J'adore ma vie! (2013) - full transcript

You're walking too fast;
mom doesn't walk so fast.

Lily, you changed three times
and Tom wouldn't wake up.

It's not about your mother.

Give me matching shoes.

We don't have time. It's okay.

Look, it's very original.

Mom would have found one.

- Have you noticed it?
- No, but I'm only nine years old.

Your brother is six years old.

Mismatched shoes won't keep him
from learning to read.

- You suck.
- I already know how to read.

You see? I am not so bad.

I'll come to pick you up tonight.

And I will make you a great snack.

You'll make crepes?

- You'll go to school?
- Yes.

Can I put nail polish on you?

We have a deal.



You already know
about vegetable gardens;

we grow tomatoes, zucchini, etc.


Carrots, potatoes...

That's great. I will show you.

Wait a minute.


- Would you have some aspirin?
- Yes.

Looks like you're having
a hectic day.

If you didn't walk half-naked,
maybe you wouldn't catch a cold?

Thank you, Nathalie.

If it means we must have
26 kids per class, no way.

Are you done
with your profiteroles?

Go ahead, you can eat them.

- Do you want some?
- No.

- Come on...
- Leave me alone!

Your arm is red.


It's the cafeteria. I'm sure
it's because of breaded fish.

No, I must be immune to it by now.

It's certainly a reaction
to something you swallowed.

It can't be the vol-au-vent, right?

Anyway, it couldn't have been
the profiteroles.

Your nutritionist didn't prescribe
anything to improve your temper?

Seriously, I keep telling
the union about it.

It's not acceptable.

The other day it was quiche,
sausage with beans;

I couldn't sleep all night.

Take some rest.
I will take care of your class.

No, it's really okay.

No discussion:
it's an order of the headmistress.

It seems you are getting better,
my dear.

So it seems.

I need to go.

Don't forget the show.

- You said you'd make a cake?
- Yes.


How are you, my love?


Stop yelling! I hear nothing.

What do mean, I talk to them badly?

No, listen, Damien.

Today, I don't know what happened
to me, but I am very tired.


Okay, I will pass the phone

to the kids.

Kids! Your father
wants to talk to you.

How are you, my angel?

- Are Tom and Lilly asleep?
- No, in a nightclub.

We have them every two weeks;
you could make an effort.

Sorry, I had some administrative
stuff to finish.


The City of Flowers:
24 shops in France for you.

Its CEO is at your feet.

- I have a note, teacher.
- Don't say "teacher".

As long as we are not married,
you can't call me "teacher".


I promise I will marry you
very quickly if you smile.

Sorry but today was hectic.

For me too, but I have great news.

Divine has become
her company's number two.

If this goes on, I will ask her
to pay alimony.

She'll end up
making more than I do.

What did I say wrong, my angel?

You don't want me to talk about
Divine? She's my kids' mother.

Yes, such a nickname is earned.

It has nothing to do with that.

I'm being polite, that's all.
I don't talk about her flaws.

But she has some.

She smokes, she behaves like a guy;
I don't like it.

It's you I love.


You are a real woman.

- You are a mom.
- Really?

So you're pregnant?
That's the good news?

We will make one, but later.

Tom and Lily are still small.

Are you preparing a cake
for your pupils?

This one looks complicated.
You'll be at it half of the night.

I wanted a cuddle.

Stop talking. Whipping up the eggs
white is my favorite part.


Move, kids.

- Is your allergy gone?
- Nothing left.

This cake is marvelous.

Yes, especially for my mood.

When I am irritated, I shout.
I don't make any cake.

No wonder your husband spends
his nights with the working union.

It's true, Ms. Headmistress,

you sleep all alone with your cat
on your head.

The hierarchy is super sexy.

Do you want a slice?

No, thanks. Just looking at them
is making me gain two kilos.

Do you want me to say out loud
that I am on a diet?

I am sorry, Nathalie.
I didn't mean to...

No, don't apologize. Revolt!

You are too kind. Look at yourself,
disguised as a daisy.

Your costume is nice;
it must have cost a lot.

I know her boyfriend
is full of money.

But she can say whatever she wants:

he doesn't seem to be in a rush
to marry her.

You're disguised as what?

As a cow, why?

- No, cotton candy is sticky.
- Sorry, teacher.

Don't call me teacher.
Mrs. is better.

Are you married?

- Almost.
- What does it mean, "almost"?

Hello, Angélique.
Sorry but Theo has wet his pants.

- It could be fish, you know?
- No.

- Nuts?
- No.

I assure you
that I am not allergic to anything.

From now on, you can say
that you are allergic to something.

But I am allergic
to nothing,

none, nada, never in my life.

It could never happen again,

but I'll still give you
the address of an allergist.

I'll write you a prescription
and a fit note.

Allergies are often
of nervous origin. You should rest.


Who's coming to piss me off
at 2 p.m.?

Go check. Go and come back.

No, Ruinehard!



Go there. I don't know
why he cannot stand you.

When he barks,
I feel he's going to eat me.

It's okay.
There are things he doesn't eat.

Yes, you spend so much
for his food.

If at least it prevented him
from farting...

I hope you don't have
a favor to ask,

because you're not doing it right.

I had huge skin rashes.

They don't even know why.

I need to complain
to my best friend.

No, Angèle.
The complaint office is closed.

I have to submit my thesis.
I even save time when I pee.

