Inspector Blunder (1980) - full transcript
The clumsy son of a deceased police hero joins the police and his task is to protect a reporter from the most famous gangster of Paris.
ANY FACT DONE ON PURPOSE ABOUT REAL PERSONS
IS ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT RESEMBLANCE.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD
LOOK LIKE THEM WAS NOT MADE ON PURPOSE.
FOR PEOPLE WHO THIS STORY HAPPENED TO:
WE DIDN'T KNOW.
WE ALONE BY OURSELVES INVENTED
EVERYTHING IN THIS MOVIE,
AND FOR PEOPLE WHO LIVED IT:
WE DIDN'T DO IT.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANOTHER STORY,
THAT HAPPENED TO OTHERS:
WELL... IT AIN'T OUR FAULT.
25 July, 1957
Pierrot, surrender!
Never!
Do we attack?
Let's wait for Cl?ment,
only he can handle this.
To the wall, damn you!
Here he is!
- Get down, Chief!
- Whatever.
He's dangerous! Get down!
Here, give me that.
Thanks.
- Pierrot, surrender! It's Cl?ment!
- Never!
Pierrot, I'm gonna get you!
- Chief, we think he has 7 bullets left.
- That's nothing.
Stay down.
Stop, Cl?ment! Stop or I'll shoot!
One!
Two!
Three!
You bastard...
Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven! Let's go!
In the name of the Law,
you're under arrest!
Well done, Cl?ment.
You got me fair and square.
You will be a cop, my son.
Yes, dad.
Some twenty years later.
Sit down.
Here are the graduation results
for the Rouchard division.
First place: Cantini, Robert!
I'll take Marseille.
My hometown.
Second place: Dutr?, Jean-Baptiste.
- I failed again, I'm sure.
- Just wait...
It will kill my old woman.
To what name?
- Metz.
- Can you spell that?
- Well?
- He hasn't called yet!
- That's a good sign.
- No! I know Michel, he'd call immediately!
Yes sir, I understood.
Tonight, table for two, 10 o'clock.
47th place: Zibette, ?tienne!
I'm taking Paris!
- Not Paris, it's for nerds...
- I could team with you!
- Zibette!
- Coming!
- It's hopeless, I failed gymnastics.
- What about shooting?
- Missed everything...
- Might be tough then!
Personally I wouldn't care,
but my old woman...
- A pack of Pall Mall, please.
- Yes!
Thanks. Sorry!
Hello, Michel?
- I'd like to book...
- We're full.
119th place: Bonfrois, Bernard.
- There's still hope.
- Yeah, just like the lottery...
120th place, and last to graduate:
And only in deference to the
exceptional merit of his father:
Cl?ment, Michel.
- You're in...
- Huh?
- Cl?ment, Michel!
- Yeah that's me, coming up!
Thank you.
There's only one left!
That makes it easier...
- It's Paris!
- Just what I wanted...
C-l-?-m-e-n-t...
There.
Done.
INSPECTOR BLUNDER
Mom! Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Michel!
- You failed!
- Uh, no... that is...
Well did you fail or pass?
I passed. I got it all.
Everything. Look.
Look, mom!
- Come on, let's tell dad!
- Yes!
Hurry!
He passed! He passed!
Put it on my tab!
He passed! He passed!
It's done, dad!
The lil' tyke is an inspector!
- Trainee... just a trainee.
- He ranked well!
Dad, this calls for champagne!
Michel, open the bottle.
You'll see...
Careful!
- I know what I'm doing.
- But it scares me...!
Oh my God...
The lil' tyke passed his exam!
To your health!
- Roger, what's up...
- So you passed?
- HEY, GUYS!
- I'll go around.
- I don't believe it.
- Hiya boys... hands up!
Gambling in bars is against the Law!
Criminal Code, article 214.
- You passed...?
- Think that's a water pistol?
Let me see!
Hey wait a minute...
Be careful with that, Mustapha!
That's not a toy, it's loaded!
Come on, this round's on you!
Watch it guys, don't overdo it.
- You weren't like that before!
- Because I wasn't in the police.
Roger, drinks.
Not for me, I already boozed
in the cemetery. I'm outta here.
- You can't do that!
- He works tomorrow, guys. Not like you!
Besides I'd better be in shape on my
first day, because gangsters... see?
Hold on, we should at least
celebrate next Friday.
Friday night? Sure, it's a date.
See ya guys!
- We should get him a present.
- But how?
Got any dough?
If you had a job,
you wouldn't be broke!
Michel, you'll have to be careful
about the company you keep.
They are organising a dinner in my honor,
because I made it into the police.
I have to go!
It's Vice paying tribute to Virtue!
They'll try to use you!
- You read too many crime novels.
- Right.
- Are you done?
- No...
His trench coat...
- Seven holes in it.
- Well, yeah...
I've had it mended... Michel!
You know... your father would have
wanted you to wear it.
I said "not the trench coat", mom.
That's final!
- But why?
- Because trench coats are out of fashion!
Police officers dress
normally nowadays!
Oh yeah?
Why not a black bomber jacket!
Michel, you'll wear a suit and a tie!
Mom, only gangsters wear suits and ties.
That's how we recognize them!
Tycoons, ministers...
crooks like those.
Michel...!
Your father commands it!
- No, no...
- Ten seconds, officer.
- The suits fits you very well.
- Oh yeah?
Reminds me of my poor Jules...
- You didn't forget anything?
- No, it's all here...
- Let me see...
- I got it, mom!
- Your lunch box?
- Yes, yes.
Everything's under control.
I checked.
Bye, honey.
- See you tonight.
- See you tonight, my darling.
Don't worry, I'll be ok.
Bye!
- Hey, Penguin! How are you?
- Great, and you?
Did your old man get
snuffed in that coat?
- It shows...
- My mom insisted.
Don't shove me!
Leave me alone, you shits!
So?
Anything interesting in the bunch?
They're small fry...
Morzini cleaned up.
We still got The Elegant!
Oh yeah! We nabbed him
in bed, with a tall blonde.
He barely had time to pull up his socks.
Send him up.
- Shall we go?
- Give me a sec' to change my clothes.
- Hurry up.
- See you then!
We got him!
Are you done playing the fool?
Hey! It wasn't me! Let go!
I didn't do anything!
Leave me be!
Hi, I have an appointment
with Chief Inspector Vermillot.
Wait! Who's that?
What did he do?
I'm a journalist!
- Stop, please...!
- Hi there, The Elegant!
- He tried to run.
- Take him to the boss.
Welcome to the C.I.D.
Thank you, Mr Director!
Well then, The Elegant.
Where's your suit?
- It's not my suit, it's my dad's...
- Stay there!
I'm sure The Elegant
has a lot to tell us.
- I'm happy...
- So are we.
- Now start talking, pal!
- Hey, do not "pal" him!
The Elegant deserves some respect!
- Oh, don't bother...
- Well, so how is Roger?
- You heard of Roger Morzini?
- Of course.
I even think you worked
together for a time.
Oh no. That's an error,
Mr Director.
- Clear it up, then.
- Start talking!
I came with my father's suit,
Mr Director...
- You were butt naked!
- With a tall blonde!
- Perhaps his mother?
- No, mom's a short brunette...
Why did you run, eh?
Questioning should be firm
but not violent, Mr Director.
- You're starting to piss us off!
- I can tell.
- Got a minute, boss?
- Coming.
There's a girl here, a journalist...
she wants to follow a team.
Sir, your men hit me.
This is a scandal.
We're terrible company.
Throw her out.
- You don't know who I am.
- Bite me!
Less noise, guys!
I'm talking here.
- I carry some weight!
- And we pull ours!
So fuck off!
- I'm sorry, Miss...
- Whatever.
Are you the new trainees?
Yes. Well, one's missing.
Alright. I'll introduce you to
Chief Inspector Vermillot.
Yes?
The new trainees, boss.
Come in, gentlemen!
I'll take care of you next.
So...
- What does The Elegant have to say?
- He's a joker, boss.
Says his name is Michel Cl?ment...
and he's the new trainee!
Well yes...
There's Zibette et Liebenstein! Eh?
We're the new trainees...
Shit!
Welcome, dear colleague!
Congratulations!
- Welcome to the force!
- Thank you...
Careful...
Ouch, it stings!
Our infirmary will
fix you up in no time...
they're used to it.
Thank you kindly...
It hurts...
- By tomorrow you won't see a thing.
- Really?
The bitch!
She vanished.
That's too bad...
The picture would have made a
nice souvenir of my first day.
- Hello, you wimps!
- Hi there, Watrin.
I see the holiday season is here,
you're giving handouts to your clients!
That's no client, he's a cop...
- Oh? We're allowed to punch cops now?
- He's the new trainee...
That's no rea son...!
- Michel Cl?ment...
- He'll be on your team.
- Did he slip?
- Exactly. Take him to the infirmary.
It's crazy how many
people slip here lately...
we're the cop shop, not Holiday on Ice!
Michel Cl?ment?
Yes. My father was Jules Cl?ment,
you knew him?
But of course!
An extraordinary Chief Inspector!
A true hero!
Even died for it, the fool.
We'll make a great
team together.
If you're not overzealous,
it's quite easy going...
- Where are we headed?
- Routine patrol.
We look left, we look right,
then in the middle.
We control, see?
We control...
Unit Watrin, unit Watrin!
You copy?
This is Watrin, go.
Head towards Place Vauban,
we spotted the movers. Over.
Over, we're on it!
Let's lie low.
Always park about 50 meters
away from the objective.
So you can see what's going on
without being spotted.
- Who are those movers?
- It's a gang name. Bunch of punks.
"The movers", see?
They clear out a flat in an hour.
Hi Charlie! Hi guys!
Had a nice vacation?
- And you? Hanging up your skates soon?
- Yes sir! That calls for champagne!
Alright, I'll be right back.
Don't worry.
- Hurry up, will you?
- Yeah yeah...
calberson
moving company
Hello? Shit, how does that crap work...
Hello, Watrin?
God damn it, what's that junk...
Hello, Watrin?
Hello!
Hello hello?
Hello?
Calling Watrin,
this is Michel Cl?ment.
... and remember the floozy who
tried to peddle dope to the jury!
Watrin, this is Michel Cl?ment!
Do you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Hello? Hello?
Hello, this is Watrin!
Yes, anything going on?
Well, the movers just showed up...
They really don't waste time...
they're emptying the first floor!
Well no... I have no idea what to do!
Well hurry up, will you?
Watrin? I think...
they may suspect something...
They're looking at me! Watrin!
They found me! What do I do?
They're coming, Watrin!
I gotta hide!
Hello?
They're looking at me! Watrin!
They're big guys! All of them!
I don't know what to do, there's
not enough handcuffs to arrest them!
Don't panic kid, we're coming!
Maybe, but so are they!
What's happening?
Watrin? What's going on?
I can't see them! What's happening?
Where are they?
Help! Stop!
They're stealing the car!
I'm flying!
Waah! There's Napoleon!
What now?
Cl?ment, Cl?ment!
This is HQ of district 7 paging Cl?ment!
What's going on?
Clarify your situation, Cl?ment.
Do you read?
Where are you Cl?ment,
where are you?
Well that is... I'm in the parc...
on the... in... in Napoleon's place...
There's no Place Napoleon
in Paris, Cl?ment!
I said "in Napoleon's place"!
On the statue base, in his place!
I'm where Napol?on stood,
only they overthrew him...
Clarify your location!
- Watrin!
- Cl?ment, your location please...
Mr. Watrin, please help me down...
Where did you find that guy?
Help! Help! Help!
Help... oh, I'm ok.
I'm ok...
Are you going to publish them, daddy?
But... look here, you don't
even know who it is.
A guy who got beat up by the cops, daddy!
You know the rule at my newspaper
is to never attack the police.
And that won't help you get a
reporting license at the C.I.D.!
Right!
- What?
- I'll do it myself then!
Kids... dear me, kids!
Get me the Interior.
The Minister's office.
You won't deny it?
That you beat up this poor man?
Maybe so.
Then what?
I want to shadow one of your teams.
- And if I refuse?
- These show up in the news.
- But that's blackmail!
- No. Information.
Look, it might be best to ask...
- the victim!
- If you insist.
Watrin! Please ask Michel Cl?ment
to come to my office.
Who is Cl?ment?
A cop who will swear that
the victim attacked him?
So not only you get beaten to a pulp...
you're also guilty of resisting an officer!
Come on. That's old!
Come in!
- You asked for me, sir?
- Yes...
Come in, dear friend.
Take a look at this.
Oh, that's kind of you!
And it's great in color,
the bruises show nicely!
Well monochrome would have been
nice too, for the black eye...
I present you the victim:
Trainee inspector Cl?ment.
Son of a Hero of the police!
Inspector Cl?ment,
do you wish to file a complaint?
Nope!
- You made yourself perfectly clear.
- Then get out before I lock you up.
Yes?
Oh, good morning Mr. Minister.
Listen, how much for the picture?
Certainly, she's just in my office!
Miss Prossant!
Yes? I'd be delighted, Mr. Minister.
Of course! Oh no... but... no...
You know that we always help
the press any way we can!
Certainly, Mr. Minister.
Good bye.
Well, it's all arranged.
Where there's a will there's a way.
So you wish to follow
some police operations?
- Yes.
- Which unit do you choose?
How about Mr. Cl?ment's?
Watrin-Cl?ment? That's our best unit.
My report begins in an unmarked car,
along with inspectors
Watrin and Cl?ment.
They are "obscure" agents...
low-level cops who will never
reach the top of the C.I.D.
