Kiss Me Before It Blows Up (2020) - full transcript

(Alarm system howls)

(groovy music)

(Alarm system continues to howl)

Come on.

(Alarm continues to sound)

Really now?

(Alarm goes silent)
Thank you very much.

(Alarm sounds again)

What's wrong with this alarm?

- (Mrs) Dizengoff, Dizengoff.
-You owe me a million lira.

(she laughs)



(Shira) You are a witch.
How is that possible?

-I am preparing your consolation prize.
-Not hungry.

But I scumble
another cigarette.

I have to go to my waxing appointment.

-You just got in.
-Three hours ago.

-I can do the waxing.
-I always wanted that.

My grandmother
depilated my bikini line.

Before I can transfer the salaries
, we have to do the bookkeeping.

Could you
do it alone this month?

Save yourself the look.

I don't want to ship you to a retirement home
. Until now.

Is it because of this new girlfriend?

She's more
than just a friend, grandma.

Maria is ...



-You have to get to know her.
-No.

I know enough girlfriends.

I can definitely leave that out.
Your Maria.

Because of her name
or because she's uncircumcised?

It's a waste of time.
All Marias are a waste of time.

And move in with someone

that you know for two minutes
is bad style.

-You don't do that.
-It's been three months.

Better wait before you
clear out the boxes. Casanova.

You are so romantic.

(she laughs softly)

Romance is for women

in their prime,
which have tight connective tissue.

Until now.

-Good day, ladies.
-Oh, Ibrahim.

Perfect timing.
Your playmate is here.

Sit down on the square.
But beware.

- She's snappy today.
-Aha?

-What are you doing here?
-I warned you.

You said there was a crack in the wall.

You are a doctor Why do you let yourself be used
for construction work?

I use them.

Our houses
should be in top condition,

when we get them back.

I thought Palestinians were
n't kidding about the Nakba.

Who says
I'm kidding, huh?

Well then,
you go wax your thing now.

And don't call it a thing.

She shines more
when she is in love.

Now enough with the lard.
Maybe you want cookies

Keep the seedling alive
until I come from Germany.

The day will come when your children will
contact the German authorities

to inform them about the dangerously
intrusive Arab,

who comes to visit far too often.

I'm going now ...
fix your thing.

(upbeat rhythmic music)

-Shlomi!
-Are you serious?

Oh, Shlomi, yes, sorry.
I just have to find a parking space.

No, I have to be in
the Old North in half an hour .

She really thinks I have
time for this shit.

(Man) If she had been here earlier
we wouldn't have a problem.

(Shira) Be careful, the washing machine
has moved five times.

This is her last incarnation.

-Is that for me?
-Mhm.

God, did I miss you, Mucki.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-I can not believe it. We do it.
-Yes.

-No, no ticket, please!
-Shira?

-Net?
-I.

-Jo.
-I can not believe it.

(Shira) It's been years.

(Neta) What are you doing?
Are you moving in or out?

-On. Maria, my friend.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

-This is Neta.
- I'm happy, hi.

Have you been to my bar yet?
Come over.

Well, do ex-girlfriends get
a discount?

Do you want
to bankrupt me ?

And ex-girlfriends who were
with you in India for three months ?

We have to go back.
We're bringing everything in right now.

-It was nice to see you again.
-Yes.

And.

-Ah, yes ...
- See you then.

-Park your car!
-Clear.

-Inday?
-And.

The best landscapes,
the worst digestion, don't ask.

Maybe I should ask.

Do you have to be so nice to them?

And do you have to be so cute?

Now I understand
why animals mark their territory.

Does that mean you want ...

I don't know
if that's my thing.

No.

I have a better idea.

-OK.
-And it's very romantic.

Worth.

I have it.

But.

(Shira laughs)

A ring?

Crap.

It's okay, Mucki.

I didn't think of it like
a 90s romcom.

-That's not what I meant.
-I know.

Shit is not that

what I had envisioned
for this moment.

We can
tell the children a great story for that.

Children?

-I, uh ...
-What?

Nothing at all.

-Give me your hand.
-Oh my God.

(Cheers)
(Shlomi) Congratulations!

Masel Tov.

(Shlomi) Jalla, grab that part.

(Man) Disgusting. Disgusting.

You are an abomination, ugh!

(soft music)

(Shira) Warte.

Is it okay?

wedding

(sing romantic song
in Hebrew)

(Moan)

(both breathing heavily)

Whoever invented “lesbian bed death”
knows nothing about you.

What's this?

I love
that I can be your first.

Can I borrow
your cell phone for a minute?

I have to tell my mother that
I have found my dream woman.

You really never run out of
pick-up lines.

And I fall for it
every time, Mucki.

Mmm, no, that would be
what I call you.

You have to come up with a nickname
before the wedding.

I can do that.

Um ...

How about...

You will
look so beautiful in a white dress .

(she hiccups)

I didn't even know you had such
heterosexual fantasies.

Who are you calling straight straight here?

You were the
one who kneeled down

so that I felt
like Julia Roberts.

(Maria groans)

- Let's go have breakfast.
-Mhm.

Okay but first ...

(Shira moans softly)

No, woman,
do you want to kill me?

I need water, food.

Do you want to bite

(Cell phone vibrates)

What's up bro

Really now?

Where is she?

Man, dude, you stink.

-That's bleach.
-This is vagina.

And how do you want to know?

(Maria) Ah.

It's a strange pet.

Somehow suits you, Liam.

-How do you get to the lint monster?
-The rabbit is for you.

A token of my appreciation.

I do not know what you want.
But the answer is no.

Why do you say no
without knowing what he wants?

I will show you.

-What do you want?
-God thank God you are here, Maria.

