Kamikaze Hearts (1986) - full transcript

You still got it.

I don't know.

When I first met
her, I just thought

she was this woman, this
girl, in this business that

was sleazy, who needed to make
a living with fucking on camera.

You know, I thought she was just
a fucking dumb porno

slut.

And I was wrong.

It didn't take me long.

I mean, I didn't
fall in love with her

because she was beautiful.



I fell in love with her
because she had this power.

Are you
visiting town, miss?

Or you- or you
live here, or what?

I don't live here.

Oh.

I live in New York City.

No kidding.

Manhattan?

Manhattan.

13th Street,
between 2nd and 3rd.

In Little Puerto Rico.

Oh, so on
the east side of town.

East side.

Yeah, very east.



I've been there.

I've been on 3rd Avenue,
as a matter of fact.

3rd Avenue?

Did you see "Lost
Weekend" with Ray Milland?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I
feel like right now.

I got another
girlfriend named Tigr.

Yeah?

She's, um- she's real sweet.

Um, matter of fact,
one of the reasons

why I keep coming back to
San Fransisco to do films

is because of Tigr. 'Cause
I'm kind of in love with her.

Wow.

And we kind of both have a
love affair with each other

and drugs and films
and entertainment.

And, uh, Tigr's
someone that I suppose

I'll pass many
years with and, uh,

grow old together or die
with, or something like that,

you know.

Sounds like
fun, growing old and dying

with somebody like that.

Yeah.

It would be rather nice.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh.

deep throat?

Uh-huh.

What's your
next movie going to be?

My next movie is the
movie that I'm filming

right now, at this very minute.

It's called "Truth or Fiction. "

That's what I call it.

And it's a movie about
myself and my girlfriend,

who I love very much.

And it's, uh, it's-
there's a microphone.

It's taking place right now.

Don't worry, you guys
aren't being filmed.

It's okay.

It's sort of a
surrealistic look,

I guess, at myself
and my girlfriend

and the way we look
at the X-rated film

business and our
relationship with each other.

And it's, uh, very nice.

Is it more
truth or more fiction?

I don't know, because
I don't know whether I'm

more truth or more fiction.

We're not gonna die
after this movie.

And what, do you think we are?

No, we're not gonna die.

I hope not.

I know we're not.

Hello operator.

Get me, um- oh,
my god- 391-4761.

Thank you.

I gotta make sure
everybody's there on time.

Oh, boy.

Tigr got me into this.

She got into this
fucking movie "Carmen. "

I'm not an opera singer.

I don't look like
an opera singer.

But, I am an actress, and
I'll try to portray anything.

I love beautiful things.

I love San Francisco.

I love opera.

I love beautiful women.

I love sex.

Where else can you find
a combination like that?

This is an opera town.

It's a sexy town.

I combine all these
things I love in my work.

That's why I produce films.

There's no greater thrill for
me than to take all the things

I love and make money at it.

I make money at this.

It's incredible.

Religious groups,
they love my work.

I do things for churches.

They idolize some of
the images I create.

It's therapeutic.

It helps people out.

People have better sex
lives because of what I do.

But like all jobs, there's a
lot of stress connected with it.

Here, that's why I
had to get this phone.

This is a mobile phone.

I have to call in.

I don't have time to stop, use
a payphone and pop a dime in.

I- I know.

Every time I call the
operator, I don't get this.

okay, let me fill you in
about the plot a little bit.

I play this opera singer
named Carmen who thinks

she's a great opera singer.

In reality, she isn't.

She just got thrown
out of New York,

so she started a
nightclub in Cuba.

And these three bitches
come to steal my art.

They eventually do.

And I have this little
slave named Cupid who fucks

me in the end of the movie.

Ah, here we are.

Home sweet home for
the next three days.

This is our set.

There's Tigr.

Thank God there's
Tigr with the bow.

It's kind of, uh-
this is Cupid.

Gonna be Cupid.

Little more, a
little more emotion.

A little more projection.

Oh, thank you!
Thank you!

Bellissimo!

They wash off the goop for you.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

You started when you were 17?

I think it's high time that
we head back to the back.

Well, I always, like,
signed a release saying I was

older and they didn't seem-

Basically-

Atmosphere.

It's an extra part.

okay, right.

You're atmosphere for
a sequence that's gonna

be shot in this other room.

And the whole idea is
this Cuban club, '50s.

Do you have clothes for that?

That'd be nice.

All you really need
to do- you're extras.

You're atmosphere
in a dream sequence.

okay?

So there's no real dialogue.

I just want to put you on
screen so I can show it

to the producers and he sees-

Look, do I not
look in the camera?

Abuse me.
Call me names.

Well that's not gonna
be too hard to do.

okay Jeff.

I mean, really.

Pardon me.

I got to focus on you.

Put on the old x-ray specs
to get a better view.

Someone- can someone look out
the window and see who that is?

Gloria Swanson.

Gloria Swanson is
one of my idols.

Because she has been
from fucking non-talkies,

to talkies, to musicals,
to stage, to everything.

And she still looked
fucking good when she

was 80 years old when she died.

Martha Graham, one of my
teachers, was one of my idols

as well.

James Dean, I
mentioned, of course.

Ronald Reagan is one of my-
it's got to my top fucking

idol, because to fulfill
the fantasy totally

being President of the
United States, for an actor,

must be a hit.

Really?

It must be a hit, Jon.

I've done 119 films.

Some of them,
unfortunately, are not smut.

Got to pay taxes on something.

I collect snakes.

I read dictionaries,
comic books, and maps.

When I first met her,
I was about to leave.

And I've stuck in the
business because of her.

Because she fascinates me.

She's like a snake.

Very fascinating, this woman.

And the first time I saw her,
she was- I'm on this film.

It's- I'm hired.

It's called "Sulka's Wedding. "

And I was supposed to do a
sex scene with this woman

I was told about.

And she comes in, leather
jacket, New York, kind of punk.

I just immediately flashed
to, you know, too cool.

What is a woman like this
doing in a business like this?

I was cast as a
little surfer girl,

and she was cast as the hard,
older woman sort of type.

Which is, you know, a
perfect situation for me.

