Inspektor GAI (1983) - full transcript

Central Studio of Children
and Youth Films named after M. GORKY

FIRST ARTISTS' ASSOCIATION

- When did you start to drive?
- As early as my childhood.

And I'm still bad at it. Last year when
I went on a mushroom-hunting trip,

a pine tree unexpectedly fell on
my car and smashed its front.

I paid 150 rubles to fix it.

I learnt my lesson and insured the car,
but I don't drive - got a syndrome.

It's not wise, as you know,
practice makes it perfect.

Right, but basically
it's talent that counts most.

Look at Yevdokim lvanovich,
your predecessor,

he went to the regional administration
like it was his workplace for 3 years,



rubbed shoulders with everyone there,
but failed to get money, anyway.

And look at you! You're new here.
And there you go!

You got this money in just 30 minutes.
Fantastic!

Basically, it's clear. A new executive
gets all the help and assistance,

but there's no way he gets
2 million that easily!

Now with all this money
I'm gonna construct notjust boxes,

but hangars for Antey aircraft!

Where have you been
all this time!

Driver of the car, plate number 0046,
pull over!

What's wrong?

Redhead? We're done!

I'll talk to him,
or he'll punch the card.

Stay here.

- This is Zykin! I'm sure he'll do it!
- No way.



- Senior road police inspector Zykin.
- Glad to meet you.

- Your papers, please.
- Here you go.

- How you doing, Pyotr!
- Hi, Kirillych.

Look at your card! It's laminated.

This is Valentin Pavlovich Trunov,
our car service new boss.

Glad to meet you.

First, you're not buckled up.

Oh, I entirely forgot.

And second, you've been driving
at 65 kilometers an hour,

however the speed limit
is just 50 kilometers here.

- You're kidding me!
- Saw the sign before the grove?

No, I didn't.
I'm really sorry.

- You should be more attentive.
- Okay.

So I'll have to punch your card.

Hey, Pyotr, wait!

Easy, easy. Vasily Kirillovich,

let the officer perform his duty.

- I can't punch it!
- Really?

- God damn it! I can't punch it!
- Can I help you?

- Ah! I'll be right back.
- Suit yourself.

What is he doing there?
Oh, my God!

And you said: "He'll no way punch it".

Look, comrade Trunov,
get the card out of its holder.

This is a no go.
And keep your eyes on the road.

This guy punches everyone's card.
Absolutely everyone's!

He's like an alien
from another planet!

His mother and father
were quite alright,

his sister is an exceptionally nice girl.

She's my employee.

I'm promoting her to head of
the technical department, and him...

Redhead is the most appropriate name
for him!

SERGEY NIKONENKO

NIKITA MIKHALKOV

OLEG YEFREMOV

in

ROAD INSPECTOR

STARRING

MARINA LEVTOVA

NIKOLAI PARFYONOV

VIKTOR ILYICHOV

RAISSA RYAZANOVA

YURI KUZMENKOV

NIKOLAI ZASUKHIN

YEVGENY PETROV

ANATOLY GANSHIN

DANILA PETROV

co-starring:

Yu. ABOLINSH, I. BEZYAYEV,
V. ZAKHARCHENKO, M. ILYIN,

D. KLETNIETSE, M. LERMO,
V. LUZYANIN, A. MAGAZINNIK,

Ye. NIKONENKO, G. SVETLANI

I'm repeating that card punching
and fining are not our priority,

what we really need is accident
prevention and drivers' education.

Imagine, you're a beginning driver.

You lack experience, but you're
punished for a minor traffic offence

right away!

This is too harsh and hardly
effective!

Just one driver out of a thousand
is a persistent violator,

but this is a different story.

Drivers should respect us.

Respect but not fear.
Did you get me, Zykin?

Yes, I did.

I don't think so.

Let's take your yesterday's
road patrolling.

You'd think
it is someplace in Houston,

on 7th Avenue.

You punched 3 cards, gave 2 tickets,
took away a driver's license.

Like only bad drivers
pass by Zykin.

It's easy to punch cards or give
tickets. Find a way to a driver.

We all - drivers and
and road inspectors -

do one common mission
of federal importance!

Did you get my point, Zykin?

Sure, comrade major.

You got my point...

Every time the same old story.

Write down
where you're dispatched.

Look, don't you get upset.

When we punch the card,
we don't punish, butjust warn.

That's why it's called
"a card of warnings".

So don't get upset. But next time
drive safely.

Your nephew asked me to tell you
to be home by five.

Why?

Wants to give some tip. You're
participating in the races today, right?

- So?
- Says he knows how you can win...

- I know it better.
- Okay, as you wish.

Like I need his advice!

Why are we so early?

Do you know what Durdin said
about you?

What?

Zykin will never be a real racer.

What?!

He's lacking in flexibility
of tactics.

Keeps using one and the same trick -
taking the outer groove all the time.

