J'adore ce que vous faites (2022) - full transcript

The Alex Granget Agency.

She's in a meeting right now.

- Hello.

- How's it going?

- Ok, Fanny?

- Fine, thanks.

Is Alex in?

She's expecting you.

Thanks. Have a good day.

Hello, Gérard.

- Hi, Gérard.

- Ok, Emmanuel?

Hi, Gérard.

How's it going?

Go on in.

Coffee? A glass of water?

Water will be fine, thanks.

How are you?

I'm ok, I guess.

We're so busy.

The movie business is getting

totally crazy.

I'm on the verge of burnout.

How are you?

I'm doing ok.

Talamont is taking his time.

Where's he at?

He's not sure.

He thinks you're too...

Too old to play an old man?

Exactly.

Another genius.

I'd noticed.

He deserves a gold medal.

We don't care anyway.

We don't care!

Look at this.

"The Other Day"?

What's it about?

The Provence landings in '44

An American movie.

Four locations.

George Clooney, Jessica Chastain,

Bradley Cooper.

Small fry.

Unbelievable.

What's the part?

Lucien Jadis.

A winegrower and mayor

organizing the resistance

while pretending to collaborate

until the day...

he's executed.

A hero.

Shooting in three months.

If you accept, John Kelso, the director,

can work on it with you in Paris.

Wonderful.

I'd be dumb to refuse.

"The Other Day".

Your ticket, sir.

Sorry.

Aren't you Gérard Lanvin?

From time to time.

I thought I saw you earlier.

Can I take a selfie?

Yes?

My mum adores you.

Ok, take care.

There you are.

Can I do a selfie?

Thank you, Mr Lanvin.

My sister will go crazy. She adores you.

I was waiting for you. Can we?

My wife adores you.

Look, it's Gérard Lanvin.

A photo with my dog?

A selfie, Mr Lanvin?

I'm your biggest fan.

THE BIGGEST FAN

Here we are.

Nice pool.

Don't open the window yet.

The pool smells terrible.

Someone will see to it tomorrow.

I'll take a look anyway.

You're right.

"Terrible" is putting it lightly.

- They'll come tomorrow?

- They said so.

Your big suitcase is in the hallway.

I'll let you pick your room.

The instruction booklet:

wifi, kitchen appliances,

TV, aircon, heating, etc.

Please don't lose it.

The fridge is full of tasty food.

And, above all,

a gift from the regional council.

Here you are.

A few welcome goodies.

The wine's good here.

That's kind. Thank you.

Alright, I'll leave you the keys.

Call me for anything.

I'll fetch you at noon tomorrow

for the pre-shoot brunch.

Is that ok?

Have a good evening.

You too.

Goodbye.

7 o'clock?

What the hell's going on?

What is it?

Couldn't you hear me?

Zapareto Pools.

For your pool.

Hold this while I open the window.

I'll take it now.

It stinks!

Did you shit in it?

Just kidding. I know what it is.

People swim in summer

with sunscreen

so they won't get burned.

Afterwards,

the sun beats down all day...

The water turns into a sort of broth

and that creates

ammonia, hence the smell.

Look at this.

Not a normal pH.

Don't worry,

I'll sort it out and...

It's crazy.

You look like Gérard Lanvin.

Only shorter.

Incredible.

It'll be sorted in no time.

If not, I'll change houses.

Don't worry, it'll...

Why change?

- It's not your house?

- I'm here for work.

Ok.

What field do you work in?

If I may ask.

The movies.

The movies? Ok...

On the technical side?

- Production?

- Artistic.

Artistic? Ok.

An actor.

A short Gérard Lanvin.

No way!

That's wild!

You're Gérard Lanvin?

I'm Momo.

What a handshake!

Les Lyonnais.

You've no idea what a shock this is.

I'm a total fan.

I'm a fan of just three actors.

Young, Dujardin. Old, you.

And dead, De Funes.

Only three, not one more.

And it's you in the flesh.

It's wild.

My whole family adores you.

Except for Alain, my brother-in-law.

That's ok.

Who cares?

Mum won't believe this!

She's a fan too.

We've seen all your movies.

Mesrine, Les Lyonnais,

Trois Zéros, Le Boulet...

Le Boulet!

What a brilliant movie!

That scene with the camel

or the dromedary...

Momo, I'll let you work.

I'll get changed.

No worries.

What a career though.

Really, it's one hell of a career.

You didn't pick up your Césars?

"No, thanks, I won't pick them up."

Such class!

Momo, the pool.

Yes, the pool. I'll see to it.

Excuse me!

Gérard! Mr Lanvin.

Could I get a coffee?

I feel a bit dozy. It'll perk me up.

With sugar?

Have you finished?

Just this second.

Come and see.

It's beautiful now.

I skimmed and vacuumed it.

All set. Tomorrow morning...

A quick backstroke.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thanks for the coffee.

Served by Gérard Lanvin.

Classy.

In the USA, it's George Clooney,

here, it's me.

What?

The commercial!

You're funny too.

You're in the American movie?

With the American stars?

They won't be here.

This is the French part.

Too bad.

Let me give you my card.

Call me for anything.

I know everyone.

A restaurant? Call Momo.

A bar? Call Momo.

A nightclub?

- Call Momo.

- Exactly.

Even a barber. A hairdresser.

Lola. She does me.

She's not bad.

Miss Languedoc

30 years ago.

She's a looker. Vintage.

Like you.

- Not the vintage bit.

- The looker?

Exactly.

And, above all, Lola is single.

There, use that information

as you see fit.

Luckily, I live nearby.

Meaning?

Not far away, by the canal.

- Call anytime.

- Thanks.

Momo...

Ok, I'm off.

Right you are.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

It was an honour.

Same here, Momo. Goodbye.

Excuse me.

Could I visit the set?

I've never done that.

Yes. Why not?

