Just One Time (1999) - full transcript

When the fiancee of a fireman reluctantly agrees to participate in a menage a trois with another woman, she does so on the condition that he reciprocate the favor with another man, which ultimately puts their impending marriage in jeopardy.



♪ Ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ what are you thinking of

♪ when you're making love?

♪ Does it feel divine?

♪ Do you take your time?

♪ What are you thinking of

♪ when you're making love?



♪ Does it feel divine?

♪ Do you take your time?

♪ So what's your position?
Is it girl on top? ♪

♪ Is it guy on the bottom?
When you're ready to rock? ♪

♪ You say whose decision
when you're slippery and hot ♪

♪ Is it the girl on the bottom
or the guy on top? ♪

♪ Your favorite situation
when you're ready to bop ♪

♪ Is it in your house
or the back of your car? ♪

Yo, come on, please.

- I gotta have it.
- La la la la.

Look, this is the last time.
I swear to god, michelle.

Yeah, every time's
the last time.

Iast time was the last time.

Yeah, but if I don't
get it this time...



what?

Yo, if I don't get it
this time, michelle,

I'm going to go crazy.

No, I'm going to go crazy.

Please, please.

♪ Love

♪ ah rub-a-dub love

♪ rub-a-dub love

hello, miss belly button.

All right, stop.

You better stop or else.

Oh!

[squeaking]

This is the last time.

Yo, michelle, wait up!

You know, I could have
bought this myself, but...

I know.

What if my parents were

coming out of the shop
or something?

Why don't you just tell them?

What are you crazy?

My mom would like totally freak.

Victor, you wear pink shoes.
You think she's stupid?

Pink!

Yo, these aren't okay.
They're fuchsia.

Fuchsia, fuchsia.

Like any straight guy's
going to wear fuchsia sneakers?

Come on, victor, just...
shh! Wait, wait, wait.

Yo, amy and anthony
are fighting.

- I can't help it.
- You're ridiculous.

I'm not ridiculous.

I just have certain needs, okay?

I don't want to hear this.

I don't why the hell she's
marrying this asshole anyway.

I do.

Oh, shut up.

Anthony, my meeting's
important.

Look, I'm putting on
my shirt, okay?

And these.

Okay, fine. My pants, too.

One little kiss,
and then we'll go.

I swear on my right arm.

- One.
- One.

Behave. Anthony.

[grunts] anthony!

[laughs] [wheezing]

Ugh!

I knew you wouldn't behave.

- I know you knew.
- 'cause you're bad.

[phone rings]

- Don't you dare.
- I have to.

Anthony, that the fifth time
she's called this morning.

Hi, ma.
No, we're leaving for work.

[laughs] yes.

She says lilies are
for funerals.

What about tulips?

That's fine, ma.

Yes!

No. The bachelor party
is not going to be like that.

All right.

Love you, too. Bye.

[hangs up]

Can I have my kiss?

It's too late. Come on.

Hey, anthony, don't have
too much fun

at the party tonight, huh?

How does luis know?

I told him. I won't!

Come on, it's just
a stupid party.

Anthony, I know what happens
at those parties,

and I know your friends.

Oh, so you have a problem
with my friends?

That's not what I'm saying.

Then what?

Well, it's dom.

He's such a womanizer,

and I know he's going to have
half-naked women there

with names like peaches
and candy.

Look, I love you, okay?

Only you.

I love you, too.

So can I have my kiss?

[kissing sounds]

Hey, look, your boyfriend's
watching.

Hey, victor!

Hey, amy. Hey, anthony.

I thought you said
he went away to college.

He's on summer vacation.

So let him get a job.

Oh, I think it's cute.

Be careful, okay?

[kiss]

[upbeat music]

What's up? [Laughs]

[dings]

[phone rings] - oh! Ah! Amy.

Honey, the new client's
in conference room b.

- I know.
- He seems mean.

Great!

Oh, I need you to set back
the, uh, sternberg deposition.

Yeah, well, it's already
on my list.

Anything else?
have my parents called?

Uh, no, nothing from
india yet.

- Not even a fax?
- Amy, please.

It's just a stupid
bachelor party.

Stop stressing over it.

I know.

It's just that I don't like
to think about him

around half-naked women.

[sighs] - you trust him?

Yes.

That's what counts, right?

- Right.
- Right.

Mr. zafiris, please accept
my apology.

Ms. hannibal, we are not
off to

a very good start, are we?

No, sir. And again...

there are 3 things
that I expect from my attorney.

Total dedication.

Hard work.

And punctuality.

And when I don't get those
3 things I get angry.

Do you know what happens
when I get angry?

No, sir.

I dance.

[rips] hit it!

[dance music] - surprise!

- What?
- Come on, girls!

All: Whoo!

[laughing and yelling]
all right!

We were hoping he'd have
bigger pecs.

[laughs]

Keep going! Keep going!

[all screaming]



[sniffs]

[sprays]

[squeaking]
hello, mr. Bachelor.

[laughs]
that's real cute, guys.

[laughter] - what's up, buddy?

Big night tonight.

I thought I told you
no big party.

Hey, anthony,
we went to a lot of planning.

[beeping]
especially your best man.

[over loudspeaker]
yo, anthony!

Your mama's on line one.

[laughter]

Whoa ho ho!

[slams]

Hey, be careful with that.

Hi, mom.

Yeah, I already told you
tulips are fine.

Did you take care
of the ladies for tonight?

You were supposed
to get the ladies.

No, it's not going
to be a big party.

You know I told you guys
to get the ladies.

With what money?

He told you to get the ladies!

Mom, I swear it.

I swear on my right arm

the guys aren't planning
anything stupid.

Yo, you're a fucking mama-loo!

Hey, that's the last time!

Ah! [Tumbling]

[scraping]

Oh, my god.

Hi.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, all right. Fine.

[overhead announcements]

What happened?

[sighs]

The guys had this stupid doll,

and it had water balloon boobs.

And cyril was holding the rope,

and... [makes crash noise]

And I only have to wear
this thing for 6 weeks.

[overhead announcements]

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Come on. When you crunch
your lip up like that,

something's the matter.

Anthony, you had a freak
water balloon

boobie doll accident.

No, I was really worried.

It's not like it sounds.

Just uncrunch your lip.

Can we get out of here?

- I gotta go back.
- What?

I promised the guys
I would go back.

I mean, this party means
a lot to them.

But you're all drugged up.

I'll be fine.

[upbeat music]

[yelling and hooting]

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Yeah!