She's a lot nicer
when you're around.

Spit it out, hairball.

I have to
shoot a documentary for my final project.

We're supposed to be an Arab, Orthodox

or choose something else photogenic.

And nothing can beat my
Israeli-German lesbians.

Hm?

That's why you first say no
and then you ask.

The basics of survival.

-You'll get the hang of it.
-Don't say no.

It's just a short film.

-And?
- (Shira) Okay, okay.

But we decide
when to snoop around.

Fine

Take nice pictures
of the "Jewish Princess".

She wanted a Jewish princess
and found me.

- Miss Stasi.
-I come from Stuttgart, stupid.

Southwest Germany?
Google that.

East West...

All the same for me.
You were all Nazis.

-Not all.
- (both) They were all Nazis.

- (both laugh)
-I have to go back.

Mama sent me out to
buy things.

-Until this evening.
-Mhm.

(both) Hey.

Take that with you.

Sis, nobody says that all lesbians
always have to have cats.

(Shira) Good evening.

-Good evening.
-Shalom Shabbat.

It is called "Shabbat Shalom".

-I remembered the important things.
-OK.

(happy jazz music)

(Maria) Your mother feeds me
whether I want to or not.

Your father
must have the last word.

Only you can put that away from him
, your favorite discipline.

I shouldn't
try this without supervision.

If Ella
wants to show me her rifle , I can say no.

And when Liam shakes my hand

I don't shake them
because he never washes them.

Ha. That's it, isn't it?

I don't want
you to regret the proposal

so i say yes.

Um ...

Speaking of engagement ...

I, um ...

Maybe it would be better if we ...

Do
n't tell our families?

How did you know ...

I know my parents.
And yours too.

Let's say I had a clue.

And because we are a heavenly couple
. From lesbian heaven.

I am just imagining what
the lesbian heaven looks like.

But I want to tell my grandma.

I understand. She will
definitely be happy for you.

That's asking too much.

Grandma doesn't even recognize joy
when it falls on her as a Torah scroll.

Don't talk like that
about a Holocaust survivor.

She is not a survivor.

She is my grandma.

(Honking)

Can you translate this?

-Snupsi.
-Snupsi?

Should that be my new nickname
or do you Germans sneeze like that?

My girls.

Come here.

Hi, Mom.

Wow, wow, wow, oh my god.
Is that the salad?

I long for this salad

since I was on a student exchange
in southern Germany.

And here are the rest of the provisions.

And.

Only one Jew freaks out
about pork.

-Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.

I hide it in the
back of the fridge.

-Here you are at last.
-Hey.

I hardly believe
you crazy lovebirds.

-You need to see the new apartment.
-I was already there.

I helped Shira.

-If complaining is help.
- (Man) The fifth column!

Go to Europe
if it doesn't suit you!

He always yells at the TV,
why?

This is an Israeliding.

We don't demonstrate,
we shout at the television.

Whoa.

Can we start kiddush?

Have you lost weight
since you were here?

Hm no. I do not think so.

(Now) Liam!

The girls are here, we want
to start kiddush.

I don't like using
the sink to wash your hands.

- (Ron) Let's get started.
-What is she saying?

She is happy that
the whole family is in the kitchen.

I am also happy to
be here.

Give yourself Hebrew lessons.

(Ora) Liam, help with the table.

Hands off the pie.

(Ella) Mom, I just wanted ...

(Ora) My goodness,
what's wrong with you guys today?

-This is private.
-I dont understand.

Mom,
do you notice anything about Shira's hand?

Do you have
the allergy to create again?

Check it out

(Maria) I'll explain this to you later.

- (Shira) I hope you're hungry.
-Delicious.

(quietly) You were with them.
Is there anything i should know?

You tell me
-What can I tell you?

I know she's a lesbian.

But would your straight daughter
show up here with her boyfriend

with a new ring
on her fat finger ...

(quietly) With Maria?

A wedding?

(loudly) I don't think so,
a wedding.

Oh my God.

-Please don't scream.
-Did you notice the hand?

-The allergy?
-The other.

Stop the screeching.

-You noticed the ring.
-Yes.

(Ron) How many carats?

-Let's see.
-No, it's not a diamond.

It is...

It was spontaneous.

- (Ella) I can plan?
-So...

-Mom, we're planning a wedding.
-We are planning a wedding.

(they screech)

Full of madness! Yes!

I can't
believe it, I'm happy like a ...

I am
as happy as a honeybee cake.

-Is there cake?
-Like a honey cake horse.

You will pay
for stealing my moment from me.

Thank me for
taking him in.

(Telefonklingeln)

Hello grandma.

We want to start eating.

Sure, I'll tell her.

See you later, grandma, bye.

Uh, Grandma summons you
and the current one.

That’s what you mean.

(distant calls to prayer)

Are you recording the muezzin?

I like that one best,
beautiful voice.

I remind you of his voice

when you
complain at five in the morning.

-I never complain.
-Oh, right, never.

And I'm not fat,
just beautiful.

Quiet.
I have prepared a couple of questions.

(he clears his throat)

When did you
find out about Shira's sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation, wow.

Sounds medical.

-Okay she's a lesbian.
-Sounds like a disease.

I'm running out of synonyms.

Not so
long ago homosexuality was considered a disease.

-Do you consider it one?
-Of course not.

Why is
your voice coming out of my mouth?

He acts
like we have a problem with Shira.

-This is fake news.
- He's not that clever.

That's true. I'm not.

To my question,
do you think it's a disease?

I love my daughter the way
God created her.

-When was you coming out?
-With 13.

Your mother thinks
Adi made her a lesbian.

-It was like this.
-Isn't that genetic?