What happened to you the other day?
I dunno.
- You were in your undies?
- Leave him alone!
I only wish to understand.
It's only because I showed
up in my father's outfit.
Underpants?
Of course not! They mistook me
for another guy, that's all.
Your father?
No, the guy with the blanket.
- His father's dead!
- Yeah...
Would this be... erm...
something of a police war?
He slipped, that's all!
We're arriving at the antique shop, so...
you take the lead, but I'll observe you.
Here is a picture of the stolen objects.
Thanks.
Our first mission is at
an antique dealer's...
where a valuable object was stolen.
Right.
So are these guns "Le Page"
or "Gasti-Renette"?
Le Page, Le Page!
I see you're a conoisseur?
Well you know, in the police...
we do know guns!
These were valued
at over FF 200'000.
- They are absolutely unique.
- There's two...
The young trainee appears
to be quite knowledgeable.
Now what do I do?
- Ask for the description!
- Right!
Could you give even an approximate
description of the agressors?
There were several of them...
perhaps young?
It's hard to be sure, they were masked...
There are only decidedly
sparse clues available.
Alright, I'm taking the photo.
We'll keep you informed...
if you should hear anything new
please call me at the C.I.D.:
- I'm Inspector Cl?ment.
- Alright, Mr. Cl?ment.
Is the lady from the police as well?
- Never in life.
- Oh no, she's a journalist.
Oh, you're a journalist?
I have something that will
certainly interest you. Follow me.
Come!
It's a very old typewriter...
How long is she gonna piss us off?
Who knows!
I am back in the unmarked car.
The mood inside is ecstatic.
We are headed to the reconstruction
of the Rouchard crime scene...
the Rapist of the Canals. STOP
- Chief Inspector Vermillot.
- Captain Grandell.
He's all yours.
Thank you.
Is there a dummy for
the reconstruction?
That's your department,
Chief Inspector!
Maybe one of your men?
We are only here to convey the prisoner.
Is there a problem, gentlemen?
Not at all, Mr Prosecutor.
We are about to begin.
Cl?ment?
Right. Cl?ment, you're the girl.
What?
You'll impersonate the girl.
You'll lay down there,
with the rapist, and do the girl.
Wha...?
Go ahead.
That's an order.
Of course, if it's an order...
Are you the little girl?
I'm the substitute, because...
Rouchard!
Rouchard:
Him there, little girl.
You do with him
what you did earlier.
Me want little girl!
Where little girl!
- Hey now, easy!
- Calm down.
She was on her way back from school.
So just start walking along the trees...
Remember the poor victim was
eating her afternoon snack.
- Is there a snack?
- Little girl!
- Do you have a snack?
- Uhm, no...
You should've told me,
mom would have packed a lunch!
- Right, start walking.
- Here?
Yes. And now you, Rouchard!
Little girl!
Help! Help!
I protest, Judge! Considering
the victim's age and weight...
... she could not possibly defend herself!
Please abort.
- Want little girl!
- He's crazy!
He's nuts!
My apologies, Judge, but the
attack occurred in the rain...
Perfectly true, Mr. Prosecutor.
But it ain't raining...
I can't help it!
- Alright Cl?ment, go ahead!
- You gotta be kidding!
- Go ahead Rouchard.
- Little girl!
With all due respect, Counsellor!
My client's psychological profile...
clearly states that he has
homosexual tendencies!
Oh please, Counsellor.
He savaged the poor girl six times!
None of this is admissible in court!
One might accuse anybody
under such circumstances.
Little... little girl... !!
- You might as well accuse me...
- Rouchard is getting away!
Stop him! The girl!
Rouchard, you're ruining it!
I'm no little girl!
Look what they did!
If your poor mother could see you...
- I can spout rubbish myself, thanks!
- Sorry.
What kind of a job is that...
Hey there, don't be in such a hurry!
Can't you even wait for two minutes?
It doesn't stain, eh!
Hey Philou...
what were we gonna do?
Well, we said that since
Michel is our buddy...
Even though he's a now a cop...
Anyway, we all decided
to make you a little gift.
See? Not that hard.
Mustapha, fork over the gift!
Look at that box!
What's in it?
- Here you are...
- Wow, how nice!
- Should I open it?
- Sure!
They're Le Page.
You like them?
- Uhm... yes...
- It's a surprise, eh?
- It's a surprise indeed.
- We know you like guns...
Really?
Those must have cost a fortune! I can't...
- Friendship deserves no less!
- Are you gonna make a little speech?
A speech! A speech!
Don't be shy, Michel!
I won't make a speech, because...
- We have ways of making you talk!
- He's making others talk now!
Alright, I thank you for the...
for the... meal and the...
Gift!
Do you realize the trouble you're in?
- I told you...
- You didn't have to accept it!
I couldn't help it.
Didn't I tell you they were trouble?
Since you won't report them,
there's only one solution:
Return them to their owner!
I'm gonna look like a total schmuck!
You simply here and hop, it writes!
It still works well, you know.
You feed paper here...
Go ahead and write your
name if you like...
- Stunning, isn't it?
- Indeed!
- I'll only be a minute.
- Please...
- What's going on?
- Nuttin'!
Nothing.
Hands up!
Be careful, they're revolvers!
Oh no, not again!
Take that.
I brought back the revolvers.
Michel Cl?ment...!
No no no.
You're my inspector!
No I'm not!
Mr. Inspector, you are
playing games with me!
- Oh yes, you are!
- Oh no, I'm not!
- You found them?
- Oh no! No!
You're wonderful, Inspector!
Let me give you a kiss!
Your friend is really strange.
- Is he maybe a bit...?
- Yes.
- This one?
- No way.
Inspector Cl?ment!
I'd like to know a bit more
about your methods.
Well, we have a hidden camera, and
we're monitoring the Champs-Elys?es...
In other words, you're leaving it to chance!
There's thousands of people...
Crowds are still the best hiding place.
Ain't that right?
It's likely we'll find
somebody at least.
Somebody like Morzini?
Come on, now you're dreaming.
- Maybe that one...?
- Nope.
Look...
- Not a chance.
- What time did you call in?
- A quarter to.
- OK. Can you sign?
Hello
Roger!
Hello.
- You sure about this?
- It's an easy one.
Too easy, almost.
So just one gun is enough?
Even darts would suffice!
Hands up!
Well, those who can...
In line with the motto "Living together"...
the disabled also deserve to be held up!
Go ahead, guys.
There's gold, there's silver...
Go ahead, help yourselves!
Didn't I tell you it was a good idea?
You're right...
Hey guys...
Guys, damn it!
Not the head!
Watch out!
Hey, lay off me!
I'll shoot!
Stop it! I said I'll shoot.
Watch it! Stop!
Oh shit, there's more here...
Stop it! I'll shoot I said.
I'll shoot!
Let me pass or I'll shoot!
Outta my way, bitch!
That's it, Chief Inspector! We found him.
- Morzini?
- Yep!
He's holding up a jeweler's workshop.
All units, calling all units!
We found Morzini!
Morzini! Quick! I'll drive!
I'm gonna nail that asshole!
Don't break the van!
What's going on, Michel?
She's finally gonna see some action!
Where are we going?
To arrest Roger Morzini!
You can't do that to me!
I'm retiring in two months!
Oh mom, just wait until we tell daddy!
He'll be proud of me!
He's just as crazy as his old man!
HQ here. Vermillot, how are things?
Well Mr Director, I couldn't
reach the prefect yet...
but you can already tell him...
that we got Morzini!
He's right in front of us!
And the hostage?
God damn it! Outta here, you bitch!
- The hostage...
- He released her, great!
We're all clear!
So step on it!
Look there, boss!
That's the Watrin van!
- Is that you Watrin?
- Yep it's us!
Morzini's in the Citroen. Hit him!
Roger, boss! I'm on it!
Stop it Michel!
Dear Lord, make him stop!
Mommy! I'll get him!
What's that fool doing!
Hit the brakes! Now!
Chief! I almost had him.
Almost...! Bad luck, eh?
At least there's no witnesses.
Hey. Hey! Bravo, the police.
I saw everything.
Oh shit.
What, like that? No way.
I agree to change face, but not to that!
- Watch out!
- Don't worry.
That's hideous! Those nostrils.
- Oh, like that! I wanna look like that...
- No no... not possible.
- Why not?
- It's not possible, period.
Too bad.
- And that's not possible either?
- No.
- Is that too much...?
- Too vigorous.
Too young.
- That's bad too... too old...
- Yeah... ok.
- And that's... nah, not that.
- No, I won't.
- And that...?
- I won't do that. Too political.
- So?
- I think I can.
That I can.
The chin, the front... your nose...
- Kid, I can do it.
- Don't fuck it up!
I said I can do it. I know it.
Let's go for that!
Mr Champagne, is that you?
Police. Do you know
that young man?
- No.
- Never met him?
- Never.
- Alright, bye.
Have you seen that man?
- Good morning, sir...
- How may I help you?
- Police.
- Yes?
- Do you know that man?
- No, sorry. Never met him.
That's the first time I'm doing this model.
I hope it turns out.
Scalpel!
But in the end, this was
the chance of a lifetime...
you were right there
the moment it happened.
Erm... Yes, I quite agree.
It's however rather sad
that we couldn't arrest Morzini.
Why not?
Well, because the police...
were simply incapable of doing so.
And if I were Morzini,
I wouldn't worry.
Frankly, I'd feel quite safe.
- And what did your boss say?
- Just bull.
They would be angry, you almost
caught Morzini before them!
Still, being Mr. Prossant's
daughter must be a bonus, right?
It only makes me want
to make my own name.
You are one of the richest
heiresses in France.
Maybe so, but that's not
where my talent comes from.
Would you like to
meet Roger Morzini?
Of course! Put yourself in my shoes,
it would be a dream... What a scoop!
That's the journalist speaking.
But what about the woman?
Roger Morzini has quite a reputation...
Listen. He's completely unattractive...
nothing but a wannabe
"manly ladykiller".
Quite frankly, his vulgar behavior
is a total turn-off for me.
If I may say so...
Besides, my intuition tells me that his
"Don Juan" attitude is only a front...
to hide his evident homosexuality.
Roger Morzini is a homosexual?
To be precise, a closeted homosexual.
The worst kind.
If I may say so...
Hello?
Who's there?
Come on, hurry up.
Spew your crap.
You've got quite a temperament,
Miss Prossant.
Oh, you can talk?
You should be more careful.
Who are you?
An impotent. Homosexual.
Completely unattractive.
Who am I?
Morzini?
Roger Morzini?
Himself.
Where are you?
Soon very close to you.
I'll let you verify, my lil' chickadee.
Morzini...
I TALKED TO
ROGER MORZINI
Morzini calls her up and she
puts it on the front page!
I know my daughter,
she won't stop.
Morzini loves to be in the spotlight.
- I'm worried about her, gentlemen.
- Well, if she continues to provoke him...
Don't worry Mr. Prossant,
we will protect her.
Discreetly of course.
Trust us, she'll be safe.
Ever since she decided to be a journalist...
and would she accept my help?
No...!
Well, gentlemen, I must go.
I almost forgot.
For your charities.
Thank you indeed, Mr Prossant!
- We'll guard your daughter as if she were ours!
- Goodbye gentlemen.
I'll put our best unit on it.
It's a pity. You really
have no imagination!
- Pardon me, Mr Director...?
- We've been hunting Morzini for months.
The press is laughing in our face! Anyway.
By chance we know his next victim...
and what do you do?
I protect her!
You said...!
- Protect her well?
- Sure!
That's bullshit.
I want him to try to abduct her.
Got that?
So you protect her. Openly.
But instead of assigning crack units...
you take idiots.
People about to retire.
Carnival shooters. Bumbling fools...
You must have plenty of those?
Do I ever... But he'll abduct her!
He'll try!
And if behind them you place a hidden,
and perfectly serious, second unit...
You understand?
What are you up to?
- We're investigating journalists.
- Covering them, as it were.
- I don't believe it...
- We are your cover!
I won't be cold!
Nope...
Oh no... what now!
- Why did you...?
- Are you insane!
You stalk me for an hour
and now you hit me!
Officer, she's lying!
You pervert! He tried to cut me
off in the tunnel, to rape me!
If I were you...!
She's off her rocker! I'm a cop...
At ease!
That's still no reason to bang her car!
But it was her...! Just ask him!
Oh, I'm outta here.
- It's nice, isn't it?
- Very nice.
- Push on it.
- No mistake possible.
Do you see that guy?
He's been stalking me for an hour...
- Can you help me? Thanks.
- I'll take care of it.
You wish?
Are you with somebody?
No... Well yes! I mean, no...
Please, sir. How may I help you?
- You wouldn't sell any socks?
- No, sir. We don't.
Because I wanted some...
- Good bye, sir.
- Bye...
- You really don't sell any socks?
- No, sir. Good bye sir.
And?
There's a second exit, to the other street.
You should do a better job, my man!
She startled me...
Close protection ain't no picnic!
Come on, I've known worse...
I find her quite charming!
Yeah, not bad...
Hurry up, we're starting in 10 seconds!
- Sir...!
- Police.
Hello, ladies!
"We the woman" is thrilled to welcome
today the famous young journalist...
- Marie-Anne Prossant!
- Hello.
Marie-Anne, you seem to
have challenged machismo...
in it's most monstrous, criminal form,
by taking aim at Roger Morzini.
Well, not quite.
After all, Roger Morzini...
is hardly what one
may call a "macho"!
He tries to promote this image
of a young seductor...