Really?

Cool. Great!

- Promise?

- Promise.

Thanks a lot.

I'll be going now.

Goodbye, Momo.

Hello again.

Can I do a quick selfie?

Or the family won't believe me.

- Ready? Without the towel?

- No.

Ok, no worries.

There we go, in the can.

Thanks, I'll go now.

- Goodbye.

- Drive safely, Momo.

What a headache.

Gérard!

Sophie honey...

Hi there.

How's it going?

Not bad.

I don't know anyone,

but most speak French.

Good, I don't speak English.

Thanks for this.

You do a good job.

Hi, Gérard.

Tony William,

the producer you didn't meet yet.

- Delighted, Tony.

- Delighted.

Sophie. She works with me.

Is the house ok?

Very nice.

A bit big.

Something smaller would be fine.

Bedroom, living room, bathroom...

Without a pool, above all.

Actors rarely ask for that,

but we'll see to it.

I keep calling John but can't reach him.

- Is he here?

- We need to talk.

Alright.

John had a coronary

two days ago.

Shit.

Don't worry, he's ok.

But we had to replace him.

Replace a director just before shooting?

That's tough. I'd worked with John

to get ready.

What happens now?

We have a Quebec director,

a French-speaker.

His name's Bob Martel.

What has he made?

Did you see Athabasca's Last Night?

I don't speak English.

It's a lake in Canada.

The last night of Lake Athabasca.

Special but not uninteresting.

Not uninteresting...

The last night of a lake...

I'd need to see.

You'll get on well.

I hope so.

He arrived this morning

and would like to see you later.

Of course.

Cool.

Shit.

This way, Gérard.

Hey, Bob!

Meet Gérard Lanvin.

Gérard Lanvin... Finally!

I'll be going.

I have things to check.

Not too jet-lagged?

It's ok. I'll be fine.

I'm foaming at the roots a bit.

Meaning?

Meaning? Sorry.

A Quebec expression. It means

I'm snowed under.

Oh, yes...

The torso...

Straight as a post.

The frank look...

Honest.

The guy who's too dignified

to ever relent.

The part is you, 200%.

- Good, they picked me.

- True!

Come see the production offices.

One thing...

There'll be a few changes.

New director, new methods.

Hold on, I'm not a big fan

of last-minute changes.

John and I had worked

on the character, his motivations...

I understand, but I'll ask you

not to be too conservative.

Like French cinema,

too conservative.

That's its problem

and why it exports so rarely.

It depends.

Is Tony ok with that?

Warner Bros is and it's their decision.

That's why they hired me.

To make it a bit gutsier.

As we say,

"Wear your balls on your brow."

Gérard Lanvin...

Welcome to The Other Day's offices.

- Thank you.

- After you.

I hear the music.

Meet the writers I brought in

to tidy it up.

Tom Sullivan and Jerry Curtis.

Hi, Gérard.

A-rated in Hollywood.

Here too, Tom and Jerry.

Excellent! I love a laugh!

Have a seat.

Something to drink or eat?

No, I'm ok.

Have you got the changes?

For tomorrow, yes.

We start with the end.

The end?

Your execution scene.

I'd prefer to do that later,

to get into the character.

Yes, but no.

Don't get carried away, I'll explain.

For me,

it's your character's key scene.

It's where all his dignity and heroism

hit us in the face

like a fucking ton of bricks.

If we start with it,

we can perfect it later if need be.

But if we wait

till the last day of shooting...

We'll see.

These are tomorrow's changes.

Are you busy tonight?

We could have cocktails.

I can't tonight, but count on me

to knock one back.

Knock what?

Knock one back.

Now I get it.

It's hard following you

with your accent.

He's too much.

Gérard, it's barely begun.

Take it easy.

Chill.

God knows where the guy's from,

but he's more a lumberjack

than a director.

It's an American movie.

American...

I'm with a Canadian lumberjack

getting rewrites from Tom and Jerry.

This isn't Private Ryan.

What do we do?

We adapt, as usual.

We'll manage.

Take care. Don't worry.

- Thanks, Clara.

- My pleasure.

See you tomorrow

for this great American movie.

What the hell?

Gérard!

I know what's wrong.

It's my cousin.

He swapped the pool tabs

for dishwasher ones.

A joker, huh?

He made the pool overflow too?

No, that was me.

Cool, isn't it?

An infinity pool and a foam party!

You don't seem happy.

Have a coffee.

In five minutes, it'll be gone.

Ok, ten minutes.

Go!

Wild, the tap comes on automatically!

Crazy. Thank you.

Sorry about the foam and all that.

It upset you.

I can forget my day on the set.

We'll see about that later.

Thanks for cleaning up.

It's perfect.

I have to work too.

I have my lines to learn.

We'll see later then.

They'll be disappointed.

What?

I'd told my mum and my brother.

I said, "We visit the set tomorrow."

You promised.

The other days are tough for us.

I promised, ok.

You'll come

with your mother, your brother,

the whole family,

cousins, uncles, aunts...

All the Zapateros.

Zaparetos.

Zaparetos, sorry.

Except Alain.

Fine, but not tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my first day

and I need a little peace.

The day after tomorrow

or any time after that,

but not tomorrow.

That's registered.

Bye, Mr Lanvin.

Can we double-check?

On what?

Yes, I can come every day

except tomorrow.

No, one day but not tomorrow.

Every day except tomorrow

is different.

I guess.

Depends how you say it,

but ok, no worries.

I'll be off.

Thank you, Gérard.

Sorry. My cousin's a jerk.

A real jerk.

Yeah, right...

Runs in the family.

On base,

number 2 at 8 AM

with the choppers,

Kevin, the DOP,

with cameras 1 and 2

on 10, 12 and 20.

Stage 4 at 8 AM, ok?

Mr Gun, watch the explosives.

Stage 5 in half an hour

with the army vehicles.

