King Solomon's Treasure (1979) - full transcript
Three adventurers lead an expedition into darkest Africa in search of the treasure of King Solomon, and on the way encounter hostile natives, volcanoes, dinosaurs and a lost Phoenician city ruled by a beautiful queen.
-Would you like a
glass of port, sir?
-Oh!
Well, that's a nice idea.
Thank you very much.
That's very civil of you.
What's your name again?
-Wilkins, sir.
-Wilkins?
Here we are, George.
Glass of port.
That's right.
Very kind of you. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you, George, thank you.
No, no, no, no,
don't take it away.
Leave it there.
Leave it down.
-On my bill, of course.
-Oh, even the port isn't
as good as it used to be.
100 pounds, did you say?
You know, my boy, I remember
watching a match here
at this very table,
same room, for 500.
500 guineas, of course.
Not pounds, guineas.
-Yes, sir.
Of course.
OLD MAN: As a matter of fact,
it started with a fellow
called Allan-- oh,
what was his name?
Allan Quatermain.
-Was he playing
billiards as well, sir?
-No, no, no, he wasn't
playing billiards.
Allan Quatermain was in Africa.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
-Go downwind, now.
[LOW GROWL]
[MAN SCREAMS]
[SCREECH]
[GUNSHOT]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Sir
Henry Curtis, please.
He's expecting me.
ATTENDANT: You'll find him
in the billiard room, sir.
-Yes, of course.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
-Blast!
-Hard luck, old fellow.
You know, Goody, sometimes
I'm-- I'm ashamed of you.
Sometimes I'm ashamed
of myself, dear fellow.
Terribly hard luck, old man.
How about you, Henry?
Care to play?
-No, no, no, no.
-You still trying to
beat him, Captain Good?
-We've been in
dry dock too long.
Afraid to take to the water.
-Allan Quatermain!
-Good lord!
[ALL GREET EACH OTHER]
-As I live and breathe!
Good to see you.
-Well, c-c-come
and have a drink.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Have a look at this.
-African gold, for sure.
It's not African in design.
-No?
What else?
-Well, the-- the shape,
the, uh, the triangle.
It, uh, well, it
looks Phoenician.
-It is Phoenician.
I have it from the foremost
authority in London.
-Well, d-didn't Herodotus write
that the-- that the Phoenicians
sailed beyond the pillars of
Hercules to sow corn in Africa
and to reap it
before their return?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Yes.
Go on.
What else?
-Well, theory has
it that some of them
stayed behind to,
uh, well, to find--
to find the empire
of King Solomon!
W-w-where'd you get it.
-Farthest south I've ever been.
Here.
-Well, is-- is that water?
-Huge Lakes.
An old missionary, McKenzie,
was last there 20 years ago.
He talked about
lakes like oceans.
-We shall need some
of Peter's money.
Yes, and a-- a-- a navigator.
We shall, uh, we shall
need a n-navigator.
-Absolutely not.
-Oh, come on, Goody,
think of it-- Africa!
-I am thinking.
All that sun, indigestible
food, all those animals?
Absolutely not.
-I-- I-- I'll tell
you what I'll do.
I'll play you, 100 up.
If you win, you get 500 guineas.
But if you lose, you
come with us to Africa.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Oh, Henry, you're
much to good for the Captain.
Why not give him a start.
Say, what?
20 points of 100?
-I don't need a start.
I'll play it level, any time.
Heads.
-Off you go.
-Ha-ha.
[LOW GROWLS]
-I'm devilish hungry.
Can't we bivouac or something?
I'd can soon run up something
nice on the old stove
if you can shoot something.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Ha-ha!
I hope you can cook better
than you can play billiards!
CAPTAIN GOOD: Thank
you very much.
[TRUMPET]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Out
of the way, skippy.
-The fellows gone native.
Too many hours
under the hot sun.
Often happens, you know.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: I
ra-rather like this.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Yeah, I rather
like animals-- medium rare.
-What are you doing?
Making kipper?
-No time for levity, dear boy.
This is the important part.
More salt?
No, pepper.
This is a very special
goulash I picked up
in Hungary, handed
down from the Tartars.
Spiced with a few good
touched, oh, ho, good!
Good, eh?
[LAUGHS]
-I didn't know the
Hungarians had a navy.
Oh, Allan.
You know, I could really
s-s-settle in this country.
-I wouldn't.
No, when this is over,
I'd go back home and marry
and English rose, if I were you.
-Oh, no, no, no.
English roses don't--
they don't excite me.
No, I-- I-- I rather
fancy a Diana.
A goddess of the chase,
and all that sort of thing.
-Don't you believe it.
He'll marry the
debutante of the year.
Never mind the goddess Diana.
Probably in St.
Paul's Cathedral.
She'll be stinking rich.
He has the luck of the devil.
A soupcon more pepper.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
You know, you're
very lucky to have all
that in front of you.
I'm afraid I missed it.
-Ah!
-Ah.
-Ah.
Well, it looks all right.
-It is all right.
Far better than that raw
meat over there on the fire.
This is Mazurka Venison
a la Good. [LAUGHS]
Trifle too much pepper?
-I'm on-- I'm on-- I'm on--
CAPTAIN GOOD: Fire?
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS HEARTILY]
[EXHALES LOUDLY]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Everything
all right back there?
CAPTAIN GOOD: Yes, thanks.
There's dynamite in that wagon.
Do the boys know that?
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Well, if it goes off,
w-w-we'll all know it.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Charming.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Come on, boy.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Keep close together.
Don't spread out.
Keep away from that edge.
-Aaaaahhh!
[SHOUTING]
[HORSE SCREAMS]
[BOOM]
[GUNFIRE]
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Oh dear.
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaah!
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaahhh!
[GUNFIRE]
-Aaaahhhh!
-Don't worry, Goody,
I'll get them back.
Hold your fire.
Come back here, scoundrels!
Come back here at once!
[SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaughh!
[GROANS]
-Aaah!
[GUNFIRE]
-Sir Henry Curtis.
[SHOUTING]
Umpslopogas!
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaahhh!
[SCREAMS]
Umpslopogas!
Old friend, thank you.
-Umpslopogas.
[CHILDREN SINGING]
-What-- wh-what's the form?
-Oh!
Just relax.
Enjoy yourself.
[SINGING AND DRUMMING] OK
-Thank you.
-You dance?
-Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm too old for that.
-Captain Good!
CAPTAIN GOOD: Sorry.
Afraid I don't know the steps.
-Sir Henry?
-Oh.
W-w-well, why not?
Do you mind?
-Ha ha!
-Stop eating that
native mush, Quatermain.
Try some of my Antelope
Ragout a la Cordon Bleu.
Very special, although
I say it myself.
-Oh, very well.
[SINGS OFF-KEY]
-A bit stringy, perhaps.
-Stringy?
-A little.
Quite edible, though.
-Edible?
[SNIFFS]
Mm.
-It's hard to know
w-w-where to look!
-Heh.
Ha-ha!
Oh, uh, I-- I was just--
yes, well, uh, good evening.
[MEN SINGING]
-The mission.
-Ah, uh, just in time for-- tea.
[MEN SINGING]
-Look, Mommy, horses!
[MEN SINGING]
-Come back at once, Flossie!
[MEN SINGING]
-Hello, my darling!
Up you come.
-Did you bring them?
-Oh, dear, I clean forgot.
-You didn't.
Oh, you didn't.
-[CHUCKLES] No, I didn't.
-Oh, thank you, thank you.
-It's Quatermain!
-Hello, Donald!
-Allan, good to see you again!
-Ma'am.
Follow me, gentlemen.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Souffle?
By Jove!
-Ah, I must say,
ma'am, if you were
French-born it couldn't
have been better.
-I hope you enjoy it.