... but in fact he shows
all signs of being impotent.
I'm sure of it!
- Yeah, you...
- And so?
How are you feeling?
Impeccable, doctor.
I challenge Roger Morzini,
if he can hear me, to meet me.
To grant me an interview!
Because he knows that
I would describe him as he is.
Without glossing over anything.
If you lack a penis, you wield a gun!
Morzini is the caricature
of a perverted impotent.
Meaning:
Much imagination...
Few if any means...
which generates an internal conflict
that he must free at all costs.
He shoots, he kills.
He's a psychopath.
Morzini might be watching the show!
Don't you fear a...
violent reaction from his side?
I'm under close protection by the police.
In fact, my guardian
angel is behind camera 1!
Please use camera 2!
Mr Morzini, may I introduce Michel
Cl?ment. He is tasked to protect me.
You see, I am perfectly safe.
Morzini an impotent...
Admire the handiwork.
So?
Your own mother would not recognize you.
What's that?
My mother would not recognize me?!
Even if with Frankenstein's head,
my mom would recognize me!
Yes!
By the way...
And you, do you recognize me?
Yes...?
You could talk?
You could provide my
new description...?
No I don't recognize you at all...!
I'm begging you. Please, leave!
Just leave!
I won't charge you.
Just go without paying!
Go away!
No! Not that!
Help!
Good night, little doctor.
Good night.
It's... flair...
Maybe...
a certain habit,
a sense for journalism...
You know, I was born into this...
I'll take care of you,
lil' chickadee.
But I'd like to hear
the other's opinion...
How long is this
going to last?
Huh?
How long must I support
you at my back?
- It's close protection...
- Do it elsewhere!
You're a funny one!
I got my orders!
He's dangerous...
So what? That's exciting!
Think he'll crawl out of his hole
with cops around?
Let him try, we'll stop him!
YOU?
What can you stop,
except maybe a bus?
Don't make me laugh,
I'm already sore!
Once I got my scoop, you can do
what you want. Not before!
They're still here!
I can't take a step without them!
I will not have my daughter put to risk.
Come on daddy, I'm not at risk!
Believe me!
Well, it was windy that day...
- See that?
- Yep.
Hey guys, what's up?
- Hello Michel!
- Hi, how are you?
Hi there...
- Hello, how are you?
- I'll sign you up!
Look at that.
Nice, isn't it?
- Wanna try to win it?
- You bet!
Well then, you do what I tell you.
Not like usual!
When I tell you to point, you point!
And when I tell you to shoot, you shoot!
All right, I got it!
I must ask you to please be quiet...
Right. Now place your ball.
Carefully pass the
first ball, no more!
Gently... gently...
Watch out for the gravel. Go.
That was wrong!
Now point it. Lightly.
Just pass the ball.
If you're careful you can do it.
Go ahead, but not too hard.
Easy does it.
Do it! You'll get it.
Not that...!
Yeah! Well done!
Did you see?
Oh yes, bravo!
- Good shot.
- Wait, I have a good feeling.
Oh well... Go ahead.
Point it.
I could have done better!
- Point it.
- You want me to point?
- I'd rather shoot.
- No, I told you! Point it!
Oh yes, bravo!
Not bad, not bad...
That's not bad...
- What do you wanna do?
- I'm gonna shoot the ball on the left.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Shoot the left one.
On the left!
- Actually I'd rather shoot the right.
- No no...
Stick to the left, it's better.
- I'm shooting right.
- No, don't do that!
Well... there you are!
See?
Your attention please,
ladies and gents!
The last point of the
game is being played!
Everybody please pay attention
and remain quiet! Thank you!
Rag.
Well here... I have no idea.
- What would you do?
- I don't know. Not a clue.
Do whatever you want.
Go ahead.
Maybe I should spock it?
I'll spock it.
I'll just give it a try.
Might work, might not!
Yeah! You're great!
Did you see that?
Thanks for the game.
Bravo!
Well, it's thanks to you too!
But you threw the ball.
Still... you know a
lot about p?tanque!
Oh, I've only been into
it for two months.
- Oh, you're member of a club?
- Oh no no, not at all.
- I'm Antoine Collard, the King of Crime!
- Oh...?
Well, I write about crime.
My new book...
takes place in a boules club.
So I'm learning about it...
That's funny!
Not that fun!
It's a lot of hard word, buddy.
I only find it funny
because I'm a cop!
- A constable?
- No, I'm inspector.
Well, I'm a newbie...
look, it's brand-new!
- Inspector? That's unbelievable!
- But true.
Hey, I'd like to invite you for lunch.
- I have so much to ask you!
- Well, unfortunately I have...
Don't argue! You owe me that much!
If I may say so...
Well yeah...
And I know a little restaurant...
they make a smoked salmon...
I won't say more!
With some white wine?
- A Sancerre, for instance?
- Sancerre? The best!
- Nice car. Crime fiction pays well!
- Oh yeah, I like it.
It's nice. Comfortable, fast...
goes up to 210 km/h... [130 MPH]
You drive that fast?
- Well... sometimes...
- Cops don't scare you?
You just have to be careful...
You'd better be.
- Shit!
- See?
Oh damn, I forgot my ID...
You're careful all right!
Good morning, gentlemen.
Your ID, please.
Look!
I'm an insider.
Go ahead.
Drive, will you?
- And?
- It's good!
You were right, it's great!
I'm sure we have
similar tastes.
- Think so?
- Yep.
Besides, we do a similar job.
Erm... I disagree.
I may be new in the force,
but crime novels...
They suck.
No offense! It's all bullshit.
I used to read them, not anymore.
It's all wrong!
Yep.
But now that we're buddies,
you could help me, Michel?
Sure!
Some more salmon?
- Why not!
- Two more salmons. Two!
Big ones!
You really shouldn't
walk around without ID.
- You're right.
- Yep.
You're right...
I need to make a phone call.
Maybe I have lost my ID...
Yeah, yeah...
Hello, yes?
Merlino? It's Roger.
Who?
Morzini.
Roger?
Listen, it's important.
Yes?
I need a new photo ID.
- But why...?
- None of your business.
So, when?
Erm... Tomorrow, 1700.
58 seconds.
- Yes?
- You were on the phone for 58 seconds.
I'm gonna teach you something.
You can telephone for
59 seconds, but...
at the 60th, we can spot you.
- If you're under surveillance, that is.
- Really?
- Might help for your novels.
- Yes indeed. I'll use that!
59 seconds you're golden,
60 seconds - dead.
HAQUENBUSH: The surgeon of
the Mafia is anesthesized forever.
And so? Morzini?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Not a trace anywhere.
He vanished.
Nothing happening
around Miss Prossant?
- Hi!
- Hi!
You look exhausted.
- Have you ever followed a girl all day?
- No, not my thing.
You have no idea how
fast they can be.
They look fragile, but have
they ever got stamina!
Is she at home?
- Taking a bubble bath.
- Oh? Shall we...?
- What a dunce...!
- Well...
- Want a drink?
- Sure.
In my new book someone's
trying to abduct a girl...
- Yeah?
- And it prompts difficult questions.
How about I show you something?
- Is it interesting?
- I think you'll like it.
Is that the C.I.D.?
- Never been here?
- Never!
You can't miss that!
I'm not really allowed to do that.
But you're my buddy.
Thanks!
- Are you happy?
- Very.
Are you coming?
- Hi, Michel!
- Hey there!
Here we are in forensics.
- Hello Cl?ment!
- Hi!
Let me show you something.
Go ahead.
Come see!
- Hello Maigret!
- Hi Cl?ment!
Fingerprinting!
By the way, the Haquenbush murder?
It was Morzini!
Really? Is that his prints?
Yeah... we found them there.
Wanna see your own prints up there?
Come with me.
Come! Over here!
Take a look.
- Give me your thumb.
- Erm... no.
- That way you'll know, for your books!
- But I don't wanna...
Cl?ment! Head to the office,
there's news about Morzini!
He's using Merlino for a photo ID,
we'll be waiting!
Gotta go, it's Morzini.
We're still eating together?
Sure, if I can.
- My mom's a laugh!
- Oh?
Hello Merlino.
- Who are you? What...!
- Keep cool.
You don't recognize me?
Roger.
Oh shit, Roger...!
- What did they do... ?
- Are you waiting for someone?
- Well... no, why?
- We made an appointment.
Oh yes...
you're very early!
- Am I bothering you?
- No, not at all...
I thought we could have a chat.
Merlino, the king of photos... eh?
Can you make a me a still life?
- Just a little still life?
- No...
- Everything locked down?
- Yes.
We'll wait inside.
Merlino? Where's that fool...
Cl?ment, lights please.
There's gotta be lamps around...
Ooops. Shit.
Got it, Chief!
Chief! Chief! Come quick!
There!
That's him!
Let's leave. Let's leave!
Calm down, Cl?ment!
Keep calm.
Gentlemen, there can be no doubt:
This info must have been leaked
from the inside. It's serious.
Chief, what about the fingerprints?
What...?
What did I say?
You don't scare me!
I'm not trying to, Miss Prossant.
Your voice is not that bad...
Thanks, so I've been told...
You still reject my interview offer?
I'm already famous enough, you know.
Everybody knows me.
So you're a celebrity?
Yes, I guess I am... a star.
But stars need their public.
- It comes from the right bank.
- Time?
40 seconds.
Yes, yes...
So if I want to meet you...
- District 19 or 20.
- This time we got him!
56 seconds.
I'll call!
- Damn it! He always cuts too soon!
- He must know the system.
We still narrowed it down quite a bit.
Send the cars.
Idiots!
Morzini is in the 19th
or the 20th district.
We are looking for Morzini, Roger.
Check all suspects.
Here.
- Oh, how nice!
- They're flowers. For your mom.
She'll be happy!
How kind.
My dad, the hero.
Such gentle eyes.
- All hell's loose in the neighborhood!
- Oh?
Sure, we're on lockdown!
Lockdown?
Well yes.
... proceed towards the
Clignancourt gate...
You listen to that even at home?
Oh, that? It's to keep up to date.
- You know what?
- What?
- Morzini is in the neighborhood.
- Ooops, sorry! I'm so sorry...
- Nevermind, I got more.
- No, really...
I only get on duty at midnight.
Missing all the fun.
I hope they'll nab
him this time.
I'm worried about
the Prossant girl.
It's coming closer...
He might be near.
- Are you expecting someone?
- Nope.
- Your mother?
- She has a key.
- Hello!
- Hi.
No I haven't seen anything...
wanna come in for a drink?
- We're on duty.
- Alright, see you!
The colleagues. They wanted to
know if I noticed anything...
since they know
I live right here.
I see...
- Got anything to drink?
- Look in the bar.
- Alright.
- There's ice in the fridge.
Alright, thanks.
Is that your fianc?e?
No, it's the chick I'm protecting.
Miss Prossant.
And there's nothing
between you two...?
You're crazy.
That only happens in novels.
But you wouldn't mind
if it did, right?
Right?
She's a pain in the ass.
Oh... but those girls
are the best, buddy!
Not for me!
She's nuts, she wants
to interview Morzini!
Oh yeah? Wow, what a scoop...
"Scoop"? Yeah right,
so she always says.
- So what?
- That's all she talks about.
And he wants to abduct her!
- So there...
- And you care?
If he gets her we'll never see her again.
He'll waste her for sure.
Hold hard there!
You!
Hey!
Are you maybe a little
bit in love with her? No?
- Are you nuts?
- Why?
Listen: The most dangerous
weapon in the world...
is love.
Bullshit.
- He's beautiful!
- Morzini?
The leg of lamb!
Oh yeah, the lamb's beautiful.
Because Morzini's mug...
it's ugly enough to make
you change the sidewalk.
Think you're pretty?
No, but I'm a cop... that's different.
Not anybody can be
public enemy no. 1!
It takes a certain look, with your picture
hanging on all the walls, like a star!
Like...
No... Don't think...
I'm just kidding!
You writers are
really something.
Do you identify with
all your characters?
You write a cop and you're a cop,
but you write a gangster, you're a gangster?
Yep. It's an occupational hazard.
You should add garlic...
lamb without garlic is bland.
- Right?
- Yeah...
Hey, it really looked like
I thought I was Morzini, eh?
Morzini could've talked like that.
- Oh...
- Yeah...
That chick... if she got her interview,
you think she'd leave him alone?
Of course!
All she cares about is the scoop!
Wait a second.
I'm having a writer's moment...
Wait... yeah... that's it...!
What are you up to now?
I have an idea.
Watch me...
You'll see the joke. Wait.
You look like Morzini!
Think so?
Really?
- Interesting...
- I thought I looked a bit like him.
Yeah, but you couldn't talk!
She knows his voice!
She's always on the phone with him!
Yeah... oh well.
But wait... There might be a way...
if I could be sure...
Yeah?
Maybe not.
And you wouldn't
know what to tell her.
Hey, hey, hey!
That's my job! Really...
Sure...
- Take that.
- Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey, you got her number?
What for?
I'll call.
If I'm in, are you in?
I don't like this...
Relax, it's just a joke.
It's 705 21 38.
705 21 38?
Don't move.
This is gonna be fun... !
He's nuts.
Know the latest? Morzini may have
an accomplice within the police.
An accomplice within C.I.D.?
That's the joke of the year!
Yep. Might be good
to know anyway.
Certainly not the little fatty
who follows me around all day!
One suspect less.
Hello?
Morzini.
You again?
I thought about your interview offer.
I accept.
When and where?
Hey, not so fast.
Somebody will give
you instructions.
You know him. You'll be surprised.
