Kung Fu Rascals (1992) - full transcript

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(ominous music)

(clanking)

(croaking)

(grunting)

- Thanks for the ride.

- You're welcome.
- I know.

(grunting)

(foreboding music)

(sniffs)

(sighs)

Reporting, my lord.



- What is the status
of the takeover

of the Shaolin Temple?

- We've penetrated
the final barrier.

We expect total takeover
within two days.

We have suffered
great casualties,

but they are expendable.

- Very good.

Keep me informed on
further developments.

- Sire?

There is one more thing.

- Speak.

- (sighs) Oh boy.

There is a thief who
we've already identified

who penetrated our
chamber hall last night.



Surprisingly, he only departed
with a mere plaque of stone.

- What?

Say what?

You let him escape with the
sun stone map of Kaloon!

- But sire, it was just
a mere plaque of stone!

What value could
it possibly have?

- Silence!

(squeals)

That piece of stone is essential
in my plans for conquest.

- Say what?

(burps)

- I want him alive!

For this thief now has in his
grubby little hands the key.

The key to a force,
to a power most

big.

- Hmm.

- [Raspmutant] Don't
worry, my lord,

he'll never make it past
the Valley of the Yoko Onis.

(sinister laughter)

(tense music)

(gasps)

(screeching)

(growls)

(grunting)

(roaring)

(yelps)

(grunting)

(growling)

(grunting)

(screams)

(grunting)

(shouting)

(howling)

(humming)

- Hmm.

(laughs)

Perfect.

- Ha!

What was that, an exhibition?

(cackling)

- Huh?
- Huh?

- I see a finger pointing
a way towards the moon.

- Huh?

- Oh!

(groaning)

- Concentrate on the finger

and you will miss all
the heavenly glory.

Huh?

(crunching)
(shouting in pain)

(shushes)

Ninjas.

Come on.

Come on.

I don't see them.

I think we lost them.

Ow!

(grunting)

- Ha, fooling around again!

You're really lucky I
wasn't an imperial ninja,

or else I would have...

(whimsical music)

Who are you?

- It's me, Lao Ze! (laughs)

- And what's with the wig?

- It's an exhibition!

(cackles)

- Listen up.

I don't want anymore
fooling around.

I got a funny feeling
we're gonna be very popular

from now on.

So you guys pay attention at
all times, you understand?

(chuckles)

- Thanks for the warning.

- [Reepo] Yeah.

- So did you get the map?

- They don't call me
master thief for nothing.

- Oh.

That's it?
- That's it.

- Looks like a gingerbread man.

- A gingerbread man?

- I'm hungry.

- You're always hungry.

- I'm hungry!

- This gingerbread
man, as you call it,

is a map that'll lead
us to a power so big

that we'll be able to save
our once glorious village

from the evil clutches of
the Bamboo Man from Kapow.

(crunching)

- Hmm?

- So does it taste as good
as it looks? (chuckles)

- No, and now I'm really hungry!

- Oh.

Well then, perhaps we
should go and have some tea.

- Right, I know a great
restaurant in town.

- I bet you do.

- What are we waiting for?

Let's go.

- [Lao] I can't
believe you just spit

on my new kung fu shoes.

(croaking)

(foreboding music)

(croaking)

(chatting)

- So the sun stone
thief's on his way here.

You tell Raspmutant the
sheriff will take care

of this matter personally.

(bell chiming)

(speaking foreign language)

- (gasps) Ooh,
someone's gonna get it.

(chuckles)

Ooh, look, boss, it's
that dumb guy we're after.

He's fallen into
our evil clutches.

(giggles)

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Time to wreck the
restaurant again ♪

- Huh, not again!

Why do you always have to
fight in my restaurant?

♪ Gonna teach the
kung fu etiquette ♪

♪ Cause that's what
a master does ♪

(giggling)

(tense music)

- [Man] Come on, let's
get out of here, come on!

- Hey!

(clamoring)
(bell ringing)

(croaking)

- [Owner] Fighting again.

- I smell trouble.

- Nothing we can't handle.