REVEREND MCKENZIE: I'm sorry,
my wife's a little upset.
-May I, Reverend?
It could sag, if left.
-Allan, we've lost seven
more natives since you went.
It's getting so they won't stay.
-Leopard marks?
REVEREND MCKENZIE: Aye.
And we hear the
drums most nights.
-They would like cookies.
-Hello, Lamb.
-Thank you for your flower book.
Look, this is mine.
They're all from around here.
-Oh!
Hm, what's this one?
-Oh, those.
There are lots of those
up on the mountain.
-Really?
Do you know, I've never
seen one like that before?
Not even in Kew Gardens.
-If I sent one to Kew Gardens,
would they name it after me?
-Oh, yes.
Do you know, they'd
probably call it
"Lilium flossius africanus."
-Would they?
[LAUGHTER]
-Flossie, come along now.
It's long past your bedtime.
-I'll bring you a lily tomorrow.
-Ah, God bless.
-Good night.
-Sleep well.
REVEREND MCKENZIE:
Good night, Flossie.
Allan, the attacks have
been worse since you left.
-W-with respect,
sir, your father
would be away for
weeks at a time?
-Yeah, he's come back babbling,
feverish, Bible in hand,
gun empty.
-Did he say anything
of what he saw?
-He said one day
he'd never come back.
That was 20 years ago.
-And your wife?
-Oh, she hates this place.
We're leaving next
month, forever.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
-Souffle, in the
middle of Africa.
-Hm.
Not too bad.
Trifle frothy for my taste.
-All hands on deck.
MAN: Early morning
tea, monsieur?
Sorry, no "Times."
-Who the devil are
you, may I ask?
-Do you take sugar, monsieur?
-One spoonful, actually.
-OK, monsieur.
Voila, monsieur.
-You're the cook.
-Hotel Crillon, Paris.
Second entree chef
Alphonse, trained
under the great
Escoffier, monsieur.
-Oh, well, that explain
the excellent souffle.
-Merci beaucoup.
What would you like for
breakfast, monsieur?
-What would I like?
Ho-ho.
Well, I'd like coffee,
kidneys, toast,
and marmalade, but oh-oh.
-In 30 minutes.
After your bath, monsieur.
-Better than the army and navy.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Ah,
Alphonse, uh, kidneys, please.
Rare.
Morning, Goody.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Good morning.
-Morning.
Did he tell you where he worked?
-The Hotel Crillon, Paris.
That's the best
hotel in the world.
-Yes.
And the Bastille.
-Oh.
-What?
-What for?
-Murder.
-What?
That fellow?
-Well, what kind of murder?
-Row over a woman.
Crime passionnel, I
believe they call it?
-How disgusting.
-What is it?
-Flossie.
She's missing.
So is her pony.
-Oh my god.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Where do
you think she might have gone?
REVEREND MCKENZIE: Well, she has
this passion for wildflowers.
-Damn it, she's gone after
that lily we talked about.
-Did she say where?
-Yes, up on the mountain.
-But that's eight
miles to the north.
-I'll come with you.
-Uh, no, uh, Henry.
You and Good stay here,
and keep a gun handy.
McKenzie, do you have a gun?
-No.
I ride with the Lord.
-(CALLING) Umpslopogas!
[BEAST ROARING]
[FLOSSIE SCREAMS]
[ROAR]
-Don't shoot!
If you fire, you may
kill the little one.
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNFIRE]
[BEAST ROARING]
-Umpslopogas!
-You're St. George
now, Umpslopogas.
-Me no saint.
And I catch the Leopard Man.
You'll see.
[DISTANT DRUMMING]
-Madame!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
-Help Umpslopogas!
He's wounded.
Isaac!
-Flossie!
Thank God.
Oh, thank God!
-I'm all right, Mommy.
-Come into the
house, Umpslopogas.
-Can I whip you up
something to eat?
-I could do with a drink.
-Monsieur Quatermain,
maybe it is
not a good time to speak to you.
But I-- I want to go
with you on your trek.
-What, you?
-Yes.
-Well, why not, Allan?
-Thank you.
-We-- we-- we could-- we
could do with a good cook.
-What?
-What do you say, Goody?
-Well, he's a fair fancy cook.
I prefer plain cooking, myself.
-Well, let's put it to the vote.
All those in favor, say aye.
Aye.
Say aye.
-[CHUCKLES] Aye.
-Then it's settled.
-Aye.
Heh, heh.
[CHUCKLES]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Give
the horses a rest.
Dismount!
-Uh, if I ever put my
hand on this treasure,
I go straight back to France.
-Eh?
-Uh, I-- I buy my pardon.
-Oh.
-And I open the biggest
restaurant in Paris.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-And you, Capitaine,
what will you do?
-Oh, I've always
fancied a fine ship.
White sails, black hull,
three-masted schooner.
I've always fancied that.
-Yes.
And you, Sir Quatermain, what
will you do with the treasure?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Oh, heh.
Well, I suppose I could do with
one of those new elephant guns.
-Ah, come on, sir.
Truly, why do you do all this?
-Oh, I don't know.
To see what's on the
other side of a hill.
-Huh?
-I suppose.
-And you, Sir Henry,
what about you?
What do you want?
-Well, uh, um-- well,
uh, nothing, really.
-Hm!
First, uh, caviar with vodka.
And then a steak Wellington, eh?
Uh, no.
No, no.
Carre d'agneau.
Pas d'agneau.
Uh, carre de warthog.
[LAUGHTER]
-Yes, monsieur.
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Monsieur Alphonse,
what about the w-wine?
ALPHONSE: Well, monsieur, we
will start with a Chablis.
And then a 1837.
-'37?
No, no, no, no.
I-- I-- I prefer the '42 myself.
-Ah, monsieur, tres bien.
We will have a '42.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: (SHOUTING)
All right, let's call a halt.
ALPHONSE: Just over here.
Take the [INAUDIBLE] away.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Cheer
up, Alphonse, cheer up.
Now what have we got
for dinner tonight?
Thank you.
-When you tell me
what I cook, uh, I
will tell you then what you eat.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Oh,
then I'll-- I'll-- I'll go
and bag something for the pot.
-Duck, pig, pheasant,
anything like that.
Don't go too far, Henry.
Now what have we got here?
Where were you?
-Monsieur, you bring wine?
-One has to preserve
certain standards.
-Oh, do we drink
it now, monsieur?
-No, we do not drink it now.
We wait until dinner.
I'm just merely opening it
up to allow it to breathe.
Mm.
Now, where?
[HUMMING]
Ah.
Alphonse!
Don't just use
anything in the stove.
-What?
-It's a delicate instrument.
-Oh, says Anglais.
[HOOTING]
[GULPING]
-Monsieur.
Look.
[GULPING]
[HOOTING]
[GULPING]
-Oh, no!
[HOOTING]
[BELCHES]
[LOW GRUNTING]
-Quicksand.
Oh, dear.
Isaac?
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]!
-Needs a touch more pepper.
-Monsieur, French
cuisine, one chef.
[QUICKSAND BUBBLING]
-(SHOUTING) Allan!
Allan!
Goody!
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[GUNSHOT]
-Ah.
Always lucky. [CHUCKLES]
-Peter is coming.
[LOW GROWL]
[GUNSHOT]
--[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain!
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain!
[BEAST GROWLS]
-Oh!
-He's fast.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]!
(SHOUTING) Curtis,
where are you?
[QUICKSAND BUBBLING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST GROWLS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST ROARS]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST ROARS]
-Thanks very much.
It was jolly decent of you.
Thanks very much.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
Here's where we take
to water, Captain Good.
-Oh, ho!
Just what I need.
Tall ship, planks under me feet.
[CHUCKLES]
[THUNDER ROLLS]
Them?
-Afraid so.
-The secret is in the whipping.
