Infested (2002) - full transcript

Yeah, so it's funny.

I actually did a piece on the
Washington-Hollywood thing.

It's how the power shift is going
in the new administration.

Did I tell you
that you look spectacular?

I'm sorry. Who are you?

Mindy, it's me. Elliot.

- Elliot?
- Yeah.

Was he really working as a janitor?

It's just such a shame.
I mean, he had so much potential.

- Robin watches your show every week.
- Is that a polite way of saying you don't?

No, I try.
Business keeps me pretty busy.



Yeah, I bet.
Really weathered the storm.

What was it, 90 percent of dot-coms
went under?

It was obviously coming.

At least the rest of us are doing well.
Carl's doing well.

Two years ago, it was the two of us
and a fax modem.

- Wow. Look at you.
- What?

No, it's just--
You used to be so radical, you know.

It's nice to see you settled
into reality.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm Elliot. You a friend of Steven's?

- Yeah, I'm Jessie. I was his girlfriend.
- Really? Wow.

- I'm Elliot.
- You said that.

Right, I did.

- Yeah, well, that's my name.
- Well, I'll remember that.



Look at that ass.

I hate to see you leave,
but I love to watch you go.

Mindy, subtle much?

- Hey, Mindy. How you doing?
- Good. Do you know...

...you are hotter
than you were back then?

- Thank you.
- So, what am I? Chopped liver?

You look surprisingly good
for a married man, Carl.

You're a shameless hussy.
You know that?

What are you gonna do about it?

Well.

- My God. Did you eat a bug?
- I'm sorry.

- You okay?
- Mosquitoes. I hate those things.

Bug central.

Hey, it's Eric.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Well, well.

- Hi.
- Still late for everything, I see.

- Shit. I hope Steven wasn't offended.
- That's not funny.

Hey, wait a minute.
You know, I was watching TV last week.

Some guy that looks just like you
plays a doctor.

Really. Was he any good?

Well, fuck him, then. What's up?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

- I saw the way you looked at that guy.
- What?

- That actor. From that doctor show.
- Oh, stop.

I haven't seen Warren in years.
We've known each other forever.

- Just friends, huh?
- Yes.

- Sure.
- These people are my oldest friends...

...and we lost one of our own.
I'll be with them for a while.

If you don't like it,
you can go home without me.

- They found Steven wrapped in plastic.
- Plastic bag over his head?

Completely wrapped in plastic.

Come on. Nobody wraps themselves
in plastic.

- Eric, it was a suicide, man.
- I don't know.

A plastic bag over the head,
that I understand. Asphyxiation.

Carbon monoxide creates euphoria.
There are worse ways to go.

But why would anybody
wrap themselves in plastic?

Those are the facts.

- He worked at a medical-research facility?
- Still the conspiracy nut.

- Nut? As in crazy?
- Yeah, nut, as in crazy.

And people that believe the magic-bullet
theory are paragons of sanity?

- You know what I meant.
- You mean, the world isn't run...

...by sick weasels who kill people?

Look hard enough,
you'll see conspiracies everywhere.

- Really?
- Yes.

You know, I always thought it took
more effort not to see them.

Excuse me.

Do you have a cell phone?
I hate those things.

- Do you watch Warren's show?
- I don't watch television.

- Powerpuff Girls, that's it.
- Powderpuff Girls? I don't know them.

Powerpuff. They rock.

You know who he is, though?
You've seen his show.

Yeah. It's one of those
yuppie angst shows, right?

No. Actually, no.
I think it has wide appeal.

That word, "yuppie," it's archaic.
It's lost meaning, don't you think?

What is a yuppie?

I thought it was a bunch of assholes
in their 30s...

...who sat around worrying about losing
their youthful principles and their hair.

You know what?
It is a yuppie angst show.

Damn it. Just had my alignment done.

Death.

What is death?
What does it really mean?

What happens once we die?

People compare it with a deep sleep,
as if that's some form of consolation.

And waking up from a deep sleep
can be a wonderful, invigorating thing...

