Juliet, Naked (2018) - full transcript

Juliet, Naked is the story of Annie (the long-suffering girlfriend of Duncan) and her unlikely transatlantic romance with once revered, now faded, singer-songwriter, Tucker Crowe, who also happens to be the subject of Duncan's musical obsession.

Hello, welcome to Can You Hear Me?

Your source for all things Tucker Crowe.

If you're here, you're probably
already a fan of Tucker's music,

but if you're merely Crowe-curious

or you clicked on the link by accident,

allow me to introduce you
to one of the most seminal

and yet unsung figures
of alternative rock.

Although Tucker started writing
songs in his early teens,

his real breakthrough was the release
of the 1993 album Juliet.

It earned respectable college radio play,

but was vastly underappreciated
by the mainstream.

it comes only 43rd, which is a joke.

Juliet, quite simply, is a masterpiece.

Tucker wrote it after
a whirlwind love affair with Julie Beatty,

a model and fixture
of the Los Angeles demimonde.

The termination of their brief tryst

simultaneously inspired him
and crushed his soul.

In June of that same year, 1993,

Tucker played an engagement
at The Pit club

in Minneapolis, United States,

that would prove to be his final show.

Last seen exiting the men's toilets
after his first set,

Tucker abruptly canceled all future shows,
and has never performed publicly again.

This snapshot, taken in 2014,

is purported to be of Tucker on
his sheep farm in Pennsylvania,

although there is quite a lot of
debate as to its authenticity.

The true whereabouts
and creative endeavors

of Mr. Crowe remain a mystery.

Be sure to click on the Mystery
link on the side of the page.

It's weird to be writing this
to a complete stranger I'll never meet.

And if we did meet, would you see
what everybody else sees?

I may look like a nice, well-adjusted
English lady in a sensible cardigan,

but these days it's a thin veneer
and it's starting to crack.

If you'd lived in Sandcliff
going on 40 years you'd understand.

I fled once to London's university,
where I studied History of Art.

Best years of my life.

But I came back when my dad got ill.

He ran the local history museum
until he couldn't remember his own name.

I've been running it ever since
in a supposedly temporary capacity.

- Hey, Annie.
- Morning. Hi.

- Annie, sorry to bother you.
- Yeah?

- Is Ros still not in?
- No, but I'll take care of it.

Thanks, Katie.

As my sister, Ros, can attest...

- Hey.
- You all right?

Finding a likeminded partner in this town
can be a challenge.

- What?
- Nothing.

- She's hot. She's got a tight body.
- Yeah. Yeah.

So when this bloke moves
to town 15 years ago

to guest lecture a course

on the American cinema
and the alienated male,

well, it was pretty cool.

I fell in love quickly.

Back then we'd jabber on about
movies and books and music.

He would actually listen.

- Yeah...
- Never get that gate.

Well, sometimes.

Now, his own obsessions dominate my life.

And it's become clear that all along,
he's been in love with another man.

Not like that, but in an equally consuming
and, quite frankly, really bothersome way.

No, no, no. Didn't I send you
an article on this just last week?

He is the ringleader of a community
of 200 middle-aged men

who gather together
to obsessively deconstruct

their hero's music and attempt
to crack his mysteries.

That's a really interesting theory...

That's what I said.

...that I've heard a thousand times.

Annie. Annie.

- This is Carly.
- Hi.

- Lovely to meet you.
- Lovely to meet you, too.

- Isn't she amazing?
- Yes.

- She's older than she looks.
- Welcome. Come in. Nice to meet you.

- Thank you.
- She's fit.

How'd you guys meet?

It's funny, actually.

Because I was just
walking down the street,

and then I just saw her face, basically,

and I was just like wow,
I have to speak to that girl.

And then she was being all funny about
giving me her phone number,

but I stole her phone, put my number in
and we've just been texting.

Yeah, it just went from there, I guess.

Cake's delicious, by the way.

- Thank you.
- I still can't believe these are edible.

Oh, yeah. Marzipan.

My... my boyfriend, he's a baker.

- Ex... ex-boyfriend.
- My ex. Sorry, my ex.

Yeah, he's not going to believe this.

So, do you guys have kids?

Oh, no, they're against Duncan's religion.

- Ros, she's joking.
- She's not, actually.

Annie and I decided a long, long time ago,
that babies weren't our jam.

- Oh!
- Sorry, I was just...

The important thing is
we're happy where we are.

I mean, who wants to bring kids
into this bloody world?

- Fuck kids.
- You know?


- Fuck them.
- Every aspect of civilization

has gone to the dogs,
with the notable exception of TV.

TV is good.

Yeah. People watch it, don't they?

I guess my point is I just don't think
that the world needs more kids.

- I think we get it.
- Yeah.

Ros says you're into
some really old rock musician.

What's his name again? Tucker Crowey?

Tucker Crowe, actually.

Never heard of him. What's he about?

Where do I start? Um...

- You're going to be here hours.
- Let me play you

- some of his stuff.
- Oh God, please,

don't bore her with the slideshow.

Was Juliet his girlfriend?

It was just Julie, actually.

Let me introduce you. Come over here.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

- That's him.
- Wow, he's so gorgeous.

Thank you.

What the fuck is that?

Remember the shark that washed
up on the beach that summer?

- Yeah.
- Someone saved the eye.


Oh! Look at that.

- Oh, it's really intriguing.
- Mm, it is, isn't it?

Is this all we have for the exhibition?

Just some sad, old snapshots?

Look at how they're posed.
I wonder what happened to them.

I think it's really poignant.
A very poignant moment.

I wonder if they did the murder
before or after they went to the beach.

Ros, shut up.

These are the pawns.

They're like the soldiers.

They move like this.
One space forward only.

So how do you get to be the king?

How, indeed.

Even David Simon himself
resisted the label "Dickensian".

Sure, there are detailed depictions
of every strata of society,

but no kindly uncle is going to drop by
to let them know

that... that Wallace has fallen
into an unforeseen fortune.

The good are not rewarded on the streets.

Moral clarity exists not.

As we jump into season two,
I've created a glossary of terms,

because some of you have
complained, nay, whinged,

about the complexity of the lexicon.

Hopefully, this should help you out.

"Five-O." The police, or polis.

"Shorty." Attractive female,

or alternately, a half-pint of liquor.

Hi. Sorry, excuse me.

I just wanted to ask you
a couple of questions

about that whole
"Greek tragedy paradigm" thing.

Oh, you know, my office hours
are actually on a Monday.

- We can discuss it then, maybe.
- Oh, right. Yes. Sorry.

I'm... I'm not actually a student. I...

I just started teaching.

So I've been sitting in
on different classes,

trying to see how the professionals do it.

- Oh, well, welcome.
- Thank you.

- Gina. Hi.
- Duncan.

So that Greek tragedy thing...?

Right. Yeah...

I guess my point
was that these characters...

they're already bound to their fate.

- Like Antigone.
- Wow.

Or Medea.

So I have to read Antigone
to understand The Wire?

Not strictly speaking,
but it wouldn't hurt.

"Thought you'd want to hear this.

Original demo recording from
a certain album of particular interest..."


So I just came up with my own class.

Body, Drama and Catharsis.

It's essentially healing through movement.

- Dance therapy.
- No, not dance.

- Oh?
- Movement.

- Oh, completely different.
- Completely different.

- I don't know what I was thinking.
- No, I love dance.

I'm a dancer, and I'm still a dancer.

But... okay, I'm going to sound
like a wanker,

but I'm going to say it anyway.