- Well, what special
occasion is this,

that I have the honor of being
graced by a high presence

such as yourself, hm?

- Hey, don't be so formal.

I'm Chen Chow Mein, master
thief and all-around great guy.

- Do you know who I am?

- Don't you? (chuckles)

(bullet ricocheting)

- Ooh!

- [Ba Foon] Big trouble.

- I'm the Sheriff
of Ching Wa County.

- Yeah, but who are you?

And where's your badge?

- Ooh, what ripply muscles.

(chuckling)

- Hey.

(chuckling)

(moaning)

(tense drum music)

- These are my students,

all disciples of the
Shaolin Eagle Drunken Snake

Fist of the Mystic
Schoolboy Clan.

(moaning)

Well, well, well, it
looks you three fools

better know kung fu.

Cause we're gonna
teach you a lesson

in kung fu etiquette then.

(laughing)

- Just you three lousy guys?

And I'm not impressed.

- Well, perhaps you'll
be impressed by this.

(shouting)

(tense music)

- Better to stand.

- And divide it?
- We're outnumbered?

- Go get them, boss!

- Oh yes!

(shouting)

- Your move, sucker.

- So much for lunch.

- Ooh, you're gonna get it now!

(giggling)

Woo!

- So what's it gonna be, punk?

(screaming)
(thudding)

(ominous music)

- What's taking him so long?

(groaning)

You again.

Huh?

(croaking)

Oh, right.

(clanking)

(door creaking)

(croaking)

(groans)

Filthy scum.

(chanting in foreign language)

Sire?

- [Bamboo Man] Oh, my powers!

(shouts)

(growling)

(choking)

- I have good news, Sire.

- This better be good.

(coughing)

- The sheriff of Ching Wa County

has the thief and his
accomplices in his clutches.

We expect to bring the scums
here for interrogation.

- Silence!

I'll decide the fate of those

who stole my sun stone!

- Yeah, yeah.

- Now let me think.

Ah.

Bring the fools here

for interrogation|

(hissing)

I want the stones now.

- Yes, my lord.

I shall bring the stones
here for interrogation.

I guarantee it, ah.

(growls)

(thudding)
(squealing)

(moaning)

- [Dar Ling] Oh, my head.

Who turned out the lights?

- [Ba Foon] Oh, I
don't feel good.

Oh, Dar Ling.

(chuckling)

- It's just another day
of kung fu fighting.

(laughing)

So where are we going?

- To see the old wise
man about this map.

- Wait a minute, you
don't mean that old drunk

that claims he knows all
for a price that's small?

- That's the one.

- I don't like him.

- And I don't trust him.

- Well I don't either.

(uplifting music)

- Say, you got any money?

- No.

But Reepo does!

- Hey!
- Come here. (laughing)

(bell chiming)

(mystical music)

- Wow, will you
look at this place?

- Oh.

Why couldn't we just meet
him at the old tavern?

Like last time?

- Well I don't like it.

It's creepy.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, wait, wait!

- Meow, meow!

Meow, meow!
- Hello?

Is anybody here?

- This place is as
creepy as the old fool.

- I like it.

(scraping)

(gong sounds)

- Ow!

(suspenseful music)

What's happening?

(shouting)

What did I do?

(whimsical music)

(chuckles)

Huh?

(suspenseful music)

(moaning)

- What?

What?
- Behind you.

- What is it?
- Look, look!

(shouts in fear)

(growling)

(snake screeching)

(grunting)

- (growls) Next time try
using the doorbell, you idiot!

(yelps)

(growls)

(sighs)

- Greetings, oh wise man.

- What is it this time?

A magic lantern, or a
treasure map, perhaps?

- Yeah, well how did you--
(growls)

- Now, first, perhaps a little
something to warm the belly.

(laughs)

(snaps)

- Hm?

(giggling)

- Not this time, you old fart.

(grunting)

(chimes jingling)
- So tell me

a little something
about this map.

It's the sun stone
map of Kaloon.

It has an ancient
form of hieroglyphics

that I need deciphered.

- The sun stone map?

It was rumored to be
lost for over a century.

How'd you fools acquire it?

