Killer Tongue (1996) - full transcript

(animal vocalises)

(birds chirping)

(mysterious synth music)

(woman vocalising)
(mysterious synth music)

- I now know I should've
listened to my mother.

And I should have followed her ways.

Stayed in our nice, harmonious little town

in Sombrero Land and become
a straight, untroubled,

and well respected, Valium
bound husband killer alcoholic.

And then cook my head like
a turkey in a gas oven

on a beautiful Thanksgiving day.



Just like she did.

But now it's too late.

And anyway, things don't
come that easy anymore.

It all started four
years ago with a heist.

And a kiss.

(upbeat mariachi music)

(laughing)

- I love you, man.

No, I really love you.

- Oh no way, man.

I love you.

- [Chip] You're beautiful man.

You're really beautiful.

- We pull it off, you and me.



We cleaned that bank out.

We pulled off the big, fat one!

(guns cock)

Oh, fuck.

- Hey, Johnny, come on.

- Shut the fuck up, Chip.

- Aw, Candy.

- One word, one bullet.

(synth rock music)

- Yeah.

There's a lifetime of
happiness in this bag

and you know, it's just for you and me.

(squeals)

(laughing)

Tie 'em up and let's get
the fuck out of here.

(muffled groaning)

(yelling)

(tense synth music)

(camera clicking)
(tense synth music)

I'll take the rap and lay low.

But you're gonna have to hide, too.

Disappear for a while.

Be a good girl and wait for me.

(tense synth music)

- I'll be waiting.

- Forget unleaded, forget super unleaded.

Out here in the middle of nowhere,

you can find the cleanest,
purest, holiest gas

in this world or the next.

- [Nun] Now sisters, settle down.

Watch it.
(camera clicking)

Sisters, please.

- [Woman] Stop Stan, let's go.

- One more.

Hey, come on girls,
get a bit closer there.

One,

two,

(woman gasps)
three.

(soft, mysterious music)

(gasps)

- Rita?

(soft, mysterious music)

(gasps)

"Dear Candy,

"After four long years
of sun, dust, and pain,

"I'm coming out.

"Just four more days."

- [Johnny] We can't take
any risks and we don't

need any last minute surprises
so don't come and meet me.

Just go to Porky's and wait for me.

Keep cool and wait.

(Candy screams)

- Yee haw!

I'm coming for you baby!

Woo!

(Candy screaming)

- Get outta here!
(chickens clucking)

(Candy laughs)

Johnny!

(upbeat electronic music)

- Read.

Read.

- Fuck you, sir.

(hits)
(Johnny grunts)

- Read.

- You just can't stand the fact that I'm

gonna be a free man and you've gotta live

in this shithole of the rest of your life.

(hits)
(Johnny grunts)

- Now.

Read again.

- Fuck

me, sir.

- Yes, fuck you.

It says fuck you.

That's what it says today,
that's what it'll say tomorrow.

Let me tell you something.

Listen to me.

I'm gonna make you blow it big time.

And you know why?

Because you belong here with papa.

(rock music)

- Johnny, Johnny, you okay?

It's okay, take it easy.

It's okay.

Come on, I've got you.

Come on.
(Johnny grunts)

(upbeat electronic pop music)
(dogs barking)

- Come on.

- You and your fucking bladder.

Would it help if I ran the tap?

- No, no, no, I tried that.

It doesn't work, it doesn't work.

- Well think of a waterfall.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Niagara.

(laughs)

I was gassed by nuns.

(farting)

Hey, Chip?

Chip, come over here.

Have a look at this.

- No, I told you a thousand
times, no, no, no, no, no!

- No, look at this.

(upbeat Spanish music)

Candy.
- Candy.

(laughing)

- Oh.

Oh.

(laughing)

(upbeat electronic pop music)

(tense, dramatic music)

- [Man] Come on, move that goddamn pole.

Come on, move that thing.
(men yelling)

Move it, you goddamn...

Get it out of there.

You damn, lazy bastards.

- [Prisoner] Get your
pretty ass over here, baby.

- Look at this.
- Hey.

- Real sexy, man.

- Yeah, look at the size
of those beauties, yeah.

(hits)

- [Candy] Get out of here.

- Get up.

You just volunteered for survey duty.

- Oh no sir, please.

I beg you, no more survey duty, sir.

- Well you've got it now!

(prisoners chattering)
Everybody back to work!

(hits)
Back to work!

(tense music)

(dogs barking)

- Woo hoo!

(tense music)

(electrical buzzing)

Rudolph, get over here.

Would you look at this place?

Well.

Come on, let's get our
things out of the car

and clean up this place.

I think it needs a woman's touch.

- Gentlemen.

I'm very disappointed in
your work ethic today.