Hi.

My name's candy.

And this here's peaches.

What's your name, wounded baby?

What's your name?

Anthony.

What's your deepest fantasy?

And how can I
help you fulfill it?

Tell her.

Tell 'em, anthony!

My fantasy...

is to marry my wife.

Boo!

[kisses]

We're going to pay off
all her student loans,

and then we're going to get
a house with a garden

and then live together
happily ever after.

[all booing]

That's nice.
Now tell 'em your other fantasy.

Two women doing it.

Those women?

Close enough! Ladies.

Go on, anthony.
This is your life-long fantasy.

They're not my fantasy.

What do you mean?
But you said...

- Amy's my fantasy.
- Yeah, but...

amy and another girl like amy.

But you said she wouldn't
do it.

This is your last chance.

Huh?

Your vows, asshole.

There's nothing in catholic
wedding vows

that allows a threesome.

Yeah, but...

you're taking an oath.

You swore on your arm.
Look what happened.

You break the vows of fidelity,

it ain't gonna be your arm
god strikes.

You guys watching
this show or what?

[girls oohing and ahhing] [thud]

[knocking]

Hello?

It's the guys.

Oh.

What did you guys do?

He just... passed out.

It isn't a bachelor party

until the bachelor passes out.

- Come on.
- [laughs]

[sighs]

[door slams]

Watch his head.

Take it easy.

Don't worry.
He'll be fine, uh.

And, uh, the guys gave him
just a couple drinks

before they knew he was
on these.

Wonderful.

And these are from the,
uh, bach...

[smacks]

Well, you know... then just put...

You could just put 'em
in the bathroom.

Uh... i'll just put 'em here.

Go on.

You know how much
he loves you, right?

I've never seen
anything like it.

Thanks.

You look really nice.

[door shuts]



[cracking knuckles]

[whispers] ooh, sexy lady.

Give me a kiss.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I saw what you were doing.

[sighs]

It's not like I asked you
again.

Well, good.

But it would be fun though.

Come on, I'm sorry.

If you were sorry,
you wouldn't have said it.

Well, you know
it's my fantasy.

- I thought you outgrew it.
- I tried!

Anthony, we're getting married
in 10 days.

That's the point... I don't
want to break

our wedding vows, okay.

Well, I don't want to
have sex with a woman

just so you can get off!

Well, I'm not asking you
to have sex.

I mean, I don't even care

if you go down on her.

[sighs]

Uh... i just want us all
to be intimate.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Just one time.

Give it!

[door slams]

[sighs]

[car alarm]

Ugh!

[door slams]

[radio playing]

What?

Is the wedding off?

Victor, were you listening?

You guys were yelling so loud

the whole block could hear you.

Great.

You know, I hate when
you give me that puppy dog face.

I can't help it.

It's just that, I mean,
you and sort of michelle

are like the only ones
I can talk to around here.

[sighs] so then you think
that I should stay with him?

I don't know.

I mean, I know he's
messed up sometimes,

but he's like...

totally hot.

- [laughs]
- and he loves you, right?

I mean, you ever see the way
he looks at other guys

when they're checking you out?

Like a caveman?

[laughs] yeah.

Right.

Look, all I gotta say

is that when I finally
get with a guy

anthony is exactly
the kind of guy

I want to be with.

And I don't know, I mean,

if he asked me
to do something like that

I think I would do it.

Yo, check it out.

Why don't you go ask michelle?

She'll go upstairs with you.

Come on.
- [Sighs]

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, baby.

[moaning]

[door unlocking]

[clattering]

[slams]

Hey.

Hi.

You're back.

I live here.

So you're not mad?

[keys jangle]

No.

[pats]

I was thinking...

um, I decided to help you
with your fantasy.

Really?

[sighs] yeah.

I love you.

And when you love someone

sometimes you do things
you don't want to do

just to make them happy.

That's exactly what
I was saying.

And you'd be willing

to do the same for me, right?

Yeah.

I swear on my...

on my mother.

[laughs] I swear on my mother.

[upbeat music]

Dom!

Anthony, what happened?
You all right?

- Where is everyone?
- They're on a call, bro.

What do you think?

All right, you've got to
give dom

an important message for me,
all right.

But you can only tell him
and nobody else, okay?

Right, what is it?

- What?
- Nah, forget it.

No, no forget it. You started.

You gotta tell me now.
Come on. What is it?

Tell him that amy is gonna
give me my fantasy tonight.

You're joking, right?

I swear. Just tell him.

Get the fuck outta here!



- Hey.
- Hi.

Where you been?

Um, just getting a few
things for tonight.

- Set the mood.
- Oh.

Dom left you a message.

[beep]

Buddy, what's up? It's me.

I heard some very interesting
news over the radio.

So, call me first thing
tomorrow, all right?

[beep]

- I didn't mean...
- It's all right.

You can tell whoever you want.

You look so beautiful.

Thank you.

[kissing sounds]

[knocking]

Are you sure you want
to go through with this?

Yeah.

[knocking]

Just a second!

You should go ahead and get in
bed and get these off.

[laughs] - okay.

I'm never going to forget this
as long as I live.

Ready?

[unlocks]

[playful music]

Oh, shit, dude.

Yo, look at this place.

[gasps]

Anthony, you are looking
so good, man.

Yo, thank you so much.

Yo, I can't believe this shit.

Damn!

Yo, I never get this lucky, man.
amy?

You said you'd do the same
for me. Were you lying?

Anthony, you swore
on your mother.

Yo, it's not like I'm,
you know,

totally inexperienced
or anything.

I mean, I've read magazines.

I've seen videos.

But you never wanted...

it's just one time.

[sighs]

[laughs]

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi, ma.

Oh, no, no, no. It's fine.

No, I... I'm sure we can
get a sleeveless tuxedo.

[shuffling]

Ma, I think I got to
call you back.

I love you, too.

[hangs up]

[playful music]

Nothing like a call
from your poor widowed mother

to ruin the mood.

- Anthony...
- Look, I mean...

victor should understand.

I mean, suppose
your mother called.

Shit, man, I would freak.

Exactly.

And... and it's times like this

that remind us of all the things

our mothers have
taught us over our lives.

Such as what?

Such as you don't just

jump into bed with someone.

Unless you've dated 'em.

You want to date?

No. I mean...

actually, that's
a really good idea.

I think the two of you should

get to know each other better.

What about tomorrow night,
victor?

- That's great.
- I have plans with the guys

tomorrow night... I can't.