- Huh, hey, that's
none of your business!

We pay you, and you tell
us what we wanna know.

(tense music)

- Don't touch that!
- Huh?

- Sit down.

(coughing)

- I see business is booming.

(snake chirping)

(chuckling)

- Now let me see this map.

(insect buzzing)

Looks like a gingerbread man.

(whimsical music)

Aha!

According to these
hieroglyphics,

follow the map to
the spot marked X

and you will come
upon a power most big.

- Well that much we know.

- Tell us more.

(sighs)

- The start point of
this map is located

in the ancient town of
Tupid, which is, which is...

If you head north, it's two
stones' throw, one pebble,

and a hip hop away.

(growling)

(chuckles)

(hissing)

- [Chen] And don't
touch anything.

- Now let me get this straight.

This town is two stones'
throw, one pebble,

and a hip hop away?

- That is correct.

- Oh, hm.

What the hell's a hip hop?

- Hey, lighten up.

- Well he's making this
really hard on us, Chen.

- Exactly how far is a hip hop?

- It's two days
downhill, three days up.

- Huh, not bad.

Pretty smart for a
dumb little stupid.

- Dumb luck, I guess, hm?

- I thought so.

But still, according
to these inscriptions,

danger will befall he
who holds this map.

(yelps)

- Well that much we know.

Can you tell us our fortunes?

- Yeah, what are our chances?

- Well, let me see.

Hm, hm, hm.

Oh, most depressing.

I see.

- Tell us, what do you see?

- I see!

(tense music)

- Uh-huh?

- I see that it is empty.

(chuckling)
- Huh?

(chuckling)

- Let me see your right hand.

(gasps)
Your other right!

In your search for
the power most big,

you will be captured and
strung up like a pig.

(yelps)
(laughs)

Aha, but lucky for you,

when misfortune has doomed
a friend to his fate,

your climb to the top
will mean his escape.

Yeah, hey, don't touch that!

(crashing)

(tense music)

- Yeah, but I, I...

- What's his fortune?

(moans)

- With all the strength
that comes from your heart,

your mind is empty and
useless like a fart.

(laughing)

Now sit down and pay attention!

Listen to what I
have to tell you,

for it could mean life or death.

When all of the hardship
have befallen the three,

three join together
to unlock the key.

For no chain is stronger than
the chain's weakest link.

Three join together,

the key is closer
than you think.

(foreboding music)

- What's this key you speak of?

- Nevermind.

Just remember this.

The key is the
puzzle, you got that?

- [Lao] Don't look at me.

- Yeah, I got it.

- Now get out of here.

You've wasted enough of
my valuable drinking time.

- [Lao] Every time we come here,

he gives us a drunken
riddle, I'm sick of it!

- Why are you looking at me?

(shouts)

(farts)

(upbeat music)

- [Chen] Remember, to
master the art of kung fu,

you must first perfect
the three key elements

of speed, balance,
and precision.

The success of our
quest heavily depends

on our superior kung fu skills.

Hm.

Maybe this mission
wasn't such a good idea.

(serene music)

- What is zen?

Zen is what it is.

Chen?

I'm quite disturbed.

- What's on your mind?

- Well, in all these
years I've known you,

you always seem so calm
in times of danger.

When your life is
being threatened,

what are you thinking of?

- I think of that which
is beyond thinking.

- Oh, please enlighten me.

How do you do that?

- By not thinking.
- Ah!

- Where is Reepo?

♪ We're three fools
from the orient ♪

♪ And we're back in
trouble, a predicament ♪

♪ The bad guys need a lesson
in kung fu etiquette. ♪

(whistling)

♪ Reepo, Chen Chow
Mein, Lao Ze ♪

♪ Kung fu rascals three ♪

(whistling)

(ominous music)

- Call for Reepo,
we're running late.

(whistling)

- Hey, jungle boy!

(grunting)

- Huh?

Ninja!

- Huh?

(shouting)

(suspenseful music)

(yelping)

(grunting)

(wailing)

- Speed!

(moaning)

- Catch!
- Got it!

(shouting)

Balance!

