Kaybedenler Kulübü Yolda (2018) - full transcript
Kaan and Mete, who spent their holiday in Olympos with a crowded Kadiköy group, travel to Istanbul with their bikes. The duo are accompanied by two unexpected guests on their journey. This journey, which they do with various plans, shows them that the journey and the relations might not go as planned.
TMC FİLM PRESENTS WITH HESITATION…
-Would you look at that?
-Come on.
OLYMPUS
Hang on. I'm a bit confused.
Let me see if I got this right.
So you're in?
Yes, man. I'm going in and out.
No shame or anything?
I mean mentally, man.
"Should I get out of the place
or just stand there and watch?"
Well, here's what I don't get, Chief.
Did they invite you in or something?
What happened?
I opened the door, chief.
You know, since I'm basically a locksmith.
So I just jammed my lockpick in.
Then I was at the door, thinking.
I swear you attract maniacs.
-Fuck off, asshole.
-Fair enough.
So I had a few cups of tea
when I entered the…
-You bored?
-No.
I'm okay. Thanks.
I bet you never saw
so many lunatics together.
But no. It's your job, so you must have.
"I am happy about what has been,
I am pleased by what is,
and I'm fine with what is to come."
You go girl. What a line.
It was a very hot day.
But the place was always hot anyway.
In that part of the world,
in the middle of a warm sea,
one wouldn't expect it to be cold anyway.
Where Mustafa Nusa lived,
the owners of the lands
and the owners of the carob trees
on those lands
were different people.
Because owning the land
did not automatically make one
entitled to the carob trees on it
in that part of the world.
Everything apart from that
was pretty much the same.
They grew a lot of grapes too,
but not the kind that makes good wine.
The grapes were so sweet
that they could only make cognac with it,
and the grapes were so sweet
that if you accidentally eat a lot,
the burning sensation
wouldn't leave your palate for a month.
You know,
when something happens
out of your control…
it always leaves its mark on your palate.
-Morning.
-Morning.
Did you just take my photo?
I guess I did.
It's beautiful.
Aren't you going to take one?
I already did.
We're ready, Erol.
Just say the word, and we'll hit the road.
Stop yelling, man. You're ruining Olympus.
-Hey, Mete.
-Yeah?
Do you know her?
-The name's Sevda.
-Okay.
I don't. She's a friend of Brit's girl.
-Did you two hook up?
-Not yet.
Hey, Mete.
We're leaving.
All right, baby. Have a nice trip.
Hey, Heather.
Be careful.
I'm not Heather here. See you, guys.
The Ölüdeniz lagoon.
Let's hit the coast
and spend the night, yeah?
Awesome.
Use the same pump for both.
-Do you want anything?
-Yeah. Water.
-Fill it up.
-Will do.
What are you looking at?
Scumbag.
Kaan?
Hey, Sevda.
You're on the road already?
I thought you were staying.
Yeah. To Istanbul.
We'll make a few stops, though.
-By bike?
-Yeah.
Cool.
-So where are you headed?
-The first stop is Ölüdeniz.
I don't know the rest.
Mete picked the route.
Wow. I'm jealous.
-Well, then--
-I have an extra helmet.
-What did you say?
-I have an extra helmet. Join us.
-They're waiting--
-Okay.
What did you say?
I said okay. I'll join you.
I'll go get my stuff.
All right.
Hey! Backpacks only.
I'll call you. We're leaving.
Hey, Brit! Good luck.
To us all.
Thanks.
What's this?
The clerk said
I should hand it to the pump guy.
What's up, chief?
I invited her.
She said yes.
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
You haven't made her yours yet.
Whoever's bike she chooses.
Let's go.
Hello.
-Sorry. I thought you were--
-It's okay.
We need two rooms.
One for him, one for us.
Sure.
Why did you tell the prick
which room was whose?
Maybe I'd stay with you,
and she'd stay alone.
Stop being stupid, chief.
You know they keep track.
We've been through this.
-Do you want to take a shower?
-Sure.
But you can go first, and--
Just go ahead.
All right.
On a damp night that can't break free
from the grasp of the blue,
a man is traveling
just over 60 miles per hour on two wheels
through the bugs of the night,
each leaving a mark on his body.
Marks that carry an uncanny resemblance
to the painting
made by a strange woman in the city
depicting the very same night.
But could it ever
save the bugs from their fate?
Or could it offer what life can't
just like the old Native American said?
Or was the caller on the radio
perhaps right in saying
that just like everything else ever,
art, too,
is just for sex?
How wrong can
an old and wise Native American be?
I've never seen you around either.
I've been here just a few times.
DOGS IN THE RAIN
-So? Who are you? What do you do?
-I'm a clinical psychologist at Bakırköy.
Nine-to-five every day.
A bit odd by your standards.
God bless the standards.
Amen.
Welcome, then.
Tayfun mentioned
you guys were radio hosts.
-Who?
-Who's Tayfun?
Brit.
He said he knew you
even before he became an agent.
So?
So I'm just curious.
What kind of show is it?
-Did I screw up?
-Not even close.
What do you do on weekends, chief?
Not much. Same old. I come by your place.
I see. And what do I do?
-Who knows? You're never home.
-Fair enough.
Relationships,
if you start in your twenties,
last about five years
or maybe eight if you're insane.
Good night, dear caller.
Have we slept together before?
Unfortunately, no.
How big are your hips, dear caller?
Let's skip the hips, shall we?
Must be over 40 inches, then.
If you're in your thirties,
they last about three years
or maybe four if you're insane.
How can we skip the hips?
How can I skip the hips, Mete?
-How can he skip the hips?
-Listen to her.
And if you're in your forties,
they don't last at all.
I did say that. I had a lot of reactions.
Especially from
the Evangelist Kadıköy squad.
I said, "This is Kadıköy.
We don't skip the hips here."
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm so mad right now.
The audacity.
A real man is never at the right place
at the right time, man.
That's right.
If you're a real man,
be at the wrong place at the right time.
-Try it.
-All right.
Or be at the right place at the wrong time
if you have any guts.
-Right?
-See? Yeah.
Good night, dear listener.
Have we slept together before?
When I opened my eyes,
I looked like an illuminated toy
dangling from a Christmas tree.
Right then,
I heard a man
whose face I couldn't see yelling at me.
"You must be Erol Egemen!"
Who the hell is Erol Egemen?
-Show your face if you're a man!
-Yeah!
Enough is enough! Show yourself!
Who the hell is Erol Egemen?
It sounds like I missed out.
I doubt it.
So are you on vacation or something?
Well, something like that.
It's all online now.
We do it whenever we want.
What do you mean?
Well, we don't have a set schedule.
Sometimes, we do it.
Sometimes, we take a break.
Sometimes, we don't do it.
Sometimes, we're on our period.
And sometimes, we're in the mood.
Oh, no. I can't ever listen to it, then.
-Why?
-It annoys me.
What annoys you?
If I'm hooked,
I need to be able to listen to the show
when I turn on the radio
on a set day and time.
-A system.
-Exactly. I like order.
Fuck that, Sevda.
We're like freedom relief valves.
We sell freedom.
We can't have a system.
Have some shame, people.
Not all of us gets lucky.
KADIKÖY STREETS
CEMAL SÜREYA STREET, KADIKÖY
ALTIKIRKBEŞ MARCHES ON
Kaan won't be back for a few days.
Yeah.
I need to start the press
as soon as he's back.
Of course.
I'll send you the cover well before.
Thanks. All right.
-Hey, Murat.
-Yeah?
When are you handing in
the third Asgard book?
Good morning to you too, beauty.
Didn't we just arrive here together, man?
Weren't we in Olympus together?
Just say good morning, for fuck's sake.
What's wrong with you?
What are you talking about?
It's not like I assigned it last year.
It's been two years since you started.
If you started.
Fuck you, man.
You're so aggressive.
Shame on you.
Hey, Erol.
I just talked to the printing house.
When will Çeker's cover be ready?
When's Kaan gracing us with his presence?
Two, maybe three days.
Don't worry, man. The cover's ready.
Thanks, man.
Thanks.
BODRUM / GÜVERCİNLİK BAY
This place is beautiful.
It is.
-I'm going to the store. Need anything?
-Not me. Thanks.
-Where the hell are you going?
-To the store.
-Let's get settled first.
-I need to go now. You go ahead.
You can't wait for ten fucking minutes?
I've been waiting for two fucking hours!
I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck off, then!
He just up and left. You two are so weird.
Come on.
-So he's really an alcoholic?
-You heard him.
I just thought he was kidding.
Now I feel bad. Damn it.