...but without that waking,
who wants it?

The complete and utter eradication
of everything that we are?

The world was fine without us
before we arrived...

...and it will be fine after
our empty, lifeless shells...

...have been absorbed by the dirt.

One day, you're here gasping for life,
and the next, you're just gone. Poof.

Everything that you've done, everything
you felt and loved and wanted...

...has become someone else's memories.

Some people might say that's
a kind of life, but who are they fooling?

Someone remembers you. So what?
You're still dead.

How depressing.

Eternal life sure would be a nice thing,
wouldn't it?

But we all know that
there's no such thing, right?

You get one go-round. That's it.
When it's over, it's over forever, right?

We know that.
We know all that, right?

Well, God doesn't know that.

And thanks to his ever-loving grace,
neither does your friend Steven.

Steven will live forever
in the warm embrace of the Lord.

Carl and Robin made this happen.
It was Steven's last wish.

I think it's creepy.

Who wants to be buried
in someone's back yard?

- Does it matter where you're buried?
- I don't know. What if it does?

- That's ridiculous, Elliot.
- Okay. Do me a favour.

When I die, bury me in a cemetery
like a normal dead guy, okay?

Carl's the only man who can have sex
and answer e-mails at the same time.

- It's called "multitasking."
- Nice place.

We don't get out here enough.
You ought to take the first bedroom.

- Best bedroom in the house.
- Except for ours.

- There's that.
- Of course.

Wow. Nice place.

I guess the Internet is good
for something other than porn.

Kind of takes me back.
Last time we were all together...

- ...you had pink and green hair.
- Oh, yeah?

- Didn't hear you complain.
- Wasn't complaining.

I liked it. It was adorable.
And those leather miniskirts you wore?

- Those were pretty cute too.
- Oh, yeah?

You think we've sold out?

How so?

Everything we believed.
We turned our back on the straight life.

It was about freedom, anarchy, making
a stand against traditional ideas.

- It was?
- I thought so.

That's funny. I thought it was about
the clothes, the parties and the drugs.

Guess you're right.

That hasn't changed a bit, has it?

You look so hot.

- You're just being sweet.
- Hey, what's the rush?

Bob, I haven't seen any of these people
in years.

I see. And you can get it on
with me anytime?

Exactly.

A good reporter isn't necessarily objective.
He's gotta-- Thank you.

Recognise his biases and adjust
accordingly to minimise that.

How do you decide
which stories to cover?

It's the ones that are important
to people in the democracy.

Remember when the CIA created
the crack epidemic?

- I heard about that.
- Yeah. This paper in Texas...

- ...blew the lid off the whole thing.
- Eric and the conspiracies.

- Carl and I are feng shui conscious.
- The house looks great, doesn't it?

- Thank you.
- The house looks beautiful.

- Oh, yeah.
- Let me show you.

- Come on, it was totally out there.
- Totally. Completely.

Until the CIA released
the results of their investigation.

They admitted most of what
had been alleged was true.

- Most?
- Yes.

That the CIA had smuggled drugs
into the U.S.

- The CIA admitted it? I would've read it.
- You would think.

I'm having trouble going
from chataranga to downward dog.

I think my mula bandha
isn't strong enough.

The CIA admits that they have
smuggled drugs into the U.S.

- What was your story?
- Presidential blowjobs.

- Thank you.
- Hey, it was more than that.

You having a good time?

Yeah. You?

It's just so great to see everybody.

They ran another story on how black
people are more likely to believe--

As a woman, you understand why
this story is important?

- Sex sells.
- No, come on.

It was much more than that.
It was a violation of trust.

You have this grown man.
What was she? A little baby.

A grown man takes advantage
of a baby.

- She's the same age as me.
- The point is, it--

Do you know that yoga place in
Santa Monica? You've gone there, right?

Ellen, how did med school
work out for you?

I met Bob, and one thing led to another.

Two cars, condo, flea markets,
garage sales....

