Jo (1971) - full transcript
Antoine Brisebard, a famous comedy playwright, is struggling with financial difficulties and is preparing to sell his country villa to an English couple. What no one knows, however, is that Brisebard is actually a victim of blackmail since his wife Sylvie, a famous actress, is the daughter of a notorious robber-murderer. His extortionist is a malevolent criminal only known as Jo, who visits him often to pick up his hush money. But faced with certain ruin, Brisebard is preparing to do away with Jo once and for all, planning his deed under the guise of him trying to write the script for a crime play and consulting his friend, attorney Colas, for ideas of how to efficiently get rid of the body. He finally takes up the offer of one Tonelotti to erect a garden pavillon, whose foundation would provide the ideal hiding place for the corpse. On the night Jo is scheduled to arrive for his next payment, Brisebard awaits the arrival with a gun but is not able to pull the trigger, drops the gun to the floor which results in a shot accidentally killing Jo. But it is only then that things turn really difficult: police inspector Ducros, who has found out about Jo's operation and Brisebard's involvement in it, starts noseying around, telling Brisebard that Jo had already been murdered at the time he was supposed to come to the villa (the man Brisebard shot is eventually revealed as Riri, a criminal associate of Jo's); the pavillon foundation proves to be too shoddy, forcing Brisebard to hide the body elsewhere; a lot of unwanted houseguests keep coming and going; and finally, Riri's body stubbornly refuses to remain hidden. Even with the help of his wife, to whom he finally tells everything, the task of getting rid of the body becomes an outright daunting - and nerve-wracking - one.
You have to pull the trigger.
You have to pull the trigger.
Let's start again.
You there.
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
Mathilde, it's me.
It's me.
It's Mr Colas, the barrister.
Recognise him?
Give me a hand.
We were rehearsing.
The gun's not real. Look.
What are you doing?
Grab her there.
Yes, like that.
-Why didn't you warn me?
-It's not a joke. It's work.
-So it wasn't real?
-Of course not.
I almost died from the shock.
Your reaction proves
that it's a good scene.
-I'm happy.
-Me too.
How do you feel?
How do you feel?
-I want to go back to the kitchen.
-She's stuck.
When you'll have another corpse,
please let me know.
Alright.
What do you think about my debut?
Old chap, I don't think it's very good.
If you ask my opinion as a barrister,
I'll give it as a friend.
You're a good comedy author,
but for a detective story...
-What's wrong with the story?
-Well, first of all...
-Why does your hero shoot the man?
-Because he's a bastard.
-If you want to shoot all the bastards...
-He's a bastard who blackmails my hero.
He had to pay for the first time,
then for the second time...
...and now he has to...
-I don't understand what you're saying.
-What?
-He...
-Double.
-Ah!
And my hero can't pay that, so he
has to sell this, that, this...
...this, that, only the
chandelier stays.
You get all worked up in order
to write a detective story.
-He pretends he'll pay.
-Yes.
Good, and... and...
-Yes.
-Let's go there.
-The villain comes from there, like you.
-Yes.
-He stands here.
-Bang, bang, dead.
-What bang, bang, dead?
-Bang, bang, dead.
Bang, bang, you kill him.
I don't like that your hero's
holding something back.
He just happened to end up in this
story and he's completely innocent.
-Why doesn't he go to the police?
-Because he can't.
-And the audience won't know why?
-I don't want them to know.
Alright, call me after you've
worked on the story. See you later.
-What's wrong with my story?
-Your hero will end on the scaffold.
-He can't say.
-Will he commit the perfect murder?
-In a way, yes.
-Have you got a bucket of water?
-A bucket of water?
-To get the blood of your carpet.
-Avoid blood on carpet.
-That's it.
-And also avoid yelling by the maid.
-Ah yes, the maid.
-Maid... avoid... yelling.
-See you later.
Yes, yes.
There's also a way to
commit a perfect murder.
-Yes?
-That's to make the body disappear.
When there's no body, they can't
prove there was a murder.
Yes, that's true.
Thanks.
Hey, wait.
Wait, wait.
-What if I throw the body in the water?
-It'll float back up.
-I didn't think of that.
-Unless you cut the body to pieces.
-From the bottom up.
-And in an oven.
-Does he have fake teeth?
-I don't know.
-Teeth don't burn easily.
-That sounds really difficult.
-Alright, bye bye.
-Mr Brisebard!
-Mr Brisebard.
-Good morning.
Did you convince your wife
to sell the property?
-It's not easy. Have you got someone?
-Yes, Mr Grunder.
He's rich and they're looking
for a nice property...
...that's quiet and rural.
Can we come and visit?
My wife can't know. Come over in the
evening when she's at the theatre.
-Excuse me.
-Another one that's henpecked.
-Hello?
-Mr Brisebard?
-You forgot about me.
-No, I think about you all the time.
-Have you taken a decision?
-Yes, I can't do this.
-I can't at the moment.
-Why not?
-I can't tell you why not.
-I'm giving you 48 hours.
You're very kind.
I'll call you back. Bye.
-What is this?
-Delivery of Mrs Brisebard's gazebo.
-Happy birthday, darling.
-What's this, Mrs Brisebard's gazebo?
I wanted to surprise you for the feast
of St. Anthony. You're not very happy...
-But I am.
-Leave me alone, you...
-It's a beautiful gift.
-It certainly is.
-Leave me in peace.
-You'll never guess where I found it.
-In the Puy-de-Dôme.
-The Puy-de-Dôme.
-Yes, the Puy-de-Dôme.
-Get lost!
-I can never afford this.
-But it's a good investment.
And all the little details
go very well with the house.
-And what does it cost?
-I got it at a bargain price.
-250,000 francs.
-What?
-Without the foundation.
-What?
I have to go to the theatre.
Have a nice day, darling.
Why am I the only man in the world
whose wife bought a gazebo?
Mrs Brisebard and I agreed on 250,000
for the foundation.
-250,000 francs?
-But for you, I'll do it for 248,000.
-That's quite a favour.
-And don't worry about the payments.
My men and I will make a big hole
in the ground, for the foundation.
And tomorrow, I'll pour in cement
and then I'll place the gazebo on top.
I guarantee you that the foundation
will last at least 200 years.
I won't be able to check that
in 200 years.
-200 years?
-Yes, indeed.
Can you guarantee that the
hole will be made tonight?
-Tonight in 200 years.
-What, in 200 years?
-Tonight, for 200 years.
-Tonight...
The hole will be there!
-Can I count on you?
-You can.
-Promise?
-Promise.
-Start right away.
-Right away.
It's a deal.
Come on, we start.
-Mr Jo?
-Yes?
-Antoine Brisebard speaking.
-Well?
-It's solved.
-Ah!
-First I couldn't do it, but now I can.
-How much?
I'll have exactly what you need.
-Like last time.
-9 o'clock at your place.
9 o'clock and I'll leave the door open.
See you tonight, Mr Jo.
-Sylvie?
-Yes.
It's all been solved with Mr Tonelotti.
After tomorrow, everything'll be ready.
We can save money by not
having any foundations.
But we need foundations.
Big foundations!
Look.
The cement will be hard in a day.
Thanks to Mr Tonelotti.
And on Friday, we'll have the party.
Your 550th play with
your comrades in costumes.
Antoine, you're a genius.
Thank you, darling.
I'll get ready.
Antoine?
-Where are you?
-I'm coming.
I'm coming down.
-What were you doing in the garden?
-It's for my new piece.
-Are you coming to the theatre?
-I can't.
-Do you mind?
-No, I'll let you work.
-I have to go, or I'll be late.
-Say, Sylvie.
- Yes,
- Tell me, if someone...
...ends our love or
if we have to separate...
We won't, my angel.
Promise me we'll die together,
my dearest Sylvie.
But of course. You're so serious.
Is it because of the new piece?
-Maybe, the detective genre isn't...
-You can do it. You'll see.
And when I come home tonight,
I'm sure there'll be a corpse.
The digging has been done,
the maid left... the doors...
Four: get a gun ready.
Four: a gun... alright.
Five: turn off the lights.
Six: I can't see anything.
We should have put this at seven.
