEAVE HIM ALONE, DAMN IT!

YOU'RE BEGINNING

TO BUG ME!

WHO LOCKED THE DOOR?

NO.

Albin: NO, NOT THAT.

"WHEN ONE IS PRESIDENT OF

THE UNION FOR MORAL ORDER,

"ONE TRIES TO PLAY DOWN ANY TIES

WITH LA CAGE AUX FOLLES.

"BY PUTTING A TRANSVESTITE

"IN MR. MANDERSTAM'S

BIRTHDAY CAKE,

"CHARRIER ADDED INDECENCY

TO THE RIDICULOUS.

THE VOTERS

WILL PASS JUDGMENT"

THAT, GENTLEMEN, IS HOW

YOU CONDEMN A MAN TO DEATH.

AN ARTICLE LIKE THAT

IS THE COUP DE GRÖCE!

WE'LL MAKE THE BASTARD

EAT HIS NEWSPAPER!

NO. NO, GENTLEMEN,

THE JOURNALISTS

AREN'T THE GUILTY ONES.

THE GUILTY ONES

ARE THOSE 2 PEOPLE

WHO ARE BRINGING DISHONOR

TO THE RIVIERA WITH

THEIR FILTHY NIGHTCLUB!

THAT DEPRAVED ITALIAN

AND THAT FRENCHMAN WHO IS

AN AFFRONT TO HIS RACE.

THOSE TWO--THEY

ARE THE GUILTY ONES!

WE'LL BUST

THEIR FACES IN!

WE'LL TEACH THOSE FAGGOTS

THE FACTS OF LIFE!

EXCUSE ME.

CAN WE GET THE RUG BACK?

WE'LL HAVE IT CLEANED,

THEN SEND IT BACK AS USUAL.

Albin: I CAN'T

TAKE IT ANYMORE.

ALL THESE CORPSES.

S.O.S. MEDICAL.

I'M DR. BOQUILLON.

OH, MICHAUX.

Michaux: YES?

THERE'S GONNA BE

ANOTHER TRIP.

OK.

DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER RUG?

NO, NO MORE RUGS!

DO YOUR DIRTY WORK

SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Albin: WOULD YOU

TAKE ME HOME, PLEASE?

WHAT?

I WANT YOU

TO TAKE ME HOME NOW.

BUT YOU ARE HOME,

DARLING.

DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE

OUR LIVING ROOM?

LOOK AT WHAT

YOU'VE DONE TO HIM!

IF YOU KEEP THIS UP,

THE NEXT RUG

WILL BE FOR HIM!

HE HAS NOTHING TO FEAR.

WE'RE GOING

TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

FROM NOW ON,

WE DON'T LEAVE HIS SIDE.

WE'LL PROTECT HIM, DISCREETLY,

UNTIL THE GUYS SHOW THEMSELVES.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND, MEN?

CLOSE SURVEILLANCE,

BUT DISCREET.

YOU THINK

THAT'S DISCREET?

DON'T PAY ATTENTION

TO US. GO ON.

AAH! OOH!

SO MUCH FOR

DISCRETION.

IT'S A NATURAL

REFLEX.

TO GET THEM

OUT IN THE OPEN,

YOU'LL HAVE TO CHANGE

YOUR TACTICS.

NO, THAT'S NOT HIM.

LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

THE MAUVE, PERHAPS.

NO, I WON'T WEAR THAT.

DON'T ARGUE, MICHAUX!

SHUT UP!

WHAT ABOUT THE ONE

WITH THE MOUSTACHE?

I SEE HIM IN MY CAFTAN.

HE LOOKS LIKE A TURK.

HA HA! A TURK!

AND THE YOUNG ONE THERE,

HE'S LIKE ME.

HE CAN WEAR ANYTHING.

CUTE, ISN'T HE?

NOT REALLY.

COME ON, COME ON.

STOP, STOP, NO.

NO, THAT'LL NEVER DO!

