Just Write (1997) - full transcript

("American Pie" by Don McLean)

♪ A long, long time ago

♪ I can still remember

♪ How that music
used to make me smile

♪ And I knew if I had my chance

♪ That I could make
those people dance

♪ And maybe they'd
be happy for a while

♪ But February made me shiver

♪ With every paper I'd deliver

♪ Bad news on the doorstep

♪ I couldn't take one more step



♪ I can't remember if I
cried when I read about

♪ His widowed bride

♪ But something
touched me deep inside

♪ The day the music died

♪ So bye bye Miss American Pie

♪ Drove the Chevy

- When I was a kid I
asked a buddy of mine

what his parents
did for a living.

He had no idea.

He thought they stole shoes.

I knew exactly what
my parents did.

They ran a tour bus
company and my father had

this tour bus cap and
it was like a crown.

I used to give my
super special tour



to all the kids in the
neighborhood, they loved it.

I didn't want to go to heaven
or hell like everybody else,

I wanted to go to Beverly Hills.

I wanted to roam
through the mansions

and just see whatever movie
stars do when no one's around.

From the time I was six years
old I knew what I wanted

to do, you know, I wanted
to be a tour bus driver.

And I'm pretty good at it.

(upbeat rock music)

Nice to see you governor,
welcome to Trolleywood Tours.

Excellent.

I don't know if you're tall
enough to go on this ride

but please enjoy yourself.

We have a metal detector
so anything you're wearing

could be used against
you in a court of law,

nice to see you, welcome
to Trolleywood Tours.

It's an hour and 15
minute tour everybody.

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like we're different

♪ I'm not any different

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like it matters

♪ Nothing really
matters after all

♪ It's good to
see you Jacqueline

♪ You wear your mileage well

♪ That's just what you tell me

♪ And you're a
pirate with one eye

♪ Catches everything

♪ And even sees the LA

♪ And it seems to me

♪ We voted you the most likely

♪ You turned out to be

♪ The most unhappy

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like we're different

♪ I'm not any different

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like it matters

♪ Nothing really
matters after all

♪ Happy birthday Marilyn

♪ See you've change your style

♪ But you're still hiding

♪ I guess I'm doing fine

♪ But I don't get much sleep

♪ I've done a lot of lying

♪ And it seems to me

♪ We voted you the most likely

♪ 'Cause after always here

♪ I knew inside could never care

♪ And it seems to me

♪ We used to spend
our time laughing

♪ Now that we're free we
don't do much of anything

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like we're different

♪ I'm not any different

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Acting like it matters

♪ Nothing really
matters after all

♪ Here we are here we are

♪ Here we are here we are

(cassette audio warping)

Well there goes the music.

I guess I'll do the rest of
the tour acapella everybody.

Welcome to Beverly Hills.

Your first attraction
is here on your left.

John Travolta is actually
adding a wing to his home,

and right next to
him, Sharon Stone.

I think they may even be
building a tunnel underneath.

Can only imagine what those
pajama parties are like.

And right up here on the
right we have the home

where Gloria Swanson
used to live.

You remember Gloria from
the film Sunset Boulevard.

She played the actress
that shot the young writer

William Holden in the back.

But that was years ago.

Today we have the
director for that.

Today we have the
director for that.

Wow.

I know this mic is on because
I can here you sleeping.

Right here on your left
I believe Zsa Zsa Gabor

slapped Cher's
pool boy 16 times.

Ha ha, that's not true, kidding.

(bell dings)

If you look up to your
left ladies and gentlemen

you'll see two
wonderful tennis courts.

The Van Pattens live here.

You know Dick Van Patten
from TV's Eight is Enough.

Wonderful man.

Combs his hair from right here,
throws it all the way over.

Everybody wins.

A little bit of
trivia for you guys.

Spencer Tracy was brought
out of retirement by

Katherine Hepburn
to do one last film.

That film was Guess
Who's Coming to Dinner?

Starring opposite the
pioneer in his own right

Mr. Sidney Poitier
who happens to live

right to the left of us.

Mr. Sidney Poitier.

Okay.

I believe Jean Claude
Van Damme made an offer

on that home right there.
- Oh oh oh!

- Okay.

(bell dings)

We're gonna take this
side street right here,

I'll tell you why.

If you look to
your left I believe

Arnold Schwarzenegger
owns the entire block.

Oh man.

Oh and right here is the home
of Amanda Clark, everybody.

Probably the finest
young actress around.

She's completed 10 films
in the past six years

and is rumored to be doing
her next film with Brad Pitt,

a thriller.

She's quite an actress.

Now coming up right here
on your right is a church

where so many
celebrities get married.

In fact, the church is so
popular that they keep coming

back to do it again and again.

And again.

They can't stop doing it.

That's a joke about how many
times celebrities get married.

Alright.

(organ music)

(flashing)

- My dear friends.

You have come together
in this church...

For richer or for poorer,
preferably richer.

In sickness, and in health.

From this day forward, for as
long as you both shall live

and rock on?

- [Bride] Eh, that depends.

- You're supposed to say I do.

- [Bride] Hey.

I know what I'm supposed to say.

And what I'm saying
is it depends.

- Okay.

It depends?
- Yeah.

On what you plan on doing
with the rest of your life.

Come on, you can't go on
being just a tour guide.

I want to be with someone
successful, a lawyer, a CEO.

- Or a doctor.

- I didn't go to college.

(gasping)
- What?

- [Bride] You didn't
go to college?

- No.

- [Bride] Everybody who's
anybody goes to college!

I mean really, that is the
least you could have done.

- Now hold on, I thought
that we were in love.

- [Bride] Oh please.
(scoffs)

(laughs)

Don't hand me that
emotional crap.

No, I want bucks, big bucks.

- Come on, there's more
to life than just money.

- Bull!

- Like what?
- Like--

- [Bride] And don't
give me that love stuff.

- Alright alright alright.

What about movies?

(laughing)

Yeah what about movies?
- Movies?

- Yeah movies.

- Movies?
- Yeah, I love--

- [Bride] All you
know about is movies?

- No I know about, I
know about, I know--

- [Bride] Oh pal here
you gotta forget this.

I am just so outta your league.

(wedding march)

- You see Dolly, you shoulda
listened to your mother.

You shoulda married
your gynecologist.

- Don't look at me pal.

I get paid either way.

- What?

What?
- Can we go now?

- Oh, okay, here we
go, we're moving on.

We're gonna move on.

Well that includes another
tour of the rich and infamous,

thank you very much.

Seriously you guys,

thank you for choosing
Trolleywood Tours.

See you later ma'am,
enjoy your trip here.

Y'all come back now, hear?

Thank you, enjoy your stay.

- Excuse me?
- Sure.

- I'm sorry to bother you.

We were wondering if
you knew any place

that we could like go
and see a movie star.

- Yeah, they're
all over the place.

But there are a couple place
but they're pretty pricey,

I know you can see some folks.

- That's fine, we're from
Wisconsin and we're splurging.

- Ah, there you go.

Well my friend Danny is
a bartender at a place

called Mandalay.
- Mm hmm.

- Right down Hollywood
Boulevard, left, and it's

right there on Melrose.

- Okay good.
- Great.

- Thank you!
- Thank you so much.

- Maybe we'll see you there.

- Maybe.

See you later.

- Bye.
- Good luck.

Hey.

Subway construction's still
going on, Cahuenga's a mess.

What's going on?

- I was on the phone 10
days ago and they told me

emphatically I had
a 90 day extension.

They are just a bunch
of lying bastards.

Those bastards at the bank

are trying to close
us down, Harold.

- Dad, you wanted the
new trolley and you know

about these payments.

You know what we need?

We need a lawyer and
we need a payment plan.

- What lawyer?

Lawyer my ass.

What we oughta get a gun
for them liars, boom, bow!

Dead banker!

- You know what--

- I don't have it.

- We need to get some
food in you 'cause you

shouldn't kill on
an empty stomach.

- I just don't have it.

I don't know where I'm
gonna get the money,

this is stupid.
- Here we go, come on.

You alright?

- He told me I could
have this extension,

I swear on my mother.

What about the tape deck?

- [Harold] Tape
deck's broken, Dad.

- [Dad] Well what are
you doing about it?

- [Harold] Well I'm
telling stories,

I'm having fun you know?

- Oh hey I almost
forgot, happy birthday.

- Thank you, it
was the other day.

- No, it's no, it's
the 11th, March 11th.

- March 7th, that's my birthday.

- I am so sorry.
- That's alright.

- I always get
those two mixed up.

- Don't worry about it.

- Wow, what are you, 28?

No you're 29, right?
- 30, Dad.

- 30?
- 30 years old.

- 30?
- 30.

- You mean you're 30
and you don't even

have a girlfriend yet?

What's that about?

What it is is you
gotta get out more.

Get drunk, get
laid, do something.

It's all those damn
movies you watch.

- Yeah sure Dad.

- You're like your mother
was, god bless her.

A dreamer.

You do still like
girls, don't you?

- Yeah, I like 'em a lot Dad.

- So what is the big deal?

- Well.

I think a lot of girls in
this town they care more

about like what car you
drive and where you live

than who you are,

and I gotta find a woman
who loves me for who I am.

That's it.

- That's all you want?

No tits, no--

- Well yeah, it would be great
if she was attractive but--

- Hey, nothing is
impossible Harold.

I married your mother, right?

(light music)

30, 30, wow.

- Yeah.

- If only you had my looks.

- So what you got about
six weeks on this cast Dad?

I'll be happy when you
get this thing off.

- You'll be happy?

I miss the track,
everything itches.

(jazzy music)

♪ It's a funny kinda feeling

♪ It's cut me to the core

- Hi can I help you?

- Yeah, my buddy Danny's
actually right there.

♪ Dripping from the ceiling

♪ Naked on the floor

- Oh my god.

