Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000) - full transcript
In this sequel of the first Jack Frost movie, Sheriff Sam Tiler, his wife Anne, and Sam's two deputies (also husband and wife) decide to go on a Caribbean vacation to take their minds off the traumatic events of the previous movie in a place with absolutely no snow. Their holiday will be short-lived, however, as the thawed murderer gets inadvertantly re-frozen and brought back to life. As if that weren't bad enough, he now has the ability to remain frozen even in tropical temperatures, and he's headed south to settle some old scores.
PSYCHIATRIST: So
Sam, what would you
like to talk about this week?
-You know, they've
been tracking Jack
Frost for over three years.
-Now Sam, I thought we
agreed last week that we're
going to try and
discuss something
other than the Jack
Frost incident.
-Across 11 states, 38 deaths.
Jack was nimble.
Jack was quick.
Jack gouged eyes
with candlesticks.
He smashed their skulls
with sticks and stones,
used iron bars to
break their bones.
He hid his kill in
tiny places so he
wouldn't have to
see their faces.
Until I caught him.
He was tried, convicted,
sentenced to die.
And then there was the accident.
[giggling]
-What's that?
-Nothing.
Go on.
-As Jack was traveling
to his execution--
-(WHISPERING) Come here.
Come here.
SAM: --the vehicle that he
was in collided with a tanker.
The tanker contained a secret
government genetic acid.
Jack was dissolved
into the snow.
[eavesdroppers laughing]
-But you don't believe that
Jack Frost died, do you, Sam?
-Oh, no.
No, he didn't die.
He changed.
[eavesdroppers laughing loudly]
-Why don't you tell us--
me-- tell me what he became.
SAM: He became a
mutant killer snowman.
[hysterical laughter]
-And then that frost snowman
started to take apart my town.
-Please tell us how
you finally stopped--
[intercom shuts off]
-Yes, Sam.
Tell us how you finally stopped
the mutant killer snowman.
-With antifreeze.
[snorting]
-And what happened
to this antifreeze
that this mutant killer
snowman was dissolved in?
-We buried it in
an unmarked grave.
-And where is this
alleged grave?
-I told you before, doctor.
We all swore to secrecy.
-Yes.
So that, and as I
told you before,
your delusion remains intact.
-No.
So that the killing stops.
[music playing]
-You sure this is the one?
-Oh, well-- you sure
there's a reward?
-Yeah, there's a reward.
-Well then, this here's the one.
This is where they
buried that antifreeze.
So, uh, what you fixing on
doing with this stuff anyway?
MAN: I could tell you, but I'd
have to kill you afterwards.
Then again--
[gunshot]
[music - "merry christmas baby"]
[vacuum cleaner roaring]
[jack frost yawning]
JACK FROST: Mmm, things
to do, revenge to take.
Ah.
WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
The flight zone
is for either loading and
unloading of passengers only.
No parking.
[sigh]
-Well, that's it.
They're late.
That's a sign.
We shouldn't be going.
-No, it's a sign that
there's traffic, Sam.
A traffic sign.
Get it?
Get it?
-What about Ryan?
-Honey, he hasn't seen
the cousins in years.
He'll have a wonderful time.
-What if he needs us?
-He has the number
for the hotel.
Sam, if you really don't
want to go, we won't.
-OK.
-But Dr. Morton said we
should get away together.
And you promised Joe you
would be his best man.
-Do you know It was exactly
a year ago that it happened?
-Yeah.
And that's why we should be
somewhere else for Christmas,
somewhere with no memories.
Yeah?
-Hey, guys!
Joe! [whistling] Hurry up!
Here comes the groom.
Come on.
[chuckling]
-Yeah, I know.
We're late.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks.
WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
All passengers
please report to
gate B16 immediately.
[music playing]
[chuckling]
-Ah.
Yes, splendid.
[horn honking]
-Ah, the guests.
[horn honking]
-Morning, Bobby.
-Colonel.
Another beauteous
day in heaven, eh?
-Yes, indeed.
-Oh my god.
-This is so cool.
-I can't believe
we're here, you guys.
-Ah.
Now-- now, that's Rose,
Ashlea, and Paisley.
Here we go.
First vacation
without the parents.
Now-- now, they think they're
looking for adventure.
However, what
they'll discover is
the true meaning of friendship.
-Isn't that sweet.
-Look at this light.
You can slit my throat
now, I've seen it all.
-Oh, I say.
Oh, so scrumptious, eh?
Now-- now, they're here
on a calendar shoot.
-Are you sure this
is all-inclusive?
-That's right.
-All the food we can eat?
-Honey, you can purge
to your heart's delight.
Mmm, put that big
tiki in my room.
COLONEL: However--
-Oh, no, no, don't tell me.
They're going to discover a
whole "beauty more than skin
deep" thing?
-Absolutely, yes.
-This is so great.
They're gonna have archery
and karaoke and a party.
And there's snorkeling.
Ah!
A free buffet for you, Honey!
-Oh, free buffet!
-Honey, I hate karaoke.
-Oh, Honey.
-Yeah.
You know, Colonel, not everybody
has to have a nice story, man.
Some of these people, they're
just here on vacation, man.
-Absolutely not.
Everyone here for a reason, yes.
Mark my words.
A-ha.
-Joe, this is great.
COLONEL: Here we are.
Yes.
You must be the Fosters.
-Not yet.
-Oh.
No.
Quite.
No.
Here for the jolly
old wedding, eh?
Well, welcome to
the Tropicana, eh?
Your last resort
before paradise.
Now, I'm the colonel.
You have any problems,
you come to me at once.
I want your stay here to be
everything short of heaven.
Well, you'll be in
our honeymoon suite.
-Let's go look at our room.
-Yes.
And you, sir?
-Uh, we're the Tilers.
-Oh, yes.
Here for your second honeymoon.
-Oh, no, no, no.
We're just here to relax.
-Oh.
Oh, no, no.
No, all arranged by
your husband here, yes.
You'll be in our second
honeymoon suite, eh?
-Honey, second honeymoon?
-Mm-hmm.
If you'll have me.
-I will.
-Mmm.
-(MOCKINGLY) Those aren't rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
How could those be rocks?
They don't look like rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
They can't be rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
-Shut up!
-(MOCKINGLY) We
don't need a compass.
We don't need a compass.
What do we need a compass for?
-Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Shut up!
-I'm hungry.
-It's not time.
-Jesus.
We're lost.
How do you know what
time zone we're in?
Oh, you don't.
So I say we're in
the time zone that's
about to sit down
at a big, fat lunch.
A carrot?
A lousy carrot?
Where is the damn candy bar?
-And it was yummy.
[giggling]
-Then this is mine.
-No.
-All mine.
-No!
-Mine, mine, mine.
Mine.
JACK FROST: Ooh.
One down, one to go.
[bubbling sounds]
JACK FROST: Closer.
Closer.
-Charlie?
Ugh!
Oh, fuck.
JACK FROST: (SINGING)
Slashing through the raft--
thank you for the nose.
I'm off to the islands.
[music playing]
-Yes, excellent.
Off we go.
[music playing]
JACK FROST: Huh?
There's a party,
and I'm not invited?
Someone's gonna pay.
[music playing]
-Ha, ha, Bobby's angels.
What can I get for you girls?
-I'll have an Asahi.
-Ooh, Asahi sounds good.
I'll have an Asahi too.
-Yeah, make mine an Asahi.
And three boys on the side.
-Well, let me see
what I can rustle up.
-Ooh.
By the fountain,
Hawaiian shirt, beer.
-No.
He's so grandpa.
-Oh.
Umbrella, white tee.
coconut cocktail.
-Closet.
-No way.
-Oh, yes way.
-Aw.
-I think what you
girls are looking
for is behind door number three.
-Ooh, bad boys.
Come on.
Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Mmm, now that
smell like trouble.
[trilling]
-Come on!
-Ooh, hi there.
-Hi.
-Hi there, Sweetie.
He's taken, so you
can say bye-bye.
Bye.
[REMEMBERING JACK FROST
SHOUTING]
-Looks like we have us
a party pooper duper.
-Sorry?
-Has the grunt monster
stolen your happy dust?
This is a job for
Captain Fun--un--un!
-Look I'm-- I'm fine.
I just need a--
-But Captain Fun,
he seems so sad.
How will you ever save him?
Good point, Activity Boy.
I may have to use
the secret weapon.
[shrieking]
Come on, everybody!
It's karaoke time.
-Karaoke?
You gotta be kidding me.
-(SINGING) Bells
on bobtails ring.
Making spirits bright.
What fun it is to ride and
sing a sleighing song tonight.
Oh, jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh.
Hey!
-Hi there, again.
-Mmm.
This is the life.
Warm tropical breezes.
It's better than that cold.
No ice.
No snow.
Uh--
-What?
What?
You don't think-- you
don't think I can say it?
I can say it.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Listen.
Snow.
See?
No-- no problem.
Look, listen to this.
Snowman.
Ha!
OK?
How-- what-- mmm.
Newton's killer snowman.
-Shoot, Sam.
You know, Anne doesn't
want me talking
to you about that stuff.
-Oh, listen.
It's all in the past, buddy.
Ancient history.
Eh?
-Dead and buried.
-Almost married.
[chuckling]
[woman shrieking]
[giggling]
-How long did they
say they'd be?
-Like 10 minutes.
-Hmm.
It's already been that.
OK.
So how are we splitting them up?
-Well, I say we let them choose.
-No, forget that.
-Right.
We should, like, pick
straws or something.
-No.
-First come, first served.
-No.
[humming "jingle bells"]
-Mmm, what have we here?
-No, seriously, guys.
Three of us, two of them.
-Well, Dean is--
-So cute.
-Uh-huh.
And he's all mine.
-Says who?
No.
If he was flirting
with me any harder,
he would have been arrested.
-Oh, god.
-I'm serious.
-OK, girls, this fire's dying.
While you two fight it out,
I'm going to get more charcoal.
-Charcoal?
I was feeling a
little under-dressed.
-Oh.
And, um, by the
way, Dean's mine.
So you should probably
be fighting over Ben.
-Wait, which one's Ben?
-Oh, wait.
Is Ben the cute one?
Dibs on Ben!
JACK FROST: Bombs away.
Oh, for crying out loud.
OK, OK, OK.
Here we go again.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
I must be out of practice.
Oh, fuck it!
[birds squawking]
-Did you hear something?
-She probably just
dropped the charcoal.
Ash, you need a hand?
-She's so--
-Oh, I know.
I'll help her out.
Hey, Ash.
[shrieking]
-Guys?
Come on, guys.
Ash, Paise, this isn't funny.
Come on, you can
come out now, OK?
JACK FROST: Ooh, tongs.
I'm so scared.
I don't know whether
to shit myself
or grab the barbecue sauce.
[cackling]
-Who are you?
JACK FROST: Winter.
-Get away from me!
JACK FROST: Ooh, feisty.
I like it.
-Where are you?
JACK FROST: Oh baby, I'm here.
Or maybe I'm not.
Maybe I'm here.
Here!
Or maybe-- I'm right here.
Yeah.
[shrieking]
-Up and at 'em.
-Whoa.
-Hi.
Let me get-- OK.
Archery for beginners
in one hour.
-What are you doing in here?
-Captain Fun is chasing
away the hangover grumps.
-What is going on?
-Mrs. Tiler, this is no time
to be a jet-lagged slacker.
Come on, you two.
-Away!
-Oh.
Hope your aim is that
good on the archery range.
-Get out of our bed.
Oh.
-Well, how about I
just hurry over there,
give you a morning hug,
then come back over here.
-No.
-Honey, we sleep
together at home.
-But we're not home,
are we, Sweetums?
-This place, this
is so romantic.
-Oh, you don't want to ruin
Peach Bottom's wedding night,
now do you, Sweetums?
-No.
-So you stay over there, OK?
OK.
[sigh]
-Flakes need more
raisins, Bobby.
Mmm, yes.
Needs a dash of paprika,
oregano, and a hint of roses.
What have we here?
Oh, yes.
Fruit salad needs
some orange, Bobby.
Oh wow, what a spread.
Oh, this is living.
It wasn't like this
in India, you know.