It's our first day of shooting.

Welcome to France!

The world's most beautiful country!

How do you feel

on your first day?

You know...

I met Bob Martel.

He seems pretty wacky.

Totally.

Starting with the end doesn't help.

It'll go well, Gérard.

Gégé, it's me.

All the best for your American movie.

Act well for once. Take care.

Your tea.

Thanks, Fanfan.

Seven people are here for you.

Not for me.

Ok, but...

They're friends of yours.

The Zapaté family...

No...

It's true.

Momo, a quick word.

I know what you'll say,

but I had no choice.

I couldn't get a word in yesterday.

I'd told them yes

before you said no, see?

Not really.

It's Mum's day off.

Look...

that's her best dress.

Lola even came to do her hair.

Hello?

D'you mind?

She's my mum.

And the others.

Say "hola".

They're off to Alicante

so it's today or never.

Bob needs you on set.

Ok, I'm going.

- I'm going.

- Go on.

From now on,

discretion.

No phones, discretion.

Gérard, discretion

is us.

I promise you.

If not, Gérard...

How about that.

Crazy how they've done your hair.

And the moustache.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok

The nose is the most impressive bit.

You can't see the seam.

It's so supple too...

It's mine.

It's a fine nose!

Like all the greats.

Cleopatra, De Gaulle.

Jimmy Durante...

Ok, here's the scene.

One guy has already been executed.

Ok, John? You're dead.

You get out of the car.

Dignified.

You've asked to be shot

in your best suit.

Ready, colonel? Thanks.

Start walking.

Listen, Gérard,

I want something specific.

You walk like...

Ever seen a polar bear with a hunter?

Meaning?

Meaning...

he walks slowly.

He's majestic.

He's strong.

Powerful, but serene.

The hunter knows the bear's stronger.

With his eyes,

constantly glued

to the enemy...

The firing squad.

Ready?

At that point,

we track in on you...

and pan around you

to follow from behind.

In front of you,

the sworn enemy,

the one you're fighting to free France.

Who are they?

Who are they?

Acquaintances of mine.

Friends, you could say.

Your friends?

I know, it's kind of unusual.

It's complicated.

But it's just for today.

Sandy!

Can you show Mr Lanvin's friends

where to sit out of the way?

Thanks, Sandy.

Yeah, thanks!

No worries.

Hello.

Follow me.

We'll put you by the video assist.

The what?

The TVs, just over there.

Action!

Cut.

What was that?

What's going on?

For Mr Lanvin, from the whole family.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Squeeze in for the photo,

then we leave Gérard be.

Great, it's perfect.

We'll get out of your way.

What's this?

An Indalo.

A Spanish lucky charm, to thank you.

For my son too.

It's so kind to give him a job

on the film.

A job?

You had him hired.

Thank you for your kindness.

My pleasure, Mrs Zapatero.

Zapareto.

Come on, Mum,

leave Gérard in peace now.

Got a second?

- We have to go.

- Just a second.

What did you tell your mother?

About what?

The job I got you.

She said that? No...

Let me explain.

Pool maintenance with my brother

is mostly morning work.

I said you'd found me work on the film

for afternoons.

So she won't worry.

Spanish mothers are worriers.

No need to be a Spanish mother

to worry about you, Momo.

True.

See you tomorrow.

No, not tomorrow.

Tell your mother you lied

and just stay at home tomorrow, ok?

Ok.

Mauricio, please.

Leave Mr Lanvin be.

You'll see him tomorrow,

so let him rest now.

Thanks again for him, Mr Lanvin.

Alright then.

I'll tell her

I lied to her.

A pity after the great day she had.

It's my fault.

I get carried away too easily.

I'll disappoint her again.

It was an honour, Gérard.

One day.

One day, I swear, Gérard.

Promise.

I stay behind the video assist,

no noise, phones in flight mode.

Don't worry.

Bye, Gérard, discretion!

See you tomorrow!

I love you!

It's funny?

He's sweet. He adores you.

If he was nasty,

he'd be easier to get rid of.

Let's get a drink.

This wind's crazy!

Unbelievable!

No... Shit!

Fuck it!

Good job I have the keys.

Thanks, Momo.

Your colleague's leaving.

I don't have a colleague.

Shit, the handbrake!

I'll put this here.

Today wiped me out.

That'll help.

Tapas my mum made for you.

Thank her for me.

No sweat.

I'm off, emergency calls.

Great imitation.

You think so?

I can do others.

A fire siren.

Hold on.

When you open the door...

The alarm!

Not bad, huh?

That's the lot, I guess.

Time to go, Momo.

A baby.

I recognized it.

I'll be off. Goodbye.

Bye, Momo. Thanks.

Am I walking in snow?

Bye, Gérard. See you tomorrow!

See you then.

A door or a cat, you decide.

Shit, what a character!

Is your house ok?

A bit tiny for four of us...

Your friend's here.

What's his name?

Momo Zapatero.

Look at him.

Pretty bad.

Want something done?

No, he's just here for today.

Let's stay cool.

Have a good day.

Look.

From 17 to 5,000 followers

on Instagram.

What's that?

A social network.

I know, but that photo...

Yesterday's selfie.

Viewed, liked, shared.

Take it down right now.

Why?

I didn't give you permission.

I'll take it down at 10,000.

Why not give my address

for a barbecue for 10,000?

That'd be fun, huh?

Great idea! They'll love it!

A barbecue with Gérard Lanvin!

Are you for real?

Ah, ok, it's a joke?

10,000 makes a lot of sausages.

The house keys, before I forget.

Gérard, I've something to say.

I had a revelation.

I couldn't sleep and I thought

about what was keeping me awake

Then it came to me.

There are too many signs.

First off, you come to shoot

near Momo's place.

I wasn't due to see to your pool.

- I was at Mrs...

- I know.