Never thought I'd see you here.

What is it, your birthday?

- Oh I met a couple
girls on the trolley,

I thought maybe they'd be here.

- You, looking for girls?
- Yes.

- Next thing I know you'll
be drinking, smoking,

moussing your hair.

- Well you know I gotta
start somewhere, right?

- I'm glad to hear it
man, glad to hear it.

You know I was gonna
call you anyway.

- What's up?

- I got a part in a play.

- No!
- Yeah.

- That's great.

- It doesn't pay anything
but it's good exposure.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Half the time I
got my clothes off.

- Hey, you know, kids'll
love that, right?

(laughing)

- Danny.
(clinking glasses)

- Come here.
- Come over here.

Come on!
- Come here!

- Come on!
- Play with us!

- That's my fan club.

- That's very very nice for you.

- [Woman] Hey baby.

- [Woman] Hey come on.

- Just one little minute.

- Oh, you are such a man.

Get over here.
(giggling)

- Look at that.

They know things I don't.

(laughing)

- You know if I tell them
that you're a producer

I probably could fix you up man.

- Oh, I will beg you not
to do that, seriously.

(laughing)
- Alright man.

What'll you have?

Coke.
- Coke.

Yeah.

Actually make it a double.

- On the rocks?

- Ice spoils the drink.
- Drink, yeah.

Got it.

I'll be right back.

- Thanks man.

- No, no way!

Absolutely not.

Tell him he's always
been a cheapskate

and you can quote me.

Can you believe this place?

I have to go outside to
make a goddamn phone call?

Nothing but static.

Alright, where were we?

- I was trying to tell you
why I shouldn't do this role,

not the way the
script reads now.

- We're about to
sign the contracts.

Look, your last
picture grossed 30 mil.

We're about to break you out.

This is the picture
that will do it.

I don't understand, I
practically gave them my word.

- I know that Sidney,
I'm sorry, but...

The script needs
to be rewritten.

I mean it's really awful.

- It's got a few problems
but you've gotta admit

it's a great story.

- I'll admit it's a good idea.

- So what do you want?

We got the best writer
in the business,

the man is a genius.

- Maybe but he obviously
does not like women.

- Samuel T. Lewis does not
like women, are you kidding?

He loves women!

He's schtupped every
secretary and starlet

from Beverly Hills to Malibu.

As a matter of fact I think I...

Yeah well that's another story.

- Sid, I didn't say he
doesn't sleep with women,

I said he doesn't like them.

- Look Mandy we know men are
pigs, especially writers,

but look where we are,
we're in Hollywood.

We're not gonna turn this
into some kind of a crusade,

are we?
- No, we're not.

Sid, I just want the
role to be more real.

Thank you.

I mean did you ever
see All About Eve?

It's like Anne
Baxter's character,
she seemed so innocent

and charming but what she
really wants is Bette Davis's

role in the play.

- All About Eve, I thought
Paul Newman's wife was in that.

- No no no, that's
Three Faces of Eve.

- Oh, well, whatever.

- Okay let's get more specific.

I'll show you, I'll show
you some stuff in here.

I mean some of it's even
kind of funny, it's--

(phone ringing)

- Oh, hang on.

- Oh, Sid.
- Sid Stone, what's up?

Damnit you're breaking up.

(sighs)

Can you believe this place?

I might as well be on the moon.

I'll be right back.

- Sid, how can we talk
about this if you keep

taking the phone calls?

- Last one, last one I
promise, it's Spielberg.

- Oh, Spielberg, okay.

- Steven.

Steven?

(scoffs)

Jimmy, I gotta use
your office phone.

(sighs)

- So what do you do?

- I'm a writer, screenwriter.

- Oh, that's interesting.

So am I.

So who's your agent?

- Arthur Blake at CCI.

- You must be doing very well.

- Mm hmm.

- So where can I see your work?

- [Man] Where or when?

- [Woman] That's funny.

- Did you see who's here?
- Nn nn.

- She is so fine.

Oh my.

In the corner booth.

- Who are you talking about?
- Amanda Clark.

♪ First time I saw you
did you see my head

♪ Going round and
round and round

- Did you see that?

- What?

- She was looking at me.
- Oh stop!

- She looked at me just
now, give me your pen.

- Why?
- Give me your pen,

I wanna get her autograph.

- Come on man this ain't
that kinda place, Harold.

They come here to get
away from that man.

- You're right, you're
right about that.

What am I thinking?

I'm gonna go over
and say hi to her.

- Cool, but whatever
you do, don't tell her

you're a tour bus driver,
they hate you guys.

- I forgot about that.

Forget about it,
I'm kidding myself.

- Oh now go on now, go ahead.

Now you'll never forgive
yourself if you don't.

Go ahead.

Just be smooth.

You look great.

♪ I watch your mouth moving
around and round and round

♪ And round and round

♪ Oh no I don't put my head down

♪ Put my head down

♪ And no don't you put my
down but rest your head

- I'm Harold
McMurphy, I'm a big--

(coughs)

Fan.

Sorry.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

Thank you.

- Yeah.

Thank me for what?

- Oh for being my fan?

- Oh are you kidding?

Easiest thing.

I've seen every movie
you've ever made.

- You have?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Last one with Stallone,
I only saw it twice.

(giggles)

Not a big fan of that one
but Sunset Cafe was just

such amazing work.

The last scene when your heart
was broken, you were doomed,

everyone knew it, and then you
let out that nervous laugh,

it was...it was the best
I've ever seen on film.

- Thank you.

- You're gonna think I'm
insane but you reminded me

of Montgomery Clift
in A Place in the Sun.

Not that you remind me
of a man, you couldn't be

more of a woman.
(giggles)

And, you know, I'm
still talking, god.

But it was like a Vivian Leigh
thing, it was like a combo.

You had that vulnerability
like that she had

in Streetcar Named Desire.

- Wow.

That's very perceptive of you.

I actually based my
character on Blanche.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- [Harold] That's amazing.

- Yeah, you must know
a lot about film.

- Yeah well it goes
along with my job.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- So what do you do?

- Do?

- I mean, what do
you for a living.

- I, uh...

I go around and I tell stories.

- Oh.

So you're a writer.

- Something like
that, yeah, yeah.

- So who's your agent?

- I'm sorry, who's my agent?

- Your agent.

- I'm not gonna call
you, you have to call me.

- My agent is
Arthur Blake at CCI.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Wow, you must be
doing very well.

I think I met him one time.

Is he real tall
man, good looking?

- Uh yeah, that's probably him.

Um, you just do great work
and I just want to thank you

and I'm not really
a guy that does this

but I'm gonna go.

- You know what, can
I ask you something?

Would you mind just sitting
here with me for a little while?

It's stupid, I feel
kind of self conscious

sitting here by myself.

- Sit down?

- I mean unless
you're in a hurry.

- No, I thought your
friend was sitting here.

I saw the woman...

- Oh, who, Sidney?

Sidney's not my
friend, she's my agent.

We're sitting here, we're
supposed to be talking

about this screenplay
and she keeps running

and using the phone, so.

- Oh, I'd love to
sit down with you.

- Great, thanks a lot.

So you said your
name's Harold, right?

- [Harold] Yeah.

- Harold.

Harold I have a
proposition for you.

- Proposition?

- Yeah.

Well you must be a good
writer because otherwise

you wouldn't be with CCI
and you obviously know

a lot about film and see
I have this screenplay

and it's got some problems
and I was just wondering

if maybe you wouldn't
mind reading it for me

and telling me what you think.

I know you probably think
I've got a lot of nerve

asking somebody I
don't even know,

I'm sure you get asked
to do this all the time.

It's just that I feel kinda
pressed and I really need

somebody who'll give
me an honest answer.

And I mean it seems
like fate, you know?

You being here and being a
writer and I need a writer.

Look, if you don't want
to do it I understand.

- No, I mean of
course I would do it.

I'd love to, I'd be honored.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Is this the thriller
with Brad Pitt?

- Yeah, how'd you know that?

- I saw a little spot
on ET the other night.

- Really?
- Mm hmm.

- So you really wouldn't
mind reading it for me?

I'd appreciate it so much.

- No, no, I would,
I'd be honored.

- That's great, that's great!

Maybe we could meet
tomorrow, say four o'clock

at the Beachside Cafe
and talk about it?

- Tomorrow, four o'clock.

- Is that possible?

- No, that, I think I could
fit that in my schedule.

- Okay, great!

Then it's a date.

I mean, you know.
(laughs)

Okay, so I'll see you then.

- Hi, how are you?
- Alright.

- [Amanda] So I'll
see you tomorrow then.

- Yeah.

- Oh wait, don't forget this!

- Oh, was gonna walk out.

Alright.

- [Amanda] Thank you.

- Who the hell was that?

- Oh that was Harold
McMurphy, the writer.

- Oh, yeah.

I like his stuff.

(sirens wailing)

- Dude, what happened man?

- I got a date.

- You and Amanda Clark?

- Yes.

I lied though.

- Yeah I know you lied,
but what did you say?

- I don't know.

I just, I think
I'm gonna be sick.

- Okay but write that down
'cause whatever you said

I'll use it man, I sw...

Damn.

Harold hooked up with Ama...

I can't believe that.

- [Harold] I don't even get
what you're saying, Dad.

- I'm saying this
might be a good time

for you to see my
astrologer friend.

You know, just to see
how things work out.

- Who, Lulu?

Maybe.
- She's a psychic too.

I told her all about you.

She's about your age,
divorced, and, check, this out.

Extremely interesting to
look at if you get my drift.

- I think I do, Dad.
- Yeah.

She might be nice
to have around.

She'd always know
what we wanted to eat.

Get it?

- Hey hey, anybody home?

- Hey Danny.
- Hey Danny!

Let yourself in.

I know you'll forgive
me if I don't get up.