The set was- it was a
movie with transsexuals,

and we were the
only two real women.

I was buying a pair of
underwear in a lingerie shop,

and she was a saleswoman.

And then as I was
trying them on,

she came in the dressing
room and, um, seduced me,

and we made love.

And then the owner
of the shop came in,

and there was his ugly wife,
who was a production manager.

And it was a crazy scene.

Can you imagine?

35 BL and a camera crew and the
director, and it was wonderful.

It wasn't
pornography anymore.

Something happened.

I was completely taken.

It was the- it still
is the most incredible

experience in my life.

I- I became,
uh, different.

I changed.

I wanted to be like her.

I wanted to be streetwise.

I wanted to know
how to use a needle.

I mean really, goddamn,
irresponsible, gorgeous

sleazy porno slut.

And she has it.

And I mean, she's this woman
from New York City, who's

Italian and she's hot and
she speaks street language

and she could- no one
could fuck with her, right?

And it's some sort of power
that she has that a porno

person doesn't have.

She could transform.

She could- she could step out.

She would sometimes become
like a deity, almost.

Mo homay me ma
mo moo ah ay ooh.

Easy.

okay.

Yeah, Mantra, Edith,
let's get this done.

This is hysterical.

okay, and action.

This person is not-

We need
it sung in French.

I probably know
someone that can do it

in French, who also probably
has a much better voice

than I do that can do it.

Well, the people
who watch these films

don't know French anyway.

Who cares!

I think it's fine.

Do it in English.

Can we sing it in English?

Just listen to it in English.

- I did listen to it in English.
- You did?

- Yeah.
- I didn't.

I didn't like it.

You didn't?

okay.

I also don't do
well without music.

Tigr, see if she can go
through it one more time.

- okay.
- In English?

Yeah, do it one
more time in French.

Really relax.

I can't do it in French
I cannot do it in French.

You just did.

No, I didn't.

I did it in English.

I love how she takes the
role, each role you give her,

and I think it's
a wonderful world.

I mean, it's- it's
free and it's true.

And that's the most
important thing of it.

That it's free and it's true.

It's a job.

It's a job.

It's kind of- it's hard times.

People need work.

I know how to shoot
film and I like

to think I can do a job right.

That's all.

Who shot at that?

So I'm-

She's standing right here.

okay.

She's standing right over here.

And we'll hold that,
and then we'll move.

We'll shift over to
the right a little bit.

Well anyway, like I said.

You asked me.

What did you- what
was it you asked me?

I don't know.

I said I really do
always use my name.

Whether it be Sophia's chest
or Jon Holmes's weenie,

I think makeup is makeup.

But I really do think there's
a lot about the business

that people really should know.

What the people go through.

Now there is having sex with
somebody you've never even met.

And sometimes how fun it
is, and sometimes how not.

Right, Mitch?
- What?

I didn't even hear you.

I said having sex with
a perfect stranger,

what's it really like?

I don't know, it's like
covering my pimples on my ass.

Well, I've
done that a million times.

I know.

It's just like a cartoon.

Ow.

Oh, sorry.

I know.

Oh, I remember.

You were talking about that-

That's right.

This way?

Zipper in front, right?

Oh boy!

Avon calling.

Ding dong.

Do you know, really,
when I started,

I really had this
impression of the talent.

It was gonna be a bus load
of people from the Tenderloin

with gonorrhea and
terminal syphilis.

And they're not.

Some of them are
very intelligent.

I would say some, anyway.

I'm sure lots of people with
herpes are very intelligent.

That's right, I know
you're talking about me.

That's right.

No, but I mean the people
in the business aren't what

people think.
- No, they're not.

See what I mean?

Is that what it is?

What?

So, uh- so Mitch is kind
of the perfect fantasy,

because she really is the kind
of person that you can just,

you know, kind of fuck.

And it's great.

You don't get stuck to her.

You don't have to worry
about the classic,

what happens after they live
happily ever after, type thing.

So she's the perfect
one night stand.

And she really is
on all the time,

and she's available
and accessible.

And you just really don't find
many people around like that.

I don't know how she does it.

I don't know how she survives,
but evidently she does.

Everywhere we went, we
documented what we were doing.

We knew that we wanted
to make erotic films

that showed the truth.

And what we wanted
to do was achieve

on film what we felt together.

I mean, the things that we
did together were incredible.

We wanted to make
a film out of it.

And we had all these
words, and we'd go places.

And always, Mitch would
want to have pictures taken,

and actually said,
I love to do that.

And they became our storyboard
for our little movie.

Our little autobiography,
like, that we

were doing about ourselves.

We acted out scenarios.

One time she would be like a
drunk Puerto Rican transsexual.

We would feel like we were
like witches you or Indians

or something, 8,000 years ago.

We went to Sharon Tate's house
and we acted out this scenario

of murdering each other.

Only it was like- you know,
it's like our little secret

with each other.

She would become some
bizarre character.

And I would be- I always
pretty much played the straight.

Mitch became magic several
times, or something like that.

It's not an honest thing that
this pornography is showing.

It's a desperate eroticism.

She has the potential
to be erotic beyond what

that business has
any concept of.

It's gone!

Everything!

Every fucking thing is gone.

Want to listen to some music?

No, I don't.

Let go of me.

You're hurting me.

Let go!

You're hurting me.

Let go.

You're hurting me.

You want it.

No, I don't want it.

Just like
all the rest of the pigs.

I'm not a pig, and I
don't want you to hurt me.

Tough.

You've been hurting people
all your fucking life.

I don't hurt anybody.

I make them feel good.

Take it.

I make them forgive
them what they want.

I don't hurt them.

You're getting what
you want, aren't you?

You always get what you want.

Ow!

See, why don't you just take it?

That's what you want.

Just fucking take it from me.

You dirty fucking man dick.

You just want to
stick it inside me.

Yeah, well, go ahead.

Go ahead.

I fucking dare you.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to the Chi,
Chi, Chi, Chi Club,

otherwise known as the
pre-wrap wrap party.

I thought I'd introduce you to
a few of the more interesting

folk in this industry.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

What did you feel about
the scene that we did?

What did you think about that?