If so, she has it
from the maternal side.

Do you think it's rash
to get married after just three months?

I am happy that we have
a new one for the last time on Shabbat.

It feels
like she's a bitch.

We got married
after six months.

Because I put
a roast in for you.

A pregnant bride
shines particularly beautifully.

Stop it, this is gross.

Maria will
enrich our family.

That is the triple hit.
The Holy Trinity.

Lesbian, nichtjüdisch, deutsch.

(groovy saxophone music)

But why are you so sure
that she will like me?

-Shiri.
-No, boring.

-Shicks.
-Shika?

You torment yourself with “Shabbat
Shalom”, but Shiksa works?

Where did you get that?
Nobody says that.

-Is that a bad word?
-Schiksa is a non-Jewish woman.

And in some circles,
yes, that's a bad thing.

Does your family
belong to these circles?

No, no, no, oh god, no.

My father
just sounds like a fascist.

But if you look closely
and close your ears

then he looks more
like a care bear.

Why shouldn't I tell anyone

tell something about your grandmother's Arab lover ?

Because the Care
Bear shoots rainbows

when he hears the word "Arab".

And because my grandma thinks
no one knows.

Not even me. Ha.

Your family is complicated.

Shirale.

That's what my grandma calls me
when she wants to be mean .

Shushi.

-Do you want to listen to music?
-Yes, Shushi.

(groovy music)

Oh look

So that's how my grandmother spends
her reparations money.

-This is whiskey, not coffee.
- (Ora) Shira.

What are you doing here?

If you wanted her differently

you should have given her
on the butt.

She has a father too, you know?

Don't come to me
with your settler now .

(Shira clears her throat)

They finally allow me to
get to know you.

It is a great pleasure for me.

Know that I
don't care that she is a lesbian.

As long as you don't look like a
truck driver, I have no problem.

-Maria, will you help me in the kitchen?
-Mhm.

The new one is doing her doctorate
in something with plants.

Your mother says
she is German. Fine

What does not fit?

You change girlfriends as often
as I move my dentures.

Why do I have to get to know them?
What's so special?

-Hey, grandma.
-What?

You love me, don't you?

Well, you are
the one I tolerate the most.

-Grandma, you will love her.
-I liked the last one.

Maya, or what was her name?

(Shira clears her throat)

What does she need
so many freezers for?

These are their safes.

- Storage rooms for
your ... - emotions.

Have you interviewed Maria yet?

-Uh, not yet.
-Why not?

It's not nice. Should you.

And then ask about
her family. We don't know anything.

-My parents?
-I hope we get to know you.

And your, um ... grandparents,
if they 're still alive.

-No, unfortunately not.
-Ah.

So, um ...

What do you know
about your family?

Your history?

It's
not as interesting as yours.

Mine has lived
in the same place for generations.

Ah. Real Germans, eh?

(she laughs contrived)

-Were they all Jew-Eaters?
-Liam!

Was?

Um ... I think he wanted to ask

what your grandparents did.

In war.

(Kettle whistles)
Um ...

No offense.
There's a bowl of cookies.

Can you bring that out with you?

Not the cookies.
They are for guests.

-Are we not guests?
-No.

-Everything okay?
- (Ora) I need something sweet.

What you need is a diet.

What I'm saying,
these cookies are no good.

It's okay,
I'm not hungry anyway.

Your roses are beautiful.

I let them wither.
You need too much water.

-Is that an apple tree?
-Yes.

She takes care of her ...
you know.

-Do you have someone?
-I?

Not since Golda Meir took control of the
sinking ship.

That was a joke, mom.

Because she tends to have an exotic
taste when it comes to men.

-Come out of my flower bed.
- I'm sorry, Grandma.

And what are you doing with the camera?

I told you that.
I'm doing a documentary.

Oh yes?

-About me?
-No, about her.

These two are
hardly of any interest.

Oh but. My teacher says
this is the best project.

We have the lesbians.

The Shoah.

-And now we have a wedding.
-Liam!

Why this look?

-You should be happy for me.
-Why?

Because you're
marrying the first darling who gets into bed with you?

Schickse?

You owe
your life to a shiksa.

-Did she have a stroke?
-God forbid.

My grandmother is happy.

Unfortunately, she lacks
the right facial expression from birth .

Why do you want
to buy the first pair of boots you try?

Oma.

Actually it was ...
it ... it was ...

Oh, come on.
You don't owe her an answer.

Where does the toilet go?

Mom, we're not repeating
my wedding fiasco.

At
least we have a normal wedding.

We didn't even talk about it.

-You're getting married.
-Of sure.

-In June.
-Am I invited?

Sorry, I was serious.
You don't marry

It is out of the question.
Especially not Eva's and Adolf's brood.

-Don't put that look on.
-Hitlers brood?

Since when have you been abusing
the Holocaust as a trump card?

Since shepherds are
no longer enough for you

and therefore you
marry the German.

Mucki, the witch has
lost the broom. We go.

- (Maria) I say goodbye.
-We go.

Put the cookies back
in their place when you leave.

What do you care
how many women I've been with?

And why do you talk
to your grandma about that?

-She's my grandma, we're talking.
-About everything?

As if it were so weird.

It is normal to
initiate families.

Not in intimate details about me.

I don't know I would
have told any .

-It surprised me too.
-OK.

Okay, sure.

Don't you want to wash them?

It's full of pesticides.

Not to mention the dirty
hands that touched it.

-That strengthens the immune system.
-Mhm.

Okay.

A decisive woman.

-I like it.
-Can I ask you something?

-Is that something German?
-What?

Please allow me to ask
a question.

That is probably rather polite.

Seems like
a waste of time to me .