And I never, I never wanna
see the kind of behaviour

that I saw this evening.

Understood?

Now our friend, Ted,
has volunteered himself

for survey duty.

And you all know about
survey duty, don't you?

First!

- First we work.

- No, peckerhead.

We survey our beloved desert to precisely

pinpoint where to
position our power poles.

(chains rattling)

And then...

- Then we play.

- Yes.

We destroy your fuckin' stinkin' bodies.

We break your backs, your
bones, your larynx and teeth.

Your cocks.

We shatter your fuckin' criminal souls

and turn you all into productive citizens.

(man grunting)

What the fuck are you looking at, huh?

Wipe that smile off your face.

You're still mine, all mine.

Understand?

(upbeat Spanish music)

(bell rings)

(upbeat Spanish music)

- Fill it up, baby. (laughs)

(upbeat Spanish music)

(grunts)

Hi, honey.

My name's Chip.

I'm looking for a nun called Candy.

She's one of yours.

She's a sexy 20-something lady
with some shit queer dogs.

Where can I find her?

Well you're pumpin' and not pumpin'.

A nun, Candy, a bitch with some dogs.

Where is she?

Speak, speak, move your fuckin' lips

and move 'em fast!

(whimpering)

Ah?

Which one?

Which one?

Huh, huh?

Oh, fuck.

I gotta teach you some fucking lessons,

'cause you're so cute.

Don't look back there.

Aint no one gonna see ya.

(upbeat Spanish music)

(taps)

What the fuck have you
don't to my suit, you--

- Don't even think about it.

- Sister Candy's no longer with us.

- Jesus, I loved that suit!

- Nice suit.

(upbeat Spanish music)

(yelling)

(hits)

(upbeat Spanish music)

- This is my best suit.

My mother gave me this suit.

(upbeat Spanish music)

(soft, tense music)
(breathing heavily)

(tense music)

- Now don't be so impatient.

All right, let's eat.

(grunts)

This soup is as dull as a nun.

I think it needs some spicin' up.

What do you think, huh?

(tense music)

(groaning)
(tense music)

(heavy breathing)

(tense music)

(prisoners chattering)

(rattling)

(dogs whining)

(prisoners yelling)

(exploding)

(pinging)

(splashing)

Is everyone all right?

What the hell was that?

Oh, eat up.

We have a lot of work to do.

Mmm.

(gasps)

(Candy yells)

(tableware shatters)

(tense, dramatic music)
(Candy whimpering)

(Candy groaning)
(tense, dramatic music)

(bubbling)

(coyotes howling)

(yelling)
(coughing)

(soft, romantic music)

- Blegh.

(coughing)

- Must've been the
shock of the earthquake.

(coughing)

Hm?

(tense music)

(Candy gasps)

(grunts)
(floor breaks)

(tense music)

(gasps)

(Candy whimpers)

(mumbling)

(Candy whimpering)
(door jangling)

(man gasps)

(electrical whirring)

(upbeat electronic music)

(whimpering)

(screams)

(glass shatters)

(tense music)

(prisoners chattering)

- You know, Flash, I'm
worried about my Johnny.

I don't think he's quite ready yet

for the outside world.

We need to help him.

He needs to uh, stay here with us until he

can be fully rehabilitated.

Perhaps if you could lend a
helping hand, so to speak,

I might be able to put in a good word

for you with the parole board.

- Yeah, you know me, Chief.

Always willing to help my fellow inmates.

- That's my boy.

- [Ralph] Hey Chief, look at this.

- Jesus.

- Nicely crafted, centre parted,

with a well proportioned,
balanced volume of hair

each side, reflects great inner beauty.

It's exactly your partin'.

Occasionally straight,
but ideal as a partner

and a perfect husband.

Jesus, that's incredible.

It's exactly the same.

Strong, healthy, and--
(hits)

- Shut the fuck up.

Can't you stop this barber
shit for 10 minutes?

We're out of here.

Move 'em out!

(rock music)

(wheels squeaking)

- [Wig] A few more days.

I'm gonna be pushing
Chief's shit all alone.

Gonna miss you, Johnny.

- Gonna miss you too, Wiggy man.

You've been a good friend to me.

- You sound like a couple
of girls, you ass fuckers.

- What are you gonna do when you get out?

Spend your stash?

- Nah, I just wanna see my girl.

- Oh, sure, Johnny.

- Yeah, I wanna start over.

Raise a family, that sort of thing.

You know what I mean.

I just wanna go straight.

- Bullshit.

You're gonna be back here pushing toilets,

Just like you're doing now, shit pusher.

- [Wig] Why don't you shut up, Flash?

Shut up your dirty mouth.

(hits)
(grunts)

Stop it, Johnny.