So why don't you
take him with you?

I'm sure they won't mind.

- But you don't...
- I don't mind.

Anthony, you swore to me,
and I trusted you.

So, what are you saying?

You know exactly
what I'm saying.

If I don't sleep
with victor, that's it?

No, you pick whatever man
you want,

and I'll pick whatever
woman I want.

Can't we just forget
the whole thing?

That didn't seem to be
an option when I suggested it.

I made a mistake, all right.

Anthony, look,
you can't help your fantasy.

And I don't want it
hanging over my head anymore.

So either keep up
your end of the bargain,

or don't bother showing up
at church next week.

Because I won't be there.

Come on, I'm sorry!

Me, too.

So who's gonna be
the lucky guy?

[upbeat music]

- Morning.
- Morning!

Is, uh, sleeping beauty
up yet?

Oh, yeah, but he's
a little tired.

You know, he didn't get
much sleep last night.

Oh, yeah?

[horn blaring] - yo, anthony!

Get your ass out of bed or
we're coming up!

Yo! [Horn blares]

Come on.
Get out of bed already!

Whoo! Get up, you mama-luke!

Hey!

Come on. We're dying
of suspense down here.

Hurry up!

Get down here. What happened?!

- Coming down?
- Yo!

Hurry up! Come on!
[horn blares]

[whistling]

[toilet flushes]

What?

- What do you mean "what"?
- Come on.

- What? What happened?
- What's going on?

Look, I don't want
to talk about it, all right.

What did she look like?

Amy?

No, the other one!

All right, I guess.

What did she wear?

- Boxers.
- Redhead?

Brunette.

- Hispanic, I think.
- Oh, spicy.

What did they do?

You guys have seen the movies.

Use your imagination, all right.

- Big breasts?
- She was a guy, all right?

A guy. Boxers, black hair,
5 o'clock shadow.

Name is victor.

That was your fantasy,
anthony?

- No.
- 'cause if it was I mean...

dom, you know what
my fantasy is.

- I was tricked.
- By the guy?

- Amy.
- Amy's a guy?

Amy's a woman. I'm a guy.

The guy was a guy. So shut up!

[smacks lips]

Did you do it?

What?

You know, it.

- [yells]
- relax! Relax! Relax!

Relax, man!

- Anthony, I'm just asking.
- Nothing happened, okay.

We're just supposed to...

date.

Now I'm confused.

I'm just completely
confused here.

I swore on my mother...

oh! To what?

To fulfill her fantasy.

Wait a second. Let me
try to figure this out here.

She tricks you,
so now you're going to go

run off and pack this guy's
fudge.

It's disgusting, anthony.

- Better than a dead mother.
- Oh, hey!

Look, the point here

is that I made a promise
to the woman I love.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

So...

just take the guy out.

- What?
- What?

I'm not saying he has
to actually do anything.

I'm just saying that if she sees

that he's going through with it,

she'll put on the brakes.

Then you won't be
breaking your promise.

You think?

- Sure.
- [snickers]

Well, I mean, actually

we're all supposed
to take him out.

All: We?

I told him we had
plans tonight.

Wait a second.
We, as in me, nick?

You're crazy. I'm not doing it.

Look, nick, I don't want
to do this either, all right.

It's dirty, anthony.
I'm just not doing it.

I'm sorry. I'd love to
help you, but I can't.

Let's get the fuck out of here.
we're leaving.

Where the fuck do you
think you guys are going?

- Where do you think, dom?
- That's bullshit, all right!

Because our firefighting brother
here has a little problem.

You don't just abandon
your brothers

in their moment of need.

Embarrassing.

[knocking]

[salsa music playing]

Hi.

Is victor here?

Victor!

Yo, anthony. What's up?

I'll be right back, mami.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey.

Is 9 tonight okay?

Really?

I mean... yeah.

Yeah, that's... that's fine.
That's good.

You know, we're just...

gonna get a beer, okay.

Okay. That's...
That's great, man.



[buzzing]

I'm in the middle
of something!

Can I just ask you
one question?

Oh!

Do I have a choice?

You notice anything different?

Yeah, you parted
your hair different.

Yeah, but something else, too.

- Victor, I really don't...
- Look down!

Look at my feet.

Oh, good. Don't tell me.

- You straight now?
- No!

Well, then wear them well.
They're great.

Michelle, don't you want
to know why?

[sighs]

Ten seconds.

I have a date tonight.

Good. Use protection.

- Guess with who.
- Keanu.

Better. Anthony!

Anthony who?

Amy and anthony are swingers.

Oh, shut up.

Does this shirt
make me look gay?

Uh-uh.

You didn't even look.

Guess I'm going then.

Okay.

On my date.

Have fun.

Do you need anything?

Nope.

Milk, groceries?

What about plant food?

You never seem to
have enough plant food.

Guess I'm going then.

Guess you are.

[sighs]

[unlocks]

Listen, I know what
you're doing.

Reading?

No, I mean this whole thing.

It's not your fantasy.

What makes you so sure?

Because I know you.

I mean, you don't want me
to walk out that door.

[sighs]

I guess you don't know me
as well as you think you do.

All right. Fine.

This is how you want it?

We made a deal.

Okay.

You want me to go out on a date?

I'll go out on a date.

You want me to have sex
with a guy to prove my love?

I can do that.

[slams]

I never said
you had to have sex!

I don't even care
if you go down on him!

[slams]

Just don't forget
your half of the bargain.

[sighs] [door slams]

[sighs]

- Sorry.
- No problem.

Somebody please tell me
where the fuck we're going?

Yo, make a left.
I've got an idea.

[muted dance music]

This the kind of place
I think it is?

There's no way. I'm not
going into a fag bar.

There's no way. What?

Come on. Suppose somebody I know
sees me in there? Then what?

We'll just tell 'em that we're
helping out our gay friends.

That's very funny.

Look, guys,
it wouldn't be that big a deal

if you were secure
with your manhood.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What's that supposed to mean?

That means park the car, nick.

[dance music]

I hate this song, man.

- Relax.
- How can I relax?

I've got everyone
looking at my ass.

- You ain't got an ass.
- Can we just get a drink?

Ten tequilas.

Five bucks. Is that all?

Doubt it.

Ho!

To new friends.

New experiences.

And getting drunk real quick.

- Here, here.
- I'll drink to that.

Salud! [Clinking]

Mmm! Mano, check that out.

What house you think
that guy's with over there?