(grunting)

- Precision.

(giggling)

- [Lao] Come on, come on!

(yelps)

(grunting)

(shouting)

(yelping)

(grunting)

- Where?

Huh?

(humming)

(growling)

(giggling)

(grunting)

(yelping)

- [Ninja] You've yet to
master the three elements.

(yowling)

- [Lao] One
element's all I need.

- [Ninja] Yeah!

You can't escape us this time.

- Ha, just you three
lousy guys, hm?

- [Ninja] Learn to
count, you imbecile.

But first, prepare to die.

(grunting)

(energetic music)

- I got a bone to
pick with you guys.

- It's your bones--
- The vultures will--

- Be picking up--
- Then!

Right!

(shouting)

(suspenseful music)

(grunting)

(shouts)

(humming)

You won't be so lucky next time.

- Hey you!
(croaking)

(moaning)

- [Broadsword Ninja] He's mine.

(grunting)

He's tough!

(yowling)

- [Ninja Monk] Try me!

He's super tough.

- [Sword Ninja] He
doesn't scare me.

I've seen him fight.

Here, hold this.

- Now that I'm warmed up,

which one of you
wanna die first?

- Get him.
- Get him?

- [Sword Ninja] Get him.

- [All] Get him!

(yelping)

(croaking)

- Huh, hey.

Hey you, come back here!

Huh?

I'm gonna get you!

(shouts)

(grunting)

(croaking)

(shouts)

- Nevermind.

Where's Lao?

(muffled shouting)
(chanting)

- [Lao] Let me go!

Let me go!

Don't you know who I am?

Let me go!
- Shut up!

♪ One less fool from the army ♪

♪ And he got himself
in a predicament ♪

♪ We taught this
rascal a lesson ♪

♪ In kung fu etiquette ♪

(laughing)

(suspenseful music)

- Lao.
- Lao.

- Okay, everybody, remember,
next turn I get to deal.

What strong cards. (chuckling)

Hurry, come on, hurry up.

(grunting)

Oh, look.

(giggling)

(moaning)

I'll match your five and
raise you another five.

I'm gonna win.

- Hey!

Ninja skulls, get
me out of this!

(grunting)

Do you hear me?

I said untie me.
- He's annoying.

- Get me out of here!

- [Ninja] Shut him up.

(moaning)

- Hey!

Help me!

The bugs are crawling on me!

- [Ninja] (growls)
Hey, do you mind?

I'm trying to concentrate
on the game, so shut up!

(grunts)

Can you believe this guy?

Hey!

Cheating on me again.

Every time I turn my back,
you're cheating on me.

Why you miserable...
(giggling)

- Read them and weep.

I win.

Pay up.

- [Ninja] You're
a strange fella.

(chuckling)
(shouting)

- Oh, he's so noisy.

- [Lao] You hear me?

Enough's enough!

Stop joking around!

- Noisy.

- You offended my family, and
you offended the Shaolin--

- Shut up.

You can talk all you want
when the boss gets here.

(giggling)

(whooshing)

(suspenseful music)

(sniffs)

Hey, you guys, the boss is
coming, the boss is coming!

Hurry, hurry, come on!
- Come on, the boss,

come on.
(moaning)

- Oh come on, hurry.

Ba Foon, give up the
cards, come on, hurry.

Over here.

Clean up.

(tense music)

Ooh.

Oh.

(moaning)

- [Ninja] Oh, ominous.

- Oh.

(giggling)

- You won't get away with this.

When my friends show up--

- When!
(gasps)

Your foolish friends show
up, we'll be waiting.

In the meantime, why don't
you tell us where the map is?

(chuckles)

- Search me.

- Hm.

That's a very good idea.

- Ooh, it'll be
my pleasure, woo!

- Get away from me, you,
you, whatever you are!

- Ooh. (chuckles)

(laughing)

(whimsical music)

Ooh. (giggles)

- Oh look, oh look.

- Very clever.

I would guess that each
of you have a piece.

Suppose you tell me
where your friends are.

If you tell me, I
might even let you go.

- Never.

(chuckles)

- Then I shall have
to do it my way!

