Je serai seule après minuit (1931) - full transcript
I'LL BE ALONE AFTER MIDNIGHT
CALENDAR
SULFURIC ACID
Members of the jury,
answer "no" to every question asked
for, if the defendant is sentenced,
it sets a dangerous precedent...
for those poor souls
who commit crimes of passion.
Idiot! Vampire!
I found out about all your tarts!
I've had it!
- So have I!
- Just look at them all.
You've cheated on me from the start.
What about her? She's one of yours.
Colette, Armande, Jacqueline,
Madeleine, Clo-Clo, Marie!
Music hall girls and socialites!
You collect them!
You disgust me.
- Now be quiet.
- No.
- Be quiet.
- No. I won't!
- Will you be quiet?
- No.
No? Take that!
Take that!
Unbelievable! I'll show you.
- Stop right there or I'll scream for help.
- Don't threaten me.
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Hands can say, "I love you"
Better than any poem
Communicating without words
Is delightful
Don't expect me
to tolerate your absurd behavior!
- Close the French door.
- No.
- Close it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- I'll show you.
- What?
You know what I mean.
- Since you won't obey, I'm leaving.
- Go!
- I won't be back for dinner.
- Good!
- I won't be back tonight.
- As you wish.
Take that!
The filthy brute!
To treat you that way.
Leave me alone!
Monique,
I'm shy and don't know
how to talk to women,
but when needed,
I can be extremely decisive.
So, listen. For six years, I've loved you.
For six years, he's cheated on you
and you're unhappy.
- Don't worry, he won't get away with it.
- What do you intend to do?
Take revenge.
- By killing him?
- No chance! Juries are too suspicious.
- Then what?
- I'll cheat on him.
Good. With me.
Not you, you're my best friend.
- Then who?
- I don't know.
- When?
- Tonight.
That's not going to happen.
- Who'll stop me?
- I will.
- We'll see about that!
- We will.
- Go away, Michel.
- I love you, Monique.
Too bad, I'll never be yours!
I'm very shy, but I'm very stubborn.
- And nothing -
- Get out. Take these.
There. Now go!
Fine, but I'll be back.
"She loves me a little"
Not much
"She loves me a lot"
Really?
"Passionately"
If only
"Madly"
Madness
Madness
Poor Michel.
Here comes the mender
Of china and porcelain
He does miracles
With stuff fit for the dustbin
I glue and mend
I reassemble and bind
I do it well and very quickly
Here comes the mender
Of china and porcelain
- Hello, miss.
- Hello, sir.
- Again?
- Like always.
That's great! Thanks.
A TREATISE ON ADULTERY
- You rang, madam?
- Yes.
Take this book and read to me.
I've cried too much. My eyes hurt.
- Here?
- Yes, there.
"Chapter 2. Forced adultery.
A spouse seeking revenge
must be circumspect."
Circumspect.
"If it's a new moon,
she should choose a blond lover."
Blond.
"If the moon is full,
she should choose a black lover.
Chapter 3. Adultery by correspondence."
- Enough! Put the book down.
- Yes, madam.
I sell lovely balloons
Red, blue, or soft pink
Small ones and big ones
Beautiful balloons
Balloons for sale
I sell lovely balloons
Beautiful balloons for sale
Small ones and big ones
Red, blue, or soft pink
Beautiful balloons
Well worth the cost
They have their highs and lows
But they never deflate
Never do they deflate
Ask for a beautiful balloon
Red, blue, or soft pink
Small ones and big ones
Beautiful balloons
Balloons for sale
- How much for a balloon?
- Twenty cents, madam.
Top quality. Your child will be delighted.
- I'll take them all.
- All?
Goodness!
Congratulations
on having such a large family.
- Thanks. Here you go.
- Thank you.
I'll be alone after midnight
Life helps those
Who help themselves
So I allow myself
The charming delusion
That she loves me passionately
"To Michel, my lovely treasure
With love beyond measure"
"To Michel, my future lover
Love is coming
Yours, impatiently"
"To my charming Michel
Who fills me with desire"
"To my beloved Michel
Your Monique, for life"
"To Michel My fond memories
Will soon become my bright future"
"To Michel
My fond memories
Will soon become
My bright future"
78, SQUARE DE LA MUETTE
My balloons will fly so high
Carrying my heart on the winds
My soul is wild with joy
As I dream and dream
Will he be strong or slim?
Will he be wide-eyed and blond?
Will he be pious or noble?
Shy or
Too daring?
My adventurous heart
Dreams of love
It wants to be whispered
Romantic speeches
If you want tenderness
If you want kisses and excitement
If you want to be caressed
You can count on me
I want to be cuddled
Chase away my boredom
I want a divine time
All night long
My heart is not for sale
Handsome troubadour
My heart is up for grabs
It longs for love
The fish
Refuse to take the bait
Not even a nibble today
It's incredible
Nor yesterday either
Nor even last year
Fisher by profession
A real champ
Even without a boat
But just between us
I whisper this confession
I've never caught
Even the smallest fish
In all my life
Some people relax, daydream, laze about
I'm always late
I've really got to go
One day here, gone the next
Appointments everywhere
I've no time to rest
I'm a man in a hurry
MINISTRY OF THE AIR
As you see, I'm a minor clerk
Precise, punctual
And not always witty
It's my firm belief
That the best way
To serve my country
Is to be a good average Frenchman
A good average Frenchman
I'LL BE ALONE AFTER MIDNIGHT
Bargemen like to laze about
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Hauling coal and flour
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Faithful to my barge
As a French poodle
I live on the water
Far from all the fools
Bargemen like to laze about
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Hauling coal and flour
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
I'm on patrol On patrol
A decent situation
But, Good Lord Three stripes
Would make a nice promotion
Crosswords, crosswords
A pleasant pastime in other words
It's complicated Convoluted
And difficult to unravel
Luckily, I have my dear friend
Webster
Webster
5 Across: A Tonkinese fleet
27 Down: A Viennese treat
What inventor
Which animal
Together form a clue for
"River in the far north"?
