Jack and the Beanstalk (1967) - full transcript

[instrumental music]

♪ Oh-leo oh-leo ♪

♪ Oh-leo-lay ♪

♪ I'd say this day ♪

♪ Is the first day of May ♪

[whistles]

♪ The first day of May ♪

♪ I would say is today ♪

♪ All the crows are crowing ♪

♪ And the skies are glowing ♪

♪ And the breeze is blowing ♪



♪ To make the daisy sway ♪

♪ Every bird I hear ♪

♪ Seems to know it's near ♪

♪ Half past April
and a quarter to May ♪

♪ All the bees are buzzin' ♪

♪ Buzz buzz buzzin' ♪

♪ Every beat is fuzzin' ♪

♪ Fuzz fuzz fuzzin' ♪

♪ Tell me cousin
is this the perfect day? ♪

♪ It can only mean ♪

♪ That we're in between ♪

♪ Not half past April
and a penny ♪

♪ Not half past April
and a nickel ♪

♪ But half past April
and a quarter ♪



♪ To May ♪
♪ To May ♪

♪ It's a day for grinning ♪

♪ Day for daydream spinning ♪

♪ Things could be beginning ♪
♪ Things could be beginning ♪

♪ To come around my way ♪
♪ To come around my way ♪

[mooing]

[instrumental music]

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

♪ Every bird I hear ♪
♪ Every bird I hear ♪

♪ Every bird that I hear ♪

♪ Seems to know it's near ♪
♪ Seems to know it's near ♪

♪ Seems to know that it's near ♪

♪ Not half past April
and a penny ♪

♪ Not half past April
and a nickel ♪

♪ But half past April
and a quarter ♪

Hey, what's the matter?

- I forgot.
- Forgot what?

I forgot I was unhappy

about my poor, old C-O-W.

Oh, that's right. You're taking
her to market to sell her.

[mooing]

Shh.

I mean, S-E-L-L her.

How'd you know that?

Well, it's my business to know

a little bit about everything

and a great deal about nothing.

Speaking of which, maybe
we can do a little business.

She seems to be nice and, uh

F-A-T and probably very strong.

[mooing]

[laughs]

Don't you try to
fool a fooler.

You're as strong as a horse

which reminds me,
some scoundrel stole mine.

I wonder
how she'd do in harness.

But Maud's never been
a horse before, mister.

Would you be interested
in a swap?

Could be.

- What'd you swap for her?
- Mm.

Well, for a cow that's
just learnin' to be a horse

let me see.

I might offer
a pint of purified whale oil

a bowl of imported
French gingham

a box of Dr. Magruder's
medicinal snuff.

- Take your choice.
- Come on, Maud--

Whoa, Maud.

[laughs]

I can see
you're a wily trader, lad.

You knew I was holding out

but I don't possibly see

how I can let you have them.

Have what?

[instrumental music]

- Beans?
- Magic beans.

To bring fame and fortune

to a boy and his poor old
widowed mother.

They look just like
plain, ordinary beans to me.

Now, Maud looks like
a plain, ordinary cow

but I believe she is a horse.

You've gotta believe, Jack.

♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ And a large amount of hope ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪

♪ Can a swiftly disperse ♪

♪ A most calamitous situation ♪

♪ A large amount of hope ♪

♪ And a tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪

♪ Can a swiftly reverse ♪

♪ A most unfortunate
complication ♪

♪ To a doubting Thomas ♪

♪ Life's without promise ♪

♪ Now don't you think
that's bad? ♪

♪ But these old beans
are still just beans ♪

♪ How sad until you add ♪

♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ And a large amount of hope ♪

♪ Or versa vice ♪
♪ Or versa vice ♪

♪ Though it's strange ♪
♪ Though it's strange ♪

♪ What a lovely change
it makes ♪

- Honest?
- Cross my heart.

♪ 'Cause faith and hope ♪
♪ 'Cause faith and hope ♪

♪ Are all it ever really takes ♪
♪ Are all it ever really takes ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪
♪ Or vice versa ♪

- It's a swap.
- Okay.

And if you're
not completely satisfied

I'll cheerfully
refund your cow.

Oh, I'm satisfied.
So long, mister.

Bye, Maud. Be a good horse.

[instrumental music]

What do you say to that, Maud?

[mooing]

[instrumental music]

(Jack)
But I outsmarted him, mother.

I've got all seven beans
for only one cow.

Aren't they the prettiest beans
you ever saw?

Well, maybe not that pretty

but who cares
as long as they're magic.

[sobbing]

They are magic.
He said they were.