Stop it!

He's only trying to get at ya!

- Go on, do your worst.

Fuck your parole.

You'll make my day.

- Oh, that's the game.

The Chief's making you dance, isn't he?

Isn't he?

- Yeah.

And I'm gonna dance 'til I get out.

And when I get out, I'm gonna stick

my love bum right up your fuckin' bitch.

Give her all the fuckin' babies she wants.

(heavy breathing)

- I'm gonna make you smell

all the shit that's ever come out

of your motherfuckin'
ass, you screw sucker.

(tense, dramatic music)

(upbeat electronic music)

- It's us, your bitches.

Remember?

Little fluffy things?

Mimi.

Loca.

Portia.

And me, Rudolph.

- No, no--
- Shh.

Shh.

(knocking)

(gasps)

(knocking)

- I want my money!

I want my mo--

(grunts)

Take it easy, Candy.

I know you aint had it for a while,

being in a nunnery and
everything, but, calm down.

You could suck the hubcaps
off a car with that mouth.

- Please, please.

Help me.

I've become a monster.

- Become a monster?

You've been the biggest lying, dishonest,

devious bitch this planet's seen

since the day your head saw light.

- Please, please help me.

My dogs, the poodles, they changed.

I, I--
- I, I, I, I.

♪ Ay ay ya ya ya, ya ya ya ♪

♪ Ya ya ya ya ya ♪

♪ Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ♪

Ah!

Ya ya ya ya ya!

The happy couple.

(glass shatters)
(Candy gasps)

You know, I think we're
gonna get on just fine.

We both want the same thing.

Johnny's getting out of jail.

You're waiting for him, and
I'm gonna wait with you.

(grunting)

So!

Let's make the best of it?

(Candy sobbing)

Okay.

Oh yeah, come on, don't beg.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

You go in the kitchen and make
me something good and juicy,

and I'll have a nice, hot bubble bath.

And then you can suck me
dry and call me dusty.

(sniffles)

(stomach grumbles)

Cool.

(tense music)
(Candy whimpering)

(grumbling)
(Candy whimpers)

(exhales)

(whimpering)

(grumbling)
- Oh my gosh.

(poodles grumbling)

(sizzling)

- The sweet smell of home cooking.

- I'm sorry, but I need help.

Please help me, I don't know what to do.

Please help me.

- Sure you do, sweetheart.

Look, this is what we're gonna do.

You take a frying pan and you put in

some extra virgin olive oil,

crush a clove of garlic
and chop up an onion.

Put it on a low heat and let it sweat

for about five minutes.

Meanwhile, chop up some
big, fat juicy tomatoes.

Well, under the
circumstances, canned will do.

And then, pull back--

Oh.

The breast of a chicken. (grunts)

(Candy whimpering)

Take me, baby.

(Candy yells)

(splashes)

(Candy breathing heavily)

(screams)

(rock music)

(whistling)

(sighs)

- Morning boys.

(sighs)

(grunting)

(wheels squeaking)

(Flash yells)

(crashing)

(laughing)

Postman!

Son of a bastard!

(prisoners laughing)

- [Prisoner] What a fall, what a fall.

(laughing)

(upbeat electronic pop music)

- [Portia And Mimi] Oh, hi honey.

- Hi honey.

- Isn't the kennel looking just fab?

- No!

(laughing)

Come on you slug, let's
see what you're made of.

(saw buzzing)
(whimpering)

(Candy whimpering)

(tongue burps)

Rudolph?

What are we gonna do?

- Feed you.

- Feed me?

(grunts)

Look, your four-legged freak,

I want this shit out of
me and I want it out now.

- I think she needs some serious protein.

- Go to hell, all of you!

My plans didn't include any of this.

Get me Johnny!

- How?

- I'll write a letter
and you get it to him

and you figure it out.

Please just get Johnny.

Okay, I'm writing something.

Okay, just...

Oh, god.

(sobbing)

- Portia, you stay and do the dishes.

Look after 'em.

(upbeat electronic pop music)

(Portia chuckles)

- She wouldn't eat a dog.

Would she?
(stomach growls)

(upbeat electronic pop music)

- Okay, first we'll pick up some food,

then we'll deliver
mommy's letter to Johnny.

- Yeah, right.

And how are we gonna do that?

- Don't worry, I've got a plan.

- Talk to me, you maggots.

Now which one of you had the bright idea

of flushing Flash down, hm?

Huh?

- Better ask Flash, he should know.

(grunts)

- Now that would be too simple.

I need a challenge.

What shall we do?
(rock music)

Let's play.

(snaps fingers)

(rock music)

Fore!

(rock music)

Hole in one, Johnny.

(tense music)

- What's this?