-What are you doing in the dark?
-What do you mean?
-Don't you feel well?
-I feel very well.
I'm very late.
I forgot my make-up.
Sylvie, did I give you a kiss?
You did. Do you want
to give me another one?
I do, actually.
Aren't you forgetting anything?
-You won't be back?
-I don't think so.
-Bye, cupcake.
-Bye, sweetie pie.
I can't...
I can't do it.
I'd rather pay.
I can't do it. There.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh no, it's not for real.
It's not for real, come on.
-You're still working.
-Didn't you go to the cinema?
I was just leaving.
A prop gun.
Good evening, Mr Colas.
Have fun.
Mr Brisebard?
Something terrible happened.
Oh my God!
Mr Brisebard?
You were here?
What are you doing here?
-I was working.
-In that costume?
-Didn't you hear me?
-No.
It's very bad. Mrs Grunder
fell into the hole.
What's she doing in my hole?
I need my hole.
Why did she fall in?
What?
I don't understand.
Give her a cognac.
It'll do her well.
Mr Brisebard?
-Yes?
-Can I give a tour?
No, we don't give tours.
It's over. Just go.
Go, quickly!
-I look like a fool.
-Don't force me to comment.
Good.
-Bye, madam.
-Bye, Mr Brisebard.
A bit of cognac.
You forgot Mrs Grunder.
You forgot Mrs Grunder.
She's there.
Look, look.
My cognac...
Come, let's go sleep.
Ah, it's you.
-Am I interrupting?
-Lights out.
-Listen, I can't see anything.
-We have to.
-Where are you?
-Here, under the lamp.
-No, under the lamp.
-Ah!
-What's with the costume?
-I had a look at the foundation.
We've been thinking the same thing.
I found something wrong with it.
-What did you see?
-They made a hole in own my hole.
-A hole?
-A hole!
-But where?
-In my own hole.
-I say.
-And not a small hole.
A big hole.
Big enough for a corpse.
-What has come of the world. But who?
-I don't know.
-Maybe one of your workers?
-I closed the hole again.
-You closed it?
-Yes.
-Why?
-Just because.
-Which hole?
-The hole he made.
-Where?
-In my own hole.
-You can't have.
-Yes, and they left the shovel outside.
-It'll rust. I'll return it.
-Give it to me.
No, no! We're not going to work now.
Goodnight, sir.
-To the gazebo.
-What's that?
-To the gazebo.
-It's really beautiful.
-To our love.
-Yes, my darling.
Your husband's very happy.
That's because of the gazebo.
My birthday gift to him.
Even better than a tie.
-It's a beautiful gazebo.
-They've got taste.
-Did you remove the shower curtain?
-What?
-The shower curtain. Did you remove it?
-No!
-Where is it then?
-Ah, well...
-What did you do with it?
-I gave it away.
-You gave it away? To whom?
-To a poor person.
-A poor person?
-Yes, he came by and... warm clothes...
-Warm, and you gave him that?
-Yes.
-It was raining and...
-Yes?
-I said to myself...
-What did you say to yourself?
-I said...
-What did you say?
He could get my coat,
but he was already gone.
-What are you saying?
-To the gazebo!
-Madam, madam!
-Yes.
The Spanish musicians are here.
That's great entertainment.
You'll see...
-Say...
-Careful, damn.
What is it?
-A gentleman's asking for you.
-What was that?
A gentleman's asking for you.
No, there, there...
-Sir?
-Police inspector Ducros.
-Get some champagne for the gentleman.
-No thanks, never when I'm on duty.
It's original, that gazebo.
It's from the Puy-de-Dôme and
it's a gazebo.
Aha.
-You wanted to talk to me?
-Yes.
Do you know Mr Jo?
-Mr who?
-Jo.
Sorry... let me think...
-Yes, no, Mr Jo... Thinking...
-Think well.
-Let's have a drink.
-Is this your maid?
Yes, police inspector Ducros.
-What's so funny?
-It's just like last night.
-What happened?
-Nothing, she went to the cinema.
-What did you see?
-Sir, shooting somebody.
-You go on.
-Tell me...
-Did you kill somebody?
-Yes.
-Yes?
-Not really, I pretended.
I'm working on a detective story and
I often invite a friend.
He plays the bad guy,
so I can judge the play.
Mr Brisebard, you were right.
It's your shovel.
-I have no shovel. What can I...
-It's yours.
-I wanted to see you about the hole.
-Which hole?
There is no hole.
This is police inspector Ducros.
Mr Inspector, I don't know
who made this hole.
-See? There is a hole.
-There is no hole. He's wrong.
They dance, they jump, no hole.
Look, how beautiful.
-I drink to what's underneath.
-What's underneath?
There's nothing!
Yes, French soil!
Ah, long live France.
-Long live France!
-Long live the gazebo!
Long live the Puy-de-Dôme and
long live peace.
Excuse me.
What did you want to say?
-I have a hole in my memory.
-Goodbye.
I'll give you this beautiful
shovel. Goodbye, Inspector.
Go, come on.
Go recite a poem. A poem.
Help me. You.
-It was going to last 200 years.
-It's only temporary.
-Repair it now.
-I'll be there tomorrow morning.
I'll be there tomorrow morning.
-Mr Inspector.
-Mr Brisebard.
-About Mr Jo again.
-Mr who?
-Mr Jo!
-Yes, of course.
-Can I sit down?
-Of course, do sit down.
What is it?
-Have my seat.
-Yes.
-Comfortable?
-Absolutely.
Perfect. Something's going on.
-What happened?
-Mr Jo was a blackmailer.
-No.
-Yes.
We found a list of all his victims,
at his place.
-No.
-Yes.
-That's why I'm here. You're on the list.
-Me?
-It's not true.
-Yes, it is.
I thought he must have contacted you.
Bang, bang, dead.
Tell me, Antoine.
-The corpse.
-Hello, sir.
-Let him speak.
-I have an idea to hide the corpse.
-Is there a corpse?
-No corpse. Champagne but no corpse.
Listen. I thought
it was a good idea.
Who's that? -Barrister Colas.
He doesn't know a thing about theatre.
Your barrister...
You'd better tell me why
you're on Mr Jo's list.
It's a simple routine question.
For now.
Promise me you won't tell my wife.
I have...
-I didn't hear a thing.
-I meant to say...
...that my wife's Granuda's daughter.
-That's impossible.
-Granuda, the crook who...
-Yes.
-Unbelievable. In 1946?
-1945!
-1945...
-1946, I know my facts!
Unbelievable.
-I can't hear. I don't understand.
-I said that your wife...
...if she's the daughter of Granuda...
if people knew... her career...
-Granuda killed many people.
-Yes, four.
-No, five.
-Four.
-The fifth victim was the train guard.
-I see.
A few years ago, a terrible
person wanted to scare Sylvie.
He wanted to reveal her identity.
There.
I say.
-Inspector, the names on that list...
-Yes?
-They won't be published, will they?
-Of course not.
-They'll remain secret.
-Good.
-All, except one.
-Which one?
The one of the murderer.
-Whose murderer?
-Mr Jo was murdered last night.
-I beg your pardon?
-I have proof, so...
-Proof, you have no proof.
-We found him with a hole in his head.
-Where?
-On the floor.
-But not here.
-No, at his place.
-At his place?
-Yes.
Bye bye. Don't worry, you're not a
murderer. You don't have the face.
This is unbelievable.
Who did I bury under the gazebo?
Antoine, where were you?
The guests are already leaving.
-Didn't you see Edouard?
-Edouard?
He said he'd be at the party.
He should sleep during the night.
Edouard, my best friend...
I buried my best friend under the gazebo.
It's really bad.
Hello?
-Who's speaking?
-Edouard?
Is it really you?
Is it really you in person?
I'm glad to hear from you!
Adrien thought you'd be at my party.
You couldn't make it?
Had a car accident?
Very good. Your car is a wreck?
She's not there?
-What's wrong with her?
-Her husband left her...
-Did he leave you?
-Yes.
-When?
-Tuesday night.
-Tuesday night?
-Yes.
We have to find out where he is.
I found him.
He ran off with someone else.
