Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow (2015) - full transcript

[***]

[LUDACRIS]:
WELCOME TO TURKEY HOLLOW,

THE TURKEY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!

TURKEY HOLLOW
IS A QUAINT LITTLE TOWN,

NESTLED RIGHT
IN THE PODUNK SECTION

OF THE MOSTLY UNHIP
AND EXCEPTIONALLY DAMP REGION

OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST.

EVERY NOVEMBER,

TOURISTS FROM FAR AND WIDE
DESCEND UPON THIS LITTLE TOWN

TO CELEBRATE A TRADITIONAL
THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY.

AH, THANKSGIVING,



THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME
OF THE YEAR...

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'RE A TURKEY!

WHAT?
I DON'T GET A LAUGH TRACK?

COME ON,
I WAS EXPECTING A LAUGH TRACK.

IT KIND OF TAKES
THE PRESSURE OFF A LITTLE BIT.

STILL NOTHING?

[GRUNTS]

LET'S JUST CUT
TO OUR MAIN CHARACTERS,

THE EMMERSON FAMILY,

WHO ARE APPROACHING
THE TOWN LIMITS

AT THIS VERY MOMENT...

[WHOOSH]

]***]

[TIM]: WHOA!



ARE THERE REALLY MOOSES
AROUND HERE?

UH, MOOSES?

UH, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T KNOW.

MEESES...

NO, THEY'RE INDIGENOUS
TO UPPER PARTS OF...

YOU KNOW,
MORE NORTHERN...

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW.

I STILL DON'T
UNDERSTAND

WHY WE HAVE
TO SPEND THANKSGIVING

WITH SOMEONE WE BARELY KNOW.

BECAUSE AUNT CLY IS FAMILY,

AND, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S FLESH AND BLOOD,

THERE AN INHERITANCE AT STAKE,
ISN'T THERE?

LOOK, NOW THAT YOUR MOTHER
AND I ARE...

UNATTACHED...

DIVORCED?

I THINK THAT WE HAVE
TO MAKE A CONCERTED EFFORT

TO STRENGTHEN THE BRANCHES
OF OUR FAMILY TREE.

DON'T YOU THINK THE TIME
TO STRENGTHEN THE FAMILY TREE

ALREADY CAME AND WENT?

SAY,
BEFORE YOU MOVED OUT?

YOU KNOW,
WHEN I WAS TIM'S AGE,

WE SPENT ALL
THE HOLIDAYS HERE.

IT'S A LOT OF FUN.

YOU GUYS ARE
GOING TO HAVE

A GREAT EXPERIENCE,
YOU KNOW?

YOU GET TO LEARN

THE REAL MEANING
OF THANKSGIVING.

OH, SO WE'RE HERE TO RIP OFF
SOME NATIVE AMERICANS.

BANANA...

DON'T CALL ME THAT.
I HATE THAT NICKNAME.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK,
THERE'S THE SIGN!

YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.

WHAT'S WRONG?

MY PHONE!

I JUST LOST MY SERVICE

THE SECOND WE WENT PAST
THAT STUPID SIGN!

OOH, THE GPS IS DOWN, TOO!

WHY DO YOU SOUND SO EXCITED?

WE'RE OFFICIALLY OFF THE GRID!

I'VE NEVER BEEN OFF
THE GRID BEFORE!

THIS IS AWESOME!

CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE ME
BACK ON THE GRID?

I LIKE THE GRID.

AW, COME ON, BANANA.

RRGH!

THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF
PICK-UP TRUCKS AROUND HERE.

YEAH, LIFE MOVES A LITTLE
SLOWER IN THIS TOWN.

LOOKS LIKE LIFE MOVED
TO THE NEXT TOWN.

WHOA, SLOW DOWN!

WHAT IS THAT?

[RON]: OH, YEAH!

ALMOST FORGOT
ABOUT THAT GUY.

THAT'S THE LOCAL
TALL TALE...

THE HIDEOUS
HOWLING HOODOO.

THE WHAT?

THE HIDEOUS HOWLING HOODOO!

TEN FEET TALL,
WITH RAZOR-SHARP CLAWS

AND FANGS LIKE A BARRACUDA!

SOMETIMES,
ON THE BLACKEST OF NIGHTS,

YOU CAN HEAR HIM HOWLING

ON THE DARK SIDE
OF THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST.

SO IF THIS IS
THE BLACKEST OF NIGHTS,

HOW CAN IT BE DARKER
ON ONE SIDE OF THE FOREST

THAN THE OTHER?

I'M JUST WONDERING.

AND SHOULD YOU HEAR

THAT HORRIBLE,
HIGH-PITCHED MOAN...

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN,

BECAUSE
IF THE HOODOO GETS YOUR SCENT,

HE'LL HUNT YOU DOWN
AND EAT YOU ALIVE!

SERIOUSLY, NO ONE BELIEVES
THIS STUFF, RIGHT?

HOODOO DOODOO?

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

DAD!
DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD!

THE LADY WHO WORKS HERE,
SHE SAID THE HOODOO IS REAL!

SHE SAID HE'S 10 FEET TALL,
AND HE LIVES IN THE FOREST!

YEAH, I WOULDN'T PUT
TOO MUCH STOCK

IN THAT STORY, KIDDO.

I THINK SHE WAS JUST HAVING
A LITTLE FUN WITH YOU.

WELL, WHY WOULD THEY
BUILD A STATUE

OF SOMETHING
THAT WASN'T REAL?

LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU
HOW THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WORKS.

SEE,
THESE LITTLE JERKWATER TOWNS

ALL HAVE
AN IMAGINARY MONSTER,

LIKE BIGFOOT,
THE LOCH NESS MONSTER,

HONEY BOO BOO...

IT'S JUST TO SELL CRAP
TO GULLIBLE TOURISTS.

LIKE HOODOO DOODOO?

YEAH, AND T-SHIRTS.

THEY HAD T-SHIRTS
IN THERE?

[RON]: HEY,
COOL, BUD!

HEY, DO ME A FAVOR...

DON'T WEAR THAT
IN FRONT OF AUNT CLY, OKAY?

WHY NOT?

WELL, IT'S, UH...

IT'S A BIT
OF A SORE SUBJECT.

YOUR UNCLE NED,
HE WAS A LITTLE DAFFY,

AND HE CLAIMED TO HAVE
SEEN THE HOODOO.

WAIT, REALLY?

YEAH, SO JUST, UH...

DON'T BRING IT UP,
OKAY?

[TIM]: "EMMERSONS'
ALL-NATURAL FARM.

HERBS, FLOWERS,
AND ESSENTIAL OILS."

[TURKEYS CLUCK]

[TIM]: IT DOESN'T LOOK MUCH LIKE
FALL AROUND HERE.

[RON]: WELL, THIS WHOLE AREA

IS CALLED
THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST.

THAT MEANS "ALWAYS GREEN"
IN SPANISH.

[ANNIE]: DUH.

[RON]: HEY, BANANA!

[ANNIE GROANS]

[RON]: HOPE SHE'S HOME!

[TIM]: WAS THAT
A WILD TURKEY?

OR WAS IT AUNT CLY'S?

I DON'T KNOW, BUD.
WE'LL HAVE TO ASK.

[ANNIE]: DO YOU THINK
IT'LL BITE?

[TIM]: OH, I HOPE NOT!

WELL, THAT ONE MIGHT.

ALL RIGHT...

WELL... LOOK WHAT
THE RAIN WASHED UP.

I THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU, UH, GOT LOST,

OR YOU GOT A BETTER OFFER.

HEY, AUNT CLY!

IT'S, UH...
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION.

I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID
ON THE PHONE, BUT...

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME,

SO WHY NOW?

NO ONE DIED.

WELL, I MEAN...

COME ON,
IT'S THANKSGIVING!

-YEAH...
-YEAH!

AND I TOLD THE KIDS
I REALLY WANTED TO SHOW THEM

A TRADITIONAL FAMILY HOLIDAY,
YOU KNOW,

LIKE WE USED TO.

HUH.

KIDS, SAY HELLO
TO YOUR AUNT CLY!

-HI.
-HI.

THEY GROW UP FAST.
SO YOU MUST BE ANNIE.

LAST TIME WE MET,
YOU WERE STINKING UP DIAPERS,

AND, UH...

AND YOU!

YOU WERE JUST
AN ITCH IN YOUR DAD'S POCKET.

WELL, AUNT CLY,
STILL SO COLORFUL.

MM.

[SNIFFS LIGHTLY]

[SNIFFS]

OKAY.

OKAY, YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING THEM
MEAT, HAVEN'T YOU?

UH, MEAT?
YEAH, WELL, SOMETIMES...

OH, RONNIE, I THOUGHT
YOU HAD MORE SENSE THAN THAT.

I MEAN, I CAN TELL
JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM,

THEY'VE BEEN EATING

BACON-CHEESEBURGERS
AND HOT DOGS.

WE... WE'RE NOT VEGETARIANS,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I...

BUT THAT STUFF IS NOTHING
BUT HORMONES AND CHEMICALS.

THAT'S WHY KIDS
ARE SO GOOFY-LOOKING NOWADAYS.

I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE, TOO...

YOU CUT OUT
ALL THE ANIMAL PRODUCTS,

AND THIS ONE

WITH THE GRUMPY LITTLE
AURA THING GOING ON...

THAT'S GOING
TO CLEAN RIGHT UP.

-[RON]: WILL IT?
-[CLY]: YES. YES.

REALLY? WELL, THEN WE ARE HERE
TO EMBRACE THE VEGAN LIFESTYLE,

AREN'T WE?

[CLY]: GOOD.

AND I KNOW FOR MYSELF,

I HAVEN'T HAD A BALANCED MEAL
SINCE BEFORE THE...

MARITAL DISSOLUTION.

DIVORCE?

RIGHT.

HUH.

OKAY, THEN,
LET'S GO INSIDE.

PLEASE WIPE
YOUR FEET FIRST.

MY TURKEYS HAVE BEEN
FERTILIZING THE DRIVEWAY, SO...

YOU RAISE TURKEYS?

GODDESS, NO!
I RESCUE 'EM!

COME ON.

OKAY.

THIS IS IT.

THIS IS HOME.

WHOA...

THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!

WOW... IT'S EXACTLY
HOW I REMEMBER IT.

WELL, AUNT CLY,

I LOVE WHAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE
WITH THE PLACE.

YEAH, I'M NOT A BIG ONE
FOR REDECORATION.

I JUST TRY TO GET THINGS
RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

UM, WHERE'S THE TV?

I DON'T HAVE ONE.

SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM.

DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM
AS IN,

YOU HAVE A MORAL OBJECTION
TO TELEVISION?

OR DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM
AS IN,

YOU'RE UNCERTAIN
OF THEIR EXISTENCE?

ANNIE, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WHAT ABOUT INTERNET?

OH, GOOD HEAVENS, NO.
NO, NO.

I DON'T NEED THOSE ENERGY WAVES
BOUNCING AROUND MY HOUSE.

THOSE THINGS GIVE YOU
BRAIN TUMORS.

THAT'S EXACTLY
THE KIND OF THING

THAT I COULD PROVE WRONG
WITH ONE GOOGLE SEARCH.