Officer, let me go.
I have a date at midnight.
The officer handling your case
isn't back yet. Sit down.
- Let me explain -
- Don't disturb me.
Midnight.
Midnight. I'm right on time.
- Mrs. Argilliers, please.
- This is her home.
- She's expecting you?
- Yes, she is.
Whom shall I announce?
The minor clerk.
This night, each door is closed
Under ivy-covered balconies
In the houses, all is quiet
The time for dreams has come
The lover is dozing
Listen to her soft breathing
This night, each door is closed
Under ivy-covered balconies
In the houses, all is quiet
The time for dreams has come
If all the boys in the world
Felt the same way
Never would a blonde girl
Ever find a lover
- Mrs. Argilliers, please.
- Are you billeted here?
My heart is.
- Whom shall I announce?
- The soldier.
Very well.
78, square de la Muette. Hurry!
What do you want?
Mrs. Argilliers?
You're expected?
- Watch where you're going!
- Priority to the right!
- You could've flattened me.
- Go direct some traffic.
Wait for me, I won't be long.
- This is none of your business.
- I'm in a hurry.
Look at that heap! It could've killed me.
You're going there too?
You too!
- Another one?
- Yes, another.
I'm in a hurry!
- Coming!
- I'm in a hurry!
- Mrs. Argilliers?
- Yes. Come in.
She'll be right down.
No time to sit. I've got a train at 1:45.
Cute place.
Nicer than my barge.
Excuse me, bargeman.
Are you here for Mrs....
Argilliers?
Yes, Argilliers. Right.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
- Mrs. Argilliers.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
Me too.
Me too.
Who are you, sir?
The nurseryman.
Come in.
Several gentlemen are here.
They all claim you're expecting them.
- Are they handsome?
- They're varied.
That's good.
- I hope she's blonde.
- I prefer brunettes.
I've no preference.
I hope she's short.
- I hope she's tall.
- No preference.
I'll miss my 1:45 train!
I've been waiting 45 years.
It's an adventure, gentlemen.
That's what is so wonderful.
I say, this lady is late!
Mind your manners, Man in a Hurry.
He's right. She's making us wait.
You're an oaf and a boor.
Where do you think you are,
in a cargo hold?
Do you hear me?
- I need to leave.
- First I need to identify you.
Since your colleague hasn't returned,
maybe you could call one of my friends.
A well-known person
whose testimony would suffice.
When you're alone at midnight
And sleep eludes you
You dream languorously
About the one
Whose image haunts you
And who'll surely
Chase away your troubles all night
You dream of a Prince Charming
Who will be yours
But time passes So you settle
For a man like any other
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
Handsome men get an appetite
In the afternoon
But still you act very picky
You refuse him your favors
From 5:00 to 7:00
But you're really not so shy
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
She's alone after midnight
We came here thinking
She'd chase away our troubles
All night
You dream of a Prince Charming
Who will be yours
But time passes So you settle
For a man like any other
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
Be quiet, gentlemen, please!
There she is There she is
She's arrived Our night beauty
She's the one She's the one
Who sent the invitation
Finally here she is
She has arrived at last
We feast our eyes
She's lovely from head to toe
Here she is Our mysterious host
She's the one
She's the one
For whom we've all been waiting
- The Bargeman.
- The Man in a Hurry.
- The Minor Clerk.
- The Soldier.
The Nurseryman.
The Fisherman.
Gentlemen, I'm delighted to meet you.
I'll introduce myself. Monique Argilliers.
Married. Twenty-five years old.
Without profession.
Obliged to commit adultery.
I'm in a hurry. I'm taking the 1:45 train.
Then you're already eliminated.
To get revenge, I've decided
to spend the night with one of you.
The night, you hear? The whole night.
I organized my evening.
I allotted you exactly 72 minutes
and now you just dismiss me?
Yes, exactly.
- It's a swindle!
- Have some champagne before you leave.
No, I'm taking the 1:45 train.
One down!
- No!
- No more room!
Calm down, gents. It's just the phone.
Is that you, Monique?
No, it's not the police chief.
It's Michel.
Poor guy! What did you do?
How awful!
Of course I'll come.
Are you alone?
Hello?
She hung up.
Stay here, please.
If you'll excuse me,
I need to go out for a few minutes.
Trying to run off?
We won't fall for such tricks.
Madam, I beg you, please don't leave.
You're mistaken.
I've no intention of "running off."
One of my friends, held at the police
station, needs me to vouch for him.
I'll be right back.
- What proves you'll be back?
- I give you my word.
- That's not enough.
- What proof do you need?
We'll go with you. It's safer.
I can't. I left without authorization.
You'll stay and guard the house.
Shall we go?
No. Think about it. It's not very proper.
Don't worry. We'll behave ourselves.
- Fine, if you insist.
- Off we go!
You, no crazy driving. I'm on a bike.
As you say.
Madam, I have so much to tell you.
Madam, listen to me, please.
- Clear out. You're all I can see.
- What did you say?
Clear out!
You're blocking my view of madam.
- What?
- Clear out!
Now I can see her.