Lucky if you got a plate of
cold rice for breakfast then.
[woman shrieking]
-Damsel in distress
on the beach.
Look lightly, lad.
-No, no, no, man.
You don't go running
toward the screaming.
Didn't your mother ever
teach you nothing, man?
-All right, all right,
nothing to be alarmed about.
Look, whatever it is, I've
seen it all before, yes.
Back in India, I had to saw
my best friend's leg off
with a broken tea cup
and use it as a weapon.
Oh.
Take your point.
Grisly sight.
You two, uh, staying
in the hotel?
Well, excellent, excellent.
Well, uh, how about your
room service bill is on us,
and you, uh-- you
never saw a thing, eh?
Yeah?
Excellent.
Excellent.
All settled, then.
Off you go.
-All right, what happened now?
Another coconut fall
on somebody's head?
-Get me the head
of island security.
Get me Manners.
-Oh no, not the scary dude.
-Yes.
The scary dude.
-Not so fast.
Scary dude's already here.
-Ah, Manners.
A nasty business, this.
Sort it out in time for tea, eh?
-We've got a third
MV on the beach.
-MV?
Uh, you've lost me.
-Murder victim.
-Murder?
Nonsense.
Shark attack.
-Yeah?
Would a shark do this?
SAM: Hello?
I heard screaming.
Is everyone all right?
-Yes, yes.
Yes, everyone's--
everyone's fine, yes.
Slight, um, accident.
Nothing serious.
-There's a body?
-It's just a--
-Murder.
-Coconut.
-Shark attack.
-Another attack of the
murderous coconut shark.
-Uh, yes, sir.
Well, this is our head
of island security.
This is, um-- this is Manners.
Used to be with the FBI.
-Agent Manners?
-Well, you must
have me confused.
-I'm Manners, head
of island security.
-No, no, no.
Last year, in Snomonton--
-Trust me, Sheriff.
You've got the wrong guy.
-Well then, how do you
know that I'm a sheriff?
Uh-huh?
Ha, ha.
Ha, ha.
-Look at me.
Look at my face.
Look what he did to my face.
15 operations to
make it like this.
His icicle fangs
and his pointy nose.
I live on an island
now, and there's never,
ever any snowmen, and
I'm very, very happy.
Do you get it?
-I got it.
I got it.
I'm sorry.
Whatever you say.
-No problem.
Now we've got us a coconut shark
to catch, if you don't mind.
-Yes, yes.
Jolly good idea, yes.
Back to business, everybody.
Uh, Mr. Tiler, I believe they're
serving a breakfast buffet.
Yes, sir.
-Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
You have a lot of shark
attacks around here?
-Not really, but--
'tis the season.
-Right, you'd better contact the
authorities on the big island
and give them the
lay of the land.
And, uh, Bobby, play it down.
It's nothing significant.
-Colonel Hickering, I
don't like this situation.
We'll have to warn the guests.
-Absolutely not.
If something like this gets
out, before you know it,
the whole place is closed down,
and you'll be out of a job.
-Colonel, you've got a
murderer on the loose.
-Nonsense.
Shark attack.
And a very nasty
cooking accident.
-Cooking?
-Now, look.
There's no need for alarm
until the authorities
tell us otherwise.
God, back in India,
there was Punjab volleys
that killed 150 of
us before the CO even
gave the order for
us to get out of bed.
-Colonel, problem.
The phone line is dead.
-What?
God, if it's not one
thing, it's another today.
Right.
Let's go and see
to the satellite.
Come on.
Chop-chop.
-The satellite's out?
Nothing suspicious about that.
JACK FROST: Aw, phone
line's dead, huh?
Let's see.
Who's next?
[chuckling]
-No.
No.
Yes.
Oh!
Well, there's your problem.
This little guy done
gone skinny dipping.
-Well, can you fix it?
-Oh no, man.
This a ex-satellite.
We need to be ordering a
whole sack of spare parts
to fix this.
-And how do you propose
we call to order them?
-The supply boat will be
here first thing tomorrow.
-So until then,
we're on our own.
Right.
Chin up.
Eyes alert.
-Because friends don't let
friends drink and surf.
So you finish that
daiquiri first, OK?
-Captain Fun.
Come-- come on in,
for goodness sake.
And you, Kitty.
Good heavens, I've
called a meeting here.
Now, it seems we have a slight
spot of bother on our hands
here.
-You have a murderer
loose on the island.
-Not the case at all.
-Hello?
Can we get a drink?
-Yeah, where is everybody?
-I don't know.
They said service not included.
I guess they really meant it.
[chuckling weakly]
-Anybody here?
-Hello?
-Hello?
-Bobby?
-Now, we all know
that Mr. Manners
here is prone to overreaction.
Yes.
I-- I think we can,
uh-- we can all
remember the Colombian
invasion affair.
-You've got three
bodies, no explanations.
Add that up.
It spells trouble.
-Why aren't the police here?
-The satellite's out.
Now, I suggest you
round up your guests,
lock them down, and
put the squeeze on them
until someone squeals.
-Hey.
Now, these people came here for
a taste of island hospitality.
There will be no
squeezing or squealing
on my watch, Mr. Fun-sucker.
-Precisely.
No proof of anything
nasty anyway.
Put it all in the past.
Jolly good time had by all, eh?
Splendid plan.
Off we go.
Show those smiles.
[laughter]
-Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy!
Go Sammy!
-Can't leave them
be for five minutes.
-Work it.
Tone it.
Oh, shake that rear, baby.
Shake that rear.
Make me hot.
Make me hot!
You're so hot.
You're sweaty.
You're perspiring.
Board.
That's beautiful.
Wonderful.
Gorgeous, darling.
Keep on posing.
[JACK FROST HUMMING "JINGLE
BELLS"]
JACK FROST: Oh, my.
There's something that
needs a little Christmas
stuffing, if you catch my drift.
PHOTOGRAPHER: You've been
a naughty, naughty board.
Wonderful.
Gorgeous.
Oh, yes.
Lovely.
OK, film out.
This is working.
Snowboarding equipment
on a tropical island.
Someone tell me
I'm not a genius.
-Greg, you're not a genius.
-Joke, Sarah.
Remember?
I explained those
to you on the plane.
-Right.
JACK FROST: Mmm, let me get
a little closer to this.
-Did-- did you hear that?
GREG: Hear what, Hon?
-Uh, are you sure that
there's no snakes here?
-Well, nothing poisonous.
OK, we're happening again.
Hmm.
Sarah, you're beautiful, but
we've lost the excitement.
-Oh.
Ah.
-I'm getting a zero
on the nipply scale.
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
It's just that it's so hot out.
Do you have any more
of that ice left?
-Oh Honey, I think
we're all out.
But I'll go check.
JACK FROST: Ice.
That's my cue.
ICE CUBES: Oh, me!
Me, me, me!
Me!
Me!
Me!
-Oh, yeah.
I'm the man.
ICE CUBES: Aw.
[grumbling]
-Oh, thank you.
Ugh.
God, I hate this.
It's so cold.
JACK FROST: God, I must have
been a good boy this year.
Ooh, Romeo.
Oh, yes, yes.
Ooh, yeah.
Mmm.
-Almost done.
JACK FROST: Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah.
We are doing it again!
Oh, god.
I think I'm in love.
How about it, Honey?
You and me, huh?
I'll put all this
killing behind me.
I'll give it all up for you.
Just say yes.
-OK, all done.
JACK FROST: Oh, all done?
All done?
(SOBBING) What do
you mean, all done?
How could you do this to me
after all we had together?
I'll get you, you
cold-hearted little bitch.
-Oh, just one more thing.
Could I have an ice coffee?
-Ice coffee?
Good idea.
Come on, boys.
Everybody into the pool.
[ice cubes giggling]
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
Mmm.
JACK FROST: This one
is from all of us.
Ah.
Oh, you vixen.
You-- oh, you can't be
all nicey-nice to me
and expect me to forget
how you just threw me away.
Ah!
But that's so nice.
Oh baby, rub me all
over with your lips.
OK, OK, OK.
I forgive you, doll.
Oh, I forgive you.
Ooh.
Ow!
Ow, no!
No!
No!
Stop!
That's it!
You are so fuckin' dead!
-OK.
Mmm.
I'm ready.
-Let's try this.
-Nice scarf.
-Beautiful.
OK, Sarah, big smile.
-Oh, I guess it was
decapitated coffee.
Let's take some Polaroids.
We'll need some frost.
Oh, you look so beautiful.
Hold that pose.
Oh, lovely, lovely.
Mm-hmm.
Now for your close-up.
Look me in the eyes.
[screaming]
-Wow!
Ooh, Honey.
-Did you hear that?
-What?
The wind in the palm trees?
Children laughing?
The arrows flying?
People in the pool?
Cocktail shakers?
What?
What is making you frown
so heavily, darling?
-I don't know.
I just felt something.
It was something cold.
-Sam, you have to go
through whatever it is you
have to go through.
I just--
-He's not still going on
about Frosty Boy, is he?
-Marla--
-Sam, come on.
Enough is enough.
So we had a really crappy
Christmas last year.
Life goes on.
Except for Jack Frost.
And that is really
the point, isn't he?
Wow!
Bull's eye!
-Why do I still have
this feeling of some--
something whispering to me and--
-Maybe it's your time of month.
Who knows?
Sam, we love you, but
you're getting boring.
And annoying.
You know, you've
really got to find
something new to complain about.
Jack is gone.
Trust me on this one.
Bull's eye again!
Whoo!
Arrow collection.
-Meet me in Reception
in 10 minutes.
-Who is that?
-Don't turn around.
Someone might be watching.
-Yeah, who?
-Exactly.
Glad to see we're on the same
page on this one, Sheriff.
-What do you want, Manners?
-Not here.
The walls might have ears.
I'll meet you in
Reception in 10 minutes.
-Well, if it's so
important, why don't you
just talk to me
about it right here?
-I have to pee.
-Oh.
[toilet flushing]
-You alone?
-Yeah, I'm alone.
-You're sure no
one followed you?
-Well, I did a little tricky
double-back across the paddle
tennis courts just in case
so I could throw them.
Yeah, I'm alone.
Manners, what in the
hell are you doing here?
-Well, after that
thing last Christmas,
I gave myself a
leave of absence.
-Oh, they fired you, huh?
-Canned my ass
right out the door.
I guess not too many people
believe in killer snowmen.
-Yeah.
I've been there.
Well, so, uh, what's
this all about, huh?
-We got us a case.
This is no "boo-hoo, they
stole my fishing pole" case.
This is a real "tongs
in the eyeball,
chop 'em in little pieces" case.
-Not a shark attack, huh?
-There's someone I'd
like you to meet.
[bell chiming]
Sam, I think you
know our director
of island entertainment.
-Oh sure, Captain Fun, yeah.
-Mr. Tiler.
-Captain.
-It may surprise you to
know he's on our side.
That little performance back
in the office, that was just
a ruse to allay the
others' suspicions.
-Yeah.
Well, I wasn't there,
so I-- I didn't see it.
-Ah.
Well, pretty darn good
performance, if you ask me.
-Well, thank you.
You know, I wanted to be an
actor when I first started
in the biz, so you-- well,
you saying that, I mean--
-Look, guys.
Uh, I-- I'm not here as a
law enforcement officer.
I'm just here on vacation.
So what do you want from me?
-I've seen you in
action, Sheriff.
I want you on our side.
Captain Fun has a plan.
-Well-- well, what we need to
do is give the killer a false
sense of security, lure
him out into the open
when he thinks no
one is watching.
-OK.
What's the plan?
-Trust me.
You'll love it.
[music playing]
-So this is your plan to lure
the killer out into the open?
-Isn't it the tops?
-Isn't this the same thing you
suggested to-- to cheer me up?
-Yep.
-And what if I forgot my
wife's birthday or something?
-Oh, yeah.
This would work great.
-So basically your
solution to every problem
is to throw a party and have
people dress up like idiots,
and then get them roaring drunk.
-You'd be amazed at
how effective it is.
Oh!
You gotta try the banana shrimp.
-No, I'll pass.
-It's integral to
the whole plan.
-I-- I'm allergic to bananas.
-Oh.
Hi.
-Seen anything funny?
