La Cage aux Folles 3: The Wedding (1985) Movie Script

♪ Now it's up to me

♪ To make my world a happy one

♪ Set my feelings free

♪ To let the sun shine in

♪ Too late now to turn around

♪ To let the shadows

bring me down

♪ I've got to try

and if I fall

♪ I'll fall and I

will rise again

♪ Set my feelings free

♪ I know that all I need to do

♪ Somehow will be done

♪ 'Cause it is done

♪ For you can't make believe

♪ I'm someone else

♪ I know it's up to me

♪ Too late now to turn around

♪ I know the way I want to be

♪ I see the life

I want to lead

♪ I know the one

I want with me ♪

(HORN HONKING)

Albin!

Albin? Albin!

...seven and eight.

And now, one

and two and three

and four and five.

And one and two

and three and four.

Extend now.

One and two and three...

Albin!

ALBIN: Yes! All right,

I'm coming!

Now, I've hurt myself.

Here we are.

You see what happens

when I'm rushed.

Oh, the whole thing is

outrageous. Outrageous.

Oh, look at me.

What do you think?

You look ravishing!

An undertaker.

A blackbird.

A horror! I expect people

will throw stones at me.

Hmm?

I look ridiculous like this.

What do you mean

"ridiculous"?

You look absolutely normal.

Oh, yes. Oh, it's normal

to look dreary and miserable

when you dress this way.

Oh, sure. With a pair

of bangles in your ears,

you'd look much happier.

Oh!

No. Come to Mummy.

Oh, here we are

my little Rambo.

Now, you will

look after Rambo

for me, won't you?

But why don't you take him

to Scotland with you?

To Scotland?

No, they don't let animals

into the country.

Oh, no. I'd never get him

past the customs.

But after all,

he's only stuffed.

Oh, simply...

But, no, stuffed.

Oh, you can't go to Scot...

No!

Oh, well!

Do look, the mistress

in fancy dress.

Oh! You see,

the insults are starting!

Jacob, just go look

for me in the kitchen!

(GROANS)

ALBIN: Thank you.

Goodbye now, my pet.

Say to Mummy,

"Goodbye, Mummy.

"Goodbye, Mummy."

God bless. Oh!

♪ I'll take the high road

and you'll take the... ♪

(DANCERS LAUGHING)

(DANCERS CHEERING)

DANCER: Oh, my dear,

I don't believe it!

(DANCERS MOCKING)

All dolled up like a pig!

Oh, look! It's Tyrone Power!

Do you think she's wearing

a bra underneath all that?

Boys! That will be

enough of that.

Just ignore them.

(DANCERS CHATTERING)

Come on. Come on.

Let's go.

Hurry up.

You'll miss the plane.

Why are you shuffling

like that?

Come on, hurry!

All right.

I can't walk properly

in flat shoes.

You know that.

I lose my balance.

It's terrible.

Be serious, Albin.

In Scotland,

you've got to

present yourself

as being respectable

when the lawyers

read the will.

You can't turn up in

high heels. For God's

sake, be reasonable.

Oh, I can't bear it.

My clothes itch,

my socks, my trousers.

Everything itches.

It's quite impossible.

Look who's there.

Oh!

...so the Party of Order

and Morality

of which I am honored

to be president

would like me,

for the final time, to

extend congratulations

for your high moral tone

in this region.

Papa!

Mumsie!

Hello, darling.

You see Mumsie's awful rags?

You know why?

But you look fine.

Oh, hear the boy?

Going to Scotland

for the inheritance?

Actually I feel more like

I'm going to a funeral

or something.

Just look at me, dear.

Nonsense! Excuse me,

I have to go to work.

Of course.

Should we go and

kiss your father-in-law?

Not here. He'll have

a stroke on the spot.

Bye, Mummy.

See you, Papa.

Bye-bye.

Come on, let's go.

I hope he didn't see us.

Now hurry up.

Just walk properly.

Try to look

as inconspicuous

as possible.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Gentlemen, let me say that

I'm very satisfied with this

visit I made to your province.

Thank you.

MAN: Thank you, Mr. Charrier.

I don't have to remind you

how important to us

this inheritance is.

As you know,

we are faced with

a total financial disaster.

So will you please...

You see that

cheeky boy over there,

eyeing you up like that?

Who?

That gigolo there.

He's looking at you.

See him?

Flirting with you.

Who, me?

Yes, you. Not me.

Listen, Albin.

Whatever happens,

we've got to do something

about settling our debts.

And this...

Oh, it's ridiculous.

Why isn't that man

looking my way?

God.

Obviously this suit makes me

completely invisible.

I blend into the walls,

just like part of the airport.

(GROANS) I can't stand

much more of it.

Come on,

let's sit somewhere else.

Come along.

I'd really like

to slap your face

but I'm not going to.

Ogling people you don't know.

Wherever were you brought up?

Degenerate.

Well...

Goodbye, darling.

Just remember not to make

an exhibition of yourself.

Uh-huh.

MAN: Passport.

My passport.

Do what you like.

My feet hurt.

Oh, these shoes.

Problem with my feet.

Thank you, dear.

Our bags, bagages. Yes.

Here we are.

(ALARM RINGING)

Bye-bye.

Sir, this way, please.

Me? Do you see me?

Come along, sir.

This way.

Here I come.

You've set off the alarm.

Oh!

How awful.

It's never happened

to me before, I swear.

You see, I... Oh.

Empty your pockets, please.

Come along, sir.

Empty your pockets.

I feel like a spy.

You mean you want to see...

Take a look.

This is my everyday makeup.

Now this is different,

you see?

I think you must have

some metal object on you.

Objects?

Metal, yes.

But I've already...

Metal.

Yes, metal.

Yes, of course,

I have some.

I have this. It's metal.

Interesting, isn't it?

I'll open it.

Yes, that's all right, sir.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

There we are.

Well, you can see

for yourself. I think

this one's enchanting.

See what you think.

Isn't it? Little more?

Might be a trifle pale.

But for you, something

more rugged like that.

Madam, this way, please.

Thank you, ma'am.

There we are. Hmm.

He's gone off and left me.

Oh! He didn't care.

All right, I don't mind.

I just don't believe it.

He asked to see my things

then when I show him,

he's not interested at all.

He thinks

we're drug-traffickers.

I'm not a trafficker,

all right? I've got powder,

a bit of face powder.

He didn't even give me

a proper body search.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

It's outrageous, to make

what I can only call these

scandalous insinuations

which you may think

mean absolutely nothing

but which I find

grossly insulting.

Welcome to Scotland,

Mr. Mougeotte.

Now you're here,

we'll be able to proceed

with the reading of the will.

The other side, please.

The other side. Yes.

Good morning, sir.

Here we are.

Comfortable?

Come along.

Cover yourself up, dear.

Cover yourself.

That's what the blanket's for.

There we are.

DULAC: Here we are.

If the ground

plan which my colleague in

Aberdeen sent me is correct,

your late Aunt Emma's estate

starts just here

and then stretches

all the way to the sea

down there.

Oh, but the sea is

such a long way away.

It certainly is.

But the estate

goes even further.

Oh, very good.

It goes even further, nice.

But does that mean

the sea is mine, or...

Sorry, no.

No, the sea. You know?

The sea.

Yes, it's mine.

No, no. Sorry, no.

I'm afraid not.

No, it's not.

DULAC: All inland waters,

rivers, burns, lochs, yes.

But the sea, no.

ALBIN: The sea, no?

Now here are your fields,

you see?

Ah! And some

of your farm laborers.

LABORER: Aye, mornin'.

(SHEEP BLEATING)

DULAC: All those sheep

are yours.

All these trees are yours

and here are some

of your woodcutters.

Oh, beautiful specimens.

Some of them are more

than 200 years old.

The woodcutters?

Sorry?

Oh, excuse me.

The trees you mean.

Of course.

No, I thought you meant

the woodcutters. I'm sorry.