I believe in the power of art.

I believe that creativity
can change people's lives.

That's fucking refreshing.

I just... I hope you haven't
come to the wrong place.

- Why?
- The next Bob Dylan

could be playing up there,

these people wouldn't look up
from their fucking sudoku.


Hey. Sorry I'm late.

I had a faculty meeting.

- Oh, I see you've cooked.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I was just reheating
the ziti from last night.

Or I was trying to, I know.
That was terrible, that pan.

Why aren't you wearing any clothes?

It was so weird.
I bought this dress online, and so...

and then I just... this went off,
so I came down here.


You're acting very strangely.

- Am I?
- Yeah.

- Have you got a man up there?
- Oh, I wish.

- What are you listening to?
- Huh?

- No, no, hold on. Shh, don't tell me.
- I think it's um...

Is that the Radio Tokyo tapes? Yeah?

Did he play "Twentieth Call
of the Day" on that recording?

I don't know if he...

- No, no, no, don't stop it.
- What? I don't...

- No, don't turn it down. Let me guess.
- No, no, no, let me explain,

- Shh...
- because I don't want you to get upset.

Sorry, just shut up. I want to guess.

It's nothing.

I mean, obviously it's
"Twentieth Call of the Day,"

but from what? I can't place it.

Hmm. Okay, okay, I give up. What is it?

It's called Juliet, Naked.

There's no album called Juliet, Naked.

I guess someone unearthed
the demos from Juliet,

and then they sent it to you
in a package with a note.

This is... this is from Lucas at the label.

It's addressed to me,

- but you've opened it.
- I always open your post,

otherwise it sits there for
weeks unopened.

- And then you went and listened to it!
- I'm sorry.

You listened to it before me?

- I apologize. I just...
- You played it?

- Oh, Annie, you...
- Oh, Duncan!

That... I need to listen to this on my own.

- It stinks of betrayal in here.
- I'm very sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.


You fucker. You fucker.


Who uses D batteries?

Why do we never have any batteries?

I buy batteries.
Bloody millions of them!

But you use them,

and God forbid you replace the batteries!

Stop saying batteries!

Oh, my God, I've got batteries.



Hello. I'm sorry.

I was so petty. So stupid.

What does it matter who hears it first?

I'm... I'm really sorry, too.

I... I feel terrible.

I should have warned you
that it was so dreary.

I didn't say anything.

- Dreary?
- Yeah.

I mean, I suppose it's interesting

if you've heard
the finished version, but...

What did you think?

- What did I think?
- Yeah.

I think it's a bloody masterpiece, Annie.

- Dreary?
- You can't be serious.

Oh, what else is dreary according to you?

The Sopranos? Hamlet?

Geez, Louise.

This is history, Annie.
I'm going to write it.

It is not history,
it's boring versions of songs

that you've heard a million times before.

Oh, my God,
you think that's what this is?

This is big for me,
that this... this has happened.

And I just don't want to spend my time

in the aftermath of this new information

with someone who doesn't get it.

I want to spend it with people who do.



Things are pretty wild
on the forum this morning.

A hundred and fifty seven comments.
Do you want tea?

Hmm? Did you say something?

The response to my review
has been incredible.

If I don't send the guys some files soon,
they're going to murder me.

Oh, 158.

Oh, somebody new.

This is a long one.

"Relic Master" they go by.

They claim to have
already heard the album.

I doubt that.

Let's see what they...

"Juliet, Naked is naked all right.

A naked attempt to squeeze
a few more quid

out of a long-dead career."

Sounds like you and he
would get along swimmingly.


No, I seriously doubt it's a woman.

We don't get a lot of lady visitors.

Well, it is.


I see.

What are you going to do?
Are you going to ban me?

- Or block me because I disagree with you?
- No, that's against site rules.

Everybody's entitled to their opinion.

However unnuanced.

As long as you're civil
you can write any old shit.

Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, Annie.


You just told me that I was
entitled to my opinion.

But, "listless", "enervated"?


I'm going to put a bullet
in my fucking mouth

if I have to talk about
Tucker Crowe any more today.

It doesn't make any sense.

How could these sketches for songs

be considered better than
the finished product, right?

- Exactly.
- How could leaving something half-formed

be better than if you worked on it

until it was the completed thing
that it was meant to be?


Eighteen other people agree with me, too.

Look, look, see?

"Well said, Relic Master."

- Wow, look at that.
- Right? Right?

Because I made the point very clearly,
and without any bullying or any smugness.

Shit! The mayor's here.

I don't get it.

This is not what we talked about.

Well, my thinking was

that we'd tell the story of the summer
through normal people.

So, I mean, for instance,
look at this image.

- Like, the emotional narrative...
- You think people want to pay money

to see other people's snapshots?

- No...
- Jesus Christ, can you let her finish.

She's got a whole bloody concept
planned out

- if you just listen to her.
- Ros, it's okay.

Let me explain it clearer.

This is what gets people talking.

- What, a shark's eye?
- Your dad loved this stuff.

He knew what the people
of Sandcliff wanted to see.

Yeah, and in case you've forgotten,
Annie was by his side the whole time.

- Ros, it's okay. I can handle it.
- No, I'm sorry, but if it wasn't for her

then this whole place
would be boarded up.

This is not what it was supposed to be.

Summer of '64. Heat wave. Rock concerts.
The fire at the bingo.

Do you know I've got the original poster
for the Rolling Stones concert at the ABC

with their autographs?

That's what I'm talking about, you see?

All right, only Bill Wyman signed it,

- but that's what people want to see...
- "Bingo. You nailed it.

I couldn't have explained it
better myself.

All good things, Tucker Crowe.

P.S., the folks on that website,
they seem pretty weird,

so I'd be grateful if you
didn't pass on the address.




- Yup, got it.
- Good.


It isn't really you, is it?

So, what about hot dogs?

Well, I like hot dogs
and you like hot dogs,

but I don't know if Lizzie likes hot dogs.

I've forgotten who Lizzie is again.

- Come on, man. She's your sister.
- Yeah, but why is she my sister?

Because you've got the same dad,
that's why.

- You're her dad, too?
- Yup.

Like you're Cooper and Jesse's dad?

- Bingo.
- So who's her mom this time?

- Her mom is Natalie.
- Natalie from the school nurse's office?

She's so nice.

No, Natalie from London, England.

Lizzie grew up in London,

and now she's going to college here,
you know, somewhere upstate.

But why wouldn't she like hot dogs?

Well, I don't know.
Some people, you know,

they think it's wrong to eat meat...

Yes, it is really me.

Although, I can't think of a real way
of proving it to you.

How about this...

I didn't see the face of God
in a Minneapolis toilet bowl.

I haven't been secretly making
R&B albums with Lauryn Hill.

I don't have 200 hours' worth
of material locked in a shed,

contrary to what your friends
on your website may think.

In fact, my guitar hasn't been
out of its case for years.

I currently live in the garage

behind the house where my son Jackson
lives with my ex.

Can you take this to your mom?

- What's this?
- It's a check.

- Where'd you get it?
- I earned it.

But you don't do anything.

It's for something I did a long time ago.

- What are you gonna buy with it then?
- Nothing, man.

- Just take it, will you? Thank you.
- Mom!

Jackson's mom has been
letting me stay here rent-free

for the past few years.

So, I guess I owe her a lot.

- Hey, babe.
- And understandably,

I irritate her.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Have fun.

The point is if I wasn't me,

I'd have made myself
sound a lot more appealing.

So, yeah, it's me.

Tell me about you. What's your story?

