Jeffrey (1995) - full transcript
Jeffrey, a young gay man in New York, decides that sex is too much and decides to become celibate. He immediately meets the man of his dreams and must decide whether or not love is worth the danger of a boyfriend dying.
(lively jazz music)
- [Jeffrey] I love sex!
It's just one of the
truly great ideas.
I mean, just the fact
that our bodies have this
built-in capacity for joy,
oh, just, it makes me love God.
Yes!
(fireworks bursting)
(moaning) (lively jazz music)
Sorry.
- [Man] What?
- [Jeffrey] It broke.
- [Man] It broke?
- [Jeffrey] Don't worry.
- [Man] It broke?
- [Jeffrey] It's okay.
- It broke?!
(panting) (lively jazz music)
- Let's just cuddle.
- [Jeffrey] Cuddle?
- Like little bunnies
or little babies.
It's so much better.
Safer.
- Than what?
- Than sex.
- That's my latest medical test.
- Mm-hm.
. The results of my blood
test from a month ago.
- A month ago?
- Last week.
- Last week?
- This afternoon.
- I'm also gonna need to
know the name of your internist,
your most recent
X-rays, your passport,
and a list of your
previous sexual contacts.
- But isn't that
a little extreme?
- Do you want the apartment?
(lively jazz music)
(gasps)
(lively jazz music)
- No!
(panting)
No, I can't take it.
It's insane.
Enough.
Sex is too sacred to
be treated this way.
Sex was never meant to
be safe or negotiated or fatal.
So I really did it.
This guy...
I'm in bed with him,
and he starts crying.
So he says...
- I'm sorry.
It's just...
This used to be so much fun.
- So, no sex.
Not for me.
Done.
- Excuse me,
where's Third Avenue?
(sighs)
- It's right over there.
- Thanks a lot.
- Sure, any time.
Don't mention it.
Welcome.
Welcome.
And you know what?
Oh.
It's gonna be fine.
Because I am a
naturally cheerful person
and I will find a
substitute for sex.
Sex Light, Sex Helper, I
Can't Believe It's Not Sex!
I'll find a great new way to
live, and a way to be happy.
So no sex.
No sex!
I'm ready, I'm
willing, let's go.
(upbeat music)
(metal clanking) (upbeat music)
That's the answer.
I'll just pour all my physical
needs into working out.
No sex, just sweat.
Can I get a spot?
(upbeat music)
(lively orchestral music)
- You got it.
How much do you want...
On?
- 45s.
- I just joined.
You like it here?
- Yeah, a lot.
Yeah.
- Steve.
- Jeffrey.
(coughs)
Jeff.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Sure.
Oh.
(snorts)
(upbeat music)
- So, do you want to...
Do your set?
- Oh, yeah.
Sure.
(panting)
- Ready?
- Oh, yeah.
(upbeat music)
- One, two, that's
right, three, four.
You love it.
Come on, come on.
Five.
Six.
One more, come on.
Get ready.
I'm with you, don't stop.
Push it, push it, you
want it, you need it.
Come on, give me everything,
every ounce, every drop.
Pump it, pump it, baby.
Oh, my God, you are too much.
You are the best, you are
the most, you are the king.
You're there, you're doing it.
(groaning)
Come to papa.
You're on it.
Go, go, go.
(groaning)
(panting)
Great set.
- You, too, I mean...
Thanks for the spot.
- Any time.
You look, oof, great!
- Thanks.
- You look terrific.
- Jeffrey
Jeff.
- Yeah?
- What would happen if
I kissed you, right now?
- What?
- You want to?
(upbeat music)
- Uh, I have to...
The water fountain.
- [Steve] Chicken shit!
- I am not, I'm
dehydrated, I need carbs.
- Get ready.
- No, I need
to work on my abs.
I need a protein shake.
Do you like amino acids?
- You bet.
(upbeat music)
- Oh, man!
- Gross!
That's disgusting.
- I'm gonna puke.
- [Both Girls] Aw!
(upbeat music)
- No.
(upbeat music)
(traffic humming)
(car honking)
(tires screeching)
(groaning)
Oh, Jesus!
(groaning)
(bell ringing)
Thank you.
(bell ringing)
(cheerful instrumental music)
- You saw Mother Teresa?
- I swear, she helped me up.
- But how did she look?
- Oh, I don't know.
She was walking.
She looked great.
- Oh, please, she's
had work done.
Can I do this?
Or do I look like some
sort of gay superhero?
- Sterling, I think
I'm giving up sex.
- You are?
- Why?
- Well, I just think it's time.
I mean, I love sex so much,
but everything has
gotten too scary.
It's too overwhelming.
- My dear, what you
need is a relationship.
- A relationship?
- Hm, and shoes.
. If you had a boyfriend,
then you'd relax.
You'd set the rules once,
then everything will be fine.
That's what Darius and I did,
and we've been together now
for almost two years.
- Yes, but Darius is a dancer.
He's in Cats.
- Oh, my!
- Exactly.
I said you needed a
boyfriend, not a person.
I mean, I really do love Darius.
I love his body.
I love his smile.
He has great hands and feet.
I mean, on some dancers,
the toes are all smashed,
and I would just simply say:
"Sorry, Misha,
not without socks."
Oh, and Darius loves me.
Lord knows why.
- And how is Darius?
Is he back in the show?
- Of course, he's fine.
It's just a reaction to the AZT.
They adjusted the dose.
He's great!
- Of course.
(gentle jazz music)
- You think I don't
know how I sound.
Of course I know.
But I have made a decision.
I've always been
lucky, all my life.
Well, obviously.
And I intend to stay lucky.
N'est-ce pas?
- And you still have sex?
- Of course.
Safe sex, the best.
Two cappuccinos.
Thank you, darling, big kiss.
The earring, fun.
Last year.
I mean, Jeffrey, it's just sex.
- Just sex?
(lively jazz music)
(audience cheering)
- Hi, I'm Skip Winkley, and
welcome to It's Just Sex.
The show where we
explore human sexuality
and win big prizes.
(audience cheering)
And what a great group of
contestants we have today.
- Three gay men.
- Hi, Skip.
- Hey, Skip.
- Bisexual.
- Oh, me too.
- Now it's time to
play It's Just Sex.
Remember, each
question may have more
than one correct answer.
The most stylish reply wins.
(audience cheering)
Thank you, Cheryl.
Isn't she lovely?
Look who I'm asking.
(laughs)
Question number one.
What seemingly harmless
events can now be fatal
if they occur during sex?
(machines whistle)
- A paper cut.
- Recent dental work.
- Fluorescent lighting.
- Correct, for 100 points!
(audience cheering)
Question number two.
Who is your favorite
sexual fantasy?
(machines whistle)
- Denzel Washington.
- That guy at the gym.
- Yoko Ono.
To see the apartment.
- Correct again, for 100 points!
(audience cheering)
And now, our bonus round,
where everything can change.
For 500 points.
Let's say there's a fellow
who just loves having sex
more than anything.
What will happen to him
if he just flat out,
dag-nabbit, stops?
- Oh, my.
- Ooh.
(machine quacks)
- Skip, my answer is this:
if the fellow stops having sex
he will pour himself
into his career
and all that rechanneled energy
will create incredible
career karma
and he'll be a huge success,
and fantastically happy.
(machine whistles)
- Absolutely right!
(audience cheering)
- [Jeffrey] Oh, my God!
- Hold it.
Hold it, the judges
have a question.
Nothing really, just
a minor technicality.
It is true that a soaring career
will compensate for no sex,
but what exactly is your career?
- Well, I'm an actor...
Waiter.
- Which means...
- I win!
(machine whistles)
(audience cheering)
(lively jazz music)
- Okay, so I'm an
unemployed actor.
But I'm talented.
I think I am.
Last week, I read for
a part on a TV show.
- Read page 33.
The show is Manhattan Precinct.
The role is Police
Officer number two.
Now, remember,
there are no small parts.
Ah!
Actually, there are.
All right, you've just burst in
on the evil ghetto drug lord.
- Okay.
- You can go out and come in.
Go.
(Jeffrey clears throat)
Action!
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze.
- You're a hero.
You mean business.
- Yeah.
- Go again.
- Okay.
- [Casting Director] Action!
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
- You loathe him.
You scorn him.
Make me feel it.
It's more.
- [Jeffrey] Yeah.
- It's prime time!
Action!
- Huh!
Hold it right there, Diego!
Freeze!
Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
Hold it right there, Diego!
God, I just hate you!
(panting)
- Perhaps you'd like
to read for our gay role.
Lance.
The neighbor.
- Which is why I am a waiter,
a cater-waiter to be exact.
I work at parties.
It's a lot of fun, actually,
because I get to go everywhere.
Private homes, tents
in Central Park, hotels.
It's like gay National Guard.
- [Man] Jeffrey!
(Jeffrey sighs)
- For anyone at all, you've
ignored me, but I don't mind,
because I've tried on your fur.
- Good evening, everyone.
(microphone squealing)
I'm Ann Marwood-Bartle.
(people murmuring)
And I'd like to welcome you
all to country-western night
here at the Essex House,
a hoedown for AIDS.
(audience cheering)
(laughing)
The red ribbon I wear
stands for AIDS awareness.
The lavender ribbon is in
memory of those who have died.
The pink ribbon is
for breast cancer.
And the...
Oh, the diamond spray is
a gift of my first husband.
(laughing)
Come on, everybody, chow down.
(lively country music)
Oh, look at me, I'm a cowperson.
(lively country music)
- Hey, I need an Absolut
and tonic, and two spritzers.
(lively country music)
(gasps)
Wow.
- Boy, I was hoping
I'd run into you.
I wanted to apologize about
the other day at the gym.
I came on a little strong.
- Oh, no, no, no,
no, you were great.
I'm sorry I took off,
I was acting weird.
I'm an actor.
- I thought so.
Have I seen you in something?
- Well, did you see Manhattan
Precinct two weeks ago?
End of the show,
the gay neighbor?
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
- Oh, my God!
Shoot him!
- You were great!
(lively country music)
- Hao.
- Why?
- So, what do you really do?
- Actually, really?
- Hm.
- I'm a bartender.
- Oh.
. I sort of acted and I sort
of wrote, but mostly, I...
- You what?
- Watch you.
- You do?
- [Native American
Waiter] He does.
- Spritzers, table 15.
Roundup!
- Nice work, Little Feather.
Bitch.
- Squaw.
- Now, is everyone
ready to kick up their heels
and rustle their petticoats
for a new outpatient lounge?!
- [Audience] Yeah!
- Cowhands, cowgirls, I
give you a very special treat.
They've been
practicing for weeks.
Let's give a big whoop-dee-i-aye
to Dr. Sidney Greenblatt
and his Mount Sinai Ramblers!
(audience cheering)
(lively country music)
♪ Swing your
partner, round you go ♪
♪ Allemande left and do-si-do ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- Do you have a lover?
- No.
- Are you seeing someone?
- No.
- Do I care?
- You are unbelievable.
- Find out.
Don't you love this part?
- What part?
. When you can't find out
enough about the other person.
When it's all interesting,
when it all seems sexy.
First steps.
- Oh, you move fast.
. Catch up, because if I
don't touch you very soon,
I may explode.
- Until about a minute ago, I
had a very good reason not
to go out with you.
- Which was?
Oh, wait, let me guess,
is it because I'm a
cowboy and you're a waiter?
- We're a proud people.
- Yeah, what a shame.
- You know, in a better world,
I could ask you to square dance.
- Really?
Want to square dance?
- Bow to your partners,
step once more!
(guns firing)
Cater-waiters, take the floor!
(lively country music)
- Wow!
(lively country music)
No!
- Uh, uh, uh, uh,
you can't do that.
This is my fantasy.
- We're not allowed to
have fantasies, not anymore.
- Come on, one more do-si-do.
- I can't, I can't explain
it, it's not you, it's...
Yes, it is you.
- What?
- I have to go.
(people murmuring)
(lively country music)
- Hi, I'm Sharon, and
I'm a sexual compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Sharon.
- Oh, that felt good.
I feel like...
I'm on my way.
Admitting I have a problem
is the first step to healing.
(sighs)
For the first time in my life,
I feel like I don't need
a man to define myself.
Hi, there.
(chuckles)
(gentle instrumental music)
- So, he was really
cute, this bartender.
- Oh, he was fantastic.
- Why aren't you seeing him?
- Oh, I don't know.
I'm going nuts.
. Jeffrey, you're beginning
to have a problem.
Endive?
- Hi, guys.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- Oh, what a day.
I am exhausted.
- Darius, aren't you supposed
to leave your costume
at the theater?
- We're filming the
commercial, the new one.
It ran late, I got stuck.
So you're not
having sex anymore.
- What Jeffrey
needs is to fall in love
and have a relationship.
Then all this sex thing
will simply fall into place.
- Exactly.
I mean, look at us.
Look at how happy we are.
Don't we make you
wanna fall in love?
- Sometimes, I think we
should be on a brochure
for Middle America.
Then everyone can say, "Oh,
look, a wholesome gay couple."
- Oh, excuse me.