- Rita's.

(whimpering)

- What are you trying to tell me?

- Nothing.

She's not.

(Rita whimpers)
(tense music)

(tense music)

(glass shatters)

- Oh!
- Ooh!

(choking)

(Rita gasps)

(choking)
(coughing)

(tense music)

(barfs)

(tyres squeal)

(upbeat music)

- [Loca] She's even
worse than the floppy one

we picked up on the road.

- [Mimi] Poor darling.

It's really gonna need a
makeover job to look presentable.

Cuts everywhere.

And like a totally
disgusting, grotesque belly.

God, gross me out.

(upbeat electronic dance music)

(Portia sighs)

- Oh come on sweetie, eat your din-dins.

I spent hours on that dish.
(tense music)

Look, honey.

I don't know if I should
tell you this, but you see,

you're um, changing.

You never used to be such a messy eater.

I mean, this blood simply
refuses to come out.

I have tried absolutely everything.

I tried bleach, I tried powders,

I scrub with this and I scrub with that,

but still, it refuses to come out.

And the ironing.

What can I tell you about the ironing?

(plate shatters)

- Come on.

Come to mommy.

Don't be shy.
(tongue groaning)

(sizzling)
(Portia yells)

(upbeat electronic music)
(Candy grunting)

(electric buzzing)

(upbeat electronic music)
(Candy grunting)

(Portia yells)

- Let her go!

Oh, oh, ah!

(Portia yells)

(Candy grunting)
(upbeat electronic music)

(Candy grunting)
(upbeat electronic music)

Oh, oh, oh!

(whimpers)

(Candy gasps)

(groaning)
(spraying)

(heavy breathing)

(soft, mysterious music)

(disembodied whispering)

- Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.

Whose big balls have to go?

(buzzing)

Mr. Wig, you've won!

Yes.

Mr. Wig wins the lottery.

Let's give special thanks for donating

his precious balls to the common good.

Three, two, one!

(upbeat music)

Oh.

- Now that's what I call torture. (laughs)

- What the hell?

Ralph?

Ralph!

- [Prisoner] Smokin'. (laughs)

- Oh, he's a genius.

You're such a creative guy!

You should've been an artist
or a librarian or somethin'

(upbeat music)

(grumbling)

(whimpering)

(upbeat electronic dance music)

- [Chief] No, sirree.

I'll have none of that around here.

- Johnny?

- Goddammit, who the hell are you?

- You don't wanna know.

(grumbling)

(gunshot)

- [Chief] Get out of here!

- "Johnny, help me.

"I've been kidnapped, I'm gonna die."

- Is it her?

- [Johnny] I'm getting out of here.

(gunshot)

It was me!

I rigged Flash up the pole
and made him eat your shit!

- Johnny.
- I did it!

- Johnny, don't.

- Oh, thank you.

You do exist.

- It's all right, man,
don't worry about it.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

- [Chief] Listen, get Johnny in the Jeep.

Do your worst.

Make me proud, Ralph.

- I'll make you proud, Chief.

You deserve it.
- Yeah.

Ah, no, no.

Listen.

Try to be back here before dawn.

I don't wanna be left alone
with those animals too long.

(insects buzzing)
(prisoners snoring)

Come on, come here.

It's okay, it's okay.
(dove cooing)

Yeah.

Shh.

What's the matter with your wing?

Here.

Here you go.

Yeah.

Well what's your name, Mr. Bird, huh?

Hm?
(dove cooing)

Tell you what, we'll call you Johnny.

Yeah.

Johnny.

Johnny.

- You like that thing?
- Yeah.

Reminds me of my mother.

- You had a mother?

I thought you was shat out
of a donkey's ass. (laughs)

Stop, stop, stop.

(grunting)

(Johnny laughs)

(Ralph grumbling)

(yells)

(coughing)

(grumbling)

Goddamn idiot.

What's that?

It's something, something pink.

Stay put.
(tense music)

(Ralph grumbling)
(tense music)

(tinkling)

- Son of a--

(exploding)

(whimpering)
(grumbling)

- Oh yummy.

You'll be food for mummy. (laughs)

(blows)

The refrigerator is finished.

(grumbling)
(whimpering)

(poodles chattering)
(soft music)

- I didn't mean to let you down.

Please forgive me, Candy.

I'm just not feeling myself at the moment.

(soft, mysterious music)
(flies buzzing)

(prisoners snoring)

(dove cooing)

(prisoners snoring)
(dove cooing)

- Look.

Here we go.

See?

Now you'll never have to
leave your nest again.

Yeah.
(prisoners snoring)

They're late.

What the fuck is going on out there?

(gun cocks)

(gun shots)
(prisoners yelling)

Wakey, wakey!

