Jiang shi fu xing zi (1991) - full transcript

Why, it's shrinking?

I told you before not to have

Your suit made there

Just look at it...

How come?

My sister is black out, what shall I do?

You must help her

Please help her wake up

My sister is fainted

please help...

Sister...



So big? I can't hold with both my hand

So rare

What shall we do?

Yeah, what shall we do?

How can I know? She gets such big size

Give her artificial respiration

I didn't think of that

Wait

My sister has never let a man touch her

Dad said

If any man touched her

that man would...

Would you ass, Give her first aid quick

We don't give her
artificial respiration she'll die



You're so right

She'll die if we don't help her

I've learnt artificial respiration,
I'll help her

Shit, it's out of your business

But it's important to rescue others

I can't just let her die...get away

You are nut? Why it takes so long?

You suck the dentifrice out too

Hey, as the super big breasts

So she needs more oxygen

Get aside as I'm working very hard now

- Hold on her belly for me
- OK

You're so clumsy, let me do it

- Can you manage?
- I can't manage

Do you know it? Be quick

Don't try to get benefit from her

He faints too

Don't pretend you can if you can't

- What to do?
- Yeah, how do?

Give me a hand

Shit, he knows First Aid yet he fainted

I'll die as I don't know First Aid

What must we do?

What?

If this doesn't work, we'll try another way

Held her up first

Take her here

How can you do this? Be careful

Harder, why are you weak when

You're as strong as a bull

Harder, let's maker her vomit out water

Will this work?

- Shit, of course it will
- It is really works

It works...it works well

- She's coming to now
- Put her down...

Sister...

You said it won't work? It proves right now

I know it does, but I've it on all my face

- It's stink too
- You, you are disgusting

Give me water to wash my face

Give her some to drink first

Help her up

What shall we do next now she's rescued?

We're on desert island

And our ship's sunk, let's ask guide

Guide, what shall we do now?

Everybody, you mustn't get nervous

Though our ship is sunk

But you must believe me

Believe? What's the use?
You're not a credit card

Where's your so-called uncle?

There's a village over there

Uncle

Be careful

Get up

- Are you alright?
- OK

I found a village there

Let's hurry up there, is it far away?

Not far, it's just over the mountain

Then let's go quick, move faster

Pack your things and I'll go there first

Be careful

Faster, be faster...

Be careful

Walk slowly

Be quick, we'll soon arrive, come on

Faster...

Let's take a rest here

- Are you tired?
- No

Why must you stick to me wherever I go?

You're idiot

What are you doing? You idiot

You hurt me

What is this? How can you just eat anything?

This may be poisonous

Don't worry, I've always eaten them

Just try some

Never, Just eat them if you want

But I just tell you, no matter how you die

You must first pay me back

The $30,632.40 you owe me

Pay back...

I'll eat if you won't

What are you doing?

We won't get to the village
if you walk like this

I won't wait for you

Walk faster, come on

Why do you keep quarrelling?
You are married couple

Why keep quarrelling?

Will you stop the quarrel

As you are married

Shit, Fatty, stop disturbing my wife

What wife? We haven't been registered

Don't call me wife

So you're not yet married?

Then she is not your wife

Which means I can woo her now

I'll teach you a lesson if you go on bullshit

What?
...What do you want?...

Bastard, this is too much,
if you bullshit again

I like to say, I want say

I will say, I'm going to say

Dare you say?

I say again, I say, I don't eat...

I must strangle you

Don't fight

Faster...be quick

- Be quick, there's a house there
- Where?

- Let's go and see
- Let's go

- Walk faster
- I have natural call

- You want toilet?
- Yes

Come on...

Go and see

I've checked, no one is here, be quick

Right, say: excuse me, OK

I've said it already

There's food

- You surprised me
- What are you doing?

Look, there's much food

Why don't you crouch down?

Crouch?

Yeah, be quick

Wife, you are very heavy,
you better go on a diet

Be quick

Be careful

Don't move, let's pick them up later

Be quick

Finish, wife

How are you?

