Johnny Skidmarks (1998) - full transcript

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ When two hearts
are caring ♪

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ Filled with love. ♪

Car lost control
right about here,

smashed into
the guardrail right here.

It busted through here,

and it came down here
like this, just like this.

It's a tragedy, really.

There's four kids,
and not one of 'em belted.

Daddy does brain surgery
on himself



with the steering column.

And mama, she flies
through the windshield.

Face smacks into this
goddamn tree doing about 80.

What the hell is that
in the bark?

Is that a tooth?

Oh, for Christ sakes,
that's a goddamn tooth.

Get a snap of that, will you?

That it?

Yeah, that's it, Johnny.

Thanks, man.

Look, so the thing is

we need this ASAP,
okay, Scardino?

- Sure.
- No, no, no.

Seriously, man,
we need it ASAP, really.



Look, the insurance agency

wants to nip this
thing in the bud

before it gets out of hand.

I got the whole extended family

holding a vigil
in the kiddie ward

with the one survivor,

and it looks like
they're going to need

beaucoup bucks
just to hire someone

to wipe his ass for
the rest of his life.

So, you know, I mean, that's why

the agency sent us
out here, you know,

to put our finger in it.

I mean, that's why
we need this ASAP.

Hey, Johnny...

Scardino.
Johnny, huh, ASAP?

ASAP. Yeah, ASAP.

You want me
to say it? ASAP.

Okay?

ASAP.

See you, buddy.

We sure appreciate this, Johnny.

I know it ain't your shift.

Earl's been out for three
days now with his stomach.

His sister had one of them
Hawaiian cookout fetes

at her house on the weekend.
What do you call 'em?

Luau.

That's right.

Earl thinks
the seafood was tainted.

"Tainted."

15 pounds of shrimp

sitting in the sun all day.

I guess it better be tainted,

or ain't fucking shrimp, huh?

Ah, fat fuck probably had
more than his share, anyway.

Come on. Come on.

Hey, hey!
Come on, you guys.

A little respect here, huh?

- Yes, sir.
- Sorry, Sarge.

These guys.

Got everything?

That's it.

Attaboy.

Skidmarks.

Washawski.

Thanks, Woody.

Yeah.

That poor bastard.

- Earl?
- Huh?

No, no, the stiff in there.

Looks like a snuff,
right? No.

Guy croaked himself.
We found the note and everything.

- Hey, Larry.
- I'm just playing it safe,

gathering the necessary
evidence, just in case.

Jeez. Stick
a fucking plastic bag

on your head and just lie there?

Even when the Mrs.
And I broke up,

never got that low.

Got to have a lot
of despair in your heart.

That's what the guy's note said,

he had despair in his heart.

Yeah.

Well, I...

I don't really think about it.

What, not ever?

You got to think about it
sometime, you know,

fucking humanity of it all.

I just take the pictures.

You know, Johnny,

you got a coldness
in you, don't you?

Johnny Skidmarks.

- I'll see you.
- See you.

What's the story with that one?

Don't know.

What's that, drunk driver?

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know.

Too contrasty.

The neg was thin.

Now, Mike, I told you
to push it wide.

'Cause you want grain
like beach balls?

I like the look.

You like the look?

Pictures of dead people,
you like the...

I'll redo it.
Have your beach balls.

C-41.

Push in one, both rolls.

Oh, and I need it ASAP.

ASAP.

Man:
Okay, I'll see you.

So, anyway, you know,
she's acting all weird

and everything,
so then I tell her.

I mean, I lay it on her.
I am an entrepreneur.

You know, I own my own business.
So bring her by here,

show her the new lamps,

and, you know,
like, all of a sudden,

her eyes are big as gold ingots,

and it's so clear what she's
really after, you know?

So, you know,

I don't know about
this chick, but...

Oh, how's your Happy Burger?

Is that cola okay?

- Fine, fine.
- Good. You know why?

I've been adjusting
the syrup mix, you know.

Too much seltzer, you know.

Some people don't like
the bubbles, but...

yeah. So...

you know, so yeah.

So, anyway,

how's everything with you, man?

It's okay.

- You know.
- Great. Good.

Yeah.

Well, so haven't heard
anything from her yet,

but when I do... and I will...

I'll just have to make it clear

that I'm the kind
of guy who you can't...

Up bup bup bup.

Better get this.

Yeah, Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.
How may I help you?