Thanks for sharing,
but I think I've had enough

Tucker bloody Crowe to last 20 lifetimes.


Fuck it.

Dear Tucker, as long as we're putting
our least attractive foot forward,

I'm writing this from my office

under the watchful eye
of a pickled dead shark.

It's the centerpiece of a show
I'm curating about the summer of '64.

A summer where
nothing much happened, really,

except the beaching of
the aforementioned dead shark.

On the plus side,
the show is a good excuse

to hire my unemployable sister.

God, another one already?
She's married, right?

Yeah, but she reached out
to me on Facebook.

You know, she said we should catch up.

And you took that as a romantic overture?

Well, yeah. For your information,
we actually ended up snogging in the pub

and she loved it.

I just... I don't know,
when we drove home she got all weird.

Yeah, probably because of her husband.

Yeah, but you should see her posts.

It's all like her and Gary and the baby,
and they're all smiling.

It's like nothing screams
"repressed lesbian"

like having a husband
and two kids, does it?

I don't know if you're right about that.

I thought I could just put it
all in an email,

but then I just thought maybe
I'd do like a handwritten note,

because it's more personal, isn't it?

So I thought I could just sort of put it
in her letterbox later, don't you think?

Are you serious?

- Yeah.
- Don't do that.

Maybe I should go fish it out.

- Did you do it already?
- Yeah.

Fuck, you're a moron. One second!

Why are you attracted to these situations?
What is wrong with you?

Come in!

- Ready to look through these?
- Yeah.

You say the truth about you
is disappointing.

At least you have a past to live up to.

Should I put orange here?

It's your call, man.

What do you think?

Yeah, maybe.

Some creative remnants
that prove you existed.


if you want to see some
old shark parts, just shout.

That's about all
I have to offer right now.

Yours truly...

Best regards...

Best wishes...



Lizzie. Hey.

- Hi.
- How was your trip?

On... on time.

Um, this is Jackson.

- Hi, Jackson.
- Hi, Lizzie.

- I'm your brother.
- Half-brother, actually.

- So, uh, you've changed.
- Since I was nine.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Can I... can I take your bags?

Well, hey...

You want to... yes, great.
Here you go, buddy.

Yeah, hop up front there.

You want a coffee? You want a...?

No, I'm good.

You're good? Yeah, I'm good, too.




- Are you coming for Christmas?
- Buddy, she just got here this time.

Just be glad she's here now.

Jesse and Cooper
are coming at Christmas.

We don't know that
Cooper and Jesse are coming.

- They might come.
- I don't know.

Who are Jesse and Cooper?

They're my brothers.

They're twins.

Cat had kids from before?

No, no, they're mine.

From Carrie?

Yeah, sorry, I...

They're 12, you know?

I just... I thought... I thought you knew.

- What's two more?
- Yeah! Right?

Parenting, you know.

Sometimes I think I could use a manual.

Hmm, for tips such as,

"Always tell your kids
they have siblings?"

Yeah. It sounds obvious
when you say it, but...

I, um...

I tracked down Grace, by the way.

Who's Grace?

Why would you do that?

Hi, Mom.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey. Welcome.
- Nice to finally meet you.

Let me take your coat.

You look beautiful.


Recently, my past has been
catching up with me in surprising ways.

I just found out
I'm going to be a grandfather.

And I'm ashamed to say that
my first thought was "fuck!"

I can't be that old.

But I did the math, and I am.

Naturally, I lost some years
to copious drugs and alcohol consumption.

And 14 years of Law & Order.

It's a good show.

You know, I look at my beautiful daughter

and realize that two decades
have slipped through my fingers.

So, who's the dad?

His name's Zak. He lives in my dorm.

He's a musician... and a big fan.

Well, do you think he's going
to help support the baby?

- You mean because he's a musician?
- Yeah.

This one's a good person.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

And... you guys, you're married?

Oh, well, we were.

Well, never officially.

Yeah, it was official.

- Was it?
- Yeah.

Maybe. I don't know.
We're not together anymore.

- But you run the farm together?
- What farm?

- I thought this was a sheep farm.
- It's not a farm.

I mean, I grow some tomatoes, but, yeah.
Where'd you... where'd you hear that?

Some weird fan site.

Hmm. What else did they say?

They say you've been holed up
in the music studio,

plotting your comeback.

By studio, do you mean the old garage
where he sleeps

- and eats and watches TV?
- Takes care of Jackson.

Well, maybe you should write a letter
to the editor correcting the record.

That way your children might get
some accurate information about you.

I'm going back to London next week.

- I'm having the baby there.
- You're having a baby?


You're going to be an uncle.

Cool, huh?

You mention your two missing decades.

I myself have a hunch
I've wasted the last 15 years of my life.

A lot of great shows coming up.
Oh, look at that.

Jupiter Moon are playing
Minehead the 3rd of September.

I must put it in the diary,
to fucking miss it.

Oh, God.

And I'm not sure what to do about it.

Although, given your history,

it doesn't sound like
you're in a position to advise.

Is it normal for granddads
also to be dads?

Of course. By definition,
a granddad has to be a dad first, right?

You couldn't be a granddad
without also being a dad.


Yeah, but none of the other kids at school
have dads who are also granddads.

You realize that just 'cause
I'm a granddad

doesn't mean I'm old, right?

I mean, I'm going to live a long time.

You're going to have kids of your own,

ex-wives of your own long before
I kick the bucket, all right?

Lean back, I'm going to rinse your hair.

Here you go.

What to do if you've wasted
15 years of your life?

All right, first off,
you have to whittle that number down.

Subtract all the time spent
reading good books,

having enjoyable conversations
and sleeping,

because those are important things.

And you should be able to bring
that squandered time

down to more like 10,
and anything under a decade

you're allowed to write off
for tax purposes.

That's a joke.

Yeah, I'm still pretty sick
about what I've lost.

But I only admit it
to myself late at night,

which is probably why
I'm not a great sleeper.

I hope this helps. Sorry.

But still, maybe it'd be useful to know
more the specifics of your situation.

- Do you really want to...
- Annie!

Do you really want to know the specifics?

- You sure you're good with that salad?
- Yeah.

Easy on the olive oil.
You just want to drizzle it.

My boyfriend and I are child-free.

A conscious decision we made,
rather smugly,

thinking parenthood would be
a miserable trap we'd cleverly avoid.

But there's more to it than that.

My dad died when Ros was only 12,

and we'd already lost our mom.

So it was just the two of us.

By the time my boyfriend and I
moved in together,

I'd had my share of parenting.

Or so I thought.

Now, with irritating predictability,
I've started aching for a child,

for all the usual reasons,
like wanting to feel unconditional love,

as opposed to faint,
conditional affection.

Hurry up, Annie!

Don't dare put truffle oil on mine.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Drizzle it.

I fantasize about things like
being able to sit up

with my teenage daughter late at night

and help her work through
her first terrible sexual experience.

Does that sound demented?

Last year, I tried to bring up

the whole baby thing again
to my boyfriend,

and let's just say he shut it down.

I've sometimes wondered
what would happen

if I just decided to blow up my whole life
and have a kid on my own.

But then reality hits me
and suddenly I realize,

who the fuck am I kidding?
I can't do that.

- I mean, Bridget has a kid on her own.
- Case in point.

She's the most depressing person
on the planet.

I'm sorry about that ache.

I wish I knew the thing to say.

I don't imagine this
is much of a consolation,

but I've brought a lot of kids
into the world,

and most of them are just reminders
of how I've blown it in that department.