-Don't even go there.
That's a very subtle costume
you got on there, Manners.
-Back in the Bureau,
we would call
this a reverse double negative.
I'm going to check
out the conga line.
Conga.
-Give me a beer,
will you, Bobby?
JACK FROST: Say, pal,
how about a smoke?
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
-[inaudible] Sam.
-Sam's got a runner.
-Why are you talking
to your watch?
-Old habit.
Let's go.
-What's with him?
[laughing]
-Not this time, Jack.
-Ugh!
-Oh my god!
What have you done?
-He was running.
I-- I was chasing him.
And he-- well, he dropped his
carrot nose and I-- you know.
-He's unconscious, you idiot.
-Now, we can't have the
guests attacking the staff.
It's just not on.
-I didn't think it was you, sir.
-Well, I'm pleased to hear it.
-We just thought
we were gonna lure
the killer out into the open.
-There is no killer.
The two most dangerous
things on this island
are your imagination and
Mr. Tiler's poor judgment.
-I'm so sorry, Colonel.
-Now, the supply ship will
be here in the morning.
They'll contact the police.
Panic over.
So I'll be grateful if you two
would stop alarming people, eh?
Right.
Everyone, off to bed.
Look, Bobby, get me an aspirin.
-Your suit still
has a nose on it.
-Yes.
Luckily, you didn't break that.
-But out on the ground--
-Sam.
-No.
There was a carrot
on the ground.
-Sam.
No.
-But I heard his voice, Anne.
-Sam.
-No, I did.
Not like it's in my head.
I heard him.
-You heard someone
who sounded like him.
-Anne, I've heard
that voice every night
in my dreams for the past year.
I heard--
-No, you didn't.
You couldn't, because
Jack Frost is dead.
-He was dead before,
and he came back again.
Maybe something has happened.
-No, it hasn't.
Nothing has happened.
Oh my god.
I just don't know how much
more of this I can take.
Jack Frost is dead.
And he's tearing us apart.
Marla is right.
Sam, you are out of control.
You almost killed a man tonight.
This poor, innocent old
man is barely conscious
because you just
can't get over it.
-I know.
Oh god, I'm sorry.
-Sam.
I love you.
-Boy.
This is a great second
honeymoon, isn't it?
-Ooh, wouldn't mind practicing
a little breast stroke myself.
Always test the water first.
Ooh, no, far too warm.
Must do something about that.
Let's stir this party up.
That's much better.
[muffled shrieks]
[muffled shrieking]
JACK FROST: Hmm?
What's that, Honey?
Hmm.
No, I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
You'll have to
scream much louder.
[muffled screaming]
-Help me!
Please!
-Ah.
Now, this is much more my style.
You know what?
I feel like a cold one.
Mmm.
Or 12.
[laughter]
Tonight's weather report,
20% chance of frostbite
and a 100% chance of death!
[light snoring]
-Honey, did you turn on
the air conditioning?
-Uh-uh.
Go back to sleep.
There is no air
conditioning, remember?
-Oh, yeah.
ANNE: Um, dear, could you
get me a glass of water?
-Sure.
[wind howling]
-Honey?
-What, Sweetie?
-I'm having that dream again.
ANNE: That's OK, Honey.
I know you'd never leave
me for Claudia Schiffer.
-No, no, no, not that one.
The other one.
Endless winter.
ANNE: Honey, just think warm
thoughts like hot chocolate
and marshmallows.
-Anne, I need for
you to see this.
-Sam, just come
back to bed, please.
-I-- I don't think it's a dream.
Ow!
-Oh my god!
Sam, what happened?
Eek!
-Oh, my!
I need backup.
You two, cover me.
I'm going in.
-Eek!
-Snow?
-What's happening, Sam?
-I don't know.
[chuckling]
-This is great
fun, eh, Mr. Tiler?
-Colonel.
Colonel, doesn't it strike
you as just a little odd
that it's snowing?
-Oh, no, no.
Whoa!
It happened before way back
in-- you know 1800 and.
Half asleep.
Yes.
Yes, a freak storm covered
the entire island in white.
Of course, that was--
that was hail, not snow.
Same difference, what?
Oh, hey.
Hey, now.
Now, hold on.
No.
Fellow's got to be ready.
[laughter]
-What do you think, Sam?
-I don't like it.
-It can't be Jack.
-Oh, don't ask Sam.
If the freezer's too cold,
he thinks it's Jack Frost.
-Marla, why don't
you come off it?
It was 100 degrees yesterday.
Temperature doesn't
just drop 70 degrees.
-Oh, actually Sam, on
Christmas Eve in 1924,
in Fairfield, Montana,
the temperature
dropped 84 degrees
in just 12 hours.
-Where do you get this stuff?
-Discovery Channel.
-I just love that about you.
-That was Montana, Joe.
This is the tropics.
It doesn't happen
down here, does it?
-No.
-There's only one person
that could do this.
-Captain Fun gives
this a big thumbs-up
on his Christmas fun scale.
-Hey.
-Come on.
We're going to build a sled run.
And we're going to use
surfboards as sleds.
Isn't that just the craziest?
-He's here.
-Oh, Sam.
-He's here.
I know he's here.
I know it.
-That sled sounds like fun.
-Yeah.
-Oh dude, my beer's warm.
-Bummer.
Hey, look.
Frozen pole.
-Yeah.
What, so?
-Warm beer.
Frozen pole.
-I don't get it.
-Luke, dude.
You gotta put your
tongue to the pole.
-What, dude, do you
think I'm stupid?
My tongue will stick.
-I'll pour the warm
beer down the pole,
and it'll get cold again.
-Yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah, look.
Hey, man.
Fuck, this hurts.
[guffawing]
-Oh, bummer.
-Look.
-Hey, look.
Chicks.
-Huh?
Hey!
Wait.
Don't leave me.
Ugh.
Anybody out there?
Help!
JACK FROST: Yeah,
dude, what's up?
-My tongue's stuck, man.
JACK FROST: Oh, bummer.
Let me help you.
-Oh, thanks, dude.
-Now, this might
sting a bit, bro.
-Go for it, man.
-Cowatunga, dude.
-Hey.
Hey, look at all the
snowballs I made.
Oh.
Oh.
OK.
Oh, wait.
Aw.
I'll make more.
JACK FROST: This
one's for you, Sam.
-He sees me.
I can feel it.
-Get him.
Right there.
[shrieking]
-Help!
-Oh, no.
-Sam.
Oh my god!
[screaming]
-It's another holly
jolly Christmas.
[shrieking]
-Come inside!
-What the hell is going on?
Ow!
MAN: Oh my god!
Get out of my bed.
What the hell hap-- what
the hell's going on?
What?
Hey.
Hey.
Ow.
God damn it.
What the-- cut it out!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, cut it out.
No.
Ow!
[distant shrieking]
-They're playing my song.
[screaming]
-Can you see anything?
-I'm looking.
-What is wrong with everyone?
Jack Frost is not here.
-Oh, yeah?
Then what the hell is that?
-(LAUGHING) Oh, for
Christ's sake, Sam.
That is not Jack Frost.
They just built that.
-Sam, no!
-Hey, Jack.
You remember me?
I sure as hell remember you.
-Sam, don't.
-See, these folks around here,
they don't know you like I do,
Jack.
They think you're
cute and innocent,
like butter would
melt in your mouth.
See this, Jack?
Know what this is?
This is concentrated
antifreeze, and I've
been wearing it around
my neck for a year,
just waiting for you to
show your ugly face again.
Now it's time for you
to die again, Jack.
How about it?
Are you ready to scream?
-Ay.
-Oh, shit.
[ice crackling]
-Miss me?
Hmm?
-Jack?
-Aw, you remember.
How sweet of you.
[chuckling]
Huh?
Oh, gotta go.
Whee!
-Manners, where'd he go?
-He melted.
-He was right here.
-He melted in the snow.
-Get inside.
MARLA: Hold on a minute.
Don't tell me that is Manners.
-Agent Manners from last year?
-He got a lot cuter.
-What the hell is he doing here?
-It doesn't matter.
Did you see what
direction he went in?
-Straight down.
-See?
I told you it was Jack.
I told.
I felt it all along.
-It can't be Jack.
How the hell did he get here?
Did he fly first class?
-Marla, we don't know.
But you saw him
with your own eyes.
-Hey, if Agent Manners is here--
-I had nothing to do with it.
Now, let's get inside.
[panting]
-How did you know?
-I don't know.
My guess is that
we're linked somehow,
as if I'm a part of him,
or he's a part of me.
-I want to know what a
government agent is doing here.
-I'm not a government
agent anymore.
I've retired to this island.
-Oh, come off it.
-It's true, Marla.
He's been here for months.
But Jack's here not because
of him-- because of me.
-Oh, come on, Sam.
We don't even know
if it is Jack Frost.
-No, Marla, it's probably
some other walking,
talking snowman that
everybody's talking about.
-What the hell is going on here?
You brought caulking
on our vacation?
-Well, that could come
in handy at any time.
-Whoa.
Looks like somebody got
a little obsessed here.
[grunting]
-Guys!
Guys, we can't just
barricade ourselves in here.
-Oh, I don't know, Anne.
This could be the first sane
thought Sam's had in a year.
-Seal ourselves
in for the night?
Sounds good to me.
-No.
We have to find the
others and warn them.
-We could draw straws.
-No.
I'll go.
The island's my responsibility.
-I'll go with you.
-And I'll--
-No.
Joe, you stay here.
-That's what I was going to say.
-Oh.
Well, it looks like it's
you and me, Manners.
-That's Agent Manners.
-Yeah.
OK, whatever you're
comfortable with.
-Clear.
-Honey?
-Yeah.
-I love you.
-Don't worry.
I'll be safe.
-Sam.
-Yeah.
-Good luck.
-Yeah.
-Sam.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know, good luck.
Thank you.
-No.
You didn't pack any
food in your supplies,
so if you find yourself
in the kitchen,
I thought you might
pick us up some--
-You never thought we'd find
ourselves in this situation
again, I'm sure.
-Well, it's not like before.
Before, Jack couldn't
just freeze things.
How the heck did
he find me anyway?
I'm 1,000 miles from home.
-2,340.
I checked my air miles.
Who'd you tell that you
were coming here anyway?
-Oh, come on.
That's ridiculous.
If Jack had asked
anyone for directions,
they would have contacted me.
-If they survived it.
[sigh]
-(WHISPERING) I don't get it.
How did Sam know Jack was here?
You know, this whole time I
just thought he was losing it.
-He thinks they're
linked somehow.
-Oh, please.
-No, hold on.
Remember, the night Jack was
melted, Sam was wounded, right?
-Yeah.
-Bleeding into the antifreeze.
Well, maybe somehow their
DNA got mixed up together.
-No more Sci-Fi
Channel for you, Honey.
-Marla, think about it.
How else did Jack find us out
here in the middle of nowhere?
-What do you think
happened to Jack?
-I don't know.
I thought you buried him.
-Yeah, we did bury him.
We had sealed containers,
unmarked graves,
the whole nine yards.
-Ooh.
I hate it when the
dead don't stay dead.
[door creaking]
[metal rattling]
[shouting]
[shouting]
-Cease fire.
Cease fire.
-Oh, what'd you do that for?
-Mr. Tiler.
That puts us just about
even, wouldn't you say, eh?
-What was that thing?
-All right.
Listen up.
I'll tell you exactly
what you're dealing with.
Jack Frost is a cold-blooded
killing machine.
Now, he's-- he's also
made of genetically
altered water molecules.
I'm sorry, that's--
that's usually the place
where people start
laughing at me.
OK.
OK.
Well now, Jack, he can freeze
and unfreeze himself at will.
He can turn himself
into water and come
right underneath the door.
So what we've got to
do is find anything
we can to seal up the cracks.
We gotta make it as
airtight as possible.
-Well, what about your wife?
-They're OK.
They're OK.
They're holed up in
the room with a couple
off gallons of antifreeze.
-Antifreeze?
-It's the only thing
that will stop him.
We need to collect as
much of it as possible.
-Antifreeze.
OK, antifreeze.
This is a tropical
island, for god's sake!
-Wait a minute.