Don't worry. Relax.
So how bad is it? How is he doing?
My dear friend Mete Avunduk
and I, Kaan Çaydamlı,
will unfortunately be here at Standart FM
for another two hours.
-I'm sure you've better things to do.
-This is Standart FM.
It'll be a minute. You're first in line.
She's occupied.
The other night…
Yeah?
It was so strange.
Tell me, man.
I woke up in the bathroom at dawn.
I have no idea how and when I got there.
I just don't.
I don't remember.
It was the worst one so far.
Look, Mete.
Maybe it's time you take care of this.
What do you say?
You're the only one who knows.
-Let's keep it that way for now.
-Sure.
Okay. I added your name to the list.
You're third in line. Might take a while.
-We'll have to do it someday.
-I'll call later.
You better get used to the idea.
It's a brutal process,
but he has to go through it eventually.
I hope he does
because it's the only solution.
-Are you talking about him rejecting it?
-Yeah.
It's pretty simple.
He'll just wake up at the hospital
instead of on the bathroom floor one day.
He can still reject it.
He can leave the hospital.
You can't treat alcoholism
unless the patient fully consents.
The treatment is a very painful process.
-I'm sure he looked it up.
-For sure.
He needs constant supervision.
I mean, we're always around.
Gaye looks after him too.
-The girl in Olympus?
-Yeah.
-Is she his girlfriend?
-She's our Heather.
-What's a Heather?
-I mean…
She's like our assistant.
She's the key to our success.
Oh. I see.
So she's not his girlfriend?
They don't call it a relationship,
but they're together.
They see each other.
Mete's scared of relationships,
and she's fine with it.
So they're okay.
Does it scare you too?
What?
Relationships.
No.
Should they?
Sometimes.
It's like the fucker's twenty again.
I'll be in the bathroom.
-So? You want me to join you?
-Eat shit, Murat.
I swear he's gone insane.
Good morning, champ.
Good morning, vibrant guy.
I'm looking for Kaan.
Look, then.
He's not here, is he?
When will he be here?
He won't be here. He's on the road.
He wanted a novel,
so I wrote one and brought it to you.
Good for you. Well done.
Put it there.
We'll check and get back to you.
I'm Murat Menteş.
So?
And I'm Richard Brautigan.
So what?
Just put it there, pal.
We'll check and get back to you.
I swear…
Make sure Kaan gets it, all right?
Got it, smart guy?
You're lucky it's my ice-cream time.
I'd have gotten up from this chair
and made you eat your glasses otherwise.
How are you doing?
Everything okay at the station?
Good.
Now listen.
We're going towards Sığacık.
It's in Seferihisar.
Remember? We went there one winter.
Yeah, that place. Come joins us.
We'll be there by nightfall.
I swear.
I'm serious, girl.
Gaye, are you coming or not?
I won't sell that record for that price.
I don't care. It can stay on the wall.
What does it matter, man?
I'm not selling it!
It's always the same crap
with you, Cüneyt.
All right, man. Enough.
Thanks. Just hang up.
-The Smiths. The signed one on my wall.
-I remember.
-He wants me to sell it for 1,500 liras.
-It's good money. Sell it.
How is it good, chief?
That stuff's valuable.
Fuck the value, man.
You have thousands of them.
You just don't want to.
Ta-da!
What? Where did you come from?
He called me.
-Didn't he tell you?
-He didn't. Welcome.
Thanks. He kept pestering me.
Do I have to listen to you two
every night, man?
Now I know why you invited me.
Get your stuff in the room.
Here's the key.
-Mete.
-Yeah?
I think it's happening, man.
Oh, it already has.
You think?
Be careful, though.
What do you mean?
She seems too good to be true is all.
She's just not
as dysfunctional as we're used to.
All right. Yeah, sure.
All right. Goodbye.
Welcome, youngsters.
-Thanks.
-Thanks.
What's up?
Have you seen the ruins yet?
No, sir. We just arrived.
Good. I'll accompany you, then.
You shouldn't bother. Right?
It's no bother at all. You're tourists.
I'll tell you all about its history.
I think that'd be amazing. Right?
Sure.
How old is this place, sir?
Very old.
Even older than me.
I see.
We used to play a game called Eight Rocks
when we were kids here.
Do you know the game?
-No. Show us.
-I will.
Look. You stack eight flat pieces of rock.
Small ones, though. Not big like these.
-You stack them.
-This is history, you know.
-Then you split into two teams, and…
-Shut up, Kaan.
If you have ten people,
each team has five players.
-One throws a rock.
-I'll catch up.
No, not a rock. Sorry.
One player throws the ball.
Once the rocks are knocked over,
someone tries to stack them again.
If he gets hit with the ball
before he can do it, he's out.
-How about Stones and Pins?
-I don't know what that is.
I'll tell you. We had these tin cans.
-Hey, Ayşe. How are you?
-I'm okay, Cengiz. You?
Same old. Just working and stuff.
We're pretty much the same.
Just one last vacation in the off-season.
We're in Sığacık.
Yaşar has a summer house here.
Oh, that sounds nice.
We had plans with Sevda too,
but I had to stay for work,
so she went by herself.
That's why I called, actually.
She was pretty far away,
so I wasn't entirely sure it was her.
In Sığacık?
Yeah. She's here. You didn't know?
What? Of course I knew.
She'll be in Çeşme next.
I was just surprised you ran into her.
Why didn't you say hi?
She went with her friends from Kadıköy.
-Oh, so you're all alone.
-Yeah.
-Okay. We'll see you later, then.
-Sure.
-We'll stop by.
-Sure. Anytime.
Take care. Goodbye.
You too. See you.
I sent the barcode, Erol.
All right. I'll check it out.
All right.
You look tired. How about a break?
Mind your own business.
We get a thousand angry emails every day.
We need to publish the third.
It's supposed to be a trilogy, man.
Let someone else do it, then.
Why would I? Who could do it?
I busted my ass on the first two.
I won't let it go.
Fucking translate it, then.
This is literary translation, man.
How can you be so crass?
Shame on you.
You're a disgrace to literature.
I wish they banned YouTube.
I need to buy cigarettes.
Why would they ban YouTube? Jackass.
Hi.
Hello.
-Is Kaan here?
-No.
But we were supposed to meet here now.
He won't be back soon.
He's on a bike trip down south.
I'm Tuna, man. Tuna Kiremitçi.
He wanted my new novel.
Here it is. Is Alper here by any chance?
Take a look. Is he?
All right, pal.
Drop it there. We'll check it out.
What the fuck? What are you checking out?
As if you could be the judge of anything.
I swear I'll fuck you up.
Make sure Alper gets it.
Tell him I stopped by.
I swear…
He must have diabetes or something.
What a scumbag.
Prick.
He made a mess too.
Fuck you.
Asshole.
What a prick.
He thinks he's Tarık Akan.
He doesn't know how violent I get.
Slimy bastard.
-I see you've left your chair.
-I'll return soon.
-What's up? Where are you guys?
-Not much, Alper.
We're near Seferihisar.
What are you up to?
Same old. I'm working.
Murat's in Mayonnaise World.
I see. Listen, Alper.
Did Tuna come by? He was supposed to.
Tuna who? Kiremitçi? No, he didn't.
Yeah. I guess he isn't available.
He's not answering my calls either.
I suppose he'll call me later.
I forgot about it.
I've been pressuring him
into having us publish his book.
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
When will you be back?
It'll be another three or four days.
Just cover us, man.
Sure thing. No problem. Talk to you later.
He's still screwing around?
This is only my second time here.
It's not on our usual route.
It's too inland.
We usually go through Bergama.
Is it nice there? Better than here?
I'll show you.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. It's nothing.
You smoke a lot.
You give me such a look,
you render me helpless.
You smoke?
On the rare occasion.
-You don't ask any questions.
-You don't either.
You…
You want to tell me something,
but you can't.
I guess you're worried
the conversation will take a bad turn.
Maybe it won't.
Right? Give it a try.
Look, Kaan. Back in Istanbul…
Relax.
My life isn't actually…
Yeah?
I'm engaged.
He's in Istanbul.
We live together.
I'll be married soon.
I thought you should know.
I watched you in Olympus.
All you did was having sex.
All you guys talked about was sex.
Brit had told me that anyway.
So I figured
I'd just hang out with you for a few days.
I didn't think you'd take it seriously.
I guess I needed to vent somehow.
Remember what Mete said?
A freedom relief valve.
This is just what I needed.
I swear.
It's always been this.
Kaan?
Kaan?
You don't recognize me.
I'm really sorry.
I'm Burak's friend. Pınar.
