Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair (2011) - full transcript

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
---
Do you find me sadistic?

You know,

I'll bet I could fry an egg
on your head right now.

If I wanted to.

You know, kiddo.

I'd like to believe
you're aware enough, even now,

to know that there's nothing sadistic
in my actions.

Well, maybe towards those other jokers.

But not you.

No, kiddo.

At this moment...



This is me at my most masochistic.

Bill.

It's your baby.

Coming!

Sarah, I cannot believe you are early.

What you gonna do now, huh?

What you got?

I got your ass! Remember that?

Remember?

Okay.
Come on, bitch.

Come on.
Bring it on.

Mommy, I'm home.

Hey, baby.

How was school?



Mommy, what happened to you
and the TV room?

That good-for-nothing dog
of yours got his ass

in the living room
and acted a damn fool.

- That's what happened, baby.
- Barney did this?

Baby, now, you can't come in here.

There's broken glass everywhere,
and you could cut yourself.

This is an old friend of Mommy's
I ain't seen in a long time.

Hi, honey.

I'm (!? @!).
What's your name?

Her name is Nikki.

Nikki.

Such a pretty name
for such a pretty girl.

How old are you, Nikki?

Nikki,

(!? @!) asked you a question.

I'm 4.

4 years old?

You know, I had a little girl once.

She'd be about 4 now.

Now, baby, me and Mommy's friend

got some grown-up talk
to talk about.

You go in your room.

I want you to leave us alone
till I tell you to come out.

Okay?

Nikkia!

In your room.
Now.

You want some coffee?

Yeah. Sure.

This Pasadena homemaker's name

is Jeanne Bell.

Her husband is
Dr. Lawrence Bell.

But back when we were acquainted,
four years ago,

her name was Vernita Green.

Her code name was Copperhead.

Mine, Black Mamba.

Do you have a towel?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You still take cream and sugar, right?

Yeah.

So I suppose it's a little late
for an apology?

You suppose correctly.

Look, bitch, I need to know

if you're gonna start any more shit
around my baby girl.

You can relax for now.

I'm not gonna murder you
in front of your child, okay?

That's being more rational

than Bill led me to believe
you were capable of.

It's mercy, compassion,
and forgiveness I lack.

Not rationality.

Look.

I know I fucked you over.

I fucked you over bad.

I wish to God I hadn't, but I did.

You have every right
to want to get even.

No, no, no, no, no.

No.

To get even, even Stephen,

I would have to kill you,
go up to Nikki's room, kill her,

then wait for your husband,
the good Dr. Bell, to come home

and kill him.

That would be even, Vernita.

That'd be about square.

Look, if I could go back
in a machine, I would.

But I can't.

All I can tell you is that
I'm a different person now.

Oh, great.

I don't care.

Be that as it may,

I know I don't deserve
your mercy or your forgiveness.

However, I beseech you for both
on behalf of my daughter.

Bitch, you can stop right there.

Just because I have no wish
to murder you

before the eyes of your daughter

does not mean that parading her
in front of me

is gonna inspire sympathy.

You and I have unfinished business.

And not a goddamn thing you've done

in the subsequent four years,

including getting knocked up,
is gonna change that.

So when do we do this?

It all depends.

When do you want to die?

Tomorrow?
The day after tomorrow?

How about tonight, bitch?

Splendid. Where?

There's a baseball diamond
where I coach Little League

about a mile from here.

We meet there around 2.30
in the morning,

dressed all in black,
your hair in a black stocking.

And we have us a knife fight.

We won't be bothered.

Now, I have to fix Nikki's cereal.

Bill said you were one
of the best ladies he saw

with an edged weapon.

Fuck you, bitch.

I know he didn't qualify that shit.

So you can just kiss my motherfucking ass,
Black Mamba.

Black Mamba.

I should have been
motherfucking Black Mamba.

Weapon of choice?

If you want to stick with
your butcher knife, that's fine.

Very funny, bitch.

Very funny!

It was not my intention
to do this in front of you.

For that, I'm sorry.

But you can take my word for it.

Your mother had it coming.

When you grow up,
if you still feel raw about it...

I'll be waiting.

For those regarded as warriors...

...when engaged in combat...

...the vanquishing of thine enemy
can be the warrior's only concern.

Suppress all human emotions and compassion...

...kill whoever stands in thy
way, even if that be God

or Buddha himself!

This truth lies at the heart of combat.

Come on out to Dallas.

This is Rockabilly Rhythms
on KTRN, Wichita Falls.

And next, we got some record.

Very own wild man, Charlie Feathers.

Well, give me the gory details,
Son Number One.

It's a goddamn massacre, Pop.

They wiped out the whole
wedding party, execution style.

Give me a figure.

Nine dead bodies.

And we're talking the whole shebang.

Bride. Groom.

Reverend.

Reverend's wife.

They even shot that old coloured fella
that plays the organ.

It would appear to me
somebody objected to this union

and wasn't able to hold their peace.

Good gravy, Marie.

What'd I tell you, Pop?

It's like a goddamn
Nicaraguan death squad.

You better shit-can
that blasphemy, boy.

- You're in a house of worship.
- Sorry, Pop.

Well, this is definitely
the work of professionals.

I'd guesstimate
Mexican Mafia hit squad.

Four, maybe five strong.

How can you tell?

Well, a sure and steady hand did this.

This ain't no squirrelly amateur.

This is the work of a salty dog.

You can tell by the cleanliness
of the carnage.

Now, a kill-crazy rampage,
though it may be,

all the colours are kept inside the lines.

If you was a moron,
you could almost admire it.

Who's the bride?

Don't know.

The name on the marriage certificate

is Arlene Machiavelli.

That's a fake.

We've been calling her "The Bride"
on account of the dress.

You can tell she was pregnant.

Man would have to be a mad dog

to shoot a goddamn good-looking gal
like that in the head.

Look at her.

Hay-coloured hair.

Big eyes.

She's a little blood-spattered angel.

Son Number One?

Yeah?

This tall drink of cocksucker
ain't dead.

I might never have liked you.

Point in fact, I despise you.

But that shouldn't suggest
that I don't respect you.

Dying in our sleep is a luxury

that our kind is rarely afforded.

My gift to you.

For fuck's sake.

Hello, Bill.

What's her condition?

Comatose.

Where is she?

I'm standing over her right now.

That's my girl.

Elle, you're going to abort
the mission.

What?

We owe her better than that.

Oh, you don't owe her shit!

Will you keep your voice down?

You don't owe her shit!

May I say one thing?

Speak.

Y'all beat the hell out of that woman.

But you didn't kill her.

And I put a bullet in her head.

But her heart just kept on beating.

Now, you saw that yourself

with your own beautiful
blue eye, did you not?

We've done a lot of things
to this lady.

And if she ever wakes up,
we'll do a whole lot more.

But one thing we won't do

is sneak into her room
in the night like a filthy rat

and kill her in her sleep.

And the reason we won't do that thing

is because that thing would lower us.

Don't you agree, Miss Driver?

I guess.

Do you really have to guess?

No.

I don't really have to guess.
I know.

Come on home, honey.

Affirmative.

I love you very much.

I love you, too.

Bye-bye.

Thought that was pretty
fucking funny, didn't you?

Word of advice, shit head.

Don't you ever wake up.

At this moment, this is me
at my most masochistic.

Bill, it's your baby.