Like he knows anything about this!

Who cares? He always comes first
and your best result is 5th place.

And who won the race
on Constructor's Day?

Just because Durdin'd fallen sick.

Okay, let's wait and see
who's gonna come first today.

- Take the inner lane!
- Use the inside!

What the hell?!

And the winner is Master of Sports
Nikolai Durdin!

Come on, you got a potential to win,
just try it on the inside.

It's totally different!
And you start off very well.

Take the lead at the start,

take the inner groove
and then just go, go, go!

Making a turn on the outer groove
is an outdated tactical trick,

no longer used
in the world speedway practice.

Read the 5th issue
of the "At the Wheel" magazine?

Get lost, Nefyodov! I don't need
any vocational students around.

Look, try the inside!

- I'll take the outside!
- Why the hell you're so stubborn?!

- And I'll win!
- Damned diehard!

We got all this stuff and now
are learning how to handle it.

Frankly, Valentin Pavlovich,
you surprised me!

When the automobile boom reached us,

we appointed your predecessor here,
Yevdokim lvanovich.

Yes, I heard of him.

He's highly experienced.
Used to be a tank man.

You'd think he wasn't happy to head
this interregional service station.

But he was! Believe me.

Word is they were servicing
even your car for whole 3 days!

Right. And I'm deputy chairman
of the regional executive committee,

and I bet
they were doing their best!

What about ordinary car owners then?

This is the way it works,
Yevgeny Vladimirovich.

- Seryozha, how is it?
- Done.

Your car is fixed. Here you go.

- So quick?
- Right.

Come on!

We're not some bunch of laymen.
We're a solid firm, you know.

Valentin Pavlovich,
I got an interesting proposal to you.

Let's go on a fishing trip tomorrow.
What do you say?

Thank you.

I'll show you the local lakes.

We'll make fish-soup over the fire.

Thank you very much.

In short, we'll just relax there.

Sorry, I can't. Not this time.
Thank you, anyway.

I understand.
Old guys are no fun to hang around.

Come on, don't say that!

I got some friends in Yalta and
my flight is due in 1 hour 55 minutes.

- How come? In Yalta?
- Right.

You mean you're going there
for a vacation?

No, I haven't been here long enough
to earn a leave. Just for 2 days.

- For 2 days? To Yalta?
- Yes, Monday I'll be back at work.

- I got it. For the weekend, right?
- Right, for the weekend.

Driver of the car, plate number
0046, pull over!

Driver of the car, plate number
0046, pull over!

Oh! Inspector Zykin?
Hi! How you doing?

Yes, sir. Your papers, please.

What's wrong?
Did I violate anything?

- You exceeded speed limit.
- Didn't notice.

Your card is still laminated,
isn't it?

Forgive me. Been too busy. Swear
I forgot about it. Had no time.

I don't know. You had one speeding
offence and now you're going at 100!

So what?

What do you mean?!
You're facing

clause 9.2.1 of traffic rules,
"serious & persistent traffic offences".

Right, but all these rules are made
for an average driver. You get me?

They're kind of averaged.

But these rules and regulations are
for all. That's why they're rules.

Look.

Do you see a swift?

It's flying high up there.
Do you see it?

Yes, I do.

And there's a sparrow,
chirping over there on the wires.

So are you gonna ask a swift to fly
like a sparrow? Huh?

Answer me! Are you gonna do this?

- A swift?
- Right, a swift.

Comrade Trunov, the rules say...

Okay, I got it. I got it.
Alright.

Then let's do it this way.

Take my papers with you,

sit at your desk in the department and
come up with a penalty for me,

and when I get back on Monday,
we'll settle all the problems.

- Comrade Trunov.
- I'll be late for my flight!

Why swifts? Why sparrows?

This is a road,
not some chicken-run.

So that's what you suggest?
You leave your papers with me

like everything's okay, like you have
this right to drive without license!

You decide. I'll drop by on Monday.
But there's nothing to decide here.

You think you'll get away with a fine.
No way. It's a persistent offence!

I'm gonna punch your card. Period.
And get the card out of its holder!

And if you commit another speeding
offence, your license'll be suspended.

So there you are,
comrade Trunov.

Where have you come from?
From another planet?

Why say I'm like in Houston?!

That beats Houston, and 7th Avenue!

Wow!

So this is you, huh?!

Don't you know how to drive? Huh?

Are you okay?

- Hold it, pal.
- My leg!

Hang in there! Someone, help me.
Who's got a first aid kit?

- Here you go.
- Let me through. I'm a doctor!

Kolya, are you okay?

I'm not okay. Get a load
how many cars I got crashed!

He was making 100 km per hour.
Probably, even more.

Can I have your papers, please?

Sure. Luckily I drove close
to the curb, or else...

Your papers, please!

Damn it! I forgot.

They're in Stepan's jacket,
you know.

- What have you done, drunken bastard!
- What?

