I Was a Male War Bride (1949) Movie Script

[ Speaking German ]

[ Speaking French ]

[ Speaking German ]

AH, HEIDELBERG!

[ Speaking German ]

[ All Arguing In German ]

OH, SERGEANT!

WHICH IS THE QUICKEST WAY

TO HEIDELBERG, PLEASE?

UH, HEAD DOWN THIS STREET

FOR FOUR BLOCKS.

UH-HUH.

YOU TURN RIGHT.

YOU GO STRAIGHT AHEAD

UNTIL YOU HIT THE AUTOBAHN.

THERE ARE SIGNS ALL THE WAY.

YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED?

[ German Accent ]

WE DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW. DRIVE.

[ Speaks French ]

[ Speaking German ]

[ Conversation Continues

In German ]

"CAPTAIN HENRI ROCHARD,

FRENCH ECONOMIC MISSION."

HEY, JOE, WE'LL NEED YOU

AS INTERPRETER.

NEVER MIND, SERGEANT.

WE'LL GET ALONG ALL RIGHT.

OH, I'M SORRY, SIR.

WHOM DID YOU WISH TO SEE?

THE, UH, "O.I.C., A.M.G.,

W.A.C."

AH. FIRST FLOOR.

TURN TO YOUR RIGHT.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

HMM. WAR ADMINISTRATION

INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS...

COORDINATOR'S OFFICE.

SERVICE OF SUPPLY

DISPLACED PERSONS

PROPERTY DISPOSAL DEPARTMENT.

UH, LABOR ADMINISTRATION

DEPARTMENT...

INTER-- INTER--

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

I'M LOOKING FOR

LIEUTENANT GATES'S OFFICE.

WELL, THIS ISN'T IT.

ISN'T IT?

RIGHT OVER THERE, CAPTAIN.

THANK YOU.

YES, SIR. YES, COLONEL.

YES, SIR.

YES, SIR. YES, SIR. YES--

OH, IT'S YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MM-HMM. ONE NIGHTSHIRT.

GOWN. WHAT DO YOU CALL

THIS THING? GOWN.

[ Whispers ]

HENRI!

ONE PAIR OF BLOOMERS,

TWO PAIRS OF STOCKINGS-- AND

A RUN IN ONE OF THEM, I BELIEVE.

HENRI, PLEASE!

JUST A MOMENT.

AND ONE SLIP.

I THINK THAT'S ALL.

I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GET THEM

TO YOU ANY SOONER.

GOOD-BYE, LIEUTENANT GATES.

OH, WHAT A STINKER

YOU ARE.

DID I FORGET SOMETHING?

WHAT A DIRTY STINKER.

AND YOU'RE GOING RIGHT BACK

AND EXPLAIN...

HOW YOU GOT MY LAUNDRY

BY MISTAKE IN DÜSSELDORF

AND FORGOT TO GIVE IT BACK.

WELL, THAT'S SUCH A DULL STORY.

WHO WOULD CARE?

YOU KNOW WHAT

YOU MADE THEM THINK.

I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND--

OH, NO!

YOU MEAN, YOU AND ME?

WHY, I'D BE GLAD TO EXPLAIN

TO THEM. THE VERY IDEA

OF ANY CONNECTION IS REVOLTING.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

NEVER MIND. JUST--

I'D BE DELIGHTED.

I'D EXPLAIN TO THEM

I THINK YOU'RE REPULSIVE.

SHH! I SAID NEVER MIND.

JUST FORGET IT!

GO AWAY.

YOU'VE HAD YOUR JOKE.

NOW BEAT IT.

SORRY, I CAN'T OBLIGE.

I'M HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

OH, DON'T TELL ME.

ANOTHER MISSION?

YES.

BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

YOU'RE NOT GOING WITH ME.

THANK HEAVENS.

WHO'S YOUR VICTIM THIS TIME?

MY INTERPRETER AND AIDE IS

A LIEUTENANT ELOISE BILLINGS,

WHOM I'M RELIABLY INFORMED

IS INTELLIGENT,

YES.

PRETTY...

YES.

AND, AS YOU AMERICANS SAY,

STACKED.

THAT SHE IS.

YOU HAVEN'T MET HER?

NO. BUT THAT HAPPY EVENT'S

GOING TO TAKE PLACE IN

MAJOR PRENDERGAST'S OFFICE...

IN EXACTLY, UH, 30 SECONDS.

GOOD-BYE AGAIN TO YOU,

LIEUTENANT GATES.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

MAJOR PRENDERGAST'S OFFICE.

THERE'S NOTHING FOR YOU

TO DO.

ISN'T THERE?

WAIT. IF YOU--

I'M IN A HURRY.

HELLO, ELOISE.

HI, HONEY.

MAY I PRESENT CAPTAIN ROCHARD,

LIEUTENANT BILLINGS. YOU TWO

ARE GOING TO WORK TOGETHER.

ENCHANTED, LIEUTENANT BILLINGS.

HOW DO YOU DO, CAPTAIN?

I WAS JUST--

I BELIEVE WE HAVE

A MUTUAL FRIEND, ALEX BRISSAC.

HOW NICE.

WHY, SURE.

I REMEMBER HIM.

LIEUTENANT, DUE TO THE FACT

THAT I WAS ON PREVIOUS MISSIONS

WITH CAPTAIN ROCHARD--

HE JUST RETURNED

SOME OF MY THINGS-- PERHAPS

I CAN BE OF SOME HELP TO YOU.

THANK YOU. I CAN EXPLAIN

THINGS TO LIEUTENANT BILLINGS.

DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO?

OH, NO. I'M FREE

UNTIL 2:30.

WELL, ABOUT THIS HERE MISSION--

IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER.

IT'S AN OVERNIGHT JOB.

WE HAVE TO GO TO BAD NAUHEIM,

A PLEASANT LITTLE VILLAGE, AND--

OR IT WILL BE

TILL YOU GET THERE.

OH.

WELL, I CAN EXPLAIN

THE WHOLE THING BETTER TO YOU

WHEN WE'RE ALONE.

BETTER WEAR SIDE ARMS,

LIEUTENANT. HE USES MAPS

INSTEAD OF ETCHINGS.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD, I'VE SO LOOKED

FORWARD TO GOING TO BAD NAUHEIM.

BILLINGS, THE FRENCH ARMY

SHOE IS BUILT ON SLIGHTLY

DIFFERENT LINES. IT--

OOH.

HOLD THE FOOT,

WOULD YOU, JUNIOR?

YES, YES, YES.

AS YOU CAN SEE BY CAPTAIN

ROCHARD'S FOOT AND MY THIGH.

FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

THAT WAS PURELY ACCIDENTAL.

THE MARK ON MY CHIN--

MAY I HAVE MY FOOT?

MMM.

THANK YOU. THE MARK

UNDER MY CHIN WAS AN ACCIDENT.

MY FAULT ENTIRELY. I TRIPPED

WHILE HE WAS CHASING ME.

CHASING YOU?

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

THERE. YOU SEE?

SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER

HAVE MENTIONED IF HE HADN'T

SHOWN IT. HIS TEMPER.

BUT THE POOR MAN'S PROBABLY

NOT TO BLAME. MORE LIKE

A FORM OF EPILEPSY.

WILL YOU SHUT UP!

I TELL YOU THIS--

WILL YOU SHH-- SHH--

HENRI, I'M TALKING.

YES, YOU ARE.

I TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE

WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE SAME ARMY

AND THE SAME SEX.

I THINK IT ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU

JACK THE RIPPER'S UP THAT

ALLEY BEFORE YOU HEAD INTO IT.

IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE ME

YOUR MOTHER'S NAME AND ADDRESS?

BUT, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT I'VE

BEEN TRYIN' TO TELL YOU.

OH?

I'M NOT GOIN'

ON THIS HERE MISSION.

TELL ME--

YOU'RE NOT?

I'M GOIN' TO FRANKFURT WITH

COLONEL BLIVEN ON THAT D.P. JOB.

BUT WHO--

AND YOU'RE GOIN' WITH HIM.

TELL ME,

WHO IS JACK THE--

OH.

HONEY, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER

LEAVE ME YOUR MOTHER'S

LITTLE OLD NAME AND ADDRESS.