I know, I am sorry. But I panicked.

Maybe it's because of stress.


Listen. Your have vertigo,
you are a maniac

you are afraid of dogs,

when you're vexed you find solace
in your electric whisk.

You are also a masochist,

or you wouldn't have chosen
a guy like Damien

and such a job even less. It suits
you like a dress to an oyster.

It's not stress.

If there is nothing new,

I'll pack because I have
a conference in Belgium tomorrow.

Thank you.

Ruinehard, come here!

What brings you here?

A little bit of stress.

An allergy.

My best friend and my GP
think it's in my head.

I'm here to check.

To check?


That everything is okay.

Because everything is okay.

I have a stable job,
I live with a stable guy

and two kids in good health.

How old are your children?

They are not really my kids.

They are his kids.

We have been living together for
six months; I take care of them.

So you don't have kids.

No. I don't.

But I have my pupils too.

I am surrounded
by a lot of children.

I used to be Damien's son's teach.

His teach?

His schoolteacher.

Why did I say "teach"?

With this word, I usually...


That's how I met his father.


My parents had just died.

I was not in my normal mind.

We're going to get married.


He was so great.

I love my life!

You may get up.

You haven't reacted
to any allergen.

Out of 100... It's quite rare.

I knew it.

I knew it was a false alarm.

It's normal;
I work with kids, I am used to it.

150 euros.

Mom is coming.
She'll be here in five minutes.

I can't be late
or she'll be upset at me.

We have received
all your test results.

It seems you have
Cura Te Ipsum syndrome.

Several cases have been studied
in Europe.

What is it?

It's an allergy to children.

You can't be serious.

I am very serious.

The consequences of this disease
are hormonal disorder,

allergic symptoms like...

- A rash.
- Yes.

- Or more acute, like?
- Angioedema.

I say Quincke's edema.

A confusional state,
psychological disorders like...

- Depression.
- Yes.

Or anxiety.

It's not possible. I love children.

I love strawberries;
I'm still allergic to them.

What can we do?

For strawberries,
there's desensitization.

For children,
it's more complicated.


Let me down. I must tell you
something important.

Later. I love you so much.

Look at me.

- Do you love me?
- Yes.

To us!

I have a quite peculiar thing
to ask.


No, ask me to marry me
as if I weren't expecting it.

No, my angel,
I love you with all my heart,

but I really have something else
to tell you. It's good news too.

Divine leaves for London for work.

So the children will be with us
every day: a real family!

What do you think?

Allergic to children?

I don't believe this.

Don't rub salt on the wound.

Then get healed right away!

No more lies.

Listen, the reason I can't marry
you now is technical.

My divorce isn't over yet.

- You're not listening.
- Yes.

She hasn't signed
the documents yet, but I promise...

Damien, please focus.

I'm going to implode.

Let's not get depressed
because of stupid experts.

They'd rather amputate an arm
than treat an appendicitis.

Avoid any contacts
with the allergen.

- They mean children?
- Finally.

You're starting to understand.

For now, there's no cure.
It's very rare.

Doctors do not know.

I am completely panic-stricken.

My life is fucked up.

Say something.

Tom and Lily will arrive the day
after tomorrow. We have time.

Call the orphan.
She has an answer for everything.

Sophia's away. And stop calling
us the orphans, it sucks.

It usually makes you laugh.

You've both lost your parents.
You must admit it's...

I am sorry.

We will find a solution. Calm down.

Trust me. We will find one.


Damien is not here.

I have come to see you, not my son.

My poor dear,
he's told me everything.

It's awful.
It's all over your face!

It's for my job that it's bad.

Don't make a big deal out of it.
What are all these cakes?

That's the result of my stress.

Kids will be happy.

It's not everyone's loss.

How can you say that?

What are you doing?

Sorting is the first thing to do
when someone has an allergy.

I assure you
that it's not in the cupboard.

That's what you think.

Those who are allergic to peanuts

are allergic to everything
that contains groundnut oil.

My list is long.

I understand better now.
It explains all.

Quite so. I'll get it.

It's my lunch break,
so I've come to get some news.

- So you know what you have?
- An allergy to...

Thank you,
I will explain everything later.

You two must be hungry, right?

I prepared foie gras crème brûlée,

but I've just remembered
Damien is on a diet.

I'm so stupid.

Wicked! Come have a look.

Can we get some?

- We'll go play outside.
- Go ahead.

I thought we had two more days.

I will put them in bed.
You won't even see them.

- Divine asked me to pick them up.
- Are you deaf?

I am allergic to children,
not peanuts!

Stop yelling. They might hear.

If you keep lying, I'll wash
your shirts with groundnut oil.

The kids are already troubled
enough by their mother's leaving.

My angel, please.

- What are you doing?
- Packing.

Give me some time, shit!

You want me to hand them
to my mother?

It'd be more useful than sorting
what's in our closets.

We can't move them around
all the time.

Shall I tell them you have
a new OCD

that forces me
to choose between you and them?

An allergy.

Remember that.

- Let me go.
- Where are you going?

My aunt's apartment
is empty half of the year.

Are you going to camp there?
All alone?

when I leave for two days,

you have an anxiety attack
and make tons of cakes.

Put back your suitcase.

And you can't even live alone.

Can you lend me your electric
whisk if there's none there?

You see? It's starting.

Come on. Stay.


- Here it is. Have a good evening.
- Thank you.

