Jesus shows you the way to the Highway (2019) - full transcript
CIA Agents Palmer and Gagano are tasked with the mission of destroying a computer virus called "Soviet Union". They enter the system using VR but the mission turns into a trap.
[Static]
[Static continues]
[Static]
[Whirring]
[Professor] Sir, come see this!
[Commandant] God!
That's impossible.
[Professor] Something inside
must have killed Agent Tracy.
Playback Psychobook's analysis
of the mission.
Strange, a virus playing
against himself.
What the hell
is his master plan?
Keep this top secret, don't tell
the others about agent Tracy.
Yes, Commandant.
[Gasping]
- Call an ambulance.
- [Continues gasping]
[Telephone ringing]
[Palmer] Yes?
OK. Understood.
Agent D. T. Gagano.
Where the hell is your mind?
- Sorry, Lieutenant.
- Move your ass.
[Professor] Alarms went off
at 19:16.
A virus has taken
over the system.
It's source code is hidden
inside a region of Psychobook.
[Palmer] What type is it?
- Soviet Union computer virus.
- Damn Russians!
They are infecting
the whole system.
- Hey, Magnus!
- Hey! Have a good mission, man!
Lately, the Soviet Union
has been becoming more
and more aggressive
towards the management system.
[Grunts]
- Is something wrong?
- [Gagano] Back... back pain!
Status?
Uploading to Psychobook
in five, four, three.
I will be monitoring you.
'Boys, the suspect
is approaching the entrance.
'You have 45 seconds.'
Block him with a force ring.
'Impossible, he doesn't have
an implanted chip.'
Shit, he's a Soviet! Put me
in touch with the Professor.
- Continue fumigating.
- Yes, sir.
[Telephone ringing]
I've got the virus source code.
We need your assistance
right now.
Send over the satellite.
What the hell are you doing
in my house?
Pest Control state company.
What the fuck?
I'm putting an end to the plague
in this building.
No, these are a bunch of fake...
Jiminy, we need support.
Use Zeus Satellite
to neutralize him!
'I need the target's
coordinates.'
Run, now!
- Palmer.
- Relax, man.
It's time to die, Agents!
Jiminy, he's on the water tower!
[Screaming]
[Indistinct advert
on loudspeaker]
What the hell happened here?
The virus is striking again.
It has attacked Psychobook's
advertising system.
Now...
OK, Malin, it's enough
for today.
Your poor husband
has been waiting there
for more than ten minutes.
Come and have a shower
with me, boy.
OK.
[Screaming]
- What's wrong?
- My back!
Birdie, are you sleeping?
I'm gonna hand in
my resignation tomorrow.
- I'm done with the CIA.
- Are you sure?
I love you, birdie.
I love you, my little fly.
[Man moaning on TV]
'Yeah... oh!'
[Moaning continues]
'Ooh, yeah!'
'Mr. Batfro!'
[Sirens wailing]
[Palmer] 'Stop watching
this Russian propaganda
'and get your skinny ass
into the office right away.
'We have a Code Red.'
- Right now?
- 'Yes, right now!'
[Malin] What's going on?
Where the hell are you going?
I'll be right back.
It's just a moment.
Thank God you're quitting.
Duty calls, for the last time.
Lieutenant Palmer, Agent Gagano.
Tonight you will be facing
Operation Jungle.
Please, Professor.
The CIA believes
that the Soviet Union virus
is planning a big operation
to take over Psychobook.
After analyzing the piece
of code you brought,
we've found an anomaly in
Psychobook's old abandoned CPU.
Your mission
is to retrieve samples
of any anomalous substance
found inside that factory.
Any questions?
How do we enter
the domain of the virus?
Our hackers were able to track
the Soviet Union
protection system,
so we will drop
your avatars in there.
[Telephone ringing]
You're talking
with the President
of the United States of America.
Commandant Alfons Rebane.
Estonia.
'Commandant,
give me the update.'
Operation Jungle will
be launching tomorrow night.
Excellent!
Keep me posted, Commandant.
[Malin] The owners told me
we can visit the place tomorrow,
it's just an hour's drive
from here.
We could put the counter here
on this side.
You see?
- What do you think, darling?
- Pepperoni, fresh tomato.
You are not listening to me.
I think it's a good idea.
Let's go there, little fly,
let's give it a try.
Let's leave this horrid city
and try.
But... I'm a CIA agent.
Things are not so simple.
So you didn't drop in
your resignation letter...
Well... let's just plan for it.
Plan it?
We've been talking and talking.
It's been seven years,
my little fly.
You don't give a shit
about my kickboxing academy.
I do, but...
But what?
I'm tired of planning!
But, birdie...
I told my boss I'll be leaving
by the end of the week.
You can stay with your special
force, Agent Gagano.
The system will be cracked soon.
The old CPU must be right there.
This will be my last mission,
Palmer.
We have been saving up
to open this kickboxing academy.
Big, famous kickboxing academy.
Why don't you open
a pizzeria instead?
A pizzeria? Me?
Nah, it's just a hobby.
What about you, Palmer?
- What about me?
- About the future.
The future?
[Scoffs]
Who cares about the future?
Commandant, is the CIA aware
that you're sending two men
to their probable death?
Professor, no agent dies
inside Psychobook.
It's just a virtual reality.
Tell that to Agent Tracy.
Are you challenging
my command, Professor?
With all due respect, this new
threat is unknown, Commandant.
Please, shut up,
they are right here.
Don't be so worried.
They can't hear you.
They're in there.
Jiminy, we are in position.
[Jiminy] 'Message from
Commandant Alfons Rebane.'
[Commandant] 'Lieutenant Palmer,
are you alone?'
Yes, sir.
Make sure it's the dwarf
who manipulates
any kind of substance.
We wouldn't want
to put you in any risk.
'You're too valuable
for the CIA.'
'End of the message.'
Lieutenant!
Come see this.
[Palmer] It looks like
the substance from the CIA lab.
[Gagano] But that's impossible.
The government has the monopoly
over the synthesis.
Come on, take a couple
of samples.
I'm starting to feel dizzy.
Dammit, the substance
might be emitting gas.
Jiminy! Gas mask.
I need a mask!
Palmer, the mask!
Jiminy, create a gas mask!
Oh, this is painful, Palmer.
Please wake me up!
Don't be a chicken,
I will see you outside
in a few seconds.
Lieutenant!
Let's deactivate
Psychobook's monitoring system.
- I can't do that.
- Do you want to die?
I can't die in here, Stalin.
OK, enough, I'm leaving.
It was nice to see you.
Jiminy, take me home!
'Loading the way out.'
[Scoffs] This
will only keep us
out of the network
for a moment, General Stalin.
Operation Jungle
is now in our hands,
Lieutenant Palmer Eldritch.
You know me?
Are you kidding me?
I'm a virus.
I know you better than yourself.
What do you want?
Help me sell the substance.
You'll be very rich.
I don't make deals
with computer viruses.
Ahahah, you will!
Look!
Who were you serving
when you fucked
Commandant Alfons Rebane's wife,
you dirty bastard?
Make the right deals
and I will make you rich.
Betray me and I will
dismember you in the real world.
Fuck.
Try to wake him up, Professor.
Sorry, but that's not possible.
Shit.
What the hell happened inside?
Ladies and gentleman,
Captain Lagucci
performing for you tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah...
[In German] Lick this!
[In German] Lick this!
Asshole.
Fuck it!
Excuse me.
You must leave right now.
Do you see anybody else here?
Do you see?
I don't see anybody else here.
This show is for me!
Ooh...
[Indistinct insult]
Captain Lagucci is not dancing
for you, baby,
she's dancing for the universe.