Do you have anything
to say about that?

Well, it just
wasn't- that scene

really is not typical
of 99 and 9/10%

of the men in this business.

As you well know, and
most of the women know,

the men in this
business are generally-

Pussycats.

Yeah, they're lovable guys.

And they're not women haters.

And they're not
rapists, and they're

not creepy slobs that are out
to beat the shit out of women.

What do you
think about getting

paid for using your cock?

If somebody wants to pay me
to use my cock, that's fine.

That's pretty
much about what I think

about my tits and my butt.

That's right.

And you've got the best
tits and butt in town.

I've never seen
anything erotic in all

these 10 years and 400 films.

Why isn't it erotic?

Because it isn't sensuous.

We have to have the
cum shots on the face.

We have to-

Are you talking about
the gynecological

shots?

Yeah, I never knew what a
man looked like like that.

I went home and to
my wife said, is that

what I look like from behind?

I look like dog balls.

Why do they always shoot that?

I've had guys that I've
worked with, it's like okay.

You may be the star.

You're the woman.

You're getting paid
big bucks, Mitch.

I'm only getting like
half your pay per day.

But I get paid for my dick,
and I don't have a hard on,

and you suck my dick right now.

Get on your knees and thank
God that you can do it.

Yeah.

Because I've got to get the
hard on and I have to cum,

so my job is harder.

I resent that.

I mean, I've done that
kind of thing before.

And especially like not
really having to fuck,

since I had herpes at the time.

You know, I couldn't
have anyway.

But just like,.

It's fine with me.

Were you getting
into it as Saint May,

or were you getting
into it as Jennifer?

As a camp personality.

But a personality nonetheless.

Yeah.

Which I permanently am.

The first time I
saw it, I got sick.

You threw
up or something?

- Yeah.
- That's right.

You used not want
to come on the set

when they were shooting.

The very first time,
I thought okay.

This is a challenge.

It's like, it's healthy.

It's a challenge.

This is absurd.

This is degrading.

This is disgusting.

But how can I be a whole person
if I haven't faced up to this

and dealt with it?

I mean, a fascination with
the low life, a fascination

with sleaze- I mean, how
many times have you not

wanted to work in a restaurant?

Because you could dance
topless if you wanted to,

and it's a lot different scene.

And I have this desire to take
those challenges and go for it.

That's all.

Do you have
anything to say?

Do you not want this
to happen, or what?

Yeah, I like it.

But it happens.

Well, what did you think?

Is this is the first X-rated
film set you've been on?

Yeah.

What'd you think?

Or you didn't know?

I like it in a way.

Have you ever gone
to see the movies?

As, you know, a man?

Twice a year.

And why twice- why those
two times did you go?

To jerk off?

Um, why did I go?

Bachelor party?

No.

I was bored and I
went to the movies.

That's nice.

Yeah.

And did you like what
you saw those two times?

I got hard for five minutes.

That's good.

At least a hot five minutes
is all I want, anyway.

I mainly-

Are you in
character all the time?

In character?

Well, in sex I'm
never in character.

Me, I can't have sex as
Sharon Mitchell, right?

It's like, I have to have
sex as Carmen or fucking

Tallulah or somebody else.

Because I can't get fucked
in front of the camera

unless I'm that-
I'm an actress.

I really am an actress.

Fucking you limp,
right, for half the day.

They can't really enjoy it.

Or they couldn't be acting.

It's the question about
acting in real life.

They're doing a
very intimate thing,

and yet it's being
called acting.

Is it enjoyable thing?

Is it pleasurable the
way private sex can be?

Or is it truly an acting
experience for them?

Who are you when you're off
screen with somebody you like?

I can't say that, because
I'm always a character.

You're always your
character off screen?

I'm always- I'm off screen
right now and I'm a character.

Is that okay with you?

I don't know any other way.

Really?

I get paid to wait
around between shots.

I don't get paid to act.

I do it all the time.

What'd you think?

Great.

Very, very, very good.

See you at 7:30 sharp.

Crank it up.

Let Carmen hold you.

Let Carmen touch you.

Pull that cape off.

okay.

Hold the position.

You use your eyes more.

She was using her eyes.

way too much.

Is that all right
for you, camera?

Fine, fine.

You got a good take?

All right, we'll
go on from here.

I need Carmen to look at-

Where's Becky?

You know where she is?

Yeah.

Where?

Looks like she's
over in the corner.

She's trying to find a vein.

No.

For the last half hour.

Oh.

Tigr, sometimes
I get the feeling

you don't love me anymore.

That's funny, Mitch.

I wonder where
you get that idea.

Oh, I don't know.

The way you walk.

You know what we should do?

We should go to Florida again,
so that you could get healthy.

It would be
great for your liver.

Yeah, you're right.

It would be good.

And we could go and- and
hang out, and watch them

inject the trees and stuff.

And we could go see Bobby's mom.

Who's dying.

Who's dying.
And hang out.

Just sort of have a
little honeymoon again.

That'd be nice.

But I'll need $300, because I
already paid for the tickets.

Can you give me another advance?

I already paid for them.

Oh, Mitch.

Mitch, you already
paid for the tickets?

Yup.

I really don't have any money.

I mean, the petty
cash that I have is

already promised to Jon Martin.

Tigr, I love you.

I love you, too.

How do I know you're
telling me the truth?

Because I love you.

I do.

I do.

You know, if you don't
pay Jon, I will die.

I'll pay him.

- I'll kill you.
- I know you will.

I'll fucking kill you.

But you can kill me inside.

Come on.

Forwards.

And backwards.

And forwards.

There we go.

And backwards.

Look at this extension.

Good body, like a butterfly.

If you could tear
the muscles apart,

you'd find little snakes
writhing beneath the skin.

I love being in
front of the camera.

I love to have sex in
front of the camera.

That one moment.

That one moment.

That you just look, and you
know you're being filmed.

You can't look at it.

You can't look at the camera.

But you know that
you're being filmed

by this big, black,
expensive piece of machinery.

Nothing can touch it.

Nothing can touch the feeling.

Not you.

Not anyone.

Not even the cameraman.

And you're all on
these little fragments,

little pieces of film, little,
little, little, tiny ones.

