Johnny Skidmarks (1998) Movie Script

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ When two hearts

are caring ♪

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ Filled with love. ♪

Car lost control

right about here,

smashed into

the guardrail right here.

It busted through here,

and it came down here

like this, just like this.

It's a tragedy, really.

There's four kids,

and not one of 'em belted.

Daddy does brain surgery

on himself

with the steering column.

And mama, she flies

through the windshield.

Face smacks into this

goddamn tree doing about 80.

What the hell is that

in the bark?

Is that a tooth?

Oh, for Christ sakes,

that's a goddamn tooth.

Get a snap of that, will you?

That it?

Yeah, that's it, Johnny.

Thanks, man.

Look, so the thing is

we need this ASAP,

okay, Scardino?

- Sure.

- No, no, no.

Seriously, man,

we need it ASAP, really.

Look, the insurance agency

wants to nip this

thing in the bud

before it gets out of hand.

I got the whole extended family

holding a vigil

in the kiddie ward

with the one survivor,

and it looks like

they're going to need

beaucoup bucks

just to hire someone

to wipe his ass for

the rest of his life.

So, you know, I mean, that's why

the agency sent us

out here, you know,

to put our finger in it.

I mean, that's why

we need this ASAP.

Hey, Johnny...

Scardino.

Johnny, huh, ASAP?

ASAP. Yeah, ASAP.

You want me

to say it? ASAP.

Okay?

ASAP.

See you, buddy.

We sure appreciate this, Johnny.

I know it ain't your shift.

Earl's been out for three

days now with his stomach.

His sister had one of them

Hawaiian cookout fetes

at her house on the weekend.

What do you call 'em?

Luau.

That's right.

Earl thinks

the seafood was tainted.

"Tainted."

15 pounds of shrimp

sitting in the sun all day.

I guess it better be tainted,

or ain't fucking shrimp, huh?

Ah, fat fuck probably had

more than his share, anyway.

Come on. Come on.

Hey, hey!

Come on, you guys.

A little respect here, huh?

- Yes, sir.

- Sorry, Sarge.

These guys.

Got everything?

That's it.

Attaboy.

Skidmarks.

Washawski.

Thanks, Woody.

Yeah.

That poor bastard.

- Earl?

- Huh?

No, no, the stiff in there.

Looks like a snuff,

right? No.

Guy croaked himself.

We found the note and everything.

- Hey, Larry.

- I'm just playing it safe,

gathering the necessary

evidence, just in case.

Jeez. Stick

a fucking plastic bag

on your head and just lie there?

Even when the Mrs.

And I broke up,

never got that low.

Got to have a lot

of despair in your heart.

That's what the guy's note said,

he had despair in his heart.

Yeah.

Well, I...

I don't really think about it.

What, not ever?

You got to think about it

sometime, you know,

fucking humanity of it all.

I just take the pictures.

You know, Johnny,

you got a coldness

in you, don't you?

Johnny Skidmarks.

- I'll see you.

- See you.

What's the story with that one?

Don't know.

What's that, drunk driver?

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know.

Too contrasty.

The neg was thin.

Now, Mike, I told you

to push it wide.

'Cause you want grain

like beach balls?

I like the look.

You like the look?

Pictures of dead people,

you like the...

I'll redo it.

Have your beach balls.

C-41.

Push in one, both rolls.

Oh, and I need it ASAP.

ASAP.

Man:

Okay, I'll see you.

So, anyway, you know,

she's acting all weird

and everything,

so then I tell her.

I mean, I lay it on her.

I am an entrepreneur.

You know, I own my own business.

So bring her by here,

show her the new lamps,

and, you know,

like, all of a sudden,

her eyes are big as gold ingots,

and it's so clear what she's

really after, you know?

So, you know,

I don't know about

this chick, but...

Oh, how's your Happy Burger?

Is that cola okay?

- Fine, fine.

- Good. You know why?

I've been adjusting

the syrup mix, you know.

Too much seltzer, you know.

Some people don't like

the bubbles, but...

yeah. So...

you know, so yeah.

So, anyway,

how's everything with you, man?

It's okay.

- You know.

- Great. Good.

Yeah.

Well, so haven't heard

anything from her yet,

but when I do... and I will...

I'll just have to make it clear

that I'm the kind

of guy who you can't...

Up bup bup bup.

Better get this.

Yeah, Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.