It's your fault, SOB...

My fault? Cut it! He was supposed to
yield to me. I was on his right.

What? Don't touch me! Don't!
You got no right!

Bastard!

Stay right here.

Here Baikal, calling Kurgan...

I go again - a multiple-vehicle crash
at the 42nd kilometer.

Call road patrol, ambulance, crane.
Do you copy? Over.

Flight # 2013 from Moscow
has just arrived.

Flight #2013 from Moscow
has just arrived.

"I've felt this sorrow
for quite a while."

May I come in?

Sure.

What would you like?
A haircut? A shave?

Right.

- Can I have them for a minute?
- Want to cut your hair yourself?

You must be kidding.

That beats me!

These guys can't understand
that the rules are made for them.

For their own safety.

There you go!

So what will you say now? Huh?
"Drop by on Monday!"

They think that the traffic police
want only to pick on them.

- You're right.
- Thank you.

Welcome. Come by,
I'll be always glad to see you here.

Time to close up.

- Come on. Pull it.
- Hold it.

- I'm directing you. Pull it!
- Hey, let me get out of here!

- Wait! Petya, easy!
- Don't push it at me!

- There you are.
- Hold it!

- Come on!
- It's falling! Hold it, I say.

- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm okay. My leg got stuck.

Don't worry.
It's gonna heal alright.

Why do you need this junk?

I just need it. That's it.

Pyotr!

Nikitich, is Pyotr home?

Yes, he is. He's home.
Standing again on his head, I guess.

Pyotr, quit it! Enough of standing
on your ears!

He won't leave me alone!
Not him.

- What's up?
- Are you going there?

- Where?
- Did you forget or what?

- Ah...
- He doesn't remember a thing!

- In the uniform, like last time?
- Sure!

- And what does she want?
- No clue. Just asked you to come.

I was there on Wednesday. Gennady,
you haven't done physics again?

Give me a break! I've done it.

- What is it this time then?
- Ask me another.

"Fifteenth-century Italy".
Such an exciting topic.

The emergence of economic relations,

the fall of the Staufen Dynasty,
Lorenzo d' Medici, nicknamed the Great,

and Gena keeps
looking out of window.

I ask him: Aren't you interested
in Lorenzo d' Medici?

He was dubbed so for his subtle mind,
poetic talent and immaculate taste.

And Gena goes: "No, I'm not."
Can you imagine that?

That's bad. Very bad.

I'm sorry I asked you to come
again,

but it's the end of the school year,
and Gena's parents are away right now.

Exactly my words.
Okay, Nina's dead tired.

She's been defending a diploma.
And you, Slava? Why are you tired?

Why the hell did you take off for
a spa resort? Sorry.

I explained to them it's the end of
the school year, a critical moment,

and you're leaving the kid
with the 90-year-old granny.

And he goes: "And what are you for?"

Okay, I can look after the boy. But
I got my job to do, I'm often on duty,

I got meetings, round-table talks
at different enterprises.

Moreover, we're holding
Road Safety Awareness Month now.

Look, probably he's thinking about
a dove?

What dove?

I gave him a pigeon for his birthday,
but I overlooked getting a dove, too.

The pigeon is very sad. He needs
a mate. But the breed is rare.

Kind of elite.

No, I'm gonna send them
a telegram, telling them to come back.

Forget it! This is no big deal.

What do you mean?

You've been just complaining to me

that he's not into history.

You're telling him about Lorenzo,
and he's staring out of the window.

Right, but Lorenzo is a very specific
figure, he doesn't appeal to everyone.

As for other topics, Gena shows
much interest in them. Here, look.

Do you see? A "B".

That's for Marco Polo's
expedition.

There you go.

So you think this is no big deal,
right?

And I shouldn't send them a telegram?
Or ask them to get back?

Nope.

Alright, then I'll go, okay?

Okay. Go.

See you.

Huh? Right. See you.

- So what's up?
- What do you mean?

- Why did she summon you?
- Says you stare out of the window.

What?! She summoned you to the school
for that? Bitch.

Cut it! Watch your tongue, young man!
No foul language, okay?

Why summon you to the school?
No one else does it. Only her.

Tell me, why?

- God knows.
- See? Okay, I gotta go.

- Alright.
- I'll drop by tonight.

Gennady, try not to stare
out of the window, okay?

Okay.

Lorenzo the Great.

Hey, Pyotr! What you got there?

Books.

I see myself they are books.
Where did you get them?

Borrowed them from the library.

From the library? Are you applying
to the police academy?

- No, I'm not.
- Why so many books then?

To read!

- Oh, inspector! Hi.
- Hi.

- Like to read books?
- Sure.

Good for you!

Hey, what are you doing?

What a shame! Luckily,
the ground is dry!

Look at these books. So valuable.
Here, about Florence.

- Vasili Kirillovich, I'm waiting.
- I'm coming!

- I'm so sorry.
- That's all right.