And then it gets blown up.

Bigger than life.

Bigger than light
onto the screen.

I don't do what I
do very well, so I

don't really expect anybody else
around here to do it either.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

What a coincidence.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, well you must
want something.

Just you.

Come on, honey.

Don't feed me those lines.

I've heard them all before.

It's not a line.

Hey, I got another
announcement.

All right.

I want, I want- wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

I've got to make
some announcements.

Just a minute.

There's been trouble on
this set here, in the past.

There's been a lot of trouble.

A lot of you may know
about the incident.

We're using the
code word yellow.

Oh, David.

Do you mind?

Thank you.

We're using the
code word yellow.

When you come back in here,
when you come back in here,

you use the word
yellow at the door.

okay.

I want to really
make this final,

this final shoot, really work.

okay?

You've been beautiful so far.

Let's really make this good.

You paying attention now?
- Yeah.

Come on.
Come on.

I want it hot, I want it
clean, I want it tight,

and everybody's doing their job.

We could
do it if somebody

stops talking on the set
all the goddamn time.

And that
somebody'll stop talking,

and stop signing
your checks, too.

Can you dig that?

Roll the camera!

Let's go!

So we got
that all together now?

I want a good shoot.

okay, let's go.

I feel good about it.

This is awards.

This is awards.

Hey, go smoke
your fucking cigar

and let us get the
picture done, will you?

15.

Adam, take two.

Action!

You just have
to learn how to talk to her.

You can have anything
you want, but you

have to know how to get it.

Now, what can you do for me?

I can set you up.

For life.

Set me up?

For life.

Then set me up.

- Unzip his pants.
- Just go through with it.

Let's go.
Come on.

She's okay.

We're going to go
down to business.

Keep rolling.
Keep it rolling.

We're going
from here.

Let's just go on.

I'm not going to do it.

- Yes, you are.
- I'm not gonna do this now.

- Yes.
- Yes you are.

Come on, we're going
straight through.

Huh?

We're going straight through.

Isn't that right?

Let's go.
- Uh-uh.

Come on, unzip his
pants and let's do this.

No, forget it.

Come on.

What?

Come on.

We gotta do this.

No.

Come on.

Listen, you knew this
was going to happen.

We're going straight
through with it.

I didn't know this
was gonna happen.

I didn't know it was gonna
happen with him here.

With who here?

Who?

Mr, you know, Mr. Blackstone,
or whatever his name is.

All right, well-

Let's come on.

No, I'm not going to do it.

I'm not gonna do this.

What do you want to
do here, anyway man?

She's going to
give you a blow job.

Now wait
a second now, listen.

I've got two sex scenes.
Two.

That's not my problem.

I'm supposed to make you
go through the blow job.

Now if you want-

Like I said, in this scene later

off the set.

No, he's got nothing to do with it.

I'm not doing two.

You're not paying
me for fucking two.

You're getting one.

Get out of here.

So you fucking figure it out.

You decide what you want to do.

Easy.

Let me know.

Calm.

Calm down.

Mr. Jones, let us take-

Calm.

We'll take care of everything.

You take it easy.

What's the problem?

Don't ask me what
the problem is.

What's the problem?

I don't know,
what's your problem?

What's the problem?

I'm not going to do
anything around you, okay?

Well, can we get somebody else?

What, get somebody else for me,
or get somebody else for you?

Can't get
anybody else for me.

I write the checks.

Anybody- oh, let's
just go to the Howard

Johnson and pick somebody up.

- or we're gonna have to
shoot the last six scenes over.

Jon?

Where's Jon?

I don't want to do this stuff.

Where'd he go?

I gave you the gum,
for Christ's sakes.

What else do you need?

Why don't you just go get one
of your junkie girls, you know,

who will do it for $0.50?

Wait, wait, wait.

We'll pull her out, all right?

- You get one of them.
- okay.

Come on.

Mantra, let's go
in the makeup room.

Get her out of here.
Get her off the set.

Fuck you.

Get her off the set.

Tigr, get her off the set.

Come on, Mantra.

Please?

Where do you get these people?
What is this?

Where do you get this person?

He's the worst sleazebag
in the business.

- Get her out of here.
- Come on.

Jesus Christ!

That man is an asshole!

He's a fiend!

Okay, you're looking
at the bananas.

Look at the bananas.

You've never seen
bananas like these.

A little more leg.

Don't be shy.

It's your skin.

It's part of your body.

Okay, lift your other leg up.

One banana.

I've got a great idea.

You get off one banana here.

I'm gonna get, sort of,
like you're outside.

The wind's blowing.

So I've got this fan.

Squat down.

No no, other knee up, too.

That's it, good.

Let me see a little more leg.

Let that thing blow.

That's it, beautiful.

That's what I want.

Good.

Mouth open.

Ooh, nice lips.

Change your position.

Lift your skirt up more.

Let me see a little more skin.

You have nice legs.

Show them.

Give me a flash, a
flash of your skirt.

Real fast.

Lift it up.

Can I get this tree?

Yeah, sure.

What do you want to
do with the tree?

I'm gonna
use it downstairs.

Ugh, all these interruptions.

Look, this woman
is a future star.

Do you realize that?

Right here.

Ah.

Don't listen to her.

Fortunately, she doesn't
have to pay the bills.

All right, can I have a
little more chest please?

It's okay.

It's okay.

These pictures are just for
us, just to work together.

I think you have
a future in this.

I know, but I read this article
where they do that to this girl

and they film it.
I don't want to do that.

No, no.
I would never do that.

- No, swear to God.
- A model's release.

You need a model's release.

Really.

You'll get paid.

I really- you've
got to trust me.

You're really beautiful,
and I'm really sincere.

Aw.

I am.

I am!

Oh look, really?

That's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

Don't you think I'm sincere?

Just put your hand-
let it drop natural.

Let it drop natural.

okay, natural.

Ooh, nice.

Good, now let it drop.

Just pull it down, just a tad.

Be loose and easy
and open and free.

For better stills, you mean?

For better stills
and a better future.

A future doing what?

A future.

We're living in
the then and now.

You know?