(glasses clinking)
You two are not wholesome.
You're a decorator.
Excuse me, an interior
designer, and he's a dancer.
You two are like Martha
Stewart and Ann Miller,
which, believe me, I prefer.
I just hate that gay role
models are supposed
to be just like straight people.
As if even straight
people are like that.
- That is so true.
I was watching these
two guys on Nightline
on Gay Pride Day,
and one of them said,
"Hi, I'm Bob Wheeler
and I'm an attorney,
"and my lover, he's a surgeon.
"And we would like
to show America"
"that all gays are not
limp-wristed, screaming queens."
"There are gay truck drivers"
"and gay cops and
gay lumberjacks."
And I just thought,
"Ooh, get her!"
(laughing)
- Who's Martha Stewart?
- She writes picture
books about gracious living.
Martha says that
nothing else matters
if you can do a nice,
dried floral arrangement.
I worship her.
- And, uh, who's Ann Miller?
- Leave this house.
- Some people think I'm dumb
just because I'm a chorus boy
with an eighth-grade education.
Well, I live in a townhouse
and I don't pay rent.
I mean, I go to
screenings and I take cabs.
Dumb, huh?
And, yes, I'm in Cats.
Now and forever.
And I love it.
I do.
I figure I was too
young for A Chorus Line
and too happy for Les Mis.
I never got that show.
Les Mis.
I mean, it's about
this French guy, right?
Who steals a loaf of
bread and then he suffers
for the rest of
his life for toast.
Get over it.
(lively jazz music)
- Why are there
four place settings?
(doorbell rings)
(lively jazz music)
- What a surprise.
- Oh, my.
- Sterling.
- I met Stephen at the
show house-opening.
I think you're perfect
for each other.
- Me, too.
- Hi, there.
- Steve's a bartender, so you
have something in common.
You can fall in love
and cater together.
You'll be just like Roots.
Jeffrey.
- [Darius] Jeff.
(playful music)
. [Sterling] Jeffrey,
you are being ridiculous.
Look at this man.
- He's a dreamboat!
- Which one?
- Me.
(woman gasps)
- Heaven.
- This sex thing has got
completely out of hand.
- He's not having sex anymore.
- He's not having sex,
what's the problem?
- You mean, no nasty?
- Wait, he's turning
down a date?
I hate him.
- Jeffrey!
Jeffrey!
Listen to reason.
- [All] Jeffrey!
(playful music)
. Steve, from the first
second I saw you at the gym,
I've thought of nothing
and no one else.
I have fantasized
about you, naked,
about you kissing
me, talking to me,
walking down the street with me,
letting you do things to me
that I have only permitted
with 5,000 other men.
I think you could
change my life,
and change the world.
I think it's completely
and totally possible
that we could be the
happiest people alive
except I'm not having
sex anymore, so...
Sorry.
. Jeffrey, wait.
- No.
- Jeffrey.
Jeffrey, calm down.
Jeffrey.
Calm down.
Now, I want to see you.
And we can take this
as slow as you like.
First step, how
about tomorrow night?
- I'm working till 10:00.
- Afterwards.
- We'll have dinner.
- You'll have fun.
- You'll have appetizers.
- I don't know.
- We're your friends.
- You must obey us.
- You have no choice, Jeffrey.
- Well...
- Come on.
You're gay, you're single.
- It isn't pretty.
- God.
Yes.
- Yes!
(crowd cheering)
- Jeffrey, I am so proud of you.
You're dating again.
- Jeffrey?
- Yes?
- I just, uh...
Just so there's no surprises.
- Sure.
- I'm HIV positive.
- Uh...
Okay, right.
- Does that make a difference?
- No.
Of course not.
- [Sterling] Oh, please.
- HIV-positive
men are the hottest.
- I mean, I'd understand.
I'd be hurt and I'd be
disappointed, but I just...
I wanted to be clear.
- No, really, it's fine.
I mean, come on,
it's the 90s, right?
Dinner at 10:00.
I can't wait.
- Do you feel lost?
- I do.
- So you come to me
and you say, "Debra",
"what can I do to feel better
about myself in the world?"
And you know what I say?
Love, it's real, it works!
Go for it!
(audience cheering)
Now, I'm not here
as a priest or a guru
or any sort of religious leader.
I'm just someone
who likes to talk.
And I have people
coming to me and saying,
"Debra, I'm in love with an
alcoholic, what should I do?"
And I say, "Don't look to me
for answers, look to yourself."
(audience applauding)
Find that source of
unconditional love.
Find that all-encompassing,
ultimate love.
Surrender to that
unending, infinite love
that will let you
say, "Hey, fuck you!"
"Get out of my house
till you stop drinking!"
(audience cheering)
Any questions?
(audience murmuring)
With the bad perm.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
I'm coming.
(mumbling)
(groaning)
Oh, my God!
Oh, Debra.
Oh, God, Debra.
Oh, first, I just wanted
to give you these
little baby booties that I
crocheted for your baby.
I know you discourage
gifts, except for donations,
but I just had to.
- Well, thank you.
Now, what's up?
- Well, uh, I just broke
up with my boyfriend.
- Well, we've all been
there, haven't we?
- [Audience] Yeah.
- With my boyfriend?
- Spill, baby.
- Um, Josh and I
lived together for...
I'm sorry, it's just hard.
- It's okay.
. For about four years,
and then he lost his job.
And then we just started
really arguing all the time.
And then he tried
to hit me with the car.
My car.
- Whoa!
Man!
- I still love him.
- Okay.
Okay, okay, let me cook on this.
It sounds to me like
you've got a problem
with everybody's favorite.
- [Audience] Low self-esteem!
- Of course, I don't know you.
Maybe you should
have low self-esteem.
- I just really want
a relationship.
- You want a relationship!
- [Audience]
Because you're afraid.
- Right.
- It all goes back to
mother, doesn't it?
Did you love your mother?
- [Acolyte] Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
- Don't lie to me.
- Okay.
- I'll call her.
- What?
- Did she withhold?
- Well...
- Was there abuse?
- No, I don't think...
- Dig deep.
. Yes, definitely, yes,
yes, there was, yes.
- Go see her.
- Okay.
- Tell her, Mom...
- Mom...
- You were chilly.
- You were chilly.
. You forgot my birthday.
- How dare you?
- You beat me
with a baseball bat.
- A bat.
- But I understand.
- I understand.
. I forgive.
- Forgive.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- And, Mom...
- Mom...
- Now you're old.
- Oh, God.
- You've got a plastic
hip and I've got the bat!
- Right.
- Next!
(audience cheering)
- Yes!
I love you.
- Yes!
(people murmuring)
Yes.
The homosexual.
- I can walk.
- You could always walk.
- Shut up.
- [Debra] Hey, there.
Hit me.
- Um...
Debra, uh...
I think that sex is just
about the best thing ever.
(audience cheering)
But I've met someone,
and he's HIV positive.
And I am about to self-destruct.
Now, I am a waiter.
So I can't afford
your cassettes,
or the mug, or the calendar.
Do they mention this problem?
- They sure do.
It's in my book.
Chapter 10.
Cheap waiters.
(laughing)
No, no, no, no, no, look, look.
What you're talking
about is evil, am I right?
- Um...
- Why is there disease?
Why was there a Hitler?
Why are these acrylic?
(audience laughing)
Here's the lowdown on evil.
It is the absence of love.
Ta-da!
That's it.
Case closed.
Where you don't have
love, illness makes a home.
- Wait, I'm sorry.
Are you saying
that people get sick
because they don't love enough
or because people
don't love them, or...
- It may sound simplistic.
It may sound cruel.
It may sound like I'm
blaming people for their illness.
And maybe I am.
That's Debra!
(audience cheering)
- Hi, my name is Tim and
I am a sexual compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Tim.
- Hi.
Today I have already
performed oral sex
on three different people.
I can't help myself.
I'm an agent!
(answering machine bleeps)
- [Jeffrey] Steve,
hi, it's Jeffrey,
and I'm working
later than I thought.
Private party, you know.
So can we reschedule?
Next week, maybe?
I, um, I...
I can't wait.
I'll call you.
Take care.
(answering machine bleeps)
(upbeat music)
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I tried so hard
to ignore this pain ♪
♪ Cos I don't want
my love to be in vain ♪
♪ Such a simple thing
to avoid me now ♪
♪ You walked in my life
and I can't let you out ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
- What am I so afraid of?
Him getting sick?
Me getting sick?
Why is the idea of a simple
dinner now like an evening
of Russian roulette?
I couldn't stay home
and be alone with myself,
so I hit the streets.
- [Sterling] Jeffrey!
(upbeat music)
- [Jeffrey] What are you?
- We're the Pink Panthers.
We're part of a patrol
to prevent gay bashing.
It was Darius's idea to join up.
- I wanted to do something.
- Something with a T-shirt.
Don't you just love it?
- Oh, look, the
Gay Pride statues.
(chuckles)
(upbeat music)
Come on.
- Color.
Think about it.
- Stop it.
You're not fat.
So, Jeffrey, how was your date?
Where's Steve?
- He, uh...
I had to cancel.
I just got off work.
- Did you call him?
. Of course, I left a
message on his machine.
- Left a message.
Would you call him again?
(walkie-talkie beeps)
- Pink Panthers.
Hello, darling.
- Is someone in trouble?
- Really?
No!
Oh, no!
- What, what?
- We must get over to
Washington Square, right away.
It's Todd, that huge
bodybuilder from the gym.
- No, not Todd.
- In shorts.
- Oh!
(chuckling)
- Call him.
- He's a doll.
Taxi.
- Hi, my name is Dave, and
I am sexually compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Dave.
- I, uh...
I love sex.
Love it.
Maybe it's because I
have a constant erection.
I mean, like, 24 hours a day,
or because my penis
is 14 inches long.
- [Audience] Ooh!
Hi, Dave.
(lively instrumental music)
♪ Someday, I know,
he'll smile hello ♪
♪ A warm welcome will be ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
- Oh, wow!
Did you get my?
- Yeah, yeah.
I got your message.
- Good.
- A party.
Poor guy.
Look, I was so revved
up, I was out dancing.
- Great.
Great, because,
you know, I had to...
You know.
- I know.
- No, really, I...
- Jeffrey.
It's not the first time
this has happened to me.
You freaked.
Cold feet.
- That is not true!
That is not true.
- Goodbye, Jeffrey.
- Steve.
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
- Steve.
♪ Someone who's looking ♪
- Please.
Please, Steve, come
on, please, I'm so...
I'm sorry.
- You know, I can understand
about the HIV thing.
It's not easy.
But I don't like lying about it.
Not anymore.
- I'm sorry.
(Steve chuckles)
- I'm sorry, you're sorry,
it's the new national anthem!
Look, you said before
that you thought about me,
that you fantasized.
- I know.
- Do you still?
- Yeah.
- You know, there's a
lot of things we could do.
- Yeah?
- Safe things.
Hot things.
- I know.
- But?
You know, I can take being sick.
I can fucking take
dying, but I can't take this.
- All, right, you
should have told me.
- [Steve] I did.
. [Jeffrey] Well, sooner,
before things happened.
. Oh, before I kissed you?!
- Yeah, yeah!
- Oh!
Okay.
Oh, you didn't have
all the information.
Okay.
I've been positive
for almost five years.
I was sick once.
My T cells are decent.
And every once in a
while, like 50 times a day,
an hour, I get very tired of
being a person with AIDS,
a red ribbon.
So sometimes I forget.
Sometimes I choose to forget.
Sometimes I choose just
to be a gay man with a dick.
Can you understand?
At all?
- Yeah.
- Can I forget again?
- No.
- I want you, Jeffrey.
I very well may even love you.
That means nothing?
That should beat anything.
That should win.
- I know.
- So how come you get to
be the one with the problem?
Why do I get to be
both sick and begging?
Why won't you kiss me?
(Jeffrey snorts)
- Sorry.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I said I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you're sick
and I am sorry that I lied.
And I'm sorry that
life is suddenly...
Radioactive.
- Apology accepted.
- Steve.
Oh, Steve.
(gentle instrumental music)
Oh, I hate sex, and I hate love,
and I hate the world
for giving me everything
and then taking it all back!
♪ They say ♪
♪ The eagle tends to fly ♪
♪ So stay till morning ♪
♪ And fly by me ♪
- Hey.
(dramatic music)
I said, "hey."
- Hey.
- [Man With Cap] You a gay man?
You a faggot, hm?
- Yeah.
- You're queer?
- All right, let's not
do this, okay, please?
(dramatic music)
- [Man With Cap] Suck my dick.
- You really want me to do that?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
No!
- Fuck you, man!
You think you're so special?
You go to the gym,
you got nice friends.
You think you're so hot?
- You think you're
better than us?!
- I'm a waiter.
- Ooh, a waiter!
Like at a restaurant?
. Sort of, yeah.
- They let you touch food,
put your little faggotty
fingers on it, huh?
- That's right, that's
right, I touch it all the time.
I spit in it.
- Oh, Jesus!
What restaurant?
- Pizza House.
- Oh, damn, man!