How may I help you?

Yeah, I need some Funny Fries...

Okay, 75 cents Funny Fries.

$1.75 for your

cheesecake.

Okay, that's $3.71 at

the front window, please.

27 rolling.

27 called.

Negs and prints, right, Walter?

Negs and prints like usual.

Everything like usual.

So is it going to be the

Delmonico or the Ticktock?

What's the diff?

Eh, Ticktock's got cable.

Woman:

Hurry back, sweetie.

Don't you worry.

Right on the button.

She's an artist.

There you are.

Oh, thank you, kind sir.

You're welcome.

Don't you worry.

I never worry.

Hey. Hey, now, kid.

Where you off to?

I'll just be a sec.

What? Huh?

- Hey, what are...

- All right, do it!

- Who is it?

- Get out of the bed, motherfucker!

Get out of the bed, asshole!

Please, no!

- Stop it!

- Keep your arms down.

No, no, no.

Don't do this.

- Keep your arms down.

- No. Oh, please.

- That's it. Smile.

- No, no. No.

- No, no, no.

- Smile, motherfucker.

No, no, no. No. No. No.

- That's it.

- No. Please stop.

- Stop. Shut the fuck up.

- No, no, no.

Party's over.

Let's get out of here.

- Please don't.

- Party's over.

Let's go.

Let's move. Move.

- No, no, no, no.

- Let's go. Let's go.

Come on, let's get out of here.

No, don't. No, don't.

What the hell's

going on out there?!

Prostitute:

Hurry, guys.

Yeah! We're trying

to get some sleep here!

- All right, hit it, Ernie.

- Go. Go.

Knock it off, or I'm

going to call the cops!

Man:

No.

Going to be a while before we

can use the Delmonico again.

Sloppy. Very sloppy.

Johnny, what'd the guy look like

when you was popping him?

I don't know.

What's with the fucking

chain lock, Lorraine?

I took it off. He put it back on.

What can I say?

Look, bitch, you got

two fucking jobs,

slip off the lock and make a tit

sandwich out of the guy's head.

Plus slipping

your fat ass the key.

Okay, three things.

Plus sucking the guy's dick.

Maybe next time

you want to try it,

huh, Walter?

Hi, Johnny.

Walter:

Nighty night.

Go fuck yourself, Walter.

Pig!

So do you want to come up?

Oh, yes.

I mean, every time,

and every time

I say the same thing.

Once, you didn't.

Well, maybe once is all

the pleasure I can take.

We could just

be friends, you know.

I've got a Trinitron.

There's a video store

that delivers.

We don't... we don't

have to do anything.

Oh, I got to go.

Yeah.

Did you see him, Johnny?

That guy wouldn't stop crying.

I never look at them, Lorraine.

I hate it when they cry.

It's easier when they

just get angry.

Don't think about it.

Yeah.

♪ He got himself

a homemade special ♪

♪ You know his glass

is full of sand ♪

♪ And it feels

just like a jaybird ♪

♪ The way it fits

into his hand ♪

♪ He rolled a blade up

in his trick towel ♪

♪ They slap their hands

against the wall ♪

♪ You never trip,

you never stumble ♪

♪ He's walking Spanish

down the hall ♪

♪ Slip him a picture

of our Jesus ♪

♪ Or give him a spoon

to dig a hole ♪

Good morning.

- Can I help you?

- ♪ What all he done ♪

- ♪ Ain't no one's business ♪

- We are looking for...

♪ But he'll need blankets

for the cold ♪

♪ They dim the lights

over on Broadway ♪

♪ Even the king

has bowed his head ♪

♪ And every face looks

right up at Mason ♪

♪ Man, he's walking

Spanish down the hall ♪

♪ Latella's screeching

for a blind pig ♪

♪ Punk Sander's

carved it out of wood ♪

♪ He never sang

when he got hoodwinked ♪

♪ They tried it all,

but he never would ♪

♪ Tomorrow morning,

there'll be laundry ♪

♪ But he'll be somewhere

else to hear the call ♪

Welcome to Sterling Terrace.

♪ Don't say good-bye,

he's just leaving early ♪

♪ He's walking Spanish

down the hall ♪

Sorry.

♪ Go on, tip your hat

up to the Pilate ♪

♪ Take off your watch,

your rings, and all ♪

♪ Even Jesus wanted

just a little more time ♪

♪ When he was walking

Spanish down the hall. ♪

- We out of here.