Dare you ask? You made me fall down

Give me the dress quick

It's bad to be spotted by others

You're lousy,
you just can't do even a minor thing

What are you doing?

Don't come over

But I saw it

- You mustn't peep
- It's no use covering

Cover me

- I can see all
- He saw all

- Don't cover
- Don't come over

What are you doing? Nothing to see

Don't come over

I've seen everything, come on...

Don't act rashly,
I'll beat you if you come near

Will you? It's great

Get it, get it

- Get me the dress quick
- Don't worry,

he will go away when he finishes eating

Snake

Kill it quick...

- It's horrible
- Kill it

Kill it quick...

What are you looking at?

Where is it? It's gone?

- Husband
- Wife, what is it?

- Snake...
- Where is it?

Behind you...

Behind? Where?

The snake bites the bottoms...

- Great...
- Kill it

Let me kill it, don't be frighten

Shit, dare you bite my wife? I must kill you

Cast it way quick...

It's right, don't panic

Snake, the snake gets into my trousers

Wonderful

My dick

Won't come out? I must take you out

Got it

Don't come over

Don't scare, you don't come over

Come and help

Don't come over

You mustn't come

Help me to catch it

Help

- You caught hold of snake
- Help

- Coming, I'll help you
- Great

Another door

How many are there exactly?

Are you OK?

Watch

I won't care about you

Help her in

Shit

Coming, be careful

Hold it

There's a lamp here, see if you can light it?

Stupid

It can't be lit as it looks older than

The three of us

We might as well try, maybe it can be lit

Try it, Maybe can light it

Uncle, are you OK?

I'm alright

Fire

Did it burn you?

No

I've heard people saying Japanese

Are as superstitious as Chinese

Japanese have a habit

Of protecting their house by hanging

Some paper crane

But if the paper cranes are burnt up

They will be very afraid

As they think this is an ominous sign

Uncle, what are you trying to do?

Put down the knife, what are you doing?

- What do you want?
- Are you crazy?...

- Put down the knife
- Don't fight

This knife is sharp,
what are you doing? You crazy?

- What happen?
- Don't fight...

Hey, that's enough, don't fight

Uncle, what happens to you?

Put down the knife

Put down

Don't fight...don't fight any more

Do you remember?

How your mother used to beat you?

Beat him, beat him with shoes

Let go

What happened to me?

- Do you get hurt?
- It's hurt

What's going on?

Sorry, big brother, please don't blame on me

He's only a kid

Please excuse him

- Get up
- Big brother, sorry...

Let's leave this place, it's mysterious

Let's go

Look at that side

Dia... Diamond

So bit a diamond

Jesus

It's genuine

Don't know how many carats it is?

What do you want?

What are you looking for? Let's go

Sure

What did you see?

Nothing, I saw nothing

Right, and you?

Did you see anything precious?

Like gold, or jewels?

No, everything here looks strange

Right, Let's go then

It's gone

Diamond

I found this diamond first

I must kill you...

I must kill you...

It's good it's not lost

You beat me?

You two fight just for this?

Why did you lose it? It's diamond

This is for damping the evils

Don't take it, go away

- Bitch?
- You are

Don't you feel uneasy in here?

Let's go, hurry up

- Really?
- Run faster

I suffer from belly

You go first, I must go to toilet

Be quick, it's down there

It's horrible here

We must find a place to sleep tonight

- We have no choice
- Let's go

- Let's go...
- OK

All evils

They will appear in this environment

Especially in place without human

Sleep as a pig like him and you won't be afraid

You what?

- Why can he sleep?
- It's saying, human is afraid ghost

but ghost is more afraid human

It's ridiculous

As mighty ghosts don't fear human being

Don't say any more, I'm scared

Brother, you scare me

Can you keep quiet?

What story is this? It's frightening

I'm scared, will you hold me?

No, holding you, like holding a toilet bow

- Don't ask me for that
- You're annoying

Do you know you are stink?

You are stinker than my armpit

I didn't say you're stink so

You mustn't say I'm stink either

You, you like eating stink tofu

Stink eggs

I'll become stink if I stick to you Let's sleep

Then we're two of a kind

What do you want?