OKAY, HEY,

MAYBE THIS IS
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

FOR US TO UNPLUG,
RIGHT?

I MEAN, THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE FAMILY TIME.

[CLY]:
OKAY, WELL...

I GUESS YOU WANT
TO GET SETTLED

AND TAKE YOUR COATS OFF.

UH, YOU KIDS CAN HAVE
THE SPARE ROOMS.

ONE'S A LITTLE DRAFTY,
THE OTHER ONE HAS...

A FUNKY SMELL THAT HAS
YET TO BE IDENTIFIED,

BUT THEY ARE CLEAN,

AND I FLUFFED
THE FEATHERBEDS, SO...

FEATHERBEDS?

UM...
I'M ALLERGIC TO FEATHERS.

YEAH, YEAH,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.

IT'S DUE TO ALL THAT
MEAT YOU'RE EATING.

WELL, JUST PULL IT OFF,

AND I'LL HIDE IT
IN MY ROOM.

GUESS YOU'RE GOING
TO WANT TO EAT.

UH...

I GUESS I'LL TAKE DRAFTY,
AND YOU TAKE SMELLY?

OKAY.

[METALLIC SPRINGS CREAK]

[SNEEZES]

[***]

WHOA...

"JIBBERATOR."

$10,000?

"MAY 26, 1975.

"I'M NOW POSITIVELY CERTAIN

"THAT THERE IS SOME KIND
OF STRANGE ENCHANTMENT

"AT WORK IN SIEMPRE VERDE,

SOMETHING THAT DEFIES
RATIONAL EXPLANATION."

"AUGUST 19, 1975.

"MYSTERIOUS... 'BURBLE'

"FROM THE WESTERN SIDE
OF THE FOREST.

SLIGHTLY MORE FREQUENT
THAN ZORP DETECTED LAST WEEK."

"ZORP?"

SQUONK... BURBLE...

ZORP... THRINNG?

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

MAYBE UNCLE NED WAS CRAZY.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

REALLY SHOULDN'T BE IN HERE,
TIMMY.

THIS ROOM IS NOTHING
BUT BAD VIBES.

BUT... IS IT TRUE?

DID UNCLE NED REALLY...

SEE THE HOODOO?

YEAH. HE SAW HIM.

AND HE WAS NEARLY
EATEN ALIVE.

THAT FOREST IS
A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE.

THINGS IN THERE ARE MEANT
TO BE LEFT ALONE.

COME ON.
IT'S ALMOST DINNER.

HOPE YOU LIKE BEETS.

SOUNDS... GREAT.

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

SQUONK, BURBLE, ZORP?

ZORILLA... ZOSER?

I AM PROBABLY MISSING
SOME GREAT INTERNET SNARK

RIGHT NOW.

HASHTAG BORING.

DESSERT'LL BE READY SOON.

HOPE YOU LIKE BEETS!

[WHISPERING]
BEETS...

HEY, AUNT CLY?

DO YOU HAVE A LANDLINE?

THERE'S A ROTARY
IN THE OFFICE UPSTAIRS,

BUT I THINK YOUR DAD'S ON IT.

A ROTARY?

IT'S A PHONE.

OH, COOL!
THANKS.

[RON]: NO, NO, I KNOW, WALTER.
TRUST ME,

I'M, I'M GOING TO BE WORKING
VERY HARD

TO MAKE SURE THIS PRESENTATION
IS DONE.

I MEAN,

I WAS PLANNING ON WORKING
AT THE OFFICE

THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, YOU KNOW,

EVEN THROUGH THANKSGIVING,
BUT, BUT...

LIKE I SAID, MY EX KIND OF
AMBUSHED ME HERE.

SO, UM, I TOOK THE KIDS
UP TO MY AUNT'S HOUSE,

AND I'M HOPING
SHE CAN KEEP THEM BUSY

WHILE I GET SOME WORK DONE.

I WILL BE OUT OF CELL RANGE
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS,

BUT LIKE I SAID, WALTER,
TRUST ME,

I WILL GET THIS DONE...

UM... MONDAY.

[CLEARS THROAT]
ALL RIGHT, SOUNDS GOOD.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE EAVESDROPPING
ON MY BUSINESS CALLS, HONEY.

OH, IS THAT
WHAT THAT WAS?

A BUSINESS CALL?

'CAUSE IT JUST SOUNDED
LIKE YOU WERE COMPLAINING

ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A BURDEN
WE ARE.

ANNIE,
THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID.

THIS ISN'T EXACTLY

A DREAM VACATION
FOR US EITHER.

I COULD HAVE SPENT
THANKSGIVING AT VERONICA'S.

YOU KNOW, WHEN
HER PARENTS GOT DIVORCED,

AT LEAST THEY HAD THE DECENCY
TO SPOIL HER!

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, NO,
IT'S OKAY, AUNT CLY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HAVING US, AUNT CLY.

BY THE WAY,
THE REAL REASON

THAT DAD BROUGHT
US HERE TO VISIT YOU

IS BECAUSE
HE NEEDED SOMEONE

TO BABYSIT US
WHILE HE WORKED!

THAT TRUE, RON?

LOOK, I'M SWAMPED.

I GOT CLEANED OUT IN--
IN THE...

CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING...

WILL YOU CALL IT
WHAT IT IS?

I MEAN, YOU SOUND
RIDICULOUS!

DIVORCE!

OKAY?

I GOT CLEANED OUT
IN THE DIVORCE,

AND I AM RIGHT BACK
TO WHERE I STARTED.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO MAKE ENDS MEET,

AND ALL I HAVE LEFT
IS MY JOB.

OKAY?

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU HAVE US.

I APPRECIATE THAT, BUDDY.
I REALLY DO.

RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST TRYING
TO MAKE ENDS MEET.

AND HE CAN'T DO THAT
WITH US HOLDING HIM DOWN.

BANANA...

HEY, ANNIE!

LET HER GO.

DO YOU WANT TO...

READ THE DICTIONARY
WITH ME?

I'M TRYING TO FIND "ZORP."

UH, YEAH.
YEAH, THAT, THAT SOUNDS FINE.

CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME
A LITTLE BIT

TO GET SOME WORK DONE?

OLD-FASHIONED FAMILY
THANKSGIVING, HUH?

WHY DIDN'T
YOU JUST TELL ME

YOU NEEDED SOMEBODY
TO BABYSIT THE KIDS?

AUNT CLY,

I'M NOT TRYING TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF YOU, I SWEAR.

I JUST...

NAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

DO YOUR WORK.

I...

GUESS I CAN READ THE DICTIONARY
TO HIM.

JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE THEM BOTH
WHEN YOU LEAVE.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[STRANGE HOWL]:
YAARG!

[STRANGE HOWLING NOISES]

[HOWLING]

[HOWLING]

[HOWLING CONTINUES]

[CROAKING]

SQUONK!

BURBLE...

ZORP!

THRRRRIIIINNNG!

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE!

SQUONK...

SQUONK...

BURBLE...

ZORP...

THRINNG!

SO THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT!

[WEIRD CRIES AND CALLS]

UNCLE NED...

I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE
TO MEET YOU,

BUT I THINK YOU WERE
ON TO SOMETHING PRETTY COOL.

I'D BE HONORED
TO FINISH IT FOR YOU.

BURBLE!

AND SO,

BRAVE LITTLE TIM EMMERSON
VENTURED DEEPER

INTO THE DARK,
MYSTERIOUS FOREST,

ARMED ONLY WITH HIS WIT,
HIS NERVE,

AND AUNT CLY'S
SOLAR-POWERED FLASHLIGHT.

HE WALKED UNTIL...

UH, WELL, HE KEPT WALKING,
AND THEN...

AND I'VE LOST HIM.

I THINK IT'S SAFE
TO SAY THE HOODOO GOT HIM.

I MEAN...

THAT'S JUST
MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION.

I...

LOOK, IF YOU THINK
I'M GOING INTO THAT FOREST

THIS LATE AT NIGHT,

YOU'D BETTER THINK AGAIN.

IT'S NOT THAT I'M SCARED,
I JUST...

[LOUD ROAR]

END SCENE!

IF ANYBODY WANTS ME,
I'LL BE IN MY TRAILER.

[SQUAWKING]

ZORP!

[TIM PANTS]

[GASPS]

BURBLE...

BURBLE...

COME ON... NOT NOW!

[GASPS]

ZORP!

[SQUAWKING]

ZORP!

HELLO?

HELLO?

[LOUD RUSH OF GOBBLING]

[ALARMS BLARING]

HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?

HEY! HALT!

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

I SAID, HANDS UP,
TRESPASSER!

I'M SORRY!

I--I DIDN'T MEAN
ANY TROUBLE.

I JUST--
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR...

LOOKIN' FOR WHAT?

THE...

HOWLING... HOODOO, SIR.

THE HOWLING HOODOO?

ON MY PRIVATE PROPERTY?

SON, THE ONLY MONSTER
ON THIS FARM

IS ME!

BUZZ! JUNIOR!

YEAH, BOSS,
WE'RE COMIN'.

YEAH, ME TOO.

WELL?

THEY'RE, LIKE,
GOOD AS GONE, BOSS.

WE CHASED 'EM
AS BEST WE COULD,

BUT THOSE BIRDS,

THEY'RE TOO FAST.

TOTALLY FAST.

WE GOT BEAT
BY OUR OWN MEAT.

[THEY LAUGH]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?

TIM EMMERSON, SIR.

EMMERSON!

YOU'RE CLY'S KIN?

SHE'S... MY GREAT-AUNT, SIR.

I SEE.

WELL,

THAT TREE-HUGGIN',
HEMP-GROWIN' SOCIALIST WITCH

HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME.

BUZZ, JUNIOR!

THE TWO OF YOU
GO CALL SHERIFF COWLY.

THIS ONE HERE
IS GONNA GET JUSTICED.

PLEASE, SIR... HEY!

GET OFF OF ME!

WAIT!

GET OFF OF ME!

PLEASE, STOP!

[KNOCKS]

SHERIFF?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

UM...
HEY, CLY.

GROVER?

IS SOMETHING WRONG?
IT'S 2:00 A.M.

HUH?

OH, UH,
THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M SORRY
TO DISROBE YOU SO LATE.

DISROBE?

DISTURB!
DISTURB YOU SO LATE!

THERE'S BEEN

AN INDECENT...

INCIDENT INVOLVING, UH...

THERE SHE IS!

THERE'S THE MASTERMIND!

SHE'S BEEN PESTERING
MY POULTRY FOR YEARS,

AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER KIN
DOING THE DIRTY WORK!

AUNT CLY HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT. I WAS JUST...

AH, PEPPERCORN!

THIS IS PROFESSIONAL SABOTAGE!

OKAY, ELDRIDGE,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,

BUT IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR HANDS
OFF MY NEPHEW THIS SECOND,

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED
A BRAND-NEW PAIR OF DENTURES.

AW, COME ON IN.
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

OH, YOUR SON
FELL OUT OF BED

AND LANDED
IN THE NEIGHBOR'S YARD.

WHAT?
HEY, YOU OKAY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUT OF BED SO LATE?

LET'S JUST BACK IT UP

AND START
FROM THE BEGINNING.