- Fuck off!
- [Man With Cap] Dust his ass.
- Fine, fine.
You have weapons?
So do I.
- Well, I got a knife.
What do you got, huh?
Uh?
- Irony.
Adjectives.
Eyebrows.
- Fuck you! (groans)
- [Man] Hey, what's
going on down there?
- He's got cash.
- What else he got?
- [Man With Cap] Come on!
- [Assaulter] He's biting
my leg, I'm gonna get AIDS.
- [Man With Cap] Come on!
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
(sirens blaring)
(dog barking)
(groaning)
(bell ringing)
- Terry.
(chuckles)
(groans)
You know, when that
asshole started kicking me,
I had this horrible,
stupid thought, just a flash.
I thought, "At least
it's physical contact."
(chuckles)
Hey, I just found
my substitute for sex.
A substitute for everything.
Bruises.
Answering machines.
Fear.
♪ Holding hands at midnight ♪
♪ 'Neath a starry sky ♪
♪ It's nice work ♪
♪ If you can get it ♪
♪ And you can
get it if you try ♪
♪ Lovin' one who loves you ♪
♪ And then taking that vow ♪
♪ It's nice work ♪
♪ If you can get it ♪
♪ And if you get it ♪
♪ Won't you tell me how? ♪
(humming)
. Can you tell if you're
having a nervous breakdown?
(phone rings)
- Hello?
Well, howdy, stranger.
It's Jeff!
- I love them.
- Well, isn't this a
special occasion?
- What if I could
really talk to them?
And what if they
had some answers?
Or would that just be too weird?
Dad, I've stopped having sex.
- Eileen, Jeff's
stopped having sex.
- Oh, I've got it up here, dear.
No sex?
You mean just safe
sex, don't you, dear?
(oven bell rings)
- No, Mom, I hate safe sex.
(oven bell rings)
- Wrestling those condoms.
- Water-based lubricant.
- Dry kissing.
- Sweetheart, are
you a top or a bottom?
- Mother.
- Have you tried any
of those workshops?
- Oh, what about
a jerk-off club?
- How about phone sex?
- What?
- Oh, Fred, let's help him out.
Sweetheart, what
are you wearing?
- Sweats and a T-shirt.
- Oh, that's hot.
- That's very hot.
- Are you alone?
- Dad, I'm not gonna have
phone sex with you and Mom.
- Darling, have you
looked at any videos?
- Hardcore?
Have you explored masturbation?
- As if we have to ask.
Sometimes, I never could
get into that bathroom.
. We like that new Jeff
Stryker film, Power Tool ll.
- Oh, dear, do you like it
when they shave their assholes?
- Huh.
- Shave their what?
- Oh, and what about
this person, Steve?
He seems real nice.
- Dad, Steve is HIV positive.
- Oh, and a dreamboat.
Check the basket.
- Uh.
- Oh, my God! (whistling)
Hi, my name is Jeffrey
and I'm just like you.
- [Audience] Jeffrey!
- I'm a sexual compulsive.
But I haven't had sex
in almost six months.
(audience applauding)
I never even think
about having sex.
Not anymore.
But I used to be compulsive.
(audience applauding)
And all because
of Billy Kierney.
I blame him.
That's where it started.
He kept daring me.
"I dare you to take off your
clothes, even your underpants."
"I dare you to kiss
me on the mouth."
Oh, God.
Two naked 14-year-old boys
in front of the big mirror
in my parents' bedroom,
I'm having sex!
And I'm watching
myself have sex.
"Please don't do that."
"Please don't stop."
Stop.
(gentle instrumental music)
I'm working a memorial.
Another one.
- Thank you.
- Ooh.
It's for a curator at the Met.
The speakers were great.
His straight brother.
His doctor.
Oh, his gorgeous
Italian boyfriend.
(classical music)
Oh, my God.
Oh, I'm so disgusting.
You know what I'm doing?
I'm cruising a memorial.
- Oh, please, everybody is.
It's not that we're not sad,
it's just that there are
all these guys here.
- Who's that over
there, talking to Darius?
- Oh, it's Todd Malcolm.
(people murmuring)
(classical music)
- What?
- You know, the
guy from the gym.
(glass breaking)
- Oh, my God,
he's blind, isn't he?
- It's just a side
effect, they say.
Jeffrey.
Jeffrey!
Jeffrey, what are you doing?
. When I first came to this
city, Todd Malcolm was a god.
I used to watch him
and his lover dancing.
People, people would gasp.
- Oh, stop it.
- Hi, guys.
Did you see Todd?
- [Sterling] Of course.
- He looks better.
- Darius, Todd is dying!
I'm sorry.
- What's going on here?
This is about Todd, right?
Do you know what
we were talking about?
This memorial.
Cannoli, frozen.
The drinks are watered
and I hated that music.
And at my memorial, I want Liza.
- You are not having a memorial.
- Okay, in a million years.
- You are not going to get sick.
I thought I made that clear.
- But I was sick.
I had pneumonia.
And it went away.
But I want the Winter Garden.
I do.
I want all the other
cats to come out
and to sing Darius
to the tune of Memory.
"Darius, we all thought
you were fabulous."
- Your service
will run for years.
(Jeffrey mumbles)
What?
- This is a memorial.
We're making remarks.
We're dishing it.
- Oh, please.
Picture mine.
And remember, Jeffrey,
I want an open coffin.
They can say it to my face.
- [Jeffrey] Good idea.
- Well, I like it.
I mean, cute guys,
and Liza, and dish.
It's not a cure
for AIDS, Jeffrey,
but it's the opposite of AIDS.
Right?
. [Man] Friends, family,
loved ones, colleagues...
- They're praying.
- [Man] We gather now...
- [Darius] Oh, come on.
- [Man] Honor and celebrate
a wonderful life of a man
and great good friend...
- Oh, my God.
(audience applauding)
(people murmuring)
- [Sterling] Wasn't
that marvelous?
- [Jeffrey] Oh,
please, it's still ballet.
- It is The Nutcracker.
It's my favorite.
When I was a kid I
used to be so afraid
of the big dancing mice.
Now I'm a cat.
- His therapist is ecstatic.
Sweetie?
- I'm fine.
I just, I...
(gasps)
I don't know.
I'm just a little dizzy.
(dramatic music)
- Oh, my God!
Please, everyone,
please, stand back.
- Put this under his head.
Will somebody please
get an ambulance?
. No, I'm fine.
- Don't talk.
You are going to be fine.
- Excuse me, I'm
the house manager.
Is there a problem?
- Mommy.
- It's all right, sweetheart.
- Now, lie still.
Thank you, thank you everyone.
- I'm just dehydrated.
- [Woman] You're dehydrated?
- It's from the Itraconazole.
- What's an itraconazole?
- It's a medicine, sweetheart.
My cousin's on it.
- Is it like Prozac?
- [Woman] Here, put
this on his forehead.
- I'm fine.
I'm just...
I'm okay.
Really, I'm okay.
- Maybe you shouldn't move him.
- We have a cot.
- I'm fine.
Thank you.
- We'll get this back to you.
- I'm fine.
Look, I'm walking.
(panting)
- [Sterling] Darius!
(panting)
(solemn organ music)
(bell tolling)
(solemn organ music)
(creaking)
(solemn organ music)
- Excuse me?
- Come on.
(solemn organ music)
This way.
In here.
- Where are we?
- Oh, a storeroom.
Old hymnals that
need to be rebound.
- Hey!
- What, what's wrong?
Is it the collar?
Is that a turnoff?
- Wait, wait, no!
What's going on here?
Why did you bring me in here?
- I'm attracted to you.
The door's locked.
- Wait!
You really a priest?
- Of course!
- But aren't you supposed
to be straight and celibate?
- Maybe you didn't hear me.
I'm a Catholic priest.
Historically, that
falls somewhere
in between chorus
boy and florist.
Come here, you big lug.
- Get away from me!
Don't touch me.
- I'm sorry.
Hands off.
Wait, what is with you?
(solemn organ music)
- One of my best
friends, he's sick.
And he fell, but he's
home now, but, I just can't...
I've been walking
around for 48 hours.
And I just keep asking
myself, "What if it was Steve?"
And what, how can I love
somebody and watch that happen?
- Steve?
- Why did He do this?
Huh?
You're a priest.
You have to tell me,
why did He do this?
(priest groans)
Why did God make
the world this way?
Why do I have to live in it?
- [Priest] Don't hit me.
- Then you tell me!
- Okay.
Okay.
All I wanted was a quickie.
If I show you the
true face of God,
if I tell you, will you listen?
- Of course.
- Really listen?!
- Yes.
- Okay.
Here's how you see God.
He's a Columbia
recording artist.
You got your idea of God
where most gay kids get it?
My Fair Lady, original cast.
See?
George Bernard
Shaw up in the clouds
manipulating Rex Harrison
and Julie Andrews on strings.
It was your parents'
album, you were little,
you thought it was
a picture of God.
- Yeah.
- You were almost there,
because God is on this record.
Lerner and Loewe.
♪ Why can't the English? ♪
♪ Wouldn't it be lovely? ♪
I'm telling you, the only times
I really feel the presence of
God are when I'm having sex
and during a great
Broadway musical.
Come on.
(solemn organ music)
(priest shushes)
Number two.
(solemn organ music)
Hi.
Look.
Huh.
Hello, gorgeous.
- Okla-homa.
Okla-homa.
- Oh, you're nuts.
- Oh, excuse me?
Those people out there,
they're worshiping resurrections,
virgin births,
Ben-Hur, and I'm nuts?
- I'm not, I'm talking
about a plague.
I'm talking about...
I don't know, evil.
- Yes, Satan.
Well, that's another story.
I've seen him.
- What?
Disease, hospitals, fear?
- Phantom, Miss
Saigon, Sunset Boulevard.
- Got to go.
- Why?
Because I haven't told you
the secret of life in five words
or less, you're getting antsy?
- I need to know.
- Okay, okay.
Oh, God.
I am so horny.
Do you know what
it's like in here?
"Father, I abused myself
eight times last week."
"Father, I'm attracted
to my brother-in-law."
"Father, I'm having impure
thoughts about my soccer coach."
Where are the Polaroids?
What am I, a mind reader?
"Say six Hail Marys and
bring me your shorts!"
(sobbing) Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Secret of life.
(sighs)
Darling, have you
ever been to a picnic
and someone blows up a balloon?
And everyone starts
tossing it around
and it's always just
about to touch the ground.
But someone always
gets there just in time
to tap it back up.
That balloon, that's God.
The very best in all of us.
The kindness, the heavy petting.
Funny Girl.
- What about the bad stuff?
When the balloon hits
the ground, when it bursts?
- Who cares?
Evil bores me, it's one
note, it doesn't sing!
(grunts)
Of course life sucks.
It always will, so why
not make the most of it?
How dare you not lunge
for any shred of happiness?
- But Steve, who's sick,
who I'm afraid to touch?
- So maybe you need a
rubber, or a surgical mask,
or a roll of plastic wrap.
- How dare you give up sex
when there are children in Europe
who can't get a date?
- The only real blasphemy
is the refusal of joy,
of a corsage, and a kiss.
- Amen.
(priest snorts)
♪ I had a dream ♪
♪ A dream about you, baby ♪
♪ It's gonna come true ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby ♪
♪ You'll be swell ♪
♪ You'll be great ♪
♪ Come on, ladies,
you know the words ♪
♪ Gonna have the
whole world on a plate ♪
♪ Starting here ♪
♪ Starting now ♪
♪ Honey, everything's
coming up roses ♪
(hums)
- Yeah!
♪ Ta-da, ta-da, ta-da ♪
(cheerful music)
♪ The air is sizzlin' as we
walk through the crowd ♪
♪ My heart is pumping, never
deep down touch the ground ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ There's no resisting the
men among the crowd ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ We're living it up
because we got to be proud ♪
♪ And we're gonna
say it out loud ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ The men among the crowd ♪
♪ Let the celebrating begin ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ Oh, we're living it up ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got to be proud ♪
(whistle blows)
♪ And we're gonna
say it out loud ♪
- Okay, everybody, listen up.
The parade is about to begin.
The first unit
will be as follows:
Dykes On Bikes.
(motorbike engines roaring)
Concerned Pan-Asian Bisexuals.
(crowd cheering)
Black Gay Republicans.
Hello?
- Excuse me.
Excuse me, are
you with the parade?
I'm lost.
- [Steve] What
group are you with?
- Ma, did you find out?
We're marching together.
. I'm so proud of my preoperative
transsexual lesbian son.
- Steve.
- Jeffrey.
Hey.
What group you're marching with?
- Excuse me, could
you take our picture
with this nice young man?
This is our first parade.
- [Steve] Parents
of transsexuals.
- Preoperative
transsexual lesbians.
- At first, I was
confused as anyone.
More confused.
(camera clicking)
When Anthony first came to..
- Angelique, Ma.
- Oh, you were still
Tony at the time.
He comes to me, and he
says, "Ma, I wanna be a woman."
"I always felt like one."
I said, "What are you, gay?"