[ Man Speaking German ]

[ Speaking German ]

OH, HELLO,

CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

GOOD MORNING, MAJOR.

I WAS JUST GOING TO SEND

FOR YOU, GATES. COME IN,

PLEASE. YOU TOO, CAPTAIN.

THIS SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG,

CAPTAIN. GATES, BILLINGS IS

NEEDED ON ANOTHER ASSIGNMENT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE HER PLACE

ALONG WITH CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

THANK YOU, NO.

BUT, MAJOR, IF I MAY SUGGEST,

LIEUTENANT PERRY IS ALMOST

FINISHED WITH HER ASSIGNMENT.

NO. NO EXPERIENCE.

AND CAPTAIN ROCHARD WANTS

OUR BEST, DON'T YOU, CAPTAIN?

WELL, UH, MAJOR.

YOU SEE, THIS IS NOT

AN IMPORTANT MISSION.

MY GOVERNMENT'S REQUEST

FOR AN OFFICER IS ONLY

A TECHNICALITY, SO THAT--

YOUR ORDERS CALL FOR

OUR FULL COOPERATION.

IT'S MY JOB TO SEE YOU GET IT.

NOW, HERE'S YOUR IDENTITY CARD,

SECURITY PASS AND TEMPORARY

RATION CARD.

THANK YOU.

YOUR ORDERS

ARE BEING CUT, GATES.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD WILL BRIEF YOU

ON THE MISSION.

YES, MAJOR.

WELL, MAJOR, THIS LIEUTENANT

WHAT'S-HER-NAME-- PERRY,

SHE OUGHT TO DO.

OH, YOU'RE VERY KIND, CAPTAIN,

BUT WE'RE USED TO BEING

SHORTHANDED.

BESIDES, IF I REMEMBER,

YOU'VE HAD SEVERAL ASSIGNMENTS

WITH LIEUTENANT GATES BEFORE,

AND VERY SUCCESSFULLY,

APPARENTLY.

IT SAYS HERE, "RECOVERED ART

TREASURES STOLEN BY THE NAZIS

FROM THE LILLE MUSEUM.

"ALSO LOCATED HIDDEN DOCUMENTS

RELATING TO ROCKET RESEARCH.

RECEIVED LEGION OF MERIT."

AH, SHE'S YOUR MAN,

ALL RIGHT.

WISH SHE WERE.

WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID,

CAPTAIN?

OH, NOTHING, MAJOR.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE

I CAN DO FOR YOU?

NO, THANK YOU, MAJOR.

YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN

YOU REALIZE.

GOOD LUCK THEN.

GOOD-BYE, MAJOR.

GOOD-BYE.

CAPTAIN, JACK THE RIPPER

WAS A FAMOUS--

THANK YOU.

OH.

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.

I WONDER WHAT THE ARMY WOULD DO

IF I DESERTED.

THEY'D SHOOT YOU.

THE THOUGHT MAKES

MY MOUTH WATER.

I'D ALMOST PREFER IT

MYSELF.

WHICH WAY DO WE GO?

WELL, LET'S

GET THE BRIEFING OVER.

WHAT'S THE JOB?

YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW.

OH, COME ON. COME ON.

WHAT'S THE JOB?

TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

AND DO AS I TELL YOU.

[ Groans ]

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

THE DETAILS OF MY ASSIGNMENT

IN ORDER TO KNOW...

WHAT EQUIPMENT TO DRAW

FROM THE QUARTERMASTER.

SEE IF THEY HAVE A SPARE HEAD.

AND I MAY AS WELL WARN YOU,

BUBBLE MOUTH,

I'M GOING TO CARRY A REVOLVER

AND A TRENCH KNIFE,

AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS LAY

A FINGER ON ME THIS TRIP,

YOU'RE GOING BACK TO FRANCE

MINUS A LOT OF PARTS

YOU PROBABLY VALUE.

THERE YOU GO AGAIN,

YOU BLISTERING IDIOT.

I DIDN'T TOUCH YOU!

OH, I'M SORRY, HENRI,

BUT WE'RE STUCK. WE'VE GOT TO

BE TOGETHER FOR A WHILE,

SO WHY NOT

MAKE THE BEST OF IT?

THERE IS NO BEST.

WELL, I'LL GO CRAZY IF YOU--

WE TURN HERE. I'LL GO CRAZY

IF YOU KEEP LOSING THAT MANIAC

TEMPER EVERY TEN MINUTES.

AW, HENRI, LET'S GROW UP.

I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT

HAPPENED IN THE WINE CELLAR.

I HAVE NO TEMPER.

NO ONE EVER ACCUSED ME

OF HAVING A TEMPER!

THEY DIDN'T, EH?

NO!

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE

DOING THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?

YOU WERE CHASING ME DOWN

THE HERMANN GORING STRASSE

IN DÜSSELDORF,

SWEARING YOU WERE GONNA

TEAR MY HEAD OFF

AND MAKE ME EAT IT!

AND WHAT COLOR WAS I?

I WAS BLUE. A LOVELY,

ROBIN'S EGG BLUE...

YOU LOOKED SO FUNNY!

ON ACCOUNT OF HAVING BEEN PUSHED

INTO A VAT OF DYE BY YOU!

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS DYE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS WATER.

WATER.

BLUE! ALL OVER. BLUE.

[ Laughing ]

IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT ANYWAY,

DRINKING ALL THAT FREE WINE

AND TURNING INTO AN OCTOPUS

WITH HANDS.

YOU MISUNDERSTOOD.

YOU FLATTER YOURSELF. I WAS

ONLY TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY.

OH, I'M SORRY I MISUNDERSTOOD.

WELL, LET'S FORGET IT.

IT'S ALL OVER WITH,

AND THE DYE'S COME OFF.

NO, IT HASN'T!

IT HASN'T?

NO!

[ Laughing ]

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S A CERTAIN ADVANTAGE

IN BEING AN ODDITY.

IN HERE, HENRI.

OH.

HELLO, JACK.

HELLO, CATHERINE.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

A LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT

TO DESCRIBE.

OH, HENRI, THIS IS

CAPTAIN RAMSEY.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

HOW DO YOU DO?

OF THE FRENCH

ECONOMIC MISSION.

OH!

[ Speaking French ]

HIYA.

HAVE YOU SOME ORDERS

FOR ME, JACK?

ALL READY. OH, BURNS?

YOU KNOW, CATHY, THIS MEANS

NO DANCE FOR ME SATURDAY NIGHT.

DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU CAN TAKE KITTY.

I'D RATHER SIT ALONE IN MY ROOM

AND THINK OF YOU.

WOULDN'T YOU, CAPTAIN?

UH-HUH.

ALONE IN MY ROOM.

BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE

OF HER.

I'LL WATCH HER EVERY MOMENT.

OH, THAT'S FINE.

WELL, WE'D BETTER

BE GETTING ON.

BYE, JACK.

HOW ABOUT DINNER

THE NIGHT YOU GET BACK?

OKAY. IT'S A DEAL.

SWELL.

[ Speaking French

Awkwardly ]

SEE YOU IN CHURCH.

UH, SURE. SO LONG.

SO LONG.

HMMM. THAT, UH,

LINGUIST IN THERE--

I THINK HE'S STUCK ON YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT YOU

WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, HENRI.

IT CERTAINLY IS.

YOU SEE, YOU CHASE AFTER

ANYTHING IN SKIRTS. ANYTHING.

THEY'RE ALL THE SAME TO YOU.

BUT LOTS OF MEN

CAN TELL THEM APART.

BELIEVE ME, SOMETIMES THEY FIND

ONE THEY LIKE BETTER THAN

THE OTHERS. THAT'S CALLED LOVE.

YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T

EXPERIENCED IT, BUT YOU MUST

HAVE READ ABOUT IT SOMEWHERE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

WE-- I GO THAT WAY.

I HAVE TO GET MY STUFF.

WHICH WAY DO I GO?

I HAVE TO PAY OFF MY CAB.

I'LL MEET YOU AT THE MOTOR POOL.

WHEN?

TWENTY MINUTES.

BEFORE YOU GO,

WHY DID YOU SAY I RUN AFTER

EVERYTHING IN SKIRTS?

