Innerspace (1987) - full transcript

...in that special fraternity

of courageous men who risk life
and limb to explore the stars,

of courageous men who risk life
and limb to explore the stars,

and secure peace
and freedom the world over.

We are a nation
with a tradition of heroism.

Hey, does anybody know
where the head is around here?

....who are with us here tonight...

...fill that need.

Through their strength of character,
their fortitude,

They have proven themselves
to be worthy of the appellation...

They have proven themselves
to be worthy of the appellation...



...hero.

Tonight we are paying tribute

to a breed of men--

Where is a guy supposed to
take a leak around here?

Well, damn if we're not
balls to the wall

of all-American hero types
here tonight.

I see space walkers and moon walkers

and earth orbiters galore.

And over here we have
the current cream of the crop.

America's best and brightest.

That's a good one, eh, boys?

The most excitement I ever had,
was the time I landed a crippled F-14

The most excitement I ever had,
was the time I landed a crippled F-14

with a stubborn nose gear on the deck



of a rolling flattop
in zero visibility.

But you boys...

...you get to test out these babies.

I envy you.

Gentlemen... I salute you.

Shit, I spilled my drink.

Hey, hey, hey, easy fellows.

Battle conditions, boys?

Why don't you get yourself a new
act, Pendleton, you're a disgrace.

Give that cripple tomcat story a rest
because we've all heard it.

Gosh, I'm sorry, Rusty.
Really, you're right.

But at least
when my moment of truth came

I didn't take a dump down the leg
of my flight suit.

You, son of a--

Well, come on, boys!

Isn't this what you always wanted?
A piece of Tuck Pendleton?

Shouldn't the, um...

Shouldn't the project
be de-classified?

You know I can't tell you that.

Could you just excuse me?
I'm sorry.

All right, that's enough!
That's enough!

Hello, Pete. Where's your uniform?
Where's your uniform?

Where yours should've been
a long time ago.

Hanging in the closet.

Don't worry, Pete.
The wait is almost over.

Take him home with you.

I'm going to try and hit the couch...
okay?

No wait, wait.

Oh!

All you had to do was ask, honey.

Charming. You want a drink?

-What is all this?
-Something new I'm involved in.

-Rabbits?
-Yeah, wabbits.

You resigned your commission
to study rabbits?

Shit.

- Now take it easy.
- That's good advice.

You better get some ice on that.

-Where are you going?
-I'm leaving.

You're in no shape to drive, Lydia.

Oh, I am in no shape to drive?
That's really good, Tuck.

You leave me no choice.

-Not fair.
-What is?

-♪ Straight to your lover's heart ♪
-Don't.

♪ For me ♪

Oh, come on.

Hey, I said to the man on the phone,
"Don't honk."

Lady, all I got was an address,
not a book of instructions.

Lydia!

-What is going on here?
-You got any bags?

No. You know what's going on here.
You read the note.

-Yeah, I read the note.
-Good, nice clean break.

Leave everything behind.

-I don't live here.
-One-nighter?

-Shut up, get back in your cab!
-Shut up, just shut up!

Yeah, I read the note.

Just standard farewell address.
I know it by heart.

-Excuse me.
-Lydia.

Look, don't leave.
You know you love me.

Look, I know you're crazy about me.

I mean... in a week or two,

I'm gonna call you
or you're gonna call me,

-we're gonna be back together again
-No, we won't!

I don't get it.
I get a little drunk...

...I make an ass out of myself.

-What's the big deal?
-Things are different now, Tuck.

It just hurts me too much
to be with you.

Lydia!

Lydia, I stubbed my toe
on the cab when I kicked door.

Lydia, I stubbed my toe
on the cab when I kicked door.

I think it's broken.

Well, better your toe
than your heart.

-Can we go now, please?
-Lydia!

Lydia!

Lydia!

I sure hope you didn't leave
your purse back there.

Okay, Jack. Let's review.

We've got nausea,
we've got shortness of breath,

we've got dizziness
we've got headaches.

Big, pounding headaches.

Big... poun...

Huh. What's going on up here?

Where did you get that rash?

-Hairspray.
-Hairspray?

It also makes me sneeze like crazy.

So, what do you think?

I think you're allergic to hairspray.

Isn't this great, Jack?

I think we're making
real progress today.

Okay... Uh-huh.

The nightmares still keeping you
awake at night?

Mm-hm. And now I have a new one.

Put your head back. Tell me about it.

Well, I'm at the market,
working one of the registers.

And I suddenly notice
the next customer is this horrible,

obnoxious woman
with bright orange hair.

Anyway...

I'm passing her stuff over
the bar code scanner

and I don't notice it,
but the computer

starts to ring up
all the wrong prices.

So when I'm all done I look at
the total and it's way up over...

So when I'm all done I look at
the total and it's way up over...

...and it's way up over...
and it's way up over $100,000.

-That much?
-Yes.

So the woman with the orange hair
says to me, real calm...

...she says to me:

"I don't carry that kind of cash
around on me, sweetie."

-Want to open wide, there?
-Yeah.

And I say, "Oh, is that right?"
And she says,

"Will you take this instead?"

And she reaches into her purse,

and she pulls out this little
pearl-handled pistol.

And she pulls back
on the trigger,

and it's at that moment
that I wake up screaming.

-Oh!

Take it easy, Jack. It's all right.
The nurse will get it.

Just sit down. Sit down.

I'm sorry, Jack.
I didn't mean to push you.

Jack, please, sit down and relax.
Catch your breath.

Come on.

-Jack...

...you know that I'm more
than your doctor. I'm your friend.

You're one of my favorite patients.

Let's face it,
your regular office visits

are the cornerstone of my
entire medical practice.

But the problem is,
medicine is not what you need, Jack.

What you need is rest and relaxation.

I think you need a total
change of scene.

May be a nice vacation.
How does that sound?

It sounds good.

Well then, take one.

And find a place
that's peaceful and quiet.

Because the most important thing
for you right now is no excitement.

Because the most important thing
for you right now is no excitement.

Got it?

-I know it's hard to believe--
-Hard? Try impossible.

That's why I want you there
to see for yourself.

Then, if you're interested,
the project's yours.

Look, first amaze me,
then we'll talk funding.

Damn this traffic.
We're gonna be late.

Just out of curiosity,
who's your guy? Your pilot?

You might know him.
Pendleton. Tuck Pendleton.

Why did you choose Pendleton?

-He had the right qualifications.
-Such as?

He's the only one we could
find who was crazy enough to do it.

Let me tell you something
about Tuck Pendleton.

He could have been one of the best.
But he hates authority,

he can't take orders and
he likes to make up his own rules.

Ah, don't look so depressed.

The experiment is bound
to fail long before

Pendleton has a chance
to screw it up.

How does that feel? It feels good.
Then do it again.

How does that feel? It feels good.
Then do it again.

The Tuck Pendleton machine,
zero defects.

You're not getting nervous, are you?