Did mom squeeze you
about your family?

And.

Does that turn into an interrogation?

Mucki, you have parsley
between your teeth.

I told you. They were farmers.
We don't know any more.

Why do you ask again?

-Did your grandma say something?
-And your mother's parents?

Died before I was born
and never talked about it.

OK.
We almost never talk about anything else where I come from .

If we don't
use it as an excuse for something

that we shouldn't do, we eat.

That is also
related to the Holocaust.

They didn't talk about it,
now they're dead.

Damage.

Would it change anything?

Woah, okay,
again for normal people.

Hey,
you'd better avoid "normal" here.

I really want to understand that now.

Assuming my grandfather was a farmer,
then I would be a good German.

But when my grandmother
ate Jews breakfast it makes me feel sick.

-And I have to pack?
-No, it doesn't change anything.

But it doesn't go against the urge
to want to know.

Like I said.

They were farmers.

Okay.

(Traditional Music)

(Mrs Maria. "Shit", huh?

Wonderful,
that's what I call an application.

- Ordinary, if you ask me.
-We don't.

Girls, be nice to each other.

How is the wedding going?
Is there a plan? A budget?

Um ...

I wanted a beach wedding.

Modest. 300 guests at most.

And then who should pay for it?

The guests. You just
have to advance the deposit.

Did you talk to your parents?
Are you contributing?

Is
a lesbian wedding legal in Israel ?

No, but we're faking that.

But why? I mean...

Who needs a big wedding?

-All of us.
-Seriously?

Yes, a huge wedding in your late 20s.

-And in their 30s kids.
-Is that also true for lesbians?

The Jewish compulsion
to multiply,

doesn't stop at us homos.

Did you know
about her rather ...

progressive attitude towards weddings?

We haven't talked about it yet.

I give them two months.

And don't work double shifts
for you and the tourist.

It is so
when the business partner

is also the best friend.

I'll give them
until just before the wedding.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

Let's go.

Shushi?

(Woman laughing) Hey!

Already.

How are you? I heard
you moved in next door.

Blatant coincidence. Come by for a drink
. Get a discount.

And how are you?
Where do you hide?

This is Maria, my fiancée.
Well, I was very busy.

You are the reason why Shushi
doesn't come to the surf club.

And because
my surfboard is being repaired.

I have to go back.

I need a shower,
I smell like a grill.

See you.

(with hiccups) surfboard?

Totally forgot to pick it up.
Do you need water

And you? Is she an ex?

So cute, those hiccups.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

We should wait a few minutes.

I really want to know
what's causing the alarm.

Maybe
an ex-girlfriend is hiding in the storage room.

Now I have
a good nickname for you.

Can i
sleep with you tonight

My bed is broken.

Sex doesn't solve every problem.

Do you want me to
convince you otherwise?

Do I see indignation
in your pretty face?

Stop doing that.

Shushi.

-Is everything okay, Mucki?
-No.

And are you going to enlighten me?

I do
n't want to destroy what we have.

Why does it sound like
you're confessing

you are married to Klaus-Jürgen,
who is at the grill?

-I'm serious.
-With Klaus-Jürgen?

-Enough!
-You talk.

-I can not.
-How so?

Because the
truth of the matter with the application was by accident.

So, now it's out.

I just wanted ...
It sounds so stupid.

Mark my territory and spray you with perfume,

that I wanted to give you,
so I rummaged.

The ring fell out
and you thought ...

-But ...
-I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

-You didn't want to propose.
-No.

I didn't want to make a proposal .

It didn't even cross my mind.

I love you more than I
ever thought possible

But you don't want to marry me.

It was just a misunderstanding.
Why didn't you say it right away?

-You were so happy.
-Yes.

And I was so happy.

I was really happy.

It's me.

Everything goes so fast,
we don't really know each other

and
may not match at all.

Actually, we shouldn't be a
good match. But we do.

Somehow.

(romantic music)

Isn't that ...
Do you think that's ...

-Could you shut up?
-Shut up?

Almost as romantic as "shit".

Do you see?

It shouldn't actually fit.

But somehow he does.

(romantic music continues)

I don't need 300 guests on the beach.

I just need you

Will you marry me?

I need to
hear the words from your mouth this time.

Yes i want to marry you

And I need a notarized
copy of this declaration.

(Alarm system howls)

(Handyklingeln)

Who is this?

Why do you never answer?

Apple.

No, not a "B". "P".

Can I have a cookie please?

Only if you can
spell apple correctly.

And if not?

Then there's something decent
from the freezer.

Oh yes, oh yes.

I killed Ibrahim's apple tree.

There is nothing left to save.

Why do I have to study with you here?

Because your great-uncle
just asked me to help you.

He said
you lost to poker.

-Hm?
-And now you owe him something.

Because he's the poker champion.

-Ach ja?
-Mhm.

What else does he say,
your great-uncle?

That you are alright

At least for a Jew.

-Oh.
-And that you don't smile often.

-But if it is, that's it ...
-It's fine, Muna.

Take it.

(rhythmic music)

(Laughter)

(she keeps laughing)

Um ...

Is that your
happy hysterical laugh

or are you showing me
that i'm ruining my life?

You know your mother
She's not the type to cry.

Now show me the ring.

Here.

-Do you see him?
- oh

A family heirloom. I do
n't even take it off to shower.

-We have to visit you immediately.
- We?

-No.
- Yes.

We have to see
how our daughter lives.

Getting to know Shira's parents,
planning a wedding.

Wait a minute, may I ask
why you want to get married?

I mean, it's really quick.

Is it about gay marriage or do you want
to exercise your rights in protest?

I guess
because she's in love.