I feel like I'm escorting
the First Lady's carriage.
No, buddy, we're not stopping.
Make way for Love!
Never heard that before, right?
Ever heard that before?
Ever -
You crazy kids! Open the window!
Open this window.
We'd better open it before he breaks it.
Don't be selfish, guys.
Give somebody else a chance.
Step on it, buddy! And away we go.
Enough!
Are you coming in?
No way. That's no place for us.
Suit yourselves.
- I'm here for Michel -
- Monique!
- There you are!
- It was nice of you to come.
I see you've made some friends!
Stop it.
- Are those ladies your accomplices?
- Monique.
Did you ask me here
so you could introduce me?
I don't know those women.
We have the info we need.
You can leave now.
It looks like you came for nothing.
Let's go, Monique.
- No good-bye?
- Don't go.
- Ladies - - Good-bye, honey!
Ladies, I'm not that sort of guy!
- Bye!
- See you soon!
- Good night, Michel.
- I'm staying with you.
No. I came to get you out.
Now I'm going home.
- I'll accompany you.
- Impossible.
I'm not alone.
- Who are they?
- Friends.
- Introduce me.
- No.
- Why not?
- I don't know their names.
Doesn't matter. You know mine. Let's go.
Good evening, gentlemen. Get in, Monique.
I'm delighted to meet you.
78, square de la Muette.
We brought her back.
- Irma, bring us some champagne.
- Yes, madam.
Now, Michel, go away.
I'm following the rules.
I received a balloon.
- Please, Michel, go home!
- Never.
I was invited like the others.
Why should I give up my spot?
In that case,
suit yourself.
Gentlemen, champagne?
- I'd love some!
- After our long trip...
- Stand back. You didn't go.
- Neither did you.
Can you believe this guy?
- Madam, may I speak?
- Go ahead.
You'll talk later.
I'm married. I have seven children.
Two still in the cradle.
I live in Bécon-les-Bruyères.
I yearn to experience
the finest adventure of my life.
I've sacrificed everything
for this affair.
Although you wrote
"I'll be alone after midnight,"
I notice you're not alone.
- No, she's not.
- How appalling!
- Be quiet, Michel.
- Michel is right.
Hold on, gentlemen.
Of course I sent more than one balloon.
Some were bound to get lost.
Good Lord. What will we do?
We'll settle it with a draw.
Present!
Reporting for duty.
- You can't do that, Monique.
- Why not?
It's awful, playing poker for madam!
- No, we'll play dice.
- No dice for Zanzibar.
- Not funny?
- No, it's very funny.
- How about bridge?
- Yes, you can be the dummy.
- Monique.
- Enough joking. Come with me.
Sorry, madam,
gambling is against my principles.
Take this then.
This way, gentlemen.
- This is hilarious!
- No, it's outrageous.
Everyone write their names
on a slip of paper. I'll be right back.
- I don't have any paper.
- I'll give you some.
- No one has anything to write with.
- Here, sir.
- You call that a pocket pencil?
- I don't have anything smaller.
- Here's your pencil back.
- Thanks.
- What's he saying?
- He probably can't write.
Hold on, I may have just the thing.
That's perfect.
This is yours.
God of chance, smile upon us
We swear to you
Our allegiance
It's up to you to decide
Who will win
The grand prize
In this moment of suspense
You could hear a pin drop
He's in for a fine time
The one who'll share her bed
God of chance, smile upon us
We swear to you
Our allegiance
Now the purest heart shall pick.
- He can't read.
- Give it to me.
It doesn't count.
"Michel."
- It doesn't count.
- Why not?
- Because... you're practically family.
- Not yet.
Michel, what you're doing is despicable.
I want revenge on my husband,
but not with you.
- Why not with me?
- Because you -
Because I -
Who are you?
Good evening, madam.
What are you doing here?
You received a balloon?
I'm too old to play with balloons.
How did you get in?
The window.
- Why not the door?
- I didn't dare.
- I'd have let you in.
- If I'd known that...
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
Sportsman
Megalomaniac
Booklover
With a healthy fear of the law
Art lover and most of all
I am, madam
- What?
- A gentleman
A gentleman
Thief
- Open up, madam.
- Open the door, Monique.
Be quiet. Madam won't be able to sleep.
- Really?
- Of course.
- Open up, madam.
- Open the door, madam.
Your friends are too noisy.
With your permission, I'll leave.
No.
In my profession, we don't like noise.
- If you're truly a gentleman -
- Thief.
...you won't leave me alone with these men.
Please stay, I'm begging you.
- What if I get caught?
- Who cares? Stay.
- Monique, please.
- Madam, why do you resist?
She must be deaf.
Deaf and heartless!
I see now. She's a tease.
A tease?
A tease?
I'll teach her to play with fire.
Where's he going?
Hello?
There's a fire! 78, square de la Muette.
- I need you.
- Me?
I guarantee it'll be worth your while.
Really?
I don't want to submit to a certain man.
You must stay with me until morning.
I can't refuse that.
Now I'll open the door.
- Don't open it, I beg you.
- Are you afraid?
In my profession, we fear nothing,
but prefer to keep the door closed.
Be quiet.
- Her husband has returned.
- Dear God, how terrible!
I guess we'd better leave. Let's go.
Stay! It'll take two men
to protect her from that brute.
You can count on me. My life is hers.
- I'll open and you'll shoot?
- With pleasure.
Except it's never loaded.
Too bad. Maybe next time.
What are you doing here?
Ask the lady.
- He's my lover.
- Monique.
No. Not yet.