(gun shots)

(laughs)

Rise and shine!

- Honey, when I'm through with you,

you're gonna look absolutely de-voone.

Fuchsia pink is just so you.

(nun whimpering)

(man grumbling)

- [Loca] There you are, eat it up.

Don't say I don't care.

(mysterious music)

(gasps)

(whimpering)

- No, please.

I can't.

No, no, please, I can't.

I can't.
(nun whimpering)

(tense music)

(synth music)
(Candy whimpering)

(laughing)

(nun yells)

(Rita gasps)

(soft, mysterious music)

(nun whimpering)
(tongue grumbling)

(Candy grunting)

(whimpering)
(tongue grunting)

(hits)

(tongue grunts)

(soft, mysterious music)

(nun whimpering)

- I can't resist it.

Something takes over me.

It takes over every cell in my body,

every inch of my skin with pure lust.

I can't stand it, I can't control it.

- You see, mommy,

you're just a girl that
can't say no, and that's all.

- It has to end.

You wanna play?

(mirror shatters)

Let's play.

(grunts)

(whimpering)
(blood dripping)

(Johnny yelling)

(Johnny breathing heavily)

(coughing)

(tense music)

(Johnny grunting)
(breathing heavily)

(coughs)

(tense music)

(Johnny yelling)
(squelching)

- Johnny?

(Johnny yells)

Johnny?

Johnny, is that you?

(grunting)

Johnny?

Johnny, is that you?

You fucking bastard.

I'll get you for this!

I'll get you for this!

(Johnny grunts)

(Johnny breathing heavily)
(Rita whimpers)

(tense music)
(grunting)

I'll get you, you bastard.

You bastard.

(Johnny and Rita moaning)

(chuckles)

No more Mr. Nice Guy!

(gunshot)

(Wig yells)

(gunshot)

(breathing heavily)

- [Johnny] What are you?

An angel?

Come back.

I need your help.

Please, don't go.

(soft, mysterious music)
(tongue grumbling)

- [Tongue] Don't go.

I need you.

Come back.

Live.

Live.

Yes.

Yes.

That's it, come back to me.

Oh goddamn, I'm sexy.

- [Candy] Get out of my body.

- [Tongue] Well excuse me.

Get out of my body?

Huh, what do you want me to do?

Grow legs and rent an apartment?

- [Candy] You can hear.

- [Tongue] I can hear?

Oh, I can hear.

I can hear.

Praise the Lord, I can hear.

That's right, I can
hear every little sordid

detail as clear as your heart beats.

With Johnny this and
Johnny that all day long.

What does he got that I haven't?

And anyway, something beautiful
is happening. (laughs)

- Look, Freddy, I haven't
got all day so hurry up.

Don't start giving me problems.

I can't believe that guy Chip.

He hasn't contacted me
in more than three days.

I'll bet he's planning to stitch me up.

Come on, Freddy, do your business

and let's get out of here.

(urinating)
Oh.

Oh, thanks Freddy.

Oh that feels good.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

That's nice.

That's good.

That's nice.
(car starts up)

(upbeat Spanish music)

(insects buzzing)

(Rita whimpers)

(sniffing)

(upbeat electronic dance music)

- Rita.

The sweet smelling one
that always gave us treats.

(upbeat electronic dance music)

- Mommy's gonna eat any minute now.

- Good.

- Hm.

Lovely curtain.

- Yeah, what a beautiful, lovely curtain.

(laughing)

- What we have here is
a see through mirror.

- How kinky.

(laughing)

(Mimi gasps)

How romantic.

- [Portia] Real passionate.

- Wild.

Now that's what I call a love bite.

- Oh bravo, bravo.
- Bravo.

(grunting)
(poodles laughing)

(yelling)

- No!

No!

No!

No!

(glass shatters)

- Leave her alone you greedy thing.

- [Portia] Get off and get
back in that hole right now.

- Stupid tongue.

- [Tongue] Blegh.

Tie her up.

(fly buzzing)

(Chief grunts)

- Look what I've got for
you, yeah, come here.

Look.

Look, Johnny.

Chow time, yeah.

Nom, nom, nom.

Go ahead.

Eat your dinner.

Come on, eat your dinner.
(dove cooing)

Come on.

What's the matter with you?

Come on.

(kisses)

Eat your fuckin' dinner.

Fuckin' bird.

Jesus Christ.

(sighs)

(grunting)

- I want some more and I want it now,

you four wheeled freak,
otherwise the lamp bites it.

(grunting)

(heavy breathing)

So you think it's funny, huh?

Well screw you.

Screw you.

I'm gonna leave you out in the desert

all by yourself and see how you like that.

You and me, we're finished.

Screw you!

Screw you!

I'm free!