Is antifreeze the
same thing as coolant?
-Uh-huh.
-Well, we got drums of the
stuff in a old storage shed.
Our generator drink it up
like a rum punch, you know.
-Let's do it.
[chuckling]
-You hear that?
-What's up?
-The fat lady's warming up.
[chuckling]
-Wait.
Snow angel!
-This is ingenious, Sheriff.
You know, back in
India we once caught
a 600-pound Bengal
tiger the same way.
Mind you, we had to
dig a 12-foot-deep pit
and use the CO's
pet dog as bait.
-No, no, no, no.
Don't come telling me, Bobby,
somebody's got to be the bait.
No.
-Don't worry, Bobby.
I'll do it.
It's me he's after.
It's me he'll come for.
-Don't worry.
I got your back.
-Thanks.
-I say, if this creature's
only after Mr. Tiler,
why don't we just
let it have him
and get the whole
thing over with?
Just a thought.
-How you doing, Sheriff?
-So far it's a piece of cake.
[water dripping]
-Hey, how's it going, Sam?
[gasping]
-Hi, Jack.
-So what are we doing?
-Waiting.
-Waiting for what?
-Waiting for you to blow it.
-Ooh.
-Oh, shoot.
-Here I come, ready
or-- oh, oh, oh, whoa!
-Psych!
[shouting]
-Yeah.
[happy shouting]
-Well-- well done, sir.
Excellent, sir.
Brilliant.
-Yeah!
-I'm getting way too
good at this, you know.
I'm getting way
too much practice.
[laughter]
-Anyone want to get into it and
[inaudible] snowman already?
-You bastards!
Have you any idea how
much this shit stings?
And I swallowed it!
I'll be hacking
it up for a week!
-Shoot.
-Fire.
Fire.
-Shoot!
-Oh, please.
This again?
Come off it.
Ha!
-It isn't working.
Why isn't it working?
-Because I'm all-new
and improved.
-Get back, everyone!
-What's the matter, Sammy?
You all out of ideas?
-That should kill you.
The antifreeze should kill you.
-Well, let me explain to
you the inherent dangers
of unregulated genetic
experimentation.
You see-- [burp] oh.
Uh, excuse me.
I must have swallowed
more than I thought.
[burp] Oh, somebody
get me a Pepto.
Ha, ha.
Ugh.
(WEAKLY) OK, I'm outta here.
Ha!
-No.
-We have to get back inside.
It's not safe out here.
Come on.
Sam, come on.
-It didn't work.
-I know.
-The antifreeze--
-Honey--
-It didn't work.
-Honey, come on.
-The antifreeze--
ANNE: Sam, please.
-The antifreeze didn't--
-Ooh, don't touch
it, you great moron.
Why do you have to poke
around at everything?
-I think it's just a snowball.
-Come on, Jack.
You're not afraid
of little old me.
An eye for an eye.
[chuckling]
Yeah.
-How long now?
-15 minutes.
-I'm telling you, it's
just an ordinary snowball.
-Joe, if it's just an
ordinary snowball, then
why hasn't it melted
in 15 minutes?
-Why, antifreeze
should melt him.
That's what we used the
last time, just antifreeze.
Good, old-fashioned
antifreeze should just melt--
-Honey, you're rambling again.
-Oh, OK.
-Anne is right.
We should get rid of it.
-Absolutely.
Better safe than sorry.
-It's just a snowball.
[cracking sounds]
MARLA: What's it doing?
JOE: I don't know.
-Wait a minute.
[cracking sounds]
I think it's hatching.
-Hatching?
-Well, if that isn't
the cutest little thing.
-Oh yeah, a regular sweetheart.
Don't get too close.
-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.
-Oh my god.
Did you hear that?
-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.
-Yeah, I'll be your dadda.
(BABY TALK) Yes, I will.
Oh, you little fella.
You're my little
kiddy-widdy, aren't you?
Oh, you cute little
booger-boogie.
-(BABY VOICE) Kill dadda.
-Huh?
[screaming]
-Oh my god!
[shrieking]
[shouting]
[baby snowball laughing]
-I got it!
I got it!
[squishing noise]
-(BABY VOICE) Oh.
Hello.
[baby snowball giggling]
-It's on the ground!
ANNE: Over here!
Over here!
Oh, I got it!
I got it!
I got it!
-Give me that thing!
-Let us see you breakdance,
you little shit.
-Huh?
Whoa!
[laughing]
-Yeah.
-Ooh.
That was fun.
-What about salt?
We should see if salt hurts it.
-Or heat it up on the range.
BABY SNOWBALL: Uh-oh.
What?
No.
-Microwave it.
That might do it.
-Wrap it in a cloth and
steam the little bugger.
BABY SNOWBALL: No.
That-- that's not nice.
[TINY VOICES CHATTERING AND
GIGGLING]
BABY SNOWBALL: Everybody, quiet.
Shh.
Shh.
[tiny voices giggling]
ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners.
-What?
-If you find any more of those
snowballs, don't go near them.
-And that would be because?
ANNE (ON RADIO): They're
vicious little killers.
-See ya.
-Great.
Make a list-- things
that would have been
useful to know five minutes ago.
-Yah!
-Manners, have you
found more of them?
-I might say that.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Ow!
Ow!
Yah!
Ow!
Ah!
Fucking things off of me!
[screaming]
ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners?
Manners?
[giggling]
-Mmm.
Toasty.
-Ooh.
[baby snowball squeaking]
-They're indestructible.
Manners indicated there were
more of them on the island.
Anyone have any idea
where he was headed?
-He just kind of ran off.
-Well, I don't know
about you people,
but I'm going to
lock myself in here
and wait for the
supply ship to come.
-Good thinking, Bobby.
-The supply ship?
We can't let these things
get off the island.
-They split up.
-What?
-Well, there's hundreds of them
now, and they've separated.
-Well Sam, where are they?
-You know, we'll-- we're
gonna be all right.
We just have to get
some antifreeze.
-Cork it, Sam.
-Why, yes, Dear.
-All right.
We need to find containers.
Containers with lids
that close tightly.
Jars, bottles,
anything that we can
trap these little creeps in.
-Anne, what are you doing?
-I'm saving the day.
We can cover the most
ground if we split up.
-What about safety in numbers?
-No, no, no.
Basic combat strategy--
when you're outnumbered,
your best plan is
to confuse the enemy
with as many flank
offensives as possible.
If we give these
blighters a single target,
they'll-- they'll surround
us and eat us for breakfast.
-All right, then.
Let's go.
Sweep every room and
leave no corner unchecked.
-Roger.
[music playing]
-Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa!
-Boogie!
[giggling]
[tarzan-style yell]
[giggling]
-Woo-hoo!
[giggling]
-Yah!
Ha, ha!
-Oh boy.
-Whee!
-Hand sandwich.
[baby snowball chittering]
-We filled the back of the
truck up with antifreeze, see.
And then the
antifreeze was there,
and-- and then it
was sort of green.
And when I jumped
into the antifreeze,
this Jack Frost, he just--
-Sam.
---turned into antifreeze.
So what we need is
some antifreeze.
-Sam.
-If we could just
find some antifreeze--
-Sam!
One more word, and I'm
gonna kill you myself.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Oops.
[baby snowball giggling]
-Whoa!
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
BABY SNOWBALL: I'm here.
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
-Whee!
[baby snowball giggling]
-Catch me, catch me, catch me!
Ooh!
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball grumbling]
-Sucks, huh?
-Yeah.
-You don't scare me, my
chilly little friend.
No.
Back in India, I was once
caught by the Punjabi.
Those bloody planes [inaudible].
Softly.
Softly, Colonel.
Cunning of a fox.
Speed of a jungle cat.
[snoring lightly]
-Sleeping, eh?
Yes.
[stirring]
-Yes, come to the colonel.
Yes.
BABY SNOWBALL: Hello.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Don't scare me.
[baby snowballs chittering]
[glass breaking]
-Don't hurt me!
-I won't.
I--
-Everybody's dead!
It was snowing, and
everything was really fun.
Then--
-Hey!
Sweetcake, snap out of it.
Now, what is your name?
-Well-- well, my
real name is Amanda.
My friends, they
like to call me Ma--
-Amanda.
-Uh-huh?
-I am going to get
you out of here.
Now we are heading
down to the kitchen.
-What was that?
-Hold on.
[shrieking]
-Hey, ugly!
[shrieking]
[baby snowball giggling]
-Yes, baby.
You can do it.
You can try it.
Yes, baby.
You can-- Idiot.
You're going to die off.
Baby!
Baby!
[snowball shrieking]
[popping sounds]
-Baby?
-What is this?
-Hey.
-Come on.
It-- it's some kind of cocktail.
What's in it?
-Oh, Honey.
-Not now.
-Anne, I really don't
think it's the time
to be swapping recipes.
-It kills them.
It kills the baby
snowballs, all right?
Now, what the hell is in it?
-Oh, that's Bobby's
Island Daiquiri.
It got light run, just
a dash of maraschino,
lemon juice, half a
teaspoon of sugar,
and half a banana,
blended to perfection.
-Well, it must be the alcohol.
That's like antifreeze, right?
-I wouldn't like that.
I'll have a mint julep, Bobby.
-Not now, Sam, please.
-I don't like bananas.
-Honey, not now!
Bananas.
Oh my god, Sam's
allergic to bananas.
You remember a year
ago, when Sam's
blood got into the antifreeze?
Well, that's when
they linked up.
Well, maybe when
that happened, Jack
inherited Sam's banana allergy.
[laughing]
-Go.
Go.
-Contact.
-Oh.
Ooh!
-Oh.
Banana daiquiri, anyone?
-You know, these Organica
cookies are pretty darn good.
-Let's get it on.
-Huh?
Uh-oh.
Oh no!
[whimpering]
[squealing]
[squeaking]
[whimpering]
[squeaking]
[whimpering]
JACK FROST: There, there.
Come here.
It's OK.
It's OK.
Ah, little one.
Aw.
Easy.
Easy.
There, there, little one.
[whimpering]
-Now it's killing time.
-So who won the war then, eh?
[chuckling]
-So what do we do
with it this time?
Bury it twice as deep
as we did last time?
-We'll come in first
thing in the morning
and hose the whole place down.
No one will be any the wiser.
Oh, yes.
Be open for business in a week.
-Colonel?
You got 18 bodies
to explain, man.
-Food poisoning.
Ah.
No, no, that wouldn't look
too good either, would it?
We'll just say
the plane arrived.
Nobody on board.
Yah!
[screaming]
-Oh, shite!
-Ugh.
Ugh.
Wow.
Honey, it's after midnight.
Today is our wedding day.
-For better or for
worse, I promise
to love and to protect you.
-I do too.
-I now pronounce you
totally fuckin' dead.
[screaming]
-Jack!
Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack!
JACK FROST: I rode
into town, and I'm
looking for the bitch
who killed my family.
oh, no way out.
-Joe, help me!
Anybody?
Somebody help me!
[screaming]
Anyone?
[screaming]
[anguished howling]
[whimpering]
Oh my god.
Oh, you son of a bitch!
You should have heard
your babies scream, Jack.
You should have
heard them scream.
Sam?
Sam!
-Oh, Honey.
You are missing the point.
Get it?
Get it?
SAM: Hey, Jack.
-Huh?
-Get this.
-Oi.
Oh, crap.
-Anne!
Anne!
Anne!
Anne.
Annie.
Anne!
Come on.
Come on.
Anne!
Annie, come on.
Anne!
Ah!
Anne.
[coughing]
[relieved laughter]
-Oh fuck, I hate Christmas.
So Sam, where do you
want to go next year?
-Oh Honey, do we really
have to go anywhere.
-Oh Honey, it's great to
travel at the holidays.
-Sure, but something
always goes wrong.
-Oh, how about Greece?
-Greece?
No, not another island.
ANNE: Oh, Sam.
[foghorn blasting]
-Good grief, what has happened?
-It appears the island
has been covered in snow.
-Yes.
But that is impossible.
-And yet, here it
is before our eyes.
[massive splash]
-Did you feel that?
-Yes, I did.
But what was it?
-I do not know.
But it is coming from
behind the island.
[loud roaring sound]
-Whoa!