Very fast, very light.
Et voila.
Understand?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-No.
-Well, he-- he
definitely knows it.
-Yes, he's obviously
seen it before.
But they deny that it
means anything to them.
-What's the trouble?
-He's willing to barter
his boats for our horses,
provided we leave at once.
-Oh, good idea.
-Vous parlez pas francais?
Parlez pas francais.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Isaac?
All right.
Three in the first boat.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Umpslopogas
and the bearers,
Alphonse, and his
stove in the second.
Got that?
Chop, chop.
-Now you look.
In French, it is
called a souffle.
I don't know what it
is called in English.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Hein?
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What does he say?
-He wants the stove.
-Never!
-I'll tell you what.
Let him keep the souffle.
We haven't time to eat
it. [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What did you tell him?
-He thinks it's magic.
He can have his
dreams come true.
-Uh-huh.
-Get in the boat.
No, no, don't turn your back.
Keep smiling.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
ALPHONSE: What will he
think when he discovers
it isn't magic and all his
dreams don't come true, huh?
What will he say?
What-- what will happen
when we come back?
-Who says we're coming back?
-Heh, heh-- huh?
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Monsieur?
When do we stop for lunch?
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Be
careful, Alphonse,
or you may find yourself
on the m-m-menu.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hmf.
Hmf!
[GROWLING]
-How do we get up
the damn thing?
That's the point.
-Over to you, Captain.
-Thank you, dear boy.
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING WITH
EFFORT]
[STRANGE BEASTLY NOISE]
[SHOUTING]
-Hey!
Stay here!
Hey!
-Aaaahhh!
ALPHONSE: Ooh, help!
-Hang on, Alphonse!
We don't want to lose the stove!
[BEAST ROARS]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Curtis,
you're the clever fellow.
What in god's name is it?
-Well, lucky for us,
it's a vegetarian.
-Angels defend us!
A ruddy sea serpent!
-It's a sauropod of some kind.
Like a brontosaurus
or a diplodocus.
They evolved at the end
of the Triassic period.
That's over 100
million years ago.
-Somewhat before my time.
-How do you like it, sir?
Boiled, grilled, or marinated?
-Working.
-I say, jolly well done.
-All right down here!
Start her up!
-Er, how do you
get it m-m-moving?
-Well, try shouting at it.
-Oh.
Tally ho!
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[THREE GUNSHOTS]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Move, you stupid beast!
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[GUNSHOT]
-A moment.
There's an old schoolboy trick.
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
-Th-the mating call
of the sauropod.
[LAUGHTER]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
-Keep it going.
Keep it going!
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
-Care to try it?
[LAUGHTER]
CAPTAIN GOOD: I think we'll pull
in for the night, gentlemen.
-I'll soon have some hot
soup for you, messieurs.
-Sorry, Alphonse.
No fires.
-Oh.
Vichyssoise then, messieurs.
-(SHOUTING) Quatermain!
[WHEEZING]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Henry!
Good!
[BEAST ROARING]
-Get in the other canoe, quick!
[GUNFIRE]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
-Oh!
[CRIES OUT]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Push the
boat out, Alphonse!
-Here.
Put that between
your teeth, Henry.
These have to come out.
[CRIES OUT]
-How is the dear fellow?
-Oh, he'll live.
I'll tell you, he's born lucky.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: If you
call being m-m-maimed
by a giant crustacean l-l-lucky.
-You're all right.
That poor crab lost his leg.
-Yeah, well, he can
always grow another.
-Can he really?
-Yes.
You see, crustacea
are c-c-cannibals.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Captain Good,
what do you think is out there?
-If I knew where we were, I
might be able to help you.
[ANIMAL SOUNDS ECHO ALL AROUND]
UMPSLOPOGAS: Captain.
Captain, look!
-I wish to speak
to your captain.
We thank you for your help.
-Try and see if you can get
him to tell us where we are.
-You are in the
kingdom of Zu-Vendis.
-You speak English?
How do you know our language?
-Your missionary,
McKenzie, taught me.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Well, Goody, you ever
seen anything like this?
-I've seen some old
tubs in me time.
It isn't Roman.
It isn't Greek.
Is it?
-It's Phoenician,
without a doubt.
For 2,000 years, ships of
this kind visited England.
-We're in the lands
of the devils.
-Now, gentlemen, behold
Milosis, the Forbidden City.
[RUMBLING]
-I realize I'm a
stranger here, but I'd
say that thing's going
to blow its head off!
-A moat of snakes around
the front of our city.
ALPHONSE: I wish I had gone to
the Devil's Island, monsieur.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: And with
the mountains in back,
you certainly protect
yourselves, Captain.
-If we had not protected
ourselves over thousands
of years, there would be no
Milosis to please you now.
[SNAKES HISSING]
CAPTAIN GOOD: I wonder if
they dress for dinner here.
-What on Earth?
-That's not all.
-Well done, Goody.
Say, this one's a beauty.
Let's hope we don't
have need of it.
I think we're about to find out.
-Gentlemen.
When you are ready, you
will please come with me.
-Excuse me, Henry.
-Hm?
Hm.
[CHATTER]
[FANFARE PLAYS]
STETOPATRIS: Nypeptha,
Queen Ruler of Zu-Vendis,
Empress of all Phoenicia.
-You, sir.
Pray present yourself.
-Sir Henry Curtis, ma'am.
at your service.
May I present Allan Quatermain,
famous white hunter,
Captain Good, Royal
Navy, Umpslopogas,
and our friend, Alphonse,
magician of the culinary arts.
-You've met Stetopatris,
captain of the guard.
And this is Matawani,
high priest of Zu-Vendis.
-The priests of Zu-Vendis have
always protected the city.
We have killed the
strangers far from our land.
[CHATTER]
-We come in peace.
You say you have learned
to kill innocents
with your leopard
men, to frighten off
any others who might come here?
-Yes.
-What are you hiding here
that's so important to you?
--[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
They are strangers!
They must die!
[CROWD MURMURS]
-Enough.
No more, I command you.
[DOOR SLAMS]
-You hurt your leg?
-Uh, it's, uh, m-mending,
thank you, ma'am.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
-Not an English
rose anyway, Henry.
-I'd hope not.
-Not quite Camembert.
-No.
[CLEARS THROAT] But, uh,
an excellent substitute.
--[CHUCKLES] And the
sauce on the duck.
Was it duck?
-Did you dine well?
-Excellent, thank you.
-Thank you, ma'am.
-That's good.
I'm sure you gentlemen
wish to rest.
And you, Sir Henry?
-At your service, ma'am.
-I would like to talk to you.
-Fellow has the
devil's own luck.
Mind you, I'd settle
for the handmaiden.
Excuse me.
I didn't quite catch your name.
-I am Neva.
-I'm Good.
I mean, heh, my name is, uh--
-You are good man?
-Yes, that's right.
-Oh.
-Well, no, that's not
exactly what I meant.
-Um, goodbye, good and holy man.
-No.
No, I didn't mean that.
It's not quite what I-- Guess
it's a language problem.
Happened in Singapore once.
It happens all over.
-You have a very fine city.
-Thank you.
Our forefathers built the
city many centuries ago.
We have all but forgotten
where they came from.
-Well, the Phoenicians
were great sailors,
great merchants and adventurers.
-When they came, they stayed.
But a terrible plague
killed most of us.
We had to bring local
people into our society
on equal terms, or perish.
-I see.
And you and Stetopatris--
-We're the only two
left of the royal line,
and we are half-brother
and sister.
-I see.
-After us, the royal line dies.
-Ahhh.
Matawani, the high
priest, demands
that I marry soon-- to
Stetopatris, if need be.
-Well, that, uh, that
would be, uh, unwise.
-Yes, I believe so.
-I'm sorry.
-Will you pour some wine?
