Kárate a muerte en Torremolinos (2003) - full transcript

In the depths of the sea

the darkest mysteries
of all time,

may be found lurking
among shipwrecks

and lost civilisations.

Human remains share the abyss
with monstrous beings

and Jocantaro,

the half octopus
half crab,

monster that destroyed
the Atlantis.

A monster
who only few have seen,

a monster that lies dormant
on the coast of Torremolinos

waiting to be awoken.



This is the story
of Dr. Malvedades,

a demonic being,

a dangerous lunatic,

an evil genius,

and a man with the power
to resurrect the dead.

- Are we nearly there?
- About another five minutes.

We're here, we've arrived.

Are you sure?

Oscumutarum kalu!

Oscumutarum molam!

Arise warriors of the rising sun,

you proud ninjas,

arise from the depths,

come and serve your new master,



Dr. Malvedades!

Ocumutarum molam!

Oscumatarum molam!

Oscumutarum kalu!

Warriors of the rising sun,

come and serve your new master.

I command you,

come and serve Dr. Malvedades!

KARATE CARNAGE IN TORREMOLINOS

This will be our hideout,
henchmen.

CATHOLIC SURFERS
AGAINST SEXUAL EXCESS

- Good to see you!
- Hello Fernando, how is it going?

Here, on the battle front.

- Can I give you a hand?
- Sure, come and stand here with me.

Not a lot of people today

No, they'll be down the beach.

Brother Fernando,

Danuta is asking me for sex,

and it's not the first time

Brother Jess, giving up
your vow of chastity

would be like
giving up your faith.

So what should I do?

Courage,

fortitude,

patience.

I think I'll go and do a bit
of surfing, thanks father Fernando.

Go in peace.

The third commandment of
the catholic brotherhood of surfers:

thou shalt surf every day
if you are to find inner peace.

Our father who art in the waves,
stir up a storm,

let us ride on your blue wings
and show us your depths.

Wow! It's another scorching
fun-packed summer,

hotels are bursting
at the seams and will be

until the end of the season,

the beaches are packed,

it's over the nineties

and I'm here ready
to cover all you girls in sun-cream.

Attention!

Soldiers,

the moment of truth has come,

I need newly screwed virgins
for my magic ritual,

I need girls, go and get them!

Flaco, Flaco!

Come out of there.
Thats not funny!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Don't waste your energy,
little girl,

nobody's going to hear you.

Help!

You're all crazy!

I'm not crazy,
neither are my subjects.

I am ahead of my time,

my name is Dr. Malvedades.

I come from far away.

I've been looking for this place
for years.

The hour of Jocantaro has come.

And together we will take
over the world!

My god!

Be quiet!
Stop whining!

These are the deadliest ninjas

in the east.
Thanks to my satanic powers

I have resurrected them
and with their help

and your special gift
I will take over the world!

And together with mankind's
greatest enemy

the world will be mine!

Mine!

Soldiers show them!

THE NEXT D AY

What if he wasn't dead?
Did you take his pulse?

There was no need.
When I took the paper off him,

his hand was as stiff
as Custo's dick.

Hey Danuta, pass me that book

This one?

No, the one with the maps in it.

I seem to remember it was
over there in the bay.

I told you.

I've been snorkelling there,
it's a really cool place,

there's an old shipwreck
down there.

Yeah and maybe he floated up
from the ship.

Don't be a fucking idiot!

They'll get your fingerprints
on the body

and you'll be buggered.

Shit! I've got to go.
Would you close up for me?

Sure, give us the keys

Here you go.

- OK, I'm going to the concert.
- Alright see you there.

Another flash back?

Fuck, Jess, we've been going out
since we were thirteen.

We're going to have to start
having sex one day you know

Don't go on Danuta,

I'm a member
of the honourable catholic

brotherhood of surfers,

I have made a vow of chastity
until I'm 24,

anyway there's loads
of other things we can do here.

Come on!

This itching's getting out of hand.

I'll pick you up
before the concert.

Discover the unknown

in...

Dr. Orloff's late night show.

Good evening,
dear teleTorremolinos viewers,

welcome to another night
with Dr. Orloff. I have here

with me tonight two experts
on the battle against evil.