Come on, let's go check it out.
are you nuts?

Make sure nobody grabs my ass.

All right, let's go. Come on.

You're going to do
the talking.

I'm not talking.
You're talking.

You believe those two?

Yeah.

Hey, you guys feel
like dancing?

No thanks.

- Excuse me.
- Stand close.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Thank you.

I feel so dirty. Hurry up.

Stop. My mother sees me
I'm dead.

Come on. Excuse me.

What house you with?

- What?
- What house are you with?

We're firemen, too.

69.

Oh, is that uptown?

Right.

Hey, don't listen to him.
He's fucking with you.

He got that at the fire store
in soho.

Are you guys really firemen?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're here supporting
our gay friend there.

That's pretty cool.

You guys want to dance?

- No.
- I'm all right. Thank you.

Thanks for asking, really.

Well, how about a shot
or something then?

Uh, our treat.

- What the hell?
- What the hell.

We're here, right.
What the hell.



[dance music]

Announcer: Hey all you studs
and queens out there!

Don't forget wig-out wednesdays.

You wear a wig, you get in free.

[laughs] so we all get up
on the dinner table,

and right in the middle
of this big puddle of dog vomit

is this bright blue condom.

- Used?
- Yeah.

Night before
with his prom date, rhonda.

[laughs] she tossed it on the
floor, and the pooch ate it.

[laughs] ew!

So his mother starts crying
because she knows

that blue is anthony's
favorite color.

And the dog sleeps in his room.

And she also thinks
anthony's still a virgin.

Oh, yo, that's messed up.

So, anthony, trying not
to break his mother's heart,

tells her that he didn't
actually use it.

[laughs] - what?

He was just trying it on.

[laughs] she believed it?

Completely.

Anybody who knows anthony knows

that like telling the truth
is like a disease for him.

Yo, like jim carrey
in that movie, man.

- Exactly.
- Oh, man.

I know.

Wonder where anthony is.

He's in the bathroom
again, I think.

[whispers] shit.

[grunts]

Need a hand?

You shouldn't feel bad.

He's just nervous is all.

Yo, me too.

Really?

It's my first date.

You never even dated a chick.

No.

I mean, I had chances to,

but I didn't want to
lead 'em on like that.

So in high school
kids knew about you?

They thought they knew,
you know.

But they didn't really know.

For sure, anyway.

What did they do?

Pushed me around a little.

Called me victoria.

Throw shit on my locker.

Did they ever hit you?

A couple of times.

- Can we get out of here?
- Oh, what's the rush?

You're having a good time.

Look, I just want to
get out of here, all right.

Where's nick and cyril?

Over there.

[laughing]

Yo, see you guys
wednesday, all right?

- Yeah, man!
- I gotta get myself a wig, man.

You think I would look
good in red?

- What are you? A homo?
- Yeah.

Who you calling
a homo, girlfriend?

Don't be taking any shit,
all right?

I won't.

Anyone bothers you

you let 'em know that
you've got some friends

who will kick their ass.

All right. [Grappling]

Yo, anthony!

'Night.
- 'Night.

Ow! Fucking hurt, man!
Stop! Ah!

Iater, kid.

Ah! Be safe, all right!
Ah! Ooh!

Yo, that was the best time
I've ever had, man.

I wish I had friends like yours.

You haven't seen 'em
at their worst.

[laughs]

Listen, victor,

there's something I wanna...
you don't have to say it.

No, but I think
I should explain.

It's just one time, right.

Not exactly.
See, the thing is...

I mean, you wanna do it
again, that's okay, too.

But, I mean, I just...
I don't want to lie to amy.

Forget it.

I'll just see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

[footsteps]

[unlocking]

[door opens]

[squeaking]

[alarm rings]

[alarm stops]

[sighs]

- Morning.
- Morning.

You have a good time last night?

You mean, with...

your date?

Yeah.

Pretty good.

You?

Worked.

Listen, I was thinking...

I mean, if you want to maybe...

what?

Nothing.

Come on, just tell me.

Did you really have
a good time last night?

Yeah.

I mean...

I really think this
whole thing could work out.

Unless you've changed your mind?

Me, no.

Of course not.

I mean, we made a deal, right?

I pretended to go on
with it just like you said,

and she didn't put on
any brakes.

Look, anthony, I was just
telling you what I thought.

How do you know
she's not bluffing?

What if she's not?

[grunts]

Could you do it with him?

No.

[exhales]

'Cause I was thinking about
this whole

swearing on your mother thing.

Hey, quit bringing
my mother into this.

Hello, is this
the resource center?

This is the gay and lesbian
resource center.

Great. Um, uh...

I was just wondering
if you had any workshops

or, um, support groups?

Oh, yes, we have several.

We have "gays and lesbians
dealing with anger,"

"gays and lesbians of color
dealing with issues of color,"

"gays and lesbians
in wheelchairs,"

"adult children of
alcoholic lesbians,"

"gays and lesbians
who are well-adjusted"...

hey, have you seen
the thomas report?

No. Um, sorry.

Uh... [sighs and laughs]

Look, anthony, I'm just
trying to help.

[sighs]

Maybe you can help.

How?

Look, you remember
when we found that porno movie

in your brother's room?

Sounds familiar.

Come on, I know you remember.

The one where the girls
are having an orgy.

Oh, right.

So what? We were like 13.

Okay, so remember when
we watched it,

you were at one end
of the couch,

and I was all the way
at the other end of the couch.

And then you know we...

I don't want to
talk about this.

Come on, I'm just saying
because it's not a big deal.

I mean, it was all about
the movie, right.

It wasn't about
you and me at all.

- What's your point?
- My point is...

is that I have to
go through with this thing...

I was wondering if
you would be the other guy.

[coughs] what?

Come on. Don't make me
say it again.

You're crazy.

No, no.

We... we don't have any stds.

We're very clean.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, I'll get an occasional glass
of wine with dinner, you know?

Uh-huh.

Me?

I'm a lawyer. [Dial tone]

Hello?

Come on, man, if I have
to do this thing with victor,

he's going to be all over me.

If I have to get another
straight guy,

he's going to be all over amy.

At least with you
you're my best friend.

I can trust you.
no way, anthony.

Come on, it will be
just like the movie.

It's not a big deal.

Come on - shut up!

Come on, I mean,

you always said you thought
amy was so hot.

So, now you can actually
touch her.

I mean, you just couldn't
do any of the big stuff.

Anthony, I couldn't do it.
why not?