[Telephone ringing]
Hello?
Malin, it's for you, darling.
Hello?
Please promise, if he passes,
he must pass at home, with me.
- Hey, I will try.
- Please, promise.
Hey, I promise.
You see? I promise.
I promise you.
Don't worry, I... I promise.
Promise...
What the fuck are you doing?
That was not my intention,
I just...
You're such a brute.
What happened between us
was a big mistake.
OK, that's fine.
Create a mirror doppelganger
of Agent Gagano.
Mirror copy created.
Upload our copy into Betta
Ethiopia.
[Woman] Copy uploaded,
Comrade Stalin.
[Gagano] Excuse me, waiter.
What would you like to eat, sir?
Just a pizza margarita.
[Waiter] Pizza... mar-ga-ri-ta.
OK, sir. Anything to drink?
No, thanks.
[Man] Huh? Shit man,
how unfortunate!
It's the government's
fucking president.
[PA] 'Round one!'
[PA] 'You win!'
This is the substance!
Vote for Batfro!
Damn drug addicts!
[PA] 'Continue voting for Batfro
as your favorite president,
'the chosen one to eradicate
the damn drug addicts.'
[Man] Shut up! Not even your
own mother would vote for you.
Don't you like the pizza, sir?
It's fine... but the oven
is not heating the bottom enough
so the base of the pizza
is too soft.
May I have the bill, please?
I hope you accept credit cards.
Phew!
Jiminy, priority message.
'Trying to find a secure
connection, please hold.'
Here is Agent Gagano,
last known location was
the abandoned Psychobook's CPU.
I paid with my credit card,
you should be able
to track my position.
'New message from headquarters.'
'Agent, new position identified
as Betta Ethiopia.
'Wait for instructions.'
Come on, guys, take me home!
[Italian accent] Hello, sir.
This is Mr. Sophistication.
Sorry for calling you so late,
but, er... we have a problem
with the credit card
in the restaurant.
[Jiminy] 'Agent D. T. Gagano.'
Thank God.
[Commandant] 'I have
bad news, Agent.
'I'm afraid you're in
an irreversible coma.
'We can't wake you up.'
What?
What the hell, Commandant!
'What you're experiencing
'is the last traces
of your mental activity.'
[Gagano] 'Something
must be wrong.
'This partition of the system
looks very real.'
You don't have
much time left, kid,
although Psychobook is still
able to track your inner-voice.
'You're wrong, Commandant.
I'm here!
'Don't you see me?'
[Waiter] Sir! Could you please
open the door?
'I hope you are still able
to receive this message.
'They told me
it will be the last one.'
No!
This must be a stupid mistake.
'Your brain is fading, my love.
'Rest in peace.'
'End of the message.'
Listen, birdie.
I will come back before Sunday.
This is my last mission.
'Listen, Agent, the Soviet Union
is planning something big.
'Try to find out
before you wither and die.
'Good luck and sorry.'
Shit!
[Jiminy] 'End of the message.'
Here you are, you drug addict!
You motherfucker.
What did you do to him?
How can he die?
All this shit
is just a computer game.
We are trying to find out, lady.
Bring him back to me!
You go inside
that computer game!
- Easy. Easy!
- Go and bring him back!
Malin, please stop!
Please, please.
Malin!
[Beeping]
Fuck you, Stalin.
What is this?
- My savings.
- My ass.
Where did you get
a pink Mastercard?
What's going on?
Where's the money
coming from, Palmer?
I was thinking I could help you
open the most...
[Malicious laughter
in the distance]
...the most beautiful
kickboxing academy
anybody has ever, ever seen.
Did you bring the goods,
mister man?
Transfer the money
to my credit card.
First the goods!
Your money's transferred.
[Door opening]
- Stop! Police!
- The cops!
Fuck!
Look, dwarf, we have a problem.
This piece of crap is fake.
In this country
only one type of person
uses false credit cards.
Can you stop
fucking interrupting me?
Oh, I'm very sorry, sir.
[Batfro] Do you want
to scare the kid?
[Gagano] Hey! I'm grown-ass man!
[Batfro] Put the gun away! Now!
[Sophistication] I'm sorry, sir.
For god's sake!
What was I saying?
- In this country...
- Ah, yes!
In this country
only the drug dealers
that work for Reverend Roy
use false credit cards.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Please, Mr. Sophistication,
do your thing.
- Who are you working for?
- For no one!
Get down on your knees. Now!
Stop! He's just a child!
So... we have a brave man here.
You're talking to a patriot,
show a little bit of respect.
I will teach you some respect.
Lick my boots.
Go ahead and lick them!
[Man] You're a disgrace
to the country.
Hey! You! Leave him alone!
[Gunshots]
[Sighs]
He was obviously a hippie.
Fuck!
What the hell?
Shit.
Fuck this.
Prince, we are at your service.
I'm not your prince.
Come on, you're immortal!
You've been sent to fight Batfro
and his false democracy.
That arrogant president
is a disgrace to our country.
[Jiminy] 'Error.'
Jiminy, are you still
able to track?
'Error.'
What is that?
The virus must be generating
doppelgangers.
'Agent, Betta Ethiopia
is outside
'of the domain of the virus
Soviet Union.'
Record my voice.
'Impossible to record
the message.
'Inner-voice signal
too weak to be tracked.'
Have you seen that sorcery?
'Signal too low.
Signal too low.
[Static, fading]
'Signal too low.'
Jiminy? Jiminy!
Wake up. I must wake up!
Wake up. I must wake up.
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up, Gagano!
Wake up! Wake up!
Please, my Prince!
You're going to hurt yourself.
Stop, Prince.
- Wake up, Gagano. Wake up!
- Please, my Prince!
Wake up. Wake up, Gagano!
Wake up, wake up!
[Telephone ringing]
What?
Sir, Mr. Sophistication
is here.
Why did you let him?
Hello, sir.
My kung fu masters.
Spaghetti.
Ravioli.
Baltazar.
[Laughs]
Tell them to bring me a whisky.
What's your plan
for the dwarf, sir?
What are you gonna do
with him?
I will lock him up forever!
- Please, sir.
- 'Mr. President.
'The midget is more important
than you can imagine.
'He's the key element
to strengthen our relations.'
My dear Stalin,
are you talking
about the military agreement
with the Soviet Union?
'I'm talking about
a new agreement
'to take over
the whole Psychobook.
'The midget is a CIA agent
'and can give us full access
to the source code.'
What do you need
to organize this?
'First, to crack the system,
'we need to get our hands
on the most powerful terminal.
'The Ark of the Covenant.'
[Batfro] The Ark is protected
by a Shaolin monk.
He's invincible.
Psychobook programmed him
with Force 7.
[Sophistication] Let my kung fu
masters handle this.
They will get
the Ark of the Covenant for us.
[PA] 'Round one!'
[PA] 'You lose!'
'Upgrade the kung fu masters
to Force 8.'
[PA] 'Upgrade complete.'
[PA] 'Round two.'
[PA] 'You win!
'The Arc is yours!'
"Davvero. Grazie, grazie."
'"Davvero. Grazie, grazie."'
Now that we have the old relic,
let's get the key.
Mr. President.
Congratulations, Mr. President.
This new agreement
with the Soviet Union
will give us full access
to all the profiles
and regions of Psychobook.
We will be able to protect
our dear citizens
against bad guys.
[Indistinct chatter]
- Sir.
- Get out!
Sir, can I borrow
your dwarf tomorrow?
Of course not.
Sir, I can make him
give us the code.
Are you deaf or something?
You don't trust me,
Mr. President?
Do you take me for a fool?
I'm sorry, baby.
I'm just talking to this...
he's a jackass.