-Oh, but of course.
I must compliment you on your
command of English idiom.
-The old man, the missionary,
McKenzie, he taught me.
He was my friend.
Matuwani had him killed.
Poisoned.
-[GULP] Really?
-Are you of royal blood
in your own country?
-Well, hardly.
Heh.
I am what is called
an English gentleman.
-You have a palace?
-(STAMMERING) W-well, it's
called a hall, actually.
It's in Yorkshire.
-How many slaves are there?
-W-w-we call them servants.
-Very well.
How many of these, uh, servants?
-Well, there's a butler.
We have a butler.
He's in charge of
the house servants.
Then, of course,
there are the maids.
-Slave girls?
-No.
No, no.
No, no, no.
-How many?
-Slave-- er, maids?
Well, I don't know.
Um, uh, there's the upstairs,
the downstairs, the kitchen--
all told, well, I suppose there
must be a couple of dozen.
Rather a lot.
-You have a queen in
your country, I think.
The old man said this.
-Uh, yes, we do,
a very fine queen.
God bless her.
-Do you know her?
-Well, I have met her, yes.
I know Tum-Tum best.
-Tum-Tum?
-Yes, that's, uh,
Prince Edward, her son.
-I think you are very--
what is the word?
Modest.
-Oh, I don't know about that.
-I also think you're a
very interesting man.
-Oh, well, thank you.
I must say, you do a-ask
an awful lot of questions.
-There is one I would
like to ask, but not here.
-N-no?
-Do you have many wives
at home in England?
-Good lord, no.
I'm not much attracted to,
uh, English roses, you see.
-Do you not like women
at all, Sir Henry?
-My dear lady!
Of course I do.
Quite a bit, actually, uh,
on balance, as it were.
In the right time
and place, of course.
-And is, uh, this the
right time and, uh, place?
-I say.
I say!
-What?
What is it?
Is there something wrong?
-I wanted to see you.
-See me?
-But I'm not here
to [INAUDIBLE].
-Oh.
-I said I had another question
to ask you, and it is this?
Why did you brave the
dangers of the waterfall,
the animals that live
in the mountains?
To seek in our city?
Why are you here?
-Well, it's, uh, it's very
complicated, actually.
-Do you wish to conquer us?
-Good lord, no.
-To make us slaves
for your queen?
-Oh, certainly not.
It's more like curiosity.
-Not greed?
-Well, I admit a man's soul can
be stirred by a treasure hunt.
-When gold outweighs the soul,
destruction is inevitable.
-Gold?
-The last centuries
have been happy ones
for the people of Zu-Vendis.
We have abolished
gold, and therefore we
have abolished greed.
-Right.
But i-i-is that possible?
-Yes.
You see, after King Solomon
took over this nation
as a storehouse
for his wealth, we
fought many civil wars
amongst ourselves.
So a great peace had
to be established.
The treasure was
buried without trace.
The priests did this in
order that no man would ever
be tempted to gain possession
of it or kill for it.
It is lost forever.
Matawani wants to
find the treasure.
He will reward the priests.
They will become greedy.
He will kill them, or
they will kill him.
It will all start
again, the killing.
-H-h-how can I help?
-Here's a map.
Find the treasure.
-What?
-Find it and go.
-You're not serious?
-Tell me I can trust you.
-My love, my Diana.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
-If you had stayed, I would
have made you my consort.
Good night, Sir Henry.
-Consort?
Consort be damned.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
-The man who designed this map
was a cartographic charlatan.
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Yes, well, it would
help if I could remember
my Phoenician b-better.
But there seems
to be a reference
here to the sun
and the meridian.
-Hopeless, dear boy.
It's an enigma inside a riddle.
Or is it the other way around?
-Well, short of tearing down
the whole temple, what do we do?
-Well, the treasure was
never meant to be found.
We can't expect it to be easy.
Here, let me see.
[BOOM]
-Please.
Please hurry.
Please.
You must.
Neva.
-Oh, monsieur, the people,
they are leaving the city.
-I don't blame them.
-We leave too,
monsieur, n'est-ce pas?
Aren't we?
-What do you suppose the
significance of that is?
-What-- what difference
would it make, monsieur?
Everything will fall around us.
-What is it?
Are you on to something?
-Damned if I know, but
that stone in the center
there and three obelisks
have to mean something.
-Rutui.
-Neva, brush my hair, please.
[BOOM]
-Rutui was one of the gods
worshiped by-- by King Solomon.
The god with one eye.
Uh, here, here, on the map.
It's-- the sun is at its zenith!
-For your information, in
two minutes, it'll be noon.
-That's it!
-What is?
SIR HENRY CURTIS: The obelisks
are only a part of it.
-Exactly midday.
-The obelisks.
The obelisks are a ruse.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-It's that m-m-medallion!
-Anybody got a shovel?
-I know the queen's wishes.
I bring men to help you
carry away the treasure.
[BOOM]
[GASP]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Come, Neva.
Come!
[SCREAMS]
[MAN SCREAMS]
-Well, gentlemen, there it is.
King Solomon's treasure.
-(SHOUTING) The priests!
They have taken the queen!
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[GASP] [SCREAMS]
-Easy!
MATAWANI: Stetopatris,
take your men and go.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
(QUIETLY) Do as he says,
or he'll kill her now.
Wait for us outside the city.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[BOOM]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[PANICKED SHOUTING]
[GUNFIRE]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNFIRE]
-Aaaauughhh!
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
-Aaaagghhh!
-Aaaahhhh!
[GUNFIRE]
[CLANG]
[GUNFIRE]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaahhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
Auuuuugghhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[HISSING]
[HISSING]
-Aaaauuughhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
-Auuuughhhh!
-Well done, Umpslopogas.
Umpslopogas!
-You must go.
-Nonsense.
You're coming with me.
-Not this time.
This time, I must
make my journey alone.
-You can't!
-I have spoken.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Then go on your journey
in peace, my friend.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[BOOMING AND RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
-Oh, Stetopatris!
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Umpslopogas, where is he?
-Let's go now.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What are you saying to them?
-They must stay here, for
the queen will be back.
[BOOM]
[SCREAMING]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-You're going to stay?
-Of course.
Stetopatris will kill the
few remaining priests,
and then we will
rebuild our city.
[BOOM]
Look for the last time.
-Look out!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
-The mountain provides and
the mountain takes away.
Do not grieve for me, Sir Henry.
Find an English rose.
-There is the pass to the
other side of the mountain.
It's the route the
leopard men used to take.
-Are you sure you wouldn't
be better off coming with us?
-I am king now.
-Monsieur, I think
I want to stay, too.
-My dear fellow!
It won't be easy, Alphonse.
-Well, it's will not be worse
than the Devil's Island,
monsieur.
-Ah.
-And besides, how can they build
up a civilization if they--
if they don't know how to cook?
[LAUGHTER]
-Well, goodbye, Alphonse.
-Au revoir, monsieur.
-Good luck, Alphonse.
-Goodbye, Monsieur Quatermain.
And don't forget, sir!
Patience when you are
whipping up the souffle.
Light and frothy, et voila!
And, uh, not too much
pepper, monsieur.
-Ha-ha!
-Au revoir, monsieur.
-Hey, not a bad fellow.
Could have been English.
You think anyone's going
to believe any of this back
at the club?
Of course, no one
in the club believed
a damn word of the story.
But he was a decent fellow,
Quatermain, a decent fellow.
Do you know what he did?
He left this, uh, medallion,
I think they call it?
Left it to the club
for the oldest member
to have the privilege
of wearing it.
Perhaps you'll find yourself
wearing it one of these days.
[MEN SPEAKING OF BETS]
-Manners.
Bloody club's going to the dogs.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
glass of port, sir?
-Oh!
Well, that's a nice idea.
Thank you very much.