-But when?
-Yesterday night.
-When?
-Yesterday night, I said.
-That's good.
-He...
-Bichard!
-What about Bichard?
-What happened to Bichard?
-He's been dead for two years.
-That's good.
-Your husband acts so weird. I'll go...
Hello, Auntie, it's Toitoine.
How's Unkie?
It's Toitoine. You're not
hearing any better, are you?
You're not hearing any better!
Does he have the flu? Good!
-Yes, I'll stay on the phone.
-I'm off.
-Say hello from me.
-Caroline?
Caroline, is anyone
missing in your family?
-Don't you know?
-What?
-Théophile.
-What about Théophile?
-It's been almost 3 months...
-That's alright then.
Listen, he was 93 years old.
Goodbye, Caroline.
-What's wrong, Antoine?
-Everything's fine, believe me.
No, I'm certain, he wasn't
there. Really.
-Who is it?
-The plumber's wife.
She wants to know if he was at the party.
Antoine, what's wrong?
-Go say goodbye to Caroline.
-She's already gone.
-No, I heard her just now.
-Tonight, to bed at 9, with an aspirin.
This is terrible.
A plumber, working overtime
to make some extra money.
Mrs Bouillé?
Mr Brisebard speaking.
That plumber who was working here...
does he have children?
Six? It's really terrible.
Are you sure?
He couldn't make it?
He's standing next to you?
Give him three big kisses!
And I'm kissing you too, Mrs Bouillé.
Yes, everything's fine.
Bye bye, Mrs Bouillé.
But who did I bury under the gazebo?
It's me. I have good news,
Mr Brisebard.
-That strange thing in your garden...
-Yes?
-The Grunders really love it.
-The Grunders?
Yes, the Grunders...
They want to pay 5 million extra.
-How much does that make in total?
-80 million French francs.
-Sold!
-And Mrs Brisebard?
-Mrs Brisebard...
-Ah!
Sylvie, come here.
You'll see who's in charge here.
Sylvie! I just sold the house.
No use disagreeing.
That's fantastic, darling.
VAnother round.
-Yes, darling.
-You're not arguing?
-Why? I'm very happy.
Mr Grunder even wrote a
cheque to your name.
-Oh, 20 million francs.
-I'll get a bottle of champagne.
-20 million extra.
-Thanks to the gazebo.
I need to tell you something.
I think the gazebo's awful.
-I hate it even.
-So do the Grunders.
They're paying 20 million
extra to have the gazebo removed.
Your husband just needs
to sign this piece of paper.
-For the house.
-Of course.
-The countryside bores me.
-Ah.
Angel, there's something Mrs Cramusel
didn't dare tell you.
-Don't say it.
-The house has been sold anyway.
Is it good news?
The Grunders want to remove
the gazebo using dynamite.
So they have somewhere to
put a swimming pool.
Drink.
-No.
-Drink. You have to sleep.
No, I need to think.
Why do you care that the
Grunders will remove the gazebo?
I mind it a lot.
You want to sell, you don't want to sell.
-Will you drink this or not?
-I won't drink it.
Alright, goodnight.
Goodnight, dearest.
Goodnight, dearest.
Goodnight, dearest.
Do you need help?
-Where is he?
-Who?
-Riri.
-I don't know a Riri.
-That's the maid.
-Where's the corpse?
Whose corpse?
We want to find Riri so much...
...because he took the money.
It would be terrible if we didn't
find it.
I don't know what you're on about.
We followed our friend
to your place, last night.
Now do you know what I'm talking about?
We waited all night for him.
He must have left your place again.
-Enough talk, Le duc.
-Go for it Big Louis.
What did you do to Riri?
Come on.
It's Riri.
-He's stuck.
-Well, pull
He was never going to give us the money.
The money's here.
Sorry for treating you the way we did.
And thanks again for killing Riri for us.
-You have to take him with you.
-What do we want him for?
-What about me?
-He's a gift.
God, get me out of this mess.
A statue, thank you God!
-Antoine?
-Yes?
-Did you sleep on the couch all night?
-Yes, of course.
-What's that?
-A statue.
-Yes, I know.
-I made it last night.
Can I talk to the doctor, please?
-Aren't you feeling well?
-It's for you.
I feel fine. put the phone down.
Put it down fast!
I'm feeling good.
Antoine, I'm rather worried about you.
Sylvie, I never told you that I've
wanted to be a sculptor all my life.
-Oh, alright.
-Isn't it beautiful?
-What?
-The statue, of course.
-It's very beautiful.
-Is it really?
-Yes.
-Sylvie, I'm pleased.
The statue will never leave us.
It'll go into our new living room.
Why do you pull that face?
-Antoine...
-I have a right to make statues.
-Yes, of course.
-I'm not the only one.
-Of course, darling.
-Others have done it before me.
I don't need to see a doctor
because I made a statue.
Of course not, darling.
-And I like it.
-That's what it is.
Did Rodin ever see a doctor?
He didn't give shower curtains
to strangers.
I've got your play.
What a coincidence.
Your story is the one of Mr Jo.
-I know that.
-Did you read the article?
I didn't read any article.
-What's this?
-A portrait of my grandmother.
-You're not going to leave that here?
-Yes, I am.
-It's my grandmother.
-Alright.
Don't I have the right...
-But of course...
-I'm getting changed.
-Excuse me, because...
-Yes, no, I understood.
-I have things to do.
-What do you say about Mr Jo's story?
It's just a stupid everyday story.
I don't agree. If it was, they
wouldn't put inspector Ducros on it.
Inspector Ducros isn't that great.
Ducros? He catches all
the criminals.
Ducros is a loser. He has that,
he has that, but he doesn't have this.
Who, Ducros?
He's a special person.
I know him better than you.
We went to school together.
We're on a first name basis.
-Hello, Antoine, how are you?
-Mr Inspector.
-What's wrong? No first name?
-Of course.
Well?
How are you, buddysir?
How are you, sirbuddy?
How are you, buddy?
That's better.
We've known each other for a long time.
-Sir.
-Sir.
Mr... barrister Colas.
-He's a barrister with the Crown Court.
-You already got a lawyer?
Inspector Ducros, our friend Antoine
is writing a detective story.
Rascal.
Remember when we were young?
-I know who killed Jo.
-Me too.
What do you mean, me too?
As I said, remember when we were young...
-Would you like a drink?
-What?
-What you like a drink?
-What's that?
-We'll do what?
-Have a drink. I'll get it.
-What's that?
-That's his grandmother.
This is my grandmother
when she was 15 or 16 years old.
What did you say?
I can't hear you.
-Mrs Brisebard.
-My pleasure, madam.
-Police inspector Ducros.
-Police, why?
I was in the area and thought I'd
visit my best friend.
-Excuse us.
-Excuse me.
-I'm really worried.
-Why?
-Didn't you notice?
-He's a bit nervous, at the moment.
-A bit?
-You know him. He's always nervous.
-Look at the gazebo.
-The bad weather did that.
It fell.
-What's wrong?
-Look at this.
I promised him it would last 200 years.
-I've lost face.
-But no, calm down.
We'll get you a glass of wine.
You'll feel a lot better.
Sit down.
You're hard to follow, Mr Brisebard.
Sit down.
Why would you hide things
amongst old friends?
Mr Colas told me that he
knew someone famous...
...and I told him I knew someone
who's even more famous.
-Me? Thank you.
-You're very famous, you know.
Everybody talks about you.
-You're a good, friendly inspector.
-Very friendly.
That speaks for itself when
you're making things up.
Sit down.
Since you like stories,
what about this one...
Once, there was a well-liked man.
One day, he meets a guy
with bad intentions.
Let's say, Mr Jo.
To keep it simple.
-Who?
-Jo.
Riri.
-Who?
-Riri.
Another bad guy...
Jo's accomplice.
He often collected money.
-For him.
-I see.
-And?
-After they kill Jo...
...Riri takes the money and finds
a note about a meeting with a man.
He goes to that man
to teach him a lesson.
He was probably armed.
Our good friend got scared and shot him.
That's how Riri was killed instead of Jo.
And now our good man has to get rid of
a corpse, without knowing who it is.