- From what I heard you
haven't been up in a while.

- Oh that's cute Dan.

- What are you doing?

- Please, I got two
minutes man, please.

- Yeah I know and
you're wearing that?

- Yeah.

- Hey hey, leave him
alone, he looks great.

It's not like she's
interested in him personally.

Come on, she's just looking
for some cheap advice.

- Maybe, maybe not.

How do you know what she has
in mind, Rip Van Cripple?

Maybe what she really
wants is to seduce him.

Take off that shirt.

- Danny, come on.

- Maybe that's what
her plan was all along.

Come on man, women
are not like men.

They're unpredictable.

- Yeah, like your career.
(laughs)

- Oh that hurts.

Take off that ugly shirt.

- Why, what are
you talking about?

- It says loser loser loser.

- Come on.
- Take it off, man!

- Why?
- You're gonna wear mine.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm telling you man.

These are the threads I got
off my last modeling gig.

Women love this stuff.

- Oh come on, she already
thinks I'm a writer.

Now she's gonna think I'm a
writer with really nice clothes?

- Hey it's a dog eat
dog world out there.

With a knick knack
paddywhack she might just be

looking for a bone.

- I wanna see you
in this though.

- I don't think so, I can't.

- No, this, here.

- I got a good place for this.

- Enjoy.

- Salvation Army.

Boys Club.

Where'd you get this man?

- I can't wait to
see you in that.

You will be the original Urkel.

- Hey Urkel gets some
fine women, you know?

Let me put this on.

(surf rock music)

- Wait!

- How you doing?

Listen, do me a huge favor.

Park this as far away from
the cafe as possible, okay?

Yeah, like Cleveland.

Thanks man.

(light music)

- So you sure you
don't wanna stay?

We're just gonna be talking
about the script and--

- Thanks sweetie but I'm
kinda busy, you know?

A lot of catching up to do.

- [Amanda] What kind of busy?

- [Rich] I gotta check
out the new Jag today,

I got a massage
in the afternoon,

got a lot of errands to
run, you know how it is.

- Okay.
- But I'll miss you though.

(clears throat)

- Hey, how are you?

- Doing well, thank you.

- Good, it's good to
see you, you look great.

That's a great outfit.

- Oh, thank you.

It's not mine.

The whole outfit's
my friend Danny's.

- [Amanda] Really?

So what'd he do, outgrow it?

- No, he didn't have time to.

(laughing)

- It's very GQ.

- Oh I'm sorry, Rich Adams
this is Harold McMurphy.

Harold, this is Rich Adams.

- Nice to meet you Rich.

- Yeah.

You know what I guess
I better get going.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- You wanna stop by later?

- I don't know.

You know I gotta get up
really early in the morning,

I've gotta play tennis
with Pierce tomorrow.

You know how it is.

But I'll give you a call.

- Okay.
- Okay babe?

- Okay, okay.

Bye.

- Nice meeting you.
- Right on.

- So how you doing?

- I'm doing alright,
how are you doing?

- I'm good.
- Good.

- Thank you so much for coming.

- Oh, thank you for inviting me.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

My father's a fan of Rich's.

- Really?
- Yeah, likes his show.

Even more than Baywatch Nights.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Did I interrupt you guys?

- No, not at all.

I was waiting here for you.

So can I get you
something to drink?

- Yeah, I'd love a
Coke would be great.

- Coke, okay.

Can we...

- I wanted to know what
happens, I cared, you know?

- Yeah.
- Definitely.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- So what you're saying is

you really think
it's not that bad?

- No I mean as it is
right here it's solid.

You know?

(groans)

- I don't know.

I mean I guess I think so too.

It's sad without
being melodramatic.

- Definitely, definitely.

- And that's probably
the best part about it,

don't you think?
- Yeah.

Good supporting
characters you know

and then an uplifting
feeling at the end.

It's like life affirming.

- Yeah it makes you care,
I mean you really care

about the characters,
that makes it work.

- Definitely, definitely.

Um, um, how are we doing?

(laughing)

- I think not, I'm
still not convinced.

- No, no?
- No.

- I don't know if I am either.
- Oh god.

Okay, more wine, that will help.

- No no no no no.

Two glasses I turn
into an animal.

- Oh really?

- Yes, I start looking
for caves and I need

to hibernate for the
winter, it's very ugly.

(laughing)

I snore like a spider monkey.

Very ugly.

- Spider monkey.

- Yeah.

(soft music)

- You know what Harold
I really appreciate

everything you've done.
- Oh man.

- I just think I should just
do it the way it is and...

- I wish I could
have been more help.

- No, you've been
lots of help, really.

- You know I couldn't
help but think

while I was reading it...

Nah.
- What?

- No it's something

I was thinking and it's
not even worth telling you.

- No please.
- It's...

You know the movie
All About Eve?

- Yes, I do.

- This ain't it.

(laughing)

No no, that's not
why I brought it up.

Anne Baxter's character, right?

- [Amanda] Right.

- If your role was more
like that in the beginning.

- Mm hmm.

- You know, complete innocence
and then made that turn

into doing whatever it took.

- Mm hmm.

- You know to get
Bette Davis's role,

that pit bull kind of
a thing, it would lift

the entire script and it would
definitely be worth doing.

And it's not here.

She's one dimensional, you
know, and I got this feeling

and you're gonna
think I'm crazy but

I don't know if this guy
likes women, the writer.

(laughing)
- Oh my god!

That's amazing!

- What?

- That is exactly what
I said to my agent.

- Really?
- I swear.

Harold that is exactly
what I said to my agent.

She didn't listen to me,
she thought I was crazy.

Hey you know what?

I have an idea.

- What?

- We're gonna go find
Sidney, my agent,

and we're gonna talk
to her about this.

You're gonna tell her
what you just told me.

- Oh no no no no,
listen I don't think

that would be appropriate.

- No it would be!
- 'Cause I probably...

I don't think I'd even, who
knows, I probably am wrong

about this.
- Harold please,

please do this, I just want
you to tell her your opinion.

It's so close to mine and she
would, I think she'll listen.

I mean you're a
good writer and...

Come on, we'll go.

Do you mind?
- I have money.

- No no no it's okay,
you're my guest, please.

Please Harold?

Please do this for me?

- Okay.
- Okay, let's go.

Let's get outta here.

Okay, so your car or mine?

- Uh, your car would be
great, I took the bus.

- You took the bus,
why'd you take the bus?

- Yeah well because you know
no one takes the bus anymore

and it's a great
way to see the town.

- Okay.

- Be fun.
- Okay.

I can't wait to tell her.

Ah!
(laughing)

(upbeat music)

♪ I need a place where I can be

♪ Where the world is
tumbling down on me

♪ Pretty little place
where I can hide

♪ And gather all my
thoughts and decide

♪ My life

♪ Oh

- Good evening Miss Clark.
- Good evening.

Do you happen to
know Sidney Stone?

- [Valet] Let's see, green
Lexus LS400 with a (mumbles)?

- Exactly.

- [Valet] Yes, been
here about an hour.

- Okay, great.

Thanks.

- Do you know Arthur Blake?

- Red Porsche Cabriolet 911?

- I don't know.

- What's he look like?

- Not sure.

- What's he do?

- He's supposed to be my agent.

- Uh huh.

What, your secret agent?

- No, he...

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Come on.
- Okay.

- Let's go.
- Alright.

(murmuring)

(elegant music)

I, you should...

- Oh, it'll be quick, come on.

- [Woman] Is that Amanda Clark?

- [Woman] Yes.

- [Woman] Amanda!

- Who is that?
- It's Amanda Clark.

- Oh god, that's so creepy
isn't it, hearing your name

like that?

- Yeah, that's why
I never go out.

- Yeah.

I don't go out for
different reasons.

- Amanda!

Darling!

I'm so happy you could make it!

I'd known you were
coming I would have

sent you an invitation.

- Oh.
- Listen.

I still want you and
Tom in my next movie,

and I'm not going to give up,

it's going to be like
a dog with a bone.

(laughing)

Hello.
- Hello.

- Emma, Emma Jeffreys.

- Hi Emma.

- This is Harold McMurphy.

He's a writer.

- Oh yes, my god, I'm so
insanely happy to meet you.

I love, love, love your work.

- Thank you very much.

- You're welcome very much.

- This place is wonderful.

- Thank you, yes.

Go to the Parthenon here.

- Yes, and Graceland.
- Vegas!

(laughing)

- The White House!

Wonderful though.

- Oh you're charming, charming.

- Actually we're looking
for Sidney Stone,

have you seen her?

- Sidney Stone, last
time I saw Sidney she was

in the pool room on the phone.

- Of course.

- Yeah where else?
- Okay.

Thank you.
- Oh.

- We're sort of in a hurry,
we need to speak to her

about something important,
I hope you'll excuse us.

- Oh, well alright.
- Okay.

- Alright then.

- Thank you for having us.

- My pleasure.
- Okay.

- Yes.

Thursday lunch would
be best for me.

- Let me make it easy
for you, just say yes.

Make the snake sound, yes.

Amanda just walked in, I'll
have to get back to you.

Arnold, I'll call
you right back.

Look at you, I have never
seen you out at night.

Are you alright, is
your house on fire?

- Everything's fine.

Sidney I want you to
meet a friend of mine,

this is Harold McMurphy.

- Hi.

- Amanda says you're a writer.

- Yes, I appear so.

- What are you working
on, do you have a deal?

- Uh no I don't.

Nothing I could, can't really,

shouldn't talk
about it actually.

- You know how writers are.

- I know, that's
why I handle actors.

- [Amanda] So Harold
read the Lewis script.

- Already?

- Yeah.

- Yes he did and
he saw something

that I think you
might have missed.

- Alright, and
what might that be?

- Well I just felt that
the writer, you know,

I felt that he
doesn't like women.