That's very civil of you.
What's your name again?
-Wilkins, sir.
-Wilkins?
Here we are, George.
Glass of port.
That's right.
Very kind of you. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you, George, thank you.
No, no, no, no,
don't take it away.
Leave it there.
Leave it down.
-On my bill, of course.
-Oh, even the port isn't
as good as it used to be.
100 pounds, did you say?
You know, my boy, I remember
watching a match here
at this very table,
same room, for 500.
500 guineas, of course.
Not pounds, guineas.
-Yes, sir.
Of course.
OLD MAN: As a matter of fact,
it started with a fellow
called Allan-- oh,
what was his name?
Allan Quatermain.
-Was he playing
billiards as well, sir?
-No, no, no, he wasn't
playing billiards.
Allan Quatermain was in Africa.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
-Go downwind, now.
[LOW GROWL]
[MAN SCREAMS]
[SCREECH]
[GUNSHOT]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Sir
Henry Curtis, please.
He's expecting me.
ATTENDANT: You'll find him
in the billiard room, sir.
-Yes, of course.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
-Blast!
-Hard luck, old fellow.
You know, Goody, sometimes
I'm-- I'm ashamed of you.
Sometimes I'm ashamed
of myself, dear fellow.
Terribly hard luck, old man.
How about you, Henry?
Care to play?
-No, no, no, no.
-You still trying to
beat him, Captain Good?
-We've been in
dry dock too long.
Afraid to take to the water.
-Allan Quatermain!
-Good lord!
[ALL GREET EACH OTHER]
-As I live and breathe!
Good to see you.
-Well, c-c-come
and have a drink.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Have a look at this.
-African gold, for sure.
It's not African in design.
-No?
What else?
-Well, the-- the shape,
the, uh, the triangle.
It, uh, well, it
looks Phoenician.
-It is Phoenician.
I have it from the foremost
authority in London.
-Well, d-didn't Herodotus write
that the-- that the Phoenicians
sailed beyond the pillars of
Hercules to sow corn in Africa
and to reap it
before their return?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Yes.
Go on.
What else?
-Well, theory has
it that some of them
stayed behind to,
uh, well, to find--
to find the empire
of King Solomon!
W-w-where'd you get it.
-Farthest south I've ever been.
Here.
-Well, is-- is that water?
-Huge Lakes.
An old missionary, McKenzie,
was last there 20 years ago.
He talked about
lakes like oceans.
-We shall need some
of Peter's money.
Yes, and a-- a-- a navigator.
We shall, uh, we shall
need a n-navigator.
-Absolutely not.
-Oh, come on, Goody,
think of it-- Africa!
-I am thinking.
All that sun, indigestible
food, all those animals?
Absolutely not.
-I-- I-- I'll tell
you what I'll do.
I'll play you, 100 up.
If you win, you get 500 guineas.
But if you lose, you
come with us to Africa.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Oh, Henry, you're
much to good for the Captain.
Why not give him a start.
Say, what?
20 points of 100?
-I don't need a start.
I'll play it level, any time.
Heads.
-Off you go.
-Ha-ha.
[LOW GROWLS]
-I'm devilish hungry.
Can't we bivouac or something?
I'd can soon run up something
nice on the old stove
if you can shoot something.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Ha-ha!
I hope you can cook better
than you can play billiards!
CAPTAIN GOOD: Thank
you very much.
[TRUMPET]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Out
of the way, skippy.
-The fellows gone native.
Too many hours
under the hot sun.
Often happens, you know.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: I
ra-rather like this.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Yeah, I rather
like animals-- medium rare.
-What are you doing?
Making kipper?
-No time for levity, dear boy.
This is the important part.
More salt?
No, pepper.
This is a very special
goulash I picked up
in Hungary, handed
down from the Tartars.
Spiced with a few good
touched, oh, ho, good!
Good, eh?
[LAUGHS]
-I didn't know the
Hungarians had a navy.
Oh, Allan.
You know, I could really
s-s-settle in this country.
-I wouldn't.
No, when this is over,
I'd go back home and marry
and English rose, if I were you.
-Oh, no, no, no.
English roses don't--
they don't excite me.
No, I-- I-- I rather
fancy a Diana.
A goddess of the chase,
and all that sort of thing.
-Don't you believe it.
He'll marry the
debutante of the year.
Never mind the goddess Diana.
Probably in St.
Paul's Cathedral.
She'll be stinking rich.
He has the luck of the devil.
A soupcon more pepper.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
You know, you're
very lucky to have all
that in front of you.
I'm afraid I missed it.
-Ah!
-Ah.
-Ah.
Well, it looks all right.
-It is all right.
Far better than that raw
meat over there on the fire.
This is Mazurka Venison
a la Good. [LAUGHS]
Trifle too much pepper?
-I'm on-- I'm on-- I'm on--
CAPTAIN GOOD: Fire?
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS HEARTILY]
[EXHALES LOUDLY]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Everything
all right back there?
CAPTAIN GOOD: Yes, thanks.
There's dynamite in that wagon.
Do the boys know that?
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Well, if it goes off,
w-w-we'll all know it.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Charming.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Come on, boy.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Keep close together.
Don't spread out.
Keep away from that edge.
-Aaaaahhh!
[SHOUTING]
[HORSE SCREAMS]
[BOOM]
[GUNFIRE]
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Oh dear.
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaah!
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaahhh!
[GUNFIRE]
-Aaaahhhh!
-Don't worry, Goody,
I'll get them back.
Hold your fire.
Come back here, scoundrels!
Come back here at once!
[SHOUTING]
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaughh!
[GROANS]
-Aaah!
[GUNFIRE]
-Sir Henry Curtis.
[SHOUTING]
Umpslopogas!
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaahhh!
[SCREAMS]
Umpslopogas!
Old friend, thank you.
-Umpslopogas.
[CHILDREN SINGING]
-What-- wh-what's the form?
-Oh!
Just relax.
Enjoy yourself.
[SINGING AND DRUMMING] OK
-Thank you.
-You dance?
-Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm too old for that.
-Captain Good!
CAPTAIN GOOD: Sorry.
Afraid I don't know the steps.
-Sir Henry?
-Oh.
W-w-well, why not?
Do you mind?
-Ha ha!
-Stop eating that
native mush, Quatermain.
Try some of my Antelope
Ragout a la Cordon Bleu.
Very special, although
I say it myself.
-Oh, very well.
[SINGS OFF-KEY]
-A bit stringy, perhaps.
-Stringy?
-A little.
Quite edible, though.
-Edible?
[SNIFFS]
Mm.
-It's hard to know
w-w-where to look!
-Heh.
Ha-ha!
Oh, uh, I-- I was just--
yes, well, uh, good evening.
[MEN SINGING]
-The mission.
-Ah, uh, just in time for-- tea.
[MEN SINGING]
-Look, Mommy, horses!
[MEN SINGING]
-Come back at once, Flossie!
[MEN SINGING]
-Hello, my darling!
Up you come.
-Did you bring them?
-Oh, dear, I clean forgot.
-You didn't.
Oh, you didn't.
-[CHUCKLES] No, I didn't.
-Oh, thank you, thank you.
-It's Quatermain!
-Hello, Donald!
-Allan, good to see you again!
-Ma'am.
Follow me, gentlemen.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Souffle?
By Jove!
-Ah, I must say,
ma'am, if you were
French-born it couldn't
have been better.
-I hope you enjoy it.
REVEREND MCKENZIE: I'm sorry,
my wife's a little upset.
-May I, Reverend?
It could sag, if left.
-Allan, we've lost seven
more natives since you went.
It's getting so they won't stay.
-Leopard marks?
REVEREND MCKENZIE: Aye.
And we hear the
drums most nights.
-They would like cookies.
-Hello, Lamb.