And you're a book worm, inspector, eh?
Planning a trip to Italy, right?

While we are at it,
how about my license?

- Excuse me?
- Have you come up with me penalty?

- Haven't you taken it back yet?
- No, I haven't.

You mean you're driving
your car without any license?

But you yourself took it away from me,
and you're still having it.

Look, you were supposed to come
to the department and get it back!

Yes, but unfortunately, I had no time.
It's still here. Okay, I'll come by.

Wait!

- Get out of the car, please.
- Excuse me?

You can't drive this vehicle because
you don't have your driver's license!

- Are you okay?
- Get out of the car!

- What are you doing?! Stop it!
- Stay out of it, passenger!

What's going on here?

Open your eyes!
Where do you see a passenger here?

Stop playing the fool!

We're rushing to the trust, .
And you're playing the fool here!

You've let yourself
get totally out of hand!

You're not satisfied with punching and
fining. You're taking cars away now!

No, Vasili Kirillovich,
the inspector is not playing the fool,

he's just trying to prove to me
that traffic rules and regulations

are mandatory for all,
without a single exception.

Right?

But this is not how it works all
the time and you know it well, huh?

If you don't get out of the car,
I'm gonna bust you

for resistance to the police officer's
legitimate demands.

The guy doesn't get it.
Okay, I'll make it clear to you.

But mark my word,

you'll return to me both my car
and my driver's license

later in the day,
and you'll do it personally!

Taxi!

And what about me?

Who's going give me a ride?

You're a total fool, Pyotr!

What's the problem?
Excuse me.

What?! Lmpounded your car?!

Who did it?! Zykin?!
Who the hell is this Zykin?

He's one of our inspectors.
A real monster!

I'm really sorry. It's outrageous!
Why did he impound it?

Outrageous! I'm going to call
the traffic police right away!

On duty senior lieutenant Zykin!

Well done! Are you alright?

I guess so. Why?

I thought you were injured. Look at you...
Good job!

You accomplished such a mission,
and not a single scratch!

What mission?

You busted such a dangerous criminal!
A mafia member!

A mafia member?

Here!

For committing systematic
speeding offences,

for resistance and noncompliance with
a road inspector's commands,

as well as for conscious and
persistent viola...

So what did he do?
Did he fire back?

Definitely! Can't imagine
a member of mafia without a gun!

I can't believe it! No way.

Comrade major.

What?!

Comrade major!

Look, Zykin, get real!
This is not Chicago here.

Nor is this Houston.

Did you hear me?
This is not Houston either!

And people are not faultless.
Occasionally they speed and violate,

but according to your report

this Trunov must be convoyed
to a correctional facility right away!

Police station,
on-duty officer speaking.

Look, Zykin, how many times...

Comrade major.

Yeah!

Yes, hi. Everything's fine.

Right. Flunked for the 7th time.

What to do? Let your Verendeyev
do what he did before.

The answer is "no", Styopa!
What do you mean "as an exception"?

I let this moron of yours
do it 7 times as it is!

There're limits, you know! Never
mess up personal things with duty.

How can I perform my duty if
you're getting at my throat like this?

Enough. The subject is closed.

Sorry, I'm in the meeting now.

- Okay. Where's Trunov's car?
- Locked up in the police compound.

Okay, return the car to its owner
and the driver's license, too.

And I'd appreciate
if you apologize.

I'd rather suspend it for 3 months. He
is a persistent and conscious one.

This is your usual attitude: Firstly -
persistent, and secondly - conscious.

Come up with something new. You
don't decide if to suspend it or not.

Comrade major! Comrade major!

I'm filing my report. So, please,
take some measures.

Can I come in, comrade major? Sorry.

Zykin, I've run out of patience,
you know!

Though I'm really very patient.

Please, take measures.

On-duty officer!

Right, right, on-duty officer.

Good afternoon, comrade major!

The weather's so beautiful today,
right, comrade major?

Andrianov, come to my office!

The lifter is out of order.
Its engine got burnt.

- You got an hour to fix it.
- Right.

Comrade Trunov!

Valentin Petrovich!

- Good afternoon! Inspector Andrianov.
- Hi.

Your car is waiting for you
outside. You can drive it.

It has a hell of an engine!
Is it electric ignition?

Oh, I forgot,
here's your driver's card.

And my papers?

Comrade major didn't say anything
about them. What's wrong?

Everything's fine. Thanks.

Anything else?

No big deal! Something's wrong with
rear brakes in my stepmother's car.

The shoes got to be replaced.
Can I drop by?

- Run out of shoes now.
- None at all?

- Right. None at all.
- Not a single set?

- Right. Not a single set.
- And when are you gonna have them?

- I really don't know.
- But can I stop by when you get them?

Sure. Take care.

And what's your major's patronymic?
Fyodor what?

Fyodor Antonovich Grinko!

I got it. Grinko. Take care.