Yeah, I need some Funny Fries...

Okay, 75 cents Funny Fries.

$1.75 for your
cheesecake.

Okay, that's $3.71 at
the front window, please.

27 rolling.

27 called.

Negs and prints, right, Walter?

Negs and prints like usual.
Everything like usual.

So is it going to be the
Delmonico or the Ticktock?

What's the diff?

Eh, Ticktock's got cable.

Woman:
Hurry back, sweetie.

Don't you worry.

Right on the button.

She's an artist.

There you are.

Oh, thank you, kind sir.

You're welcome.

Don't you worry.

I never worry.

Hey. Hey, now, kid.
Where you off to?

I'll just be a sec.

What? Huh?

- Hey, what are...
- All right, do it!

- Who is it?
- Get out of the bed, motherfucker!

Get out of the bed, asshole!

Please, no!

- Stop it!
- Keep your arms down.

No, no, no.
Don't do this.

- Keep your arms down.
- No. Oh, please.

- That's it. Smile.
- No, no. No.

- No, no, no.
- Smile, motherfucker.

No, no, no. No. No. No.

- That's it.
- No. Please stop.

- Stop. Shut the fuck up.
- No, no, no.

Party's over.
Let's get out of here.

- Please don't.
- Party's over.

Let's go.
Let's move. Move.

- No, no, no, no.
- Let's go. Let's go.

Come on, let's get out of here.

No, don't. No, don't.

What the hell's
going on out there?!

Prostitute:
Hurry, guys.

Yeah! We're trying
to get some sleep here!

- All right, hit it, Ernie.
- Go. Go.

Knock it off, or I'm
going to call the cops!

Man:
No.

Going to be a while before we
can use the Delmonico again.

Sloppy. Very sloppy.

Johnny, what'd the guy look like

when you was popping him?

I don't know.

What's with the fucking
chain lock, Lorraine?

I took it off. He put it back on.
What can I say?

Look, bitch, you got
two fucking jobs,

slip off the lock and make a tit
sandwich out of the guy's head.

Plus slipping
your fat ass the key.

Okay, three things.

Plus sucking the guy's dick.

Maybe next time
you want to try it,

huh, Walter?

Hi, Johnny.

Walter:
Nighty night.

Go fuck yourself, Walter.

Pig!

So do you want to come up?

Oh, yes.
I mean, every time,

and every time
I say the same thing.

Once, you didn't.

Well, maybe once is all
the pleasure I can take.

We could just
be friends, you know.

I've got a Trinitron.

There's a video store
that delivers.

We don't... we don't
have to do anything.

Oh, I got to go.

Yeah.

Did you see him, Johnny?

That guy wouldn't stop crying.

I never look at them, Lorraine.

I hate it when they cry.

It's easier when they
just get angry.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Yeah.

♪ He got himself
a homemade special ♪

♪ You know his glass
is full of sand ♪

♪ And it feels
just like a jaybird ♪

♪ The way it fits
into his hand ♪

♪ He rolled a blade up
in his trick towel ♪

♪ They slap their hands
against the wall ♪

♪ You never trip,
you never stumble ♪

♪ He's walking Spanish
down the hall ♪

♪ Slip him a picture
of our Jesus ♪

♪ Or give him a spoon
to dig a hole ♪

Good morning.

- Can I help you?
- ♪ What all he done ♪

- ♪ Ain't no one's business ♪
- We are looking for...

♪ But he'll need blankets
for the cold ♪

♪ They dim the lights
over on Broadway ♪

♪ Even the king
has bowed his head ♪

♪ And every face looks
right up at Mason ♪

♪ Man, he's walking
Spanish down the hall ♪

♪ Latella's screeching
for a blind pig ♪

♪ Punk Sander's
carved it out of wood ♪

♪ He never sang
when he got hoodwinked ♪

♪ They tried it all,
but he never would ♪

♪ Tomorrow morning,
there'll be laundry ♪

♪ But he'll be somewhere
else to hear the call ♪

Welcome to Sterling Terrace.

♪ Don't say good-bye,
he's just leaving early ♪

♪ He's walking Spanish
down the hall ♪

Sorry.

♪ Go on, tip your hat
up to the Pilate ♪

♪ Take off your watch,
your rings, and all ♪

♪ Even Jesus wanted
just a little more time ♪

♪ When he was walking
Spanish down the hall. ♪

- We out of here.
- See you in a half-hour?