I DIDN'T.

YOU DID.

I SAID "ANYTHING."

OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT THEN.

[ Chuckles ]

AMERICAN WOMEN.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST

BEGINNING TO GET IT.

FOR WEEKS YOU'VE BEEN TALKING

AS IF HE HAD YELLOW JAUNDICE.

HE DID.

AND NOW YOU'RE GRINNING LIKE A

CHESHIRE CAT BECAUSE A JOB MEANS

BEING WITH HIM FOR THREE DAYS.

YOU CAN DO A LOT

IN THREE DAYS.

IF YOU WORK AT IT.

WHAT ABOUT THE DYE?

IS IT WORN OFF,

OR IS HE STILL BLUE?

HE'S STILL JUST MAD, BUT HE'S

A LOT OF FUN TO FIGHT WITH.

BRING THAT STUFF, WILL YA?

SURE.

ARE YOU, UH, READY,

CAPTAIN?

QUITE READY, LIEUTENANT.

MORNING, SERGEANT.

OH. MORNING, LIEUTENANT.

NEED TRANSPORTATION.

GOING TO BAD NAUHEIM.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I GUESS YOU'RE ALL

OUT OF LUCK, LIEUTENANT.

WE'LL SETTLE FOR A JEEP.

ALL WE GOT AVAILABLE ARE

MOTORCYCLES AND SIDECARS.

OH, COME ON, SERGEANT!

DID YOU LOOK AT YOUR

TRAVEL ORDERS, LIEUTENANT?

WHAT ABOUT THOSE CARS?

YOU GOT PRIORITY FOUR, CAPTAIN,

AND THAT'S BOTTOM.

WELL, CAPTAIN,

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE A MOTORCYCLE.

ARE YOU CHECKED OUT

ON MOTORCYCLES, CAPTAIN?

I CAN DRIVE ONE.

IF YOU AIN'T CHECKED OUT,

YOU CAN'T, AND I CAN'T

CHECK YOU OUT.

I HAVE A MOTORCYCLE LICENSE.

WELL, SIR, I GUESS

THAT FIXES YOU UP.

WE'LL WAIT FOR A CAR,

SERGEANT.

OH, I CAN DRIVE ONE.

I'M SURE.

BUT I TELL YOU

I'M GOOD ON A MOTORCYCLE!

MY BROTHER HAD ONE.

WE USED TO GO HILL CLIMBING.

I CAN EVEN RIDE ONE

STANDING UP.

WHAT FOR?

OH, ALL RIGHT. BUT I CAN

STILL RIDE A MOTORCYCLE.

OR ARE YOU AFRAID?

WE'LL TAKE IT, SERGEANT.

AND I AM AFRAID.

ANY ONE OF THESE, SERGEANT?

SURE, LIEUTENANT.

TAKE YOUR PICK.

REMEMBER, CAPTAIN,

SHE HAS TO DRIVE IT.

THAT'S REGULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

SERGEANT, CAN YOU DIG UP

A HELMET AND A PAIR OF GOGGLES?

SHOULD BE SOME IN THE TOOLBOX,

LIEUTENANT.

OH. YEAH. THANKS.

[ Laughs ]

WHAT ARE YOU

LAUGHING ABOUT?

BEGGING YOUR PARDON, LIEUTENANT,

HOW DO YOU INTEND TO RIDE THAT

THING? SIDESADDLE?

NO, CAPTAIN.

BEGGING YOUR PARDON, ASTRIDE.

OH, THAT'S A SHAME.

EXCUSE ME.

MM-HMM.

HOW FAR IS IT

TO BAD NAUHEIM?

ABOUT 120 KILOMETERS.

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY?

[ Motor Starts ]

I'VE GOT A MAP.

OF GERMANY?

YES, CAPTAIN.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OF GERMANY.

AMAZING.

STOP THAT.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

HEY, LIEUTENANT!

YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!

NEVER MIND.

JUST LET HER GO!

I'M SORRY, LIEUTENANT.

I TOOK IT OFF FOR OILING.

I FORGOT TO HOOK IT UP.

[ Chuckles ]

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE

THIS ONE, LIEUTENANT.

IT'S ALL IN ONE PIECE.

IT WOULD BE BETTER.

DON'T YOU AGREE, CAPTAIN?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW?

YES. I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW HOW SILLY YOU LOOK

JUST SITTING THERE?

[ Chuckles ]

WELL, IS IT STILL

SO FUNNY?

[ Motor Starts ]

NO. I WAS JUST THINKING.

I WAS THINKING HOW NICE IT

WOULD BE IF THIS ONE CAME OFF

WHILE WE WERE DRIVING.

[ Warning Bell Ringing ]

[ Train Whistle Blows ]

[ Metal Clinks ]

OH, HENRI.

I DROPPED MY LIPSTICK.

IT ROLLED OVER THERE.

GET IT, WILL YA?

WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE TO GET OUT

OF THIS PORTABLE BATHTUB.

[ Bell Continues Ringing ]

I CAN'T REACH IT.

IT'S GONE OVER THERE, YOU SEE?

WELL, CLIMB OVER THE TOP.

[ Mutters ]

[ Groans ]

[ Yells ]

HEY!

HEY! LET ME DOWN!

LET ME DOWN!

HENRI, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING UP THERE?

WHAT'S THE DEAL, LIEUTENANT?

THE AREA'S SEALED OFF FROM HERE

TO BATTENBERG, LIEUTENANT.

WHAT FOR?

ROUNDING UP A GANG

OF BLACK MARKET DEALERS.

I HAVE A PASS.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S NO GOOD, LIEUTENANT.

AND I'VE GOT A GENERAL PASS.

KEEP IT, CAPTAIN.

ALL PASSES ARE SUSPENDED.

FOR HOW LONG?

OH, EIGHT TO 12 HOURS

ANYWAY. MAYBE 24.

[ Groans ]

I'M SORRY.

WELL?

I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

WELL, DON'T BLAME ME.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

WHAT'LL WE DO?

I CAN'T WAIT HERE FOR 24 HOURS.

I'VE GOT TO BE IN BAD NAUHEIM

BY 3:00 TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

IF THIS THING HAD WINGS,

WE COULD--

SAY, WHAT'S WRONG

WITH THAT?

HMM? WHAT'S WRONG WITH WHAT?

THAT BOAT.

I DON'T KNOW. IT SHOULD SAY

"U.S. NAVY" ON IT, SHOULDN'T IT?

OH. I MEAN WHAT'S WRONG WITH

PUTTING THE MOTORCYCLE ON THE

BOAT AND ROWING PAST BATTENBERG?

IT'S ONLY A FEW MILES, AND WE

CAN PICK UP THE ROAD FROM THERE.

DO YOU THINK

THEY'D LET US?

WELL, WE CAN TRY.

HEY, LIEUTENANT.

IS IT OKAY IF WE TAKE THAT BOAT

AND ROW DOWN PAST BATTENBERG?

SO LONG AS YOU

DON'T ROW ON THE ROAD,

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

GOOD. CAN WE HAVE A COUPLE

OF YOUR BOYS TO HELP US?

SURE THING.

THANKS.

SERGEANT CHRISTIEN, COULD YOU

BRING SOME MEN OVER HERE?

[ Henri ]

WATCH YOUR FEET.

BETTER PUT IT IN GEAR, CORPORAL.

[ Catherine ]

THANKS, FELLOWS. LIEUTENANT,

WILL YOU TELL THE O.I.C....

THAT WE'LL EITHER RETURN

THE BOAT OR TELETYPE HIM

WHERE TO PICK IT UP?

SURE THING.

WILL YOU PLEASE HELP US

TO SHOVE OFF?

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

THANK YOU.

HAVE A NICE TRIP.

THANKS.

THANK YOU.

GRAB AN OAR.

WHO, ME?

YES, YOU.

AN OAR. GO ON.

NOW, PULL.

PULL!

RIGHT. PULL.

[ Roaring Sound ]

WHAT'S THAT AHEAD?

IT'S A BRIDGE.

NOT ON THE MAP THOUGH.

WELL, WHERE ARE WE?

A COUPLE OF MORE MILES

SHOULD DO IT.

AH.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

THAT NOISE.