- Turn off the lights
- Sleep

Turn off the lights...
don't shout and go to sleep

You're stink, go away

Am I really stink? I can't be

But it's dangerous to take a bath here

How can I take a bath? There's no other way

To show my love

I must take this risk

Sorry, excuse me

- It's you?
- Why are you peeping me?

Who is peeping you?

What good are you?

Go away, it's my turn to wash, shit

I warn you not to peep me bathing

You are so selfish as to wash

Yourself and not tell me

I don't smell, do 1?

So many birds?...

Turd, ghost

On fire

What are you crying?

I miss my family

Don't know when I can go home?

I'm afraid

Don't worry

I think we can go home soon

Just take here as a camping site, don't cry

I'll take you to pick flowers, OK?

Wife... there's food

Wife, I've just picked them, it's delicious

Put them away

They are looking at us

Don't stare, nothing to see

- Get away, not for you
- Yeah

You mustn't pick wild fruits

They are poisonous Eat them...

I'll eat them if you won't

But I picked them

Don't eat them, these tomatoes are poisonous

What did you say?

Such tomatoes consist a freezing composite

If you eat them, after a while

This composite will enrage you mental nerves

Then you'll see nothing

Your memory fades and have no response

Then you'll become crazy

How are you?

I get crazy

Like this?

Don't eat them

No one is to eat them

Are you really crazy?

Nephew... how are you?

Look, what is this?

Do you know what this is?

I remember

- We going to restaurant to eat them
- What is it?

Buns, stupid

Shall we first eat the buns
or suck their blood?

- Such their blood first of course
- Who is going to do it first?

You're the youngest so you go first

Me again?

Go

Go

What shall we do?

- What?
- We must take action now

Stop breathing

Uncle, how are you?

Stop breathing

Fatty, timid, stupid

Sharp Teeth, naughty

Have you done what I asked you to?

- You made this mess
- But it's not fault

It's not my fault for all this

Where's the blood? Give me the blood quick

Where is it? Are you deaf?

Get me the blood

We did get some, but...

But what? Why are you lying?

I must spell and make you suffer

King...Don't...

King, please spare us

King, help...

Are you afraid now?

King, it's nothing to do with us

I must beat you

You dare to disobey me? I must beat...

Dare you take offense?

Go and get me human blood quick

How can this happen? Shit

-I must kill you
- What are you doing?

Why do you beat me?

I must kill you as you did this to my wife

Why are you sleeping in here?

Shit

You insult me in front of your husband

Wife...

Wife, did he insult you?

No, what's happened?

What's happened?

Don't you know what you did?

Look at your lips, your lipstick is faded

When I fainted as you find me handsome

You must have kissed me

How can you say this when you did it?

I must kill you

Don't fight

Don't fight

You insult my wife

I must beat...

I fight back...

Don't fight any more

Stop, fight no more

- What do you think you are doing?
- He insulted my wife

I must kill him

I insulted your wife? You wife insulted me

Don't fight any more...It's not his fault

Last night ghosts teased us all

Did you hear? It's ghosts

You keep saying I insulted your wife

I know, it's you the ghost

No, we were really teased by ghosts last night

It because you ate the poisonous tomatoes
that you lost memory

Look at your mouth if you don't believe

Right, I think I saw ghosts too

Forget it...
Don't shout any more It's a misunderstand

We are all hungry, go and find something to eat

Good, let's look for food

You are able

You think of making up ghosts

No, there really were ghosts last night

- I didn't lie
- You didn't lie?

There are many ghosts... lots of ghosts

Don't touch my rabbit

What? Your rabbit? But I found it first

You found it? You're kidding

This rabbit is mine

You mustn't touch it or I'll push you down

Push me down?

Don't act rashly

There is fish here

Come and help

Come and help or the fish will swim away

Where is there fish?

Here

Look

Terrific, there's coconut juice...

Look at me

Be careful

Be careful

Be careful

Be careful, don't fall down

Why is it so hard?

Why twisting? Just pick it down

What are you throwing them everywhere?