YOU NEED

TO MAKE AN EFFORT

TO BE WORTHY

OF THESE CLOTHES.

PRETEND YOU'RE

WALKING A TIGHTROPE.

AND YOU, YOU WALK LIKE THIS.

IT'S UNATTRACTIVE.

LISTEN TO ME.

DRAW AN IMAGINARY LINE,

A LINE THAT SEPARATES

MAN FROM WOMAN.

YOU JUST HAVE TO WALK

ON IT, LIKE THIS.

YOU HAVE

TO LEARN TO MOVE

AS GRACEFULLY AND LIGHTLY

AS MY MARVELOUS ALBIN.

RIGHT?

THANK YOU, MY SWEET.

NOW LET'S SEE. WE CAN

START WITH HIM--LOUIS.

HE LOOKS LIKE

THE MOST GIFTED.

A LITTLE LIGHTER.

HOLD THE HANDS HIGHER.

NO, I CAN'T. I'M SORRY,

BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

THESE ARE FLOOZIES' CLOTHES!

Albin: THEY ARE NOT

FLOOZIES' CLOTHES!

ALL THE ELEGANT MEN

ARE WEARING THEM.

AND IF WE'RE TRYING

TO GIVE YOU

THE GRACE YOU LACK,

IT'S FOR THE BENEFIT

OF THIS MISSION, MADAME.

HE'S RIGHT.

WE'VE STARTED,

AND WE'RE GOING

TO SEE IT THROUGH!

CARRY ON.

I'M A MARRIED MAN

WITH 2 CHILDREN!

IT'S AN ORDER!

DON'T BE STUPID.

YOU'RE UP FOR

A PROMOTION.

NO LONG FACES NOW.

ALL TOGETHER NOW.

LINE UP WITH ME.

ABOUT FACE.

FORWARD...

MARCH!

RELAX YOUR WRIST.

LET IT HANG.

AHH. OOH!

AND LOOK AT THE MEN

AS THEY PASS.

MMM. HE'S SO HANDSOME.

LOOK AT MILAN.

HE'S GOT

REAL TALENT.

WHOO-HOO!

A LITTLE TOO MUCH TALENT,

PERHAPS.

HELLO, GIRLS.

EXCUSE ME.

FAG.

I SAID EXCUSE ME.

AND I SAID FAG.

EXCUSE ME.

FAG.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

UM...RENATO,

DON'T ANSWER.

COME ON.

HEY, JUST A MINUTE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HE'S LOOKING

FOR A FIGHT.

DON'T ANSWER.

THAT'S

ENOUGH NOW.

I'M WARNING YOU.

THERE'LL BE TROUBLE.

THESE GIRLS

ARE REALLY SCARING US.

I ADVISE YOU

TO LET US PASS.

LOOK HOW SHE

CLENCHES HER FISTS.

I'LL BET SHE CAN

REALLY SCRATCH.

HEH HEH.

LET US THROUGH,

PLEASE.

GO ON.

OH! UHH!

THE LITTLE THING'S

NERVOUS.

I'LL CALM HER.

OH! OH!

OH! OH. OH, NO.

I'M FED UP WITH

ALL THIS BRUTALITY,

THIS VIOLENCE.

MY LORD.

IT'LL ALL WORK OUT.

CALM DOWN.

IT'LL ALL WORK OUT.

NO, IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

OH. WHAT'S THAT?

GET IN THE CAR.

OH, RENATO.

UH...HE HAS A GUN.

SORRY, GENTLEMEN.

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS OUR CAR.

GET IN THE CAR.

YES.

GET BACK!

THAT'S IT.

RIGHT IN THE LION'S DEN.

POOR DARLINGS.

YOU HAVE SOMETHING WHICH

IS OF INTEREST TO US.

WE'LL GIVE YOU $500,000,

NOT A CENT MORE.

WE'LL CALL YOU TONIGHT

TO GIVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS.

YOUR POSTERS ARE PRETTY.