Listen, sir, go home.
- You have a wife.
- Yes, madam.
- Ten children, three in the cradle.
- Yes, madam.
Go home now.
You can dream
of your unrequited love affair.
It's better that way.
- I loved you so much already.
- You'll get over it.
Here comes trouble.
I'd better go.
I'm out without authorization.
Hurry! Leave me alone!
- Is there a fire?
- Yes, in my heart.
Open up for the firemen!
Excuse me, sir, where's the fire?
I don't know. I'm leaving.
Ask my neighbor.
The fire, sir.
Where's the fire? What?
- Tell us where the fire is!
- I don't know.
- Here's my mistress.
- What is it?
Madam, where's the fire?
Fire? This is idiotic!
There's no fire in my home.
Pardon, madam, but is this
78, square de la Muette?
- Yes.
- And you deny there's a fire?
- No fire. Right?
- Absolutely.
Hands up!
- At your service, madam.
- Thank you. Good-bye.
Help!
There must be a fire, madam.
Someone is calling for help.
What's going on? Hurry!
- Hands up!
- Calm down, kid.
Help me.
What's wrong with you?
What is this man doing here?
How did he get in?
- Through the window.
- He's a burglar.
Unbelievable! Me, a burglar?
Listen, little lady, shall I tell them?
- What?
- That you invited me.
- I'm a buddy.
- A buddy?
He's crazy! He's just a burglar.
He called the fire department
to create a diversion.
I did it to drive this fox from her den!
Be quiet! Go on, take him away!
Let me go!
Come on, let me go!
Let me go!
Be quiet.
While you're at it, will you take him too?
If your siren is broken,
he'll come in handy.
- Afterward, you'll leave.
- No, I received a balloon.
- So did the black man.
- I played and I won. I'm the winner.
- It was a joke.
- I demand my prize.
To your health!
Thanks.
- Definitely not.
- Why not?
- You'd be angry at me tomorrow.
- I love you with all my heart.
That's what I mean.
The man who spends the night with me,
I'll never see him again.
I don't want to spend one night with you,
but 18,262 nights.
- How much is that?
- Fifty years.
Boaster!
- Come on, Monique.
- Michel.
I don't want to ruin our friendship.
My husband will be back soon.
He can't find us together.
- Understand, Michel?
- I understand, but I'm not convinced.
No, no.
Madam,
you asked me to spend the night with you.
That's right.
- I didn't come with that intention.
- I hope not.
I need to leave for New York tomorrow.
Yes, I will burgle,
on May 12, at 12:12 a.m.,
Al Capone's safe.
- Sounds like a good plan.
- It's not bad.
Regrettably, I must leave you at dawn.
- You're staying until dawn?
- It's the best I can do.
It's more than I'd like.
Monique, please ask him to leave.
Mr. Thief, I beg you to stay.
All right.
In that case,
I have a proposition for you.
Twenty-five yards from here
is a villa with a fine collection
of antiques, silverware,
and transferable stocks.
The owner is away,
the servants are on vacation,
and the guard dog is paralyzed.
How very interesting!
I'll draw you a map. Hold on.
It's perfect for you.
Thanks, this is great.
You won't even need to pick the lock.
My friend left me the keys.
75, square de la Muette.
Thank you, sir. You're very helpful.
Madam, duty calls.
I must bid you farewell.
You're not very gallant.
My humble respects, madam.
And my regrets.
Get out of here.
Good-bye, sir, and thanks.
Don't mention it.
Cocktail, Monique?
- It's your villa he's going to rob.
- I know.
- You're crazy, Michel.
- I love you, Monique.
- And I'm -
- Extremely decisive.
I'm beginning to believe it.
Halt!
Right face!
Coats down!
To the paintings!
I've loved you for six years.
You know that.
You told me for the first time today.
I've been telling you for six years.
I didn't hear you.
- You just had to look.
- What?
To look at me.
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Hands can say, "I love you"
Better than any poem
Communicating without words
Is delightful
To speak of love
Is a very expressive sigh
To speak of love
Is a smile that says, "How divine"
How can I lie
When my heart is next to yours?
That's worth more
Than any romantic speeches
To fully express
The joy of loving you
I dream of unknown words
All sounds uttered
Have already expired
All the words have already been said
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
Each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Speaks volumes
The pink of your blush
Expresses so much
Nothing could be more marvelous
Romantic oaths
Can't hold a candle to it
It's worth more
Than every love poem in the world
Madam! Your husband is back.
- Where is he?
- In his study.
- Did he see you?
- I think so.
Thank you. Go. Michel!
Monique, love calls me elsewhere.
Forgive me, I'm leaving.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
What's going on? Where are you going?
We're going to see the lady at number 78.
The lady at number 78!
Get out of the way. I'm going there too.
Where are you going?
We're going to see the lady at number 78.
Excuse me, I'm looking for
78, square de la Muette.
Unbelievable! I have no idea.
You made the right choice, dear.
- What a tramp!
- Yes.
Hear that?
It must be the balloons.
- More?
- The others.
- What others?
- The latecomers.
Some balloons flew far before they landed.
Weren't any lost?
- Michel?
- Monique.
What will we do?
- I'm scared. I don't want to stay here.
- Then come with me.
- Where?
- To my house.
I like what you've done to the place.
He left me a chair.
"With my best wishes for your happiness."
What a swell guy!
- Monique.
- What, Michel?
Tomorrow, I don't think
you'll be alone after midnight.
Michel...
No, Michel.