Luckily, she had a stroke and died.

There are other signs too.

Look... Mo-mo, two syllables.

Gé-rard, two syllables.

What's your point exactly?

The planets are in line.

I'll be an actor.

I can do sorrow.

Hold on, surprise now.

Two different people.

How about discretion?

It needs work.

Work, Momo.

How do you do discretion?

Hello.

Can I do a selfie?

Come on.

There we go.

Smile.

Let's have a big smile.

Zapareto, for Spain.

His last attempt.

The crowd's going wild.

Make it good, Zapareto.

5.20 metres, third attempt.

He takes his run-up, he's off!

And he's over!

Like this?

Gégé!

There you are.

Are you hiding from me?

- Got a minute?

- No.

Great!

It won't take long.

Now we're friends,

everyone wants an autograph.

I picked one of you young.

Very handsome.

Each Post-It has a name.

This is for Auntie Paquita,

we call her the Lioness.

Her favourite movie is Les Lyonnais,

so you could put,

"To a Lioness from a Lyonnais"

or "from a lion"?

Whatever you want.

There's Carmen, Diego, Carlos...

They're all here.

It's not urgent.

Ten minutes, say?

Don't you ever stop?

There's Sandy.

Last night,

I dreamed we were married

with a big house, kids

and a retriever.

She's coming over.

What do I say?

I know an old carny saying.

"Your eyes could make a carousel spin

too soon."

That's nice.

Ready in five, Gérard.

Thank you. Coming.

French works.

Ok.

I'm fine. And you?

Yeah.

Five minutes.

The eyes you have!

They spin

like a carousel.

Just like a carny.

A carny? Wow.

Thanks, Momo.

Don't be long, Gérard.

Coming.

- I got it wrong.

- You did.

I forgot a word.

Don't call me Gégé, ok?

"Too soon".

Gégé! I forgot "too soon"!

Ok, Gérard, scene 35.

The arrest. The Germans arrive,

led by the colonel.

You've been denounced.

They come to arrest you.

But you...

You, you're...

a rhino.

Jesus, here we go again.

Serenity

and strength.

You pick grapes.

- Like a rhino.

- Sure.

Here he comes. But remember,

not one look at Colonel Von Derman

leaving the jeep.

Is it clear?

I never saw a rhino

picking grapes

before being arrested.

I'll let it infuse and we'll try.

Stay on the ball.

Just stay on the ball.

While he busts my balls in a vineyard...

Go on. Go for it!

Shit, he's here too!

A quick rehearsal.

Action!

The Germans arrive.

- They're coming.

- I heard.

A lot of them.

Great, buddy, great.

Cut!

Cut!

What's wrong, Gérard?

You seem a little lost.

Five minutes ago...

Sandy, may I?

Thank you.

Bob,

I wasn't supposed to look,

now I have to, so I need movement

for direction

and distance.

It alters the gaze.

See Dunkirk?

What?

Did you see Dunkirk?

Sure. Why?

When the German planes attack?

Yes, and?

They shot without planes.

One more time.

No Germans, no planes,

US movies are broke.

Action!

Cut!

It's no good.

It's no good.

The scene needs something more...

cinematic.

Action!

Cut! More serenity, less strength.

Action!

Cut!

I had the strength,

but not the serenity.

Action!

Cut! A rhino, Gérard.

Not a pine marten!

Rhinos graze on the grass

and bushes of the savannah,

often carrying oxpeckers...

Watch out, it's hot.

My mum's paella!

Cooked three hours

and ready to eat.

I'll set the table.

Alright,

where are the plates?

Here.

Found 'em. Bingo.

Momo, what's the plan?

I'm setting the table,

so we can eat it while it's still hot.

There's way too much

and I'm not hungry.

I have calls to make,

lines to learn...

I'm touched by your mum's kindness,

but I can't right now.

No?

No worries, we don't eat.

It's good warmed up too.

I'll put it in Tupperwares.

Take one out whenever you want.

- Nice and easy.

- It's ok.

You want to get rid of me,

but I won't go.

You weren't in shape today.

I was.

No, you felt down.

I saw you had your gloomy look.

I'm getting to know you.

It was the rhino thing.

I had to think.

No, you felt down

and I'm able to tell.

Know what? We'll work.

I'll do the German officer's lines.

Stand there.

I'm the German, you're Jadis.

Let's work.

Lucien Jadis...

Lucien Jadis...

We intercepted a message last night.

A message from

the Resistance!

I know, a bit too loud.

Germans often yell.

...from the Resistance.

But I presume

that's no news to you, Mr Lucien Jadis.

That's good.

What do you mean?

No, that's not it, it's your turn.

You say, "You know, colonel,

I sleep at night."

In his face! And he replies,

"I'm not stupid, my friend."

Weird, saying "my friend".

I mean.

I don't know history,

but Nazis and the Resistance

didn't get on.

I'd never even heard

of the second wave.

Did you know about it?

They arrived August 17, 1945,

after everyone else.

They called it Evil Dragon.

Weston Churchill

chose the name.

- "Why, Weston?"

- "It's cool!"

May I speak?

Sure.

Not Weston Churchill,

Winston Churchill.

Westons are shoes.

We won't review the 39-40 war.

- 39-45.

- Who cares!

C'mon, a year was too short.

Ok, Momo, take your jacket.

I'm fine, don't worry.

Thank your mum for me.

Don't come to the set tomorrow.

Bob Martel's against it.

That's agreed? No problems.

Thanks, Momo.

Sure I can leave you?

- Really?

- I'll be fine.

- Shall I do your Tupperwares?

- I can manage.

Keep the shrimp and rice separate.

It's saffron rice,

it'll colour the shrimp...

It'll turn it yellow.

Visually, that's...

It looks good,

but it'd feed a regiment.

Something wrong?

The van's broken down.

Lulu's on his way to help me out.