Renato: OUR POSTERS?

YES, THEY MAKE YOU

WANT TO SEE THE SHOW.

AH, HOW SWEET OF YOU.

IF YOU DROP BY, I'LL MAKE

SURE YOU GET A GOOD SEAT.

HEH HEH HEH.

TAKE THIS.

EXCUSE ME?

PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

WHAT IS IT?

PRESS.

DON'T PRESS.

LET ME.

LEAVE IT ALONE.

LET ME DO IT.

NO!

SHOULD I PRESS IT?

YES.

YES. THERE.

AAH!

VOILA.

WHAT HAPPENED?

JUST A FEW DOZEN GRAMS.

IMAGINE WHAT 100

WILL DO IN THE CLUB...

DURING THE SHOW...

OR IN YOUR APARTMENT.

NO.

WE'LL CALL YOU LATER...

TO GET YOUR ANSWER.

I KNEW

THAT WOULD HAPPEN.

WITH MY POSTERS?

YOU'LL GO

TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

FINE.

WITH WHAT? WE DON'T

HAVE THE MICROFILM.

BUT THEY THINK

YOU DO.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT

ABOUT THAT DAMN MICROFILM?

IT'S THE LIST

OF THEIR AGENTS

OPERATING IN FRANCE.

THEY'LL DO ANYTHING

TO GET IT BACK.

NO.

HELLO?

Man: TOMORROW

MORNING AT 6:00,

BE AT THE MONTCOULÈCHE

EXIT OF THE FREEWAY.

COME ALONE.

IF WE NOTICE

ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS,

YOU'LL BE SHOT

ON SIGHT.

THAT'S IT!

WE'VE GOT THEM!

YOU'LL GO

TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

WE'LL BE

RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

RIGHT, AND WE

GET KILLED.

I WANT THE LEADER ALIVE.

I'LL QUESTION HIM

MYSELF.

GENTLEMEN,

YOU'RE IN A SITUATION

WHICH REQUIRES

COURAGE...

AND VIRILITY.

TODAY YOU HAVE

THE CHANCE TO BE REAL MEN.

SHALL WE GO?

YES, LET'S GO.

IF THERE'S SHOOTING,

JUMP INTO THE BUSHES.

AND IF THERE ARE

NO BUSHES?

DON'T ARGUE. JUMP,

AND WE DO THE REST.

IT WASN'T TRUE,

YOU KNOW.

WHAT?

THAT YOU'RE

LESS SEDUCTIVE.

IT WASN'T TRUE.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.

NO, NO.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

I SWEAR YOU HAVEN'T

GOTTEN ANY FATTER

OR OLDER.

JUST A BIGGER

PAIN IN THE NECK.

HEH HEH.

THAT COULD BE.

NO ONE CAN SAY WE HAVEN'T

BEEN HAPPY TOGETHER.

OK...

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

COME BACK!

THEY'VE JAMMED

THE DOORS. DAMN IT!

YOUR PAPERS.

TAXI!

TO THE BORDER. FAST!

THERE'S A CAR

FOLLOWING US.

TRY TO LOSE IT.

OH!

DAMN QUEERS.

THAT CAR OVER BY CUSTOMS...

IT'S THE POLICE.

THERE?

I'M TELLING YOU THAT

JUST IN CASE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO

TO AVOID ANY PROBLEMS?

NO, NO. NO IDEA.

HEY.

OH, I CAN'T GO ON!

IT'S A MEDICAL PROBLEM.

I CAN'T WALK.

I HAVE FLAT FEET.

THAT'S HOW

I GOT MY DISCHARGE.

BECAUSE OF FLAT FEET?

YOU TOLD ME YOU APPEARED

BEFORE THE DRAFT BOARD

IN A SKIRT.

BUT THEY NOTICED

I HAD FLAT FEET.

WHEN I THINK WE COULD HAVE

GONE BY BOAT,

BUT NO,

WE'RE HERE JOGGING. OH!