SOUNDS LIKE A C-47.

OH, IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT.

MUST BE A C-54.

MUST BE AN AWFUL LOT

OF C-47s.

C-54s.

[ Roaring Increases ]

WELL, WHATEVER KIND OF AIRPLANES

THEY ARE, THEY MAKE

A LOT OF NOISE.

IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE--

HENRI, PULL FOR SHORE, QUICK!

WHY?

DON'T ARGUE, PLEASE.

JUST PULL!

OH, NOW LET ME TELL YOU

SOMETHING, LIEUTENANT GATES,

I'M GOING STRAIGHT

DOWN THIS RIVER.

YOU SURE ARE. BUT YOU'RE GOING

OVER A WATERFALL FIRST.

OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I'M--

OH!

[ Screams ]

OOH!

OH, HENRI, STOP PLAYING OSTRICH.

COME, HELP HOLD THIS!

HOLD ON.

NOW LET'S TRY TO

PULL OURSELVES FREE.

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, HENRI. PULL.

PULL HARD.

I'M PULLING.

NOW WE'RE GETTING IT.

[ Speaks German ]

NOW ROW.

I'M ROWING.

COME ON, HENRI, PULL!

COME ON.

ROW HARD, HENRI.

I AM!

NOW TURN IT AROUND.

I'LL TURN IT.

OH, BOY!

OH! YOU'RE SO CLUMSY.

HAVE YOU GOT IT?

[ Grunting ]

A LITTLE BIT MORE.

HENRI, THAT'S AWFULLY WET GROUND

YOU'RE SITTING ON.

WELL, AT THE MOMENT

I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYWAY.

BUT WHEN I DO, I THINK I'M

GOING TO KICK YOU BOWLEGGED.

FOR WHAT?

FOR SAVING YOUR LIFE?

OH, YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU DID CATCH THAT ROPE,

DIDN'T YOU?

YES. I DID.

CONVENIENT,

WASN'T IT?

OH, THEY ALWAYS ARE.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I OWE YOU

SOMETHING FOR THAT.

OKAY. I'LL CALL IT SQUARE

IF YOU'LL TELL ME WHAT WE'RE

GOING TO DO IN BAD NAUHEIM.

OH.

COME ON, HENRI.

WELL, THERE'S A MAN IN

BAD NAUHEIM WHO GRINDS LENSES.

GOOD ONES TOO.

HIS NAME IS--

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

CHARLEY HORSE.

WELL, ROLL OVER.

I CAN FIX THAT. I'M--

OH, NO. NEVER MIND.

GO AHEAD WITH THE STORY.

HIS NAME IS SCHINDLER.

SCHINDLER, A LENS GRINDER.

THAT'S RIGHT. MY JOB

IS TO PERSUADE HIM...

THAT WE'RE WILLING TO PAY MORE

FOR HIS LENSES THAN HE CAN GET

IN THE GERMAN BLACK MARKET.

OOH, THAT'S SORE.

WELL, DO AS I TELL YOU.

ROLL OVER.

COME ON. I'M GOOD AT THAT.

COME ON.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL FIX IT.

I CAN HELP YOU.

WHAT'S OUR PROBLEM?

NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

A FEW WELL-CHOSEN WORDS,

A CONTRACT, A PASSPORT IN

HIS HAND. THEN WE CAN GO HOME.

THAT'S THE WHOLE PLOT.

SIMPLE, ISN'T IT?

IN THAT CASE, I DON'T SEE

WHY THEY ASSIGNED ME

TO THIS MISSION.

THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT

TO MAKE IT TOO EASY.

HOW IS IT?

WHAT?

MY LEG.

NOT BAD.

BETTER THAN I REMEMBERED.

PERHAPS THE OTHER ONE NEEDS--

OH, NO. NEVER MIND.

THAT'LL DO IT.

THANK YOU.

HELP ME UP.

I WAS JUST TRYING

TO BE FRIENDLY.

BUT YOU NEVER TRY TO BE

FRIENDLY FROM A DISTANCE.

HENRI. HENRI, ONE MOVE,

AND THIS TIME IT WON'T BE A VAT

OF DYE. IT'LL BE THE RIVER.

YOU WOULDN'T.

YES, I WOULD.

I THINK YOU WOULD.

CATHERINE, YOUR LACK OF

COOPERATION IS AMAZING.

I'LL COOPERATE BY GETTING

THE MAP AND FINDING OUT

WHERE WE ARE.

WHO PUT US ON THE RIVER

IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I KNEW YOU WERE

GOING TO SAY THAT.

YOU'RE TIRESOME.

YOU'RE SUBNORMAL.

I DON'T PROPOSE TO ARGUE

WITH YOU ANY FURTHER.

OH, DEAR. THAT DARN ROAD

DOESN'T COME WITHIN

TEN KILOMETERS OF HERE.

WHAT? ACROSS OPEN COUNTRY

IN THAT THING?

OH, IT'LL JUST BE

A LITTLE BUMPY.

ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.

WE'LL MAKE IT BY 3:00.

HA. WE WON'T GET THERE BEFORE

DARK, IF WE GET THERE AT ALL.

THIS MOTORCYCLE

WILL GO ANYWHERE. IF YOU'LL

GET YOUR PANTS OFF THAT GRASS...

AND HELP ME GET IT

OUT OF THE BOAT,

WE'LL BE ON THE ROAD IN NO TIME.

PITCH DARK.

HENRI, WE'RE LOST.

ABSOLUTELY LOST.

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

OH, HAVEN'T YOU GOT

A BUMP OF DIRECTION?

THAT'S THE ONLY KIND

I HAVEN'T GOT.

WELL, COME ON.

YOU DRIVE THIS THING.

MY BACK HURTS. OH!

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CHECKED OUT

ON THE MOTORCYCLE. YOU KNOW

WHAT THE SERGEANT SAID.

OH, STOP BEING SO CUTE.

I HATE YOU WHEN YOU'RE--

[ Traffic Passing Nearby ]

WHAT'S THAT?

LISTEN.

OH! WE MUST HAVE BEEN

DRIVING ALONGSIDE THAT ROAD

FOR THE LAST HOUR!

PERHAPS THEY

JUST MOVED IT THERE.

OH, SHUT UP.

HENRI, THERE'S

A SIGN BACK THERE.

SEE WHAT IT SAYS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE

YOU HAVE A FLASHLIGHT.

NO, I HAVEN'T.

[ Thunderclap ]

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

I CAN'T SEE.

WELL, CLIMB UP, SILLY.

YOU'D BETTER HURRY UP.

IT'S STARTING TO RAIN.

[ Groans ]

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

WELL, I CAN'T TELL.

IT'S IN GERMAN.

WELL, MOVE YOUR ARM.

OH. YOU CAN

COME DOWN NOW, HENRI.

WHAT DID IT SAY?

NEVER MIND.

GET IN.

BUT WHAT DID IT SAY?

"WET PAINT."

WELL, HOW MANY MILES?

OH, NO, HENRI.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU'LL GET AWFUL WET

IF YOU STAY OUT HERE.

COME ON. GET IN THE SIDECAR.

I KNOW IT.

HURRY UP.

[ Bell Jingles ]

ALL RIGHT, HENRI.

WE'RE IN BAD NAUHEIM.

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.

YOU SURE?

YES. I'M SURE.

AND BRING MY BAG.

[ Speaking German ]

[ German ]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE WANTED TO KNOW

IF WE WANTED ONE ROOM OR TWO.

YOU TOLD HIM?

I TOLD HIM.

[ Groans ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY BACK.

I THINK IT'S BROKEN,

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?

YES. IF YOU'D PUSHED THAT COW

OUT OF THE WAY,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO TAKE

THE DETOUR THAT LANDED US

IN THE BROOK.

IT WAS A BULL!

COW.

YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF

YOU COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE

AT 20 YARDS AWAY.

I KNOW. BUT IF YOU CAN'T TELL

THE DIFFERENCE AT 20 YARDS,

IT COULDN'T BE A BULL.

HE WOULD HAVE HAD HORNS.

OH. YEAH.

WHO IS IT?

CINDERELLA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MY SLIPPER.

WELL, OPEN THE DOOR.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU JUST SAID THAT.