TIM?

I WAS INVESTIGATING
STRANGE NOISES.

I HEARD THE HOWLING HOODOO.

OH, COME ON...

YOUNG MAN,
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

NOT TO GO INTO THAT FOREST.

BUT I HEARD SOMETHING!

I WAS LYING IN BED,

AND I HEARD
THESE WEIRD, CRAZY NOISES.

[RON]: DO YOU THINK
MAYBE YOU HEARD THOSE NOISES

IN YOUR SLEEP?

I DIDN'T DREAM THEM,
THEY WERE REAL!

I FOLLOWED THE NOISES
INTO THE WOODS,

AND MY FLASHLIGHT DIED,

AND I RAN INTO THE FENCE.

MY FENCE!

HE BUSTED HIS WAY
ONTO MY PROPERTY

AND SET A WHOLE PEN
FULL OF MY BEST TURKEYS LOOSE!

IS THIS TRUE?

I-- I DIDN'T MEAN
TO LET THE TURKEYS OUT.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THEY WERE TURKEYS.

I THOUGHT
I'D FOUND THE HOODOO.

MY WHOLE PREMIUM-GRADE STOCK
IS GONE.

MY BIGGEST, JUICIEST TURKEYS.

YEAH, BIG AND JUICY
AND PERFORMANCE-ENHANCED.

ALL MY TURKEYS ARE ALL-NATURAL,

ETHICALLY RAISED,
THE MOST ORGANIC...

OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.

THOSE BIRDS HAVE MORE HORMONES
THAN A HIGH-SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU
PROVE THAT, WOMAN.

BELIEVE ME,
IF I COULD,

YOU'D BE PUT OUT OF
BUSINESS IN A HEARTBEAT.

PLEASE, EVERYBODY,
JUST CALM DOWN.

MR. SUMP,

EXACTLY HOW MANY TURKEYS
ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

EXACTLY 175,

AVERAGING 30 POUNDS EACH!

WHAT KIND OF TURKEYS
WEIGH 30 POUNDS?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT KIND...

THE KIND THAT HAVE
TOXIC STEROIDS

PUMPED UP THEIR LITTLE...

CAN YOU PROVE THOSE FIGURES,
MR. SUMP?

HECK, I GOT DOCUMENTATION
RIGHT HERE!

I GOT WITNESSES
SEEN THE WHOLE THING!

AND I GOT SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE
OF THAT LITTLE HOODLUM

SETTING 'EM FREE!

[SHERIFF]: 175 TURKEYS,

AVERAGING 30 POUNDS EACH,

AT THE MARKET VALUE
OF $1.89 A POUND...

THAT'S $9,922.50!

AND I'M HOLDING HER
RESPONSIBLE

FOR EVERY PENNY!

I'M SORRY, CLY,
BUT...

GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

YOU'LL HAVE TO REIMBURSE HIM
FOR HIS LOSS.

WHAT?

SHERIFF, THAT'S ALMOST $10,000!

DID YOU SEE A DAMN MONEY TREE
GROWING OUT THERE

WHEN YOU CAME IN?

WELL, MAYBE
WE COULD SET UP

SOME KIND OF
PAYMENT PROGRAM...

[SUMP]: NOW,
WAIT A MINUTE!

I'M NOT GONNA STAND
FOR NO PAYMENT PLAN.

I KNOW
MY RIGHTS!

READ THE TOWN CHARTER!

ANY LANDOWNER WHO ABSTRACTS
ANOTHER LANDOWNER'S LIVESTOCK

IS BOUND BY LAW
TO SETTLE THAT DEBT

WITHIN TWO DAYS
BY 12 NOON,

OR THEY FORFEIT THEIR OWN LAND
AND ALL THEIR HOLDINGS

AS COMPENSATION!

[RON]:
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

MR. SUMP,
LET'S BE REASONABLE HERE.

SHERIFF,

YOU EXPECT US
TO COME UP WITH $10,000

TWO DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING?

I'M AFRAID THE LAW
IS PRETTY CLEAR ON THIS.

THERE WAS A LOT OF POACHING
BACK IN THE OLD DAYS.

THE THING IS,

TURKEYS ARE BIG BUSINESS
IN TURKEY HOLLOW.

YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT
OF THAT

BEFORE YOU SENT
THIS LITTLE NOSEPICKER

OUT TO MAKE TROUBLE.

YOU GOT TWO DAYS,
EMMERSON.

YOU DON'T COUGH UP
TEN GRAND BY THEN,

I GOT NO PROBLEM TAKING
THIS FARM OFF YOUR HANDS.

[RON]: ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH!

GET OUT OF HERE.

AND YOU, IN THERE.

CLY...

I SINCERELY WISH THERE
WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO.

SHERIFF...

I KNOW
YOU'RE JUST DOING YOUR JOB.

I'M THE ONE TAKING THE BATH.

BELIEVE ME,

I'D BE RIGHT THERE
IN THAT BATH WITH YOU

IF I COULD.

UH...

I'M... I'M SORRY.

ELDRIDGE SUMP AND I HAVE BEEN
LOCKING HORNS FOR YEARS.

I RUN A RESPECTABLE FARM HERE,

EVERYTHING ORGANIC
AND SUSTAINABLE,

THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

SUMP, ON THE OTHER HAND,
RUNS HIS FARM LIKE A SWEATSHOP.

HE POLLUTES THE EARTH,
HE POISONS HIS LIVESTOCK...

AND HE'S CRAFTY ABOUT IT.

HE COVERS HIS TRACKS
EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

I WOULD SHUT HIM DOWN
IF I COULD,

AND HE KNOWS IT,

AND HE'S OUT
TO SHUT ME DOWN FIRST.

I'M AFRAID THIS TIME,

HE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE
THE MEANS TO DO IT.

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN
TALK TO THE BANK,

YOU KNOW,
REFINANCE, OR GET YOU A LOAN...

YEAH, THE BANKS
AREN'T TOO FOND OF ME

EVER SINCE I SPEARHEADED

THE OCCUPY TURKEY HOLLOW
MOVEMENT

BACK IN '09.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT WE COULD LOSE
THE WHOLE FARM OVER TURKEYS.

WELL, LIKE THE SHERIFF SAID,

TURKEYS ARE BIG BUSINESS
AROUND HERE.

I KNOW
THIS IS A LITTLE OFF-TOPIC,

BUT DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK

THAT THE SHERIFF HAS THE HOTS
FOR AUNT CLY?

WHAT?

HE'S TOO SQUARE FOR ME.

ANYWAY...

WHAT GOOD'S FOOLING AROUND
WITH A LAWMAN

IF HE CAN'T EVEN GET YOU
OUT OF TROUBLE?

[TIM]: AUNT CLY?

I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU
HOW SORRY I AM.

I HEARD THE NOISE,

AND I JUST WANTED TO FOLLOW
ON UNCLE NED'S FOOTSTEPS.

OH, WELL,

I THINK YOUR UNCLE NED
WOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOU.

SNEAKING OUT AFTER DARK,
CHASING AFTER MONSTERS...

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE
NED'S REINCARNATION.

THANKS.

I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, I'M NOT A HUGGER.

[RON]: YEAH, KIDS,

WHY DON'T YOU
GET BACK TO BED?

IT'S LATE, OKAY?

WE'VE HAD
ENOUGH EXCITEMENT.

WHY DON'T YOU LET THE
GROWNUPS HANDLE THIS?

HOODOOS!

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

[***]

[GATE SLAMS]

[SIGHS]

MY GOD...

[ANNIE]: HEY!

HEY!

NOT SO FAST,
DORA THE EXPLORER!

JUST LET ME GO, ANNIE.

I HAVE TO FIND THE HOODOO.

AGAIN WITH THE HOODOO!

PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME

WHY THIS IDEA
IS ANY LESS STUPID TODAY

THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY!

THAT'S YOUR BIG PLAN?

THEY'RE OFFERING $10,000.

FOR ONE PICTURE!

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

THIS SO-CALLED REWARD

IS FROM, LIKE,
10 YEARS AGO...

YEAH, THAT MEANS IT'S
PROBABLY WORTH MORE BY NOW.

ALSO, THIS ISN'T EVEN
FROM A REAL MAGAZINE.

THIS IS FROM
A SUPERMARKET TABLOID.

REAL NEWS PUBLICATIONS

DON'T USE SO MANY
EXCLAMATION POINTS.

AND...

WHAT'S THIS THING?

DON'T!

IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT,

AND IT'S THE ONLY ONE
OF ITS KIND.

IT'S A WEAPON
UNCLE NED INVENTED

TO DEFEND
AGAINST THE HOODOO.

SEE?

RIGHT. OKAY.

AND DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE
TO OPERATE THIS THING,

OR DID YOU MAKE YOURSELF ONE
OUT OF CRAYONS AND GLITTER?

SEE, THIS IS WHY
I PREFER TO WORK ALONE.

HEY!

YOU ALREADY MADE
A BIG ENOUGH MESS OF THINGS

LAST NIGHT.

CAN'T YOU JUST COME HOME?

AND DO WHAT?

YOU WANT TO SIT BY
AND DO NOTHING

WHILE AUNT CLY
LOSES HER FARM?

BECAUSE OF ME?

I KNOW IT'S
A LONG SHOT, OKAY?

BUT IT'S A CHANCE FOR ME
TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT I DID.

NOW I'M GOING.

RRGH!

UGH!

TIM!

COME ON!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

TIM, STOP!

[LOUD ROAR]

WHAT WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

IS THAT THE SAME THING
YOU HEARD LAST NIGHT?

NOPE...
THAT'S A NEW ONE.

[SNARLING SOUNDS]

[LUDACRIS]: DON'T LET YOUR EYES
DECEIVE YOU.

THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST,

ON THE OUTSKIRTS
OF TURKEY HOLLOW,

MIGHT SEEM PEACEFUL
AND PICTURESQUE...

AH-HAH!

BUT THESE DENSE,
MOSS-COVERED WOODS

HOLD MANY SECRETS.

AND IT WAS IN THIS VERY FOREST,
TWO DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING,

THAT TIM AND ANNIE EMMERSON
WERE TRAGICALLY SLAYED BY THE...

WAIT, I'M SORRY,

DOES THAT-- DOES THAT SAY
"TRAGICALLY SLAYED"

OR "MAGICALLY SAVED"?

I CAN BARELY SEE THE CUE CARDS
IN THIS PIECE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST PAN OVER
TO TIM AND ANNIE

AND HOPE THEY'RE STILL ALIVE,
ALL RIGHT?

FINGERS CROSSED!

[ROARING SOUNDS]

WE'VE GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE...

ONE PICTURE,
THEN WE'LL RUN.

I CAN HEAR SOMETHING
GNASHING ITS TEETH IN THERE,

AND YOU WANT TO SNAP
A CAMERA IN ITS FACE?

IT'S FOR $10,000.

WE CAN SAVE THE FARM.

WE'LL BE FAMOUS...

WORLD-FAMOUS...

NO. I'M NOT DYING
FOR A PICTURE.

INSTAGRAM FAMOUS.

TWITTER FAMOUS!

[CREATURE SNARLS]

FINE.

ONE PICTURE,
AND THEN WE RUN FOR IT.