HARBORS, TRAIN STATIONS,

AND AIRPORTS,

ARE THE FIRST PLACES

THE POLICE CHECK, IDIOT.

OH, YES, AND YOU THINK

IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO HIDE OUT AT

YOUR FAMILY'S IN ITALY?

BRAVO. HA HA. THAT THEY

WON'T LOOK FOR US THERE?

IN ITALY, WHEN A MAN

GOES INTO HIDING,

EVERYONE BECOMES

HIS ACCOMPLICE.

THE COPS

CAN'T DO A THING.

THOSE 2 QUEERS YOU

PICKED UP THIS MORNING,

WHERE DID YOU TAKE THEM?

Renato: WE'VE

CROSSED THE BORDER.

WE'RE IN ITALY?

YES.

OH, IN ITALY! OH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I FORGOT MY POWDER.

I CAN'T GO INTO ITALY

LOOKING LIKE THIS. OH!

YOU CAN'T MEET MY FAMILY

LOOKING LIKE THAT.

BUT WHY?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO

INTRODUCE YOU?

AS A FRIEND.

HAVE YOU LOOKED

AT YOURSELF?

YOU KNOW, ONCE,

IN MY VILLAGE,

THE BUTCHER'S SON HAD AN AFFAIR

WITH THE BLACKSMITH'S SON.

AND THEN?

AND THEN THE FATHER

KILLED THEM,

BASHED THEIR HEADS IN.

HOW HORRIBLE.

RENATO!

MAYBE WE SHOULD

GO TO SWITZERLAND.

NO. YOU'RE

COMING HOME WITH ME.

I'M UNCOMFORTABLE

IN THESE CLOTHES.

I FEEL AWFUL.

I FEEL SAD. I FEEL OLD.

AND TO THINK

THAT JUST 3 DAYS AGO,

I WAS SUCH A HIT

IN "THE BLUE ANGEL."

LOOK WHAT'S

HAPPENED TO ME!

I'VE AGED 50 YEARS

IN 3 DAYS.

NONSENSE.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU

LAUGHING AT?

NOTHING. YOU LOOK

LIKE A REAL MATRON.

BRAVO. THAT WAS

JUST THE THING TO SAY.

I'M THIRSTY. WILL YOU GET

ME SOMETHING TO DRINK?

WE'RE JUST STOPPING

FOR A MINUTE.

BE NICE. IF I DON'T GET

SOMETHING, I'LL FAINT.

FINE.

YOU COULD PUT YOURSELF

OUT A LITTLE.

THERE'S NOTHING HERE.

NOT EVEN A SNACK BAR.

WE'RE IN THE STICKS.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

DON'T BOTHER

TO APOLOGIZE.

EXCUSE ME.

RENATO!

RENATO! AAH!

ALBIN, GET OFF

AT THE NEXT STATION!

AAH!

STOP THE TRAIN!

WHOO-WHOO! WHOO!

HEH HEH.

FATHER.

SISTERS.

YOUR REVERENCE.

YOU'RE

HERE AT LAST.

I'VE BEEN HERE

FOR A WHILE,

BUT YOU DON'T

GIVE A DAMN.

HOLD THIS.

QUIET. THE NUNS

ARE LOOKING AT YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

SOMEONE MIGHT

RECOGNIZE US.

HURRY.

JUST A SECOND.

LET'S GO.

WE MUSTN'T KEEP

YOUR MOTHER WAITING.

THE SHEET ISN'T STRAIGHT.

PULL IT ON YOUR SIDE.

IT'S ALL WRINKLED.

AND YOU,

DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

GET THE OTHER ROOM READY.

WHY DON'T THEY

SLEEP TOGETHER?

I HAVEN'T BEEN INFORMED

OF THIS MARRIAGE.

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED,

THEY ARE NOT MARRIED.

THE CHANGE OF AIR

WILL DO ME GOOD.

IT'S BEEN AGES

SINCE I'VE BEEN

IN THE COUNTRY.