- Oh really?
- Yeah.

- I wonder where he would
get an idea like that?

- Well, actually
just from the script,

from reading the script.

I just felt that he should
infuse some of the integrity

he uses with the male characters
into the female characters.

- Mm hmm.
- Exactly.

You see, I'm not
the only one Sid.

- Well that's just great.

Sounds like the two of
you have a lot in common.

- Sid, I want a meeting
with the studio tomorrow.

- Would you excuse
us for a moment?

- Certainly.

- Could we talk?

Amanda, honey, what's
happening to you?

Who was it who discovered
you in your high school play?

Sidney Stone.

Who got you your first movie?

Sidney Stone.

And who stuck her ass out to
get you this Brad Pitt film?

Me, Sidney Stone!

And now you're telling me that
this, this hack knows best?

- Shh.

- Who is he?

I have racked my brain, I
have never heard of him.

And now you want a
meeting at the studio

over some no-name?

- Yes, I do.

Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

(sighs)

Love you Sid.

Harold, I'm sorry
she was so rude.

- It's alright,
it's not your fault.

- I shouldn't have
dragged you out here.

- That's alright.

What does she do for you again?

- Oh Justin.

I sense a miniseries
in your future.

- So you wanna stay and party?

- Uh no, I actually don't.

(laughing)

- I don't think so.
- I'm Rich.

- [Tiffany] I'm Tiffany.

This is a beautiful suit.

- [Rich] Listen, why don't
we go for a little walk?

And uh--
- Oh excuse me.

Really nice.

- Who was that?

- That's my cousin.

You know what, give me a minute.

I'll be back in a minute.

- Harold.
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna steal you, I'm
not gonna give you back.

- Okay.

- Have you ever thought
about directing?

- I haven't.

- Listen to this.

You, Tom Cruise, and
Amanda, triple threat.

- Okay.

- Listen, by the way,
are you seeing anyone?

- Excuse me.

- Harold, Harold, hi,
Joey Ace, how are you?

- Hey Joe, hey Joe.

- I got a project
I'm working on,

I think it's absolutely
perfect for you.

- Right.

- I'll give you 30 seconds.

Tom Arnold.
- Tom Arnold.

- Okay broken down rodeo clown.

- Broken down rodeo clown.

- Losing his job
to Rhea Pearlman.

- Everybody wins,
everybody wins.

- Let's do lunch.

Joey Ace, love your work.

(murmuring)

- You get my car please.

- Amanda.

Amanda.

- Just leave me alone okay?

- Calm down, it's
not what you think.

- It's exactly what I
think, you lied to me.

- When did I lie to you?

Oh come on, I thought
we trusted each other.

- Yeah, so did I.

- Yeah and I thought that
you understood that sometimes

I need to be seen
with other people.

I mean, for publicity.

It's just for business.

Come on, I thought
we had an agreement.

- What agreement?

You only agree with yourself
Rich, give me a break.

- Oh, oh give you
a break, I see.

- Yeah.

- So it's okay for you to
go to a party with some jerk

but it's not okay for me.

- Hey, Harold McMurphy
is not a jerk okay?

The only reason we--
- Yes he is.

- Came to this house was
to see Sidney, that's it.

- Come on, let's go.

- You know bud, if you
know what's good for you

you'll stay out
of this, alright?

- Be careful, I take vitamins.

Come on.

I'm driving, it's
what I do best.

- You know what?

I'll call you.

Okay?

I'll call you.

Jerk.

He's a jerk.

♪ Open your eyes if you
want to start a fire

♪ Turn out the lights

♪ Let me take you higher girl

♪ Oh yeah

- I'm sorry for acting like
such a schoolgirl back there.

- Here, blow your nose,
you'll feel better.

- I don't wanna ruin
your handkerchief.

- No no no, I'll be completely
offended if you don't.

It came with the jacket.

None of it's mine.

- Thanks.
- Sure.

You know Jimmy Stewart
lived across the street

when he was shooting
It's A Wonderful Life.

- Did he really?
- Yeah.

- I love that movie.

I mean every Christmas I watch
that movie when it comes on.

- Oh, me too.

First time I saw it my
father let me stay up late

and as I was watching
it the sun came up

and it was a white Christmas
'cause we were back east.

It was the perfect way to see
it, I'll never forget that.

It was great.

- I really want to thank
you for taking care of that

situation back there,
I mean it was like...

And for taking vitamins.
- Oh god.

(laughing)

What did I say?

It was a psychotic diversion.

You know they say when
someone tries to rob you

that you immediately ask
them what time it is.

They don't know what to do.

He didn't know what to do.

- It worked.

- Yeah it did, somehow it did.

Thanks for tonight,
it was really nice
hanging out with you.

I'm gonna get outta here.

I gotta, it's getting
late, thank you.

- You wanna come in and get
some hot chocolate or something?

- With some marshmallows?

- Hmm.
- S'mores?

- Okay.

- Campfire, crosslegged?

- I think we can...
(laughing)

- You really want me to come in?

- You're funny.

You always make me laugh.

Yeah, that would be nice.

Come on in.

- I'd love to.
- Great.

- Come on.

Your mom's like gypsy
Cher woman, isn't she?

- She is.

Look at like the
eyelashes and stuff.

- She's beautiful.

- Look at that wig.

- What's up with that?

- It's Halloween, what am I?

- I don't know you're
a cutie though.

You got the blue eyeshadow.

(laughing)

I'm surprised you don't
have the puka shells though.

I had them stapled to my neck.

(soft music)

There you go.

You knew you had it going
on though right there,

those little blue eyes.

(laughing)
Beautiful.

You always had them, huh?

- Well sometimes they look
blue, sometimes they look green

or gray, look.

Just it depends on what I'm
wearing, what the colors are.

They reflect.
- Oh.

Kinda like a mood ring, right?

- Exactly.
(laughing)

- Yeah?

Oh my god you look different.

(laughing)

Wait that's you right there?

Is that a birthday party?

Where are the little kids?

- Uh, yeah.

That's a weird story.

Okay we had just moved
here from Atlanta.

- Mm hmm.

- It was my birthday
and my mom wanted me

to have this birthday
party but I hadn't really

made any friends yet so
she said that's okay,

you can just take these
invitations to school

and pass them out and then
the kids will show up.

Everyone loves a
birthday party, right?

- [Harold] Yeah.

- So I did it and the
day of the party comes

and no one shows up.

Not one person.

- I'd have been there.

(dramatic music)

What are these?

These are recent huh?

- Oh yeah, god I didn't
know those were in there.

- You and Rich.
- Yeah.

(sighs)

- You alright with that?

I'm sure everything's gonna
work out with you guys, right?

- No no no, it won't work out.

I've known about this
for a while, I just

didn't want to believe it.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna tell him it's over.

- Really?
- Mm hmm.

- That's what you want?

- Yeah, that's what I want.

- What does he want?

- I don't care what he wants.

I mean, this isn't the
first time it's happened.

- Oh.

- If I'm gonna have a
relationship I want it

to be with someone
that I can trust.

Someone that can always tell
me the truth, it's important.

Don't you think?

- I got something to tell you.

- What's up?

- I had a really nice
time and I've got to go.

- Okay.

- And I need my coat.
- Okay.

- That's what I
wanted to tell you.

Come on, thank you.

- So you sure you
don't need a ride home?

- No, no I'm gonna walk.

My friend Danny lives
not to far from here,

I've gotta give him
his clothes back.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

So I was thinking that
maybe you and I could,

you know, we could go out.

I mean not go out go
out but that we could

talk about the script
some more and stuff

'cause I could, um, get some...

It's not a good idea, it's
probably a bad idea, it's--

- Harold.

- You know.

- I'd love to go out with you.

- You would?
- Yeah.

- When?

- Uh, tomorrow.

(laughing)

- That would be
great, I'd love that.

- Okay.
- Seven o'clock.

- Great.
- Seven o'clock.

- Seven o'clock.

- I'll see tomorrow
night, seven o'clock.

- Okay.
- Okay.

See you later.

- Okay.
(laughing)

Bye.

Hey you sure you
don't need a ride?

- [Harold] No no no I need air.

I'm gonna get so much air I'm
gonna hover, I'm a hovercraft.

(laughing)

(upbeat rock music)

♪ I've been down
the winding roads

♪ Crossing every lane

♪ I've got no time to wonder why

♪ Just what brought me this way

- Dustin she is dying
to do the movie with you

but her schedule is impossible.

So fix it honey, fix it!

Ciao.

Rich Adams, can I
get you anything?

Drink, cigarette?

- Listen Sidney.

Amanda and I, last night we
had a fight at the party.

- So everybody heard.

Go talk to her.

If that doesn't
work, try jewelry.

- Well it's not that simple.

I mean I know this sounds
unbelievable but I think

she's seeing another guy.

Some jerk I saw her with
at the party last night.

What's his name, it
starts with an M.

McMillan, McMurray,
something like that.

- McMurphy, Harold McMurphy.

- Yeah, McMurphy,
Harold McSmurfy.

What do you know about him?

- Well he's a pain in my
ass but you don't need

to be stressed out
about a guy like Harold.

There is no way, sorry honey,
she could ever be serious

about a goofball like that.

(rock music)

♪ Do what you do and
say what you wanna say

♪ I'm screening my calls

♪ 'Cause it's
Sunday and I'm lazy

♪ I heard it all

♪ I knew it

♪ The bed is where I do my dress

♪ Do what you do and
say what you wanna say

♪ Don't have to talk so much

♪ I hear what you're saying

♪ I know what
you're talking about

♪ I hear what you're saying

♪ Do what you do

♪ I'll be who you wanna be

♪ I look at my fishtank

♪ Wishing you were here with me

♪ My TV's on

♪ My smoking butts

♪ My machine does
the work I need

♪ Just leave a message

♪ And I'll call
you when I'm free

♪ Don't have to talk so much

♪ I hear what you're saying

♪ I know what
you're talking about

♪ I hear what you're saying

♪ So you think I'm a freak

♪ I don't care

♪ It's just my fish and me

♪ What do you think

♪ Tell it to my machine

♪ Standing right there

- My father is just cuckamonga.