Please don't cry, mother.

I know
I was a stupid, little boy

and I should be punished.

Well, I'd just send myself
to bed without any supper.

[crickets chirping]

[dramatic music]

[leaves rustling]

[cock crowing]

[birds chirping]

[instrumental music]

Great day in the mornin'.

It sure is, isn't it?

What are you doin' up there?

[cow mooing]

You brought our cow back.

- You returnin' her?
- Ah, not me.

I'm no Indian giver.

I just wanted to make sure

you weren't dissatisfied

with the beans.

Not me.

Where do you suppose it goes?

Yonder, perhaps.

Betwixt, between.

Maybe to fame and fortune.
Who knows?

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna climb
this whole beanstalk

clear to the top.

Let's go.

[instrumental music]

What do you suppose
made it grow so high?

Faith, probably.

Is that anything
like fame and fortune?

(Jeremy)
'A little.'

Land of Goshen.

[laughs]

If we ever find that fortune,
remind me to buy a new hat.

[instrumental music]

Holy hot toad!

[instrumental music]

[birds chirping]

Come on.

Wait.

(Jeremy)
'"Keep out.'

Trespassers will be eaten."

- Shall we proceed and risk it?
- Sure.

Like you said.

♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ And a large amount of hope ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪

Yes!

♪ A large amount of hope ♪

♪ And a tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ Or versa vice ♪
♪ Or versa vice ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ And then you add ♪
♪ And then you add ♪

♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪
♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ And a large amount of hope ♪
♪ And a large amount of hope ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪
♪ Or vice versa ♪

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

[thunder rumbling]

[door creaking]

[thunder rumbling]

[music continues]

[thunder rumbling]

Large for it's size,
isn't it?

Yes.

[door creaking]

[door shuts]

[footsteps approaching]

Is that thunder
or just an earthquake?

[footsteps approaching]

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

A heavy purse
doth make a light heart.

[sniffing]

Fe, fi, fo, fum!

'Do I smell the blood
of a rapscallion?'

[sniffing]

thump thump

If there are poachers about

they won't leave here alive.

That's a giant, wasn't it?

Well, it looked like a giant
and it sounded like a giant.

Well, if he's not a giant

he's the biggest
whatever he is I ever saw.

Eighty three

eighty four, eighty five..

- Is that a fortune?
- I'd say so.

Where is the fame
that goes with it?

If you can get away
with any of that fortune

I guarantee, you'll be famous.

Ninety six,
ninety seven..

I hate odd numbers!

[mumbling]

Well, Lucy, have you done
your royal duty today?

[quacking]

[door slams]

Small, but sufficient.

[mumbling]

Gee hoss..

Did you see that big ol' goose?

Yes.

chop chop

Ninety eight, ninety nine

one hundred.

I like even numbers.

[yawning]

[mumbling]

Play me something soothing,
oh, wondrous harp.

Yes, master.
What is thy wicked pleasure?

(The Giant)
'Old, very old love song.'

Thus so
that it be soft and sweet

and 40 winks long.

A love song, soft and sweet

'and 40 winks long.'

♪ One starry moment ♪

♪ Is all we wait for ♪

♪ All we ever really look ♪

♪ To fate for ♪

♪ It never happens as planned ♪

♪ Some starry night ♪

♪ Someone touches your.. ♪

Beautiful. Pure gold.

Yeah, and so many of them.

- I meant the harp.
- I mean those coins.

♪ Starts glowing ♪

♪ And your aimless heart ♪

♪ Knows where it's going ♪

♪ Where is that moment ♪

♪ We all dream of? ♪

♪ That one ♪

♪ Starry moment ♪

♪ Love love ♪

- Oh!
- Shh..

- Who are you?
- I'm Jack and he--

Shh..

He's Jack and I'm Jeremy.

But who are you?

I'm...or was Princess Serena

from the neighboring kingdom
of Yon

until the ogre stole me

and turned me
into this horrible harp.

Oh, you're very pretty
for a horrible harp.

I thought only wicked witches

could cast rotten spells
like that.

Some ogres have
the black thumb, too.

'He has stolen all the treasure
from the surrounding kingdoms'

'and also the precious goose
that lays the golden eggs.'

Well, at least
he appreciates good music.

Your, your voice is beautiful.

- He stole all this?
- Yes.

But you're in mortal danger.

You must fly at once before
The Giant captures you. Fly!

But where are we
going to get wings?

The goose
who lays the golden eggs

free her, and she'll take you.

But you're captured, too.

We can't leave you here.