He said, "No, I'm not
gay, I'm a lesbian."
- [Angelique] Exactly.
. My first thought was,
when I was pregnant with you,
what did I do?
Did I tilt-a-whirl?
(camera clicking)
Did I bungee jump?
- Bound For Glory?
- Oh, uh, the fountain.
(man with hat grunts)
- Stop it.
- But you didn't judge.
- Oh, listen, alone, late
at night, I judged plenty.
I judged you, I judged me.
I said to myself, I said:
"I don't understand this."
"What does he need?"
You know what made me feel good?
- [Jeffrey] What?
- Summer Olympics.
I was watching them on
TV, feeling sorry for myself.
They kept showing these
parents of these girls in the pool.
- Synchronized swimmers.
- Exactly.
And the parents, they kept
crying and waving flags.
And I said to myself,
"Hey, if they can
feel proud of their kids
"just because they can stand
on their head in the deep end,
"I can feel proud of mine."
- Aw.
- Hey.
(camera clicking)
. One more, one more.
- No, come on, Ma, this...
- You think we're
gonna need sunscreen?
- Over there, they (mumbling).
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Good boy, good boy.
(people murmuring)
- Jeffrey.
Wow, long time no see.
You look great.
- Thanks.
You, too.
- Has anyone seen Darius?
I lost him somewhere
near those S&M people.
I swear I saw this terrifying
man wearing a dog collar,
harness and jackboots,
snarling at me.
And I look closer, and
it was my upholsterer.
(laughing)
- Oh, my God.
- Should I get my
nipples pierced?
- What?
- I just saw this big
guy, totally naked except
for a jockstrap and two gold
rings, right here and here.
- For guest towels.
(laughing)
- What group are you guys with?
- Gay Men Who Need A Cigarette.
- Interior Designers Fight AIDS.
- Care With Flair.
- Hey.
- Oh.
- The Sheep Meadow.
- Come along,
Jeffrey, you can help.
- Uh, no, I'll catch up.
- Oh!
Come on.
- [Man In White
T-Shirt] I got it, Steve.
- Oh, thanks.
Hey, I know, we'll put
you on the best float
with the porn stars.
- No, no, no.
Actually, I'm not marching.
- What?
- Yeah, I was just taking a
shortcut through the park.
I kind of forgot it
was Gay Pride Day.
- Wee!
- [Steve] Well, I hope
this not-marching thing
doesn't have
anything to do with me.
(chuckling)
Because I know I gave
you a pretty hard time.
- [Jeffrey] No, you didn't.
- I tried.
Seriously, it's good to see you.
And I'm not hitting on you.
- And why not, hm?
(Steve grunts)
- Jeffrey.
- Oh.
I gotta go.
I gotta meet somebody.
- [Steve] Pardon me?
- Yeah, uh...
My sublet, I hope.
- Your sublet?
Are you moving?
Where?
. [Jeffrey] I shouldn't
have said anything.
- No, come on.
- Back to Wisconsin.
Bye.
- [Steve] Wisconsin?
- Yeah, but not for a month.
Really, I gotta go.
- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
- Oh, Steve, it's a
good idea, really it is,
because there's no car
alarms, there's no potholes.
- No parades?
- No parades, no.
- What about Sterling?
What about Darius?
- [Event Announcer]
Steve Howard to Flatbed 3.
Steve Howard.
- What are you gonna
do in Wisconsin?
- Uh, live.
Breathe, hide...
Until it's all over.
- Till what's all over, Jeffrey?
AIDS?
Or your life?
- Either.
(people murmuring)
(Steve chuckles)
- Boy, good to
have known you, hm.
It was a growth experience.
. [Jeffrey] Come on, maybe
I'll come back, who knows?
Someday.
- You know, that's the
difference between you and me,
in that one word: Someday.
A real luxury item.
- [Man Running] Steve!
- [Steve] Hey.
- There you are.
- Hey.
Uh...
Sean, this is Jeffrey.
- Really?
At last.
I've heard way too
much about you.
- Uh, are you two guys, um...
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Two months, now.
- We met on the
parade committee.
- [Woman] Five, four, three.
- Hey, come here,
come here, come here.
. Good afternoon, this
is Chuck Farting here
at Manhattan's, some would
say, notorious Gay Pride march.
Homosexuals have made
great strides in recent years
and I am surrounded by them.
Are you homosexuals?
- Yes, Chuck, we are.
- Chuck!
Hi.
I love your show.
You are so cute.
Hi.
Hi, we're here, we're
queer and we're on TV!
(laughing)
- No, no, it is working, really.
- And here's a regular fellow.
He could be anyone:
your son, your brother,
the guy next door.
Your name?
- Jeffrey.
- And how are you
celebrating Gay Pride Day?
- I'm running.
- Provocative.
- Chuck!
- Chuck!
- Chuck!
- Well, it seems we have a
mother-and-daughter team here,
is that right?
- That's right.
- Don't ask.
- And what are you ladies going to do
to celebrate this Gay Pride occasion?
Something very special?
- You bet, Chuck.
We're gonna ride
on a flatbed truck
for the whole world to see.
- [All] Yeah, yeah.
- Because we are proud
of who and what we are.
- [All] Yeah.
- And after the parade?
- Angelique is going
to remove her penis.
- It's coming right off.
- [All] Yeah!
(marching band upbeat
music) (people murmuring)
(people murmuring)
- Hey, how is he?
- No change.
- Can I see him?
- No.
He's uh...
He wouldn't know
who you are, or talk.
It's a coma.
(sighs)
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm fine.
(sighs)
Where were you?
- Working.
My last job, the
Hilton, a whimper.
Is his mom in there?
- No, she's back at our
place, getting some rest.
(sighs)
He doesn't recognize anyone.
- Well, you never know.
- No, he doesn't, he's dead.
- What?
- Half an hour ago.
That's the first time
that I've said it out loud.
A brain hemorrhage.
(Jeffrey gasps)
That's why it was so fast.
These brain things.
That's why three weeks ago
he was marching on Fifth Avenue
with me.
- [Doctor] Friedman.
- [Patient] Yeah.
- [Doctor] Come with me.
- Sterling.
I'm so sorry.
- You're what?
You're sorry?
Oh, thank you,
Jeffrey, thank you.
Darius is dead.
Everyone, and I'm sorry, too.
I'm sorry.
- Is there anything
that I can do?
- I wasn't enough.
I wasn't important enough.
I couldn't snub it.
Couldn't scare
it off with a look.
I couldn't shield him with raw
silk and tassels and Type X.
The limits of style.
- But you loved Darius
and Darius loved you...
- Jesus, Jeffrey, how can you?!
- [Jeffrey] What?
- You know, I don't
know why, Jeffrey,
I'm obviously quite out of
my mind, but right now...
No, I don't.
I don't hate you.
- You hate me?
. Jeffrey, perhaps you
should just not be here,
not just right now.
- Please, Sterling.
Please, please, let me help you.
What can I do?
- What can you do, Jeffrey?
Nothing.
You're leaving.
You're going away
to some place insane.
I'm sorry.
(nurse murmuring)
(sobbing)
- I can stay for a
few more days...
- No!
Please, go.
You are not part of this.
This has nothing to do with you.
You know, Darius once said
that you were the saddest
person he ever knew.
- Why did he say that?
- Because he was sick,
because he had a fatal disease
and he was one million
times happier than you.
- You loved Darius
and look what happens.
Do you want me to go
through this with Steve?
- Yes.
(bell ringing)
- Jeffrey.
(gentle instrumental music)
Guess what?
It's the tunnel of
light you're supposed
to see right before you die,
with all your dead relatives.
(gentle instrumental music)
(panting)
- What are you?
Are you some sort of
grief-induced hallucination?
Why did you come back?
- To see you.
I figured you got here too
late, I was already in the coma.
- Sweetheart, it's me!
Aunt Phyllis.
- And Uncle Barney.
- And Cousin Gary.
- You'll love it.
You look great.
- Meow! (grunts)
- Did you bring me anything?
- Flowers.
- [Darius] Where?
- I was in a hurry.
- [Phyllis] Look who's
here, Grandma Rose.
- [Rose] Are you married?
- Jeffrey, I'm dead.
You're not.
- I know that.
- You do?
Prove it.
- What do you mean?
- Go dancing.
- Go to a show!
- Make trouble.
- Make out.
- Hate AIDS, Jeffrey, not life.
- How?
. Just think of AIDS like
the guest that won't leave.
The one we all hate.
But you have to remember.
- What?
- Hey, it's still our party.
(cheerful jazz music)
- [Phyllis] Darling,
they're waiting.
- Wait, wait!
Is that it?
Is that all you have to tell me?
(cheerful jazz music)
- Be nice to Sterling.
(cheerful jazz music)
♪ There will be
spring in the air ♪
♪ On the way to your heart ♪
♪ Welcome sounds everywhere ♪
♪ On the way to your heart ♪
♪ And the looks can arise ♪
(answering machine bleeping)
- [Jeffrey] Hi, Steve.
Hi.
Are you there?
Or are you screening your calls?
Uh, listen, it's Jeffrey,
and I'm not in Wisconsin.
I'm not a complete asshole.
I have to see you.
It's an emergency.
10:00 tonight at the
Essex House, please.
(answering machine bleeping)
♪ How did I happen to
lose my way on the way... ♪
- [Steve] Jeffrey?
♪ To your heart ♪
- [Steve] Jeffrey.
- [Waiter] Monsieur.
- [Steve] What?
All right, what's going on?
You said it was important.
- Table for two?
- [Steve] Excuse me?
- [Jeffrey] Didn't
we have a date?
- [Steve] Oh, my God.
- Ugh!
Well, I didn't think you'd come.
When I left the
message, I didn't know
if John would let you.
- [Steve] Sean.
- Dump him.
- [Steve] What?
- Just tell him it's over.
Be really mean.
- [Steve] It's a little
too late for that.
- Why?
- [Steve] Sean dumped me.
- He did?
Really?
- [Steve] He couldn't take it.
The sex.
He was exhausted.
He's 22.
- Were you upset?
- Of course.
- A whole bunch?
. Goodbye, Jeffrey.
- Steve.
If I asked you to,
could we have sex?
Safe sex, some
kind of sex, tonight?
- What?
You are really unbelievable.
What is this, Jeffrey?
What, you think
it's so easy, huh?
You just leave a
message, rent a tuxedo.
I am still HIV positive.
- [Jeffrey] So?
- So?
So it doesn't go away, Jeffrey.
It only gets worse.
- [Jeffrey] I know.
- Don't do this, don't
even, you fucker!
Don't you pretend, because
I will not be your good deed.
- You're not, you're
not, I'm too selfish.
I don't want a red ribbon.
- Oh, I am touched!
- I want you.
- Say we have sex.
Say we like it.
And say tomorrow
morning you decide
to take off for Wisconsin?
- I won't.
- How do I know that?
- Because I am...
I'm a gay man.
And I live in this city, and I
am not an innocent bystander.
Not anymore.
- So...
How bad do you want it?
- Oh.
(lively piano music)
Find out.
- This is nice.
You want it.
Suddenly, it's my decision.
I get to be Jeffrey.
- Oh, fuck you.
- Maybe.
(popping)
- [Jeffrey] Maybe?
- I think you
should woo me first.
Dinner.
Maybe dancing.
And then...
- Unbelievably hot sex.
- Not yet.
- Oh, come on, what...
What do you want?
- Jewelry.
- Yes!
- Yes.
Yes?
(lively piano music)
- Yes.
- But, Steve,
first you have to
promise me something.
(lively piano music)
- What?
- Promise me that
you will not get sick.
- Done.
- And you will not die.
- Never.
- Liar.
- Jesus, we really
shouldn't do this.
We're really asking for it.
And you give me one good reason.
One good reason why
we even have a prayer.
- One, one good reason?
- I do.
(lively piano music)
- I dare you.
(lively piano music)
(lively instrumental music)
♪ Someday, I know,
he'll smile hello ♪
♪ A warm welcome will be ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ Standing there
we'll learn to kiss ♪
♪ In fact it really leads ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ We will walk as
if were on wings ♪
♪ When a breathless
moment arrives ♪
♪ Talk over little
intimate things ♪
♪ As though we've known
each other all our lives ♪
♪ Some sweet day
you'll come my way ♪
♪ The one I'm longing to see ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I tried so hard
to ignore this pain ♪
♪ Cos I don't want
my love to be in vain ♪
♪ Such a simple thing
to avoid me now ♪
♪ You walked in my life
and I can't let you out ♪
♪ I'd be so helpless
without you ♪
♪ Wouldn't know how to
carry my whole life through ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I'd be lost without
something to cling to ♪
♪ Cos there's no one else
who loves me like you do ♪
♪ Such a wicked spell
that you're giving me ♪
♪ I never thought this is
the way that it would be ♪
♪ I'd be so helpless
without you ♪
♪ Wouldn't know how to
carry my whole life through ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ Not without you ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I will never ever find
another love like you ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ That's what you do ♪
- [Jeffrey] I love sex!
It's just one of the
truly great ideas.