Just don't get any shit on you.

Just don't get any more shit.

You want to do business with
me, do business with me.

- I know that.
- Be on fucking time.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.

None of this

- five minutes...
- Hey, that's why I...

Come on in, Johnny.

It's okay, Johnny.

Son of a bitch came early.

I told you I don't want to
know who we're working for.

He got out of court early.

Some chicken-heart client
he was defending

decided to cop a plea.

Yeah, I had to sit here
for half a fucking hour

trading pleasantries
with the asshole,

me and Ernie both.

Besides,

didn't your mama
teach you how to knock?

- Helen wasn't out front.
- Helen's on the rag.

I sent her home.

You want a drink or something?

Let me get out of here.

You know, I don't
like the idea of you

coming face-to-face with the
big money either, Johnny.

I mean, after all,

I'm not the one
in bed with the cops.

Tell 'em to keep that road closed
off, keep 'em down.

Right here.
Get the other one.

It's on the truck.
Come on, grab it.

Right over here.

Hey, Scardino.

Where are those wreckers?
Are they on their way in?

ETA, about six minutes.

Come on, right here!
Let's go!

Get a hand down here
with this group?

I just talked to 'em.

They're en route, Sarge.

Larry:
Where the hell are they?

In three minutes, we're going
to have 500 cars piled up here.

I know,
but I called 'em twice already.

Get on the goddamn radio,
and call 'em again.

Tell 'em we got to have
traffic control now.

Yes, sir.

Larry, this ain't your beat.

No. They needed
a Sergeant.

I got lucky.

Christ, what a mess.

Goddamn limo
comes plowing across,

hits a pickup full of migrants.

Toyota rams the truck.

We got a fucking yard sale here.

Jesus.

The humanity.

You got 'em on the line there?

- Yeah.
- Then let me talk to 'em.

Go do your thing, John.

These guys are driving me nuts.

Got 'em an LZ
right on the field.

Here.

Get back.
I got two more coming through.

Hey, bring the pry bar in here.

You got it.

Need some foam too.

Looks like we got
a gas leak here.

Get those battery cables.

♪ And I like it when
you kiss me again ♪

♪ Oh, everything's
just about right ♪

♪ Your lips red as wine ♪

♪ Your cheek against mine ♪

♪ Gosh,
what a beautiful sight ♪

♪ The wind... ♪

♪ A lover in June ♪

♪ Bather in silvery light ♪

♪ And I like it when ♪

♪ You kiss me again ♪

♪ Everything's
just about... ♪

Medic!

Yeah?

Got a live one over here.

All right.
Coming in.

Sir, I asked you
to sit right up there.

Okay? We'll get to you.
Just be calm.

I'm ready to go, Jim.

Get 'em on the radio, will you?

We need a medevac
chopper in here.

Call 'em in.
Let's go.

- Not yet.
- Fire's on that road.

We need to wrap all the way around
that, the left.

Keep it moving.

About 20 minutes.

C-41. Push in one.

Mike:
More dead people?

Yeah.

Ah, Johnny, sorry.

Sorry about the table, man.

She came in when I wasn't
looking, you know.

Otherwise, I'd have
saved it for you.

'Cause, you know,
you're a regular,

and, I mean,
we're friends, you know.

- We're good friends.
- It's okay, Jerry.

They're pretty much
all alike anyway.

Yeah.

Two tits and an ass, huh?

Right?

I meant the tables.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, they're all
the same, yeah.

Jesus!

More customers.
When it rains, you know.

Do you mind
taking care of yourself?

Welcome to Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.

Yeah, I'll have
a Fishy Fishwich.

Okay, we no longer serve

the Fishy Fish sandwich.

Can I get you a...

What's in the sauce?

It's a red sauce, kind of tangy.

- It's got some barbecue...
- Oh.

But it's also
kind of a mayonnaise.

How's the Happy Burger?

Mildly amusing.

So I'm new in the neighborhood.

You want me to leave you alone?

No.

Anyone ever tell you you're a
brilliant conversationalist?

No.

I read somewhere those things

aren't good for you.

Yeah, well,
it's a trade-off kind of a thing.

What for what?

You got a name?

Yeah.

You?

So, hey, man, how's the Happy...

Oh.

Anyway...

Everything's all right, Jerry.

Boy, God.

A guy can't get a
moment's rest around here.

He's...

interesting.