Not yet.

Look, Lieutenant,
let's review this neuromuscular

facial response experiment
one more time.

Let's not, huh? All right?

-What do you mean, let's not--?
-Ozzie, who's nervous now?

I know what our objectives are.
I've done my homework.

I can do this little job
blindfolded and backwards,

so everybody just calm down.

Initiate
hydroponics check.

Initiating.

-Good luck, Lieutenant.
-Thank you.

Zero-nine-five.
All personnel to the station, please.

Just one more thing, Lieutenant.

I just want to make sure
we've got everything down.

It's not gonna be simple but there
shouldn't be any surprises or....

Good luck, Lieutenant.

Be careful of this 3808 unit.

I spilled coffee on it last week.
It's not quite as reliable as it was.

Um... still rolling? Great!

Uh... we are using an experimental

submersible pod,
modified with a performance enhanced

helium neon laser scalpel
of our own proprietary design.

This was a 50 milliwatt
unit originally,

which has been increased
to 600 milliwatts...

Just pay attention
to your business there.

....600 milliwatts, which in terms
of spatial-equivalency

would be a 60 kilowatt unit.

This is done because we have such
high efficiency....

...coupled with what would be
a common home carpet-sweeper.

Would you bring up the biomed
on the specimen, please.

Oxygen percentage, check.
Air tanks fully charged.

Doppler phase translocator activated.

State of the art.

All personnel,
we are now at priority level one.

Secure all stations.

Environmental control
systems, check.

Gyro stabilization
XYZ coordinates, check.

Laser subsystem analysis, check.

Pod lockdown
and rotation complete.

Begin phase two alignment.

Prepare for shield closure.

-Lieutenant, do you read me?
-Rock and roll.

Okay, stand by. I need final
confirmation from Biomed.

Biomed complete.

-And optoelectrical station three.
-Three check.

-Station two.
-Two check.

-And the MRD.
-entry point plotted.

Okay, TC, do you confirm
we're clear to proceed?

Dr. Niles isn't here yet.

Well, that's his trouble.
It's not mine. Nothing I can do.

Okay, prepare PEM number one.

Activate Photon
echo Memory system.

Insert PEM number one.

Commencing PEM
number one insertion.

Open the pre-feed
to the hydroperc chamber.

Pull up the display
on the photon densitometer.

Stand by, Lieutenant.

Insert PEM number two.

These should have been
on my desk a week ago.

Do you have any other papers
you haven't turned in?

Pod activated.

Microchip interlock complete.

Hold onto your breakfast,
Lieutenant, This is it.

Activate centrifuge.

Minus 40.

Commencing molecular
isolation and displacement.

Minus 30.

Minus 20.

Minus ten.

Nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four, three,

two, one.

Ignition.

Sequence completed.

-Can I help you, fellows?
-Phone repair.

Phone repair.

Do you know anything about
phones being fixed today?

Sorry, I don't--

All technicians
report to the substation monitors.

Prepare to interface
with host organism.

Synchronize life support system.

Stand by, Lieutenant, we'll have you
inside Bugs in just a moment.

Guys, I need help with this rodent.

Look at this thing.

Primitive. Definitely primitive.

-Margaret?
-Ozzie.

I see you've backed yourself
into a corner once again.

Mr. Igoe...stop him.

We need that syringe.

Ozzie.

Ozzie, what's the hell's
going on out there?

Ozzie, am I being punished?

Mr. Putter? Mr. Putter.

Well, I certainly envy you.

Fun, excitement, relaxation.

No excitement. Doctor's orders.

How about maybe
a little shipboard romance?

Well, as long as it isn't
too exciting.

Hey!

-Get some help.
-Somebody call security.

Did you see that?

Automatic pilot
now functioning.

Please give command code
for environmental adjust.

-Sorry, I'm sorry.
-Jack, you're late.

That's not good.
You know it's coupon day.

Sorry Mr. Wormwood,
but you won't believe what happened.

I don't want to hear about it.
Tell me later.

Just punch in and get to work
at register five.

-Yes.
-Smell this. Go on, smell it.

What the hell are these things?
Fat cells?

What the hell is going on out there?

Mission control command,
Do you read me?

I think I blacked out.
Am I inside Bugs or what?

Thanks, Craig.

-You're late.
-I know.

-How do I look?
-Like shit.

-I'm still shaking.
-What happened?

Had the most frightening
experience of my life.

Talk about frightening experiences.
Have you ever tried slam dancing?

Never mind.

-So that's where you were.
-Huh?

I hate to shock you,
but we had a date last night.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Forgot? How could you forget?

Jack, look, I've already told you.

If you want to be part of my life,
you can't be hassling me about stuff.

Wendy, I'm not a part of your life.

Well?

-I'm in a hurry.
-Yes, you are.

Just add it up, will you?

Ozzie, if you can hear me,

I'm gonna try to restore
contact from your end

by activating one of the
electromagnetic booster cells.

Stand by.

Gee, that's kind of pricey
for shampoo, ain't it?

Ozzie!

Oh, no.

A hundred and twenty-eight
thousand dollars?

Is that with or without the coupons?

What have you done, Jack?
What have you done?

-It's a dream.
-What?

It's a dream.

God, Jack, way to screw up!

Listen, sweetie, I don't carry
that kind of cash around with me.

No. Oh, no.

-Oh, no.
-Get a hold of yourself, Jack.

-I need some aspirin.
-What?

Please I'm begging you
for some aspirin!

-Get your hands off my jacket!
-Here!

Hey, I'm not buying that aspirin now!

At $800 a bottle, who would want to?

Jack. Jack you're becoming unglued.

You're coming apart at the seams.

Oh, my God,
he's completely spaced out.

All right, let me handle this.

Jack.

What the hell's that? Ozzie?

Ozzie, I can't hear you.
I hope to hell you can hear me.

I'm gonna proceed
with the mission as planned.

I'm gonna go to auto pilot.

Phase one: Optic Nerve Interface.

Come on, baby, show me the way.

"Please wait.
Environmental adjust required."

What the hell's going--
Doesn't anything work?

Pathway
to optic nerve is as follows

Superior gluteal vein to iliac vein,

to inferior vena cava
past right atrium,

to superior vena cava
to jugular vein to optic chiasma.

Let's drive.

Entering bloodstream.

Jack... you've always
been like a son to me.

Well, a nephew, anyway.

You've got a great future
in retail food marketing.

I'd hate to see you throw it all away
by going psycho on us.

I'd hate to see you throw it all away
by going psycho on us.

-Oh, coffee. Great, thank you.
-I got it down the hall.

-Smoking.
-Hmm? Mm.

Deploying optic remote.

Optic sensor
armed and ready.

Switch to manual
trajectory control.

Firing optic sensor.

What's wrong, Jack?
Let me see.

Let me see.

Come on, where the hell's
the picture? Come on!

All right, Oz!

That's not Oz. Who the hell is that?