So I'll drop by, okay?

Hello.

Fyodor Antonovich, hi.
This is Trunov.

Right, I'd like to thank you
for the favor done.

No, this is not a favor,
this is our duty.

To observe law, to be tactful
to people, and stuff like that.

Is everything okay with the car?

And you worried. Good.

Alright.

You know, while we are at it...

I'm keeping your papers
for a while.

You see,

Valentin Petrovich, the inspector
filed a report against you,

and he won't withdraw it,
so I'm forced to take measures.

No, not with respect to you,
but with respect to his report.

It's just a formality, you know,
but it can't be helped.

Right, that's the way we
do ourjob here.

Next week you'll be summoned to
appear before the Traffic Committee.

It's a serious problem,
but we'll try to settle it, considering...

Sorry, I'm in a very important meeting
now. Call me if you need anything.

Redhead jerk!

- Can I come in?
- Yes. Come in.

It's about the complaint.

Our head engineer reckons
we can do 78% on our own,

as for the remaining 22%,
we need to apply to the plant.

Where's your boss?
Where's your director?

- Having his lunch-break.
- Thanks.

Zykin, come here!

Nefyodov, come here, too.

Look, Zykin. I'll tell you this.

Alright, Zykin. Give your motorbike
to Nefyodov and turn in your uniform!

How come?!

You heard me. Grab the bike,
Nefyodov. Full speed ahead!

- Eduard Anatolyevich!
- So many outsiders on the team!

Is your club Labor Reserves or what?
This team is such a throw-together!

What's going on here?!

Some people think
you can't be on our team.

- Who thinks so?
- I do!

I don't get you.

I'm saying it again: You're
Labor Reserves, and we're - "Dynamo"!

So go to your damned "Dynamo"
and ride a bike there!

But they got no speedway there,
just cross-country-race.

Who cares? They got cross-country
race, and Nefyodov got no bike!

Wait, but I'm not the only outsider
on the team, there're many others.

Why are you taking my bike from me?

- You got in someone's way.
- What do you mean?

I'll explain what I mean. A guy
was walking and you got in his way.

- Who's this walking guy?
- You know it yourself.

- Trunov?!
- You said it. Not me.

Hey, you'll be run over!
Careless jerk!

Look who's here!

- Petya, dear! Finally!
- Good for you!

- Oh! Some guest!
- Slava, how come you're here?

- From the fire into the frying pan!
- But you're due back in a week!

Nina got a telegram: Her promotion to
head of the department is being decided.

Okay. We'll talk later. Sit.

Hi.

- What a surprise! Who are you?
- Don't yell! This is Gena's teacher.

Really?! This is what happens if you
ignore teachers/parents meetings!

How come you know her?

- She summoned me to the school.
- Why?

- Gena was staring out of the window.
- What?

She summoned you because of this?!

It's the end of the school year.
Italy, the Renaissance, you know...

Redhead, my dear!
You've come at last!

- Hi.
- Hi, Nina

I checked three times,
and you were not here.

Nina, get a load of this funny girl!

Do you know
that she's our son's teacher?

Yekaterina lvanovna,
a history teacher. Why?

Nothing. Have a chat
with your brother.

- Why are you so gloomy?
- I'm not gloomy. Why do you ask?

- Are you tired?
- I'm not tired and I'm gloomy.

My history teacher was such a bitch!
With this one you won't stare around.

What?

I'm saying Gena's lucky to have
a very good history teacher!

Huh, Pyotr?

Right, Pyotr?

And you eat, eat.

Pyotr Sergeyevich, why all this?!
I warned you, there's nothing serious.

Why did you tell them to come back?

Honestly, it's not my doing...

You know, my sister was to be
promoted to head of the department...

- Right.
- Right.

And some Krutova sent
this telegram!

Okay. She was being stupid. And you?
You don't know this Krutova, huh?

- What do you mean?
- She's a whistleblower!

A whistleblower.

Krutova gave you a telegram -
and you took off!

What do you mean?!

Look at them arriving home
right away!

- What's wrong with you, Petya?
- Petya!

What's the matter with him?

Look! We shouldn't have taken off!
And I told her that.

But she... Excuse me.

And she says she had a dream, like
she's thirsty, but the well is dry.

Do you understand? No water.
This is a very bad sign.

- I'm so sorry.
- That's all right.

Pyotr Sergeyevich!

Pyotr Sergeyevich!

Believe me, I didn't want it.

I just thought
you were talking about me.

This is the usual way with me.
I always make up something and then...

Wait!

I know I'm funny.

I'm a weirdo, right?

And I'm...

What are you doing?!

Sorry.

"I ain't got no sister,

"I ain't got no brother,

"There's word, with kids
you have your hands full!

"What will it be like here on earth...

Girl in the red jacket,
you're crossing in the wrong place!

Andrianov, do you know the song: "I
ain't got no brother, and no sister"?