Former brother-in-law.

You just can't quite let go.

Hmm.

Your wife.

Jerry needs the business.

What brings you here?

Big clown out front.

I like clowns.

No, I just needed
a cup of coffee.

Coffee is very important
to me these days.

Coffee and cigarettes.

Which step are you at?

You want to see my place?

You're rich.

Trust fund.

"Hey, sorry.
Did that hurt?"

Motherfucker
says, "Yes."

So I say, "Well,
it's going to hurt again."

Swear to God,

fatherhood has filled a
fucking void in my life.

It really has.

Hey, Johnny, you okay?

Hey, sperm,

there's your sister.

Hey, look.
His color's come back.

Yoo-hoo, Earl!

How's your tummy, sweetheart?

Oh!

Yeah, Earl's stomach thing
really got out of hand.

His wife had to put him in the
fucking hospital for a few days.

Fucking nightmare.

Well, listen,
I wanted to tell you...

Remember that horrible freeway
we covered the other night?

The limo, the Jap car,
and the truckload of bean pickers?

Yeah, out on Highway 6.

Yeah, turns out
it wasn't an accident.

Somebody cut the brake
lines on the limo.

We got it over in Homicide now.

Turns out the rich old
coot who owned the car,

yeah, he was some big-shot
nuts-and-bolts guy.

90 fucking years old,

and someone still can't
wait for him to croak.

All that misery and carnage

just to bag one old coot.

Jesus.

It's a crazy world, ain't it?

Hey, Earl!

Another Maalox on me, eh?

Larry:
Look at him.

I love this guy.

Man:
♪ Ohh ♪

♪ That's what I want I do ♪

- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
- Hi.

♪ Leaving you, baby... ♪

I was wondering if we
were done with each other.

♪ Yeah, but ain't
a thing to do... ♪

I guess I should have called

or something. I...

That'd be nice.

♪ I can hold you... ♪

Give me time to beat the rugs,

put on a party dress.

♪ I could thrill you ♪

♪ Show you
with my loving charms ♪

You look nice to me.

♪ Baby, oh, baby ♪

♪ Oww! ♪

♪ That's what
I want to do ♪

For that, I let you in.

♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ What I want to do... ♪
- Want something to drink?

Sure.

♪ That's what I ♪

♪ I want to do ♪

♪ Mm... ♪

So you hang out here all day?

Sometimes I go to the library.

Mostly I just go to my meetings.

No job?

The only job I've got

is getting up the nerve
to unpack those boxes.

I had a real job once.

But you know how it is.

You get absorbed in your work,

longer hours, weekends.

Then one day you realize
it's not enough,

something's missing.

Family,

love.

Happy hour.

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Ah, baby ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ That's what
I want to do... ♪

I bought that the other day.

♪ Baby, about you ♪

How do you feel about water?

♪ Baby, my baby. ♪

Woman:
♪ Home, home, home ♪

- ♪ And you can wind ♪
- Chair?

♪ Around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by ♪

♪ We'll go and find you ♪

♪ Well, we know
where you've been ♪

♪ And we know
where you go ♪

♪ Home, home... ♪

So what's in all the boxes?

I don't know.

When I got out of the detox

I came home to an empty
house up for sale.

♪ Elle ne pouvait jamais ♪

♪ Mais elle voulait... ♪

My husband took what he wanted

and put the rest in storage.

He gave me an envelope with
a PIN number and a key.

It's not like
he wasn't decent about it.

Hmm.

Divorce?

No.

I like to drink.

On the rocks, straight up,

with a twist.

♪ Well, she walks
the wrong way... ♪

I like the way
it burns my throat...

..the way it makes me feel
like I can do anything.

♪ She'd have
to go home... ♪

Of course, most of the things I
did, I don't remember...

♪ Hardly recall
if she loved you ♪

or the people I did them with.

♪ Well, she never could,
but she wanted to ♪

♪ The lampshade is pale ♪

♪ And the tiles are cold ♪

♪ She's gone,
she's gone... ♪

Anyone that gets between me

and the bottle is my enemy.

♪ Hear the train
whistle blow... ♪

You want out?

No.

♪ And you can wind
around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by... ♪

Why'd you come
back here, anyway?

♪ Well, we know
where you've been... ♪

Ah, maybe because
you didn't ask me.