Saint Rita.

Shit. I'm not working.

Why do I get up?
Why should I get up?


- Yes?
- How are you? Well settled down?

Tell me where you put
Tom's pullover.

He doesn't want to go without it.
We're late.

- Angélique?
- I don't want these.

I don't care.

I need to bake a cake.

No, rather a chocolate mousse.

Or maybe blinis?

It can't be true.
There's no flour in this cupboard?

It's like Poland
during the Cold War.

I just looked
at this adorable baby.

I didn't even touch him.

I had just finished shopping.
I was happy.

It's so unfair;
I can't do anything anymore.

I can't do the job I like;
I can't live with the man I love.

Maybe I will never be able
to have kids.

I am so ashamed.

Ashamed? Could you explain?

Leave me alone.

There's nothing to do, nothing
to say. I am of no use, that's all.

Angélique, is there anything that
could make you feel better today?

Making chocolate fondant.

But since I've left
my shopping bag at the grocer's...

So for the fondant,
I've never found any good recipe.

It's always too heavy,
with a gooey heart.

That's not possible.
It's so easy.

Breathe, Angélique.
Slowly, like that.

Tell me,

is there a trick to make it?

Five minutes in a hot oven at 250º.

You could give me your recipe.

I must get back at my wife.

You should have seen her face when
I made my marvelous Blanquette.

She was so ungrateful.

I have no room for error.

Do you serve it with rice
or potatoes?

With rice!

I use potatoes.

Angélique, try to describe exactly
what you're feeling.

It's itchy!

It's so itchy.

I am sorry.

I am sorry, I was awful.

Forgive me, my angel.

Kids say hello. Divine also.

I've hired a sitter
to pick them up every day.

You see?

Everything is going better.

Look what I've brought you.

My angel.

You know.

Today, I talked to my shrink
about a baby...

Let's not talk about
having a baby right now.

Can you imagine?

You'd have a rash for nine months.



let's wait
until we find a solution.

After that, of course.

Of course.

I need to go because of the sitter.
She'll charge me.

You know Damien, I have
no solutions to my problem.

But I have one to yours.


Are you insane?


- It's mine.
- It's my street!

These shoes are mine.

Give them to me!

Don't move.
I will give some money.

Good? Thank you.

You've baked cakes!

I'll do it.

Powdered sugar.

Wait. I've got something for you.

Separation for Dummies.

Why the hell did you sleep
with him again?

You had gotten rid of him.
He's toxic and gives you rashes.

I am upset at him.
I am not allergic.

You should be.

Everyone likes him but you.

No, he loves everyone.
It's not the same.

Wake up.

He's not Prince Charming;
he has a good dentist, that's all.

You really think
he's your life saver?

He jumps on anything that moves.

It's over now. That was before.

- Moreover, he promised me...
- Wait.

Do you want to count
the promises he kept?

I am sorry;
nothing comes to my mind.

Yes, you are right.

I will be firm this time.

I will scare him.
I'll put him on probation.

He must do his best
or we'll break up for good.

That's it. Bravo.

I'm old.

I'm a failure.

And I have rashes all over my body.


Your list of suitors
is long as an arm.

My friend Samir is on top of it.
He's a famous sports journalist.

Not so bad for an old lady.

Plus, your job
is not your only option.

Look at me. I've resumed
my studies and I'm alive again.

But you've inherited your parents'
wealth; I've got nothing.

My inheritance is a lineage
of school teachers.

I can't do anything else.

Even if I am fed up with it,
I am stuck.


I thought you were in London.

No, I haven't departed yet.

I use my time to see my kids.

Are you getting better?
Damien told me.

Do you want coffee?
I've just made some.

Is there any problem?

No, not anymore.
It's not important anymore.

It's your health.

No, it's Damien. I'm leaving him.

I will also take my stuff.

What are you talking about?
We are really good like that.

What do you mean, "we"?

You can't do this to me.

You are scaring me.

You mean that you chose
the future wife of your ex?

Did I get cast?
I can't remember it.

Stop, listen.

I prefer we talk about it frankly;
it's not shameful either.

Have you seen how our agreement
calmed him down?

There's no stream
of mistresses anymore.

But it's true
it's his smallest flaw.

I can't stand him
for more than 30 minutes.

You must admit
that he's talented in bed.

You still sleep with Damien?

Shit. You didn't know?


He bullshited me.

He can drive me crazy
in 30 minutes.

Without his sexy ass, I'd...

Thanks. It's okay.

That's why you didn't want
to sign the divorce papers.

That's what he told you?

- Stop!
- Tom, Lilly, come back.

The kids took a bath, they're
playing together. I will go then.


You shouldn't have said yes.
Look at yourself.

They'd have fallen asleep
without a song.

- What do you want me to tell them?
- I would have made up excuses.

Look at this.

Good evening.

What a surprise.

Where will I sit?

- There's a plate missing, right?
- There isn't.

You're not going eat.
You're going to listen.

We have something to tell you.

Give me the telephone number
of the first guy on the list,

your sports journalist.

The best way to get over a brutal
break-up is diversion.

A new guy right away.

It's in the Separation Guide
that you offered me.

Please give me
the number of your friend.

- Sammy.
- Samir.

- Who cares?
- I do.

He's adorable and I like him a lot.
Don't take it out on him.

You will bake a cake.

I have everything,
a great electric whisk.

No, his number right away.
I want to see Samir.