- See you in a half-hour?

Just don't get any shit on you.

Just don't get any more shit.

You want to do business with

me, do business with me.

- I know that.

- Be on fucking time.

- You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

None of this

- five minutes...

- Hey, that's why I...

Come on in, Johnny.

It's okay, Johnny.

Son of a bitch came early.

I told you I don't want to

know who we're working for.

He got out of court early.

Some chicken-heart client

he was defending

decided to cop a plea.

Yeah, I had to sit here

for half a fucking hour

trading pleasantries

with the asshole,

me and Ernie both.

Besides,

didn't your mama

teach you how to knock?

- Helen wasn't out front.

- Helen's on the rag.

I sent her home.

You want a drink or something?

Let me get out of here.

You know, I don't

like the idea of you

coming face-to-face with the

big money either, Johnny.

I mean, after all,

I'm not the one

in bed with the cops.

Tell 'em to keep that road closed

off, keep 'em down.

Right here.

Get the other one.

It's on the truck.

Come on, grab it.

Right over here.

Hey, Scardino.

Where are those wreckers?

Are they on their way in?

ETA, about six minutes.

Come on, right here!

Let's go!

Get a hand down here

with this group?

I just talked to 'em.

They're en route, Sarge.

Larry:

Where the hell are they?

In three minutes, we're going

to have 500 cars piled up here.

I know,

but I called 'em twice already.

Get on the goddamn radio,

and call 'em again.

Tell 'em we got to have

traffic control now.

Yes, sir.

Larry, this ain't your beat.

No. They needed

a Sergeant.

I got lucky.

Christ, what a mess.

Goddamn limo

comes plowing across,

hits a pickup full of migrants.

Toyota rams the truck.

We got a fucking yard sale here.

Jesus.

The humanity.

You got 'em on the line there?

- Yeah.

- Then let me talk to 'em.

Go do your thing, John.

These guys are driving me nuts.

Got 'em an LZ

right on the field.

Here.

Get back.

I got two more coming through.

Hey, bring the pry bar in here.

You got it.

Need some foam too.

Looks like we got

a gas leak here.

Get those battery cables.

♪ And I like it when

you kiss me again ♪

♪ Oh, everything's

just about right ♪

♪ Your lips red as wine ♪

♪ Your cheek against mine ♪

♪ Gosh,

what a beautiful sight ♪

♪ The wind... ♪

♪ A lover in June ♪

♪ Bather in silvery light ♪

♪ And I like it when ♪

♪ You kiss me again ♪

♪ Everything's

just about... ♪

Medic!

Yeah?

Got a live one over here.

All right.

Coming in.

Sir, I asked you

to sit right up there.

Okay? We'll get to you.

Just be calm.

I'm ready to go, Jim.

Get 'em on the radio, will you?

We need a medevac

chopper in here.

Call 'em in.

Let's go.

- Not yet.

- Fire's on that road.

We need to wrap all the way around

that, the left.

Keep it moving.

About 20 minutes.

C-41. Push in one.

Mike:

More dead people?

Yeah.

Ah, Johnny, sorry.

Sorry about the table, man.

She came in when I wasn't

looking, you know.

Otherwise, I'd have

saved it for you.

'Cause, you know,

you're a regular,

and, I mean,

we're friends, you know.

- We're good friends.

- It's okay, Jerry.

They're pretty much

all alike anyway.

Yeah.

Two tits and an ass, huh?

Right?

I meant the tables.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, they're all

the same, yeah.

Jesus!

More customers.

When it rains, you know.

Do you mind

taking care of yourself?

Welcome to Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.

Yeah, I'll have

a Fishy Fishwich.

Okay, we no longer serve

the Fishy Fish sandwich.

Can I get you a...

What's in the sauce?

It's a red sauce, kind of tangy.

- It's got some barbecue...

- Oh.

But it's also

kind of a mayonnaise.

How's the Happy Burger?

Mildly amusing.

So I'm new in the neighborhood.

You want me to leave you alone?

No.

Anyone ever tell you you're a

brilliant conversationalist?

No.

I read somewhere those things

aren't good for you.

Yeah, well,

it's a trade-off kind of a thing.

What for what?

You got a name?

Yeah.

You?

So, hey, man, how's the Happy...

Oh.

Anyway...

Everything's all right, Jerry.