What?

The one that goes "when it's
out of fashion to have kids"?

You lost me.

Forget it!

The guy's definitely going to apply
to the Academy.

Look who's here!

Hi, Vasili Kirillovich!
In the driver's seat?!

Traveled 10 kilometers and haven't
kissed a single post! Fantastic!

Great!

And why did you turn out like this?!

All people around are kind of normal,
and you're like a rara avis!

What's wrong with you?

Listen, you champion of
safety on the roads,

did it ever cross your mind that your
struggle causes lots of problems?

What's going on here?

I'm sure this is no big deal for you.

Who cares that not your sister but
another person heading the department,

and your sister has been waiting for
this so long. But this is crap. Right?

Another person? Why?

Because!

Because you don't care who is
at the wheel of the car!

You're a man of high principle!

If you violated the rule, be ready to
answer for it. You're a hero! Right?

Wait, wait. I don't understand it.

What do I have to do with all this?!

Who made another person
head of the department?

Me. What are you looking at?

Right, I did it.

Why are you staring at me?

You think Pushkov is a bastard, right?
Who cares if it was Trunov's wish.

Who is he? A minister or something?

Head of the directorate? Huh?

No, he's just service station boss.
Why lick his boots?

Right?

Yegor!

Look what you've done!

Yegor, cover me!
I'll be back in an hour!

Petya!

I'm glad you came.
We'll have lunch together.

I went to the market,
it's so crowded there.

I got shirts for you and Slava.

Cute, right?

You're late!

You're late!

Sorry, bosses can only be delayed,
but they're never late.

Band, a flourish!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Wanted to buy one for Gena, too.
But they didn't have his size.

Guys, why are you sitting there?

Petya!

Pyotr, where are you going?

Pyotr!

- No, you don't have to sign here.
- Okay.

After 5 close the car-wash.
Okay? You know all yourselves.

You got it.

Can I have you for a minute?

I'm sorry, You're late.

I'll come by 11 tomorrow, and
you take care of the inspector's car.

- Spare me just one minute!
- Later.

- What's wrong with your car?
- I need to...

Comrade senior lieutenant!

Driver of the car number plate 0046,
pull over!

Car number 0046, pull over!

Road inspector,
senior lieutenant Zykin!

Your papers, please.

Why?

Because you're a creep!

Because you're a bastard!

Because you're a SOB!

Bastard! Son of a bitch!

Officers!

Comrade major, all the officers of the
department are here as you ordered!

Yesterday, when on patrol

senior lieutenant Zykin
stopped a driver

without any reasons for it,
and rudely insulted him.

For exceeding his duties and
responsibilities, for behavior

unworthy of a police officer,

senior lieutenant Zykin is demoted
to a lower post!

Captain Smirnov, prepare the order
to that effect today!

Inspector Zykin.

Violating huh?

Look, let's go to Tallinn, eh?

Have you been to Tallinn?

How come? You've never been
to Tallinn? For real?

Okay, it's settled. Why think about it?

We just must go to Tallinn.

And then to Leningrad.

And the dispatcher announces:
'This is the City of Leningrad!"

No, we can't go to Leningrad.

Why not?

If my Granny finds out
we were in Leningrad,

and didn't go to Luga,
she'll be really disappointed.

Then let's go to Luga, too.

No, if we go there, we'll spend
the whole vacation there.

Look, maybe better to the Caucasus?

To New Afon, huh?

Or maybe I'm wrong, and what's
good for swifts is bad for sparrows?

What swifts?

Those that fly, you know.

I mean people.

And maybe the major

is right?

What am I trying to prove?

He's no way worried about this
3-month suspension.

It's like water off the duck's back
for him.

And my sister is suffering.

My own sister who raised me,
gave me education and stuff.

What am I trying to prove?

I'd better quit traffic police...

It's not for me.

What's wrong, Petya?
Why are you talking like this?

Forget it.

Everything's fine.

Petya, let's go to the movies tonight.

I'll be on patrol till late.

So what? We'll go to see
the last show.

- The very last one?
- Uh-huh...

Okay.

- See you!
- Till evening then.

I'm telling you, comrade major,
its engine works like clock.

Listen to it yourself.

Good for Zykin. I like the way
he treats cars.

He doesn't know how to treat humans.
But he treats vehicles like Royalty.

Right?

- Replace this sign.
- Yes, sir!

Are they going to switch to right-side
driving in Britain? What do you say?

Huh?

I guess they are.

I don't think it's wise. And if I were
Queen, I would veto it.

They'll need to replace so many signs.
And to redo the road markings?

Okay, they'll handle it,
but how many car crashes will follow:

Over a 1000 years they've been doing
everything the other way round, huh?

As for the Japanese, this change
should go more smoothly with them.

They're highly disciplined
and well-organized,

but who knows!

What do you say?

- Look, Andrianov!
- Yes, comrade major.