HOW'S YOUR BACK?

OH, IT'S AWFUL.

IT HURTS.

GET INTO BED.

I WILL NOT GET INTO BED.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

AND WHAT'S ALL THAT STUFF

YOU'VE GOT THERE?

I'VE BROUGHT YOU A DRINK.

OH, I THOUGHT SO.

I KNEW YOU'D GET UP TO

YOUR OLD TRICKS.

AND ALSO SOME LINIMENT

TO RUB YOUR BACK.

GET INTO BED.

OH.

WE'LL NEED SOME WATER.

TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF TOO.

I AM NOT GOING TO

TAKE MY SHIRT OFF.

WELL, HOW AM I GOING TO

RUB YOUR BACK

THROUGH YOUR SHIRT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RUB MY BACK

THROUGH ANYTHING, INCLUDING

MY OWN FOOLISHNESS.

HERE. DRINK THIS.

WANT SOME WATER?

NO. IT'S GOOD.

HMM.

[ Moans ]

[ Moaning ]

MY BACK!

DO YOU WANT IT RUBBED

OR NOT?

IS THAT STUFF ANY GOOD?

TURN OVER.

[ Groaning ]

WAIT A MINUTE!

GO ON. ALL RIGHT.

OW! OH. OOH!

STOP BAWLING.

I DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK

WE'VE SMUGGLED A COW IN HERE.

WELL, IT STINGS.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S

SUPPOSED TO DO.

OH.

LET IT SOAK IN

FOR A WHILE.

NOW, RELAX.

OH! YOU'RE DISLOCATING

EVERYTHING!

OH, RELAX.

I HURT FURTHER UP.

WELL, HOW CAN I GET YOU

TO RELAX IF YOU WON'T COOPERATE?

YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.

I HURT FURTHER UP.

OH.

MMM. THAT'S BETTER.

MAKES ME FEEL SLEEPY.

GOOD.

OH, THAT'S NICE, HENRI.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT

WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE YOU WERE

BEHAVING LIKE A STINKER.

BUT YOU'VE BEEN A STINKER

FOR SO LONG I JUST--

I KNOW. I KNOW.

GO TO SLEEP.

WHAT? WITH YOU IN THE ROOM?

WELL, I CAN'T RUB YOU

FROM THE HALLWAY.

IF I GO TO SLEEP,

WILL YOU PROMISE

TO GET RIGHT OUT OF HERE?

I'LL GO NOW.

OH, NO. IT FEELS GOOD.

NOW GO TO SLEEP,

AND I'LL BE GONE IN A MINUTE.

HENRI, ABOUT THIS MISSION.

NEVER MIND.

WELL, I JUST WANT TO ASK

A QUESTION.

- ALL RIGHT. WHAT?

- IS THIS MISSION WE'RE ON

SO IMPORTANT?

NO. NOT PARTICULARLY.

BUT IT IS TO ME, BECAUSE IT'S MY

LAST ASSIGNMENT FOR THE ARMY.

I'M GETTING OUT NEXT WEEK.

OH. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

THEN IT IS IMPORTANT,

ISN'T IT?

MM-HMM.

HENRI, YOU KNOW I--

OH, I'M SO SLEEPY.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, SHE'LL

NEVER BELIEVE ME.

[ Crowing ]

♪ [ Humming ]

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?

SHH! YOU UNSPEAKABLE WEASEL.

I KNEW YOU'D BE UP TO

YOUR OLD TRICKS THE MINUTE

MY BACK WAS TURNED.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

GET OUT OF HERE.

I CAN'T GET OUT.

I SAID GET OUT!

I CAN'T GET OUT.

SHH. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THE DOOR HANDLE

CAME OFF.

WHAT AN EXCUSE!

EVEN YOU COULD THINK OF

A BETTER ONE!

THE HANDLE CAME OFF--

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

YOU JUST TRY

TO OPEN THE DOOR.

ALL RIGHT! I WILL.

OPEN THE DOOR!

TRY TO OPEN THE DOOR.

I--

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

OH, YOU LIAR.

YOU DIRTY--

B-B-BUT--

YOU'RE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

PUT ON YOUR SHOES

AND GET OUT OF HERE!

I TELL YOU--

DON'T SPEAK TO ME!

DON'T SPEAK TO ME.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

DON'T SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

EVER!

MMM.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

DON'T SPEAK TO ME.

I--

[ Knock At Door ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Knocks ]

STOP BANGING ON THAT DOOR!

[ Knocking Continues ]

YOU CAN'T COME IN!

I'M IN!

MAGIC.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO

SPEAK TO ME, AND--

[ Knocking ]

SOMEONE'S OUT THERE.

GOOD. PERHAPS

THEY'LL LET ME OUT.

WHO IS IT?

[ Speaks German ]

FRAULEIN, IT'S ME.

THE INNKEEPER'S WIFE.

[ Speaks German ]

HENRI, WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING.

YOU--

I KNOW.

GET OUT THAT WINDOW.

WHO, ME?

GO ON, HENRI. YOU CAN'T

BE FOUND IN HERE. DON'T ARGUE.

OH! AMERICAN WOMEN!

GO ON.

WHAT THE--

OH, SHOOT.

COME IN.

[ German ]

THE KLINKETHE DOOR HANDLE

CAME OFF. IT HAPPENED BEFORE

ONCE IN THE NIGHT.

I PUT IT BACK.

I'M VERY SORRY IT HAPPENED.

[ Speaking German ]

CLIMBING IN THE NICE YOUNG

LADY'S ROOM! OUT HERE!

NO, NO, NO!

OUT HERE!

[ Screams ]

[ Crashing ]

HENRI!

[ Poultry Squawking ]

[ Catherine Laughing ]

COME IN.

OH, EXCUSE ME. I WAS

LOOKING FOR CAPTAIN RO--

OH, HENRI!

NO!

[ Laughs ]

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU LOOK LIKE

AN ORGAN GRINDER.

[ German ]

WHAT WAS THAT?

THE INNKEEPER.

I BORROWED HIS CLOTHES.

WHY?

I CAME HERE TO BAD NAUHEIM

TO FIND HERR SCHINDLER.

SO I'M GONNA MAKE THE ROUNDS

OF THE BLACK MARKET HANGOUTS...

AND SEE IF I CAN GET

SOME INFORMATION ABOUT HIM.

IF I'M IN UNIFORM, NO ONE'S

GONNA TELL ME ANYTHING.

IS THAT REASONABLE?

YES.

SEE YOU LATER.

DON'T YOU WANT ME

TO HELP YOU?

NO.

OH, NOW, HENRI.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR HANDLE.

I WAS WRONG. YOU WERE TELLING

THE TRUTH. I'M REALLY SORRY.

NICE OF YOU TO APOLOGIZE.

THAT FIXES EVERYTHING.

WELL, WHAT MORE CAN I DO?

I OFTEN WONDER.

OH, HENRI.

STOP BEING LIKE THAT. YOU'RE

BEHAVING LIKE A LITTLE BOY.

I KNOW IT.

BUT YOU SAID IT WAS IMPORTANT.

I JUST WANT TO HELP.

NEVER MIND.

IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I GO ON MY

OWN AND TRY TO FIND SCHINDLER?

SHH!

WELL, MAYBE

I COULD DO SOMETHING.

DON'T DO ANYTHING.

OH, YOU MAKE ME SO MAD.

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HELP.

THAT'S RIGHT. DON'T DO ANYTHING.

IF YOU SEE ME, DON'T SPEAK

TO ME. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE AN AMERICAN

OFFICER IN UNIFORM.

IF I'M SEEN TALKING TO YOU,

THEY'LL THINK

I'M A STOOL PIGEON.

I DON'T SEE WHY I CAN'T

GO OUT--

PLEASE. JUST TAKE ORDERS.

NOW REMEMBER.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

I DON'T KNOW YOU.

YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO ME.

OKAY. I CAN'T SPEAK TO YOU.

YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ME.

I NEVER COULD.

NOT FOR SOUR APPLES.

OH!

OH, YOU STUBBORN--

HE MAKES ME SO MAD I COULD--

HEY, CATHERINE.

CATHERINE GATES!

JOWITT! HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

IN BAD NAUHEIM?