We love each other,
we didn't get married either.

-Not yet.
- Oh, Hans.

Should i leave you alone

Is it only I who care about your mental
and physical integrity?

I don't go to the military, mom.
I fell in love.

(Hans) Let them do their thing.

Gut.

You know what?

-Is it important to you, we come.
-What?

-We come.
-I did not say that.

-That was dad's idea.
- Yes.

Yes, we are coming.

We look forward to Shira's parents.

But one thing is clear,
I am not crossing the Green Line.

(she hiccups)

You called for me to help.
So i help.

Help Adi, I can
take care of the cash register.

You know I haven't trusted you
since you beheaded my Barbies.

Until after the wedding, I'll pretend I
really love you.

This is going to be a great party.

Maybe
in Germany we just sign the papers.

But not so.

We're celebrating a wedding.

-Every woman wants to be a bride.
-Not every.

-Do I hear Maria?
-No.

What is it then? Something left-wing radical
or something feminist?

Right,
I'm still waiting for the blood test.

-Could be contagious.
- Seriously, man.

Why are you so anti,
no matter what? You sound like grandma.

Shut up, don't call me a man
and don't compare me to grandma.

Even grandma doesn't sound like grandma anymore.

Do you know what I love about Israel?

You can find everything here.
Warm and cold.

Wet and dry.
Beautiful and ugly.

Isn't it amazing, isn't it?

-Are you a scientist?
-Yes.

Why don't we sit
in a cool laboratory?

And what is your doctorate about?

I am writing about climate change.

That's why I collect
data from seeds, you know?

This Bibernelle
or Sarcopoterium spinosum

grows over
the entire climatic course ...

(she clears her throat)

Can we go?
I'm sweating my ass.

Thank you for letting
me take part.

Sure, over and over again.

(Goats complain)

(Liam) Wait, what's the point?
This is dangerous.

-I know him.
-Yes and?

Are you crazy?
The fence has a reason.

That's right, he protects the experiment.

-But ...
-You wanted something for the movie.

Then talk to him.
He is as old as you

(Maria) Hello.

(they speak in a foreign language)

And don't forget to take
the sheep with you.

If you're not helping
me , you can teach me Hebrew.

What should I
be able to say?

(she tries to repeat it)

(he repeats)

-And what does that mean?
- "I am not Jewish."

(she repeats the sentence)

(dramatic string music)

(Ron says Hebrew prayer)

(all) Amen.

I said
you shouldn't film while you eat.

Throwing at him is your solution?

-Original, right?
-Not in the occupied territories.

-Free.
-Yes.

-Mary.
-And?

-How many schnitzel do you want?
-One please.

I want the thin one.

That happens to the left in Tel Aviv.

You forget
how to defend schnitzel.

Why do you pay horrific rental prices
for apartments in areas

which
radiate the grace of Dresden to the Allies?

-They deserved it, you didn't.
-Yes.

We should
move to the neighboring hill with a caravan .

-Or in the desert.
-I know what spoiled you.

-Your Arab-loving eco-mother.
-Yes, that's right.

She used the gay chip

the Altalena sunk,
the First Intifada begun

and signed the Oslo Agreement.

Carrots?

Your sapling is alive,
it's not dead yet.

Give me a few more days.

But please
keep the child off my neck.

My own
are perfectly adequate.

The next time I lose,
I'll pay my debts in cash.

I have a better idea.

Good, because I don’t
want to pay you anything to kill you .

If I win,
you 'll agree to go on a date with me.

And not in here.

We go out.

Your silence means yes.

Excuse me.

My hamstring has been bothering me
since I started Zumba.

Not a good time.

It never is.
Now is as good as usual.

Or as bad as usual.

This is not about politics.

An Arab in the first act
explodes in the last.

You could make
more useful use of your creative effusions .

He was nice
when we got married.

His views changed when
Grandma did not cross the Green Line.

That was the icing on the cake.

And a house was
cheaper on this beautiful hill.

What I can bequeath to my children.

-I would like some cash.
-You are such a condescending ass.

We are stupid to you
because we defend ourselves against terror.

I am not saying that.

We are denied
the right to defend ourselves because of your kind .

-You are harming us.
-My kind?

Citizens who have the right

on their opinion,
even if you don't like it?

Can we get through a Shabbat
without arguing about politics?

-I do not think so.
-That was rhetorical, idiot.

-No, honey, we're not arguing.
-No no.

-We don't argue.
-This is just Friday prelude.

(Liam) foreplay ...

Can we finally
talk about the wedding?

Yeah,
let's talk about the wedding.

We will not live according to the rules
of social constructivism.

Of course not.

You adopt a blonde baby who
you won't have circumcised.

Then you move to Germany
like all the other parasites

because you'd rather live where your
baby doesn't have to go into the army like us.

-Then I'll join the armed forces.
- (Ora) Listen to me.

I've
paid good money at many weddings

so that one day

when it's my children's
turn to get married

it is me who collects the money.

So now it's my turn!

Now
please give me your plate, Maria.

Don't let your mother think

you won't get enough to eat
when she sees you tomorrow.

A couple of potatoes still fit in.

-We are too old for games like this.
-You're right.

Bridge would be
more appropriate for our age.

Okay,
I'll let you win this time.

-The conversation, Berta ...
-Your turn.

-We will run it.
-Your name is still Ibrahim.

And we're still in the Middle
East, so we're not running it.

Cut a
slice from your granddaughter . She seems satisfied.

At my age,
a Filipino caregiver is taken.

-No Arab lover.
-Just.

We are old. That's why interest
is no one that we do.

I mean
everyone who used to stand in our way

are dead, gone.

(soft plucked music)

I'm also a doctor.

