Icing (2014) - full transcript

The Nova Group wishes you
a pleasant time.

I'm pressing the menu button,
but there's no menu coming up.

Yeah, the light is green!
What?

So you think I'm colour-blind
just because I'm a woman?

Fuck you, Karel.

Yes, it's the AV mode.

The set top box is on.

Kája, if you fix it, you can watch
the rest of the match here.

Oh, you're afraid you might miss a goal.
You're a prick, really.

GOALIE'S MITT

TODAY, ICE-HOCKEY:
CZECH REP. VS SLOVAK REP



The cable TV isn't working!

You have to go to Hrabyně
to watch the hockey.

Well, come in then.

Let's sit down.

Klára, the taxi's gone and there's
no other pub around here.

Do you want to trudge somewhere
in high-heels now?

It's a stupid habit anyway.

Weddings?

No, kidnapping a bride.

Wait, I thought it's the best man

who kidnaps the bride,
not her maid of honour.

Well, the best man can be a woman,
you see?

Don't be such a chauvinist.

One's working environment influences
up to 5% of one's personality.



It's none of her business
that you're the best man!

We breathe with our clients.

Oh my god, it's you, isn't it?

I thought so from the beginning.

- Yeah.
- What?

Well, “we breathe with our clients.”
She acted in that bank commercial...

Yes, I recognized her right away.

She's just said the line from it.
“We breathe with our clients.”

So what?

What would you like to have?

Was it supposed to be funny that she
said the line from the commercial?

Don't think about it.

Rum, vodka...

You think that because I'm married now
I've lost my sense of humour, don't you?

Whiskey, or...

Explain it to me!

Yes, it was a good joke.

She said it with the same intonation,
sort of sarcastically.

It's clear that she thinks
the commercial is stupid.

And why wouldn't she use
the same intonation anyway?

Well, it was simply funny at that moment.

I still don't understand it.

No, it's not funny now. It was
just a momentary joke, you know.

Like today, when the priest asked
if anyone had something to say,

Roman covered Tomáš's mouth
as he pretended to be about to

say something really important.

But Roman and Tomáš are
Štěpán's best friends.

Why should they object
to anything?

Well, that's what the joke
was about.

You didn't see it, so you don't
find it funny now.

So Tomáš had an objection?

Klára, don't think about it.
So...

Štěpán, look at me.

I hope there are all of you...

Stand still and don't move...

- Great, and now look at me.
- Štěpán looks really smart, doesn't he?

Tomáš kept touching me when
we were playing water volleyball.

What?

Well, when we were at his house
with the swimming pool,

he grabbed my hips and also
my ass a little several times.

You must be kidding!

So maybe it was that kind of joke
which in fact is not really a joke.

And if you had known about it,
you wouldn't have laughed either.

Wait, why didn't you tell
him something in the pool?

Well, I didn't mind at first,

I kind of liked it,

but then when he touched me again,

I wanted to tell him
“Tomáš, stop touching me.”

But he would have said

in front of them all:
“Why didn't you say that earlier?

And that would have been a problem.

Because my Štěpán would have said:
“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Touching up my girlfriend?”
But then he'd have realized:

“Why didn't you say that earlier?”
Do you get it?

- So, what will you have?
- Well, a shot of vodka then.

A glass of white wine, please.

- To be honest, our white wine is
really disgusting. - Sorry?

- And it causes flatulence.
- You must be joking.

Would you be happier
if I hadn't told you?

So, should I get a beer?

Ladies, I'll make a cocktail for you.
It's called Icing.

Wait a minute, it's not even
on the menu.

Well, I must drink something too,
you know.

And can you really mix it?

You mean just because I'm an actress?

No.

I can even read while being an actress,
you see?

Well, I syllabify in fact,
like all actresses do.

But I can read!

BAR SER-VICE!

Jesus, I have nothing against actresses!

I don't think that all actresses,
singers and similar women are sluts!

At last!

But when you watch music videos,
it's no longer about singing at all.

It's just girls wallowing in mud in thongs
and bras.

I can be sexy, too.

But in a sophisticated fashion,
you know.

Maybe I'm old fashioned,

but every woman
should have some secrets.

Even in a bar a man should
make a woman feel like he's able to

spend the rest of his life with her
before he gets into her panties.

I have never opened my legs
to anyone just like that.

I always thought he was the right one.

Well, I was stupid, true, but
I really thought so.

And today I am rewarded.

Here I am in my wedding dress and
I'm happy.

