Inspector Chocolate (1986) - full transcript

Let's welcome our Snack Hour Hostess,

Mrs. Lin.

OK, cue in Mr. Lin.

Friends, I'm not demonstrating
Taiwan Snacks today.

This dessert can easily be bought.

But nothing beats over fresh sweets

made by yourself.

This is egg-tart.

Now we get a crust,

flatten it and flip it
to fill this mould.

And apply a push, and a squeeze!



Now the blended egg
is poured into the crust.

Into the oven it goes.

Mom!

A home oven takes 15 minutes.

But a TV station's oven
takes much less time.

It sure smells good.

I'll get my sons to taste it.

Wai-wai, Wei-wei, come and try.

- Is it palatable?
- Palatable.

That's it for today,
so see you tomorrow. Bye!

Bye-bye.

This time our Taiwan food specialist
Mrs. Lin

has introduced the recipe for egg-tarts.

Next time she'll cook her native food...



Tainan noodles.

Mr. Chu, rice with chicken.

Thank you.

What's this?

A fingerprint, I guess.

Who's got a finger this big?

Probably the chefs swollen thumb,

It was wrapped in bandage.

Give me your hand.

- Why?
- Come on.

What are you doing?

Let's see if it swells up to that size.

No, this is yours. It's a mistake.

A mistake, huh?

This looks good and right!

Here's your fingerprinted rice.

Our guys are here.

Too well dressed for thieves.

You're a cop, look at your dress.

Your well-dressed man
is breaking the glass.

Keep your eye on that one in front.

Police!

Go to hell.

Stop!

What is it?

Hurry up... Watch out.

This is yours.

You forgot something.

Hurry up.

Come and sit down. Change.

Mickey matches Mickey,

Donald for Donald, do you know?

Mom, I'm scared.

Why?

This tree looks like the devil's claw.

Don't be silly.

- Hurry up. Go.
- Go.

I told you to get dope pushers,
but you brought flour dealers.

And you broke the wrong door
for Triad members.

Now you let the radio thieves...

get away.

And you made a mess of the bazaar.

Show Mrs. Wong in.

As of today,

You take over the Missing Persons Unit.

Thank you.

I'll treat you to gingered pig knuckles.

Mr. Chiao.

Finding lost kids
is a pregnant lady's job, right?

This is not an ordinary kid.

He's the son of TV artiste
Mrs. Lin Mei-mei.

Mr. Chiao, I've been here for 5 years.

You're so full of excuses.

A subordinate should say only 3 words.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Understand?

Yes, sir.
You got missing cats for me too?

Yes, cats, the first file.

Councilor Hui's cat is missing, find it.

Which Councilor Hui?

That one who mutters nonsense on TV.

Her cat Bo Bo.
Get it back within 24 hours.

- Yes.
- Wait.

I'll give you extra help.

She's been in the force for a year.

One year? A rookie?

You're giving me a cross to carry!

Look at her make-up!

She's like a vampire!

A kissing mouth, slitty eyes,
and that pointed nose.

Chiao, same as yours.

I won't take her...

Mr. Chiao, on closer look,
she has nice features.

Maybe it's the make-up.

I'm sure she's a natural beauty.

She's my daughter.

Your daughter? Gee, what a surprise!

She's so pretty; it sure fooled me...

Just stick to the book, be harsh!

No prejudice or favor...

But a kind word at times will help her.

Come here.

I'll have to recommend
one out of seven for promotion!

I'm not saying you'll make it.

Or you'll break it either...

You've been saying this for five years.

Chu, it fluctuates like the stock market.

Yes.

Don't think I'm biased against you.

Would I put my daughter
under a competent man,

or an incompetent one?

Think it over.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Chu.

Mr. Chu, what did the boss say?

About my promotion to chief inspector.

And his daughter Chiao-chiao
will work under me.

- Isn't that No.18?
- What?

Mr. Chiao's daughter Chiao-chiao
is No.18,

in the Miss Hong Kong beauty Pageant.

Tall and beautiful,
she worked in Kowloon City.

See for yourself.

We're charmed, aren't we?

Miss Hong Kong, nude movie stars!

How come you're not that keen at work!

Well, got a hell from the boss again?

Changed your perfume?

MM... MM... it's a male seductive,
suits you.

Happy birthday to you, handsome man.

Hello, inspector Man.

Cut out that inspector nonsense,

Apple, in private, my dear.

My birthday?

Of course. How do you like this?

Beautiful!

I've just bought it.

And two tickets for Water World.

Let's go this weekend. OK?

I have a date with the coroner.

You've used this excuse.

You're mine this weekend.

Happy birthday!

I'm going. Call me. Goodbye.

The coroner...

Why did Mr. Chiao
put his daughter under you?

Isn't it obvious to you.

- It's because...
- It's the safest place in the world...

under your wing
missing dogs and children.

She can't afford to be hurt.

Be careful.

Mister Chaperon.

Take it!

Miss Aberdeen's here to report a case.

Dive, you guys!

Inspector Chu...

What is it this time?

My TV set emits radiation.

Who'll take the case?

- Any casualties?
- No.

Nuclear radiation that doesn't kill.

That good-looking professor
with short-hair.

He's a nuclear consultant.

Go and report to him.

Don't forget to slap his back
when you thank him.

What do you mean
you thought it was a toy pistol!

Professor.

Sorry,

- is this Mr. Chu's office?
- Yes.

I'm WPC 36999.

- No.18, Chiao-chiao?
- Yes...

I'll get back to you.

Gee, that's Cute.