-Thank you for your flower book.
Look, this is mine.
They're all from around here.
-Oh!
Hm, what's this one?
-Oh, those.
There are lots of those
up on the mountain.
-Really?
Do you know, I've never
seen one like that before?
Not even in Kew Gardens.
-If I sent one to Kew Gardens,
would they name it after me?
-Oh, yes.
Do you know, they'd
probably call it
"Lilium flossius africanus."
-Would they?
[LAUGHTER]
-Flossie, come along now.
It's long past your bedtime.
-I'll bring you a lily tomorrow.
-Ah, God bless.
-Good night.
-Sleep well.
REVEREND MCKENZIE:
Good night, Flossie.
Allan, the attacks have
been worse since you left.
-W-with respect,
sir, your father
would be away for
weeks at a time?
-Yeah, he's come back babbling,
feverish, Bible in hand,
gun empty.
-Did he say anything
of what he saw?
-He said one day
he'd never come back.
That was 20 years ago.
-And your wife?
-Oh, she hates this place.
We're leaving next
month, forever.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
-Souffle, in the
middle of Africa.
-Hm.
Not too bad.
Trifle frothy for my taste.
-All hands on deck.
MAN: Early morning
tea, monsieur?
Sorry, no "Times."
-Who the devil are
you, may I ask?
-Do you take sugar, monsieur?
-One spoonful, actually.
-OK, monsieur.
Voila, monsieur.
-You're the cook.
-Hotel Crillon, Paris.
Second entree chef
Alphonse, trained
under the great
Escoffier, monsieur.
-Oh, well, that explain
the excellent souffle.
-Merci beaucoup.
What would you like for
breakfast, monsieur?
-What would I like?
Ho-ho.
Well, I'd like coffee,
kidneys, toast,
and marmalade, but oh-oh.
-In 30 minutes.
After your bath, monsieur.
-Better than the army and navy.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Ah,
Alphonse, uh, kidneys, please.
Rare.
Morning, Goody.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Good morning.
-Morning.
Did he tell you where he worked?
-The Hotel Crillon, Paris.
That's the best
hotel in the world.
-Yes.
And the Bastille.
-Oh.
-What?
-What for?
-Murder.
-What?
That fellow?
-Well, what kind of murder?
-Row over a woman.
Crime passionnel, I
believe they call it?
-How disgusting.
-What is it?
-Flossie.
She's missing.
So is her pony.
-Oh my god.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Where do
you think she might have gone?
REVEREND MCKENZIE: Well, she has
this passion for wildflowers.
-Damn it, she's gone after
that lily we talked about.
-Did she say where?
-Yes, up on the mountain.
-But that's eight
miles to the north.
-I'll come with you.
-Uh, no, uh, Henry.
You and Good stay here,
and keep a gun handy.
McKenzie, do you have a gun?
-No.
I ride with the Lord.
-(CALLING) Umpslopogas!
[BEAST ROARING]
[FLOSSIE SCREAMS]
[ROAR]
-Don't shoot!
If you fire, you may
kill the little one.
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNFIRE]
[BEAST ROARING]
-Umpslopogas!
-You're St. George
now, Umpslopogas.
-Me no saint.
And I catch the Leopard Man.
You'll see.
[DISTANT DRUMMING]
-Madame!
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
-Help Umpslopogas!
He's wounded.
Isaac!
-Flossie!
Thank God.
Oh, thank God!
-I'm all right, Mommy.
-Come into the
house, Umpslopogas.
-Can I whip you up
something to eat?
-I could do with a drink.
-Monsieur Quatermain,
maybe it is
not a good time to speak to you.
But I-- I want to go
with you on your trek.
-What, you?
-Yes.
-Well, why not, Allan?
-Thank you.
-We-- we-- we could-- we
could do with a good cook.
-What?
-What do you say, Goody?
-Well, he's a fair fancy cook.
I prefer plain cooking, myself.
-Well, let's put it to the vote.
All those in favor, say aye.
Aye.
Say aye.
-[CHUCKLES] Aye.
-Then it's settled.
-Aye.
Heh, heh.
[CHUCKLES]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Give
the horses a rest.
Dismount!
-Uh, if I ever put my
hand on this treasure,
I go straight back to France.
-Eh?
-Uh, I-- I buy my pardon.
-Oh.
-And I open the biggest
restaurant in Paris.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-And you, Capitaine,
what will you do?
-Oh, I've always
fancied a fine ship.
White sails, black hull,
three-masted schooner.
I've always fancied that.
-Yes.
And you, Sir Quatermain, what
will you do with the treasure?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Oh, heh.
Well, I suppose I could do with
one of those new elephant guns.
-Ah, come on, sir.
Truly, why do you do all this?
-Oh, I don't know.
To see what's on the
other side of a hill.
-Huh?
-I suppose.
-And you, Sir Henry,
what about you?
What do you want?
-Well, uh, um-- well,
uh, nothing, really.
-Hm!
First, uh, caviar with vodka.
And then a steak Wellington, eh?
Uh, no.
No, no.
Carre d'agneau.
Pas d'agneau.
Uh, carre de warthog.
[LAUGHTER]
-Yes, monsieur.
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Monsieur Alphonse,
what about the w-wine?
ALPHONSE: Well, monsieur, we
will start with a Chablis.
And then a 1837.
-'37?
No, no, no, no.
I-- I-- I prefer the '42 myself.
-Ah, monsieur, tres bien.
We will have a '42.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: (SHOUTING)
All right, let's call a halt.
ALPHONSE: Just over here.
Take the [INAUDIBLE] away.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Cheer
up, Alphonse, cheer up.
Now what have we got
for dinner tonight?
Thank you.
-When you tell me
what I cook, uh, I
will tell you then what you eat.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Oh,
then I'll-- I'll-- I'll go
and bag something for the pot.
-Duck, pig, pheasant,
anything like that.
Don't go too far, Henry.
Now what have we got here?
Where were you?
-Monsieur, you bring wine?
-One has to preserve
certain standards.
-Oh, do we drink
it now, monsieur?
-No, we do not drink it now.
We wait until dinner.
I'm just merely opening it
up to allow it to breathe.
Mm.
Now, where?
[HUMMING]
Ah.
Alphonse!
Don't just use
anything in the stove.
-What?
-It's a delicate instrument.
-Oh, says Anglais.
[HOOTING]
[GULPING]
-Monsieur.
Look.
[GULPING]
[HOOTING]
[GULPING]
-Oh, no!
[HOOTING]
[BELCHES]
[LOW GRUNTING]
-Quicksand.
Oh, dear.
Isaac?
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]!
-Needs a touch more pepper.
-Monsieur, French
cuisine, one chef.
[QUICKSAND BUBBLING]
-(SHOUTING) Allan!
Allan!
Goody!
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[GUNSHOT]
-Ah.
Always lucky. [CHUCKLES]
-Peter is coming.
[LOW GROWL]
[GUNSHOT]
--[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain!
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
Quatermain!
[BEAST GROWLS]
-Oh!
-He's fast.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]!
(SHOUTING) Curtis,
where are you?
[QUICKSAND BUBBLING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST GROWLS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST ROARS]
[GUNSHOT]
[BEAST ROARS]
-Thanks very much.
It was jolly decent of you.
Thanks very much.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
Here's where we take
to water, Captain Good.
-Oh, ho!
Just what I need.
Tall ship, planks under me feet.
[CHUCKLES]
[THUNDER ROLLS]
Them?
-Afraid so.
-The secret is in the whipping.
Very fast, very light.
Et voila.
Understand?
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-No.
-Well, he-- he
definitely knows it.
-Yes, he's obviously
seen it before.
But they deny that it
means anything to them.
-What's the trouble?
-He's willing to barter
his boats for our horses,
provided we leave at once.
-Oh, good idea.