Hm?

Are you playing your hand now

(Ora)
Does your mother not want a wedding?

(Maria) she means

the state should stay
out of matters of the heart.

That's why my parents are not getting married.

-Take it like a man.
-Mhm.

It occurs to me

I found a rabbi
who would trust you.

I beg your pardon?

(roaring laughter)

What did i say

That you will eat pork on Yom Kippur.

Never learn from Liam.

I wanted to say
I am not Jewish.

Hm, you can convert anytime.

Can it be any more arrogant?

I just think it's funny

that papa thinks
Maria would ever convert.

How so?

I don't mean
you have to.

But if you have children ...

What does giving birth have
to do with the matter?

Well, if she's not Jewish

can't she give
birth to my grandchildren.

You should be your religion

keep away from our reproductive organs , okay?

-We go home.
-I can do the Friday prelude.

Can I
get another schnitzel, please ?

(Shira seufzt)

Liam, are you totally stupid?

It is very helpful
when my parents are annoying.

(energetic rock music)

(Maria cheers wildly)

(Music becomes quieter)

You just asked for a schnitzel?

Wow, I'm impressed.

Sorry Miss Impressed

when the dancing queen
marries a Jew,

she has to accept that mom
is asking for a big wedding.

And you,
Miss Self-hating Jew,

that dad wants the grandchildren to
lose their foreskin.

You can
open a “Jewish Princess” in Germany .

Follow the rules
or go into exile?

That was supposed to be a joke.

(groovy electric guitar solo)

(Maria slurping)
We're adopting a blonde baby.

And move to Germany.

I am so sorry.

-No more Friday auditions for you.
-Yes.

-No ... foreplay ...
-Yes. Sh ...

-No, don't "shit" me.
-OK.

My mother is right.

(soft plucked music)

This is not a place to live.

(Hip-Hop Music)

- (Hans) That's right.
-Thank you.

Are you Maria's parents?

-Who wants to know that?
-The Mossad.

No, it was just a joke.

I am Liam,
Shira's brother and Maria's biggest fan.

-Didn't she tell you about the movie?
-Um ...

You come from Stuttgart.
In the southwest of Germany.

Googled it.

(Liam) Okay, it won't take long.

I ask you the same questions
that I ask my parents.

-OK.
-Yes.

Ready?

When did you
find out about Maria's sexual orientation?

What exactly do you mean?

When did she
say she was a lesbian?

(Hans) It doesn't.

-Ups.
-We know it.

She didn't come out.
Love is love

If she is happy,
the partner does not matter.

Even if it is a Jew?

-Do you want to suggest something?
-No no. I am just asking.

-So it says in the notes.
-Why do you ask?

-I also asked my parents.
-Why did you do that?

-Well, about Maria.
-What about Maria?

I don't know she's not Jewish.

And German.

And what did they say

Hey, I'm the one here
asking the questions.

Mama?

-You’re early.
-Yes.

-How nice.
-We only had hand luggage.

-Hi Papa.
-Here you are.

-Hi.
-I'm glad you're here.

How are you shira

-Was he rude?
-I? You should ask her.

-Let's go up.
-Yes.

I am not ready yet.

Oh yes you are

I'm going to see grandma tomorrow.
You can come with me, you vulture.

Do you want to introduce her to your grandma?

(Hans)
We would like to get to know you

but my wife
signed us up for a tour.

You two alone? Where to?

We're going to a refugee camp.

Forget Grandma, I want to be there
when you meet Papa.

-We want?
-With pleasure.

Are you making plans without me?
Shouldn't I come with you?

You moved.
You have enough to do.

You don't
have to take care of us too, do you ?

(Petra) Thank you, that's okay.

(Hans whispers)

That's great.

Great, the apartment.

You want to visit your grandma tomorrow?

Mhm.

The Schiksa comes with you.

(rhythmic dance music)

What shoud that?
Onion suicide?

Less than a shekel a kilo.
I bought 20 kilos.

-What a happy event.
-Close the door.

-An extended suicide.
-What do you even want?

I did
n't say goodbye last time.

Sit down.

You can of
course save them for later if you want .

Open the door.

(Door is opened)

(Berta) Mmh.

They say
you are a monopoly champion.

-Do you want to find out?
-Yes I would like to.

Liam
showed me an interview with your friend.

The Bedouin boy.

-Which Bedouin boy?
-Ahmed.

I'll give him water
and some of your cigarettes

and his sheep stay away
from my station.

Anyway, he's trying.

You seem
to have a knack for difficult things.

Oh.

I'm afraid I killed it.

You overwatered it.

But I think I can save it.

First it has to be outside,
but not in the sun.

I can find a place for it.

She's nice.
She is really nice.

But you
still can't marry her.

But that's exactly what I intend to do.
They marry.

-I gave her the ring.
-What did you do?

- My mother's ring?
-Yes, I wanted the most valuable ...

I gave it to you. The only thing
I have left of my mother.

-Because I'm German?
-Didn't say it.

-Don't pull.
-I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have accepted it.

You don't have to apologize,
you have to.

You're right. There is
no excuse and forgiveness.

Can you please stop pushing
your Hitler on us?

-Granny!
-Do I have to change the locks?

-Did she lose in Monopoly?
-No, the mind.

She gave her
my mother's ring.

Despite my best efforts

she has
mutated into a selfish brat.

-What I?
-You are looking for my bloodiest wound.

And then rub salt in.

I thought the
one in love with an Arab

has no problem
with my German.

What? I?

Never ever.

I can't be
with anyone

and
ignore everything else without hesitation .

-What is everything else?
-Guess what? The reality.

Ibrahim, reality.

I want this ring back.
Tell her that before she blows away with it.