This is the latest
summer flamingo fashion line.

I mean your puppy.

Oh yes, he's got a big appetite.

Four meals a day.

Allow me.

This is your office,
make yourself at home.

Can I hang my clothes here?

Go ahead.

May I use this drawer?

Go ahead.

My puppy needs a temporary home.

He may pass water.

Here, use these.

Don't give him too much water.

It's hot, is there no air conditioning?

- Are you Chiao-chiao?
- Yes.

- I'm inspector Chu.
- Mr. Chu.

- Come in.
- OK.

Let's talk inside.

Our air conditioner is okay.

But it's hot even when stark naked.

- How many pieces have you got on?
- Three.

Good for the arctic, not Hong Kong, see?

Chocolate for a name?

A policeman must be practical.

You can't even tell colors clearly,

in those dark glasses.

Do you know?

You're joking, sir.

Get me a red bean.

Green.

Red, black, blue.

Back, blue, purple.

Red, orange, yellow, green.

Ok.

I'm not just talking about those glasses.

Your make-up suits a ghost film better.

No heavy paintwork, OK?

Didn't daddy tell you that
they're coming to film?

What filming?

Chu, it's the TV promotion
for Miss Hong Kong,

oblige them would you!

Sorry to interfere.

Excuse me.

They want you to

monitor Chiao-chiao's performance.

I'm not entertainer, sir.

You're my best and only choice, do it!

Excuse me.

Test for sound please.

Hold the glasses for me.

Just put them on the desk.

Stand by.

Camera...

If a policeman is a citizen's nanny,

a policewoman should be his auntie.

If I were elected,

I'd be more energetic
in social activities.

To win more rapport and trust
for the citizen's auntie.

Cut.

The cloths has a little wrinkles.

Awaking the puppy.

He's sleeping.

I think he's shy.

Be good, looking at me,
now you're movie star!

Ok. This is a rehearsal,
the real thing is coming.

Everything ok? Ready, set.

Ready, camera.

- Cut...
- Sorry...

Lades and gentleman...

Never mind! Once again.

Stand by... Ready, camera.

If a policeman is a citizen's nanny,

a policewoman would be his auntie.

If I were elected,

I'd be more energetic
in social activities.

To win more rapport for this sister.

Cut...

Is it alright?

Now her superior.

Please stand by.

Sorry. Come on... Sit here.

Get a file and act with him.

You pretend to be busy
while she passes it.

Ready, camera.

- Should I face here?
- Right.

Ready, camera.

Speak.

Citizen, police...

- Give me the file...
- When shall I give it to him...

Give him now, go on.

A policeman is the citizen's nurse.

A policewoman is the citizen's auntie.

I'm her superior,
therefore I'm the citizen's uncle.

I have a duty to promote our image,

to bring the citizens
closer to their uncle...

citizens, aunties...

We hope the citizens will be impressed,

by their aunties, uncles and nurses,
like one happy family.

Thank you.

Cut... Thank you.

Have you finished giggling?

Find this child in 3 hours.

Just let her tag along.

You see, she's the boss's daughter.

My boss would kill me
if she should lose one hair.

Guess who I'll kill then.

Me.

What would you do
if there's a banana peel,

in the street in front of you both?

I'll step on it first.

And try not to fall on her.

Can't afford hurting our princess, see?

Go.

What does Wei-wei's abductor look like?

Long-haired.

How about his eyes?

- Slender.
- How slender?

Like this.

How about his face?

- With moustache.
- With moustache!

Wai-wai, try to remember every detail.

Or we'll never find your brother.

We often told your parents,

to deliver the children to our teacher.

I had to rush back to the studio.

Do you think
he got washed away down there?

He looks like this?

Yes.

- He looks like this?
- Yes.

Did he and Wei-wei ascend to haven,

or simply disappear.

- They flew to the sky.
- They flew to the sky, huh?

Any clues?

They flew to the sky, gone!

- Handsome.
- Inspector Man.

Apple if you don't mind, my dear.

You promised to meet me at Water World.

Why didn't you show up?

Look, my fingers are all wrinkled.

I told you I...

Excuses! Excuses!

Come with me to lunch.

I wanted to,
but... I have a date with the coroner.

Close the file, I'm on fire baby!

Mr. Chu.

We'll come back later.

What time is that coroner's appointment?

Coroner?

You know that case
with the decayed bodies?

Oh, that case, five minutes from now.

- We must go now.
- Ok, let's go together.

No, it will turn your stomach.

I've seen dead bodies.

Bring a camera if you must go.

"Skeleton" the coroner
has a way of dissecting corpses.

That day we saw him doing it,

During his meal.

One hand with a hamburger
the other chopping away.

He soaked the blood with his burger,

then wiped away the fats.

And took out the bloody duodenum.

You know it's very long.

So he got someone

to hold both ends.

Squeezed it. You know why?

To extract the bullet.
What a squeaking noise it made.

The hole would burst when held tight.

You know what it looked like.

It was like salad dressing with ketchup,

and smashed beancurd.

All gushing out!

He combed here and there.

Then he found a hole
and put his finger in.

He gouged everything out.

Boy, there was this one time,

when the intestine became too rotten.

It loses elasticity and burst,

when pulled at

and spilled things all over.

Then he brandished it.

He brandished it,

like a whip!

He did the other side like Bruce Lee
fighting with a section club.

Enough already!

How is it?

Have you found this child?

We've covered all sources.

Nothing!

But his brother
saw this man take him away.

Did Jesus take him away?

Yes, and E.T. was there too!
The kid's funny, you know...