I'M THRILLED ABOUT

MEETING YOUR MOTHER.

WHAT SHOULD I

CALL HER? HMM?

MRS. BALDI,

OR MOTHER?

MAMA. AHH.

RENATO. MY BOY.

AH, OH, MY BOY.

MADAME.

COME IN.

COME HERE A MINUTE.

LADIES.

WHY DID YOU KEEP

YOUR MARRIAGE A SECRET?

IT'S JUST

THAT IT HAPPENED

ON THE SPUR

OF THE MOMENT.

YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.

WHY HAVE YOU COME BACK,

RENATO?

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME,

MOTHER. I'M ON THE RUN.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME.

YOU DID SOMETHING

FOOLISH, HUH?

YES.

RENATO, DID YOU

KILL A MAN?

OVER A WOMAN?

UH...

YES.

OVER THAT ONE?

COME.

WE'LL HIDE YOU

AS LONG AS NEED BE.

YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE.

WE'RE USED TO

THIS SORT OF THING.

THANK YOU, MOTHER.

YOU'RE VERY KIND.

NOW GET TO WORK.

EXCUSE ME?

GET TO WORK.

ALL THE WOMEN HERE

WORK.

BUT, MOTHER...

DID YOU HEAR

YOUR MOTHER?

YES. IT'S NOT

HUMILIATING.

THAT'S THE WAY

IT IS HERE.

GO HELP

WITH THE COOKING.

OK, I HEARD YOU!

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

HELLO, LADIES. HA HA!

EXCUSE ME...

HA HA HA HA!

MY GOD, WHAT A NASTY JOB.

JUST LOOK AT THIS.

TELL HER TO USE

LESS PERFUME

AND TO LEARN HOW TO KNEAD

THE PASTA DOUGH.

YES, MOTHER.

COME ON. LET'S DRINK

TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

HA HA HA!

YOO-HOO! IT'S ME!

GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.

LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M MRS. BALDI.

HOW ARE ALL OF YOU?

ISN'T MOTHER HERE?

SORRY IF I'M

A LITTLE LATE.

I WANTED TO FRESHEN UP

BEFORE DINNER.

HA! IS EVERYTHING OK

IN THE FIELDS?

DID YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY?

YES? GOOD.

I'D LOVE A LITTLE

DROP OF WINE.

I'M VERY THIRSTY.

AAH!

WHAT HAPPENED?

MY DRESS, SWEETIE.

MY DRESS.

I'D REALLY LIKE

A DROP OF WINE.

I'M DYING OF THIRST.

IT MUST BE THE HEAT.

I HELPED MAKE

THE DINNER.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

IT'S FUN TO COOK

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I'VE NEVER

ROLLED NOODLES BEFORE.

WHOO-HOO! HA HA HA!

A LITTLE SECRET.

THE WOMEN DON'T SIT

WITH THE MEN HERE.

YES? WHAT'S

GOTTEN INTO YOU?

SOME WINE.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

YES.

SO HIS MAJESTY

IS TIRED?

OH, YES. HELP ME

OFF WITH MY SHOES.

TAKE OFF MY SHOES.

TOMORROW MORNING

WE HAVE TO BE UP AT 4:00.

YOU HAVE TO

PREPARE LUNCH FOR ME

AND ALL THE MEN

WORKING IN THE FIELD.

FOR EVERYONE?

LISTEN, RENATO.

I WANT TO GO BACK

TO BEING A MAN.

I DON'T LIKE BEING

A WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY.

I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE!

JUST LOOK AT

THE STATE I'M IN.

I'VE HAD...I'VE HAD...

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

MADAME BALDI?

YES.

I HAVE A MONEY ORDER

FOR RENATO BALDI.

RENATO BALDI

IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

REALLY?

THAT'S TOO BAD.

IT'S A GOOD DEAL

OF MONEY.