(grunting)

(gong sounds)

(moaning)

(suspenseful music)

(yelping)

(gasping)

(brakes screeching)

- Oh, mm-hm, okay.

(gasping)

(tense music)

- But he scares me!

(chuckling)

(shouts)

- Get me my golden box.

(yelps)

(glass breaking)

(gasping)

(ominous music)

(gasping)

(groaning)

(chuckling)

- Ooh.

- Oh, that's nice.

Let's see what
goodies we have here.

(gasping)

No.

Oh.

Oh yes, get you some.

(giggling)

No.

This a very popular one,

especially when you twist.
(laughing)

No, I've got better.

Oh, so be it, this
should do the trick.

(ominous music)

- Ooh. (chuckles)

- What are you
gonna do with those?

- Shut up, you freak!

(laughing)

(suspenseful music)

- No!

Not the hair!

No!

No! (crying)

No!

(laughing)

Stop, oh, stop!

No!

(cackling)

Stop.

I can't take any more of this.

Please, just kill me now.

- Then talk, or it gets worse!

- No.
(laughing)

It can't get any
worse than it is now.

- Oh, but it can.

- No!
(cackling)

No!

- [Ninja] Oh?

- Huh?

(sighs)

(shushes)

- He's up on top,
tied to the tree.

You sneak around the back

and I'll distract
them from the front.

Uh-huh.
- Mm-hm.

- Oh, and keep it quiet.

- Right.

(shushes)

- Did you hear that?
- What was that?

(whimsical music)

(shushes)

(tense music)

(grunting)

(insect buzzing)

(whimsical music)

(bird screeches)

- [Ninja] Huh?

Intruder!

- Hi.
- After him!

After him, come on!

(tense music)

(shouts)

Sticky fly paper technique.

- [Gruff Ninja] Snap out of it!

He's getting away!
- Right!

- Hey, come on!
(groaning)

- [Ninja] I thought
that technique

was obsolete for centuries.

(groaning)

Hey, use the stairs!

- [Gruff Ninja] Right.

- [Ninja] Going somewhere?

(grunting)

(shouting)

(whimsical music)

(groans)

- Most impressive falling skill.

- Huh?
- Huh?

Hey look, it's Achoo.

(chuckles)

- Hi.
- We want a word with you.

- [Ninja] Yeah.

(moaning)

(ominous music)

- A most impressive entry.

I see you've used the
sticky fly paper technique.

Proven to be obsolete
for centuries.

- Oh. (chuckles)

- It works fine for me.

- But still, you're all
alone, and you're surrounded.

(shouting)

And you will not
get away this time.

(laughing)

(tense music)

You know, for a master thief,
you're incredibly dumb,

as well as stupid, for using
the front door a second time.

- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hm.

- Ooh.

(chuckles)

Well, tough guy, the tables
have turned this time.

- Eh?

(moans)

(thudding)
- Uh oh.

- Not quite.

You wasted all your energy
guarding the front door.

But who's guarding
your back door?

(ominous music)

- The back door?

- [Ba Foon] Back door, uh-oh.

- The back door?

Get him!

(shouting)

- Another day of
kung fu fighting.

(shouts)

(grunting)

- Oh, they're at it again!

(sniffs)

- Lao.

(foreboding music)

Huh?

(screams)

Lao!

(yelps)
(moaning)

Lao, Lao.

- Oh.
(laughs)

Don't laugh!

It was terrible, terrible!

Huh?

(shouting)

(suspenseful music)

I've got an old score to settle.

- Right, go.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Yeah, over here,
yeah, come and get me!

(laughing)

(shouting)

(yowling)

(groovy music)

(yelping)
(thudding)

- It's Lao's time.

(grunting)

(suspenseful music)

(shouting)

(growling)

(shouts)

- You will not
win a second time.

(shouts)

(laughs)

(grunting)

- [Ninja] There he is, go!

(screams)

(grunting)

(screams)

My sword!

(grunting)

Not me, him!

(shouting)

(grunting)

(laughs)

- It looks like three
fools are tougher than one!

