I'm for the Hippopotamus (1979) - full transcript

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[Man] Thanks, man,
I'm getting off here.

A hippo, over there, look.

You dirty.

Ah, go to hell.

No, it can't be him.
Shut up!

You're not gonna leave us here
with these wild beasts, are you?
Yes.

But we paid in advance.
Never pay in advance.

Slow down, Tom.
Man, do you know who's back?

[Merchant] Tom, do you know who is back?
Yes.
And he's more handsome than ever.

A drink, Tom?
No, thanks.



All right, whoever hits
the bull's eye wins, aye?

No, stop, it's a sacred image.
Well, can anyone do better?

He said the picture is sacred.

Watch out, they're
Ormond's men.

You wanna swallow
that pink pacifier?

You know why this pacifier is pink?
No.

Because my mummy wanted
a little baby girl.

Mr. Ormond won't
be very happy.

Oh, Tom, it's you, listen...
Yeah, lock up, ma.
And don't let anyone in.

[Ma] What's wrong?
Slim is back.

Hi, Tom.

This time I'll kill you.

Calm down, Tom.
I mean, our fathers were brothers.

They were brothers not us.



Why did you come back?
Oh, Tom, it's Ma's birthday.

Look, I brought you a present.

Yeah, I have a present, too, Ma.
Here, and it's nicer than his,

but it ended up on the water.
Where did you get it?

In Manila, you know where that is.
You just go back, that's
where bums like you belong.

Around here, everyone works now.
Didn't you promise your father

you'd never hunt an animal again?
That's my business.

you made me lose
50 pound sterling.

Here you go.

Hey, Ma, you see Slim is back?
Come on, Slim, why don't you sit down?
You hungry, man?

I knew you'd make your fortune.
Tom, you want a fried egg?

It's sure nice to see you again, Tom.
Yeah, and you're more handsome than ever.

You know, you came back at the right time,
business is great.

Yeah, and if you agree,we could go into
partnership and open up an agency,
a tourist agency.

You mean, tourists actually come here?
[Tom] Sure, all the time.

Almost never.

It's a deal. - Good.
Was thinking of buying a new bus,

red and blue, only 408.
[Slim] Is it an English bus? - No, no.
[Slim] American?

Samson, what's the matter?
I got stomachache.

Eliza, girl.

Oh, look at her, shame on you,
showing your lump that way.
Oh, what an actress.

[Samson] Ma, I got stomachache.
I'm busy now,go see the doctor.

[Ma] If I say he can fix
your stomach, he can fix it.
If you say so.

Is it serious, doc?
Could be, could be.

Oh, go on, it's nothing.
[Samson] But I'm sick,I've got stomachache.

Slim!

I'm happy to see you again.
Where have you been?

Oh, here and there.
[Doctor] Doing what?

Nothing.

Yeah, I was sure of that, yeah.
What about you?

The usual, Ma keeps stealing my patients away
with her witchcraft, but she can't any longer.

Not since penicillin was discovered.
I saw your newspaper hanging outside.

How many copies do you print?
Two, and since almost every day,
Ormond's men rip one off the wall, I replace it.

Who reads it?

No one does, but it doesn't matter,
one day they'll learn to read.

Who's this Ormond?
A tyrant, a real gangster.

If he keeps on doing what he's been doing,
there won't be an animal left,

he kills them and he exports them,
all the elephants are gone.

I never saw this one before.

- Mr. Ormond, excuse me, Mr.
- Ormond, do you remember me?
I worked for you a long time, that's me,

see we have a picture together
when you won the championship.
You sure have changed.

[Man] He said he was a friend of yours.
[Ormond] I don't have any friends.

[Peter] Mr. Ormond, sir.
Well, well, our famous lawyer.

Peter, I'll talk to you later.
[Peter] Oh, as you wish, sir, but...
[Ormond] Beat it, Peter.

Shall I read that
newspaper, Mr. Ormond?
Yeah.

God created this a rich country,
a land with infinite resources,
bountiful enough for all men to enjoy,

but one day, a thief called
Ormond came to our country,
shall I go on?

A gangster, a tyrant without respect
for law or human rights.

Mr. Ormond is not only a
thief, but a profiteer,
a corrupt man.