- It's the hypocrisy that makes me crazy.
- We're all hypocrites sometimes, Elliot.

It was a private affair.

Don't you feel creepy,
digging in his private life?

- It's quite a group, huh?
- I'll say.

Guess it can be dull
if you don't speak the language.

Yeah, I guess so.

What are you doing to uphold
moral purity?

- You still selling dope?
- No.

- Ecstasy. You wanna buy some?
- I'll have a hit or two.

- No, I'm kidding. I don't do that.
- I love you.

- Here we go.
- You say you love me, but you don't.

You might like to have sex with me,
but it's not love.

I'm saying that
I think Sayles did it first...

...and his is the superior version.

All right, everybody. Everybody.
Elliot, listen. Elliot. Listen up.

When was the last time any of you
listened to one of these?

They have a new product out now
that you don't flip over.

- They call them CDs.
- CDs are for pussies.

Nobody worth listening to
records on them.

See if you can remember...

...this song.

Okay.

- Remember? Come on.
- Do you remember this song?

- This song was just--
- Come on.

Come on. Every--
Elliot, come on.

Come on, Ellen. That's it.

- All right. Yes.
- Come here, honey. That's right.

- Bob, what is going on?
- What do you think? I'm out of here.

This is KNJ coming at you with another
all '80s, all new-wave weekend.

Fuck!

They called and offered me
the Washington Bureau.

I was like, "How can I say no to that?"
You know....

Robin says the water's warm
enough for swimming.

- Yeah?
- I was thinking we could use girl time.

It's funny.
I was thinking I could use a little girl.

I'm just-- It's a little paedophile joke.
It's not a big deal.

- I didn't bring a suit.
- We have complete privacy.

Yeah. Can I go with you guys?

- No.
- Come on. What's up with you?

You guys are so uptight.

I'm such a dick.

"You should get to know these people.
They're cool."

I know who the fuck they are.
They're fucking hypocrites.

Bunch of fucking people with all this
bullshit going on and-- Fuck!

Fuck!

I think Kierkegaard said it best:

If he married his fiancée,
he'd regret it the rest of his life.

If he didn't marry his fiancée,
he'd regret it for the rest of his life.

Kierkegaard?
Check out Mr. Intellectual here.

I heard that on the radio. But it's good.
Robin's great, you guys.

But, Mindy. Man, if I wasn't married,
I'd jump all over that.

Somebody needs to beast-fuck her.

Goddamned mosquitoes.

That's not a mosquito.

You get all sorts
of strange bugs out here.

- You have a good thing with Robin.
- I know.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Mindy's hot. She'd be into it.

- Go for it. I would.
- Yeah.

Sometimes you gotta lose your head.
Follow your instincts.

What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

A podiatrist.

- No, wait. I wanna be a fireman.
- A fireman?

Yeah. I wanna burn it all down, man.

- Firemen put out fires.
- Oh, yeah.

I'll be a new kind of fireman
that starts fires.

- Why?
- Because everything's too sedate.

It's too comfortable.
Need to shake things up a bit.

Revolutionary talk. That's kind of sexy.

I envy those old farts from the '60s,
man.

At least they had some ideals
to turn their backs on. Us?

- Shit. All we have is Kajagoogoo.
- Who?

Fucking flies. Everywhere.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

- Hey, honey.
- Hi.

- Where's Eric?
- He's at the house...

- ...with Steven's girlfriend.
- You guys done?

- No, we're gonna get beer.
- Wasn't Mindy with you?

She's at the beach.
We'll see you in a bit.

- All right.
- Have fun.

Now's your chance.

- What are you talking about?
- Mindy's alone on the beach.

Come on, Elliot.

Give her one for me.

Very funny. Who's out there?

Warren?

Man, what am I doing?

Nothing.

Just going to see a friend
at the beach.

Perfectly innocent.

Hey, you.

Everybody head back up
to the house or...?

I was just passing by and....

Passing by. I don't....

I mean, I wasn't....

I'm sorry. I must sound ridiculous.
If you and I weren't such old friends, I--

Need a towel or...?