THE END
CALENDAR
SULFURIC ACID
Members of the jury,
answer "no" to every question asked
for, if the defendant is sentenced,
it sets a dangerous precedent...
for those poor souls
who commit crimes of passion.
Idiot! Vampire!
I found out about all your tarts!
I've had it!
- So have I!
- Just look at them all.
You've cheated on me from the start.
What about her? She's one of yours.
Colette, Armande, Jacqueline,
Madeleine, Clo-Clo, Marie!
Music hall girls and socialites!
You collect them!
You disgust me.
- Now be quiet.
- No.
- Be quiet.
- No. I won't!
- Will you be quiet?
- No.
No? Take that!
Take that!
Unbelievable! I'll show you.
- Stop right there or I'll scream for help.
- Don't threaten me.
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Hands can say, "I love you"
Better than any poem
Communicating without words
Is delightful
Don't expect me
to tolerate your absurd behavior!
- Close the French door.
- No.
- Close it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- Do it.
- No.
- I'll show you.
- What?
You know what I mean.
- Since you won't obey, I'm leaving.
- Go!
- I won't be back for dinner.
- Good!
- I won't be back tonight.
- As you wish.
Take that!
The filthy brute!
To treat you that way.
Leave me alone!
Monique,
I'm shy and don't know
how to talk to women,
but when needed,
I can be extremely decisive.
So, listen. For six years, I've loved you.
For six years, he's cheated on you
and you're unhappy.
- Don't worry, he won't get away with it.
- What do you intend to do?
Take revenge.
- By killing him?
- No chance! Juries are too suspicious.
- Then what?
- I'll cheat on him.
Good. With me.
Not you, you're my best friend.
- Then who?
- I don't know.
- When?
- Tonight.
That's not going to happen.
- Who'll stop me?
- I will.
- We'll see about that!
- We will.
- Go away, Michel.
- I love you, Monique.
Too bad, I'll never be yours!
I'm very shy, but I'm very stubborn.
- And nothing -
- Get out. Take these.
There. Now go!
Fine, but I'll be back.
"She loves me a little"
Not much
"She loves me a lot"
Really?
"Passionately"
If only
"Madly"
Madness
Madness
Poor Michel.
Here comes the mender
Of china and porcelain
He does miracles
With stuff fit for the dustbin
I glue and mend
I reassemble and bind
I do it well and very quickly
Here comes the mender
Of china and porcelain
- Hello, miss.
- Hello, sir.
- Again?
- Like always.
That's great! Thanks.
A TREATISE ON ADULTERY
- You rang, madam?
- Yes.
Take this book and read to me.
I've cried too much. My eyes hurt.
- Here?
- Yes, there.
"Chapter 2. Forced adultery.
A spouse seeking revenge
must be circumspect."
Circumspect.
"If it's a new moon,
she should choose a blond lover."
Blond.
"If the moon is full,
she should choose a black lover.
Chapter 3. Adultery by correspondence."
- Enough! Put the book down.
- Yes, madam.
I sell lovely balloons
Red, blue, or soft pink
Small ones and big ones
Beautiful balloons
Balloons for sale
I sell lovely balloons
Beautiful balloons for sale
Small ones and big ones
Red, blue, or soft pink
Beautiful balloons
Well worth the cost
They have their highs and lows
But they never deflate
Never do they deflate
Ask for a beautiful balloon
Red, blue, or soft pink
Small ones and big ones
Beautiful balloons
Balloons for sale
- How much for a balloon?
- Twenty cents, madam.
Top quality. Your child will be delighted.
- I'll take them all.
- All?
Goodness!
Congratulations
on having such a large family.
- Thanks. Here you go.
- Thank you.
I'll be alone after midnight
Life helps those
Who help themselves
So I allow myself
The charming delusion
That she loves me passionately
"To Michel, my lovely treasure
With love beyond measure"
"To Michel, my future lover
Love is coming
Yours, impatiently"
"To my charming Michel
Who fills me with desire"
"To my beloved Michel
Your Monique, for life"
"To Michel My fond memories
Will soon become my bright future"
"To Michel
My fond memories
Will soon become
My bright future"
78, SQUARE DE LA MUETTE
My balloons will fly so high
Carrying my heart on the winds
My soul is wild with joy
As I dream and dream
Will he be strong or slim?
Will he be wide-eyed and blond?
Will he be pious or noble?
Shy or
Too daring?
My adventurous heart
Dreams of love
It wants to be whispered
Romantic speeches
If you want tenderness
If you want kisses and excitement
If you want to be caressed
You can count on me
I want to be cuddled
Chase away my boredom
I want a divine time
All night long
My heart is not for sale
Handsome troubadour
My heart is up for grabs
It longs for love
The fish
Refuse to take the bait
Not even a nibble today
It's incredible
Nor yesterday either
Nor even last year
Fisher by profession
A real champ
Even without a boat
But just between us
I whisper this confession
I've never caught
Even the smallest fish
In all my life
Some people relax, daydream, laze about
I'm always late
I've really got to go
One day here, gone the next
Appointments everywhere
I've no time to rest
I'm a man in a hurry
MINISTRY OF THE AIR
As you see, I'm a minor clerk
Precise, punctual
And not always witty
It's my firm belief
That the best way
To serve my country
Is to be a good average Frenchman
A good average Frenchman
I'LL BE ALONE AFTER MIDNIGHT
Bargemen like to laze about
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Hauling coal and flour
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Faithful to my barge
As a French poodle
I live on the water
Far from all the fools
Bargemen like to laze about
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
Hauling coal and flour
Bargemen are stay-at-homes
I'm on patrol On patrol
A decent situation
But, Good Lord Three stripes
Would make a nice promotion
Crosswords, crosswords
A pleasant pastime in other words
It's complicated Convoluted
And difficult to unravel
Luckily, I have my dear friend
Webster
Webster
5 Across: A Tonkinese fleet
27 Down: A Viennese treat
What inventor
Which animal
Together form a clue for
"River in the far north"?