I'M HERE ON A MISSION.

WHAT SORT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

CAN WE GET BREAKFAST HERE?

I KNOW WHERE WE CAN GET

SOME REAL COFFEE.

WHERE IS IT?

COME ON.

GONNA BE HERE LONG?

OH, JUST FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

FINE.

HERE WE ARE.

BILL TRUMBLE,

CATHERINE GATES.

HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

GLAD TO MEET YOU, LIEUTENANT.

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

THANKS.

CATHERINE JUST GOT IN TOWN

THIS MORNING.

[ Speaking German ]

GOOD MORNING. DO YOU WANT

ANYTHING BESIDES COFFEE?

OH, JAM, ROLLS.

ANYTHING YOU HAVE.

MAKE IT FOR TWO.

[ German ]

HOW LONG ARE YOU

GOING TO BE HERE?

JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS.

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME

WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.

WELL, IT'S NOT MUCH

OF A STORY. JUST--

SAY, ISN'T THAT THE FELLOW I

SAW YOU TALKING TO AT THE INN?

YES. THAT'S HIM.

WELL, HE'S GOING

INTO THE WRONG PLACE.

THAT'S A BLACK MARKET HANGOUT.

BILL HAS A FRIEND

IN THE M.P.s.

THE GERMAN POLICE

ARE GONNA RAID THAT PLACE

THIS MORNING.

YOU MEAN THE PLACE

HE JUST WENT INTO?

MM-HMM. THAT'S WHY

WE CAME HERE FOR BREAKFAST.

GET A FLOOR SHOW

THROWN IN FREE.

WELL, YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN

A BETTER SPOT.

[ Sirens Wailing ]

HERE THEY ARE NOW.

WATCH THEM OPERATE.

[ Henri ]

HEY, SERGEANT, WILL YOU COME

AND HELP ME?

CONSTABLE! HALT, HALT!

THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN

IDENTIFY ME. SHE'S AN OFFICER

IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.

COME WITH ME HERE.

CATHERINE.

CATHERINE, TELL THESE MEN

WHO I AM. IDENTIFY ME.

PLEASE TELL THEM SOMETHING.

IS SOMETHING WRONG,

OFFICER?

IF YOU PLEASE, LIEUTENANT.

HE SAYS HE IS FRENCH OFFICER

AND YOU KNOW HIM.

I NEVER SAW HIM BEFORE

IN MY LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS

TO ME, CATHERINE!

I'LL GET EVEN!

[ Laughs ]

I'LL GET EVEN, TRAITOR!

I'LL GET EVEN!

CATHERINE,

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

LOOK. BY ANY CHANCE COULD YOU

FELLOWS HELP ME FIND A GERMAN

LENS GRINDER NAMED SCHINDLER?

SURE.

WE OUGHT TO BE ABLE

TO HELP YOU ON THAT.

THINK SO?

MM-HMM.

IS THIS THE MAN?

YES. THAT'S CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

GOOD MORNING, HENRI.

I TRUST THE CAPTAIN

WILL UNDERSTAND.

THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE

WE COULD DO. NO IDENTITY CARD.

IT WAS NOT REALLY OUR FAULT.

DON'T WORRY.

I'M ENTIRELY AWARE

WHOSE FAULT IT WAS.

HENRI, I DID EXACTLY

AS YOU TOLD ME.

WELL, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.

THANK YOU.

ONE QUESTION. WHY HAVE YOU

NO BEDS IN THIS JAIL?

DIDN'T YOU HAVE A BED, HENRI?

WELL, YOU SEE, CAPTAIN,

WHEN WE HAD BEDS, EVERYONE

WISHED TO BE ARRESTED.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. THE PEOPLE

DID ANYTHING-- EVERYTHING--

JUST SO THEY COULD HAVE A BED.

I KNOW HOW THEY FELT.

OH, YOU POOR DEAR.

YOU HAVEN'T HAD A WINK OF SLEEP.

SHUT UP.

MAY I GO NOW?

YES. OF COURSE, CAPTAIN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD OR TWO

WITH YOU OUTSIDE.

OF COURSE, HENRI.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU TOO.

MM-HMM.

NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,

I WANT YOU TO MEET--

LISTEN, YOU LITTLE

BUG-EYED TRAITOR,

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS.

I'LL GET EVEN.

I SWEAR I WILL.

I'LL GET EVEN IF IT TAKES

YEARS. IF IT TAKES FOREVER,

I'LL GET EVEN.

PLEASE.

CAPTAIN ROCHARD.

GO AWAY. I'M BUSY.

I'LL BREAK YOU.

I'LL BREAK YOU LIKE A DRY TWIG.

HENRI, THIS IS--

I'LL TURN YOU INTO A SHAKING

OLD WOMAN WITH A TIN-- DIDN'T

YOU HEAR ME SAY I WAS BUSY?

WITH A TIN CUP!

I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU

THIS IS--

WHILE I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU

CAN BE AN UTTER RAT JUST FOR THE

FUN OF IT, ONE THING BAFFLES ME.

OH, THERE'S NO PLEASING

SOME PEOPLE.

AND THAT'S YOUR JOB.

THE ARMY GAVE YOU AN ASSIGNMENT.

YOU TOOK AN OATH AS AN OFFICER--

THE OATH OF DUTY.

I JUST FOLLOWED YOUR ORDERS.

NOW WE'LL NEVER FIND SCHINDLER!

WHERE IS SCHINDLER NOW?

WELL, HE'S RIGHT--

HE'S PROBABLY HEARD

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM,

AND HE'S GONE UNDERGROUND--

MAYBE LEFT THE COUNTRY--

I KNOW HOW THOSE FELLOWS WORK!

BUT, HENRI--

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHO ARE YOU?

I AM SCHINDLER.

WELL, THAT'S FINE.

WILL YOU PLEASE STOP ANNOYING--

YOU'RE SCHINDLER?

YEAH. SCHINDLER.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?

BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T GIVE

ANYBODY A CHANCE TO SAY A WORD.

NOW IF YOU'LL BUTTON THAT BIG

LIP OF YOURS SO HERR SCHINDLER

CAN TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE,

YEAH. ALL I WANTED TO SAY IS

THAT I'M SO GLAD-- SO GRATEFUL,

SO FULL OF HAPPINESS. THANK YOU.

WELL--

GOOD-BYE.

WAIT!

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

HE'LL MISS HIS TRAIN.

YES. I GO TO PARIS.

FRENCH ECONOMIC BUREAU.

I'VE GOT MY PASSPORT

AND DOCUMENTS AND CONTRACT

HERE IN MY POCKET.

I TOOK THEM OUT OF

YOUR BRIEFCASE.

THIS WONDERFUL YOUNG LADY...

IS GIVING AND TELLING ME

EVERYTHING.

MM-HMM.

SO I LEAVE GERMANY NOW.

I NEVER WANTED TO BE

IN THE BLACK MARKET.

I'M A SCIENTIST,

AND NOW I WILL WORK

FOR SCIENCE AND FOR FRANCE,

AND NO MORE LIKE

A THIEF IN THE NIGHT.

THANK YOU.

GOOD-BYE.

THANK YOU AGAIN.

GOOD-BYE.

NICE LITTLE GUY.

MMM.

SO YOU FOUND HIM.

I RAN SMACK INTO HIM.

SOMEONE I KNEW KNEW HIM.

HE WAS VERY ANXIOUS TO GO,

AS YOU HEARD.

IT WAS EASY.

YEAH. EASY.

ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.

START HOLLERING.

CALL ME NAMES.

[ German ]

JUST A MINUTE.

DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

SURE!

GOOD. YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING

I'VE EVER REALLY WANTED IN LIFE.

FAME, MONEY, POSITION--

NOTHING.

NOTHING UNTIL NOW.

THERE'S JUST ONE THING.

AND THAT IS NEVER TO SEE YOU

AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.

THAT WAS A MEAN, ROTTEN THING

TO SAY, AND I--

WILL YOU GET THE COFFEE,

PLEASE?

THAT WAS MEAN ROTTEN.

MAYBE IT WAS MEAN ROTTEN,

BUT IT WASN'T ACCIDENTAL.