And I think it's also because
I'm not a floozy.

Floozies can't even recognize
the right one amongst all the idiots.

I'm not a floozy of the night,
I'm a bride!

And I'm so happy!

He played hockey for Vítkovice,
the Top League.

We met when we were shooting
a TV commercial for shavers.

He shaved his chin,
I shaved my legs.

I thought it was a cliché.

To get a hockey player while shooting
a commercial, but... then we had a break.

- So? And?
- And he was so sensitive...

- A hockey player? Sensitive?
- Well, he was a goalkeeper.

- They are sensitive in the goal.
- But he was married.

Well, probably not as happily
as your husband.

And you didn't feel bad
about his wife?

What is it like to fight for somebody
knowing all along

that you're in fact stealing him?

Klára, you can't take it like that.

When you fall in love with someone,
you just go for it.

You don't take hockey players' wives
into consideration.

Well, I was a hockey player's wife too.

Okay, but they usually
date models, don't they?

Yes, or actresses.

It doesn't matter, I just don't get
how anyone can steal a married man

and still have a good night's sleep.

Well, I didn't try to get him at all.

He came to my dressing room
after a match

against Sparta or Slavia, brought me
a flower and spoke to me.

And you listened to him!

Yes, but listening is not
seduction, is it?

Listening? That's much worse
than sleeping with him right away!

Klára!

But then one day, blah blah blah,

a hockey-stick, blah blah blah,

icing or what,

”I don't have a match today, I've come
just because of you.”

How amazing!

And then he said his wife was a cow.

- Alright, I see...
- And that he'd marry me if I wanted.

Jesus, that's so desperate!

Come on, Klára, what's desperate
about it?

- Well, what next?
- You know, sportsmen

- They are kind of simple...
- Right.

It was actually so stupid that it
made sense and I said “yes”.

- It's so romantic.
- He bought a flat in Prague and this pub.

And I sucked as an actress,
so I was here

helping him and everything
was fine.

And where is he now?

Yeah, the end was quite tragic.

What do you mean by tragic?

Canadian goal keepers typically
go for the puck even behind the goal,

and Czech goalies, including my Marek,
started doing it as well some time ago.

But it's dangerous, as the goalie
is not protected behind the goal area

and someone can knock him down.

- Someone knocked him down?
- Yes, against the dasher boards.

- Wait, did he die?
- Oh no!

No, it was just a concussion,
but he went absolutely nuts.

- I see.
- He made another commercial,

for a can of deodorant.
A radio commercial.

And shagged a newscaster
in the studio.

Well,
I don't even know what she looks like,

she works for a radio station, you see?

Well, that sucks.
So why haven't you changed the decor?

Well, this is a hockey pub. People
come here to watch ice hockey.

If I changed it, I would go bankrupt.

And I can't start acting again,
I haven't kept my hand in.

Excuse me.

I'm so sorry, really.

No worries.

Sorry.

Look, this is a very specific story,

not everyone's life is so fucked up.

I'm terribly sorry,

but your story made me cry,

because I realized how lucky I am.

Where is he? What's the time?

Half past five.

Jesus, it's half past five!

It's half past five, are we going?

Roman, we should go,
are you ready?

I told you not to eat the ham rolls.

That's disgusting.

Tom, it's normal that people throw up
at weddings.

No one will throw up at mine.

True, no one vomits at registered
partnership ceremonies.

- Štěpán, I'm not gay.
- I know.

- So stop it then.
- Go away from the table at least.

- Really!
- Shall we?

- It seems it'll take a while. Let's go
- Let's go.

Damn it.

The second period has started.

We must call him!

Klára, please calm down.

It's a tradition, you definitely
shouldn't call him.

Štěpán has never been interested
in ice hockey.

Really? And how do you know it?

I don't know.

You'll have enough of him.

What do you mean I'll have
enough of him?

Well, you'll spend
a lot of time together.

I don't like this kind of talk.

I want to spend my whole life
with Štěpán.

All that crap about having a break
from each other and stuff,

that's not happening to us.
I don't need to have a break from Štěpán.

People get so easily annoyed these days,
but that doesn't mean

true love doesn't exist.

- Yeah!
- Jesus!

3-2.

You don't understand it.

I'm glad that Štěpán is not interested
in sports on TV.

I don't like crap like: “Come on,

the world championship is
just once every two years,

so leave me alone for 2 weeks.”

It's taken for granted these days.
As if men were entitled to it.