HE HASN'T BEEN HERE

IN 20 YEARS,

AND I HAVE NO IDEA

WHERE HE IS.

FINE. WE'LL

JUST KEEP IT THEN,

BUT WE'LL BE BACK.

THANK YOU,

MRS. BALDI.

HELLO.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

IF RENATO SAW YOU,

HE WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

I'M NOT THE ONLY

PRETTY GIRL ON THE FARM.

TAKE LAURA, FOR EXAMPLE.

SHE'S CHARMING.

WITHOUT HER MOUSTACHE,

SHE'D BE ME 20 YEARS AGO.

I'M NO DIFFERENT

FROM THE OTHERS.

IT'S JUST THAT

I'M A NEW FACE.

YOU EXCITE ME.

YES, FINE,

BUT IT'S WRONG.

VERY WRONG.

YOU'RE FORGETTING RENATO.

YOU MUSTN'T SAY

SUCH THINGS TO ME.

RENATO.

SWEAR TO ME. SWEAR YOU'LL

NEVER TRY TO SEE ME AGAIN.

GO ON, SWEAR IT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

THEY'RE ON OUR TRAIL.

WE CAN'T STAY HERE.

OH!

LUIGI, TAKE THEM

TO THE SHEPHERD'S HUT

AND STAY WITH THEM.

I'M ENTRUSTING YOU.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. BALDI.

YOU'LL BE SAFE

WITH LUIGI.

HE'S THE BEST SHOOTER

IN THESE MOUNTAINS.

WE'LL STOP AT LUIGI'S HOUSE

TO GET PROVISIONS

AND SOME MEN'S CLOTHES

FOR YOUR WIFE.

WHAT?

THERE ARE ONLY MEN, ONLY

SHEPHERDS, IN THE MOUNTAINS.

A WOMAN WOULD BE

VERY CONSPICUOUS,

ESPECIALLY THAT ONE.

SHE HAS TO PASS

FOR A MAN, RENATO.

YOU'LL WEAR THIS

TO HIDE YOUR HAIR.

LET HER CHANGE.

WE HAVE TO HURRY.

WE'VE WASTED

ENOUGH TIME.

I'M NOT GOING TO DRESS

LIKE A MAN, RENATO.

DON'T ARGUE. HURRY AND

PUT ON THESE CLOTHES.

BUT IT'LL SHOW!

WHAT WILL SHOW?

THAT I'M A MAN.

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

IN ANY CASE, I WON'T

PUT A CAP OVER MY WIG.

YOU DRESS LIKE A MAN,

BUT YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

YOU'RE A WOMAN WHO IS

DRESSED LIKE A MAN.

COULD YOU REPEAT THAT,

PLEASE?

NO, NO. SOME OTHER TIME.

AND REMEMBER,

KEEP YOUR BOSOM.

YOU'RE NOT A MAN

DRESSED LIKE A WOMAN.

YOU'RE A WOMAN

DISGUISED AS A MAN.

IS THAT CLEAR?

I'M A WOMAN...

DISGUISED AS A MAN.

VOILA. I'M READY.

SEEN FROM AFAR,

SHE COULD PASS.

FROM VERY FAR.

CAREFUL, MADAME.

HA! CALL ME MISTER,

LUIGI.

IT'LL AROUSE

LESS SUSPICION.

AH, HA HA!

CAREFUL.

VOILA, MADAME.

YES.

SHALL I CARRY YOU?

NO, I'M FINE.

SHE'S NOT MADE

OF GLASS.

IT'S A DIFFICULT CLIMB

FOR A WOMAN.

IT'S NOT EASY.

VOILA. HERE'S

THE LOOKOUT POST.

IT OVERLOOKS

THE WHOLE VALLEY.

AH.

AS LONG AS I'M HERE

WITH MY GUN,

YOU CAN SLEEP

IN PEACE.

THE SHEPHERD'S HUT

IS OVER THERE.

LADIES FIRST.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

THANK YOU, LUIGI.