Congratulations.
Congratulations, inspector.
You should thank the inspector.
-It's a good story for his play.
-But no...
Yes, that's your play and you
were looking for a part for me.
-But no!
-But yes!
Jo comes in during the night.
I fire, he falls down.
And the next day, I find out
I killed the wrong one.
God, who did I kill?
Who?
I call all my friends. You know,
like you did last night.
Hello Trude, hello Macha.
And we have to get rid of the body.
And...
-What's wrong with her?
-I'll be a father.
Get a glass of water.
-What do we do now?
-Search the garden and the gazebo.
Either there's a body or I'm an idiot.
-Yes, boss.
-What?
-That's my opinion as well.
-What?
-That you're on the right track.
-Good.
-Drink.
-When will it be born?
-Born what?
-The child.
In 6 months, 8 months,
12 months. I don't know.
We're not in a hurry, you know.
Drink.
I'll be right back.
Mr Brisebard, the Grunders have arrived.
Are you selling or not?
Let them buy quickly.
-What's wrong?
-What's that?
-That's my grandmother.
-Who made this?
I did.
Antoine, why did you hide this from me?
-I'll explain everything.
-Yes.
-There's nothing there, boss.
-Then I'm an idiot.
There.
Darling, do you love me that much?
From now on, we're in it together.
You'll see how I handle this.
Am I interrupting?
I want to speak to your husband.
Come in.
You'll see the house is beautiful.
See? It's really beautiful.
-It's very hot.
-I thought it was rather cold.
This is Mr Brisebard's grandmother.
-You know his charming wife.
-Hello.
-Maybe I should wear my bathing suit.
-Enough of these games.
You helped your husband hide the body,
didn't you?
-Which body?
-That's enough, the both of you.
-You dissolved it in sulphuric acid.
-Is that possible?
We're going to change our tune.
-Boss?
-Get Andrieux.
-Andrieux.
-Get Plumerel.
-Here, boss.
-Alright.
-The plumber's here.
-Show him the bathroom.
Please follow me.
As you can see, it's very quiet here.
Come, the kitchen's over there.
Darling, your husband
still hasn't come back?
-No.
-This isn't the moment. Come.
It's a madhouse here.
-Mrs Brisebard, has the gazebo gone yet?
-Yes.
Look at this.
We'll search from the attic
to the basement, you hear?
-If we don't find anything, I'll apologise.
-No!
-You're starting to lose it, aren't you?
-Yes.
Anybody here?
Sir, registered mail for Mrs Brisebard.
Antoine, this isn't the moment.
-Wait here for me.
-No!
-Wait here.
-No!
-Do you mind waiting here?
-No, I don't want to...
-Come, help me.
-What?
Help me!
Please help me.
Antoine, come here.
Antoine, good man...
I'm not going to do this on my own, am I?
Come on.
Help me.
Quick, get rid of this.
1, 2, 3...
-Backward, backward I say.
-It's heavy...
No, that way.
-I can't go on.
-That way.
Antoine, did you hurt yourself, darling?
-He's too long.
-We'll cut him up.
Put the feet in.
Not your feet!
-There we go.
-He's so heavy.
-His head. Give me your shirt.
-No, I don't want to.
-My shirt...
-So many buttons...
No, no!
This really isn't the moment.
This is the room.
And there... the dining room.
Antoine, Antoine, come here.
Listen. like this. Alright?
Pull, but pull.
Push.
Let's go look at the rooms.
Go get a saw.
-Say, the garage is locked.
-What do you want me to do about it?
-The key, quick.
-The key's in the kitchen.
What happened to your grandmother?
She's dead!
Antoine, come here.
Get changed quickly.
Get dressed!
Antoine, this isn't the moment.
Thanks!
Andrieux...
Well?
-No...
-The door bell. Open the door.
-Sir?
-Hello sir.
-Nice day, isn't it? Excuse me.
-Hey you!
I often visit people.
It's my job.
I used to be a public servant and now
I give demonstrations at people's homes.
So I'm used to giving demonstrations.
One demonstration and you'll buy it.
-Antoine.
-Yes.
-Am I interrupting?
-Yes.
It will only take a few seconds.
Don't panic.
-Antoine.
-There.
-And now I'll light it.
-Antoine!
Yes.
No problem at all.
-What's wrong?
-In the clock, quickly.
-Quickly.
-Yes.
It's not opening.
Quickly, please.
Fire!
-Fire!
-What's happening?
Quickly, water.
This is a good bit for the new play.
Get that idiot out of here.
Come along.
Come, we'll fix you up.
I'll get a screwdriver.
Let me help you.
Are you alright?
-Thanks!
-That's the least I can do.
Brisebard.
Brisebard.
-Brisebard. Where's your husband?
-He's somewhere...
-How does he do that?
-He's a Sunday's child.
Sunday, Monday, I'm not wasting
any more time here.
I don't need any more headaches.
Your wife's asking for you.
-I've got the screwdriver.
-Finally.
Do you want to see the rest?
I think I've seen it all.
-Where's inspector Ducros? It's urgent.
-In the kitchen.
Thank you.
-We're off. See you soon.
-It was fun.
Sir, we're off.
Wait, let me help.
Quick, we'll be back.
I bet it's not Riri's corpse.
When we're out at sea, out of the window.
You'll see, it'll be a nice cruise.
-I didn't want all this.
-Do you regret telling me?
No, of course not.
I just hope he fits.
Try it, while I call a travel agent.
Where to? I don't know. Tahiti?
-No Tahiti for the next three weeks.
-Find something else.
Singapore, the day after tomorrow,
is perfect.
Tell me, how big are the
windows of the ship?
-Would 40 cm be enough?
-Height or width?
-I think height.
-At least 50 cm. At least.
Alright 50 then.
A window of 50 cm.
You'd do me a big favour.
Where's your husband?
-Sit down. I'll get him.
-Find him.
-What do you want from him now?
-Have you got a warrant?
I do now.
Ah, you're going on a trip.
You're running away.
-What's in there?
-Nothing. We're looking for the key.
Of course.
There he is, boss.
-What are you doing there?
-I'm writing my story.
-And what's with her?
-Must be the baby.
-She shouldn't get worked up.
-Is that why you're in the suitcase?
Enough with the comedy, you two.
We found the corpse...
...of Big Louis with a hole in his head.
-We don't know that person.
It means Riri killed Big Louis
before coming here.
-Haven't you seen Riri yet?
-Have mercy father. I mean inspector.
We're not getting anywhere here.
Plumerel, the floors. Andrieux in
the car. I'll start in the basement.
-Do you have an oven?
-Won't work because of the golden teeth.
-What?
-Make yourself at home.
Indeed!
We're almost there.
We have to get him out.
There's no time for that.
-I can't go on.
-We have to get him out.
-Why do you look at me like that?
-Never put mustard on the salami.
It's a crime.
The key. I'll get it.
-Well, dear man, how do you feel now?
-Better than in the clock, isn't it?
Stop the comedy.
Poor Riri, killed by crazy people.
-Come out.
-He can't.
-Come out, Brisebard.
-The gendarmerie's on the phone.
Tonelotti's van is in
the back of our garden.
Yes, stay there. I'm coming.
-And?
-They found Le duc's car.
Inside it were Riri's things
and 32 thousand francs.
-Then I think...
-Don't think, I'm in a hurry.
Brisebard.
Come here.
I want to apologise. It was clearly a
case of criminals killing each other.
Riri was ambushed after he came here
and the smartest one kept the money.
As for Riri's corpse... we'll search
the entire region until we find it.
It's easy to hide a corpse
for a professional killer.
-Only for a professional...
-Yes.
I apologise again. If you need anything,
please let me know at phone number 17.
-It's number 14.
-14 is the telegraph.
-What about the fire department then?
-The fire department's 18.
If you need information, press 12.
Goodbye.
-And you almost lost hope.
-Tonelotti!
The trunk!
My trunk.
Where's my trunk, Mr Tonelotti.
My trunk.
-Antoine, stop.
-My trunk.
-Antoine.
-Where's my trunk?
-The bastard.
-You should have let me deal with it.