I'll soon be gone.

Sure?

Look, I'm gone.

Have a good evening.

All set, Momo. Start her up now.

Give the engine some juice.

A bit more.

Perfect.

Where is he?

Where is Gérard Lanvin?

Where is he?

Where is he?

Gégé, Gégé...

There he is

There he is

There he is, Gérard Lanvin

Momo, call me back when I call you.

Cut the crap now!

Call me back, dammit!

- Are you ok?

- Yes.

Sorry I'm late.

Trouble at the house.

It's ok, you let us know.

But Bob wants a quick word

about some new lines.

More new lines?

He's pissing me off!

Tarzan, king of the savannah!

Could you take this to my trailer?

Thank you.

There he is...

Know how many people were at my house?

30, led by your friend Lulu.

That's not my fault!

Lulu promised not to tell anyone.

Lulu told Loulou

who told Tony who told Toto!

One hour of selfies!

Thanks, Momo!

Who's Toto?

Who's Toto? Know what?

I've never been late in my life.

Today's the first time.

First time for everything.

- Where're you going?

- Where I want!

Wait!

I forgot to say something.

I can tell you're tense.

And I know why.

It's that Canadian.

Stand up to him.

I saw his first film.

A turkey, a total turkey.

No, Momo, if I'm annoyed

it's mostly

because of you.

Because of me?

I don't get it. I was so discreet.

You're not discreet.

You stick like glue!

We met three days ago,

but it feels like 20 years!

Same here. It's crazy how we...

I've been nice so far, right?

Yes.

From now on, no more Momo,

neither on the set, nor in the house,

nor in the pool,

nor in the electricity meter. Nowhere.

Got that?

Got it.

Alright then.

Goodbye.

You already tried that.

I know. No harm in trying.

I want to leave too.

Mr Gérard Lanvin...

I felt we had a bond.

I sensed a connection.

I see now that only I felt it.

Why is it open?

What a nutjob.

I'm going.

It wasn't me.

I didn't open the window.

Two minutes and I'm outta here.

My vanishing act.

I can't hear.

Look at this face.

You'll never see it again!

Goodbye, Momo.

The breakdown tactic?

Not at all, it's just not working.

I'm not a mechanic.

Guys, can you give him a push?

He needs to leave fast.

Thanks.

I'm leaving, straight ahead.

Goodbye.

Go on, push.

The brake.

- It isn't on.

- It is.

Thanks, I have my licence, ok?

Ok, it's on.

Bye, Mr Zapatero.

Goodbye, Mr Levain!

There we go.

Finally, I'll get some peace now.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Something wrong?

No... White wine, please.

Me too.

Ok, Gérard?

Yes. What were we saying?

I'm lost.

Your granddaughter.

- How old is she?

- Eleven.

What's being a granddad like?

Actually,

it sets you straight.

She grows, I get older.

Now I'm called Grandpa.

I'll get a pizza,

Grandpa.

Hi, Gérard, how's it going?

Fine. Happy with the shoot?

A few weather problems

on the beaches,

but nothing serious.

I hear it's a bit tense with Bob.

That's why I came to see you.

I don't like the way he works.

Last minute changes aren't my thing.

Mr Clooney may like that, but I don't.

But I have no choice.

I fear not, Gérard.

You have to adapt.

Isn't Mr Lake Tabasco here?

Don't Hollywood directors

drink with their crews?

He called me.

He has a problem with his pool.

A specialist's going.

A specialist? I know one.

And?

And...

- Hi, Gérard.

- Ok?

Can you make me a coffee?

This one's ready.

Thanks.

What were you looking at?

I was looking at a rare example

of human diversity.

The Zapareto.

He'll soon put in an appearance.

As discreet as ever.

Hello.

Good morning, too.

Did you sleep well?

Ok, Fanfan?

- Fine. You?

- Great.

Can I get a coffee for Bob?

With a splash of milk.

Right away.

- Ok, Sophie.

- Fine, and you?

Ace. Full of beans.

I'll take one of these.

Great. See you later.

He's incredible.

Not the word I'd use.

Ok, Gérard man,

let's try the execution scene again.

There's a lot of good stuff

in what we shot, but...

I'm just missing...

a little something I can't define.

Maybe a change of intent.

A polar bear's cold.

I could try a brown bear.

The Pyrenees aren't far.

Maybe a local bear is better.

Why not?

Let's try it.

Ok.

Momo doesn't disturb you anymore?

He did at first,

but he's a great guy, very funny.

He saved my pool.

We got as boiled as owls.

He introduced me to anisette.

Home-made stuff.

It was one hell of a night.

He saw my film.

Few people in France did.

He loved it.

He loved it... Good old Momo.

A gondolier!

Venice.

Push or it won't work.

He's crazy!

Good one, Momo.

Watch out, the barn door is open.

Shit.

A lovely couple.

Hi, Sandy.

- Hi, Momo.

- Applesauce?

I'm ok, thanks.

Are you busy this weekend?

I can show you the local sights.

That's kind,

but I can't.

I have a friend visiting.

A friend?

A friend-friend or a friend?

What's the difference?

No, you're right...

I have a girlfriend visiting.

- You have a girlfriend?

- Yeah.

What's her name?

Curious, huh? Are you jealous?

Well, have a good weekend.

You too.

The gun suits you.

Just needs balls.

Yeah, right.

Found it.

Ok, Momo?

Why are you here?

Here?

I came for my paella pan,

but I found it.

Don't you use doorbells?

I knocked, but you didn't hear.

I have what I need.

Bye, Gérard.

Momo, just a second.

You loved Bob Martel's film?

Yes, because...

It takes several viewings.

There's real poetry in it.

Poetry, ok.

What's poetry for you?

It's loads of things.

It goes from...

a bird taking flight to...

Zaz.

It's pretty wide-ranging.

So I see.