So, what we're doing
now- ooh, wait a minute.

There's some yuck
under your arms there.

Ugh, grody.

What- it's part of your snake.

- Uh-huh.
- okay.

All right, a little off this.

You can trust me.

Don't worry about it.

Well, but Harry
Adams told me that-

Harry Adams.

okay, if you know anything
about Harry Adams,

he tells that to everybody.

He badmouths everybody
in the business to suit

his own purposes and ends.

Can you dig it?

But he said that you
do the same thing,

and I don't understand.

Well, look, what's
your feeling?

Well, I mean, I trust
him when I'm with him

and I trust you when I'm
with you, but I don't know.

Okay, you're not with
him now, so trust me.

And when you're
with him, trust him.

But what has he
ever done for you?

Could you release
your hand there?

Well, he's nice.

Well, I'm nice too,
but I can get you work.

I mean, I could really
do something for you

and help you with your career.

Well, but I don't
want to make porn movies.

I do other things
than porn movies.

Really?

Sure.

Rice Krispies commercials,
Wheat Chex, Ivory Snow.

I'd love to
do a TV commercial.

- Would you really?
- Yeah.

All right, then let me see the
rest of your legs and the rest

your body.

With no flash.

Pose, Mitch.

Pose.

Things aren't worth doing if
there's no one there to watch

it, if there's no one
there to document it,

or there's no-
it's Tigr and Mitch.

It was like the
Tigr and Mitch show.

Want to take a pic?

We created a lot of
gossip and dish and talk.

And we became an item in
the business, which is like,

in a way, useful.

Because that's- I mean,
when people stop talking,

then you start worrying.

And after a while, I realized
that this is like a romance

designed for the business.

It's the porno- porno moment.

And its purpose was to deceive
people in the business,

or to distract people
in the business.

I mean, we became,
like, partners so that-

God damn, I was just-
speak of the devil!

The people that
would hit on you,

or the men that would hit
on you in a hotel room,

waiting for your
call or something,

I mean we had an excuse
because we were lovers.

So we would be left alone.

It's not a 7-11, right?

No, no.

Boy, this one's great.

- You like that one, huh?
- Yeah, it's my favorite.

So, are you going to
do a thing with Candy Barber?

No, I wouldn't work
with Candy Barber.

She's- hi, I'm
Candy Barber, and I

have nothing between my ears.

No, listen.

She's outside.

She's waiting-

Nice stage, right?

Is it a big stage?

Yeah, it's a big stage.

Nice sound system?

Yeah.

It's a- there's a big
stage, and then a runway

- that comes out.
- Oh, a runway.

Great, okay.

You've got a big stage
on the front of that,

but there's a set.

- As long as it's a nice-
- You sure?

Yeah.

No, five shows is fine, as
long as it's a nice stage.

What I want to do is double
it up with another show,

so we've got a total
of 10 shows a day.

okay, let me see-

I want to do
that- how about

a love act with you and Tigr?

A love act?

We can do a love-hate act.

- How about a hate act?
- Come on.

A hate act-

No on has ever
done a hate act.

Give me the real
hot little sexy things.

Act.

We'll do.

Yeah, let's do it.

You want to?
- Yeah.

All right, we'll do it.

You want to?

okay, we'll do it.

Look at how ugly Tigr looks.

Tigr never looks ugly.

With the fucking braided hair.

No, I love that.

She looks like a
Botticelli angel.

Oh, you just want
to get laid, Mantra.

I mean, let's face it.

The day I can't do this, is
the day that I get very sad.

Can you make the egg disappear?

- Huh?
- Can you make the egg disappear?

No, no, no.
I don't mean that.

But here.

What can you do?

That's the
reverse of laying an egg.

Let's see.

I can do it.

Let's see you do it.

I could do it!

Maybe.

Let's see it.

How much?

Huh?

- Maybe I can.
- How much will we pay you?

Maybe we'll
find you some drugs.

Oh, okay.

I'll give you a
dollar, what the hell.

A dollar?

I'll take it, man.

Make the
dollar disappear.

Make the dollar disappear.

Make the egg disappear.

What did I win?

A dollar, an egg, right?

A dollar, an egg, and what else?

Uh.

It's a
constant performance.

And she really loves it,
and she really does it well.

And they were the audience,
and we were the performers.

I mean I was like a
partner in performance

with her for the
rest of the world.

And drugs play a very
big part in this,

because it's- you
have to remember

that every time you shoot
up, it's like a truth serum.

And so we would confess to one
another these certain emotions

or whatever.

And there was like
this moment of intense

like, it's either now or never!

I've got to tell you
everything, or I've

got to make love
to you right now,

or I've got to whatever it is.

And it was like at that point,
only I was thinking in the vein

that I was in love with her.

And so, you know, I wanted to-

That's the college you got in.

- I wanted to
make love to her.

Come on in.

I'm almost ready.

Tigr, watch.

How Mitch puts
on makeup in a cab.

In a cab.

In the taxi cab.

Cocksucker red, I'm sure.

No, it's pussy pink.

I wouldn't be cocksucker
red, what do you think I am?

Mm-hmm.

okay.

Mac?

Hey, Mitch.

What?

I got a 72 year
old guy who's gonna

shoot me some pool for 5 bucks.

Good, maybe I could
fuck him for 500.

Let's go.

That's it.

I would still hang out
with you if you didn't

play rock and roll maybe.

Oh, yeah, sure.

You'd drop while I was washing
dishes and singing my song?

Sure.

We get something to eat.

You pass me your dirty dishes.

We slip back into the back
room for a few minutes,

say hi to an old friend.

Show you the view?

Yeah, that old-
my favorite view.

Your favorite view.

I had left Mitch in my
room before going out.

I went out in a rush, and
she wanted to be quiet.

And when I got back
and the money was gone.

She wasn't here.

Right away I knew
what had happened.

I mean, you know how drugs
go and how Yankees act

in certain- at certain states.

And when they need it,
they get it, no matter how.

The director was on
drugs a lot of the time,

as was a lot of
the cast and crew.

Made for a bad
working situation.

When Mitch didn't show
up for the shoot,

we were kept waiting around
on the set for four hours.