SO TURN ON... WHATEVER
THAT CONTRAPTION IS,

AND COVER ME.

[STATIC, RUSTLING SOUNDS]

'KAY, IT'S MOVING.

-[RUSTLING]
-IT'S GETTING CLOSER!

DO SOMETHING, TIMMY!

I'M TRYING!

[MACHINE MAKES
CAWING SOUND]

[PLAYS CAWING "NOTES]

IT'S WORKING!

IT'S NOT A WEAPON,
IT'S SOME KIND OF NOISEMAKER!

[MACHINE MAKES CAWING SOUNDS]

SQUONK.

WHAT THE FRIDGE?

IS THAT THE HOODOO?

IT CAN'T BE...

YOU SAW THE STATUE.

THE HOODOO'S
10 FEET TALL AND...

AND SCARY.

WELL, THEN,
WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW...
ITS BABY?

IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF...

OVERGROWN, INBRED WEASEL!

YEAH, I WATCH
A LOT OF ANIMAL PLANET.

I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT'S NO WEASEL.

[CREATURE TRILLS]

HEY! HEY,
LITTLE GUY.

TIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S-- IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY. I'M NOT
GOING TO HURT YOU.

[TRILLS HAPPILY]

[LAUGHS] GOOD JOB.

NOW TOUCH YOUR NOSE.

[CREATURE BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M TESTING
ITS INTELLIGENCE.

CAN YOU DANCE?

[SQUAWKS]

I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY
YOUR INTELLIGENCE IS ABOUT EVEN.

SQUONK, SQUONK!

[ANOTHER CREATURE MUTTERS]

SHUT UP!
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

BURBLE.

-[RUSTLING]
-ZORP!

THRINNG!

[ANNIE]:
OH, GREAT!

GREAT,
IT'S A WHOLE NEST OF THEM!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE THEY?

OKAY, LET'S THINK ABOUT
THIS SCIENTIFICALLY.

THEY'RE EITHER
ALIENS, MUTANTS...

OR MONSTERS.

SQUONK.

WAS THAT A "YES"?

-SQUONK!
-BURBLE.

-ZORP!
-THRINNG!

[ANNIE]: DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE DANGEROUS?

NO, I THINK THEY'RE
INTRODUCING THEMSELVES!

SQUONK, BURBLE,
ZORP, AND THRINNG!

JUST LIKE IT SAID
IN UNCLE NED'S JOURNAL!

[THRINNG PANTS EXCITEDLY]

I THINK UNCLE NED
INVENTED THE JIBBERATOR

TO COMMUNICATE
WITH THEM,

NOT TO DEFEND
AGAINST THEM.

[PLAYS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"
ON JIBBERATOR]

SQUONK!

-BURBLE.
-ZORP, ZORP...

THRINNG, THRINNG!

OKAY, I AM PREPARED

TO BELIEVE ANYTHING
AT THIS POINT.

OKAY.

MY NAME
IS TIM EMMERSON.

[SQUAWKS]

THIS IS MY SISTER,
ANNIE.

WE'RE HERE TO FIND
THE HOWLING HOODOO.

HE'S A MONSTER,
MUCH LIKE YOURSELVES,

BUT HE'S 10 FEET TALL,

WITH RAZOR-SHARP CLAWS
AND FANGS LIKE A...

[WHIMPERING]

WHAT IS IT?

DO YOU GUYS KNOW
ABOUT THE HOODOO?

[TRILLING]

I THINK
THAT'S A YES...

OR THEY NEED TO PEE.

CAN YOU...
HELP US FIND HIM?

NO!

THEY ARE TERRIFIED!

WHEN A BUNCH OF MONSTERS
ARE SCARED OF SOMETHING,

WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

OKAY. OKAY,
LISTEN, LISTEN.

I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE
SCARED OF THE HOODOO.

WE'RE SCARED, TOO.

BUT THE THING IS...

OUR AUNT CLY'S FARM
IS AT STAKE.

AND I'M GOING
TO FIND THIS HOODOO,

EVEN IF I END UP
DEAD AND DISMEMBERED

IN THE MIDDLE
OF NOWHERE...

NO, FINDING THE MONSTER

THAT A BUNCH OF MONSTERS
ARE SCARED OF

IS NOT THE TAKE-AWAY
FROM THIS LITTLE CHAT.

I UNDERSTAND

IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO JOIN US, ANNIE.

BUT... WE DON'T HAVE LONG,

AND WE'RE GOING TO NEED
ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET.

SO PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT.

[WHIMPERING SOFTLY]

[TALKING IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE]

-SQUONK.
-BURBLE.

ZORP.

THRINNG!

THANK YOU.

WE WON'T FORGET THIS.

WAIT, WHAT?

LEAD THE WAY.

[ANNIE]: NO, NO, HOLD ON!
DID I MISS SOMETHING?

THEY VOWED
THEIR ALLEGIANCE TO US.

DID THEY? REALLY?

YOU SPEAK MONSTER NOW?

SQUONK!

[SQUAWKING]

DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

WELL, GOOD AFTERNOON.

SOMEBODY NEEDED
THEIR BEAUTY SLEEP.

CAN I GET YOU SOME TEA?

UGH, JUST SOME ESPRESSO,
IF YOU HAVE IT.

I GOT TEA.

THEN I'M GOOD.

DID YOU GET ANY SLEEP AT ALL?

NO, I'LL SLEEP
WHEN THIS PRESENTATION'S DONE.

YOU KNOW, I RESPECT
ANYBODY WHO WORKS HARD

AND PROVIDES
FOR THEIR FAMILY,

BUT THERE'S A FINE LINE

BETWEEN PROVIDING...

AND HIDING.

NO, THAT...

THIS ISN'T FOR ME.

I FIGURE IF I CAN GET
THIS PRESENTATION DONE TODAY,

MAYBE I CAN ASK MY BOSS
FOR AN ADVANCE OF TEN GRAND.

I MEAN,
IT'S A LONG SHOT, BUT...

NO! RONNIE!

THIS IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS

IF I DIDN'T SHOW UP
AT YOUR DOORSTEP

WITH MY KIDS IN TOW.

THIS IS MY FAULT,
AND I...

NO, IT'S NO ONE'S FAULT
BUT NED'S!

I LOVED HIM,

BUT...
HE WAS A FINANCIAL CATASTROPHE.

HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME

LOOKING AFTER
HIS HAIRY LITTLE SIDEKICKS

INSTEAD OF TENDING
TO THIS FARM.

SIDEKICKS?

AND THEN HE GOES
AND CHECKS OUT EARLY

AND LEAVES ME TO LOOK AFTER
THE WHOLE PLACE ALONE.

AUNT CLY...

YOU'RE NOT BY YOURSELF.

I'M NOT GOING
TO LET YOU LOSE THIS PLACE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH
OF MY BELLY-ACHING.

THE UNIVERSE WILL PROVIDE
FOR ME.

SHE ALWAYS DOES.

AND IF SHE DOESN'T THIS TIME,
WELL...

I'LL JUST HAVE
TO MOVE IN WITH YOU.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

I'M GOING TO GO
LIGHT SOME INCENSE,

WAKE THOSE KIDS UP.

-RON!
-YEAH?

-WHERE ARE THE KIDS?
-I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THEY'RE GONE.

GONE?

LOOK AT THIS.

"OCTOBER 1ST, 1975.

"SIX MONTHS
OF EXPLORATION,

"AND I HAVE YET
TO MAKE CONTACT

"WITH THE MYTHICAL HOODOO.

"BUT I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING

"THAT THIS FOREST
HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.

EVEN THE PUMPKINS
ARE WATCHING ME."

WAIT, LET ME SEE.

"EVEN THE PUMPKINS
ARE WATCHING ME."

PERIOD.

LOOK, SEE,
THAT'S THE KIND OF CRAZY

THAT WARRANTS
SOME EXCLAMATION POINTS.

EXCEPT...
IT'S NOT CRAZY.

LOOK.

PUMPKINS?

PUMPKINS WITH FACES!

[MONSTERS MUTTER AND GIGGLE]

I SWEAR, IF THIS THING
STARTS TALKING,

I AM OFFICIALLY DONE
FOR THE DAY.

THANK GOD.

[KNOCKS]

OH, SHERIFF.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG
TO GET HERE, CLY.

IT'S THE TURKEY-CALLING
CONTEST TODAY,

AND THE TRAFFIC
WAS TERRIBLE.

YEAH.

ANY-WHOOZLE, I WAS LOOKING
OVER THE TOWN CHARTER,

AND I WISH THERE WAS SOME KIND
OF WIGGLE ROOM,

BUT AS YOU KNOW,

SUMP'S A PRETTY BIG WHEEL
IN THIS TOWN.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
IT'S OKAY.

THAT'S NOT WHY I CALLED YOU.

THERE'S A MORE PRESSING MATTER
AT HAND.

MORE PRESSING
THAN LOSING THE FARM?

YUP.

MY NEPHEW'S KIDS ARE MISSING.

YEAH.

APPARENTLY,
THEY'RE BREAKING LAWS

AS A TEAM NOW.

AUNT CLY!

I FOUND SOMETHING.

SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS ONE
COMING.

[CLY]: "OFF TO FIND
THE HOWLING HOODOO!

BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'M ARMED!"

WHERE'D YOU FIND THIS?

[WHISTLES]

LOOK AT THIS.

I THINK OLD NED WOULD'VE MADE
A FINE DETECTIVE.

YEAH, THERE'S A LOT
OF GEAR MISSING.

NED'S JOURNAL, TOO.

THOSE KIDS ARE
IN THAT FOREST, ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT TIM WOULD PULL
THIS STUNT AGAIN,

ESPECIALLY AFTER
LAST NIGHT!

AND ANNIE
SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

SHE'S OLDER
AND SMARTER!

[MUTTERING TO SELF]
NO... NO, NO.

WELL, AT LEAST
WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

THEY WILL COME WANDERING BACK
WHEN THEY GET COLD OR HUNGRY

THEY'RE IN TROUBLE.

YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT
THEY'RE IN TROUBLE.

ANNIE, I'M GOING TO GROUND HER
FOR A MONTH...

NO, I MEAN, YOUR KIDS
ARE IN DANGER, MR. EMMERSON.

THE HOODOO IS OUT THERE.

THE HOODOO?
REALLY?

SHERIFF, COME ON.

WHAT, DON'T TELL ME

THAT YOU BELIEVE
IN THAT THING, TOO!

I DIDN'T...
UNTIL I SAW HIM MYSELF.

WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

IT WAS A FEW YEARS AGO.

I WAS ON A RESCUE MISSION,

LOOKING FOR A LOST HIKER.

THE VALLEY MISTS WERE THICK
AS CHOWDER.

IT WAS PROBABLY 2:00 A.M.,

AND MY FLASHLIGHT
STARTED ACTING UP.

I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO CALL IT A NIGHT...

WHEN I HEARD
THE WEIRDEST SOUNDS.

NOT NORMAL ANIMAL SOUNDS.

THEY WERE WEIRD CALLS OR CRIES.

I GET GOOSEBUMPS
JUST REMEMBERING.

[HOWLING]

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM.