'Cause we're not 13 anymore.

[chatter]

Oh, oh, I love this haircut.

- [laughs]
- who did it?

Okay, ladies,
let's get started.

Have a seat.

You're late. I saw that.

Come on in! Come on in!

We don't bite. Have a seat.

Today, we're discussing
my sister, my lover:

I'm an ocean of love.

Who'd like to begin?

[sniffs] is there
a straight girl in here?

- What?
- [sniffs]

[sniffs]

[sniffs deeply]

You're right.

I think she's just here
to pry into our lives.

Probably to please her boyfriend

before she takes part
in a catholic wedding!

Can I help you?

[upbeat music]

I got it.

I don't know why
I didn't think of it before.

What?

Well, you said that amy said

that she would help you
with your fantasy

if you helped her
with hers, right?

Right.

So, it's your fantasy for hers.

That's the deal?

Yeah.

So if you could...

suppress your fantasy,
erase it from your mind...

you wouldn't owe her anything.

That's not gonna work.

Why not?

Have you ever tried
to suppress a fantasy?

[dings]

Hey!

Hi. Michelle, right?

Yeah.

Can I help you with something?

Oh, yeah.
I need some furniture.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Uh, what do you need?

Oh, you know, just...
furniture.

[laughs]

Okay.

Cabinets?

Yeah. Cabinets. That's great.

Cabinets, and we need
a foot stool.

A foot stool.

Yeah, there is
shelf after shelf we can't touch

because there's no foot stool.

It's a crisis.

Um...

chestnut?

What?

Chestnut?

Chestnut.

You know, it's almost like oak.

And it's cheaper.

Yeah, chestnut. That's great.

You okay?

Oh, uh, great. I'm fine.

[sighs]

Good, 'cause I'm not
embarrassed

if you want to talk
to me about sex.

- Okay.
- Okay.

[spraying]

What the hell are you doing?

I'm trying to imagine
just me and amy.

I didn't tell you
to do it here.

Well, I thought I was alone.

You know, maybe if you have to
go through with this thing

it's not the worst thing
in the world.

Seems like a nice kid.

You sleep with him.

Look, anthony, all I'm saying

is that he could have been
some old bald,

dirty, hairy guy.

I just hope you don't
hurt his feelings.

Oh, please.
You don't just become a lesbian.

[dings] - it's not what I meant.

Well, I'll tell you something.

Somebody asked me
to do something

I didn't want to do...

I'd be out of there like that.

I love him.

Well, then in that case,
you're fucked.

[pats]
hey, hassan, how's it hanging?

Oh, just a little
to the left, and you?

Just right, baby.

- This good?
- Yeah, good.

Your new friend?

Ah... yeah. Well, maybe.

[both laugh]

So what do you think it is

about guys wanting to see
2 women together?

Well, let's see.

From my dyke perspective.

I would have to say
that the fantasy results

from a guy's overattachment
to his mother's breast.

Instead of 2, he needs 4.

Anthony is very attached
to his mother.

You think that's it?

Mm. No.

I mean, what do I know
what people need, right?

But I tell you what I do know.

In the few times that I did
have the experience,

when a woman's really
having a good time,

I mean really having
a good time...

you know, not trying to put
a performance on for the guy,

he freaks out.

You think?

You think? I know.

I mean, the guy's sitting
there thinking

my thing is so big

I need 2 chicks.

Meanwhile, the girls having
a good time with no thing,

and we realize
how useless his thing is.

So, this guy comes up
to me, and he says:

"What has 2 thumbs
and likes blowjobs?"

I don't know. What?

He goes, "this guy!"

okay. That's why
I don't date men.

Hey, yo, ames.
Come on and play with me.

Oh, hey, clarence.
No, I can't.

We're talking right now.
no, no, no. Go ahead.

Oh, shit.
You're drinking a 40?

No, a 45.

- Oh.
- [laughs]

Yo, I got a dollar says
you can't score off me.

That's big talk
for a squirt like you, clarence.

Who you calling squirt, woman?

Who you calling a woman,
squirt? Should I take him?

- Go ahead.
- Come on, clarence.

Ready to lose a dollar?
I ain't losing nothing.

Very nice!

Keep your dollar, clarence.

We'll go double or nothing
next time.

See ya, ames.

- [sighs]
- very well done.

Wasn't a thing.

You must come here a lot.

[laughs] - yeah.

I like it here.

[sighs]

You remember this
old crack house burnt down?

Yes.

Well, this is where
I met anthony.

Oh!

Now I get it.

He's a crackhead.
- [Laughs]

That's very, very romantic.

No, even better.

You were walking by
and you saw this guy

with a really big hose...
[laughs]

And you just had to have it.

- That's it.
- Oh, the love!

No.

Actually, I was just trying
to get home from work one day,

and I saw this building
going down.

As I'm walking by,
that's where I found anthony.

Hiding in the corner.

He was crying like a baby.

I didn't know if he had
gotten hurt

or... or if someone he knew
had gotten hurt or what.

And so now I was
going to keep going...

I don't know.
Something made me stop.

And, um, I found myself
offering him a tissue.

[laughs]

At which point he threw
his arms around me,

and he started crying, um...

"I didn't see him.
I didn't see him."

who?

This kid he saved.

He was all upset because

he almost missed him.

That's a very lovely story.
[laughs]

A little weird.

He's very sensitive.

- He is.
- I know.

He really is.

I know.

And the other thing
I get all the time

is that I'm a lesbian
because I hate men.

I mean, why would I hate them?

I don't have to
sleep with them, you know.

[laughs]

Ah! Hey, venus, baby!
Fill me up.

Oh my god.
Is that what time it is?

Oh, is that what time
you want it to be?

No. No, no.

I was supposed to go eat
some sample food

with anthony and his mother.

- Sample what?
- Surf and turf.

I was supposed to pick out food

for the caterer to serve
at the wedding.

But I'm way late.

Anthony gets really pissed off
when his mother's involved.

You know, he does this
pouty hall monitor thing.

It's like...
i don't know what it is.

But I'm... i'm... i shouldn't make
fun of him anyway.

Why not?

Unless he pisses me off.
[laughs]

[both laugh]

Well, I tell you what,
I tell you...

I think he should start
appreciating what he's got

instead of wanting
something else.

Very well spoken.

[clinks]

[laughter, blowing]

[unlocks] - where have you...

- Hi, sweetie.
- Anthony.

- Come on in.
- [laughs]

Oh, he does look like
a pouty monitor guy.