My sound man partner had just
flown in from four days of work

in Los Angeles.

He was completely tired.

He'd been there since 5:00,
making it around nine hours,

I believe, that he hung out.

You gave her the money?

I gave her an advance.

You fool, you.

Now you've cost me more.

This is a day of
shooting without her.

And that money
doesn't grow on trees.

I've got to answer
to people, you know?

New York people.

You know, the east?

You know the people
I'm talking about?

I'm looking.

I've called every fucking
number I have, Jerry.

I don't have another-

You have contacts.

Come on, she's your best buddy.

Mac, where is she?

She'll probably stay up all
night with friends of hers

from New York.

Well, you know all her
friends from New York.

No, I don't.

See, I've met them.

Do you want me to wrap?

I just want to know if we
should wrap and save them

for- you know, save
the time, so we don't

have to pay them overtime.

And wait 'til we find Mitch.

What the fuck is this?

You know what we got?

We got 9,000 feet
of where's Mitch?

Clear the fucking table up.

Look at this god
damn trashy-ass food.

Get it out of here!

I'm tired.

Crew, wrap this fucking place.

9,000 feet of film.

Where is she?

Thanks so much for precious.

She's precious.

Thank you.

Sarah Mitchell.

Some girls just can't
wait for this back here.

All right, everybody
get in the act now.

We're talking about
high blood pressure.

One, two, three, four.

I get a high blood
pressure when you call my name.

Oh, I get a-high blood
pressure when you call my name.

I get a-high blood pressure.

I get a-high blood pressure
when you're in my arms.

My eyes start to jumpin'
up and down in shame.

My heart starts to thumpin'
up and down in pain.

Chills run up and down
my spine, it's true.

My face started sweatin'
and it's all because of you.

I get a-high pressure
when you call my name.

I get ah-ah-ah blood pressure.

Oh.

I get a-high blood pressure.

I get a-high blood pressure
when you're in my arms.

My eyes start to jumpin'
up and down in shame.

My heart starts to thumpin'
up and down in pain.

Chills run up and down
my spine, it's true.

My face started sweating-

Oh, fuck.

Thanks for nothing.

Anytime.

Mitch, I'm getting
worried about you.

Don't worry about me.

Don't worry about me.

Uh-uh.

Worry about yourself.

Or better yet,
don't worry at all.

All right?

That's very funny.

I'm just telling you,
you don't show up.

Everyone's going, where's Mitch?

And you're blaming me
for people saying you-

What the fuck?

Who says I'm blaming you?

Listen, listen.

You blame me because you tell
me I tell people you get high,

and this and that.

I'm fucking up your reputation.

Who didn't show up on
the fucking set today?

You do-

Who was in jail?

You know, Mitch-

I out the window.

And I put myself in
jail, first of all.

okay?
- Yeah, right.

okay?

That's why I didn't show
up on the set, all right?

'Cause no one came to
bail me out until late.

All right?

Second of all, what
is this shit now?

Now this is the real core
of the fucking reason.

What is this shit
about- first of all,

you do tell people
I get high, Tigr.

You fucking do.

You tell me people in
the fucking industry

that I get high.

You know why?

Why?

Because they know anyway.

Man, you can't do a fucking
sex scene with god damned

fucking tracks on you arm.

You think I'm the only
one that tells everybody?

You fucking broadcast it
without even knowing it.

Well maybe I'm
fooling everybody

except myself, darling.

Yeah, I think that's it.

Do me one favor.

I don't fucking broadcast
it by opening my mouth.

Well, I'm translucent.

And if you feel fucking-

I'm a piece of
translucent shit.

I tell people what's
going on in my life.

Maybe that's why I'm not
fucking in jail tonight.

Well good.

Maybe that's why I was
in jail last night.

Thanks for the money.

I'll take it out of petty cash.

And goodbye.

Big two.

It's pot.

Hey Tigr.

Hey, Nick.

Feel like
throwing some dice?

Not really.

Why, what's popping?

What happened?

I don't know.

I just don't know
why she does this.

I don't know why she does it.

Are you talking
about the girl again?

I just rolled a seven.

God damn it.

I mean, it's like, I mean she
fucks off camera the same way

she fucks on camera.

So you don't ever
really know what's real.

'Cause it's all rehearsed.

So she's pissed at me
because I don't- because I

don't hide about what's
happening and shit.

Then fuck her.

Fuck her, man.

She's the one that's
fucking up her life, not me.

Do you know what I mean?

Boxcars.

Lucky I didn't get
that on the first roll.

I don't know.

I mean, I really love her.

You think I love her?

Does she think I love her?

I don't know if love her.

I mean, I love this part of her.

But, uh, it's
possible that we never

actually really were lovers.

You know, if you keep
talking about that shit,

man, I'm gonna be losing.

Every time I confront
her with this shit-

I got a six.
I gotta get a six again.

You know?

When I bring it up to her-

Look, I'm talking about dice,
you're talking about the Mitch.

Of course I love her.

Of course I love her.

But I also hate her, I guess.

It's the same old thing.

Oh, shit.

What the-

Look, I want to
shoot some dice, all right?

okay, I got a six.

I want to get another
six, all right?

Look at that.

See it says frog legs man?

They talking about me.

They talking about me.

This is my record, see?

You know?

You're taking
up screen time.

Hey.

Is this a commercial for
the fucking?

Who are you?

Bring the camera over there.

Don't listen to her.

You're talking to Floyd here.

Who are you laughing at?

I'm laughing at you, shit.

Talk about that French
whore on the record now.

Do you want me to still do it?

- Mantra?
- What?

Will you come back?

- Uh-huh.
- Are you serious?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, I'm not gonna
do it with any men, okay?

I'll do the scene with
Mitch, because.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Um.

Is that all right?

okay, Sonia.

Can she do it?

You're drunk.

No, I'm not drunk.

Everybody else?

You got releases.

You can go.
You're done.

You're out.

Thanks a lot.

All right.

I appreciate it.

In fact, beat it.

Now I got-

No, seriously.

Because now I got, my
actor just came back

and I gotta get this thing-
you're really gonna do it?

Yeah, okay.

But you understand that I'm just
gonna do the scene with- hi.