I mean, just the fact
that our bodies have this
built-in capacity for joy,
oh, just, it makes me love God.
Yes!
(fireworks bursting)
(moaning) (lively jazz music)
Sorry.
- [Man] What?
- [Jeffrey] It broke.
- [Man] It broke?
- [Jeffrey] Don't worry.
- [Man] It broke?
- [Jeffrey] It's okay.
- It broke?!
(panting) (lively jazz music)
- Let's just cuddle.
- [Jeffrey] Cuddle?
- Like little bunnies
or little babies.
It's so much better.
Safer.
- Than what?
- Than sex.
- That's my latest medical test.
- Mm-hm.
. The results of my blood
test from a month ago.
- A month ago?
- Last week.
- Last week?
- This afternoon.
- I'm also gonna need to
know the name of your internist,
your most recent
X-rays, your passport,
and a list of your
previous sexual contacts.
- But isn't that
a little extreme?
- Do you want the apartment?
(lively jazz music)
(gasps)
(lively jazz music)
- No!
(panting)
No, I can't take it.
It's insane.
Enough.
Sex is too sacred to
be treated this way.
Sex was never meant to
be safe or negotiated or fatal.
So I really did it.
This guy...
I'm in bed with him,
and he starts crying.
So he says...
- I'm sorry.
It's just...
This used to be so much fun.
- So, no sex.
Not for me.
Done.
- Excuse me,
where's Third Avenue?
(sighs)
- It's right over there.
- Thanks a lot.
- Sure, any time.
Don't mention it.
Welcome.
Welcome.
And you know what?
Oh.
It's gonna be fine.
Because I am a
naturally cheerful person
and I will find a
substitute for sex.
Sex Light, Sex Helper, I
Can't Believe It's Not Sex!
I'll find a great new way to
live, and a way to be happy.
So no sex.
No sex!
I'm ready, I'm
willing, let's go.
(upbeat music)
(metal clanking) (upbeat music)
That's the answer.
I'll just pour all my physical
needs into working out.
No sex, just sweat.
Can I get a spot?
(upbeat music)
(lively orchestral music)
- You got it.
How much do you want...
On?
- 45s.
- I just joined.
You like it here?
- Yeah, a lot.
Yeah.
- Steve.
- Jeffrey.
(coughs)
Jeff.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Sure.
Oh.
(snorts)
(upbeat music)
- So, do you want to...
Do your set?
- Oh, yeah.
Sure.
(panting)
- Ready?
- Oh, yeah.
(upbeat music)
- One, two, that's
right, three, four.
You love it.
Come on, come on.
Five.
Six.
One more, come on.
Get ready.
I'm with you, don't stop.
Push it, push it, you
want it, you need it.
Come on, give me everything,
every ounce, every drop.
Pump it, pump it, baby.
Oh, my God, you are too much.
You are the best, you are
the most, you are the king.
You're there, you're doing it.
(groaning)
Come to papa.
You're on it.
Go, go, go.
(groaning)
(panting)
Great set.
- You, too, I mean...
Thanks for the spot.
- Any time.
You look, oof, great!
- Thanks.
- You look terrific.
- Jeffrey
Jeff.
- Yeah?
- What would happen if
I kissed you, right now?
- What?
- You want to?
(upbeat music)
- Uh, I have to...
The water fountain.
- [Steve] Chicken shit!
- I am not, I'm
dehydrated, I need carbs.
- Get ready.
- No, I need
to work on my abs.
I need a protein shake.
Do you like amino acids?
- You bet.
(upbeat music)
- Oh, man!
- Gross!
That's disgusting.
- I'm gonna puke.
- [Both Girls] Aw!
(upbeat music)
- No.
(upbeat music)
(traffic humming)
(car honking)
(tires screeching)
(groaning)
Oh, Jesus!
(groaning)
(bell ringing)
Thank you.
(bell ringing)
(cheerful instrumental music)
- You saw Mother Teresa?
- I swear, she helped me up.
- But how did she look?
- Oh, I don't know.
She was walking.
She looked great.
- Oh, please, she's
had work done.
Can I do this?
Or do I look like some
sort of gay superhero?
- Sterling, I think
I'm giving up sex.
- You are?
- Why?
- Well, I just think it's time.
I mean, I love sex so much,
but everything has
gotten too scary.
It's too overwhelming.
- My dear, what you
need is a relationship.
- A relationship?
- Hm, and shoes.
. If you had a boyfriend,
then you'd relax.
You'd set the rules once,
then everything will be fine.
That's what Darius and I did,
and we've been together now
for almost two years.
- Yes, but Darius is a dancer.
He's in Cats.
- Oh, my!
- Exactly.
I said you needed a
boyfriend, not a person.
I mean, I really do love Darius.
I love his body.
I love his smile.
He has great hands and feet.
I mean, on some dancers,
the toes are all smashed,
and I would just simply say:
"Sorry, Misha,
not without socks."
Oh, and Darius loves me.
Lord knows why.
- And how is Darius?
Is he back in the show?
- Of course, he's fine.
It's just a reaction to the AZT.
They adjusted the dose.
He's great!
- Of course.
(gentle jazz music)
- You think I don't
know how I sound.
Of course I know.
But I have made a decision.
I've always been
lucky, all my life.
Well, obviously.
And I intend to stay lucky.
N'est-ce pas?
- And you still have sex?
- Of course.
Safe sex, the best.
Two cappuccinos.
Thank you, darling, big kiss.
The earring, fun.
Last year.
I mean, Jeffrey, it's just sex.
- Just sex?
(lively jazz music)
(audience cheering)
- Hi, I'm Skip Winkley, and
welcome to It's Just Sex.
The show where we
explore human sexuality
and win big prizes.
(audience cheering)
And what a great group of
contestants we have today.
- Three gay men.
- Hi, Skip.
- Hey, Skip.
- Bisexual.
- Oh, me too.
- Now it's time to
play It's Just Sex.
Remember, each
question may have more
than one correct answer.
The most stylish reply wins.
(audience cheering)
Thank you, Cheryl.
Isn't she lovely?
Look who I'm asking.
(laughs)
Question number one.
What seemingly harmless
events can now be fatal
if they occur during sex?
(machines whistle)
- A paper cut.
- Recent dental work.
- Fluorescent lighting.
- Correct, for 100 points!
(audience cheering)
Question number two.
Who is your favorite
sexual fantasy?
(machines whistle)
- Denzel Washington.
- That guy at the gym.
- Yoko Ono.
To see the apartment.
- Correct again, for 100 points!
(audience cheering)
And now, our bonus round,
where everything can change.
For 500 points.
Let's say there's a fellow
who just loves having sex
more than anything.
What will happen to him
if he just flat out,
dag-nabbit, stops?
- Oh, my.
- Ooh.
(machine quacks)
- Skip, my answer is this:
if the fellow stops having sex
he will pour himself
into his career
and all that rechanneled energy
will create incredible
career karma
and he'll be a huge success,
and fantastically happy.
(machine whistles)
- Absolutely right!
(audience cheering)
- [Jeffrey] Oh, my God!
- Hold it.
Hold it, the judges
have a question.
Nothing really, just
a minor technicality.
It is true that a soaring career
will compensate for no sex,
but what exactly is your career?
- Well, I'm an actor...
Waiter.
- Which means...
- I win!
(machine whistles)
(audience cheering)
(lively jazz music)
- Okay, so I'm an
unemployed actor.
But I'm talented.
I think I am.
Last week, I read for
a part on a TV show.
- Read page 33.
The show is Manhattan Precinct.
The role is Police
Officer number two.
Now, remember,
there are no small parts.
Ah!
Actually, there are.
All right, you've just burst in
on the evil ghetto drug lord.
- Okay.
- You can go out and come in.
Go.
(Jeffrey clears throat)
Action!
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze.
- You're a hero.
You mean business.
- Yeah.
- Go again.
- Okay.
- [Casting Director] Action!
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
- You loathe him.
You scorn him.
Make me feel it.
It's more.
- [Jeffrey] Yeah.
- It's prime time!
Action!
- Huh!
Hold it right there, Diego!
Freeze!
Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
Hold it right there, Diego!
God, I just hate you!
(panting)
- Perhaps you'd like
to read for our gay role.
Lance.
The neighbor.
- Which is why I am a waiter,
a cater-waiter to be exact.
I work at parties.
It's a lot of fun, actually,
because I get to go everywhere.
Private homes, tents
in Central Park, hotels.
It's like gay National Guard.
- [Man] Jeffrey!
(Jeffrey sighs)
- For anyone at all, you've
ignored me, but I don't mind,
because I've tried on your fur.
- Good evening, everyone.
(microphone squealing)
I'm Ann Marwood-Bartle.
(people murmuring)
And I'd like to welcome you
all to country-western night
here at the Essex House,
a hoedown for AIDS.
(audience cheering)
(laughing)
The red ribbon I wear
stands for AIDS awareness.
The lavender ribbon is in
memory of those who have died.
The pink ribbon is
for breast cancer.
And the...
Oh, the diamond spray is
a gift of my first husband.
(laughing)
Come on, everybody, chow down.
(lively country music)
Oh, look at me, I'm a cowperson.
(lively country music)
- Hey, I need an Absolut
and tonic, and two spritzers.
(lively country music)
(gasps)
Wow.
- Boy, I was hoping
I'd run into you.
I wanted to apologize about
the other day at the gym.
I came on a little strong.
- Oh, no, no, no,
no, you were great.
I'm sorry I took off,
I was acting weird.
I'm an actor.
- I thought so.
Have I seen you in something?
- Well, did you see Manhattan
Precinct two weeks ago?
End of the show,
the gay neighbor?
- Hold it right there, Diego.
Freeze!
- Oh, my God!
Shoot him!
- You were great!
(lively country music)
- Hao.
- Why?
- So, what do you really do?
- Actually, really?
- Hm.
- I'm a bartender.
- Oh.
. I sort of acted and I sort
of wrote, but mostly, I...
- You what?
- Watch you.
- You do?
- [Native American
Waiter] He does.
- Spritzers, table 15.
Roundup!
- Nice work, Little Feather.
Bitch.
- Squaw.
- Now, is everyone
ready to kick up their heels
and rustle their petticoats
for a new outpatient lounge?!
- [Audience] Yeah!
- Cowhands, cowgirls, I
give you a very special treat.
They've been
practicing for weeks.
Let's give a big whoop-dee-i-aye
to Dr. Sidney Greenblatt
and his Mount Sinai Ramblers!
(audience cheering)
(lively country music)
♪ Swing your
partner, round you go ♪
♪ Allemande left and do-si-do ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- Do you have a lover?
- No.
- Are you seeing someone?
- No.
- Do I care?
- You are unbelievable.
- Find out.
Don't you love this part?
- What part?
. When you can't find out
enough about the other person.
When it's all interesting,
when it all seems sexy.
First steps.
- Oh, you move fast.
. Catch up, because if I
don't touch you very soon,
I may explode.
- Until about a minute ago, I
had a very good reason not
to go out with you.
- Which was?
Oh, wait, let me guess,
is it because I'm a
cowboy and you're a waiter?
- We're a proud people.
- Yeah, what a shame.
- You know, in a better world,
I could ask you to square dance.
- Really?
Want to square dance?
- Bow to your partners,
step once more!
(guns firing)
Cater-waiters, take the floor!
(lively country music)
- Wow!
(lively country music)
No!
- Uh, uh, uh, uh,
you can't do that.
This is my fantasy.
- We're not allowed to
have fantasies, not anymore.
- Come on, one more do-si-do.
- I can't, I can't explain
it, it's not you, it's...
Yes, it is you.
- What?
- I have to go.
(people murmuring)
(lively country music)
- Hi, I'm Sharon, and
I'm a sexual compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Sharon.
- Oh, that felt good.
I feel like...
I'm on my way.
Admitting I have a problem
is the first step to healing.
(sighs)
For the first time in my life,
I feel like I don't need
a man to define myself.
Hi, there.
(chuckles)
(gentle instrumental music)
- So, he was really
cute, this bartender.
- Oh, he was fantastic.
- Why aren't you seeing him?
- Oh, I don't know.
I'm going nuts.
. Jeffrey, you're beginning
to have a problem.
Endive?
- Hi, guys.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- Oh, what a day.
I am exhausted.
- Darius, aren't you supposed
to leave your costume
at the theater?
- We're filming the
commercial, the new one.
It ran late, I got stuck.
So you're not
having sex anymore.
- What Jeffrey
needs is to fall in love
and have a relationship.
Then all this sex thing
will simply fall into place.
- Exactly.
I mean, look at us.
Look at how happy we are.
Don't we make you
wanna fall in love?
- Sometimes, I think we
should be on a brochure
for Middle America.
Then everyone can say, "Oh,
look, a wholesome gay couple."
- Oh, excuse me.
(glasses clinking)
You two are not wholesome.
You're a decorator.
Excuse me, an interior
designer, and he's a dancer.
You two are like Martha
Stewart and Ann Miller,
which, believe me, I prefer.
I just hate that gay role
models are supposed
to be just like straight people.
As if even straight
people are like that.