So why don't we
collaborate together?
[Batfro] I don't trust
this clown in the hat.
Batfro, you will soon
rule over Psychobook,
let Mr. Sophistication
do his job.
OK. Comrade Stalin, I will do it
as a personal favor to you.
[Laughing]
[Footsteps]
Agent, tomorrow you will obey
Mr. Sophistication's orders.
And I will send you home
so you can get your revenge.
[Gagano] What revenge?
Do you want to see the truth?
This is the truth!
Harder! Come inside me.
I'm trying to come.
Yes, yes, yes!
I'm so wet. You're so big!
It's so big!
It's tearing me apart.
[Palmer] What the fuck is that?
[Stalin] Obey our instructions
and get your revenge.
You can't trick me
with your lies!
Your game is over, Stalin.
You hear me?
Your game is over.
The game is over.
Don't cry, my little Prince.
You must be strong.
Be strong.
You must be strong, my Prince.
Don't cry.
Come on, my little Prince,
don't cry.
Be strong, my little Prince.
[Gagano] Wait a second.
Wait a second!
Wait a second!
Now I can see my dream.
I'm already feeling much better.
I'm the Emperor
of Betta Ethiopia
so I can do whatever I want.
Anything in the world!
Everything in the world!
And I can open a pizzeria,
it's my pizzeria!
And I will do it with Malin,
my beloved Malin.
She's so beautiful.
She's like poetry,
like the cool breeze
on a summer's day.
My love... my everything.
Stop sodomizing me, Agent,
and try to find a way
to wake up!
There is something wrong
with the mission,
- I need to find the substance.
- What for?
It's the only way back to Malin.
Do you understand?
Forget that woman.
You are the savior.
She is just a temptation
of the devil.
How do I know you're not a
figment of my imagination, huh?
You belong here,
you're the savior.
You're not real,
you're part of my imagination.
- This is a shame, Messiah!
- [Gagano] You understand?
Messiah, this is a shame.
Yeah... shit.
You're our only hope.
You were sent to us
to liberate our land,
to rid us of the fascists.
[Batfro] Take the dwarf
to Mr. Sophistication.
And no tricks!
Please, Agent,
accept my apologies.
I don't wanna create
any problems with the CIA.
What do you want?
I want... your coding signature
in order to access Psychobook.
The Ark of the Covenant.
The original and most powerful
Psychobook terminal.
Holy ghost!
You just want to go back home
and I want to rewrite my role
in Betta Ethiopia.
You just need to insert
your coding signature
and Spaghetti will do the rest.
[Beeping]
'Welcome to Psychobook,
Agent D. T. Gagano.'
[Beeping]
Commandant, come see this.
The virus is hacking
the whole system.
Agent Gagano has activated
the tracking system
with his coding signature.
Put the satellite in position
and let's get rid of the virus.
[Professor] Satellite
over Betta Ethiopia.
Sir, Psychobook detected
the coding signature
of Agent Gagano.
I'm asking for permission
to destroy Betta Ethiopia.
Agent Gagano, sir.
Our field agent.
He's still alive inside.
'Mr. President, are you there?
'The whole system
is under attack!'
Commandant Rebane,
we can't annihilate
a whole region
just to kill a virus.
Sir, we can easily
rebuild the region,
'it won't take us
more than two days.'
I understand your point,
Commandant,
but my order
is to abort the mission.
Understood, sir.
'What about our annual meeting?'
[Distorted] Of course
I will attend
the golf championship.
We have full access
to all profiles and regions.
Excellent.
Kill Mr. Sophistication.
Now, I will put an end
to the reign of this arrogant
motherfucker, Mr. Batfro.
Don't you see, my friends?
Betta Ethiopia belongs to me,
Mr. Sophistication.
"Italiano."
What the hell is that?
[Both] The lord is my shepherd.
I shall have faith in him.
Hey you!
Agent D. T. Gagano, CIA!
You better surrender,
understand?
Shit!
Agent!
Whoa! Thank God, Palmer.
Get me out of here.
[Palmer] That's not possible,
kid.
You're in an irreversible coma
out there.
- You're not here to rescue me?
- Run! To the cabins.
They shut down the mission.
It's all over.
We had the opportunity
to kill Stalin,
what's wrong out there?
Run, kid!
Now that you're safe,
I need to go.
Why did you come then?
[Palmer] I'm on
a covert mission,
it's above your clearance.
I wish I could get you
out of here, but I can't.
Wake me up outside.
You're braindead, friend.
Try to understand.
I should go.
I... I'm suffocating! Help!
I'm suffocating! Please!
Please, I'm suffocating.
Please!
Oh, baby!
Oh, man, what a headache!
Oh, baby!
Wait... where the hell am I?
CIA Agent Gagano.
I'm Roy Mascarone.
Er... nice to meet you.
Roy Mascarone.
You know, until
a few minutes ago
I thought I was Jesus Christ.
You know Jesus, Jesus Christ?
But then I saw your face.
My face?
I'm sure I know you
from another place
and I'm sure
I can help you.
To go home?
Yes, and to know the truth
about this mission, Agent.
I hope my story can help you
understand yours, Agent Gagano.
It all starts when I wake up,
I'm on top of a mountain
and I'm kind of sleepy.
I don't remember anything
about my past
or who the hell I am, OK?
But then... listen, here comes
the most interesting part
of the story.
I start opening my eyes and
I think, "What is this place?
"I should get out of here
as soon possible."
This is what comes
to my mind, OK?
Just move, get out of here.
Then, I realize that something
like a voice inside of me
is telling me
that I am Jesus Christ.
I start walking, around me
there's only desert
as far as the eye can see.
And then, suddenly... I realize
I can perform miracles!
So I'm a hero
and I can do tricks.
All these powers made me very
unbelievable as a human being.
And then hey,
who is this guy again?
He's always at the beach.
His name is Palmer Eldritch.
I feel terrible, I'm dating
the wife of my colleague.
He says he's dating
his colleague's wife.
He also tells me
he's trafficking this thing
called the substance.
Palmer talks wonderful things
about the substance.
I follow him
into his secret den.
Man, I really wanna explore
the effects
of this mysterious substance.
And explore parallel dimensions,
multiethnic people.
Man, I start viewing
the substance
in my memorable hallucinations.
The people are waiting for me,
for the substance
of Reverend Roy.
The one that makes them explore
a new fascinating universe.
But fuck! I got caught
by this strange masked guy.
Run, run! Escape from him!
Get to a place
where he will never catch you.
He recodified me into one
of these disgusting flies
and sent me to a place
where I would never be
a threat again.
[Gagano] Siberia?
[Roy] No, the Pagagayo resort,
man.
The luxurious conditions
of the Papagayo resort
made me forget
about everything!
Then, I woke up in this yard
and I saw your face
and I remembered the truth.
I am Roy Mascarone,
not Jesus.
How did my face
make you remember?
Because, you gave me the keys
to my Mercedes-Benz, Agent.
[Gagano] But I've never
seen you before.
[Roy] Let me explain it
to you, man.
In 1997, Alan Foreman performed
a series of experiments at MIT.
They were successful
in creating a network
of makeshift data collections.
The most comprehensive analysis
of human behavior
ever conducted.
A brain mapping network
called Psychobook.
Excuse me!
Are these your keys?
Oh! Thanks, man.
I don't have pockets.
You're the owner of the pizza
place by the beach, right?
Yeah. I own it
with my girlfriend.
Roy Mascarone.
Are you here for the experiment?
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
The reality, man, is that
you and I are right now
in the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology
and the year is 1997.
Massachusetts?
What the hell is that?
The truth.