[inaudible]
[music - "merry christmas baby"]
MARLA: Hello?
Anne?
Sam?
We're in here!
Joe's turning blue!
Open the door!
Sam, what would you
like to talk about this week?
-You know, they've
been tracking Jack
Frost for over three years.
-Now Sam, I thought we
agreed last week that we're
going to try and
discuss something
other than the Jack
Frost incident.
-Across 11 states, 38 deaths.
Jack was nimble.
Jack was quick.
Jack gouged eyes
with candlesticks.
He smashed their skulls
with sticks and stones,
used iron bars to
break their bones.
He hid his kill in
tiny places so he
wouldn't have to
see their faces.
Until I caught him.
He was tried, convicted,
sentenced to die.
And then there was the accident.
[giggling]
-What's that?
-Nothing.
Go on.
-As Jack was traveling
to his execution--
-(WHISPERING) Come here.
Come here.
SAM: --the vehicle that he
was in collided with a tanker.
The tanker contained a secret
government genetic acid.
Jack was dissolved
into the snow.
[eavesdroppers laughing]
-But you don't believe that
Jack Frost died, do you, Sam?
-Oh, no.
No, he didn't die.
He changed.
[eavesdroppers laughing loudly]
-Why don't you tell us--
me-- tell me what he became.
SAM: He became a
mutant killer snowman.
[hysterical laughter]
-And then that frost snowman
started to take apart my town.
-Please tell us how
you finally stopped--
[intercom shuts off]
-Yes, Sam.
Tell us how you finally stopped
the mutant killer snowman.
-With antifreeze.
[snorting]
-And what happened
to this antifreeze
that this mutant killer
snowman was dissolved in?
-We buried it in
an unmarked grave.
-And where is this
alleged grave?
-I told you before, doctor.
We all swore to secrecy.
-Yes.
So that, and as I
told you before,
your delusion remains intact.
-No.
So that the killing stops.
[music playing]
-You sure this is the one?
-Oh, well-- you sure
there's a reward?
-Yeah, there's a reward.
-Well then, this here's the one.
This is where they
buried that antifreeze.
So, uh, what you fixing on
doing with this stuff anyway?
MAN: I could tell you, but I'd
have to kill you afterwards.
Then again--
[gunshot]
[music - "merry christmas baby"]
[vacuum cleaner roaring]
[jack frost yawning]
JACK FROST: Mmm, things
to do, revenge to take.
Ah.
WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
The flight zone
is for either loading and
unloading of passengers only.
No parking.
[sigh]
-Well, that's it.
They're late.
That's a sign.
We shouldn't be going.
-No, it's a sign that
there's traffic, Sam.
A traffic sign.
Get it?
Get it?
-What about Ryan?
-Honey, he hasn't seen
the cousins in years.
He'll have a wonderful time.
-What if he needs us?
-He has the number
for the hotel.
Sam, if you really don't
want to go, we won't.
-OK.
-But Dr. Morton said we
should get away together.
And you promised Joe you
would be his best man.
-Do you know It was exactly
a year ago that it happened?
-Yeah.
And that's why we should be
somewhere else for Christmas,
somewhere with no memories.
Yeah?
-Hey, guys!
Joe! [whistling] Hurry up!
Here comes the groom.
Come on.
[chuckling]
-Yeah, I know.
We're late.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks.
WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER):
All passengers
please report to
gate B16 immediately.
[music playing]
[chuckling]
-Ah.
Yes, splendid.
[horn honking]
-Ah, the guests.
[horn honking]
-Morning, Bobby.
-Colonel.
Another beauteous
day in heaven, eh?
-Yes, indeed.
-Oh my god.
-This is so cool.
-I can't believe
we're here, you guys.
-Ah.
Now-- now, that's Rose,
Ashlea, and Paisley.
Here we go.
First vacation
without the parents.
Now-- now, they think they're
looking for adventure.
However, what
they'll discover is
the true meaning of friendship.
-Isn't that sweet.
-Look at this light.
You can slit my throat
now, I've seen it all.
-Oh, I say.
Oh, so scrumptious, eh?
Now-- now, they're here
on a calendar shoot.
-Are you sure this
is all-inclusive?
-That's right.
-All the food we can eat?
-Honey, you can purge
to your heart's delight.
Mmm, put that big
tiki in my room.
COLONEL: However--
-Oh, no, no, don't tell me.
They're going to discover a
whole "beauty more than skin
deep" thing?
-Absolutely, yes.
-This is so great.
They're gonna have archery
and karaoke and a party.
And there's snorkeling.
Ah!
A free buffet for you, Honey!
-Oh, free buffet!
-Honey, I hate karaoke.
-Oh, Honey.
-Yeah.
You know, Colonel, not everybody
has to have a nice story, man.
Some of these people, they're
just here on vacation, man.
-Absolutely not.
Everyone here for a reason, yes.
Mark my words.
A-ha.
-Joe, this is great.
COLONEL: Here we are.
Yes.
You must be the Fosters.
-Not yet.
-Oh.
No.
Quite.
No.
Here for the jolly
old wedding, eh?
Well, welcome to
the Tropicana, eh?
Your last resort
before paradise.
Now, I'm the colonel.
You have any problems,
you come to me at once.
I want your stay here to be
everything short of heaven.
Well, you'll be in
our honeymoon suite.
-Let's go look at our room.
-Yes.
And you, sir?
-Uh, we're the Tilers.
-Oh, yes.
Here for your second honeymoon.
-Oh, no, no, no.
We're just here to relax.
-Oh.
Oh, no, no.
No, all arranged by
your husband here, yes.
You'll be in our second
honeymoon suite, eh?
-Honey, second honeymoon?
-Mm-hmm.
If you'll have me.
-I will.
-Mmm.
-(MOCKINGLY) Those aren't rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
How could those be rocks?
They don't look like rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
They can't be rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
Those aren't rocks.
-Shut up!
-(MOCKINGLY) We
don't need a compass.
We don't need a compass.
What do we need a compass for?
-Shut up, shut up, shut up.
Shut up!
-I'm hungry.
-It's not time.
-Jesus.
We're lost.
How do you know what
time zone we're in?
Oh, you don't.
So I say we're in
the time zone that's
about to sit down
at a big, fat lunch.
A carrot?
A lousy carrot?
Where is the damn candy bar?
-And it was yummy.
[giggling]
-Then this is mine.
-No.
-All mine.
-No!
-Mine, mine, mine.
Mine.
JACK FROST: Ooh.
One down, one to go.
[bubbling sounds]
JACK FROST: Closer.
Closer.
-Charlie?
Ugh!
Oh, fuck.
JACK FROST: (SINGING)
Slashing through the raft--
thank you for the nose.
I'm off to the islands.
[music playing]
-Yes, excellent.
Off we go.
[music playing]
JACK FROST: Huh?
There's a party,
and I'm not invited?
Someone's gonna pay.
[music playing]
-Ha, ha, Bobby's angels.
What can I get for you girls?
-I'll have an Asahi.
-Ooh, Asahi sounds good.
I'll have an Asahi too.
-Yeah, make mine an Asahi.
And three boys on the side.
-Well, let me see
what I can rustle up.
-Ooh.
By the fountain,
Hawaiian shirt, beer.
-No.
He's so grandpa.
-Oh.
Umbrella, white tee.
coconut cocktail.
-Closet.
-No way.
-Oh, yes way.
-Aw.
-I think what you
girls are looking
for is behind door number three.
-Ooh, bad boys.
Come on.
Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Mmm, now that
smell like trouble.
[trilling]
-Come on!
-Ooh, hi there.
-Hi.
-Hi there, Sweetie.
He's taken, so you
can say bye-bye.
Bye.
[REMEMBERING JACK FROST
SHOUTING]
-Looks like we have us
a party pooper duper.
-Sorry?
-Has the grunt monster
stolen your happy dust?
This is a job for
Captain Fun--un--un!
-Look I'm-- I'm fine.
I just need a--
-But Captain Fun,
he seems so sad.
How will you ever save him?
Good point, Activity Boy.
I may have to use
the secret weapon.
[shrieking]
Come on, everybody!
It's karaoke time.
-Karaoke?
You gotta be kidding me.
-(SINGING) Bells
on bobtails ring.
Making spirits bright.
What fun it is to ride and
sing a sleighing song tonight.
Oh, jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh.
Hey!
-Hi there, again.
-Mmm.
This is the life.
Warm tropical breezes.
It's better than that cold.
No ice.
No snow.
Uh--
-What?
What?
You don't think-- you
don't think I can say it?
I can say it.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Listen.
Snow.
See?
No-- no problem.
Look, listen to this.
Snowman.
Ha!
OK?
How-- what-- mmm.
Newton's killer snowman.
-Shoot, Sam.
You know, Anne doesn't
want me talking
to you about that stuff.
-Oh, listen.
It's all in the past, buddy.
Ancient history.
Eh?
-Dead and buried.
-Almost married.
[chuckling]
[woman shrieking]
[giggling]
-How long did they
say they'd be?
-Like 10 minutes.
-Hmm.
It's already been that.
OK.
So how are we splitting them up?
-Well, I say we let them choose.
-No, forget that.
-Right.
We should, like, pick
straws or something.
-No.
-First come, first served.
-No.
[humming "jingle bells"]
-Mmm, what have we here?
-No, seriously, guys.
Three of us, two of them.
-Well, Dean is--
-So cute.
-Uh-huh.
And he's all mine.
-Says who?
No.
If he was flirting
with me any harder,
he would have been arrested.
-Oh, god.
-I'm serious.
-OK, girls, this fire's dying.
While you two fight it out,
I'm going to get more charcoal.
-Charcoal?
I was feeling a
little under-dressed.
-Oh.
And, um, by the
way, Dean's mine.
So you should probably
be fighting over Ben.
-Wait, which one's Ben?
-Oh, wait.
Is Ben the cute one?
Dibs on Ben!
JACK FROST: Bombs away.
Oh, for crying out loud.
OK, OK, OK.
Here we go again.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
I must be out of practice.
Oh, fuck it!
[birds squawking]
-Did you hear something?
-She probably just
dropped the charcoal.
Ash, you need a hand?
-She's so--
-Oh, I know.
I'll help her out.
Hey, Ash.
[shrieking]
-Guys?
Come on, guys.
Ash, Paise, this isn't funny.
Come on, you can
come out now, OK?
JACK FROST: Ooh, tongs.
I'm so scared.
I don't know whether
to shit myself
or grab the barbecue sauce.
[cackling]
-Who are you?
JACK FROST: Winter.
-Get away from me!
JACK FROST: Ooh, feisty.
I like it.
-Where are you?
JACK FROST: Oh baby, I'm here.
Or maybe I'm not.
Maybe I'm here.
Here!
Or maybe-- I'm right here.
Yeah.
[shrieking]
-Up and at 'em.
-Whoa.
-Hi.
Let me get-- OK.
Archery for beginners
in one hour.
-What are you doing in here?
-Captain Fun is chasing
away the hangover grumps.
-What is going on?
-Mrs. Tiler, this is no time
to be a jet-lagged slacker.
Come on, you two.
-Away!
-Oh.
Hope your aim is that
good on the archery range.
-Get out of our bed.
Oh.
-Well, how about I
just hurry over there,
give you a morning hug,
then come back over here.
-No.
-Honey, we sleep
together at home.
-But we're not home,
are we, Sweetums?
-This place, this
is so romantic.
-Oh, you don't want to ruin
Peach Bottom's wedding night,
now do you, Sweetums?
-No.
-So you stay over there, OK?
OK.
[sigh]
-Flakes need more
raisins, Bobby.
Mmm, yes.
Needs a dash of paprika,
oregano, and a hint of roses.
What have we here?
Oh, yes.
Fruit salad needs
some orange, Bobby.
Oh wow, what a spread.
Oh, this is living.
It wasn't like this
in India, you know.
Lucky if you got a plate of
cold rice for breakfast then.
[woman shrieking]
-Damsel in distress
on the beach.
Look lightly, lad.
-No, no, no, man.
You don't go running
toward the screaming.
Didn't your mother ever
teach you nothing, man?
-All right, all right,
nothing to be alarmed about.