Oh, my baby.

Four years.

Four years.

The price is $75 a fuck, my friend.

You getting your freak on or what?

Oh, yeah, boy.

20, 40, 60, 75.

Yeah.
Now here's the rules.

Rule number one.

No punching her.

Nurse comes in and she got a shiner

or less some teeth, jig's up.

So no knuckle sandwiches
under no circumstances.

By the way, this cunt's a spitter.

It's a motor-reflex thing.

But spit or no, no punching.

- Now, are we clear on rule one?
- Yeah.

Good. Now, rule number two.
No monkey bites. No Hickeys.

In fact, no leaving no marks
of no kind.

After that, it's all good, buddy.

Her plumbing down there don't work.

Feel free to come in her all you want.

Keep the noise down.
Try not to make a mess.

I'll be back in 20.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

By the way, not all the time,
but sometimes

this chick's cooch can get drier
than a bucket of sand.

If she dry, lube up with this
and you'll be good to go.

Bon appétit, good buddy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God damn.

You are the best-looking girl
I've had today.

Yo, stud!
Time's up, buddy.

Coming in, ready or not.

Hey, buddy, did you have yourself
a good time, man?

Where's Bill?

Where's Bill?

Please stop hitting me.

Where's Bill?

I don't know who Bill is!

Bullshit!

Well, ain't you the slice of cutie pie
they said you was?

Jane Doe? We don't know
shit about you, do we?

I'm from Huntsville, Texas.

My name is Buck, and I'm here to fuck.

Your name is Buck.

Right?

And you came here to fuck.

Right?

Wait a minute.
Wait.

"Pussy Wagon."

You fucker.

Texas. Okay.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

Wiggle your big toe.

As I lay in the back of Buck's truck,

trying to will my limbs
out of entropy...

Wiggle your big toe.

I could see the faces of
the cunts who did this to me.

And the dicks responsible.

Members all of the Deadly Viper
Assassination Squad.

When fortune smiles on something

as violent and ugly as revenge,

it seems proof like no other
that not only does God exist,

you're doing his will.

At a time when I knew the least
about my enemies,

the first name on my death list,

O-Ren lshii,
was the easiest to find.

But when one manages the difficult task

of becoming queen
of the Tokyo underworld,

one doesn't keep it a secret, does one?

0-Ren lshii was born
on an American military base

in Tokyo, Japan.

The half-Japanese, half-Chinese
American army brat

made her first acquaintance
with death at the age of 9.

It was at that age she witnessed

the death of her parents at the hands

of Japan's most ruthless
yakuza boss, Boss Matsumoto.

Mommy.

She swore revenge.

Luckily for her, Boss Matsumoto

was a paedophile.

At 11, she got her revenge.

Look at me Matsumoto...

...take a good look at my face.

Look at my eyes.

Look at my nose.

Look at my chin.

Look at my mouth.

Do I look familiar?

Do I look like someone you murdered?

By 20, she was one of the top
female assassins in the world.

At 25, she did her part in the killing

of nine innocent people,
including my unborn daughter,

in a small wedding chapel
in El Paso, Texas.

But on that day four years ago
she made one big mistake.

She should have killed 10.

However, before satisfaction
would be mine,

first things first.

Wiggle your big toe.

Hard part's over.

Now, let's get
these other piggies wiggling.

Welcome to Air O.
May I help you?

Okinawa.
One-way.

Hi.

Welcome...

Welcome.

You English?

Almost.
American.

American.
Welcome, American.

Domo.

My English very good.

You said "domo."

Can you speak Japanese?

No, no.

Just a few words I learned
since yesterday.

May I sit at the bar?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Please sit.

What other words did you learn?

Oh, just a minute.

We have a customer. Bring out some tea, quickly!

I'm watching my soap operas.

Lazy fool...

Screw your soap opera!

The tea's hot. Why don't you
serve it yourself for once?

Shut up!

Get your ass out here!

Excuse me.

What other Japanese do you know?

Oh, let's see.

"Arigato."

"Arigato."
Good!

I already said "domo", right?

Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"Konn-itch-iwa."

"Kohn-nee-chee-wah."

Konnichi wa.
Please repeat.

Konnichi wa.

Perfect.
Good, good, good.

You say Japanese word
like you Japanese.

Now you're making fun of me!

No, no, no, no.
Serious business.

Pronunciation very good.

You say arigato like we say arigato.

Well, thank you.
I mean, arigato.

You should learn Japanese.

Very easy.

No kidding.
I heard it was kind of hard.

Most difficult.

But you have Japanese tongue.

Okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

Hey, what the hell happened to the tea?
Hurry up... Goddammit!

Lazy oaf...

What do you want?

I beg your pardon?

Drink.

Oh, yes.
A bottle of warm sake, please.

Warm sake?

Very good!

One warm sake!

Sake? In the middle of the day?

Day, night, afternoon, who gives a damn?
Get the sake!

How come I always have to get the sake?

You listen well...

For thirty years you make the
fish and I get the sake.

If this were the military,
I'd be a General by now!

Oh, so you'd be General, huh?

If you were General, I'd be the Emperor,

and you'd still get the sake,
so shut up and get it!

Do you understand?

I'm not bald, okay? I shave my head.

Do you understand me?

Sorry.

First time in Japan?

What brings you to Okinawa?

I came to see a man.

Oh, yeah.

You have a friend live in Okinawa?

Not quite.

Not friend?

I never met him.

Never?

Who is he?

May I ask?

Hattori Hanzo.

What do you want with Hattori Hanzo?

Japanese steel is what I need.

Why do you need Japanese steel?

I have vermin to kill.

You must have big rats,
you need Hattori Hanzo's steel.

Huge.

May I?

You may.

Wait.

Try the second one down.

Funny.

You like samurai swords.

I like baseball.

I wanted to show you these.

However, someone as you, who knows
so much, must surely know...

...I no longer make instruments of death.

What I have here, I keep for their
aesthetic and sentimental value.

Yet proud as I am of my life's work...

...I have retired.

Then give me one of these.

These are not for sale.

I didn't say "sell me."

I said "give me."

Why should I help you?

Because my vermin
is a former student of yours.

And considering the student,

I'd say you have a rather large obligation.

You can sleep here.

It will take me a month to make the sword.

I suggest you spend it practicing.

I've completed doing...

what I swore an oath to God, 28 years ago,

...to never do again.

I have created "something that kills people".

And in that respect, it is a success.

I've done this because I am
sympathetic to your aim.

I can tell you with no ego,
this is my finest sword.

If on your journey, you should encounter God...

...God will be slashed.

Yellow-haired warrior. Go.

Domo.

It was one year after
the massacre in El Paso, Texas,

that Bill backed his Nippon progeny

financially and philosophically in her.

Shakespearian-in-magnitude
power struggle

with the other yakuza clans

over who would rule vice
in the city of Tokyo.

When the final sword was sheathed,

it was O-Ren lshii
and her powerful posse...

the Crazy 88, that proved the victor.

The pretty lady to O-Ren's right,

who's dressed like
she's a villain on "Star Trek,"

is 0-Ren's lawyer, best friend,
and second lieutenant.

The half-French,
half-Japanese Sofie Fatale,

another former protégée of Bill's.

The young girl
in the school-girl uniform

is 0-Ren's personal bodyguard,
17-year-old Gogo Yubari.