Sometimes my life looks like

an endless streak of staring
responsibility directly in the eye,

and then running the other way.


So if the spirit ever moves you...

Hey, how do you even know
about Grace?

You let it slip to Mom

back when you were in love
and X-ing or something.

Look, I realize it's
an unforgivable chapter of my life,

but I'm hoping not to be judged
by that alone, okay?

- Okay.
- We're heading out. Let's go.

Just trying to do a better job, you know?

I mean, that shouldn't
be too hard, you know?

- You...
- Yeah.

You going to take care of yourself,
and do what the doctor tells you,

and eat your prenatal vitamins
and all that?

- Yes.
- Okay, then, give me a hug.




Thank you for coming.

I wish it was more fun.

It's all right.

- Bye, Tucker.
- Bye.

Is it weird to say I'm jealous
of your selfish impulses?

Somehow, every time I face
an irresponsible desire,

fear convinces me to stay put.

I keep thinking at some point,

there'll be a reward
for being so sensible.


- Can I have a word?
- What did I do?

- Oh, no, nothing.
- Oh.

Oh, it's just, um, I read your blog.

Someone's looking for extra credit.

Um, you have quite a thing
for Tucker Crowe.


Television has always been my mistress,
but Tucker is really my...

- Your wife?
- It's a flawed analogy.

Then I spent the whole night trying to
find somewhere to stream Juliet, Naked.

- Oh, she's elusive.
- Oh, she is.

- Let me tell you straight...
- Oh, God, there's my bus.

- Sorry.
- Oh, no...


"We're in Trouble".


The name of this song...
"We're in Trouble".

It's really odd to be saying
all this to a stranger,

or whatever it is you are, Tucker.

I've just read through this thread

and I've realized
I've been sharing thoughts

I've never said aloud to anybody.

That's not a good sign, is it?

I mean, maybe it is,
but I've told my boyfriend

nothing of our little email affair.

It's like I'm dabbling in betrayal.

Shit. Please delete that last email.
I don't know where that came from.


That's so dramatic. Ignore.

Sorry. Too late.

I opened it. I read it.

And I loved it.

And by "met" I presume we're talking

- about more than just meeting.
- Yes.

A bit more than that.

You slept with her.

- Who is she?
- Oh, you wouldn't know her.

Who are you sleeping with?

You know, I wouldn't use
the present continuous, personally.

I think that "Who have you slept
with" is a fairer question.

Even better, "With whom did this
possibly one-off incident...?"

Oh, my God, Duncan!
Just shut up and tell me!

Gina is the lady's, um...

She's junior faculty...

- She's a colleague from work. She's...
- Of course.

- Don't tell me, what, it just happened?
- Not really.

We just kind of clicked, I guess.

I actually had played her Juliet, Naked,

- and she really responded...
- Stop, stop, stop.

Why are you telling me this?

Because you asked.

- And I thought it best to be honest.
- Oh, you did?

And if I'm honest... I feel better.

I think that you would feel
exactly the same in my shoes.

I would never just be honest
about cheating to make myself feel better.

Okay, and then how would I know
if you had cheated?

I wouldn't do it in the first place.

A lamb bhuna and a chicken korma.

Mine is the lamb. Yeah.


I've really messed up, haven't I?

That's what I thought.

Can I ask...

do you think there's any way
back for me?

Because, right now,
I think that's how I'm leaning.


Whoa, whoa, whoa. Annie, easy.

- We don't need to do it all straightaway.
- I know, I'm not going to tear them.

God. Fuck.

I mean, this just makes it feel so real.

It is real, Duncan.

I know.

I'm just saying, there's a lot
of history in this room.

It feels like we're being very hasty.

Plus, it's raining out.

You know this stuff can't get wet.

- You have Simon's car.
- Yeah, but then

there's the walk from here to the car.

I mean, cardboard and water...

I don't have the right boxes for it.

I don't.

Can we just do it soon, please?

It's a bit fiddly. I'm good.

I got it. Got it.

I don't have the fingernails.

Just keep it. Just keep it. Keep it.

Okay, fine. Don't hug back.

This is obviously the moment.

For what?

To finally get the hell out of here.

- Right.
- What? Why not?

Nothing. No, it's nothing.
I was just, you know...

I've got the museum
and the house, and you're here,

- and I'm not just going to...
- I'm not just an excuse, Annie.

I can look after myself.

I'm not 12 anymore.

Care to dance?

- Oh, sorry, love, I'm a lesbian.
- No, you're not.

That's what birds say when they
don't want to take me home.

Can't speak for the rest,

but I was gay
even before you danced for us.

What about you? Do you like men?

Yeah, some men.

- Noted. Moving on.
- All right.

- Well, that was rude, wasn't it?
- How was that rude?

Imagine those moves in the sack.

Wow, he's very flexible.

You need a little bit
of a proper shag now, don't you?

Is that so?

- Well, well. That explains it.
- What?

You already fancy someone,
don't you?

- No.
- Come on, cough it up.

- Who is it?
- It's nobody. It's just...

Well, I did...
I met someone on the Internet.

I love it. The Internet.

God, you're finally entering
the modern age.

Which site was it?
One for clever people, no doubt.

Duncan's website.

Another Tucker Crowe loser?

- Oh, Jesus, Annie, are you mental?
- No... no, it's weirder than that.

It's... it's actually Tucker Crowe.

- No, it's not.
- I'm not kidding.

Tucker Crowe.

- As in, Duncan's idol Tucker Crowe.
- Yes.

What happened was
he read that review I posted.

- This is that syndrome, isn't it?
- What syndrome?

Where someone falls in love
with their captor.

We're never...
you know, we're just pen pals.

We were pen pals.

I don't know what
you're supposed to call it.

We were just having
emailing back and forth.

- Yeah, I don't know.
- So...

Oh, look at that.

Go on, Annie. Dance with him.

- And have some fun.
- I really don't want to.

- I'm Barnsey.
- Hi, Barnsey. I'm Annie.

- Come on, Annie.
- It looks pretty complicated.

- Come on, I'll teach you.
- You can do it. Go on, Annie.

- It wouldn't hurt to move a bit.
- Exactly, come on.

- Something like that.
- Are you fucking kidding me?

- Okay? Come on.
- I'm not doing that.

No, no, no, you'll be fine.



Big news.

I'm coming to London.

- Let's go, Jackson!
- The baby came five weeks early,

so now it's official... I'm a grandpa.

And given the precariousness of it all,

I've decided that I should be there.

- To Kennedy airport, my man.
- You got it.

I scrounged up enough money
from those demos for Jackson to come, too.

So we're going to be in London tomorrow.

Which leads me to ask this:
are we fine as we are,

or would you like to meet for a drink?

Oh, my God, what a crazy coincidence.

I was actually planning to pop over
to London tomorrow to see an old friend.

So this is actually
fortuitous timing, actually.

Why not say we'll meet
at the Tate Modern at 5:00.

My mobile number's below.

Uh, call, text anytime.

And congratulations, Grandpa.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Are you?

- You got Steve?
- Yeah.

Now be careful here,
they drive on the wrong side.

A truck could run you over.

- Gee, do you feel jet-lagged?
- No.

You're okay? All right, good.

May I help you?

- Shit.
- Dad!

Dad! Dad!


Hi, it's Tucker.

I'm dying to hear your excuse.

Well, it's-it's... it's pretty good. Um...

- I had a heart attack.
- What?

Mm-hm. Well, it was mild, but, um...
it was enough.

Are you serious?