We came by your place a few months ago.
You said you'd give me
a French book to translate.
You didn't call.
Oh, I remember.
-What's up? How are you?
-I can't believe it.
I can't believe
we ran into each other in İzmir.
Ditto.
-Are you on vacation?
-Kind of.
We are too.
We're just here for a couple of days.
You alone?
Can't you see?
The loneliness is killing me.
See you in Istanbul?
What was your name?
Asshole.
-What's with the wait, man?
-Go ahead.
-What can I get you?
-A shot of single malt.
-Single malt.
-And a malt beer.
A shot of single malt
and a malt beer coming up.
SAHİL INN
You think he expected
something more meaningful?
Because he said that…
I don't know. Never mind.
I can't tell you
what's going through his head.
Let's just assume
that was what he expected.
How long would it last?
It wouldn't.
It'd just kind of happen for a while
and then end all of a sudden.
Why are you looking for an excuse?
What are you trying to justify?
Just let it go, for God's sake.
You're in love.
You're right.
You can't plan out love.
You just…
end up in love.
Excuse me.
What the fuck? Damn it.
-Is the bike yours?
-Yeah. Shit.
She was so mad, man.
Her friends couldn't stop her.
She struggled
but wouldn't leave until she did it.
-She was stubborn.
-And you just watched?
I'm not going to lie, man. We did.
The clutch lever's broken.
How am I going to ride it like this? Damn.
-Thanks, man.
-No worries.
-Is there anything we can do?
-No, thanks.
All right. Go slow, though.
You never know.
Will do.
Fuck. What the hell?
What happened to your hand?
Were you in a fight?
No. The clutch lever broke.
-What? Were you in an accident?
-No. The bike just tipped over.
Right.
-And where were you when it happened?
-Just go to sleep.
What are you even doing?
What the hell? What is this?
What are you doing?
You're giving me the silent treatment?
I didn't promise you anything.
You invited me, and I accepted.
We were supposed to
ride around and go back.
Isn't sex your whole thing?
I just wanted to live like that for once.
What's wrong with you?
What's your deal? Why are you even mad?
If I had wanted something more serious,
you'd be long gone.
Am I wrong? Am I? Tell me!
You'd be nowhere to be found.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
Answer me, motherfucker!
Speak! You coward son of a bitch!
I'm trying to talk here,
and he's just taking a shower.
Damn it, girl.
"We sat there not knowing what to say."
"There was nothing to talk about."
"The only thing to do was leave."
What was that?
A quote. On the Road by Jack Kerouac.
It just came to me.
Surprising.
So?
-So what?
-What are we going to do?
Just sit here in silence?
The airport is a thirty-minute ride.
I can drop you off if you want.
What do you say?
You invited me on a ride back to Istanbul,
and I accepted.
We're going back together.
"It's not surprising at all
that someone who has faced
the cold truth life throws at us
such as war, famine, illness,
diarrhea, and Celine Dion
wouldn't believe our creator,
as almighty as it is,
wouldn't make any mistakes."
"Even though the fact
that the Flying Spaghetti Monster
created the entire universe
and left us mysterious and obscure clues
is beyond any doubt,
the FSM…"
"FSM" is short
for Flying Spaghetti Monster, by the way.
I know, Alper.
I know. I fucking got it.
You told me a million times.
What's wrong with you?
Do I have to, man?
Do I have to listen to you?
Let's just arrange you
a workshop at Barış Manço.
Gather everyone in Kadıköy
and all of your alcoholic buddies,
and talk to them about spaghetti.
Fuck off, you dickhead.
What do you think
about the whole Sevda thing?
Kaan's usual bullshit.
Fifty women would pass by,
and he wouldn't even look.
But then someone just shows up,
and he gets hung up on her.
-I knew this would happen.
-Knew what would happen?
That he'd fall in love.
It'll last for a while.
Maybe a couple of years.
Then a painful breakup.
Kaan will be a mess for a few months.
That's about it.
I think this one will be different.
She's engaged.
She'll be married soon.
-Seriously?
-Yeah. She told me herself.
-She'll break it off.
-I doubt it.
I knew it. I just did.
She was too good to be true.
I knew she was hiding something.
I doubt it'll stop Kaan, though.
I think it will this time around.
She's looking for stability.
She's almost married.
Kaan needs to say something to stop her,
and he wouldn't, so…
Maybe you're right.
Maybe not.
I mean, how would I know? I have no idea.
So she was too good to be true, huh?
What an asshole thing to say.
I said that half an hour ago.
You're mad now?
Yes, I am. She's right, man.
You guys are animals.
Lucky for you, I like animals.
-Hey, Mete.
-Yeah?
I had a chat with Sevda.
She says she can help you.
What?
What's that supposed to mean?
Help me with what?
You know what.
She works at the Bakırköy Hospital.
Oh, well. You shouldn't have
stuck your nose in it, Gaye.
Who do you think you are?
I don't think I'm anyone.
I'm just aware of your condition.
I wish you were aware of the fact
that you need help.
-What are you thinking about?
-I don't think. It's one of my principles.
Don't give me the radio-host treatment.
It hurts even more than your insults.
There used to be a tradition.
People would
take photographs of their loved ones
only when they were dead.
The photograph,
when it was first invented,
wasn't a luxury,
or something momentary like it is now.
It was part of a process.
Since photographs meant death
and there were
technical difficulties back then,
the process required
for people to be completely still,
which is just not in our nature.
So as weird as it sounds,
the best and the most living photographs
were the ones of the dead.
This is something
that's straight out
of enduring,
profound,
pitch-dark,
drizzly nights.
To you all, then.
I'll finally get to do it.
I always ride on his back in Istanbul,
but he just wouldn't
take me on long trips.
I didn't agree this time either.
I got stuck with you.
Don't mind her.
Ask again when her butt gets sore.
It's not unbearable.
Relax, Gaye.
So you think
you have the authority and the experience
to talk about bikes now, is it?
I don't need the experience.
If you pay enough attention,
you get what's nice and what's painful.
But it depends on the road you're on.
I think the road is a secondary factor.
It's still the same bike.
Once you get to know it,
it won't hurt you that bad
no matter where you're going.
The road is what matters the most, Sevda.
The road.
How about some music?
Here we go!
-Come on. Get up.
-No, thanks.
-Come on, Sevda.
-No!
Come on.
-She wouldn't leave me alone otherwise.
-You can't run.
I need some air.
You were here the whole time?
I was.
You should've gotten laid, at least.
She came all the way here.
Do I have to do it every day?
I did it last night. It's enough.
Gaye's a good woman, Mete.
She came by one night.
You know, just to check in on me.
When I opened the door and saw her,
I thought, "She's so beautiful."
She came in.
She had a book with her.
She took a seat.
I asked her if she wanted some tea.
She said yes.
While I was making the tea…
I thought, "Her body is gorgeous."
While I was taking the lemon out,
I thought, "Her eyes are mesmerizing."
While I was slicing it,
I thought, "Her lips are something else."
She wanted to leave the book.
"Sure," I said.
She picked a shelf.
She then…
picked two books on the shelf
and put it right in between them.
She didn't stay.
After she left…
I looked for the book.
I looked everywhere,
but I couldn't find it.
I couldn't.
SEFERİHİSAR INDUSTRIAL AREA
HÜSEYİN'S BIKE SHOP
-Hey there.
-Hello. Welcome. How can we help you?
The clutch lever is broken.
Can you fix it?
Sure. Do you have the broken piece?
I didn't think I'd need it, so no.
I figured as much.
We need to replace it, then.
Can you find it?
Of course.
-Hey, Ahmet.
-Yes, sir?
Go find Mustafa.
See if he has a suitable lever.
-What's the model?
-Harley-Davidson Low Rider.
Okay, sir.
-Tea?
-We'd love some.
Thanks.
COVER DESIGN
EROL EGEMEN
God damn it.
What's up? Did you run out of coffee?
Yeah, I did. Why did you ask?
I'll go get some for you.
Damn it.
Hang on. Wait a second. Stop.
-Stop. What's that?
-It's nothing.
Let it go.
Tuna Kiremitçi?
Oh, no. Murat Uyurkulak?
When did this come in?
Murat Menteş? Damn it.
When did these come in?
-They came one by one.
-What?
I mean, one by one
since we got back from Olympus--
Where was I when these came in?
I'm not your warden, Alper.
How would I know?
Drinking in Kadıköy? I don't know.
What did you tell them, then?
I…
I told…
I told them
to drop them off,
and that we'd check them.
I just had chats with them.
Oh, fuck you, Murat.