The place where you will wake up
after three centuries
or within the next hour
or in two days.
You don't work
for the CIA, Agent.
It's just a hallucination.
What?
God. Don't you see, Agent?
Operation Jungle, the CIA,
all of this
is just a virtual projection.
- We are in 1997.
- What?
They're playing with us.
To collect our reactions
to different situations.
You! You cheap copy of Jesus!
Let me go! Let me go!
You are charged with genocide
and crimes against humanity.
You will never catch me alive.
Shit! The substance
is in the candy.
Fuck!
I'm going to lock you up for
the next three thousand years!
There is no escape!
[Both] The lord is my shepherd.
I shall have faith in him.
What are you doing?
Come on, stand up!
Let's fight. Come on, guys.
Let's fight. Stand up!
Come on, stand up.
Let's fight together.
Come on!
Come on. Come on!
Come on!
Wait a second, your praying
is cracking the system.
- [Man] It's working!
- [Gagano] Do you see?
You have cracked
the speed of Psychobook!
Here you go.
Go back to your reality.
You belong to that world.
You must go now.
I'm sorry for failing you.
Bye, my Emperor.
Agent Gagano's mirror copy
has vanished.
Eliminate this avatar as well.
Sir, Commandant Rebane
is online.
Commandant, prepare the corpse
of Agent Gagano for disposal.
'He's still alive, sir.'
You must put an end
to his suffering.
I can't do that.
Proceed.
Salute!
You must increase your sales,
Lieutenant.
Stalin is not happy with you.
Increase my sales? Fuck you!
Huh?
It's him.
It's all I could save.
'Birdie! Birdie, I'm back!
I'm back!
- 'What day is it?'
- Saturday.
'We're not late.
We're still on time.'
Do you still want to come
with me, little fly?
'Of course.
I have a vision, my love.
'A new place by the sea.'
So, let me go to the gym
and pack my stuff.
'Malin, I know
you'll get angry at me
'but I have to complete
this mission.
'It's my duty and... Palmer
is dealing the substance.'
Who cares?
We're finally together, right?
'Aren't you happy to see me?'
[Phone ringing]
- Who's this?
- 'It's me, Agent Gagano.'
Impossible, you're dead.
'I'm not dead, sir, I'm trapped
inside a portable TV.'
Stay there.
I will pick you up.
'I'm here, Commandant.'
Operation Jungle
is something very big, Agent.
Bigger than you ever imagined.
Shit, Palmer!
He was just there!
[Palmer] Oh, no!
The CIA has taken him.
Sorry for this, Agent,
we can't trust you anymore.
'No!'
Captain Lagucci.
Lagucci! You motherfucker!
The Soviet virus
is not our enemy anymore.
- Stalin went missing.
- 'What happened to him?'
Well, we believe
that the Russians
destroyed the virus themselves
after losing control of it.
Let's go home.
The substance is our real enemy,
it's using us and the Russians
to colonize planet Earth.
It's using all of us
to spread and reproduce.
Oh, come on, guy,
I will take you home.
[Narrator] 'A ticking bomb
'means trouble
for Batman and Robin.'
[Robin] 'Holy breaking
and entering, it's Batgirl!'
'Quick, Batgirl, untie us
before it's too late.'
[Batgirl] 'It's already
too late.'
Are you sure
you're gonna be OK here?
- 'I am, Captain.'
- OK. "Ciao, ciao."
[Batgirl] 'Same job,
same employer
'means equal pay
for men and women.'
'No time for jokes, Batgirl.'
'It's no joke.
It's the Federal Equal Pay law.'
[Robin] 'Holy act of Congress.'
'If you're not getting
equal pay,
'contact the Wage
and Hour Division,
'U. S. Department of Labor.'
We must go, baby.
I made a good sale
at the carnival.
I'm not going anywhere
without him.
By now, he's probably
been turned into junk.
At least we made
some fresh money,
we must leave now
or the CIA will catch us.
I love you.
I love you.
Fuck you, asshole.
'Traitor!'
Fuck!
What the hell is that?
Get out! Get out!
Fuck.
Look, I bought you
some new batteries.
Listen, I wanted to tell you.
We're going to Mallorca
with Palmer.
- 'We?'
- The three of us.
We will open
the kickboxing academy.
'He stole our dream.
It was the two of us. Not him.'
You were dead.
'I was doing my job.
'In the nights,
I dreamt of our pizzeria,
'a beautiful restaurant
by the sea.'
You never told me
about your pizzeria.
'It really doesn't matter now.'
Palmer saved you.
He transferred
your consciousness
to this radio-cassette
before the Commandant...
'Shut up!
Palmer is dealing the substance.
'We were going
to have children.'
How? For God's sake,
you are a portable TV.
Don't you see?
Come with us to Mallorca,
little fly.
'It was the two of us.
'Turn me towards the window,
please.
'How is this possible?'
I can't leave you here,
don't you see?
'You must leave, Malin.'
You know, Johnny,
the entire universe
is like a viscoelastic mattress.
In a few seconds,
the mattress regains its shape
and the imprint
of the body vanishes.
Hey, for the glory of our lord,
the Reverend Roy!
'Thank God. Have mercy.
'Take me to the truth.
'It's my last chance.'
Don't worry, my friend.
The Reverend Roy,
who is the reincarnation
of Jesus Christ,
will take you with him.
Hurry up!
We don't have much time.
[Roy] Where shall we
find the truth?
[All] Body of Jesus Christ.
- It's not the human body.
- No, not the human body.
No, it's not the human body.
He comes from the kingdom
of vegetables.
No, it's not the human body.
He comes from the kingdom
of vegetables.
The oppressed ones, the slaves
are free in the kingdom of God.
Far beyond the stars.
In 1997.
The cops!
[Woman] Bastards!
Here!
Here!
The kid!
- Come on, give it to the kid!
- No, I don't want it.
Give it to the kid.
Here, Reverend!
Here, Reverend!
Here, Reverend!
Here! Here!
[Gunshots continue]
Gagano!
What are you doing here?
'There's no time to lose, Roy.
'What's all this charade about?'
I synthesized the doses
that will finally
get us out of here.
See you in MIT.
Go back to life...
together with the truth.
She's a bee that gets lost
with the changing wind,
she's a fish.
[Gunshots]
The Reverend escaped again.
Shit! He was faster once again.
[Officer] Mr. President!
- Burn down the place.
- There might be survivors, sir.
Come see this, Mr. President.
Do as I say. Burn it all down,
that's an order!
Oh, no!
Jesus Christ.
What the hell is this?
Sir, they were packaging
the substance in fish cans.
Those bastards! How?
They've been using
a ghost company
from Long Beach California, sir.
Sir, you're not
gonna believe this.
Reverend Roy was Chico Panero!
What?
Who the hell is Chico Panero?
We don't know, sir.
Damn. Shit!
Chico Panero!
Bring me all the information
on Chico Panero!
Find all the intel
and bring it to me!
I've been awake
for more than twenty minutes.
- Who is Roy Mascarone? You?
- No, that would be me!
Here he is.
Let me just...
- OK, your check.
- Oh, thank you.
There you go.
- Thank you. Bye!
- Thank you. Bye.
Commandant.
I'm still at your service.
Operation Jungle.
You're still confused, sir.
It's me. Agent D. T. Gagano.
You have shown some paranoid
symptoms during the experiment.
If you experience symptoms,
please contact us.
It's very important that you
contact us. Understand?
[Coughing]
Here is your check.
Thanks for participating.
- [Horn blares]
- Hey!
Excuse me, Roy.
Do you know
how to get to the highway?
Yeah, man, I'm heading that way.
Just follow me!
Sweetie, come on! We're late.