Can't you read that later?
You boys don't train hard enough.
Get me another one.

That's enough.
[Man] It was the best part.

The map.

I need this area here, near the river, to build a dock.
There's some shacks down there,
I want it all cleared out.

Aren't there natives living there?
Africa's full of natives, take 'em out.

What if they won't go?
It's your business to
make sure they do go.

I know how to treat natives.
Whatever happens, make it look

like an accident.

Hey, you in there.

Hey, you're getting five pounds for this shack,
hurry up and knock it down.

Go on.

Step back.
One, two, three.

What'd you do, lose count?
I've no intention of selling.

Mr. Ormond can have this place
expropriated for a public good.

You sure it's for the public's good?
I've got a hunch it's for Ormond's good.

We've got the law on our side.

Now, the law's in the river.
Leave it to me.

Whatever you say may
be held against you.

I still have no intention of selling.
I offer you 10 pounds.

30.

40.

I can't go over that.

Sure you can.

[Man] What he say?
[Man] Oh, I know,he's talking Japanese.

[Man] It must be that,
let's go to the side,
something is wrong.

[Man] Where would they
be, Japan and London.

[Man] Are those animals moving?
They go fast
now, 70 miles hour.

But they were standing still.
Only looks that way.

[Man] Stop the car, we can't
aim with you bouncing around.
I can't the
savanna's dangerous.

We like danger.
Yeah, well, not me.

[Man] Why you stop?

Hey, guide.

Why?

Oh, I get you.
You wanna get in the
insurance company.

Only I'm not insured.
You're not insured?
You're not insured? Bad.

Tom, you're not the kinda partner I like
and I don't like safaris either.

Now that you're rich,
you think you can do
whatever you like.

Me, rich, I
haven't got a cent.

But when we spoke, you...
I never said anything.

Well, I bought a
bus on your word.
On my word?

408 pounds, you were
supposed to be my guarantee.
Now, who's gonna pay?

Them hunters weren't gonna
get any animals, Slim.
No way, all the shells were blanks, look.

Blanks, huh?
Sayonara.

Oh, I forgot that
mine was loaded.

You cheated us.
We heard what you said,
guns loaded with blanks.

Slim made a fortune, huh?
Made a fortune, did he?
Well, put it all back.

Why?
'Cause we can't afford it, Ma.
But Slim is coming to dinner, Tom.

You stay here,
the rest with me.

Where is the owner of this shack?
Why?
Because we have to knock it down

or do you want to
argue about it?
I think we should discuss the matter.

You asked for it, okay, boys.
No, wait, make him an offer first.
Yeah, he hits hard.

We're offering 50 pounds. Take or leave?
I'll sell it for 408.
What, 408 pounds?

I'd shoot him.
Shut up, Slimy.
Hold it a minute, are we

gonna let him push us around?
We can go back to
Ormond empty-handed.

We'll make mince
meat out of him.
Later, now we pay.

Well ?
Here you are, but you'll
have to sign for it.

Can we demolish it right now?
Sure.

Leave my name there,seeing as how
you bought the bus

with the money you got from my shack.
Okay.

But I give the orders.
That's fine with me, just
don't fly off the handle,

and give me five pounds, will ya?
Thanks, partner.
Hey, there's no more left, where you going?

The men lose and the lady wins,
if the hand is quicker
than the eye, I win.

Men place your bets.

You lose.
And you win, sir, five pounds.

The two men lose, man
lose, and the lady wins,

One more time.

The same one?

You win.
Shut up.

Thank you.
Hey, you've got to give us a

chance to win our money back.

He gives the orders.
We're partners?

Hey, Slim, slow down.How much did we win?
I have to count it.30 pounds.

Why, hey, where you going?
To make an investment.

The door.

Hi, Jason.
Hi, it's you, Slim.
Hello, Tom.

Listen, Jason,Tom here and myself
would like to take an ad out in your paper,

a really nice one for about 30 pounds, huh?
But my paper doesn't take ads.

Well, couldn't you do it as a special favor?
Sorry, boys, but it's against my policy.

Give me my share.

[Jason] The door.
Close it.

Can you keep an eye on it?
Watch, it doesn't burn.

Did you print this?
Yes.

Mr. Ormond isn't very happy
with the tone of your newspaper.