OH, IT'S

CERTAINLY RUSTIC.

YOU'LL SLEEP HERE,

MADAME.

THANKS, LUIGI.

AND YOU, OVER THERE.

I'LL BE UP

AT THE LOOKOUT.

YOU'LL BE

WELL-PROTECTED, MADAME.

I'LL WALK YOU

TO THE DOOR.

GOOD NIGHT...

LITTLE PRINCESS.

GOOD NIGHT.

THAT YOU HAVE NO RESPECT

FOR ME, THAT'S ONE THING,

BUT HAVE SOME RESPECT

FOR YOURSELF.

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

ME? ARE YOU KIDDING?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO

BE SHOT BY THAT MORON.

WHOSE FAULT IS IT?

YOU'VE BEEN

ASKING FOR IT.

LOOK AT THE WAY

YOU'VE BEEN TREATING ME.

SUCH BRUTALITY!

IT'S SHOCKING.

YOU'RE UGLY, RENATO.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

JEALOUSLY HAS DISFIGURED YOU.

YOU'RE VERY UGLY.

UHH! THE MAN

I LOVED IS GONE!

AND SO IS THE ONE

I LOVED.

NEVER HAVE YOU BEEN

MORE RIDICULOUS!

COME ON. HURRY.

ALBIN, GET BACK

INTO PANTS AT ONCE.

SO YOU CAN

INSULT ME AGAIN?

WHAT DO YOU

INTEND TO DO?

PARDON?

WITH THAT

POOR HALF-WIT.

I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

IN ANY CASE,

IT CAN'T GO VERY FAR.

HE HAS NO EDUCATION.

HE IS A BIT UNCOUTH.

AND YOU ARE

NOT A WOMAN.

OH, YOU KNOW, RENATO,

YOU'RE A REAL KILLJOY.

ARE YOU OK?

YOU DO EVERYTHING

TO HURT ME, RENATO.

DON'T EXAGGERATE.

OH, I'M NOT

EXAGGERATING.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU.

OH, NO.

I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE!

AND I'M GETTING

THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I'VE HAD IT.

ALL RIGHT, GO!

GOOD-BYE!

I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!

A LITTLE TROUT

FOR MY LITTLE PRINCESS.

WHAT'S WRONG?

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

IS IT THAT BASTARD

WHO'S MAKING YOU CRY?

I'LL KILL HIM!

LUIGI!

RENATO!

HELLO.

RENATO.

HELLO.

DON'T SCREAM.

NOT A WORD.

THE OTHERS ARE OUT THERE.

JUST ACT NATURAL.

THAT'S FINE.

JUST LIKE THAT.

YOU BASTARD!

WHO'S THAT?

SOME NUT.

COME ON!

WHAT ABOUT ALBIN?

SO THE MICROFILM

GOT TO ITALY

TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN

ON ITS OWN.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN

ABOUT THE MICROFILM.

I JUST WANT TO FIND ALBIN.

YOU BETTER GIVE A DAMN.

IT MAY BE OUR ONLY MEANS

OF GETTING HIM BACK.

WHY?

IF IT IS THE LIST

OF THEIR AGENTS,

WE'LL KNOW EXACTLY

WHERE TO FIND HIM.

MAKE HIM SHUT UP!

I CAN'T MAKE HIM TALK

AND SHUT UP AT THE SAME TIME.

Albin: AAH!

I'VE HAD

ENOUGH OF THIS!

AAH!

ENOUGH, ENOUGH,

ENOUGH!

I WAS GIVING HIM

A TRUTH SERUM.

WE'RE GIVEN IT

TO HIM 3 TIMES.

AND ALL HE ADMITTED

WAS THAT HE WAS A HOMOSEXUAL.

30 CCs OF PENTOTHAL TO HAVE

HIM SAY HE'S HOMOSEXUAL.

IT'S A BEGINNING, NO?

WE'VE ALREADY WASTED

A LOT OF TIME.

MOUGEOTTE.