The pizzeria
should be open by now.
[Gagano] I got the money.
Now we can open
the kickboxing academy!
[Static continues]
[Static]
[Whirring]
[Professor] Sir, come see this!
[Commandant] God!
That's impossible.
[Professor] Something inside
must have killed Agent Tracy.
Playback Psychobook's analysis
of the mission.
Strange, a virus playing
against himself.
What the hell
is his master plan?
Keep this top secret, don't tell
the others about agent Tracy.
Yes, Commandant.
[Gasping]
- Call an ambulance.
- [Continues gasping]
[Telephone ringing]
[Palmer] Yes?
OK. Understood.
Agent D. T. Gagano.
Where the hell is your mind?
- Sorry, Lieutenant.
- Move your ass.
[Professor] Alarms went off
at 19:16.
A virus has taken
over the system.
It's source code is hidden
inside a region of Psychobook.
[Palmer] What type is it?
- Soviet Union computer virus.
- Damn Russians!
They are infecting
the whole system.
- Hey, Magnus!
- Hey! Have a good mission, man!
Lately, the Soviet Union
has been becoming more
and more aggressive
towards the management system.
[Grunts]
- Is something wrong?
- [Gagano] Back... back pain!
Status?
Uploading to Psychobook
in five, four, three.
I will be monitoring you.
'Boys, the suspect
is approaching the entrance.
'You have 45 seconds.'
Block him with a force ring.
'Impossible, he doesn't have
an implanted chip.'
Shit, he's a Soviet! Put me
in touch with the Professor.
- Continue fumigating.
- Yes, sir.
[Telephone ringing]
I've got the virus source code.
We need your assistance
right now.
Send over the satellite.
What the hell are you doing
in my house?
Pest Control state company.
What the fuck?
I'm putting an end to the plague
in this building.
No, these are a bunch of fake...
Jiminy, we need support.
Use Zeus Satellite
to neutralize him!
'I need the target's
coordinates.'
Run, now!
- Palmer.
- Relax, man.
It's time to die, Agents!
Jiminy, he's on the water tower!
[Screaming]
[Indistinct advert
on loudspeaker]
What the hell happened here?
The virus is striking again.
It has attacked Psychobook's
advertising system.
Now...
OK, Malin, it's enough
for today.
Your poor husband
has been waiting there
for more than ten minutes.
Come and have a shower
with me, boy.
OK.
[Screaming]
- What's wrong?
- My back!
Birdie, are you sleeping?
I'm gonna hand in
my resignation tomorrow.
- I'm done with the CIA.
- Are you sure?
I love you, birdie.
I love you, my little fly.
[Man moaning on TV]
'Yeah... oh!'
[Moaning continues]
'Ooh, yeah!'
'Mr. Batfro!'
[Sirens wailing]
[Palmer] 'Stop watching
this Russian propaganda
'and get your skinny ass
into the office right away.
'We have a Code Red.'
- Right now?
- 'Yes, right now!'
[Malin] What's going on?
Where the hell are you going?
I'll be right back.
It's just a moment.
Thank God you're quitting.
Duty calls, for the last time.
Lieutenant Palmer, Agent Gagano.
Tonight you will be facing
Operation Jungle.
Please, Professor.
The CIA believes
that the Soviet Union virus
is planning a big operation
to take over Psychobook.
After analyzing the piece
of code you brought,
we've found an anomaly in
Psychobook's old abandoned CPU.
Your mission
is to retrieve samples
of any anomalous substance
found inside that factory.
Any questions?
How do we enter
the domain of the virus?
Our hackers were able to track
the Soviet Union
protection system,
so we will drop
your avatars in there.
[Telephone ringing]
You're talking
with the President
of the United States of America.
Commandant Alfons Rebane.
Estonia.
'Commandant,
give me the update.'
Operation Jungle will
be launching tomorrow night.
Excellent!
Keep me posted, Commandant.
[Malin] The owners told me
we can visit the place tomorrow,
it's just an hour's drive
from here.
We could put the counter here
on this side.
You see?
- What do you think, darling?
- Pepperoni, fresh tomato.
You are not listening to me.
I think it's a good idea.
Let's go there, little fly,
let's give it a try.
Let's leave this horrid city
and try.
But... I'm a CIA agent.
Things are not so simple.
So you didn't drop in
your resignation letter...
Well... let's just plan for it.
Plan it?
We've been talking and talking.
It's been seven years,
my little fly.
You don't give a shit
about my kickboxing academy.
I do, but...
But what?
I'm tired of planning!
But, birdie...
I told my boss I'll be leaving
by the end of the week.
You can stay with your special
force, Agent Gagano.
The system will be cracked soon.
The old CPU must be right there.
This will be my last mission,
Palmer.
We have been saving up
to open this kickboxing academy.
Big, famous kickboxing academy.
Why don't you open
a pizzeria instead?
A pizzeria? Me?
Nah, it's just a hobby.
What about you, Palmer?
- What about me?
- About the future.
The future?
[Scoffs]
Who cares about the future?
Commandant, is the CIA aware
that you're sending two men
to their probable death?
Professor, no agent dies
inside Psychobook.
It's just a virtual reality.
Tell that to Agent Tracy.
Are you challenging
my command, Professor?
With all due respect, this new
threat is unknown, Commandant.
Please, shut up,
they are right here.
Don't be so worried.
They can't hear you.
They're in there.
Jiminy, we are in position.
[Jiminy] 'Message from
Commandant Alfons Rebane.'
[Commandant] 'Lieutenant Palmer,
are you alone?'
Yes, sir.
Make sure it's the dwarf
who manipulates
any kind of substance.
We wouldn't want
to put you in any risk.
'You're too valuable
for the CIA.'
'End of the message.'
Lieutenant!
Come see this.
[Palmer] It looks like
the substance from the CIA lab.
[Gagano] But that's impossible.
The government has the monopoly
over the synthesis.
Come on, take a couple
of samples.
I'm starting to feel dizzy.
Dammit, the substance
might be emitting gas.
Jiminy! Gas mask.
I need a mask!
Palmer, the mask!
Jiminy, create a gas mask!
Oh, this is painful, Palmer.
Please wake me up!
Don't be a chicken,
I will see you outside
in a few seconds.
Lieutenant!
Let's deactivate
Psychobook's monitoring system.
- I can't do that.
- Do you want to die?
I can't die in here, Stalin.
OK, enough, I'm leaving.
It was nice to see you.
Jiminy, take me home!
'Loading the way out.'
[Scoffs] This
will only keep us
out of the network
for a moment, General Stalin.
Operation Jungle
is now in our hands,
Lieutenant Palmer Eldritch.
You know me?
Are you kidding me?
I'm a virus.
I know you better than yourself.
What do you want?
Help me sell the substance.
You'll be very rich.
I don't make deals
with computer viruses.
Ahahah, you will!
Look!
Who were you serving
when you fucked
Commandant Alfons Rebane's wife,
you dirty bastard?
Make the right deals
and I will make you rich.
Betray me and I will
dismember you in the real world.
Fuck.
Try to wake him up, Professor.
Sorry, but that's not possible.
Shit.
What the hell happened inside?
Ladies and gentleman,
Captain Lagucci
performing for you tonight.
Yeah.
Yeah...
[In German] Lick this!
[In German] Lick this!
Asshole.
Fuck it!
Excuse me.
You must leave right now.
Do you see anybody else here?
Do you see?
I don't see anybody else here.
This show is for me!
Ooh...
[Indistinct insult]
Captain Lagucci is not dancing
for you, baby,
she's dancing for the universe.
[Telephone ringing]
Hello?
Malin, it's for you, darling.
Hello?