I'm a freak in a freak
kingdom, remember that.

- Oh my god.

- That's how he gets out of it.

Says anything he wants.

- He sounds like
a real character.

- More than you will ever know.

- Yeah but that is
amazingly sweet,

you helping him out like that.

- Yeah.
- It really is.

- He's a good man.

- Yeah.
(giggles)

So you said you're
writing, how's that going?

- Uh, there's nothing
really to tell.

- Oh come on,
don't be so modest.

You must be able to
tell me something.

- Well I'm not writing
anything right now.

- No?
- Nothing.

- You're not?
- No.

- Hmm.

In that case, I have
another proposition for you.

- Oh my god.
- Uh oh.

(laughing)

Actually I was gonna ask you
this before but I didn't.

I was just wondering if
maybe you'd be interested

in doing the rewrite
on the screenplay.

- Me do the rewrite?
- Yeah.

You're the perfect choice.
- Huh.

You know what?

I don't--
- Listen, if it's money

you're worried about
don't because Sidney

will talk to your agent,
she'll talk to the studio--

- Oh my agency, you
know what if I'm not

what you think I am?

Do you know?

What if I can't do it as well
as you deserve it to be done?

- Oh come on.

No but you're a good
writer obviously

or you wouldn't have an
agent like Arthur Blake.

- Well what if I can't
do it the way you want?

Do you know what I mean?

- Well...

- You deserve a great rewrite.

- Okay if you can't you
can't but I think you can.

I really do.

I mean...

I showed that script
to everybody I know

and nobody saw what
I did except you.

Really.

Come on, and it won't
even take that long,

you just make a few changes
and you're the only one

I trust to do it, I swear.

Please do it.

Please.

Please!

- You got me.

- Yes?

- I will do it.

- Hey buddy, buddy.
(snapping)

Buddy, you got a cigarette?

Cigaretto, cigaretto?

- No, I don't smoke.

- Can you spare a dollar?

Dollar, please?

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

- You doing alright?
- Yeah, yeah.

Thank you, thank you, thanks.

Yeah, alright.
- Good luck.

- You going in there?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, best of luck.

Lot of good they did me.

Shit goes for a buck and a half.

- Hey Vance, look man.

How many times do
I have to tell you?

No hustling in front
of the building.

- Yeah you wouldn't be
talking to me like that

if I was still head of
CCI's motion picture

literary department!
- Yeah but you're not.

- You used to kiss my ass!

- Right but you're
a bum now, okay?

- Chew 'em up, spit 'em out.

(spitting)

- Okay so take your
Armani suit and your Lexus

and get outta here!

Okay, see ya Vance.

(light music)

- Morning Laura.
- Morning.

- Laura, I'm gonna drop these
off and I'll be right out.

- [Laura] Yeah, all good.

- Hey, hey!
(clapping)

(phone ringing)

- Good morning,
Arthur Blake's office.

Mm hmm.

You're an actor, uh huh.

Need an agent, uh huh.

How unusual.

Yeah.

Oh absolutely, I'll give
him the message, uh huh.

Well of course I'm
writing it down.

- I've gotta drop these
off at Arthur Blake's.

- Well any scripts have
to go through me first.

- Okay well I gotta pick
some stuff up there too so.

- Well you're on
the wrong floor.

He's in the executive suite.

- Executive suite, thanks.

- Next time just drop it
off at the receptionist.

- You know what I just thought?

I'm glad you called because
you know what I realized

we're casting a new
film for Robert Redford

and I think there's a part
you'd be just perfect for.

Uh huh, yeah.

What's your number again?

Oh yeah, mm hmm, I'm writing.

Uh huh, still writing.

(light music)

(cries out)

(rock music)

Can I help you?

Can I help you?

- Yeah, I need to
talk to Arthur Blake.

- [Assistant] I'm Mr.
Blake's assistant.

What would you like
to speak to him about?

- Um, I need him to be my
agent, just for a couple weeks.

- Yes, I'm sure you do.

But Mr. Blake is not taking
new clients at this time.

Perhaps if you tried one
of the smaller agencies.

- No, I need to talk
to him right now.

- Well, I'm afraid
that's impossible.

Mr. Blake is out of town.

Good morning, Mr. Blake.

- What's he doing down there?

- [Assistant] It's
the way he came in.

- Mr. Blake, Mr. Blake, I
need to talk to you right now.

- Would you like me
to call security?

- Are you dangerous?

- No.

- Alright, who do you know?

- Amanda Clark and Sidney Stone.

- Good answer.

You have five minutes.

(light music)

- I didn't misrepresent myself.

I was the guy that got
the joke, you know.

And the last thing that she
said was that Sidney Stone

was gonna call this
morning, and that's it.

- So tell me something.

Does this kinda thing
happen to you frequently?

- Absolutely not, no.

I am an honest, you
know, I'm a normal guy.

I watch a lot of movies.

- This is unusual, you
know, if you wrote this down

I could probably
sell it as a feature.

Can you write?

- I took a class once and
I'm not a very good speller.

- [Arthur] Well the
computers do that now.

- Amanda said that I'd
make a lot of money

and you know I guess
either way you can't lose.

- Yes, but how much could
they possibly give you

for a rewrite?

- [Harold] Well, I
got the feeling it's
whatever you decide.

- Oh.

Well I don't know, I
mean I have a reputation.

How do I know this is even true?

- [Assistant] Mr. Blake,
would you like to take a call

from Sidney Stone?

- Put her on hold.

I gotta tell you I mean
any other agent would think

you were a crackpot and throw
you right out of the office.

Of course crackpots
are selling a lot

of million dollar
scripts these days.

And I don't know, there's
something about you.

Alright!

Alright.

But now let me tell you.

If you want to write
a screenplay there's
certain things

you have to learn.

Now there's a bookstore
where you can...

Ah, forget all that.

Do me a favor, go on
home and just write.

Sidney!

(upbeat music)

♪ Well I'm racing
around in Tinseltown

♪ And when I'm up
and when I'm down

♪ When my whole world is
spinning round and round

♪ Keep my head up in the clouds

♪ My feet on the ground

♪ And just to hold me

♪ Never let me go hold me

♪ And your two arms hold me

♪ Just hold me

♪ Hold me

♪ Never let me go hold me

- 10 up, 10 up, oh come on Ivan!

Give him the nelson!

No, not on the ropes!

Oh this ref is a cheat.

(knocking)

What are you doing?

Yoohoo.

- Hey.

- You missed--
- What's going on?

- The greatest match ever.

The Grim Reaper versus Ivan
the Terrible, Ivan won.

- No.
- No it was terrific.

It was the best ever.

- Beat the Grim Reaper?
- Yeah.

- Beat death?
- Yeah.

- That's deep.

Why didn't you call me?
- You hate wrestling.

Why are you doing this?

- I got something for you.
- What do you want?

What a match, god it was good.

That's a large chunk
of money, what is this?

- It's the advance
for the rewrite.

I want you to have it though.

- You're giving me
this damn check?

- Yes, yes indeed.

Bail the company out.

- Your mother would
be proud, Harold.

And I thank you, I really
thank you, that's terrific.

So you got a deal?
- Yeah, yeah.

That's why I'm doing
these writing exercises.

- Well but we're talking about

a professional screenplay here.

- I know.

- For muscles you do
exercises, for brains--

- Yeah.

- You gotta go to college.

- We didn't have enough
money for brains, did we Dad?

So that's why I gotta do this.

They're paying me
a lot of money.

And I owe it to Amanda
to do a really good job.

Learn as much as I can.

- You and your mother,
you're always dreamers, I...

- But you know what we never
did anything about it, Dad.

A lot of dreaming.

- But this is a
whole other ballgame.

Oh.

Hey.

Now that we got everything
paid off and all

we should think about expanding.

- Expanding?
- Yeah!

With you and me both driving

we could use a second trolley.

It'll be like the old days,
come on, it'll be fun.

- No, Dad, what are you...

Pay the bills off, don't
double down, that's stupid.

- No, you gotta--

- When you get your
cast off you go home

and I continue on
with my life, okay?

- Yeah but you gotta
think big to be big.

I try to teach you that.

- I am thinking big, Dad!

- No you're not.
- Look at me with this.

I'm stepping up for the
first time in my life

and you can't see that.

- You're just screwy right
now, it's that girl, ain't it?

It's that movie
star, am I right?

- No, she has
something to do with it

but she sparked this
whole thing for me.

You can't see that.

- That's it Harold.

Look what's going on here.

A dame like that eats guys
like you for breakfast.

Forget her.

- You know what?

We had a good time and I
felt like a different person.

Alright and you can't see that.

- You felt like a
different person.

- Yeah.

- Well let me give
you a clue, Harold.

You are not a different person.

You are a tour bus
driver like I am.

You got it?

We show folks
movie stars' homes.

We do not date them.

- Alright.

- I'm sorry, I sounded rude.

Jesus.

I got an idea.

For forgetting your
birthday let me give you

a little surprise okay?

- No, don't worry about it Dad.

- No I wanna do this.
- It's over!

Birthday's over.

- I wanna do this,
please, just...

Okay cook a big
dinner tomorrow night,

let me take care of the rest.

- Alright, okay.
- Okay.

I love you, man.

- There's a lot more
if you guys want it.

- [Dad] Come on Lulu, is
this great food or what?

- Potatoes are real good.

- Thank you.

- Oh so as I was saying.

After I read his palm, I told
him that he would lose weight

and come down with
a horrible disease.

Six months later, he's dead.