- Are you okay? What can I do?
- I was hoping to lure you to

the University College Hospital
cardiology wing?

Of course.

Yeah, of course. Just...

Oh, sorry.

- Can I get you anything?
- No.

Yeah, I don't need anything.
Maybe something to read.

No problem. Is Jackson okay?
Is he there with you?

Oh, no, no. He's fine. He's doing good.

Thanks for asking.


- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

You must be Annie.

- Come on in.
- Yes.

- I would stand up, but...
- No, please.

- Oh, my goodness.
- How are you?


Sorry, I'm s... I'm blanking.

This is much easier in writing.

Well, I would say that we could
take out our phones, you know,

and write each other,

but the Internet here is terrible.

- I got you...
- See, I knew I shouldn't have said that.

It's nothing, honestly.

- No, it's... thank you.
- No, no. Not at all.

Yeah, it's about a transatlantic
epistolary friendship.

- Not to put too fine a point on it.
- No, I think I saw this movie.

It's not nearly as good as the memoir.

But obviously, no pressure
to read it, of course.

Pressure's a choice, right?

- Thank you.
- How are you feeling? How do you feel?


I had an angioplasty.

Wow, what's an angioplasty?

They stick balloons into you
and blow them up.

Wow, balloons.

- That sounds really crazy.
- Jackson, this is Annie.

- Hey. Nice to meet you, Jackson.
- Hi, Annie.

- Nice to meet you, too.
- Yeah.

- Oh, no.
- Just need to change

- your catheter, Mr. Crowe.
- Where does that go?

Shall we... shall we get a snack?

- Yeah, that'd be great, thank you.
- Why don't we go for a walk?

Okay, we'll be back.

So, how was your trip over here?

- Did you watch anything?
- Dora.


Do bumpy plane rides
give people heart attacks?


Yeah, I think they could
probably contribute, actually.

Hmm... probably what happened.

Your dad probablyjust got a bit nervous.

But then wouldn't more people
get heart attacks on planes?

Yeah, that's a good point.


You want a bite?

Sure. Thanks.

So, he's in the NICU, huh?
How much does he weigh?

Last night, he was like
2.2 pounds or something.

- Wow.
- Kilos, Zak.

- Otherwise, he'd be dead.
- Okay, that's better.

And how about you?
How are you feeling?

Fine. How are you feeling?

I'm okay.

- Hey.
- Hey, little man.

- Lizzie, Zak.
- Hey, Annie,

I want you to meet my daughter, Lizzie.

Lizzie, this is Annie.
And Annie, this is Zak.

This is the man of the hour. The father.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.
Congratulations on your little boy.

- Is he okay?
- Yeah. His name's Dexter

and he's doing good. He's 2.2 kilos.

Annie's my friend from England.

We were supposed to hook up yesterday,
but then that didn't go so well.

- We don't even know each other...
- Well, we know each other.

We met on a website.

- A website?
- Not that kind of website.

Yeah, not like...

- It was a music forum.
- Wow.

But I'm actually going to head off.
It was lovely to meet you.

- Hey, Annie, please don't go.
- I hope your boy is doing good.

I want to talk to you...

- Cooper! Jesse!
- Cooper? Jesse?

What are you guys doing here?

These are my sons Cooper and Jessie.

Come here, guys. Give it in for your dad.

Give me a hug, man.
Look at you. You're so tall.

Wow. Man, check you out.

Man, you're handsome. Hey, guess what?

This is your sister Lizzie.

- Lizzie, this is Cooper and Jessie.
- Half-sister.

- Yeah, I know. Half-sister.
- Hi.

Cooper's the tall one.
Jessie is the also tall one.

So, how'd you guys find me?
How'd you get here? Hey.

- How'd you guys get here?
- We flew.

- Plane.
- I called Carrie.

You called Carrie?

- No.
- Yeah. They thought

you were gonna die
and you might want to see your children,

- whom we've never met.
- I'm not going to die.

- Even if I was going to die...
- I'm going to head off.

- I'm going to slip away.
- Two seconds. I just...

I want to talk to you.
Oh, my God. No way. Wait...

- What is going on?
- Don't go.

Hi, Carrie.
Apparently, I'm going to make it.

The doctor said I was brilliant
for having a heart attack in a hospital.

All this way and you're fine?

- Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you.
- Ten thousand dollars.

- Perfect.
- What does that mean, $10,000?

Well, they weren't gonna fly coach
to see their biological father die.

Anyway, we're fine, thanks for asking.

You didn't give me two seconds, all right?

How are you? How's...

- How's... What's your stepdad's name?
- Doug.

- Thank you. How's Doug?
- He's great.

- He's training for a triathlon.
- Oh!

Sorry, I know, exercise...
big trigger for you.

It's not a trigger,
it's just who does that?

- There he is. Tucker.
- Oh. Hey.

Didn't get off to the best of starts
in old London town?

- How are you, Tucker? Hello, darling.
- Hey, Mummy.

And it's pretty ripe in here, Tucker.

Are you due a sponge bath?

Natalie, this is my friend Annie.

Annie, this is my ex Natalie, and Mark.

And Natalie, you and Carrie,
you two have met, right?

- Oh, yeah, fuck. Right, right.
- How do you do?

- Oh, come off it, Natalie.
- Darling.

I also called Grace.

What's going on with you?

- Who's Grace?
- Lizzie, what...?

She's your daughter
and this has gone on long enough.

- What's gone on long enough?
- You pretending we don't exist.

I'm not pretending you don't exist.

I came all the way over here to see you.

That's unclear.

- What does that mean?
- Honestly, I can vouch for him.

Nothing to do with...
It was complete coincidence.

- Even so.
- What do you mean even so?

- I flew 3,500 miles to see you.
- Daddy.

Oh, look at him bean-counting.

- I'm not bean-counting!
- He did that with the divorce.

- I'm just explaining the reason...
- Dad!

- Jackson, please, stop...
- He's quite the martyr.

He's taking time out of his busy schedule

- to meet his grandson for the first time.
- I'm not being a martyr, okay?

I'm just trying to point out
the fact that I flew

all this way to see you
and meet the baby, okay?

And yet here we all are crowded around
your hospital bed.

- Because I had a heart attack, all right?
- Dad!

- You think I planned that?
- I don't know, maybe. Subconsciously.

- Dad!
- Listen, I've had three heart attacks,

- and didn't plan any of them.
- You had three?

Yes, and he didn't make

- a song and dance about any of them.
- I'm not making a song and dance.

Frankly, I didn't invite
any of you in here, okay?

See, that is exactly
what I'm talking about.

- Come on, don't be so sensitive.
- It's like we're this inconvenience.

- Like you hate us all or something.
- I don't hate you.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm just...
Come on, I'm under siege here.

If you really cared about us,
you'd want us

- to know our siblings, for example.
- I do want you to know!

- What am I supposed to do, have a picnic?
- Yes! No.

- At least check in...
- Dad.

- ...like a normal father.
- Yeah, well, this is not...

Stop it, Jackson. This is not
a normal situation, for Christ's sake.

- Dad!
- Jackson, stop it, okay?

Jackson, I'm sorry.

The doctor said you need to rest.

Okay. Hey, Zak. Come on. Hey, buddy.

Zak, play that song
that you were talking...

- My song?
- Don't do it, Zak.

He is reallyjust trying
to change the subject.

- I really want to hear it.
- He really doesn't care.

I'm begging you, dude. Play the song.

You're just going to make
a fool of yourself.

No, dude, play the song.

You all right?

It's pretty crazy in there, huh?