For now keep quiet.
Damn it, he hung up again!
- Who will give her instructions?
- You will!
You got some nerve!
Gentlemen?
Erm... a flask of wine
and some p?t?...
Wrong place! This is a tea room.
They drink black tea with lemon,
or a lime blossom herbal...
We also have hot chocolate.
Oh really...?
Well... I'll have what he's having.
- For you, sir?
- Well then...
Two hot chocolates,
do you have whipped cream?
MISS PROSSANT
I leave the office and
they come after me!
Hello?
Miss Prossant?
I told you not to bother
me during my tea break!
I'm calling on behalf of Roger Morzini.
No! Where are you?
The cabin next door.
Come join me.
Yes!
- I don't believe it!
- You better.
I would never have
thought it was you!
Don't faint now, darlin'.
Right. Roger agrees for tomorrow.
Oh? Where?
Slow down, it's
not that simple.
- Are you with someone?
- Yeah, a bunch of cops!
- Then listen carefully. Got that?
- Of course...
Does it hurt?
It's disgusting!
Sorry. It won't
stain, it's water.
- But it does stain!
- It's nothing, it'll go away...
- Watch it!
- Sorry...
It's nerves.
You're spitting in my face now!
Keep it, I don't want it.
Oh?
Miss Prossant is going
out for dinner.
Getting in her car...
We follow, Didier!
Maybe she's meeting a lover.
Zoom in, go on zoom!
Wow - it's Michel Cl?ment!
- Oh shit!
- With the Prossant girl!
What does she see in him?
- You remember everything?
- Of course. This is so exciting!
- I'm giving you one hour, no more!
- Okay, you're sweet.
- A car wash?
- It wasn't that dirty...
Go ahead!
You're sure?
Of course! You got one hour.
- OK.
- You know what I think of it.
I know, I'm on my own.
But... who are you?
You must be careful, it's normal.
I certainly am very lucky.
Many of my colleagues would
do anything to meet your boss!
Are you foreign?
- They're leaving.
- And we follow...
And here we go...
Now that's close protection!
I'm fucking bored.
You don't care, do you?
Do you enjoy life around cops?
- A journalist!
- What a slut.
Oh, you're so pretty...
Oh, the poor girl.
This tape will be rated X!
What's wrong...
What's that?
I need to put this on?
Oh gee, I can't see a thing!
I see, I must not know
where you're taking me!
I'm so excited...
When I tell that to
my editor-in-chief...
he's gonna be so jealous he'll die!
I know it!
Gonna take care
of you, sweetie.
Gonna pump you up a bit...
Make you feel good...
Oh... she's coming to her senses.
Oh shit!
- She's stacked!
- Not as slim as she looks...
She's getting angry!
Crap! Oh, crap!
Maybe some gum...
It's BDSM now!
Cl?ment is a real beast!
Maybe we should head back.
It's getting late.
Time to end this joke.
They're watching us.
Pay no attention.
They lasted 45 minutes!
I'm exhausted!
- They're on the move.
- There we go again!
Where are we?
Still a surprise?
You don't say much...
Is it a church?
Go!
Could you take a picture
of me with those glasses?
- Get in here. Stop.
- Yes...
- Don't move. Don't move!
- OK, sure!
Yeah?
Vermillot? It's Roger Morzini.
Yes, Morzini. In person.
Morzini. Track him!
Don't bother, Vermillot!
I won't be long.
Anne-Marie Prossant is with me.
That's impossible!
I'll put her on.
Quickly!
Hello? Yes! I'm with Morzini!
It's awesome!
Impossible! The security team...
is useless! I have her.
She's here. She's here!
So go tell daddy...
to start counting the money.
In small bills.
- Are you Morzini?
- Yeah that's me, why?
- Your face changed.
- The old one was too successful.
I'll tie you up.
No!
There. That's better, isn't it?
Back at the car wash?
They piss me off.
What are they doing?
- You see that?
- Yes, yes...
Oh shit!
Stop it, will you!
Where's the thingie?
Stop!
Vermillot here. Verify Miss
Prossant's location at once!
But sir, Miss Prossant is here...
right under our eyes!
Don't argue, dammit!
Morzini says he has her!
Jesus...!
- Cl?ment!
- What...!
- Where is she?!
- How should I know!
What... what are you doing?
Ouch, watch it asshole!
What did you do
with Miss Prossant?
Nothing! I'm waiting for her.
I didn't kill Miss Prossant!
- Waiting?
- Yeah, can't you see!
- Keep calm.
- I am calm!
Did I upset you? Dunno why,
but you seem a little bit tense.
You seem a bit tense!
Spit it out!
Careful! According to article
420.17, I am entitled to...
You're entitled to that!
The Criminal Code doesn't
allow that either!
We're making things
worse, boss!
Facilitating an abduction,
that's 20 years!
Says the same
Criminal Code!
- But I'm innocent!
- Shall we jog your memory?
Masher!
You called?
No later, later...
Who's that?
Masher. Once he's done,
you're mashed potatoes.
He can explode your liver
without a trace...
outside that is.
Like a pork pie:
All neat and clean outside,
but inside you're all chopped up!
- He's the king of internal bleeding!
- Really?
Believe us, dear Mr Cl?ment, we would
all regret if this were necessary.
Especially me, Mr Director!
It's only a joke. A friend of mine
pretends to be Morzini, that's all!
Speak up, Cl?ment.
Your father was a hero.
We will take that into account.
- Yes...
- So.
Morzini and the Prossant girl:
Where are they?
I don't know... I don't know.
I don't know...
Hello, daddy Prossant.
The place I am sending this
from is impossible to locate.
In front of me,
sitting quietly...
is your daughter... Marie-Anne.
Usually she uses the
cameras to scoff at me...
but not this time.
She's quiet. Discreet.
She spews no insults.
You said impotent?
Homosexual?
Don't worry daddy, I won't rape her.
That's not my style.
Besides, Morzini doesn't rape!
He seduces!
What talent!
You should be an actor!
I put a miniature emitter in his jacket.
It reaches 1 km. [1000 yards]
With that, you can easily follow him.
- And he'll lead us to Morzini!
- Leave him to me, Mr Director...
... Masher will make him talk!
Make sure he'll escape!
But if you lose him...
- Not too upset?
- I'm fine...
- We'll continue later.
- Oh?
Gentlemen, let's grant
Mr Cl?ment some rest.
He'll need it.
Especially if Masher
questions him!
Hey...
The door!
Here's company,
Cl?ment!
- Did they question you?
- Yes.
- Did Masher question you?
- No.
Then you weren't
really questioned.
- I'm scared! I'm so scared!
- Don't be...
No! No!
Don't let him take me! Help!
Mommy! Help!
Help!
Leave me! Leave me!
I can't take it!
Alright, gentlemen.
Now that Masher is warmed up...
we'll take care of Cl?ment!
It's too horrible. Get outta here!
- Yes...
- While you can!
The Prossant Affair is getting more
complicated, after this latest news:
After the arrest...
and escape of trainee
officer Michel Cl?ment,
Roger Morzini, or the person
pretending to be him,
has provided us with a
magnetic tape, a video tape.
The quality is not very good...
but we decided to broadcast
this exclusive document. Watch.
Listen, daddy...
You'd like your little
girl back soon?
Without having to glue
her back together...
an ear over here...
a finger over there... right?
Then listen carefully:
I want one billion. In small bills.
- I repeat, one billion...
- Alright.
- in small bills.
- Let's negotiate.
Hey, Daddy-O!
Would you please
cut off your thing?
Is something hanging out?
No, but you disrupt me.
- Is that me making that noise?
- Come closer, you'll see.
See?
It's not me... What the...!
What could be...?
Something... oh!
I know what that is... I know it.
I know what that is.
What?
Watch out! OK?
Hello, Michel?
No, his father!
Jules...?
Himself.
I need to see you tomorrow.
But where?
As usual!
- Jules, is that his father?
- Yes.
Are you separated?
These 20 years!
He entered a building.
28, Cemetary boulevard.
Paging unit one! Unit one!
Lock down the neighborhood.
Hey... hey!
Whatcha doin'?
I'm tossing it... it's old fashioned,
the girls laugh at me!
I don't care about girls!
Gimme that!
- You want it?
- Yeah I do!
You can have it if you want...
you want it all?
Yeah, give it all!
Thank you!
Careful... he's coming out.
He has a caddie.
And a hat on his head.
Looks like a bum.
- We really underestimated that guy.
- Yeah!
A bum... he's not stupid.
No. But we're not stupid either!
We won't lose you, buddy.
Step on it!
My poor Jules,
if you only knew!
Your own son is
suspected by the police!
Hunted...
You're lucky! You're free of
troubles, wherever you are.
I'm here!
Yes I know that!
I am in here!
Jules...!
Is that you?
No...
Mom, it's Michel!
What are you doing here, Michel?
I'm playing dead!
- Here...?
- Well, it's appropriate!
Oh my God...!
- Check behind you.
- Yes.
Knowing them, I'm sure
they trailed you!
Yes! But they're far.
Michel... you need something?
Not much... I have no food,
and I'm in my undies!
Other than that, I'm fine!
Don't worry my darling.
Mommy will take care of it!
That makes 27 trash cans...
And his third box of wine!
He's overdoing it.
Michel? I informed your
buddies, they you found a car.
- Oh, great!
- They await you tonight in Pierre's garage.
You see? I put some ham there,
and the sausage you like so much!
Is there anything to drink?
Sure! Mommy thought
of everything.
Here, it's wine.
Your disguise is in the wreath.
They won't recognize you.
Indeed...!
Hello girls!
Stop laughing, you got the car?
Let's scram!
- You're wearing that dress?
- No, you will!
Knock knock, we're in, hello,
she's happy, she won the main prize...
of the soap contest, yes Ma'am,
and she's coming with us...
hop, in the Citro?n,
and off to the radio studio...
it's a stupid contest maybe, but here
we go anyway, close the lid, goodnight.
You know, you won't miss
a single finger very much...
especially the pinky.
Don't struggle,
it will only hurt more.
Don't struggle.
The Prossant Affair is decidedly rich
in developments, I have just received...
a telegram from the French Associated
Press, with this stunning news:
The mother of Roger Morzini, the gangster
who abducted Marie-Anne Prossant...
his mother, then, has just
been abducted in turn.
Her kidnappers demand the immediate
release of the media mogul's daughter.
Shit!
- You won't hurt my kid?
- 'Course not.
And don't alert the cops, neither!
Because they shoot first...
and say "hands up" after!
Because I care about my... my kid.
Even though he made me cry a lot.
Don't go complaining to the police,
we would look pretty stupid!
Well then...
I may have an idea...
but I'm not completely sure...!
Tell us anyway, we'll see...
- Get ready, we're outta here!
- I'm ready.
Don't yank my chain!
I bet it's the cops who nabbed your mother.
They can't! It's illegal!
Morzini...!
What are you doing here?
Your mommy sends
you a big kiss!
What, YOU got my mom?!
Yeah with some buddies,
so you would behave!
Hey Michel, I have a proposition for you!
I got an idea!
I have one proposition for you.
Only one!
You let Marie-Anne go, that's all!
Let go of one billion, are you nuts!
Let's split fifty-fifty!
Half a billion each!
No thanks!
You let her go, or
I come to get her!
I will never let her go, you hear!
NEVER!
We'll see!
Never!
Here. You still know
how to drive it?
It's like riding a bike!
You can't forget.
What the... are you completely nuts?!
Stop it or I'll shoot! I'm warning you!
Think of your mother!
Screw my mother!
I'm warning you, I'll shoot!
Stop it, I say!
Not the car! The car!
He's gone completely cuckoo!
He's nuts!
God damn it!
Michel! Stop it!
Yeah yeah... think of your mother!
You son of a bitch!
Here go the stairs...
I took your stairs!
I don't believe it!
And after the stairs, the facade!
Oops, sorry...
Michel...!
And now...
Michel, ouch!
Leave us alone!
Hold on, I'm coming!
Now the other window!
Dangerous, innit?
Now the wall...
Take cover!
Michel, I'm to the left!
You can't do that!
Here I come!
He's completely crazy!
How do I get down?
Sorry buddy, you shoud've
thought of that before!
Michel! To the left!
Come here! Come over here,
he has gone completely mad!
Come here!
He lost his marbles!
Almost there!
Watch out, there...!
No! Come on, stop it!
I should never trust idiots!
You alright? Eh?
So?
I'm done!
Is there anything you can't do?
Well... I did what I
could, that's all...
Michel, you asshole!
Yeah yeah, you're right!
You know he tried to cut off my pinkie?
That's annoying, for the ears...
Come back! I'll give you the billion!
You can have it!
Don't worry, I'm fine...
Would you mind cutting me free?
Shall I take you back?
No! Hey, I know a
little restaurant...
Let's drink a little Sancerre!
Michel!
Would you mind parking it for me?
I'm in a little bit of a hurry...
- Ma'am...
- Sir?
Do you have any rooms left?
Certainly sir, for how many days?
- It's just for an hour... alright, maybe two.
- Yes...
Hello?
Hello, Mr Prossant?
Yes?
Hello, how's the ransom
money coming along?
Everything's here.
In small bills.
Good, good...
Where's my daughter?
I want to hear my daughter.
Right-o!
He wants to talk...
Oh please, don't hurt her.
You are torturing her!
I'm guarding her.
About the ransom...
where's the exchange?
At your place.
It's the easiest.
What, here?!
Yep.
Miss Prossant thinks it's best.
Right. Catch you
later, Daddy-O!