Look, whatever it is, I've
seen it all before, yes.
Back in India, I had to saw
my best friend's leg off
with a broken tea cup
and use it as a weapon.
Oh.
Take your point.
Grisly sight.
You two, uh, staying
in the hotel?
Well, excellent, excellent.
Well, uh, how about your
room service bill is on us,
and you, uh-- you
never saw a thing, eh?
Yeah?
Excellent.
Excellent.
All settled, then.
Off you go.
-All right, what happened now?
Another coconut fall
on somebody's head?
-Get me the head
of island security.
Get me Manners.
-Oh no, not the scary dude.
-Yes.
The scary dude.
-Not so fast.
Scary dude's already here.
-Ah, Manners.
A nasty business, this.
Sort it out in time for tea, eh?
-We've got a third
MV on the beach.
-MV?
Uh, you've lost me.
-Murder victim.
-Murder?
Nonsense.
Shark attack.
-Yeah?
Would a shark do this?
SAM: Hello?
I heard screaming.
Is everyone all right?
-Yes, yes.
Yes, everyone's--
everyone's fine, yes.
Slight, um, accident.
Nothing serious.
-There's a body?
-It's just a--
-Murder.
-Coconut.
-Shark attack.
-Another attack of the
murderous coconut shark.
-Uh, yes, sir.
Well, this is our head
of island security.
This is, um-- this is Manners.
Used to be with the FBI.
-Agent Manners?
-Well, you must
have me confused.
-I'm Manners, head
of island security.
-No, no, no.
Last year, in Snomonton--
-Trust me, Sheriff.
You've got the wrong guy.
-Well then, how do you
know that I'm a sheriff?
Uh-huh?
Ha, ha.
Ha, ha.
-Look at me.
Look at my face.
Look what he did to my face.
15 operations to
make it like this.
His icicle fangs
and his pointy nose.
I live on an island
now, and there's never,
ever any snowmen, and
I'm very, very happy.
Do you get it?
-I got it.
I got it.
I'm sorry.
Whatever you say.
-No problem.
Now we've got us a coconut shark
to catch, if you don't mind.
-Yes, yes.
Jolly good idea, yes.
Back to business, everybody.
Uh, Mr. Tiler, I believe they're
serving a breakfast buffet.
Yes, sir.
-Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
You have a lot of shark
attacks around here?
-Not really, but--
'tis the season.
-Right, you'd better contact the
authorities on the big island
and give them the
lay of the land.
And, uh, Bobby, play it down.
It's nothing significant.
-Colonel Hickering, I
don't like this situation.
We'll have to warn the guests.
-Absolutely not.
If something like this gets
out, before you know it,
the whole place is closed down,
and you'll be out of a job.
-Colonel, you've got a
murderer on the loose.
-Nonsense.
Shark attack.
And a very nasty
cooking accident.
-Cooking?
-Now, look.
There's no need for alarm
until the authorities
tell us otherwise.
God, back in India,
there was Punjab volleys
that killed 150 of
us before the CO even
gave the order for
us to get out of bed.
-Colonel, problem.
The phone line is dead.
-What?
God, if it's not one
thing, it's another today.
Right.
Let's go and see
to the satellite.
Come on.
Chop-chop.
-The satellite's out?
Nothing suspicious about that.
JACK FROST: Aw, phone
line's dead, huh?
Let's see.
Who's next?
[chuckling]
-No.
No.
Yes.
Oh!
Well, there's your problem.
This little guy done
gone skinny dipping.
-Well, can you fix it?
-Oh no, man.
This a ex-satellite.
We need to be ordering a
whole sack of spare parts
to fix this.
-And how do you propose
we call to order them?
-The supply boat will be
here first thing tomorrow.
-So until then,
we're on our own.
Right.
Chin up.
Eyes alert.
-Because friends don't let
friends drink and surf.
So you finish that
daiquiri first, OK?
-Captain Fun.
Come-- come on in,
for goodness sake.
And you, Kitty.
Good heavens, I've
called a meeting here.
Now, it seems we have a slight
spot of bother on our hands
here.
-You have a murderer
loose on the island.
-Not the case at all.
-Hello?
Can we get a drink?
-Yeah, where is everybody?
-I don't know.
They said service not included.
I guess they really meant it.
[chuckling weakly]
-Anybody here?
-Hello?
-Hello?
-Bobby?
-Now, we all know
that Mr. Manners
here is prone to overreaction.
Yes.
I-- I think we can,
uh-- we can all
remember the Colombian
invasion affair.
-You've got three
bodies, no explanations.
Add that up.
It spells trouble.
-Why aren't the police here?
-The satellite's out.
Now, I suggest you
round up your guests,
lock them down, and
put the squeeze on them
until someone squeals.
-Hey.
Now, these people came here for
a taste of island hospitality.
There will be no
squeezing or squealing
on my watch, Mr. Fun-sucker.
-Precisely.
No proof of anything
nasty anyway.
Put it all in the past.
Jolly good time had by all, eh?
Splendid plan.
Off we go.
Show those smiles.
[laughter]
-Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy.
Go Sammy!
Go Sammy!
-Can't leave them
be for five minutes.
-Work it.
Tone it.
Oh, shake that rear, baby.
Shake that rear.
Make me hot.
Make me hot!
You're so hot.
You're sweaty.
You're perspiring.
Board.
That's beautiful.
Wonderful.
Gorgeous, darling.
Keep on posing.
[JACK FROST HUMMING "JINGLE
BELLS"]
JACK FROST: Oh, my.
There's something that
needs a little Christmas
stuffing, if you catch my drift.
PHOTOGRAPHER: You've been
a naughty, naughty board.
Wonderful.
Gorgeous.
Oh, yes.
Lovely.
OK, film out.
This is working.
Snowboarding equipment
on a tropical island.
Someone tell me
I'm not a genius.
-Greg, you're not a genius.
-Joke, Sarah.
Remember?
I explained those
to you on the plane.
-Right.
JACK FROST: Mmm, let me get
a little closer to this.
-Did-- did you hear that?
GREG: Hear what, Hon?
-Uh, are you sure that
there's no snakes here?
-Well, nothing poisonous.
OK, we're happening again.
Hmm.
Sarah, you're beautiful, but
we've lost the excitement.
-Oh.
Ah.
-I'm getting a zero
on the nipply scale.
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
It's just that it's so hot out.
Do you have any more
of that ice left?
-Oh Honey, I think
we're all out.
But I'll go check.
JACK FROST: Ice.
That's my cue.
ICE CUBES: Oh, me!
Me, me, me!
Me!
Me!
Me!
-Oh, yeah.
I'm the man.
ICE CUBES: Aw.
[grumbling]
-Oh, thank you.
Ugh.
God, I hate this.
It's so cold.
JACK FROST: God, I must have
been a good boy this year.
Ooh, Romeo.
Oh, yes, yes.
Ooh, yeah.
Mmm.
-Almost done.
JACK FROST: Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah.
We are doing it again!
Oh, god.
I think I'm in love.
How about it, Honey?
You and me, huh?
I'll put all this
killing behind me.
I'll give it all up for you.
Just say yes.
-OK, all done.
JACK FROST: Oh, all done?
All done?
(SOBBING) What do
you mean, all done?
How could you do this to me
after all we had together?
I'll get you, you
cold-hearted little bitch.
-Oh, just one more thing.
Could I have an ice coffee?
-Ice coffee?
Good idea.
Come on, boys.
Everybody into the pool.
[ice cubes giggling]
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
Mmm.
JACK FROST: This one
is from all of us.
Ah.
Oh, you vixen.
You-- oh, you can't be
all nicey-nice to me
and expect me to forget
how you just threw me away.
Ah!
But that's so nice.
Oh baby, rub me all
over with your lips.
OK, OK, OK.
I forgive you, doll.
Oh, I forgive you.
Ooh.
Ow!
Ow, no!
No!
No!
Stop!
That's it!
You are so fuckin' dead!
-OK.
Mmm.
I'm ready.
-Let's try this.
-Nice scarf.
-Beautiful.
OK, Sarah, big smile.
-Oh, I guess it was
decapitated coffee.
Let's take some Polaroids.
We'll need some frost.
Oh, you look so beautiful.
Hold that pose.
Oh, lovely, lovely.
Mm-hmm.
Now for your close-up.
Look me in the eyes.
[screaming]
-Wow!
Ooh, Honey.
-Did you hear that?
-What?
The wind in the palm trees?
Children laughing?
The arrows flying?
People in the pool?
Cocktail shakers?
What?
What is making you frown
so heavily, darling?
-I don't know.
I just felt something.
It was something cold.
-Sam, you have to go
through whatever it is you
have to go through.
I just--
-He's not still going on
about Frosty Boy, is he?
-Marla--
-Sam, come on.
Enough is enough.
So we had a really crappy
Christmas last year.
Life goes on.
Except for Jack Frost.
And that is really
the point, isn't he?
Wow!
Bull's eye!
-Why do I still have
this feeling of some--
something whispering to me and--
-Maybe it's your time of month.
Who knows?
Sam, we love you, but
you're getting boring.
And annoying.
You know, you've
really got to find
something new to complain about.
Jack is gone.
Trust me on this one.
Bull's eye again!
Whoo!
Arrow collection.
-Meet me in Reception
in 10 minutes.
-Who is that?
-Don't turn around.
Someone might be watching.
-Yeah, who?
-Exactly.
Glad to see we're on the same
page on this one, Sheriff.
-What do you want, Manners?
-Not here.
The walls might have ears.
I'll meet you in
Reception in 10 minutes.
-Well, if it's so
important, why don't you
just talk to me
about it right here?
-I have to pee.
-Oh.
[toilet flushing]
-You alone?
-Yeah, I'm alone.
-You're sure no
one followed you?
-Well, I did a little tricky
double-back across the paddle
tennis courts just in case
so I could throw them.
Yeah, I'm alone.
Manners, what in the
hell are you doing here?
-Well, after that
thing last Christmas,
I gave myself a
leave of absence.
-Oh, they fired you, huh?
-Canned my ass
right out the door.
I guess not too many people
believe in killer snowmen.
-Yeah.
I've been there.
Well, so, uh, what's
this all about, huh?
-We got us a case.
This is no "boo-hoo, they
stole my fishing pole" case.
This is a real "tongs
in the eyeball,
chop 'em in little pieces" case.
-Not a shark attack, huh?
-There's someone I'd
like you to meet.
[bell chiming]
Sam, I think you
know our director
of island entertainment.
-Oh sure, Captain Fun, yeah.
-Mr. Tiler.
-Captain.
-It may surprise you to
know he's on our side.
That little performance back
in the office, that was just
a ruse to allay the
others' suspicions.
-Yeah.
Well, I wasn't there,
so I-- I didn't see it.
-Ah.
Well, pretty darn good
performance, if you ask me.
-Well, thank you.
You know, I wanted to be an
actor when I first started
in the biz, so you-- well,
you saying that, I mean--
-Look, guys.
Uh, I-- I'm not here as a
law enforcement officer.
I'm just here on vacation.
So what do you want from me?
-I've seen you in
action, Sheriff.
I want you on our side.
Captain Fun has a plan.
-Well-- well, what we need to
do is give the killer a false
sense of security, lure
him out into the open
when he thinks no
one is watching.
-OK.
What's the plan?
-Trust me.
You'll love it.
[music playing]
-So this is your plan to lure
the killer out into the open?
-Isn't it the tops?
-Isn't this the same thing you
suggested to-- to cheer me up?
-Yep.
-And what if I forgot my
wife's birthday or something?
-Oh, yeah.
This would work great.
-So basically your
solution to every problem
is to throw a party and have
people dress up like idiots,
and then get them roaring drunk.
-You'd be amazed at
how effective it is.
Oh!
You gotta try the banana shrimp.
-No, I'll pass.
-It's integral to
the whole plan.
-I-- I'm allergic to bananas.
-Oh.
Hi.
-Seen anything funny?
-Don't even go there.
That's a very subtle costume
you got on there, Manners.
-Back in the Bureau,
we would call
this a reverse double negative.
I'm going to check
out the conga line.
Conga.
-Give me a beer,
will you, Bobby?
JACK FROST: Say, pal,
how about a smoke?