Here it is.

Is it Damien?

Let me go.

Let the cuckold go before
she ruins your ceiling's paint.

What a bitch!
No, wait.

You can't screw all your suitors
just to get even.

No, just this one.

"This one"
has a four-year-old daughter.

- Full custody?
- No, shared.

He also has a dog.
He loves extreme sports.

I don't care.

It's just for a night.
You must be an adult and not a dog.

You and Sophia have been friends
for a long time?

It was love at first sight
in the History department.

What about you?

We quarreled on the first day
of Journalism school.

But after that,
we became good friends.

I see.

I heard you were a schoolteacher?

- Madam.
- Thank you.

- Sir.
- Thanks.

You're welcome.

I love kids too.

I have a little daughter.

What about you?

Puits d'amour.

I love it.

It's actually a little choux bun
with whipped cream

and a little candied cherry on top.

It's a delight.

They have tarte Tatin too.

That's what I always take.

The mixture of caramelized
apple and cinnamon, it's...

It's one of my specialties.

I can make you some, if you want.

Yes, I can't wait.

Is there ice cream, Mom?

Something's wrong?

No. Everything is fine.

It's all good.

I need to know.

Does one of you
have a problem with me?

Come on.

- It doesn't mean a thing.
- Mr. Karoubi?

I am sorry,
but we're about to close.

Do you want me to call a taxi?


- Ginger.
- You win.

How are you feeling?

Like someone
who spent all night baking cakes.

Does it make you think
about something?

I don't know.

Maybe I have a future
in pastry cooking?

No, what are you trying
to make me say?

There's no good or bad answer.
You can tell me whatever you want.

You think you have a future
in pastry cooking?

I am a schoolteacher.

That's my job,
and I can't do it anymore.

Do you have a solution?

I don't,
but you certainly have one.

- You want to work part-time?
- Yes.

I'd rather live with my rashes
than give my job up.

I will take more antihistamines.

Children will get used
to my rashes.

- And your syndrome of Cura...
- Cura Te Ipsum.

Cura Te Ipsum, that's it.

A proved allergy to children.

Brigitte, please bring in a child
who's playing in the corridor.

We will check.


- Hello, little boy.
- Hello.

Would you please shake hands
with the lady?

Go ahead, don't be afraid.

It's true.

Could you wait in the corridor;
we need to talk about your case.

Wait. Do you have other skills
by any chance?

Because your resume
mentions nothing else.

Other skills? No.


Cooking. Why not knitting?

Thank you.

It'll be okay. Don't worry.

So, Miss.

We have decided
to facilitate your reintegration

to another post a little bit later.

No, you didn't understand me.

Listen, you gave us
all these medical files.

I didn't dream it, look.

I didn't want this.
I want a part-time job.

I cannot be doing nothing.
It's impossible.

There are plenty of people who'd
like to be paid doing nothing.

Take a rest or take a vacation.
And that's it.

We will forget your case if you can
be discreet about your disease.

The Ministry of Education does not
need this type of publicity.

Thank you. Do you understand?

You have rashes
but it can still reach your brain.

- Please. Thank you.
- But...

I was a schoolteacher before too.

I ended up here
after a long depression.

Listen, I'd like to help you,

but the only thing I can offer
is a job at my brother's pub.

It's small.

There are some regular customers
but no kids.

My heels!

Do you know how much they cost?

Look at me.

Do you want to end up
as a carpet in hell?

I need to talk to you.

Because of the inspector, I have
to work in a restaurant.

I can't take it anymore.

Come here, Ruinehard.

Go there.

It will make me blow off steam
to cook a lot.

I love your spontaneous visits,

but you must hide somewhere
because Samir will be here...


Please don't tell him anything
about my allergy.

- Why, you want to keep him?
- He's really kind.

After two minutes, I didn't even
want to avenge myself anymore.

Put yourself in my shoes.
I don't know what to do anymore.

No, thank you.

- How are you?
- Good. Come in.

Sophia, I need to talk
to you to understand.

I think I scared Angélique
last night. She fled.

- You talked about hiking?
- No.


She has vertigo.
She can't even go on a balcony.

What is strange is that she sent me
a cake this morning.

It's weird, but it could be
a sign, right?

I need to insist,
but I don't know how.

Forget it. You'd have to have
your dog put down.

Sophia, my dog is dead.

Angélique is the only woman
I've liked since my divorce.

I was asleep and I'm living again.
You must help me.


Shall go outside? It's sunny;
it will be better to talk.

I am coming.

Duck. Go.

You should have told me
you were with a guy.


Sorry. I don't know how to lie.

I was with Angélique.
She came unannounced.

She hid because of me?

I'd rather you lied.

My ego has fallen to the ground.

It's okay.
Your ego has a parachute.

You sign autographs all day long.

Wait. I am sorry.

You can't let me drink alone.

Anyway, I trust my sister.

- Hi, Patrick.
- Hi, Francis.

Do you want to start right away?

- Yes.
- Come.

Clean first and take care of the
bar. Mario will explain it to you.

Mario! Come here.

No. Actually,
I've come here to cook.

I know nothing about bartending.

He will explain it to you.
You don't have to be Einstein.

- Sorry, Patrick, but...
- What?

I think it would be much smoother
if she took my place.

Bartending is my specialty,
not cooking, so logically...

You are ugly.
Have you seen this lady?