Fuck you. What did I do to deserve you?
I hope the llamas you've been watching
fuck you, Murat.
I hope they have an orgy with you!
You bastard! What am I going to tell Kaan?
What will you do if he fucks me up?
God damn you all the way to hell, man.
I hope you die so I can live, Murat!
I hope you die so we can all live!
God damn you to hell, Murat!
What about the coffee?
You won't live long
with such a temper, dude.
You're going to get brain damage.
Chill, for fuck's sake.
It's not the end of the world.
-All done?
-Yeah.
Thanks. How much do we owe you?
Twenty liras.
-The part?
-It's included.
You take care too, guys.
You worked so hard today.
-Mete.
-Excuse me?
-Stop it.
-Have a few beers too.
-Stop.
-What the hell?
-The animals have been ogling the girls!
-Watch your mouth, you cuck!
What are you going to do
if he doesn't, you fuck?
Kaan? Are you okay?
Where did the blood come from?
He got me good.
It's just my cheek. It's fine.
You morons.
And you're supposed to be
educated intellectuals.
You're dumb as hell.
They kicked our asses well.
Tell me about it.
What were you thinking, Mete?
What were you fucking thinking?
I told you to stop, man.
They almost killed us.
You were mad too! I hadn't even said much.
I can't believe
you did this while we were there.
You're such babies!
It's your fault.
You can't wear tight jeans
to a bike shop in the industrial site.
-What?
-But you were so "cool" in Kadıköy.
It's just butts and tits.
Those two were kids.
They'd look
even if I had my grandma's gown on.
-They don't see a lot of women there.
-Yeah. You're so right. Idiot.
-Oh, fuck off, Mete. Just ride.
-I swear…
Hey, Kaan. I'm exhausted, chief.
I'm still pissed off too.
Let's just stay at a motel
and continue tomorrow.
Sure.
What happened? It won't run?
What's wrong?
It's acting like it's out of gas,
but the gauge says I have some.
It must be out.
Oh, shit. Damn it, man.
It must've happened when it tipped over.
The float must've gotten stuck.
It's empty.
Just like the Devrim cars.
Their gauges were off too.
What are we going to do?
Don't worry. I'll just go grab a can.
I'm sure there's a gas station nearby.
-I'll come with.
-Sure.
Let's go.
Careful. It might prick you.
I'll be fine. I'm used to it.
-You want some?
-No.
A short walk to the beach
on the morning of a sleepless night.
The chills you get
from the Mediterranean morning.
A journey
that begins before the sun is up.
A single hill to climb.
On both sides of the road,
an endless number of motels
that used to be houses
and the "Vacancy" signs
that tell you the season is over.
Just behind you,
a glimpse of the dark blue sea
barely visible on the mirror
with strokes of the morning sun
and a lock of chestnut hair
dancing in the wind.
Riding through a town
filled with shops, gas stations,
parked tractors, cafés,
and just a few people
who are trying
to make themselves look busy.
A gray road made of tar and gravel
that stretches in all directions.
An upshift.
Another upshift.
One last upshift.
The pressure a woman puts on a man's back
leaning on him with a warmth
you wouldn't expect from her kind
because of the speed and the wind.
The monotonous roar
of the engine and the wind.
The hypnotizing flow of the road
that stretches out endlessly
like a grainy photograph.
A salty lake you stop by
after about 130 miles of riding.
Black-eyed peas, haydari,
a glass of raki, and a glass of beer.
Mediocre sex
that doesn't do much at first
but grows on you over time.
And before all that,
the smiling faces
of two people
who just met for real on the beach
on that morning.
Wasn't this the place?
It was, chief.
-What happened? Why did we stop?
-No idea.
What's going on?
There was a diner
truck drivers frequented here.
The Brothers.
Mete and I always ate here.
For more than a decade.
It's gone.
Where would a big diner go?
You sure you're not confused?
With the new road and all.
Why would we forget the way
after a decade, Gaye?
Look. The bathroom's still there.
Since they built the new road,
no one uses the old anymore.
So they demolished it.
Let's go, chief.
It's only a 120-mile ride to Istanbul.
We won't even understand
how fast it ended.
Just like a good song.
Sure. Yeah.
Here we are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm freezing.
Goodbye.
Sevda? Is that you?
Yes, it's me.
You're early. It's not ready yet.
You shouldn't have.
We could've ordered something.
It'll be done by the time
you're out of the shower.
You know,
when something happens
out of your control…
it always leaves its mark on your palate.
Mustafa Nusa, who didn't own any land
but owned a lot of carob trees…
was also known as the Flower.
Everything was delicious. Thank you.
I'm glad you liked it, honey.
Hey, Cengiz.
We need to talk.
They called him the Flower
because all he had was his carob
and himself.
Whenever he took a walk
around the village,
the women
just wouldn't be able to look away.
He slept on the fields.
On the fields he didn't own
and under the carob trees he did.
He had a dog.
He always kept the dog around.
He had rope in his hand,
but no one had ever seen him
leash the dog with it.
It was so hot all the time.
He wouldn't talk much.
Once they were
in the shade of the carob tree,
he'd tie one end of the rope to his ankle
and the other to the dog.
Whenever someone in the village asked
where Mustafa Nusa was,
the kids would say,
"He tied the dog to his ankle."
Because he was the Flower.
Whenever he took a walk,
the women
just wouldn't be able to look away.
One day…
they figured out
that whenever
Mustafa Nusa tied the dog to his ankle…
a man in the village got his heart broken.
He screwed around a lot, Mustafa Nusa.
They called him the Flower.
Whenever he tied the dog to his ankle
and lay down in the shade
of the carob tree…
all the men in the village would run home.
One day,
on a day he didn't tie the dog,
on a day he didn't look back
at a woman who looked at him…
they shot Mustafa Nusa down
under the carob tree.
Because you can only shoot a man down
when he's the most innocent.
Thanks.
Good story.
But who's Mustafa Nusa?
My grandfather.
I see.
What's going on?
I'd regret it if I didn't come.
I mean it.
-So?
-So…
I'm so in love with you, Sevda.
For real.
I'm in love with you too.
All right, then.
Tell him about us. Come on.
I did. I told him everything.
All right.
We'll get your stuff later.
Come on.
He was okay with it.
He says we can work through it.
Kaan, I mean it
when I say I'm in love with you.
I love you so much.
But we're different.
Like you said,
it was a good journey while it lasted.
I want to marry the right person.
Unfortunately, the man a woman loves
isn't always the right man.
You can't give me the life I want.
It won't last.
Because you can only shoot a man down
when he's the most innocent.
AS ALWAYS,
THIS RENDITION IS ALSO DEDICATED
TO THE MONTANA GANG, TO THE BAD BOYS,
TO THE STREETS OF KADIKÖY
THAT THOUGHT US ABOUT LIFE AND WOMEN…
AND TO METE AVUNDUK AND KAAN ÇAYDAMLI…
This is the one.
Enjoy it.
Thanks.
So is it any good?
It is.
Glad to hear.
You shouldn't expect much
from women, chief.
You shouldn't expect
anything from them, chief.
-Hello. My name is Erol Egemen.
-We're listening.
-When you mentioned Bodrum--
-Yeah, Bodrum.
I had a very interesting experience
involving Bodrum.
I just wanted to share it, dear host.
-You're Erol Egemen, right?
-Yes, the one and only.
-So you eat kidney-bean jam, right?
-Of course.
I see. Kidney-bean jam.
All right. Go ahead. We're listening.
-Don't you think the jam makes sense?
-I do. I told my mom too.
I said, "Mom, this makes so much sense.
Why haven't you made me any up until now?"
-Wow.
-"Are you a communist?"
-And was she a communist?
-She said my dad was.
That's why she uses turkey meat
in the okra dish.
Oh, I see.
-Bodrum, then.
-Yeah. Bodrum.
I was in love once, but I forgot her name.
-So Bodrum.
-Yeah.
I stayed there six months without scoring.
Oh, Bodrum.
-Erol Egemen, right?
-Yeah.
I don't want to believe that, Erol.
Weird things happen in life, Kaan.
Let's just switch the topic and--
-Is this weird?
-What?
Is eight months in Bodrum without scoring
weird for Erol Egemen?
Erol Egemen never scores anyway.
-He just doesn't.
-Yeah.
-He doesn't.
-That's his score, you know?
-Go ahead, dear listener.
-Bodrum.
There's another topic
I want to talk about.
Go ahead. Bodrum.
I want to get your opinion on something.
Let's say a man has to walk on the street
in velvet stretch pants in Acıbadem
because of another man
around one, one and a half in the morning,
which is just when people rush out
from the Çamlıca Bridge.