They're going to help shed
some light on this mystery.

Where do these dead people come from?
Why did the girl disappear?

What is behind all of this?

And we have here

the great sub-commander Bermuda.
Hello, good evening.

Good evening.

And the great Matias pollo,

the monster-hunting jailbird.

Hello, good evening

Are you here on a visit?

I have come

to warn you

that Torremolinos is
under great danger and it's coming

from the sea.

Now we are going to see

some spectacular footage,

some images that have turned
the world upside down,

images of death and desolation.

Our town has been rocked
over the last few hours

by the appearance
of various dead bodies,

let us not forget that a girl
has also mysteriously disappeared.

Sects, vendettas,

black masses, aliens

and all in a town

where tourism
is the top industry,

the less valiant have fled,

while the rest who are carrying on

with their daily lives are at risk,
our town is a target of great evil.

A chilling report you must agree.

I would like to delve further
into the problem.

I understand there
are evil forces at large.

Since you are specialist
on evil forces,

could you tell us more
about this?

It's quite incredible,

salads with salmonella,
sunbathers with sunstroke,

rabbits with myxomatosis, something
is in the air.

Mr. Matias pollo,
you revealed a series

of photos that
turned the world upside down,

some quite daring reports,

then suddenly

you disappeared
for a number of years and now

you're back here in Torremolinos
to investigate, what happened exactly?

Well,

I was deep-sea diving,

looking for marine
and mythological life,

when my oxygen tank broke...

and I was sucked down

to the seabed and put
under inhuman pressures

which fractured my backbone
in seven places.

Unbelievable, unbelievable

Dear friends,
we have also received

a number of calls from teenagers,

who are still a little green
when it comes to sex,

and as virgins they are asking us
are they a potential target,

and if so what measures
should they take?

Indeed, virgins are at a high risk

and should therefore
take refuge in their rooms

and keep chaste,

with padlocks around their legs.

Load of bollocks, no,

virgins should
get some mass orgies

going with their mates,
a gang bang,

let them screw fifty,
a hundred, two hundred

All you virgins will become
women of the world.

Does this have anything to do
with the mystery we are witnessing?

Well, the enemy
Is called Jocantaro.

- Get on with you!
- Jocantaro!

Jocantaro is a household name
In Torremolinos,

it is one of our

most mysterious legends

People from Torremolinos can't stop
talking when it comes to Jocantaro.

Jocantaro!

If Jocantaro awakes what will it do?
What will happen?

Chaos, the end of the world
As we know it.

Well, friends, I'm afraid time
has run out for today,

until next week

on Dr. Orloff's show.

Good night and take care,

Your daughters
are not safe on the streets.

THE SEARCH FOR YOUNG GIRLS
CONTINUES

Don't think
I'm not attracted to you,

but for now it's out of the question.

Stop talking bollocks,

I've had it
with your fucking brotherhood.

Hey listen, the Catholic Brother...

Fuck the Catholic Brotherhood
Of Surfers!

We'd like to dedicate this song
To our friend, "Flaco".

who was found cut up in pieces and
his missing girlfriend,

"Super zombi"!

Shit I don't believe it, "Flaco".

I was surfing with him yesterday

I love you Danuta.

I love you too.

Hey you, show us your pass.

TeleTorremolinos regional news.

Just one hour ago
a mass murder was committed.

No information has been given as yet,
there are only speculations,

but it's clear
that a great number

of people have died,
we don't know how many yet,

the police have not informed us,

let's see if we can get
some firsthand information.

I was in there,
four guys dressed in black burst in,

they started smelling me up and down,
it was terrible.

I was having a spliff
when four guys, I don't get it,

I'd had a few and then
there was like blood, blood everywhere.

They started sniffing
my girlfriend.

And it's a miracle
they didn't take her away

and blood pouring
out all over the place.

- How many people have died?
- I don't know.

There's Danuta.
How are you?

You don't know what
you're doing here, do you?

Why are you so valuable

to me?

It's not what you have
it's what you had.

On 1 August you were virgins

and now you have lost
your purity

through your own will

under the first August moon.