Please promise, if he passes,
he must pass at home, with me.
- Hey, I will try.
- Please, promise.
Hey, I promise.
You see? I promise.
I promise you.
Don't worry, I... I promise.
Promise...
What the fuck are you doing?
That was not my intention,
I just...
You're such a brute.
What happened between us
was a big mistake.
OK, that's fine.
Create a mirror doppelganger
of Agent Gagano.
Mirror copy created.
Upload our copy into Betta
Ethiopia.
[Woman] Copy uploaded,
Comrade Stalin.
[Gagano] Excuse me, waiter.
What would you like to eat, sir?
Just a pizza margarita.
[Waiter] Pizza... mar-ga-ri-ta.
OK, sir. Anything to drink?
No, thanks.
[Man] Huh? Shit man,
how unfortunate!
It's the government's
fucking president.
[PA] 'Round one!'
[PA] 'You win!'
This is the substance!
Vote for Batfro!
Damn drug addicts!
[PA] 'Continue voting for Batfro
as your favorite president,
'the chosen one to eradicate
the damn drug addicts.'
[Man] Shut up! Not even your
own mother would vote for you.
Don't you like the pizza, sir?
It's fine... but the oven
is not heating the bottom enough
so the base of the pizza
is too soft.
May I have the bill, please?
I hope you accept credit cards.
Phew!
Jiminy, priority message.
'Trying to find a secure
connection, please hold.'
Here is Agent Gagano,
last known location was
the abandoned Psychobook's CPU.
I paid with my credit card,
you should be able
to track my position.
'New message from headquarters.'
'Agent, new position identified
as Betta Ethiopia.
'Wait for instructions.'
Come on, guys, take me home!
[Italian accent] Hello, sir.
This is Mr. Sophistication.
Sorry for calling you so late,
but, er... we have a problem
with the credit card
in the restaurant.
[Jiminy] 'Agent D. T. Gagano.'
Thank God.
[Commandant] 'I have
bad news, Agent.
'I'm afraid you're in
an irreversible coma.
'We can't wake you up.'
What?
What the hell, Commandant!
'What you're experiencing
'is the last traces
of your mental activity.'
[Gagano] 'Something
must be wrong.
'This partition of the system
looks very real.'
You don't have
much time left, kid,
although Psychobook is still
able to track your inner-voice.
'You're wrong, Commandant.
I'm here!
'Don't you see me?'
[Waiter] Sir! Could you please
open the door?
'I hope you are still able
to receive this message.
'They told me
it will be the last one.'
No!
This must be a stupid mistake.
'Your brain is fading, my love.
'Rest in peace.'
'End of the message.'
Listen, birdie.
I will come back before Sunday.
This is my last mission.
'Listen, Agent, the Soviet Union
is planning something big.
'Try to find out
before you wither and die.
'Good luck and sorry.'
Shit!
[Jiminy] 'End of the message.'
Here you are, you drug addict!
You motherfucker.
What did you do to him?
How can he die?
All this shit
is just a computer game.
We are trying to find out, lady.
Bring him back to me!
You go inside
that computer game!
- Easy. Easy!
- Go and bring him back!
Malin, please stop!
Please, please.
Malin!
[Beeping]
Fuck you, Stalin.
What is this?
- My savings.
- My ass.
Where did you get
a pink Mastercard?
What's going on?
Where's the money
coming from, Palmer?
I was thinking I could help you
open the most...
[Malicious laughter
in the distance]
...the most beautiful
kickboxing academy
anybody has ever, ever seen.
Did you bring the goods,
mister man?
Transfer the money
to my credit card.
First the goods!
Your money's transferred.
[Door opening]
- Stop! Police!
- The cops!
Fuck!
Look, dwarf, we have a problem.
This piece of crap is fake.
In this country
only one type of person
uses false credit cards.
Can you stop
fucking interrupting me?
Oh, I'm very sorry, sir.
[Batfro] Do you want
to scare the kid?
[Gagano] Hey! I'm grown-ass man!
[Batfro] Put the gun away! Now!
[Sophistication] I'm sorry, sir.
For god's sake!
What was I saying?
- In this country...
- Ah, yes!
In this country
only the drug dealers
that work for Reverend Roy
use false credit cards.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Please, Mr. Sophistication,
do your thing.
- Who are you working for?
- For no one!
Get down on your knees. Now!
Stop! He's just a child!
So... we have a brave man here.
You're talking to a patriot,
show a little bit of respect.
I will teach you some respect.
Lick my boots.
Go ahead and lick them!
[Man] You're a disgrace
to the country.
Hey! You! Leave him alone!
[Gunshots]
[Sighs]
He was obviously a hippie.
Fuck!
What the hell?
Shit.
Fuck this.
Prince, we are at your service.
I'm not your prince.
Come on, you're immortal!
You've been sent to fight Batfro
and his false democracy.
That arrogant president
is a disgrace to our country.
[Jiminy] 'Error.'
Jiminy, are you still
able to track?
'Error.'
What is that?
The virus must be generating
doppelgangers.
'Agent, Betta Ethiopia
is outside
'of the domain of the virus
Soviet Union.'
Record my voice.
'Impossible to record
the message.
'Inner-voice signal
too weak to be tracked.'
Have you seen that sorcery?
'Signal too low.
Signal too low.
[Static, fading]
'Signal too low.'
Jiminy? Jiminy!
Wake up. I must wake up!
Wake up. I must wake up.
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up, Gagano!
Wake up! Wake up!
Please, my Prince!
You're going to hurt yourself.
Stop, Prince.
- Wake up, Gagano. Wake up!
- Please, my Prince!
Wake up. Wake up, Gagano!
Wake up, wake up!
[Telephone ringing]
What?
Sir, Mr. Sophistication
is here.
Why did you let him?
Hello, sir.
My kung fu masters.
Spaghetti.
Ravioli.
Baltazar.
[Laughs]
Tell them to bring me a whisky.
What's your plan
for the dwarf, sir?
What are you gonna do
with him?
I will lock him up forever!
- Please, sir.
- 'Mr. President.
'The midget is more important
than you can imagine.
'He's the key element
to strengthen our relations.'
My dear Stalin,
are you talking
about the military agreement
with the Soviet Union?
'I'm talking about
a new agreement
'to take over
the whole Psychobook.
'The midget is a CIA agent
'and can give us full access
to the source code.'
What do you need
to organize this?
'First, to crack the system,
'we need to get our hands
on the most powerful terminal.
'The Ark of the Covenant.'
[Batfro] The Ark is protected
by a Shaolin monk.
He's invincible.
Psychobook programmed him
with Force 7.
[Sophistication] Let my kung fu
masters handle this.
They will get
the Ark of the Covenant for us.
[PA] 'Round one!'
[PA] 'You lose!'
'Upgrade the kung fu masters
to Force 8.'
[PA] 'Upgrade complete.'
[PA] 'Round two.'
[PA] 'You win!
'The Arc is yours!'
"Davvero. Grazie, grazie."
'"Davvero. Grazie, grazie."'
Now that we have the old relic,
let's get the key.
Mr. President.
Congratulations, Mr. President.
This new agreement
with the Soviet Union
will give us full access
to all the profiles
and regions of Psychobook.
We will be able to protect
our dear citizens
against bad guys.
[Indistinct chatter]
- Sir.
- Get out!
Sir, can I borrow
your dwarf tomorrow?
Of course not.
Sir, I can make him
give us the code.
Are you deaf or something?
You don't trust me,
Mr. President?
Do you take me for a fool?
I'm sorry, baby.
I'm just talking to this...
he's a jackass.
So why don't we
collaborate together?
[Batfro] I don't trust
this clown in the hat.