So the best men are
clearly those who act like

homosexuals in every single way
except for sex.

- What?
- Like the one you married.

- I'm leaving.
- Klára, please.

Well, he doesn't watch hockey,
his best man is a woman.

- Well...
- Most heterosexuals wouldn't

be able to be friends with a woman
without any sexual undertone.

I'm friends with several men, and
it has never crossed my mind that

it should mean more than friendship.

But men are different,
they can't even talk to a woman

without fancying her. They usually
try it, and when they find out

they have no chance,
they kind of accept it,

but secretly hope there'll be another
chance, a wild party or something.

But Štěpán is not attracted to you,
is he?

- Iveta!
- What? What?

Generally speaking you're
very pretty, but he doesn't fancy you.

Well, I can hardly judge that.

Wait,

what do you mean you can't judge that?

Well, I'll make you a few more drinks,
okay?

I don't know if he does, physically,
we're friends, aren't we?

Wait, you must have spoken
about it.

You've been friends for a long time,
haven't you?

Jesus Christ, I just don't think
about it like that.

Wait, two adult people spending
time together

have to discuss this in order to

avoid any potential misunderstanding.

I think it's pretty stupid
to talk about this.

But it doesn't seem stupid to me
at all!

Girls! Three more Icings.

Thanks. By the way, I'm Iveta.

- Cool. Vladana.
- Klára!

- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers.

- What did Iveta say? Hrabyně, right?
- Yes, Hrabyně.

- You're driving like a poofter.
- Come on,

the roads are terrible
and it's raining, I can't see anything.

It's a pity that Klára is German
only in terms of her character.

What do you mean?

Well, she's very disciplined,

everything's in order,
she's incredibly systematic.

- But sadly she's not really German.
- You would like her to be German?

Well, German women usually have
this very specific erotic energy.

And we would also be driving
on a much better road now.

They should be here by now.
It's getting a bit strange.

Klára, calm down.
They'll be here in a minute.

- What is it?
- You're not his type.

- Klára, please, stop it. Really, stop it.
- No, you're simply not Štěpán's type.

He prefers gentle girls, softer girls.
Like me!

Girls who say: “Let's go roller-blading,
I'll make a sandwich.”

You're in fact that
“silently dangerous bitch” kind.

Excuse me?

Well, I think that those mean,
crafty girls are out of fashion now.

Men are tired of them.
Especially the successful ones.

They have problems at work
so when they come home,

they want their peace and quiet
instead of an Italian drama.

And they don't tend to be unfaithful.
It isn't worth it anymore.

Mainly thanks to porn.

What?

It's said that online porn saves
every third relationship today.

It worked for us, too.
Well, until Marek got crazy.

- And you caught him red-handed?
- Have you heard of the

- Internet search history tab?
- Yeah, I studied technical university.

That explains everything.

But I had to look up an article
on our PC the other day,

and there were no porn sites
in the history, I checked it.

Well, your man is just perfect then.

- What is it?
- Iveta, call them.

- Me?
- Well, you said that I couldn't

call them because it would be stupid,

but you're his best man.

- Klára, come on.
- Please.

Alright. Okay.

What are you doing?!

I just want to have a look at the name
for Štěpán in your phone.

- Give me the phone back!
- No!

I want to know how you saved
your friend's name...

- Get off me!
- Give me the phone back!

Bunny!

Bunny?!

- Klára, it's just a nickname.
- I've never heard of it.

And it doesn't fit Štěpán at all.
And if someone has an animal surname,

already, he won't have
an animal nickname, will he?

What animal surname?

His surname is Deer!

He used to eat a lot of carrot,

so everyone started calling him
Bunny, logically!

- He hates carrot.
- So I don't know how it started.

Sure,

sure, I didn't find any porn
in the history because he has you, right?

- Klára, please.
- What do you have with him?

What do you have with him?!
With Bunny?

Come on, we're just friends.

- What do you have with him?!
- Jesus Christ, you don't get it!

Jesus! The way you touch each other,
the way you look at each other.

You don't get it we're
just friends, just...

Klára, please, I will...

- Jesus, yes!
- Look I, I will explain it to you, it's...

Every time I ask him about your
partners he's all fidgety!

He says you prefer
short-term relationships

and crap like that, but now I get it!

- Take the helmet. The helmet!
- Jesus Christ!

- Put the helmet on!
- Klára, please, please...

I'll smash your face
with this hockey stick!

Klára, please, I'm a lesbian.