No, you can't expect much from a child.

Maybe someone abducted him,
bad description that's all.

Let's check out Mrs. Lin's place.

Who are you looking for, please?

Mrs. Lin's flat at 34A.

Your identification paper please.

You see this company badge?

Sorry, your identification please.

Identification paper?
Where the hell is my ID?

Thank you, we're from Philips.

You got away this time,

next time it may cost your life.

He called me!

- Mrs. Lin?
- Yes.

Who called?

A man. He said he's got my child!

He told me to wait for his call.

And not to call the police.

- Where's your phone?
- Here.

Let's install a recorder and tracer.

- Sir.
- Are you his grandma?

- They didn't mention any ransom.
- Yes.

What now?

Calm down, grandma.

Play for time when he calls.

So our man can trace his call,

and get your child back for you.

- I'll bring you tea.
- Thank you.

- Beer for me.
- Ok.

- Mrs. Lin, may I look around?
- Yes.

Have you heard the caller's voice before?

- No.
- No?

- Mammy.
- Good boy.

- Uncle.
- Hi.

Is Mr. Lin in his office?

They've been separated for 7 months.

I'm sorry. Where is he now?

He went to Hawaii
for a swinging time with a singer.

Excuse me.

Her husband left her
this flat and a cake-shop.

You've got very good ears, you know?

Well, I got those
from the gossip magazines.

There was a special feature saying,

that the singer once worked
as a dance hostess.

- Is that right?
- Right.

I'm sure she was someone's
kept woman as well?

Yes... It was a lawyer,
then he gave her the dump.

Is that alright? Did that magazine
mention the child's whereabout?

No. Maybe they would in the next issue.

Then cut the crap
until the next issue, ok?

- Mr. Chu, it's fixed.
- What?

The recorder.

Go to Mrs. Lin's cake shop
this afternoon,

check out all the staff.

Take her with you.

Remember one thing.

- I must step on the banana peel first.
- Right.

If she lost one hair, we'd be finished.

Our only hope now is that.

She wins the Miss Hong Kong title,

and marries a rich man.

- Be wealthy.
- Be free.

- Where's your manager?
- Just a minute.

This is our staff register.

Your personal record, Mr. Ho?

I've been with Mrs. Lin for 2 years,

it is not required.

You've just returned from your leave?

Yes.

Who stays in the shop at night?

Only myself, I sleep on the cockloft.

Can I have a look?

- It's not a very interesting place.
- But I'm interested.

- Fresh from the oven?
- Yes.

- Try one.
- Be careful, it's very hot.

You got burnt?

What have you got?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

- Really nothing.
- I told you there's nothing.

- A cockroach! Help!
- Don't be afraid. I'll help you.

A cockroach! Help! In the waist! Help!

- Where?
- In the waist.

In the armpit...

Hurry... Catch it. Don't let it get away.

The back...

- Where?
- The back.

Ok.

It's stuck.

Don't worry. I'll flush it off.

Come on.

You promised to
get back the child in 24 hours.

Where is he now?

He may be kidnapped. I'm investigating.

What about Councilor Hui's cat?

Kidnapped I suppose. I'm investigating.

No clue for anything then?

Hold this.

Miss Wondeoman.

She's my only daughter.
If anything happens to her.

I'll personally castrate you, got it?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Ever heard of Guinness's World record?

- You're to be listed in it.
- Why?

You're the first man
who scalded his back,

While eating an egg-tart.

Mr. Chu.

Never judge a man from his appearance.

In real life,
an evil-looking man is good,

an honest-looking man may look evil.

Never.

Would anyone say Stallone is a villain?

Mr. Chu, I've a case to report.

What?

I was molested.

- Why don't you deal with this case?
- Yes, sir.

I'll help you.

Let her.

Are you a dancing hostess?

Nonsense, I'm a dancer.

When I was in the chorus line,

Ginger couldn't even hop scotch.

When I danced the men's eyes would bulge...

And I was raped as a result.

She's a nut case.

Couldn't you tell,

when you first saw her?

They don't believe I'm a dancer.

I'll show you.

Go down...

- Shall we dance?
- Ok.

- Let's dance out of here.
- Ok.

- Do you know how to dance the Tango?
- Yes.

Show me how to dance the Tango.

Door.

Go over there.

This way...

Your missing cat
is receiving top priority.

All our men have been mobilized.

Where to?

Mobilized to dance?

Instead of finding the bloody cat.

You put on a dance for the councilor.

Councilor Hui loves her cat
more than her husband.

What's so funny?

Sir, they're watching us.

I'll lose face
if they see you scolding me.

If I lose face, so would your daughter,

then there's your face to consider, sir.

Scold me, tear me apart,

but let me smile.

Just to save our faces.

- Pay attention!
- Yes.

You know why you can't be promoted?

Your performance has been hopeless.

Appalling!

- What's going on?
- Beats me.

- Stand up.
- Yes sir.

Cut out that grin.

Listen, do it again
and I'll castrate you.

Go out.

The boss said we danced brilliantly.

He wants me and Egg-tart

to perform at the staff party.

Never knew he's an art connoisseur.

- You...
- Back to work.

Red bean soup for everyone, come on.

- Tastes better when it's hot.
- Thank you.

- Red bean soup for everyone, come on.
- Thank you, grandma.

Why has there been no phone call?

Don't worry,

there are over 100 such cases each year.

99 of the victims
returned home themselves.

Some cases involve a miserable ransom.

No one ever got hurt.

Have a bowl of red bean soup.

Mom, auntie is on TV.