Boy, God.

A guy can't get a

moment's rest around here.

He's...

interesting.

Former brother-in-law.

You just can't quite let go.

Hmm.

Your wife.

Jerry needs the business.

What brings you here?

Big clown out front.

I like clowns.

No, I just needed

a cup of coffee.

Coffee is very important

to me these days.

Coffee and cigarettes.

Which step are you at?

You want to see my place?

You're rich.

Trust fund.

"Hey, sorry.

Did that hurt?"

Motherfucker

says, "Yes."

So I say, "Well,

it's going to hurt again."

Swear to God,

fatherhood has filled a

fucking void in my life.

It really has.

Hey, Johnny, you okay?

Hey, sperm,

there's your sister.

Hey, look.

His color's come back.

Yoo-hoo, Earl!

How's your tummy, sweetheart?

Oh!

Yeah, Earl's stomach thing

really got out of hand.

His wife had to put him in the

fucking hospital for a few days.

Fucking nightmare.

Well, listen,

I wanted to tell you...

Remember that horrible freeway

we covered the other night?

The limo, the Jap car,

and the truckload of bean pickers?

Yeah, out on Highway 6.

Yeah, turns out

it wasn't an accident.

Somebody cut the brake

lines on the limo.

We got it over in Homicide now.

Turns out the rich old

coot who owned the car,

yeah, he was some big-shot

nuts-and-bolts guy.

90 fucking years old,

and someone still can't

wait for him to croak.

All that misery and carnage

just to bag one old coot.

Jesus.

It's a crazy world, ain't it?

Hey, Earl!

Another Maalox on me, eh?

Larry:

Look at him.

I love this guy.

Man:

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ That's what I want I do ♪

- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

- Hi.

♪ Leaving you, baby... ♪

I was wondering if we

were done with each other.

♪ Yeah, but ain't

a thing to do... ♪

I guess I should have called

or something. I...

That'd be nice.

♪ I can hold you... ♪

Give me time to beat the rugs,

put on a party dress.

♪ I could thrill you ♪

♪ Show you

with my loving charms ♪

You look nice to me.

♪ Baby, oh, baby ♪

♪ Oww! ♪

♪ That's what

I want to do ♪

For that, I let you in.

♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ What I want to do... ♪

- Want something to drink?

Sure.

♪ That's what I ♪

♪ I want to do ♪

♪ Mm... ♪

So you hang out here all day?

Sometimes I go to the library.

Mostly I just go to my meetings.

No job?

The only job I've got

is getting up the nerve

to unpack those boxes.

I had a real job once.

But you know how it is.

You get absorbed in your work,

longer hours, weekends.

Then one day you realize

it's not enough,

something's missing.

Family,

love.

Happy hour.

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Ah, baby ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ That's what

I want to do... ♪

I bought that the other day.

♪ Baby, about you ♪

How do you feel about water?

♪ Baby, my baby. ♪

Woman:

♪ Home, home, home ♪

- ♪ And you can wind ♪

- Chair?

♪ Around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by ♪

♪ We'll go and find you ♪

♪ Well, we know

where you've been ♪

♪ And we know

where you go ♪

♪ Home, home... ♪

So what's in all the boxes?

I don't know.

When I got out of the detox

I came home to an empty

house up for sale.

♪ Elle ne pouvait jamais ♪

♪ Mais elle voulait... ♪

My husband took what he wanted

and put the rest in storage.

He gave me an envelope with

a PIN number and a key.

It's not like

he wasn't decent about it.

Hmm.

Divorce?

No.

I like to drink.

On the rocks, straight up,

with a twist.

♪ Well, she walks

the wrong way... ♪

I like the way

it burns my throat...

..the way it makes me feel

like I can do anything.

♪ She'd have

to go home... ♪

Of course, most of the things I

did, I don't remember...

♪ Hardly recall

if she loved you ♪

or the people I did them with.

♪ Well, she never could,

but she wanted to ♪

♪ The lampshade is pale ♪

♪ And the tiles are cold ♪

♪ She's gone,

she's gone... ♪

Anyone that gets between me

and the bottle is my enemy.

♪ Hear the train

whistle blow... ♪

You want out?

No.

♪ And you can wind

around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by... ♪

Why'd you come

back here, anyway?

♪ Well, we know

where you've been... ♪

Ah, maybe because

you didn't ask me.