If you keep on printing that stuff,
he's gonna get very mad.
Oh, they're being tough this time.

Clear, so remember no
more sideswipes at Ormond.
Is that what you came to tell me?

I've been told that already.
I'm sorry for you that
you don't understand.

'Cause I came to give
you some friendly advice.

The food is getting cold, Jason, let's eat.
Oh, look, guys,they're having a party.
We came at the right time.

Let's see what a good
host you are, old man.
The frying pan.

No, no, wait.
Needs a little salt.

Little taste, chew,
chew, chew, chew, good?

Hey, you threw
away all that food.
It tasted awful.

You want us to get tough?
If you like.

Hey, that's a lot of
muscle, you an athlete?

Let's try it again, huh?

Hurry up, Slim, I'm starved.

I think you got the message.
Loud and clear.

Let's go.

When Mr. Ormond reads what you wrote,.
there is going to be trouble.

[Man] Yeah, there's
gonna be trouble.

---

Whoever's hungry, follow me.

Door.

Anything I can do, Jason?

I don't know, what can you do?
Me, nothing.
Then don't worry about it.

Oh, enough, enough.

Hey, doc, mom made me okay.
[Jason] I told you.
She said three magic words.

Why are you taking this road?
It's a shortcut.
And I make the decisions.

Sorry, I need
about half an hour.
You can visit the village.

It's still very primitive,but don't worry,
the natives couldn't be more peaceful.
They may be a little shy, though,

the white man's been here only
six or seven times before.

[Slim] Hey, partner,
here's another white man.

Maybe eight or nine.

No, buddy, I could not sell it.
It belonged to my father, my father father,
father of my father father.

I'll give you five pounds.
I'll give you ten pounds.

No, no sale for that one.
Always here, my father,my father father,
father of my father father.

No sale for less than 20 pounds.
It's a deal, I'll take it.

These Americans.
20?

[Man] Here you are, thank you, Tom.
I'd get more if I were you.
How much more?
Double at least.

Hey, get that bus out of the way.
Could you please move it?

The keys are in the bus.

[Man] How much did you say, Tom?
[Tom] Double at least.

Hey, Tom, they're moving the bus.
You mean, they're stealing it.

What are you doing?

This time we'll
break their legs.

You're the guy who told
me to move the truck.
Hey, keep your hands down.

Hey, Tom, Tom?
I think I'm in trouble, Tommy.

I saw them do it in Bangkok,
you know where
that is, don't you?

Lots of muscles.
Oh, chucks.

Try again?

What's your name?

Careful.

F? ceva - m? doare!

What did you say your name was?
Stella.

All aboard.
The show's over.

I said it's over.

[ ]Businessman] I imagine it
must be very uncomfortable
in that position.

No, I often sit this way.
Goodnight, Stella.

Nice evening.
Bye.

What do you see?
I see a great future for you.

So, help me, I'll wring your neck.
[Ma] Tom, don't talk like that.

You better leave that girl alone.
I didn't know, you like her?

I'll get it.

I couldn't care less about Stella.
Then, why should I leave her alone?

That's my business.
I thought your business
was our business.

Mr. Ormond would be honored
if you had lunch
with him tomorrow.

Yeah, we'll be there.
Hey, just a moment.
I'll decide, okay?

We'll be there.

Sit down.

They're gold.

Let's get to the point.
All right.

This is the point.
These must be yours, Mr. Ormond.

I imagine they were put
under our plates by mistake.

How big a mistake?
A small handout.

A very big mistake.
[Tom] That be jam?

No, it's caviar.

[Tom] Oh, yeah.

A little butter.

A punch of salt.

Some pepper.
And, and.
[Tom] And what?

And champagne.

C'est tres delicious.
I had the same in Paris.
You know where that is?

Looks like midget sheep shit.

How's yours?
Pretty good?
Very good.

It's a little tacky,
but it's edible.

We'll have desert
in the garden alone.

I think we'll get along,
in fact, I know we will.

It's all a question of flexibility
because if you can't bend,

you break.

Tender.

Well, how much?

Double at least.
Okay.

We'll think about it.
Maybe you don't know
who's the boss around here?

Listen, if you're gonna believe
all the garbage your black
doctor friend writes about me,

you'll end up suffering
the consequences.
Clear?