I'm Chiao-chiao, No.18.

I'm a policewoman.

I'll try my best at the Final.

And spread my glamour
to every nook and corner.

Mr. Chu, anything wrong?

Anything wrong? No.

Was it my performance?

Ask him.

Do you think I'll stand a chance?

Ask him. He's an expert.

Expert, give her your opinion.

Egg-tart, what do you say?

No idea. Ask her.

Mrs. Lin, what do you say?

I'm overaged and my husband has left me.

I'm in no position to judge.

Many ugly girls have won the title.

So you've nothing to worry.

Let me show you.

No need.

I'll demonstrate.

Take this for a stage. And the prop.

I'll have some silk to cover myself.

Give me some music, Egg-tart, music.

I'll come up stage like this.

Then I'll lean on the grand piano.

Is this pose okay?

Then I'll turn round and cover my thigh
with the silk-cloth.

Because the swimwear is too revealing.

Then I'll say, one-sided love is fun.

Although you don't love him, but...

So long as he doesn't know it.

What difference does it make?

So let's find the one
we don't love and go for it.

What do you say?

Not this way. Let me show you.

- This is really an absurd pose.
- Why?

You're exposing
your two major weaknesses.

What?

- You're holding your chest up.
- What's wrong with that?

Because you have no chest.

You'll lose points for being rude.

For what?

For showing the judges
an unshaven armpit.

One-sided love is beautiful.

Interesting, not beautiful.

One-sided love is interesting.

You know you love him.

And he doesn't know you do...

It's, he doesn't know I love him.

Why not just find someone
who secretly loves you.

And who doesn't know you love him...

What?

What do you mean?

One-sided love is interesting.

Interesting? You know the mental asylum,

is packed with such lovers.

Shouting their lovers' names to the sea.

Darling, honey...

You're all nuts.

What shall I say then?

Since most of the stuff
they say on those shows are rubbish.

Just don't say anything.

However, a very important tip.

Watch out for that moment.

What moment?

When the M/C announces
that you've won the title.

Why?

Why? There are thousands of
good-looking bachelors in HK,

looking for their brides-to-be.

Don't you agree, Mrs. Lin?

What then?

Give them the magic smile.

That's easy.

You are laughing like an idiot.

Who would marry a moron?

- Don't you agree, Mrs. Lin?
- What then?

Smile subtly,
and sincerely before the camera.

Don't over do it, be gentle.

It's taboo to make a victory sign.

As if you've won a war!

It's also taboo to throw kisses.

Like you can't wait to
give yourself away to those men.

And then remember that,

the ultimate turn of facial expression.

What?

From smile to tears.

Tears? Why?

To show them that,
you're surprised, it's not a fix-up.

When 6 million people in HK say
you're the most beautiful.

You should look surprised.

Only a whore wouldn't be moved to tears.

Ok, do it now.

Don't be hammy.

Face the TV camera with sincerity.

Then emotionally say...

Emotionally say...

I've struggled hard to achieve this.

It was a lonely journey,
except for my parents.

Mammy...

Right?

This is finesse, elegance.

Easy, no problem.

Easy, can you show me then?

Ok.

I'll do the announcement.

Ready. Miss Hong Kong 1986 is...

What's your number.

No.18.

No.12, Yu Chin-chang.

What kind of expression is that?

There's nothing
worse than over-confidence.

You represent the entire police force.

You're the citizens' auntie,
I'm their godfather.

So bear your defeat gracefully.

Face up to reality.

It's the sporting spirit that matters.

Practice.

Again, ready.

Miss Hong Kong is...

No.23, Miss Tai Mei-chin.

You're doing it again.

I can't possibly be beaten by her.

It was a random choice only.

No.17, Miss Lily Kao.

She had her skin lifted three times.

I'll pick another one.
No.14, Miss I. Pen-tan.

The oldest bag of all.
I can't possibly lose to her.

Now, No.7, Miss Tsai Mei-chun.

She's got a beau. Everyone knows it.

- Who do you want me to name then?
- None!

None?

Mrs. Lin?

Speaking. Who are you?

Don't ask. Your son is in my hands.

Bring one million to the Empire Center
at 12 a.m. tomorrow.

And waiting for my call. That is it.

What?

All I needed was ten more seconds!

What now, Mr. Chu?

Well, what now?

He wants $1 million. Is that right?

See if he can live to spend it.

Is Mrs. Lin here? Over.

She's just arrived. Over.

Good.

Keep watching in the beauty salon.

It's photo time!

- Miss, want a facial treatment?
- Yes.

- Where's the phone please?
- Over there.

Aren't you Mrs. Lin on TV?

What will you have, Mrs. Lin?

Anything.

Do you report to police?

No.

Don't try to find me.

I want to be sure that
you're not followed.

Run up to the 2nd floor,
then the ground floor.

Then come back here to wait for my call.

Where's my son?

Don't ask. Run! Now!

Let me away!

Mrs. Lin...

Mrs. Lin, what's up?

Don't come with me.

Where are you going, Mrs. Lin?

Mrs. Lin, please pay first.

Stop!

CID, don't go.

CID. You're arrested for kidnapping.

I'm here for the money.

Well, we call it blackmailing.
What do you call it?

- Paying for her bill.
- What's it?

The bill...

Mom, help me do it.

Sorry, I'm in no mood for it.

Go play inside.

Come on, mom.

I told you to leave me alone.

Let's go. Don't bother mommy.

I'll tell you a story. Ok.

What story?

A story from the "Ding Dong" comic book.

You don't understand.

How do you know I don't?