(growling)

(shouts)

(grunting)

(shouts)

- Hurry, hurry!

We gotta find a place to hide!

(moaning)

Right.

(yowling)

(clucking)

Hey.

(yelping)

Hey, watch the nose, you!

(clucking)

Oh, I said watch the nose, you.

(clucking)

Get him, use your
chicken style kung fu.

- Chen never told me
about chicken style.

- What, uh-oh.

(yowls)

(birds twittering)

(moans)

- Oh, my poor nose.

(yowling)

(giggles)

(grunting)

(shouts)

(shouting)

(grunting)

(growling)

- I assure you, there
won't be a third time.

(growls)

(grunting)

(chuckling)

(yelps)

(shouts)

(gasps)

(growls)

(grunting)

(triumphant music)

(shouts)

Ooh.

(uplifting music)

- Hey, Chen, Chen!

(laughing)

- Ouch.

- Hey!

(laughing)

You did it.

Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Here, you can keep this.

(groaning)

And I'll take this.

(chuckles)

Luckily I always carry a spare.

(yowling)

- We better go before
more men arrive.

- Very good.

Let's go, then.

(ominous music)

(clanking)

(croaking)

- [Raspmutant]
Reporting, my lord.

(hissing)

- I assume the fools
are on their way here

for interrogation?

- Eh, no.

But I--
- You fail me,

and dare return empty-handed?

- No, no.

I didn't fail you.

It was the stupid
sheriff of Ching Wa.

(growling)

I mean it was really
a small setback

due to the
incompetence of my men.

I should never have
relied on them. (growls)

- Then what are you going to
do about this small setback?

- I'm gonna retrieve the map
and bring the fools to you.

Personally.

(laughing)

- You!

- Yes.

- By what tactical
methods will you employ

to capture these fools?

- Well, I...

I...

- I think perhaps

we will employ the
use of my plan.

- Speak.

I mean, what's on
your mind, Sire?

- Summon Nio Titan.

(croaking)

- No, not the Nio Titan.

- Yes, the Nio Titan!

- But Sire, he is
uncontrollable.

How will I ever keep him--

- With this.

(whizzing)

(zapping)

Behold the moon stone.

With this, he'll obey
your every command.

But I warn you!

Do not fail me this time.

(chuckling)

- Oh.

Thank you, my lord.

This time, I will crush them.

(laughing)

- [Bamboo Man] Now go and bring
back what's rightfully mine!

(laughing maniacally)

- [Chen] When I was but a child,

my grandfather told me stories.

Fables, really, of how
a guardian of the earth

protected this castle and
its people from evildoers.

There was law and order
throughout the province

until the uprising of the
Bamboo Man from Kapow.

With his black magic, he
overpowered the guardian

and destroyed this castle.

He ruled the land
with an iron fist,

and the people eventually
fled, never to return.

- [Lao] And whatever happened
to this guardian of the earth?

- [Chen] According
to my grandfather,

when the guardian was
defeated in battle,

the Bamboo Man transformed
him into a guardian of evil.

With it now on his side, the
Bamboo Man's reign of terror

grew out of control.

- [Reepo] Well where
is this guardian now?

- [Chen] I don't really
know, I just know his name.

They called him the Nio Titan.

- Oh god of stone,
hear evil's call.

I summon your power
from the mountain wall.

Awaken from this place of rest.

Oh god of death,
hear my request.

Oh god of death,
please, hear my request.

(rumbling)
(squealing)

(ominous music)

(laughing)

Now go and crush the enemies!

(laughing)

(humming peacefully)

- Missed a spot.

(sighs)

- All my life I have
been searching for
the secret of life,

but to of no avail!

- I learned the secret
of life years ago.

- You know the secret of life?

- [Chen] Mm-hm.

- Well tell me, what is it?

(shushes)

- Come here.

It's a secret.
- Huh?

- According to this map,
we are now at the outskirts

of the town of Tupid.

- Well that means we
can go on our quest

for the power most big!

- Then from now on,

everything should
be smooth sailing.

(chuckling)

(rumbling footsteps)
- Hm?

What is that?

- What is that?