There you go.

It allowed me

to have another revelation.

I want to direct.

It's revelation week.

I saw you and acting isn't wild.

Hanging around

with coffee and sandwiches.

Under an umbrella if it rains.

Sitting on a chair with your name.

Kind of humdrum.

Kind of.

- Names on stuff is for kindergarten.

- Ok.

You see.

- I'm off bowling with Bob.

- Great.

Bye, Gérard.

Enjoy bowling, Momo.

Leave the key on the shelf there.

No worries. The spoon too.

It's not mine.

You're welcome. Bye, Gérard.

Bye, Momo.

Hello, my friends!

I hope you slept well.

Because today

will be our longest day.

Paella party tonight. Be there!

Stop.

Paella party tonight.

Hold on.

Paella party at my place, Sandy.

If you feel like it.

Paella party at my place.

Everyone'll be there.

Paella party, with fireworks.

I'm counting on you.

Paella party tonight at my place.

You're all invited.

May I see? Thank you.

Traditional Zapareto-style paella

- Paella party.

- I'll be there!

Paella party tonight, with fireworks.

Have a good shoot, Grandpa

Fuck...

A burning plate and cold food.

What's that crap microwave?

Come on, we're late. Hurry.

We said 8 o'clock.

Good to see you again.

Same here, Mr Mayor.

I have another visit at 3.

Pass these out.

Let's stick together.

From now on,

we're on the set.

So not a sound, ok?

Here we go.

Yeah, you bet.

Jade,

that was a great song.

- Thanks, Momo.

- Beautiful.

He's in period costume

as he appears in the film.

- Ok?

- Hi, Momo, great party.

Thanks.

Don't stay up there!

The Germans are coming!

Just kidding.

Where's George Clooney?

I said to keep quiet!

Ok, Gérard?

Fine, and you?

Just great.

We missed you at Momo's.

It was cool.

I had my lessons to learn.

Maybe next time.

- See you later.

- See you.

Come on, follow me.

Where are we now?

He's already here.

The home of Gérard Lanvin's character.

- He's right there.

- Who?

Oh, yes!

Wait here for me.

Can't you hear me calling?

What is it?

Could you give me time

for photos and videos?

For a group of VIPs.

VIPs?

Did I ever refuse you anything?

You have a point.

But it's polite to ask.

I appreciate it.

How's the shoot?

Just perfect.

Instagram's good?

Great.

How about Sandy?

Instagram's good.

I don't get a hello

or a goodbye anymore.

No invite to the paella party.

Not a very classy approach.

Ok, but you said

to leave you in peace.

So I did.

The Zapateros can be extreme.

Maybe, but the Zaparetos can be.

It's all or nothing with us.

Gérard...

- Come here.

- I'm here.

I'll come.

About your role in the film...

I'm not hearing good things.

Meaning?

It's not that great.

I even heard it's pretty average.

I'll be frank.

I don't see Gérard Lanvin here.

I see

a lookalike.

You say,

"He looks like Gérard Lanvin."

"Yeah, kind of."

See what I mean? I see a Gérard,

but not THE Gérard Lanvin

of Les Spécialistes

or Le Boulet.

Where is he?

So?

So...

make up, stir yourself.

Wake up.

Wake up? If you say so.

Sorry, Gérard,

but it's not tough.

A grape-picker...

Not much of a stretch.

So let's get focused.

Let's do it!

Go for it!

Shit, my mayor.

See you later.

The guy's a nutjob.

I'll show you, pal.

He's not easy to follow.

May I sit here?

Of course.

- Please.

- Come on.

Having a good day?

There's stuff

we never imagine in a cinema.

You're always repeating your lines.

Especially here.

All day long, you say the same thing.

You could say that.

It's the same for a mayor.

I have to repeat things so much

to get understood.

The same job.

I heard you haven't finished

casting Albatross.

It's down to two actors. Why?

I have a friend who could do it.

He could do a small part.

Let's talk later, ok?

Have you visited our region?

Not yet, but I plan to.

We have a potential guide here.

Could you drive me back tonight?

I'll be glad to.

This is fun,

but we have work to do.

Time to go.

Can we do photos for our local bulletin?

It's part of the job now.

So let's do it.

Thanks for the ride, Momo.

My pleasure.

Did I upset you earlier?

No, not at all.

It set me thinking.

Really?

See, that's good.

You realized it wasn't...

He never gives up.

Sorry?

I thought about what you said

about revelations.

The planets are in line.

The time is right.

Yes, totally!

There has to be something behind it.

- So?

- So it's time to start acting.

Too bad you don't want to.

I didn't say that.

If the chance arises...

- Why?

- Because...

Remember what Bob said at lunch?

Yes, everyone heard.

"This isn't a steak!

It's overdone.

It's not cooked right!"

No, he talked

about the Albatross role.

He hasn't chosen the actor.

It's a small part,

but a good way to start.

Sorry, but it's not such a small part.

You had a friend for it.

You're that friend, Momo.

- No?

- Yes.

Frankly...

I'd try if I were you.

I'd film myself and give it to Bob.

In the trunk,

there's a costume and a gun.

- No way!

- It's true.

- In my trunk?

- The road!

- You got that for me?

- Of course.

That's quite a...

That's quite a powerful gesture.

Because...

I mean...

Thanks, Gérard.

My pleasure, Momo.

Mission accomplished!

We fetched the explosives

and booby-trapped the bridge.

Once the Germans pass...

Well?

Wardrobe?

Well?

I looked like a total jerk.

That's settled.

Now let's see to Céline Dion.

Watch out,

the maple leaves are gonna fly.

This bear has a sore head.

Hi, Gérard, in shape?

Ok, Bob?

Not too hung over?

I'm ok. Why?

You need to be in shape for this.

I'll decide how I act.

No more animals.

No more seagulls eating frozen fish

cos the sea's empty.