We were supposed to meet
my mom an hour and a half ago.

[together] surf and turf.

Come on. You're drunk.

No, I only had a few beers.

Wait, I want to tell...
Tell you something.

I think you need some sleep.

I don't want to go to sleep.

[sighs]

- All right.
- [mumbling]



She's a very nice girl.

I know.

She's very cute, too.

Honk.

All right, I'll go.

Tell her I'll see her
tomorrow then.

[jangling]

[kisses]

Heart-shaped toasts.
Aren't they sweet?

They're great, ma.

- Aren't they.
- They're cute.

Try one.

They're made
with cookie cutters.

It's in martha stewart.

They're real good, mom.

Salmon roe. Just like caviar.

Uh, that is caviar.

Oh, this is going to be
the classiest reception.

Better than your cousin
theresa's.

[sighs]

Are you going to tell me
what happened or not?

Anthony, would you stop?

- Nothing's going on.
- Then...

now we have crab cakes
with shrimp and snow peas.

Of course, your mother's worried
there might be too much fish.

Oh, no, actually,
amy loves fish.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What do you think it means?

I think he thinks
you like fish.

I know what he thinks,
and he's wrong.

Fish was your fantasy.

Yeah, but I can I trust you
with the fish?

Trust?

If you ask me,

fish is an acquired taste.

Exactly.

So we're also thinking
about sausage!

- [laughs]
- that's great, ma.

- Would you like to try one?
- Oh, I think he should.

Although I'm not sure
I can trust him

with the sausage.

[sighs]

You can trust me
with the sausage, okay?

I tell you everything
that happens with the sausage.

I'm just not sure
I can trust you with the fish.

Anthony, you know what...

why don't we just go

with the stuffed mushrooms.

Fine.

[slams]

Oh, shit! [Slams]

[jingling]

[slams]

[sighs]

[whispers] fuck.

[slams]

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Meeting clarence?

No.

No, I'm not...
I'm not meeting clarence.

Ta-da!

- [laughs]
- foot stool.

Thanks. It's beautiful.

Thank you.

Little pre-wedding gift.

Thank you.

I didn't really need
a foot stool though.

I know.

[laughs]

[sighs] [clears throat]

Hey, uh, I caught you
in the middle of something.

You want to be alone, I'll go.

No. I... I was, um...

just having a little
nervous breakdown.

It's okay. It's, um, done.

[sighs]

[knocking]

Come in.

Hey, father s.

Hey, anthony.

I wasn't expecting you for a...

What did you do to your arm?

It's just a break.

Have a seat.

I was going to confess,

but what I really need

is some advice.

What can I do?

See, I asked somebody to do
this awful thing, you know.

But when I asked them

I didn't really think
it was so awful.

What made you realize
it was awful?

I guess it was
the reality of it.

You know, just how
it worked out.

I see.

And now I'm supposed to do

the same awful thing myself.

Anthony...

are you sure this awful thing
is really so awful?

I don't know for sure. Why?

I've known you
since you were a boy.

I can't imagine that
you would ask somebody

to do something so awful

that you wouldn't be willing
to do it yourself.

[clicks]

[keys jingling]

[sniffs]

Welcome to my humble abode!

[laughs]

Wow. It's nice.

Thanks.

[locking] [thuds]

Want something to drink?

No, no.

[laughs]

Did you make all these?

Uh, yeah, most are my design.

Some restorations.

Who's this?

Oh, um, that's my ex, mona.

Your ex.
Why do you have her...

picture still up?

Told her if she, uh,

got her shit together
she wanted to come back...

I haven't heard from her
in 8 months.

[laughs]

So, this is what you do, huh?

Yep.

[soul music on radio]

- [laughs]
- wrong way.

Straight like that.

[clears throat]

Thinking of
taking up wood carving?

[laughs]

[clears throat]

[whispers] gonna take that.

[upbeat music]

[knocking]

[together] hi!

Wrong apartment. [Slams]

[knocking]

- What?
- Anthony?

- Yeah?
- Nava.

Nava hannibal.

Amy's mother?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Please, come in, come in.

It's been so long since
that one time we, uh...

- nelson.
- I know.

What happened to your arm?

It's nothing, really.

Please.

[shuffling]

[both laugh]

Um, where's amy? [Laughs]

Nowhere.

I mean, shopping.

Oh. Shopping?

For furniture.

We came straight from
the hotel.

The plane was a little early.

[laughs] - though who knows how.

[laughs]
the bangladeshi airline system...

It's amazing that we got here
in one piece.

[both laugh]

[knocking]

Just one minute.

Hey, anthony.
Yo, amy's across the...

- Hey! Oh! Hey!
- Hi.

- I'm nava.
- Nelson hannibal.

Good to know you.
you're amy's parents, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, I'm victor.

Aw! It's nice to finally
meet some of your friends.

Yo, amy's with michelle
right now.

- Hey!
- Who's michelle?

She's...

you know, nobody.

She... victor was just leaving.

Oh, that's a shame.

We were hoping to
take you all out.

- For dinner?
- Right.

Hey, far out.
Get michelle and amy.

We'll have a big, fun party.

- Cool.
- But the the thing is, uh...

victor can't.
yes, I can. I'll go get 'em.

No, no, no! Uh...

unless you want me
to let them stay there.

No, no, no. Okay. Go get them.

After the peace corps,

our wanderlust still
wasn't sated.

[laughs]

So nelson took a job
with green peace.

I teach. And we just bummed
around from country to country.

Cool.

Of course, we were worried
about amy.

But kids are so resilient.

Oh, anthony, did she ever
tell you about the time

at the israeli summer camp?

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh!
- [laughter]

- Very funny.
- Well...

[laughter] - no.

Amy was 8, 9 maybe.

So, we signed her up.

[laughs]
well, little did we know

there was marching
and gun practice.

And then they forced amy
to play that type of

capture the flag type game.

Well, amy got captured,

and then she talked her way
out of prison.

[laughs]
it was an illegal seizure.

[all laughing]
and then she got out.

[together] and she captured
the flag single-handedly.

[all laughing]

I never heard that one.

Hmm.

I said at the time

either she's going to be
a lawyer or a dictator.

[laughter]

Of course, of course,
we were hoping for a dictator.

[laughs] - dad!

- Just kidding, honey.
- Oh, anthony.

Your mother has been so sweet
to handle all the planning.

I can't wait to meet her.

She lives for
this kind of stuff.

Ah. Well, do you have
any last minute stuff

that you haven't taken care of?