- What?
- I'm a lesbian.

- Can you drive faster, you poof?
- I can't.

- Why not?
- I don't know. It's not going.

It's not going? Is your foot
on the accelerator?

You know what, I'll get out
and walk along the car.

Help yourself.

Klára will be a bit angry,
won't she?

No, she won't. She's very calm.

And they're great friends with Iveta,
they like each other.

Didn't you say she's a bit German?
And that she likes punctuality?

- You don't understand women, do you?
- Come on, you are...

Can you drive a least a bit faster?

No, I can't. Well, I'll stop.

- No, no, just stay focused.
- You'll be in trouble.

- I'll be in trouble when...
- It's your wedding, not mine.

- You people can't have weddings.
- Well, soon...

- Wait, you've just admitted it!
- No, it was just a joke.

No, you've just confessed.

Why didn't he tell me?

I didn't want him to.
I don't know you that well.

I didn't know how you would react.

And what about the Bunny?

I've told you hundred times,
it's just a nickname.

Well, a friendship between a lesbian
and a straight man is surely possible.

And it happens quite often.

You don't look like a lesbian at all.
You said that just to save yourself.

Anyway,
a true lesbian would beat me up.

Well, first you're getting married,

and second you had
a hockey-stick in your hand.

Prove it!

Jesus Christ, why don't you believe me?

Because it's important for me
to be sure!

How shall I prove it to you?

Jesus, I don't know. I just
need to know that nothing happened

when I'm about to spend
the rest of my life with Štěpán.

Do you like her?

- What?
- Do you like Vladana?

- Klára, its...
- Sure thing, you're lying!

Yeah, she's pretty.

She's sexy.

Anyone could say that!

Christ, do you want me
to climb all over her?

Perhaps.

Wait a minute.
And what about me?

- You're an actress, aren't you?
- Jesus Christ.

You've never had a bed scene
in a film or what?

Are you crazy?

I'll kill myself!

I'll destroy this whole place
with that hockey-stick, I swear!

Please! Please!

I need to know it!

I'll pay you.

- Jesus!
- Look, I'm not a whore. Is that clear?

- Hi.
- Hi.

A packet of cigarettes.

65.

70.

What a pity you're not a whore,

I'd pay you.

I'd get you out of this hole
for one day at least.

- Here's your 30 crowns.
- I'd take you to Opava.

Anyway, goodbye.

Bye.

Stop it, please.

I'll do it for free.

Why not? I don't have anyone
anyway.

Well, only Karel sometimes,
but he's an arsehole.

I did it just because it is today.

I wouldn't do it any other time.

Today is the day when everything
will change.

I know it. I can feel it.

We'll win 7-2.

Well, it's an improbable score.

That's why the odds are 36 to 1.

I bet 20,000 on it.

So I'll win 720,000.

And if I sell this bloody pub, I'll have
enough money

to go back to Prague and start anew.

I know I can do it.

By myself. Without a man.

I can do it.

I can stay in a rented one-bedroom flat
in Žižkov with this money.

I'll start going to castings and start
all over again.

I simply don't deserve this
kind of life.

Our team's about to win 7-2, I did it with
a pretty girl, and everything will change.

It's almost eight. Where are they?

Yeah!

5-2!

Jesus, his phone's off.

So call someone else,
Tomáš, for instance.

What am I supposed to tell him?
Hi, what's wrong with Štěpán?

He should have picked me up here.
That's so embarrassing.

It isn't, trust me.

But the wedding is completely fucked up!

Come on.

He doesn't even want
to pick me up here!

- Shall we go back then?
- No way!

There're over a hundred people there.
It would be humiliating.

And it's so fucking dark out there.

And it's not even eight, yet.

Wow, what a storm!

He should have been here ages ago.
He left me in this hole in a storm.

The road really dips down there
near Poloma.

When there is too much water,
it's impassable.

It's happened before, and this is
the wildest storm I've ever seen here.

Fuck!

You know it,

that kind of short hesitation,
something seemingly unimportant.

One insecure glance, for a second only.
And it's over.

Yeah.

You think you know the man,
but then suddenly something happens

and he's a completely different person.

And that's exactly this moment.

The whole wedding is completely
fucked up!

That's enough, I'll call Tomáš.

- No, you won't call anyone!
- Something might have happened.

Leave the phone alone, it's my wedding!

- Don't be hysterical!
- If you want to fight, you can go out.

Girls, there's no signal anyway.