♪ And you can wind

around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by ♪

♪ We'll come find you ♪

♪ Well, we know

where you've been ♪

♪ And we know

where you go ♪

♪ Home... ♪

♪ Home. ♪

Let me guess.

You were boning Mother Teresa,

and you lost track of time.

Think you're pretty hard,

don't you, Skidmarks?

You think you've seen it all.

Come on, let's see

how hard you really are.

- Hey, John.

- Hey, Larry.

You know Doc Pickering?

- John.

- How are you?

Got a ripe one in there, Johnny.

I highly recommend

the Aqua Blue.

Remind me not to drink from

the tap the next few days.

Jesus. Cuts right through,

don't it?

Yeah, you never get used to it.

Larry:

Go on, Doc.

Ah, cigarette burns.

Psycho?

Someone looking for information.

Give me a hand.

Ah, Jesus.

What'd they do to his face?

Just some bad surgery,

probably when he was a kid.

Ernie the Wheel.

Who?

His name's Ernie Deemo.

He's a driver.

He's been in and out of the hole

ever since he was a fucking kid.

Jesus.

Who'd want to kill poor Ernie?

He was nothing.

Mob guys.

Probably did us a favor.

Yeah, I guess.

Take a snap, Johnny.

This one goes in the ugly file.

Hey, Helen, it's Johnny.

Let me talk to Walter.

Huh?

Has he called in?

Well, tell him...

tell him to give me

a ring when he gets in.

It's important.

All right. Bye-bye.

Johnny!

What the fuck are you doing?

I was looking for the bedroom.

How 'bout ringing

the doorbell first?

I didn't want anyone to see me.

Lorraine and Ernie

are dead, Johnny.

I know.

They killed Lorraine and Ernie.

They left burn marks

on Ernie's ass.

They tortured him.

They're killing everybody,

the whole fucking crew,

and we're next, man.

We're next.

Somebody's onto us, Johnny.

We're dead.

We're fucking dead.

Maybe it was a coincidence.

Ernie ran with mob guys.

Who knows who he

might have pissed off?

He was an imbecile, Walter.

And Lorraine, Jesus,

they weren't after her.

They were after her john,

some big muckety-muck in

the nuts-and-bolts racket.

These are explainable

things, Walter.

No, no, no.

You got it wrong, Johnny.

They was murdered.

I'm in the business.

I know.

One of our pigeons coming after

us, I tell you.

How many pigeons were they?

I don't know.

How many times we do the thing?

How many pigeons?

I don't know.

I got to find Lammings.

- Who?

- Lammings. Lammings.

You met him the other

day in the office.

He'll know what to do. He's got

the juice... courts, cops, juries.

He's a made guy.

I got to go.

So do you remember that chick

that took your table

the other night?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well...

when I came out from the back,

you were gone.

You were both gone.

So?

Well, then the next day,

she came back.

She started asking me

questions about you.

So?

So I don't know.

I mean, you know, I just...

So?

Hello. You've reached

the office

of Walter Lippinscott Jr.

No one's available to take

your call right now.

If you leave your...

Something wrong, man?

Don't know.

- Scardino.

- Hey, Anne.

Well, you ain't

going to believe this.

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.

You're a piece

of work, Scardino.

Oh, what happened?

Well, you tossed your cookies

all over the goddamn

crime scene, that's what.

Look, what'd you have

for lunch, anyways?

My stuff.

Don't worry about it, Johnny.

We brought in Tom Brini.

College kid?

Well, he's no Johnny Skidmarks.

- I'll grant you that.

- Here you go, sir.

At least he ain't blowing lunch

every time he sees

a fucking used rubber.

Hey, come on, Woody.

Happens to everybody.

Guy just found his limit,

that's all.

Last couple days

would have been tough

on any civilian.

Had car crashes,

mob hits,

satanic sacrifices.

Satanic sacrifices?

What?

Who you think cut up

the guy in the hole back there?

Like,

fucking Santa's little helpers?

It's ritualistic homicide.

Cult types, John.

Usually confine their

aggression to barnyard animals.

Ah, the humanity.

As if there wasn't enough evil

on God's fucking Earth, huh?

All right, let's go, Skovik.

He's fine.

Yeah, yeah.

In a minute.

Go home, John.

Take some time off.

Every man's got his limit.

Help!

Johnny!

Hi. Come here.

Well, am I wonderful or what?