How would that affect a man's psyche,
do you think?
Damn. First of all,
you can't make stretch pants with velvet.
-Would you look at that?
-Come on.
OLYMPUS
Hang on. I'm a bit confused.
Let me see if I got this right.
So you're in?
Yes, man. I'm going in and out.
No shame or anything?
I mean mentally, man.
"Should I get out of the place
or just stand there and watch?"
Well, here's what I don't get, Chief.
Did they invite you in or something?
What happened?
I opened the door, chief.
You know, since I'm basically a locksmith.
So I just jammed my lockpick in.
Then I was at the door, thinking.
I swear you attract maniacs.
-Fuck off, asshole.
-Fair enough.
So I had a few cups of tea
when I entered the…
-You bored?
-No.
I'm okay. Thanks.
I bet you never saw
so many lunatics together.
But no. It's your job, so you must have.
"I am happy about what has been,
I am pleased by what is,
and I'm fine with what is to come."
You go girl. What a line.
It was a very hot day.
But the place was always hot anyway.
In that part of the world,
in the middle of a warm sea,
one wouldn't expect it to be cold anyway.
Where Mustafa Nusa lived,
the owners of the lands
and the owners of the carob trees
on those lands
were different people.
Because owning the land
did not automatically make one
entitled to the carob trees on it
in that part of the world.
Everything apart from that
was pretty much the same.
They grew a lot of grapes too,
but not the kind that makes good wine.
The grapes were so sweet
that they could only make cognac with it,
and the grapes were so sweet
that if you accidentally eat a lot,
the burning sensation
wouldn't leave your palate for a month.
You know,
when something happens
out of your control…
it always leaves its mark on your palate.
-Morning.
-Morning.
Did you just take my photo?
I guess I did.
It's beautiful.
Aren't you going to take one?
I already did.
We're ready, Erol.
Just say the word, and we'll hit the road.
Stop yelling, man. You're ruining Olympus.
-Hey, Mete.
-Yeah?
Do you know her?
-The name's Sevda.
-Okay.
I don't. She's a friend of Brit's girl.
-Did you two hook up?
-Not yet.
Hey, Mete.
We're leaving.
All right, baby. Have a nice trip.
Hey, Heather.
Be careful.
I'm not Heather here. See you, guys.
The Ölüdeniz lagoon.
Let's hit the coast
and spend the night, yeah?
Awesome.
Use the same pump for both.
-Do you want anything?
-Yeah. Water.
-Fill it up.
-Will do.
What are you looking at?
Scumbag.
Kaan?
Hey, Sevda.
You're on the road already?
I thought you were staying.
Yeah. To Istanbul.
We'll make a few stops, though.
-By bike?
-Yeah.
Cool.
-So where are you headed?
-The first stop is Ölüdeniz.
I don't know the rest.
Mete picked the route.
Wow. I'm jealous.
-Well, then--
-I have an extra helmet.
-What did you say?
-I have an extra helmet. Join us.
-They're waiting--
-Okay.
What did you say?
I said okay. I'll join you.
I'll go get my stuff.
All right.
Hey! Backpacks only.
I'll call you. We're leaving.
Hey, Brit! Good luck.
To us all.
Thanks.
What's this?
The clerk said
I should hand it to the pump guy.
What's up, chief?
I invited her.
She said yes.
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
You haven't made her yours yet.
Whoever's bike she chooses.
Let's go.
Hello.
-Sorry. I thought you were--
-It's okay.
We need two rooms.
One for him, one for us.
Sure.
Why did you tell the prick
which room was whose?
Maybe I'd stay with you,
and she'd stay alone.
Stop being stupid, chief.
You know they keep track.
We've been through this.
-Do you want to take a shower?
-Sure.
But you can go first, and--
Just go ahead.
All right.
On a damp night that can't break free
from the grasp of the blue,
a man is traveling
just over 60 miles per hour on two wheels
through the bugs of the night,
each leaving a mark on his body.
Marks that carry an uncanny resemblance
to the painting
made by a strange woman in the city
depicting the very same night.
But could it ever
save the bugs from their fate?
Or could it offer what life can't
just like the old Native American said?
Or was the caller on the radio
perhaps right in saying
that just like everything else ever,
art, too,
is just for sex?
How wrong can
an old and wise Native American be?
I've never seen you around either.
I've been here just a few times.
DOGS IN THE RAIN
-So? Who are you? What do you do?
-I'm a clinical psychologist at Bakırköy.
Nine-to-five every day.
A bit odd by your standards.
God bless the standards.
Amen.
Welcome, then.
Tayfun mentioned
you guys were radio hosts.
-Who?
-Who's Tayfun?
Brit.
He said he knew you
even before he became an agent.
So?
So I'm just curious.
What kind of show is it?
-Did I screw up?
-Not even close.
What do you do on weekends, chief?
Not much. Same old. I come by your place.
I see. And what do I do?
-Who knows? You're never home.
-Fair enough.
Relationships,
if you start in your twenties,
last about five years
or maybe eight if you're insane.
Good night, dear caller.
Have we slept together before?
Unfortunately, no.
How big are your hips, dear caller?
Let's skip the hips, shall we?
Must be over 40 inches, then.
If you're in your thirties,
they last about three years
or maybe four if you're insane.
How can we skip the hips?
How can I skip the hips, Mete?
-How can he skip the hips?
-Listen to her.
And if you're in your forties,
they don't last at all.
I did say that. I had a lot of reactions.
Especially from
the Evangelist Kadıköy squad.
I said, "This is Kadıköy.
We don't skip the hips here."
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm so mad right now.
The audacity.
A real man is never at the right place
at the right time, man.
That's right.
If you're a real man,
be at the wrong place at the right time.
-Try it.
-All right.
Or be at the right place at the wrong time
if you have any guts.
-Right?
-See? Yeah.
Good night, dear listener.
Have we slept together before?
When I opened my eyes,
I looked like an illuminated toy
dangling from a Christmas tree.
Right then,
I heard a man
whose face I couldn't see yelling at me.
"You must be Erol Egemen!"
Who the hell is Erol Egemen?
-Show your face if you're a man!
-Yeah!
Enough is enough! Show yourself!
Who the hell is Erol Egemen?
It sounds like I missed out.
I doubt it.
So are you on vacation or something?
Well, something like that.
It's all online now.
We do it whenever we want.
What do you mean?
Well, we don't have a set schedule.
Sometimes, we do it.
Sometimes, we take a break.
Sometimes, we don't do it.
Sometimes, we're on our period.
And sometimes, we're in the mood.
Oh, no. I can't ever listen to it, then.
-Why?
-It annoys me.
What annoys you?
If I'm hooked,
I need to be able to listen to the show
when I turn on the radio
on a set day and time.
-A system.
-Exactly. I like order.
Fuck that, Sevda.
We're like freedom relief valves.
We sell freedom.
We can't have a system.
Have some shame, people.
Not all of us gets lucky.
KADIKÖY STREETS
CEMAL SÜREYA STREET, KADIKÖY
ALTIKIRKBEŞ MARCHES ON
Kaan won't be back for a few days.
Yeah.
I need to start the press
as soon as he's back.
Of course.
I'll send you the cover well before.
Thanks. All right.
-Hey, Murat.
-Yeah?
When are you handing in
the third Asgard book?
Good morning to you too, beauty.
Didn't we just arrive here together, man?
Weren't we in Olympus together?
Just say good morning, for fuck's sake.
What's wrong with you?
What are you talking about?
It's not like I assigned it last year.
It's been two years since you started.
If you started.
Fuck you, man.
You're so aggressive.
Shame on you.
Hey, Erol.
I just talked to the printing house.
When will Çeker's cover be ready?
When's Kaan gracing us with his presence?
Two, maybe three days.
Don't worry, man. The cover's ready.
Thanks, man.
Thanks.
BODRUM / GÜVERCİNLİK BAY
This place is beautiful.
It is.
-I'm going to the store. Need anything?
-Not me. Thanks.
-Where the hell are you going?
-To the store.
-Let's get settled first.
-I need to go now. You go ahead.
You can't wait for ten fucking minutes?
I've been waiting for two fucking hours!
I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck off, then!
He just up and left. You two are so weird.
Come on.
-So he's really an alcoholic?
-You heard him.
I just thought he was kidding.
Now I feel bad. Damn it.
Don't worry. Relax.
So how bad is it? How is he doing?
My dear friend Mete Avunduk
and I, Kaan Çaydamlı,
will unfortunately be here at Standart FM
for another two hours.