DEAR MOUGEOTTE.

TELL US WHERE

THE MICROFILM IS,

OR I'LL PUT A BULLET

IN YOUR HEAD!

I DON'T KNOW

WHERE IT IS!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT MICROFILM IS.

I DON'T KNOW!

TELEPHONE.

HI.

WHAT?

NO NEED TO LOOK FURTHER.

THEY HAVE IT.

THEY'VE ARRESTED

MARTIN AND DUPRÉ.

BASTARDS! THEY'VE

INFILTRATED OUR RING.

YOU SOLD IT

TO THE OTHER SIDE.

EXCUSE ME? HEH HEH.

AAH! NO!

YOU CHOSE THE WRONG CAMP.

TOO BAD.

NO! DON'T KILL ME!

I DIDN'T

DO ANYTHING!

Man on bullhorn:

THE HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE.

GIVE YOURSELVES UP.

ON YOUR FEET.

HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.

AAH!

WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

IF YOU TRY SOMETHING,

I'LL KILL HER!

DON'T MAKE IT WORSE

FOR YOURSELVES.

COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

WE WON'T HURT YOU.

ALBIN, I'M HERE!

DON'T WORRY ANYMORE.

YOUR RENATO IS HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA

RUIN EVERYTHING!

Albin: RENATO,

I WANT TO GO HOME!

DON'T WORRY.

I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.

SHUT UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

DON'T TALK TO ME

IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

DON'T GET SO EXCITED.

I'LL KEEP STILL.

TIE HIM UP!

LISTEN TO ME.

THE BASTARDS

TOOK A SHOT AT ME!

ASK FOR A PLANE.

HMM?

IN EXCHANGE

FOR WHAT?

FOR THAT.

FOR THAT THING?

WOULD YOU EXCHANGE

A PLANE FOR THAT?

A CHILD, A WOMAN,

A PRIEST, YES. BUT THAT?

PRETEND I'M NOT HERE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. OW!

YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES,

OR WE'LL OPEN FIRE.

COME AND GET US,

YOU BASTARDS!

THEY WOULDN'T SHOOT.

AFTER ALL,

THERE'S A HOSTAGE IN HERE.

ARE YOU COLD?

I'M AFRAID.

40 SECONDS!

DON'T SHOOT!

ALBIN'S IN THERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

30 SECONDS!

SO I'M NOT EVEN A HOSTAGE.

I'M NOTHING AT ALL.

I'M NOT THE BLUE ANGEL.

I'M NOT A PRINCESS.

I'M NOT EVEN A HOSTAGE.

GOOD, THEN.

EXCUSE ME.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HUH.

I'M GOING TO RENATO.

Broca: READY UP THERE?

WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

I'M GOING TO ALBIN.

ARE YOU OK, ALBIN?

I'M ALL RIGHT, RENATO.

AND YOU?

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

YES?

THE SECRETARY OF STATE?

YES, PUT HIM THROUGH.

AH.

GOOD MORNING,

MR. SECRETARY.

YES, I'M FINE.

FINE, THANK YOU,

MR. SECRETARY.

ME?

ME, MR. SECRETARY?

BUT WHY ME?

AH.

IT'S THE DEPUTY.

OH, SORRY.

MONSIEUR, YOUR COURAGE

HAS ENABLED US

TO PUT AN END TO

A DANGEROUS SPY RING.

THE GOVERNMENT

HAS ASKED ME

TO EXPRESS ITS THANKS

AND ITS CONGRATULATIONS.

A PHOTO OF

THE THREE OF YOU.

Albin: A PHOTO?

COME, COME THIS WAY.

HOW'S THIS?

Photographer:

A LITTLE CLOSER.

CLOSER?

I'M CLOSE ENOUGH.

YES, WELL,

SIT DOWN.

YES, YES.

THERE, THANK YOU.

AAH!

NO PICTURES, NO PICTURES!

NO PICTURES, NO PICTURES!

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