- What happened?

- Car hit him.

(laughing)

- Oh you!

You goof!

I bought it.

Oh don't let her fool
you, she's got the gift.

She told me...

She told me I was gonna
get a lot of money.

Need I go any further?

- Well you're a quiet
one, aren't you?

Still waters run deep.

- No no, he's just got
to get to know you first.

Then watch out!

- Mr. McMurphy you
are bad, bad, bad!

- Acts just like a
lady, don't she Harold?

- Only when I'm with
such handsome gentlemen.

Oh, you're blushing.

He's blushing.

I like a man with humidity.

You're an Aries, aren't you?

- No.

- Libra?
- Nope.

Pisces.

- Ah, Pisces!

He's a Pisces.

I was just gonna say that.

Pisces!
(giggling)

- She's got it,
she has the gift.

Bingo, third try.

You're so funny.

- Oh this looks good.

- Yeah?

- Oh that's good,
it's so very good.

So he says to me, "If you
don't stop shaking those things

"in my face, I'm gonna kick you
off the cheerleading squad."

And then he took my pompoms.

- He took your pompoms?

- Yeah.

- Doesn't look it to me.

(laughing)

- Mr. McMurphy I think
you like to see me blush.

- Oh, oh Harold.

Help the old man up.

I've had too much to drink.

Oh oh oh oh oh.
- You alright?

- Yeah I'm alright.
- Okay.

- I'm fine.

Lulu?
- Yeah?

- It was terrific.
- Terrific.

- I want you people

to have some good
times yourselves, okay?

- You know I've got
to wake up early Dad.

- Hold it.

Give me a second here.
- Okay.

- Okay.

Keep everything
down to a low roar.

- Okay, yeah well okay so
we're not gonna be here

too long 'cause
I've gotta get up.

Gonna wake up.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- [Dad] Lulu.

- I like your father,
he's really nice.

- Yeah, it's a good act.

- Hope I'm not keeping you up.

- Actually--

- Why don't you let
me read your palm?

I'll do it for free.

I can tell you about
your love life.

I can read the future.

- Oh, couldn't be a
bigger fan of the unknown.

- Oh, stop it you are not.

Get over here, come on
over here and sit by me.

(laughing)

You're not the sharpest
tool in the shed, are you?

Come sit by me, come on,
inch your butt over here.

Here he comes,
ladies and gentlemen.

Come on mister.

Alright then.

Did you have any of that wine?

Damn that was good.

Alright, let's see
what we got here.

Ooh, let me focus.

Ooh, I see.

Look at that.

- What?

- I see you recently met a
woman who you like very much.

- That is true.

- Uh huh, yes it is.

Aw, but you're afraid to
tell her how you really feel.

You see that?

You're afraid that
she might reject you.

- Couldn't be more
true, tell me more.

- Well don't worry,
she won't reject you.

- No?
- Nuh uh,

she wants you equally.

- That's true?

- Yeah, she wants you right now.

- What do you mean?

- Get over here!

(shouting)

- [Harold] Oh no no Lulu don't!

- [Lulu] I wanna wake
up naked on your stove!

- [Harold] Oh that's
not right for me, Lulu!

- [Lulu] Oh stop
talking and kiss me.

- [Harold] Oh my god,
okay please, please.

Lulu.

Dad, Dad?

Oh see, that's
alright, that's okay.

- Hey what's that,
is that for me?

- No, that's not for you honey.

(laughing)

Okay we gotta, I gotta
take you very far away

because you're really
not right for me.

I swear to you she
tried to rape me.

- Get outta here.
(laughing)

- No no no no no.

Now the only reason I
did not call the cops

and I kid you not was
because the sheer terror

of them dusting my
crotch for fingerprints.

Otherwise I would
have called the cops.

- So what happened?

Did she like actually
force you to do it?

- No no no, ultimately
I ended up tying her up

with a phone cord
to make her stop.

- She must have
really hated that.

- No she loved it, I think
she thought it was kinky.

- Oh, she sounds
so right for me.

- No no.

- Oh come on man, hook me up.

She can't be as freaky
as Norma Desmond.

- Twice as freaky.

- The woman in the movie.

Seriously?
- Enjoy the movie.

- [Harold] It almost goes
by too fast, you know?

That's what they say--

- [Danny] Words,
words, and more words.

- That's what they
say art is man.

When you can make 10
minutes seems like eight.

It flew by.

- Style of filmmaking, man.

Tell them, the way the
writer tells the story

even though he's dead.

- See what happens when
you lie to a movie star?

- What are you saying,
she's gonna shoot you?

- Well you know what?

I wouldn't blame her if she did.

- Have you called her?

- Say what, you know?

I'm a tour bus driver,
that I'm not a writer.

I don't even know
what to say to her.

- No man, just ask her out.

Tell her you need to
discuss the script.

- Forget it man, no more lies.

I'm not gonna lie
to her anymore,

that's what I'm
trying to tell you.

- Then tell her the truth, tell
her you just wanna see her.

- At least it wouldn't be a lie.

- That's right, and
you know technically

you are a writer now.

- Why, because I got paid?

- You got paid.
- So what?

You know what, I haven't
written anything.

That's the reality.
- I got it.

I got it.
- What?

- I know just the place
for you to take her.

- Where?
- My play!

- Oh no.

- Oh come on man, I'll
get you in backstage,

you'll be a bigshot!

- It will be horrible,
you'll explain the entire

thing to her.

You know?

Be a joke.

You would be slamming
8x10s right on her feet.

You know what I
will support you,

I'll be there opening
night I promise you.

I'm gonna send her flowers.

- Well that's original.

God.

(phone dialing)

- Arthur Blake please.

(phone ringing)

- Good morning,
Arthur Blake's office.

- Hello, this is
Amanda Clark calling

and I was hoping
you could help me

reach a client of yours.

Looking for Harold McMurphy?

- Harold McMurphy.

Oh yeah, the writer.

Well Miss Clark, I'm
sorry, I can't give out

our client's numbers
over the phone.

I mean for one thing we
have no way of verifying

it's actually you.

- Oh god, that's true, isn't it?

Um, hmm.

Well it really is me.

Could you call my agent?

- Miss Clark, it's not
that I don't believe you

but I mean how could I be sure?

I mean how would you feel if
some creep called your agency

and said he was Mel Gibson?

(laughing)

- Well not a good example right?

- Well actually I could
get in touch with Mr. Blake

in New York and call you
back, is there a number

where I could reach you?

- Oh, yeah that would be great.

I'm gonna be at the Beverly
Hills Hotel this afternoon

at a luncheon, maybe you
could leave a message

at the front desk.

- No problem, I'll try to
get in touch with Mr. Blake

right away.

And Miss Clark, I
just love your movies.

- Oh thanks, thanks
for your help.

Bye bye.

(classical string music)

(clapping)

- Thank you very much, thank
you everybody, thank you.

Well let me be honest with you.

I can never understand why
we have to throw a banquet

to raise money for
starving people.

(laughing)

But let me just say this that
the generous contributions

you have made have already
exceeded the calories

you'll consume today.
(laughing)

So eat up and enjoy, thank
you, thank you very much.

(clapping)

- Amanda.

It's been such a long
time, how are you?

- Hi, good!

- Gosh you look terrific.

- Oh, thanks.

You look great yourself, really.

- Well you know me, I'm just
an old tired fundraiser.

(laughing)

- You're doing a
great job as always.

- Well you know it
keeps me out of trouble.

Listen, I heard
about you and Rich.

- Rich who?

- Okay so that's how it is.

Alright, this is the question.

- Yeah.

- Are you looking and
have you met anybody?

- No, not really.

Okay.

I did meet someone interesting.

- Really?
- Yeah.

But I'm not really sure
what he thinks of me.

- Oh come on, what,
are you serious?

Is he stupid, is
he married, gay?

- He's a writer.

(scoffs)

- He's probably all three.
(laughing)

- Actually I don't know
that much about him yet

but he sent me flowers.

- Flowers, a romantic!

That's a really good sign.

- Oh thank you.
- Oh yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you ask around?

You know, these people know
everything about everyone,

or at least they think they do.

So come on, I'll introduce you.

- I don't wanna ask 'em.

- Oh come on.

Listen, I will pick
their pockets and you
pick their brains.

(laughs)
Let's go.

Like a lot of flowers?
- Oh yeah.

- Is it McMurphy?

I thought it was Murray.

Anyway, yes, I
remember him very well.

He was always into trouble.

Drank like a fish, ah!

- His was a very famous case

in purely
psychoanalytical terms.

He bears the classic symptoms
of the Madonna/Whore complex.

And by Madonna I'm
speaking of the virgin.

- He used to date
my granddaughter
the son of a bitch.

He never even came into the
house the son of a bitch.

Wasn't even Jewish
the son of a bitch.

- Yeah, Harold McMurphy.

Wasn't he the guy, the writer
that was caught plagiarizing

Paddy Chayefsky?

Always had a couple of
girls on the side too.

- Uh Miss Clark,
message for you.

- I remember him.

- Could you excuse me a minute?

- Yes.
- Thank you.

- No problem honey.

- 12 cancellations.

Isn't that beautiful.

(sighs)

(phone ringing)

Trolleywood.

Trolleywood Tours, hello?

- Hello, can--
(static buzzing)

- Hello?
- Can you hear me?

Hello?

- Hello?

(phone dialing)
(phone ringing)

Yeah?

Trolleywood for pete sakes.

- [Amanda] Is Harold there?

- What, is that you Lulu?

Hey, could you speak up?

I can hardly hear you.

- I'd like to speak
to Harold if I may.

- No, he's not here right now.

But he oughta be
back pretty soon.

- [Amanda] I haven't heard
from him since the other night,

I was just wondering
how he's doing.

- Yeah well I'll
tell you how he is.

He's a jerk.