I don't know what possessed me.

I just woke up this

morning, looked around,

thought, "Fuck it.

I'm moving in."

I need to talk to you.

You've got something,

but you slept with me anyway.

Then I forgive you.

I'm the girl in the glass

house, remember?

Can help me if you want.

It's kind of interesting.

It's like getting presents

from your great-aunt in Florida.

I mean, you're happy

she sent them,

but you dread what's inside.

Who is this?

Me and my folks. Why?

I better go.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, Jerry.

What's wrong?

Well...

it's nothing, really.

Well, good. Can I

get a cup of coffee?

What is it?

Well, it's just...

I guess she's your new

best friend now, so...

Who?

You know.

That chick, you know.

Alice?

Well, I don't know her name.

I mean, you know, it's not like

you been coming around here

since, you know.

You know.

Jerry, I was just here

the other night.

Yeah, well...

I mean, you were

married to my sister,

I mean, you know, before.

- Yeah.

I introduced you.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I just think

you ought to remember

who your real friends

are, that's all.

I mean, you know, when Ruth died

and you got all weird, you know,

I didn't turn my back on you.

I let you come in here

and hang out, you know,

even though it obviously

keeps the customers away.

And now it's like, oh,

you meet this new girl

who, you know, in a way,

I introduce you to,

'cause it was, you know,

in Burger Clown!

Which is my place!

And now you fuck me.

Don't fuck me, Johnny!

I don't sit around moping

about who my friends are.

I just get even, okay?

Okay.

Good.

Now I'll get your Happy Burger.

Hey, John.

Sit down. Join us.

We're celebrating the end

of this pig-fuck week.

- Woody.

- Yeah.

Everything okay?

I don't know, Larry.

Looks a little pale, don't he?

Hey, Skidmarks,

you been dating Earl's sister?

Hey, come on, Woody.

When are you going to let up, huh?

Got a phone call for you, Woody.

I think it's your wife.

Jesus.

So is everything okay?

No.

You can tell me

about it, you know.

I mean, anything, business,

personal, whatever.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the press,

thank you for coming.

I have arranged

this press conference

to confront a vicious

and entirely

unsubstantiated rumor

concerning my behavior

as a member

of the California State Senate.

John?

Can you hand me those

benches down there?

I would like to take

this opportunity...

- Rick, turn it up.

- to deny any and all

- wrongdoing on my part.

- Turn it up!

That's as loud

as she goes, Johnny.

An extramarital affair

with anyone who is not my wife.

Kitty and I have been married...

Whoa there. Johnny.

Louie.

That I have never,

to the best of my knowledge,

been anything less

than faithful to her.

I plan to continue along

the noble, cherished path

that is monogamy.

My wife and I stand...

So...

you're home.

How'd you get in?

The door was open.

How'd you find me?

Looked in the phone book.

Well, look, I...

I really can't talk right now.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Look, I'm holding my own

here trying to stay on track,

and I don't need you

fucking with my life.

Fine.

I left you something.

Do what you want with it.

Whoo!

Whoa.

♪ Find a wheel,

and it goes ♪

♪ Round, round, round ♪

♪ As it skims along

with a happy sound ♪

♪ As it goes along the

ground, ground, ground ♪

- ♪ Till it leads you... ♪

- Johnny.

I got to talk to you, Larry.

Come on in.

Sorry about the mess.

Still can't get used

to apartment life.

I'm just watching the game,

spinning some platters.

You want something?

A beer?

Shot?

Sorry.

I ate all the pretzels.

Oh, I don't care.

I mean, whatever.

Sit down.

♪ And the ball of sun

in the day ♪

♪ Makes a girl... ♪

You seem kind of troubled

lately, Johnny.

♪ Find a ring ♪

♪ And put it

round, round, round... ♪

Look, I was hoping you'd

finally come to me.

I've always considered us

pals, you know.

I just want you to know

whatever the fuck it is,

we'll work it out, okay?

Thanks.

Okay.

I found a head in my freezer.

A head?

What, human?

His name's Walter,

Walter Lippinscott.

Lippinscott.

The chopped-up stiff

in the crater?

The cult job?

I-I don't know where to start.

Well, Walter Lippinscott

hired me...

to take pictures of...

guys in bed with a hooker

named Lorraine.

Um...

I would bust in on 'em

when they were

going at it, and...

Oh, Johnny.

I took the pictures.