Gogo may be young,
but what she lacks in age,

she makes up for in madness.

Do you like Ferraris?

Ferrari... ltalian trash.

Do you want to fuck me?

Don't laugh. Do you want to fuck me, yes or no?

Yes.

How 'bout now, big boy?

Do you still wish to penetrate me...

...or is it l... who has penetrated you?

See what I mean?

The bald guy in the black suit
and the Kato mask is Johnny Mo,

the head general of O-Ren's personal army,
the Crazy 88.

And just in case you were wondering

how could a half-breed
Japanese-Chinese American

become the boss of all bosses
in Tokyo, Japan, I'll tell you.

The subject of O-Ren's blood
and nationality

came up before the council only once.

The night O-Ren assumed power
over the crime council.

The man who seems bound and determined

to break the mood is Boss Tanaka.

And what Boss Tanaka thinks is...

Boss Tanaka! What's the meaning of this outburst?

This is a time for celebration!

And what exactly are we celebrating?

The perversion of our illustrious council?

Tanaka, have you gone mad?
I will not tolerate this!

You're disrespecting our sister! Apologize!

Tanaka-San, of what perversion do you speak?

My father along with yours, started this council.

And while you laugh...

...like stupid donkeys,
they weep in the afterlife!

Shut up!

...over the perversion committed today!

Outrageous! Tanaka, it is you
who insults this council!

Bastard!

Fuck face!

Gentlemen.

Tanaka obviously has something on his mind.

By all means, allow him to express it.

I speak of the perversion done to this council,

...which I love...

...more than my own children...

...by making a Chinese Jap-American
half breed bitch its leader!

So that you understand how serious I am...

...I'm going to say this in English.

As your leader...

I encourage you from time to time,

and always in a respectful manner,
to question my logic.

If you're unconvinced

a particular plan of action
I've decided is the wisest,

tell me so.

But allow me to convince you.

And I promise you, right here and now,

no subject will ever be taboo.

Except, of course, the subject
that was just under discussion.

The price you Pay

for bringing up either
my Chinese or American heritage

as a negative is,
I collect your fucking head.

Just like this fucker here.

Now, if any of you sons of bitches

got anything else to say,
now is the fucking time!

I didn't think so.

Gentlemen, this meeting is over.

One ticket to Tokyo, please.

Moshi moshi.

Hey!

- Hey, yeah!
- Hey, yeah!

Gogo.

You will say "Yes, yes, yes" to
any ridiculous demand they'll make.

They demand ridiculous things!

Hush! Do you know what would
happen if they heard you?

What's gonna happen?

Did you hear about the Tanaka clan?

You're gonna get your head chopped off.

No, I don't want that!

Yes, speaking.

If you give us a contact number,
we will get back to you.

Hey, you!

Who do you remind me of?

Charlie Brown!

You're right, he does look like Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown, four pepperoni pizzas.

- That's not on our menu...
- I don't care, bring them, goddammit!

Hey... hey... Charlie, give me a kiss!

O-Ren lshii!

You and I have unfinished business!

(!? @!)

Charlie Brown, beat it.

Miki.

TEAR THE BITCH APART!

So, O-Ren, any more subordinates
for me to kill?

Hi!

Gogo, right?

Bingo.

And you're Black Mamba.

Our reputations precede us.

Do they?

Gogo, I know you feel
you must protect your mistress.

But I beg you.

Walk away.

You call that begging?

You call that begging?

You can beg better than that.

You can beg better than that.

Is that what I think it is?

You didn't think it was
gonna be that easy, did you?

You know, for a second there,

yeah, I kind of did.

Silly rabbit.

Trix are for...

...Kids.

This is what you get...

...for fucking around...

...with yakuzas!

Go home to your mother!

Those lucky enough to still have
your lives, take them with you!

However...

...leave the limbs you've lost.

They belong to me now.

Except you, Sofie!

You stay right where you are.

Your instrument is quite impressive.

Where was it made?

Okinawa.

And who in Okinawa made you this steel?

This is Hattori Hanzo steel.

You're lying!

At least swords never get tired.

I hope you've saved some of your strength.

If you haven't...

...you might not last five minutes.

But from what I can see...

...you're doing fine.

Silly Caucasian girl likes to play
with samurai swords.

You may not be able to fight
like a samurai.

But you can at least die
like a samurai.

Attack me...

...with everything you have.

For ridiculing you earlier...

...I apologize.

Accepted.

Ready?

Come on.

That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword.

My Sofie.

I'm so sorry.

Please.
Please forgive my betrayal.

No more of that.

But still...

But still... nothing.

Except my aching heart
over what she's done

to my beautiful and brilliant Sofie.

I've kept you alive for two reasons.

The first reason is information.

Go burn in hell, you dirty blonde!
I won't tell you anything!

But I am gonna ask you questions.

And every time
you don't give me answers,

I'm gonna cut something off.

And I promise you,
they will be things you will miss!

Give me your other arm!

I want all the information
on the Deadly Vipers.

If you had to guess...

What they've been doing.

Why she left you alive...

And where I can find them.

What would be your guess?

Guessing won't be necessary.

She informed me.

She said I could keep
my wicked life for two reasons.

As I said before,

I've allowed you to keep your wicked life
for two reasons.

And the second reason is
so you can tell him, in person,

everything that happened here tonight.

I want him to witness
the extent of my mercy

by witnessing your deformed body.

I want you to tell him all
the information you just told me.

I want him to know what I know.

I want him to know.
I want him to know.

And I want them all to know

they'll all soon be as dead as O-Ren.

One more thing, Sofie.

Is she aware her daughter is still alive?

Now, the incident that happened
at the Two Pines Wedding Chapel

that put this whole gory story into motion

has since become legend.

"Massacre at Two Pines."

How it happened, who was there,

how many got killed
and who killed them -

changes depending on
who's telling the story.

In actual fact, the massacre didn't
happen during a wedding at all.

It was a wedding rehearsal.

Now, when we come
to the part where I say,

"You may kiss the bride,"
you may kiss the bride.

But don't stick your tongue in her mouth.

This might be funny to your friends,

but it would be embarrassing
to your parents.

We'll try to restrain ourselves, Reverend.

Y'all got a song?

How about "Love Me Tender"?
I can play that.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

"Love Me Tender" would be great.

Rufus - he's the man.

Rufus, who was that
that you used to play for?

Rufus Thomas.

Rufus Thomas.
Rufus Thomas.

I was a Drell. I was a Drifter.
I was a Coaster.

I was part of the Gang.
I was a Barkay.

If they come through Texas,
I done played with 'em.

Rufus - he's the man.

- Have I forgotten anything?
- Um...

Oh yes, you forgot, uh,
the seating arrangements.

- Thank you, Mother.
- Yes.

Now, the way we normally do this -

we have the bride's side,
and then we have the groom's side.

But since the bride
ain't got nobody comin',

and the groom's got
far too many people comin'...

Well, yeah, they're comin'
all the way from Oklahoma.

Right...

Well, I don't see no problem with...

...the groom's side
sharing the bride's side.

- Do you, Mother?
- I don't have a problem with that.

But, uh...

Honey, you know, it would be good
if you had somebody come.

You know, as a sign of good faith?

Well, I don't have anybody...

...except for Tommy and my friends.

- You have no family?
- Well, I'm workin' on changing that.

Mrs. Harmony, we're all the family
this little angel's ever gonna need.