No signal? This is like the Middle Ages.

Poor coverage. Well, I don't have any
signal either.

Damn it, 10 minutes from the end
of the match, it's unbelievable.

- What's happened?
- What's going on?

- It's the fuse box, probably.
- No way!

- That's crazy.
- Calm down, I'll fix it.

- No, I will do it!
- Klára, please, she will do it.

- I want to do it!
- Why?

I just need to think about
something else.

I need to do something.
Where should I go?

To the storage room behind the kitchen.

Go straight on and then turn right.

You'll see the box there,

you can open it with your hands.

- Yeah.
- Just flip all the switches. Up and down.

- Got it?
- Yes.

- So?
- It didn't help.

- It's the main circuit breaker then.
- Is it outside? -Yes.

- That's OK, I'll go there.
- No, I'll do it!

Klára, please, don't be silly.

I'm the bride here, and I want to fix it.

I need to have a good feeling
about something. So, where is it?

Go out and it's next to the second
window on the left, the same box again.

Wasn't it a bit too much?
With the tongue?

No, not really.

I've never done it with a girl
before.

I see.

And what makes you think
I won't tell Klára?

Wait a minute,
I did it with you, didn't' I?

So we have a deeper relationship now.

Well, that's true.

You could tell anyway,
couldn't you?

Yes, I could.

A Slovak lesbian in the Czech Republic?

No way!

You girls
just come here to steal our men.

- I'm an evil bitch.
- You're not.

You slept with me in order to
make her happy, didn't you?

That's amazing.

You're quite pretty,
so it wasn't that hard.

- You don't sleep with him anymore?
- No.

How long has it been?

Almost a week.

Klára?

Almost a week?

You stopped sleeping with him
a week ago?

You were here when we thought
you weren't here?

It's like to read other
people's text messages!

You fucked my fiancé
a week before our wedding?

It's like fucking my fiancé
a week before our wedding!

- I'm sorry.
- I will kill you!

Klára, Klára...

Where the hell is he?!

I really like it like that.

And now from the other side
with the bridesmaids in front of you.

Stay in front of them.

And you'll turn a bit and kiss him.

- Above the bouquet?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- On the cheek? Like that?
- Great, great!

- Look into my eyes, okay.
- Me?

That's good, that's good.
And now in front of the groom.

What are you looking at? I'm here!

I know I'm a bitch.

I try hard not to be one,
but I just can't!

Štěpán Deer,

such a stupid surname,

and yet it doesn't seem stupid to anyone.

My little Bunny.

I didn't want him
to cheat on her with me,

well, I didn't want him

to cheat on me with her
in the first place.

I simply want him
to never come here for her.

It'll be half past eight
and they're still not here.

The hockey match's finished
and I don't know the score.

My husband is cheating on me

and you're interested in hockey?

The hockey is important for me.
Look.

- What is it?
- A ticket! I bet on the match.

I want to get out of here.
My life sucks.

Ouch, Christ, I thought
the rage was over!

I'm sorry, but listening to her
made me realize

that my life sucks, too.
And it is mainly because of you!

You could have slapped me before
when I expected it!

I'm not emotionally ready
for it now!

Look, you're the bitch here,
so don't set any conditions, okay?

Yes, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Slapping people without a warning
isn't nice.

The weather's improved,
hasn't it?

Ouch! Really, fuck you!

I'm sorry.

You're acting weird.

As if you'd planted flowers in your
garden just to see

that they didn't burst into bloom.

Who are you to tell me such things?
You ticket addict!

You know what, Vladana?
I'm fed up with your bullshit!

- You! - You!
- You!

You! You mustn't hit me back!

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Well, I'm sorry, because if I hadn't
slept with him...

No, it's alright.

Well, it's not alright!

Can we do anything else in here
apart from boozing?

I'm completely muzzy
and we're acting like cows.

Ladies!

We've got karaoke!

She says she doesn't want to act
like a cow and you suggest karaoke?

I'm not singing
any wistful songs about love!

We'll walk along many roads
feasting on starlight,

reading destiny from our palms.

And when we know who we are,
we'll chase off all the tears,

and then we'll secretly,
whisper all the things

girls like to whisper.

My love, you'll die out
on the distaff side, my love,

my love, you shine like the moon,
my love,

stay with me forever, I'll give you roses
and the warmth of my pale skin,

stay with me, the night is over.
Don't let it say goodbye, my love!

My love!