♪ And you can wind
around the city ♪

♪ Lets you slip by ♪

♪ We'll come find you ♪

♪ Well, we know
where you've been ♪

♪ And we know
where you go ♪

♪ Home... ♪

♪ Home. ♪

Let me guess.

You were boning Mother Teresa,

and you lost track of time.

Think you're pretty hard,
don't you, Skidmarks?

You think you've seen it all.

Come on, let's see
how hard you really are.

- Hey, John.
- Hey, Larry.

You know Doc Pickering?

- John.
- How are you?

Got a ripe one in there, Johnny.

I highly recommend
the Aqua Blue.

Remind me not to drink from
the tap the next few days.

Jesus. Cuts right through,
don't it?

Yeah, you never get used to it.

Larry:
Go on, Doc.

Ah, cigarette burns.

Psycho?

Someone looking for information.

Give me a hand.

Ah, Jesus.

What'd they do to his face?

Just some bad surgery,

probably when he was a kid.

Ernie the Wheel.

Who?

His name's Ernie Deemo.

He's a driver.
He's been in and out of the hole

ever since he was a fucking kid.

Jesus.

Who'd want to kill poor Ernie?
He was nothing.

Mob guys.

Probably did us a favor.

Yeah, I guess.

Take a snap, Johnny.

This one goes in the ugly file.

Hey, Helen, it's Johnny.

Let me talk to Walter.

Huh?

Has he called in?

Well, tell him...

tell him to give me
a ring when he gets in.

It's important.

All right. Bye-bye.

Johnny!

What the fuck are you doing?

I was looking for the bedroom.

How 'bout ringing
the doorbell first?

I didn't want anyone to see me.

Lorraine and Ernie
are dead, Johnny.

I know.

They killed Lorraine and Ernie.

They left burn marks
on Ernie's ass.

They tortured him.

They're killing everybody,
the whole fucking crew,

and we're next, man.
We're next.

Somebody's onto us, Johnny.

We're dead.
We're fucking dead.

Maybe it was a coincidence.

Ernie ran with mob guys.

Who knows who he
might have pissed off?

He was an imbecile, Walter.

And Lorraine, Jesus,
they weren't after her.

They were after her john,

some big muckety-muck in
the nuts-and-bolts racket.

These are explainable
things, Walter.

No, no, no.
You got it wrong, Johnny.

They was murdered.

I'm in the business.
I know.

One of our pigeons coming after
us, I tell you.

How many pigeons were they?

I don't know.

How many times we do the thing?

How many pigeons?

How many pigeons?

I don't know.

I got to find Lammings.

- Who?
- Lammings. Lammings.

You met him the other
day in the office.

He'll know what to do. He's got
the juice... courts, cops, juries.

He's a made guy.

I got to go.

So do you remember that chick

that took your table
the other night?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well...

when I came out from the back,

you were gone.

You were both gone.

So?

Well, then the next day,
she came back.

She started asking me
questions about you.

So?

So I don't know.

I mean, you know, I just...

So?

Hello. You've reached
the office

of Walter Lippinscott Jr.

No one's available to take
your call right now.

If you leave your...

Something wrong, man?

Don't know.

- Scardino.
- Hey, Anne.

Well, you ain't
going to believe this.

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.

You're a piece
of work, Scardino.

Oh, what happened?

Well, you tossed your cookies

all over the goddamn
crime scene, that's what.

Look, what'd you have
for lunch, anyways?

My stuff.

Don't worry about it, Johnny.

We brought in Tom Brini.

College kid?

Well, he's no Johnny Skidmarks.

- I'll grant you that.
- Here you go, sir.

At least he ain't blowing lunch

every time he sees
a fucking used rubber.

Hey, come on, Woody.
Happens to everybody.

Guy just found his limit,
that's all.

Last couple days

would have been tough
on any civilian.

Had car crashes,

mob hits,

satanic sacrifices.

Satanic sacrifices?

What?
Who you think cut up

the guy in the hole back there?

Like,
fucking Santa's little helpers?

It's ritualistic homicide.

Cult types, John.

Usually confine their
aggression to barnyard animals.

Ah, the humanity.

As if there wasn't enough evil
on God's fucking Earth, huh?

All right, let's go, Skovik.
He's fine.

Yeah, yeah.
In a minute.

Go home, John.

Take some time off.

Every man's got his limit.

Help!

Johnny!

Hi. Come here.

Well, am I wonderful or what?

I don't know what possessed me.