I'm not feeling very well,
and this bitch is starting to piss me off.

So while y'all blather on,
I'm gonna go outside and get some air.

OK. Um, uh, Reverend, sorry, uh...

- She's gonna go out and get some air.
- Yeah. Given her delicate condition...

She just needs a few minutes
to get it together. She'll be OK.

Right...

Hello, Kiddo.

- How did you find me?
- I'm the man.

What are you doin' here?

What am I doin'?

Well...

...moment ago
I was playin' my flute.

At this moment...

...I'm lookin' at the most beautiful bride
these old eyes have ever seen.

- Why are you here?
- Last look.

- Are you gonna be nice?
- I've never been nice in my whole life.

But I'll do my best to be sweet.

I always told you...

...your sweet side is you best side.

I guess that's why you're
the only one who's ever seen it.

- So you got a bun in the oven.
- Hmm.

- I'm knocked up.
- Jeez, Louise.

That young man of yours sure doesn't
believe in wasting time, does he?

Have you seen Tommy?

- Big guy in the tux?
- Yes.

Then I saw him.

I like his hair.

You promised you'd be nice.

No, I said I'd do my best.
That's hardly a promise.

But you're right.

What does your young man
do for a living?

He owns a used record store
here in El Paso.

- Ah. Music lover, eh?
- He's fond of music.

Aren't we all?

And what are you doing
for a J-O-B these days?

I work in the record store.

Aso.

It all suddenly seems so clear.

- Do you like it?
- Yeah. I like it a lot, smartass.

I get to listen to music all day...

...talk about music all day.
It's really cool.

It's gonna be a great environment
for my little girl to grow up in.

As opposed to jetting around the world,
killing human beings,

and being paid vast sums of money?

Precisely.

Well, my old friend...

...to each his own.

However, all cockblockery aside...

I am looking forward
to meeting your young man.

I happen to be, more or less,
particular whom my gal marries.

- You want to come to the wedding?
- Only if I can sit on the bride's side.

You'll find it a bit lonely on my side.

Your side always was a bit lonely.

But I wouldn't sit anywhere else.

You know...

...I had the loveliest dream about you...

Oh, here's Tommy!
Call me Arlene.

You must be Tommy!

Arlene's told me so much about you.

- Honey, you OK?
- Oh, I'm fine.

Tommy, I'd like you to meet my father.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, this is great!

I'm so glad to meet you, sir... uh, Dad.

The name's Bill.

Well, it's great to meet you... Bill.

- Arlene told me you couldn't make it.
- Surprise.

That's my pop for ya.
Always full of surprises.

Well, in the surprise department...

...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

- When did you get in?
- Just now.

- Did you come straight from Australia?
- Of course.

Daddy, I told Tommy
that you were in Perth

mining for silver, and...

...no one could reach you.

Lucky for us all, that's not the case.

So...

What's this all about?
I've heard of wedding rehearsals,

but I don't believe I've ever heard of
a wedding dress rehearsal before.

We thought,

"Why pay so much money for a dress
she only going to wear once?"

Especially when Arlene looks
so goddamn beautiful in it.

So, I think we're going to try to get
all the mileage we can out of it.

Isn't it supposed to be bad luck
for the groom to see the bride

in her wedding dress before the ceremony?

Well, I guess I just believe
in living dangerously.

I know just what you mean.

Son?

Some of us have places to be.

Sure do.

Look, we got to go through this
one more time.

So, why don't you have a s...

Oh, my God. What am I thinking?
You should give her away!

Tommy, that's not exactly
Daddy's cup of tea.

I think Father would be
much more comfortable

- sitting with the rest of the guests.
- Really?

That's asking a lot.

Oh. OK.
Well, forget it.

But how about we go out
to dinner tonight to celebrate?

Only on the condition
that I pay for everything.

Deal. We got to do this now.

- Can I watch?
- Absolutely. Have a seat.

- Which is the bride's side?
- Right over here.

Mother, here we go!

Now son, about them vows...

Bill...

- I just want...
- You don't owe me a damn thing.

If he's the man you want...

...then go stand by him.

- Do I look pretty?
- Oh, yes.

Thank you.

What the hell?

No! Bill!

You tellin' me she cut her way
through 88 bodyguards

before she got to O-Ren?

Nah, there wasn't really 88 of 'em.

They just call themselves so
"The Crazy 88".

- How come?
- I don't know.

I guess they thought it sounded cool.

Any how, they all fell
under her Hanzo sword.

- She got a Hanzo sword?
- He made one for her.

Didn't he swear a blood oath
to never make another sword?

It would appear he has broken it.

Them Japs sure know
how to hold a grudge, don't they?

Or maybe...

...you just tend
to bring that out in people.

I know this is a ridiculous question
before I ask it,

but you haven't, by any chance,
kept up with your... swordplay?

I, um...

I pawned that years ago.

You hocked a Hattori Hanzo sword?

Yep.

It was priceless.

Well, not in El Paso, it ain't.

In El Paso, I got me $250 for it.

I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill.

If she wants to fight with me,
all she's got to do is come to the club,

and start some shit,
and we'll be in a fight.

I know we haven't spoken in some time,

and the last time we spoke
wasn't the most pleasant,

but you've got to get over
being mad at me,

and start becoming afraid of (!? @!),

because she is coming,
and she's coming to kill you.

And unless you accept my assistance,
I have no doubt she will succeed.

I don't dodge guilt, and I don't Jew
out of paying my comeuppance.

Can't we just... forget the past?

That woman...

...deserves her revenge.

And...

...we deserve to die.

But then again...

...so does she.

So I guess...

...we'll just see.

Won't we?

Late again.

Budd, can't you tell time?

There ain't nobody in here, man.

- Is that Budd?
- Yeah.

Tell him to get
his fucking ass back here!

OK.

Budd, Larry'd like a word with ya.

Take a hit.
Be somebody, baby.

You looking for me?

I don't know what carwash
you worked before you came here

that let you stroll in 20 minutes late,
but it wasn't owned by me

- and I own a fuckin' carwash.
- Do you want me to leave?

No, I don't want you to leave.
I want you to sit and wait.

Larry...

...there ain't nobody out there, so...

"There's nobody out there, Larry."

What's your point?

- That you're not needed here?
- My point is...

...I'm the bouncer, and there
ain't nobody out there to bounce.

You're saying that the reason...

...that you're not doing the job that I'm...

...paying you to do is that
you don't have a job to do?

- No...
- Is that what you're saying?

What are you trying
to convince me of, exactly?

That you're as useless
as an asshole right here?

Well, guess what, buddy.

I think...

you just fucking convinced me.

Let's go to the calendar.

It's calendar time.

Calendar time for Buddy.

- OK. You working tomorrow?
- Yeah.

No, you're n...

You don't even know
what fucking day you work.

Here. You're not working tomorrow.

You're working Wednesday.
Here you are. There you go.

- Workin' Thursday?
- Yeah.

I don't think so.

Friday.

I d... There's your name.

- If you say so.
- There used to be your name. OK?

Saturday.
There used to be your name.

Monday...

Here. How about that?

Fuckin' with your cash is the only thing
you kids seem to understand.

OK?

Now, I want you to go home till I call you.

Till I call you.

Before you leave, talk to Rocket.
She's got a job for you to do.

And...

...the hat.