Do you know
who's Ding Dong's best friend?

- Who?
- Teddy.

Teddy? Alright.

- Mrs. Lin?
- Speaking.

So you did it. The police were there.

I didn't. I didn't do it.

Give me another chance, I beg you.

Ok. Listen.

Let us beckon the happy evening farewell.

- Who was singing just now?
- Singing?

I was watching TV.

TV? What program?

Enjoy Yourself Tonight
that was the theme song.

That program ended at 11:10 p.m.

It's now past midnight.

It was on video tape.

Tape?
That should have been sung by a chorus.

Many were singing.

Play it for me.

Let us beckon the happy evening farewell.

Ok, listen, tomorrow at 3:00 p.m.

Bring the money to San Yueh Gift Dept.

If you inform the police once more.

I'll mail you your son's head.

I won't, I swear!

Don't hurt my child! Please!

He's hung up.

Ok, thank you.

It came from a telephone booth
at Ocean Center.

He'd be gone by now.

Mr. Chu... Don't...

Mrs. Lin, calm down.

Just pay him and get your son back.

We won't follow you.

We'll catch those scumbags later, ok?

Where's my chocolate?

Mammy, don't cry.

Where's the Gift Department, please?

Over there.

Thank you.

Come and try our Japanese steak.

Ladies and gentlemen, come and try.

Try Japanese Brochette Scallop.

Please try it.

Try Japanese Brochette Scallop...

Just a moment.

What are you doing?
Stop making fun of my daughter.

This brochette is not bad.

Please try it.

This milk may be contaminated.

I'm making a test for your baby's safety.

You're lucky. It's okay, keep drinking.

Thank you. I'll bring you the change.

Please hang on. Mrs. Lin, it's for you.

Thank you.

Speaking.

Your autograph, please.
I enjoy seeing you on TV.

Your autograph, please.

I'll come right away.

- Ain't you buying something?
- Sorry, I'm in a hurry.

This is it.

No, the fifth one.

The world's full of weirdoes!

Father, you shouldn't come in here.

Not unless you are the Blessed Mary.

Mr. Chu, the ladies'room.

Gosh! You've tripped.

We have special ones for your kind...

- Come on, let me help you.
- I'll do it myself.

We're both females. Don't worry, easy...

I can do it. Thank you.

Let me help you up.

Thank you.

What?

Your pants, just helping you that's all.

No, please go out.

I'll mange.

- Sure you don't need help?
- I'm sure.

Okay, I'll go.

Thanks, close the door please!

How miserable!

Mrs. Lin, have your brought money?

Where's my son?

Give it to me. You bitch!

Where's my son?

A fight, a fight.

- Chu sir.
- Pull me.

Not here, stupid!

He is go away...

Egg-tart,
stop him through the back alley.

Why can't I go out?

Freeze.

Where's the child?

I don't know.

I only know Mrs. Lin's son is missing.

So I just wanted to make a few bucks.

Where's the boy?

I haven't got him.

Any news, inspector?

He didn't kidnap your child.

He only bluffed to make some money.

Inspector, my son's been gone a week.

Mrs. Lin, don't worry.

That's no way to interrogate.

You can't expect a confession
unless you use violence,

or get someone to do it.

Cops can use force, right?

I know how you can make him sing.

Immerse that son of a bitch in water.

With his toes tied up in hemp cord.

Or use screw drivers
to pry his toes to make him talk.

Give me back my grandson. You bastard!

I've tried all those means already.

Did you? Really?

I was watching,
you treated him like a royal visitor.

Did you notice?

Under the table
I was using a screw driver,

to screw out his nails,
blood all over the floor.

Now both his feet are injured.

He's really tough, huh?

Yes.

Mrs. Lin, don't be discouraged.

We're ambushing a kidnapping syndicate
tomorrow night.

I expect to find your child there.

Inspector Liang's in charge of that case.

Right, Mrs. Lin, just take it easy.

He was trained in the F.B.I.

He was appointed personal escort
to the Queen on her visit.

None can rival him in the police force.

Congratulations.

Chiao-chiao has won
in the qualifying round, Mr. Chaperon!

You don't know
the make of the car, right?

I'll bet you don't even know
what year this is, right?

What are the names of your children?

Peng Hsiao-ming, Chih-yuan, Wan-fen.

- Mr. Liang.
- You better not cross it inspector.

Hey, I won't steal your thunder.

I'll behave, I'll just watch.

I'm only concerned
because his mother is anxious.

Notify me if you see that child.

You're really sweet...

Thank you, Inspector Liang.

Chiao-chiao,
it's going to be a long wait.

Nothing for you really, why not go home?

Mr. Chu, I want to see
if they can find Wei-wei.

You'll have to wait... Ah look...

A beach. Go and watch the waves.

Like you once said, it's rom... rom...

Romantic.

Romantic, that's it! Romantic!
Listen to the waves but be careful.

I'll notify you if anything happens.

And watch out for the waves.

There's a roadblock ahead.

Make a U-turn then.

We can't, the road's too narrow.

- Let them out here.
- Ok.

Quiet, or I'll chop you off.

What are you doing?

I'm a detective.

Mr. Liang, something wrong
with this container truck.

Isn't that Chiao-chiao?

You're kidding! Shit!

Stop...

Stop...

- Go to save her!
- We may get killed.

Her dad will kill us anyway
if we don't save her.

Come on! 1,2,3, Jump!

Stop...

Why are you here?

You just stole my line.

The children are inside.

Don't move! Understand?

I'm a detective.

I'll kill you...

Don't hurt the children.