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Bye, Daddy-O.
Here...
How many sugars in your tea?
Subtitles written by Smarties
IS ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT RESEMBLANCE.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD
LOOK LIKE THEM WAS NOT MADE ON PURPOSE.
FOR PEOPLE WHO THIS STORY HAPPENED TO:
WE DIDN'T KNOW.
WE ALONE BY OURSELVES INVENTED
EVERYTHING IN THIS MOVIE,
AND FOR PEOPLE WHO LIVED IT:
WE DIDN'T DO IT.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANOTHER STORY,
THAT HAPPENED TO OTHERS:
WELL... IT AIN'T OUR FAULT.
25 July, 1957
Pierrot, surrender!
Never!
Do we attack?
Let's wait for Cl?ment,
only he can handle this.
To the wall, damn you!
Here he is!
- Get down, Chief!
- Whatever.
He's dangerous! Get down!
Here, give me that.
Thanks.
- Pierrot, surrender! It's Cl?ment!
- Never!
Pierrot, I'm gonna get you!
- Chief, we think he has 7 bullets left.
- That's nothing.
Stay down.
Stop, Cl?ment! Stop or I'll shoot!
One!
Two!
Three!
You bastard...
Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven! Let's go!
In the name of the Law,
you're under arrest!
Well done, Cl?ment.
You got me fair and square.
You will be a cop, my son.
Yes, dad.
Some twenty years later.
Sit down.
Here are the graduation results
for the Rouchard division.
First place: Cantini, Robert!
I'll take Marseille.
My hometown.
Second place: Dutr?, Jean-Baptiste.
- I failed again, I'm sure.
- Just wait...
It will kill my old woman.
To what name?
- Metz.
- Can you spell that?
- Well?
- He hasn't called yet!
- That's a good sign.
- No! I know Michel, he'd call immediately!
Yes sir, I understood.
Tonight, table for two, 10 o'clock.
47th place: Zibette, ?tienne!
I'm taking Paris!
- Not Paris, it's for nerds...
- I could team with you!
- Zibette!
- Coming!
- It's hopeless, I failed gymnastics.
- What about shooting?
- Missed everything...
- Might be tough then!
Personally I wouldn't care,
but my old woman...
- A pack of Pall Mall, please.
- Yes!
Thanks. Sorry!
Hello, Michel?
- I'd like to book...
- We're full.
119th place: Bonfrois, Bernard.
- There's still hope.
- Yeah, just like the lottery...
120th place, and last to graduate:
And only in deference to the
exceptional merit of his father:
Cl?ment, Michel.
- You're in...
- Huh?
- Cl?ment, Michel!
- Yeah that's me, coming up!
Thank you.
There's only one left!
That makes it easier...
- It's Paris!
- Just what I wanted...
C-l-?-m-e-n-t...
There.
Done.
INSPECTOR BLUNDER
Mom! Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Michel!
- You failed!
- Uh, no... that is...
Well did you fail or pass?
I passed. I got it all.
Everything. Look.
Look, mom!
- Come on, let's tell dad!
- Yes!
Hurry!
He passed! He passed!
Put it on my tab!
He passed! He passed!
It's done, dad!
The lil' tyke is an inspector!
- Trainee... just a trainee.
- He ranked well!
Dad, this calls for champagne!
Michel, open the bottle.
You'll see...
Careful!
- I know what I'm doing.
- But it scares me...!
Oh my God...
The lil' tyke passed his exam!
To your health!
- Roger, what's up...
- So you passed?
- HEY, GUYS!
- I'll go around.
- I don't believe it.
- Hiya boys... hands up!
Gambling in bars is against the Law!
Criminal Code, article 214.
- You passed...?
- Think that's a water pistol?
Let me see!
Hey wait a minute...
Be careful with that, Mustapha!
That's not a toy, it's loaded!
Come on, this round's on you!
Watch it guys, don't overdo it.
- You weren't like that before!
- Because I wasn't in the police.
Roger, drinks.
Not for me, I already boozed
in the cemetery. I'm outta here.
- You can't do that!
- He works tomorrow, guys. Not like you!
Besides I'd better be in shape on my
first day, because gangsters... see?
Hold on, we should at least
celebrate next Friday.
Friday night? Sure, it's a date.
See ya guys!
- We should get him a present.
- But how?
Got any dough?
If you had a job,
you wouldn't be broke!
Michel, you'll have to be careful
about the company you keep.
They are organising a dinner in my honor,
because I made it into the police.
I have to go!
It's Vice paying tribute to Virtue!
They'll try to use you!
- You read too many crime novels.
- Right.
- Are you done?
- No...
His trench coat...
- Seven holes in it.
- Well, yeah...
I've had it mended... Michel!
You know... your father would have
wanted you to wear it.
I said "not the trench coat", mom.
That's final!
- But why?
- Because trench coats are out of fashion!
Police officers dress
normally nowadays!
Oh yeah?
Why not a black bomber jacket!
Michel, you'll wear a suit and a tie!
Mom, only gangsters wear suits and ties.
That's how we recognize them!
Tycoons, ministers...
crooks like those.
Michel...!
Your father commands it!
- No, no...
- Ten seconds, officer.
- The suits fits you very well.
- Oh yeah?
Reminds me of my poor Jules...
- You didn't forget anything?
- No, it's all here...
- Let me see...
- I got it, mom!
- Your lunch box?
- Yes, yes.
Everything's under control.
I checked.
Bye, honey.
- See you tonight.
- See you tonight, my darling.
Don't worry, I'll be ok.
Bye!
- Hey, Penguin! How are you?
- Great, and you?
Did your old man get
snuffed in that coat?
- It shows...
- My mom insisted.
Don't shove me!
Leave me alone, you shits!
So?
Anything interesting in the bunch?
They're small fry...
Morzini cleaned up.
We still got The Elegant!
Oh yeah! We nabbed him
in bed, with a tall blonde.
He barely had time to pull up his socks.
Send him up.
- Shall we go?
- Give me a sec' to change my clothes.
- Hurry up.
- See you then!
We got him!
Are you done playing the fool?
Hey! It wasn't me! Let go!
I didn't do anything!
Leave me be!
Hi, I have an appointment
with Chief Inspector Vermillot.
Wait! Who's that?
What did he do?
I'm a journalist!
- Stop, please...!
- Hi there, The Elegant!
- He tried to run.
- Take him to the boss.
Welcome to the C.I.D.
Thank you, Mr Director!
Well then, The Elegant.
Where's your suit?
- It's not my suit, it's my dad's...
- Stay there!
I'm sure The Elegant
has a lot to tell us.
- I'm happy...
- So are we.
- Now start talking, pal!
- Hey, do not "pal" him!
The Elegant deserves some respect!
- Oh, don't bother...
- Well, so how is Roger?
- You heard of Roger Morzini?
- Of course.
I even think you worked
together for a time.
Oh no. That's an error,
Mr Director.
- Clear it up, then.
- Start talking!
I came with my father's suit,
Mr Director...
- You were butt naked!
- With a tall blonde!
- Perhaps his mother?
- No, mom's a short brunette...
Why did you run, eh?
Questioning should be firm
but not violent, Mr Director.
- You're starting to piss us off!
- I can tell.
- Got a minute, boss?
- Coming.
There's a girl here, a journalist...
she wants to follow a team.
Sir, your men hit me.
This is a scandal.
We're terrible company.
Throw her out.
- You don't know who I am.
- Bite me!
Less noise, guys!
I'm talking here.
- I carry some weight!
- And we pull ours!
So fuck off!
- I'm sorry, Miss...
- Whatever.
Are you the new trainees?
Yes. Well, one's missing.
Alright. I'll introduce you to
Chief Inspector Vermillot.
Yes?
The new trainees, boss.
Come in, gentlemen!
I'll take care of you next.
So...
- What does The Elegant have to say?
- He's a joker, boss.
Says his name is Michel Cl?ment...
and he's the new trainee!
Well yes...
There's Zibette et Liebenstein! Eh?
We're the new trainees...
Shit!
Welcome, dear colleague!
Congratulations!
- Welcome to the force!
- Thank you...
Careful...
Ouch, it stings!
Our infirmary will
fix you up in no time...
they're used to it.
Thank you kindly...
It hurts...
- By tomorrow you won't see a thing.
- Really?
The bitch!
She vanished.
That's too bad...
The picture would have made a
nice souvenir of my first day.
- Hello, you wimps!
- Hi there, Watrin.
I see the holiday season is here,
you're giving handouts to your clients!
That's no client, he's a cop...
- Oh? We're allowed to punch cops now?
- He's the new trainee...
That's no rea son...!
- Michel Cl?ment...
- He'll be on your team.
- Did he slip?
- Exactly. Take him to the infirmary.
It's crazy how many
people slip here lately...
we're the cop shop, not Holiday on Ice!
Michel Cl?ment?
Yes. My father was Jules Cl?ment,
you knew him?
But of course!
An extraordinary Chief Inspector!
A true hero!
Even died for it, the fool.
We'll make a great
team together.
If you're not overzealous,
it's quite easy going...
- Where are we headed?
- Routine patrol.
We look left, we look right,
then in the middle.
We control, see?
We control...
Unit Watrin, unit Watrin!
You copy?
This is Watrin, go.
Head towards Place Vauban,
we spotted the movers. Over.
Over, we're on it!
Let's lie low.
Always park about 50 meters
away from the objective.
So you can see what's going on
without being spotted.
- Who are those movers?
- It's a gang name. Bunch of punks.
"The movers", see?
They clear out a flat in an hour.
Hi Charlie! Hi guys!
Had a nice vacation?
- And you? Hanging up your skates soon?
- Yes sir! That calls for champagne!
Alright, I'll be right back.
Don't worry.
- Hurry up, will you?
- Yeah yeah...
calberson
moving company
Hello? Shit, how does that crap work...
Hello, Watrin?
God damn it, what's that junk...
Hello, Watrin?
Hello!
Hello hello?
Hello?
Calling Watrin,
this is Michel Cl?ment.
... and remember the floozy who
tried to peddle dope to the jury!
Watrin, this is Michel Cl?ment!
Do you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Hello? Hello?
Hello, this is Watrin!
Yes, anything going on?
Well, the movers just showed up...
They really don't waste time...
they're emptying the first floor!
Well no... I have no idea what to do!
Well hurry up, will you?
Watrin? I think...
they may suspect something...
They're looking at me! Watrin!
They found me! What do I do?
They're coming, Watrin!
I gotta hide!
Hello?
They're looking at me! Watrin!
They're big guys! All of them!
I don't know what to do, there's
not enough handcuffs to arrest them!
Don't panic kid, we're coming!
Maybe, but so are they!
What's happening?
Watrin? What's going on?
I can't see them! What's happening?
Where are they?
Help! Stop!
They're stealing the car!
I'm flying!
Waah! There's Napoleon!
What now?
Cl?ment, Cl?ment!
This is HQ of district 7 paging Cl?ment!
What's going on?
Clarify your situation, Cl?ment.
Do you read?
Where are you Cl?ment,
where are you?
Well that is... I'm in the parc...
on the... in... in Napoleon's place...
There's no Place Napoleon
in Paris, Cl?ment!
I said "in Napoleon's place"!
On the statue base, in his place!
I'm where Napol?on stood,
only they overthrew him...
Clarify your location!
- Watrin!
- Cl?ment, your location please...
Mr. Watrin, please help me down...
Where did you find that guy?
Help! Help! Help!
Help... oh, I'm ok.
I'm ok...
Are you going to publish them, daddy?
But... look here, you don't
even know who it is.
A guy who got beat up by the cops, daddy!
You know the rule at my newspaper
is to never attack the police.
And that won't help you get a
reporting license at the C.I.D.!
Right!
- What?
- I'll do it myself then!
Kids... dear me, kids!
Get me the Interior.
The Minister's office.
You won't deny it?
That you beat up this poor man?
Maybe so.
Then what?
I want to shadow one of your teams.
- And if I refuse?
- These show up in the news.
- But that's blackmail!
- No. Information.
Look, it might be best to ask...
- the victim!
- If you insist.
Watrin! Please ask Michel Cl?ment
to come to my office.
Who is Cl?ment?
A cop who will swear that
the victim attacked him?
So not only you get beaten to a pulp...
you're also guilty of resisting an officer!
Come on. That's old!
Come in!
- You asked for me, sir?
- Yes...
Come in, dear friend.
Take a look at this.
Oh, that's kind of you!
And it's great in color,
the bruises show nicely!
Well monochrome would have been
nice too, for the black eye...
I present you the victim:
Trainee inspector Cl?ment.
Son of a Hero of the police!
Inspector Cl?ment,
do you wish to file a complaint?
Nope!
- You made yourself perfectly clear.
- Then get out before I lock you up.
Yes?
Oh, good morning Mr. Minister.
Listen, how much for the picture?
Certainly, she's just in my office!
Miss Prossant!
Yes? I'd be delighted, Mr. Minister.
Of course! Oh no... but... no...
You know that we always help
the press any way we can!
Certainly, Mr. Minister.
Good bye.
Well, it's all arranged.
Where there's a will there's a way.
So you wish to follow
some police operations?
- Yes.
- Which unit do you choose?
How about Mr. Cl?ment's?
Watrin-Cl?ment? That's our best unit.
My report begins in an unmarked car,
along with inspectors
Watrin and Cl?ment.
They are "obscure" agents...
low-level cops who will never
reach the top of the C.I.D.
What happened to you the other day?
I dunno.
- You were in your undies?
- Leave him alone!