'What do I have to do
to release you?'

'Climb a glass hill?
Slay a dragon?'

Uh, wrestle a-a..
What?

- Kiss me.
- Kiss you?

That's the charm
to break the spell, a kiss.

Well, considering
it's for a good cause, I..

Jeremy, help!

[coins clanking]
'Jeremy!'

Not now, Ja..

[clinking]

Huh?

Run, Jack! Run! Hide!

[dramatic music]

Ah!

And who may you be, puny one?

J-Jack.

J-Jack?

No, j-just Jack.

Jack. Jack.

Ah, that's a familiar name.

[chuckles]
Be a little Jack Horner

who sat in a corner?

No, sir, I haven't had
any Christmas party

in ever so long.

Uh, Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick?

Golly Ned, no!

If I was nimble,
you wouldn't have caught me.

Uh, Jack who fell down the hill

with a lass named Jill?

I hate girls.

'Well, you'd be too small
for one bite'

'and not big enough for two.'

What, pray tell,
may I do with you?

Why, give the lad
a couple of gold coins

and send him on his way.

What? Another one?

[dramatic music]

And who are you?

Oh, uh, just a Yankee peddler

and his young assistant

doin' the territory,
establishing customer relations.

And, believe me, it's a pleasure
to establish relations

'with a gentleman
of your taste.'

[laughs]

Jack, have you ever seen
a more gracious giant?

Gracious, no.

(Jeremy)
'Ha ha ha, we're really touched'

'by your hospitality,
dear Giant'

'but we do have
a lot of territory to cover'

before sunset.

So if you'll kindly
put us down..

Uh, well, a-alright.

Thank you. Thank you.
We'll take our leave.

You're not leaving!

[chuckles]
We're certainly flattered
by your insistence

and may we return
the compliment by saying..

♪ It's been nice ♪

♪ It's been fun ♪

♪ But we do have to run ♪
♪ But we do have to run ♪

♪ While each moment has been
most exquisite with you ♪

♪ We must not overstay ♪

♪ Our first visit with you ♪

♪ It's been grand ♪
♪ Grand ♪

♪ It's been swell ♪
♪ Swell ♪

♪ But we must say farewell ♪
♪ But we must say farewell ♪

♪ If we've done nothing else ♪
♪ If we've done nothing else ♪

♪ We have broken the ice ♪
♪ We have broken the ice ♪

♪ So till next time we meet ♪
♪ So till next time we meet ♪

♪ It's been laughs
it's been sweet ♪

♪ It's been fun we repeat ♪
♪ It's been fun we repeat ♪

♪ It's been grand ♪
♪ It's been grand ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ Grand ♪

♪ Swell ♪

♪ But we must say farewell ♪
♪ But we must say farewell ♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

♪ It's been nice ♪
♪ It's been nice ♪

I do not think
it is so nice.

A giant's castle is his home

and you have trespassed!

Oh, well, that's
a peddler's prerogative.

How else would he move
his wares?

So, I tell you
what I'm gonna do for you.

You say you like gold
and the finer things

'in life like gold dust?'

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, sir, Dr. McNulty's
magic amalgam powder

was made for you
and here it is.

- I don't see anything.
- But of course not.

I said it was magic,
didn't I?

Assistant, please.

Help me with this pepper.

Now, we take
this worthless condiment

and a pinch of the famous

Dr. McNulty's magic amalgamate
and there you have it.

'Ordinary pepper transformed
into 14 carat gold dust.'

Gold dust?

Ah, it still looks like
ordinary pepper to me.

Take a closer look.

[instrumental music]

[sneezes]

Where are you,
you skulking knaves?

Come out.

No. No, don't come out.

Hide. Hide.

Hide, is it?

The scoundrels were
friends of yours, eh?

Well, they may have escaped

'but ye shant.'

Now, my little priceless

while I deal with them

I'll keep you safe
under lock and key

in the treasure room.

[dramatic music]

We must rescue her.

But how?
He took the key with him.

Well, there's an old saying.

"Love laughs at locksmiths."

I don't get the joke.

You will when you grow up.

Come on, this way.

[instrumental music]

We lost him.

Pretty hard
to misplace a giant.

[footsteps]

(Jack)
'We found him.'

Let's hide.

(both)
This way.

[instrumental music]

[screams]

Fee, fi, fo, fum!

For a very big giant,
you're very dumb.

'Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.'

[screams]

Where be ye, blasty?

[instrumental music]

Ah-ha!

I see ye.

[laughs]

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

What are you doing here?

He-he. Just, uh,
taking in the view.