Get it, Bob? We cut the crap.

That's set the lumberjack straight.

You're in pain.

You're suffering.

Look at the colonel.

And smile.

Cut!

You know,

you may not like playing animals,

but I filmed an angry lion today.

If no one shows me, I can do it.

Thanks, Gérard, scene over.

Could someone untie me

so I can eat too?

I'd appreciate it.

What a crap production.

I don't believe this...

That's my phone.

That's my phone.

During a routine check,

in the trunk,

we found a gun and fatigues.

I mean, these days...

He said it was for an audition

for a film with you.

Not very believable.

Come on, Momo, let's go.

Thanks. I'll get back to it.

No, we need to take your statement.

We have to. It won't take long.

Sorry, Mr Lanvin.

It really won't take long.

Momo, I've been trying to reach you.

We need to talk.

Hello.

Hello.

What a surprise, Mr Lanvin.

Please, come in.

I'm a real mess, sorry.

No, everything's fine, Mrs Zapareto.

You're too kind.

What brings you?

Trouble with my son?

I came to thank you

for the delicious paella.

Alright. I'm very happy then.

A coffee, orange juice, Perrier?

I have beer too.

Coffee's fine.

Alright.

Have you eaten?

I have some tortilla left.

No, thank you.

Alright.

I won't insist.

I'll be right back.

Momo as a kid.

And that's my husband.

He died 20 years ago.

A brain tumour.

May he rest in peace.

It's God's will. We can't do anything.

Look,

we framed the photos.

That one's good.

Sorry, I have to deliver this evening

and I'm running late.

Go ahead, Mrs Zapareto, don't mind me.

How's it going with my son?

Does he work hard?

Yes, very hard.

He's very present.

Present...

Does he bother you?

Not at all.

I suppose

he didn't mention his father?

No.

He doesn't dare.

I'll tell you

something I shouldn't say.

My son would be furious.

I won't tell.

When he was a boy,

he was a little overweight.

Others made fun of him,

but as he wasn't a fighter,

he suffered in silence.

He'd stay in

and seek refuge in movies.

He'd play all the characters.

I can imagine.

As my husband liked you a lot,

they'd see all your films.

I remember,

after the one with the Belgian...

- Le Boulet.

- Exactly!

They spent the whole evening laughing.

They described every scene.

I was so happy to see them like that.

He died three months later.

It was their last film together.

Momo was fifteen.

But have a seat.

I'll be right back.

Look at this.

You became his idol.

He wanted to be an actor too.

To make his dad proud of him.

He made us laugh a lot in the family.

He sent off photos.

Videos too.

But no one ever replied.

So he gave up the idea.

He messed up for a long time.

Promise you'll say nothing?

I promise.

Thank you.

They never caught much,

but they had fun.

I guess my mum said

where to find me.

She told you everything.

I don't know what you mean.

I went to your place to find you.

To say I was sorry.

No need to be. It's not your fault.

It's just me.

I'm useless.

You can't just become an actor.

It's not that easy.

It's not just acting, it's everything.

I'm useless, it's that simple.

I'm jinxed.

Some people are lucky in life,

but I'm not.

Want an example?

My school finals.

I know my history by heart.

Except for the Merovingians.

I just can't memorize them.

What's the exam subject?

The Merovingians.

Can you be more unlucky?

It's possible. I have others.

The local supermarket.

I get a job there.

I keep hassling them for work.

After refusing, they finally relent.

I get hired.

On my first day,

I'm filling the shelves

with packs of mineral water.

An old lady asks for a pack of Contrex.

Why Contrex? It's gross.

I reach for the pack,

the handle snaps,

it falls on the lady

and hits her here.

She ends up in the ER

and I get fired after one day.

Crap luck.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

You try so hard, you get clumsy,

that's all.

What would you really like to do?

I dunno.

Something where I'd feel useful.

I'll suggest something.

We work together.

Drive me back and forth,

handle logistics and so on.

Me?

Look after you?

Exactly.

Like a nanny?

Assistant is the word.

I dunno.

I have other projects too.

Ok, no worries!

I'm with you. We're a team.

But I'll need to move in.

Sandy to Momo...

Momo here, copy.

We need Gérard.

Thirsty tiger is nearing the water.

Thirsty tiger is nearing the water.

I don't understand.

What d'you mean?

He's on his way.

No one read the codes I shared.

- Where are we going?

- To Spain, it's cheaper.

You waste money in the movies.

What's this?

A baby monitor.

We'll put one in your room

and one in mine

to hear you at night.

Ok, Momo?

Fine.

- What's that?

- Gérard's tea.

Put it down.

Put it down! Come here.

Cooperate and we'll save time.

What's this?

A Swiss army knife.

What's it for?

Seriously?

Everyone on the set has one.

No way! Only the Swiss

have Swiss knives.

You didn't say.

How's the suit?

- Cool, huh?

- The sleeves are too short.

I agree

I was sitting for the measurements,

my arms like this.

Don't move.

Perimeter secured.

Tiger's leaving the pool.

Go ahead, Gérard.

Aren't you overdoing it, Momo?

You never know.

There's Sandy. Good luck.

What? No...

Hi, Momo.

- Ok?

- Fine, and you?

Just great.

I see the flowers.

You can see them?

They're not for me?

What? These?

No...

Gérard got them for Sophie.

Of course.

You thought they were for you?

Me? For me?

Of course not.

I was just...

curious.

Strangely,

I think I'd have liked that.

Hold on, Sandy!

I can work it out with Gérard.

Another fine day.

Yes, indeed.

Happy with my work?

I know I overdo it.

Tell me when I do.

I'm a good listener.

You can tell Momo to ease off.

We adapt.

It's early days for us.

It's normal.

Why do you need to talk all the time?

I do?

Yeah?

You're tense.

It's crazy how tense.

You're like an old dog.