Just the usual stuff,
you know.

We have our final conference
with father sebastian

at church tomorrow morning.

Hmm. [Mumbling]

Want to try
the california roll?

Man, it's so awesome.

Honey, you haven't told me who
you maid of honor's gonna be.

Oh.

Well, actually I just asked
michelle.

[coughs]

And I accepted.

- Good.
- Oh!

[all laughing]

I thought you said
heather was doing it?

She got stuck
on a case in london.

What about your friend
in france?

Oh, selange, no.

She's stuck in antarctica
on a field study.

Honey, where's your ring?

I haven't seen
your engagement ring.

Oh, I think that, um...

actually...

actually, i...

actually, I have it.

You must have left it

on the counter
when you were doing the dishes.

That must have been what...
What I did.

[laughs]

- Hmm.
- Oh, isn't that lovely?

[oohing and ahhing]
isn't that beautiful?

It's a shame that
the boys made plans.

Unless you can think of
a fun place we can go?

It just seems
a little strange to me

that she knows you 24 hours,

and she already knows
your whole life history.

Anthony, why are we having
this conversation?

Did you tell her
the pickled herring story?

- What?
- Yes or no?

What is your problem?

How would you feel
if victor and I

were keeping secrets from you?

Look, she wanted to know

what kind of games I played
as a kid.

It's no big deal!

Well, maybe it's no big deal
to you.

But I thought we had no secrets.

I'm not having
this conversation.

Honey, we're going to
the pussycat club.

It's like I'm all ready
to beg for her forgiveness,

and then I see her doing that.

Were they using their tongues?

Must you make this disgusting?

I thought that's
what you wanted.

All I wanted was me,
amy, another girl

and a little romance.

I didn't want her
doing it behind my back.

What if they fall in love?

She's not gonna fall in love.

Just like you're not gonna
fall in love with victor.

Then why were they kissing?

[crunches] she's doing it
for you, anthony.

Testing the waters.

[crunching]

Man, this whole thing.

I mean, it's just gotten
completely out of control.

I can't believe I'm
the only one wearing a dress.

Would you shut up
with that already.

What? I'm comfortable in my
manhood, anthony, that's all.

Besides, if I got to scratch
my nuts, they're right here.

Yeah, and I know you ain't
gonna touch 'em

with those hands.

Right? [Door slams]

Yo, you guys look so good.

Ah, you know, just call me,
nikita.

My girlfriend over here's
cyrila.

- I'm still going by dom.
- [laughs]

Hey, where's your wig?

Yo, shit, I had to steal it
from my mom's closet.

She almost caught me, man.

- All right.
- Yo, anthony, I got you one.

Here.

[all laugh]

[muted dance music]

Hey, look, we got the wigs.

We get in free, huh?

♪ Sunlight to moonlight
your hand in mine ♪

♪ Having a good time
having a good time ♪

♪ Sunlight to moonlight
your hand in mine ♪

♪ Having a good time
having a good time ♪

♪ Oh, sunlight to moonlight

♪ good time, oh

♪ come on come on ♪

- Come on. Let's go.
- What?

Yo, what are you doing?

I'm taking victor home to amy.

- What?
- What?

You heard me.

Look, anthony, you're drunk,
man.

Yeah? Well, watch this.

[kissing sound]

Amy's not the only one that can
test the water, all right.

Look, you really don't
want to do this, man.

Dom. I gotta end this thing,
all right.

Do you want to come or not?

♪ Having a good time
having a good time ♪

[unlocking] - honey, we're home.

[clicks]

Yo, I don't think she's here.

Well, she'll be here
in a minute.

Just...

make yourself comfortable.

[trickling]

Man, it's fucking hot in here.

[toilet flushes]

You want a beer?

Sure.

[bottles clinking]

Anthony?

Yeah?

I don't think amy's
going to be home any minute.



[sighs]

God!

[clattering] I...

what? Are you okay?

- Did we...?
- What?

- You know...
- you don't remember?

- You mean...
- no! No, no, no, man.

I just fell asleep.

After we saw amy and michelle,

you wouldn't stop crying.

And then you passed out,

and, well, I didn't want
to leave you alone

because I thought you might
throw up and then choke on it.

We learned that in health class.

Hey, aren't you supposed
to be in church this morning?

[kissing sounds] - what's wrong?

What do you think?

You drank too much?

Look, don't play dumb
with me, all right?

What?

I know why you didn't
come home last night.

I know you do.

Oh what, so you've been
into this all along?

Anthony, I don't know
what you're talking about.

- I'm talking about the fact...
- Oh!

It's the happy couple to be.

I'll be right there!

So, was she good for you?

Did she give you
everything you needed?

Anthony, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm talking about last night.

I was at my parents'
last night.

- Yeah, right.
- I left a message.

You think I'm stupid.

You don't think I would see
a bright red blinking light

on our answering machine?

Are you saying that I'm lying?

- Yeah.
- How can you...

morning!

Morning, father s.

Well, I'm sure you both

must be full of anticipation.

I know I am.

The honesty and emotional candor

that you two have shone
in these sessions

clearly demonstrates your
commitment to each other and...

- Father s., if I may.
- Of course.

I think it's funny
you should mention that,

about honesty and all.

Because I mean that's exactly
what I thought we had.

But I think you and I
were both fooled.

I'm sorry. I don't...

he thinks that I lied to him.

- I saw you with her.
- Excuse me?

First, they were kissing...

anthony, we didn't
do anything.

Would you just drop it?
kissing?

You were using your tongue.

- It was your idea!
- I was supposed to be there.

At least I'm not going
out to gay bars every night!

Gay bars?

He's dating a boy
named victor.

Well, at least I didn't
sleep with him,

which is more than I can say
for her and michelle!

- I was at my parents'!
- Don't lie to us!

- If I could...
- No, you can't.

Anthony, you tell me right now.

Do you believe me or not?

Swear on your mother.

[sighs] I don't need to swear.

Either you trust me
or you don't.

[sighs]

Why don't you give this
to victor.

Look, just because
I don't trust you

doesn't mean I don't want
to marry you.

- What?
- What? Look.

I know I drove you to this,
okay.

And I forgive you.

- Please.
- Anthony...

look, I'm willing to
sleep with victor, okay.

I mean, I even bought him
home last night.

Anthony, you just don't
get it, do you?!

You and victor were never
my fantasy.

My fantasy was for you
to want me

as much as I wanted you!

I do.