I'm not stupid enough
to hide her in the kitchen.

She's a pretty girl;
it attracts customers.

Remove your jacket.

Give me your bag.

I advise you
to dress a bit sexier.

It's good to earn some tips.

Is that logical enough?

Who's in charge here?


I am Mario.

Thanks. Angélique.

You'll see.
He's nice when you get to know him.

He pays on the black.
He has the local cops with him.

It's not clean, so if you are
hungry, go across the street.

Google, I want
omelet with potatoes.

- Google?
- I don't like nicknames either.

Listen, who is Joseph Kabila?

President of the DROC,
re-elected at the end of 2011.

That's impressive.

Apart from frying food,
what do you do?

Third year in Sciences-Po.

I see.

Throw out those potatoes.
They are green.

No, you will see that with cooking,
it will become normal.

I mean, yellow.

And how did you end up here?

Are you new here?

- What's your name?
- Angélique.

Have you seen how pretty she is?

You're used to the place now?
Go behind the bar.

Three coffees, two decafs.

A little tomato for me, kitten.

Well. That's great; it's a tomato!

It's a real tomato.

A tomato is not really a tomato.

It's pastis
with some pomegranate syrup.

I can write it down for you.

No, Mario.
I'd like to teach her myself.

Say, Kitten, you are a bit
old to be a student.

Are you unemployed?

Or are you an actress?

Or you are a singer. You have
everything it takes to be one.

Don't ask her that.

Are you married?

I was curious too.
Are you married?

- No, I am not married.
- I see.

You're starting to feel at home,
it's good.

Excuse me. Thank you.


Please hold it.
What can I do?

It's itchy.

Thank you.

I do what I can with the union
to advance your case.

Don't worry.
We will be discreet but efficient.

- Bye, dear. Take care.
- Thanks.

Wait. I forgot.

The kids in your class drew
all these for you.

Why did they paint me all red?

It's because of my allergy?

You see? The inspector was right.

I traumatized them.

Stop. Your substitute
is a total novice.

I am sure
she has only one felt pen color.

Bye, I am going.
See you.

- Flowers. Hi, Damien.
- Hi.


I thought about it a lot.

Give me a chance.

I beg you.

Listen, Damien.

I am exhausted.
You should go back home.

- Why? You don't work.
- Yes, I do.

In a bar, while waiting.

In a bar?

What do you do in a bar?

I need to do something.

I cannot stay doing nothing.

Why didn't you say anything?

I can give you a job in my shops.

- In the middle of greenery.
- I don't like greenery!

Damien, let me handle it, please.

Tomorrow, I get up early, at five.
Please go back home.

We could make love quickly.
It's not as if we're strangers.

Fuck off.

- What? I...
- Fuck off.

Fuck off.

- What did I say?
- Fuck off.

Congratulate your dentist for me.

Fuck off!


It's there.

Why the hell are you hiding
behind the bar?

It's my fault. I asked her
to take care of the peanuts.

I am not talking to you.

Angélique, an explanation?

Do you have a problem with peanuts?

I don't have any problems
with peanuts,

but there's a kid in the toilet.

- What?
- There's a kid in the toilet.

Yes, Brigitte.
Your protégé is weird.

Come and look.

He'll fire me.

She's rolled into a ball
behind the counter.

Yes, come. See you soon.

Fucking kids.

It's not their fault.

Don't worry.
I'll ban critters from my bar.

I don't think it's legal.

What we need is a sign to warn
Angélique when a kid arrives.

I'll fight.
You'll see what Assitch is made of.

- What is he saying?
- Be reasonable, Patrick.


Come work in the night. 5 p.m.
to 3 a.m.: that's when they sleep.

And me? I have exams;
it would be good for me if...

It's okay. I don't want you
to change everything for me.

Come on, it's in my interest.

You've doubled my customers.
I'm not a philandron.

- A what?
- A philanthropist.

Go turn your stove off.
It's burning.

My brother has a grudge
against school.

It hasn't done you any good.

We have a deal.
I'll change your working hours.

Those brats! We won't let them
ruin everybody's life.

I know!


For Angélique, we will shout
'Tomato' when a kid is here.

'Tomato' will be inconspicuous.

I heard Einstein
looked like a fool too.

To the kitchen.

I feel vaguely relieved.

Sandrine got me a part-time job
for the next school year.

The union succeeded in
pressuring that f... inspector.

I see.

But does it mean
you'll stop working at the bar?

Are you insane?

The new school year
is far away. I need to work.

So you won't have much time
to cook anymore?

Don't worry.

You won't be deprived of dessert.


It's nice in here.

Are you kidding?

- Stop that.
- You stop.

You're doing well.
Have you seen your supporter group?

Yes, but only about Damien.
Because when it comes to the bar...

you deserve better than this.

Stop. You watch too much TV.

It's okay. I know what you think.

Look at your clothes.
You look like Pamela Anderson.

When I was a schoolteacher,
it wasn't good enough for me.

What can I do then?

No, it wasn't that. You were
too insane to be a schoolteacher.

That's overstating it.
She's just different.

And you are pains in the ass.

- Mario.
- How do you see friendship?

Thank you.

I will serve the others
when they calm down.

Come on.

Shit. It's disgusting.

It's because of the lemon inside.

You made it, Angèle?

Could you make three mojitos,

Give me a bucket.

I will go get some ice.

Come on, my cat.


What's up?