That fuckin' hat.

That fucking...

How many times have I told you,

don't wear that fucking hat here?
How many?

Customers wear hats.

Well, I'm not the boss of the customers.

I'm the boss of you.

And I'm telling you...

...that I want you to keep
that shit-kicker hat at home.

Yeah. Budd, honey, uh,
the toilet is at it again.

There's shitty water all over the floor.

OK...

...Rocket.

I'll clean it up.

Now...

...that gentled you down some, didn't it?

Yep.

Ain't nobody a badass
with a double dose of rock salt

dug deep in their tits.

Not havin'... tits...

...as fine...

...or as big as yours,

I can't even imagine
how bad that shit must sting.

Yet...

...I don't want to, neither.

I win.

Bill.

Wrong brother, ya hateful bitch.

- Budd.
- Bingo.

And to what do I owe
this dubious pleasure?

I just caught me the cowgirl
ain't never been caught.

- Did you kill her?
- Well, not yet, I ain't.

I shot her full of rock salt.

She's so gentle right now,

I could perform her coup de grâce
with a rock.

Anywho...

Guess what I'm holdin'
in my hand right now?

What?

A brand spankin' new
Hattori Hanzo sword.

And I'm here to tell ya, Elle,

...that's what I call sharp.

How much?

Oh, that's hard to say,
bein' that it's...

priceless and all.

What's the terms?

You get your bony ass down here
first thing in the morning...

...with a million dollars in folding cash...

...and I'll give you...

...the greatest sword ever made by a man.

Now, how do you like the sound of that?

Sounds like we got a deal.

- One condition.
- What?

She must suffer to her last breath.

Well...

That, Elle darlin'...

...I can pretty much damn well guarantee.

Then I'll see you in the mornin',

...millionaire.

All right.

Wakey, wakey.

Eggs and bakey.

I'm done!

Get me outta this hole!

Good.

Whoa, look at those eyes.

This bitch is furious.

What did I tell ya?

Is she the cutest little
blond pussy you ever saw?

Or...

is she the cutest little
blond pussy you ever saw?

I seen better.

You got anything to say?

White women call this
"the silent treatment."

And we let 'em think we don't like it.

You grab the feet, I'll get the head.

Wiggle worm, you see this?

You see it, don't ya?

That's a can of Mace.

No.

You're goin' underneath
the ground tonight.

And... that's all there is to it.

I wanna bury ya.

I was gonna bury ya...

...with this.

But if you're gonna
act like a horse's ass...

...I'm gonna spray this whole goddamn
can right in your eyeballs!

I'll burn 'em right outta your fuckin' head.

Then you're gonna be blind...

...and burnin'...

...and buried alive.

Now, what's it gonna be, sister?

That's a wise decision.

This is for breakin' my brother's heart.

Once upon a time...

...in China...

...some believe...

...around the year...

...one double aught-three,

head priest of the White Lotus Clan,
Pai Mei, was walking down a road...

...contemplating whatever it is

that a man of Pai Mei's
infinite powers would contemplate -

which is another way of saying,
"Who knows?" -

when a Shaolin monk
appeared on the road,

traveling in the opposite direction.

As the monk and the priest
crossed paths...

...Pai Mei...

...in a practically unfathomable
display of generosity,

gave the monk the slightest of nods.

The nod...

...was not returned.

Now, was it the intention...

...of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei?

Or did he just fail to see
the generous social gesture?

The motives of the monk remain unknown.

What is known...

...were the consequences.

The next morning, Pai Mei
appeared at the Shaolin temple...

...and demanded
of the temple's head abbot

that he offer Pai Mei his neck
to repay the insult.

The abbot, at first,
tried to console Pai Mei.

Only to find Pai Mei was...

...inconsolable.

So began...

...the Massacre of the Shaolin Temple,
and all sixty of the monks inside,

at the fists of the White Lotus.

And... so began the legend...

...of Pai Mei's Five-Point-Palm
Exploding-Heart Technique.

And what, pray tell,
is the Five-Point-Palm.

- Exploding-Heart Technique?
- Quite simply,

the deadliest blow in all of martial arts.

He hits you with his fingertips...

...at five different pressure
points on your body...

...and then lets you walk away.

But once you've taken five steps...

...your heart explodes inside your body...

...and you fall to the floor, dead.

- Did he teach you that?
- No.

He teaches no one the Five-Point-Palm
Exploding-Heart Technique.

Now...

...one of the things
I've always liked about you...

...Kiddo...

...is you appear
wise beyond your years.

So, allow me to impart
a word to the wise:

Whatever...

...whatever Pai Mei says, obey.

If you flash him, even for an instant,
a defiant eye, he'll pluck it out.

And if you throw any
American sass his way...

...he'll snap your back and your neck
like they were twigs.

And that will be the story of you.

He'll accept you as his student.

- What happened to you?
- Nothin'.

- Get in a fight?
- Friendly contest.

Why did he accept me?

Because he's a very, very, very old man.

And like all rotten bastards...

...when they become old,
they get lonely.

Which has no effect
on their dispositions,

but it does teach them
the value of company.

Just seein' those
steps again makes me ache.

You're gonna have a lot of fun

carrying buckets of water
up and down that fucker.

When will I see you again?

That's the title of my favorite
soul song of the seventies.

- What?
- Nothin'.

When he tells me you're done.

When do you think that might be?

That, my dearest,
depends entirely on you.

Now remember, no sarcasm, no backtalk.

At least not for the first year or so.

You're gonna have to let him
warm up to you.

He hates Caucasians,
despises Americans,

and has nothing but contempt for women.

So, in your case...
it might take a little while.

Adiós.

Master...

Your Mandarin is lousy.

It causes my ears discomfort.
You bray like an donkey!

You are not to speak unless spoken to.

Is it too much to hope you understand Cantonese?

I speak Japanese very well...

I didn't ask if you speak Japanese,

I asked if you understood Cantonese!

A little.

You are here to learn Kung Fu, not linguistics.

If you can't understand me,

I will communicate with you like I would a dog.

When I yell, when I point,

when I beat you with my stick!

Bill is your master, is he not?

Yes, he is.

He tells me you're not entirely unschooled.

What is your training?

I am proficient in Tiger-Crane Style,

and I am more than proficient

in the exquisite art
of the Samurai sword.

"The exquisite art of the Samurai sword"!

Don't make me laugh!

Your so-called exquisite art is only fit for...

Japanese fatheads!

Your anger amuses me.

Do you believe you are my match?

No.

Are you aware I kill at will?

Yes.

Is it your wish to die?

No.

Then you must be really stupid!

Rise and let me look at your ridiculous face.

Stand up.

So, my pathetic friend...

Is there anything that you can do well?

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

Oh yes, you speak Japanese.

I despise the goddamn Japs!

Go to that rack.

Remove the sword.

Let's see how good you really are.

If...

you land a single blow,

I'll bow down and call you "Master".

From here, you can get an
excellent view of my foot.

Your swordsmanship is amateur at best.

Your so-called Kung-Fu is really...
quite pathetic.

I asked you to demonstrate
what you know and you did...

Not a goddamn thing!

Let's see your Tiger-Crane match my Eagle's Claw.

Like all Yankee women,

all you can do is order in restaurants...

and spend a man's money.

Excruciating, isn't it?

Yes!

If it was my wish...

I could chop your arm off!

No, please don't!