I'll get rid of him
and you's, too.

Well, you accept?
No.
[Tom] No.

You don't think you're gonna leave
the same way as you came in, do you?

Was a great lunch.
Yeah, great, yeah.

Have a nice day, Leo.

You, too, pussycat.
Don't be shy, we all love you.

Hey, what are
you smiling about?

Nice lion, nice lion.

Go on.

Come on in here,get your guns.
Hurry it up, but this time,
we'll kill him, come on.

What are you standing there for?
What's the matter with you?

No, not with the gorilla,
please, he hates me.

[Tom] I don't blame him.

You know, I liked the
way you handled Ormond.
Your plan was perfect.

If Ormond offered us
over a thousand dollars,
it means something
big is going on,

that's probably worth a lot higher price,
don't you think so?
Oh, of course.

I'm getting off here.

Whoever's hungry, follow me.

Yeah, you can sit up here.

Okay, everybody.

Hey, Tom, never expected to find you here.
Yeah, well, I just...
Went out for a ride,

couldn't sleep.
You couldn't sleep.

So, this is where Ormond stocks his animals, huh?
Yeah, boxed in like sheep,ready to ship out.
Dirty dog, he's got 'em tagged and all.

Where is he shipping them?
Ontario, Canada, you
know where that is.

God awful hot there, isn't it?
Oh, is it ever?
Anyway, why worry about it?

Don't they look nice?
[Slim] Yeah, they
remind me of you somehow.

Hey, big mama, you
gonna free the lions, too?
No, you're gonna free them.

All right,
pussycats, let's go.

you, too, come on,
anybody else hiding, okay.

Take off, sweeties.

What's a matter with him, Tom?
This is the third time they catch him.
He's beginning to like it here.

Move it, come on.

Hey, he's coming right at us.
Keep cool, he'll move over.

If he doesn't stop,
he'll move us over.

[Slim] There's a curve.

Keep your cool, Tom.
Oh, sure.
Hit the brake.

I'll hit your head.

Hey, look out for the truck.
Where?

We're rolling!
What happened with the breaks?!

- Where is the road?
- I thought you knew.

- What's that?
- Where?

There's a fork ahead, see.
Oh, yeah, I know where we are now.
Make a right turn,I know the road,

Where are you, you chicken-livered hyena?
You know the road, huh?
Went through a field, did it?

If he ain't dead already,
so help me, I'll kill him.
Hey, where the...

Oh no, oh my god.

Stay still, don't you
believe in old Ma any longer?

All I need is a little lodine, Ma.
That's the stuff doctors
use so you won't get well.

You destroyed my bus.

We're ruined.
Only 'cause you weren't insured, Tom.

That's enough, boys.
It's time you start
acting like men.

The time has come to collect
and to do what your
fathers would have done.

They would've shot each other.
That's a great idea.

I've got a better idea.

So, what's your better idea?

Oh, a robbery.

Anybody home?
Just a minute.

Good morning, gentlemen.
Can I help you?

How much can I get for these?

Sorry, you can't enter
without a tie, it's a rule.
A rule is a rule.

Okay, thanks.

So, what's your idea?
To win.

Madame.

Why did you do that for?
Be a gentleman.

I know what that is, yeah.

Thank you, madame
and monsieur.

The house wins.
Place your bets.

[Man] I say there, you...

All right, we ready, mark
your bets clearly, please.

Monsieur?
I'll be back.

I'm sorry, sir,
20 pounds minimum.

Finish, no more betting, right, sir,
ready, shoot the cards, sir.

A card for the
bank, sir, and it is?
An 8.

8, the bank wins.

I don't like this
game, all you do is lose.

The bank now is
at 3,900 pounds.

Don't you find this game boring, madam?
It's most dreary,doesn't excite me at all.

The lady is changing games.
[Host] But that's not possible.

Mr Pickett!

Ladies and gentlemen, this new
game is called Find the Lady.

The 10s lose, the lady wins.

The 10s lose, the lady wins.
Now, watch the little
lady, the 10s lose,

and the lady wins.
Hard cash only, dollars,
pounds, no chips, please.

Watch the lady,
where has she gone?
That's the lady.

I'm sorry, madam.