I'm free!

(laughs)

- I can't believe it.

It's Johnny.

(tense music)

- Frank.

Hey, look, Frank I--

(hits)
(Johnny grunts)

(hits)
(Johnny grunts)

Nice to see ya, Frank.

- Where's my fucking money?

Where, where, where, where, where?

Where?

- Go to hell Frank.

Just go to hell.

What have you done with Candy?

(Frank laughs)

(laughing)

- That's what Chip's
doing to her right now.

Me, I wouldn't bother with
any of that kissy kissy stuff.

I'd just feed her to a fucking dog.

(Frank laughs)

- I'm gonna kill you, man.
(Frank laughs)

I'm gonna kill you!

(stomach rumbling)

- [Frank] Oh.

- Hey.

Hey.

Hey, where are you going, man?

Come back here you shit head!

I don't know where your
money is but, but--

- Here's something to refresh your memory.

(gunshot)
(Johnny yells)

(Franks laughs)
(Johnny yelling)

Ah yeah. (laughs)

(grunting)

(laughs)

What a boner!

(laughs)

What a boner!

(exploding)

- What else lies in store for me?

I beg you,

lend me your kind hand.

(grunting)

(Loca humming)

(Johnny yells)

(grunting)

(chittering)

- Babe, congratulations.

(chittering)
(mysterious music)

- Get out!

Get out!

(yells)

- [Tongue] Listen, honey.

I've been very understanding considering

the way you've been treating me .

Wasn't very nice, was it?

I just don't know how much
more of this I can take.

- [Candy] Me either.

- So, so, so stop it!

Listen.

None of us are gonna last forever.

- [Candy] Good.

- [Tongue] But our baby
will carry something

of us into the future.

You never know, it could bring love,

peace, and happiness into the world.

Save the whales and the
dolphins and the prawns

and little things that crawl and go oohkey

and all the rest of that shit.

(hits)
Ow!

I love it when you get angry.

Mmm.

Beat me, mama.

Eat to the bar.

(Johnny grunting)

(Johnny yells)

(insects buzzing)
(coyotes howling)

(tense, mysterious music)

- Hey, hey, hey.

(snoring)

Do the chick's voice again.

The one when she was
being pumped by Johnny.

Come on.
- Not again.

- Come on.

(Wig groans)

- I'm lying in the dirt.

Chief's all freaked out,
slumped against his Jeep.

And then we hear it, over the radio.

Johnny's girl.

The one with the unbelievable watermelons.

She's like a voice from heaven.

(grunting)
(moaning)

- Shut up!

(upbeat Spanish music)

(tense, mysterious music)

(upbeat Spanish music)

- Johnny!

(upbeat Spanish music)

(upbeat Spanish music)

- You feeling lonesome tonight, Chief?

- Loneliness.

I don't know the meaning of the word.

(door slams)
(gunshot)

(Chief grunts)

- Oh!
- Crazy bitch.

- All right!
(cheering)

- Oh shit, not again.

(cheering)
(upbeat rock music)

Johnny!

Johnny!

(prisoners cheering)
(chattering)

- Reggie, look at me!

(upbeat rock music)

- [Candy] Johnny!

(Johnny grunting)

It's impossible.

Johnny said he was coming for me.

- Look darling, he's gone.

He was sent out on survey
today and he escaped.

Don't ya know, now?

- That can't be, that can't be!

- Leave her alone, she's Johnny's girl.

(hits)
(Wig grunts)

- Don't give me that shit.

Johnny screwed some other
chick, you heard it.

(screams)

He made her scream like a wild beast,

just like I'm gonna make you scream.

(screaming)

- Stay away from or I'll
blow your fucking brains out!

(laughs)

- Would you look at that, huh?

Yes, baby!

- Where are you?

- I'm right here, baby, right here.

- Go on Mitch, let her know who you are.

(laughs)

- [Mitch] Oh.

- Yeah!

Yeah, you can do it!

(splashing)
Oh!

- [Tongue] Anybody else wanna play ball?

(screaming)

(upbeat rock music)

- Fuck this, man.

I'm out of here.

(upbeat rock music)
(groaning)

- [Tongue] Juicy.

(breathing heavily)

(grunts)

(breathing heavily)

- Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

- [Tongue] Yeah, well,
the things you gotta

do to be appreciated. (laughs)

(Johnny grunting)

(Johnny yelling)

(soft, mysterious music)

- [Wig] What the hell is that?

(soft, mysterious music)

(Rita gasps)
- Shh.

Shh, shh, calm down.

Hey, calm down, don't worry.

Don't be afraid.

It's me.

Johnny.

You saved my life.

Shh.

(heavy breathing)

- Help me.

- Oh shh, it's okay.