I'm just gonna do
the scene with Mitch.

Uh-huh.

And I don't want Graystone
anywhere on the set.

All right?

okay.

See you guys.

Come on, go.

All right, come on.

- We can do it that way?
- Great.

That's fine with me.

I really appreciate
that you came back.

okay, I mean I want to do it.

Hey, get into makeup.

Hey.

I'll call up the stunt cunt!

I don't have to do it right?

Yeah.

In the bathroom.

You don't mind?

I appreciate it.

Great, thank you.

You're lying
through your teeth.

You me.

Under L.

Right there.

Oh, Tipsy's back to Europe.

Yeah, yeah.

okay.

So, Tra, why, why,
why are you back here?

I need the money.

After all of that
fucking hollering

and pissing and moaning?

I need the money.

How am I gonna pay my rent?

Yeah, I know.

Well, I actually appreciate it.

But I mean, you know I'm not
doing things with men anymore.

I won't do it while
Graystone's here.

And that's what that is.

Yeah, he's not here now.

Good.

I can't stand him.

How do you think I feel?

No, but really, I thought
that was it for you

in the business forever.

I wanted
to work with Mitch.

So I'm gonna do it, okay?

okay.

We're working on it right now.

This fucking thing.

Do you want this
already, or should I-

is it too early for the smoke?

Uh, a little early.

Mitch isn't even awake yet.

You
look good in black.

I would stick more
with the darker colors.

I'm serious.

Really?

Yeah, its color
coordinated with the roots.

Are you gonna be my
new wardrobe adviser?

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna be a lot
of things for you.

Oh, okay.

Jerry of London?

Jerry-
- Gerald.

Gerald of Market Street?

Gerald Graystone Exteriors.

Have you got a stage name,
or is that your stage name?

Blow dryer?

It depends if I want everyone
to know I'm in what I'm in.

Jennifer Blowdryer is good.

Good.

Do you use a Blowdryer?

I was in a punk band
called The Blowdryers

for a year and a half.

You play an instrument?

I play keyboards, but
I sang in that band.

I play.

Mm, learn something
new everyday.

Nice nostrils.

Danke
schoen, mein.

This thing here- we're
just gonna leave it on here?

Somebody's gonna bump
into it and knock it off

and burn the shit out of this.

Is there any fucking way
we can open the window?

I like that guy who sits
in a wheelchair with a cage

around him and monkeys
flying at his body,

and he gives all the
money to a boy's home.

Have you seen him?

No.

Are those by the?

No, he's been
on his own tangent.

I like the girls
that look suburban

and have fuzzy sweaters
and their babies.

And they have.

That's how you know
there's really depression.

You look good.

I like this Polaroid because
we look like these two

sort of Renoirs-
Gauguin people,

and my tits are
really hanging down.

That's what I like about it.

No, this is-

Look at my hair.

This is what girls look like.

okay?

This is particularly
what you look

like with two different faces.

This.
- No.

Two different dimensions.

That's what you're gonna
look like when you're 40.

And this little
flipper here, this kind

of hand here, yeah.

And one tit lower
than the other.

In the eighth dimension.

And your stomach's out.

My stomach's out.

I look like one of those
pre-Columbian figurines,

where my tits are in the
same dimension as my stomach.

And I like Julia, here.

Our fearless leader.

Huh?

Our fearless leader.

Our fearless leader.

She looks really serious there.

She's as a serious
as a heart attack.

What was she- what was she
was saying when she was there?

She was saying, is it okay?

Is it okay?

And I was going, yes, I'm fine.

Mark it.

Scene 35.

Rolling.

A little smoke
in here would be nice.

She was an opera singer.

Who?

The woman.

What woman?

It was the first
time I was in love.

Or what I thought was love.

Have you ever been
in love, Mantra?

Mm, I guess not really.

Have you ever made
love with a woman before?

No.

Oh.

Will you show me?

Would you like to?

We have no choice.

Don't giggle.

Why not?

I like it when you giggle.

What might happen?

So girls.

I need a little more slime,
sleaze, you know what I mean?

Turn so that you
have a little more-

okay, good.

Right, sit on her face
and spread your lips

and angle to the light.

Flatten your left hand.

Flatten your left hand.

okay, that's it.

Good.

I'm flashing.

Mitch?

Yes?

Have an orgasm.

We've got plenty, boss.

We've got the 10
o'clock news next door, Phil

Get somebody over there
and promptly shut it off.

All right.

I'm coming, coming, coming.

I'm still not
believing this.

Ugh.

Hey, come on.

And cut.

I'm out of film.

And Mantra's,
Mantra's, Manta's like,

I'm coming, coming, coming.

Coming, coming, coming.

I'm coming, coming, coming.

Smut.

You know.

Only we lost the director, so-

okay.

okay?

Mitch, you know what to do.

Make Mantra, you know.

Big enough balls.

I can't do it.

When the camera's-

I have big balls.

Okay.

Hey Mitch, you want to come
back and- and, uh, Mitch?

Can you come back and
let's- can we film it?

Can you please-

Where would you like it?

On Mantra.

It's nothing new
for you, I heard.

Go ahead and do
this and come back-

I'll be right back.

So we can
get out of here.

You can record
the piss if you want.

I know what you're going to say.

And don't say it.

But I never get
poison oak either.

I mean, god forbid
we should either die

young or live to be old ladies.

I don't know.

But I don't care anymore.

I don't have to.

You know why I hate you?

Because you have this talent.

And you- you are
a failure, though.

Do you know that?

I mean, do you know
what I'm saying?

Yeah, I do.
And it's okay now.

You know why?

Because I fucking
understand that, you know?

And when you
understand something,

even if the big
problems to anyone

else or however it
seems to be a problem,

whether you should care
or whether you're upset,

or whether you're a failure.

When you realize
that,.

It's all right, you know?

It's a situation,
it's not a problem.

You either deal with it,
you either die, or you

walk around fucking dead.

And I'm not going to
be embarrassed and walk

around dead like Verinatti.

So I'm going to
sit here and just

fucking show people about it.

Because some- one person
is gonna get off on it

that's gonna be this way.

That's like me.