Whose mom are you again?

I'm nobody's mom.

- It was nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

- Bye, Annie.
- Bye.


Thank you for picking up.

- Okay, I owe you an apology.
- No.

It was silly of me to come.

I don't know what I was thinking.

No, it was... it was kind of you to come.

- Oh...
- Look...

one of the big problems with screwing up

the first half of your life is,
you know, try as you might,

you can't press reset, you know?

I mean, I...
I can't get to zero, you know?

And I was just wondering if you would...

If we could try this
one more time again tomorrow?

Are they still there, your ex-girlfriends?

- They were very nice.
- No, no, everybody's gone.


Everybody except Jackson, says Jackson.

Here he is. He wants to talk to you.

Hi, Annie. I found out what a catheter is.

You know, the truth is, I was...

I was secretly hoping
that maybe you would

invite Jackson and me to Sandcliff.

- Sandcliff? Jesus, why?
- Sandcliff.

Why? Because we looked it up
on the Internet, and it looked great.

Like a great place to recover, you know?

And look, I blew it yesterday, you know?

- I want to make it up to you.
- By inviting yourself over?

That's what I was thinking, yeah.

What about your family?

Well, the boys went to the airport.

They're flying home, right?

And Lizzie's, you know,
getting some much-needed rest.

I just don't think I'm equipped
to look after you.

I wouldn't know how to give you
an angioplasty,

- or whatever it is with the balloons.
- Angioplasty?

If God forbid, something...

That's a little forward, don't you think?

Sorry, that did sound
vaguely inappropriate.

But you know what I mean,
and it's just...

I don't know if it'd be fun
for Jackson, really,

to be honest,
it's not such a fun place.

Well, you still have that shark's eye?

- What? Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, that's a happy afternoon
right there.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You have a shark's eye?

Would that interest you?

Yeah, I love sharks. Look at my bag.

Waterloo station, Jackson.

Most famous spot in all of London.

- Really?
- For real.

I mean, if you're a Kinks fan.

Are we almost there?
Because I really need to pee.

Come here, Jackson. It's just...
it's just in here, my dear.

Just up here.

There you go, buddy.

- Okay, I'll leave it to you.
- Can you stay?

- Yeah. Sure.
- Could you close the door?

- Everything okay?
- Yeah.

Yeah, all good in here.

Don't forget to wash your hands, buddy.

Show her what we're made of.

Wow, this place is nice. Yeah.

Beautiful spot.

Oh, uh...

Tucker, are you...?

Tucker, you're not downstairs, are you?
Because I...

I must explain this. Oh, God. I'm sorry.
I've... I can explain this.

"Maxwell's, '89, Bar Astro-Dusseldorf".

Did I play at Dusseldorf?

It's not what it looks like.
I can explain.

That's me and my high school chess club.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I can explain this to you.
I know this looks weird.

Remember the review on the website?

And the guy... it was a really
over-the-top review,

and you called him
like a sad-sack blogger.

- Oh, Duncan-something?
- Yes! God.

Oh, my God, if he knew
that you knew his name...

So, that guy is the guy.

- Oh, that's your 15 years of...
- Yes!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Bingo. That's it. That's it.

And this is his room...
shrine... temple...

- where he lived and worshiped you.
- Wow.

- Me and him.
- Yes.

- Together forever.
- The only reason

I've heard of you is because of him.

So what better way to get back at your ex

- than get me back here.
- No, no.

Parade me around Sandcliff
like a trophy, right?

I'm feeling a little cheap.
I'm feeling a little used.

- I am.
- That's a really interesting theory.

And-and-and I appreciate
why you would think that.

But it was your idea
to come here in the first place.

- That's true.
- Yeah.

I don't feel this way about you at all.

I've been down here like twice
in the last five years.

I'm not trying to trap you

or, like, cut your head off, or whatever.

I can't be at the phone right now,
so just leave a message.

Duncan, it's me.
Can you call me, please?

It's very important. Call me back.

Oh, shit.

- Oh-oh, shit.
- What's up?

Annie's down at the beach.


Yeah, she saw me. I better...
I better go down.

If I blank her, she'll be devastated.

I'll be right back, okay?

- Annie!
- Shit.


- Hey.
- Did you get my message?

I've been trying to call you.
I really need to tell you something.

- I wanted to chat to...
- How've you been?

- Good.
- You look...

- I wanted to tell you something...
- You look well.

I just... I really needed to talk to you
about something.

- That's why I was reaching out.
- I've taken up exercising.

- FitBit. Started with jogging...
- Do you remember that review I wrote?



- I overreacted, Annie.
- No.

- It was not my finest hour.
- A couple of days after that.

- It was the strangest thing...
- You weren't totally wrong, by the way.

There was a lot of negativity in what you
said, but there were things that weren't...

"Twentieth Call of the Day" is maudlin.

- I realize that now.
- Doesn't matter.

The strangest sequence
of events started after that.

Uh-oh, who's this?
You've got a man with you, Annie.

I'm trying to tell you, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.

- It's fine.
- That's him. Cause it was so strange.

Hi there. Lovely day for the beach.

- Fuck!
- What? Everything all right?

- Yeah. I just...
- You're a friend of Annie's?


Making some sandcastles
with your little boy?

- This is Duncan.
- It was bound to happen. It's fine.

- We were going to run in...
- Gina's here, so...

- This is Duncan.
- Duncan Thomson.

Tucker Crowe.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

I'm Stevie fucking Wonder.

- Okay, let's take it easy.
- Who do you want to be?

Eartha fucking Kitt? We're all somebody.

- Hey.
- Just take it easy.

- Real fucking mature, Annie.
- I was trying to tell you.

Well, Gina's waiting, so I better...

I was trying to explain it
to you before you were...

- Gina!
- I was...

- Wow!
- I was trying to...

If she wants to make a sad spectacle
of herself around town

by hanging out with some guy
who's old enough to be her father,

that's her business.

But mocking me by dragging Tucker into it
is just embarrassing.

She was obviouslyjust trying
to wind you up.

I know for a fact that there is no son.

There were rumors of a daughter
with a Swedish princess

or potentially her cousin,
but there's zero online chatter of a son.

- Did it look like Tucker Crowe?
- No.

God no.

Not entirely.


- I'm going to have a shower.
- Shit!

"Tumors the size of an apple
or an egg or a pest-boil.

Thus did the plague rage in
Avignon for six or eight weeks,

and the breath of the sick,
who expectorated blood..."

- I'm not sure about this.
- Come on.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Are you enjoying it?

"It was not till towards
the close of the plague

that they ventured to open, by incision,
these hard and dry boils.

When matter flowed from them..."

I think that's enough.

- What are boils?
- It's a type of pimple...

Hey, buddy, don't worry about boils, okay?

Out by the couch we got a wet bag
with some seashells in it,

and then we get the paints
and we'll paint them.

- Sound good?
- Fine.

I'm so sorry.

I really don't have anything,
like, fun for kids in the house.

You're great with him.

What about just having one by yourself?

I wouldn't know where to start.

I think you could figure out
where to start.

Yeah. Mr. Family Planner.

Yeah, you probably shouldn't
take advice from me.

Can I ask you,
what's the deal with Grace?

What do you mean?

Why does her name bother you
and the others don't?

It doesn't bother me.

I... I've never even met her.

How's that possible?

Well, there's something there.

- You're ducking the question.
- No, no, no, I'm not.

There's someone behind you,
out the window.

Oh, my God.

Would you like to come in?

Yes, please.

Hello again.

Hey, there.