I only wish to understand.
It's only because I showed
up in my father's outfit.
Underpants?
Of course not! They mistook me
for another guy, that's all.
Your father?
No, the guy with the blanket.
- His father's dead!
- Yeah...
Would this be... erm...
something of a police war?
He slipped, that's all!
We're arriving at the antique shop, so...
you take the lead, but I'll observe you.
Here is a picture of the stolen objects.
Thanks.
Our first mission is at
an antique dealer's...
where a valuable object was stolen.
Right.
So are these guns "Le Page"
or "Gasti-Renette"?
Le Page, Le Page!
I see you're a conoisseur?
Well you know, in the police...
we do know guns!
These were valued
at over FF 200'000.
- They are absolutely unique.
- There's two...
The young trainee appears
to be quite knowledgeable.
Now what do I do?
- Ask for the description!
- Right!
Could you give even an approximate
description of the agressors?
There were several of them...
perhaps young?
It's hard to be sure, they were masked...
There are only decidedly
sparse clues available.
Alright, I'm taking the photo.
We'll keep you informed...
if you should hear anything new
please call me at the C.I.D.:
- I'm Inspector Cl?ment.
- Alright, Mr. Cl?ment.
Is the lady from the police as well?
- Never in life.
- Oh no, she's a journalist.
Oh, you're a journalist?
I have something that will
certainly interest you. Follow me.
Come!
It's a very old typewriter...
How long is she gonna piss us off?
Who knows!
I am back in the unmarked car.
The mood inside is ecstatic.
We are headed to the reconstruction
of the Rouchard crime scene...
the Rapist of the Canals. STOP
- Chief Inspector Vermillot.
- Captain Grandell.
He's all yours.
Thank you.
Is there a dummy for
the reconstruction?
That's your department,
Chief Inspector!
Maybe one of your men?
We are only here to convey the prisoner.
Is there a problem, gentlemen?
Not at all, Mr Prosecutor.
We are about to begin.
Cl?ment?
Right. Cl?ment, you're the girl.
What?
You'll impersonate the girl.
You'll lay down there,
with the rapist, and do the girl.
Wha...?
Go ahead.
That's an order.
Of course, if it's an order...
Are you the little girl?
I'm the substitute, because...
Rouchard!
Rouchard:
Him there, little girl.
You do with him
what you did earlier.
Me want little girl!
Where little girl!
- Hey now, easy!
- Calm down.
She was on her way back from school.
So just start walking along the trees...
Remember the poor victim was
eating her afternoon snack.
- Is there a snack?
- Little girl!
- Do you have a snack?
- Uhm, no...
You should've told me,
mom would have packed a lunch!
- Right, start walking.
- Here?
Yes. And now you, Rouchard!
Little girl!
Help! Help!
I protest, Judge! Considering
the victim's age and weight...
... she could not possibly defend herself!
Please abort.
- Want little girl!
- He's crazy!
He's nuts!
My apologies, Judge, but the
attack occurred in the rain...
Perfectly true, Mr. Prosecutor.
But it ain't raining...
I can't help it!
- Alright Cl?ment, go ahead!
- You gotta be kidding!
- Go ahead Rouchard.
- Little girl!
With all due respect, Counsellor!
My client's psychological profile...
clearly states that he has
homosexual tendencies!
Oh please, Counsellor.
He savaged the poor girl six times!
None of this is admissible in court!
One might accuse anybody
under such circumstances.
Little... little girl... !!
- You might as well accuse me...
- Rouchard is getting away!
Stop him! The girl!
Rouchard, you're ruining it!
I'm no little girl!
Look what they did!
If your poor mother could see you...
- I can spout rubbish myself, thanks!
- Sorry.
What kind of a job is that...
Hey there, don't be in such a hurry!
Can't you even wait for two minutes?
It doesn't stain, eh!
Hey Philou...
what were we gonna do?
Well, we said that since
Michel is our buddy...
Even though he's a now a cop...
Anyway, we all decided
to make you a little gift.
See? Not that hard.
Mustapha, fork over the gift!
Look at that box!
What's in it?
- Here you are...
- Wow, how nice!
- Should I open it?
- Sure!
They're Le Page.
You like them?
- Uhm... yes...
- It's a surprise, eh?
- It's a surprise indeed.
- We know you like guns...
Really?
Those must have cost a fortune! I can't...
- Friendship deserves no less!
- Are you gonna make a little speech?
A speech! A speech!
Don't be shy, Michel!
I won't make a speech, because...
- We have ways of making you talk!
- He's making others talk now!
Alright, I thank you for the...
for the... meal and the...
Gift!
Do you realize the trouble you're in?
- I told you...
- You didn't have to accept it!
I couldn't help it.
Didn't I tell you they were trouble?
Since you won't report them,
there's only one solution:
Return them to their owner!
I'm gonna look like a total schmuck!
You simply here and hop, it writes!
It still works well, you know.
You feed paper here...
Go ahead and write your
name if you like...
- Stunning, isn't it?
- Indeed!
- I'll only be a minute.
- Please...
- What's going on?
- Nuttin'!
Nothing.
Hands up!
Be careful, they're revolvers!
Oh no, not again!
Take that.
I brought back the revolvers.
Michel Cl?ment...!
No no no.
You're my inspector!
No I'm not!
Mr. Inspector, you are
playing games with me!
- Oh yes, you are!
- Oh no, I'm not!
- You found them?
- Oh no! No!
You're wonderful, Inspector!
Let me give you a kiss!
Your friend is really strange.
- Is he maybe a bit...?
- Yes.
- This one?
- No way.
Inspector Cl?ment!
I'd like to know a bit more
about your methods.
Well, we have a hidden camera, and
we're monitoring the Champs-Elys?es...
In other words, you're leaving it to chance!
There's thousands of people...
Crowds are still the best hiding place.
Ain't that right?
It's likely we'll find
somebody at least.
Somebody like Morzini?
Come on, now you're dreaming.
- Maybe that one...?
- Nope.
Look...
- Not a chance.
- What time did you call in?
- A quarter to.
- OK. Can you sign?
Hello
Roger!
Hello.
- You sure about this?
- It's an easy one.
Too easy, almost.
So just one gun is enough?
Even darts would suffice!
Hands up!
Well, those who can...
In line with the motto "Living together"...
the disabled also deserve to be held up!
Go ahead, guys.
There's gold, there's silver...
Go ahead, help yourselves!
Didn't I tell you it was a good idea?
You're right...
Hey guys...
Guys, damn it!
Not the head!
Watch out!
Hey, lay off me!
I'll shoot!
Stop it! I said I'll shoot.
Watch it! Stop!
Oh shit, there's more here...
Stop it! I'll shoot I said.
I'll shoot!
Let me pass or I'll shoot!
Outta my way, bitch!
That's it, Chief Inspector! We found him.
- Morzini?
- Yep!
He's holding up a jeweler's workshop.
All units, calling all units!
We found Morzini!
Morzini! Quick! I'll drive!
I'm gonna nail that asshole!
Don't break the van!
What's going on, Michel?
She's finally gonna see some action!
Where are we going?
To arrest Roger Morzini!
You can't do that to me!
I'm retiring in two months!
Oh mom, just wait until we tell daddy!
He'll be proud of me!
He's just as crazy as his old man!
HQ here. Vermillot, how are things?
Well Mr Director, I couldn't
reach the prefect yet...
but you can already tell him...
that we got Morzini!
He's right in front of us!
And the hostage?
God damn it! Outta here, you bitch!
- The hostage...
- He released her, great!
We're all clear!
So step on it!
Look there, boss!
That's the Watrin van!
- Is that you Watrin?
- Yep it's us!
Morzini's in the Citroen. Hit him!
Roger, boss! I'm on it!
Stop it Michel!
Dear Lord, make him stop!
Mommy! I'll get him!
What's that fool doing!
Hit the brakes! Now!
Chief! I almost had him.
Almost...! Bad luck, eh?
At least there's no witnesses.
Hey. Hey! Bravo, the police.
I saw everything.
Oh shit.
What, like that? No way.
I agree to change face, but not to that!
- Watch out!
- Don't worry.
That's hideous! Those nostrils.
- Oh, like that! I wanna look like that...
- No no... not possible.
- Why not?
- It's not possible, period.
Too bad.
- And that's not possible either?
- No.
- Is that too much...?
- Too vigorous.
Too young.
- That's bad too... too old...
- Yeah... ok.
- And that's... nah, not that.
- No, I won't.
- And that...?
- I won't do that. Too political.
- So?
- I think I can.
That I can.
The chin, the front... your nose...
- Kid, I can do it.
- Don't fuck it up!
I said I can do it. I know it.
Let's go for that!
Mr Champagne, is that you?
Police. Do you know
that young man?
- No.
- Never met him?
- Never.
- Alright, bye.
Have you seen that man?
- Good morning, sir...
- How may I help you?
- Police.
- Yes?
- Do you know that man?
- No, sorry. Never met him.
That's the first time I'm doing this model.
I hope it turns out.
Scalpel!
But in the end, this was
the chance of a lifetime...
you were right there
the moment it happened.
Erm... Yes, I quite agree.
It's however rather sad
that we couldn't arrest Morzini.
Why not?
Well, because the police...
were simply incapable of doing so.
And if I were Morzini,
I wouldn't worry.
Frankly, I'd feel quite safe.
- And what did your boss say?
- Just bull.
They would be angry, you almost
caught Morzini before them!
Still, being Mr. Prossant's
daughter must be a bonus, right?
It only makes me want
to make my own name.
You are one of the richest
heiresses in France.
Maybe so, but that's not
where my talent comes from.
Would you like to
meet Roger Morzini?
Of course! Put yourself in my shoes,
it would be a dream... What a scoop!
That's the journalist speaking.
But what about the woman?
Roger Morzini has quite a reputation...
Listen. He's completely unattractive...
nothing but a wannabe
"manly ladykiller".
Quite frankly, his vulgar behavior
is a total turn-off for me.
If I may say so...
Besides, my intuition tells me that his
"Don Juan" attitude is only a front...
to hide his evident homosexuality.
Roger Morzini is a homosexual?
To be precise, a closeted homosexual.
The worst kind.
If I may say so...
Hello?
Who's there?
Come on, hurry up.
Spew your crap.
You've got quite a temperament,
Miss Prossant.
Oh, you can talk?
You should be more careful.
Who are you?
An impotent. Homosexual.
Completely unattractive.
Who am I?
Morzini?
Roger Morzini?
Himself.
Where are you?
Soon very close to you.
I'll let you verify, my lil' chickadee.
Morzini...
I TALKED TO
ROGER MORZINI
Morzini calls her up and she
puts it on the front page!
I know my daughter,
she won't stop.
Morzini loves to be in the spotlight.
- I'm worried about her, gentlemen.
- Well, if she continues to provoke him...
Don't worry Mr. Prossant,
we will protect her.
Discreetly of course.
Trust us, she'll be safe.
Ever since she decided to be a journalist...
and would she accept my help?
No...!
Well, gentlemen, I must go.
I almost forgot.
For your charities.
Thank you indeed, Mr Prossant!
- We'll guard your daughter as if she were ours!
- Goodbye gentlemen.
I'll put our best unit on it.
It's a pity. You really
have no imagination!
- Pardon me, Mr Director...?
- We've been hunting Morzini for months.
The press is laughing in our face! Anyway.
By chance we know his next victim...
and what do you do?
I protect her!
You said...!
- Protect her well?
- Sure!
That's bullshit.
I want him to try to abduct her.
Got that?
So you protect her. Openly.
But instead of assigning crack units...
you take idiots.
People about to retire.
Carnival shooters. Bumbling fools...
You must have plenty of those?
Do I ever... But he'll abduct her!
He'll try!
And if behind them you place a hidden,
and perfectly serious, second unit...
You understand?
What are you up to?
- We're investigating journalists.
- Covering them, as it were.
- I don't believe it...
- We are your cover!
I won't be cold!
Nope...
Oh no... what now!
- Why did you...?
- Are you insane!
You stalk me for an hour
and now you hit me!
Officer, she's lying!
You pervert! He tried to cut me
off in the tunnel, to rape me!
If I were you...!
She's off her rocker! I'm a cop...
At ease!
That's still no reason to bang her car!
But it was her...! Just ask him!
Oh, I'm outta here.
- It's nice, isn't it?
- Very nice.
- Push on it.
- No mistake possible.
Do you see that guy?
He's been stalking me for an hour...
- Can you help me? Thanks.
- I'll take care of it.
You wish?
Are you with somebody?
No... Well yes! I mean, no...
Please, sir. How may I help you?
- You wouldn't sell any socks?
- No, sir. We don't.
Because I wanted some...
- Good bye, sir.
- Bye...
- You really don't sell any socks?
- No, sir. Good bye sir.
And?
There's a second exit, to the other street.
You should do a better job, my man!
She startled me...
Close protection ain't no picnic!
Come on, I've known worse...
I find her quite charming!
Yeah, not bad...
Hurry up, we're starting in 10 seconds!
- Sir...!
- Police.
Hello, ladies!
"We the woman" is thrilled to welcome
today the famous young journalist...
- Marie-Anne Prossant!
- Hello.
Marie-Anne, you seem to
have challenged machismo...
in it's most monstrous, criminal form,
by taking aim at Roger Morzini.
Well, not quite.
After all, Roger Morzini...
is hardly what one
may call a "macho"!
He tries to promote this image
of a young seductor...
... but in fact he shows
all signs of being impotent.
I'm sure of it!
- Yeah, you...
- And so?
How are you feeling?