Officer, let me go.
I have a date at midnight.
The officer handling your case
isn't back yet. Sit down.
- Let me explain -
- Don't disturb me.
Midnight.
Midnight. I'm right on time.
- Mrs. Argilliers, please.
- This is her home.
- She's expecting you?
- Yes, she is.
Whom shall I announce?
The minor clerk.
This night, each door is closed
Under ivy-covered balconies
In the houses, all is quiet
The time for dreams has come
The lover is dozing
Listen to her soft breathing
This night, each door is closed
Under ivy-covered balconies
In the houses, all is quiet
The time for dreams has come
If all the boys in the world
Felt the same way
Never would a blonde girl
Ever find a lover
- Mrs. Argilliers, please.
- Are you billeted here?
My heart is.
- Whom shall I announce?
- The soldier.
Very well.
78, square de la Muette. Hurry!
What do you want?
Mrs. Argilliers?
You're expected?
- Watch where you're going!
- Priority to the right!
- You could've flattened me.
- Go direct some traffic.
Wait for me, I won't be long.
- This is none of your business.
- I'm in a hurry.
Look at that heap! It could've killed me.
You're going there too?
You too!
- Another one?
- Yes, another.
I'm in a hurry!
- Coming!
- I'm in a hurry!
- Mrs. Argilliers?
- Yes. Come in.
She'll be right down.
No time to sit. I've got a train at 1:45.
Cute place.
Nicer than my barge.
Excuse me, bargeman.
Are you here for Mrs....
Argilliers?
Yes, Argilliers. Right.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
- Mrs. Argilliers.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
- I'm here for Mrs. Argilliers.
Me too.
Me too.
Who are you, sir?
The nurseryman.
Come in.
Several gentlemen are here.
They all claim you're expecting them.
- Are they handsome?
- They're varied.
That's good.
- I hope she's blonde.
- I prefer brunettes.
I've no preference.
I hope she's short.
- I hope she's tall.
- No preference.
I'll miss my 1:45 train!
I've been waiting 45 years.
It's an adventure, gentlemen.
That's what is so wonderful.
I say, this lady is late!
Mind your manners, Man in a Hurry.
He's right. She's making us wait.
You're an oaf and a boor.
Where do you think you are,
in a cargo hold?
Do you hear me?
- I need to leave.
- First I need to identify you.
Since your colleague hasn't returned,
maybe you could call one of my friends.
A well-known person
whose testimony would suffice.
When you're alone at midnight
And sleep eludes you
You dream languorously
About the one
Whose image haunts you
And who'll surely
Chase away your troubles all night
You dream of a Prince Charming
Who will be yours
But time passes So you settle
For a man like any other
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
Handsome men get an appetite
In the afternoon
But still you act very picky
You refuse him your favors
From 5:00 to 7:00
But you're really not so shy
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
She's alone after midnight
We came here thinking
She'd chase away our troubles
All night
You dream of a Prince Charming
Who will be yours
But time passes So you settle
For a man like any other
She's alone after midnight?
Is this what she calls
Being alone after midnight?
Be quiet, gentlemen, please!
There she is There she is
She's arrived Our night beauty
She's the one She's the one
Who sent the invitation
Finally here she is
She has arrived at last
We feast our eyes
She's lovely from head to toe
Here she is Our mysterious host
She's the one
She's the one
For whom we've all been waiting
- The Bargeman.
- The Man in a Hurry.
- The Minor Clerk.
- The Soldier.
The Nurseryman.
The Fisherman.
Gentlemen, I'm delighted to meet you.
I'll introduce myself. Monique Argilliers.
Married. Twenty-five years old.
Without profession.
Obliged to commit adultery.
I'm in a hurry. I'm taking the 1:45 train.
Then you're already eliminated.
To get revenge, I've decided
to spend the night with one of you.
The night, you hear? The whole night.
I organized my evening.
I allotted you exactly 72 minutes
and now you just dismiss me?
Yes, exactly.
- It's a swindle!
- Have some champagne before you leave.
No, I'm taking the 1:45 train.
One down!
- No!
- No more room!
Calm down, gents. It's just the phone.
Is that you, Monique?
No, it's not the police chief.
It's Michel.
Poor guy! What did you do?
How awful!
Of course I'll come.
Are you alone?
Hello?
She hung up.
Stay here, please.
If you'll excuse me,
I need to go out for a few minutes.
Trying to run off?
We won't fall for such tricks.
Madam, I beg you, please don't leave.
You're mistaken.
I've no intention of "running off."
One of my friends, held at the police
station, needs me to vouch for him.
I'll be right back.
- What proves you'll be back?
- I give you my word.
- That's not enough.
- What proof do you need?
We'll go with you. It's safer.
I can't. I left without authorization.
You'll stay and guard the house.
Shall we go?
No. Think about it. It's not very proper.
Don't worry. We'll behave ourselves.
- Fine, if you insist.
- Off we go!
You, no crazy driving. I'm on a bike.
As you say.
Madam, I have so much to tell you.
Madam, listen to me, please.
- Clear out. You're all I can see.
- What did you say?
Clear out!
You're blocking my view of madam.
- What?
- Clear out!
Now I can see her.