-I'm sure you've better things to do.
-This is Standart FM.
It'll be a minute. You're first in line.
She's occupied.
The other night…
Yeah?
It was so strange.
Tell me, man.
I woke up in the bathroom at dawn.
I have no idea how and when I got there.
I just don't.
I don't remember.
It was the worst one so far.
Look, Mete.
Maybe it's time you take care of this.
What do you say?
You're the only one who knows.
-Let's keep it that way for now.
-Sure.
Okay. I added your name to the list.
You're third in line. Might take a while.
-We'll have to do it someday.
-I'll call later.
You better get used to the idea.
It's a brutal process,
but he has to go through it eventually.
I hope he does
because it's the only solution.
-Are you talking about him rejecting it?
-Yeah.
It's pretty simple.
He'll just wake up at the hospital
instead of on the bathroom floor one day.
He can still reject it.
He can leave the hospital.
You can't treat alcoholism
unless the patient fully consents.
The treatment is a very painful process.
-I'm sure he looked it up.
-For sure.
He needs constant supervision.
I mean, we're always around.
Gaye looks after him too.
-The girl in Olympus?
-Yeah.
-Is she his girlfriend?
-She's our Heather.
-What's a Heather?
-I mean…
She's like our assistant.
She's the key to our success.
Oh. I see.
So she's not his girlfriend?
They don't call it a relationship,
but they're together.
They see each other.
Mete's scared of relationships,
and she's fine with it.
So they're okay.
Does it scare you too?
What?
Relationships.
No.
Should they?
Sometimes.
It's like the fucker's twenty again.
I'll be in the bathroom.
-So? You want me to join you?
-Eat shit, Murat.
I swear he's gone insane.
Good morning, champ.
Good morning, vibrant guy.
I'm looking for Kaan.
Look, then.
He's not here, is he?
When will he be here?
He won't be here. He's on the road.
He wanted a novel,
so I wrote one and brought it to you.
Good for you. Well done.
Put it there.
We'll check and get back to you.
I'm Murat Menteş.
So?
And I'm Richard Brautigan.
So what?
Just put it there, pal.
We'll check and get back to you.
I swear…
Make sure Kaan gets it, all right?
Got it, smart guy?
You're lucky it's my ice-cream time.
I'd have gotten up from this chair
and made you eat your glasses otherwise.
How are you doing?
Everything okay at the station?
Good.
Now listen.
We're going towards Sığacık.
It's in Seferihisar.
Remember? We went there one winter.
Yeah, that place. Come joins us.
We'll be there by nightfall.
I swear.
I'm serious, girl.
Gaye, are you coming or not?
I won't sell that record for that price.
I don't care. It can stay on the wall.
What does it matter, man?
I'm not selling it!
It's always the same crap
with you, Cüneyt.
All right, man. Enough.
Thanks. Just hang up.
-The Smiths. The signed one on my wall.
-I remember.
-He wants me to sell it for 1,500 liras.
-It's good money. Sell it.
How is it good, chief?
That stuff's valuable.
Fuck the value, man.
You have thousands of them.
You just don't want to.
Ta-da!
What? Where did you come from?
He called me.
-Didn't he tell you?
-He didn't. Welcome.
Thanks. He kept pestering me.
Do I have to listen to you two
every night, man?
Now I know why you invited me.
Get your stuff in the room.
Here's the key.
-Mete.
-Yeah?
I think it's happening, man.
Oh, it already has.
You think?
Be careful, though.
What do you mean?
She seems too good to be true is all.
She's just not
as dysfunctional as we're used to.
All right. Yeah, sure.
All right. Goodbye.
Welcome, youngsters.
-Thanks.
-Thanks.
What's up?
Have you seen the ruins yet?
No, sir. We just arrived.
Good. I'll accompany you, then.
You shouldn't bother. Right?
It's no bother at all. You're tourists.
I'll tell you all about its history.
I think that'd be amazing. Right?
Sure.
How old is this place, sir?
Very old.
Even older than me.
I see.
We used to play a game called Eight Rocks
when we were kids here.
Do you know the game?
-No. Show us.
-I will.
Look. You stack eight flat pieces of rock.
Small ones, though. Not big like these.
-You stack them.
-This is history, you know.
-Then you split into two teams, and…
-Shut up, Kaan.
If you have ten people,
each team has five players.
-One throws a rock.
-I'll catch up.
No, not a rock. Sorry.
One player throws the ball.
Once the rocks are knocked over,
someone tries to stack them again.
If he gets hit with the ball
before he can do it, he's out.
-How about Stones and Pins?
-I don't know what that is.
I'll tell you. We had these tin cans.
-Hey, Ayşe. How are you?
-I'm okay, Cengiz. You?
Same old. Just working and stuff.
We're pretty much the same.
Just one last vacation in the off-season.
We're in Sığacık.
Yaşar has a summer house here.
Oh, that sounds nice.
We had plans with Sevda too,
but I had to stay for work,
so she went by herself.
That's why I called, actually.
She was pretty far away,
so I wasn't entirely sure it was her.
In Sığacık?
Yeah. She's here. You didn't know?
What? Of course I knew.
She'll be in Çeşme next.
I was just surprised you ran into her.
Why didn't you say hi?
She went with her friends from Kadıköy.
-Oh, so you're all alone.
-Yeah.
-Okay. We'll see you later, then.
-Sure.
-We'll stop by.
-Sure. Anytime.
Take care. Goodbye.
You too. See you.
I sent the barcode, Erol.
All right. I'll check it out.
All right.
You look tired. How about a break?
Mind your own business.
We get a thousand angry emails every day.
We need to publish the third.
It's supposed to be a trilogy, man.
Let someone else do it, then.
Why would I? Who could do it?
I busted my ass on the first two.
I won't let it go.
Fucking translate it, then.
This is literary translation, man.
How can you be so crass?
Shame on you.
You're a disgrace to literature.
I wish they banned YouTube.
I need to buy cigarettes.
Why would they ban YouTube? Jackass.
Hi.
Hello.
-Is Kaan here?
-No.
But we were supposed to meet here now.
He won't be back soon.
He's on a bike trip down south.
I'm Tuna, man. Tuna Kiremitçi.
He wanted my new novel.
Here it is. Is Alper here by any chance?
Take a look. Is he?
All right, pal.
Drop it there. We'll check it out.
What the fuck? What are you checking out?
As if you could be the judge of anything.
I swear I'll fuck you up.
Make sure Alper gets it.
Tell him I stopped by.
I swear…
He must have diabetes or something.
What a scumbag.
Prick.
He made a mess too.
Fuck you.
Asshole.
What a prick.
He thinks he's Tarık Akan.
He doesn't know how violent I get.
Slimy bastard.
-I see you've left your chair.
-I'll return soon.
-What's up? Where are you guys?
-Not much, Alper.
We're near Seferihisar.
What are you up to?
Same old. I'm working.
Murat's in Mayonnaise World.
I see. Listen, Alper.
Did Tuna come by? He was supposed to.
Tuna who? Kiremitçi? No, he didn't.
Yeah. I guess he isn't available.
He's not answering my calls either.
I suppose he'll call me later.
I forgot about it.
I've been pressuring him
into having us publish his book.
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
When will you be back?
It'll be another three or four days.
Just cover us, man.
Sure thing. No problem. Talk to you later.
He's still screwing around?
This is only my second time here.
It's not on our usual route.
It's too inland.
We usually go through Bergama.
Is it nice there? Better than here?
I'll show you.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. It's nothing.
You smoke a lot.
You give me such a look,
you render me helpless.
You smoke?
On the rare occasion.
-You don't ask any questions.
-You don't either.
You…
You want to tell me something,
but you can't.
I guess you're worried
the conversation will take a bad turn.
Maybe it won't.
Right? Give it a try.
Look, Kaan. Back in Istanbul…
Relax.
My life isn't actually…
Yeah?
I'm engaged.
He's in Istanbul.
We live together.
I'll be married soon.
I thought you should know.
I watched you in Olympus.
All you did was having sex.
All you guys talked about was sex.
Brit had told me that anyway.
So I figured
I'd just hang out with you for a few days.
I didn't think you'd take it seriously.
I guess I needed to vent somehow.
Remember what Mete said?
A freedom relief valve.
This is just what I needed.
I swear.
It's always been this.
Kaan?
Kaan?
You don't recognize me.
I'm really sorry.
I'm Burak's friend. Pınar.
We came by your place a few months ago.
You said you'd give me
a French book to translate.
You didn't call.
Oh, I remember.
-What's up? How are you?
-I can't believe it.
I can't believe
we ran into each other in İzmir.