- I got a bad
feeling about this.

- Well it's headed this way.

Quick, behind the rocks.

(suspenseful music)

Put the fire out.

No, there's no time for that.

(shushes)

(ominous music)

(shouts)

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What do you see?

(ominous music)

(shouting)

(shushes)

- Keep still, maybe
it'll go away.

- Maybe he's friendly.

- Well that's the meanest
smile I've ever seen!

(shushes)

- Stay here.
- Okay.

(roaring)

(shouting)

- Quick, run for it!

(wailing)

- Oh, run for it, right.

(tense music)

(roaring)

(wailing in fear)

(screaming)

(gasps)

- Come on, come on!

Hurry!

Come on!

(yelling)

(roaring)

- [Reepo] Hey, wait for me!

- Quick, find a way out of here!

(screams)
(roaring)

- [Lao] Oh no!

- Look, an opening!

- Go, go.

- Come on, come on!

(yelling in fear)

(cackling)

- Crush them.

(yelps)

(roaring)

- Yeah, you can do it!

Yeah, you can do it!

- [Chen] So can you.

- You guys save yourselves,
don't worry about me.

- We can't leave
you, we're a team!

Just like the old man said.

A chain's only as strong
as a chain's weakest link.

- And the rest link
together like a puzzle.

- And to solve the
puzzle, we need the key.

- And the key is the puzzle.

- Yeah, but what is the key?

- It's a gingerbread man.

- [Chen] Think quick.

The old man said...

- It's a gingerbread man.

- Three things join together,

the key is closer
than you think.

Three things gotta join
together to form the key.

But what is the key?

- It's a gingerbread man!

He's coming!

(roaring)

- The gingerbread man!
- The gingerbread man!

(whooshing)

- Huh?

(ominous music)

Crush them, destroy them!

(wailing)

(laughs) I have you this time!

(roaring)

(rumbling)

What's this?

Huh?

Oh no.

No.

Why does this
always happen to me?

(screams)

(shushing)

- Come on.

(grinding)

(laughing)

- (growls) What are
you waiting for?

Attack!

Go, go, go!

In the name of the
Empire of Kapow,

I order you to destroy him!

(laughing)

Crush, kill, destroy!

(suspenseful music)

- Good thing he's
on our side, huh?

- (laughing) Now that's
a friendly smile.

(tense music)

- Crush, crush! (laughs)

- Huh?
- I have a plan.

All right, this is what we do.

(groaning)

(laughing)

- Huh?

(moans)

(laughing)

- Right.

- You guys know what to do.

In the mean time, I got
some pork chopping to do.

- We gotta hurry.

- Right.

(roaring)

(laughing)

- Try your power against
that of the moon stone!

(laughing)

(chanting in foreign language)

(tense music)

(laughing)

(creaking)

Soon the Bamboo Man will
obey my every command!

(laughing)

Evil, evil!

You'll never win against
the power of my moon stone!

I am the power!

(laughing)

I am indestructible!

(squealing)

(groaning)

My powers!

(shouting)

(tense music)

No, no!

(suspenseful music)

(gasps)

- Come on, hurry it up!

- I am hurrying.

- Ready?

- I think that barnacle guy's
doing fine all on his own.

- Chen says in order to fight
evil, we must have courage.

- Here, wrap this
around his ankles.

(screaming)

(grunting)

(laughs)

Yeah!

(yelps)

(grunting)

(whimpering)

- You tell the Bamboo Man
with this power most big,

we're coming back
to kick his ass.

Now get out of here.

(whimsical music)

(suspenseful music)

- Come on, hurry.

Let's finish this up already.

Yeah, that should do it.

Right.
- Right.

(growls)

(shouts)

(moaning)

- Yeah!

Yeah!

(whimpering)

(ominous music)

Get out of there,
get away from him!

Reepo, Lao, get out of there!

He's gonna collapse!

(screams)

(creaking)

- No!

Reepo!

Hang in there, pal!

I'll dig you out!

- It's no use.

He's gone.

- No!

He's alive!

He can't be dead!

He can't die on us!

He can't!

Hang in there, buddy!