A little misunderstanding

there. No problem.

And here we have your castle

and these are your servants,

Mr. Mougeotte.

Fine.

Sir.

Oh, how nice.

Very pleased

to welcome you, sir.

Tallyho.

This way, sir.

Hi.

Oh, yes.

Excuse me.

Good day to you, sir.

I'm Mrs. McPherson, sir.

And this is Angela.

Oh, yes. Angela.

How do you do?

Eleanor.

Oh, what a sweetie.

Oh, but they're all...

They're all charming.

Here we have the kitchen staff

and the ground staff, sir.

Oh, how do you do?

We already met.

Oh, sorry. Oh, this is

very, very confusing.

Oh, the kitchen staff!

Bon appetit.

Oh, half of Scotland.

Don't be disappointed.

After all, half is better

than nothing, isn't it?

Oh, yes.

Oh, they're all wearing kilts.

Oh, my dear,

they're all quite superb.

In fact what's more,

what do you say

to a new dance, eh?

Yes! To put in the revue.

We'll replace the bees ballet

with a Scots extravaganza.

Oh, no! You beast!

You are terrible.

Don't be so crude.

Don't worry now.

All our problems are solved,

aren't they?

There'll be plenty of money.

Oh, before you go,

let me tell you,

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'm in here like

a little gentleman.

Yes, you needn't worry.

Oh, believe me,

quite restrained.

(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

Yeah. And you.

And you. I must go now.

Nice Mr. Dulac

has just walked in.

Yes, but don't worry.

Silly boy.

Yes, what is it?

We have to get on

with the reading

of the will, sir.

(LAUGHS) I was just...

Oh, dear, I'm quite flustered.

Please, this way,

Mr. Mougeotte.

Let me introduce you

to Mr. Kennedy,

the executor of the estate.

Mr. Mortimer Woodson,

your cousin.

Do please sit down,

gentlemen.

We will now read the last

will and testament

of your maternal aunt,

the late

Miss Emma MacGovern.

Please proceed.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"This is my last will

and testament.

"I leave to my nephew,

Albin Mougeotte..."

Present.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"...the following bequeath.

The estate Manor Whalsey,

"and all my stocks, shares,

bonds and securities

"which are valued currently

at 10 million pounds..."

(WHISPERING) That'll be

one hundred million francs

at least.

(GASPS)

"...and which are deposited

in the Aberdeen branch of

Barclays Bank.

"And in addition,

the title Duke of Wellington."

I prefer duchess. Sorry.

This legacy has a condition

attached to it.

And if this is not respected

by the said Albin Mougeotte...

Mougeotte.

...he will be disinherited

and will forfeit everything to

his cousin Mortimer Woodson.

This is the condition.

"My beneficiary,

Mr. Mougeotte,

must have a wife

"to whom he is

legally married

"and a legitimate child

by the said wife

within 18 months

"from the date of

the reading of my will."

(GASPS) Would you

repeat that, please?

I didn't quite...

No, I'll explain it.

(CHUCKLES)

Excuse us. Yes.

You see,

you have to be married.

Mmm-hmm.

What?

You must be married.

Yes, but with

a female?

Oh, yes, naturally,

and have a child.

(GASPS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GROANS)

Mr. Mougeotte.

It's all right.

Mr. Mougeotte.

(GRUNTING) Come on now,

Mr. Mougeotte.

Mr. Mougeotte,

pull yourself together.

What time does

the next plane go?

At 5:00, I think.

It's all right,

Mr. Mougeotte.

There you go.

That's it.

Can you manage?

Take it easy.

Careful.

Yes, I'll be with you

in a moment, Mr. Mougeotte.

(EXHALES)

Please.

Ah, yes.

Mr. Mougeotte!

Well, Mr. Kennedy,

what do you think?

I think you're about to

become enormously wealthy.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, no.

Now it's raining as well.

That's Scotland for you.

Oh.

(HONKING)

Mr. Mougeotte,

I understand your problem,

believe me.

Some problem, dear.

But surely for 10 million,

wouldn't it be

at least worth a try?

Don't you think?

I wouldn't dream of it,

Mr. Dulac.

Some things are impossible.

Even for 10 million.

Would you marry me

for example,

for 10 million?

Mmm. Well, I might.

Are you really

serious about me?

Mad fool.

Let's get this clear, Dulac.

There never was

an inheritance.

It was a misunderstanding,

hmm?

We won't mention it again.

Mr. Mougeotte,

I beg you to reconsider.

Mr. Mougeotte.

Yes.

Ten million pounds.

Look at the documents.

It's all there.

Oh,

but I understand everything.

It's perfectly simple.

Oh!

My bag, please.

My case and my hat box.

Thank you.

Oh!

Ah, Renato.

Albin.

Oh, I feel as if I've

been away for an eternity.

Oh.

How much?

An eternity.

No, I mean how much?

How much of what?

Inheritance.

Isn't it customary

to begin with some

sort of polite comment?

For example,

"How are you?

"Did you have good weather?

Was it a nice trip?

"Did you remember

to wear your woolly?"

Hmm?

If I must. I hope you

remembered to wear

a sweater in the evening.

A little late, young man.

Fine. And now,

perhaps you can tell me

how things went in Scotland.

I have the right to

know that at least.

No sunshine.

Lots of rain.

I get the horrors when

I'm flying. There's

nothing else to tell you.

Oh, really?

You haven't mentioned

the inheritance, the castle.

And how about the money?

That was a mistake.

A mistake?

Yes, a mistake...

(GASPS)

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

(WHOOPING)

Oh, no. Stop that.

It's grotesque. Oh!

Grotesque?

I thought that's

what you wanted.

I don't want it anymore.

I've just decided

to cancel it.

Throw away the bagpipe tape,

will you?

Oh, I never want to hear

another bagpipe in my life.

I never want

to hear Scotland

mentioned ever again.

(ALL CLAMORING)

It's not my fault.

It was a mistake I tell you.

What are you talking about?

It couldn't possibly

be a mistake.

Lawyers just don't

make mistakes.

No, no. Unfortunately,

in this kind of business,

errors are very frequent,

you see?

(STAMMERING) Can't avoid them.

I mean, when I got there,

to, uh,

talk to the lawyer

it, uh, turned out

they were looking for

someone called Albert.

Oh, I said, "No,

before we go any further

my name is Albin."

"Oh, no,

I want Albert Mougeois."

I think it was a Mougeois.

"Oh! My name is

Albin Mougeotte."

"Albin Mougeotte?"

He said, "No, Albert Moug..."

And I said,

"Fine. In that case

it's obviously not me."

And what have

you got in here?

Oh, it's only a few brochures,

you know.

Brochures, tourist guides.

Do I have to endure

this grilling?

I'm quite exhausted

enough already,

if you don't mind.

Mistress, did you remember

to wear a sweater, honey?

Oh, you love.

Somebody thinks about me.

What about the inheritance?

You brought all the money

with you?

Get out!

(GROANS)

Right. If you don't mind,

I'm quite worn out and

I'm going to freshen up.

I'm very tired

so I shall take off

this humiliating outfit

and run a bath because

I feel quite dead.

You heard that? Dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Excuse me!

Oh, la, la.

I can see it's going

to be a terrible winter.

(SIGHS)

(LOCK CLICKS)

Well, look at that.

A voyeur at the key hole.

How vulgar.

Albin, do you know

who telephoned me

this morning?

Only the bank manager.

And guess how big

our overdraft is?

Ah, no.

Mustn't talk about money.

Albin.

If we don't get our hands

on this inheritance,

we are ruined.

That's it. Catastrophe.

We're finished.

(GASPS)

Albin, can you hear me?

(GROANS)

(DOOR OPENING)

I hurt your eye,

my angel?

No.

Good.

Feeling fit now,

are we, girls? Good.

Everybody ready?

DANCER: Wanna see

my dying swan?

Why is she always late

for rehearsals?