Where's the lab technicians?

Where's the lab?

It was just so strange.
It was like...

...someone had suddenly shoved

a white-hot sewing needle
through the pupil of my eye.

Oh, God!

You stand up now, Jack.

Did Bugs just stand up?
What's going on here?

This can't be.

I'm in a man!

I'm in a strange man!

I'll be a son of a bitch,
I'm in a strange man

surrounded by strangers
in a strange room!

You go home
and start your vacation today.

-This afternoon, Jack.
-Thank you, sir.

And you come back to us
a new man.

Do you mind if I use your phone?
Maybe I should phone my doctor.

Go right ahead, Jack.
What a good idea.

Ozzie, what have you done to me?

How the hell can I be inside a man?
I studied up on rabbits.

I gotta talk to this guy.

Pathway to middle ear
is as follows....

Now, miniaturization
is achieved

by pairing two 500 series
Photon Echo Memory Chips,

or PEMs as we call them,
a controller and a remote.

Only the Controller
is needed for miniaturization.

But a combination of the two chips
must be used to re-enlarge.

J. Putter, assistant manager.

Find him.

Approaching middle ear.

Hello? Hello, can you hear me?

Repeat. Repeat.
Respond if you can hear me.

-Who, me?
-It works. I can hear you!

Would you talk to me, please?

Who are you?
What's your name?

What?

-Are you talking to me?
-No.

I'm not out there. I'm in here.

-Did you hear that?
-Hear what?

You didn't hear that then?

No, I'm sorry I didn't hear anything.

Are you feeling all right?

Would I be in a doctor's office
if I was feeling all right?

Look, pal, we have to talk.

-No, we don't.
-Don't what?

-Don't have to talk.
-Yes, we do.

-We do?
-Do what?

-Have to talk.
-Not unless you want to.

I'm in here inside you!
Inside your body!

Oh, God!

Somebody help me. I'm possessed!

Jack....

Oh.

Good news, Jack.

I think we can rule out demonic
possession right off the bat.

But this little voice
is talking to me.

See, that proves it.

Demons talk through you, not to you.

Jack, what are you doing?

Well, I started to hyperventilate.
This usually does the trick.

Let's see.

-You're okay? You're not shaky?
-Now I'm fine.

Thank God! A doctor!
Somebody'll understand.

Tell your doctor
that I'm in the tympanic--

-I'm right inside your ear.
-It's happening right now.

-I hear it now.
-Okay, okay, take it easy, Jack.

Just sit down and I'll check into it.

Come on, what
are you waiting for? Tell him!

What are you deaf? Tell him!

Just relax, Jack.
Let's see what's going on in here.

I'm blind! Oh, God!

Now it's talking about God.

Jack... you seem to be experiencing
some sort of theistic hysteria.

Jack... you seem to be experiencing
some sort of theistic hysteria.

How do you treat that?

Well, the medieval remedy

was to flay the skin off your body
with brands of fire.

I have no idea
what the current thinking is.

It's just a little theistic hysteria,
which is nothing.

I can see!

Oh, thank God! I can see!

-Jack.
-It knows my name.

Jack.

-Jack, we have to talk.
-No!

Jack, we have ourselves
a little problem here.

I wonder what's on the television?
TV is so much fun around now.

I wonder what's on the television?
TV is so much fun around now.

-Jack! Pay attention!
-Oh, good. This is a good one.

Jack, you can't watch TV.
We have to talk.

Oh, no, I'm inside a guy
who likes game shows.

Try a vowel.

All right, Jack,
you leave me no other choice.

I'm gonna hit you with
my electro-magnetic booster.

Ohh...

Okay, buddy boy, here we go.

Fire! Fire!

Hey, Jack, you want to watch TV?
Watch this.

-Primary coil overload.
-Fire! Fire!

Oh, Jack....

You see that I'm real.
You do believe me now, don't you?

Huh?

I... I don't know what to believe.

Believe it, Jack.
Believe it because it's true.

Now, I want you to listen to me
and I want you to listen good.

-All right?
-Yes.

Because we're in this together
and we got to help each other out.

You don't work at the lab, do you?

Lab? No, I work at Safeway.

And you don't know anything
about the experiment?

What experiment?

Oh, God!

-The miniaturization experiment.
-No.

Jack... my name is
Lieutenant Tuck Pendleton.

I've been miniaturized.

I was supposed to be injected
into the body of a laboratory rabbit,

and somehow I got inside you instead.

What do you mean, "somehow"? How?

All I know is I was inside a syringe
and now I'm inside you.

All I know is I was inside a syringe
and now I'm inside you.

Syringe...

-Are you Jack Potter?
-Putter.

-Putter. This yours?
-Uh, yes.

-I'm from Cook Travel Agency.
-Oh.

-Wanna sign on number 12.
-Okay.

I think these are probably cruise
tickets, if I'm not mistaken.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.

Can I use your phone?

Uh... sure, go ahead.

Thanks, appreciate it.

Shot your TV out, huh man?

Just like Elvis.

You know, you're a lucky guy,
going on a cruise.

-Taking your roommate?
-I don't have a roommate.

I thought
I heard you talking to someone.

Don't trust him.
He's not a messenger.

- Yeah, I made the drop.
- How do you know?

Gut reaction.
Get out. Get out right now!

Piece of cake.
Where you going, man?

- Uh...
- Grab it! Grab it!

Jack, your pulse rate,
I'm going too fast!

Jack! Bring your knee up right now,
kick him where it counts!

Now hit him! Run!

Tuck, what's going on?

Jack, you did real good.
Try and calm down.

I've got a little problem here.

I'm gonna go off radio contact
for a minute.

Shit!

Approaching tricuspid
valve of heart. Do not enter.

-Do not enter heart.
-Back, baby. Back, baby.

Turbo thrusters at maximum.

Warning.
Cardiovascular threshold exceeded.

Cardiac arrest imminent.
Take evasive action.

Just a little further!

This won't hurt a bit, Jack.

Up! Up! Up! That's it! Let's go!

That's one hell of a pump
you got there, Jack.

-Where have you been?
-Never mind. Let's get to the lab.

You mean to tell me
that he can actually talk to you?

Yes. And I can talk to him.

And also, he's able
to see everything that I see.

He's patched
into the optic nerve and the eardrum.

That was part of the experiment.

To see if a miniaturized
human could make

audio and visual contact
with its host organism.

-Doc, this is a guy, not a bunny.
-But the computer doesn't know that.

It simply reads the environment
and makes the proper adjustments.

-Can you see me Lieutenant Pendleton?
-Yeah, I can see you.

Yes, he can.

Good work! Job well done!

Good work! I can't believe this!
Find out what went wrong.

Excuse me, Lieutenant Pendleton
is wondering what went wrong.

-Well...
-I'll tell you what went wrong.

You threw in with a bunch of eggheads
who don't know squat about security.

-That's what went wrong.
-Thanks for the hot tip.