I mean, hate to
say it but I think

you're wasting your time.

I'm beginning to think he
doesn't like real women at all.

You know, all he likes is
those Hollywood floozies.

- Are you sure we're talking
about the same Harold?

- Yeah, I know it's
hard to believe

and I've known him
a lot of years.

Listen, I tried to
get him to call you,

he wouldn't do it.

If you want I'll try
again but I don't think

it's gonna do any good.

- No, that's okay.

If he didn't want to call, no.

- Listen, I am so sorry, I
think it's a shame myself.

But hey, forget him, you know?

Do yourself a favor and
get on with your life.

- Yes, I will,
alright, thank you.

Wait, who is this?

- Poor kid.

- Hello?

God!

(gentle music)

- Look who's here!

Can I get you something,
drink, pedicure?

- No thanks, I'm fine.

- Amanda if you were
fine you wouldn't be

hanging around in a party
dress at three o'clock

in the afternoon.

What's wrong?

- Sid, I need to talk to you.

- Sidney sweetheart
we gotta get this out,

you're gonna oxidize here.

- Atilla give me two minutes.

- Okay, let me just
get this one here.

- Okay.

Okay so tell me what happened.

- Okay it's about Harold.

You know the writer.

I just, I dunno Sid, I
think I might have been

really wrong about him.

- Well he's a writer honey,
you know how writers are.

- Yeah but I thought he was
this sweet sorta innocent man

and now I find out from
somebody that apparently

knows him really well
he's a real jerk.

Sid I should have found
out more about him.

- I never trusted him.

He was too, what do you
call it, too evasive.

But you know there
are a lot of people

who would be a whole lot happier

if this rewrite
deal fell through.

- I'm starting to lose
my faith in people.

In men.

- You have to protect
yourself Amanda,

things are different now.

When you're hot, everybody
has their own agenda.

- It shouldn't have
to be that way.

- That's showbiz, honey.

(honking)

- Hey.
- Hey.

- [Dad] How was the run?

- It was alright.

We made up for some stuff.

- You'll never guess who called.

- [Harold] Who?

- Lulu.

She was so torn up because
you hadn't talked to her.

- Dad, I don't wanna--

- Point that she--

- I may sue Lulu, okay,
don't talk about her please.

- Don't worry, I
let her down easy.

So what's going on?

- Well I think I'm
gonna go try writing.

You know everyone
thinks I'm a writer

I might as well try it.

- Okay so what you're
saying is you're gonna

write the damn thing.
- Yeah.

Well you know saying
it's one thing

and doing it is another.

- Alright don't be so
stressful about it.

You know what you gotta do.

You gotta get yourself drunk.

- That's gonna solve my
problems Dad, getting drunk?

Come on.
- No I'm serious Harold.

I never heard of a
writer that didn't drink.

There was Hemmingway,
what a drunk he was.

That guy O'Neill?
- Yeah.

- Seriously, just
have a cocktail.

Harold, it's not a big deal,

it loosens up all
your phagocytes.

- I don't know what
that means, but...

You think that would help?

- If there was one place in
life I failed you, it was there.

I shoulda taught
you how to drink.

Just give it a try.

- Okay.

Well.

I'll think about it Dad.

- Alright, go slow.
- Alright.

(upbeat rock music)
- Love you.

- Harold!
(shouts)

- Wow.

- Wake up man.

- Why are you yelling?

That's so wrong.
- Are you okay?

- Yeah, look, how do I feel?

- You look like a hundred bucks.

- I'm much, I'm...

- You know, I have never
seen anyone get drunk

so fast on one drink.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

Stop.

- Please get off the babysitter.

(laughing)

Please, your mother and I are
very, very, very proud of you.

- You need to ease up brother
if you want a ride home

'cause I still got a
couple more hours to work.

- Danny Danny Danny Danny!

- Oh my fan club, hey!
- Handsome man!

- Where you guys
been, I missed you.

- We missed you too.

We had an audition with a
casting director we know.

- Both of you?

- He's into group sex.

- [Harold] Casting
a crowd scene?

(laughing)

- This is my good
friend Harold McMurphy

and he is a fabulous writer.

- Mm, really?
- Yes.

- Would I know your work?
- Are you rich?

- Um, well you know I'm
in training actually.

- Oh.
- Yes, I'm in training.

You guys smell good.
- Thank you.

- Don't take that the wrong way.

- So do you.
- Oh thank you very much.

Thank you, thank you.

You know I'm having fun.

Danny this is good, I'm
living the dream, right?

I'd like to buy
you guys a drink.

- Oh.
- Sure!

- I'm in, sure.
- Alright.

You know, I'd like to
buy everyone a drink.

I always wanted to say that.

I want to buy everyone a drink.

Danny, I wanna buy those
people a drink right behind me,

I wanna buy these
people a drink.

Danny, take me seriously.

Take me seriously!

- I'm taking you seriously.

- I wanna buy these
people, I wanna buy...

Sidney!

I know them.

Sidney!

Harold McMurphy.

(laughing)

She heard me.

You're gonna like
her, she's weird.

- Harold.
- Hey.

- What a surprise.
- Yeah.

- I was just talking about you.

- Just now?
- No, earlier.

- Oh.
- How are you?

- I'm...
- You look like

you're doing just fine.

- Yeah.

- Oh!
- Sorry, sorry.

I'm a little drunk.

- Good, good.

Let me get you something.

- Oh.

- Would you and your
friends like some champagne?

- I would--

- Bartender.

I'd like a bottle of your
best domestic champagne

for my good friend
Harold and his lovely...

- This is my friend Tori.

- Hi, Carrie.
- Carrie.

- I'm Tori.

- Companions.

Put it on my tab.

- Wow, that's very
nice of you, thank you.

- My pleasure.

So good to see you like this.

- Thank you.

- But I gotta run.
- You gotta...

- Enjoy!

- You don't wanna
have a quick drink?

Hey Sidney, will you tell
Amanda that I said hello?

- Oh, believe me I will.

- Okay.

What a good guy.

Good guy.

- Yeah, I think you
oughta get down here.

There's something here
I think you should see.

Just trust me.

(laughing)

- Oh hey!

(bluesy music)

(groaning)

(laughing)

- Harold, what do
you write with?

- I write with, I write
with my typewriter--

- Okay.
- And my big pen.

- What?

- Your big pen?
- A big what?

- Um...
(laughing)

- Harold says he has a big pen.

- No my Bic pen,
I have a Bic pen.

That's what I write with.

Come on girls.

- Doesn't look that Bic to me.

- Hey!
(laughing)

Come on now, you know.

- Harold.

Harold.

Harold.
- What, what?

Hey, hey Amanda.

How you doing?

Hey.

Amanda.

- You know her?
- Yeah.

Amanda!

Hold on a second, wait a minute.

Amanda, what's going on?

Hey, what are you doing?

What's wrong?

I'm confused.

Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

- You're okay?
- I'm fine.

- I'm very happy to
see you, I don't know--

- You're drunk, okay?

- I'm a little drunk but--

- Yeah, if you wanted to
see me that badly Harold--

- Why are you upset?

- You could have
called me, okay?

- You wanted me to call you?

I would have called you.

I would do anything to call you.

- You know that's really,
it's quite an act you put on.

- What?
- Really.

I mean you deserve an
award for making me think

you were different but I
can see that you're like

every other slimebucket
in this town.

- That's not what--
- You're just like

all of 'em, Harold!

- No, hold on, why,
because those girls?

Look I don't remember their
names, I just met them tonight!

- Harold that even
makes it worse!

The least you could do
is remember their names,

treat them like human beings.

Next thing I know
you're gonna tell me

they lured you here
and made you get drunk!

- No I meant to get drunk,
I came here to get drunk.

- Oh you're disgusting.
- No no hold on!

Hold on a second!

I got drunk because I wanted
to show you that I can write.

Okay, give me a chance to
show you that I can write.

- Don't bother.
- Why?

- Look, I don't need
you to write any more

of your sexist crap, okay?

Really, just go back to
your little girlfriends

and leave me alone.

- Amanda, wait a minute,
where are you going?

Amanda, listen to
me, don't leave.

Amanda, you want me
to tell you the truth?

No no listen to me!

No no you don't understand!

I'm not, Amanda, I'm not a
writer I'm a tour bus driver!

I'm just a tour bus driver.

(door slams)

- [Dad] I mean did you at
least gas the bus for tomorrow?

- Dad, I told you I gotta
work until it's done.

Okay, please.

- What are you saying, you're
not gonna do anything else?

- No.

- I'm supposed to do
everything around here?

- No I'll do it,
I'll tell you what.

I will make the dinner
and I'll drive the trolley

but that's it, please Dad.

- Excuse me Harold,
you know what?

I don't get it.

What is the point in
knocking yourself out?

You got a D in spelling twice.

- That doesn't matter!

- Alright well--
- It doesn't matter!

- What I mean is there's
a lot of writers out there

with more experience than you!

It's one thing to say
you're a hotshot writer

and it's another thing to think
that you really believe it!

- I don't have time to
explain all that to you, okay?

Maybe you're right,
maybe I'm not a writer.

I know a good story and I know
movies, it's all in my head.

If I can get it down on paper

then I can do something!

- Alright.

But try not to type too loud.

(mellow rock music)

♪ House of wonder

♪ House of pain

♪ Looking out for all the
things that I have tried

♪ To rearrange

♪ Boiling water

♪ Burning sun

♪ Holding on to memories of
everything that I've ever done

♪ Change is coming in

♪ Change is good

♪ It's done everything
that I ever wished it would

♪ But it stands so tall

♪ Walks so strong

♪ It's taking over me

♪ Change is coming and

♪ Change is good

♪ It's done everything
that I ever hoped it would

♪ But it keeps me awake at night

♪ Worn out shoe soles

♪ Hurting pride

♪ Making sense of all
the places that I've been

♪ On the inside

♪ Hands are hurting

♪ Waking nights

♪ Now I wonder why
I ever wanted to

♪ Start this fight

♪ Change is coming and

♪ Change is good

♪ It's done everything
that I've ever understood

(knocking)

♪ But it stands so tall

♪ It walks so strong

- Where the hell'd you
come from, Alhambra?