- That is so true.
I was watching these
two guys on Nightline
on Gay Pride Day,
and one of them said,
"Hi, I'm Bob Wheeler
and I'm an attorney,
"and my lover, he's a surgeon.
"And we would like
to show America"
"that all gays are not
limp-wristed, screaming queens."
"There are gay truck drivers"
"and gay cops and
gay lumberjacks."
And I just thought,
"Ooh, get her!"
(laughing)
- Who's Martha Stewart?
- She writes picture
books about gracious living.
Martha says that
nothing else matters
if you can do a nice,
dried floral arrangement.
I worship her.
- And, uh, who's Ann Miller?
- Leave this house.
- Some people think I'm dumb
just because I'm a chorus boy
with an eighth-grade education.
Well, I live in a townhouse
and I don't pay rent.
I mean, I go to
screenings and I take cabs.
Dumb, huh?
And, yes, I'm in Cats.
Now and forever.
And I love it.
I do.
I figure I was too
young for A Chorus Line
and too happy for Les Mis.
I never got that show.
Les Mis.
I mean, it's about
this French guy, right?
Who steals a loaf of
bread and then he suffers
for the rest of
his life for toast.
Get over it.
(lively jazz music)
- Why are there
four place settings?
(doorbell rings)
(lively jazz music)
- What a surprise.
- Oh, my.
- Sterling.
- I met Stephen at the
show house-opening.
I think you're perfect
for each other.
- Me, too.
- Hi, there.
- Steve's a bartender, so you
have something in common.
You can fall in love
and cater together.
You'll be just like Roots.
Jeffrey.
- [Darius] Jeff.
(playful music)
. [Sterling] Jeffrey,
you are being ridiculous.
Look at this man.
- He's a dreamboat!
- Which one?
- Me.
(woman gasps)
- Heaven.
- This sex thing has got
completely out of hand.
- He's not having sex anymore.
- He's not having sex,
what's the problem?
- You mean, no nasty?
- Wait, he's turning
down a date?
I hate him.
- Jeffrey!
Jeffrey!
Listen to reason.
- [All] Jeffrey!
(playful music)
. Steve, from the first
second I saw you at the gym,
I've thought of nothing
and no one else.
I have fantasized
about you, naked,
about you kissing
me, talking to me,
walking down the street with me,
letting you do things to me
that I have only permitted
with 5,000 other men.
I think you could
change my life,
and change the world.
I think it's completely
and totally possible
that we could be the
happiest people alive
except I'm not having
sex anymore, so...
Sorry.
. Jeffrey, wait.
- No.
- Jeffrey.
Jeffrey, calm down.
Jeffrey.
Calm down.
Now, I want to see you.
And we can take this
as slow as you like.
First step, how
about tomorrow night?
- I'm working till 10:00.
- Afterwards.
- We'll have dinner.
- You'll have fun.
- You'll have appetizers.
- I don't know.
- We're your friends.
- You must obey us.
- You have no choice, Jeffrey.
- Well...
- Come on.
You're gay, you're single.
- It isn't pretty.
- God.
Yes.
- Yes!
(crowd cheering)
- Jeffrey, I am so proud of you.
You're dating again.
- Jeffrey?
- Yes?
- I just, uh...
Just so there's no surprises.
- Sure.
- I'm HIV positive.
- Uh...
Okay, right.
- Does that make a difference?
- No.
Of course not.
- [Sterling] Oh, please.
- HIV-positive
men are the hottest.
- I mean, I'd understand.
I'd be hurt and I'd be
disappointed, but I just...
I wanted to be clear.
- No, really, it's fine.
I mean, come on,
it's the 90s, right?
Dinner at 10:00.
I can't wait.
- Do you feel lost?
- I do.
- So you come to me
and you say, "Debra",
"what can I do to feel better
about myself in the world?"
And you know what I say?
Love, it's real, it works!
Go for it!
(audience cheering)
Now, I'm not here
as a priest or a guru
or any sort of religious leader.
I'm just someone
who likes to talk.
And I have people
coming to me and saying,
"Debra, I'm in love with an
alcoholic, what should I do?"
And I say, "Don't look to me
for answers, look to yourself."
(audience applauding)
Find that source of
unconditional love.
Find that all-encompassing,
ultimate love.
Surrender to that
unending, infinite love
that will let you
say, "Hey, fuck you!"
"Get out of my house
till you stop drinking!"
(audience cheering)
Any questions?
(audience murmuring)
With the bad perm.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
I'm coming.
(mumbling)
(groaning)
Oh, my God!
Oh, Debra.
Oh, God, Debra.
Oh, first, I just wanted
to give you these
little baby booties that I
crocheted for your baby.
I know you discourage
gifts, except for donations,
but I just had to.
- Well, thank you.
Now, what's up?
- Well, uh, I just broke
up with my boyfriend.
- Well, we've all been
there, haven't we?
- [Audience] Yeah.
- With my boyfriend?
- Spill, baby.
- Um, Josh and I
lived together for...
I'm sorry, it's just hard.
- It's okay.
. For about four years,
and then he lost his job.
And then we just started
really arguing all the time.
And then he tried
to hit me with the car.
My car.
- Whoa!
Man!
- I still love him.
- Okay.
Okay, okay, let me cook on this.
It sounds to me like
you've got a problem
with everybody's favorite.
- [Audience] Low self-esteem!
- Of course, I don't know you.
Maybe you should
have low self-esteem.
- I just really want
a relationship.
- You want a relationship!
- [Audience]
Because you're afraid.
- Right.
- It all goes back to
mother, doesn't it?
Did you love your mother?
- [Acolyte] Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
- Don't lie to me.
- Okay.
- I'll call her.
- What?
- Did she withhold?
- Well...
- Was there abuse?
- No, I don't think...
- Dig deep.
. Yes, definitely, yes,
yes, there was, yes.
- Go see her.
- Okay.
- Tell her, Mom...
- Mom...
- You were chilly.
- You were chilly.
. You forgot my birthday.
- How dare you?
- You beat me
with a baseball bat.
- A bat.
- But I understand.
- I understand.
. I forgive.
- Forgive.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- And, Mom...
- Mom...
- Now you're old.
- Oh, God.
- You've got a plastic
hip and I've got the bat!
- Right.
- Next!
(audience cheering)
- Yes!
I love you.
- Yes!
(people murmuring)
Yes.
The homosexual.
- I can walk.
- You could always walk.
- Shut up.
- [Debra] Hey, there.
Hit me.
- Um...
Debra, uh...
I think that sex is just
about the best thing ever.
(audience cheering)
But I've met someone,
and he's HIV positive.
And I am about to self-destruct.
Now, I am a waiter.
So I can't afford
your cassettes,
or the mug, or the calendar.
Do they mention this problem?
- They sure do.
It's in my book.
Chapter 10.
Cheap waiters.
(laughing)
No, no, no, no, no, look, look.
What you're talking
about is evil, am I right?
- Um...
- Why is there disease?
Why was there a Hitler?
Why are these acrylic?
(audience laughing)
Here's the lowdown on evil.
It is the absence of love.
Ta-da!
That's it.
Case closed.
Where you don't have
love, illness makes a home.
- Wait, I'm sorry.
Are you saying
that people get sick
because they don't love enough
or because people
don't love them, or...
- It may sound simplistic.
It may sound cruel.
It may sound like I'm
blaming people for their illness.
And maybe I am.
That's Debra!
(audience cheering)
- Hi, my name is Tim and
I am a sexual compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Tim.
- Hi.
Today I have already
performed oral sex
on three different people.
I can't help myself.
I'm an agent!
(answering machine bleeps)
- [Jeffrey] Steve,
hi, it's Jeffrey,
and I'm working
later than I thought.
Private party, you know.
So can we reschedule?
Next week, maybe?
I, um, I...
I can't wait.
I'll call you.
Take care.
(answering machine bleeps)
(upbeat music)
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I tried so hard
to ignore this pain ♪
♪ Cos I don't want
my love to be in vain ♪
♪ Such a simple thing
to avoid me now ♪
♪ You walked in my life
and I can't let you out ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
- What am I so afraid of?
Him getting sick?
Me getting sick?
Why is the idea of a simple
dinner now like an evening
of Russian roulette?
I couldn't stay home
and be alone with myself,
so I hit the streets.
- [Sterling] Jeffrey!
(upbeat music)
- [Jeffrey] What are you?
- We're the Pink Panthers.
We're part of a patrol
to prevent gay bashing.
It was Darius's idea to join up.
- I wanted to do something.
- Something with a T-shirt.
Don't you just love it?
- Oh, look, the
Gay Pride statues.
(chuckles)
(upbeat music)
Come on.
- Color.
Think about it.
- Stop it.
You're not fat.
So, Jeffrey, how was your date?
Where's Steve?
- He, uh...
I had to cancel.
I just got off work.
- Did you call him?
. Of course, I left a
message on his machine.
- Left a message.
Would you call him again?
(walkie-talkie beeps)
- Pink Panthers.
Hello, darling.
- Is someone in trouble?
- Really?
No!
Oh, no!
- What, what?
- We must get over to
Washington Square, right away.
It's Todd, that huge
bodybuilder from the gym.
- No, not Todd.
- In shorts.
- Oh!
(chuckling)
- Call him.
- He's a doll.
Taxi.
- Hi, my name is Dave, and
I am sexually compulsive.
- [Audience] Hi, Dave.
- I, uh...
I love sex.
Love it.
Maybe it's because I
have a constant erection.
I mean, like, 24 hours a day,
or because my penis
is 14 inches long.
- [Audience] Ooh!
Hi, Dave.
(lively instrumental music)
♪ Someday, I know,
he'll smile hello ♪
♪ A warm welcome will be ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
- Oh, wow!
Did you get my?
- Yeah, yeah.
I got your message.
- Good.
- A party.
Poor guy.
Look, I was so revved
up, I was out dancing.
- Great.
Great, because,
you know, I had to...
You know.
- I know.
- No, really, I...
- Jeffrey.
It's not the first time
this has happened to me.
You freaked.
Cold feet.
- That is not true!
That is not true.
- Goodbye, Jeffrey.
- Steve.
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
- Steve.
♪ Someone who's looking ♪
- Please.
Please, Steve, come
on, please, I'm so...
I'm sorry.
- You know, I can understand
about the HIV thing.
It's not easy.
But I don't like lying about it.
Not anymore.
- I'm sorry.
(Steve chuckles)
- I'm sorry, you're sorry,
it's the new national anthem!
Look, you said before
that you thought about me,
that you fantasized.
- I know.
- Do you still?
- Yeah.
- You know, there's a
lot of things we could do.
- Yeah?
- Safe things.
Hot things.
- I know.
- But?
You know, I can take being sick.
I can fucking take
dying, but I can't take this.
- All, right, you
should have told me.
- [Steve] I did.
. [Jeffrey] Well, sooner,
before things happened.
. Oh, before I kissed you?!
- Yeah, yeah!
- Oh!
Okay.
Oh, you didn't have
all the information.
Okay.
I've been positive
for almost five years.
I was sick once.
My T cells are decent.
And every once in a
while, like 50 times a day,
an hour, I get very tired of
being a person with AIDS,
a red ribbon.
So sometimes I forget.
Sometimes I choose to forget.
Sometimes I choose just
to be a gay man with a dick.
Can you understand?
At all?
- Yeah.
- Can I forget again?
- No.
- I want you, Jeffrey.
I very well may even love you.
That means nothing?
That should beat anything.
That should win.
- I know.
- So how come you get to
be the one with the problem?
Why do I get to be
both sick and begging?
Why won't you kiss me?
(Jeffrey snorts)
- Sorry.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I said I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you're sick
and I am sorry that I lied.
And I'm sorry that
life is suddenly...
Radioactive.
- Apology accepted.
- Steve.
Oh, Steve.
(gentle instrumental music)
Oh, I hate sex, and I hate love,
and I hate the world
for giving me everything
and then taking it all back!
♪ They say ♪
♪ The eagle tends to fly ♪
♪ So stay till morning ♪
♪ And fly by me ♪
- Hey.
(dramatic music)
I said, "hey."
- Hey.
- [Man With Cap] You a gay man?
You a faggot, hm?
- Yeah.
- You're queer?
- All right, let's not
do this, okay, please?
(dramatic music)
- [Man With Cap] Suck my dick.
- You really want me to do that?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
No!
- Fuck you, man!
You think you're so special?
You go to the gym,
you got nice friends.
You think you're so hot?
- You think you're
better than us?!
- I'm a waiter.
- Ooh, a waiter!
Like at a restaurant?
. Sort of, yeah.
- They let you touch food,
put your little faggotty
fingers on it, huh?
- That's right, that's
right, I touch it all the time.
I spit in it.
- Oh, Jesus!
What restaurant?
- Pizza House.
- Oh, damn, man!
- Fuck off!
- [Man With Cap] Dust his ass.
- Fine, fine.
You have weapons?
So do I.
- Well, I got a knife.
What do you got, huh?
Uh?
- Irony.
Adjectives.
Eyebrows.