Don't try anything, you'll regret it.

You're charged for one count only.

But if you mess with me,
it will be 5 counts. I know you!

You're with the east side gang, right?

Wait, you're with the west side gang.

No? Then it's the wharf gang.

There are five kids.

Go join your moms.

Ping, Hsiung...

Come on, get in.

A cake for summer is ready.

Wai-wai, tell the audience how it tastes.

Mom, brother likes strawberries.

Shall we save one for him?

My other son is named Wei-wei.

He has been missing for days.

- That's not in the script.
- Shall we cut to the cake?

His grandma and I miss him very much.

Never mind. Stay on Mrs. Lin.

Tell me,

if you've news of him.

I'll offer you anything.

Thank you, I beg you.

Let's hope this will help her.

I'm giving your case to someone else.

Who?

None of your business.

Are you giving it to Liang?

Never mind.

Thank you.

Sorry, boss's orders!

Don't blame me. You asked for it.

Yes, yes, yes.

Understand? Get out...

1, 2...

Daddy, don't blame him.

He nearly lost his life rescuing me.

Be careful, my baby.

You still have to appear for the contest.

You don't want to appear
like an Egyptian mummy.

I jumped and what a fight that was.

They outnumbered us two of one.

Handsome.

The whole world knows
you got hell from the chief.

I'll make it up for you tonight.

I already have...

Stop acting. Everybody knows
you're off that case.

Mr. Liang has taken over your work.

Look, today's my birthday.

Let's go out to have dinner buffet?

How old are you?

Just passed 29.

That means 30.

When I was 30,

I cried my eyes out
with a tortoise shell.

And you have the heart for a buffet?

You deserve no sympathy.

You're the only one who understands me.

I'll show you a treasure map.

- That TV star's missing son.
- Yes.

He's under "Five Fingers" mountain.

Rows boat with "Jesus" everyday.

- Five Fingers Mountain, huh!
- Yes.

Good, we'll get him back.

Is there a reward?

Yes, half a million bucks.

- Do you remember the professor?
- Yes.

Just ask him for it.

Don't forget to kiss him.

Thank you.

A visitor, sir.

- Who is it?
- Mrs. Lin.

Help yourselves.

Grandma.

Mrs. Lin, what a surprise!

Mr. Chu, you didn't
come to our house yesterday.

I thought you'd given up the case.

Never, I never give up.

Last night
I thought of an ex-chauffeur of mine.

A temporary worker, real mean bastard.

A gambler, he asked for a pay rise.

And left after we turned him down.

He even threatened us before leaving.

You got his address?

No, but he was once summonsed.

Chen Lung?

Would this help?

Maybe. Go to the information Office.

It's delicious.

Check this guy out.

May I ask if this driver...

Mr. Chu, our Wei-wei is still alive.

I got a divination that he's safe.

The Gods say
he's in the Southeast of my home.

Good, I'll put this slip on file.

Mr. Chu, she told us to go back at 3 p.m.

Did she know
it's a matter of life and death?

Yes, she says she also knows
it's lunch time.

Wait for me.

- Inspector!
- Lend it to me.

It's an exhibit. Inspector!

Where's your Office-In-Charge?

Get out...

Quick, get out...

- Apple.
- Inspector Man.

What are you doing?

Trying to find a tortoise shell
to hold my tears.

- Apple.
- Inspector Man.

Apple, I didn't mean to hurt you.

You know I've got work pressures.

Besides it's a matter of life and death.

You're the only person
who understands me.

You'll help me, won't you.

No.

Nothing.

Apple, be at Revolving Restaurant,
the Peak at 9 p.m.

I'll have a birthday cake
with candles ready.

What if you don't show up?

Cut me! Kill me! Whatever!

Happy birthday to you.

The moral of the story is:

Force is always
more effective than lip-service.

Chen has a previous
conviction of blackmailing.

We have to check on him.

Call me when Chen Lung returns.

Give me three dollars of that stuff,
more sauce.

I told you to put more sauce, man!

I've given you a ton of it already.

How much did you pay?
You've put more sauce already.

Shit.

I'll pay extra, what the hell, right?

Money for value, right?

Are you Chen Lung?
I'm a detective, here's my badge.

Sorry. It's wrong.

I must have misplaced it...

I think I left it at home...

I really am a policewoman.

I'm in the Miss HK Beauty Contest.

I'm No.18, Chiao-chiao, the policewoman.

They featured me in a promotional clip.

I said a policewoman is
the citizen's nanny. Remember?

You don't?

I'm that girl who danced
the hula-hoop on TV, remember?

And I did this aerobics sequence
with two guys.

We danced together, and I sang:

Why why tell me why...

Don't move, CID.

Take it easy. Give me that saw.

Hand it over, nice and easy. Sit down.

Are you Chen Lung?

- Yes.
- Where's this child?

What has Mrs. Lin's son to do with me?

How do you know I was referring to him?

About it on TV, the newspapers.
The whole town knows, she talked.

Where's this child?

I don't run a nursery.

You talk smart, I like that.

How many occupants here?

Only myself.

Which tier do you sleep on?

The upper or lower tier,
depends on the mood.

- This yours?
- Yes.

It's a children's comic book?

It's a children's comic book?

Where does it say
an adult can't ready it?

- This is your toy too, I presume?
- Yes.

Have you really read it?

Let me ask you a question.

Who's Ding Dong's buddy?

Who?

Ta...

- Ta what?
- Ta...

Teddy! Second question.

What'd happen
if someone pulled Ding Dong's tail?

What would happen?