♪ It's taking over me

♪ Change is coming and

♪ Change is good

♪ It's done everything
that I ever wished it would

♪ But it keeps me awake at night

♪ You want beauty

Hello folks, welcome
aboard Trolleywood Tours.

Today's tour will take about
an hour and 15 minutes.

We're gonna have a lot of fun.

♪ I thank you for the times

♪ You've managed to
keep me in my place

♪ Red orange leaves fall

♪ Into love

♪ Watching as the
wind fills the wings

♪ Of my very own turtledove

♪ Change is coming and

♪ Change is good

(knocks)

♪ It's done everything
that I ever wished it would

That was almost a freebie.

♪ But it stands so tall

♪ It walks so strong

♪ It's taking over me

♪ Change is coming and

♪ Change is good

♪ It's done everything
that I ever wished it would

♪ But it keeps me awake at night

(typewriter keys clacking)

♪ Yes it keeps me awake at night

(sighs)

- [Reporter] All major highways
are moving quite well...

- Hey, good morning.

Don't worry about breakfast,
I had something delivered.

And don't drink
out of the carton.

- I'm not.

Finished the rewrite.

- You finished the screenplay?

- Yep.

- No kidding.

You finished early, I
thought you had a couple more

days to go.

- So did I.

Apparently I didn't.

- So, what do you think?

Is it worth anything?

- I don't know.

I don't think so.

- When do you find out?

- Don't think I'm going
to, I just talked to her.

She doesn't ever
want to see me again.

- Doesn't want to see you again?

Why not?

You have a deal.

- Yeah that's what
I thought so too but

apparently she
found out about me.

She kept talking about
me and my preoccupation

for Hollywood floozies.

What does that mean, floozies?

No one uses that word anymore.

I gotta get outta here.

I got a trolley to drive.

- Jesus.

- We have the same map.

- Welcome to Trolleywood Tours,

can I take your tickets please?

- Oh oh.

Do you think we'll
see a movie star?

- No, absolutely not, no way.

- What?

Well that's not what the
fellow at the station said.

He said it was
practically a sure thing.

- Well maybe we'll
see one anyway dear.

♪ Open your eyes if
you wanna start a fire

♪ Turn out the lights

♪ Let me take you higher girl

♪ Oh yeah

♪ And this heart of mine
will be burning with desire

♪ Fire inside with a
spirit mystifying love

♪ Oh love

♪ And as a man once said

♪ In a book about dreams

♪ The closer you get to
love the harder it seems

♪ As a man once said
in a book about dreams

♪ The closer you get to
love the harder it seems

(doorbell ringing)

♪ Don't turn around

- Hi there I...

I'm Harold's father.

You know, Harold McMurphy?

- Oh yeah, of course.

- Listen, we have
a situation here

and I really need
to talk to you.

Do you think that's possible?

- Sure, come on in.
- Thank you.

Wow, this is clean.

- Welcome to Beverly
Hills everybody.

Coming up on your right
you'll see the home

where Gloria Swanson
used to live.

You remember Gloria from
the film Sunset Boulevard.

She played the actress
who shoots the lying,

no good writer William
Holt in the back.

Just remember, you should
always tell the truth,

'cause if you don't you get
exactly what you deserve.

(gentle music)

You can't pretend
to be somebody else

'cause you're just
gonna hurt someone.

And just 'cause
she's a movie star

doesn't mean that she
doesn't have feelings.

Probably got deeper feelings
than you'll ever know.

She's a real person.

Not made of wax.

Forget about being
preoccupied with movie stars,

they're just people.

They're your neighbor,
they're your best friend,

they're somebody you know.

Deal with your own life,
your own integrity.

Never give it away.

Tell the truth and run.

Tell the truth and stay!

- I bet you he's in love.

I bet he is, he's kind
of a handsome young man.

- I'm not saying
that movies are bad.

Movies, they're great, they
serve an amazing purpose.

They tell a great story, can
tell you a lot about your life.

What you're doing wrong.

(honking)

- Hey, there's Rich Adams!

- What, where?
- What?

- You!

(upbeat music)

- What you gotta do
to make things right?

(bell dings)

Hang on everybody.

- Hey, could you
get out of the way?

What?

F you too, get out of
the way, come on, move.

(bangs)

Leave my car alone.

Lady get out of the
way, would you please

get out of the way?
(huffing)

♪ Oh see

♪ See see right here

♪ I said see

♪ What you have done now

♪ Oh see

♪ See see right here

♪ I said see

♪ What you have done now

♪ You made me love you

- Hey buddy, you were
supposed to turn left

onto Sunset Boulevard.

You're going the wrong way!

- Oh, I'm dizzy.

(tires screeching)

- Whoa!

♪ And if I find me a new girl

♪ I won't be back at all

(murmuring)

- Are you alright?

- Yes, I am, are you alright?

- Yes.

(screaming and shouting)

♪ Judy Judy Judy

♪ Won't you come along with me

♪ Judy Judy Judy

♪ Won't you come along with me

(honking)

- Hold on.
- Ah!

- We just smoked Rich Adams!

This is like the bus from Speed!

- What's happening?

- I think he's psychotic.

- Cool!

- [Rich] Goddamn
trolley cut me off.

- I don't care sir.
- I can explain.

- Please stay in the car.

- Amanda, I have a
confession to make.

- You lied to me?

- Yes I did and I'm
sorry, I'm sorry.

- So what else did
you lie about, Harold?

- I don't know what you mean.

- I mean those girls, are
you seeing one of them?

- No I am not, no, no one.

- Well your father
came to see me.

In fact he's still here.

- My father's in your house?

- No actually he's in the pool.

- Oh my god, want me
to, I'll get him out.

- No, it's fine.

Harold, that's
not why I'm upset.

- Is it become of the money?

I'll find a way to get it
back to you, I promise.

- No, it's not about the money,
it's about the screenplay.

I read it.

(gentle music)

- You read my screenplay.

- Mm hmm.

And there's one question
I have to ask you.

What makes you think
you're qualified

to write a love scene?

I mean when was the last
time you were in love?

- Actually a lot more
recent than you think.

- Yes well I certainly
couldn't tell from the scene

in the woods, I mean, here
they are in the middle

of nowhere, she's just
come back to save his life,

and all you can have him do is
reach out and shake her hand?

- Well, family picture.

- Oh Harold, for goodness
sakes, it's the 1990s.

I mean it's sweet and all
but it's a little naive,

don't you think?

- Well I liked it
when I wrote it.

- Okay you liked it
but did you believe it?

- Yeah, I believed it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Well Harold, if you
were there with that woman

and she had just saved your
life, wouldn't you at least

wipe the dust off of her cheek?

Hmm?

Wouldn't you take
your arms and wrap 'em

around her waist
and pull her close?

Wouldn't you look into her
eyes and tell her how you felt?

Hmm?

(music swells)

(cheering and clapping)

- Bravo!

I told you he was in love!

(laughing)

- I'm sorry, I'm
sorry about that.

Did you like it?

My screenplay did you
like my screenplay?

- Oh Harold, it was,
it was just right.

- Really?
- Yeah!

It was so good, I love it!

- Yay!

(light music)

- Miss Clark may I
have your autograph?

- Yes, sure.

- Make it to George.
- Okay.

- No no no you guys!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry about this.

- It's okay.

- Please?

This is just like a real movie.

- Okay, get back on
the bus everybody.

This is not part of the tour.

Isn't part of the tour.

- Harold!

She's got marble
toilets, honest to god.

- Dad, don't touch anything.

For me.

- You got good taste.

The chandeliers, the whole
place is like slippery,

it's wonderful.

Oh hello.

(gentle music)

(laughing and chattering)

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Hey Johnny

♪ I can see that
look in your eyes

♪ Stop now you're
making me nervous

- Now Harold, listen to
your agent Sidney Stone.

We're not gonna turn
this into some kind

of a crusade, are we?

I know it's a
Shakespeare adaptation

but if they want
a talking ostrich

then give 'em a talking ostrich.

Who cares?

♪ It's not enough to know myself

♪ That I can be better than that

♪ Stand back and let me see

- And coming up on
your right is the home

of film star Amanda Clark and
Oscar-winning screenwriter

Harold McMurphy.

Now there's a writer for you.

(chuckling)

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ Taking me back home to you

♪ And in the darkness
in my weakness

♪ Forsaking me I dream of you

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ Pulling me close to you

(cheering)

- My next guest is one
of Hollywood's brightest

rising young stars, just
last year he was tending bar

on La Brea Avenue,
this year he's starring

in one of LA's hottest plays.

Hot plays in LA,
is that possible?

Anyway, here he is to
tell us all about it,

please welcome Mr. Danny Sams!

(cheering)
(upbeat band music)

Good to see you.

Let me ask you something.

Before I start I gotta ask
you about one thing here.

Amanda Clark and
a tour bus driver.

What is that all about?

- Well Jay, it's a love story
I have to tell you that.

♪ So I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ AsI walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ So I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ As I walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ And I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ As I walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ As time escapes

♪ I count the moments in my soul

♪ And every echo every heartbeat

♪ Keeps you here
I won't let you go

♪ I can only hear
you in the night

♪ Oh so right

♪ I can only see
you in the night

♪ So I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ As I walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ So I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ As I walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ And I talk in my sleep

♪ Just to hear your voice again

♪ As I walk through my dreams

♪ Hoping that my tears will end

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ I can only hear the rhythm

♪ I can only hear