I feel like I'm escorting
the First Lady's carriage.
No, buddy, we're not stopping.
Make way for Love!
Never heard that before, right?
Ever heard that before?
Ever -
You crazy kids! Open the window!
Open this window.
We'd better open it before he breaks it.
Don't be selfish, guys.
Give somebody else a chance.
Step on it, buddy! And away we go.
Enough!
Are you coming in?
No way. That's no place for us.
Suit yourselves.
- I'm here for Michel -
- Monique!
- There you are!
- It was nice of you to come.
I see you've made some friends!
Stop it.
- Are those ladies your accomplices?
- Monique.
Did you ask me here
so you could introduce me?
I don't know those women.
We have the info we need.
You can leave now.
It looks like you came for nothing.
Let's go, Monique.
- No good-bye?
- Don't go.
- Ladies - - Good-bye, honey!
Ladies, I'm not that sort of guy!
- Bye!
- See you soon!
- Good night, Michel.
- I'm staying with you.
No. I came to get you out.
Now I'm going home.
- I'll accompany you.
- Impossible.
I'm not alone.
- Who are they?
- Friends.
- Introduce me.
- No.
- Why not?
- I don't know their names.
Doesn't matter. You know mine. Let's go.
Good evening, gentlemen. Get in, Monique.
I'm delighted to meet you.
78, square de la Muette.
We brought her back.
- Irma, bring us some champagne.
- Yes, madam.
Now, Michel, go away.
I'm following the rules.
I received a balloon.
- Please, Michel, go home!
- Never.
I was invited like the others.
Why should I give up my spot?
In that case,
suit yourself.
Gentlemen, champagne?
- I'd love some!
- After our long trip...
- Stand back. You didn't go.
- Neither did you.
Can you believe this guy?
- Madam, may I speak?
- Go ahead.
You'll talk later.
I'm married. I have seven children.
Two still in the cradle.
I live in Bécon-les-Bruyères.
I yearn to experience
the finest adventure of my life.
I've sacrificed everything
for this affair.
Although you wrote
"I'll be alone after midnight,"
I notice you're not alone.
- No, she's not.
- How appalling!
- Be quiet, Michel.
- Michel is right.
Hold on, gentlemen.
Of course I sent more than one balloon.
Some were bound to get lost.
Good Lord. What will we do?
We'll settle it with a draw.
Present!
Reporting for duty.
- You can't do that, Monique.
- Why not?
It's awful, playing poker for madam!
- No, we'll play dice.
- No dice for Zanzibar.
- Not funny?
- No, it's very funny.
- How about bridge?
- Yes, you can be the dummy.
- Monique.
- Enough joking. Come with me.
Sorry, madam,
gambling is against my principles.
Take this then.
This way, gentlemen.
- This is hilarious!
- No, it's outrageous.
Everyone write their names
on a slip of paper. I'll be right back.
- I don't have any paper.
- I'll give you some.
- No one has anything to write with.
- Here, sir.
- You call that a pocket pencil?
- I don't have anything smaller.
- Here's your pencil back.
- Thanks.
- What's he saying?
- He probably can't write.
Hold on, I may have just the thing.
That's perfect.
This is yours.
God of chance, smile upon us
We swear to you
Our allegiance
It's up to you to decide
Who will win
The grand prize
In this moment of suspense
You could hear a pin drop
He's in for a fine time
The one who'll share her bed
God of chance, smile upon us
We swear to you
Our allegiance
Now the purest heart shall pick.
- He can't read.
- Give it to me.
It doesn't count.
"Michel."
- It doesn't count.
- Why not?
- Because... you're practically family.
- Not yet.
Michel, what you're doing is despicable.
I want revenge on my husband,
but not with you.
- Why not with me?
- Because you -
Because I -
Who are you?
Good evening, madam.
What are you doing here?
You received a balloon?
I'm too old to play with balloons.
How did you get in?
The window.
- Why not the door?
- I didn't dare.
- I'd have let you in.
- If I'd known that...
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
Sportsman
Megalomaniac
Booklover
With a healthy fear of the law
Art lover and most of all
I am, madam
- What?
- A gentleman
A gentleman
Thief
- Open up, madam.
- Open the door, Monique.
Be quiet. Madam won't be able to sleep.
- Really?
- Of course.
- Open up, madam.
- Open the door, madam.
Your friends are too noisy.
With your permission, I'll leave.
No.
In my profession, we don't like noise.
- If you're truly a gentleman -
- Thief.
...you won't leave me alone with these men.
Please stay, I'm begging you.
- What if I get caught?
- Who cares? Stay.
- Monique, please.
- Madam, why do you resist?
She must be deaf.
Deaf and heartless!
I see now. She's a tease.
A tease?
A tease?
I'll teach her to play with fire.
Where's he going?
Hello?
There's a fire! 78, square de la Muette.
- I need you.
- Me?
I guarantee it'll be worth your while.
Really?
I don't want to submit to a certain man.
You must stay with me until morning.
I can't refuse that.
Now I'll open the door.
- Don't open it, I beg you.
- Are you afraid?
In my profession, we fear nothing,
but prefer to keep the door closed.
Be quiet.
- Her husband has returned.
- Dear God, how terrible!
I guess we'd better leave. Let's go.
Stay! It'll take two men
to protect her from that brute.
You can count on me. My life is hers.
- I'll open and you'll shoot?
- With pleasure.
Except it's never loaded.
Too bad. Maybe next time.
What are you doing here?
Ask the lady.
- He's my lover.
- Monique.
No. Not yet.
Listen, sir, go home.