Batfro, you will soon
rule over Psychobook,
let Mr. Sophistication
do his job.
OK. Comrade Stalin, I will do it
as a personal favor to you.
[Laughing]
[Footsteps]
Agent, tomorrow you will obey
Mr. Sophistication's orders.
And I will send you home
so you can get your revenge.
[Gagano] What revenge?
Do you want to see the truth?
This is the truth!
Harder! Come inside me.
I'm trying to come.
Yes, yes, yes!
I'm so wet. You're so big!
It's so big!
It's tearing me apart.
[Palmer] What the fuck is that?
[Stalin] Obey our instructions
and get your revenge.
You can't trick me
with your lies!
Your game is over, Stalin.
You hear me?
Your game is over.
The game is over.
Don't cry, my little Prince.
You must be strong.
Be strong.
You must be strong, my Prince.
Don't cry.
Come on, my little Prince,
don't cry.
Be strong, my little Prince.
[Gagano] Wait a second.
Wait a second!
Wait a second!
Now I can see my dream.
I'm already feeling much better.
I'm the Emperor
of Betta Ethiopia
so I can do whatever I want.
Anything in the world!
Everything in the world!
And I can open a pizzeria,
it's my pizzeria!
And I will do it with Malin,
my beloved Malin.
She's so beautiful.
She's like poetry,
like the cool breeze
on a summer's day.
My love... my everything.
Stop sodomizing me, Agent,
and try to find a way
to wake up!
There is something wrong
with the mission,
- I need to find the substance.
- What for?
It's the only way back to Malin.
Do you understand?
Forget that woman.
You are the savior.
She is just a temptation
of the devil.
How do I know you're not a
figment of my imagination, huh?
You belong here,
you're the savior.
You're not real,
you're part of my imagination.
- This is a shame, Messiah!
- [Gagano] You understand?
Messiah, this is a shame.
Yeah... shit.
You're our only hope.
You were sent to us
to liberate our land,
to rid us of the fascists.
[Batfro] Take the dwarf
to Mr. Sophistication.
And no tricks!
Please, Agent,
accept my apologies.
I don't wanna create
any problems with the CIA.
What do you want?
I want... your coding signature
in order to access Psychobook.
The Ark of the Covenant.
The original and most powerful
Psychobook terminal.
Holy ghost!
You just want to go back home
and I want to rewrite my role
in Betta Ethiopia.
You just need to insert
your coding signature
and Spaghetti will do the rest.
[Beeping]
'Welcome to Psychobook,
Agent D. T. Gagano.'
[Beeping]
Commandant, come see this.
The virus is hacking
the whole system.
Agent Gagano has activated
the tracking system
with his coding signature.
Put the satellite in position
and let's get rid of the virus.
[Professor] Satellite
over Betta Ethiopia.
Sir, Psychobook detected
the coding signature
of Agent Gagano.
I'm asking for permission
to destroy Betta Ethiopia.
Agent Gagano, sir.
Our field agent.
He's still alive inside.
'Mr. President, are you there?
'The whole system
is under attack!'
Commandant Rebane,
we can't annihilate
a whole region
just to kill a virus.
Sir, we can easily
rebuild the region,
'it won't take us
more than two days.'
I understand your point,
Commandant,
but my order
is to abort the mission.
Understood, sir.
'What about our annual meeting?'
[Distorted] Of course
I will attend
the golf championship.
We have full access
to all profiles and regions.
Excellent.
Kill Mr. Sophistication.
Now, I will put an end
to the reign of this arrogant
motherfucker, Mr. Batfro.
Don't you see, my friends?
Betta Ethiopia belongs to me,
Mr. Sophistication.
"Italiano."
What the hell is that?
[Both] The lord is my shepherd.
I shall have faith in him.
Hey you!
Agent D. T. Gagano, CIA!
You better surrender,
understand?
Shit!
Agent!
Whoa! Thank God, Palmer.
Get me out of here.
[Palmer] That's not possible,
kid.
You're in an irreversible coma
out there.
- You're not here to rescue me?
- Run! To the cabins.
They shut down the mission.
It's all over.
We had the opportunity
to kill Stalin,
what's wrong out there?
Run, kid!
Now that you're safe,
I need to go.
Why did you come then?
[Palmer] I'm on
a covert mission,
it's above your clearance.
I wish I could get you
out of here, but I can't.
Wake me up outside.
You're braindead, friend.
Try to understand.
I should go.
I... I'm suffocating! Help!
I'm suffocating! Please!
Please, I'm suffocating.
Please!
Oh, baby!
Oh, man, what a headache!
Oh, baby!
Wait... where the hell am I?
CIA Agent Gagano.
I'm Roy Mascarone.
Er... nice to meet you.
Roy Mascarone.
You know, until
a few minutes ago
I thought I was Jesus Christ.
You know Jesus, Jesus Christ?
But then I saw your face.
My face?
I'm sure I know you
from another place
and I'm sure
I can help you.
To go home?
Yes, and to know the truth
about this mission, Agent.
I hope my story can help you
understand yours, Agent Gagano.
It all starts when I wake up,
I'm on top of a mountain
and I'm kind of sleepy.
I don't remember anything
about my past
or who the hell I am, OK?
But then... listen, here comes
the most interesting part
of the story.
I start opening my eyes and
I think, "What is this place?
"I should get out of here
as soon possible."
This is what comes
to my mind, OK?
Just move, get out of here.
Then, I realize that something
like a voice inside of me
is telling me
that I am Jesus Christ.
I start walking, around me
there's only desert
as far as the eye can see.
And then, suddenly... I realize
I can perform miracles!
So I'm a hero
and I can do tricks.
All these powers made me very
unbelievable as a human being.
And then hey,
who is this guy again?
He's always at the beach.
His name is Palmer Eldritch.
I feel terrible, I'm dating
the wife of my colleague.
He says he's dating
his colleague's wife.
He also tells me
he's trafficking this thing
called the substance.
Palmer talks wonderful things
about the substance.
I follow him
into his secret den.
Man, I really wanna explore
the effects
of this mysterious substance.
And explore parallel dimensions,
multiethnic people.
Man, I start viewing
the substance
in my memorable hallucinations.
The people are waiting for me,
for the substance
of Reverend Roy.
The one that makes them explore
a new fascinating universe.
But fuck! I got caught
by this strange masked guy.
Run, run! Escape from him!
Get to a place
where he will never catch you.
He recodified me into one
of these disgusting flies
and sent me to a place
where I would never be
a threat again.
[Gagano] Siberia?
[Roy] No, the Pagagayo resort,
man.
The luxurious conditions
of the Papagayo resort
made me forget
about everything!
Then, I woke up in this yard
and I saw your face
and I remembered the truth.
I am Roy Mascarone,
not Jesus.
How did my face
make you remember?
Because, you gave me the keys
to my Mercedes-Benz, Agent.
[Gagano] But I've never
seen you before.
[Roy] Let me explain it
to you, man.
In 1997, Alan Foreman performed
a series of experiments at MIT.
They were successful
in creating a network
of makeshift data collections.
The most comprehensive analysis
of human behavior
ever conducted.
A brain mapping network
called Psychobook.
Excuse me!
Are these your keys?
Oh! Thanks, man.
I don't have pockets.
You're the owner of the pizza
place by the beach, right?
Yeah. I own it
with my girlfriend.
Roy Mascarone.
Are you here for the experiment?
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
The reality, man, is that
you and I are right now
in the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology
and the year is 1997.
Massachusetts?
What the hell is that?
The truth.
The place where you will wake up
after three centuries
or within the next hour
or in two days.
You don't work
for the CIA, Agent.
It's just a hallucination.