I just woke up this
morning, looked around,

thought, "Fuck it.
I'm moving in."

I need to talk to you.

You've got something,

but you slept with me anyway.

Then I forgive you.

I'm the girl in the glass
house, remember?

Can help me if you want.

It's kind of interesting.

It's like getting presents

from your great-aunt in Florida.

I mean, you're happy
she sent them,

but you dread what's inside.

Who is this?

Me and my folks. Why?

I better go.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, Jerry.

What's wrong?

Well...

it's nothing, really.

Well, good. Can I
get a cup of coffee?

What is it?

Well, it's just...

I guess she's your new
best friend now, so...

Who?

You know.
That chick, you know.

Alice?

Well, I don't know her name.

I mean, you know, it's not like

you been coming around here
since, you know.

You know.

Jerry, I was just here
the other night.

Yeah, well...

I mean, you were
married to my sister,

I mean, you know, before.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I introduced you.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I just think
you ought to remember

who your real friends
are, that's all.

I mean, you know, when Ruth died

and you got all weird, you know,

I didn't turn my back on you.

I let you come in here
and hang out, you know,

even though it obviously
keeps the customers away.

And now it's like, oh,
you meet this new girl

who, you know, in a way,
I introduce you to,

'cause it was, you know,

in Burger Clown!

Which is my place!

And now you fuck me.

Don't fuck me, Johnny!

I don't sit around moping
about who my friends are.

I just get even, okay?

Okay.

Good.

Now I'll get your Happy Burger.

Hey, John.

Sit down. Join us.

We're celebrating the end
of this pig-fuck week.

- Woody.
- Yeah.

Everything okay?

I don't know, Larry.
Looks a little pale, don't he?

Hey, Skidmarks,
you been dating Earl's sister?

Hey, come on, Woody.
When are you going to let up, huh?

Got a phone call for you, Woody.

I think it's your wife.

Jesus.

So is everything okay?

No.

You can tell me
about it, you know.

I mean, anything, business,
personal, whatever.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

thank you for coming.

I have arranged
this press conference

to confront a vicious

and entirely
unsubstantiated rumor

concerning my behavior
as a member

of the California State Senate.

John?

Can you hand me those
benches down there?

I would like to take
this opportunity...

- Rick, turn it up.
- to deny any and all

- wrongdoing on my part.
- Turn it up!

That's as loud
as she goes, Johnny.

An extramarital affair

with anyone who is not my wife.

Kitty and I have been married...

Whoa there. Johnny.

Louie.

That I have never,

to the best of my knowledge,

been anything less
than faithful to her.

I plan to continue along

the noble, cherished path
that is monogamy.

My wife and I stand...

So...

you're home.

How'd you get in?

The door was open.

How'd you find me?

Looked in the phone book.

Well, look, I...

I really can't talk right now.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Look, I'm holding my own
here trying to stay on track,

and I don't need you
fucking with my life.

Fine.

I left you something.

Do what you want with it.

Whoo!

Whoa.

♪ Find a wheel,
and it goes ♪

♪ Round, round, round ♪

♪ As it skims along
with a happy sound ♪

♪ As it goes along the
ground, ground, ground ♪

- ♪ Till it leads you... ♪
- Johnny.

I got to talk to you, Larry.

Come on in.

Sorry about the mess.

Still can't get used
to apartment life.

I'm just watching the game,

spinning some platters.
You want something?

A beer?

Shot?

Sorry.
I ate all the pretzels.

Oh, I don't care.

I mean, whatever.

Sit down.

♪ And the ball of sun
in the day ♪

♪ Makes a girl... ♪

You seem kind of troubled
lately, Johnny.

♪ Find a ring ♪

♪ And put it
round, round, round... ♪

Look, I was hoping you'd
finally come to me.

I've always considered us
pals, you know.

I just want you to know

whatever the fuck it is,

we'll work it out, okay?

Thanks.

Okay.

I found a head in my freezer.

A head?

What, human?

His name's Walter,

Walter Lippinscott.

Lippinscott.

The chopped-up stiff
in the crater?

The cult job?

I-I don't know where to start.

Well, Walter Lippinscott
hired me...

to take pictures of...

guys in bed with a hooker
named Lorraine.

Um...

I would bust in on 'em

when they were
going at it, and...

Oh, Johnny.

I took the pictures.
That's all.

That's all.

No, I just took the pictures.