It's my arm now. I can do what I please.

If you can stop me, I suggest you try.

I can't.

Because you're helpless?

Have you ever felt this before?

Compared to me,

you're as helpless as a worm fighting an eagle?

That's the beginning!

Is it your wish to possess this kind of power?

Yes!

Your training will begin... tomorrow.

Since your arm now belongs to me...

I want it strong.

Can you do that?

I can, but not that close.

Then you can't do it.

What if your enemy is three
inches in front of you?

What do you do then?

Curl into a ball,

or do you put your fist through him?

Now begin.

It's the wood that should fear your hand,

not the other way around.

No wonder you can't do it,

you acquiesce to defeat, before you even begin.

If you want to eat like a dog,

you can live and sleep outside like a dog.

If you want to live and sleep like a human,

pick up those sticks.

Come on, you bitch.

OK, Pai Mei.

Here I come.

May I have a glass of water, please?

- So that's a Texas funeral?
- Yep.

I have to give it to ya, Budd.

That's a pretty fucked up way to die.

What's the name on the grave
she's buried under?

Paula...

...Schultz.

Can I look at the sword?

That's my money right there
in that red bag, isn't it?

It sure is.

Well then, it's your sword now.

What's that you said?

So this is a Hattori Hanzo sword.

That's a Hanzo sword, all right.

Bill tells me you once had
one of these of your own.

Yeah, once.

Yeah? How does this one
compare to that?

If you're gonna compare
a Hanzo sword...

...you compare it
to every other sword ever made -

wasn't made - by Hattori Hanzo.

Here you go.
Wrap your lips around that.

So...

...which "R" are you filled with?

What?

They say...

...the number one killer...

...of old people...

...is retirement.

People got a job to do,

they tend to live a little bit longer
so they can do it.

I've always figured that...

...warriors and their enemies...

...share the same relationship.

So now that you're not gonna have
to face your enemy no more

on the battlefield...

...which "R" ya filled with?

Relief...

...or regret?

- A little bit of both.
- Horseshit.

I'm sure you do feel a little bit of both.

But I know damn well that you feel one...

...more than you feel the other.

And the question was:
Which one is it?

Regret.

You know,
you gotta hand it to the ol' girl.

I never saw anybody buffalo Bill
the way she buffaloed Bill.

Bill thought she was so damn smart.

And I tried to tell him...

...she was just smart for a blond.

Thanks a bunch.

All right.

I'm sorry, Budd.

That was rude of me, wasn't it?

Budd, I'd like to introduce my friend,
the black mamba.

Black mamba, this is Budd.

You know, before I picked
that little fella up,

I looked him up on the Internet.

Fascinating creature, the black mamba.

Listen to this:

"In Africa, the saying goes,

"'In the bush, an elephant can kill you,
a leopard can kill you,

"'and a black mamba can kill you.
But only with the mamba,

"and this has been true in Africa
since the dawn of time, is death sure. '

Hence its handle, 'Death Incarnate. "'
Pretty cool, huh?"

"Its neurotoxic venom is one of
nature's most effective poisons,

"acting on the nervous system,
causing paralysis.

"The venom of a black mamba
can kill a human being in four hours

"if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb.

"However, a bite to the face or torso

can bring death from paralysis
within 20 minutes."

Now, you should listen to this,
'cause this concerns you.

"The amount of venom that can be
delivered from a single bite

can be gargantuan."

You know, I've always liked
that word, "gargantuan."

I so rarely have an opportunity
to use it in a sentence.

"If not treated quickly with antivenom,

"ten to 15 milligrams
can be fatal to human beings.

"However, the black mamba can deliver

as much as 100 to 400 milligrams
of venom from a single bite."

Now...

...in these last agonizing
minutes of life you have left,

let me answer that question
you asked earlier more thoroughly.

Right at this moment...

...the biggest "R" I feel is regret.

Regret that maybe
the greatest warrior I have ever met

met her end at the hands
of a bushwhackin', scrub,

alkie, piece of shit like you.

That woman deserved better.

Bill...

...I have some tragic news.

Your brother's dead.

I am so sorry, baby.

She put a black mamba in his camper.

I got her, sweetie.
She's dead.

Let me put it this way:

You ever start feeling sentimental,
go to Barstow, California.

When you get here, walk into a florist
and buy a bunch of flowers.

Then you take those flowers
to Huntington Cemetery

on Fuller and Guadalupe,

look for the headstone
marked "Paula Schultz,"

and lay them on the grave.

'Cause you will be standing
at the final resting place

of Beatrix Kiddo.

- Marty Kitrosser?
- Here.

- Melanie Harrhouse?
- Here.

- Beatrix Kiddo?
- Here.

Look... I can be there
in about four hours.

Do you want me to come over?

No, no, no.
You need me, baby, I'm there.

OK. I'm leaving now.

You go smoke some pot or somethin'.
I'll be there soon.

Gross.

"To my brother, Budd.
The only man I ever loved. Bill."

What's that?

Budd's Hanzo sword.

He said he pawned it.

Guess that makes him
a liar now, don't it?

- Elle?
- Bea.

Somethin' I've always
been curious about.

Just between us girls...

...what did you say to Pai Mei
to make him snatch out your eye?

I called him a miserable old fool.

Ooh. Bad idea.

Know what I did?

I killed that miserable old fool.

How do you like the fish head,
you miserable old fool?

I poisoned his fish heads.

Elle, you treacherous bitch!

I give you my word...

And I told him,

"To me, the word of an old fool like you

is worth less than nothing."

That's right.

I killed your master.

And now I'm gonna kill you, too.

With your own sword, no less.

Which, in the very immediate future,
will become my sword.

Bitch...

...you don't have a future.

Fucking bitch!

Fucking bitch!

I'll kill you!
You're fuckin' dead!

You bitch! You bitch!

I'll fucking kill you, you bitch!

Oh, I'll get you!

I'm gonna...

Where are you?
Lemme fuckin' at you!

Where are you?
I'm coming, you fucking bitch!

You're fucking dead!
You're dead!

Oh... shit!

Gentlemen.

Can I help you?

You bastard.

The only thing
you can do for me is die.

You killed my master Tao Mo,
and now, I'm gonna kill you.

You see, I'm with a lady friend.

Can't we do this another time?

Nice try,

but today is the day you die.

Kiddo, if you don't mind...

this'll only take a miinute.

Get him!

You bastard.

Attack!

Like most men
who never knew their father,

Bill collected father figures.

The first was Esteban Vihaio.

Esteban was a pimp
and a friend of Bill's mother.

He ran a brothel in Acuna, Mexico,
for over 50 years.

His army, the Acuna Boys,

made up of the fatherless
offspring of his whores,

ran Acuna.

He ran the Acuna Boys.

Now, at the age of 80,

it would be this retired gentleman of leisure

who could point me in Bill's direction.

Señor Esteban Vihaio?

Yes.

May I join you?

Only on the condition
that you call me Esteban.

- May I join you, Esteban?
- Please.

Americana?

Yes.

I speak a little Spanish, if you prefer.

No, no, no, no.

I prefer English.

I haven't spoken it in a while,

but I would relish
the opportunity to converse

with such a pretty
companion as yourself.

It's my pleasure to be in the company
of such a fine gentleman as yourself.

I must warn you, young lady...

...I am susceptible to flattery.

How may I be of service to you?