I don't know.

Zaza. Zaza!

Here I am.

There we are.

Oh, la, la.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Here I am.

(GIGGLING)

It's a success, no?

Oh, and I'm much thinner.

Stupendous.

A real wasp waist.

(GASPS) A bee, Renato!

Not a wasp.

We'll begin by trying out

the equipment

for the aerial number.

Armand, you ready?

Ready.

Fasten me tightly.

(LAUGHING)

Be careful, can't you?

Come on, let's go.

Up, up, up.

Go, go, go.

Easy does it.

Slowly. Up, up.

Good. Very nice.

Well done, boys.

Wonderful.

I really feel I'm flying.

No, no, don't let go.

No, keep hold of my feet,

just in case. That's it.

(ALBIN WHOOPS)

Don't worry, it's quite safe.

You're sure it'll hold me?

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Places, girls.

MAN ON INTERCOM:

Places, places.

Up, up now.

ALBIN: Oh, I'm flying.

I'm flying.

Up, up. Come on.

Oh, Renato.

Queen bee. Up, up.

Queen bee.

Not so high.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

No, no, no.

Too high. Too high.

Now, take down the bee.

Slowly, slowly.

(VACUUM WHIRRING)

Mrs. Petipas.

(WHIRRING STOPS)

Can't you see

that this is a very

dangerous operation?

Please wait until

I have finished before

doing the cleaning.

MAN: Okay, let's start again.

ALBIN:

I'm queen of the bees.

Za-za-za-za.

PETIPAS: Bees don't go,

"Za-za-za-za." They go "zzz."

She's right, you know.

They do go "zzz."

ALBIN: Oh, come on,

Mrs. Petipas, how many times

do I have to tell you,

if you must clean something,

go and clean

the tables outside.

Oh, just go away.

MAN:

All right, girls. Come on.

Let's get started again now.

Come on. Let's try

all the bees together.

ALBIN: Come on, girls.

MAN: Now the queen.

After me.

(BUZZING)

(ALL BUZZING)

"I leave to my nephew,

Albin Mougeotte,

all my worldly goods..."

Ah. "...together with

all my estate at Whalsey.

"The castle, out buildings,

and the title of

lord of the manor."

Ah, he's a millionaire

after all, the lying toad.

"And a stock portfolio

to the value of..."

(BABBLING)

"...ten million sterling."

Ten million.

(LAUGHS)

Ten million.

What's that?

(MUMBLING)

Where are you, Renato?

That's 100 million francs!

Coming in a minute.

"But this legacy

is on one condition.

"My nephew, Albin Mougeotte,

must be married

and his wife must..."

Oh, no.

"...have a child by him

within a maximum of

"18 months from..."

Oh, God.

How are we gonna do that?

But for 100 million francs,

there must be

a way of doing it.

Children are always

being born.

And I'll make sure that

one of them is Albin's.

(ALL CHATTERING)

All right, girls.

Oh, Renato!

Renato! Renato!

Oh, Renato!

It worked.

Renato!

It worked! It'll be fine.

No problems. I was flying.

Where are you, Renato?

Renato, where are you?

Jacob!

Here I come.

Hurry up, Jacob.

Help me off

with my wings, will you?

Oh, mistress!

You look just like an angel.

Not an angel. No. no.

I'm queen of the bees, dear.

I feel like stinging somebody.

Renato, where are you?

Renato!

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

Oh, thank goodness. Oh!

Looking for me, Albin?

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

You gave me a fright.

I wonder why

you are so nervous.

Ah! Perhaps

you're hiding something.

First of all,

what are you doing

in my room like this?

I'll ask the questions

if you don't mind.

I repeat, I want to know

what you're hiding from me.

Nothing at all.

I've nothing to hide.

You're lying

through your teeth.

I can see it in your eyes.

You better come clean,

Albin.

I want to hear the truth.

I admit it.

I lied to you.

There is no

Albert Mougeois.

It was for me,

the inheritance.

So we're rich.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're rich.

No.

No? But why?

(STAMMERING)

Because in fact,

you know,

this castle

Aunt Emma left me,

well, it's tiny.

Oh, a shed you might say.

Ten foot square.

(STAMMERING)

It's like a broom cupboard.

A broom cupboard.

You know, the sort of place

where you keep animals.

I couldn't possibly

live in it.

Oh, an animal shed.

Hmm.

Exactly, yes.

With sheep inside.

The whole place is

falling down. Even the

sheep think it's a pigsty.

Well, that's just what it is.

A pigsty.

What's more,

this pigsty for sheep

is up on top of a cliff.

I just read the will.

Yup.

How dare you.

Forgive me, Albin.

Look,

I understand your problem

but a pigsty worth 100 million

is a problem worth solving.

Okay, there's the minor

detail of converting

a part of the pigsty

into a nursery,

but as for the baby...

Albin, I'm not boasting now,

it's okay,

you can let me fix that.

What do you mean

by the phrase "fix that"?

What you mean?

Nothing, only, you see...

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

A child, I've already...

What I mean, you see,

is that for me, it's not

altogether impossible.

Oh, never.

I can't allow that.

Stop. I don't want

to talk about it.

You're looking

in great shape,

Laurent.

I'm really proud of you.

I can see that

marriage agrees with you.

And the job, huh?

It's great.

My father-in-law promoted

me to director of publicity.

Ah! Congratulations.

A responsible position.

I really enjoy it.

You know, job satisfaction.

Yeah, I can believe that.

I wish I could say the same,

but unfortunately...

Uh, look, Papa, I know

you're having problems

and I thought

if I gave you this,

maybe...

Take it, Dad. It's a gift

from my father-in-law.

And I've got

the same name

as you have.

No, it's for you, not me.

And I couldn't possibly

accept a gift from my own son.

Oh, come on. Take it.

It was for buying a new car.

The old one still

works just fine.

Come on.

Only don't just spend it

on a necklace for Albin.

Hmm?

Mmm.

Okay, but it's a loan,

all right?

I promise

I'll pay you back.

Thanks, Laurent.

One, two.

One, two, three, four.

One, two. One, two, three.

From the toes.

One, two, three.

One, two, three, four.

I've just seen Laurent.

Laurent.

Who?

Laurent! Oh.

You've seen your son,

have you?

You're happy now?

Happy now?

Not very, no.

Oh, but why not?

You see this?

Oh!

A check.

That's right.

You mean you asked him

for money?

No.

He gave it to me.

Oh, sweet boy.

He gave up buying

a new car to give me this.

Do you realize that?

Poor little boy.

A new car. Yes.

Oh, well. Aren't you

a lucky little daddy?

And what can we do

with 80 thousand francs?

Oh, I don't know.

It's just a drop

in the bucket.

Oh, yes, I know that.

It's just about enough

to pay for your costumes.

Oh, leave me alone.

All right,

what about the sets?

We can't pay for them.

Oh, go away, will you?

And the wigs, the stage hands.

And there's the makeup.

I have to pay for all of it.

Flying about is very difficult

and dangerous, too.

Just leave me alone.

What about me, huh?

You think my job

isn't difficult?

Don't you realize everybody

has to get paid?

And where do you think

I'm gonna find the money?

Do what you like.

It's nothing to do with me!

It's entirely

your responsibility,

the money.

(SCOFFS)

At least you admit that.

You're the manager.

The manager, yes.

Go and manage,

that's what you're

supposed to be here for.

My role is on the stage,

I provide the charm.

But what can we do

about the bank?

(STAMMERING)

I don't give a hoot

about the bank!

Oh, can't you

understand anything?

We've got no money

left at all.

We're not just

in the red

any longer.

We're covered

in the Red Sea

of debt!

Oh, we're at

the red lights, are we?

We'll push the button

and they'll turn green.

(LAUGHS)

Very funny.

You like green, huh?

I'm glad because

green is the color

of Scotland, huh?

(EXCLAIMS)

Repeat that.