It's okay.

I think we both need a little help here.

Oh, shh.

(soft, mysterious music)

Oh. (chuckles)

Oh.

(heavy breathing)

Oh. (laughs)

(soft, mysterious music)

(heavy breathing)

God.

(moaning)

God.

- Come on guys.

(moaning)
(grunting)

Slowly.

(grunting)

In,

out.

(grunting)

Oh, Jesus.

(grunting)
(moaning)

(grunting)

Oh god.

Give me your...

(exploding)

(soft, tense music)

(heavy breathing)

(exploding)

Oh.

Holy shit.

Jesus, man.

I gotta get out of here.

Oh my god.

- [Johnny] No, no, no.

(laughing)

- My bed?

(moaning)
(grunting)

- Candy?

Hey, uh,

look it's, look, it's not what you think.

- Love kills, Johnny.

(grunts)

- [Johnny] Candy!

Candy!

(yelling)

(Johnny and Rita yelling)

(birds calling)

(heavy breathing)

(bed creaks)

(Rita gasps)

(Rita and Johnny yelling)

- I did it.

I killed the two-timing bastard.

I'm free!
(clapping)

- [Poodles] Let's fiesta!

- Close your eyes, close your
eyes, close your eyes, okay?

Okay, close 'em.

Close 'em, close 'em, no peeking.

Open.

- [Poodles] To you.

- The sexiest...
- Wildest...

- Most caring...
- Likeable...

- [Mimi] Lickable...

- [Both] Pet owner in
the whole wide universe!

(rustling)
(grunting)

(screams)
(claps)

(man grunting)

(laughs)

(tongue growls)

(tongue grumbling)
(upbeat music)

(muffled mumbling)

(upbeat music)
(laughing)

(muffled yelling)

(upbeat music)

(man choking)
(poodles cheering)

(Johnny grunting)

(Rita breathing heavily)

(upbeat music)
(breathing heavily)

- [Rita] Just watch
where you put your hands.

(grunting)
(upbeat music)

(heavy breathing)
(upbeat music)

(grunting)

(wind blowing)

(dove cooing)
(Chief grunting)

- What have you done
to my boys, you bitch?

(heavy breathing)
(dove cooing)

Shh, shh.

Shh, shh, quiet!

Quiet!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Please, shut up!

(gunshot)

(upbeat Spanish music)

(tongue chuckling)

(tongue yawns)

- [Tongue] I have fed you.

- [Candy] You have fed me.

- I saved your life.
- You saved my life.

- I gave you a baby.
- I could kill you for that.

- [Tongue] I love you.

- [Candy] Yes, um, well...

- [Tongue] What more do
you expect from a tongue?

- [Candy] Show me.

- [Tongue] Oh.

(Candy chuckles)

(tongue humming)

♪ I'm the only one, uh ♪

♪ The only one for you ♪

(tongue humming)

(Candy gasps)

- Lightly fried with
butter is the best way

to eat the placenta after the birth.

And this of course will be
shared with your partners,

shared with your family,
shared with your parents.

This week, we're going
to look at the diaper.

- [Tongue] Oh, goody, goody, goody.

- First of all, take a
triangular piece of cloth.

Lay it down flat.

Fold out the corners,

so it's completely flat on the table.

Then take the left hand corner,

and put it to the middle.

Not exact in the middle, but cornered.

And now, the real
exciting part is to bring

up the bottom corner...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- [Host] To make the shape of a diaper.

- [Portia] All right, okay.

- Easy.

- [Tongue] Well, I guess
it's not that easy.

(laughing)

Actually, I better perfect my technique

or he's gonna be flopping
around diaper-less.

(laughing)

His little shiny, red
butt exposed to the world.

He's gonna be just like his daddy.

(rock music)

- I hate fuchsia.

(gun shot)
(yells)

(grunts)

(gasping)

Oh.

(heavy breathing)

(upbeat electronic music)

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god!

(upbeat electronic music)

(yelling)

Oh my god!

(grunts)

Fuck it!

(gunshot)

All right, where are my men?

(gunshot)

I want my men!

(gunshots)
(tense, dramatic music)

- Come back!

- Where are they?

- No!

No!

(gunshot)
(Rudolph gasps)

- What have you done with my boys, huh?

Come on, bitch, hit me
with your best shot.

(hits)
(grunts)

(tense, dramatic music)

- Oh, god!

Holy shit.

(hits)

(Candy groans)

(Candy whimpering)

Oh, baby, oh baby, baby.

What the hell is that shit?

- Johnny.

- Baby look, I--
- Hey big fella.

Give me a hand.

Hey!

Hey!

You gotta kill her.

You gotta kill that bitch!

- Babe, babe.

I still love you.