HE WAS STANDING THERE,
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME,

10 FEET TALL.

AND WHEN HE HOWLED,

HE SOUNDED
LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF.

[LOUD ROARING]

WELL, I RAN LIKE HELL
AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.

AND I HAVEN'T SET FOOT
IN THOSE WOODS SINCE THAT NIGHT.

HOLD ON.

SHERIFF, YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME
TO BELIEVE

THAT THERE'S A GIANT CREATURE
OUT THERE?

LOOK AROUND YOU,
MR. EMMERSON.

THERE'S YEARS' WORTH OF EVIDENCE
RIGHT HERE IN THIS ROOM.

YES, BUT UNCLE NED WAS CRAZY.

I'M SORRY, BUT...
WASN'T HE?

NED WAS CRAZY

IN A "LET'S GO STREAKING
DOWN MAIN STREET,

FREAK OUT THE ESTABLISHMENT"
KIND OF WAY.

NED WASN'T CRAZY

IN A "SEEING THINGS
THAT AREN'T THERE" KIND OF WAY.

RON, WAIT A MINUTE...

NO, I DON'T HAVE A MINUTE.
MY KIDS ARE OUT THERE.

WELL, I KNOW THAT FOREST
BETTER THAN YOU DO.

I'M COMING, TOO.

[ROAR ECHOING]

[MONSTERS SNUFFLE AND SNIFF]

WHAT IS THAT?

IT SMELLS LIKE MOLD AND...

ROTTEN EGGS?

I KNOW
WHERE WE MIGHT BE!

BURBLE!

THE STUMP
OF UNKNOWN DEPTHS!

[MONSTERS SNUFFLE, INHALE]

OH, GOOD LORD...

OH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

UNCLE NED WROTE THAT THE HOLE
IN THE CENTER OF THE STUMP

IS RUMORED
TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN

TO ANOTHER WORLD.

MAYBE THIS IS WHERE
THEY CAME FROM?

THRRIIINNG!

I WONDER
HOW DEEP IT GOES?

[MONSTERS PANT
AND SQUAWK EXCITEDLY]

HEY!

[CRUNCHING]

HEY...

DID YOU JUST EAT THAT?

[BELCHES]

SQUONK, SQUONK!

THRINNG, THRINNG!

[GRUNTING, PANTING]

ZORP.

[SQUEAKS]

[CRUNCHING, MUNCHING]

THEY EAT ROCKS!

THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

IT'S PROBABLY BETTER
THAN AUNT CLY'S BEETS,

BUT IT'S STILL REALLY WEIRD.

OKAY, YOU READY, GUYS?

TRY AND GET ALL FOUR.

OKAY?

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK...

FIRE!

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[TRILLING]

YAGH!

[LOUD MUNCHING]

AWESOME! FOUR OUT OF FOUR.
HIGH FIVE.

OKAY, WELL...

IF THEY EAT ROCKS,

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW
WHAT COMES OUT THE OTHER END.

[FARTING SOUND]

[RIMSHOT]

ZORP?

WELL, ISN'T THAT OBVIOUS?

I MEAN,
I BOUGHT THEM AT A MUSIC STORE,

AND I DRAGGED THEM OUT HERE
INTO THE FOREST.

ZORP?

NO, NOT JUST
FOR OCCASIONAL RIMSHOTS.

THEY'LL COME IN HANDY

IF A SPONTANEOUS MUSICAL NUMBER
BREAKS OUT.

LIKE THIS!

ZORP!

HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN!

YOU KNOW, THAT PROFANITY
IS UNCALLED FOR.

ZORP!

[SCOFFS]

MONSTERS.

[TURKEYS CLUCK AND GOBBLE]

[SUMP]:
ALL RIGHT NOW...

THE LAW SAYS
I ACQUIRE HER PROPERTY RIGHTS

BY NOON OF TOMORROW.

THAT'S IF MS. EMMERSON
CAN'T MAKE PAYMENT.

SHE AIN'T GONNA MAKE PAYMENT.

THAT OLD HIPPIE'S SO BROKE,
HER CASH BOUNCES.

NOW...

[TURKEYS FLUTTER AND CLUCK]

SHUT UP!

I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!

[SILENCE]

STUPID BIRDS...

NOW, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,

HOW SOON CAN WE GET IN THERE
AND BULLDOZE THAT PLACE?

SEE, I GOT PLANS TO PUT

THIS HIGH TECH,
STATE-OF-THE-ART HOG FARM

RIGHT WHERE THE...

[BUZZ]:
UH, BOSS?

WHAT IS IT?

UH...

SORRY, BOSS,

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO SEE...

OUTSIDE.

OUTSIDE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GO ON! GIT!

HI, BOSS.

THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

I GOT THAT EGGHEAD LAWYER
CHARGIN' ME 300 BUCKS AN HOUR.

IF IT'S ANOTHER TWO-HEADED
TURTLE YOU FOUND...

HEH-HEH.
THAT TURTLE WAS HILARIOUS.

OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE
PICKLING MY BISCUITS!

WHERE'D THEY COME FROM?

WELL, THEY STARTED SHOWING UP
ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

FIRST, IT WAS
JUST A FEW OF 'EM.

THEN SOME MORE OF 'EM,
THEN SOME MORE OF 'EM,

AND THEN THE REST OF 'EM.

YUP.
WE COUNTED 'EM UP.

175 EXACTLY.

[BUZZ]: EXACTLY.

YOU'RE TELLING ME

EVERY SINGLE ONE
OF THEM RUN-OFF TURKEYS

CAME A'WANDERIN'
BACK FROM THE WILD

AND GOT BACK IN THEIR PEN
ON THEIR OWN ACCORD?

MAYBE THEY MISSED US.

THIS NEVER HAPPENED.

YOU GOT THAT?

[GASPS]

MAYBE THEY'RE IMPOSTERS!

NO, YOU BONEHEAD!

'COURSE THEY'RE OUR BIRDS,

BUT NOBODY CAN KNOW
THEY CAME BACK.

IF ANYBODY FOUND OUT
ABOUT THIS,

THEN THAT MEANS

THAT CLY'S NO LONGER
IN MY DEBT,

AND THAT MEANS
I DON'T GET HER FARM.

WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF 'EM.

GOT TO PUT 'EM SOMEWHERE
THEY CAN'T GET BACK FROM,

SOMEWHERE NOBODY CAN FIND 'EM.

YOU MEAN, LIKE...
THE OCEAN?

OH, YEAH!

NO, YOU IDIOT!

JUNIOR!

OW.

TAKE 'EM
TO THE "FACILITY."

AND YOU MAKE SURE
THEY STAY THERE

UNTIL EMMERSON'S FARM IS MINE.

OOH!

STUPID BIRDS!

[RON]: ANNIE!

TIM!

YOU KNOW,
IT'S GOING TO BE DARK SOON.

CONSIDERING THAT
AN ARMED SHERIFF

DIDN'T WANT
TO JOIN US,

DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE

WE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT
SOME KIND OF PROTECTION?

OH, MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
CARRYING THIS.

IT'S FULLY LOADED.

OH, YEAH,
I'D RATHER NOT...

WHAT IS THIS?

GREEN TEA
WITH GINGER,

FULLY LOADED
WITH ECHINACEA.

AND BE CAREFUL,

'CAUSE IT PACKS
A SERIOUS PUNCH.

I WAS TALKING
ABOUT SOME KIND OF WEAPON.

WEAPON?

OH, GODDESS, NO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO INTRODUCE
THAT KIND OF HOSTILITY

INTO AN ENVIRONMENT
OF THIS PARTICULAR KIND.

AND WHAT KIND IS THAT?

SUPERNATURAL, RON.

SUPERNATURAL. UH-HUH.

[YELLING] NELLY!

WHOO!

YEAH, OKAY, UM...
YOU KNOW, I DON'T DOUBT

THAT UNCLE NED
AND SHERIFF COWLY

SAW WHAT THEY THOUGHT
WAS A HOODOO, BUT...

YEAH, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE HOODOO.

THERE'S ENCHANTMENT AT WORK,
ALL AROUND US.

SO THIS IS
AN ENCHANTED FOREST.

YEP.

MM-HMM. GOOD.

YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

YEAH, I BELIEVE IT.

NED BELIEVED IT.

INDIGENOUS PEOPLES
FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS

BELIEVED IT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, RON?

THAT'S HOW I KNOW
YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BE FINE.

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

YUP, THAT'S RIGHT.

COME ON, I WANT
TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

UH, YEP, OKAY,
I THINK THIS IS IT.

UH, LET'S SEE...

YEAH,
IT'S A FUNKY-LOOKING TREE.

CAN WE GET BACK
TO THE MISSING KIDS, PLEASE?

SHH.

[TAPS]

WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING?

LA, LA...

LA LA LA LA,
LA LAAAA LA...

[SHE SINGS]

WHOA...

AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

IT'S INCREDIBLE...

BUT IT'S NOT MAGIC.

IT'S-- IT'S SCIENTIFIC.

THE SOUND WAVES
ARE STIMULATING

THE TREE'S INNER ENERGY.

THERE'S A SPECIES
IN SOUTHEAST ASIA

THAT DOES
THE EXACT SAME THING.

YOU'VE BEEN TO ASIA?

NO.

NO. I SAW IT
ON NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC.

TIM ASKED ME
ABOUT WHAT IS SUPERNATURAL,

AND I SAID,
THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

EVERYTHING CAN BE
EXPLAINED, SCIENTIFICALLY,

RATIONALLY...

CAN WE PLEASE GO FIND MY KIDS?

YES.

OKAY.

I'M INCLINED TO BELIEVE
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC,

BUT THIS CONVERSATION
IS NOT OVER.

[RON]: TIMMY!

[TIM]: DO YOU THINK
MOM'LL LET US KEEP

[ANNIE SCOFFS]

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK
SHE'D LET YOU HAVE

FOUR HAIRY, NOISY,
UNIDENTIFIED FOREST CREATURES?

WHY DON'T YOU BRING HOME
A SASQUATCH

AND SEE WHERE THAT GETS YOU.

WE COULD ASK DAD.

DAD DOESN'T EVEN
WANT US AROUND.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

[SCARFING SOUNDS]

[ANNIE]: YEAH, YOU SHOULD'VE
HEARD HIM ON THE PHONE.

TALKED LIKE
WE WERE TOTAL BAGGAGE.

HE'S A GOOD DAD.

HE'S JUST...
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

IF WE REALLY NEEDED
SOMETHING,

HE'D BE THERE FOR US.

WHATEVER.

BURBLE. BURBLE!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES]

[MONSTERS SHIVER AND WHIMPER]

WHAT IS IT, GUYS?

WE MUST BE NEAR
THE HOODOO.

LOOK AT THEM,
THEY'RE SHAKING.

IS... IS THIS IT?

IS THIS WHERE THE HOODOO LIVES?

[CAWS]

OKAY, COME ON.

ONE PICTURE,
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

ANNIE, PHONE?

THANKS.

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

TIM, MAYBE--
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T.

I...

[MONSTERS WHIMPER AND WHINE]

ANNIE, GEEZ, COME ON.
DON'T BE SUCH A CHICKEN.

WE CAN'T JUST...

[ROARS]

[SCREAMING]

WAIT A MINUTE.