Scotland.

I don't want to

hear about Scotland.

Oh, I thought

I must've misheard you.

But you mean

the inheritance,

don't you?

Oh, no. I just

happened to

mention Scotland.

Yes, every time

you open your mouth,

you talk about

the same thing,

the inheritance.

I've already told you.

Do I have to

repeat myself?

Didn't you hear me?

Hold on a minute.

I don't want to have

a single penny out of

this stupid inheritance.

That's final.

I won't change my mind.

Wait, Albin.

Albin says no!

I'd rather die

than take it.

(CRYING)

No, Renato, I won't...

The Red Sea

has turned into

an ocean of bullshit.

Please think about it,

Albin, seriously,

if you're capable of it.

Not again.

Can't you see

I'm rehearsing?

I need to concentrate

entirely on my part.

Go away, give me a chance.

All right, all right.

Mr. Baldi...

Please, not now.

Later.

Oh, I really must

speak to you,

Monsieur Baldi.

My wings, dear.

Monsieur Baldi,

please listen.

ALBIN:

Of course I'm ready.

I am the union representative

for the whole of this troop.

And I request

five minutes of your

precious time, monsieur.

Who asked you

to sit down?

(SIGHS)

Will you

sit down please?

ALBIN: I'm quite ready,

I'm waiting for you.

You are forcing

this company to work to

an outrageous time table.

But we accept that,

although absolutely

contrary to union rules.

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

These cheap nylons...

And if we do accept

this infernal pace,

it is because

we are professional,

Monsieur Baldi.

(EXCLAIMING)

Renato, Renato...

Renato!

(LAUGHING)

How was that?

It was good

like that, eh?

Not fast enough.

Aren't you

ever satisfied?

But we will not

work without pay.

It's out of the question.

Some of us haven't

been paid for four weeks,

may I remind you.

Well, that's not

such a long time.

But if you don't pay us,

we can't eat.

So we're going

on a hunger strike,

starting from today.

It'll do you good

to go on a diet.

Just be patient,

can't you?

So why doesn't

she go back

to playing basketball?

Renato, Renato,

look out!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Oh, no! Do something!

Give him the kiss

of life, somebody!

Oh, Renato,

how awful!

How dreadful!

Oh, Mr. Baldi.

(SOBBING)

Renato, Renato,

can you see me?

Oh, tell me

you're still alive.

Oh, my dear.

Where am I?

(SOBBING) No, no!

Well, hello there,

Mrs. Petipas.

How beautiful

you are today.

Oh, he doesn't

recognize me.

I've killed him,

haven't I?

He's had a very

severe concussion.

We'll need to do

a series of head x-rays.

Oh, his head.

Where's the pain?

My feet.

Doctor,

he doesn't know

which way up he is.

I'm afraid he may have

damaged some of

his sensitive nerve endings.

My what?

The sensitive nerves,

my poor dear.

Ah! Good morning!

Good morning,

Mr. Renato.

Come in please.

You'd like me to

prescribe tranquilizers

for Albin?

Not for Albin, no.

This time it's for me.

You don't feel well?

Oh, I'm feeling

much better now, Doctor.

Of course

it was a shock.

Let me ask you, would a shock

like the one I've had

cause side effects?

There must be some sort

of emotional disorder

you can produce for me

to make

an impression on Albin.

(CHUCKLING)

I don't understand.

If Albin believed there

was a serious danger

of my brain exploding,

or something like that,

it would be

in his own interest...

You're asking me

to make

a false diagnosis.

It's for Albin's sake

I'm asking you this favor.

Ah! But it's

very dangerous.

If Albin believes

that you're practically

at death's door

the shock

would kill him.

Oh, but I don't have to

be actually dying, I just

want something serious.

Something nervous

that'd impress

Albin, hmm?

Listen to me.

The most serious of

all possible scenarios

with regards to Albin

is easy, you see.

What's that?

You discover quite suddenly

that you fancy women.

(LAUGHING)

You don't feel

too tired, huh?

Sure you don't

want to sit down?

Oh, no.

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Oh, but you really

are recovering marvelously,

aren't you?

Got your color back.

Oh, you look great.

Just great.

Yeah, yeah,

I feel much, much better.

There's something

I've been worried about.

It's that

you're blaming

yourself for the...

No, my dear.

It was entirely

my fault.

Oh, come on.

And don't worry,

I'll look after

all the business side

until you're

quite better.

It's not difficult.

I'll do all the paperwork,

everything for you.

You can leave it

all to me.

Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Oh, those two girls.

Do you know them?

No.

Then why were you

following them?

I don't know.

I think it's something

to do with my accident.

You better take me home.

Yes, come along.

ALBIN: Come along, Rambo,

time for walkies.

That's right, out with Mummy.

(HUMMING)

Oh, no, no,

no, Renato.

Now, come on.

You're supposed to be having

a rest, my dear. Hmm?

What are you reading?

Dear? What's that?

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, no!

How revolting!

It'll give you

nightmares.

Why should it?

What are you

talking about?

(SNIFFING)

Who's wearing perfume?

You?

But of course it's me.

It's the perfume

you gave to me.

You know,

Gossamer Cyclone by Capron.

Remember?

No.

You don't like the smell?

I don't like it.

You have much too much on.

And it's not very masculine,

is it?

"Not very masculine"?

That's what I said.

For a man, it's not

a suitable perfume.

Come on, I have to

go to the cleaners.

Hold Rambo, will you?

Come on.

(SIGHS) Oh, I can't

believe this.

Oh, what a silly boy.

There we are now...

Excuse me.

Haven't we met

before someplace?

Is this your car?

Yes.

Ooh, please.

Let me do that.

Here we are.

Very kind of you.

Ugh, not again.

If you ever need

any help, my dear,

of any kind.

Thank you. Thanks.

Come here.

Come to Mummy.

Don't start

all that again.

You start helping

this awful female,

naughty boy,

then you give her

your address?

You've got to

put a stop to all this.

You hear Mummy?

Now, I want

no more of it.

Now, Mummy'll buy you

an ice cream

and no more nonsense.

You're too young.

We'll have your favorite,

with the cherries on it,

shall we?

RENATO: And six

and seven and eight...

And one and two...

Something wrong,

Mr. Albin?

...and three and four

and five, extend.

I'm afraid so, yes.

I'm so worried,

Mrs. Petipas.

You see, there's something

wrong with Renato.

He seems awkward,

Mr. Baldi.

RENATO: Very nice.

Okay.

I don't know why.

He's not like

he usually is. He's...

He's bizarre.

I noticed

just the same thing.

I won't say

nothing about it.

I don't know what it is.

(GASPS)

(SIGHING) What's that?

No...

Excuse me.

Who do you want?

I've come

about your advert.

About what advert?

I think you're looking

for a ballerina.

That's what it says.

(STAMMERING)

Renato, Renato.

It's about

the advert.

But it's a girl.

Look...

Oh, yes.

I always felt the show

lacked something.

What we need

is a girl.

Especially one

as pretty as this.

Thank you.

Mmm.

Have you gone quite

off your head, Renato?

We can't use girls

as well as boys.

Oh, dear me.

In that case,

what is the point

of cross-dressing?

(LAUGHING)

I wish you'd make

your voice sound

a little deeper.

Who, me?

(LAUGHING)

More manly.

(MUMBLES)

See you later.

I'll wait.

Right, gentlemen,

where were we?

Oh, dear.

Let's get it moving again.

So upsetting for me.

It's as if we live

on different planets.

Don't know what's gone wrong.

But I think

it's pretty serious.

Okay, okay.

Wait a minute.

(SOBBING)

He's not at all well.

What am I going to do?

(RINGING)

Dr. Beautich.

Hello, Doctor.

No. No, no, no.

It's Albin.

Yes. No, it really

is an emergency.

I must see you.

Oh, no, no, no.

It is urgent.

No, no.

It's not for me.

No, I'm fine.