Impeccable, doctor.
I challenge Roger Morzini,
if he can hear me, to meet me.
To grant me an interview!
Because he knows that
I would describe him as he is.
Without glossing over anything.
If you lack a penis, you wield a gun!
Morzini is the caricature
of a perverted impotent.
Meaning:
Much imagination...
Few if any means...
which generates an internal conflict
that he must free at all costs.
He shoots, he kills.
He's a psychopath.
Morzini might be watching the show!
Don't you fear a...
violent reaction from his side?
I'm under close protection by the police.
In fact, my guardian
angel is behind camera 1!
Please use camera 2!
Mr Morzini, may I introduce Michel
Cl?ment. He is tasked to protect me.
You see, I am perfectly safe.
Morzini an impotent...
Admire the handiwork.
So?
Your own mother would not recognize you.
What's that?
My mother would not recognize me?!
Even if with Frankenstein's head,
my mom would recognize me!
Yes!
By the way...
And you, do you recognize me?
Yes...?
You could talk?
You could provide my
new description...?
No I don't recognize you at all...!
I'm begging you. Please, leave!
Just leave!
I won't charge you.
Just go without paying!
Go away!
No! Not that!
Help!
Good night, little doctor.
Good night.
It's... flair...
Maybe...
a certain habit,
a sense for journalism...
You know, I was born into this...
I'll take care of you,
lil' chickadee.
But I'd like to hear
the other's opinion...
How long is this
going to last?
Huh?
How long must I support
you at my back?
- It's close protection...
- Do it elsewhere!
You're a funny one!
I got my orders!
He's dangerous...
So what? That's exciting!
Think he'll crawl out of his hole
with cops around?
Let him try, we'll stop him!
YOU?
What can you stop,
except maybe a bus?
Don't make me laugh,
I'm already sore!
Once I got my scoop, you can do
what you want. Not before!
They're still here!
I can't take a step without them!
I will not have my daughter put to risk.
Come on daddy, I'm not at risk!
Believe me!
Well, it was windy that day...
- See that?
- Yep.
Hey guys, what's up?
- Hello Michel!
- Hi, how are you?
Hi there...
- Hello, how are you?
- I'll sign you up!
Look at that.
Nice, isn't it?
- Wanna try to win it?
- You bet!
Well then, you do what I tell you.
Not like usual!
When I tell you to point, you point!
And when I tell you to shoot, you shoot!
All right, I got it!
I must ask you to please be quiet...
Right. Now place your ball.
Carefully pass the
first ball, no more!
Gently... gently...
Watch out for the gravel. Go.
That was wrong!
Now point it. Lightly.
Just pass the ball.
If you're careful you can do it.
Go ahead, but not too hard.
Easy does it.
Do it! You'll get it.
Not that...!
Yeah! Well done!
Did you see?
Oh yes, bravo!
- Good shot.
- Wait, I have a good feeling.
Oh well... Go ahead.
Point it.
I could have done better!
- Point it.
- You want me to point?
- I'd rather shoot.
- No, I told you! Point it!
Oh yes, bravo!
Not bad, not bad...
That's not bad...
- What do you wanna do?
- I'm gonna shoot the ball on the left.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Shoot the left one.
On the left!
- Actually I'd rather shoot the right.
- No no...
Stick to the left, it's better.
- I'm shooting right.
- No, don't do that!
Well... there you are!
See?
Your attention please,
ladies and gents!
The last point of the
game is being played!
Everybody please pay attention
and remain quiet! Thank you!
Rag.
Well here... I have no idea.
- What would you do?
- I don't know. Not a clue.
Do whatever you want.
Go ahead.
Maybe I should spock it?
I'll spock it.
I'll just give it a try.
Might work, might not!
Yeah! You're great!
Did you see that?
Thanks for the game.
Bravo!
Well, it's thanks to you too!
But you threw the ball.
Still... you know a
lot about p?tanque!
Oh, I've only been into
it for two months.
- Oh, you're member of a club?
- Oh no no, not at all.
- I'm Antoine Collard, the King of Crime!
- Oh...?
Well, I write about crime.
My new book...
takes place in a boules club.
So I'm learning about it...
That's funny!
Not that fun!
It's a lot of hard word, buddy.
I only find it funny
because I'm a cop!
- A constable?
- No, I'm inspector.
Well, I'm a newbie...
look, it's brand-new!
- Inspector? That's unbelievable!
- But true.
Hey, I'd like to invite you for lunch.
- I have so much to ask you!
- Well, unfortunately I have...
Don't argue! You owe me that much!
If I may say so...
Well yeah...
And I know a little restaurant...
they make a smoked salmon...
I won't say more!
With some white wine?
- A Sancerre, for instance?
- Sancerre? The best!
- Nice car. Crime fiction pays well!
- Oh yeah, I like it.
It's nice. Comfortable, fast...
goes up to 210 km/h... [130 MPH]
You drive that fast?
- Well... sometimes...
- Cops don't scare you?
You just have to be careful...
You'd better be.
- Shit!
- See?
Oh damn, I forgot my ID...
You're careful all right!
Good morning, gentlemen.
Your ID, please.
Look!
I'm an insider.
Go ahead.
Drive, will you?
- And?
- It's good!
You were right, it's great!
I'm sure we have
similar tastes.
- Think so?
- Yep.
Besides, we do a similar job.
Erm... I disagree.
I may be new in the force,
but crime novels...
They suck.
No offense! It's all bullshit.
I used to read them, not anymore.
It's all wrong!
Yep.
But now that we're buddies,
you could help me, Michel?
Sure!
Some more salmon?
- Why not!
- Two more salmons. Two!
Big ones!
You really shouldn't
walk around without ID.
- You're right.
- Yep.
You're right...
I need to make a phone call.
Maybe I have lost my ID...
Yeah, yeah...
Hello, yes?
Merlino? It's Roger.
Who?
Morzini.
Roger?
Listen, it's important.
Yes?
I need a new photo ID.
- But why...?
- None of your business.
So, when?
Erm... Tomorrow, 1700.
58 seconds.
- Yes?
- You were on the phone for 58 seconds.
I'm gonna teach you something.
You can telephone for
59 seconds, but...
at the 60th, we can spot you.
- If you're under surveillance, that is.
- Really?
- Might help for your novels.
- Yes indeed. I'll use that!
59 seconds you're golden,
60 seconds - dead.
HAQUENBUSH: The surgeon of
the Mafia is anesthesized forever.
And so? Morzini?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Not a trace anywhere.
He vanished.
Nothing happening
around Miss Prossant?
- Hi!
- Hi!
You look exhausted.
- Have you ever followed a girl all day?
- No, not my thing.
You have no idea how
fast they can be.
They look fragile, but have
they ever got stamina!
Is she at home?
- Taking a bubble bath.
- Oh? Shall we...?
- What a dunce...!
- Well...
- Want a drink?
- Sure.
In my new book someone's
trying to abduct a girl...
- Yeah?
- And it prompts difficult questions.
How about I show you something?
- Is it interesting?
- I think you'll like it.
Is that the C.I.D.?
- Never been here?
- Never!
You can't miss that!
I'm not really allowed to do that.
But you're my buddy.
Thanks!
- Are you happy?
- Very.
Are you coming?
- Hi, Michel!
- Hey there!
Here we are in forensics.
- Hello Cl?ment!
- Hi!
Let me show you something.
Go ahead.
Come see!
- Hello Maigret!
- Hi Cl?ment!
Fingerprinting!
By the way, the Haquenbush murder?
It was Morzini!
Really? Is that his prints?
Yeah... we found them there.
Wanna see your own prints up there?
Come with me.
Come! Over here!
Take a look.
- Give me your thumb.
- Erm... no.
- That way you'll know, for your books!
- But I don't wanna...
Cl?ment! Head to the office,
there's news about Morzini!
He's using Merlino for a photo ID,
we'll be waiting!
Gotta go, it's Morzini.
We're still eating together?
Sure, if I can.
- My mom's a laugh!
- Oh?
Hello Merlino.
- Who are you? What...!
- Keep cool.
You don't recognize me?
Roger.
Oh shit, Roger...!
- What did they do... ?
- Are you waiting for someone?
- Well... no, why?
- We made an appointment.
Oh yes...
you're very early!
- Am I bothering you?
- No, not at all...
I thought we could have a chat.
Merlino, the king of photos... eh?
Can you make a me a still life?
- Just a little still life?
- No...
- Everything locked down?
- Yes.
We'll wait inside.
Merlino? Where's that fool...
Cl?ment, lights please.
There's gotta be lamps around...
Ooops. Shit.
Got it, Chief!
Chief! Chief! Come quick!
There!
That's him!
Let's leave. Let's leave!
Calm down, Cl?ment!
Keep calm.
Gentlemen, there can be no doubt:
This info must have been leaked
from the inside. It's serious.
Chief, what about the fingerprints?
What...?
What did I say?
You don't scare me!
I'm not trying to, Miss Prossant.
Your voice is not that bad...
Thanks, so I've been told...
You still reject my interview offer?
I'm already famous enough, you know.
Everybody knows me.
So you're a celebrity?
Yes, I guess I am... a star.
But stars need their public.
- It comes from the right bank.
- Time?
40 seconds.
Yes, yes...
So if I want to meet you...
- District 19 or 20.
- This time we got him!
56 seconds.
I'll call!
- Damn it! He always cuts too soon!
- He must know the system.
We still narrowed it down quite a bit.
Send the cars.
Idiots!
Morzini is in the 19th
or the 20th district.
We are looking for Morzini, Roger.
Check all suspects.
Here.
- Oh, how nice!
- They're flowers. For your mom.
She'll be happy!
How kind.
My dad, the hero.
Such gentle eyes.
- All hell's loose in the neighborhood!
- Oh?
Sure, we're on lockdown!
Lockdown?
Well yes.
... proceed towards the
Clignancourt gate...
You listen to that even at home?
Oh, that? It's to keep up to date.
- You know what?
- What?
- Morzini is in the neighborhood.
- Ooops, sorry! I'm so sorry...
- Nevermind, I got more.
- No, really...
I only get on duty at midnight.
Missing all the fun.
I hope they'll nab
him this time.
I'm worried about
the Prossant girl.
It's coming closer...
He might be near.
- Are you expecting someone?
- Nope.
- Your mother?
- She has a key.
- Hello!
- Hi.
No I haven't seen anything...
wanna come in for a drink?
- We're on duty.
- Alright, see you!
The colleagues. They wanted to
know if I noticed anything...
since they know
I live right here.
I see...
- Got anything to drink?
- Look in the bar.
- Alright.
- There's ice in the fridge.
Alright, thanks.
Is that your fianc?e?
No, it's the chick I'm protecting.
Miss Prossant.
And there's nothing
between you two...?
You're crazy.
That only happens in novels.
But you wouldn't mind
if it did, right?
Right?
She's a pain in the ass.
Oh... but those girls
are the best, buddy!
Not for me!
She's nuts, she wants
to interview Morzini!
Oh yeah? Wow, what a scoop...
"Scoop"? Yeah right,
so she always says.
- So what?
- That's all she talks about.
And he wants to abduct her!
- So there...
- And you care?
If he gets her we'll never see her again.
He'll waste her for sure.
Hold hard there!
You!
Hey!
Are you maybe a little
bit in love with her? No?
- Are you nuts?
- Why?
Listen: The most dangerous
weapon in the world...
is love.
Bullshit.
- He's beautiful!
- Morzini?
The leg of lamb!
Oh yeah, the lamb's beautiful.
Because Morzini's mug...
it's ugly enough to make
you change the sidewalk.
Think you're pretty?
No, but I'm a cop... that's different.
Not anybody can be
public enemy no. 1!
It takes a certain look, with your picture
hanging on all the walls, like a star!
Like...
No... Don't think...
I'm just kidding!
You writers are
really something.
Do you identify with
all your characters?
You write a cop and you're a cop,
but you write a gangster, you're a gangster?
Yep. It's an occupational hazard.
You should add garlic...
lamb without garlic is bland.
- Right?
- Yeah...
Hey, it really looked like
I thought I was Morzini, eh?
Morzini could've talked like that.
- Oh...
- Yeah...
That chick... if she got her interview,
you think she'd leave him alone?
Of course!
All she cares about is the scoop!
Wait a second.
I'm having a writer's moment...
Wait... yeah... that's it...!
What are you up to now?
I have an idea.
Watch me...
You'll see the joke. Wait.
You look like Morzini!
Think so?
Really?
- Interesting...
- I thought I looked a bit like him.
Yeah, but you couldn't talk!
She knows his voice!
She's always on the phone with him!
Yeah... oh well.
But wait... There might be a way...
if I could be sure...
Yeah?
Maybe not.
And you wouldn't
know what to tell her.
Hey, hey, hey!
That's my job! Really...
Sure...
- Take that.
- Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey, you got her number?
What for?
I'll call.
If I'm in, are you in?
I don't like this...
Relax, it's just a joke.
It's 705 21 38.
705 21 38?
Don't move.
This is gonna be fun... !
He's nuts.
Know the latest? Morzini may have
an accomplice within the police.
An accomplice within C.I.D.?
That's the joke of the year!
Yep. Might be good
to know anyway.
Certainly not the little fatty
who follows me around all day!
One suspect less.
Hello?
Morzini.
You again?
I thought about your interview offer.
I accept.
When and where?
Hey, not so fast.
Somebody will give
you instructions.
You know him. You'll be surprised.
For now keep quiet.
Damn it, he hung up again!
- Who will give her instructions?
- You will!
