Jack-Jack Attack (2005) - full transcript

In a dark room, Agent Rick Dicker interrogates Kari, a young girl with braces. He asks what happened. Kari explains that she was babysitting for an infant, Jack-Jack, who seems able to levitate, float, pass through walls, catch fire, and cause havoc. Kari stays nimble but barely holds on until an odd young man with orange hair and an "S" on his shirt rings the bell.

[chair creaking]

- [Kari] Wow, it's dark in here.
- [thud]

- Wow, now it's too bright.
- [Dicker] File 82-7-O-2.

Agent Rick Dicker interrogating.
State your name, please.

Kari, Kari McKeen. It's like Carrie,
only with a K instead of a C,

and an "ah" instead of an "a",
and only one R, and an I instead of an I-E.

Tell me about the incident.

Well, it started out like any
normal sitting gig, you know,

with the reassuring
of the parent and all.

Mrs. Parr, I can totally handle
anything this baby can dish out.

Can't I, little boo boo bear?

- Who can handle it? Who can handle it?
- [giggling]

- Mrs. Parr? Mrs. Parr?
- [dial tone]

Oh well, she knows
you're in good hands.

Now, who's ready
for some neurological stimulation?

[Jack-Jack cooing]

- [Mozart plays]
- [Jack-Jack coos]

It's time for cognitive develop- meh?

[Jack-Jack screeches]

Aww, who's the goo-goo baby?
Where's the hiding- huh?

That was really weird.
Wait right here.

[dials, phone rings]

Hello, Mrs. Parr, this is Kari.
I have a question about Jack-Jack.

Can you call me?

Jack-Jack? Baby? Where are you?

Where are-? [screams]

Mrs. Parr, it's me. Jack-Jack is fine,
but weird things are happening,

and you need to tell me
what to do, 'cause I'm... [gasps]

- [Jack-Jack laughs]
- How'd you get...? [screams]


[Jack-Jack laughing]

We're gonna calm things down
a bit now,

and look at flash cards.

- Won't that be fun?
- [laughing]


Good. House.

Good. Campfire.


Don't panic.
Baby on fire, baby on fire.

[Jack-Jack giggling]

- [steam hissing]
- Good baby! Nice baby.

- [Jack-Jack coos]
- [gasps]


[doorbell rings]

- Yes?
- Is this the Parr's residence?

Yes. I'm Kari, the babysitter.

Well, hello, uh, Kari. I'm...

You're my replacement.
Thank heaven you've come!

What does the "S" stand for?

For... sitter. Yeah, sitter.

Originally, I was gonna have
initials for babysitter,

but then I would have been going around
wearing a big "BS"

and you understand why
I couldn't go with that.

- And you believed him?
- [shouting] The baby was exploding!

You ever sit
an exploding baby before, Mr. Dicker?

- What's that?
- Have you told anyone else about this?

- Your parents?
- Nah, they thought I was being funny.

But you believe me,
don't you, Mr. Dicker?

- Sure, kid.
- I wish I could forget the whole thing.

You will, kid.

You will.

[Jack-Jack cooing]