Breathtaking, isn't it?

Yes, breathtaking.

You are house guest
of the master?

Master?

Uh, yes, you could say that.

Uh, he, he, uh,
he hates to see me leave.

Nice!

Any friend of the masters
is a friend of ours.

- 'Good.'
- Lovely ogre.

Gives us all his table scraps.

[laughs]

Well, yes,
I better get back inside

before my, uh, host misses me.

We'll call him for you.

No, no, I mean,
that won't be necessary.

Uh, tell me,
what kind of birds are you?

- Woggle-birds.
- Oh, how interesting.

And, uh, what does
a woggle-bird do?

What does a woggle-bird do?

Yes, I mean--

What does a woggle-bird do?

♪ Well if a frog frogs ♪

♪ And a bark barks ♪

♪ And a fog fogs ♪

♪ And a clock clocks ♪

♪ Then it follows we say ♪

♪ As night follows day ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

♪ What does a woggle-bird do? ♪

♪ May we oblige with a clue ♪

♪ Well if a hog hogs ♪

♪ And a jog joggs ♪

♪ And a grog grogs ♪

♪ And a cog cogs ♪

♪ Then unless you're a douche
we're sure you'll deduce ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

[laughs]

Yes.

♪ Most birds ♪

♪ Leave the ground ♪

♪ But then most birds ♪

♪ Aren't profound we found ♪

♪ They aren't too profound ♪

♪ So without going
into longeth belongs ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

(all)
Ole!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

[instrumental music]

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

Ole! Ole! Ole-ole, Ariba.

[instrumental music]

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

♪ While peacocks parade
in colorful tocks ♪

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

[laughs]

♪ A woggle-bird woggs ♪

[laughing]

That was rather rude
of him, don't you think?

Jack, Jack.

[screams]

[meows]

cracks

meow

Only mice.

Cat!

whoosh

[footsteps thumping]

[screams]

I thought you were the giant.

Whoa! And I thought,
you were the c-cat.

No, I'm just a lost J-Jack.
And what are we stuttering for?

Cause' we're both
scared, right?

- Wrong!
- Huh?

I'm not afraid of cats.

Then what are you doing
in here with us cowards?

Well, I was searching
for fame and fortune.

But right now, I'd settle
for finding my partner, Jeremy.

You haven't seen a Yankee
peddler around this castle

anywhere, have you?

Not me.
How about you guys?

- Not me.
- Not me.

- Not me.
- Not me.

Why, there must be
a 100 of you mice.

Sure! The castle
is infested with us.

Then, what are you all
afraid of the cat for?

Well, a mouse
is always afraid of the cats.

A mouse maybe,
but not mice.

Didn't you guys ever hear
"E pluribus unum"?

- E pluribus, who?
- Yeah.

Two can do what one can't.

And 20 can do five
or six times better than that.

But we're so teeny and weeny

and that cat is
so darn ferocious.

But all you got to do is that
all you teeny-weeny little

selves together
in one big ball of fight.

♪ You can't beat dragons
or villains or brutes ♪

♪ By shaking and shivering
in your boots ♪

♪ Next time you're down
just stiffen up that ♪

♪ Upper lip and tight ♪

♪ Up that rib you don't give ♪

♪ Up the ship next time
you feel your confidence ♪

♪ Begin to slip ♪

♪ Pick yourself up
and say Amen ♪

♪ And start again ♪

♪ There's not a thing
in thunderation ♪

♪ You can't do the cat that ♪

♪ You're afraid of
is afraid of you ♪

♪ The road to victory
is an easy trip ♪

♪ Once you stiffen up
your upper lip ♪

Attention!

Fall in!

Right dress!

Attention!

Shoulder arms!

Forward March!

♪ Next time you're down
just stiffen up that ♪

♪ Upper lip and tighten up
that grip you don't give ♪

♪ Up the ship next time you feel
your confidence begin to slip ♪

♪ Pick yourself up
and say Amen and start again ♪

♪ When David met Goliath
did he turn and run ♪

♪ Don't you be leaving son ♪

♪ He stood his ground and won ♪

♪ You got to stiffen up
that lower spine ♪

♪ While you're at it
stiffen up ♪

♪ While you're at it
stiffen up mine ♪

Left about face.

Right about face.

Double quick march!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[all cheering]

Wait a minute!
Where are you going?

The cat's not around here.

[growls]

Oh, hi, there..

Cat...sir.

Well, say something.

slurp

This is your last chance.

sniff sniff

[snarls]

[gasps]

[screams]

Jeremy!