- Fuck you! (groans)
- [Man] Hey, what's
going on down there?
- He's got cash.
- What else he got?
- [Man With Cap] Come on!
- [Assaulter] He's biting
my leg, I'm gonna get AIDS.
- [Man With Cap] Come on!
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
(sirens blaring)
(dog barking)
(groaning)
(bell ringing)
- Terry.
(chuckles)
(groans)
You know, when that
asshole started kicking me,
I had this horrible,
stupid thought, just a flash.
I thought, "At least
it's physical contact."
(chuckles)
Hey, I just found
my substitute for sex.
A substitute for everything.
Bruises.
Answering machines.
Fear.
♪ Holding hands at midnight ♪
♪ 'Neath a starry sky ♪
♪ It's nice work ♪
♪ If you can get it ♪
♪ And you can
get it if you try ♪
♪ Lovin' one who loves you ♪
♪ And then taking that vow ♪
♪ It's nice work ♪
♪ If you can get it ♪
♪ And if you get it ♪
♪ Won't you tell me how? ♪
(humming)
. Can you tell if you're
having a nervous breakdown?
(phone rings)
- Hello?
Well, howdy, stranger.
It's Jeff!
- I love them.
- Well, isn't this a
special occasion?
- What if I could
really talk to them?
And what if they
had some answers?
Or would that just be too weird?
Dad, I've stopped having sex.
- Eileen, Jeff's
stopped having sex.
- Oh, I've got it up here, dear.
No sex?
You mean just safe
sex, don't you, dear?
(oven bell rings)
- No, Mom, I hate safe sex.
(oven bell rings)
- Wrestling those condoms.
- Water-based lubricant.
- Dry kissing.
- Sweetheart, are
you a top or a bottom?
- Mother.
- Have you tried any
of those workshops?
- Oh, what about
a jerk-off club?
- How about phone sex?
- What?
- Oh, Fred, let's help him out.
Sweetheart, what
are you wearing?
- Sweats and a T-shirt.
- Oh, that's hot.
- That's very hot.
- Are you alone?
- Dad, I'm not gonna have
phone sex with you and Mom.
- Darling, have you
looked at any videos?
- Hardcore?
Have you explored masturbation?
- As if we have to ask.
Sometimes, I never could
get into that bathroom.
. We like that new Jeff
Stryker film, Power Tool ll.
- Oh, dear, do you like it
when they shave their assholes?
- Huh.
- Shave their what?
- Oh, and what about
this person, Steve?
He seems real nice.
- Dad, Steve is HIV positive.
- Oh, and a dreamboat.
Check the basket.
- Uh.
- Oh, my God! (whistling)
Hi, my name is Jeffrey
and I'm just like you.
- [Audience] Jeffrey!
- I'm a sexual compulsive.
But I haven't had sex
in almost six months.
(audience applauding)
I never even think
about having sex.
Not anymore.
But I used to be compulsive.
(audience applauding)
And all because
of Billy Kierney.
I blame him.
That's where it started.
He kept daring me.
"I dare you to take off your
clothes, even your underpants."
"I dare you to kiss
me on the mouth."
Oh, God.
Two naked 14-year-old boys
in front of the big mirror
in my parents' bedroom,
I'm having sex!
And I'm watching
myself have sex.
"Please don't do that."
"Please don't stop."
Stop.
(gentle instrumental music)
I'm working a memorial.
Another one.
- Thank you.
- Ooh.
It's for a curator at the Met.
The speakers were great.
His straight brother.
His doctor.
Oh, his gorgeous
Italian boyfriend.
(classical music)
Oh, my God.
Oh, I'm so disgusting.
You know what I'm doing?
I'm cruising a memorial.
- Oh, please, everybody is.
It's not that we're not sad,
it's just that there are
all these guys here.
- Who's that over
there, talking to Darius?
- Oh, it's Todd Malcolm.
(people murmuring)
(classical music)
- What?
- You know, the
guy from the gym.
(glass breaking)
- Oh, my God,
he's blind, isn't he?
- It's just a side
effect, they say.
Jeffrey.
Jeffrey!
Jeffrey, what are you doing?
. When I first came to this
city, Todd Malcolm was a god.
I used to watch him
and his lover dancing.
People, people would gasp.
- Oh, stop it.
- Hi, guys.
Did you see Todd?
- [Sterling] Of course.
- He looks better.
- Darius, Todd is dying!
I'm sorry.
- What's going on here?
This is about Todd, right?
Do you know what
we were talking about?
This memorial.
Cannoli, frozen.
The drinks are watered
and I hated that music.
And at my memorial, I want Liza.
- You are not having a memorial.
- Okay, in a million years.
- You are not going to get sick.
I thought I made that clear.
- But I was sick.
I had pneumonia.
And it went away.
But I want the Winter Garden.
I do.
I want all the other
cats to come out
and to sing Darius
to the tune of Memory.
"Darius, we all thought
you were fabulous."
- Your service
will run for years.
(Jeffrey mumbles)
What?
- This is a memorial.
We're making remarks.
We're dishing it.
- Oh, please.
Picture mine.
And remember, Jeffrey,
I want an open coffin.
They can say it to my face.
- [Jeffrey] Good idea.
- Well, I like it.
I mean, cute guys,
and Liza, and dish.
It's not a cure
for AIDS, Jeffrey,
but it's the opposite of AIDS.
Right?
. [Man] Friends, family,
loved ones, colleagues...
- They're praying.
- [Man] We gather now...
- [Darius] Oh, come on.
- [Man] Honor and celebrate
a wonderful life of a man
and great good friend...
- Oh, my God.
(audience applauding)
(people murmuring)
- [Sterling] Wasn't
that marvelous?
- [Jeffrey] Oh,
please, it's still ballet.
- It is The Nutcracker.
It's my favorite.
When I was a kid I
used to be so afraid
of the big dancing mice.
Now I'm a cat.
- His therapist is ecstatic.
Sweetie?
- I'm fine.
I just, I...
(gasps)
I don't know.
I'm just a little dizzy.
(dramatic music)
- Oh, my God!
Please, everyone,
please, stand back.
- Put this under his head.
Will somebody please
get an ambulance?
. No, I'm fine.
- Don't talk.
You are going to be fine.
- Excuse me, I'm
the house manager.
Is there a problem?
- Mommy.
- It's all right, sweetheart.
- Now, lie still.
Thank you, thank you everyone.
- I'm just dehydrated.
- [Woman] You're dehydrated?
- It's from the Itraconazole.
- What's an itraconazole?
- It's a medicine, sweetheart.
My cousin's on it.
- Is it like Prozac?
- [Woman] Here, put
this on his forehead.
- I'm fine.
I'm just...
I'm okay.
Really, I'm okay.
- Maybe you shouldn't move him.
- We have a cot.
- I'm fine.
Thank you.
- We'll get this back to you.
- I'm fine.
Look, I'm walking.
(panting)
- [Sterling] Darius!
(panting)
(solemn organ music)
(bell tolling)
(solemn organ music)
(creaking)
(solemn organ music)
- Excuse me?
- Come on.
(solemn organ music)
This way.
In here.
- Where are we?
- Oh, a storeroom.
Old hymnals that
need to be rebound.
- Hey!
- What, what's wrong?
Is it the collar?
Is that a turnoff?
- Wait, wait, no!
What's going on here?
Why did you bring me in here?
- I'm attracted to you.
The door's locked.
- Wait!
You really a priest?
- Of course!
- But aren't you supposed
to be straight and celibate?
- Maybe you didn't hear me.
I'm a Catholic priest.
Historically, that
falls somewhere
in between chorus
boy and florist.
Come here, you big lug.
- Get away from me!
Don't touch me.
- I'm sorry.
Hands off.
Wait, what is with you?
(solemn organ music)
- One of my best
friends, he's sick.
And he fell, but he's
home now, but, I just can't...
I've been walking
around for 48 hours.
And I just keep asking
myself, "What if it was Steve?"
And what, how can I love
somebody and watch that happen?
- Steve?
- Why did He do this?
Huh?
You're a priest.
You have to tell me,
why did He do this?
(priest groans)
Why did God make
the world this way?
Why do I have to live in it?
- [Priest] Don't hit me.
- Then you tell me!
- Okay.
Okay.
All I wanted was a quickie.
If I show you the
true face of God,
if I tell you, will you listen?
- Of course.
- Really listen?!
- Yes.
- Okay.
Here's how you see God.
He's a Columbia
recording artist.
You got your idea of God
where most gay kids get it?
My Fair Lady, original cast.
See?
George Bernard
Shaw up in the clouds
manipulating Rex Harrison
and Julie Andrews on strings.
It was your parents'
album, you were little,
you thought it was
a picture of God.
- Yeah.
- You were almost there,
because God is on this record.
Lerner and Loewe.
♪ Why can't the English? ♪
♪ Wouldn't it be lovely? ♪
I'm telling you, the only times
I really feel the presence of
God are when I'm having sex
and during a great
Broadway musical.
Come on.
(solemn organ music)
(priest shushes)
Number two.
(solemn organ music)
Hi.
Look.
Huh.
Hello, gorgeous.
- Okla-homa.
Okla-homa.
- Oh, you're nuts.
- Oh, excuse me?
Those people out there,
they're worshiping resurrections,
virgin births,
Ben-Hur, and I'm nuts?
- I'm not, I'm talking
about a plague.
I'm talking about...
I don't know, evil.
- Yes, Satan.
Well, that's another story.
I've seen him.
- What?
Disease, hospitals, fear?
- Phantom, Miss
Saigon, Sunset Boulevard.
- Got to go.
- Why?
Because I haven't told you
the secret of life in five words
or less, you're getting antsy?
- I need to know.
- Okay, okay.
Oh, God.
I am so horny.
Do you know what
it's like in here?
"Father, I abused myself
eight times last week."
"Father, I'm attracted
to my brother-in-law."
"Father, I'm having impure
thoughts about my soccer coach."
Where are the Polaroids?
What am I, a mind reader?
"Say six Hail Marys and
bring me your shorts!"
(sobbing) Okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
Secret of life.
(sighs)
Darling, have you
ever been to a picnic
and someone blows up a balloon?
And everyone starts
tossing it around
and it's always just
about to touch the ground.
But someone always
gets there just in time
to tap it back up.
That balloon, that's God.
The very best in all of us.
The kindness, the heavy petting.
Funny Girl.
- What about the bad stuff?
When the balloon hits
the ground, when it bursts?
- Who cares?
Evil bores me, it's one
note, it doesn't sing!
(grunts)
Of course life sucks.
It always will, so why
not make the most of it?
How dare you not lunge
for any shred of happiness?
- But Steve, who's sick,
who I'm afraid to touch?
- So maybe you need a
rubber, or a surgical mask,
or a roll of plastic wrap.
- How dare you give up sex
when there are children in Europe
who can't get a date?
- The only real blasphemy
is the refusal of joy,
of a corsage, and a kiss.
- Amen.
(priest snorts)
♪ I had a dream ♪
♪ A dream about you, baby ♪
♪ It's gonna come true ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby ♪
♪ You'll be swell ♪
♪ You'll be great ♪
♪ Come on, ladies,
you know the words ♪
♪ Gonna have the
whole world on a plate ♪
♪ Starting here ♪
♪ Starting now ♪
♪ Honey, everything's
coming up roses ♪
(hums)
- Yeah!
♪ Ta-da, ta-da, ta-da ♪
(cheerful music)
♪ The air is sizzlin' as we
walk through the crowd ♪
♪ My heart is pumping, never
deep down touch the ground ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ There's no resisting the
men among the crowd ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ We're living it up
because we got to be proud ♪
♪ And we're gonna
say it out loud ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ The men among the crowd ♪
♪ Let the celebrating begin ♪
♪ Oh, let the
celebrating begin ♪
♪ Living it up ♪
♪ Oh, we're living it up ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got to be proud ♪
(whistle blows)
♪ And we're gonna
say it out loud ♪
- Okay, everybody, listen up.
The parade is about to begin.
The first unit
will be as follows:
Dykes On Bikes.
(motorbike engines roaring)
Concerned Pan-Asian Bisexuals.
(crowd cheering)
Black Gay Republicans.
Hello?
- Excuse me.
Excuse me, are
you with the parade?
I'm lost.
- [Steve] What
group are you with?
- Ma, did you find out?
We're marching together.
. I'm so proud of my preoperative
transsexual lesbian son.
- Steve.
- Jeffrey.
Hey.
What group you're marching with?
- Excuse me, could
you take our picture
with this nice young man?
This is our first parade.
- [Steve] Parents
of transsexuals.
- Preoperative
transsexual lesbians.
- At first, I was
confused as anyone.
More confused.
(camera clicking)
When Anthony first came to..
- Angelique, Ma.
- Oh, you were still
Tony at the time.
He comes to me, and he
says, "Ma, I wanna be a woman."
"I always felt like one."
I said, "What are you, gay?"
He said, "No, I'm not
gay, I'm a lesbian."
- [Angelique] Exactly.
. My first thought was,
when I was pregnant with you,
what did I do?
Did I tilt-a-whirl?