Okay.

Okay.

So Lippinscott had
a blackmail scam going.

You were the hired lens.

So go on.

Everybody in the crew
has been turning up dead.

There's a woman I met

around the time everything
started happening, and, man...

God, I can't be sure, but I...

I think her father may be
one of the pigeons.

I mean one of the big shots
that I took pictures of

and then...

But I...

I mean, he looks
like he could be.

But I don't know.

I don't know.

She's unstable.

Recently out of detox,

and talk about unstable.

Jerry is...

Wait. Jerry?

All I know is
everybody's dead...

except me.

And...

you know,
there's this woman in my apartment,

and I found Walter's head
in my freezer.

Johnny...

Lippinscott's body parts
are in the city morgue.

I mean, she'd need

a court order signed by a judge.

The only one
who could have pulled

something like this
off would be...

Jesus, a cop.

A cop.

It could be a cop.
It could be a fucking cop.

Oh, Jesus.

Washawski?

Larry, do you think...

Larry, you think it
could be Washawski?

Ah, Johnny, you're a funny one.

Yeah, I wish you'd have
come to me sooner, John.

Maybe you could have saved your
little blackmailing buddies.

Nah, fuck it.

It's hard to say.

I mean, they were
a pretty bad bunch, right,

bad people.

They stunk of badness.

Johnny, when I got up close,

oh, the stink was so bad, Jesus.

All the Aqua Blue in the
world couldn't wash it away.

And, you know, I mean,

that was before I killed 'em.

But you, John...

yours is the baddest
stink of all.

When's the last time you voted?

Last time?

Yeah, ballpark. When?

Never, right?
Am I right?

The last time you walked
past some homeless guy

in the street.
He's destitute,

he's pathetic,
he's broken, sure,

but a creature of God's
fucking Earth nonetheless.

What did you do?
Did you befriend him?

Did you give him a buck, huh?

You didn't do anything, did you?

You just walk on by.

You looked, but you did not see.

You did not see
the humanity before you,

and that's...
That's the whole thing

with you and your whole
generation, isn't it, John?

You look, but you do not see.

You've lost the ability to feel.

You don't care about people!

I was right there
in front of you, John.

I was naked
on my hands and knees.

I was calling you out by name,

and you never saw me.
You never heard me.

You just kept snapping
your fucking pictures.

Every day for a year after,

I kept looking for some sign,

some little bit
of recognition from you.

But you never fucking saw me.

My good pal Johnny.

Oh, sure, blackmailing
a guy like me

is no big deal, right?

Yeah, force him
to go up on the stand

and sing a crooked tune

for Lamming's wiseguys,
you know.

Rob him of his self-respect.

Destroy 20 years of marriage

to a decent, boring wife.

I mean, it's cheaper than buying a
judge, isn't it, Johnny?

How many harmless men out for a
little fun have you destroyed?

You know, John,
I'm nothing much...

just a dumb cop in a
tragic, dirty town.

Okay, smart enough to ferret
out you and your buddies,

but, I mean, still just a cop.

But an honest cop

until you took even
that away from me.

But I saw...

What'd you say?

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Take my hand, John.

Come on, take it.

I want us to pray together.

Pray?

Yeah.

Pray.

You know the Lord has his
uses for everyone, John,

and I've come to realize
that his use for me

is to bring forth
a special message

to you and your
entire generation.

It is a message as old
and quaint as time itself,

sent from Heaven on a
carriage of a thousand wings.

Please, Larry.

By the way, John,

I lied.

I don't want to pray with you.

Stop! Stop!

- No! No!
- Open your eyes.

Open your eyes, John.

Feel the humanity.

Feel the humanity.

Feel the fucking humanity!

Ah, God!

Johnny!

Go ahead, Johnny.

Shoot me.

Pull the trigger.

Do something with your life.

Sergeant Skovik.

Is everything all right?

Nothing to worry about,
Mrs. Starkey.

Cat got out, is all.

Jerry?

Jerry.

Johnny. Ow!

What happened?
Did you have an accident?

- Yeah.
- Oh, man.

That's what I was gonna say,

'cause you look terrible.

I got something
in my eye, Jerry.

Okay. Okay.
All right. All right.

I'm calling 9111.

No. No, please.

Okay.

Just some tweezers, Jer.

Tweezers. Oh, I don't
have any tweezers.