Here we go, again.
The 10s are losers,
the lady's a winner.

Now, watch the lady.

One, two, three,
where can the lady be?

Oh, the one in the middle.

No chips, hard cash
only, dollars or pounds.

Find the lady, find the lady.

The 10s lose, the lady wins.
Place your bets.

Wait a minute.
It's not...

The gentlemen lost control and abused the lady,
but have no fear,
she'll reappear.

[Tom] She's beautiful.

The other one.
No, not you.

Now, let's find the lady,
ladies and gentlemen.
The lady wins, the 10 loses.

1,000 pounds on that card.

That's the end of that.

[Slim] The lady wins, but...

What's the saying, Mr. Ormond?
The game is a game.

Here we go again,
ladies and gentlemen,
find your lady, 10s
lose, lady wins.

Isn't it scandalous letting blacks in?
But, sir, the world is not divided

between blacks and whites,
but between rich and poor.

The 10s lose,
and the lady wins.

All the money
you have, I cover.

Tom, we lost.

I'm going to kill you, I know it.
Well, we can always
start over again.

No, we can't.
Hey, I'll decide that.

No, we can't.
Shall we go.

You bums.

Shut up.

[Ma] How's it coming, Eliza?

I declare you under arrest.
Charged with armed
attack, gambling,

the kidnapping of 54
people, swindling, smuggling

impersonating a gentleman, and
disturbing the peace, etc etc.

You managed to get him into trouble?
Who, me?

Relax, relax.

Hey, Slim, come here
and take a look.

What's to see?

Who gave Ma the money
to pay off the judges?
Ma had some savings.

Savings?
She never told me.

Is the defense ready?
Yes, your honor.

Who's that?

Every trial has its lawyer.
Your honor, my clients place themselves
at the mercy of the court.

Is the hay ready?
What?
Is the hay ready?
Well, I hope so.

You can't do that.
Listen to me, I'm your lawyer.

If the law is corrupt,
take it in your hands, I say.

See you around, Tom.

The trap's about to be sprung.
When his friend shows up, you shoot.

He can only come from there
or there...or there.

Look out, earthquake.

Hi, Tom!
What are you doing here?

Nothing.Just came for a visit.
Nice jail, huh, Tom?

What are you waiting
for, get me out.

Listen.I could be wrong,
but I really think they're
going to lynch you.

Get me out, I said.
And stop acting like an idiot.

Don't tell me you're afraid.
[Tom] Me, afraid of that bunch?

Let's linch him !
Scared ?

Yes.

Hey, let the grate loose,
let's not leave tracks.

Don't you think the animals
will have a difficult time
adapting themselves to Canada?

Canada's their natural habitat,
they get sick here. The cold is good.

Yeah, do you really think that's true?
I don't think so, I know so.
Meat is better preserved when it's cold.

[Tom] Get off my feet.

Get some steam up.

Out you go.
You hungry?

Thank you, Mr. Ormond.
We'll be back in about six months.

Bon voyage, captain.
[Ormond] I'll be
going to shore now.

Why so soon?
It's a nice boat, Mr. Ormond.

Would you mind telling your men
to throw their guns in the river?

Your guns, over the side.

And knives, too.

Tom, how are you doing?

Will you kindly tell the captain
there's going to be a delay?

Mind stepping over there?

[Tom] He was traveling light.

[Ormond] There's been an
unexpected delay, captain.
Go join the other punks.

Looks good, huh?

It wasn't even loaded.

Stay where you are.

Are you a heavyweight?
Of course I am.

So is he.

Why such a big deal?

It's your turn.
I'll take my chances
with the crocodiles.

Any crocodiles down there?
Just a few big ones.

Hey, you.

Your honor.

Hey, and you, too.

Lively, step lively.

Who's gonna pay for
renting the boat now?
They will.

Well, that'll be
a thousand pounds.
Double at least.

You don't want this
money to get wet, do ya?
But I don't know how to swim.

Hey, look who's still there.
He keeps losing his way.
[Slim] No, he likes you, Tom.

Let's keep him.
Weigh anchor.

Where to?
The Maldives Islands.

You know where that is?
Nope.

Neither do I.
Set course for the
Maldives Islands, captain.

This won't end here.
This will end here.