ANNIE! WAIT, STOP!

NO, TIM!

COME BACK!
KEEP RUNNING!

IT'S NOT THE HOODOO!

[ROARS]

HEH. LOOK FAMILIAR?

IT'S ONE OF THE MASKS
FROM THE GENERAL STORE!

GEEZ.

HEY, SQUONK, BURBLE!

IT'S SAFE!
IT'S NOT THE HOODOO!

ZORP! THRINNG!

THEY'RE PROBABLY
A MILE AWAY BY NOW.

SO THE MONSTERS
WERE SCARED OF A DUMMY

THE WHOLE TIME.

I THINK IT'S, LIKE,
A SCARECROW...

YOU KNOW,
TO KEEP PEOPLE AWAY.

AWAY FROM WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

ANNIE...

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT IS ALL THIS?

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST?

IT LOOKS
LIKE A BAD-GUY LAIR.

BAD-GUY LAIR?

-WHAT'S IN HERE?
-TIM, DON'T!

IT LOOKS...

IT LOOKS LIKE KIBBLE.

KIBBLE?

YEAH.
YOU KNOW, LIKE CAT FOOD.

IT'S GOT A PICTURE
OF A TURKEY ON IT,

IN, LIKE, RUSSIAN
OR SOMETHING.

[CAR APPROACHES]

SOMEONE'S COMING!
COME ON.

HIDE!

[LUDACRIS]: SHE TOLD ME
I LOOK A LITTLE LIKE DENZEL.

HEH, YOU KNOW...

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, OH, I'M SORRY,
AM I ON?

I THOUGHT
SOMEBODY CALLED LUNCH.

OKAY, WELL,
HOLD ON A SECOND.

WHERE WERE WE?
WHERE WERE WE?

OH, RIGHT,
THE MYSTERIOUS CLEARING.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE HOODOO

THAT THE MONSTERS
WERE SO AFRAID OF

WAS JUST A DECOY ALL ALONG.

BUT IS THERE STILL
A REAL HOODOO OUT THERE?

AND WHAT HAVE TIM AND ANNIE
FOUND

IN THE MYSTERIOUS CLEARING?

MEANWHILE, A VEHICLE APPROACHES
FROM THE DISTANCE,

AS THE NARRATOR HIDES BEHIND
A POISONOUS DINGLEBERRY BUSH...

POISONOUS DINGLEBERRY BUSHES?

[SQUEAKS]

PLEASE TELL ME
THESE ARE PROPS.

MM...

THRINNG?

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

THIS UGLY ROASTER
IS 174.

PUFFLES MCUGLYKINS,
THAT'S NUMBER 175.

I JUST CALL HIM UGLY
FOR SHORT.

OH, HE'S UGLY,
ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S ALL OF 'EM.

MOVE 'EM OUT.

THOSE GUYS WORK
FOR FARMER SUMP!

I TOLD YOU
IT WAS A BAD GUY LAIR!

[TURKEYS CLUCK AND GOBBLE]

[BUZZ]: SHUT UP,
YOU STUPID BIRDS.

WANT ME TO CLOSE
THE DOOR?

HOLD ON.

IT'S SMELLY.

NO, IT'S...

TOTALLY DUBIOUS,
IF YOU ASK ME.

YEAH?

175 BIRDS

COMIN' ALL THE WAY BACK
TO SUMP'S FARM?

THAT'S LIKE A STEER GETTING
HOMESICK FOR THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.

[LAUGHING]

TOTALLY DUBIOUS.

WHAT'S DUBIOUS?

175 FUGITIVE BIRDS
COMING BACK TO SUMP'S FARM!

WELL, THAT IS DUBIOUS.

YOU HEARD
WHAT OLD MAN SUMP SAID.

WE DON'T KEEP THESE BIRDS
UNDER WRAPS,

IT'S GOING
TO BLOW THE WHOLE DEAL.

GOT TO HAND IT
TO OLD MAN SUMP,

HE'S ALWAYS GOT A PLAN
IN THE HOPPER.

YEAH.

AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...

WHAT?

WE NEED A PIECE
OF THE ACTION.

I MEAN, HE'S GETTING
THIS EMMERSON PLACE

ON A DEBT THAT
AIN'T EVEN LEGIT,

AND WE'RE DOING
ALL THE DIRTY WORK.

[JUNIOR]:
SHYEAH...

TELL YOU WHAT...

WE COULD BLACKMAIL HIM.

YEAH...

BUT HE'D BE PROBABLY
BLACKMAIL US RIGHT BACK.

I MEAN, HE KNOWS
ALL ABOUT MY PRIVATE DISPENSARY

AND MY COPPER-FLIPPING
AND MY BOOTLEG DVDS.

YOU GOT A POINT THERE.

SUMP ALSO KNOWS ABOUT LARISSA
BEING MY FIRST COUSIN.

AND IF THAT
EVER GOT OUT,

LARISSA WOULD TOTALLY
BREAK UP WITH ME.

[PHONE MAKES BEEPING SOUND]

HEY!

WHAT DO WE DO?

GET HER!

STOP RIGHT THERE,
GIRLY-GIRL!

[ANNIE SCREAMS]

GET HER PHONE!

STOP! STOP!

[YELLS]

OW!

HEY! PICK ON
SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!

THAT REALLY HURTS ON MY LEG!
PREVIOUS INJURY...

LET GO OF ME!

NO, THAT'S MY LIFE!

[KIDS AND SCREAM]

STOP IT!

[YELLING]

[SOBBING] NO!

GEE WHIZ!

NO! NO!

[SNICKERS]

[YELLING]

[MUFFLED]

YEAH...
THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE NOW.

[YELLING]

LET'S GO TELL SUMP.

[KIDS YELL]

SOMEBODY, COME HERE!
PLEASE, HELP!

[CLUCKING]

[RON]: ANNIE?

[CLY]: TIMMY?

WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS
FOR HOURS, CLY.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A FOOTPRINT
SINCE THE SUN WENT DOWN,

AND DO WE EVEN KNOW
WE'RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY?

IT'S POSSIBLE
YOU'RE LOOKING TOO HARD.

JUST OPEN UP YOUR MIND

AND LET THE UNIVERSE
HELP YOU FIND YOUR WAY.

AGAIN WITH THE UNIVERSE...

LISTEN, I'M TRYING
TO RESPECT YOUR BELIEFS.

THIS ISN'T A PHISH CONCERT.

MY SON AND DAUGHTER
ARE MISSING.

WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TURN YOUR FLASHLIGHT OFF.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO,
SMOKE A PEACE PIPE?

I WANT TO TRY
SOMETHING.

IT WON'T WORK WITHOUT
YOUR FLASHLIGHT OFF.

COME ON.
TURN IT OFF.

NED...

IT'S CLY AND...

AND RON.

OH, GOD, LOOK AT YOU!

YOU... COME ON!

-WORK WITH ME A LITTLE BIT.
-I AM.

WELL, YOU'RE JUST
STANDING THERE

BEING SO NEGATIVE!

TRY TO BE A LITTLE
BIT POSITIVE.

HONESTLY, CLY,
THIS IS A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.

AND YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE
IN ANY OF THIS STUFF.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BELIEVE IN IT.

JUST BELIEVE
IN THE POSSIBILITY OF IT.

NED...

I MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

AND...

I KNOW YOU LOVED THIS FOREST,

SO I HOPE YOU'RE OUT THERE,
AND YOU CAN HEAR ME,

AND, UH...

IF YOU CAN...

IT WOULD BE REALLY GREAT

IF YOU COULD HELP US
FIND TIMMY AND ANNIE.

REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

HOPE YOU LISTENED.

THANK YOU, NED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT'D I MISS?

THE MOON CAME OUT.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
EXACTLY A MIRACLE...

[CLY]: NO,
BUT THOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE.

COME ON, WE'RE
BACK ON TRACK.

HEY, THANKS, NED.

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

WELL, I MEAN,
I WON'T SEE YOU, BUT...

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

ANNIE...

I'M SCARED.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I'M OLDER AND SMARTER,
AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

I'VE BEEN EATING
YOUR HALLOWEEN CANDY.

WHAT?

UH, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED,
HERE AND THERE...

THE DARK CHOCOLATE,
SPECIFICALLY.

I DID.
I KNEW IT WAS YOU.

OH.

WELL, SORRY.

LOOK,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

WE'RE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I MEAN, IT'S
PARTIALLY YOUR FAULT

FOR HOARDING IT

LIKE SOME KIND OF
DOOMSDAY SURVIVALIST.

I MEAN, JUST
EAT IT ALREADY.

I...

DROPPED YOUR CURLING IRON
IN THE TOILET.

WHAT WAS THE, UH...

STATUS OF THE TOILET

WHEN YOU DROPPED IT?

LIGHTLY USED.

I GAVE YOUR CROCS
TO GOOD WILL.

MY RED CROCS?

I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR.

NO ONE WEARS CROCS ANYMORE,
ESPECIALLY NOT EVERY DAY,

AND ESPECIALLY NOT BOYS.

I LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR THOSE.
YOU KNEW I LOVED THEM!

WELL, YOU'LL FORGIVE ME
WHEN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I READ YOUR DIARY.

NO WAY.

I ESPECIALLY LIKED THE PART
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT

HOW YOU DON'T HAVE A CRUSH
ON TYLER HEALEY,

BUT THEN YOU SPEND FOUR PAGES
DESCRIBING HIS HAIR.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STOP
WITH THE CONFESSIONS.

I TOLD YOU
NOT TO START.

I'M A REAL BRAT SOMETIMES,
AREN'T I?

ONLY WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE.

I'M RUDE TO DAD.

I BARELY TALK TO MOM.

I MEAN,
I LOVE THEM BOTH, IT'S JUST...

I KNOW.

ME TOO.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED
TO STICK TOGETHER,

NO MATTER WHAT...

YOU KNOW,
AND MAKE IT WORK.

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT PARENTS
ARE FOR?

NO.

THAT'S WHAT BROTHERS
AND SISTERS ARE FOR.

[HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

[GOBBLING]

HOW'D YOU GET OUT?

ANNIE.

ANNIE?

ANNIE!
WAKE UP, A TURKEY GOT OUT.

[SHE COUGHS]

[COUGHS BREATHLESSLY]

I CAN'T BREATHE!

FEATHERS!

COME ON,
JUST BREATHE, PLEASE.

JUST BREATHE.
GO AWAY!

[ANNIE]:
I CAN'T BREATHE...

DEEP BREATHS,
COME ON. IN, OUT.

[ANNIE COUGHS]

[TIM, BANGING ON WALL]
HELP! SOMEBODY!

[CLY]: TIM?

[RON]: ANNIE!

ANNIE!

HEY!

TIMMY!

CLY...

WE'VE BEEN OUT HERE
ALL NIGHT.

IT'S TIME TO BRING IN
THE BIG GUNS.

NO MORE CHANTING,
NO MORE TALKING TO GHOSTS.

WE NEED RANGERS.
WE NEED HELICOPTERS.

WE NEED DOGS!

[TIM]: HELP!
SOMEBODY, PLEASE! SOMEBODY!

DID YOU...?

YEAH, I HEARD IT, TOO.

TIMMY!