I mean, not that you....

Not that I....

I wouldn't....

You girls gonna need help
carrying that heavy cooler?

I think we can manage.

I think you've been dissed,
my friend.

Is that Mindy?
I thought she was staying at the beach.

What's he doing?

I don't know.

You've gotta see the beach.
It's beautiful, and the water is perfect.

Honey?

Honey, are you all right?

I'm looking forward to it.
Really am.

That's a very nice outfit
that you have on today.

- Thank you. It's really-- It's old, but--
- Hey, guys?

Is that normal?

Hey!

- Stop it. Stop it.
- Carl. Carl.

Carl, relax. You're having
a bad reaction to something.

All right? You're with friends.
What did you take?

Stop it, okay? Stop it!

God, stop it!

Goddamn it, Carl!
You're gonna break your neck.

Oh, my God!

Carl. Calm the fuck down.

Back in the house! Now!

Use it!

- Come on.
- Let's go.

Run!

No!

- Jesus Christ!
- That's...

- ...unusual.
- What the hell was that?

Would somebody tell me
what just happened?

Listen, Carl and Mindy are gone, okay?

They've been replaced by something
that doesn't need a head.

- I'm not fucking around!
- This is what it is.

We have to deal with reality!

- You okay?
- No. No.

- Carl's gone, okay?
- My God.

- He's gone.
- How could this be possible?

I mean, his head-- He was--
You can't just do that!

Listen. Those bugs,
or whatever's driving them...

...they don't need--

Upstairs!

Okay. Come on.

Close your mouth!

Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit, man!

- Damn. There's no dial tone.
- Those clever fuckers.

- Have a cell phone?
- At home.

- I've got one.
- Great. Let's call.

- But it's in my car.
- Shit.

We'll have to get it.

What would you like me to do?
Walk up and ask to get into my car?

I doubt that would work.

Oh, my God, you guys.
You gotta see this.

We are fucked.
We are completely fucked, man.

Stay here.

We gotta go get the cell phone.

We gotta create a diversion
or something.

- Bob was--
- Bob was what?

Bob always calls us.
When he can't get through, he'll come--

That could take hours.
We need something we can count on.

Stay back!

Oh, jeez. Jesus!

I got-- I can't--

I got her.

Hold on.

Give me a hand. Get the door.

I get it.
They get inside you, and they breed.

They move from body to body
like a virus.

How can you be so calm?

I did a hit of X a while ago,
and it really takes the edge off.

Okay, people. We need to pull
our shit together and deal with this.

You're doing great. You need to move
around as soon as possible. You--

Elliot! You need to calm
the fuck down, okay?

And you need to wash that shit off...

...because you are
really freaking me out.

Anybody want some X?

So, what do we know? It's a safe guess
to say they reproduce when they eat.

What do they eat?

- Do we have to talk about this?
- If we wanna survive, we do.

- What the hell are those things?
- I don't know.

- But they're not ordinary flies.
- Gee, you think?

They could be some kind
of government experiment.

You think they escaped from some lab?

Escaped? Maybe.
Or maybe it was a test run.

Steven worked at
a medical-research facility, right?

- Maybe they were bred there.
- Come on.

Can't you live in the real world
for just one fucking second?

The one where the government
respects human life...

...and never experiments
with deadly viruses?

I'd love to live in that one.

When you are done jerking off
on the grassy knoll...

...can we figure a way
out of this thing? Please?

Why haven't they just
swarmed the house?

It's like they're waiting
for something.

Or someone.

Yeah, lord of the flies.

There's one thing we do know.

Steven didn't kill himself
out of existential despair.

What the fuck was that?

Jessie, are you all right?

Chinese symbol for eternal life.

Let's hope it works.

- Are you okay?
- I will be.

- Did you see that? They just flared out.
- Maybe it's the light.

That would explain why
they haven't swarmed the house.

It's almost sunset.

If they can disable cars,
they can cut the power in the house.

- They'd have to get inside to do so.
- Good point.