No, Renato's

been acting strangely.

I'm worried.

(SOBBING)

Oh, I'll explain it all

when I see you.

No, he's suddenly...

He... Excuse me,

won't you, Doctor?

He's suddenly

started doing

horrible things.

Oh, more than once.

It's happened

several times.

Oh, I'd rather

not talk about it

on the telephone.

Oh, fine. Lovely.

Thank you!

Thanks awfully!

You're a darling.

(SOBBING) Bye.

(EXCLAIMS)

Mmm.

(GASPS)

What's going on?

Nothing. I never touched her.

I didn't do anything,

I promise you.

That's enough now.

That's the second time

in two days.

That's enough now.

You expect me

to go through this

performance every day?

(SCOFFS) I'll give in

my notice.

I'm a respectable woman.

I have two children

and a prescription to

the National Geographic...

I'm sure it's not

serious, darling.

You'll be all right.

We'll get you better.

In short, he's become

normal again.

What do you mean,

"normal"?

Normal for you maybe.

It looks to me like

a classic case of the

double inversion syndrome.

What we call

the perversion

reversion cycle.

As a doctor, I find it

extremely interesting.

Oh, well, I'm glad

it's so interesting

for you.

I just want to get him back

like he was before.

As a rule, the double

inversion syndrome is

difficult to cure completely.

Oh, I have seen

some raving queens

who turned into

absolute sex machine...

Oh, don't go on.

That's enough, Doctor.

Now, surely there exists

some sort of operation,

a treatment. I'll do anything.

I'll even sacrifice myself.

Doctor, trust me.

How much do I owe you?

Nothing, nothing.

Oh, well, you'll be

seeing me again.

I'll be back soon, I'm sure.

(SOBBING) Troubles

aren't finished yet.

What a business.

Mistress, Mr. Renato

has been arrested.

I don't know why. They called

from the police station.

What?

(SHUDDERING)

What's he done now?

(WHIMPERS)

Excuse me, Doctor,

but I'm having

palpitations.

When you told me

what he'd done, Doctor,

I just collapsed.

Well, I immediately

had a fainting fit, Inspector.

I feel quite...

(GROANING)

But, you see,

he doesn't

do it normally.

Oh, he never

kisses strange women.

And a parking meter girl

you said.

Oh, no.

He never did it before.

Never, no.

You're sick, Renato.

I saw the doctor.

You're very, very sick.

In fact, I've reverted

to my original nature.

Unfortunately, it's gone

far beyond that.

I hid in the locker room

yesterday

after hockey practice

at Miss Julie's Academy.

Don't worry, my dear,

we'll fight this together.

I'll look after you.

We'll go to...

We'll go to Lourdes

if we have to.

The doctor told me

that I'll probably end up

by going completely insane.

(SIGHS)

There maybe is a cure.

I talked to the doctor, but...

Oh, it's not

worth discussing.

And it's a waste of time.

Tell me, darling,

tell me.

An operation.

In New York.

But it'll cost the Earth.

It's out of the question.

There's the journey to

New York, maybe twice,

maybe three times.

Twelve months

staying in the hospital,

the operations, treatment.

I couldn't possibly

allow it, Albin.

No, I just won't permit it.

We can't afford it.

Whatever.

I'll save you.

Whatever it costs,

I'll save you.

Thanks, Albin.

Thanks a lot.

Well...

It's you

who wants a...

No, it's him.

Ah!

It's my friend

who wants

to get married.

Everybody

speaks very highly

of your agency.

They say that

it's the best one around.

You're very kind.

We always try to

keep to our motto.

"If you don't find her here,

she doesn't exist anywhere."

(CHUCKLING)

Tell me a little

about yourself.

I want to hear something

about your taste,

your character.

What sort of man

are you?

Me?

I have to know

as much as I can

about you,

and then I can help you

choose your ideal wife.

What's your profession?

Ah! My profession

is an artiste.

An artiste.

Yes.

A painter, musician

or the theater, perhaps?

Oh, at the moment

I'm doing

a queen bee routine.

He's a writer.

He's writing...

Ah, a writer!

Explain it.

A great work, an opera,

that's it.

About the life of bees.

Ah! Author.

Author, no, authoress.

Then we must find you

a living inspiration.

A muse.

And what sort of woman

are you attracted to?

What sort of

woman do I...

Well, he looks after

all that side.

Renato, what sort

of woman do I want?

It isn't the outside

which counts.

Yes.

It's how she is

inside, you see.

A blonde, brunette,

ginger, it hasn't

the slightest importance.

As long as

she's morally pure.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Maybe

the maternal type.

Excuse me, I think

I'm going to throw up.

Oh, keep calm, Albin.

I am calm.

What sort of age?

Oh, the same age

as he is.

The same age

as you are,

if that's okay.

Shall we say 50?

Fifty...

Forty?

What shall I say?

Thirty-five?

Thirty.

And what about

her height?

Oh, what you have,

it doesn't matter.

Whatever you have...

Oh, the size

is of no importance

at all, it's not.

It's really

not important.

Okay.

To pinpoint, I need you

to be more precise

about what you require.

Right. What does

she mean by...

If I ask you to pick

your favorite star

from the cinema,

then who would you choose?

Oh, Robert Redford.

I've always loved...

Mary Redford.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Albin.

Who's the lady?

You are.

Well, then, the lady

comes into the restaurant

first, all right?

(SIGHS) We can start

all that at the table.

No, no. We start

in the doorway.

Come along.

Try once more.

(SIGHS)

Well, you're not

a duke yet.

Don't overdo it.

Still no good?

(SIGHING)

What a performance.

Albin?

Yes? What now?

I'm standing up.

Oh, then sit down,

can't you,

for heaven's sake.

A gentleman waits to be

seated until after the lady

has sat down herself.

(SIGHS)

After you

please, madame.

There we are then.

(SCOFFS) A gentleman.

More like a head waiter.

Exactly.

Waiter.

The lady and gentleman

would like a drink?

Oh, well, I'd like

a drop of champagne.

A Kir Royale.

Champagne with

a nuance of cassis.

Albin?

The lady always

orders first.

Oh, excuse me.

Would you ask madame

what she'd like to order?

Madame would like

an aperitif?

A Kir champagne.

Very good, ma'am.

Our tastes

are compatible.

Now make advances to me.

What?

Yes.

You want me to court you?

Mmm-hmm.

At our age? Hmm.

After 25 years.

It's charming. Charming.

But a bit ridiculous.

Yes, you're right.

Madame, you can

come in now.

Madame.

Please.

I invited her because

I thought it might

just help you out.

Perhaps with her...

Excuse me.

Now make me yours.

Renato, is this a trick?

No, it's just to

give you a bit of practice,

a rehearsal. Come on.

You must take

my hand, Albin.

Why must I?

Because that's

how it's done.

Not in my book.

She's waiting for you.

Come on, take her hand.

What are you doing?

You look as though

you're holding

a dirty tissue.

Come on,

get some passion in it.

(SNICKERS)

Now, wait a minute.

Move over. Move over.

Watch how I do it.

Madame.

What beautiful hands

you have, my dear.

And what lovely fingers.

Renato.

So soft and delicate.

(SOFTLY) Oh.

These adorable fingers...

ALBIN: Renato, please.

Renato!

...which I long to kiss.

Renato.

I want to cover you

in kisses.

Stop, Renato.

Oh, my sweet angel.

Renato. Listen to me.

Renato!

Have you completely

lost your head?

Of course not.

It's just a demonstration.

You get the picture now?

Come along.

You're letting things

get out of hand.

Albin, come along.

Your turn.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Pick up her hand.

Come on, Albin,

speak to her.

You've got...

(STAMMERING)

I think you've got very

beautiful hands, madame.

Oh, that was lovely.

Lovely!

(SNIFFLING)

What's the matter

with you?

What's the matter?

I can't go through

with this, it's impossible.