Better think about your beat.

Why talk about England and Japan? Tons
of problems here in the department,

and you're wracking your brains over
this overseas Queen!

Come on, comrade major!

Like I need this Queen
to wrack my brains over her!

She's got her advisers,
and it's theirjob to think about it!

What, comrade major?

Go to Post 7.

Comrade major, during my time
on duty no incidents occurred.

- Hi, Zykin.
- Good day, sir.

You're still fixing this window,
as I see.

The entire pane got to be replaced!
It's all rotten!

Here! Look.

Look, Andrianov...

Go to the bridge, Andrianov, okay?

But there're repairs going on there.

Right, check on its condition, on all
bridge approaches. On everything.

I got it. Here.

Right...

I guess, there'll be a lot of
mushrooms this year.

Like in '55. Remember?

I was just born in '55,
comrade major.

Ah...

And I was a precinct officer
in Seleznyovka back then.

It's a settlement
in Bryansk Region.

Listen to what once happened

because of those mushrooms.

One woman, a timber mill worker, went
to the woods and took along her son.

And the boy was just 4!

And the woods are so wild there.
So, this little boy got lost.

They searched for him for 24 hours.
Even called a plane. Didn't help.

He got lost?

So, at night I got back home,

Vovka was sleeping, and kind of
snorted. He was a little kid then.

Well, I checked on him...

So I got back home
and thought: What to do?

I went to the radio relay station
and made an announcement.

Next morning the whole settlement was
in front of the village Soviet!

And folks kept flowing in - our
neighbors and from the region's center!

So, by evening we found him.

He lay in the stack, sleeping.

On one leg the stocking
got rolled down.

They wrote about it in "Ogonyok".
Have you read about it?

No, I haven't.

And why did I recall this story?

- It was about mushrooms...
- Right, mushrooms.

There must be tons of mushrooms
this year.

As for me, give me saffron-milk caps!
I like their red color.

You know, forgive me for this!

That's alright, comrade major!

Yes, you got us in such a mess...

I'm just back from the regional
department...

They got very much interested
in this case.

They think I was too liberal.

There's an opinion

I need to demote you one rank
lower, too!

Why on earth couldn't you
bear with him?

You think I like this Trunov, huh?

I can really see through him!

Those damned businessmen!

They'll always do it so that...

there's no way
you can blame them for anything!

He's in the saddle now, and you...

Why are you fidgeting with this
window?

They want to demote you a rank,

and you're playing with this
window!

And what am I supposed to do?

What you're supposed to do?

Traffic committee is meeting tomorrow,
and unless you withdraw your report,

we'll have to suspend his license -
for a minimum of three months.

Then do it!

You mean, he loses his license, and
you get a star on the shoulder strap?!

We shall see whose funeral this is!

- Where have you been so long?!
- Checking on the bridge.

- To hell with this bridge!
- But I went there on your order.

Let's go!

On-duty officer!

- Yes, sir!
- What is this?

- A wall newspaper!
- I'm not blind. What date?

- It's a new-year issue!
- And what's the date today?

I'm asking you, what month is it now?

- May.
- Outrageous!

You got it, too? Right, better
to be out of his sight today!

- And what's up?
- It's about that bridge of Zykin's.

- And what's wrong with this bridge?
- The railings got rotten...

- On-duty officer!
- Yes, sir!

- Get me Trunov's case.
- Yes, sir! Here.

A good wall newspaper.
Why is he so critical of it?

I can't get the point. What 3 months
are you talking about?

You said yourself this committee
is just a formality.

- Right. I said it.
- So, what's the matter now?

It's not that simple, you know!

He filed a report... It states
you committed a serious offence.

I tried to talk him into changing
the wording - he won't listen to me!

He earned a reprimand,
was demoted in his position,

I thought he would get reasonable -
no way, he won't listen to reason!

Look, don't you worry,
you won't have to walk:

Any driver will be happy to give you
a ride. Just motion a car to stop.

You'll see these 3 months will just
fly by like one day.

- Fyodor Antonovich.
- Yes?

- Don't you see what's going on?
- And what's going on?

I was invited here, spared no effort
to get 1.5 million for the station,

now it operates much more efficiently
than before I took it over.

I couldn't do it,
if I didn't bend some laws,

road rules and regulations, too.

And now we are forced to waste time
because of this law-addict?

And you, chief of the local police
department,

can't call your subordinate inspector
to order?

Right, I can't! I can't! That's it!

- But is it good?
- No, it is not.

But you know, I'm happy that I can't,
and I'm happy that you can't either.

I know you're going to push on him
from all sides,

you'll make some calls,
pull some strings.

Pyotr will be punished, and me, too.
Along with him.

But I'm happy that no matter what you
do, you can't do anything with Pyotr!

And I 'm just happy there're guys
like him!

And the ones like you
can do nothing to him!

There you go, Mister Trunov.

Valya, is it you?