FORTUNATELY, I'M GETTING

OUT OF THE ARMY SOON.

I'M GOING TO BE A CIVILIAN,

SO NEVER AGAIN CAN THEY ORDER ME

TO ASSOCIATE WITH YOU.

WHAT'S MORE, I'M GOING BACK

TO HEIDELBERG BY TRAIN.

YOU CAN GET SOME OTHER CHUMP

TO TORTURE IN THAT

LUNATIC SIDECAR OF YOURS.

AW, HENRI, I KNOW WHY YOU'RE

MAD, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I WOULD BE TOO.

I KNEW IT WAS

YOUR LAST JOB IN THE ARMY,

AND I JUST DIDN'T THINK.

I SPOILED IT FOR YOU.

I'D GIVE ANYTHING IF I HADN'T.

I'D CUT OFF MY ARM, ALMOST.

MM-HMM.

OH, I LIKE YOU, HENRI.

I CAN'T HELP IT. I DO.

YOU'RE STUBBORN,

AND YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING,

AND YOU'RE A FATHEAD.

BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO AWAY

AND JUST DISAPPEAR WITHOUT

SAYING YOU'LL WRITE...

OR KICK ME

OR USE MY TOOTHBRUSH--

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S--

WELL, I WOULDN'T

PUT IT PAST YOU!

AND AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN

TO EACH OTHER.

AND ALL WE HAVEN'T BEEN.

AND ALL WE'VE DONE TOGETHER.

AND ALL--

ALL WE HAVEN'T DONE TOGETHER.

I KNOW THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S ALL MINE,

AND I FEEL LIKE A--

OH, I'M MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF.

NOW, GET OUTTA HERE,

OR SAY SOMETHING NICE!

OH. WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

CATHERINE. I--

OH, THAT WAS NICE, HENRI.

THAT WAS NICE.

PLEASE SAY MORE.

WELL, IF WE'RE GONNA GET BACK

TO HEIDELBERG BEFORE DARK,

WE'D BETTER BE GOING.

OH, HENRI!

BUT, CATHERINE--

YES, HENRI?

JUST ONE THING.

WHAT?

PAY FOR THE COFFEE.

YES, HENRI.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, YOU WENT TO SLEEP,

SO I PULLED OFF THE SIDE

OF THE ROAD.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE BETTER.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, HENRI,

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

WHY DO WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME?

YOU TELL ME.

OH, JUST SEX ANTAGONISM,

I GUESS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY,

BUT I THINK IT MEANS

JUST THE OPPOSITE

OF WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.

I CAN'T EVEN THINK

WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.

OH, HENRI.

I THINK IT MEANS THAT WE

REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER

BUT WON'T ADMIT IT.

LISTEN. I'D LIKE IT DISTINCTLY

UNDERSTOOD THAT I--

[ Motor Revving ]

IF I WEREN'T SO SLEEPY--

DON'T DO IT. GO TO SLEEP.

I WILL.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

SURE. GO ON BACK TO SLEEP.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

I WANT TO SEE A MAN ABOUT A

ROAD. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

[ German ]

[ Motor Idling ]

[ Motor Revs ]

[ German ]

HENRI! HENRI!

YOU KNOW SOMETHING,

CATHERINE?

I DON'T MIND BEING

THE FIRST ONE TO SAY IT.

I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'D MISS YOU

IF YOU WEREN'T HERE.

HENRI, STOP!

COME BACK! HENRI!

OH, NO.

- HENRI!

- CATHERINE, NOW THAT I'VE

TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL, I--

OH! MY, THIS IS

TERRIBLY BUMPY.

LOOK OUT!

CATHERINE!

CATHERINE, DARLING!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHERE ARE YOU?

YES. I'M HERE.

I'M COMING!

I CAN HEAR YOU,

BUT I CAN'T FIND YOU!

DARLING, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE I AM, OVER HERE.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

OH, DARLING.

THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE SAFE.

HOW DID YOU GET OUT THERE?

WELL-- WAIT A MINUTE.

OOH.

I'M ALL OUT OF BREATH

FROM CHASING YOU.

FROM CHASING ME?

UH-HUH.

YOU MEAN YOU WEREN'T

ON THE MOTORCYCLE?

UH-UH. YOU WERE BY YOURSELF.

OH. YOU GOT OFF

AND LEFT ME.

HENRI.

HUH?

WHAT'S ALL THIS

"DARLING" BUSINESS...

YOU WERE MUMBLING ABOUT

A MOMENT AGO?

DARLING?

DID I SAY THAT?

I HEARD YOU.

IT'S PROBABLY FRIGHT.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT--

DID YOU MEAN ME, HENRI?

UH, I THINK I WAS

STUNNED MOMENTARILY.

WELL, MAYBE YOU WERE, BUT YOU

LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO

KISS ME WHEN YOU SAW ME.

I WHAT?

I WISH YOU HAD. I'VE NEVER

BEEN KISSED BY A FRENCHMAN.

WELL, THERE'S NOT--

WHAT'S SO STRANGE

ABOUT THAT?

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE SAY.

OH, THAT'S NONSENSE.

WELL, YOU JUST HEAR

PEOPLE TALK.

WE'RE NO DIFFERENT

THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE JUST HEARD TALK.

THAT'S SILLY.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT JUST ONCE,

AND LET ME SEE?

OH, CATHERINE!

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY

TO FIND OUT, ISN'T IT?

BUT I TELL YOU, IT'S SO SILLY.

WELL, THERE'S NO HARM

IN TRYING, IS THERE?

NO. I SUPPOSE NOT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

GO AHEAD.

HMM.

WELL, ARE YOU READY?

SURE.

THERE. YOU SEE?

THAT WAS NO GOOD. THAT WASN'T

THE LEAST BIT DIFFERENT.

I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T GOING

TO BE ANY DIFFERENT.

BUT I THOUGHT

IT'D BE BETTER THAN THAT.

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU DIDN'T

GIVE ME MUCH OF A CHANCE.

OH, THAT WASN'T FAIR, WAS IT?

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

OF COURSE IT WASN'T.

I REALLY SHOULD GIVE YOU

ANOTHER CHANCE.

YES, YOU OUGHT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

GO AHEAD. TRY AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE. COME HERE.

WELL! THAT WAS

A LITTLE BETTER.

CERTAINLY. YOU SEE?

IT COULD HAVE BEEN EVEN BETTER

IF I'D HAD SOME COOPERATION.

IF I'D HAD A FRENCH GIRL,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

WAIT. WHAT DID YOU MEAN

BY THAT REMARK?

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN

GIVING ME MUCH HELP.

OH. AND YOU THINK A FRENCH

GIRL COULD DO BETTER?

YES. I DO.

DO YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN?

YES.

WELL, SO DO I.

WAIT A MINUTE. LEAN BACK.

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?

YES.

GOOD.

MAJOR, WE-- WE WANT TO

GET MARRIED.

WELL! WHEN DID YOU REACH

THAT DECISION?

THIS AFTERNOON,

ABOUT 2:30.

IN A HAYSTACK.

YOU SEE, HENRI WAS

ON THE MOTORCYCLE, AND I--

CATHERINE, I DON'T THINK

THE MAJOR WOULD BE INTERESTED

IN ALL THE DETAILS.

AND YOU TWO DIDN'T WANT

TO GO AWAY TOGETHER.

IT WOULD SEEM YOUR MISSION

WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL.

THANK YOU, MAJOR.

MY CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'RE THE VERY FIRST

TO KNOW.

I GUESSED AS MUCH.

NOW, AS TO GETTING MARRIED,

THERE'S ONE HITCH.

ITCH?

IT'S PROBABLY THE HAYSTACK.

HENRI AND I--

I DON'T-- I DON'T--

I SAID "HITCH."

ALL MARRIAGES BETWEEN AMERICAN

MILITARY PERSONNEL AND ALIENS--

AND YOU COME UNDER

THAT HEADING, CAPTAIN--

AH.

MUST BE APPROVED

BY THE COMMANDING GENERAL.

NOW, THERE'S A SET PROCEDURE

FOR THAT KIND OF THING.

YES, BUT--

IT'S ONLY RED TAPE, HENRI.

WELL, DO YOU ITCH,

CATHERINE?