You're not one,

but you have that old dog side.

An old dog's either sweet and gentle,

or he's more...

See what I mean?

I'm tense as I have a big scene tomorrow

and I'd like to learn it, ok?

Ok, fine.

What's this road?

It's not the usual one.

Cut it out!

It's a shortcut.

Dad and I took it after fishing.

This way,

in 10 minutes, you'll be showering,

relaxed, and what'll you say?

"Thanks, Momo."

What's that?

I think there was a hump.

What's going on, Momo?

Oh, right, I know what it is.

The thing is...

you're not going to like it.

I've run out of fuel.

No, Momo, not here, not now!

Not my fault, the gauge is screwed.

I'll call Lulu...

No, don't call Lulu, or Bébert,

or anyone! Shit!

He'll come...

No signal.

No signal here!

I didn't put up the masts.

There's just no signal.

Nothing.

What do we do now?

I'll try a bit further on.

There's always a solution.

No signal here!

Still nothing!

Come back now. That's enough!

No signal anywhere.

I tried everywhere. Not a single bar.

So what do we do?

Yeah, what do we do?

That is the question.

Don't worry, Gérard, we're on a road.

A road means cars.

It's a shortcut.

Everyone takes a shortcut.

What?

Nothing.

You'll see.

Sure you don't want a cookie?

Applesauce?

Crazy, these shortcuts no one takes.

What do we do now?

Want the back seat

or will you sleep here?

Let me tell you...

My dad always said,

"Surprises create memories."

I'll have the memory of bombing

tomorrow.

No, we're going to rehearse.

In the middle of nowhere?

With no set, no costume, no camera?

Alright,

if you need cameras, costumes and props,

I'll see to it. Hold this.

We're all set.

The German officer's ready.

- Here we go.

- Ok, here we go.

Hi there, it's me today.

Let's clip the mic on.

Put this in your pocket.

Excellent.

Continuity take on Gérard!

Of course. Hello.

It's Sophie. Look up.

Look up. Great.

Good for the take!

Ok, Gérard!

Show me an otter.

Not just any otter.

An otter taking her kids to play.

Sandy, let's go.

God, that's Momo.

He's so handsome and sexy.

That athletic body.

Sandy, try to focus.

Sorry. Quiet everyone, please.

- Sound?

- We're good.

Camera!

Gérard, get into position!

Did you see Dunkirk?

There were no planes.

German officer ready?

It's an honour to work with you.

I'm a huge fan.

Scene 67, shot 1, take 1.

Two cameras.

Action, Gérard!

Colonel,

I spent two years

in the Verdun trenches,

in the snow and cold,

terrified and on edge,

waiting for your troops to attack.

My lips were too chapped

to open my mouth,

but I had to smile for my men.

Meanwhile, at home,

one of your shells destroyed my home,

killing my wife and my son.

He was ten.

Since then, I always carry

the last letter he wrote to me.

I know every word.

I repeat them each night

before I sleep.

"Dad,

I know you'll come home.

Because you're the strongest

and, above all, because you're my dad."

Cut.

Cut called.

Are you cold?

A bit.

- Here you go.

- Thanks.

Thanks, that's kind.

It's already over.

One week and...

It's like summer camp.

After a month together,

we go our separate ways.

What'll you do?

Go home and wait for the next camp.

That's good.

- Can I say something?

- Yes.

Can you look over there?

I can't say it otherwise.

Like that. Thanks.

The thing is...

You'll have noticed

I find you attractive.

I like you a lot.

Let me finish, please,

or I'll never manage it.

I was thinking...

Maybe I could be your friend?

Not your friend-friend.

I mean a friend who...

A friend.

We're already friends, right?

- Fries?

- Yeah, fries are good.

Let's knock one back.

It was a great week.

Really. What you did today

floored me.

However,

we're rescheduling Monday.

That big extra lying dead

in front of the squad

can't be here that day.

Reschedule for an absent extra?

We don't have anyone else.

We reschedule.

You need a big guy.

Momo!

The answer's no. N-O.

Forget the idea.

Help him out.

Get us out of a shit situation.

I didn't put you in it.

Sorry, I said no.

What if Bob writes you a scene

before you die? That'd be good.

But...

Yeah, ok.

Why not? One scene.

Before you're shot.

Exactly.

- It'd be good.

- One scene?

No, I get it.

You can't fool me again.

Not a second time.

I'm sorry, I said no.

No means no. Period.

Let's go, I hate driving after dark.

Three seconds.

A real scene, you say?

Let go of me!

Alright!

Gentlemen,

do what you have to do.

Look...

Look what you've done!

This is France's blood!

This'll be cut during editing, right?

Right.

I sense it coming...

Death...

Death is approaching.

Get up. Get back up for France.

Get up!

Farewell, my country.

Farewell.

Are you going straight to another film?

No, I'll relax a little.

Relaxation?

Relaxation, yes.

Sandy, tell the camera crew to pack up.

Can I do another?

I think I forgot stuff.

That wouldn't be very reasonable...

THE BIGGEST FAN

I was thinking.

It's kind of crazy.

Both cameras break down

during my scene.

Crazy, huh?

Like it was planned.

Forget that.

You know Sandy's here?

Yeah, change the subject.

Still in touch

with the impregnable citadel?

Let's go.

What?

Can I ask you something

I never dared to ask?

I mean, I often think about you.

But we don't have

a single souvenir together.

Can we do a selfie?

You want a selfie?

Try asking faster.

With the hand on my shoulder,

I imagine things.

How can I tell my citadel

Gérard's in love with me?

I'll do it

because it'll take ages otherwise.

Are you ready? Smile.

The other way.

His lordship has a special way?

Get close.

We'd make a good match.

You'd be my cougar.

Bastard!

Subtitles by Ian Burley

Subtitling: ECLAIR DIGITAL SERVICES