Please leave me alone.

Renato.

Take this hand

out of mine.

You have the most

beautiful hands, madame.

I've fallen under your spell.

There, you see,

nothing to it at all.

Do you want tea or coffee

this morning, mistress?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Jacob.

Keep this

for monsieur Baldi.

To be opened

after my death.

You gonna

commit suicide

again, mistress?

What do you mean?

This is the first time

this year.

Since I've been here,

you've done it every year.

Oh, and twice last year.

Yes. But this,

it's the real thing.

It's the real thing.

Yes. Because at last

I know what I want

out of suicide.

I want to die.

Adieu, Jacob.

See you later, mistress.

Don't you listen

while I'm talking?

Adieu, Jacob.

I'm going to die.

Spread-eagled underneath

the railway bridge.

I want to be

run over

by an enormous,

an enormous locomotive.

You break at least

five ostrich feathers

every time you fly, Albin.

We can't afford

to keep on buying new ones

for every show. Albin!

Where's her ladyship?

She's gone to

commit suicide.

Ah! First time this year.

She left you

an envelope

with me.

Hold this.

Oh, may the Lord

give me strength.

Oh, dear.

"I choose to die

so that you may

live happily."

Good.

What a nice thought,

isn't it?

"To pay for your treatment,

you can use

my life insurance."

Where has he gone,

this martyr?

I don't know.

He said something about

a railway bridge.

(SIGHS) My God,

what have I done?

My God,

what have I done

to deserve this?

Just tell me

what I've done,

will you?

(SIGHS)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

Here we go again.

And what is it this time?

This is goodbye, Renato.

It's the best way.

I love you.

It's the only solution.

Adieu.

This is a branch line.

There's only one train

every week.

Are you planning

to sit there

for seven days, hmm?

And when's

the next train?

Oh, come on.

I don't know that.

Monday, I've checked

the schedule.

Today's what?

Monday.

You can put your ear

to the track if you like.

Don't be an imbecile.

Get up now.

Oh, yes.

Come on, Albin.

It's time to finish

this charade.

Believe me,

this is goodbye.

I'm good for nothing.

There's nothing I can do

to help, is there?

The world will go on

without me.

It doesn't matter

if I disappear.

You, you'll find a cure

to make you normal,

while I...

Oh, well.

I'll vanish into limbo.

Cut in two.

But

happy.

All right,

have it your own way.

So long, Albin.

Oh, no. Come on.

Where are you off to now?

To get a box to put you in

when you end up

like a jigsaw puzzle.

Oh, no, Renato.

Albin, stop it now.

The game's gone

far enough. Let's go.

No, leave me.

I'm not playing a game,

as you'll see for yourself

in a minute.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

All right,

I'll tell you

the truth now.

I lied to you.

Yes, I lied to you.

It's not true,

I haven't turned into

a heterosexual at all.

What?

It was only

so we could get

the inheritance.

It was only to

make you get married.

Albin!

(TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDS)

You still mad at me?

(SIGHS)

But, really,

what is it

I've done?

Tell me why

you're angry with me?

Oh, leave me alone,

can't you?

You really don't seem

to have any idea

that you've been

walking about like

a complete madman.

But what have

I done to you?

Oh, nothing,

only ruined my life.

Ruined it, haven't you?

You've messed up

my whole life.

I'm nothing but sick of you.

One more word out of you

and I hit you like that.

Stop, stop!

Get off of me. The car's

going out of control.

Oh, shut up!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, God.

Oh, dear!

Oh, my God, Renato!

He's dead.

You killed him.

Let's take a look.

He may be all right.

(SOBBING) Oh, no,

you killed him, Renato.

There, you killed

a lovely boy.

It's your fault.

I couldn't see

where I was going.

(BOTH SIGHING)

No bones broken?

Are you in any pain?

Me? I'm fine, thank you.

My motorbike's

a total write-off,

I've just been jilted

by the man I love.

And what's more?

What's more?

(SOBBING)

I'm expecting a baby.

Things couldn't be better,

could they?

Everything's going

just fine, and...

(WOMAN SOBBING)

(SIGHING)

Hello, there.

Well, hello.

You recognize me?

Of course I do.

I just wanted

to apologize again

about the accident.

You just bought

these for me.

Mmm-hmm.

Can I have a quick word

with you in private?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SOFTLY) Over here.

I believe you have

one or two problems.

I'd like to try

and help you.

Look, it's just

my problem.

I'm sorry.

I really shouldn't

have told you.

I have a proposition to make.

WOMAN: Oh, Cindy,

where are the

Hana Mandlikovas?

In those boxes, there.

A proposition?

Something which

may well surprise you,

but it's all perfectly legal.

You could be a duchess

worth several million and

have a father for your child.

That's what

they all tell you.

Well, this time

it's true.

I'm too old

for fairy stories.

I'm afraid it's not

exactly all that romantic.

It involves marrying

a bee, you see.

A queen bee.

A bee?

If you come tonight

to the Cage Aux Folles,

it's the premier

of our new production.

I'll introduce you

to your future husband.

You'll come?

Why not?

♪ Oh, once there lived a fairy

at the bottom of my garden

(YODELING)

♪ Oh, she made

my little flowers grow

(YODELING)

♪ Oh, the fairy

said to me,

"Kind, sir..." ♪

Hi, Mumsie.

Oh, Laurent.

Oh, how lovely!

It's so nice of you to

come so often, mon cheri.

Oh, something wrong?

My father-in-law has

resigned his position.

It's true. It happened

this morning.

And I'm to blame.

But why?

"La Cage Aux Folles

funded directly with donations

from the Moral Order Party."

(SIGHING)

"President Charrier

finances drag queens

at the Cage Aux Folles."

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You know that check

I gave to Papa?

Yes, well?

It was signed by Charrier.

But Papa had that check

directly paid to

the Cage Aux Folles.

(GASPS)

I really don't know

how the press

managed to get

a hold of this story.

But there's the result.

Oh, how awful for him.

Charrier's more or less

delirious. It's frightening.

He's howling like a lunatic.

He's been locked

in his room all day.

He won't speak to anybody.

Oh, we do seem

to bring him bad luck,

don't we?

(WEEPING) Bastards!

They've ruined me. Oh, God!

The bastards have raped me.

God! I'm done for.

They've got me.

I'm absolutely finished now!

Look at it all

over this disgusting rag!

The bastards! Oh!

(WAILING)

Filth! Filth! Filth!

Simon! Calm yourself!

Calm down, Simon!

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Mr. Baldi.

Yes?

I represent

Mr. Mortimer Woodson.

Mr. Woodson is also

Emma MacGovern's nephew

and is therefore the cousin

of your companion.

From the glimpses that

I've had of the personality

of Mr. Mougeotte...

Yeah?

...I would suggest

that producing

a son and heir might

prove difficult for him.

So, I'm prepared

to make an offer for you.

Divide the inheritance.

I'm not talking about

dividing anything.

I'm talking about

multiplying.

Producing a child isn't

such a big problem for Albin,

as you seem to imagine.

Have a nice evening.

How's it going?

Enjoying yourself?

Very much, thank you.

You like the show?

It's very good.

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

There's your future husband.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

The queen. It's him?

Yes, that's him.

The queen.

Stop this!

I'm putting a stop

to all this right now.

Wanted to get rid of me.

Thought they'd destroy me.

You're finished.

I'm ready to take on

the lot of you, you hear me?

I'm not gonna

lie down under this

pile of filth!

I'm fighting back!

Fighting back!

I'm closing down

this monstrous haven

of perversion!

Arrest that man at once. Oh!

Shut up!

Somebody get the gun

away from him!

Totalist!

Now listen, you.

We are the Party

of Public Morality.

The proprietors of

this cesspit of ill fame

have been trying to ruin

my political career

and to destroy

my reputation.

They were successful.

But by God,

they'll pay.

And I'll begin with you,

you pervert!

Renato!