There is a possibility that
maybe I owe you an apology.

Well, when will you know for sure?

It occurs to me that there's no reason

for you to claim that you are... he

if you were not... he.

- Well, that's a start.
- It's just...

- I can't be certain, you know?
- Well, I have a passport.

Well, that would be super.

Okay, um...



Yes, well, all of this seems
to be in order.

- Oh, thank God.
- Duncan...

That sounded... that sounded
a little officious.

Why don't you come
and join us for dinner?

- Yeah, man. Join us.
- Hang out.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd like that.

- Great.
- Yeah.

So, for instance, I'm developing a course

on 1970's independent American cinema,
and the novels of Nathanael West.

The Day of the Locust,
Miss Lonelyhearts. I love that.

That's right. Yeah.

So, what brings you to England,
young man?

- My sister had a baby.
- Oh!

Well, congratulations, Unc.

- Any other sisters or brothers?
- Duncan.

- It's fine. It's fine.
- What?

- It's okay. Go.
- Three.

Or do I have four? I have four, right?

They don't live with me.
They have different moms.

And not one of them is a member
of the Swedish royal family.

Yeah, no. I was...

I was skeptical about that
particular theory.

Well, the exhibition's
coming along nicely.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

- You nervous?
- A little bit.

I'm sure Annie's told you,

but I am a great admirer
of your work, so...

- Cool.
- Opening's Tuesday night.

- You're all invited.
- I don't think that I would be

overstating the case to suggest
that I am something of a world expert.

A world expert?

I've read your stuff. It's...

Okay. Wow.

You can tell me where I've gone wrong.

I wouldn't know where to start.

I understand why you'd say that,

but I do actually know
quite a lot about you.

Really? Wow. Okay.

- Okay, let me think of something.
- Oh.

You know what?
You don't have to give an example...

I know, for example,
that on the chorus of "Lies You Breathe",

that entire chorus was lifted

from an answering machine message
left for Julie

by her ex-boyfriend, Michael Posey.

I don't remember those lyrics,
so I don't know.

It was during
your "honeymoon phase" of...

- Fevered kisses and dirty words
- You don't have to sing. He's just a fan.

- He's harmless, I promise you.
- It's just... Michael Posey?

- How would you...?
- Is it still raw?

Is what still raw?

The whole affair. Julie Beatty.

Duncan, just stop.
Come on, that's too personal.

- Just a long time ago.
- It's too personal.

- Is it? Okay, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, that's too far.

- I'm sorry. You're right.
- Too far.

I know the whole thing left you shattered.

And I just want you to know
that from that death

was born a seminal masterwork.

Oh, God, a masterwork?

I don't use that word lightly, sir.

All right, I was being really nice, okay?
But it's clear that you don't know shit.

- I'm sorry.
- You have to agree to disagree.

Hey, am a I fan? Guilty as charged.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, yes.

Am I a little overzealous
in my quest for the truth?

Listen, man, if you can't
realize that Juliet is a piece of shit...

- Don't say that.
- Yeah, it is.

You don't mean that.

You don't have any relationship
to the truth.

I'm not the only one who thinks
that you are a genius.

- A genius...
- Fine.

Maybe my review of your demos
wasn't exactly correct,

but that original album, Tucker?

Do you have any idea
how much that touches us?

How much that has meant to me
my whole life?

- The honesty in your words...
- Would you stop!

It's not worth the effort.

It is to me.

I'm going to go. I'm going to...

This feels like a mistake.

Just one final thing.

I think that people like you,
people with real talent,

you don't value it because
it comes naturally to you.

And we never value things
that we...

that come easily.

But I value that album more than
maybe anything I've ever heard.

Not because it's perfect,
but because of what it means to me.

Ultimately, I don't give a shit
what it means to you.

Art isn't for the artist

no more than water
is for the bloody plumber.

But thank you.

I really, really enjoyed it.

Last time I played a show
I didn't even finish it.

I was at this club called The Pit,

and in between sets
I went to the bathroom.

And then my ex walks in the door.


She's holding this baby.

And I...

and I acted all confused,

as if, after we broke up,
a million people hadn't called

and told me that
she was pregnant, you know?

As if her brother hadn't cursed me out
the day the child was born.

But she... she held out this little girl

and said, you know,
"Don't you even want to look at her?"

- Grace?
- Yeah.


And I looked at her.

And then Julie said something,

you know, that I didn't hear.

Like, she said... she said something to me
about the baby bottle,

or she forgot her bag or something.

I thought that she was
abandoning the child with me.

You know? And I just panicked.

And I wanted to follow after her, but I...

I didn't think that I could walk
out of this club with this baby, you know?

There's all these people out there.

So, I...

I... I set Grace down.

And then I walked out.

I went into the parking lot,

and I could hear everybody
calling for me, but I...

I didn't... didn't go back.

And then I couldn't play any of
those songs anymore, you know?

After that, I just...

I couldn't play these insipid,
self-pitying songs

about Julie breaking my heart, you know?
They were a joke.

And before I know it,
a couple of decades have gone by

and some doctor hands me...
hands me Jackson.

I hold him, you know,
and I look at him.

And I know that this boy...
is my last chance.

That's a lot of pressure
for one little guy.

All the rest of them hate me so much.

- They don't hate you.
- Yeah, they do.

- Yeah, they do.
- They're mad at you.

They're angry. There's a difference.

Do you know what I would do
for a couple of angry kids?

- Uh, is this Grace?
- Speaking.

This is Tucker Crowe.


And this is regarding...?

Well, I think Lizzie
tracked you down, right?


My other daughter, Lizzie.

Listen, I'm at... I'm at work.
Is there a reason for this call?

I'm sorry, did you not get a call
from a person named Lizzie?

I did.


Listen, I'm sorry for calling you
out of the blue, but...

Look, as I said to her,
I have a father already.

Oh. Okay. Yeah, right. No, I understand.

It's just, when you say that,
do you mean...

do you mean biologically, or...?

I'm not sure of the distinction
you're making.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Right.

Whatever it is you're trying
to work out, good luck.

But it's just not going to involve me.


Absolutely. I understand.

Thank you.

This exhibit was Mayor Barton's idea.

Yeah, my concept, yeah.

And I donated the Stones poster.

- Wow.
- But only Bill Wyman signed it.

The others refused.
Mick and Keith walked straight past me.

Bloody musicians.

- Yeah, bloody musicians.
- They were probably stoned.

Tucker's actually a bloody musician.

- I'm retired.
- He's actually quite a big deal.

- In small circles.
- Have I heard of you?

- Tucker Crowe.
- Tucker Crowe?

- You have heard of him?
- No. Never.

But nonetheless,
it's an honor to meet you.

What are you drinking,
Tucker Crowe? I'll get you one.

- Don't worry, I'm fine. A glass of water.
- No, no, no.

I'm not getting a famous
American rock star a glass of water.

- Red or white?
- Look, I'm not that famous, okay?

- And I'm an alcoholic.
- Well, you'll fit right in.

I bet you'd love a beer, wouldn't you?

I bet you'd murder a cold beer.
I'll get you one.

- I'm going to get you a water.
- Appreciate it.

No, no, no, this is incredible.

- Annie, can I borrow you for a second?
- Yeah. Are you okay?


Hey, Annie.

Edna, I want you to meet Annie.

And Annie, I want you to meet Edna.

Oh, my goodness, is that really you?

- Yes, that's me.
- Wow, I love this photo so much.

- That's wild.
- That's my sister, Kathleen.

- She's passed on now. Yeah.
- Sorry.