But don't worry, Tuck, old' buddy.

We're going to do everything possible
to get you out of this... civilian.

You better,
you two-faced son of a bitch.

-Tuck says, "Thank you."
-Yeah.

Excuse us a minute.

-Let me talk to you outside.
-Yeah. Uh...

Stay here. Both of you.

- Oh... That's good.

Well, you're home free now.

Oh, yeah?
I never trusted Pete Blanchard.

Can you see where they went?

-Uh... Yes, hold on, yes.
-Yeah.

All right, look directly at them.
Don't turn your head.

I think I can beef up
the reception a little bit.

I've been trying to--
Ahh!

...explain to you
exactly what's going on.

Explain it to me then.

We're not the only ones
working towards miniaturization.

Don't you think I know that, Niles?

- Hey, I can hear them.
- I know. Shut up and listen.

Sorry.

But we are the first to perfect
the tricky re-enlargement process...

...by using two chips.
One of the chips is in the pod.

And the other has been stolen.

Now, what do we do
to we save Pendleton?

-Recover the stolen chip.
-Don't you have duplicates?

No! They're prototypes!

That's thinking ahead, Niles.

We can make duplicates,
of course.

-But not by nine tomorrow morning.
-What happens at nine o' clock?

By nine o' clock,
his air supply runs out.

That is no problem.

All he's gotta do is take the pod
to the guy's lungs,

open the hatch
and breathe in all the air he needs.

He can't open the hatch!

The sudden change
in the cabin pressure

would cause the pod
to explode like a balloon.

That's right, Einstein.

-Then we don't have to do anything.
-What do you mean?

The stolen chip is useless
without the one inside the pod,

and we've got that one.

You build your duplicates.

It doesn't matter how long it takes.
Then we'll be back in business.

-And what about Pendleton?
-We can't save him. That's too bad.

Thanks, Pete.

Maybe we can use him.

Bring the perpetrators
out into the open.

-Find it?
-Yeah.

Put it on. Keys are in the pocket.
Car's out back.

-You see that door?
-Yeah.

Use it.

What're you waiting on?

Don't rush me, okay? Just...

be quiet and let me
think this through.

Jack, excuse me, but I want you to
factor this into your thinking:

you heard the guy,
my air supply is running out.

If you don't help me,

you're gonna wind up with
this miniaturized submersible pod

floating around your insides

with this teeny, tiny
human skeleton at the helm.

Not a pretty thought.

All right.

-But you have to do something for me.
-Anything. Let's just go.

The red Mustang convertible.
You see it? It's over there.

Careful! This isn't a Honda.

There's 500 horses
underneath this baby, okay?

Use the clutch!
It's a five-speed stick!

Mr. Putter, we....

Oh, that's great, doc!

-No pain.
-What?

That's the thing
that I want from you. No pain.

I mean just... don't do
anything weird in there, okay?

Don't... cause an embolism
or an aneurysm or...

Don't... cause an embolism
or an aneurysm or...

...accidentally sever my spinal cord
and just kinda go, "Oh, sorry."

Do you know what I mean?

- Okay, no pain.
-Thank you.

Home sweet home.

Is this where you live?

Yeah, ain't it great?
I call it user friendly.

What's this thing?

That? That's just something else
from Vector-Scope that doesn't work.

Never mind that.

I need a drink. How about you?

Drink? No... I don't drink.

You do now, because I can't have a
drink unless you have a drink.

-Get the picture?
-Oh.

See that table in front of you
with the motorcycle engine on top?

-Yeah.
-Check the cylinder.

-Okay.
-All right.

-Yeah?
-Empty.

Oh. Oh, yeah, right. Uh...

Check the sink
with the big fish in it.

-A bottle of Southern Comfort?
-Yeah, it's here.

All right,
here's what I want you to do.

I want you to take
a big, old tug on that baby

and I'll do the rest, all right?

And we're gonna
drink this one to Ozzie.

A good man who tried to save my ass
by injecting me into yours.

A good man who tried to save my ass
by injecting me into yours.

To Ozzie.

Come on, lucky flask.

Oh! Klahoma! Taya!

Great, Jack.

When things are
at their darkest, pal,

it's a brave man
who can kick back and party.

Jack, let the good times roll.

Whoo!

I didn't know dancing
could be so much fun.

You ought to try it
with a girl sometime.

You mean someone like this?

Yeah.

Somebody like that.

You know what's weird?

You are seeing parts of my body...

...that I will never get to see.

Believe me,
you're not missing all that much.

The gastric mucosa.

Intestinal villi.
Pulmonary alveoli.

Intestinal villi.
Pulmonary alveoli.

Faraway places with...

...strange-sounding names.

Hey, Jack. Jack!

Go to the mirror
in the bedroom, will you?

-Why?
-I just realized I don't know

what the hell you look like
from the outside.

Sure.

--Are you drunk?

No, I just got up too fast,
so I was a little dizzy.

Yeah, yeah, right.

-Is that you?
-Yeah, that's me.

-Look at you.
-Yeah, look at me.

Go to the mirror. Come on.

-How's this?
-A little too close, Jack.

Too close? What's this?
Is this good?

You know what?
we're going to need a lot more help.

-Can you drive? Is your head clear?
-Yes, yes.

Slap yourself in the face.

-What?
-Your face. Slap it.

Harder!

Again!

-Sober yet?
-One more time.

-Okay! How does it feel?
-It feels good.

The Jack Putter machine,
zero defects.

God help us.

"Espionage in Silicon Valley."

"The Buying and Selling
of Advanced Technology."

It sounded like Sunday
supplement stuff to me then.

And that's how it sounds to me now.

Lydia... will you look at me
when I'm talking to you?

When people get murdered,
that's when we'll put it in Metro.

Harry, people are getting murdered.

Huh?

A scientist named Ozzie Wexler

was gunned down this morning
in a shopping mall.

-Nobody saw who did it.
-What do you know about him?

So far more than the police.

He worked for a lab called
Vector-Scope located near the mall.

Something gets stolen maybe?

I don't know. Vector-Scope is
locked up tighter than a drum, why?

The Cowboy.

-The Cowboy?
-Who's the Cowboy?

-Is he here now?
-On his way.

-Talk to me.
-TWA flight 607,

arriving San Francisco International
4 o'clock this afternoon.

Will you talk to me?
What am I, chopped liver around here?

Who's the Cowboy?

I'm sorry, sir, you're gonna
have to extinguish that cigar.

Mmm!

There is nothing like a good cigar,
eh, partner?

There is nothing like a good cigar,
eh, partner?

-Hey! There she is!
-Where?

Behind you, I saw her
out of the corner of your eye.

Honk the horn! Honk the horn!

-Pull over!
-I am.

Hey!

-You see her?
-Yeah.

-What do you think you're doing?
-Uh...

This is Tuck Pendleton's car,
does he know you have this car?

No! He'd sooner trust somebody with
his life than with this car.

All right, here we go.