Quickly, get her up!

Prepare to die!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Move now. Go on!

Go on! Go on!

No, no, no, no!

(ALBIN SHRIEKING)

Let me down.

Oh, do something.

I can't stop!

And voila!

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

For God's sake.

It's too much!

ALBIN: Oh, do something!

He's a lunatic. Please!

(WEEPING)

Brilliant. Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's welcome

President Charrier,

who's made a brilliant

debut here tonight and

who I'd now like to invite

to become an honorary member

of the Cage Aux Folles.

(DRUM ROLL)

(CHUCKLING) Up!

Bravo! Yes! Yes!

I'll take that, Mr. President.

Thank you. Thank you.

Bravo!

(WAILING)

What about me?

(DOOR OPENS)

How is he, Doctor?

Is he all right?

Luckily for him,

not one of the bullets

actually penetrated his flesh.

He was lucky.

His feathers were riddled

with bullets.

He's calmed down

but I'm afraid he's still

suffering from shock.

He's got reason to be.

It's not often

he gets fired at

on opening night.

It was a very lucky

escape anyway.

Now, it's my turn

to get fired at.

I think you'd better go

and see him yourself.

I'll call again soon.

Bye-bye, Doctor.

How're you feeling?

Albin, didn't you

hear my question?

How're you feeling?

All right.

I'm just picking out

the bits of shrapnel.

Really,

it was a terrible thing

that happened. Horrible.

But what a triumph,

wasn't it?

A triumph for me?

Or for Charrier?

Oh, for you, of course.

Mind you, Charrier

didn't do too badly.

That has given me an idea.

Why not include the whole

thing in your act?

In comes a hunter, bang!

Suddenly he's winged you

like in Swan Lake.

And you're

signing up Charrier?

Oh, with blanks in his rifle,

naturally.

Oh, yes. But why stop

at blank bullets?

Real bullets are funnier.

Don't be so melodramatic,

Albin. In the end,

you didn't come to any harm.

You've got to admit,

the audience loved it.

Did you ever

fight in a war?

No.

Hmm.

Failed the medical?

Well, I was in

the frontline today.

I was almost killed

by the enemy.

I ought to get a medal.

But instead,

they applauded my assassin.

Come on, Albin.

Let's forget about it now.

You're okay, aren't you?

It's over and done with.

Stop. Let go of my feet.

Listen, how's Cindy?

You know, the girl

you're engaged to.

She's become

a fan of yours now.

I saw her applauding you.

That's polite of her.

No, she really meant it.

She's a nice kid.

I'm only just recovering

after a lunatic makes

an attack on me.

And now I've got to

face up to marriage.

And the inheritance.

And all the rest of it.

But we haven't talked

about each other.

That's important, too.

Isn't it?

Our love.

Ah, I'm afraid life

isn't all poetry.

(SIGHS) I don't believe it.

And what have you got

in place of a heart,

monsieur? Hmm?

A pocket calculator?

Albin.

Hold your tongue.

Don't say a word.

But, Albin.

Silence.

But I haven't

said anything.

But you were just about to.

I could sense it. Leave me.

I go to my destiny.

Don't follow me.

RENATO: I haven't

moved a muscle.

I know.

I could tell

you were about

to spring after me.

Adieu, Renato.

(SOBS) It's over.

(SOBBING)

Bitch!

(DOOR SLAMS)

(SOBBING) I'm gonna

burst into tears.

I can't help it.

I'm gonna burst into tears.

(IMITATES CRYING)

I believed everything

he told me.

I was such a fool.

Then...

Then I found out

he was married.

That's why I left him.

You loved him?

Maybe you still love him.

No.

I don't think so.

I don't know. Maybe.

It's getting cold here.

Have this.

Thanks.

I'm definitely not married.

I swear it.

I am, almost.

I'm expecting a baby.

I want to have it.

But it must have a father.

(CHUCKLES)

This isn't a very

lucky trip for me.

As soon as I get here,

I fall for you.

And the affair's

already over.

(BOTH LAUGH)

No. No,

it's impossible.

But when can I see you?

Please let me see you again.

It's too complicated.

(INAUDIBLE)

They're all monsters.

Monstrous egotists.

Men are all the same.

Mmm.

We're just young

and innocent.

And they take

advantage of it.

(SCOFFS)

My God, I've really

been so blind about him.

He used to say,

"I have to go to work now,

my darling."

And he was really

going back to his wife.

A whole year

he strung me along

like that.

Thirty years, me.

Thirty.

And all the while thinking

that the man who lived

with me loved me.

All the while thinking

that our life together

was a romance.

A love story.

And now I discover that

it was all just

a question of cash.

(SNORTS)

Oh, I loved that man so.

(SOBBING) Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

You see, there was

so much love.

Shh.

So much love.

Excuse me.

Don't cry.

You must stop or

you'll make me cry, too.

What's to become of me now?

And me.

What's to become of me?

It's impossible for me

to live with a man again.

I couldn't either.

Maybe we should get married,

the two of us.

It's not such a bad idea.

Okay.

Yeah.

It'll work out fine.

(SIGHS)

Thank you for

walking me home, Cindy.

It's so frightening

these days.

All these drug-crazed

sailors and so on.

Good night, Albin.

Sleep well.

Oh.

I can't face going in

by myself.

I don't want to see him.

Or talk to him.

Come in with me.

But, no, I shouldn't.

Oh, do.

I'm harmless.

What did I tell you?

Hasn't waited up for me,

you see?

He's snoring.

In bed asleep.

He doesn't care.

(SIGHS)

I could be anywhere

and he's gone to bed.

He doesn't care

what happens to me.

Don't get worked up

about it now, Albin.

Go to bed, it's late.

(SIGHS)

Oh, in the old days,

he would have gone

to every police station.

I'll help you

take off your makeup.

No, it's too much trouble.

Getting it off

is so complicated.

It's too much for me

at the moment.

Oh, no, no.

I use number three,

sweetheart.

Oh, he would have

phoned the police,

the fire department.

He wouldn't have

stopped looking for me

until I was safe.

Wouldn't have stopped.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

Oh.

My God.

I look like a zombie.

Oh, la, la, la.

Oh, I'm completely

past the point when

cleansing cream's any use.

(GIGGLES)

Just hose me down, dear.

(CHUCKLES)

Being a couple is going

to be very useful.

We can help each other

with our makeup.

(CHUCKLES)

I can wear your clothes.

But I don't think

we take the same size.

Oh, practically.

I'm probably a bit slimmer

but I can take them in, dear.

Those eyelashes.

Are you wearing them in bed?

Oh, no, no. No.

I don't wear them in bed.

Oh, no.

Well, hardly ever.

You go and get undressed.

I won't look at you.

ALBIN: I'm ready.

Hmm.

What should I do tomorrow?

Talk to him or ignore him?

Decide tomorrow, huh?

Hmm.

Good night, Albin.

Sleep well.

I like you very much, Cindy.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(GASPS)

Cindy,

what brings you here?

Can't I spend time

with my future husband?

Bon appetit, Mr. Renato.

Thank you.

Good morning.

(WHISTLING)

Good morning, Albin.

I didn't hear you

come in last night.

(HUMMING)

But I did happen to

see Cindy leaving your

room this morning,

at daybreak.

(IN DEEP VOICE)

You've been trying to

make a man out of me,

you've succeeded.

You wanted a marriage,

well, you're gonna have one.

But you're gonna

get a few surprises.

For example?

Oh, well...

Don't expect to be

invited over to stay.

Look, man, if you know

what's good for you,

don't show your face

in Scotland.

That's all I have to say.

Now it's my turn, Albin.

So, after everything

I have done for you,

you're throwing me over,

now that you haven't

any more use for me,

that's it, huh?

Oh, I am not going to try

and cling on to you

or anything like that.

But you'll miss me.

You're going to miss me,

I can tell you that.

Your creation has

cast off his bonds,

Dr. Frankenstein.