What's going on?

I'll finish my shift and I'll go.
You are right.

- What's going on?
- May I? Come here.

Don't make a fuss over it.
Restaurants do not waste.

It's criminal!

I will throw everything out.
Don't make a fuss.

What do you want?

- I want to quit.
- Forget it.

It was an accident.

Yes! Everyone likes you here.

You get along well with the team.


Take two days off.

We'll talk about it
when you're back.

You will be able to cook.

You'll exchange jobs with Mario.

Come on.

Everything is fine.
We're good.

What are you going to do
until the new school year?


You're annoying with your cakes.
I am on a diet.

It's okay.


All this energy used
for your well-being

can only have positive effects.

What are you doing here?

You came by yourself?

They insisted to see you.
Tom was crying and I was at a loss.

You shouldn't have.
Does Damien know?

No way.

She doesn't want us
to tell him she sucks.

When do you come back home?

- She can't bake cakes.
- Or crepes.

I will make some crepes.

- Are you Sophia?
- Yes.

- How is she? What's wrong?
- They're giving her shots.

I don't know what happened.
She started to swell up.

They said it was Quick's edema.

Quincke's edema.
She has a big allergy.

Damien told me about peanuts,
but we didn't eat any.

And she was baking crepes.

I was so afraid. The kids also.

I will take them home
since you are here.

Yes, bring those peanuts
back home!



You can take her back in 15 min.

Thank you.

I am cursed.

- Of course not.
- No?

You study the Jivaro people
and you don't believe in sorcery?

Can you see my face?

Still, there are people who
must live with a face like this.

In 15 min,
you'll be beautiful again.

Only if I don't see a kid again.

I will never be able
to be a schoolteacher again.

You will do something else.

It will be a thousand times better.

The Jivaro people believe in fate.

Let life do its job.

I can't take it anymore.

I really wanted my parents
to be proud of me.

You don't think they would be?


They wanted me
to become a schoolteacher,

get married, and have children.

Do you resent them?

How could I resent them?
They're dead.

It's a very good reason
to resent someone.

Their deaths wounded you deeply.

You miss them and it creates anger.

How can you tell me something
so horrible

after all the cakes I made for you?

Angélique, you have real talent
for cooking.

Accept it. Then it will help you
accept your parents' deaths.

Be careful. It's hot.

Roasted vegetables

and salmon in pastry with sesame.


Fucking tourists
with their brats in the evening.

I can't wait for winter.

You can come out. They are gone.

Can we play too?

It's none of your business,

There's nothing
to read in the news?

Have you seen how crowded
this place has become

now that Angélique cooks?

I told you so.

I didn't ask you.

Wipe your glasses.

They'd better come.
This is expensive.

Good products
are the key to success!

The fridge upstairs
could have waited.

- Shall I refresh your memory?
- No, stop.

Have you seen this?


Two millefeuille
of grilled vegetables.

Bon appetit.

- How are you?
- Great. It's crowded.


Table number five please.

Congratulations! I heard
you're performing miracles.


No, I don't perform miracles;
I cook.

It keeps me from thinking.

About the past.

You really want to know?

my name is Brigitte Assitch.

- Patrick too?
- Yes, Assitch.

My students teased me so much
that I ended up an inspector.

I'm not happy there.
I suck at it.

I started thinking the only thing
I deserved was my name.

Let's talk about what you deserve.

What matters is the results.
In my opinion, they're good.

How can you say that?

It's driving me crazy!


No grated cheese on a gratin!
It's a heresy!

But doesn't gratin
imply grilled food?

Yes. But the potatoes get grilled
with the cream.

I see!

So you cook them
with any potatoes.

I used sorted out Agata potatoes,
so that they're all the same size.

At least we agree about one thing.

Anyway, aren't you
forgetting something?


Did you see?
Angélique changed the menu.

I know, I already tried.
It's amazing.

Angélique, will you marry me?

Will you marry me?

- You want to marry him?
- I will think about it.


Brigitte has just landed in Cuba.

I am so happy.

Mario, Champagne for everyone.

I'm paying.
Go get the glasses.

Holy shit.
Let's celebrate!

My sister's early retirement.

I am super happy.

Let's dance.

All this is thanks to you.

Everything you touch becomes gold!

You're my magical doll.

Angélique, have you
met someone?

That's why you don't
want to see me anymore?

That guy,

does he work with you?


I've met someone, Damien.

It's me.

And incidentally, a new family.

I am your family.

We need to talk.

We could eat dinner together.

The two of us tomorrow
for your birthday.

I have a surprise.

No. I need to get up early

Good night.

- Angélique?
- Stop.

Are you okay?

You want me to accompany you?

I would have loved
to invite you for a drink

but I don't want
any misunderstanding.

No, Angélique.
You've got nothing to fear.

Do you mind if I bake a cake?
I need to relax a bit.

No, not at all.


Thank you.

I will put on some weight.

Give this to her.

It's a good luck charm.


I have flowers for Ms. Chélon.

And this too. Have a good day.

My divorce papers copy is attached.

My birthday gift, my angel.

Come back home. I'll marry you.

It's a Puits d'amour as the one you
wanted to order in the restaurant.

Happy birthday, Angélique.

Happy birthday!

How pretty you are!


I didn't have time
to buy you a gift.

You'll buy something for yourself.

It's strange.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

You're pretty.

I have:
candied rose petals from Damien.