[TIM]: HELP! WE NEED HELP!
SOMEONE!

SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP!

TIM!

WHAT'S THAT THING DOING
ALL THE WAY OUT HERE?

[TIM]:
WE'RE IN HERE!

[CLY]: ANNIE!

WE'RE IN HERE!
COME ON!

ANNIE CAN'T BREATHE!

WHAT?

ANNIE CAN'T BREATHE!

HER ALLERGIES!

HURRY, DAD, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

WHAT'S EVERYWHERE?

SUMP'S TURKEYS!
THEIR FEATHERS!

SUMP?
THAT CONNIVING SON OF A...

[RON]: CLY!

LISTEN, TIMMY, STAND BACK!

I'M GOING TO GET YOU
OUT OF HERE!

COME ON, ANNIE.

CAREFUL, RONNIE!

CLY, I GOT THIS.
STAND BACK!

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

RONNIE, IT'S A STEEL
ROLL-UP DOOR!

YOU'RE GOING
TO DISLOCATE YOUR SHOULDER!

LISTEN, I'VE SEEN LIAM NEESON
DO THIS A HUNDRED TIMES.

THAT GUY'S OLD ENOUGH
TO BE MY GRANDFATHER.

I CAN DO THIS.

TIM, YOU GET BACK!

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

[GRUNTS]

-WHAT IN THE...?
-RONNIE...

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE
MUST NEVER LEAVE THIS FOREST.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

[HUMS, BLASTS STATIC]

[PLAYS A NOTE]

[MONSTERS CALL BACK]

[PLAYS DEEP NOTES]

DON'T WORRY,
DAD'S HERE.

HE'S GOING
TO GET US OUT.

DON'T WORRY.
JUST KEEP BREATHING.

ZORP, ZORP...

[PLAYS OTHER MONSTER NOISES]

[SQUEAKS]

SQUONK,
THANKS FOR COMING.

OH, BURBLE.
THANK GOD, YOU MADE IT.

[GRUNTS]

ZORP!

I KNEW
I COULD COUNT ON YOU.

[TRILLING SOUND]

THRINNG!

WHAT THE FFFFUUUZZZY...
ANIMALS?

THERE ARE TWO KIDS
TRAPPED IN THAT SHED OVER THERE,

AND WE NEED YOUR HELP.

WE'VE GOT TO GET THEM OUT.

I NEED YOU TO EAT ROCKS
LIKE YOU'VE NEVER EATEN BEFORE,

OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.
GO TO IT! GO!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES]

THAT MEANS YOU, TOO, THRINNG.

GO, GO, GO!

SQUONK! SQUONK!

[MUNCHING SOUNDS]

[CLY]: WHAT'RE YOU STARING AT?
YOU'VE GOT TO HELP.

PRY AWAY THE ROCKS.
COME ON.

[MONSTERS MUNCH AND CRUNCH]

HEY, TIMMY,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

DAD, HURRY!

WE'RE COMING THROUGH!

[TIM]: HURRY, DAD!
COME ON, PLEASE!

COME ON, GUYS.

COME ON, HURRY.

HANG IN THERE, KIDDO!

WE'RE COMING, GUYS!

[TIM]: HURRY!

[MONSTERS SNARF AND MUNCH]

HEY, BOSS?

UH, WHAT SHOULD WE DO
WITH THEM TWO KIDS

LOCKED UP IN THE FACILI... UH...

UM, THE...

[JUNIOR]:
FACULTY.

SECRET PLACE?

DON'T WORRY,
I GOT THAT ALL FIGURED OUT.

REMEMBER THAT TIME
WHEN JUNIOR HERE

SAT DOWN ON THE WRONG END
OF HIS CATTLE PROD

AND FORGOT HIS OWN NAME
FOR A WEEK?

[LAUGHING]

WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

THOSE AREN'T THE PRODS
WE USE FOR REGULAR PRODDIN'.

NO, THEY AIN'T.

THESE ARE
INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH,

HALF A MILLION
VOLTS EACH.

YOU CAN COOK AN EGG
WITH 'EM!

WHOO!

ONE ZAP, AND THEY'LL WAKE UP
THINKING IT'S LAST MAY.

HELL, GIVE 'EM A FEW ZAPS
FOR GOOD MEASURE.

[LAUGHS]

YOU REALLY WOULD THINK
I WOULD REMEMBER THAT!

[LAUGHS]

YOU SEE HIS FACE?

WHA... WHAT?
WHAT?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

[MUNCHING]

COME ON, GUYS!

BURBLE, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE FULL ALREADY!

COME ON.

BURBLE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH,
I'VE HEARD IT ALL.

COME ON.
GET BACK IN THERE.

IT'S THANKSGIVING!

GOT TO EAT 'TIL YOU POP.

COME ON!

[SIGHS]

COME ON,
WE NEED YOUR HELP.

[LOUD MUNCHING]

[TIM]: GUYS, HURRY!

I'M SCARED!

PLEASE HURRY, DAD!

YES, YES,
PLEASE HURRY...

TIM?

TIM!

CAN YOU GET OUT HERE?

COME ON.

GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

COME ON, BUD.
I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU.

GET ANNIE!

YOU OKAY?

THERE YOU GO.
HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.

[ANNIE COUGHS, PANTS]

OKAY, COME ON.

THERE YOU GO, COME ON.
I GOT YOU.

OKAY, I GOT YOU NOW.

HEY, TIMMY,
GRAB ME THAT CHAIR, WOULD YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

SHH. IT'S OKAY,
SWEETHEART.

IT'S OKAY.
HERE WE GO.

OKAY,
THERE WE GO.

WHERE'S MY BANANA, HUH?

[COUGHS]

NO, I HATE THAT NAME.

AW, THERE SHE IS.
THERE SHE IS.

HEY, BUDDY.

YOU SAVED US!

YOU TOTALLY SAVED US.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

YOU THINK
I'D LEAVE YOU OUT HERE?

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS.
I'D DIE FOR YOU.

I'D MOVE MOUNTAINS.

OH, RIGHT...

I ALSO HAD A LITTLE HELP
FROM AUNT CLY...

AND, UH...

THESE FOUR...

MONSTERS, RON.

MAGICAL MONSTERS.

[RON]: YEAH. YEAH.

OKAY, UM...

IT'S JUST THAT
I'VE ALWAYS SUBSCRIBED

TO THE POPULAR THEORY
THAT MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST.

YEAH, WELL,

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TAKE TIME
TO GET TO KNOW A FEW MONSTERS.

SO, THIS IS SQUONK...

SQUONK!

BURBLE...

BURBLE.

-ZORP...
-ZORP.

AND THRINNG.

THRINNG!

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY KIDS.

[MONSTERS MAKE CONTENTED SOUNDS]

BOY, THEY REALLY DO TOE
THE LINE

BETWEEN FUGLY AND ADORABLE, HUH?

HEY, RON, WATCH IT!

THESE ARE PRACTICALLY
MY KIDS.

I'M SORRY ABOUT HIM.

YEAH, HE'S JUST BEEN
REALLY STRESSED

BECAUSE OF THE...
UNCOUPLING.

DIVORCE.

WAIT, SO...

AUNT CLY,

HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN
ABOUT THESE GUYS?

SINCE LONG BEFORE
YOU WERE BORN.

[ANNIE]:
I'M STILL CONFUSED.

I MEAN,
WHAT ABOUT THE HOODOO?

DOES IT EVEN ACTUALLY EXIST?

[MONSTERS TRILL AND GRUNT]

YEAH, WELL,
THAT'S AN INTERESTING QUESTION.

[TRUCK APPROACHES]

THAT'S THEM!

THOSE ARE THE GUYS THAT TOOK US
AND LOCKED US IN THERE.

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE
THOSE KIDS.

THEY'RE LOOSE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

COME ON.

[MONSTERS MAKE SOUNDS]

NO, NO, NO!
DON'T FOLLOW ME. RUN! HIDE!

BURBLE?

HURRY! RUN!

[MONSTERS SQUAWK AND SQUEAK]

[BUZZ]:
AND THAT EMMERSON LADY...

MAN, SHE'S LIKE...

LIKE THAT ONE BOOGER
THAT YOU JUST CAN'T FLICK OFF.

NOW SHE'S GONNA
BE ROADKILL!

[SQUAWKS, THEN YELPS]

I'LL CUT 'EM OFF
AT THE BEND.

[LAUGHS]

ZORP. ZORP!
ZORP?

[WHIMPERS]

[GRUMBLES AND CHATTERS]

[ROAR IN UNISON]

ALL RIGHT,
GET A MOVE ON, GUYS.

THEY'RE COMING

YEE-HAW!

KEEP RUNNING!

DON'T LOOK BACK.

COME ON.

[BUZZ]:
GO, LITTLE RABBITS!

GOTTA HIT IT.
HIT IT!

BETTER RUN!

YOU BETTER RUN!

-RON! RON.
-WHAT?

GIVE ME MY THERMOS.

HERE.

[JUNIOR]: GUN IT!
GUN IT! YEAH, YEAH.

[SCREAMING]

[HIGH-PITCHED YELPS]

TOLD YOU IT HAD
A SERIOUS KICK.

HUH.

[BUZZ]: YOU'LL PAY
FOR THAT WINDSHIELD!

COME ON!

WANNA PLAY?

OH, IT'S ON NOW.

YEE-HAW!

COME ON!

YOU WANNA PLAY?

COME ON!

[LAUGHING]

WHOO!
ROADKILL!

WHERE DO WE GO NOW?

YEE-HAW!

YOU STAY BACK, KIDS.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING
HAPPEN TO YOU.

WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

LOOKS LIKE OUR BIRDS
DONE FLEW THE COOP!

YEAH!

TIME TO ROAST THESE BIRDS
FOR THANKSGIVING!

HEY, YOU GOT A PROBLEM,
YOU SETTLE IT WITH ME.

YOU LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT.

I'M AFRAID
I CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN
FOR A NICE LONG NAP.

SAY GOODNIGHT,
BUNCHA HIGHHATS.

TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.

FZZT!

[CHUCKLES]

[STRANGE GROWLING SOUND]

-BUZZ?
-[GROWLING]

BUZZ?

[LOUD ROARING]

BUZZ!

[ROARING]

G-G-GET IT!

YOU GET IT!

Y-Y-Y-YOU GET IT!

YOU'RE THE ONE
WITH THE BIGGER PROD!

DO SOMETHING!

[BOTH YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

BURBLE.

ZORP! ZORP!

THRINNG, THRINNG!

[LAUGHS IN RELIEF]

HEY!

HI!

WE, UH...

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO BE VERY SELECTIVE

ABOUT WHAT WE TELL YOUR MOTHER
WHEN WE GET HOME.

SO YOU GUYS
WERE THE HOODOO ALL ALONG?

YEAH, THERE'S A LESSON
IN THERE SOMEWHERE

AROUND STICKING TOGETHER.

GOOD WORK, YOU GUYS.

THIS IS, BY FAR,
THE COOLEST VACATION EVER.

[MONSTERS COO AND PANT,
OTHERS CHATTER]

[PURRING, HONKING]

WAIT, AUNT CLY!

YOUR FARM!
WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S QUARTER TO NOON.
WE HAVE 15 MINUTES!