This book
is the famous necronomicon,

the book that resurrects

the dead.

Let the earth tremble!

Big Giorgio Lalente
has got bad news for you girls:

14 fatal victims,
dozens of casualties

3 teenagers have disappeared,

this are the tragic figures

Torremolinos is in the grips of chaos
In less than 72 hours

this blood bath has moved the country
and sowed panic in our town.

Once again the mayor
is giving out no information,

I said, what do the Police
make of all this shit?

Well, according to witnesses,

we are dealing with a highly
dangerous karate squad.

No-one knows
where they have come from.

Some say they are cannibals,

others say they are evil spirits.

Have we got photos?

- No, no but...
- Any suspects?

No, but may I point out.

Tell me something.
I don't know, Rosalie.

- Portfolio... Portfolio.
- OK

Who is this idiot?

Chuck Lee,

six times
world karate champion,

ex-marine, reward seeker,
mercenary,

just the person we need
to put an end

to this situation.

OK, OK.
How much is it going to cost us?

He must be a professional
at that price.

He is a true professional,

the best!

Here we are at Malaga airport,

waiting anxiously
for the arrival of Chuck Lee,

who has been brought
in by the town council

to free us of this wave of terror
and yes he's arrived,

here is the legendary Chuck Lee.

Chuck, we love you.

Mr. Lee will not be making
any comments today.

Chuck save us!

- Chuck we love you!
- No, no comments today.

Your worship,

Chuck Lee.

- Who?
- Chuck Lee.

Fuck me!

Your worship, Chuck Lee.

- At last someone who's efficient.
- Yes.

If the whole police force
were like you

Torremolinos wouldn't be
having these problems.

Too true.

You've got a job.

Hey wanker!

Drop that! Come on!

Where are going dressed like that?
Hand over whatever you've got.

Come over here.

Bastard!

WILL CHUCK LEE FIND
THE DREADED KARATE ZOMBIES?

Got a cigarette?

Jess,

mate.

How're you doing my friend?
Got a cigarette?

Give us a drag!

Shit Manolo, you don't change.

You know Jess,

you're the only one that treats me
like a human being,

and that's why

I'm going to tell you
about the legend of Jocantaro.

Yeah that crazy story.

Before men took
Over the earth,

there was a race

of scary sea warriors,

the same ones that put an end
to the dinosaurs.

Woohoo!

Come on, pass it over,
you're losing it.

The most frightening
of all these creatures

Lived here, in these waters.

I can still remember

what my grandma used
to tell me

about the terrible monsters.

In their satanic night parties
they used to take hundreds

as their victims.

They called it the night

of Jocantaro.

And the three bears.

Right, Manolo, I'm going to split.

Five hearts.

Well, well...
- Five girls...

Jocantaro!

Jocantaro!

Jocantaro!

TeleTorremolinos, regional news.

For all you viewers
we have Chuck Lee here tonight,

the person employed
by the council

To save us from this evil force.

Can we have a few words?

I came here to kill
those bastards,

that's why I here.

Who is Chuck Lee?
Where do you come from?

I'm from the United States,
that's all that matters.

I'm here to kill
those bastards! Get off!

Marina, my dick's as swollen
as the veins of a singer's neck.

Oh, my big boy!

What the fuck's that?

Let go of the girl,
you bastards!

Parcel for the mayor.

Here you go, boy!

- Careful!
- it could be a letter bomb.

Don't worry, it's OK.

Probably a present
from a secret admirer.

Holy Shit!

Enemies of evil,

you are the scum
that craped Oscum,

foolish, contemptible beings,

you will be my servants,
the hour

has come, the hour for you
to bow down to evil!

Good bye,
you contemptible beings.

Right, what have we got?

In my humble opinion Lord Mayor,

this man is completely crazy.

A sharp observation,

don't you have
any more important information?

I have a newspaper cutting
that may help us solve the crisis.

Is that all we have?

I don't know
if it's the ultimate solution,

but it's clear that this case
is beyond human understanding.

As the local crisis consultant,

I suggest we call in an expert
on the battle against evil.

- What another karate kid?
- No, a highly distinguished

parapyschologist.