He'd fart...

You're farting.

- Enough.
- Speak up.

Calm down.

- Ding Dong would get mad.
- You're making me mad, you idiot!

Your last chance.

How many things can its bag carry?

How many?

Depends on the size of the objects...

Nonsense. Your last chance.

It can carry
an infinite number of objects.

Not so hard, we don't want to hurt him.

Brother Lung,
we're just trying to do a job, see?

What do you say we help each other.

I promise you
the maximum sentence is maybe 1 year.

And we'll try to reduce it to six months.

Take out the holidays etc.
You'll be out in three days! See!

Where's this child?

I don't know, I already told you.

I worked for Mrs. Lin for only one week.

What have I to do with her missing son?

Brother Lung,
don't screw around with us, ok?

Whose toy car is this?

Mine.

Yours?

It's for tiny tots only.

Tiny tots? Prove it.

Try to play this transfigured soldier.

What? Are you trying to be funny.

That's not it.

How come?

Head, face, lungs, kidneys,
it's all here.

And a navel.

No.

- What's wrong?
- Let me.

It doesn't have a neck this long.

It's supposed to be E.T., no?

Nope.

The nose is too long.

- So he's the elephant man.
- I'm telling you it's wrong.

- There!
- Hold it.

Brother Lung, you're trying to fool us.

And it's not working.

If you cooperate,
it'll be for our mutual good.

I've handled some of the worst villains.

I always give them a fair deal.

Make them do less time.

What kind of soldier did you say?

Transfigured soldier.

Stop, CID.

Next time notify me.

Before you act on anything, ok?

Have these shoes
been with you all this time?

That's Wei-wei's blood you got there.

I told you already, sir.

His nose bled one day
when I picked him up

from school.

Were you alone at home
the day he disappeared?

I don't know which day it was.

But on the 18th
I was watching the World Cup Soccer.

- Alone?
- Yes.

You've been specifically told to
leave this case alone.

You searched without a search warrant.

Luckily Inspector Liang
found a blood-stained shoe.

Listen, the case is closed.

The case is closed.

I'm waiting to see

if the Attorney General
will file charges.

Mr. Chu, I'm innocent.

The transfigured soldier is mine.

- What soldier?
- It's converted from a toy fire engine.

Screw your engine.

As far as
you're concerned the case is closed...

- Get out. Understand?
- Mr. Chiao, I...

Did he say Jesus took him away?

Yes, and E.T. was there, too.

Rows boat with "Jesus" everyday.

There's no "Five Fingers Mountain"...

Egg-tart.

Is there another name
for the area with the 5 chimneys?

Five-finger Mountain.

I suspect the kidnapper
to be long-haired.

That mad woman may have seen him.

Take me to interrogate her.

Are you serious, sir?

You're trying to
find a needle in a haystack.

Besides I have my rehearsal to go to.

Needle in a haystack, huh?

If your own son were kidnapped.

Wouldn't you
turn the haystack inside out? Huh?

- Let's go.
- Hurry up...

Chen Lung didn't kidnap Wei-wei.

He can play the transfigured soldier.

That proved he didn't lie.

Fang...

Fang, are you okay?

You're finally here,
you trust me after all.

Having lunch?

Dessert, are you crazy?

Not for you, baddie.

It's for you, goodie.

Thank you.

You told me that Jesus has the child.

Where?

You still owe me
a reward of half a million.

Didn't you collect it
from the handsome professor?

You are kidding me.

I forgot to give you the cheque...

Give me the cheque-book, Cheque-book.

I've signed it. Ask him that.

$500,000.

Get it from that
good-looking Professor Liang, ok?

You're serious this time?

I've signed it. Ask him.

It's good.

You can get it now.

Over there, on the junk.

That dishevel-haired Jesus is hiding him.

He claims he's his son.

Last year his entire family
got killed in a shipwreck.

I recognize this child on TV.

I can't see him.

He only appears at night.

Which boat is it, Fang?

- You want to know?
- Yes.

I'll tell you
after I've cashed this cheque.

Let's go.

Let's go eat first.
There's a thousand boats in here.

Keep your trap shut.

It's only a cockroach.

It's gone into the water already.

Those shoes.

Wei-wei's shoes.

He was wearing these
on the day of his disappearance.

Alert headquarters at once.

Come with me.

Give him sugar.

Finished, no more.

You've got some sugar on your face,
give it to him.

Hurry...

So you're the famous barber.

I hear you can give me a nice cut.

They told me that
you "Jesus" is the barber.

He's my crony. Give us a haircut, ok?

Sit here.

- Say hello to "Jesus".
- Hello "Jesus".

He's the best stylist in this area.

We'll be patient.

Take your time. Don't worry about us.

It's eight o'clock now.

Well, I'm terribly sorry but,

we must attend tonight's beauty contest.

Mind if I have mine first?

Here child, have my seat.

Let's have our haircut first.

Sit...

Cut his hair first?

He's the judge of beauty contest,
he needs to look good.

Thank you, brother Jesus.

Call him to come over here.

Child, come over here now.

Come here... Good.

Mr. Chu, I've called and...

Brother Jesus, do you recognize her?

No.18, Chiao-chiao,
a Miss HK hot favorite.

She'll appear on TV tonight.
Greet brother Jesus.

Brother Jesus.

We're waiting to have our haircut.

Get in the line.

It's okay.

Show Jesus your pose for tonight.

Get some advice from the expert.

Tell him about your performance.

Show them.

Get some advice from Brother Jesus.

I'll stand like this.

This pose exposes my weaknesses.