-Vous parlez pas francais?
Parlez pas francais.
CAPTAIN GOOD: Isaac?
All right.
Three in the first boat.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Umpslopogas
and the bearers,
Alphonse, and his
stove in the second.
Got that?
Chop, chop.
-Now you look.
In French, it is
called a souffle.
I don't know what it
is called in English.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Hein?
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What does he say?
-He wants the stove.
-Never!
-I'll tell you what.
Let him keep the souffle.
We haven't time to eat
it. [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What did you tell him?
-He thinks it's magic.
He can have his
dreams come true.
-Uh-huh.
-Get in the boat.
No, no, don't turn your back.
Keep smiling.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
ALPHONSE: What will he
think when he discovers
it isn't magic and all his
dreams don't come true, huh?
What will he say?
What-- what will happen
when we come back?
-Who says we're coming back?
-Heh, heh-- huh?
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Monsieur?
When do we stop for lunch?
SIR HENRY CURTIS: Be
careful, Alphonse,
or you may find yourself
on the m-m-menu.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hmf.
Hmf!
[GROWLING]
-How do we get up
the damn thing?
That's the point.
-Over to you, Captain.
-Thank you, dear boy.
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING WITH
EFFORT]
[STRANGE BEASTLY NOISE]
[SHOUTING]
-Hey!
Stay here!
Hey!
-Aaaahhh!
ALPHONSE: Ooh, help!
-Hang on, Alphonse!
We don't want to lose the stove!
[BEAST ROARS]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Curtis,
you're the clever fellow.
What in god's name is it?
-Well, lucky for us,
it's a vegetarian.
-Angels defend us!
A ruddy sea serpent!
-It's a sauropod of some kind.
Like a brontosaurus
or a diplodocus.
They evolved at the end
of the Triassic period.
That's over 100
million years ago.
-Somewhat before my time.
-How do you like it, sir?
Boiled, grilled, or marinated?
-Working.
-I say, jolly well done.
-All right down here!
Start her up!
-Er, how do you
get it m-m-moving?
-Well, try shouting at it.
-Oh.
Tally ho!
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[THREE GUNSHOTS]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
Move, you stupid beast!
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[GUNSHOT]
-A moment.
There's an old schoolboy trick.
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
-Th-the mating call
of the sauropod.
[LAUGHTER]
[LOUD WHISTLE]
-Keep it going.
Keep it going!
[LOUD WHISTLE]
[BEAST BELLOWS]
-Care to try it?
[LAUGHTER]
CAPTAIN GOOD: I think we'll pull
in for the night, gentlemen.
-I'll soon have some hot
soup for you, messieurs.
-Sorry, Alphonse.
No fires.
-Oh.
Vichyssoise then, messieurs.
-(SHOUTING) Quatermain!
[WHEEZING]
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Henry!
Good!
[BEAST ROARING]
-Get in the other canoe, quick!
[GUNFIRE]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
-Oh!
[CRIES OUT]
CAPTAIN GOOD: Push the
boat out, Alphonse!
-Here.
Put that between
your teeth, Henry.
These have to come out.
[CRIES OUT]
-How is the dear fellow?
-Oh, he'll live.
I'll tell you, he's born lucky.
SIR HENRY CURTIS: If you
call being m-m-maimed
by a giant crustacean l-l-lucky.
-You're all right.
That poor crab lost his leg.
-Yeah, well, he can
always grow another.
-Can he really?
-Yes.
You see, crustacea
are c-c-cannibals.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: Captain Good,
what do you think is out there?
-If I knew where we were, I
might be able to help you.
[ANIMAL SOUNDS ECHO ALL AROUND]
UMPSLOPOGAS: Captain.
Captain, look!
-I wish to speak
to your captain.
We thank you for your help.
-Try and see if you can get
him to tell us where we are.
-You are in the
kingdom of Zu-Vendis.
-You speak English?
How do you know our language?
-Your missionary,
McKenzie, taught me.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Well, Goody, you ever
seen anything like this?
-I've seen some old
tubs in me time.
It isn't Roman.
It isn't Greek.
Is it?
-It's Phoenician,
without a doubt.
For 2,000 years, ships of
this kind visited England.
-We're in the lands
of the devils.
-Now, gentlemen, behold
Milosis, the Forbidden City.
[RUMBLING]
-I realize I'm a
stranger here, but I'd
say that thing's going
to blow its head off!
-A moat of snakes around
the front of our city.
ALPHONSE: I wish I had gone to
the Devil's Island, monsieur.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN: And with
the mountains in back,
you certainly protect
yourselves, Captain.
-If we had not protected
ourselves over thousands
of years, there would be no
Milosis to please you now.
[SNAKES HISSING]
CAPTAIN GOOD: I wonder if
they dress for dinner here.
-What on Earth?
-That's not all.
-Well done, Goody.
Say, this one's a beauty.
Let's hope we don't
have need of it.
I think we're about to find out.
-Gentlemen.
When you are ready, you
will please come with me.
-Excuse me, Henry.
-Hm?
Hm.
[CHATTER]
[FANFARE PLAYS]
STETOPATRIS: Nypeptha,
Queen Ruler of Zu-Vendis,
Empress of all Phoenicia.
-You, sir.
Pray present yourself.
-Sir Henry Curtis, ma'am.
at your service.
May I present Allan Quatermain,
famous white hunter,
Captain Good, Royal
Navy, Umpslopogas,
and our friend, Alphonse,
magician of the culinary arts.
-You've met Stetopatris,
captain of the guard.
And this is Matawani,
high priest of Zu-Vendis.
-The priests of Zu-Vendis have
always protected the city.
We have killed the
strangers far from our land.
[CHATTER]
-We come in peace.
You say you have learned
to kill innocents
with your leopard
men, to frighten off
any others who might come here?
-Yes.
-What are you hiding here
that's so important to you?
--[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
They are strangers!
They must die!
[CROWD MURMURS]
-Enough.
No more, I command you.
[DOOR SLAMS]
-You hurt your leg?
-Uh, it's, uh, m-mending,
thank you, ma'am.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
-Not an English
rose anyway, Henry.
-I'd hope not.
-Not quite Camembert.
-No.
[CLEARS THROAT] But, uh,
an excellent substitute.
--[CHUCKLES] And the
sauce on the duck.
Was it duck?
-Did you dine well?
-Excellent, thank you.
-Thank you, ma'am.
-That's good.
I'm sure you gentlemen
wish to rest.
And you, Sir Henry?
-At your service, ma'am.
-I would like to talk to you.
-Fellow has the
devil's own luck.
Mind you, I'd settle
for the handmaiden.
Excuse me.
I didn't quite catch your name.
-I am Neva.
-I'm Good.
I mean, heh, my name is, uh--
-You are good man?
-Yes, that's right.
-Oh.
-Well, no, that's not
exactly what I meant.
-Um, goodbye, good and holy man.
-No.
No, I didn't mean that.
It's not quite what I-- Guess
it's a language problem.
Happened in Singapore once.
It happens all over.
-You have a very fine city.
-Thank you.
Our forefathers built the
city many centuries ago.
We have all but forgotten
where they came from.
-Well, the Phoenicians
were great sailors,
great merchants and adventurers.
-When they came, they stayed.
But a terrible plague
killed most of us.
We had to bring local
people into our society
on equal terms, or perish.
-I see.
And you and Stetopatris--
-We're the only two
left of the royal line,
and we are half-brother
and sister.
-I see.
-After us, the royal line dies.
-Ahhh.
Matawani, the high
priest, demands
that I marry soon-- to
Stetopatris, if need be.
-Well, that, uh, that
would be, uh, unwise.
-Yes, I believe so.
-I'm sorry.
-Will you pour some wine?
-Oh, but of course.
I must compliment you on your
command of English idiom.