You're wearing Tuck's jacket.
Why are you wearing--?

-Lydia, shut up and listen.
-Lydia, shut up and listen.

Boy, you said that good.

Look, uh... Tuck's in trouble.
He needs your help.

Tuck's being held for ransom?

In a manner of speaking, yes.

We need a certain microchip
to get him back.

Unfortunately it was taken
from Vector-Scope labs this morning.

So there was a break-in!
How did Tuck--

-How did you get involved in this?
-Me? Uh... It's a long story.

Good. I'm a reporter.
I love long stories.

Don't let her
take control over the conversation.

Be aggressive. Dominate her.
Don't be a wuss-puss. Be me.

Um...

Look, Lydia, you're just
gonna have to trust me, okay?

There's not a lot of time
for explanations.

We only have until
nine o'clock tomorrow morning.

-That's good.
-Nine o'clock tomorrow morning?

Can't we negotiate for more time?

-No, no. No, we--
-Then where is he?

- Where are they keeping him?
- Where?

Yeah.

Close by. You know, in the area.

In the immediate area, vicinity.

-It's difficult to know--
-Who has him?

Uh...

Would you excuse me for one second?
I'll be right back.

I blew it. I can't handle her.

No. You didn't do so bad.
She's a tough cookie.

Yeah, well. she's a beautiful
tough cookie.

You're a lucky guy.

-What's that supposed to mean?
-Nothing. I just hate this.

Why can't we tell her the truth?
She might even believe us.

No, besides it's
humiliating being this small.

What's so bad about being small?

You don't have to be small forever.

Play with it, pal,
but don't talk to it.

Who was that?

Never mind.

-Tuck!
-Yeah?

Just checking.

Hold it.

This is a Taser gun,
deploying a charge of 20,000 volts.

This is a Taser gun,
deploying a charge of 20,000 volts.

It will immobilize you for 15 minutes
and in all probability

will render you unconscious as well,
so I would let go of that man!

No!

Electrical system overload!

Somebody call the police!

Jack.

Jack, are you all right?
We had a massive power surge.

Jack, what is going on?
Your heart rate's going way down.

Talk to me.

I'm... f-f-f...

Jack! You had me worried.
I thought I'd lost you there, kid.

Where are we,
some kind of a meat locker?

I'm... freezing.

You're freezing?

Jack, what is that
loud clicking sound?

Mr. Scrimshaw?

Jack, who are these people?
Where are we?

Jack?

Dr. Canker, get in here!

This is a doctor?

Well?

Mild hypothermia.

We need him alive.

Oh, yes.
He should be alive.

Bring a blanket.

Let me take care of him.

I know how to warm him up.

Knock it off, Margaret.
You're riding in the Subzero.

Very well.

-Aren't you riding in the limo?
-No, go ahead.

I'm staying back here
with my friend, Jack.

I'm staying back here
with my friend, Jack.

Nuclear weapons, Jack.

They mean nothing.
Everybody's got 'em.

Nobody has the balls to use them.
Am I right?

"Space," you say. Space is a flop.

Didn't you know that?

An endless junkyard
of orbiting debris.

Ah, but...

...miniaturization, Jack!

That's the ticket.

That's the edge that
everybody's been looking for.

Who will have that edge, Jack?

What country
will control miniaturization?

Frankly, I don't give a shit.
I'm only in this for the money.

And that's why, Jack,
we've got to get that little pod

out from inside of you!

This guy's definitely not operating
on all eight cylinders, Jack.

You know Jack, sitting here,
freezing as we are,

I'm reminded of the year
that I spent working

in the great gold fields of Alaska.

Jack, glance around slowly
so I can get a lay of the land.

-I was a young man then...
-Come on.

...much younger than yourself.
But twice as big.

Hold it, wait.
Go back to the doors.

- Yeah.
-Those were memorable times.

Okay, Jack.
This is it. The doors are unlocked.

-I learned the ways of the Eskimo...
-This is your moment, Jack.

It all comes down to this.

You're not the same man
you were this morning, are you Jack?

You're better, you're stronger.
You're a man in control of destiny!

Psych yourself up, Jack!

See yourself opening the doors, Jack!

See yourself jumping
from the truck, Jack!

You're not going to bag groceries
all your life, are you, Jack?

Are ya? See yourself being a hero!
Psych yourself up!

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo!
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo!
Can you do it, Jack?

Can you see it, Jack?
Can you see it?!

-Yes!
-Mm?

-I can see it!
-No, not yet!

Wait until it stops!

Come back here, you fool!

Whoa, Jack!

Jack, do you see that truck?

Come in here, you Safeway clerk!

You're scaring me, Jack.

Igoe!

Igoe!

Putter, don't be a puss, get in here!

That's my car! It's Lydia!

We're gonna jump on the car, Jack.

Come on, buddy! Come on, buddy.
Come on! Come on!

Wait! Whoa!

Igoe! Stop the truck!

Get closer!

Jack!

-Jack!
-What?

What do you think you're doing?

-What do you think I'm doing?
-Get in the car!

I'm trying to get in the car!

Get in this car, right now!

Jack, jump in the car!

Jump in the car, Jack!

You can do it!

Oh, God!

Jack, I love you!

Way to go, Jack!

What exactly are we doing here?

- We're waiting for someone.
- Oh.

Who are we waiting for?

The Cowboy.

I've been tracking his movements
for months.

He got to the airport an hour ago,
and he always stays here.

I have a feeling he's gonna
lead us to that chip we need.

Hey, knock it off!

Uh... why do you think that?

Because he's a fence.

He deals in stolen Western technology
almost exclusively,

which he then sells overseas
to the highest bidder.

Who do you think introduced Velcro
to the Persian Gulf?

-Really?
-Mm-hm.

There he is, perfect timing.

We're checking in.

Let me get the suitcase
out of the trunk.

It's much less suspicious
if we have a suitcase.

How did you know this was here?

Oh, Tuck always keeps
a packed suitcase in the trunk,

just in case he wakes up
in a strange place.

Oh, no.
She knows about the suitcase.

Margaret.

The Cowboy is in town
and we don't have the other chip.

I'm awfully busy right now, Victor.
I'll have to call you back.

I'm awfully busy right now, Victor.
I'll have to call you back.

Just get me that chip!

♪ I'm an old cowhand ♪

♪ From the Rio Grande. ♪

♪ But my leg's not bowed ♪

♪ And my face not tan ♪

♪ I'm a cowboy who's
never seen a cow ♪

♪ Can't rope a steer
'cause I don't know how ♪

♪ And I'm not supposed to
start learning how ♪

♪ Yippee-ay-yo, kay-yay ♪

I tipped the desk clerk
$100 for this room

so we could hear every move
that he makes.

Now, when he leaves the hotel,
we go, too.

-What if he just stays in?
-No, he won't.

He loves this club
called the Inferno.

The man does not sleep.

That guy in the truck said his name
was Scrimshaw, right?