Suck their blood for the King quick

No... he is so horrible

What if he beat us up like yesterday?

- You go
- I won't go

- Who will go?
- I won't go

What shall we do?

Just kill them

If we kill them

Their blood is not fresh

What about knocking them out?

- Buffalo, you want to kill me?
- Sorry

They're fainted, let's go over Let's go over

They're fainted, suck their blood for the King

-I won't, what about you going?
- I won't, you go

- You go
- I won't, I won't go either

- What shall we do? Who's going to suck?
- You

Me? Don't scare me

You won't suck either, what must we do?

Let's decide by Stone, Scissors & Paper

No...Red or White, Red or White is better

OK...

Red or White...

Buffalo...get up

Buffalo...get up

Flesh-eating plants

Buffalo... get up quick

Let's go,
there're flesh-eating plants Get up quick

Help...

Why don't you go?

Why don't you go?

Why don't you go?

Why don't you go?

It's you. You won't suck their blood

What about you? You refused too

Don't argue, this is in vain

Shit, why didn't you suck just then?

- You're blaming me?
- Yeah

You just refused to suck

You caused this

You beat me?

- You can't beat me
- Don't be happy

I must beat you up...

Don't move

Look at your face

I have a way

Did you do what

I had asked you to? Where's the blood?

You go...

King, the blood is here

Take it to me now

Yes

What is this?

I asked you to get me blood

What did you get me?

Shit

You are so daring as to get me false blood

We dare not next time, King

It caused all this as you refused to suck

What shall we do?

I don't know

You are annoying

Go quick

I don't care whatever you do

You must suck up all the blood for me

Put more logs in...

It smells good

Why are you staring at the lobster?

As it stares at me

So I stare back at it

You want to eat it yourself?

- Wife...
- Why? Why is there only half lobster left?

It's better than none

Wife, come on, Let's share it, OK?

OK, but you must find something else to eat

Brother...I've opened two coconuts

Coconuts

- Great, thanks
- What are you doing?

- Not for me?
- Not for you

There are two, so please give me one

There are more than two

- Brother...coconut, take it
- Let me try

- Is it tasty?
- Very sweet

Aren't you bored?

Of course we are...

Very bored here

Now, let's tell a story each of us

- Tell a story?
- Good

Ok, you tell us first

OK, I'll tell you a story first

Why are cocks making sound like ko ko?

Why are ducks making sound like gua gua

Don't know

Of course you don't
but you'll know if I tell you

Long ago, cocks did swim but ducks didn't

One day, a cock was swimming in a river

A duck was watching stupidly on the bank

He wondered why a cock could swim

So he decided to ask the cock

Cock...why can you swim?

The cock answered him like this

Of course I can, I have balls

- So I can swim
- What are balls?

- I'll tell you later
- There are balls

The duck couldn't understand

Why can one swim if he has balls?

I don't believe you can swim with balls

Unless you lend me your balls

I'll believe if I can swim with your balls

Will you lend them to me?

Think for a while, the cock answered

OK, I'll lend you my balls

Take my balls and you can swim

Taking the balls

The duck plunged into the water
and he really could swim

The duck said: I can swim with balls

Then the cock said to the duck You now believe

You can swim with balls

Then give me back my balls

The duck said: you are nut

I can only swim with balls

Why must I give you back?

I am not so stupid

Then he swam off...until very far away

He then said: I can only swim with balls

If I give you back, I'll be nut (gua gua)

The cock was so angry but he could do nothing

Cock could only stand at the back shouting:
Give me back balls (ko ko)

Since then all cocks make sound like ko ko...

- And ducks make sound like gua gua
- Ghost

Ghost? I have a ghost story now

Sit down...

Sit down...

Once... it's frightening

I went camping with classmates

But we were lost and it was so foggy

And the sunning was setting

We found and found

- But couldn't find a way out
- There's a ghost

- Don't shout
- We walked and walked

Suddenly there was a thunder

And then it started raining heavily

We could only

But walked in the rain

We walked...

Suddenly we came across an ancient temple

We then rushed over we pushed the door...