We have problems
with hotel cancellations,

the casinos are empty,

not to mention
our reputation abroad.

And than there's those girls,

the poor things.

I think we should call
in this Dr.

to straighten out the mess.

Marisa,

book me in for golf.

Hello. Can I speak to Danuta?

Thanks.

Danuta,
my love, how are things?

Look,

are you on about sex again?

Calm down, you know
what I and the brotherhood think

about making love.

Are you threatening me?

I can be bad too you know.

Listen, Danuta...

Danuta!

Giorgio Lalente your favourite news
presenter here for you tonight.

Chuck Lee the 6 times karate
champion and the man

in which we had laid all
our hopes

died today on duty.

Chuck, the people of Torremolinos
will never forget you.

Secondly, all those girls
that have lost their virginity

are to stay at home
until further notice.

I think I've discovered something,

maybe it's just a hunch, but...

last night I had a dream.

Suddenly I heard a voice
that said:

"Come to Veronica,
come to Veronica".

Then some scissors came flying
towards me, I was shitting myself!

Then this morning, I found this
on the bedside table.

You wont believe it.

We've got to call
up Veronica's spirit.

You want to practice black magic,
call up evil spirits,

not if front of me
you're not you heathen.

Listen,
were talking supernatural,

shit you're the one that saw
the dead man on the beach.

You're the one
that sees weird things.

We've got no choice,
you've got to help me call her up.

Pick up the scissors,

Pick up the fucking scissors!

Veronica.

Veronica,
we are calling your spirit.

Who are you

to disturb my rest?

Listen,

you've got to help us woman, I mean
Veronica.

Holy virgin!

This is purgatory,

there are no holy virgins,

only souls in penance, Jess.

How does she know my name?

I know who you are
and who you are looking for.

What's happpening?

I can't help you,

but I know
of a spirit that can,

Miyagi,

come to me!

I am Miyagi's father,
Miyagi cannot come,

he has other affairs to see to.

He has left me a message
for you,

go tomorrow to the bay
of the hangman's tower

to meet his spirit

at noon.

Bring

your brave warrior brothers.

Fuck!

I hope you've brought me here
for a good reason, Romerales

Lord mayor,

the parapyschologist
is waiting outside.

Get him in here!

Hello, I am Dr. Orloff.

Your colleagues have informed me
of the problem

and I have come to solve it

with this revolutionary device,
the orlophone.

It's still to undergo
some final touches,

but it's bound to work.

This is the last straw!

I was on the 18th hole 3
Under par and going for a birdie

and you bring me this freak,

who hasn't even got
his gadget ready,

some professional!

Marisa, I'm going back
to the green to calm down a bit.

Stop cretil!

Feel the vibes
of the great beyond.

Sing cretil!

Stop!

Look me in the eyes

and you will see the truth!

This is a mystery case
that I can solve.

There are evil forces
behind all of this.

I charge 50 grand
for each mystery solved,

when I say wake up

you will hire me
without protest. Wake up!

Romerales,

negotiate
what needs to be negotiated,

I'm going to take it easy
Down the club.

OUR HEROES ARE SEIZED
BY TERROR

Brother Fernando, it's me.

No, no, no you've got
to listen to me,

it's all happening in Torremolinos.

I've had a séance

with Custo

and the spirit of Miyagi appeared.
We've arranged to meet him.

You've got to get them
all together,

yeah all of them
in the hangman's tower,

brother Seraphim as well.

OK. OK.

Hey Jess, brother!
What's up?

What's the mystery?

There's some dodgey business
going on.

- We've got problems in Torremolinos.
- What sort of problems?

Girls disappearing.

People dying.

I think our brotherhood
should tackle this problem face on.

Jess, mate, I think you're right,

there's something evil
in all this.

And our duty as Catholics

is to try and prevent Evil
from setting up his kingdom on earth.

Brother Jess,
this is a delicate matter.

- I think we should consult the Bishops.
- There's no time!

You've got to trust me,

we must wait for Miyagi
to get here.

This is the apostalate.

This is the brotherhood.

Long live the apostalate!

Oh, ignorant creatures,

listen to me.