Hey, I told you to cut that out.
What are you looking at?

I thought you were a gentleman.

Come on Tuck, what do you expect?

She has the cutest little overbite,
don't you think?

It gives her mouth this adorable
pouty expression that's so sweet.

I know what she looks like.

What exactly is the deal
between you two, anyway?

Never mind,
it's none of your business.

Hey, Tuck, listen, I really could use
a change of clothes.

Mind if I just dip
into your suitcase?

Dip all you like,
nothing's going to fit you.

Legal counsel
to reputed organized crime figures.

Administrator of four
teamster patient funds,

suspected of black market
arms dealing,

yet somehow
he always keeps his nose clean.

Jeez.
Anything else, Duane?

Yeah, they say he has Jimmy Hoffa's
watch in his desk as a souvenir.

Yeah, they say he has Jimmy Hoffa's
watch in his desk as a souvenir.

Oxygen reserve at 60 percent.

Twenty-three hundred.

We be cool.

Jack, Scrimshaw is--

How do I look?

What's the matter?

Nothing. Um...

You just remind me of a time
when Tuck wore this jacket.

You just remind me of a time
when Tuck wore this jacket.

Oh, yeah.

It was the night we first met.

You were doing that article
about me, and...

we had dinner and talked
until three in the morning.

I got drunk, threw up and fell down
a manhole walking you home.

I got drunk, threw up and fell down
a manhole walking you home.

It looks like you're pretty
hung up on the guy then, huh?

How well do you know Tuck?

Well, we're very close, actually.

Did he, um...

...talk about me?

Uh... I find that Tuck tends to be

Uh... I find that Tuck tends to be

a little tight-lipped
when it comes to women.

Oh, you knock it off!

But if I were Tuck,
I'd talk about you all the time.

Yeah. Right.

Oh, the Cowboy is leaving.

Shouldn't I...?
I think I need a--

Jack?

Jack! It's Wendy! My God, Jack!

-Wendy!
-Look at you!

-Well, look at you!
-I'm going in before we lose him.

-All right.
-I'm with him!

She's with me.

Hey, Cowboy!

Oh!

I can't believe it, Jack!

This is so exciting! Oh!

How long have you been leading
this double life?

Oh, for a while now.

Women... love me.

But you know that.

But for serious,
two things you want to know about me:

One: I make love with my boots on.

And two....

I know I've been mean to you, Jack.

I can... Oh!
...just be such a shit sometimes.

Uh... It doesn't really matter.

It's because on account of my life
sucking the way it does.

I'm a complete mess, you know.

-You know?
-Yeah.

You're probably the only person at
the supermarket I haven't slept with.

And it's like...
you're the only person

I'm even partially attracted to.

Thank you.

That lady is signaling you.

Oh, I came with her,

I should find out
what she wants, I think.

I found out something.

The Cowboy is meeting
with Scrimshaw early this morning.

They are picking
him up at the hotel.

They are gonna give him
the microchip.

Cowboy.

This is Jack.

-Hey, Cowboy.
-Howdy, big Jack.

Let's go buffalo gal.

Let's split this... no right scene.

He's taking me to the hotel.
Follow us.

-Wendy.
-Hi.

-Uh, I'm sorry, I gotta go.
-Call me later?

Sure.

-Hurry up!
-I am hurrying up, okay?

I don't want to see her alone
with that sleazy Cowboy

-any more than you do.
-Oh, yeah? Why not?

I just don't, that's why.

God, I can't believe how hostile
I feel toward you right now.

Because I'm stimulating
your adrenal gland, pal.

yeah, well, maybe that's
the reason and maybe not.

Look, you got something to say,
why don't you say it.

She deserves better. That's all.

-Better than what?
-Better than you.

Oh! I knew it!

You think she goes for you,
don't you, pal?

You know what she sees in you, Jack?
She sees me.

All right, Pendleton, that's it.
Where are you?

Where are you, you little weasel?

Save it for the Cowboy.

Ah! Wrong door!

That's an exit, Jack.
Come on, now, control it.

Come on, you're
a dangerous individual, Jack.

Come on, you can do it!

Big Jack!

Don't knock, just come!

Duke the son of a bitch!

Jack?

-Where were you?
-Next door waiting for you.

Beauty punch anyway, big Jack.

That's it, now tie that sucker tight.
He's gonna squirm when he wakes up.

There, now look at the Cowboy.

Hold it! Hold it right there.

emulation systems activated.

Contour analysis, stage one.

Move over, Picasso. Look at this.

Grid-mapping ectodermal contours.

Okay, go to the mirror.

Mirror, oh...
What are we gonna do?

I'm going to attempt
an electronic stimulation

-of your nerves and muscles.
-What's that mean?

-I'm gonna alter your face.
-My face?

Change my face?
How do you do that?

Uh... Eh... It's complicated.

I don't even understand it myself.
But just... trust me.

Will it hurt?

Uh... yeah.

Well, let's not do it then.

What are you doing in there?

Are you okay?

We're getting there, Jack!

Hang on.
This might pinch just a little bit.

Jack?

Is that a five or a six?

No, I'm right, it's a five.

What?

-What did you do to him?
-Who?

-Jack!
-Jack?

-I'm Jack.
-No! You get away from me!

I'm Jack.
Listen to my voice. It's me.

Then who's in the bathroom?

-He is.
-Who is?

-Him.
-Who?

The Cowboy.

Sorry.
I know it's hard to understand.

It's hard for me to understand.
But you just have to believe me

-and... and trust me.
-Jack?

I can explain it later,
but now is not the time--

-How did you get Jack's hair?
-I'm not too sure about that one.

Jack?

Go see for yourself.

Yeah, I'll go in and see for myself.
I'm not stupid.

-Jack?
-Oh, my God.

How?

Don't ask, okay?

Just... just trust me.

I'll explain everything, I promise,
but not right now.

All right, I'm going with you.

Don't let her go.
It's not safe.

Uh, better not, Lydia.

Tuck used to say he did the things
that I only write about.

Now I want to do the things
I only write about.

Now open your mouth, come on.

-Men.
-Mr. Scrimshaw is waiting.

All right, what do you say?

Never beg. Never beg!

-Hello, Cowboy.
-Howdy.

Welcome. Come in. Sit down. Join us.

My friend, we have
been waiting for you.

- Do you think we're close friends?
- God, I hope not.

How long has it been, Cowboy?

-Uh, you tell me.
-Almost six years.

-Ah.
-Don't you remember?

Idi Amin's barbecue.

Oh, yes. How could I forgot?
The sauce.

You haven't forgotten the last time
we saw each other, have you?

Um... speaking of which,
we seem to have a rather...

...attractive added starter
here this morning.

Yes, my sister.

In-law.

Good morning, sister-in-law.

Murnau...

...another place setting, please.

You know, Cowboy, I don't know what
is, but there's something about you.

Please.

You have changed, you're different.