(thoughtful pop song)

I... heard you say

I... heard you say

(Cell phone vibrates)

Yes, Adi?

Okay don't let her go, will you?

Mucki, thank God.

Pull it off.

Promise
you won't leave me

I have to get him right now.

I should
n't have taken you with me .

I am really sorry.
Please believe me

Look at me.

Look at me.

(Ring climbs on the trees)

-It doesn't fit.
-Fuck the ring.

Fuck all the rings.
I'll buy you a new one.

And one with no previous history.

I love you.
More than anything else.

I promise you my grandma
and the rest of the bullshit

to keep from the neck.

And you promise me
that you will stay with me.

(hopeful music)

Yes Yes Yes. OK.

Do you have it?

Down with the monarch.

Crap.

What are you doing here?

I make
sure that the salaries are paid.

And I'm the owner of the bar.

But don't let me bother you.
Just keep going.

(Shira) Warte.

Here, take it.
I don't want him anymore.

Then I assume that you
probably don't want the money either

I've
invested in your business

Wow.
(she clears her throat)

Okay.

You get your money.
Give me 30 days.

(soulful organ music)

(Church bells)

I'm so happy to
finally get to know you guys.

-Ron, I'm happy.
-Hans.

-I am also pleased.
-Ron.

Maria said that you were on
an exchange in Germany.

(Ora) Yes.
(she laughs with a cackle)

Therefore I am happy
that you are German.

I am
as happy as a honey horse cake.

-Like a honey cake horse.
-Ah yes.

-Like a cake horse.
-Mama, the people pray here.

And this is Ella.

Our beautiful soldier.

And you already know Liam, don't you?

-Ja.
-Mhm.

I am your city guide today.

Do we start on Via Dolorosa
or the Church of the Holy Sepulcher?

-Are you on duty now?
-No.

But with a uniform I can go to
the coolest places and get discounts.

I feel uncomfortable.

I believe in peace.

(Ron) So do we.

That is why we fight for it.

I know what we need.
What to eat.

(all) eat, eat.

-Yes, great.
-I like it.

I have a better idea.

“The Lodz ghetto was opened
after the attack on Poland in 1939

set up for the Jewish Poles.

It was the second largest ghetto
after the Warsaw ghetto

in German-occupied Europe. "

(Hans in a whisper)
Who took the photos?

(Ron) They're
from different sources.

Many of the pictures are from Germans.

This is where
my mother's family comes from.

Aha.

And your family?

Comes from a small village
in southwest Germany.

Maria actually did
n't tell us anything about them.

And.

They died before they were born.

Mhm.

I
never got to know my grandparents either.

My mother didn't know her either.

She was four when her parents
had to hide her and her sister.

That was
the last time she saw them.

What is...

become of them?

Years after the war
they found someone

who was in the same transport.

He could tell them
what happened to them.

The whole family was wiped out.

Nobody survived.

Except for my mother
and her older sister.

My mother says,

her first memory
was a dark, cold attic.

And hunger.

She told
how much she was starving.

(Petra sobs)

No no no.

Oh my god, oh my god

Please do not cry.

Shira will kill you.

They rounded them all up

and made them
stand in the snow for hours.

So long,
until the weakest collapsed.

Follow me.

A Holocaust museum, really now?

How in the world
does he get such shit?

-I envy these people.
-Do not you have to.

You pay for stories that
I always hear for free.

I've never been just
sad before . I mean as a person.

Hm? Why?

Because I always
felt that as a German.

I feel
guilty as a German.

As a German, I am ashamed.

How does it feel
if you weren't German?

Stay with me.

If history repeats itself,
you and I are the first in the crematorium.

Then you know
what it feels like to be a victim.

Mucki, wait, it was a joke.

(Frau) Shira?

Maria, her fiancée.

How was it?

Wow fiancée. Are you quick

(Maria) I beg your pardon?

We wanted to move in together four months ago .

And already she is planning to get married.

(Honking)

So much for
"keeping the bullshit away".

-Not even a day.
-Mucki, that ...

"Mucki" not me.

Everywhere I turn there
are corpses.

I live in a minefield
waiting to explode.

As if that wasn't enough, there
are the ex-girlfriends.

Is there another woman in Israel that
you haven't fucked, Shushi?

Stop!

(Tires squeal, bang)

(dramatic music)

I have to destroy his camera.

It was your fault Your luck that
only your left hand is broken.

I am the only normal person
in this family.

Mucki.

(distant announcements)

-Hi.
-Ibrahim?

I don't think so.

You both know each other?

But.

When I was in Germany at the time
, Grandma sent me to Ibrahim.

And how do you know each other, huh?

You were a great pleasure for us.

-How is your beautiful wife?
-She died.

Oh I'm sorry.
My sincere condolences.

Are you back?
Do you live here again

The children have a life of their own,
and I felt a longing for ...

the sun.

(Ora laughs)
May I introduce my husband to you?

My youngest Liam,
my other daughter Ella.

Shira's fiancee, Maria.

Your parents,
shortly my in-laws.

You come from Stuttgart.

Mom, are you going to take him
all our genealogy?

-Hi, I'm glad.
-I am also pleased.

I did my training in Tübingen.

My children are still there.
Create, create, build houses.

(they laugh)

Is there an Arab
your mother doesn't know?

(Berta) It's nice that you are fine.

Mama.

These are Maria's parents.

Mummy. Mom please

(quiet Please.

Uh, get rid of them.

-Grandma, stop it!
-You don't yell at me.

After all the women
you dated

are you trying now

to overcome your attachment phobia with a German?

(Shira screams in frustration)

I don't get into that shit anymore.

(Berta) Hallelujah.