- He's gone!

He's gone.

(somber music)

(creaking)

- He was very brave.

- He was always there
when we need him.

- He saved my life.

- He was always very
willing to sacrifice himself

for the good of others.

- [Lao] He was a good friend.

- [Chen] Yeah, a
very good friend.

- [Lao] Hey.

Remember when we
first met Reepo?

- [Chen] Wasn't he running
away from a wild boar

that he was hunting?

- [Lao] It was more like
the boar was hunting him.

- [Chen] From the
way he was screaming,

you wouldn't expect the
boar to be so small.

- [Lao] And after all that, he
fell into his own booby trap.

- [Chen] Yeah, and we had to
rescue him from his own dinner.

(sighs) That's our Reepo.

- [Lao] I'm really
gonna miss him.

- [Chen] Yeah, me too.

- You know, I really didn't
mind him making fun of my hair.

- Wow, must have
been a great guy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Reepo!
- You're alive!

(laughing)

(uplifting music)

- Hey.

- But how did you?

- Hey, your kung
fu skill is very

not bad!
- Not bad!

- Hey.

- Come on.

- [Meta Spartan] Take out your
sun stone, my young friends.

(coughing)

(laughing)

- No more stranger
than times of danger.

In times of danger,
no more a stranger.

- I'm Meta Spartan.

Protector of the righteous.

In times of danger,
we won't be strangers.

(laughing)

(uplifting music)

- Yeah!

- What?

(grunting)

(ominous music)

- It was not my fault.

It was all your idea.

- Silence!

How dare you blame me

for your incompetence!

- Incompetence?

I could've handled it, but no.

You said to make
the use of my plan.

Here, take the moon stone.

Summon the Nio Titan.

Ha, a lot of good
that did me, Sire!

(growling)

- I will not tolerate
this kind of behavior

in the presence of our guest.

(cackling)

Meet your successor.

- Successor?

What about me?

- Oh, I have a most
appetizing plan for you.

(gong sounds)

(cackling)

(foreboding music)

(giggling)

Prepare him for the feast!

- The feast?

Hey, can't we talk this over?

Hey, I just can't get a break.

- Take him away, my friend.

- [Raspmutant] Aha,
very funny, very funny.

Me on the dinner table.

Not bad, come on, guys.

You said you would eat three.

(shouting)

- I want the map

and the three fools
who possess it.

- Your wish is my command.

(laughing)

(upbeat music)

♪ We're three fools
from the orient ♪

♪ And we're back in
trouble, a predicament ♪

♪ The bad guys need a lesson
in kung fu etiquette ♪

♪ With speed and balance,
precision and wit ♪

♪ Well placed punches,
well aimed kicks ♪

♪ The stuff what
legend's made of ♪

♪ We'll all be Chinese myths ♪

♪ Reepo, Chen Chow
Mein, Lao Ze ♪

♪ Kung fu rascals three ♪

♪ Got our fortunes
from a dumb old man ♪

♪ Pointed us to a faraway land ♪

♪ So we paid him
for his trouble ♪

♪ But he spit in my hand ♪

♪ So on to the quest
for the power most big ♪

♪ Wanted by Bamboo
Man and his pig ♪

♪ The sheriff, his disciples ♪

♪ And ninjas we don't dig ♪

♪ Reepo, Chen Chow
Mein, Lao Ze ♪

♪ Kung fu rascals three ♪

♪ Well is it far or is it near ♪

♪ Is it there or is it here ♪

♪ Is it up or is it down ♪

♪ The power most big,
it must be found ♪

♪ We search for the treasure
of the sun stone map ♪

♪ Don't know what it is,
don't know where it's at ♪

♪ Forgive this dumb
little stupid ♪

♪ But is it a this or that ♪

♪ We still don't know
what we're looking for ♪

♪ But we know that the
map is a key to the door ♪

♪ Until we find the treasure ♪

♪ We'll fight then
fight some more ♪

♪ Reepo, Chen Chow
Mein, Lao Ze ♪

♪ Kung fu rascals three ♪

- [Reepo] Right.

(audience cheering)