Hello, hello.

Valya, why aren't you answering me?

Valya. Hello?

Enough of yourjokes.
Why have you been so long?

Come on, Valya.

Cu-ckoo.

- Gees! This is you!
- Hi.

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

- Working!
- Working?

- What do you say?
- Good for you!

Want a drink?

No, I don't.

And I'll have one.

Going on a hunting trip?

No?

Do you know how I got divorced?

Once I got back home in the morning.
I hadn't slept home, you know.

It wasn't what you think. I was just
drinking with my pals, playing cards.

Yeah.

When I got back home, she didn't ask
anything, and I didn't explain.

And a week later she didn't come
home for the night herself.

To get back at me. She was at her
mom's, and called me not to worry.

And the next day we got divorced.

Because...

I'm allowed to do this,

but she is not. No way.

And in our life,
it works absolutely the same way.

Some people are allowed to do it,

while others just can't!

Do you get my point?

Valentin Pavlovich, we've got
a telex. It's very important.

Here! Here!

Valya!

Finally!

Why so long?

- He's finally here, guys!
- Hi!

Hi there!

Hi!

And where's this...
Birthday guy, where are you?

- You look like hell. Unshaved!
- Sorry.

Have been driving drunk! Are you nuts?

- Happy birthday! This is for you.
- Thank you.

- Why are you doing it yourself?
- Don't trust anyone.

- A penalty drink for you!
- Don't talk about penalties!

You can hunt elephants in Africa
with this gun!

We got enough of our own animals
around here, even mammoths.

- You lost me.
- I mean Redhead.

Look, shoot him, lock him up in your
office and step on him like on a rug!

I read in one American magazine:
A cop was killed in a car,

and the car was pressed
into a block... this little.

In what language did you read
this American magazine?

- Careful with the wig!
- Give him the baton!

Can I have your papers, sir?

Your papers, sir!

Okay, I bought it. What?

Come on! What's wrong with you?

Come on, say it.

Why are you laughing, huh?!
Why laughing?

- Stop it! Easy!
- Why are you laughing?!

- Slow down, Valya!
- Look at them. A bunch of freaks!

- Valya!
- Valya! Valentin!

You're the Car God. But there're
other gods on this sinful earth, too.

Valentin Pavlovich,
where are you going?

There are other people around you,
Valya!

You mean, these are people?

They're scumbags!

These are people, huh?!

These are people?!

They're shit! All of them!

Miserable nothings!

Here Kurgan, calling 07.

Here 07. What have you got?

Be expecting a truck column. Ensure
its safety on the road. Do you copy?

Roger. I'm expecting a column.
Over.

03 calling Kurgan. Did you tell
Maksimov he's got a son?

Right. We did.

Don't forget, he owes a ruble
for the pram.

We'll take it from him.

Kurgan, over and out.

Hi, inspector.

Hi.

I wanted to ask you,
why do you need all this?

What "all this"?

I mean all this stuff?

- Did you get back your license?
- Doesn't matter now...

Can we talk like two grown-ups?

Can you get in my car?

Please, explain to me why you need
all this stuff?

Look,

try to understand...

You know, my life has been a real
nightmare lately,

I'm busy doing all this dirty work.

Right, dirty work!

I'm doing it to make it clear to you
that there're some guys

who live by different laws than
other people.

And you forced me into all this!

You forced me into making them
kick you out of the speedway club!

You forced me into hurting your
sister. Probably, she's a nice girl.

But I had to do it, because you
won't understand anything!

You were called onto the carpet,
you were reprimanded -

but you just won't get it!

Am I supposed to do this dirty work

explaining to you the laws
that you know well yourself?

- You know what name they gave you?
- Yes, I do!

Doesn't it sound offensive to you?

It does. They disapprove of me.
They nicknamed me Redhead.

But I'm sure that if I perform
my duty in my place,

and another guy in his place

does his duty, too, and so on
and on and on,

then, probably, everything will be
fine, like it should be.

No more speedway club - no big deal,
as for my sister - I can handle it.

I'm gonna eat dust,
riding this junk bike -

that's not the point.

The point is this is the way I am,
and I can't and won't be different.

Are you kidding me?

- No.
- This is what you think, right?

- Right. This is what I think.
- For real?

For real.

God, do you know how many
disillusions lie ahead of you?

No, I don't.

Look, give me your keys

and take a ride to town.

Please, do it. Don't make me
arrest you for drunk driving. Okay?

- To town?
- Right!

Give a ride
to the guy over there.

Okay.

Written by
Alexander Borodyansky

Directed by
Eldor Urazbayev

Director of Photography
Mikhail Rogovoy

Music by
Eduard Khagagortyan

Production Designer
S. Bocharov

Costume Designer
M. Sokolnikov

USSR Cinematography
Symphony Orchestra

Conductor
E. Bagirov

M. Gorky Film Studio
1982.

The End