She finally strapped it.

Mucki.

You're better off without her.

I think
I'm better off without you.

(sad plucked music)

I'll get
your discharge papers straight away.

(Shira seufzt)

(sad music continues)

(Maria) No. No no no.

I have the right to be a person,
not just a German.

Not for a woman
whose family has been murdered.

-We should apologize.
-Are you crazy?

Do you know what they call me?
I am a schiksa.

And you are goyim,
plural for non-Jews.

And these are just the synonyms of
this language for non-Jews.

When it comes to Germans, things get
creative.

Connecting
cultures is not easy.

I am proud of the way you do it.
How many words you learned

Can I have
my parents back, please ?

Since when
have you been crying all the time?

Since when does everything about you sound
like a Beatles song?

-She should never have come here.
-But. She is here for love.

Love. Where?

Everyone hates each other here.

It's all controversial. Everything.

Except that every German
hides a Nazi past.

You can say
that there is no Nazi buried with us.

- (Petra) Yes.
- (unanimously) No.

But.

My grandfather, father and my
mother. They believed in that.

I didn't know anything.
They kept it a secret.

I never knew my grandfather,
my father died.

And my mother formed from her father
and my saint.

And me too.

To...

And.

My mother didn't want to talk.
I burned the family album.

It was all a lie anyway.

You never asked me

And I didn't mean to tell you.

(distant calls to prayer)

Start eating.

We have half an hour
before the wife starts nagging.

It is seven in the morning.

What are you doing here anyway?

(Knock)
(Liam) Can I go in?

No.

Like back then at school.

You and I in the room,
your siblings in front of the door,

and we're talking about girls.

But then
everything was kind of easier.

At that time you
weren't aware of the complexity.

- (Liam) I'm hungry.
- (Ella) Liam, I want to sleep!

Hm?

(Cell phone vibrates)

And?

I'll take the shift today.

I am on the way.
No need to scream.

Okay, see you.

Name?

Is it really okay
to borrow the money from your in-laws?

When it's okay to
hang a portrait of my Jewish princess.

(sie prustet)

-Ready?
-What's this?

(an emotional acoustic song is playing)

(Maria sings)

(Laughter)

You sneaky little ...

(emotional song overlays dialogue)

(Song continues)

(Maria) Bye.

(Song continues)

(Song echoes)

Was?

So, yeah, send another one.
I can't miss the flight.

How long should it take?

Forget it. Many Thanks.

(Neta) Shira's girlfriend.

Compensatory justice.

- Quiet service.
-Are you going on vacation?

Second.

I'm sorry, I don't have time.

-I have to go to the airport.
-Oh, good luck with that.

There was a huge accident here,
two trucks.

Don't ask,
there's no getting through here.

Didn't you notice
the street is empty?

I have to go to the airport urgently.
Can you help me?

In any case.

My car
is near the scene of the accident.

Don't worry,
you'll be on the plane on time.

Thank you. I can't say
how grateful I am.

I want to show my gratitude.

It's okay.
My shift is over.

I also take pleasure
in helping a pretty woman.

My father is right.
We want to pay you.

Fine

Now it feels like shit,
but it gets better.

-I do not think so.
- believe me.

Got it through and regretted it.

No, I don't regret any of it.

Do not be sad. Maybe
she wasn't the right one.

She is definitely the one.

Crap.

I can not go.

(hopeful music)

Thank you.

-What?
-Oh, Petra, please.

So you stay here

-Hans.
-Come on now.

(poignant happy song)

(Music falls silent)
Come on, give me the car keys.

(Ron) Berta?

(Door closes)

(Steps approach)

Take it.

Put it on her German finger.

Before you miss
anything wonderful.

(tender soulful music)

Oma.

Do
n't miss out on something wonderful either.

This biblical beauty can
not be found anywhere else in the world.

-It's just magical.
- Spare me.

I
really can't cross the Green Line .

Take a look.

Hans, stop. Stop, Hans!
I can not!

I'm sorry,
but I can't.

Did you see?
They have separate border crossings.

Enough! My leg is broken
so take me to Shira.

After that you make your own
decisions and I mean.

Even if they don't suit you.

(Hans) Exactly.
(Honking)

For love.
(quick honking)

(Hans) honey, but ...

(tender music)

(poignant music)

-I am so sorry.
-No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Mucki, I ...

I love you, Mucki.
I love you so much.

We both. You and me,
that's all that matters.

You do not understand.
My mother's parents were Nazis.

You Germans know how to
destroy a romantic moment.

We did well with her.

We can get married now.

(tender happy music)

(Babble of voices)

Couples who shouldn't fit,
but somehow still do.

Dear Grandma.

Love is chaos.

A wonderful mess.

Something worth
celebrating.

I'm so happy for both of you.

And has this clarified who
will get the house?

(Laughter)

(Ora) Mama.

I am so happy for you.

And about
the wonderful wedding.

-Cheers.
- (all) Cheers.

Dear Berta, dear Ibrahim,
congratulations.

You are proof
that a two-state solution ...

-To love.
- (all) to love.

(Peppy Music)

Now would be the time
to get off your high horse.

You wallow in showing me
the reunion.

But does it just bother me that no
security company was hired?

A wedding is really fun
when it's not your own.

My grandma insisted.

(soulful piano music)

Oh, honey.

Sweetheart?

That rhymes with Nazi.

Has potential or not?

(poignant music)

(Plopp)
Bomb!

(Screams)

(Ibrahim) You are all racists!

(Ron) How should I know?

-It sounded like an explosion.
-Cap, you racist.

(groovy music)

Do not do it.
I believe in peace.

(Berta screeches)

Thank god, Mucki.