First, my chest.

I have none, see?

Besides, it's rude to show
your armpit to the judges...

It'll lose me points! Right?

Get him!

Come here, Get the child.

Get the child.

Stop.

Are you alright?

My leg.

Egg-tart, she broke her leg. Careful.

Move her out.

Hurry up.

Hurry up, Inspector.
It's dangerous below.

Move her out first.

Mr. Chu.

Quick...

Are you alright?

Don't worry, I won't hurt you.

I'm putting this down, see?

I'm really here for a haircut.

We're discussing hair styling.

Don't come down, leave us alone.

I need a haircut for the Beauty Contest.

You lied! You promised not to hurt us.

You want to kill my son.

You can kill me but you can't kill him.

Why would I want to kill your son?

Put down the gun. You...

It's not loaded, understand?

All the bullets were fired!
It was a misfire!

Bang, bang, bang, bang! Only four rounds!

It's now empty, give it to me.

Bang, bang, bang, bang!
Four rounds went off only.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
6 rounds.

Give it to me. It's not loaded anymore.

You don't trust me? Try it.

Why should I lie to you?

Don't point at there... For God's sake,
don't point at him.

Why point it at my head? Lower. Lower...

Shit, not there, up.

It's loaded.

Well... I said six, you said four.

Now there's five.
Let's call it even, shall we?

Try again...

It's not loaded anymore.

There! Take it easy. I won't hurt you.

Release the boy.

This son is God's compensation to me.

He killed my three sons,
so he gave me this one.

This is Mrs. Lin's boy.

You are bringing agony
to her broken family.

Come on, let the boy come over to me, ok?

She has two identical sons,
what's wrong with giving me one?

You've got two feet,
would you give me one?

Of course not, right?

What do you say?
Let the boy come over, ok?

Come on.

But I really love him.

That's precisely the point.
He's so adorable.

You wouldn't want him
to die in this fire, right?

Besides, you can be his foster father.

Wei-wei, say hello to your foster father.

Foster father.

See? He's your foster son now.

Don't let him die.
Please hand your son over.

I can see you hunting together
in a few years...

Foster father, let your son go, please?

Please let your foster son go.
Please. Come on.

Come over. You're a good boy.
Don't be afraid. Ok.

Come on up, Inspector.

Give us the child.

Come on up, Inspector.

Just wait a minute.

Come on quickly. Are you deaf?

No...

Come on up.

No...

Come on or I'll shoot you.

Mr. Chu, it'll burst, Come on up...

It's dangerous here.

Where's mammy?

She's at home. I'll give you a lift.

Where's daddy?

He's away travelling.

Chiao-chiao, does it hurt?

A little.

I'll call your daddy. Don't worry.

Never mind me. Bring Wei-wei to his mom.

Ok. Careful.

Hey, take it easy, will you?

Don't cry, good boy.

Friends, due to my personal problems.

This is going to be my last show.

Many of you wrote to
give their condolence.

For which I'm deeply touched.

Hope we can meet again soon.

I'll have my eldest son
say goodbye to you.

Wai-wai.

Thank you.

Thank, Inspector Chocolate.

Thank you...

You accused someone of murder
on the evidence of one shoe?

He watched World Cup,
and you accused him for his alibi.

Did you watch the World Cup with others?

No, I watched it alone.

Well, so did I.

You should have arrested
the two of us then.

Take over Mrs. Wong's cases.

- Sir!
- Come in.

- Wait.
- Yes.

Get back Councilor Hui's cat at once.

- This case...
- Go out.

Mr. Chu...

Don't worry...

Sit down.

Many reporters
called to praise your bravery.

You're a credit to the police force.

The only regret is...

Chiao-chiao has lost her chance
for Miss HK.

She may participate again next year.

She'll be 26 and over-aged then.

Over-aged?

So I've decided to put her under you.

Thank you, sir.

About the year-end promotion...

I know what to do.

You've said that for 5 years, sir.

My daughter wasn't under you then.

Should I put this back for you, sir?

No, leave it on there.

Excuse me, sir.

The door is over there.

The door. Yes.

What did the boss say, Mr. Chu?

About my promotion.

This doesn't concern you, Inspector.

Well... It will... all in due course.

- Mr. Chu, the car's over there.
- What car?

Stop laughing.

- You alright?
- Yes.

Sorry you've lost your chance.

Are you alright now?

Never mind. You can't win them all.

Mr. Chu, did you read today's paper?

Look who had
won the Miss Hong Kong title last night.

If only I was there,

what would have been my position?

I'm a layman. Ask him.

Be straight.

Frankly, I prefer you nose to hers,

and you have nicer legs.

What would have been my position?

I'll count to three
and you must say it together.

1, 2, 3.

Second runner-up.

The winner.

What?

Mr. Chu wants me to say that.

He said second runner-up.

How can I possibly lose to that bitch!

Would I lose to her?

Don't go.

- Apple.
- Inspector Man, if you don't mind.

How should I punish you?

I know you're mad,
you've got reason to be.

That's why I brought you this.

It was so nice to see
the mother and child reunion...

Your favorite chocolate
with a silk ribbon.

Councilor Hui, don't worry,

I've mobilized the crack unit.

You'll get back your cat in no time.

Stop running, you son of a bitch.

Really?

Handsome, come on...
You owe me half a million.

The crack unit for what,
for your courting and game season?

They're all like you.

You sure set a good example, Casanova!

Casanova?

Care to have dinner with me tonight.

Dinner? Tonight? What do you expect me
to do for the entire afternoon?

It's now or never!