I am

the most

visionary spirit

of all times.

Listen to Miyagi.

I will show you in 24 hours

all the secrets of karate.

You must be

pure of heart

and lift up your eyes.

Lift them up.

Oh, master Miyagi, what should
we do? Time is running out.

We will start

with the garza position.

All the other positions

of this wonderful art-form stem
from this one.

We're running out of time,

I said we're running out of time!

You have no worries,

you just eat, drink, smoke.

I need to complete the ritual,
you bunch of morons.

Leave that alone.

I need to complete the ritual.

I need another girl,

go a find newly screwed virgins.

Go, go.
The world will be mine!

D ANUTA WAKES UP
WITH A CRAVING FOR SEX

Puri, I'll have a double whisky

and something for the girl

Another double whisky.

You're gorgeous you are.

Help me!

No, don't take me away!

Help! Let me go!

Let me go!

This is where evil lies,

I must go and sort this out.

THE D AY OF JOCANTARO

Your tecahing is complete.

Listen to me,

fighters of the good.

Disciples

of Miyagi.
Disciples of Miyagi!

Honorable warriors,

I have used up

A great amount of energy

on your training.

I feel my time in this world
Is coming to an end.

When it is over

I will not
be able to guide you

for another three centuries.

Master Miyagi,

you have opened up
our minds and bodies

you have prepared us
to face danger.

- How can we repay you?
- By paying me.

Oh master, we are all ears,

but you know we have no money.

Dear friends

and disciples,

I do not need money,

in my world money has no value.

I need

A stimulant of the mind,

the elixir of eternal joy.

What the noble world

calls hachis!

Joints, I need joints!

I need joints because eternity
Is so fucking boring.

More, give me more!

I want more, I know you've got more.

We haven't got any left.
We gave you all we had.

Be generous with your master
or the curse of the four smells

will fall upon you. Zas!
Wipe them out.

No master, you're making
A mistake.

Jess, what's the matter?

What's wrong?

Shit!
What's happening?

Fuck!
- It itches like crazy.

Fucking hell, it's like
that rattlesnake disease,

The deadly rattlesnake disease.

which gets into your system
and turns you inside out.

You go completely paranoid.

How long does it last?

They say is defies death and that
you can't take enough precautions.

Keeping clean and screwing
like monkeys seems to keep it away.

- Come on help me!
- My girlfriend.

Take me to my girlfriend.
She can help me.

Brother Jess you can't break
your vow of chastity

Our day has come,
the day the world is set free.

They will no longer eat turtles.

Oh, yeah,

I've always loved films,

especially to remember classic
moments like these.

Let's see,

you've got 3 hours left.

Of course you won't see anything,

but don't worry,
you'll be dead soon.

Brother, even though your life
is in danger,

that's no reason
to break your vow.

Do not give in to the urges
of the flesh.

Trust in God's will.

Have faith, that's
a nice thing to say to someone

who's flesh
is rotting with this disease

and just because a Chinese bastard
flicked a bogey at me

and now I can only save myself
by having sex.

Fuck him!

Goodness!
What's happening?

- Shit it's a martian!
- A creature of God,

I've run over a creature of God!

That's a martian not
a creature of God.

You're out of your fucking heads.

I don't give a shit about this.
I want to see my girlfriend!

I'm dying and you want
to go and bury a martian.

Give me a hand.

He's a heavy bugger.

TERROR IN TORREMOLINOS

MEANWHILE AT D ANUTA'S HOUSE

Oh my God!
What's happened to you?

Who could have done this to you?

This is another case

of hooliganism against the beautiful
town of Torremolinos.

Another young girl
from Torremolinos

has been kidnapped

and we can only blame drugs

and the central government.

But I...

have found a solution
and the solution is...

Dr. Orloff,

who will ensure crime is eradicated
from this town.

Dear people of Torremolinos,

I am Dr. Orloff,
an expert on the unknown,

I have come to solve this case,

this series of kidnappings that has
Torremolinos gripped with terror.

Our young Danuta Allgiven

is the product

of the megalomaniac
ploys of a malicious doctor.