-You really don't want a drink?
-Never on duty.
Alright then...
-Mr Brisebard?
-Yes.
-Mrs Brisebard.
-Yes.
-Is this your trunk?
-No.
Yes, it's yours.
Come have a look.
Look well. It's yours.
It says so.
-Now that you mention it.
-See?
It was found on a public road,
so we're returning it.
-If we didn't have the police...
-Indeed, madam.
I'm glad to have been of service.
It was our pleasure.
I'm quite a fan of yours, your talent.
But I don't go to the theatre often.
-Tickets are expensive, unfortunately.
-From now on, it's free for you.
Madam... madam...
We're going!
I can go to the rehearsal after all.
And him in there?
What about him?
You have a lot of time to think about it.
You have such a lively imagination.
Brisebard! Brisebard!
You have to pull the trigger.
Let's start again.
You there.
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
Mathilde, it's me.
It's me.
It's Mr Colas, the barrister.
Recognise him?
Give me a hand.
We were rehearsing.
The gun's not real. Look.
What are you doing?
Grab her there.
Yes, like that.
-Why didn't you warn me?
-It's not a joke. It's work.
-So it wasn't real?
-Of course not.
I almost died from the shock.
Your reaction proves
that it's a good scene.
-I'm happy.
-Me too.
How do you feel?
How do you feel?
-I want to go back to the kitchen.
-She's stuck.
When you'll have another corpse,
please let me know.
Alright.
What do you think about my debut?
Old chap, I don't think it's very good.
If you ask my opinion as a barrister,
I'll give it as a friend.
You're a good comedy author,
but for a detective story...
-What's wrong with the story?
-Well, first of all...
-Why does your hero shoot the man?
-Because he's a bastard.
-If you want to shoot all the bastards...
-He's a bastard who blackmails my hero.
He had to pay for the first time,
then for the second time...
...and now he has to...
-I don't understand what you're saying.
-What?
-He...
-Double.
-Ah!
And my hero can't pay that, so he
has to sell this, that, this...
...this, that, only the
chandelier stays.
You get all worked up in order
to write a detective story.
-He pretends he'll pay.
-Yes.
Good, and... and...
-Yes.
-Let's go there.
-The villain comes from there, like you.
-Yes.
-He stands here.
-Bang, bang, dead.
-What bang, bang, dead?
-Bang, bang, dead.
Bang, bang, you kill him.
I don't like that your hero's
holding something back.
He just happened to end up in this
story and he's completely innocent.
-Why doesn't he go to the police?
-Because he can't.
-And the audience won't know why?
-I don't want them to know.
Alright, call me after you've
worked on the story. See you later.
-What's wrong with my story?
-Your hero will end on the scaffold.
-He can't say.
-Will he commit the perfect murder?
-In a way, yes.
-Have you got a bucket of water?
-A bucket of water?
-To get the blood of your carpet.
-Avoid blood on carpet.
-That's it.
-And also avoid yelling by the maid.
-Ah yes, the maid.
-Maid... avoid... yelling.
-See you later.
Yes, yes.
There's also a way to
commit a perfect murder.
-Yes?
-That's to make the body disappear.
When there's no body, they can't
prove there was a murder.
Yes, that's true.
Thanks.
Hey, wait.
Wait, wait.
-What if I throw the body in the water?
-It'll float back up.
-I didn't think of that.
-Unless you cut the body to pieces.
-From the bottom up.
-And in an oven.
-Does he have fake teeth?
-I don't know.
-Teeth don't burn easily.
-That sounds really difficult.
-Alright, bye bye.
-Mr Brisebard!
-Mr Brisebard.
-Good morning.
Did you convince your wife
to sell the property?
-It's not easy. Have you got someone?
-Yes, Mr Grunder.
He's rich and they're looking
for a nice property...
...that's quiet and rural.
Can we come and visit?
My wife can't know. Come over in the
evening when she's at the theatre.
-Excuse me.
-Another one that's henpecked.
-Hello?
-Mr Brisebard?
-You forgot about me.
-No, I think about you all the time.
-Have you taken a decision?
-Yes, I can't do this.
-I can't at the moment.
-Why not?
-I can't tell you why not.
-I'm giving you 48 hours.
You're very kind.
I'll call you back. Bye.
-What is this?
-Delivery of Mrs Brisebard's gazebo.
-Happy birthday, darling.
-What's this, Mrs Brisebard's gazebo?
I wanted to surprise you for the feast
of St. Anthony. You're not very happy...
-But I am.
-Leave me alone, you...
-It's a beautiful gift.
-It certainly is.
-Leave me in peace.
-You'll never guess where I found it.
-In the Puy-de-Dôme.
-The Puy-de-Dôme.
-Yes, the Puy-de-Dôme.
-Get lost!
-I can never afford this.
-But it's a good investment.
And all the little details
go very well with the house.
-And what does it cost?
-I got it at a bargain price.
-250,000 francs.
-What?
-Without the foundation.
-What?
I have to go to the theatre.
Have a nice day, darling.
Why am I the only man in the world
whose wife bought a gazebo?
Mrs Brisebard and I agreed on 250,000
for the foundation.
-250,000 francs?
-But for you, I'll do it for 248,000.
-That's quite a favour.
-And don't worry about the payments.
My men and I will make a big hole
in the ground, for the foundation.
And tomorrow, I'll pour in cement
and then I'll place the gazebo on top.
I guarantee you that the foundation
will last at least 200 years.
I won't be able to check that
in 200 years.
-200 years?
-Yes, indeed.
Can you guarantee that the
hole will be made tonight?
-Tonight in 200 years.
-What, in 200 years?
-Tonight, for 200 years.
-Tonight...
The hole will be there!
-Can I count on you?
-You can.
-Promise?
-Promise.
-Start right away.
-Right away.
It's a deal.
Come on, we start.
-Mr Jo?
-Yes?
-Antoine Brisebard speaking.
-Well?
-It's solved.
-Ah!
-First I couldn't do it, but now I can.
-How much?
I'll have exactly what you need.
-Like last time.
-9 o'clock at your place.
9 o'clock and I'll leave the door open.
See you tonight, Mr Jo.
-Sylvie?
-Yes.
It's all been solved with Mr Tonelotti.
After tomorrow, everything'll be ready.
We can save money by not
having any foundations.
But we need foundations.
Big foundations!
Look.
The cement will be hard in a day.
Thanks to Mr Tonelotti.
And on Friday, we'll have the party.
Your 550th play with
your comrades in costumes.
Antoine, you're a genius.
Thank you, darling.
I'll get ready.
Antoine?
-Where are you?
-I'm coming.
I'm coming down.
-What were you doing in the garden?
-It's for my new piece.
-Are you coming to the theatre?
-I can't.
-Do you mind?
-No, I'll let you work.
-I have to go, or I'll be late.
-Say, Sylvie.
- Yes,
- Tell me, if someone...
...ends our love or
if we have to separate...
We won't, my angel.
Promise me we'll die together,
my dearest Sylvie.
But of course. You're so serious.
Is it because of the new piece?
-Maybe, the detective genre isn't...
-You can do it. You'll see.
And when I come home tonight,
I'm sure there'll be a corpse.
The digging has been done,
the maid left... the doors...
Four: get a gun ready.
Four: a gun... alright.
Five: turn off the lights.
Six: I can't see anything.
We should have put this at seven.
-What are you doing in the dark?
-What do you mean?
-Don't you feel well?
-I feel very well.
I'm very late.
I forgot my make-up.
Sylvie, did I give you a kiss?
You did. Do you want
to give me another one?
I do, actually.
Aren't you forgetting anything?
-You won't be back?
-I don't think so.
-Bye, cupcake.
-Bye, sweetie pie.
I can't...
I can't do it.
I'd rather pay.
I can't do it. There.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh no, it's not for real.
It's not for real, come on.
-You're still working.
-Didn't you go to the cinema?
I was just leaving.
A prop gun.
Good evening, Mr Colas.
Have fun.
Mr Brisebard?
Something terrible happened.
Oh my God!
Mr Brisebard?
You were here?
What are you doing here?
-I was working.
-In that costume?