Uh, yes... I've been sick.

- Good thinking, Jack.
- Have some champagne.

Please, join me.

I believe that these are the kind
you like. Cuban?

Cuban?

Jack, you're in luck,
Cuban are the best.

I save this for later.

Jack!

Cowboy...

...what happened to your hair?

Uh... Um... I...

I had it done.

Clint Eastwood style.

You see Outlaw Josey Wales?
What a flick.

So much for the pleasantries.
Now, let's get down to business.

Dr. Canker.

Yes, well... Miniaturization works
on a dual-chip system.

Yes, well... Miniaturization works
on a dual-chip system.

Don't play with your food.

We have one in our
possession at the moment

and we'll have the other one...
very soon.

-Take what they got.
-Fine. I take what your got.

You do understand,

the first chip only miniaturizes.

Both are required
for re-enlargement.

Right. We whet their appetites
with what we got.

-Good point, Cowboy.
-Thank you.

-Good point, Jack.
-Thank you.

Doctor. The chip, please.

easy. easy.

There it is.

Hang on, now, Jack.
Now, I want you to reach out...

Hang on, now, Jack.
Now, I want you to reach out...

...and put it in your pocket.

Gee, it's so tiny. Who would think?

Jack, what are you doing?

Take the chip.
Come on, don't freeze up on me.

I wonder, miss,
if Cowboy's ever told you

of his incredible tolerance for pain?

-His what?
-His what?

-His what?
-His ability to withstand pain.

Why, his stoicism is legendary.

Hiding your light under a bushel,
Cowboy?

That is so unlike you.

-If that is who you are.
-Uh-oh.

You mind satisfying my curiosity
on that point?

In lieu of champagne,
how about some real pain?

In lieu of champagne,
how about some real pain?

Propane?

Warning.
Adrenalin level overload.

Jack? You all right, Jack?

-Igoe?
-No!

Don't worry, Cowboy,
Dr. Canker here has pioneered

the field of limb replacement.

Jack, you're generating too much
electrical energy.

I can't hold the balance!

Stay calm, Jack!

Cowboy, stop it. Don't do that.
I was just kidding.

Please, Cowboy, no more.

It was only a joke.

I'm begging you. Stop it.

How you doing, Jack?

God in heaven, deliver us from Satan.

Oh...

It's him. It's Putter.

Get him!

Jack! Oh!

Get out of there!

Did you swallow it,
you stupid animal?

Give it to me. Give it to me.

Oh! You've found it.

Hey, don't kill him.
Lock him up. The girl, too.

Oh! Ugh!

Oh, great.
Gonna have tetanus now.

We've got to get out of here.

We've got to get out of here.

Why are you just standing there?
Will you help?

-No.
-What?

No! Absolutely not until you tell me
what's going on!

And I want to know everything, Jack.

What the hell,
you might as well tell her.

Really?

-Yes, really!
-Yes, really.

Right.

They're preparing the lab now.
Igoe's already on his way.

Good.

I don't think she believes me.

The way you tell it,
I wouldn't believe you either.

So...

You talking to him right now?

Yeah.

No.

No. No.

No, I don't buy that, Jack.

Sorry, no, this is getting to be
a little bit too much.

All right, Jack,
I guess we have to prove it to her.

Jack, repeat to Lydia
exactly what I say.

Okay.

-Lydia...
-Lydia...

I don't blame you
for walking out on me that morning.

I don't blame you
for walking out on me that morning.

But it was my heart that was broken,
and not my toe.

But it was my heart that was broken,
and not my toe.

What?

Tuck?

It's you.

Wait, wait, let's just wait a second.

-Tuck?
-Uh-huh?

I want a moment alone.

I want you to shut off your sensors,
no picture and no sound.

Bad idea, Jack. I can't do that.
What if I can't restore contact?

Look... I just...
I want one moment alone.

Alone with Lydia, you mean, huh?

Look, I think you owe this to me.

Okay, Jack. Signing off.

I'm not exactly sure
what I want to say to you.

I know we haven't known each other...

...very long. Less than a day.

They're coming.

So much for words.

Okay, let's go.

Jack, come in.

Jack, do you read me? Come in!

Jack!

Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have
shut this thing down.

Jack, where the hell am I?

Mr. Putter, if you please?

Hey, hey!

Put the girl in my office.

Not to worry, Putter.
We know what we're doing.

We'll use the chip
we have to miniaturize Mr. Igoe.

Then inject him into Putter.

Right. He'll locate the pod,
eliminate its pilot.

And retrieve the second chip.

Oxygen reserves at 40%.

Jack?

I was getting some gum.

Sure, after I check for nail files.

Lydia.

I'm in Lydia.

Oh, Lydia! I'm a dad.

Duane, it's Lydia.
I'm in trouble. I need some help.

You gotta call the police
and tell them

I'm in a renovated factory
across from Pier 18.

What's up, Lydia?

I can't talk now, okay?
But call Vector-Scope

and tell them I've got Tuck Pendleton
and I'm bringing him in, okay?

And call Pete Blanchard.
His number's in my Rolodex. Got it?

Yeah, got it.

Ready to inject subject.

Wait a minute.

Once Igoe's inside Putter
and takes command of their pod,

how do we get the chip out?

Mr. Igoe will pilot the pod out,
through a tear duct or a sweat gland.

Why chance that?

Once he takes over the pod
and gets the chip...

...let's re-enlarge.

-While it's still in Mr. Putter?
-Why not?

Have you any idea
the kind of mess that would make?

Tuck, help me, make me strong.

Restrain him!

He's in! Igoe's in.

Let him go.

Young lady,
you are in over your head.

Let, him...

...go.

Ouch.

-Okay, now what do we do?
-I'll tell you what we'll do.

Everybody into the miniaturizer.

Everybody into the miniaturizer!

The chip.

Come on, you too.

You haven't heard the last of this.

-Let's go, Jack. You got the chip?
-I can't reach it.

-You can't reach it?
-I can't reach the chip.

Maybe it's one of these, look.

- Ahh!

-Nothing's happening.
-Try the green button.

Don't worry.
They won't know how to close it.

Certainly not.

I'll get you for this Margaret.

-I hope they're not claustrophobic.
-Come on, Jack, come on.

-What are these switches?
-I don't know.

-You should have paid attention!
-I was strapped to a table.

Press them. Try, try!

-Nothing works.
-This one.

Oh, my God, cover your eyes.

Come on, give me the damn chip!

Ah!

-Drop it!
-Oh!

Approaching middle ear.

Lydia... Please, hear this. Please.

And understand.

External amplifier activated.

-Listen!
-What?

-Do you hear that?
-Hear what?

Music, do you hear that?

No. Come on.

-We're in here.
-Who's in there?

-The green button.
-Dr. Canker?

Press the green button,
you fool. Hurry!

-He'll never find it.
-The man's a high school graduate.

The green button, you fool!

-The police.
-Who called the police?

Let's get out of here.