But however hard we tried, we failed

We could only take shelter under the eaves

We waited and waited
but the rain grew even harder

Suddenly the door opened

We were all scared, we looked at each other

Then the door opened all up all at the sudden

We were all scared to a jump

One of my classmate had big gut

He went inside the temple and searched

It was horrible inside

Suddenly many bats flew about

And even flew into us

So we took up sticks to fight with the bats

One of them even bit my colleagues' ear

He cast the bat away with a stick

What a pity, his ear was bleeding

It's so horrible

Before long

All the bats flew away We wanted to leave too

The moment we turned away

There was a black shadow
which jumped towards us

Wife...

Are you scared? Don't be scared

It was a black cat

Then we looked at the side of the black cat

So there were several coffins there

We got so frightened that we retreated

My colleague were brave

And wanted to open up
the coffins with the sticks

I warned not to do such a thing

But they wouldn't listen,
they were taking the clubs

And walking slowing to the coffins

Suddenly the saw the coffins opening up

My colleague got so nervous

That he chopped the club in the coffin

What do you mean?

What? You insulted my wife

But she flew to me, it's not my business

I'll never tell you another ghost story again

What is it?

Who wants to listen to you, shit

Wife, let's not listen to him bullshit

- There is no ghost in this world
- There is

There is? You are then the ghost

Forget it

Why are you so nervous?

She is not your wife

Wash you face

Spirit up

Want to go to toilet

Make myself comfortable

Something wrong

What is it?

Don't be like this...

It's evil...

How happens? What are you doing?

What do you want? Are you nut?

How come?

I've lost control

Why are you doing do? It makes me sick

What's going on? Why?

What do you want?

How come? What shall we do?

It's all because of that guy

- OK, I'll make him bark like dogs
- Good

- Pee like a dog
- Pee

Help

Eat turds

Grasp for turds

- What else?
- Crazy dogs

Little vampires

Odour

I beat you

Say...

My buttocks

It is all over

Go and hide in there

What do you mean?

You wouldn't help seeing us chase

By little vampire

Help you?
We were also chased by little vampires

We also wanted help

Why didn't you help us?

Why are you shouting at this very moment?

- Are you alright?
- What alright?

I kicked the little vampires very far away

You just know boasting,
why don't you go out now?

I will, but you must come with me

Anyone who stays behind is a coward

OK, I'll go out too

Let's go out together, remember to take weapons

Take weapons

Open the door

Don't come near or we'll kill you

Help ...

What shall we do?

Let's go and rescue him, he can't manage

Why must we? The vampires are only biting him

Not us

They will come for us after biting him

He will surely die if we don't rescue him

Help...

- What can we do?
- Let's go out

- Let's go
- We'll go out

I must kill you...

Kill you...

- Left fist, right fist
- Don't fight

You'll kill them if you beat them like this

They are already dead

Left fist, right fist. Be careful

I think you shall take action

Stop fighting...

Why must we stop? They sucked our blood

They are so pitiful

It's not our fault

The King of Ghost force us to do that

If we don't suck blood for him

He'll read spell to break our neck

All we said is true

Tell us where the King is?

We'll go and burn him

I know where he is

I went there once

Dare you go too?

Let's burn him up

We must burn him or we'll all die

OK, we'll go burn him at once, Let's go

We must go too, if you rid the King

We'll no longer be controlled by him

Ok, come with us

But you must break this stuff of us

What is this? Let me have a look

This can only scare you

Okay... lie down

I can break it easily

He is so nervous

You won't die

Finish, no power

No...

No...

- Go there quick
- Don't push me out

No...

I dare not...

It's this diamond

This diamond can kill the King

No, you mustn't

Give me the diamond

Take it

How is it? Are you alright?

How is it?

Don't be afraid

We've pinned the King now, don't panic

- How is he?
- Is he alright?

Is he alright?

How dare you bastards beat my daughter

We didn't

You bastards beat my daughter like that

It's not my business

Help

Dad, they didn't do it

Dad will save you

- So he is the father of the little vampires
- Get up quick

You are all naughty

You'll be killed one day

Come home with me