When I have a white veil,
and the music goes silent,

when our weddings photos
turn yellow,

I hope you'll be by my side
to make me laugh,

and then we'll whisper
the things girls like to whisper. My love...

Girls, it's Tomáš! The signal's really bad!

You'll die out on the distaff side,
my love.

- Yes, Tomáš?
- My love!

No, I can't hear you well,
it's the storm. Hallo?

Hallo? What? Hallo? Hallo?
Tomáš?

- ...my love...
- Vladana, turn it off!

- Vladana, turn it off!
- Hallo? Hallo? Tomáš?

Hallo? Hallo?

What? What happened?

What is it?

What's up, Iveta?

Štěpán is dead.

Štěpán?

But you could barely understand
what Tomáš was saying.

They had an accident.

He's dead.

Dead?

Jesus Christ, that's nonsense.

Call Tomáš back.
Give it to me.

There's no signal now!
Vladana! Do you have any signal?

Klára, he's dead, do you get it?
He's dead!

If there weren't all those signs around
“Caution, deer crossing”,

- I think it's an elk.
- What?

It looks like an elk and there are
no warning signs about elks here.

Tomáš, elks live only somewhere
in the Eastern Tatras, but not here.

- That's nonsense.
- Did they understand

that they should come for us?

I just told Iveta we'd had an accident,
and that there was a dead deer.

There was music in the background
and then the signal went off.

She's a smart woman,
so she'll know what to do.

Or we'll pick them up with the cops
or the towing service.

I haven't been married for one day
and I'm a widow already.

Why the hell are you crying so much?

She loved your husband.

- What?
- She loved your husband, I'm afraid.

And I didn't? Are you suggesting
I'm crying less than she is?

Well, you're not crying at all.

Because I'm too shocked.

You feel better, right?

Listen, a lot of women get married
all convinced they're in love

only to find out that...

Well, you won't actually
find that out anymore.

I'm completely drunk.

Iveta!

Iveta, come here, come, come.

I hate you! If you don't want him,
why are you marrying him?

I thought I loved him,
I really did!

Stop crying, you slept with him!

Leave her alone,
she really loved him.

- I can't handle this.
- You know what? Come here.

Grab her and hold her nose.

She needs to switch off for a while.

We had a schizophrenic actress
in the theatre.

Whenever she played Medea,
we thought she'd killed both of her kids.

This always helped.

- It didn't help at all!
- Wait for a while.

Isn't it a bit too much with the tongue?

It has such deep eyes.

A bit like you.

I want you to show some respect
to the dead animal

Stop saying such dirty things.

What dirty things?
You really think I'm gay, don't you?

- Look.
- You do, right?

Look, you're a maid of honour
and you're chatting me up.

- I'm not a maid of honour?
- So who are you then?

- A male bride of honour.
- Well.

But when we were at my place
playing water volleyball, I actually...

Yes, you kept touching Klára's arse,
I noticed.

- You noticed?
- Of course,

I knew straight away
that you were doing it

because you wanted me to see it.
It was so weird!

It was as if you were touching loam
or grabbing this deer's snout.

One could tell your heart
wasn't in it at all.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So why didn't you say something?

Well, you're homosexual, so you're
no competition,

and I also wanted to win the volleyball
match.

I'm not homosexual, Štěpán,
I'm not homosexual!

Listen, the Czech Republic
is pretty tolerant towards homosexuality.

I don't understand why
it is so difficult for you to come out.

Come out?
Oh, man!

I'm sleeping with a girl these days,
actually.

- Sure.
- Yeah, it's true.

Well, what girl then?

You only know Klára, lveta, and
the synchronized-swimming instructor.

Synchronized-swimming
is a really brutal,

heterosexual sport, by the way.

I'm sleeping with Iveta.

- With Iveta?
- Yeah.

So?

Nothing.

I don't know if someone's coming
or...

You know what? I've got a car outside,
I'll go there.

- But you're completely wasted!
- Come on.

In this weather? The cops won't go out.

And I'll go super slowly.
The car will be my umbrella.

I'm a monster, right?

An evil locust.

It's not your fault.

The way I feel? It is my fault.

Look, it's also his fault, isn't it?

Well, one must
never speak ill of the dead.

They will know what to do
at the wedding ceremony.

There's no point in going
to the hospital, so...

Sorry.

Listen, talk to her when she wakes up.
She might feel better.

Alternatively, you can get totally drunk
as well and have some sleep.

I'll be back in an hour.

I thought you didn't get on
with Iveta at all.