-Didn't you hear me?
-No.
It's very bad. Mrs Grunder
fell into the hole.
What's she doing in my hole?
I need my hole.
Why did she fall in?
What?
I don't understand.
Give her a cognac.
It'll do her well.
Mr Brisebard?
-Yes?
-Can I give a tour?
No, we don't give tours.
It's over. Just go.
Go, quickly!
-I look like a fool.
-Don't force me to comment.
Good.
-Bye, madam.
-Bye, Mr Brisebard.
A bit of cognac.
You forgot Mrs Grunder.
You forgot Mrs Grunder.
She's there.
Look, look.
My cognac...
Come, let's go sleep.
Ah, it's you.
-Am I interrupting?
-Lights out.
-Listen, I can't see anything.
-We have to.
-Where are you?
-Here, under the lamp.
-No, under the lamp.
-Ah!
-What's with the costume?
-I had a look at the foundation.
We've been thinking the same thing.
I found something wrong with it.
-What did you see?
-They made a hole in own my hole.
-A hole?
-A hole!
-But where?
-In my own hole.
-I say.
-And not a small hole.
A big hole.
Big enough for a corpse.
-What has come of the world. But who?
-I don't know.
-Maybe one of your workers?
-I closed the hole again.
-You closed it?
-Yes.
-Why?
-Just because.
-Which hole?
-The hole he made.
-Where?
-In my own hole.
-You can't have.
-Yes, and they left the shovel outside.
-It'll rust. I'll return it.
-Give it to me.
No, no! We're not going to work now.
Goodnight, sir.
-To the gazebo.
-What's that?
-To the gazebo.
-It's really beautiful.
-To our love.
-Yes, my darling.
Your husband's very happy.
That's because of the gazebo.
My birthday gift to him.
Even better than a tie.
-It's a beautiful gazebo.
-They've got taste.
-Did you remove the shower curtain?
-What?
-The shower curtain. Did you remove it?
-No!
-Where is it then?
-Ah, well...
-What did you do with it?
-I gave it away.
-You gave it away? To whom?
-To a poor person.
-A poor person?
-Yes, he came by and... warm clothes...
-Warm, and you gave him that?
-Yes.
-It was raining and...
-Yes?
-I said to myself...
-What did you say to yourself?
-I said...
-What did you say?
He could get my coat,
but he was already gone.
-What are you saying?
-To the gazebo!
-Madam, madam!
-Yes.
The Spanish musicians are here.
That's great entertainment.
You'll see...
-Say...
-Careful, damn.
What is it?
-A gentleman's asking for you.
-What was that?
A gentleman's asking for you.
No, there, there...
-Sir?
-Police inspector Ducros.
-Get some champagne for the gentleman.
-No thanks, never when I'm on duty.
It's original, that gazebo.
It's from the Puy-de-Dôme and
it's a gazebo.
Aha.
-You wanted to talk to me?
-Yes.
Do you know Mr Jo?
-Mr who?
-Jo.
Sorry... let me think...
-Yes, no, Mr Jo... Thinking...
-Think well.
-Let's have a drink.
-Is this your maid?
Yes, police inspector Ducros.
-What's so funny?
-It's just like last night.
-What happened?
-Nothing, she went to the cinema.
-What did you see?
-Sir, shooting somebody.
-You go on.
-Tell me...
-Did you kill somebody?
-Yes.
-Yes?
-Not really, I pretended.
I'm working on a detective story and
I often invite a friend.
He plays the bad guy,
so I can judge the play.
Mr Brisebard, you were right.
It's your shovel.
-I have no shovel. What can I...
-It's yours.
-I wanted to see you about the hole.
-Which hole?
There is no hole.
This is police inspector Ducros.
Mr Inspector, I don't know
who made this hole.
-See? There is a hole.
-There is no hole. He's wrong.
They dance, they jump, no hole.
Look, how beautiful.
-I drink to what's underneath.
-What's underneath?
There's nothing!
Yes, French soil!
Ah, long live France.
-Long live France!
-Long live the gazebo!
Long live the Puy-de-Dôme and
long live peace.
Excuse me.
What did you want to say?
-I have a hole in my memory.
-Goodbye.
I'll give you this beautiful
shovel. Goodbye, Inspector.
Go, come on.
Go recite a poem. A poem.
Help me. You.
-It was going to last 200 years.
-It's only temporary.
-Repair it now.
-I'll be there tomorrow morning.
I'll be there tomorrow morning.
-Mr Inspector.
-Mr Brisebard.
-About Mr Jo again.
-Mr who?
-Mr Jo!
-Yes, of course.
-Can I sit down?
-Of course, do sit down.
What is it?
-Have my seat.
-Yes.
-Comfortable?
-Absolutely.
Perfect. Something's going on.
-What happened?
-Mr Jo was a blackmailer.
-No.
-Yes.
We found a list of all his victims,
at his place.
-No.
-Yes.
-That's why I'm here. You're on the list.
-Me?
-It's not true.
-Yes, it is.
I thought he must have contacted you.
Bang, bang, dead.
Tell me, Antoine.
-The corpse.
-Hello, sir.
-Let him speak.
-I have an idea to hide the corpse.
-Is there a corpse?
-No corpse. Champagne but no corpse.
Listen. I thought
it was a good idea.
Who's that? -Barrister Colas.
He doesn't know a thing about theatre.
Your barrister...
You'd better tell me why
you're on Mr Jo's list.
It's a simple routine question.
For now.
Promise me you won't tell my wife.
I have...
-I didn't hear a thing.
-I meant to say...
...that my wife's Granuda's daughter.
-That's impossible.
-Granuda, the crook who...
-Yes.
-Unbelievable. In 1946?
-1945!
-1945...
-1946, I know my facts!
Unbelievable.
-I can't hear. I don't understand.
-I said that your wife...
...if she's the daughter of Granuda...
if people knew... her career...
-Granuda killed many people.
-Yes, four.
-No, five.
-Four.
-The fifth victim was the train guard.
-I see.
A few years ago, a terrible
person wanted to scare Sylvie.
He wanted to reveal her identity.
There.
I say.
-Inspector, the names on that list...
-Yes?
-They won't be published, will they?
-Of course not.
-They'll remain secret.
-Good.
-All, except one.
-Which one?
The one of the murderer.
-Whose murderer?
-Mr Jo was murdered last night.
-I beg your pardon?
-I have proof, so...
-Proof, you have no proof.
-We found him with a hole in his head.
-Where?
-On the floor.
-But not here.
-No, at his place.
-At his place?
-Yes.
Bye bye. Don't worry, you're not a
murderer. You don't have the face.
This is unbelievable.
Who did I bury under the gazebo?
Antoine, where were you?
The guests are already leaving.
-Didn't you see Edouard?
-Edouard?
He said he'd be at the party.
He should sleep during the night.
Edouard, my best friend...
I buried my best friend under the gazebo.
It's really bad.
Hello?
-Who's speaking?
-Edouard?
Is it really you?
Is it really you in person?
I'm glad to hear from you!
Adrien thought you'd be at my party.
You couldn't make it?
Had a car accident?
Very good. Your car is a wreck?
She's not there?
-What's wrong with her?
-Her husband left her...
-Did he leave you?
-Yes.
-When?
-Tuesday night.
-Tuesday night?
-Yes.
We have to find out where he is.
I found him.
He ran off with someone else.
-But when?
-Yesterday night.
-When?
-Yesterday night, I said.
-That's good.
-He...
-Bichard!
-What about Bichard?
-What happened to Bichard?
-He's been dead for two years.
-That's good.
-Your husband acts so weird. I'll go...
Hello, Auntie, it's Toitoine.
How's Unkie?
It's Toitoine. You're not
hearing any better, are you?
You're not hearing any better!
Does he have the flu? Good!
-Yes, I'll stay on the phone.
-I'm off.
-Say hello from me.
-Caroline?
Caroline, is anyone
missing in your family?
-Don't you know?
-What?
-Théophile.
-What about Théophile?
-It's been almost 3 months...
-That's alright then.
Listen, he was 93 years old.
Goodbye, Caroline.
-What's wrong, Antoine?