Where's Bill?

You must be Beatrix.

I can see the attraction.

I remember when Bill
was only five years old,

I took him to the movies.

It was a movie starring Lana Turner.

The Postman Always Ring Twice,
with John Garfields.

And whenever she would
appear on the screen,

Bill would begin compulsively to
suck his thumb to an obscene amount.

And I knew from this very moment,
this boy was a fool for blonds.

You know...

...being a fool for a woman
such as yourself...

...is always the right thing to do.

If we had met
when I was back in business...

...you would have been
my number one lady.

- Well, I'm flattered.
- You goddamn well better be.

This... I heard you were driving a truck.

My Pussy Wagon died on me.

The Pussy died.

Bill shot you in the head, no?

Yes.

I would have been much nicer.

I would have just cut your face.

You must forgive me.

Please... you have a drink with me.

Clara!

Coming.

Dos añejo.

Gracias.

What were we talking about?

Bill.

- Where's Bill?
- Where's Bill?

Yeah.

Bill is at the Villa Quatro,
on the road to Salina.

I will draw you a map.

Bill is like a son to me.

- Do you know why I help you?
- No.

Because he would want me to.

Now, that I don't believe.

How else is he ever
going to see you again?

Freeze, Mommy.

Bang, bang! Oh!

Oh! She got us, B.B.

Mommy got us.
Oh, I'm dying!

I'm dying.

Fall down, sweetheart.
Mommy shot us.

But little did Quickdraw Kiddo know

that little B.B. was only playing possum,

due to the fact that she was
impervious to bullets.

I am pervious to bullets, Mommy.

Hey, get back down there.

- Hurry up.
- You're playing possum.

So, as the smirking killer
advanced on what she thought

was a bullet-ridden corpse,
that's when little B.B. fired.

Bang, bang!

You're dead, Mommy.
So die.

B.B.

Oh! B.B...

I should've known.

You are... the best.

Oh, Mommy.
Don't die.

I was just playing.

I know.

I told her you were asleep...

...but that one day you'd wake up
and come back to her.

And she asked me,

"If Mommy's been asleep
since I was born,

then how will she know
what I look like?"

To which I replied,

"Because Mommy's been
dreaming of you."

That's what I said.

Did you dream of me?
I dreamed of you.

Every single night, baby.
Every single night.

I waited a long time
for you to wake up, Mommy.

Now, let me look at you.

My, my, my,
what a pretty little girl you are.

You're pretty too, Mommy.

Tell Mommy what you said
when I showed you her picture.

Come on, shy girl.

Come on. You know what you said.

Come on. Tell Mommy.
It'll make her feel good. Come on.

Yeah. Come on.

I said... I said,

"You're the most beautifulest woman
I ever saw in the whole wide world."

That's the truth.
That's what she said.

Baby, don't you think Mommy
has the prettiest hair

in the whole wide world?

- Yes, I do.
- Matter of fact, it's better than pretty.

What's better than pretty?

Gorgeous.

Very good. Gorgeous.
Mommy is gorgeous.

You know, sweetie,
Mommy's kinda mad at Daddy.

Why, Daddy?
Were you being a bad daddy?

I'm afraid I was.
I was a real bad daddy.

Our little girl learned about
life and death the other day.

Wanna tell Mommy about
what happened to Emilio?

I killed him.

- Emilio was her goldfish.
- Emilio was my goldfish.

She came running into my room,
holding the fish in her hand and crying,

"Daddy. Daddy.
Emilio's dead."

And I said, "Really? That's so sad."

How did he die?"

- And what did you say?
- I stepped on him.

Actually, young lady, the words
you so strategically used were,

"I accidentally stepped on him."

To which I queried,

"And just how did your foot accidentally
find its way into Emilio's fishbowl?"

And she said, "No, no, no."

Emilio was on the carpet
when I stepped on him."

The plot thickens.

"And just how did Emilio get on the carpet?"

And, Mommy, you would've been
so proud of her.

She didn't lie.

She said she took Emilio out of his bowl...

...and put him on the carpet.

And whatwas Emilio doing on the carpet?

Flapping.

And then you stomped on him.

And when you lifted up your foot...

- ...what was Emilio doing then?
- Nothing.

He stopped flapping, didn't he?

She told me later...

...that the second she lifted up her foot

and saw Emilio not flapping,
she knew what she had done.

Is that not the perfect
visual image of life and death?

A fish flapping on the carpet,
and a fish not flapping on the carpet.

So powerful, even a four-year-old
with no concept of life or death...

...knew what it meant.

You loved Emilio, didn't you?

Well... I love Mommy too.

But I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.

- You stomped on Mommy?
- Worse.

I shot Mommy.

Not pretend shooting like we were just doing.

I shot her for real.

Why? Did you want to see
what would happen?

No, I knew what would happen
to Mommy if I shot her.

What I didn't know was, when I shot
Mommy, what would happen to me.

- What happened?
- I was very sad.

And that's when I learned...

...some things, once you do,
they can never be undone.

- What happened to Mommy?
- Why don't you ask Mommy?

You OK, Mommy? Does it hurt?

No, sweetie.

Doesn't hurt anymore.

Did it make you sick?

No. It made me sleep.

That's why I haven't been with you. B.B.
I've been asleep.

But you're awake now, Mommy. Right?

I'm wide awake, pretty girl.

B.B., would you like Mommy to watch
a video with you before sleepy time?

Mommy, do you want to watch
a video with me before sleepy time?

Oh, yeah! I would love to.

- Which one do you wanna watch?
- Shogun Assassin.

No, B.B.
Shogun Assassin is too long.

No, it's not.

Well, then, I'll leave you ladies to it.

When I was little, my father was famous.

He was the greatest samurai in the empire.

And he was the shogun's decapitator.

He cut off the heads of 131 lords.

My father would come home to Mother
and when he would see her,

he would forget about the killings.

He wasn't scared of the shogun,
but the shogun was scared of him.

Maybe that was the problem.

One night, the shogun sent...

I was just admiring your sword.

Quite a piece of work.

Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?

He's good.

Has his sushi gotten any better?

You know, I couldn't believe it.
You got him to make you a sword.

It was easy.
I just dropped your name, Bill.

That'd do it.

I suppose the idea is we cross
Hanzo swords. Am I right?

Well,

it just so happens this hacienda
has its own private beach.

And that private beach just so happens
to look particularly beautiful

bathed in moonlight.

And there just so happens to be
a full moon out tonight.

So, swordfighter, if you want a swordfight,
that's where I suggest.

But if you wanna be old school about it...

...and you know I'm all about old school...

...then we could wait until dawn
and slice each other up at sunrise

like a couple of real-life honest...

Now,

if you don't settle down,

I'm gonna have to put one in your kneecap.

And I hear tell that's
a very painful place to get shot in.

I'm just fuckin' with you.

Now...

...when it comes to you...

...and us...

...I have a few unanswered questions.

So, before this tale of bloody revenge
reaches its climax,

I'm gonna ask you some questions,
and I want you to tell me the truth.

However, there in lies a dilemma.

Because when it comes to the subject of me,

I believe you are truly and utterly
incapable of telling the truth.

Especially to me.
And least of all, to yourself.

And when it comes to the subject of me,

I am truly and utterly incapable
of believing anything you say.

How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?

Well,

it just so happens,

I have a solution.

Gotcha!