- Thanks.
- Damien?

No, I didn't meet Damien, but
he sent me a message and flowers.

You are so pretty, Angèle!

You are strange.

Is it Samir? Have you met Samir?

I didn't. But he sent me a cake:
a Puits d'amour.

And the roses were not candied.

I pulled their heads off
and soaked them in syrup.

A punk's revenge.

Next time, make sure he eats them.

- It's sublime.
- There's ginger.


Excuse me.

You don't have to go all out.

It's not often
that you're into a guy.

- He's gay.
- Yes, I know.

He told me everything.

He has lived in a motel since
his boyfriend left him. It's awful.

I've invited him to my home.
He's going to be my roommate.

Are you crazy?
You barely know him.

I don't care. I trust my guts.

I've studied the Jivaro people
so much

that I can probe souls now.


Isn't she your ex-mother-in-law?

What are you doing here, Annie?

And what are you doing with her?

Do you know what she told Damien?
He told me everything.

I guess you are proud of yourself.

We know what mythomania is,
but you are really sick.

When I think I often
left you alone with my grandkids...

God knows what you did to them.

Ludivine, this woman is a monster.

Enough, Annie.

- Get a grip.
- I'll hit her.

You are on her side?
Unworthy mother.

That's enough. We'll talk outside
about our mother problems.

- Follow me.
- You will end up alone!

That's what's going to happen!
You'll end up alone.

Let go of me!

Damien will end up all alone!

- I'll kill her.
- No, come here.

Then you'll have him for yourself.

- Let go of me!
- Can you hear her?

It's nonsense. Don't bother.

Get out!

- I'll hit her.
- No, don't.

It's a nightmare.

- Are you okay?
- What was this?

A surprise.

What a crappy evening.

Forget about it.

For once, Damien told
his mother the truth.

She doesn't have to believe him.

Since when have you been sleeping
with santons?

Saint Rita.

Thank you for not letting me be
alone on my birthday.

It's true, I'm scared in the house.

- At least, with Damien.
- Enough about Damien.

If you feel alone,
pack and come to my home.

No, there's already Mario
at your place.

Exactly. It won't make
a difference.

But you have priority.

But there's Ruinehard.

Make an effort.
He's the love of my life.

Did you make some efforts
with Damien?


There's no comparison.

Ruinehard is exemplary.

Loyal, energetic, protective...
It comes from the race.

Are you comparing a guy to a dog?

And you think I am the one
who has a problem?

Ruinehard isn't a dog.

But about Damien,
it remains to be proved.

You're such a bitch!

- Take this!
- Enough.

I will come to live with you.

If you're willing
to house a lunatic, of course.

I'm more worried about your mood.

You can trigger serious diseases
when you feel blue. Your allergy...

You know what I'm going to do?

I will bake some pancake dough
for tomorrow morning.

I don't want your pancakes.
I am on a diet.

- Excuse me.
- Thank you.

- Don't forget the wine.
- Okay.

Skewered shrimps
on a bed of olive polenta.

And chicken supreme
with candied cherries.

- Enjoy.
- Angélique?


Sophia told me you worked here.
Since I was in the neighborhood...

Yes, of course. Well done.

Thank you for your Puits d'amour;
it was a perfect gift.


Your tarte Tatin was...
How can I say...


I think about it all the time.

- Do you want coffee?
- Yes.


- Have a seat.
- Thank you.

Mario, could you make him coffee?

Samir Karoubi.

Do you see the way he looks at you?

You have to teach me
how to bake pies.

You know him?

Everyone knows him. He's on TV.

You've never seen his show?

Where have you been these last
two years? In a basement?

Thank you.

Have you finished?

Thank you.

- Do you want coffee?
- No, four cups is my limit.

How about going for a movie
tomorrow night?

I have no ulterior motive.

I work at night too.

It's a bit complicated.

I'm often free
in the afternoon too.

If you want, my four-year-old
daughter can chaperon us.

No way.

I mean, don't want a chaperone.


- I need to tell you something.
- Yes?

I'm allergic to children.

In fact, just by talking about it,
I have spasms.

I feel very bad about it.
You know what I mean?

No. Not really.

- You don't like children?
- No. I mean, I do.

It's really a disease. As soon
as I see them, I swell up.

My body reacts very violently.

I have hyperventilation.

It's okay, forget about it.

Go get two plates.
It's a little bit...

It must be funny for you
to hear all this.

A new career, new acquaintances...

You're not lucky to end up
with emotionally disabled people.

Yes. Emotionally disabled people...

I hadn't seen things
under this light.

Sorry. I didn't mean
to make it worse.

It's not you.

- Here.
- Thanks.

I have an appointment, but...

- I can't leave you like this.
- You can.

Really, you can, it's just that...

These days, I'm a little bit
overwhelmed, that's all.

I guess you have to go, right?

Yes, of course.
I am sorry.

- I will let you work.
- Yes.

I'm an idiot, I ruined everything.

It's not your fault.
I'm emotionally disabled.

Anyway, if I had told him,
he would never have kissed me.


Let's forget everything.
End of story.

There must be a solution.
You can't give up like that.

It's obvious you're made
for each other.

Look around you.

Where is the good fairy?

It's paradise.

Do you think
my allergy is psychosomatic?

And you? What do you
think about it?

Angélique, there's an article
about us in Paris Gourmand.

Mario, listen.

The Bling Bar.