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
-[inaudible] Sam.
-Sam's got a runner.
-Why are you talking
to your watch?
-Old habit.
Let's go.
-What's with him?
[laughing]
-Not this time, Jack.
-Ugh!
-Oh my god!
What have you done?
-He was running.
I-- I was chasing him.
And he-- well, he dropped his
carrot nose and I-- you know.
-He's unconscious, you idiot.
-Now, we can't have the
guests attacking the staff.
It's just not on.
-I didn't think it was you, sir.
-Well, I'm pleased to hear it.
-We just thought
we were gonna lure
the killer out into the open.
-There is no killer.
The two most dangerous
things on this island
are your imagination and
Mr. Tiler's poor judgment.
-I'm so sorry, Colonel.
-Now, the supply ship will
be here in the morning.
They'll contact the police.
Panic over.
So I'll be grateful if you two
would stop alarming people, eh?
Right.
Everyone, off to bed.
Look, Bobby, get me an aspirin.
-Your suit still
has a nose on it.
-Yes.
Luckily, you didn't break that.
-But out on the ground--
-Sam.
-No.
There was a carrot
on the ground.
-Sam.
No.
-But I heard his voice, Anne.
-Sam.
-No, I did.
Not like it's in my head.
I heard him.
-You heard someone
who sounded like him.
-Anne, I've heard
that voice every night
in my dreams for the past year.
I heard--
-No, you didn't.
You couldn't, because
Jack Frost is dead.
-He was dead before,
and he came back again.
Maybe something has happened.
-No, it hasn't.
Nothing has happened.
Oh my god.
I just don't know how much
more of this I can take.
Jack Frost is dead.
And he's tearing us apart.
Marla is right.
Sam, you are out of control.
You almost killed a man tonight.
This poor, innocent old
man is barely conscious
because you just
can't get over it.
-I know.
Oh god, I'm sorry.
-Sam.
I love you.
-Boy.
This is a great second
honeymoon, isn't it?
-Ooh, wouldn't mind practicing
a little breast stroke myself.
Always test the water first.
Ooh, no, far too warm.
Must do something about that.
Let's stir this party up.
That's much better.
[muffled shrieks]
[muffled shrieking]
JACK FROST: Hmm?
What's that, Honey?
Hmm.
No, I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
You'll have to
scream much louder.
[muffled screaming]
-Help me!
Please!
-Ah.
Now, this is much more my style.
You know what?
I feel like a cold one.
Mmm.
Or 12.
[laughter]
Tonight's weather report,
20% chance of frostbite
and a 100% chance of death!
[light snoring]
-Honey, did you turn on
the air conditioning?
-Uh-uh.
Go back to sleep.
There is no air
conditioning, remember?
-Oh, yeah.
ANNE: Um, dear, could you
get me a glass of water?
-Sure.
[wind howling]
-Honey?
-What, Sweetie?
-I'm having that dream again.
ANNE: That's OK, Honey.
I know you'd never leave
me for Claudia Schiffer.
-No, no, no, not that one.
The other one.
Endless winter.
ANNE: Honey, just think warm
thoughts like hot chocolate
and marshmallows.
-Anne, I need for
you to see this.
-Sam, just come
back to bed, please.
-I-- I don't think it's a dream.
Ow!
-Oh my god!
Sam, what happened?
Eek!
-Oh, my!
I need backup.
You two, cover me.
I'm going in.
-Eek!
-Snow?
-What's happening, Sam?
-I don't know.
[chuckling]
-This is great
fun, eh, Mr. Tiler?
-Colonel.
Colonel, doesn't it strike
you as just a little odd
that it's snowing?
-Oh, no, no.
Whoa!
It happened before way back
in-- you know 1800 and.
Half asleep.
Yes.
Yes, a freak storm covered
the entire island in white.
Of course, that was--
that was hail, not snow.
Same difference, what?
Oh, hey.
Hey, now.
Now, hold on.
No.
Fellow's got to be ready.
[laughter]
-What do you think, Sam?
-I don't like it.
-It can't be Jack.
-Oh, don't ask Sam.
If the freezer's too cold,
he thinks it's Jack Frost.
-Marla, why don't
you come off it?
It was 100 degrees yesterday.
Temperature doesn't
just drop 70 degrees.
-Oh, actually Sam, on
Christmas Eve in 1924,
in Fairfield, Montana,
the temperature
dropped 84 degrees
in just 12 hours.
-Where do you get this stuff?
-Discovery Channel.
-I just love that about you.
-That was Montana, Joe.
This is the tropics.
It doesn't happen
down here, does it?
-No.
-There's only one person
that could do this.
-Captain Fun gives
this a big thumbs-up
on his Christmas fun scale.
-Hey.
-Come on.
We're going to build a sled run.
And we're going to use
surfboards as sleds.
Isn't that just the craziest?
-He's here.
-Oh, Sam.
-He's here.
I know he's here.
I know it.
-That sled sounds like fun.
-Yeah.
-Oh dude, my beer's warm.
-Bummer.
Hey, look.
Frozen pole.
-Yeah.
What, so?
-Warm beer.
Frozen pole.
-I don't get it.
-Luke, dude.
You gotta put your
tongue to the pole.
-What, dude, do you
think I'm stupid?
My tongue will stick.
-I'll pour the warm
beer down the pole,
and it'll get cold again.
-Yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah, look.
Hey, man.
Fuck, this hurts.
[guffawing]
-Oh, bummer.
-Look.
-Hey, look.
Chicks.
-Huh?
Hey!
Wait.
Don't leave me.
Ugh.
Anybody out there?
Help!
JACK FROST: Yeah,
dude, what's up?
-My tongue's stuck, man.
JACK FROST: Oh, bummer.
Let me help you.
-Oh, thanks, dude.
-Now, this might
sting a bit, bro.
-Go for it, man.
-Cowatunga, dude.
-Hey.
Hey, look at all the
snowballs I made.
Oh.
Oh.
OK.
Oh, wait.
Aw.
I'll make more.
JACK FROST: This
one's for you, Sam.
-He sees me.
I can feel it.
-Get him.
Right there.
[shrieking]
-Help!
-Oh, no.
-Sam.
Oh my god!
[screaming]
-It's another holly
jolly Christmas.
[shrieking]
-Come inside!
-What the hell is going on?
Ow!
MAN: Oh my god!
Get out of my bed.
What the hell hap-- what
the hell's going on?
What?
Hey.
Hey.
Ow.
God damn it.
What the-- cut it out!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, cut it out.
No.
Ow!
[distant shrieking]
-They're playing my song.
[screaming]
-Can you see anything?
-I'm looking.
-What is wrong with everyone?
Jack Frost is not here.
-Oh, yeah?
Then what the hell is that?
-(LAUGHING) Oh, for
Christ's sake, Sam.
That is not Jack Frost.
They just built that.
-Sam, no!
-Hey, Jack.
You remember me?
I sure as hell remember you.
-Sam, don't.
-See, these folks around here,
they don't know you like I do,
Jack.
They think you're
cute and innocent,
like butter would
melt in your mouth.
See this, Jack?
Know what this is?
This is concentrated
antifreeze, and I've
been wearing it around
my neck for a year,
just waiting for you to
show your ugly face again.
Now it's time for you
to die again, Jack.
How about it?
Are you ready to scream?
-Ay.
-Oh, shit.
[ice crackling]
-Miss me?
Hmm?
-Jack?
-Aw, you remember.
How sweet of you.
[chuckling]
Huh?
Oh, gotta go.
Whee!
-Manners, where'd he go?
-He melted.
-He was right here.
-He melted in the snow.
-Get inside.
MARLA: Hold on a minute.
Don't tell me that is Manners.
-Agent Manners from last year?
-He got a lot cuter.
-What the hell is he doing here?
-It doesn't matter.
Did you see what
direction he went in?
-Straight down.
-See?
I told you it was Jack.
I told.
I felt it all along.
-It can't be Jack.
How the hell did he get here?
Did he fly first class?
-Marla, we don't know.
But you saw him
with your own eyes.
-Hey, if Agent Manners is here--
-I had nothing to do with it.
Now, let's get inside.
[panting]
-How did you know?
-I don't know.
My guess is that
we're linked somehow,
as if I'm a part of him,
or he's a part of me.
-I want to know what a
government agent is doing here.
-I'm not a government
agent anymore.
I've retired to this island.
-Oh, come off it.
-It's true, Marla.
He's been here for months.
But Jack's here not because
of him-- because of me.
-Oh, come on, Sam.
We don't even know
if it is Jack Frost.
-No, Marla, it's probably
some other walking,
talking snowman that
everybody's talking about.
-What the hell is going on here?
You brought caulking
on our vacation?
-Well, that could come
in handy at any time.
-Whoa.
Looks like somebody got
a little obsessed here.
[grunting]
-Guys!
Guys, we can't just
barricade ourselves in here.
-Oh, I don't know, Anne.
This could be the first sane
thought Sam's had in a year.
-Seal ourselves
in for the night?
Sounds good to me.
-No.
We have to find the
others and warn them.
-We could draw straws.
-No.
I'll go.
The island's my responsibility.
-I'll go with you.
-And I'll--
-No.
Joe, you stay here.
-That's what I was going to say.
-Oh.
Well, it looks like it's
you and me, Manners.
-That's Agent Manners.
-Yeah.
OK, whatever you're
comfortable with.
-Clear.
-Honey?
-Yeah.
-I love you.
-Don't worry.
I'll be safe.
-Sam.
-Yeah.
-Good luck.
-Yeah.
-Sam.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know, good luck.
Thank you.
-No.
You didn't pack any
food in your supplies,
so if you find yourself
in the kitchen,
I thought you might
pick us up some--
-You never thought we'd find
ourselves in this situation
again, I'm sure.
-Well, it's not like before.
Before, Jack couldn't
just freeze things.
How the heck did
he find me anyway?
I'm 1,000 miles from home.
-2,340.
I checked my air miles.
Who'd you tell that you
were coming here anyway?
-Oh, come on.
That's ridiculous.
If Jack had asked
anyone for directions,
they would have contacted me.
-If they survived it.
[sigh]
-(WHISPERING) I don't get it.
How did Sam know Jack was here?
You know, this whole time I
just thought he was losing it.
-He thinks they're
linked somehow.
-Oh, please.
-No, hold on.
Remember, the night Jack was
melted, Sam was wounded, right?
-Yeah.
-Bleeding into the antifreeze.
Well, maybe somehow their
DNA got mixed up together.
-No more Sci-Fi
Channel for you, Honey.
-Marla, think about it.
How else did Jack find us out
here in the middle of nowhere?
-What do you think
happened to Jack?
-I don't know.
I thought you buried him.
-Yeah, we did bury him.
We had sealed containers,
unmarked graves,
the whole nine yards.
-Ooh.
I hate it when the
dead don't stay dead.
[door creaking]
[metal rattling]
[shouting]
[shouting]
-Cease fire.
Cease fire.
-Oh, what'd you do that for?
-Mr. Tiler.
That puts us just about
even, wouldn't you say, eh?
-What was that thing?
-All right.
Listen up.
I'll tell you exactly
what you're dealing with.
Jack Frost is a cold-blooded
killing machine.
Now, he's-- he's also
made of genetically
altered water molecules.
I'm sorry, that's--
that's usually the place
where people start
laughing at me.
OK.
OK.
Well now, Jack, he can freeze
and unfreeze himself at will.
He can turn himself
into water and come
right underneath the door.
So what we've got to
do is find anything
we can to seal up the cracks.
We gotta make it as
airtight as possible.
-Well, what about your wife?
-They're OK.
They're OK.
They're holed up in
the room with a couple
off gallons of antifreeze.
-Antifreeze?
-It's the only thing
that will stop him.
We need to collect as
much of it as possible.
-Antifreeze.
OK, antifreeze.
This is a tropical
island, for god's sake!
-Wait a minute.
Is antifreeze the
same thing as coolant?
-Uh-huh.
-Well, we got drums of the
stuff in a old storage shed.
Our generator drink it up
like a rum punch, you know.
-Let's do it.
[chuckling]
-You hear that?
-What's up?
-The fat lady's warming up.