What?
God. Don't you see, Agent?
Operation Jungle, the CIA,
all of this
is just a virtual projection.
- We are in 1997.
- What?
They're playing with us.
To collect our reactions
to different situations.
You! You cheap copy of Jesus!
Let me go! Let me go!
You are charged with genocide
and crimes against humanity.
You will never catch me alive.
Shit! The substance
is in the candy.
Fuck!
I'm going to lock you up for
the next three thousand years!
There is no escape!
[Both] The lord is my shepherd.
I shall have faith in him.
What are you doing?
Come on, stand up!
Let's fight. Come on, guys.
Let's fight. Stand up!
Come on, stand up.
Let's fight together.
Come on!
Come on. Come on!
Come on!
Wait a second, your praying
is cracking the system.
- [Man] It's working!
- [Gagano] Do you see?
You have cracked
the speed of Psychobook!
Here you go.
Go back to your reality.
You belong to that world.
You must go now.
I'm sorry for failing you.
Bye, my Emperor.
Agent Gagano's mirror copy
has vanished.
Eliminate this avatar as well.
Sir, Commandant Rebane
is online.
Commandant, prepare the corpse
of Agent Gagano for disposal.
'He's still alive, sir.'
You must put an end
to his suffering.
I can't do that.
Proceed.
Salute!
You must increase your sales,
Lieutenant.
Stalin is not happy with you.
Increase my sales? Fuck you!
Huh?
It's him.
It's all I could save.
'Birdie! Birdie, I'm back!
I'm back!
- 'What day is it?'
- Saturday.
'We're not late.
We're still on time.'
Do you still want to come
with me, little fly?
'Of course.
I have a vision, my love.
'A new place by the sea.'
So, let me go to the gym
and pack my stuff.
'Malin, I know
you'll get angry at me
'but I have to complete
this mission.
'It's my duty and... Palmer
is dealing the substance.'
Who cares?
We're finally together, right?
'Aren't you happy to see me?'
[Phone ringing]
- Who's this?
- 'It's me, Agent Gagano.'
Impossible, you're dead.
'I'm not dead, sir, I'm trapped
inside a portable TV.'
Stay there.
I will pick you up.
'I'm here, Commandant.'
Operation Jungle
is something very big, Agent.
Bigger than you ever imagined.
Shit, Palmer!
He was just there!
[Palmer] Oh, no!
The CIA has taken him.
Sorry for this, Agent,
we can't trust you anymore.
'No!'
Captain Lagucci.
Lagucci! You motherfucker!
The Soviet virus
is not our enemy anymore.
- Stalin went missing.
- 'What happened to him?'
Well, we believe
that the Russians
destroyed the virus themselves
after losing control of it.
Let's go home.
The substance is our real enemy,
it's using us and the Russians
to colonize planet Earth.
It's using all of us
to spread and reproduce.
Oh, come on, guy,
I will take you home.
[Narrator] 'A ticking bomb
'means trouble
for Batman and Robin.'
[Robin] 'Holy breaking
and entering, it's Batgirl!'
'Quick, Batgirl, untie us
before it's too late.'
[Batgirl] 'It's already
too late.'
Are you sure
you're gonna be OK here?
- 'I am, Captain.'
- OK. "Ciao, ciao."
[Batgirl] 'Same job,
same employer
'means equal pay
for men and women.'
'No time for jokes, Batgirl.'
'It's no joke.
It's the Federal Equal Pay law.'
[Robin] 'Holy act of Congress.'
'If you're not getting
equal pay,
'contact the Wage
and Hour Division,
'U. S. Department of Labor.'
We must go, baby.
I made a good sale
at the carnival.
I'm not going anywhere
without him.
By now, he's probably
been turned into junk.
At least we made
some fresh money,
we must leave now
or the CIA will catch us.
I love you.
I love you.
Fuck you, asshole.
'Traitor!'
Fuck!
What the hell is that?
Get out! Get out!
Fuck.
Look, I bought you
some new batteries.
Listen, I wanted to tell you.
We're going to Mallorca
with Palmer.
- 'We?'
- The three of us.
We will open
the kickboxing academy.
'He stole our dream.
It was the two of us. Not him.'
You were dead.
'I was doing my job.
'In the nights,
I dreamt of our pizzeria,
'a beautiful restaurant
by the sea.'
You never told me
about your pizzeria.
'It really doesn't matter now.'
Palmer saved you.
He transferred
your consciousness
to this radio-cassette
before the Commandant...
'Shut up!
Palmer is dealing the substance.
'We were going
to have children.'
How? For God's sake,
you are a portable TV.
Don't you see?
Come with us to Mallorca,
little fly.
'It was the two of us.
'Turn me towards the window,
please.
'How is this possible?'
I can't leave you here,
don't you see?
'You must leave, Malin.'
You know, Johnny,
the entire universe
is like a viscoelastic mattress.
In a few seconds,
the mattress regains its shape
and the imprint
of the body vanishes.
Hey, for the glory of our lord,
the Reverend Roy!
'Thank God. Have mercy.
'Take me to the truth.
'It's my last chance.'
Don't worry, my friend.
The Reverend Roy,
who is the reincarnation
of Jesus Christ,
will take you with him.
Hurry up!
We don't have much time.
[Roy] Where shall we
find the truth?
[All] Body of Jesus Christ.
- It's not the human body.
- No, not the human body.
No, it's not the human body.
He comes from the kingdom
of vegetables.
No, it's not the human body.
He comes from the kingdom
of vegetables.
The oppressed ones, the slaves
are free in the kingdom of God.
Far beyond the stars.
In 1997.
The cops!
[Woman] Bastards!
Here!
Here!
The kid!
- Come on, give it to the kid!
- No, I don't want it.
Give it to the kid.
Here, Reverend!
Here, Reverend!
Here, Reverend!
Here! Here!
[Gunshots continue]
Gagano!
What are you doing here?
'There's no time to lose, Roy.
'What's all this charade about?'
I synthesized the doses
that will finally
get us out of here.
See you in MIT.
Go back to life...
together with the truth.
She's a bee that gets lost
with the changing wind,
she's a fish.
[Gunshots]
The Reverend escaped again.
Shit! He was faster once again.
[Officer] Mr. President!
- Burn down the place.
- There might be survivors, sir.
Come see this, Mr. President.
Do as I say. Burn it all down,
that's an order!
Oh, no!
Jesus Christ.
What the hell is this?
Sir, they were packaging
the substance in fish cans.
Those bastards! How?
They've been using
a ghost company
from Long Beach California, sir.
Sir, you're not
gonna believe this.
Reverend Roy was Chico Panero!
What?
Who the hell is Chico Panero?
We don't know, sir.
Damn. Shit!
Chico Panero!
Bring me all the information
on Chico Panero!
Find all the intel
and bring it to me!
I've been awake
for more than twenty minutes.
- Who is Roy Mascarone? You?
- No, that would be me!
Here he is.
Let me just...
- OK, your check.
- Oh, thank you.
There you go.
- Thank you. Bye!
- Thank you. Bye.
Commandant.
I'm still at your service.
Operation Jungle.
You're still confused, sir.
It's me. Agent D. T. Gagano.
You have shown some paranoid
symptoms during the experiment.
If you experience symptoms,
please contact us.
It's very important that you
contact us. Understand?
[Coughing]
Here is your check.
Thanks for participating.
- [Horn blares]
- Hey!
Excuse me, Roy.
Do you know
how to get to the highway?
Yeah, man, I'm heading that way.
Just follow me!
Sweetie, come on! We're late.
The pizzeria
should be open by now.
[Gagano] I got the money.
Now we can open
the kickboxing academy!