-Everything's fine, believe me.
No, I'm certain, he wasn't
there. Really.
-Who is it?
-The plumber's wife.
She wants to know if he was at the party.
Antoine, what's wrong?
-Go say goodbye to Caroline.
-She's already gone.
-No, I heard her just now.
-Tonight, to bed at 9, with an aspirin.
This is terrible.
A plumber, working overtime
to make some extra money.
Mrs Bouillé?
Mr Brisebard speaking.
That plumber who was working here...
does he have children?
Six? It's really terrible.
Are you sure?
He couldn't make it?
He's standing next to you?
Give him three big kisses!
And I'm kissing you too, Mrs Bouillé.
Yes, everything's fine.
Bye bye, Mrs Bouillé.
But who did I bury under the gazebo?
It's me. I have good news,
Mr Brisebard.
-That strange thing in your garden...
-Yes?
-The Grunders really love it.
-The Grunders?
Yes, the Grunders...
They want to pay 5 million extra.
-How much does that make in total?
-80 million French francs.
-Sold!
-And Mrs Brisebard?
-Mrs Brisebard...
-Ah!
Sylvie, come here.
You'll see who's in charge here.
Sylvie! I just sold the house.
No use disagreeing.
That's fantastic, darling.
VAnother round.
-Yes, darling.
-You're not arguing?
-Why? I'm very happy.
Mr Grunder even wrote a
cheque to your name.
-Oh, 20 million francs.
-I'll get a bottle of champagne.
-20 million extra.
-Thanks to the gazebo.
I need to tell you something.
I think the gazebo's awful.
-I hate it even.
-So do the Grunders.
They're paying 20 million
extra to have the gazebo removed.
Your husband just needs
to sign this piece of paper.
-For the house.
-Of course.
-The countryside bores me.
-Ah.
Angel, there's something Mrs Cramusel
didn't dare tell you.
-Don't say it.
-The house has been sold anyway.
Is it good news?
The Grunders want to remove
the gazebo using dynamite.
So they have somewhere to
put a swimming pool.
Drink.
-No.
-Drink. You have to sleep.
No, I need to think.
Why do you care that the
Grunders will remove the gazebo?
I mind it a lot.
You want to sell, you don't want to sell.
-Will you drink this or not?
-I won't drink it.
Alright, goodnight.
Goodnight, dearest.
Goodnight, dearest.
Goodnight, dearest.
Do you need help?
-Where is he?
-Who?
-Riri.
-I don't know a Riri.
-That's the maid.
-Where's the corpse?
Whose corpse?
We want to find Riri so much...
...because he took the money.
It would be terrible if we didn't
find it.
I don't know what you're on about.
We followed our friend
to your place, last night.
Now do you know what I'm talking about?
We waited all night for him.
He must have left your place again.
-Enough talk, Le duc.
-Go for it Big Louis.
What did you do to Riri?
Come on.
It's Riri.
-He's stuck.
-Well, pull
He was never going to give us the money.
The money's here.
Sorry for treating you the way we did.
And thanks again for killing Riri for us.
-You have to take him with you.
-What do we want him for?
-What about me?
-He's a gift.
God, get me out of this mess.
A statue, thank you God!
-Antoine?
-Yes?
-Did you sleep on the couch all night?
-Yes, of course.
-What's that?
-A statue.
-Yes, I know.
-I made it last night.
Can I talk to the doctor, please?
-Aren't you feeling well?
-It's for you.
I feel fine. put the phone down.
Put it down fast!
I'm feeling good.
Antoine, I'm rather worried about you.
Sylvie, I never told you that I've
wanted to be a sculptor all my life.
-Oh, alright.
-Isn't it beautiful?
-What?
-The statue, of course.
-It's very beautiful.
-Is it really?
-Yes.
-Sylvie, I'm pleased.
The statue will never leave us.
It'll go into our new living room.
Why do you pull that face?
-Antoine...
-I have a right to make statues.
-Yes, of course.
-I'm not the only one.
-Of course, darling.
-Others have done it before me.
I don't need to see a doctor
because I made a statue.
Of course not, darling.
-And I like it.
-That's what it is.
Did Rodin ever see a doctor?
He didn't give shower curtains
to strangers.
I've got your play.
What a coincidence.
Your story is the one of Mr Jo.
-I know that.
-Did you read the article?
I didn't read any article.
-What's this?
-A portrait of my grandmother.
-You're not going to leave that here?
-Yes, I am.
-It's my grandmother.
-Alright.
Don't I have the right...
-But of course...
-I'm getting changed.
-Excuse me, because...
-Yes, no, I understood.
-I have things to do.
-What do you say about Mr Jo's story?
It's just a stupid everyday story.
I don't agree. If it was, they
wouldn't put inspector Ducros on it.
Inspector Ducros isn't that great.
Ducros? He catches all
the criminals.
Ducros is a loser. He has that,
he has that, but he doesn't have this.
Who, Ducros?
He's a special person.
I know him better than you.
We went to school together.
We're on a first name basis.
-Hello, Antoine, how are you?
-Mr Inspector.
-What's wrong? No first name?
-Of course.
Well?
How are you, buddysir?
How are you, sirbuddy?
How are you, buddy?
That's better.
We've known each other for a long time.
-Sir.
-Sir.
Mr... barrister Colas.
-He's a barrister with the Crown Court.
-You already got a lawyer?
Inspector Ducros, our friend Antoine
is writing a detective story.
Rascal.
Remember when we were young?
-I know who killed Jo.
-Me too.
What do you mean, me too?
As I said, remember when we were young...
-Would you like a drink?
-What?
-What you like a drink?
-What's that?
-We'll do what?
-Have a drink. I'll get it.
-What's that?
-That's his grandmother.
This is my grandmother
when she was 15 or 16 years old.
What did you say?
I can't hear you.
-Mrs Brisebard.
-My pleasure, madam.
-Police inspector Ducros.
-Police, why?
I was in the area and thought I'd
visit my best friend.
-Excuse us.
-Excuse me.
-I'm really worried.
-Why?
-Didn't you notice?
-He's a bit nervous, at the moment.
-A bit?
-You know him. He's always nervous.
-Look at the gazebo.
-The bad weather did that.
It fell.
-What's wrong?
-Look at this.
I promised him it would last 200 years.
-I've lost face.
-But no, calm down.
We'll get you a glass of wine.
You'll feel a lot better.
Sit down.
You're hard to follow, Mr Brisebard.
Sit down.
Why would you hide things
amongst old friends?
Mr Colas told me that he
knew someone famous...
...and I told him I knew someone
who's even more famous.
-Me? Thank you.
-You're very famous, you know.
Everybody talks about you.
-You're a good, friendly inspector.
-Very friendly.
That speaks for itself when
you're making things up.
Sit down.
Since you like stories,
what about this one...
Once, there was a well-liked man.
One day, he meets a guy
with bad intentions.
Let's say, Mr Jo.
To keep it simple.
-Who?
-Jo.
Riri.
-Who?
-Riri.
Another bad guy...
Jo's accomplice.
He often collected money.
-For him.
-I see.
-And?
-After they kill Jo...
...Riri takes the money and finds
a note about a meeting with a man.
He goes to that man
to teach him a lesson.
He was probably armed.
Our good friend got scared and shot him.
That's how Riri was killed instead of Jo.
And now our good man has to get rid of
a corpse, without knowing who it is.
Congratulations.
Congratulations, inspector.
You should thank the inspector.
-It's a good story for his play.
-But no...
Yes, that's your play and you
were looking for a part for me.
-But no!
-But yes!
Jo comes in during the night.
I fire, he falls down.
And the next day, I find out
I killed the wrong one.
God, who did I kill?
Who?
I call all my friends. You know,
like you did last night.
Hello Trude, hello Macha.
And we have to get rid of the body.
And...
-What's wrong with her?
-I'll be a father.
Get a glass of water.
-What do we do now?
-Search the garden and the gazebo.
Either there's a body or I'm an idiot.
-Yes, boss.
-What?
-That's my opinion as well.
-What?
-That you're on the right track.
-Good.
-Drink.
-When will it be born?
-Born what?