(camera clicking)
Did I bungee jump?
- Bound For Glory?
- Oh, uh, the fountain.
(man with hat grunts)
- Stop it.
- But you didn't judge.
- Oh, listen, alone, late
at night, I judged plenty.
I judged you, I judged me.
I said to myself, I said:
"I don't understand this."
"What does he need?"
You know what made me feel good?
- [Jeffrey] What?
- Summer Olympics.
I was watching them on
TV, feeling sorry for myself.
They kept showing these
parents of these girls in the pool.
- Synchronized swimmers.
- Exactly.
And the parents, they kept
crying and waving flags.
And I said to myself,
"Hey, if they can
feel proud of their kids
"just because they can stand
on their head in the deep end,
"I can feel proud of mine."
- Aw.
- Hey.
(camera clicking)
. One more, one more.
- No, come on, Ma, this...
- You think we're
gonna need sunscreen?
- Over there, they (mumbling).
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Good boy, good boy.
(people murmuring)
- Jeffrey.
Wow, long time no see.
You look great.
- Thanks.
You, too.
- Has anyone seen Darius?
I lost him somewhere
near those S&M people.
I swear I saw this terrifying
man wearing a dog collar,
harness and jackboots,
snarling at me.
And I look closer, and
it was my upholsterer.
(laughing)
- Oh, my God.
- Should I get my
nipples pierced?
- What?
- I just saw this big
guy, totally naked except
for a jockstrap and two gold
rings, right here and here.
- For guest towels.
(laughing)
- What group are you guys with?
- Gay Men Who Need A Cigarette.
- Interior Designers Fight AIDS.
- Care With Flair.
- Hey.
- Oh.
- The Sheep Meadow.
- Come along,
Jeffrey, you can help.
- Uh, no, I'll catch up.
- Oh!
Come on.
- [Man In White
T-Shirt] I got it, Steve.
- Oh, thanks.
Hey, I know, we'll put
you on the best float
with the porn stars.
- No, no, no.
Actually, I'm not marching.
- What?
- Yeah, I was just taking a
shortcut through the park.
I kind of forgot it
was Gay Pride Day.
- Wee!
- [Steve] Well, I hope
this not-marching thing
doesn't have
anything to do with me.
(chuckling)
Because I know I gave
you a pretty hard time.
- [Jeffrey] No, you didn't.
- I tried.
Seriously, it's good to see you.
And I'm not hitting on you.
- And why not, hm?
(Steve grunts)
- Jeffrey.
- Oh.
I gotta go.
I gotta meet somebody.
- [Steve] Pardon me?
- Yeah, uh...
My sublet, I hope.
- Your sublet?
Are you moving?
Where?
. [Jeffrey] I shouldn't
have said anything.
- No, come on.
- Back to Wisconsin.
Bye.
- [Steve] Wisconsin?
- Yeah, but not for a month.
Really, I gotta go.
- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
- Oh, Steve, it's a
good idea, really it is,
because there's no car
alarms, there's no potholes.
- No parades?
- No parades, no.
- What about Sterling?
What about Darius?
- [Event Announcer]
Steve Howard to Flatbed 3.
Steve Howard.
- What are you gonna
do in Wisconsin?
- Uh, live.
Breathe, hide...
Until it's all over.
- Till what's all over, Jeffrey?
AIDS?
Or your life?
- Either.
(people murmuring)
(Steve chuckles)
- Boy, good to
have known you, hm.
It was a growth experience.
. [Jeffrey] Come on, maybe
I'll come back, who knows?
Someday.
- You know, that's the
difference between you and me,
in that one word: Someday.
A real luxury item.
- [Man Running] Steve!
- [Steve] Hey.
- There you are.
- Hey.
Uh...
Sean, this is Jeffrey.
- Really?
At last.
I've heard way too
much about you.
- Uh, are you two guys, um...
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Two months, now.
- We met on the
parade committee.
- [Woman] Five, four, three.
- Hey, come here,
come here, come here.
. Good afternoon, this
is Chuck Farting here
at Manhattan's, some would
say, notorious Gay Pride march.
Homosexuals have made
great strides in recent years
and I am surrounded by them.
Are you homosexuals?
- Yes, Chuck, we are.
- Chuck!
Hi.
I love your show.
You are so cute.
Hi.
Hi, we're here, we're
queer and we're on TV!
(laughing)
- No, no, it is working, really.
- And here's a regular fellow.
He could be anyone:
your son, your brother,
the guy next door.
Your name?
- Jeffrey.
- And how are you
celebrating Gay Pride Day?
- I'm running.
- Provocative.
- Chuck!
- Chuck!
- Chuck!
- Well, it seems we have a
mother-and-daughter team here,
is that right?
- That's right.
- Don't ask.
- And what are you ladies going to do
to celebrate this Gay Pride occasion?
Something very special?
- You bet, Chuck.
We're gonna ride
on a flatbed truck
for the whole world to see.
- [All] Yeah, yeah.
- Because we are proud
of who and what we are.
- [All] Yeah.
- And after the parade?
- Angelique is going
to remove her penis.
- It's coming right off.
- [All] Yeah!
(marching band upbeat
music) (people murmuring)
(people murmuring)
- Hey, how is he?
- No change.
- Can I see him?
- No.
He's uh...
He wouldn't know
who you are, or talk.
It's a coma.
(sighs)
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm fine.
(sighs)
Where were you?
- Working.
My last job, the
Hilton, a whimper.
Is his mom in there?
- No, she's back at our
place, getting some rest.
(sighs)
He doesn't recognize anyone.
- Well, you never know.
- No, he doesn't, he's dead.
- What?
- Half an hour ago.
That's the first time
that I've said it out loud.
A brain hemorrhage.
(Jeffrey gasps)
That's why it was so fast.
These brain things.
That's why three weeks ago
he was marching on Fifth Avenue
with me.
- [Doctor] Friedman.
- [Patient] Yeah.
- [Doctor] Come with me.
- Sterling.
I'm so sorry.
- You're what?
You're sorry?
Oh, thank you,
Jeffrey, thank you.
Darius is dead.
Everyone, and I'm sorry, too.
I'm sorry.
- Is there anything
that I can do?
- I wasn't enough.
I wasn't important enough.
I couldn't snub it.
Couldn't scare
it off with a look.
I couldn't shield him with raw
silk and tassels and Type X.
The limits of style.
- But you loved Darius
and Darius loved you...
- Jesus, Jeffrey, how can you?!
- [Jeffrey] What?
- You know, I don't
know why, Jeffrey,
I'm obviously quite out of
my mind, but right now...
No, I don't.
I don't hate you.
- You hate me?
. Jeffrey, perhaps you
should just not be here,
not just right now.
- Please, Sterling.
Please, please, let me help you.
What can I do?
- What can you do, Jeffrey?
Nothing.
You're leaving.
You're going away
to some place insane.
I'm sorry.
(nurse murmuring)
(sobbing)
- I can stay for a
few more days...
- No!
Please, go.
You are not part of this.
This has nothing to do with you.
You know, Darius once said
that you were the saddest
person he ever knew.
- Why did he say that?
- Because he was sick,
because he had a fatal disease
and he was one million
times happier than you.
- You loved Darius
and look what happens.
Do you want me to go
through this with Steve?
- Yes.
(bell ringing)
- Jeffrey.
(gentle instrumental music)
Guess what?
It's the tunnel of
light you're supposed
to see right before you die,
with all your dead relatives.
(gentle instrumental music)
(panting)
- What are you?
Are you some sort of
grief-induced hallucination?
Why did you come back?
- To see you.
I figured you got here too
late, I was already in the coma.
- Sweetheart, it's me!
Aunt Phyllis.
- And Uncle Barney.
- And Cousin Gary.
- You'll love it.
You look great.
- Meow! (grunts)
- Did you bring me anything?
- Flowers.
- [Darius] Where?
- I was in a hurry.
- [Phyllis] Look who's
here, Grandma Rose.
- [Rose] Are you married?
- Jeffrey, I'm dead.
You're not.
- I know that.
- You do?
Prove it.
- What do you mean?
- Go dancing.
- Go to a show!
- Make trouble.
- Make out.
- Hate AIDS, Jeffrey, not life.
- How?
. Just think of AIDS like
the guest that won't leave.
The one we all hate.
But you have to remember.
- What?
- Hey, it's still our party.
(cheerful jazz music)
- [Phyllis] Darling,
they're waiting.
- Wait, wait!
Is that it?
Is that all you have to tell me?
(cheerful jazz music)
- Be nice to Sterling.
(cheerful jazz music)
♪ There will be
spring in the air ♪
♪ On the way to your heart ♪
♪ Welcome sounds everywhere ♪
♪ On the way to your heart ♪
♪ And the looks can arise ♪
(answering machine bleeping)
- [Jeffrey] Hi, Steve.
Hi.
Are you there?
Or are you screening your calls?
Uh, listen, it's Jeffrey,
and I'm not in Wisconsin.
I'm not a complete asshole.
I have to see you.
It's an emergency.
10:00 tonight at the
Essex House, please.
(answering machine bleeping)
♪ How did I happen to
lose my way on the way... ♪
- [Steve] Jeffrey?
♪ To your heart ♪
- [Steve] Jeffrey.
- [Waiter] Monsieur.
- [Steve] What?
All right, what's going on?
You said it was important.
- Table for two?
- [Steve] Excuse me?
- [Jeffrey] Didn't
we have a date?
- [Steve] Oh, my God.
- Ugh!
Well, I didn't think you'd come.
When I left the
message, I didn't know
if John would let you.
- [Steve] Sean.
- Dump him.
- [Steve] What?
- Just tell him it's over.
Be really mean.
- [Steve] It's a little
too late for that.
- Why?
- [Steve] Sean dumped me.
- He did?
Really?
- [Steve] He couldn't take it.
The sex.
He was exhausted.
He's 22.
- Were you upset?
- Of course.
- A whole bunch?
. Goodbye, Jeffrey.
- Steve.
If I asked you to,
could we have sex?
Safe sex, some
kind of sex, tonight?
- What?
You are really unbelievable.
What is this, Jeffrey?
What, you think
it's so easy, huh?
You just leave a
message, rent a tuxedo.
I am still HIV positive.
- [Jeffrey] So?
- So?
So it doesn't go away, Jeffrey.
It only gets worse.
- [Jeffrey] I know.
- Don't do this, don't
even, you fucker!
Don't you pretend, because
I will not be your good deed.
- You're not, you're
not, I'm too selfish.
I don't want a red ribbon.
- Oh, I am touched!
- I want you.
- Say we have sex.
Say we like it.
And say tomorrow
morning you decide
to take off for Wisconsin?
- I won't.
- How do I know that?
- Because I am...
I'm a gay man.
And I live in this city, and I
am not an innocent bystander.
Not anymore.
- So...
How bad do you want it?
- Oh.
(lively piano music)
Find out.
- This is nice.
You want it.
Suddenly, it's my decision.
I get to be Jeffrey.
- Oh, fuck you.
- Maybe.
(popping)
- [Jeffrey] Maybe?
- I think you
should woo me first.
Dinner.
Maybe dancing.
And then...
- Unbelievably hot sex.
- Not yet.
- Oh, come on, what...
What do you want?
- Jewelry.
- Yes!
- Yes.
Yes?
(lively piano music)
- Yes.
- But, Steve,
first you have to
promise me something.
(lively piano music)
- What?
- Promise me that
you will not get sick.
- Done.
- And you will not die.
- Never.
- Liar.
- Jesus, we really
shouldn't do this.
We're really asking for it.
And you give me one good reason.
One good reason why
we even have a prayer.
- One, one good reason?
- I do.
(lively piano music)
- I dare you.
(lively piano music)
(lively instrumental music)
♪ Someday, I know,
he'll smile hello ♪
♪ A warm welcome will be ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ Standing there
we'll learn to kiss ♪
♪ In fact it really leads ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ We will walk as
if were on wings ♪
♪ When a breathless
moment arrives ♪
♪ Talk over little
intimate things ♪
♪ As though we've known
each other all our lives ♪
♪ Some sweet day
you'll come my way ♪
♪ The one I'm longing to see ♪
♪ I'm looking for someone ♪
♪ Someone who's looking ♪
♪ Someone who's looking for me ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I tried so hard
to ignore this pain ♪
♪ Cos I don't want
my love to be in vain ♪
♪ Such a simple thing
to avoid me now ♪
♪ You walked in my life
and I can't let you out ♪
♪ I'd be so helpless
without you ♪
♪ Wouldn't know how to
carry my whole life through ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I'd be lost without
something to cling to ♪
♪ Cos there's no one else
who loves me like you do ♪
♪ Such a wicked spell
that you're giving me ♪
♪ I never thought this is
the way that it would be ♪
♪ I'd be so helpless
without you ♪
♪ Wouldn't know how to
carry my whole life through ♪
♪ From this day on
I will never forget ♪
♪ All this time, like the
first night we spent ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ Not without you ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ No, I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ I will never ever find
another love like you ♪
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ I don't know what
to do without you ♪
♪ That's what you do ♪