Albin! Albin!

Wait a minute.

Where on Earth are

you going to now?

I am going to

do some shopping.

Shopping? But we

don't need anything.

We've got everything.

It's not for

anything domestic.

I have to get things

for the baby, now, don't I?

Oh, what're you

doing over there?

You needn't rock it.

There isn't a baby

inside, is there?

There isn't a baby?

Then why buy all this stuff?

You have eight months

to worry about

all this, haven't you?

Oh, go away then.

All right, all right,

I am going outside.

I can't stand

any more of this.

Look after the baby carriage.

Get out, let me

finish my shopping.

I haven't got

the diapers, have I?

Tell me, darling, do you

have those, you know,

little panties,

elastic bottoms,

leak-proof, naturally.

And then, could you show me,

if it's at all possible, your

range of maternity dresses?

What size, sir?

Oh, my size, of course.

I'll see if I can find

some for you, sir.

You can see me, can't you?

Size.

Oh, cheri, she asked me

what size I am.

Yes, I'm nearly finished.

Look, the whole thing's gone

far enough now. Get over here

now, on the pavement.

On the pavement?

Yes, yes, I've got it.

Up, up!

Yes, all right,

I've got it. I've got it.

First it was

the Scottish incident...

Oh, stop going on

about it all the time.

All right, I've had

enough, I am leaving.

All right, go.

Goodbye.

Leave me, I don't care.

Mr. Baldi,

won't you join me?

Make it brief, I don't

have much time. I am

very busy at the moment.

I'll be brief then.

Tell Albin to let Cindy

off the hook.

And why should he

do that?

Because she wants

to marry me.

I am sorry, but,

well, she really seems

to like Albin.

It's much simpler

if you find someone else.

It shouldn't be difficult

for you to find an expectant

mother somewhere

who'd like to be a duchess.

And it doesn't really

matter to Albin who it is.

Listen, can't you?

All I want is to marry Cindy.

I don't want the money.

Very touching.

But it makes no difference.

He's going ahead

with the marriage

to spite me.

I know he is.

At the moment he is

quite capable of seeing

it through to the end.

Oh, Cindy, hello,

my darling.

I am knitting

a little sweater

for you-know-who.

I sent off for some

Scottish wool, too, and I'll

make a little tartan hat.

You know, with

the pom-pom on it?

Is there something

the matter, darling?

I don't want to get

married, Albin.

Oh, that's rather unfair.

You can't abandon me

with a child to look after.

It's because of Mortimer,

your cousin.

Mortimer?

But this has nothing

to do with Mortimer.

I think that I have

fallen in love with him.

Oh, it couldn't have

happened at a worse time.

Now I have really

spoiled everything

for you.

(EXCLAIMING IN FRENCH)

I've pricked myself.

Really, I'm out of practice.

But I have been practicing

with the bottle.

There, gently does it.

Oh, come along,

don't look so sad, Cindy.

Hmm?

There's your dress to order,

the guests to invite.

You'll see, we won't regret

getting married. Hmm?

Oh, that's the way.

I've got it.

Look, oh, Renato, look.

You want to taste it, dear?

See, see how I do it?

(EXCLAIMING)

It's really hot, isn't it?

Oh, God.

Where are you going?

You've won, haven't you?

You have my best

wishes for the future.

I won't bother you again.

Adieu.

(SCOFFS)

What day is it?

Monday.

Oh, my God, the train.

Jacob, Jacob, quick!

Mister?

Call me a taxi.

Here, hold the baby bottle.

Oh, my God!

I knew that's what

he was going to do.

(SIGHS)

Oh, this is nice.

What a beautiful day.

I want to die alone, Albin.

I think I deserve that

at least?

Hmm...

I've been lying on these rails

for 20 years on and off, and I

have never actually done it.

So, I'm afraid, I'm

not impressed, my dear.

You're mistaken, Albin,

I am not moving until

the train has passed.

I have decided I don't

want to live anymore.

At last I have realized

you are the only person

I care for,

so if I am going to have to

lose you, there's no point in

my going on living.

There you are,

I am better off dead.

Adieu.

Put a few of your wedding

flowers on my tomb.

Oh, you really

feel that way?

Oh, now I'm happy.

Oh, you feel that way

about me.

What're you doing?

I want to die with you.

Oh, that is comfortable.

I can see it now.

In the end, you're right,

you know.

It's the only thing

left for us to do.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Isn't that the train?

Oh, yes, right on time,

as usual.

Albin.

Look, isn't it just

a little bit absurd to

do this at our age?

You and me, playing

Romeo and Juliet?

Can we change pillows, dear?

This one's too hard.

Oh, forget about the pillow.

We have to talk

seriously, Albin.

Albin.

Yes?

If you promise not

to get married,

then I'll forget about

the whole damn thing,

I swear it.

Give me your hand,

Renato.

It's how it should be,

your hand in mine.

As the train cuts us

in two.

Oh, come on, I have

had enough of this.

You think I am really going

to lie there till the train

cuts me into little pieces?

Ah, all a trick,

wasn't it?

Well, monsieur,

the game's up for you.

Now, you pay attention to

what I say. I am getting

married, come what may.

And if you want anything

from my aunt's legacy,

you'll be witnesses

at the wedding.

Mortimer and you.

(BOTH ARGUING)

Shut up!

Shut up yourself.

(BOTH ARGUING)

(GUESTS CHATTERING)

Where is the bridegroom?

He must have got

delayed somewhere.

We've got three other

weddings this afternoon.

I am afraid if he's not

here in five minutes,

I'm sorry, I'll have to go

on to the next one.

He's coming.

(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)

(GUESTS CLAPPING)

MAN: Oh, it's out

of this world.

(LAUGHS) Darling, it's moi!

At the last moment,

I couldn't resist it.

I mean, I have always

wanted the chance to

wear white nuptials.

Most amusing, yes,

but where is the

bridegroom then?

Oh, silly man, nobody

is getting married.

There's no wedding.

It's all off now.

There's nothing at all.

Just us. Hmm?

And what do I do

after all this?

I've got

the perfect solution.

Listen, young man,

you still want to

marry Cindy?

Yes, I do.

Then I'll put this

proposal to you.

Albin will renounce

all claim on the Scottish

will, all right?

And according to the will,

that makes you the

sole beneficiary

of your aunt's estate.

You can split it 50-50

with us,

provided that

you marry Cindy.

Uh, sure, sure,

I'll do it.

The name of the bridegroom's

been altered, but you can have

your wedding after all.

Then let's begin.

(ALL LAUGHING)

You've solved everything.

Oh, you constantly

amaze me, dear.

Brilliant, but rather

naughty as usual.

Oh, what a wicked thing

you are. You're a devil.

A proper devil

with horns on.

Oh, he's wonderful.

Listen, Monsieur Mayor,

we're going to leave now.

Off on our honeymoon.

Where shall it be?

Venice or the Himalayas?

Oh, smile now.

Why don't you

pop the question to me?

Which one?

Oh, as if I was

a blushing young thing.

"Mademoiselle Zaza,

I request your hand

in marriage."

Oh, I can't.

Mademoiselle, I hereby

request your hand

in marriage.

Oh, willingly.

Bravo, mister. Bravo.

(ALBIN LAUGHING)

♪ Now it's up to me

♪ To make my world a happy one

♪ Set my feelings free

♪ To let the sun shine in

♪ Too late now to turn around

♪ To let the shadows

bring me down

♪ I've got to try

and if I fall

♪ I'll fall

and I will rise again

♪ Set my feelings free

♪ I know that all I need to do

♪ Somehow will be done

♪ 'Cause it is done for you

♪ Can't make believe

I'm someone else

♪ I know it's up to me

♪ Too late now to turn around

♪ I know the way I want to be

♪ I see the life

I want to lead

♪ I know the one I want ♪

La Cage aux Folles 3: The Wedding (1985) - full transcript