And say, oh, that fucking
asshole is still alive

and had the balls to do this.

I'm gonna be all right.

One person is going
to do it, just one.

And that's all right.

Because more than one
person jerks off to me.

And that's great, but
I hate that, you know?

The Sharon Mitchell they
see is not Sharon Mitchell.

And that's why I am, maybe,
what you call a failure.

But you just say that because
you're talking about yourself.

You know, and I can rationalize
my way out of anything.

And I could hurt
you, or whatever.

I don't fucking
know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

You don't
know what to do Tigr.

You know what that is?

That's it.

That's all there is to it.

But there's
more than that.

There's so much more.

You know
what it could be?

This guy on a plane
said, it could

be just waking up every day.

It could be why I couldn't
get on the fucking plane,

but because I said my cat's name
is Mario, that meant something.

The whole world is backwards.

It could be why you told
me never to learn how

to fucking operate a computer.

It's important
to me to make it clear.

Isn't that funny?

That's all it is.

Oh, girl.

Oh, man.

You fucking scare me, too.

I don't know why.

'Cause I- I can be
a snake, you know?

The last time I was in your
bed with you and like fooling

around with you, you know, I
was like pulsating with you

like a fucking snake, you know?

Did you dig that
I was doing that?

You fucking god
damn fucking asshole.

Because I was
trying to fucking

think of something
to do on the stage.

Cold.

I hate cold.

I can't deal with cold.

But why can't we fucking-

Because we gotta do it alone.

But we gotta know
that there's somebody

else there doing it alone, too.

But you need to
know that you don't

really feel good on some level.

Don't you know that?

I know that, because
I'm always fucking acting.

That's all I know how to do.

You're an asshole for doing
this to me, Mitch, you know?

Wasn't fair.

It's not right!

You're doing the
same thing to Mantra.

You're drawing her in into
your little game, you know.

That's not true.

All you can do is perform.

All you do is perform.

You have no real person.

God, you know, I really
believed in you once.

I really fucking
believed in you.

That you, you know,
you had some seed

of like, power that was
going to do something,

change the business.

And all you- you're not
gonna change the business.

You're stuck.

You're fucking stuck
in the business.

And you're trying to
get me stuck with you,

and you'll try to get
everyone else stuck with you

that you can.

It's not true.

That's what you can say
right now and right here.

But girl, look at your life.

I beg to differ.

I love you anyway.

But I'm done.

Yeah, well you have bow legs!

I know
why she did this.

She did this to get me in
front of the camera again.

Yeah, to get me in front
of the fucking camera.

I don't want to do it.

I just want to put
it on film and stow

it away and just leave it be.

Yeah.

I've always wanted
to put it on film.

Mitch.

What the fuck's the
matter with you?

There's a camera here.

I need a drink.

You're always trying to find
the perfect hit funk, you know?

Yeah, so?

Feels like an excuse.

What do you mean?

Always try to
look for something.

Trying to find people
to enjoy it with.

Trying to think that
it wasn't a phase.

And now it is a
phase, and it's over.

I know.

I know that it's over,
and it feels really safe.

But I'll tell you,
for the first time

you didn't want to get high
and I wanted you to get high.

You know?

For that very reason.

Because that's what's
going to happen.

We have to- I fucking
have to get high again.

And just say it on film.

Yeah, sure.

This is the truth.

Mitch.

No, Tigr.

Shut up, man.

This is what you fucking
want, this is what you've got.

You don't have to put it
in, you can give it to me.

I'll put in my movie.

But god damn it, if I'm
fucking getting high,

I'm jeopardizing my career.

But as I said in the
cab scene, there's

no legitimate and
illegitimate shit.

There's no real or anything.

No one dragged
you into anything.

This was my dick.

I fucked her with my dick.

And she loved it.

And I waited.

I waited for this fucking
relationship to mature.

And I was a spy, and I didn't
dig it all that much, you know.

What do you mean?

I dug the image, but I had my
fucking mike on when Mantra was

talking to me about
when she was, like,

film talking about that
man that she hated so much.

But she really said some
things when I was miked.

About the real thing.

The real fucking movie within
a movie within a movie.

It's fucking timeless,
just like this woman

laying here, freaking out.

It's timeless.

I'm not freaking out.

She's bugged, but this
is fucking what it's like.

It's real.

Uh-uh.

I just want to put it on film.

And it was beautiful,
panning up from that kid.

Because that was a kid and that
was sex and that's what it was.

There was
too much dialogue.

You know, this is fucking real.

Are you rolling?

Mitch, are you ready?

I am rolling.

Camera roll six, channel
five, scene 24, take 18.

Set.

To the movie business.

You know?

Something to fit in every hole.

I feel like we've
totally blown up,

but we still have another
chance to do what we have to do.

And I want to do it.

I want to do this movie.

I want to make a movie that
shows that you don't have to do

all these holes and they
have to find new holes

and have to keep
creating new holes.

You know?

It's just in, out.

Mm, you know?

God damn it.

Cut the camera.

Totally, totally, naked.

You hear me?

Mitch?

There's one thing, though.

I want to learn,
I want to learn,

I want to learn how to do it.

I want to learn technique.

I want to learn method.

I want to learn what it is.

I have all this heart
and all these guts,

but I don't have technique.

I need to stay.

I need someone who's
gone through it.

Just got learn how to apply it.

I used to need to
fucking fix all the time.

Now I have to fix on everything.

And I want to do it.

What- what is it that
you fix on anymore?

It's not- I mean
all these people.

I've seen them.

Fat people, unhealthy people.

And I know that it's wrong.

But I can't get
together, either.

What's the matter with
the fucking human beings?

What are we missing?

You know?

Do you know?

I mean, what am I missing
that I keep having to do this?

It's not Mitch at all.

Fuck, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't think it's anything
powerful, like magic.

I don't think it's Atlantis.

I don't think it's
the Bermuda Triangle.

There's nothing left
that gets me off.

There's fucking nothing left.

Do you know how awful that is?

And I don't feel like
killing myself, either.

That's the only thing
that gets me off,

is the fact that
I can still live.

You keep trying to find some
other way of getting off

without being a total junkie.