-The child.
In 6 months, 8 months,
12 months. I don't know.
We're not in a hurry, you know.
Drink.
I'll be right back.
Mr Brisebard, the Grunders have arrived.
Are you selling or not?
Let them buy quickly.
-What's wrong?
-What's that?
-That's my grandmother.
-Who made this?
I did.
Antoine, why did you hide this from me?
-I'll explain everything.
-Yes.
-There's nothing there, boss.
-Then I'm an idiot.
There.
Darling, do you love me that much?
From now on, we're in it together.
You'll see how I handle this.
Am I interrupting?
I want to speak to your husband.
Come in.
You'll see the house is beautiful.
See? It's really beautiful.
-It's very hot.
-I thought it was rather cold.
This is Mr Brisebard's grandmother.
-You know his charming wife.
-Hello.
-Maybe I should wear my bathing suit.
-Enough of these games.
You helped your husband hide the body,
didn't you?
-Which body?
-That's enough, the both of you.
-You dissolved it in sulphuric acid.
-Is that possible?
We're going to change our tune.
-Boss?
-Get Andrieux.
-Andrieux.
-Get Plumerel.
-Here, boss.
-Alright.
-The plumber's here.
-Show him the bathroom.
Please follow me.
As you can see, it's very quiet here.
Come, the kitchen's over there.
Darling, your husband
still hasn't come back?
-No.
-This isn't the moment. Come.
It's a madhouse here.
-Mrs Brisebard, has the gazebo gone yet?
-Yes.
Look at this.
We'll search from the attic
to the basement, you hear?
-If we don't find anything, I'll apologise.
-No!
-You're starting to lose it, aren't you?
-Yes.
Anybody here?
Sir, registered mail for Mrs Brisebard.
Antoine, this isn't the moment.
-Wait here for me.
-No!
-Wait here.
-No!
-Do you mind waiting here?
-No, I don't want to...
-Come, help me.
-What?
Help me!
Please help me.
Antoine, come here.
Antoine, good man...
I'm not going to do this on my own, am I?
Come on.
Help me.
Quick, get rid of this.
1, 2, 3...
-Backward, backward I say.
-It's heavy...
No, that way.
-I can't go on.
-That way.
Antoine, did you hurt yourself, darling?
-He's too long.
-We'll cut him up.
Put the feet in.
Not your feet!
-There we go.
-He's so heavy.
-His head. Give me your shirt.
-No, I don't want to.
-My shirt...
-So many buttons...
No, no!
This really isn't the moment.
This is the room.
And there... the dining room.
Antoine, Antoine, come here.
Listen. like this. Alright?
Pull, but pull.
Push.
Let's go look at the rooms.
Go get a saw.
-Say, the garage is locked.
-What do you want me to do about it?
-The key, quick.
-The key's in the kitchen.
What happened to your grandmother?
She's dead!
Antoine, come here.
Get changed quickly.
Get dressed!
Antoine, this isn't the moment.
Thanks!
Andrieux...
Well?
-No...
-The door bell. Open the door.
-Sir?
-Hello sir.
-Nice day, isn't it? Excuse me.
-Hey you!
I often visit people.
It's my job.
I used to be a public servant and now
I give demonstrations at people's homes.
So I'm used to giving demonstrations.
One demonstration and you'll buy it.
-Antoine.
-Yes.
-Am I interrupting?
-Yes.
It will only take a few seconds.
Don't panic.
-Antoine.
-There.
-And now I'll light it.
-Antoine!
Yes.
No problem at all.
-What's wrong?
-In the clock, quickly.
-Quickly.
-Yes.
It's not opening.
Quickly, please.
Fire!
-Fire!
-What's happening?
Quickly, water.
This is a good bit for the new play.
Get that idiot out of here.
Come along.
Come, we'll fix you up.
I'll get a screwdriver.
Let me help you.
Are you alright?
-Thanks!
-That's the least I can do.
Brisebard.
Brisebard.
-Brisebard. Where's your husband?
-He's somewhere...
-How does he do that?
-He's a Sunday's child.
Sunday, Monday, I'm not wasting
any more time here.
I don't need any more headaches.
Your wife's asking for you.
-I've got the screwdriver.
-Finally.
Do you want to see the rest?
I think I've seen it all.
-Where's inspector Ducros? It's urgent.
-In the kitchen.
Thank you.
-We're off. See you soon.
-It was fun.
Sir, we're off.
Wait, let me help.
Quick, we'll be back.
I bet it's not Riri's corpse.
When we're out at sea, out of the window.
You'll see, it'll be a nice cruise.
-I didn't want all this.
-Do you regret telling me?
No, of course not.
I just hope he fits.
Try it, while I call a travel agent.
Where to? I don't know. Tahiti?
-No Tahiti for the next three weeks.
-Find something else.
Singapore, the day after tomorrow,
is perfect.
Tell me, how big are the
windows of the ship?
-Would 40 cm be enough?
-Height or width?
-I think height.
-At least 50 cm. At least.
Alright 50 then.
A window of 50 cm.
You'd do me a big favour.
Where's your husband?
-Sit down. I'll get him.
-Find him.
-What do you want from him now?
-Have you got a warrant?
I do now.
Ah, you're going on a trip.
You're running away.
-What's in there?
-Nothing. We're looking for the key.
Of course.
There he is, boss.
-What are you doing there?
-I'm writing my story.
-And what's with her?
-Must be the baby.
-She shouldn't get worked up.
-Is that why you're in the suitcase?
Enough with the comedy, you two.
We found the corpse...
...of Big Louis with a hole in his head.
-We don't know that person.
It means Riri killed Big Louis
before coming here.
-Haven't you seen Riri yet?
-Have mercy father. I mean inspector.
We're not getting anywhere here.
Plumerel, the floors. Andrieux in
the car. I'll start in the basement.
-Do you have an oven?
-Won't work because of the golden teeth.
-What?
-Make yourself at home.
Indeed!
We're almost there.
We have to get him out.
There's no time for that.
-I can't go on.
-We have to get him out.
-Why do you look at me like that?
-Never put mustard on the salami.
It's a crime.
The key. I'll get it.
-Well, dear man, how do you feel now?
-Better than in the clock, isn't it?
Stop the comedy.
Poor Riri, killed by crazy people.
-Come out.
-He can't.
-Come out, Brisebard.
-The gendarmerie's on the phone.
Tonelotti's van is in
the back of our garden.
Yes, stay there. I'm coming.
-And?
-They found Le duc's car.
Inside it were Riri's things
and 32 thousand francs.
-Then I think...
-Don't think, I'm in a hurry.
Brisebard.
Come here.
I want to apologise. It was clearly a
case of criminals killing each other.
Riri was ambushed after he came here
and the smartest one kept the money.
As for Riri's corpse... we'll search
the entire region until we find it.
It's easy to hide a corpse
for a professional killer.
-Only for a professional...
-Yes.
I apologise again. If you need anything,
please let me know at phone number 17.
-It's number 14.
-14 is the telegraph.
-What about the fire department then?
-The fire department's 18.
If you need information, press 12.
Goodbye.
-And you almost lost hope.
-Tonelotti!
The trunk!
My trunk.
Where's my trunk, Mr Tonelotti.
My trunk.
-Antoine, stop.
-My trunk.
-Antoine.
-Where's my trunk?
-The bastard.
-You should have let me deal with it.
-You really don't want a drink?
-Never on duty.
Alright then...
-Mr Brisebard?
-Yes.
-Mrs Brisebard.
-Yes.
-Is this your trunk?
-No.
Yes, it's yours.
Come have a look.
Look well. It's yours.
It says so.
-Now that you mention it.
-See?
It was found on a public road,
so we're returning it.
-If we didn't have the police...
-Indeed, madam.
I'm glad to have been of service.
It was our pleasure.
I'm quite a fan of yours, your talent.
But I don't go to the theatre often.
-Tickets are expensive, unfortunately.
-From now on, it's free for you.
Madam... madam...
We're going!
I can go to the rehearsal after all.
And him in there?
What about him?
You have a lot of time to think about it.
You have such a lively imagination.
Brisebard! Brisebard!