Margaret,
look what you've done to us.

Officer, give me a hand.
I know the Mayor.

Hold it!

You hold it.

-I bet it ain't even loaded.
-Oh, yeah?

Don't worry. Tuck will give me
the strength of ten men.

Hear that, Tuck?

Car keys. Come on.

It's our song I'm hearing.
I'm hearing our song.

-What?
-Tuck's in me.

And he's playing...
He's playing our song!

What are you talking about?

-Tuck is inside you?
-Yes!

But that means I just....
Oh shit!

Hi, Mr. Killer.

I'm really sorry--

-Where's my Subzero?
-Oh, just get in the car.

-Will you give me a leg up?
-Every man for himself.

Get down, get down.

How did he get in me?

I have no idea.
He hasn't spoken to me since...

-Since when?
-...since Scrimshaw's cellar.

Since you kissed me.

-Kiss me again.
-Huh?

Jack, can you hear me now?
I'm back.

-He's back!
-Let's go.

Lydia!

-How we doing?
-We have the chip.

-All right!
-We're on our way to Vector-Scope.

All right!

But, I think that
someone is in there with you.

-All-- What?
-They put someone inside to get you.

Inside you? Watch your driving!

Sorry, at the lab, they put
this guy in. So just be careful.

Shit!

Think we'll make it
to Vector-Scope in time?

Can't you go any faster?

Look, do you want to drive?
I'm going as fast as I can.

-Aah!
-Stop this car!

-I said, stop this car!
-Ow!

Watch your driving, Jack.
What's going on?

Get me out of here, Canker.

-Stupid little feet!
-Ow!

Foreign object detected,

approaching through
esophageal passage.

external malignancy detected.

Ow!

Oxygen reserves at 20 percent.

Warning. Pressurization imbalance.

Turbo thruster one, disabled.

Oxygen depletion factor,
six point....

Get your little hand away!

You insignificant little pip squeak,
I'm in charge!

Jack,
knock him off your lap!

I'll kill you!

All right, you want to play?

Oxygen
reserves at 15 percent.

Ow!

-Lydia!
-Pete!

Come on, get in the car!

Take a pull on this, pal!

Are you all right?

Life support
system warning.

The air tanks.

No booster left.

Thrusters inoperative.

Gastrointestinal acid detected.

Oxygen reserves at ten percent.

Jack, are you feeling nervous?

Actually,
I'm feeling pretty relaxed now.

I need some stomach acid, Jack,
and I need lots of it.

Oh, no, no, please. Give me a break.

Jack I don't want to alarm you,

but I think I saw something
down here and,

-well, it's probably benign, but--
-A tumor?

You saw a tumor?
How big?

Jack, you're asking the wrong guy.

From my point of view
it's the size of Candlestick Park.

Great, there goes my ulcer.

-Acidity level increased.
-That's it, Jack.

Keep those
stomach acids flowing, Jack!

Okay, pal, here's how I spell relief.

Jack...

...it worked.

You just digested the bad guy.

There's a phone, thank God.

So what?
All my pocket change is shrunk.

Use your credit card, Victor.
You do have one don't you?

-All big men have credit cards.
-Yeah, yeah.

And how do we get up there?

I've got it.

Cowboy, this is Victor Scrimshaw.
What the hell--

I don't care
what you've been through.

It couldn't possibly compare
with what I've been through.

Or what I'm going through.

Cowboy, listen to me:
we need those chips.

And we need them now, more than ever.

Warning!
Oxygen level critical.

Life support systems inoperative.
Switch to manual.

Jack? Jack.

I'm running out of air, Jack.
Hope we're almost there.

I'm setting a course for the mouth.

Fire up the boilers!

Hey, Jack!
Jack, you gotta sneeze for me, pal.

-Can you do it?
-Sneeze, why?

Because I don't have enough oxygen
to make it out,

the human sneeze has been clocked
at over 100 mph.

Right now I'm inside your lung, buddy

and my only chance to make it out
is for you to sneeze!

Okay, how?

-Where is he?
-He's in my lung.

-He's in the lung!
-Which lung?

Think pollen, think ragweed think...

...animal dander, fur balls,
anything! I don't know!

Hairspray!

Somebody!
Get me some hair spray!

Hurry! Get me some hair spray!

Right away! Here, give me that!

Not mousse! Hair spray!

Give me that! Give me!

Bless you, Jack.

-Mr. Putter.
-No.

Somebody hand me
the ampli-visor. Quick.

I see it, I see the pod.

-Tweezers, has somebody got some?
-Tweezers!

Quickly.

Come on, quickly.

Go.

Activate the re-enlargement process.

-No!
-No, What?

-The chip.
-The chip. Who has the chip?

I don't have the chip,
do you have it?

-I've got the chip
-The chip. You've got it?

I had it....

Where is it?

-Chip!
-He's got the chip.

Go, go!

There's the chip.
There it is. Go. Go! Go!

Good!

We don't have time for this.

Thanks for telling me.

PEMS one and two functional.

What is this?

"Eat me."
"Drink me?"

It's from The Exorcist.

No, Alice in Wonderland.
She drank something and became small.

No, Alice in Wonderland.
She drank something and became small.

-Or was it the other way around?
-I don't know.

-Pick one.
-You pick one.

Yes! Yes!

Great. Get us some flashlights.
Hurry!

-Are we okay?
-If it's the right program.

-Go ahead!
-Activate centrifuge.

-Centrifuge activated.
-We need some goggles here.

Activate laser pre-light.

--Laser pre-light activated.

Initiate MRD sequence.

MRD sequence initiated.

Five...

...four, three, two...

...one, zero.

Well?

Maybe it was "drink me".

Disengage shields.

Let's get him out of there!

Prepare for pod access.

Back up, give him some air!

I love you, Lydia.

Why didn't you tell me?

Welcome home, Lieutenant.

Like a cigar?

Cuban?

Thanks.

-Congratulations.
-Thanks man, thanks a lot.

Hey... Thanks for the cruise tickets.

Oh, it's only
two years savings, no big deal.

That all?

Well...

...we sure made a hell of a team,
didn't we?

Take care, big Jack.

Nobody even noticed my cufflinks.

He has the chips on him.

Good. Close the lid.

-I can't breathe in here.
-Shut up, Margaret.

It's true, Jack.
The whole shipment had worms.

Listen, don't run any red lights.
Okay? Thanks a lot.

Nice wedding.

Why don't you stop by the office
next week,

I got some new tests
I'd like to run on you.

Jack! Jack.

Listen, I've been thinking
about something, and...

Well, I really I think that
we should try dating.

Not exclusively at first,
at least for me....

Jack, since you're not
going on the cruise,

I sure could use you
at the store on Monday.

That was the Cowboy.

Who's the Cowboy?

It's classified.

Doc, I'm cured.

Wendy, not a chance.

And Mr. Wormwood, thank you.

And I quit.

Jack Putter to the rescue!