Listen, ladies and gentlemen.
An article in Paris Gourmand.

The Bling Bar:
a place for good food.

Hurry up for the fresh
and delicious food

cooked by the beautiful Angélique.

It will enchant your taste buds.

A round of applause.

Bravo, my dear.

Look how pretty you are
on the photo.

We'll sit at table two.

See this? It's amazing.

Yes. It's great.

What a great atmosphere.

What's going on?

Angélique, I don't understand.

I don't recognize you anymore.

You don't have any glasses to dry?

Can't you see I need to talk
to Angélique? Go away.


Your ex is such an idiot.
I had to do something.

You shouldn't shout "tomato"
all the time. It's bad.

I don't understand.

You won't answer my calls.

I am obliged to come
to this prostitution bar.

You enjoy making me look
like a pimp?

- Angélique.
- Is there a problem, Sir?

- No.
- I heard "prostitution bar".

I'm the owner of this bar.

Is it my wife
you are talking about?

She's the big whore?

No, it's not her!

- She's the big whore?
- No!

Fuck off!

Here it goes!

I don't care; I won't go out.

- What do you mean?
- I will sleep here.

I'll check whether my guardian
angel drowned in beer.

Why are you looking at me
like that?

Except if...

When an Indian witch
heals a sick person,

it's always the same ritual
no matter the disease.

It means tobacco smoke,
meditation, deep breathing...

It's about driving out
the bad spirits.

Because in reality,

the witch believes
that there's no real disease.

It's about banishing a curse.

By banishing the curse,
the disease is cured.

That's it. Thank you.

Last night, I baked an amazing
tarte Tatin.

When I turned it out,

the apples were shiny and perfect.

The dough was all golden.

Sorry. It's my stomach.

Did you eat it?
Have you found your appetite back?

No, it was a gift.

But it's so strange

because I still want it.

I'm sorry, it's not your fault.
I'm lost.

Come on, Patrick. I need someone
to wash the dishes

and to cut the vegetables.

Look at her.

We cannot leave her in the street.

Can't you deal with your problems?


What's your name?

Miss Coco.

Welcome to the Bling Bar,
Miss. Coco.

Go show her the kitchen.


Thank you, Sir.

Is this a costume party?

You won't be afraid
of dogs anymore.

Or of anything else.


You wanted us
to get rid of your curse.

That's what we are going to do.
We will look for it.

Sit down.


Angèle, you don't have a choice.

Close your eyes.

Picture a dog.

I will look for an apartment.

It's true. I can't live
at Sophia's forever.

Sometimes I feel I annoy her.

And then,

I feel I am ready to live alone.

I even want it.

Good. Excellent.

What about Damien?

I think we're through.

You think you are.
So it means you are not sure.

No, it's just...

We didn't say things clearly.

In fact, it took me time to accept
that it was over.

What does it make you think about?

My parents' death.

Do you think I'll stop baking cakes
now that I've accepted all that?

Have a seat.

You should have let me know.

I used your technique.

Listen, Angélique.

It's not at all...

No, it's you who's going
to listen to me.

Apparently, I think we were
both wrong about each other.

Not in the same way; but I can see
you've moved on, and so did I.

So I wanted to ask you,

do you think we still love each
other enough to remain friends?

- You're back?
- Yes!

- Yes, but I can't.
- Come.

I can't stay.

Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.

Sorry. What is it for?

Quincke's edema or a giant rash.

I don't know when,
but it should start soon.

What is it?

I haven't had any problems with
this dog for at least two weeks.

- Did you take the car?
- Yes.

And it gets better.
I've cleared up things with Damien.

I cuddled the children,
then went to the emergency room.

- Nothing happened.
- What do you mean?

I don't have rashes.
Finally, I am cured.

Your fucking incantation
and Indian dance worked.

- It's beyond our expectations.
- I love you.

- Here.
- What is it?

It goes with the incantation:
my research.

Your allergy can be a symptom
of latent depression:

it's the clinical term.

In other words, when you feel good,
you don't have rashes anymore.

It was your job to do.

So in a nutshell,

your incantations were another way
of mocking me.

No, not at all.

- It's not the clinical term.
- Come here.

No, be careful.

You'll hurt him, stop.

- You'll break your back.
- I'm getting even.

We'll eat Ruinehard tonight.
I'll skewer him.

No, my love!


Thank you.


I made these.

- You were here?
- Yes.

- Great promotion, right?
- Yes, I am happy here.

You look great.


It's amazing, my sweetie.
It'll be a riot.

I hope so.

- It's great. Bravo!
- Thanks.

It's not bad.

You've done a good job.

- Thanks.
- Marvelous.

It's an amazing gift.
I'd like to have friends like you.

- You have to deserve them.
- Yes.

It's not a gift but an investment.

I also invested. A lot.


I am so proud of you, my angel.

- That's enough.
- What did I say, my pussy cat?

- She's as distinguished as ever.
- What?

Asymmetric posture.

A stiff neck.

Are you a doctor?

Because I have many things
blocked at the moment.

We thought it would be a good idea
if you met again.

What was
his birthday present again?

A Puits d'amour.

Come on. Stop mocking me.

You are sending me bad vibes.

Shit, Angèle!
Get up.

Drink something.

Go ahead.

I'm glad you're here.

It's uniquely for the tarte Tatin.
I think it's clear.

It's very clear.

Are you coming for a photo?