[chuckling]
-Wait.
Snow angel!
-This is ingenious, Sheriff.
You know, back in
India we once caught
a 600-pound Bengal
tiger the same way.
Mind you, we had to
dig a 12-foot-deep pit
and use the CO's
pet dog as bait.
-No, no, no, no.
Don't come telling me, Bobby,
somebody's got to be the bait.
No.
-Don't worry, Bobby.
I'll do it.
It's me he's after.
It's me he'll come for.
-Don't worry.
I got your back.
-Thanks.
-I say, if this creature's
only after Mr. Tiler,
why don't we just
let it have him
and get the whole
thing over with?
Just a thought.
-How you doing, Sheriff?
-So far it's a piece of cake.
[water dripping]
-Hey, how's it going, Sam?
[gasping]
-Hi, Jack.
-So what are we doing?
-Waiting.
-Waiting for what?
-Waiting for you to blow it.
-Ooh.
-Oh, shoot.
-Here I come, ready
or-- oh, oh, oh, whoa!
-Psych!
[shouting]
-Yeah.
[happy shouting]
-Well-- well done, sir.
Excellent, sir.
Brilliant.
-Yeah!
-I'm getting way too
good at this, you know.
I'm getting way
too much practice.
[laughter]
-Anyone want to get into it and
[inaudible] snowman already?
-You bastards!
Have you any idea how
much this shit stings?
And I swallowed it!
I'll be hacking
it up for a week!
-Shoot.
-Fire.
Fire.
-Shoot!
-Oh, please.
This again?
Come off it.
Ha!
-It isn't working.
Why isn't it working?
-Because I'm all-new
and improved.
-Get back, everyone!
-What's the matter, Sammy?
You all out of ideas?
-That should kill you.
The antifreeze should kill you.
-Well, let me explain to
you the inherent dangers
of unregulated genetic
experimentation.
You see-- [burp] oh.
Uh, excuse me.
I must have swallowed
more than I thought.
[burp] Oh, somebody
get me a Pepto.
Ha, ha.
Ugh.
(WEAKLY) OK, I'm outta here.
Ha!
-No.
-We have to get back inside.
It's not safe out here.
Come on.
Sam, come on.
-It didn't work.
-I know.
-The antifreeze--
-Honey--
-It didn't work.
-Honey, come on.
-The antifreeze--
ANNE: Sam, please.
-The antifreeze didn't--
-Ooh, don't touch
it, you great moron.
Why do you have to poke
around at everything?
-I think it's just a snowball.
-Come on, Jack.
You're not afraid
of little old me.
An eye for an eye.
[chuckling]
Yeah.
-How long now?
-15 minutes.
-I'm telling you, it's
just an ordinary snowball.
-Joe, if it's just an
ordinary snowball, then
why hasn't it melted
in 15 minutes?
-Why, antifreeze
should melt him.
That's what we used the
last time, just antifreeze.
Good, old-fashioned
antifreeze should just melt--
-Honey, you're rambling again.
-Oh, OK.
-Anne is right.
We should get rid of it.
-Absolutely.
Better safe than sorry.
-It's just a snowball.
[cracking sounds]
MARLA: What's it doing?
JOE: I don't know.
-Wait a minute.
[cracking sounds]
I think it's hatching.
-Hatching?
-Well, if that isn't
the cutest little thing.
-Oh yeah, a regular sweetheart.
Don't get too close.
-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.
-Oh my god.
Did you hear that?
-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.
-Yeah, I'll be your dadda.
(BABY TALK) Yes, I will.
Oh, you little fella.
You're my little
kiddy-widdy, aren't you?
Oh, you cute little
booger-boogie.
-(BABY VOICE) Kill dadda.
-Huh?
[screaming]
-Oh my god!
[shrieking]
[shouting]
[baby snowball laughing]
-I got it!
I got it!
[squishing noise]
-(BABY VOICE) Oh.
Hello.
[baby snowball giggling]
-It's on the ground!
ANNE: Over here!
Over here!
Oh, I got it!
I got it!
I got it!
-Give me that thing!
-Let us see you breakdance,
you little shit.
-Huh?
Whoa!
[laughing]
-Yeah.
-Ooh.
That was fun.
-What about salt?
We should see if salt hurts it.
-Or heat it up on the range.
BABY SNOWBALL: Uh-oh.
What?
No.
-Microwave it.
That might do it.
-Wrap it in a cloth and
steam the little bugger.
BABY SNOWBALL: No.
That-- that's not nice.
[TINY VOICES CHATTERING AND
GIGGLING]
BABY SNOWBALL: Everybody, quiet.
Shh.
Shh.
[tiny voices giggling]
ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners.
-What?
-If you find any more of those
snowballs, don't go near them.
-And that would be because?
ANNE (ON RADIO): They're
vicious little killers.
-See ya.
-Great.
Make a list-- things
that would have been
useful to know five minutes ago.
-Yah!
-Manners, have you
found more of them?
-I might say that.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Ow!
Ow!
Yah!
Ow!
Ah!
Fucking things off of me!
[screaming]
ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners?
Manners?
[giggling]
-Mmm.
Toasty.
-Ooh.
[baby snowball squeaking]
-They're indestructible.
Manners indicated there were
more of them on the island.
Anyone have any idea
where he was headed?
-He just kind of ran off.
-Well, I don't know
about you people,
but I'm going to
lock myself in here
and wait for the
supply ship to come.
-Good thinking, Bobby.
-The supply ship?
We can't let these things
get off the island.
-They split up.
-What?
-Well, there's hundreds of them
now, and they've separated.
-Well Sam, where are they?
-You know, we'll-- we're
gonna be all right.
We just have to get
some antifreeze.
-Cork it, Sam.
-Why, yes, Dear.
-All right.
We need to find containers.
Containers with lids
that close tightly.
Jars, bottles,
anything that we can
trap these little creeps in.
-Anne, what are you doing?
-I'm saving the day.
We can cover the most
ground if we split up.
-What about safety in numbers?
-No, no, no.
Basic combat strategy--
when you're outnumbered,
your best plan is
to confuse the enemy
with as many flank
offensives as possible.
If we give these
blighters a single target,
they'll-- they'll surround
us and eat us for breakfast.
-All right, then.
Let's go.
Sweep every room and
leave no corner unchecked.
-Roger.
[music playing]
-Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa!
-Boogie!
[giggling]
[tarzan-style yell]
[giggling]
-Woo-hoo!
[giggling]
-Yah!
Ha, ha!
-Oh boy.
-Whee!
-Hand sandwich.
[baby snowball chittering]
-We filled the back of the
truck up with antifreeze, see.
And then the
antifreeze was there,
and-- and then it
was sort of green.
And when I jumped
into the antifreeze,
this Jack Frost, he just--
-Sam.
---turned into antifreeze.
So what we need is
some antifreeze.
-Sam.
-If we could just
find some antifreeze--
-Sam!
One more word, and I'm
gonna kill you myself.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Oops.
[baby snowball giggling]
-Whoa!
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
BABY SNOWBALL: I'm here.
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball giggling]
-Whee!
[baby snowball giggling]
-Catch me, catch me, catch me!
Ooh!
[baby snowball giggling]
[baby snowball grumbling]
-Sucks, huh?
-Yeah.
-You don't scare me, my
chilly little friend.
No.
Back in India, I was once
caught by the Punjabi.
Those bloody planes [inaudible].
Softly.
Softly, Colonel.
Cunning of a fox.
Speed of a jungle cat.
[snoring lightly]
-Sleeping, eh?
Yes.
[stirring]
-Yes, come to the colonel.
Yes.
BABY SNOWBALL: Hello.
[baby snowballs giggling]
-Don't scare me.
[baby snowballs chittering]
[glass breaking]
-Don't hurt me!
-I won't.
I--
-Everybody's dead!
It was snowing, and
everything was really fun.
Then--
-Hey!
Sweetcake, snap out of it.
Now, what is your name?
-Well-- well, my
real name is Amanda.
My friends, they
like to call me Ma--
-Amanda.
-Uh-huh?
-I am going to get
you out of here.
Now we are heading
down to the kitchen.
-What was that?
-Hold on.
[shrieking]
-Hey, ugly!
[shrieking]
[baby snowball giggling]
-Yes, baby.
You can do it.
You can try it.
Yes, baby.
You can-- Idiot.
You're going to die off.
Baby!
Baby!
[snowball shrieking]
[popping sounds]
-Baby?
-What is this?
-Hey.
-Come on.
It-- it's some kind of cocktail.
What's in it?
-Oh, Honey.
-Not now.
-Anne, I really don't
think it's the time
to be swapping recipes.
-It kills them.
It kills the baby
snowballs, all right?
Now, what the hell is in it?
-Oh, that's Bobby's
Island Daiquiri.
It got light run, just
a dash of maraschino,
lemon juice, half a
teaspoon of sugar,
and half a banana,
blended to perfection.
-Well, it must be the alcohol.
That's like antifreeze, right?
-I wouldn't like that.
I'll have a mint julep, Bobby.
-Not now, Sam, please.
-I don't like bananas.
-Honey, not now!
Bananas.
Oh my god, Sam's
allergic to bananas.
You remember a year
ago, when Sam's
blood got into the antifreeze?
Well, that's when
they linked up.
Well, maybe when
that happened, Jack
inherited Sam's banana allergy.
[laughing]
-Go.
Go.
-Contact.
-Oh.
Ooh!
-Oh.
Banana daiquiri, anyone?
-You know, these Organica
cookies are pretty darn good.
-Let's get it on.
-Huh?
Uh-oh.
Oh no!
[whimpering]
[squealing]
[squeaking]
[whimpering]
[squeaking]
[whimpering]
JACK FROST: There, there.
Come here.
It's OK.
It's OK.
Ah, little one.
Aw.
Easy.
Easy.
There, there, little one.
[whimpering]
-Now it's killing time.
-So who won the war then, eh?
[chuckling]
-So what do we do
with it this time?
Bury it twice as deep
as we did last time?
-We'll come in first
thing in the morning
and hose the whole place down.
No one will be any the wiser.
Oh, yes.
Be open for business in a week.
-Colonel?
You got 18 bodies
to explain, man.
-Food poisoning.
Ah.
No, no, that wouldn't look
too good either, would it?
We'll just say
the plane arrived.
Nobody on board.
Yah!
[screaming]
-Oh, shite!
-Ugh.
Ugh.
Wow.
Honey, it's after midnight.
Today is our wedding day.
-For better or for
worse, I promise
to love and to protect you.
-I do too.
-I now pronounce you
totally fuckin' dead.
[screaming]
-Jack!
Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
Jack, Jack, Jack!
JACK FROST: I rode
into town, and I'm
looking for the bitch
who killed my family.
oh, no way out.
-Joe, help me!
Anybody?
Somebody help me!
[screaming]
Anyone?
[screaming]
[anguished howling]
[whimpering]
Oh my god.
Oh, you son of a bitch!
You should have heard
your babies scream, Jack.
You should have
heard them scream.
Sam?
Sam!
-Oh, Honey.
You are missing the point.
Get it?
Get it?
SAM: Hey, Jack.
-Huh?
-Get this.
-Oi.
Oh, crap.
-Anne!
Anne!
Anne!
Anne.
Annie.
Anne!
Come on.
Come on.
Anne!
Annie, come on.
Anne!
Ah!
Anne.
[coughing]
[relieved laughter]
-Oh fuck, I hate Christmas.
So Sam, where do you
want to go next year?
-Oh Honey, do we really
have to go anywhere.
-Oh Honey, it's great to
travel at the holidays.
-Sure, but something
always goes wrong.
-Oh, how about Greece?
-Greece?
No, not another island.
ANNE: Oh, Sam.
[foghorn blasting]
-Good grief, what has happened?
-It appears the island
has been covered in snow.
-Yes.
But that is impossible.
-And yet, here it
is before our eyes.
[massive splash]
-Did you feel that?
-Yes, I did.
But what was it?
-I do not know.
But it is coming from
behind the island.
[loud roaring sound]
-Whoa!
[inaudible]
[music - "merry christmas baby"]
MARLA: Hello?
Anne?
Sam?
We're in here!
Joe's turning blue!
Open the door!