You got some nerve!
Gentlemen?
Erm... a flask of wine
and some p?t?...
Wrong place! This is a tea room.
They drink black tea with lemon,
or a lime blossom herbal...
We also have hot chocolate.
Oh really...?
Well... I'll have what he's having.
- For you, sir?
- Well then...
Two hot chocolates,
do you have whipped cream?
MISS PROSSANT
I leave the office and
they come after me!
Hello?
Miss Prossant?
I told you not to bother
me during my tea break!
I'm calling on behalf of Roger Morzini.
No! Where are you?
The cabin next door.
Come join me.
Yes!
- I don't believe it!
- You better.
I would never have
thought it was you!
Don't faint now, darlin'.
Right. Roger agrees for tomorrow.
Oh? Where?
Slow down, it's
not that simple.
- Are you with someone?
- Yeah, a bunch of cops!
- Then listen carefully. Got that?
- Of course...
Does it hurt?
It's disgusting!
Sorry. It won't
stain, it's water.
- But it does stain!
- It's nothing, it'll go away...
- Watch it!
- Sorry...
It's nerves.
You're spitting in my face now!
Keep it, I don't want it.
Oh?
Miss Prossant is going
out for dinner.
Getting in her car...
We follow, Didier!
Maybe she's meeting a lover.
Zoom in, go on zoom!
Wow - it's Michel Cl?ment!
- Oh shit!
- With the Prossant girl!
What does she see in him?
- You remember everything?
- Of course. This is so exciting!
- I'm giving you one hour, no more!
- Okay, you're sweet.
- A car wash?
- It wasn't that dirty...
Go ahead!
You're sure?
Of course! You got one hour.
- OK.
- You know what I think of it.
I know, I'm on my own.
But... who are you?
You must be careful, it's normal.
I certainly am very lucky.
Many of my colleagues would
do anything to meet your boss!
Are you foreign?
- They're leaving.
- And we follow...
And here we go...
Now that's close protection!
I'm fucking bored.
You don't care, do you?
Do you enjoy life around cops?
- A journalist!
- What a slut.
Oh, you're so pretty...
Oh, the poor girl.
This tape will be rated X!
What's wrong...
What's that?
I need to put this on?
Oh gee, I can't see a thing!
I see, I must not know
where you're taking me!
I'm so excited...
When I tell that to
my editor-in-chief...
he's gonna be so jealous he'll die!
I know it!
Gonna take care
of you, sweetie.
Gonna pump you up a bit...
Make you feel good...
Oh... she's coming to her senses.
Oh shit!
- She's stacked!
- Not as slim as she looks...
She's getting angry!
Crap! Oh, crap!
Maybe some gum...
It's BDSM now!
Cl?ment is a real beast!
Maybe we should head back.
It's getting late.
Time to end this joke.
They're watching us.
Pay no attention.
They lasted 45 minutes!
I'm exhausted!
- They're on the move.
- There we go again!
Where are we?
Still a surprise?
You don't say much...
Is it a church?
Go!
Could you take a picture
of me with those glasses?
- Get in here. Stop.
- Yes...
- Don't move. Don't move!
- OK, sure!
Yeah?
Vermillot? It's Roger Morzini.
Yes, Morzini. In person.
Morzini. Track him!
Don't bother, Vermillot!
I won't be long.
Anne-Marie Prossant is with me.
That's impossible!
I'll put her on.
Quickly!
Hello? Yes! I'm with Morzini!
It's awesome!
Impossible! The security team...
is useless! I have her.
She's here. She's here!
So go tell daddy...
to start counting the money.
In small bills.
- Are you Morzini?
- Yeah that's me, why?
- Your face changed.
- The old one was too successful.
I'll tie you up.
No!
There. That's better, isn't it?
Back at the car wash?
They piss me off.
What are they doing?
- You see that?
- Yes, yes...
Oh shit!
Stop it, will you!
Where's the thingie?
Stop!
Vermillot here. Verify Miss
Prossant's location at once!
But sir, Miss Prossant is here...
right under our eyes!
Don't argue, dammit!
Morzini says he has her!
Jesus...!
- Cl?ment!
- What...!
- Where is she?!
- How should I know!
What... what are you doing?
Ouch, watch it asshole!
What did you do
with Miss Prossant?
Nothing! I'm waiting for her.
I didn't kill Miss Prossant!
- Waiting?
- Yeah, can't you see!
- Keep calm.
- I am calm!
Did I upset you? Dunno why,
but you seem a little bit tense.
You seem a bit tense!
Spit it out!
Careful! According to article
420.17, I am entitled to...
You're entitled to that!
The Criminal Code doesn't
allow that either!
We're making things
worse, boss!
Facilitating an abduction,
that's 20 years!
Says the same
Criminal Code!
- But I'm innocent!
- Shall we jog your memory?
Masher!
You called?
No later, later...
Who's that?
Masher. Once he's done,
you're mashed potatoes.
He can explode your liver
without a trace...
outside that is.
Like a pork pie:
All neat and clean outside,
but inside you're all chopped up!
- He's the king of internal bleeding!
- Really?
Believe us, dear Mr Cl?ment, we would
all regret if this were necessary.
Especially me, Mr Director!
It's only a joke. A friend of mine
pretends to be Morzini, that's all!
Speak up, Cl?ment.
Your father was a hero.
We will take that into account.
- Yes...
- So.
Morzini and the Prossant girl:
Where are they?
I don't know... I don't know.
I don't know...
Hello, daddy Prossant.
The place I am sending this
from is impossible to locate.
In front of me,
sitting quietly...
is your daughter... Marie-Anne.
Usually she uses the
cameras to scoff at me...
but not this time.
She's quiet. Discreet.
She spews no insults.
You said impotent?
Homosexual?
Don't worry daddy, I won't rape her.
That's not my style.
Besides, Morzini doesn't rape!
He seduces!
What talent!
You should be an actor!
I put a miniature emitter in his jacket.
It reaches 1 km. [1000 yards]
With that, you can easily follow him.
- And he'll lead us to Morzini!
- Leave him to me, Mr Director...
... Masher will make him talk!
Make sure he'll escape!
But if you lose him...
- Not too upset?
- I'm fine...
- We'll continue later.
- Oh?
Gentlemen, let's grant
Mr Cl?ment some rest.
He'll need it.
Especially if Masher
questions him!
Hey...
The door!
Here's company,
Cl?ment!
- Did they question you?
- Yes.
- Did Masher question you?
- No.
Then you weren't
really questioned.
- I'm scared! I'm so scared!
- Don't be...
No! No!
Don't let him take me! Help!
Mommy! Help!
Help!
Leave me! Leave me!
I can't take it!
Alright, gentlemen.
Now that Masher is warmed up...
we'll take care of Cl?ment!
It's too horrible. Get outta here!
- Yes...
- While you can!
The Prossant Affair is getting more
complicated, after this latest news:
After the arrest...
and escape of trainee
officer Michel Cl?ment,
Roger Morzini, or the person
pretending to be him,
has provided us with a
magnetic tape, a video tape.
The quality is not very good...
but we decided to broadcast
this exclusive document. Watch.
Listen, daddy...
You'd like your little
girl back soon?
Without having to glue
her back together...
an ear over here...
a finger over there... right?
Then listen carefully:
I want one billion. In small bills.
- I repeat, one billion...
- Alright.
- in small bills.
- Let's negotiate.
Hey, Daddy-O!
Would you please
cut off your thing?
Is something hanging out?
No, but you disrupt me.
- Is that me making that noise?
- Come closer, you'll see.
See?
It's not me... What the...!
What could be...?
Something... oh!
I know what that is... I know it.
I know what that is.
What?
Watch out! OK?
Hello, Michel?
No, his father!
Jules...?
Himself.
I need to see you tomorrow.
But where?
As usual!
- Jules, is that his father?
- Yes.
Are you separated?
These 20 years!
He entered a building.
28, Cemetary boulevard.
Paging unit one! Unit one!
Lock down the neighborhood.
Hey... hey!
Whatcha doin'?
I'm tossing it... it's old fashioned,
the girls laugh at me!
I don't care about girls!
Gimme that!
- You want it?
- Yeah I do!
You can have it if you want...
you want it all?
Yeah, give it all!
Thank you!
Careful... he's coming out.
He has a caddie.
And a hat on his head.
Looks like a bum.
- We really underestimated that guy.
- Yeah!
A bum... he's not stupid.
No. But we're not stupid either!
We won't lose you, buddy.
Step on it!
My poor Jules,
if you only knew!
Your own son is
suspected by the police!
Hunted...
You're lucky! You're free of
troubles, wherever you are.
I'm here!
Yes I know that!
I am in here!
Jules...!
Is that you?
No...
Mom, it's Michel!
What are you doing here, Michel?
I'm playing dead!
- Here...?
- Well, it's appropriate!
Oh my God...!
- Check behind you.
- Yes.
Knowing them, I'm sure
they trailed you!
Yes! But they're far.
Michel... you need something?
Not much... I have no food,
and I'm in my undies!
Other than that, I'm fine!
Don't worry my darling.
Mommy will take care of it!
That makes 27 trash cans...
And his third box of wine!
He's overdoing it.
Michel? I informed your
buddies, they you found a car.
- Oh, great!
- They await you tonight in Pierre's garage.
You see? I put some ham there,
and the sausage you like so much!
Is there anything to drink?
Sure! Mommy thought
of everything.
Here, it's wine.
Your disguise is in the wreath.
They won't recognize you.
Indeed...!
Hello girls!
Stop laughing, you got the car?
Let's scram!
- You're wearing that dress?
- No, you will!
Knock knock, we're in, hello,
she's happy, she won the main prize...
of the soap contest, yes Ma'am,
and she's coming with us...
hop, in the Citro?n,
and off to the radio studio...
it's a stupid contest maybe, but here
we go anyway, close the lid, goodnight.
You know, you won't miss
a single finger very much...
especially the pinky.
Don't struggle,
it will only hurt more.
Don't struggle.
The Prossant Affair is decidedly rich
in developments, I have just received...
a telegram from the French Associated
Press, with this stunning news:
The mother of Roger Morzini, the gangster
who abducted Marie-Anne Prossant...
his mother, then, has just
been abducted in turn.
Her kidnappers demand the immediate
release of the media mogul's daughter.
Shit!
- You won't hurt my kid?
- 'Course not.
And don't alert the cops, neither!
Because they shoot first...
and say "hands up" after!
Because I care about my... my kid.
Even though he made me cry a lot.
Don't go complaining to the police,
we would look pretty stupid!
Well then...
I may have an idea...
but I'm not completely sure...!
Tell us anyway, we'll see...
- Get ready, we're outta here!
- I'm ready.
Don't yank my chain!
I bet it's the cops who nabbed your mother.
They can't! It's illegal!
Morzini...!
What are you doing here?
Your mommy sends
you a big kiss!
What, YOU got my mom?!
Yeah with some buddies,
so you would behave!
Hey Michel, I have a proposition for you!
I got an idea!
I have one proposition for you.
Only one!
You let Marie-Anne go, that's all!
Let go of one billion, are you nuts!
Let's split fifty-fifty!
Half a billion each!
No thanks!
You let her go, or
I come to get her!
I will never let her go, you hear!
NEVER!
We'll see!
Never!
Here. You still know
how to drive it?
It's like riding a bike!
You can't forget.
What the... are you completely nuts?!
Stop it or I'll shoot! I'm warning you!
Think of your mother!
Screw my mother!
I'm warning you, I'll shoot!
Stop it, I say!
Not the car! The car!
He's gone completely cuckoo!
He's nuts!
God damn it!
Michel! Stop it!
Yeah yeah... think of your mother!
You son of a bitch!
Here go the stairs...
I took your stairs!
I don't believe it!
And after the stairs, the facade!
Oops, sorry...
Michel...!
And now...
Michel, ouch!
Leave us alone!
Hold on, I'm coming!
Now the other window!
Dangerous, innit?
Now the wall...
Take cover!
Michel, I'm to the left!
You can't do that!
Here I come!
He's completely crazy!
How do I get down?
Sorry buddy, you shoud've
thought of that before!
Michel! To the left!
Come here! Come over here,
he has gone completely mad!
Come here!
He lost his marbles!
Almost there!
Watch out, there...!
No! Come on, stop it!
I should never trust idiots!
You alright? Eh?
So?
I'm done!
Is there anything you can't do?
Well... I did what I
could, that's all...
Michel, you asshole!
Yeah yeah, you're right!
You know he tried to cut off my pinkie?
That's annoying, for the ears...
Come back! I'll give you the billion!
You can have it!
Don't worry, I'm fine...
Would you mind cutting me free?
Shall I take you back?
No! Hey, I know a
little restaurant...
Let's drink a little Sancerre!
Michel!
Would you mind parking it for me?
I'm in a little bit of a hurry...
- Ma'am...
- Sir?
Do you have any rooms left?
Certainly sir, for how many days?
- It's just for an hour... alright, maybe two.
- Yes...
Hello?
Hello, Mr Prossant?
Yes?
Hello, how's the ransom
money coming along?
Everything's here.
In small bills.
Good, good...
Where's my daughter?
I want to hear my daughter.
Right-o!
He wants to talk...
Oh please, don't hurt her.
You are torturing her!
I'm guarding her.
About the ransom...
where's the exchange?
At your place.
It's the easiest.
What, here?!
Yep.
Miss Prossant thinks it's best.
Right. Catch you
later, Daddy-O!
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Bye, Daddy-O.
Here...
How many sugars in your tea?
Subtitles written by Smarties