That's all.

No, I just took the pictures.

Okay.

So Lippinscott had

a blackmail scam going.

You were the hired lens.

So go on.

Everybody in the crew

has been turning up dead.

There's a woman I met

around the time everything

started happening, and, man...

God, I can't be sure, but I...

I think her father may be

one of the pigeons.

I mean one of the big shots

that I took pictures of

and then...

But I...

I mean, he looks

like he could be.

But I don't know.

I don't know.

She's unstable.

Recently out of detox,

and talk about unstable.

Jerry is...

Wait. Jerry?

All I know is

everybody's dead...

except me.

And...

you know,

there's this woman in my apartment,

and I found Walter's head

in my freezer.

Johnny...

Lippinscott's body parts

are in the city morgue.

I mean, she'd need

a court order signed by a judge.

The only one

who could have pulled

something like this

off would be...

Jesus, a cop.

A cop.

It could be a cop.

It could be a fucking cop.

Oh, Jesus.

Washawski?

Larry, do you think...

Larry, you think it

could be Washawski?

Ah, Johnny, you're a funny one.

Yeah, I wish you'd have

come to me sooner, John.

Maybe you could have saved your

little blackmailing buddies.

Nah, fuck it.

It's hard to say.

I mean, they were

a pretty bad bunch, right,

bad people.

They stunk of badness.

Johnny, when I got up close,

oh, the stink was so bad, Jesus.

All the Aqua Blue in the

world couldn't wash it away.

And, you know, I mean,

that was before I killed 'em.

But you, John...

yours is the baddest

stink of all.

When's the last time you voted?

Last time?

Yeah, ballpark. When?

Never, right?

Am I right?

The last time you walked

past some homeless guy

in the street.

He's destitute,

he's pathetic,

he's broken, sure,

but a creature of God's

fucking Earth nonetheless.

What did you do?

Did you befriend him?

Did you give him a buck, huh?

You didn't do anything, did you?

You just walk on by.

You looked, but you did not see.

You did not see

the humanity before you,

and that's...

That's the whole thing

with you and your whole

generation, isn't it, John?

You look, but you do not see.

You've lost the ability to feel.

You don't care about people!

I was right there

in front of you, John.

I was naked

on my hands and knees.

I was calling you out by name,

and you never saw me.

You never heard me.

You just kept snapping

your fucking pictures.

Every day for a year after,

I kept looking for some sign,

some little bit

of recognition from you.

But you never fucking saw me.

My good pal Johnny.

Oh, sure, blackmailing

a guy like me

is no big deal, right?

Yeah, force him

to go up on the stand

and sing a crooked tune

for Lamming's wiseguys,

you know.

Rob him of his self-respect.

Destroy 20 years of marriage

to a decent, boring wife.

I mean, it's cheaper than buying a

judge, isn't it, Johnny?

How many harmless men out for a

little fun have you destroyed?

You know, John,

I'm nothing much...

just a dumb cop in a

tragic, dirty town.

Okay, smart enough to ferret

out you and your buddies,

but, I mean, still just a cop.

But an honest cop

until you took even

that away from me.

But I saw...

What'd you say?

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Take my hand, John.

Come on, take it.

I want us to pray together.

Pray?

Yeah.

Pray.

You know the Lord has his

uses for everyone, John,

and I've come to realize

that his use for me

is to bring forth

a special message

to you and your

entire generation.

It is a message as old

and quaint as time itself,

sent from Heaven on a

carriage of a thousand wings.

Please, Larry.

By the way, John,

I lied.

I don't want to pray with you.

Stop! Stop!

- No! No!

- Open your eyes.

Open your eyes, John.

Feel the humanity.

Feel the fucking humanity!

Ah, God!

Johnny!

Go ahead, Johnny.

Shoot me.

Pull the trigger.

Do something with your life.

Sergeant Skovik.

Is everything all right?

Nothing to worry about,

Mrs. Starkey.

Cat got out, is all.

Jerry?

Jerry.

Johnny. Ow!

What happened?

Did you have an accident?

- Yeah.

- Oh, man.

That's what I was gonna say,

'cause you look terrible.

I got something

in my eye, Jerry.

Okay. Okay.

All right. All right.

I'm calling 9111.

No. No, please.

Okay.

Just some tweezers, Jer.

Tweezers. Oh, I don't

have any tweezers.