I still love you, babe.
- Snap out of it!

(tense, dramatic music)

(grunting)

- What the fuck's wrong with her?

- Let's get 'em.

- Got any bright ideas where
the fuck we're gonna be going?

- The convent, Johnny.
- Stop the car, Johnny

and let's fuck with that monster.

- What?

What the fuck are talking about, man?

You're fucking talking
about my girl, goddammit.

- Lousy son of a bitch!

- [Rita] Oh no.

They're here.

- Fucking great, just fucking great.

- Stop the car!
- Shut up!

- Stop the car!
- Shut the fuck up!

(gasps)

- [Tongue] Go, go!

- Let's face 'em like men!
- Shut up!

- [Tongue] Go, go, go!

(tongue yelling)

- Son of a bitch has run off the road.

Let's get 'em.

Come on, pull over.

- Are you out of your fucking mind?

- Pull over.

- [Rita] Stop here, stop
here, it's my house.

- Not a fucking chance.
- Oh yeah?

(yelling)

(crashing)

- Jesus Christ, haven't you gotten rid

of that shit yet?

(gunshots)

- Come on down, motherfucker!

(gunshots)

- [Johnny] Chief, Chief!

- What?

- That's the wrong goddamn car.

(coughing)

- Don't shoot, Chief!

Don't shoot!

It's me.

It's Wig, remember?

- What the hell is he doing with my Jeep?

- Don't shoot, man.
- Jeez.

- [Chief] Son of a bitch.

- [Rita] Everybody into the church.

- Yeah, yeah, get me a
pine box or a virgin bride

and I'll think about it. (laughs)

(grunts)

(soft, mysterious music)

- [All] Rita?

- [Wig] Anybody like to
tell me what is going on?

- Yes, what's going on?

- [Rita] They're with me.

- Rita, you can speak.
- Yes.

- It's a miracle.

(Chief groaning)

A beautiful, beautiful miracle.

- Wakey, wakey, girls.

This aint Sunday school.

Hey look, it's just my baby.

My baby, my girl, she's
turned into this, oh god,

she's got this, this uh--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know Johnny.

She's got a tongue like
a fucking hose pipe.

- Hey.

Watch your mouth.

- It's Candy.

She's a devil.

(heavy breathing)

- Oh, shit.

- I'm out of here.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- But Chief--
- No!

It's up to Johnny now.

What's it gonna be, son?

(tense, mysterious music)

- Is that a water tank?

- [Nun] Yes.

We don't have much space.

- Will all of you stop all of this shit?

(gun cocks)

(gunshot)

(yelling)
- No, my tank!

- What are you doing?

Let's get the fuck out.

- Just stay cool and do as I say.

This is the only way out.

(gun cocks)

I hope.

(tense, mysterious music)

- Bitch time!

- [Poodles] Bitch time!

- We're gonna die.

That thing's gonna kill us all.

- Shh.

Shh, it's okay.

It's okay.

There's nothing left to
do but keep the faith

and say our prayers.

- I guess.

You know, Chief, all
that stuff back there,

well I, I wanna apologise.

- You know, I kind of like
you with a natural look.

(heavy breathing)

(tense, dramatic music)
(water running)

- Oh my god, Chief.

- Ah, the happy couple.

(pinging)

You little two-timing bastard.

- Give me strength.

(dramatic synth music)

(exploding)

(exploding)

(yells)
(exploding)

- Oh god.

- [Chief] What the hell is going on?

Oh god, oh god!

Help!

Oh!

(yelling)

(exploding)

(whimpering)

(grunts)

- Oh Jesus.

What is that piece of snake shit?

- This is my tongue!

My tongue is everything you never were.

You betrayed me.

And for what?

A cheap whore and a couple of bucks?

(hits)
(Johnny grunts)

- [Tongue] Hold me back.

- Hey, you piece of shit!

(grunts)
(yelling)

Nobody fucks with me.

(hitting)
(grunting)

(hits)
(grunts)

(splashing)

(heavy breathing)

(Candy whimpering)

Oh god, baby, be reasonable.

(Candy whimpering)

(tongue grunting)
(Candy whimpering)

I've gotta do it.

(pickaxe clatters)

I can't do it.

(Rita grunts)

(all yelling)

- [Tongue] My legs!

My legs!

Oh, what have you done to my legs?

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hasta manana, maybe.

(groans)

(sobbing)

(Candy whimpering)

- [Candy] I don't want
anymore laughing tongues,

no more talking dogs, no more paper money,

no more paper men.

I'd rather stay in and watch
the circus from the outside.

No redemption, no forgiveness.

But hope.

Only hope.

(soft Spanish music)

(upbeat Spanish music)

(upbeat Spanish music)