Goddamn!

What the fuck did you just shoot me with?

My greatest invention.
Or at least my favorite.

Don't touch it,

or I'll stick another one right in your cheek.

What lies within that dart,

just begging to course its way
through your veins...

...is an incredibly potent
and quite infallible truth serum.

I call it "The Undisputed Truth."

Twice as strong as sodium pentothal,
with no druggie after effects.

Except for a slight wave of euphoria.
You feel it?

- Euphoria?
- Yeah.

- No.
- Too bad.

As you know...

...I'm quite keen on comic books.

Especially the ones about superheroes.

I find the whole mythology
surrounding superheroes fascinating.

Take my favorite superhero, Superman.

Not a great comic book.
Not particularly well drawn.

But the mythology...

The mythology is not only great,
it's unique.

How long does this shit take
to go into effect?

About two minutes.

Just long enough for me to finish my point.

Now, a staple of the superhero mythology

is there's the superhero
and there's the alter ego.

Batman is actually Bruce Wayne,
Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker.

When that character wakes up
in the morning, he's Peter Parker.

He has to put on a costume
to become Spider-Man.

And it is in that characteristic
Superman stands alone.

Superman didn't become Superman.

Superman was born Superman.

When Superman wakes up
in the morning, he's Superman.

His alter ego is Clark Kent.

His outfit with the big red "S" -

that's the blanket he was wrapped in
as a baby when the Kents found him.

Those are his clothes.

What Kent wears - the glasses,
the business suit - that's the costume.

That's the costume Superman wears
to blend in with us.

Clark Kent is how Superman views us.

And what are the characteristics
of Clark Kent?

He's weak...

...he's unsure of himself...

...he's a coward.

Clark Kent is Superman's critique
on the whole human race.

Sort of like Beatrix Kiddo
and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton.

Aso.

The point emerges.

You would've worn the costume
of Arlene Plimpton.

But you were born Beatrix Kiddo.

And every morning when you woke up,
you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo.

Oh, you can... take the needle out.

Are you calling me a superhero?

I'm calling you a killer.

A natural born killer.

You always have been,
and you always will be.

Moving to El Paso...

...working in a used record store...

...goin' to the movies with Tommy...

...clipping coupons.

That's you...

...trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee.

That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive.

But you're not a worker bee.

You're a renegade killer bee.

And no matter how much beer you drank
or barbecue you ate

or how fat your ass got,

nothing in the world would ever change that.

First question:

Did you really think your life in El Paso
was gonna work?

No!

But I would've had B.B.!

Don't get me wrong.

I think you would have been
a wonderful mother.

But you are a killer.

All those people you killed to get to me...

...felt damn good, didn't they?

Yes.

Every single one of them?

Yes.

That was the warm up round.

Now comes the $64,000 question.

Why did you run away from me with my baby?

Do you remember the last assignment
you sent me on?

Of course.

Lisa Wong.

The morning I left, I was sick.

On the plane, I threw up.

So I started thinking:

Maybe I was pregnant.

"Easy to use. Remove cap and urinate
on the absorbent end for five seconds."

"Accurate results in only 90 seconds.

You can read the results as soon
as the line appears in the window."

Fuck.

What I didn't know...

...was that somewhere on my journey
I had been spotted.

With me in L.A.,
it didn't take Lisa Wong long

to send an assassin of her own.

Hello, can I help you?

Hello, I'm Karen Kim.
I'm the hospitality manager of the hotel.

I have a welcome gift from the management.

Oh, that's nice.

Can you just leave it by the door?

- You pretty good with that shotgun?
- Not that I have to be at this range,

but I'm a fuckin' surgeon with this shotgun.

Well, guess what, bitch?
I'm better than Annie Oakley.

And I got you right in my sight.

I could blow your fuckin' head off.

Not before I put one right between your eyes,

so let's talk.

Karen...

...I just found out...

...right now...

...not a moment before
you blew a hole through the door...

- ...that I'm pregnant.
- What is this?

On the floor by the door...

...is a strip that says I'm pregnant.

Bullshit.

Any other time, you'd be 100 percent right.

This time...

...you're 100 percent wrong.

I'm the deadliest woman in the world.

But right now...

...I'm just scared shitless for my baby.

Please.

Just look at the strip.

Please.

Stay where you are and don't move.

I don't know what this fuckin' shit means.

The box with the directions -
it's right there.

"Easy to use.

Remove the cap and urinate
on the absorbent end."

Blue means pregnant.

I'll read it myself, thank you.

Oh, OK.

Say I were to believe you. What then?

Just go home.

I'll do the same.

Congratulations.

Before that strip turned blue...

...I was a woman, I was your woman.

I was a killer who killed for you.

Before that strip turned blue,
I would've jumped a motorcycle

onto a speeding train.

For you.

But once that strip turned blue...

...I could no longer do any of those things.

Not anymore.

Because I was gonna be a mother.

Can you understand that?

Yes.

But why didn't you...

...tell me then, instead of now?

Once you knew, you'd claim her.

And I didn'twant that.

Not your decision to make.

Yes.

But it's the right decision,
and I made it for my daughter.

She deserved to be born with a clean slate.

But with you...

...she would've been born
into a world she shouldn't have.

I had to choose.

I chose her.

You know, five years ago,

if I had to make a list of impossible things
that could never happen,

you performing a coup de grâce on me
by bustin' a cap in my crown...

...would've been right at the top of the list.

I'd have been wrong, wouldn't I?

I- I'm sorry.

Was that a question?

Of impossible things that could never happen -

yes, in this instance you would've been wrong.

Well?

When you never came back,

I naturally assumed Lisa Wong,
or somebody else, had killed you.

Oh! And for the record...

...letting somebody think somebody
they love is dead when they're not

is quite cruel.

I mourned you for three months.

And in the third month of mourning you...

...I tracked you down.

I wasn't tryin' to track you down.

I was tryin' to track down
the fucking assholes I thought killed you.

So I find you...

...and what do I find?

Not only are you not dead...

...you're getting married
to some fucking jerk.

And you're pregnant.

I overreacted.

You overreacted?
Is that your explanation?

I didn't say I was gonna explain myself.

I said I was gonna tell you the truth.

But if that's too cryptic, let's get literal.

I'm a killer.

I'm a murdering bastard.
You know that.

And there are consequences...

...to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.

You experienced some of them.

Was my reaction really that surprising?

Yes. It was.

Could you do what you did?

Of course you could.

But I never thought you would,
or could, do that to me.

I'm really sorry, Kiddo...

...but you thought wrong.

You and I have unfinished business.

Baby... you ain't kiddin'.

Pai Mei taught you the Five-Point-Palm
Exploding-Heart Technique?

'Course he did.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

Because I'm...

...a bad person.

No.

You're not a bad person.

You're a terrific person.

You're my favorite person.

But every once in a while...

...you can be a real cunt.

How do I look?

You look ready.

Well, well, well.
If it ain't the little flower.

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America
and all the ships at sea.

Let's go to press. Flash.

Do you have a magpie in your home?

If you do, you are most fortunate.

The magpie is the most
charming bird in all the world.

He is the best friend a farmer ever had.

Treat him gently.
Treat him kindly.

And always remember,
the magpie deserves your respect.

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I ain't got no headache.

Oh yes, you have, brother.

And, action!

Cut.

Oh, come on. Let's do it again.