Johnny... oh, wait.
I got some pliers in the back.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Yeah. Just keep on...
Oh, Christ.

Ow!

Yeah, that's right.

Burger Clown
on the northeast corner.

And just ask for Jerry,
and I'll be...

Oh.

- Johnny.
- Yeah?

- Are you okay, man?
- Yeah.

Okay, now listen.
I know you told me not to,

but I went ahead and
called an ambulance.

What?

Oh, Jesus, Jerry.

Can you breathe?

Okay, okay. Take it easy.

It's okay.

Okay. Okay, man.
Take it easy.

Ambulance is coming, man.
It's okay.

I'm sorry, man.
I got to go.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hang on, Jerry.

God, hang on.

Hello, Johnny.

No sudden movements.

So that was Jerry, huh?

Guess my aim isn't
as good as it used to be.

Where are we going, Larry?

I'll let you know.

I like your taste
in weaponry, John.

Nothing like
a five-shot snub nose.

Just plain feels good
in the hand.

Make a right here.

I like your taste in women too.

That new girlfriend of yours...

What's her name? Alice?

Anyway, she's enchanting.

Beautiful house too.

It's a shame, really.

But you know, John, pain...

is a transitory kind of thing.

Ah! Jeez!

Son of a bitch.

Alice!

Alice!

Alice!

Alice!

Jesus.

Are you... are you okay?

- You're okay.
- What happened?

Oh, God, you're okay.

A crazy man...

A crazy man has been killing
people and chasing me.

I think I killed him, but I...

I don't know.
He might still be alive.

I thought he'd hurt you.

I...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Listen.

If you think
someone's following you,

I think we should call the cops.

Don't you?

This guy was the cops.

You think you killed a cop?

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

- Oh, God.
- Tell me.

I'm a blackmailer.

What do you mean?

I took blackmail pictures

of guys in bed with prostitutes.

I took the pictures.

I took the pictures
and drew a paycheck.

Leave.

I want you to leave now.

Alice.

Go!

I'm sorry.

Hey, you.

Hold it! Hey, hold it!

Hold it right there!

Freeze!

Hold it right there!
Hey! Hey!

Unit 99, patch it through.
Call it in.

Whoa!

Great wheels, Johnny.

Straight down a 10-foot grade,

and the transaxle's
still smooth as silk.

Yeah, scanner came in handy.

I didn't know you had one.

Just a little ride
in the car, John...

and it's all over.

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ When two hearts ♪

♪ Are caring ♪

♪ Magic moments ♪

♪ Filled with love. ♪

Johnny, glad you're awake.

For a while there,

I was afraid the ride might
have been too much for you.

Where are we?

Why? Did you think
you were dead?

Did you think you were
in pretty blue heaven?

Not yet, my friend.

First of all,
as things now stand,

you probably couldn't even
pass the entrance exam.

Well, that's what
we're here for.

That's what I'm here for.

Don't try to get away, John.

It's impossible.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to try, John,

real hard...

to make you feel
for other people.

Larry.

- Larry.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's good and snug.

- That'll do 'er.
- Please, Larry.

Please, Larry.

I am sorry.

Are you, John?

Are you sorry?

Yes, I am.

Yes, I am.

Yeah, I'm glad to hear it.

I wish it were enough.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, what are you...

What are you going to do?

Well, first I'm going break

every bone in your body, John.

Oh, please, God.

Please.

God.

Larry, please.

Please, God, don't do this.

Please, Larry.

Please don't do this.

Don't do this.
Please stop.

God, please don't.

I am sorry.

I'll feel. I'll feel.

Oh, God forgive me.

I feel. I feel.

I'll feel. I'll fe...

I feel.

I feel.

Oh, God, I feel.

I feel.

Feel this, you little fuck.

No!

Come on, move it.

Why don't you get
the wall around that?

Watch it there in the corner.

Get EMS up here now.
Cut him loose.

Fucking humanity.

Who'd have figured?

Crazy bastard.

Guess he found his limit.

Skidmarks.

Washawski.

How do you feel?

I feel fine.

I feel...

fine.

How's the Happy Burger?

Mildly amusing.

You want me to leave you alone?

No.

Not too bad.

20% vision if I'm lucky.

Thanks.

Oh, temporary.

Nobody said life was fair.

Oh, I better get this.

Stick around?

Okay.

Welcome to Burger Clown.

Happy food for happy people.

How may I help you?