Ditto.
-Are you on vacation?
-Kind of.
We are too.
We're just here for a couple of days.
You alone?
Can't you see?
The loneliness is killing me.
See you in Istanbul?
What was your name?
Asshole.
-What's with the wait, man?
-Go ahead.
-What can I get you?
-A shot of single malt.
-Single malt.
-And a malt beer.
A shot of single malt
and a malt beer coming up.
SAHİL INN
You think he expected
something more meaningful?
Because he said that…
I don't know. Never mind.
I can't tell you
what's going through his head.
Let's just assume
that was what he expected.
How long would it last?
It wouldn't.
It'd just kind of happen for a while
and then end all of a sudden.
Why are you looking for an excuse?
What are you trying to justify?
Just let it go, for God's sake.
You're in love.
You're right.
You can't plan out love.
You just…
end up in love.
Excuse me.
What the fuck? Damn it.
-Is the bike yours?
-Yeah. Shit.
She was so mad, man.
Her friends couldn't stop her.
She struggled
but wouldn't leave until she did it.
-She was stubborn.
-And you just watched?
I'm not going to lie, man. We did.
The clutch lever's broken.
How am I going to ride it like this? Damn.
-Thanks, man.
-No worries.
-Is there anything we can do?
-No, thanks.
All right. Go slow, though.
You never know.
Will do.
Fuck. What the hell?
What happened to your hand?
Were you in a fight?
No. The clutch lever broke.
-What? Were you in an accident?
-No. The bike just tipped over.
Right.
-And where were you when it happened?
-Just go to sleep.
What are you even doing?
What the hell? What is this?
What are you doing?
You're giving me the silent treatment?
I didn't promise you anything.
You invited me, and I accepted.
We were supposed to
ride around and go back.
Isn't sex your whole thing?
I just wanted to live like that for once.
What's wrong with you?
What's your deal? Why are you even mad?
If I had wanted something more serious,
you'd be long gone.
Am I wrong? Am I? Tell me!
You'd be nowhere to be found.
Tell me if I'm wrong.
Answer me, motherfucker!
Speak! You coward son of a bitch!
I'm trying to talk here,
and he's just taking a shower.
Damn it, girl.
"We sat there not knowing what to say."
"There was nothing to talk about."
"The only thing to do was leave."
What was that?
A quote. On the Road by Jack Kerouac.
It just came to me.
Surprising.
So?
-So what?
-What are we going to do?
Just sit here in silence?
The airport is a thirty-minute ride.
I can drop you off if you want.
What do you say?
You invited me on a ride back to Istanbul,
and I accepted.
We're going back together.
"It's not surprising at all
that someone who has faced
the cold truth life throws at us
such as war, famine, illness,
diarrhea, and Celine Dion
wouldn't believe our creator,
as almighty as it is,
wouldn't make any mistakes."
"Even though the fact
that the Flying Spaghetti Monster
created the entire universe
and left us mysterious and obscure clues
is beyond any doubt,
the FSM…"
"FSM" is short
for Flying Spaghetti Monster, by the way.
I know, Alper.
I know. I fucking got it.
You told me a million times.
What's wrong with you?
Do I have to, man?
Do I have to listen to you?
Let's just arrange you
a workshop at Barış Manço.
Gather everyone in Kadıköy
and all of your alcoholic buddies,
and talk to them about spaghetti.
Fuck off, you dickhead.
What do you think
about the whole Sevda thing?
Kaan's usual bullshit.
Fifty women would pass by,
and he wouldn't even look.
But then someone just shows up,
and he gets hung up on her.
-I knew this would happen.
-Knew what would happen?
That he'd fall in love.
It'll last for a while.
Maybe a couple of years.
Then a painful breakup.
Kaan will be a mess for a few months.
That's about it.
I think this one will be different.
She's engaged.
She'll be married soon.
-Seriously?
-Yeah. She told me herself.
-She'll break it off.
-I doubt it.
I knew it. I just did.
She was too good to be true.
I knew she was hiding something.
I doubt it'll stop Kaan, though.
I think it will this time around.
She's looking for stability.
She's almost married.
Kaan needs to say something to stop her,
and he wouldn't, so…
Maybe you're right.
Maybe not.
I mean, how would I know? I have no idea.
So she was too good to be true, huh?
What an asshole thing to say.
I said that half an hour ago.
You're mad now?
Yes, I am. She's right, man.
You guys are animals.
Lucky for you, I like animals.
-Hey, Mete.
-Yeah?
I had a chat with Sevda.
She says she can help you.
What?
What's that supposed to mean?
Help me with what?
You know what.
She works at the Bakırköy Hospital.
Oh, well. You shouldn't have
stuck your nose in it, Gaye.
Who do you think you are?
I don't think I'm anyone.
I'm just aware of your condition.
I wish you were aware of the fact
that you need help.
-What are you thinking about?
-I don't think. It's one of my principles.
Don't give me the radio-host treatment.
It hurts even more than your insults.
There used to be a tradition.
People would
take photographs of their loved ones
only when they were dead.
The photograph,
when it was first invented,
wasn't a luxury,
or something momentary like it is now.
It was part of a process.
Since photographs meant death
and there were
technical difficulties back then,
the process required
for people to be completely still,
which is just not in our nature.
So as weird as it sounds,
the best and the most living photographs
were the ones of the dead.
This is something
that's straight out
of enduring,
profound,
pitch-dark,
drizzly nights.
To you all, then.
I'll finally get to do it.
I always ride on his back in Istanbul,
but he just wouldn't
take me on long trips.
I didn't agree this time either.
I got stuck with you.
Don't mind her.
Ask again when her butt gets sore.
It's not unbearable.
Relax, Gaye.
So you think
you have the authority and the experience
to talk about bikes now, is it?
I don't need the experience.
If you pay enough attention,
you get what's nice and what's painful.
But it depends on the road you're on.
I think the road is a secondary factor.
It's still the same bike.
Once you get to know it,
it won't hurt you that bad
no matter where you're going.
The road is what matters the most, Sevda.
The road.
How about some music?
Here we go!
-Come on. Get up.
-No, thanks.
-Come on, Sevda.
-No!
Come on.
-She wouldn't leave me alone otherwise.
-You can't run.
I need some air.
You were here the whole time?
I was.
You should've gotten laid, at least.
She came all the way here.
Do I have to do it every day?
I did it last night. It's enough.
Gaye's a good woman, Mete.
She came by one night.
You know, just to check in on me.
When I opened the door and saw her,
I thought, "She's so beautiful."
She came in.
She had a book with her.
She took a seat.
I asked her if she wanted some tea.
She said yes.
While I was making the tea…
I thought, "Her body is gorgeous."
While I was taking the lemon out,
I thought, "Her eyes are mesmerizing."
While I was slicing it,
I thought, "Her lips are something else."
She wanted to leave the book.
"Sure," I said.
She picked a shelf.
She then…
picked two books on the shelf
and put it right in between them.
She didn't stay.
After she left…
I looked for the book.
I looked everywhere,
but I couldn't find it.
I couldn't.
SEFERİHİSAR INDUSTRIAL AREA
HÜSEYİN'S BIKE SHOP
-Hey there.
-Hello. Welcome. How can we help you?
The clutch lever is broken.
Can you fix it?
Sure. Do you have the broken piece?
I didn't think I'd need it, so no.
I figured as much.
We need to replace it, then.
Can you find it?
Of course.
-Hey, Ahmet.
-Yes, sir?
Go find Mustafa.
See if he has a suitable lever.
-What's the model?
-Harley-Davidson Low Rider.
Okay, sir.
-Tea?
-We'd love some.
Thanks.
COVER DESIGN
EROL EGEMEN
God damn it.
What's up? Did you run out of coffee?
Yeah, I did. Why did you ask?
I'll go get some for you.
Damn it.
Hang on. Wait a second. Stop.
-Stop. What's that?
-It's nothing.
Let it go.
Tuna Kiremitçi?
Oh, no. Murat Uyurkulak?
When did this come in?
Murat Menteş? Damn it.
When did these come in?
-They came one by one.
-What?
I mean, one by one
since we got back from Olympus--
Where was I when these came in?
I'm not your warden, Alper.
How would I know?
Drinking in Kadıköy? I don't know.
What did you tell them, then?
I…
I told…
I told them
to drop them off,
and that we'd check them.
I just had chats with them.
Oh, fuck you, Murat.
Fuck you. What did I do to deserve you?
I hope the llamas you've been watching
fuck you, Murat.
I hope they have an orgy with you!
You bastard! What am I going to tell Kaan?