And the two fellas,
we'd met them earlier on in the summer.

There's George. Mm.

He was a fast worker.
He wanted a bit of fun.

I wish I did too, but I fought him off.

I thought, Edna, you can never
go wrong not doing something.

It's things that you do
that get you into trouble.

Here I am, 84 years old,

I've never been in trouble
in my whole bloody life.

Goddamn it.

Oh, well.

It's a lovely exhibition.


Tucker, I was... Oh, don't worry.

- It's silly.
- What is it? What?

I was wondering if you would be...
if you'd be interested?

What do you mean...?

I'm sorry. In me.

In you? In you? What... how?

Oh, I mean, I suppose...


What do you mean? Like, here?

- Like right now?
- Oh, no, no. I meant...

In the future, later.

What? Yes, definitely.
I'm extremely interested.

Great, because I just wanted to
broach the subject with you...

I mean, for the record,

I would have probably been
a little more assertive.

My confidence has taken a hit,
you know, with the heart.

- Like, I'm not exactly sure...
- I don't want to be presumptuous,

but I did look up that side
of things on the Internet.

- You did?
- Yeah.

What did it say?

Do you get breathless going up the stairs?

- Not at all.
- I think the thing is,

is I have to do most of the work.

Oh, that's the way I've always done it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're going to take a break

from the prerecorded portion
of our musical journey back to 1964.

Fortunately, we have with us today

one of the most famous
American recording artists from that era.

He's come to Sandcliff
especially to visit our exhibition,

and he's an alcoholic.

- Join the club, mate.
- I'm so sorry.

- I didn't put him up to this.
- A very great honor.

Terry, this is really...
Tucker's not playing tonight.

Well, you see, the jukebox has conked out.

Terry, this is not what Tucker's here for.

It's a great, great honor

to introduce the multiple
Grammy Award-winning...

No, he's not...

...member of the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame.

Tucker Crew!

Tucker Crowe, actually.

I am so sorry.

You don't have to do this, by the way.

I didn't put him up to it. I'm so sorry.

Is this on?




For those that care,
I haven't won any Grammys

and I'm not in the Hall of Fame,
but I'll accept the...

I was in Waterloo Station
the other day with a friend of mine,

and it made me think of a song I love.

Hey, I didn't write it,
but I wish that I did.

Wow, I'm nervous.

Daddy? Daddy?



Buddy, come on. Time for bed.

I threw up on the couch.

Okay, hold... hold on. Hold on.

Oh, no.

- Oh, you poor little thing.
- Okay, okay, what is it?

Oh, jeez. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's go.

I'm so sorry, bud. What happened?

- Why don't you just...?
- Are you okay?

- Here you are.
- Thanks.

A clever cup of tea,
as my Dad would to say.


Why is it clever?

Because it can cure anything.

If you got a headache,
it goes straight to your head.

If you got a stomachache,
goes straight to your stomach.

What if you have a heart attack?

Goes straight to your heart.

When are we going home?


Can I call Mom?

You don't even think it's worth a try?

It's not like that, it's...
I really want to.

You're breaking my heart.

- What were we even doing?
- We're just getting started.

Jackson has to be with his mother.

- And you have to be with Jackson.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

It's been a wonderful fantasy,
until you talk about your leaving here

and everything's going to go
back to the way it was

before you were here, except shittier.

The best episode I think is 155.

- Mm-hmm?
- Goku. Vegeta.

It's a really good show.

- Is it a cartoon?
- Yeah.

Me and my dad watch it all the time.

I don't watch it that much.

- What happened?
- Zak split.

He freaked out.

Oh, sweetheart. Come here.

I'm so sorry.

That didn't take long, did it.

Fucking musicians.

Give me this little guy.

- He's pretty handsome.
- Yeah.

Look at the little hands.

- Hey, Lizzie.
- Hi, Annie.


Oh, my goodness, he's gorgeous.


Do you want to come in for a while?

No, I'm okay. I'm going to head off.

But thanks.

Bye, Annie.

You forgot your bag. And your turtle.


- I'm going to leave you to it.
- Are you sure?

Thanks for coming... Granddad.

Good morning!

She's over there. That one there.

I don't see her.

The one with the cute hair.
Over there.

- See the one with the...
- I don't...

The one there.

- Oh, right. Of course.
- Yeah.

- How could I miss her?
- She's cute, isn't she?

- Maybe don't stare.
- Sorry. She's really cute.

Can you believe she asked me out?

It's actually amazing, isn't it?

- She's...
- 100% confirmed, yeah.

She's a gold star,
if you know what I mean.

I don't know what you mean.

- I know.
- Hey, Ros.

- Oh, hi, Duncan.
- Hey.

What a nice surprise.

Annie, listen to what they're playing.

Daddy loved this one. Do you remember?

Do you mind if I sit down?

I heard about the job in Bristol.
Excited about it?

I decided I'm not going to go, actually.

- What? It's a proper university, finally.
- Yeah...

I've decided that... I want to have kids.

- Oh.
- With you.

- Duncan...
- I want lots of them.

You can't be serious,
you don't even like children.

- You think they're boring.
- Well, I've never met my own.

I bet they'll be far more
interesting than other people's.

- We broke up for a reason.
- A stupid reason.

Come on, a stupid reason.
A silly reason. Bad reason.

You slept with somebody else

because she had the correct
response to an album.

Which was stupid.
This is exactly what I'm saying.

This was silly.

I've been pushing my ridiculous
shit on you for years.

You like what you like.
It's very important to you.

That makes you who you are. It's okay.

I can be someone else.

You sure this doesn't
have something to do

with your idol coming along
and fancying me a little bit?

No, God! That's hurtful.

Maybe a bit, maybe a bit.

Okay, I don't know.

He opened my eyes.

But now my opened eyes
are looking at you.

I want you to be happy.

I am ready for us to be grownups together.

Isn't that what you want?

I don't want that anymore. I don't.

I'm sorry. I don't.

Dear Tucker...

I did receive your emails.

Congratulations on getting your own place.

I'm so sorry that I haven't
replied sooner.

I've just... I've been dealing
with some really big life decisions.

I moved to London,

where I'm house-sitting
for a friend of a friend,

and I landed a job
at a cool, little gallery.

Somehow, the world just suddenly feels
alive with possibility.

I've also been seriously considering
having a baby on my own.

Last week, I finally gathered the nerve

to go to a clinic
and actually start the process.

It's mental, right?

Anyway, nothing's for certain,

but whatever happens
I feel I'll be all right.

I can't believe Lizzie's boy
is already a year old.

She must be thrilled
you're coming to visit.

If you'd like to steal away
for a cup of coffee,

it'd be great to see you and catch up.

I'd actually love that.


Apologies for my prolonged absence.

I have been working through
the news at hand

and formulating an opinion

with the care and judiciousness
I believe the moment calls for.

I'm speaking, of course, of the fact
that Tucker has a new album.

It's called So Where Was I?

It's his first release
of new material in 25 years.

What is my verdict?

Well, to quote another critic,

"What is this shite?"

We have a song about the pleasures
of reading in the afternoon.

We have a song about
homegrown green beans.

There's a little ditty expounding
the joys of being a stepfather.

I mean, in short, we have a tragedy.

And there's a drum machine.

There's a drum machine
on a Tucker Crowe album.

I mean, what the fuck?

You may ask, as I did,

what caused Tucker to produce
this cloying, bloodless, catastrophe?

Well, reportedly, Tucker has found love.

And I am here to tell you, my friends,
it doesn't suit him.