- You have a wife.
- Yes, madam.
- Ten children, three in the cradle.
- Yes, madam.
Go home now.
You can dream
of your unrequited love affair.
It's better that way.
- I loved you so much already.
- You'll get over it.
Here comes trouble.
I'd better go.
I'm out without authorization.
Hurry! Leave me alone!
- Is there a fire?
- Yes, in my heart.
Open up for the firemen!
Excuse me, sir, where's the fire?
I don't know. I'm leaving.
Ask my neighbor.
The fire, sir.
Where's the fire? What?
- Tell us where the fire is!
- I don't know.
- Here's my mistress.
- What is it?
Madam, where's the fire?
Fire? This is idiotic!
There's no fire in my home.
Pardon, madam, but is this
78, square de la Muette?
- Yes.
- And you deny there's a fire?
- No fire. Right?
- Absolutely.
Hands up!
- At your service, madam.
- Thank you. Good-bye.
Help!
There must be a fire, madam.
Someone is calling for help.
What's going on? Hurry!
- Hands up!
- Calm down, kid.
Help me.
What's wrong with you?
What is this man doing here?
How did he get in?
- Through the window.
- He's a burglar.
Unbelievable! Me, a burglar?
Listen, little lady, shall I tell them?
- What?
- That you invited me.
- I'm a buddy.
- A buddy?
He's crazy! He's just a burglar.
He called the fire department
to create a diversion.
I did it to drive this fox from her den!
Be quiet! Go on, take him away!
Let me go!
Come on, let me go!
Let me go!
Be quiet.
While you're at it, will you take him too?
If your siren is broken,
he'll come in handy.
- Afterward, you'll leave.
- No, I received a balloon.
- So did the black man.
- I played and I won. I'm the winner.
- It was a joke.
- I demand my prize.
To your health!
Thanks.
- Definitely not.
- Why not?
- You'd be angry at me tomorrow.
- I love you with all my heart.
That's what I mean.
The man who spends the night with me,
I'll never see him again.
I don't want to spend one night with you,
but 18,262 nights.
- How much is that?
- Fifty years.
Boaster!
- Come on, Monique.
- Michel.
I don't want to ruin our friendship.
My husband will be back soon.
He can't find us together.
- Understand, Michel?
- I understand, but I'm not convinced.
No, no.
Madam,
you asked me to spend the night with you.
That's right.
- I didn't come with that intention.
- I hope not.
I need to leave for New York tomorrow.
Yes, I will burgle,
on May 12, at 12:12 a.m.,
Al Capone's safe.
- Sounds like a good plan.
- It's not bad.
Regrettably, I must leave you at dawn.
- You're staying until dawn?
- It's the best I can do.
It's more than I'd like.
Monique, please ask him to leave.
Mr. Thief, I beg you to stay.
All right.
In that case,
I have a proposition for you.
Twenty-five yards from here
is a villa with a fine collection
of antiques, silverware,
and transferable stocks.
The owner is away,
the servants are on vacation,
and the guard dog is paralyzed.
How very interesting!
I'll draw you a map. Hold on.
It's perfect for you.
Thanks, this is great.
You won't even need to pick the lock.
My friend left me the keys.
75, square de la Muette.
Thank you, sir. You're very helpful.
Madam, duty calls.
I must bid you farewell.
You're not very gallant.
My humble respects, madam.
And my regrets.
Get out of here.
Good-bye, sir, and thanks.
Don't mention it.
Cocktail, Monique?
- It's your villa he's going to rob.
- I know.
- You're crazy, Michel.
- I love you, Monique.
- And I'm -
- Extremely decisive.
I'm beginning to believe it.
Halt!
Right face!
Coats down!
To the paintings!
I've loved you for six years.
You know that.
You told me for the first time today.
I've been telling you for six years.
I didn't hear you.
- You just had to look.
- What?
To look at me.
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Hands can say, "I love you"
Better than any poem
Communicating without words
Is delightful
To speak of love
Is a very expressive sigh
To speak of love
Is a smile that says, "How divine"
How can I lie
When my heart is next to yours?
That's worth more
Than any romantic speeches
To fully express
The joy of loving you
I dream of unknown words
All sounds uttered
Have already expired
All the words have already been said
To speak of love
Is looking into each other's eyes
Each other's eyes
To speak of love
Is a kiss that speaks volumes
Speaks volumes
The pink of your blush
Expresses so much
Nothing could be more marvelous
Romantic oaths
Can't hold a candle to it
It's worth more
Than every love poem in the world
Madam! Your husband is back.
- Where is he?
- In his study.
- Did he see you?
- I think so.
Thank you. Go. Michel!
Monique, love calls me elsewhere.
Forgive me, I'm leaving.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
What's going on? Where are you going?
We're going to see the lady at number 78.
The lady at number 78!
Get out of the way. I'm going there too.
Where are you going?
We're going to see the lady at number 78.
Excuse me, I'm looking for
78, square de la Muette.
Unbelievable! I have no idea.
You made the right choice, dear.
- What a tramp!
- Yes.
Hear that?
It must be the balloons.
- More?
- The others.
- What others?
- The latecomers.
Some balloons flew far before they landed.
Weren't any lost?
- Michel?
- Monique.
What will we do?
- I'm scared. I don't want to stay here.
- Then come with me.
- Where?
- To my house.
I like what you've done to the place.
He left me a chair.
"With my best wishes for your happiness."
What a swell guy!
- Monique.
- What, Michel?
Tomorrow, I don't think
you'll be alone after midnight.
Michel...
No, Michel.
THE END