Well, we usually don't. Not openly.

Not in public, but you know how it is.

That's normal, isn't it?

And what does she look like down there?

What?

Down there.
How is she shaved?

You can't ask me that.

Does she have a landing strip?

Or nothing at all,
or something more complex?

Or is it all chaotic down there?

- Jesus, Štěpán!
- Or something else?

- You're disgusting, this is intimate.
- Well, but it's really important now!

- It's intimate, so I'm not telling you.
- Yeah!

So you're lying and you're gay.
Good.

She has a strip.

Like this.

A strip?

How do you know that?
You really do it with her or what?

Why are you hitting me?

Wait.

And how come you know it?

I was just guessing.

Damn it, Štěpán, how could you?
Klára loves you, doesn't she?

- Christ, calm down.
- Calm down?

Štěpán.

Štěpán!

Are they here yet?

Vladana's gone there.

Vladana? In her state...

She's very unhappy, that's terrible.

You can smell that hockey-player of hers
all around here.

You mean it stinks here?

No, but you can smell the sadness
that he's not here.

Sadness stinks even stronger.

What?

I'm sorry, I think I'm still
completely drunk.

Maybe it's better this way.

Better?

Štěpán is dead and you're looking at
some sweaty masculine trophies.

And what else should I do?

I am sorry, but what's done
is done.

We played it badly from the beginning.

We'll start afresh.

We have to start all over again.

Vladana is starting all over again, too.

You can't get rid of him just like that.

We wouldn't have been happy, you see?
And neither would he.

I did a lot of thinking
when you were asleep.

I feel like I have

a big black ball inside of me

- and I simply can't believe that...
- I know, when my dog died...

A dog? Klára, a dog?!
Are you joking?!

I'm just trying to tell you that
the ball won't be there forever.

- It'll be there forever, it'll be
there forever. - No, it won't.

You simply can't understand it at all
being a homosexual.

Iveta is Slovak, you know, from the East.

And why is it so important
that she is from the East?

Well, it's just a different species,
you know.

She's not a bimbo who goes to discos.

She's a girl who grew up
with bears...

Not every Slovak girl
grows up with bears.

You know what I mean, don't you?
You don't? Look, it's just...

If you meet a girl like that in a bar,
everything suddenly disappears

and you feel like you're standing
in a forest in the High Tatras,

and all you can see

is the beast facing you with her bare
Slovak fangs, and all you know is

that you have to grab her, knock her
down to the ground and make her

understand who the master is.
And that's, well, that's...

What do you mean? How could you?
Man, Christ!

- Alright, calm down.
- What? Calm down?

Yes, just calm down.
It's like an escape from civilization.

We live in a civilized world in which
an adult man simply has to accept

that he has a wife, you see?
We have lighting switches,

we don't look for firewood
to keep fire in the forest,

we buy meat in supermarkets
and don't run out of the hut

to kill a wild boar with
a homemade dagger.

Now you just have a wife,
you watch DVDs in the evenings

and you don't hunt predatory
animals

in the mountains of Slovakia

or in a developing country,
you see?

And when was the last time
you slept with Iveta?

Well, it's been at least...

At least a week.

- Oh shit!
- Wait!

- Damn it, Štěpán, man!
- Come on, it was just

- a farewell shag, you see?
- Farewell, really?

Sure! It was for the last time.
The girl just gets dressed,

then there is a click and it's all gone.

The wind stops blowing,

the stream stops flowing,
there's nothing, nothing at all.

You simply know that from
then on there will be

only shopping in Tesco,

evenings with DVDs, you know,

and pitted olives.

You just have to find
the right woman for that.

And Klára is like that.

- She really is.
- Well, I love her.

- Yeah, you love her.
- I'm happy, and I'm going to piss.

- It's not the cops.
- No.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

We had a small accident here.
We hit a deer.

A deer?

Yeah.

- You hit a deer?
- Yes.

And you're Štěpán, aren't you?

- No.
- I am Štěpán.

I see.

And this is my friend Tomík.

And you hit a deer.

Yeah, I've already told you.

That's so fucked up.

Are you alright?

Well, yeah. I just had
too many shots.

The cops won't go out in this
weather anyway.

That's why I've come for you.

What do you mean for us?

Well, I've got your girls in my bar.

I mean your wife and the best man.

That's why I know you're Štěpán.

I can see a deer, nice guys, you know,
so...

- So it's Iveta who sent you?
- Yeah!

Yes.