It's too late, anthony.

Please!

[unlocks]



[beeps]

Honey, it's your mother.

Make sure you call me
the second you get this.

The whole seating thing has
turned into such a nightmare.

It seems that aunt anna
won't sit at...

[beeps]

Or we could just put eddie
there

and move aunt mary,

but you know how she gets
on everyone's nerves.

[beeps]

Anyway, everything's gonna
be just great.

I love you.

[two beeps]

Hi, it's me.

I'm at my parents' hotel still.

They've been telling me
all about

their adventures in india.

It's getting pretty late,

so I think that I'm
just gonna spend the night here.

But I wanted to say
I'm sorry about everything.

Maybe I should have told you
about camp.

I don't know, I just... I wish...

that we could take
everything back.

I guess it hurts my feelings
that I'm not enough for you.

Well, I'll see you
at church tomorrow.

I love you. [Beeps]

[beep]

Hello... hello, anthony.
Look, it's nick.

I'm down here at county general.

Dom had an accident
this morning.

We were just down
on your block for a cat-call,

and, you know, dom,
he wasn't paying attention.

[sighs] I don't want to say this
on the phone, all right.

Just get down here, please.

[slamming]

[overhead announcements]

Yo, anthony!
Yo, anthony, wait up.

- Where is he?
- Look, he's in room 10.

But there's something you got to
know before you go in there.

I just got to see him,
all right?

Look, will you just
slow down for a second?

- He's gonna be fine!
- Look, anthony, please!

Please, let me explain!
He just bumped his head.

- Anthony?
- Dom?

Hey, anthony.

- I tried to tell you, but...
- Shut up, nick.

My life flashed
before my eyes.

- Don't tell me to shut up.
- Come on, nick.

The two of you are...

dom's a homo, man. That's what
I was trying to tell you.

Shut up, nick.

- Stop telling me to shut up.
- Nick.

No, it's the second time
he told me to...

shut up!

You know what?

You know, I try to be sensitive

and help my homo friends
and everything.

But you know what?
I get the hose up my ass.

So, you know what?
Fuck you guys!

Fucking went to a gay bar
and everything for you.

[door slams]

So what is this?

Come on, anthony.
You didn't really want to...

I'm not talking about
him, dom.

I mean, I've known you
since you were 6-years-old.

I thought I knew
everything about you.

So then what about
all the double dates we had?

All the girls you've slept with?

I mean, what about when
we watched

the porno film together?

I wasn't watching the film.

Look, anthony, wait!

I was... I was afraid.

I didn't want to lose you
as my best friend.

You wouldn't have
lost me, dom.

Hey, anthony!

Hey.

Yo, listen, I just...

I didn't want you to think
that I rejected you, you know.

Yo, 'cause it's not like you
were a bad kisser or anything.

[laughs]

It's just that, um...

with dom it felt right.

Like he could be the one
for me, you know.

Yeah.

You gonna be okay?

I don't know.

I'll see you later, okay?

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[brakes squealing]
[horns honking]

[buzzing]

[buzzing]

What?

It's anthony.
I need to talk to you.

[door buzzing]

Is amy here?

No.

[sighs]
do you know where she is?

I really need to find her.

No. I haven't heard from her.

[rumbling]

Hey, you know where I put my...

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just...
no, no, no.

Anthony, this is mona.

My girlfriend.

Good to meet you.

[grunts]

Um, I'm gonna get
a snack, okay.

Look...

if I see her, I will tell her

that you're looking for her.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Can I ask you
one other question?

What?

Has she ever mentioned
anything to you

about... pickled herring?

No, I don't believe so.

- Thanks.
- Okay.



Come on, ames.
We'll make it triple or nothing.

No.

Yo, there he is!

I don't want him to see me.

You want me to kick his ass?

No.

[crying]

Tissue?

I'm so sorry.

Anthony, don't get
too excited.

I don't even know
why I came over here.

I was just...

would you just let me explain.

I'm sorry.

Please?

I thought about... you, me
with other women.

No, no! Just listen to me,
please.

[sighs]

And all I could think is

like "how stupid am I?"

I mean, you're the perfect one
for me.

You're the only one I want.

You're the only one i...

I love.

You're my only fantasy.

I suppose you're gonna
swear now.

No.

I just want you to trust me.

Please.

I don't know if that fits.

Do you like it?

Yes. Yes, I do.



♪ Ooh ooh oooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ what are you thinking of

♪ when you're making love?

♪ Does it feel divine?

♪ Do you take your time?

♪ What are you thinking of

♪ when you're making love?

♪ Does it feel divine?

♪ Do you take your time?

♪ So what's your position?
Is it girl on top? ♪

♪ Or is it the guy on the bottom
when you're ready to rock? ♪

♪ Whose decision
when you're slippery and hot? ♪

♪ Is it the girl on the bottom
or the guy on top? ♪

♪ Your favorite situation
when you're ready to bop ♪

♪ Is it in your house
or the back of your car? ♪

♪ Whose position
when you're slippery and hot ♪

♪ You're gonna have fun
you hit the wet spot ♪

♪ You go ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ it's a rub-a-dub love

♪ love

♪ a rub-a-dub love

♪ a rub-a-dub loving say what? ♪

♪ A rub-a-dub love
a rub-a-dub love ♪

♪ Love a dub love

♪ rub-a-dub love

♪ doing it slow
or doing it quick ♪

♪ You love the style
the way it fits ♪

♪ And your rivers flow

♪ oh oh oh

♪ you love the way
she winds your waist ♪

♪ And the way
her strawberry tastes ♪

♪ 'Cause there's a smile

♪ and you're ready

♪ you're putting butter
on her buns ♪

♪ She's giving you
a ton of fun ♪

♪ So listen now

♪ here she comes

♪ oh yum

♪ oh yum

♪ ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah

♪ it's a rub-a-dub love

♪ a rub-a-dub love

♪ rub-a-dub love

♪ a rub-a-dub love

♪ so what's your position?
Is it the girl on top? ♪

♪ Or is it the guy on the bottom
when you're ready to rock? ♪

♪ You say whose decision
after a night on the town ♪

♪ Do you do it standing up
or do you do it sitting down? ♪

♪ Your favorite situation
is it in the tub? ♪

♪ You're bumpin' real good
it's a rub-a-dub love ♪

♪ Whose position when
you're slippery and hot ♪

♪ You're gonna have fun
you hit the wet spot ♪

♪ You go ooh ooh ooh

♪ ah ah ah