Engarde!

boing

[intense music]

swish

[music continues]

snap

dong

meow

[cheering]

[laughs]

Hey! Hey!

Hey! How'd you like
to be king of the mice?

Gee fellas, thanks.

But my partner and I
are only passing through

on our way to fame and fortune.

Fame and fortune?

We can show you the shortcut

to the Ogre's pantry
and storeroom.

No. No, thank you.

But, we'd be much obliged
if you could direct us

to the Ogre's treasure room.

Treasure room?
There's nothing there to eat.

We're not interested
in eating right now.

We're trying to find the room

where the golden
harp is locked up.

- Waiting to be rescued.
- Yes.

And if you just tell us
where the giant keeps his key?

The key!

Dear friends,
there's an old saying

"mice laugh at locksmiths."

So does love.

I don't understand
what love has to do with it?

You will, when you grow up.

[instrumental music]

Sufferin' sunfish!

Jeremy!

Serena.

[clanking]

(Serena)
'Jeremy.'

Oh, Jeremy. I..

I thought the giant
had captured you.

No, we're free.

And, so are you.

[instrumental music]

♪ One starry moment ♪

♪ Is all we wait for ♪

♪ All we ever really ♪

♪ Look to fate for ♪

♪ Where is that moment ♪

♪ We all dream of? ♪

♪ That one starry moment ♪

♪ Of love ♪

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Mind if I interrupt?

♪ That one starry moment.. ♪

Please, I'm tryin
to tell ya..

Please, will ya listen?

The giant is comin'!

♪ Of love ♪

[grunts]

So, this is where ye be.

W-Where be ye?

My harp!

Churls, scoundrels.

They've broken
my wicked spell

and purloined
my priceless princess.

Alright, you harp kissers.

Enough is enough.

From now on

no more nice giant.

[dramatic music]

There must be a way.

The door is so heavy

and that handle is so high.

I still say,
there must be a way.

Hey, rember what you said
about doing something

all together that no one
could do by 'em self.

Yes.

Alright, men.

Hop, hoop, hey!

'Let's go, men.'

Come on, up you go.

That's it. Hurry up.

Come on, let's go.

Up, up.

[music continues]

[grunts]

Oh, Jeremy, the giant is coming.

[clacks]

'Fee, fi, fo, fum!'

'Jeremy!'

Jump!

I'll have you now!

Your time has come!

[quacking]

My goose!

[grunts]

[groans]

[goose quacks]

Goose, come back
with my princess.

'Princess.'

'Come back with my goose!'

[quacking]

- Is this goodbye?
- Yes.

You're going back
to the Kingdom of Yon.

and Jack and I
are going back to reality.

But if it were possible
for you to--

(Jeremy)
'No.'

You're a princess
and I'm only a peddler

your world is 'twixt and between

and mine is from door to door.

Come on, the giant.

[giant grunting]

But we'll met again, Serena.

In a dream, somewhere.

Yes, I'm sure we will.

(Jack)
'Jeremy, let's go.'

Farewell, Jack.

Goodbye, sweet peddler.

[grunting]

[grunts]

Well, we made it alright.

Safe and sound.

Yeah, just as poor
as we went up.

I found fame
and fortune, alright?

But I left it there.

I wish that was all
I left there.

♪ One starry moment ♪

♪ Is all we wait for ♪

♪ All we ever.. ♪

Mother.

♪ Look to fate for ♪

♪ It never happens as planned ♪

Mother!

Mother.

Jack, where did you go?

Out, and up.

Oh, I'd like you
to meet my friend Jeremy.

I don't think
I caught the name.

Serena.

Of course.

[giant grunting]

Jeremy, the giant,
he followed us.

The axe, quick, where is it?

There.

[giant continues to grunt]

[screaming]

[creaking]

crash

[clinking]

[both laughing]

Was that a giant
on that beanstalk?

Yes.

Wise.

Are those gold coins?

Yes.

Mother!

Mother!

It was the beans, the beans.

Beans?

It's a, it's a long story.

Would you tell it
over a cup of tea?

(Jack)
'Hey, Jeremy.'

Aren't you going to help me

tidy up the yard?

Later, son.

Hey, Maud, look

you never have
to be a horse again.

What do you say to that?

[mooing]

Never mind, you'll understand
when you grow up.

Hey, Maud,
you know what I learned today?

♪ A tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ And a large amount of hope ♪

♪ Or vice versa ♪

♪ A large amount of hope ♪

♪ And a tiny bit of faith ♪

♪ Or versa vice ♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]