- Torches.
- What?

Let's go to the car with torches.

If lights kill them,
fire will scare the shit out of them.

Let's make some fire.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom
before you go outside.

Careful.

Shit.

Oh, my God.

Shit.

Die, you fucker.

Shit.

God.

God!

Oh, God.

What the fuck?

We're not gonna make it.

Ellen, honey, listen.

I know how you feel.

But Bob is gonna come back,
and we are gonna make it.

Now, once this is all over...

...it's just gonna be one incredible
story for us all to talk about.

You okay?

I'm okay.

You sure?

I'm up to this.

Okay.

All right. You two sit tight.
We'll be back as soon as we can.

You okay?

- At least there's an upside to this.
- What?

It's been hours since any of you
mentioned your generational angst.

Warren....

What if we don't make it out of here?

What was the point of it all?

What did I do with my life?

All the things I wanted to do.

The things I never did.

You and I. We never....

Oh, God. I wanted to so much.

Why didn't we?

No, don't answer that.

That is a pathetic question.
I'm pathetic.

Do you think I'm pathetic?

You okay?

I do this all the time.

All right, guys. This is it.

If something happens....

If this is it....

I just-- I wanna know.

You know how I feel
about you, I think.

It's just--

I need to know.

Do you want me as much as I want you?

Okay, this is it.

Are you okay?

Come on. No way.

Oh, shit.

You know what, Mindy?
I never liked you anyway.

Here, give me that.
Get back!

I got it!

- Get in the house.
- I don't have the phone.

It doesn't matter.
Get in the house.

Get the fuck away from me.

- Help. Help. Help!
- Here. Catch.

Back!

- What happened? Can you move?
- No. I think my leg's broken.

Goddamn it.

Here. Catch.

Call the cops.

- Make the call.
- There's no signal.

- Make the goddamn call!
- There's no signal.

Shit! That's a new phone.

With an all-digital network
and free weekends.

Eric, it's still not working.

Go to the house.
Try it from there.

- Elliot!
- Go! Go with her.

I'll be okay. I'll hold them off.

Here, take this.

What is it?

What do you think?

I've always wanted to try this.
I hear it makes you horny.

Yeah, it can.

Hey, Eric.

- What?
- I gotta admit something to you.

Monica Lewinsky?
Not a news story.

Hey, man. Sex sells.

Eric, it's still not working.

Go. I'll be all right.

Come on. Go.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Shit.

Here.

Come on!

Oh, Ellen.

Oh, God.

- Be careful.
- All right.

- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she's okay.

She's okay. All right.

Let's get her on the couch.
Let's move her.

Sun's gonna be going down soon.

Right. All right. Okay.

- What?
- I'm waiting for a signal.

Okay, come on.

Nothing. I'm not getting a signal.
There's nothing.

- Just keep walking around the room.
- Right.

- Goddamn it! I hate these things.
- Okay. We'll be okay.

They're making those things
stronger every day.

- We're gonna have to go back outside.
- What?

Right outside the front door.
I think it might work if we just--

Just be careful.

- Signal?
- I think so. It's one of those bars.

- Just one?
- Yeah.

Try it.

Come on. Come on.

- Damn it!
- Fuck. It's not ringing?

No. You can never get
a signal when you need one.

Let's try it upstairs.

- Anything?
- No.

It goes between one bar and no signal.

Wait a minute. Two bars.
Shit. It's gone.

The roof.

- It doesn't look very sturdy.
- No, I'll be okay.

- Let me go.
- No, I'll go.

I'll be careful.
Just watch them, okay?

- Let me know if you see them coming.
- Right.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Shit.

Nothing.

Hello?

Hello? I'm calling from a house
out on Route 1. We need-- Hello?

Fuck!

Fuck.

I don't know
if you can hear me, but--

Shit.

- Hey, Eric.
- What?

Are you okay?

Define "okay."

I'll be right back.
I have to go check on something.

Ellen?

Eric!

Get back!

Get back, goddamn it!