THE TRUCK!

-BURBLE...
-LET'S GO! GET A MOVE ON.

WE GOT KEYS?

WHO NEEDS KEYS?

[ENGINE SPUTTERS TO LIFE]

THERE!

[PEELS OUT]

WELL, HOW DO YOU
LIKE THAT?

WHAT AN AMAZING
TURN OF EVENTS!

TURNS OUT
THE MUSICAL MONSTERS

TEAM UP TO FORM
THE HOWLING HOODOO.

I MEAN, WHO COULD'VE SEEN
THAT ONE COMING?

BURBLE BURBLE.

YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A GREAT POINT, BURBLE.

AND HOW ABOUT LITTLE TIM
AND ANNIE EMMERSON,

STILL ALIVE
GOING INTO THE HOME STRETCH?

YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT GONNA LIE...

I HAD 20 BUCKS
ON THE EVIL FARMHANDS.

BURBLE.

I ONLY HAVE
FIVE DOLLARS.

BURBLE!

FINE! FINE.

YOU GUYS KEEP WATCHING

WHILE WE SORT OUT
THIS PERSONAL MATTER.

-BURBLE.
-BURBLE!

-BURBLE!
-BURBLE BURBLE!

BURBLE!

CLY?

[SIGHS]

[SUMP]: ALL RIGHT,
SHERIFF...

LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

WHERE'S THAT WOMAN?

WHERE'S THAT VIXEN AT?

SHE'S NOT ANSWERING.

HELL, I DON'T CARE
IF SHE'S HERE OR NOT!

MY WATCH SAYS 12:01,
AND SHE'S IN MY DEBT.

THIS IS BETWIXT
ME AND YOU NOW, SHERIFF.

IT'S A STANDARD DEED
OF TRANSFER, SHERIFF,

IN ACCORDANCE
WITH THE TOWNSHIP BYLAWS.

GO AHEAD
AND SIGN AT THE BOTTOM.

[TRUCK HORN HONKS AND BLARES]

WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES?

THAT'S MY TRUCK!

LET'S GO!
COME ON, LET'S GO, TIMBO!

[CLY]: HEY! STOP!
DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!

SHERIFF,
ARREST THAT MAN!

ON WHAT GROUNDS?

HE KIDNAPPED MY KIDS.

I'M PRESSING CHARGES.

ON TOP OF THAT,
THIS GUY'S A COMPLETE FRAUD!

NOW, HOLD ON,
WHO'S KIDNAPPING WHO?

[TIM]:
SUMP'S FARMHANDS...

KIDNAPPED US!

THEY LOCKED US UP
AND LEFT US TO DIE!

SUMP, DO YOU KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?

SHERIFF,
HOW MUCH'A THIS BULLCORN

ARE YOU GONNA STAND FOR?

THIS MUSHROOM-GROWING,
DOWNWARD-DOGGING DEVILWOMAN

RAN OFF MY TURKEYS.

AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER KIN
PEDDLIN' SOME HAREBRAINED STORY

STARRIN' THE DAMNED
HOWLIN' HOODOO!

YES...

GOOD LUCK MAKING
THAT STICK IN COURT.

THE TURKEYS AREN'T GONE!
THEY CAME BACK!

[ANNIE]: YEAH.

SO AUNT CLY DOESN'T OWE
THIS JERK ANYTHING!

IS THIS TRUE, SUMP?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

NOW, WHY IN THE HECK
WOULD 175 TURKEYS

COME BACK TO CAPTIVITY

AFTER THEY'VE BEEN SET LOOSE?

BECAUSE THEY'RE HOOKED
ON THIS STUFF.

SORRY TO SAY
I TOLD YOU SO, SHERIFF,

BUT HERE'S THE PROOF.

SUMP'S BEEN PUMPING HIS TURKEYS
FULL OF ILLEGAL HORMONES.

THAT'S WHY
THEY CAME BACK...

'CAUSE THEY'RE USED TO
A STEADY DIET OF CHEMICALS.

HE'S GOT TONS OF THAT STUFF
STASHED IN THE FOREST,

WHERE THE FARM INSPECTORS
CAN'T FIND IT.

THIS IS NOTHING

BUT FALLACIOUS,
OUTRAGEOUS SLANDER,

PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

DON'T SAY
A WORD, ELDRIDGE.

WELL, THAT'S ONE THING

YOUR LAWYER AND I
CAN AGREE UPON.

ELDRIDGE SUMP...

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.

NOW, SHERIFF...

JUST... A MINUTE.

JUST A MINUTE.

HEY!

HAH!

GONNA CHASE HIM, SHERIFF?

WELL, HE'S WEARING
ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.

HOW FAR CAN HE GET?

[GROWLING]

WHAT?

WHAT THE...?

[ROARS]

[YELLING, ROARING]

AAGH!

HELP, GET IT OFF OF ME!

GET IT OFF ME!

OW! OW! OW!

[SCREAMING GOES QUIET]

SHERIFF! SHERIFF...

TAKE ME TO JAIL!

I'LL GO!

I'LL GO, I'LL GO...

JUST--
JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE.

AND YOU WOULD HAVE GOT
AWAY WITH IT, TOO...

IF IT WEREN'T
FOR US MEDDLING KIDS!

SHERIFF?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP, CLY.

LET ME KNOW

IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO TO YOU.

FOR YOU!

DO FOR YOU...

YOU FOLKS HAVE
A LOVELY THANKSGIVING.

ELDRIDGE!

I'LL GET YOU OUT,
ELDRIDGE!

[RON]: YOU WERE RIGHT.

I KNOW!

THEY DO LIKE EACH OTHER.

AUNT CLY,
I HAVE A QUESTION.

MM?

WHERE DO YOU THINK
THE MONSTERS WENT?

OH, I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

[MUNCHING SOUNDS]

[CLY]: THEY ALWAYS LIKE
A LITTLE SWEET GRAVEL

AT THE END OF A BUSY DAY.

WANT TO FEED THEM?

HMM? NO.
I'M... GOOD.

SO UNCLE NED
MADE FRIENDS WITH THESE GUYS

ALL THOSE YEARS AGO?

YEAH, UM...

AND THEN HE INTRODUCED
THEM TO ME,

AND THEN WE BECAME FAMILY.

YOU KEPT THEM A SECRET
THIS WHOLE TIME?

YOU COULD'VE BEEN FAMOUS!

ZORP.

[CLY]: WELL, THE THING IS,
TIMMY...

YOUR UNCLE NED AND I...

WE WERE ALWAYS CONTENT
TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC.

I LIKE TO THINK
THESE LITTLE CREATURES

ARE THE BEAUTIFUL OFFSPRING
OF AN ENCHANTED FOREST,

AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

[BURPS]

PLEASE, BURBLE.

EXCUSE YOU.

PLUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE
THE CIRCUS WE WOULD HAVE

IF PEOPLE KNEW THERE WERE FOUR
CUTE, CUDDLY, MUSICAL MONSTERS

LIVING IN THAT FOREST?

HA!

IS THAT WHY UNCLE NED
STOPPED WRITING THE JOURNAL?

WE JUST REALIZED
IT WAS FOR THE BEST

TO LET PEOPLE BELIEVE
IN THE HOODOO.

PLUS, IT SELLS T-SHIRTS.

THEY SAY
"ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL."

I'M NOT EVEN SURE
WHAT THAT MEANS,

BUT SHAKESPEARE,
HE'S NEVER WRONG.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,
THE FARM WAS SAFE AT LAST...

JUST IN TIME

FOR AUNT CLY'S FAMOUS
VEGAN THANKSGIVING DINNER.

NO TURKEY, OF COURSE,

AND THAT WAS JUST FINE
WITH TIM AND ANNIE,

WHO NEVER WANTED
TO SEE ANOTHER TURKEY AGAIN.

YES, THE TABLE WAS CROWDED,

AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET
EVEN MORE CROWDED...

[KNOCKS]

OH... HEY, SHERIFF!
BACK SO SOON?

HEY, CLY.

MIND IF I COME IN?

OH...

SURE, BU... UH...

WE WERE JUST, JUST, AH,

SITTING DOWN
TO THANKSGIVING DINNER, SO...

WOW, YOU CLEAN UP GOOD.

OH, THANK YOU!

YOU... JUST...

YOU LOOK...

I JUST WANTED
TO STOP BY

TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I PERSONALLY DELIVERED
ALL OF SUMP'S TURKEYS

OVER TO DALE AND BEVERLY'S
ANIMAL RESCUE.

OH, THAT WAS VERY
THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

WELL, THANKS FOR LETTING ME
KNOW THAT. I'LL...

MM-MM-MM...

SOMETHING SURE DOES
SMELL FAN--

JUST SOMETHING VEGAN!
IT'S...

THERE YOU HAVE IT!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

OKAY...

WELL, SHERIFF...

I BELIEVE YOU KNOW
THE EMMERSONS.

AND THIS IS SQUONK, BURBLE,
ZORP, AND THRINNG.

THRINNG!

[THEY SQUAWK AND HONK]

WHAT THE HECK
ARE THEY, CLY?

THEY ARE MONSTERS,
GROVER.

THEY ARE MAGICAL,
MUSICAL MONSTERS.

BUT LUCKILY,
THEY'RE VERY FRIENDLY,

SO COME ON IN
AND SIT DOWN.

OKAY.

HEY, RON, CAN WE PULL UP
A CHAIR FOR THE SHERIFF HERE?

HEY, SHERIFF!

[CLY]: THERE WE GO...

JUST, UH,
GO WITH IT.

GET YOU SET UP HERE.

I'M PRETTY SURE

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT
A LITTLE WINE.

UH, YEAH.

[CLY]: ALL RIGHT!

SHERIFF...

THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU CARE
FOR SOME BEETS?

[TAPS GLASS]

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

TO OUR DAD AND AUNT CLY,
FOR RESCUING US.

YEAH!

I'VE NEVER BEEN
MORE PROUD OF MY FAMILY.

AW...

THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR AUNT CLY.

JUST WHEN THINGS
WERE GETTING DARK,

SHE... SHOWED ME THE LIGHT,

WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM UNCLE NED.

TO NED.

SO, UH...

THEY'RE, UH, MUSICAL MONSTERS?

OH, YES!

THEY'RE VERY,
VERY TALENTED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

HIT IT, BOYS!

ONE, TWO...

ONE, TWO, THREE...

[STRUMS]

ZORP, ZORP, ZORP, ZORP...

["ZORPS" TO TUNE OF RAINDROPS
KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD]

THRINNG!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES
TO TUNE]

[PLAYS ALONG ON JIBBERATOR]

[LAUGHING]

[***]

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

ANOTHER MAGICAL THANKSGIVING
IN TURKEY HOLLOW,

A PLACE
WHERE LEGENDS COME TO LIFE,

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION,

AND PEOPLE AND MONSTERS
LIVE TOGETHER

IN PEACE AND HARMONY.

ALSO, I JUST WANT YOU
ALL TO KNOW

THAT NO TURKEYS
WERE HARMED

IN THE MAKING
OF THIS PRODUCTION.

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

[***]

BURBLE, BURBLE, BURBLE!

HA HA HA HA!

HA-HAH!

[***]