-The old man, the missionary,
McKenzie, he taught me.
He was my friend.
Matuwani had him killed.
Poisoned.
-[GULP] Really?
-Are you of royal blood
in your own country?
-Well, hardly.
Heh.
I am what is called
an English gentleman.
-You have a palace?
-(STAMMERING) W-well, it's
called a hall, actually.
It's in Yorkshire.
-How many slaves are there?
-W-w-we call them servants.
-Very well.
How many of these, uh, servants?
-Well, there's a butler.
We have a butler.
He's in charge of
the house servants.
Then, of course,
there are the maids.
-Slave girls?
-No.
No, no.
No, no, no.
-How many?
-Slave-- er, maids?
Well, I don't know.
Um, uh, there's the upstairs,
the downstairs, the kitchen--
all told, well, I suppose there
must be a couple of dozen.
Rather a lot.
-You have a queen in
your country, I think.
The old man said this.
-Uh, yes, we do,
a very fine queen.
God bless her.
-Do you know her?
-Well, I have met her, yes.
I know Tum-Tum best.
-Tum-Tum?
-Yes, that's, uh,
Prince Edward, her son.
-I think you are very--
what is the word?
Modest.
-Oh, I don't know about that.
-I also think you're a
very interesting man.
-Oh, well, thank you.
I must say, you do a-ask
an awful lot of questions.
-There is one I would
like to ask, but not here.
-N-no?
-Do you have many wives
at home in England?
-Good lord, no.
I'm not much attracted to,
uh, English roses, you see.
-Do you not like women
at all, Sir Henry?
-My dear lady!
Of course I do.
Quite a bit, actually, uh,
on balance, as it were.
In the right time
and place, of course.
-And is, uh, this the
right time and, uh, place?
-I say.
I say!
-What?
What is it?
Is there something wrong?
-I wanted to see you.
-See me?
-But I'm not here
to [INAUDIBLE].
-Oh.
-I said I had another question
to ask you, and it is this?
Why did you brave the
dangers of the waterfall,
the animals that live
in the mountains?
To seek in our city?
Why are you here?
-Well, it's, uh, it's very
complicated, actually.
-Do you wish to conquer us?
-Good lord, no.
-To make us slaves
for your queen?
-Oh, certainly not.
It's more like curiosity.
-Not greed?
-Well, I admit a man's soul can
be stirred by a treasure hunt.
-When gold outweighs the soul,
destruction is inevitable.
-Gold?
-The last centuries
have been happy ones
for the people of Zu-Vendis.
We have abolished
gold, and therefore we
have abolished greed.
-Right.
But i-i-is that possible?
-Yes.
You see, after King Solomon
took over this nation
as a storehouse
for his wealth, we
fought many civil wars
amongst ourselves.
So a great peace had
to be established.
The treasure was
buried without trace.
The priests did this in
order that no man would ever
be tempted to gain possession
of it or kill for it.
It is lost forever.
Matawani wants to
find the treasure.
He will reward the priests.
They will become greedy.
He will kill them, or
they will kill him.
It will all start
again, the killing.
-H-h-how can I help?
-Here's a map.
Find the treasure.
-What?
-Find it and go.
-You're not serious?
-Tell me I can trust you.
-My love, my Diana.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
-If you had stayed, I would
have made you my consort.
Good night, Sir Henry.
-Consort?
Consort be damned.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
-The man who designed this map
was a cartographic charlatan.
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Yes, well, it would
help if I could remember
my Phoenician b-better.
But there seems
to be a reference
here to the sun
and the meridian.
-Hopeless, dear boy.
It's an enigma inside a riddle.
Or is it the other way around?
-Well, short of tearing down
the whole temple, what do we do?
-Well, the treasure was
never meant to be found.
We can't expect it to be easy.
Here, let me see.
[BOOM]
-Please.
Please hurry.
Please.
You must.
Neva.
-Oh, monsieur, the people,
they are leaving the city.
-I don't blame them.
-We leave too,
monsieur, n'est-ce pas?
Aren't we?
-What do you suppose the
significance of that is?
-What-- what difference
would it make, monsieur?
Everything will fall around us.
-What is it?
Are you on to something?
-Damned if I know, but
that stone in the center
there and three obelisks
have to mean something.
-Rutui.
-Neva, brush my hair, please.
[BOOM]
-Rutui was one of the gods
worshiped by-- by King Solomon.
The god with one eye.
Uh, here, here, on the map.
It's-- the sun is at its zenith!
-For your information, in
two minutes, it'll be noon.
-That's it!
-What is?
SIR HENRY CURTIS: The obelisks
are only a part of it.
-Exactly midday.
-The obelisks.
The obelisks are a ruse.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-It's that m-m-medallion!
-Anybody got a shovel?
-I know the queen's wishes.
I bring men to help you
carry away the treasure.
[BOOM]
[GASP]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Come, Neva.
Come!
[SCREAMS]
[MAN SCREAMS]
-Well, gentlemen, there it is.
King Solomon's treasure.
-(SHOUTING) The priests!
They have taken the queen!
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[GASP] [SCREAMS]
-Easy!
MATAWANI: Stetopatris,
take your men and go.
ALLAN QUATERMAIN:
(QUIETLY) Do as he says,
or he'll kill her now.
Wait for us outside the city.
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[BOOM]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[PANICKED SHOUTING]
[GUNFIRE]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNFIRE]
-Aaaauughhh!
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
-Aaaagghhh!
-Aaaahhhh!
[GUNFIRE]
[CLANG]
[GUNFIRE]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOT]
-Aaaahhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
Auuuuugghhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[HISSING]
[HISSING]
-Aaaauuughhhh!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
-Auuuughhhh!
-Well done, Umpslopogas.
Umpslopogas!
-You must go.
-Nonsense.
You're coming with me.
-Not this time.
This time, I must
make my journey alone.
-You can't!
-I have spoken.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-Then go on your journey
in peace, my friend.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[BOOMING AND RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
-Oh, Stetopatris!
SIR HENRY CURTIS:
Umpslopogas, where is he?
-Let's go now.
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-What are you saying to them?
-They must stay here, for
the queen will be back.
[BOOM]
[SCREAMING]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-You're going to stay?
-Of course.
Stetopatris will kill the
few remaining priests,
and then we will
rebuild our city.
[BOOM]
Look for the last time.
-Look out!
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMS]
-The mountain provides and
the mountain takes away.
Do not grieve for me, Sir Henry.
Find an English rose.
-There is the pass to the
other side of the mountain.
It's the route the
leopard men used to take.
-Are you sure you wouldn't
be better off coming with us?
-I am king now.
-Monsieur, I think
I want to stay, too.
-My dear fellow!
It won't be easy, Alphonse.
-Well, it's will not be worse
than the Devil's Island,
monsieur.
-Ah.
-And besides, how can they build
up a civilization if they--
if they don't know how to cook?
[LAUGHTER]
-Well, goodbye, Alphonse.
-Au revoir, monsieur.
-Good luck, Alphonse.
-Goodbye, Monsieur Quatermain.
And don't forget, sir!
Patience when you are
whipping up the souffle.
Light and frothy, et voila!
And, uh, not too much
pepper, monsieur.
-Ha-ha!
-Au revoir, monsieur.
-Hey, not a bad fellow.
Could have been English.
You think anyone's going
to believe any of this back
at the club?
Of course, no one
in the club believed
a damn word of the story.
But he was a decent fellow,
Quatermain, a decent fellow.
Do you know what he did?
He left this, uh, medallion,
I think they call it?
Left it to the club
for the oldest member
to have the privilege
of wearing it.
Perhaps you'll find yourself
wearing it one of these days.
[MEN SPEAKING OF BETS]
-Manners.
Bloody club's going to the dogs.
[MUSIC PLAYING]