Shit.

Shit.

Come on.

Come on.

Die!

Your TV show sucks.

Hi!

Come here, you fuckers.

- Did you find the fuse box?
- No. Been busy.

- There it is.
- All right.

- Sorry. Are you okay?
- No. I think I need a hug.

Maybe later.

Fuck, I'm out.

Shit. Oh, God.

- Oh, God.
- Wait. Here's the switch. Get back!

Let's get the hell out of here.

Get down.

What the hell is going on?

It's the music.
Get the music!

Fucking do it!

- I can't. It's Ellen.
- It's not Ellen. Give me this.

Somehow, they're drawn to this.

We have to blast this thing, draw
those fuckers in here and kill them.

We have to blow up the house.
I saw gas tanks downstairs.

That furnace is ancient.
We can rig it with a fuse or something.

- Right.
- Why? You have a better idea?

What?

You kick ass, man.

- Let's get to work.
- Wait a minute.

I mean it. I really....
I really like you.

I think you're groovy too,
but come on.

- We got more important things to do.
- I know.

I just thought, you know,
maybe we could take a minute and just--

What?

You're on Ecstasy. It makes you horny.
Calm the fuck down.

Right.

Maybe afterwards we can get
a soda or something.

Right.

I thought I saw Warren say, "Die."

- What? That's impossible.
- No, I did.

I did.

I read something about those planter
worms. They teach a worm a trick...

...feed it to another worm, and that
worm knows what the first one knew.

- How?
- They eat their brains.

No, the flies eat your brain,
and they know what you know.

Oh, God.

Yeah, it's disgusting.
I'm sorry.

That's gross.
Let's get to work.

We won't have much time to get out
once they come.

Holy shit.

That's Ellen's husband's car.

- It's Bob.
- Fucking A. Bob!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

- Back the fuck over her.
- Step on the gas!

- She's already dead. Hit her!
- I think he knows.

Kick him. Kick him!

Close the door. Let's go.

Go, go, go!

Run them over!

- Start it! Start it!
- I can't.

Jessie, we gotta move. We gotta move.

- Start the car.
- Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Oh, my God.

- It won't start.
- Shit!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Oh, God.

- I thought you were--
- Yeah, me too. Me too.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

- We don't have much time.
- The stereo. Come on.

Great. It'll take me a few minutes
to attach these wires.

- I think I saw more up in the attic.
- I'll go check.

That was quick.

Hey, you were right!

Your taste in men has gone
way down lately, baby.

Steven?

How?

Life can be pretty
goddamn strange sometimes.

I thought....

What happened?

That shitty job worked out
better than I thought.

What?

It's where I met these crazy bugs.
Amazing things, huh?

You gonna trust the government
with something like that?

Shit, not me.

- Steven, you let these things out?
- Absolutely.

Why?

Why?

You spent time with these people,
didn't you?

They were your friends.
They were your friends.

Those assholes?

Christ. Did you see them?

"My hair!"
"Is my ass too fat?"

"How do you think the Tom and Nicole
breakup will affect the market?"

They were just as bad
15 years ago too.

Always worrying about their clothes,
whether or not they'd sold out.

As if they had any values
to begin with!

Carl used to go to this store.

He paid 60 or 80 bucks a pop...

...for specially torn blue jeans
from Europe!

They deserved to die for that?

If the only good that comes of all this
is that those self-obsessed twits...

...get wiped off
the face of the planet...

...this will all
have been worth it.

Forget about it, babe.
It's over.

It's you and me again.

Give us a kiss.

No. No.

These people were human beings.

They were human beings.

Exactly my point.

Human beings
are a plague on the planet.

An infestation.
The worst kind of cockroaches.

Me? I'm building
the biggest roach motel in the world.

Come here.

Fuck you!

Goddamn it, Jessie.

You were gonna be my queen.

A king...

...needs a queen.

Jessie!

Thank God.
Oh, Father.

Oh, thank God.
You have to help me.

Please.

No!

Subtitles by
SDI Media Group