I have come here to find
solutions and thanks to this device...

Don't be alarmed!

It is the Orlophone,
a device especially designed

to ward off evil.

I will save us from danger

and desolation.

Lord Mayor,
I have no further comments.

Thank you!

Mr. Orloff! Mr. Orloff!

- Dr. Orloff.
- Danuta Allgiven is my girlfriend

- and I desperately need to find her.
- So you are the boyfriend.

I imagined her boyfriend was
the body we found in the bathroom.

- The bathroom?
- She was kidnapped.

But that's impossible.

My friend, I have something
to tell you, sit down.

But what are you bastards doing?

Leave the girls alone.

You can have sex
with them when they're dead.

Come to me, god of darkness.

Oh, Jocantaro,

I offer you these girls
as a sacrifice.

Five teenage virgins buried you
in the sea.

Five teenage sluts will free you.

Oh, Jocantaro,

come out from the depths!

Awake, Jocantaro!
Your servant calls you forth!

Start digging!

Jocantaro, dig!

Torremolinos is to be the junction

between the Greenwich
and Bucet meridians.

Like the bermuda triangle

it can lead us
to the source of evil.

The creature we are looking
for has made his home there

Dr. Malice, a mysterious,

evil being from Argentina
has made his home there.

The world depends on us.

Dear friends, I know that the mission
you are about to embark

on scares you to death,
but we are to go into battle!

Someone's gone and farted.
It stinks in here.

Hey, no messing around.

Fucking hell,
this is serious business,

no more farting.
Come on, get going!

Step on it!

If we turn right,
I think the Dr. is on the right.

Please brother Fernando turn right.

Ocatarum

Jocantaro!

Die, sinner.

When the enemy closes in

to finish you off,

he will lower his guard
then you are to throw yourself at him

and finish him off.

Hey chicks, are you on your own?

Piss off, Slime!

Come and have a drink with me,
my flat's just near here...

The redneck,
that's the evil one, let's go!

I didn't think you'd be wrapped up
in this mystery.

We meet again,
my dear disciple.

I am not your disciple,

I've come to finish you off.

Let's see who gets the last laugh.

What have you done to her?

Danuta is already dead.

Son of a bitch!

Danuta!

I will kill you just
as I killed your karate kids.

I pity you, you little cretin,
if anyone goes to hell it will be you.

My God!
Cover your ears,

it may be lethal.

Torremolinos is under the curse
of Jocantaro.

Giorgio Lalente,
your faithful guardian advises you

to stay at home
and close the doors and windows.

A state of emergency has been
decreed.

Jocantaro, a legendary monster

has arisen from the sea.

He attacks and kills
all that gets in his way,

Jocantaro is unstoppable.

The mayor and his entourage
have fled

Flee or hide.

THE WAR OF THE WHISTLES
CONTINUES

Do you think it will be easy
to kill us?

Submit to the power
of Dr. Orloff's mind.

You idiots!

That is the necronomipi,

the sound that raises the dead.

Let the earth, tremble!

Jess,

kill him or we're damned.

He was a good man

and you killed him.
You scum!

Wait a moment,

even the mighty tiger must stop

a moment to catch his breath,

this is when you must attack.

That hurts doesn't it,
you dirty worm,

now you must make
my girlfriend have sex with me.

These young people,
they get crazier every day.

Come on, untie her.

Tell her to get down on all fours!

Come fornicate with this man.

Come on, hurry up.

I imagined the first time
would be more romantic.

Keep going!

You're getting your flashbacks
again, I know you are.

They have arrived!
Theyre here, theyre here!

Excuse us for interrupting
the credits

but...

the dead are rising
from their graves

and are heading to the houses
of their nearest and dearest.

Srange martians have been seen
on the outskirts of Torremolinos.

They are walking along the roadsides
aimlessly.

Jocántaro
on his devastating onslaught,

has found the Martians
and an all out battle has begun.

My God! So much terror
in this little town!

Could this be the end of the world?

Jocantaro, my son,

I have been waiting
for this moment for so long...

My God, how awful!

What an awful, awful thing to happen,
My God!

She was all I had in this world.

Subtitles: LASERFILM