Johnny... oh, wait.

I got some pliers in the back.

- Okay.

Yeah. Just keep on...

Oh, Christ.

Ow!

Yeah, that's right.

Burger Clown

on the northeast corner.

And just ask for Jerry,

and I'll be...

Oh.

- Johnny.

- Yeah?

- Are you okay, man?

- Yeah.

Okay, now listen.

I know you told me not to,

but I went ahead and

called an ambulance.

What?

Oh, Jesus, Jerry.

Can you breathe?

Okay, okay. Take it easy.

It's okay.

Okay. Okay, man.

Take it easy.

Ambulance is coming, man.

It's okay.

I'm sorry, man.

I got to go.

I'm sorry.

Hang on, Jerry.

God, hang on.

Hello, Johnny.

No sudden movements.

So that was Jerry, huh?

Guess my aim isn't

as good as it used to be.

Where are we going, Larry?

I'll let you know.

I like your taste

in weaponry, John.

Nothing like

a five-shot snub nose.

Just plain feels good

in the hand.

Make a right here.

I like your taste in women too.

That new girlfriend of yours...

What's her name? Alice?

Anyway, she's enchanting.

Beautiful house too.

It's a shame, really.

But you know, John, pain...

is a transitory kind of thing.

Ah! Jeez!

Son of a bitch.

Alice!

Jesus.

Are you... are you okay?

- You're okay.

- What happened?

Oh, God, you're okay.

A crazy man...

A crazy man has been killing

people and chasing me.

I think I killed him, but I...

I don't know.

He might still be alive.

I thought he'd hurt you.

I...

I'm sorry.

Listen.

If you think

someone's following you,

I think we should call the cops.

Don't you?

This guy was the cops.

You think you killed a cop?

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

- Oh, God.

- Tell me.

I'm a blackmailer.

What do you mean?

I took blackmail pictures

of guys in bed with prostitutes.

I took the pictures.

I took the pictures

and drew a paycheck.

Leave.

I want you to leave now.

Alice.

Go!

I'm sorry.

Hey, you.

Hold it! Hey, hold it!

Hold it right there!

Freeze!

Hold it right there!

Hey! Hey!

Unit 99, patch it through.

Call it in.

Whoa!

Great wheels, Johnny.

Straight down a 10-foot grade,

and the transaxle's

still smooth as silk.

Yeah, scanner came in handy.

I didn't know you had one.

Just a little ride

in the car, John...

and it's all over.

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ When two hearts ♪

♪ Are caring ♪

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ Filled with love. ♪

Johnny, glad you're awake.

For a while there,

I was afraid the ride might

have been too much for you.

Where are we?

Why? Did you think

you were dead?

Did you think you were

in pretty blue heaven?

Not yet, my friend.

First of all,

as things now stand,

you probably couldn't even

pass the entrance exam.

Well, that's what

we're here for.

That's what I'm here for.

Don't try to get away, John.

It's impossible.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to try, John,

real hard...

to make you feel

for other people.

Larry.

- Larry.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it's good and snug.

- That'll do 'er.

- Please, Larry.

Please, Larry.

I am sorry.

Are you, John?

Are you sorry?

Yes, I am.

Yeah, I'm glad to hear it.

I wish it were enough.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, what are you...

What are you going to do?

Well, first I'm going break

every bone in your body, John.

Oh, please, God.

Please.

God.

Larry, please.

Please, God, don't do this.

Please, Larry.

Please don't do this.

Don't do this.

Please stop.

God, please don't.

I am sorry.

I'll feel. I'll feel.

Oh, God forgive me.

I feel. I feel.

I'll feel. I'll fe...

I feel.

Oh, God, I feel.

I feel.

Feel this, you little fuck.

No!

Come on, move it.

Why don't you get

the wall around that?

Watch it there in the corner.

Get EMS up here now.

Cut him loose.

Fucking humanity.

Who'd have figured?

Crazy bastard.

Guess he found his limit.

Skidmarks.

Washawski.

How do you feel?

I feel fine.

I feel...

fine.

How's the Happy Burger?

Mildly amusing.

You want me to leave you alone?

No.

Not too bad.

20% vision if I'm lucky.

Thanks.

Oh, temporary.

Nobody said life was fair.

Oh, I better get this.

Stick around?

Okay.

Welcome to Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.

How may I help you?

Johnny Skidmarks (1998) - full transcript