Klára's really worried about you,
so come along.

- Well, we actually called them.
- Yes, we did.

Yes, that really calmed them down a lot.

Anyway, they can't wait to see you.

Come on. I'll give you a lift.

Yes, but wouldn't it be driving
away from an accident? We should...

I'll wait for you here then.
So when the cops come...

- Yeah?
- How long will it take you?

- Twenty minutes.
- That's okay.

It's stopped raining anyway.
I'll wait here with the deer.

- Everything's fine.
- Listen,

you want to wait here just because
some men are coming, right?

- The cops?
- Stop it, you arsehole.

Wait, I'll just give you this.

What shall I do with it?

Well, it's just in case, you know.

You don't have to use it.
Can I drive?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Štěpán.

Get in, Štěpán will drive.

Oh, do you happen to know the result
of the hockey match?

- I don't, I don't watch hockey.
- I see.

The clutch grips really high up.

I know, Karel was supposed
to have it fixed ages ago.

Arsehole.

- Can you pull over, please?
- Sure.

- I have to tell you something.
- To me?

- Yeah.
- Wait.

Well, you should know that...

I need to wee.

Do you?

So do I.

- Do you?
- Yes.

Well, alright then.

Okay.

We should leave her some money here.

Oh,

- you're staying in Kyjovice, right?
- Yes.

Well, keep the car then.

You can pick up your friend on your way.
I'll stay here tonight and

I'll get the car at the hotel
in the morning.

Well, that's very kind of you.
Thank you.

Okay, so wait here.
I'll get them.

But why?

Well, I have to prepare them a bit.

What do you mean, prepare them?

I mean, Klára needs to get ready,
you see?

- She's a kidnapped bride after all,
isn't she? - Yeah.

We were just about to leave.

Your husband's waiting outside.

Štěpán?

- But he's dead, isn't he?
- No.

- What do you mean?
- They killed a deer.

What?

They had an accident and killed a deer.

Jesus Christ!

Oh God, Tomáš calls Štěpán
by his surname.

A deer.
He said they'd had an accident

and that “a” deer was dead.
They killed a deer!

- And you didn't get that before?
- I confused Štěpán with a deer!

He's not dead at all!

Wait a minute!

That's why I left him standing outside
so you two can finish your conversation.

- What? To finish what?
- Wait, wait.

Why did you say he was dead?

Klára, it's not important now
that I want him and you don't.

What matters is that he's alive!
We'll talk about it later.

Talk about what?

Well, at least the truth's come out,
hasn't it?

You didn't even cry when he was dead,

I mean when we actually thought he was.

- But he's not dead.
- Jesus Christ, Klára!

You see?

He's not dead!

Do you get it?

Shit!

I have to go to my husband.

I want to go to my husband.

Get out of my way.

The money's on the table.

- Where have you been?
- We hit a deer.

I know.

- Where's Iveta?
- I don't know.

- Hi.
- Hi.

We hit a deer.

The bartender...

Her name's Vladana.

Yeah. Bartender Vladana said
we could borrow her car,

so we'll give it back to her later.
We can go to the hotel.

- Great.
- Okay.

Well, this thing should...

I guess it doesn't matter now.

You must get in like that.

Exceptionally severe storms
swept through Northern Moravia,

the regions of Bohumín
and Hlučín were hit hardest.

Several small watercourses flooded
local roads,

many of which are now impassable
in places due to fallen trees.

If you have to go somewhere by car,
drive with extra caution.

Czech hockey players resisted
overwhelming Slovak pressure

in the last period and won 5-4 in the
semi-final of the World Championship.

Ice hockey madness hit
the whole central Europe,

although Prague is really
warm and sunny at the moment...

Shit!

In general,
the dominance of the Czech team

over Slovaks at the Olympics or World
Championships...

Fuck!

Yes, Kája?

Of course, you can come tomorrow.

Wait, but you'll pay for
today's damage, is that clear?

Look, if you want to see the final,
you have to pay.

Okay.

They haven't come yet?

No, but I talked to them.
They're coming in 5 minutes.

I'll wait here.
Just go to the hotel.

I don't know, Tom.

What?
They'll give me a lift later.

- You're getting married today, just go.
- Thanks, buddy.

- I'll stay here with him.
- What?

- So he won't be alone.
- Iveta, don't be silly. Come on.

Let her stay here if she wants to.

- Hi.
- Hi.

He's got such beautiful deep eyes,
hasn't he?

Yes, like Štěpán.