What will you do if he fucks me up?
God damn you all the way to hell, man.
I hope you die so I can live, Murat!
I hope you die so we can all live!
God damn you to hell, Murat!
What about the coffee?
You won't live long
with such a temper, dude.
You're going to get brain damage.
Chill, for fuck's sake.
It's not the end of the world.
-All done?
-Yeah.
Thanks. How much do we owe you?
Twenty liras.
-The part?
-It's included.
You take care too, guys.
You worked so hard today.
-Mete.
-Excuse me?
-Stop it.
-Have a few beers too.
-Stop.
-What the hell?
-The animals have been ogling the girls!
-Watch your mouth, you cuck!
What are you going to do
if he doesn't, you fuck?
Kaan? Are you okay?
Where did the blood come from?
He got me good.
It's just my cheek. It's fine.
You morons.
And you're supposed to be
educated intellectuals.
You're dumb as hell.
They kicked our asses well.
Tell me about it.
What were you thinking, Mete?
What were you fucking thinking?
I told you to stop, man.
They almost killed us.
You were mad too! I hadn't even said much.
I can't believe
you did this while we were there.
You're such babies!
It's your fault.
You can't wear tight jeans
to a bike shop in the industrial site.
-What?
-But you were so "cool" in Kadıköy.
It's just butts and tits.
Those two were kids.
They'd look
even if I had my grandma's gown on.
-They don't see a lot of women there.
-Yeah. You're so right. Idiot.
-Oh, fuck off, Mete. Just ride.
-I swear…
Hey, Kaan. I'm exhausted, chief.
I'm still pissed off too.
Let's just stay at a motel
and continue tomorrow.
Sure.
What happened? It won't run?
What's wrong?
It's acting like it's out of gas,
but the gauge says I have some.
It must be out.
Oh, shit. Damn it, man.
It must've happened when it tipped over.
The float must've gotten stuck.
It's empty.
Just like the Devrim cars.
Their gauges were off too.
What are we going to do?
Don't worry. I'll just go grab a can.
I'm sure there's a gas station nearby.
-I'll come with.
-Sure.
Let's go.
Careful. It might prick you.
I'll be fine. I'm used to it.
-You want some?
-No.
A short walk to the beach
on the morning of a sleepless night.
The chills you get
from the Mediterranean morning.
A journey
that begins before the sun is up.
A single hill to climb.
On both sides of the road,
an endless number of motels
that used to be houses
and the "Vacancy" signs
that tell you the season is over.
Just behind you,
a glimpse of the dark blue sea
barely visible on the mirror
with strokes of the morning sun
and a lock of chestnut hair
dancing in the wind.
Riding through a town
filled with shops, gas stations,
parked tractors, cafés,
and just a few people
who are trying
to make themselves look busy.
A gray road made of tar and gravel
that stretches in all directions.
An upshift.
Another upshift.
One last upshift.
The pressure a woman puts on a man's back
leaning on him with a warmth
you wouldn't expect from her kind
because of the speed and the wind.
The monotonous roar
of the engine and the wind.
The hypnotizing flow of the road
that stretches out endlessly
like a grainy photograph.
A salty lake you stop by
after about 130 miles of riding.
Black-eyed peas, haydari,
a glass of raki, and a glass of beer.
Mediocre sex
that doesn't do much at first
but grows on you over time.
And before all that,
the smiling faces
of two people
who just met for real on the beach
on that morning.
Wasn't this the place?
It was, chief.
-What happened? Why did we stop?
-No idea.
What's going on?
There was a diner
truck drivers frequented here.
The Brothers.
Mete and I always ate here.
For more than a decade.
It's gone.
Where would a big diner go?
You sure you're not confused?
With the new road and all.
Why would we forget the way
after a decade, Gaye?
Look. The bathroom's still there.
Since they built the new road,
no one uses the old anymore.
So they demolished it.
Let's go, chief.
It's only a 120-mile ride to Istanbul.
We won't even understand
how fast it ended.
Just like a good song.
Sure. Yeah.
Here we are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm freezing.
Goodbye.
Sevda? Is that you?
Yes, it's me.
You're early. It's not ready yet.
You shouldn't have.
We could've ordered something.
It'll be done by the time
you're out of the shower.
You know,
when something happens
out of your control…
it always leaves its mark on your palate.
Mustafa Nusa, who didn't own any land
but owned a lot of carob trees…
was also known as the Flower.
Everything was delicious. Thank you.
I'm glad you liked it, honey.
Hey, Cengiz.
We need to talk.
They called him the Flower
because all he had was his carob
and himself.
Whenever he took a walk
around the village,
the women
just wouldn't be able to look away.
He slept on the fields.
On the fields he didn't own
and under the carob trees he did.
He had a dog.
He always kept the dog around.
He had rope in his hand,
but no one had ever seen him
leash the dog with it.
It was so hot all the time.
He wouldn't talk much.
Once they were
in the shade of the carob tree,
he'd tie one end of the rope to his ankle
and the other to the dog.
Whenever someone in the village asked
where Mustafa Nusa was,
the kids would say,
"He tied the dog to his ankle."
Because he was the Flower.
Whenever he took a walk,
the women
just wouldn't be able to look away.
One day…
they figured out
that whenever
Mustafa Nusa tied the dog to his ankle…
a man in the village got his heart broken.
He screwed around a lot, Mustafa Nusa.
They called him the Flower.
Whenever he tied the dog to his ankle
and lay down in the shade
of the carob tree…
all the men in the village would run home.
One day,
on a day he didn't tie the dog,
on a day he didn't look back
at a woman who looked at him…
they shot Mustafa Nusa down
under the carob tree.
Because you can only shoot a man down
when he's the most innocent.
Thanks.
Good story.
But who's Mustafa Nusa?
My grandfather.
I see.
What's going on?
I'd regret it if I didn't come.
I mean it.
-So?
-So…
I'm so in love with you, Sevda.
For real.
I'm in love with you too.
All right, then.
Tell him about us. Come on.
I did. I told him everything.
All right.
We'll get your stuff later.
Come on.
He was okay with it.
He says we can work through it.
Kaan, I mean it
when I say I'm in love with you.
I love you so much.
But we're different.
Like you said,
it was a good journey while it lasted.
I want to marry the right person.
Unfortunately, the man a woman loves
isn't always the right man.
You can't give me the life I want.
It won't last.
Because you can only shoot a man down
when he's the most innocent.
AS ALWAYS,
THIS RENDITION IS ALSO DEDICATED
TO THE MONTANA GANG, TO THE BAD BOYS,
TO THE STREETS OF KADIKÖY
THAT THOUGHT US ABOUT LIFE AND WOMEN…
AND TO METE AVUNDUK AND KAAN ÇAYDAMLI…
This is the one.
Enjoy it.
Thanks.
So is it any good?
It is.
Glad to hear.
You shouldn't expect much
from women, chief.
You shouldn't expect
anything from them, chief.
-Hello. My name is Erol Egemen.
-We're listening.
-When you mentioned Bodrum--
-Yeah, Bodrum.
I had a very interesting experience
involving Bodrum.
I just wanted to share it, dear host.
-You're Erol Egemen, right?
-Yes, the one and only.
-So you eat kidney-bean jam, right?
-Of course.
I see. Kidney-bean jam.
All right. Go ahead. We're listening.
-Don't you think the jam makes sense?
-I do. I told my mom too.
I said, "Mom, this makes so much sense.
Why haven't you made me any up until now?"
-Wow.
-"Are you a communist?"
-And was she a communist?
-She said my dad was.
That's why she uses turkey meat
in the okra dish.
Oh, I see.
-Bodrum, then.
-Yeah. Bodrum.
I was in love once, but I forgot her name.
-So Bodrum.
-Yeah.
I stayed there six months without scoring.
Oh, Bodrum.
-Erol Egemen, right?
-Yeah.
I don't want to believe that, Erol.
Weird things happen in life, Kaan.
Let's just switch the topic and--
-Is this weird?
-What?
Is eight months in Bodrum without scoring
weird for Erol Egemen?
Erol Egemen never scores anyway.
-He just doesn't.
-Yeah.
-He doesn't.
-That's his score, you know?
-Go ahead, dear listener.
-Bodrum.
There's another topic
I want to talk about.
Go ahead. Bodrum.
I want to get your opinion on something.
Let's say a man has to walk on the street
in velvet stretch pants in Acıbadem
because of another man
around one, one and a half in the morning,
which is just when people rush out
from the Çamlıca Bridge.
How would that affect a man's psyche,
do you think?
Damn. First of all,
you can't make stretch pants with velvet.