THE MAJOR SAID "HITCH," HENRI.

SHE MEANS WE'VE GOT TO GET

A LOT OF THINGS APPROVED.

OH.

HERE ARE THE FORMS

REQUESTING PERMISSION TO MARRY.

FILL THEM OUT IN QUADRUPLICATE,

AND WHEN YOU'VE

COMPLETED THEM, SEND THEM

TO COLONEL BLIVEN'S OFFICE.

YES, MAJOR.

AND GOOD LUCK.

GOOD-BYE, CAPTAIN.

YES.

IS SHE ALWAYS SO CONFUSING?

NO. BUT THIS IS

GOING TO BE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF

WE'VE GOT TO FILL OUT.

SHE SAID THERE WAS FOUR OF THEM.

YOU WEREN'T HEARING SO GOOD.

SHE SAID FOUR OF EACH.

LET'S GO

AND GET TO WORK.

FINE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT. WAIT.

SOUVENIR.

YOU'LL END UP

WITH A POCKETFUL.

WELL, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

DON'T GIVE UP NOW.

WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH.

MY UNCLE'S POLITICS,

AUNT'S RELIGION,

ANY WARTS, ANY--

BY THE WAY, MY AUNT'S NAME

IS FANNY. WOULD YOU

PUT THAT DOWN, PLEASE?

ANY IDENTIFYING SCARS

ON MY SECOND COUSIN'S CLAVICLE?

WE'LL NEVER GET THIS DONE.

AND LOOK AT THIS SILLY THING.

"NAME YOUR FATHER'S GENDER."

NO.

YEAH. IT SAYS SO.

LOOK.

NO. "FATHER'S BIRTHPLACE."

GENDER BELONGS TO THIS

QUESTION OVER HERE.

I THOUGHT THERE WAS

SOMETHING WRONG.

WHAT AN IDIOT.

WERE YOU EVER CAPTURED

BY PERUVIAN INDIANS?

NO. WHY?

I UNDERSTAND THEY DO

A VERY GOOD JOB

OF SHRINKING HEADS.

MMM. COME ON.

COME ON.

LET'S TAKE TIME OUT.

OH, THERE ARE A LOT OF

THINGS I'D RATHER DO

THAN ANSWER QUESTIONS.

THIS, FOR INSTANCE?

MM-HMM.

MAYBE I'D BETTER GO BACK

AND SEE ANOTHER

DOUBLE FEATURE.

[ Catherine ]

OH, NO. COME ON IN.

WE'RE STILL

FILLING OUT FORMS.

IF YOU FIND ANYONE

WHO WANTS TO FILL OUT FORMS

WITH ME, LET ME KNOW.

I'M GONNA

GET SOME SLEEP.

GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YOU

IN THE MORNING.

WE GOTTA GET BUSY.

OH.

WHY DO WE HAVE

TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS?

IT'S THE ARMY'S WAY OF

FINDING OUT IF YOU

REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED.

WELL, I KNOW

A MUCH BETTER WAY.

HENRI.

[ Ringing ]

MAJOR PRENDERGAST.

YES.

AT EASE, GATES.

THAT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

WELL, GATES?

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MAJOR,

BUT WE HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD

ABOUT OUR APPLICATION.

IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK.

YOUR PAPERS MUST'VE

BOGGED DOWN SOMEWHERE.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING

YOU CAN DO

TO HURRY THEM UP?

HE'S GETTING AWFULLY

NERVOUS, AND SO AM I.

I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

THANK YOU, MAJOR.

OH, GATES.

YES, MAJOR?

HE IWORTH WAITING FOR,

ISN'T HE?

WELL, HE IS NOW.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT HE'LL BE LIKE

BY THE TIME I GET HIM.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND

AN AMERICAN MARRYING

A FOREIGNER SHE HARDLY KNOWS.

IT'S RIDICULOUS

AND DISGRACEFUL.

I JUST CAN'T SEE

WHY SHE WANTS TO.

YOU ALL BETTER GET GLASSES.

WHY ARE YOU WOMEN SUCH

PUSHOVERS FOR THIS PARLEZ VOUS

HAND KISSING STUFF?

HAND KISSING?

WHY, HE DOES MORE THAN THAT.

WHY, CATHERINE TOLD ME

HE WAS PLUMB CRAZY.

ALWAYS CHASING HER

AND TRYING TO BEAT HER UP.

WHY, HE LEFT MARKS

ALL OVER HER. I SAW 'EM.

LEAVE MARKS ON ME ANY TIME.

I'LL BRING THE STICK.

OH, IT WASN'T A STICK.

HE KICKED HER RIGHT IN THE--

WHAT?

WELL, HE DID.

HI, CATHERINE.

WE WERE JUST TALKING

ABOUT YOU, HONEY.

I'LL BET YOU WERE.

OH.

WELL, SAY SOMETHING.

DID YOU SEE HER?

DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER.

THE PAPERS ARE STUCK SOMEWHERE.

STUCK, HOW?

WELL, BOGGED DOWN

IN CHANNELS,

LYING ON SOMEONE'S DESK.

WHAT FOR?

HENRI, PLEASE.

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THEY LET OTHER PEOPLE

GET MARRIED. WHAT HAVE

THEY GOT AGAINST YOU?

AGAINST ME?

IT'S PROBABLY YOU

THEY'RE INVESTIGATING.

NONSENSE.

WHY SHOULD THEY?

HENRI, PLEASE.

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE

IN THE ROOM.

WHY SHOULD THEY INVESTIGATE ME?

BECAUSE THE AMERICAN ARMY

IS VERY CAREFUL.

THAT'S WHY.

AMERICAN ARMY HAD BETTER BE

CAREFUL, OR THEY'RE NOT GONNA

HAVE ANY AMERICAN CHILDREN SOON.

WILL YOU KINDLY

LOWER YOUR VOICE?

I'LL DO BETTER THAN THAT.

I'LL TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE

IF IT ANNOYS YOU.

DO THAT, AND WHILE

YOU'RE ABOUT IT,

GO BAG YOUR OARS.

"BAG YOUR OARS"?

WHAT'S THAT, MORE ARMY TALK?

NAVY.

OH, NAVAL TALK.

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT.

CHARMING.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

GOOD.

HENRI.

EXCUSE ME.

CATHERINE,

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING

LIKE A BROTHER.

DO YOU REALLY WANNA MARRY

THAT PHONY JOKER?

CERTAINLY NOT.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I HOPE HE CHOKES.

SLOWLY, VERY SLOWLY.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID ALL ALONG.

A GIRL LIKE YOU-- YOU COULDN'T

MAKE A MISTAKE LIKE THAT.

THANK HEAVENS

FOR ARMY RED TAPE.

OH, DON'T THANK THE ARMY.

YOU CAN THANK ME

PERSONALLY.

YOU? WHY?

I HID THE PAPERS.

I KNEW IT WAS A CINCH

YOU'D CHANGE YOUR MIND.

YOU HID THE PAPERS?

THAT'S RIGHT. I KNEW

I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR.

YOU HID THE PAPERS.

I PUT THEM

IN THE ADVANCE FILE.

DON'T MIND GOING OUT

ON A LIMB FOR A FRIEND.

IT WAS TAKING A CHANCE, SURE--

NOW AS TO YOUR MARRIAGE,

YOU, CATHERINE, WANT ME

TO MARRY YOU IN MY CHURCH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND YOU, HENRI,

ALWAYS PROMISED...

THE PASTOR OF YOUR PARISH

THAT HE'D DO THE JOB.

YES.

I THINK YOU'D BETTER HAVE

BOTH MARRIAGES.

I THINK HE'S RIGHT.

OH, YES, YES.

JUST A MOMENT.

THERE'S MORE TO IT

THAN THAT.

UNDER THE GERMAN LAW,

WHICH IS RECOGNIZED

BY THE OCCUPYING ARMY,

YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH

A CIVIL CEREMONY

BEFORE THE CHURCH CEREMONY.

OH?

SO YOU HAVE TO

BE MARRIED FIRST...

BY THE BÜRGERMEISTER

HERE IN HEIDELBERG,

AH.

AND THEN COME TO ME,

AND THEN GO

TO HENRI'S PASTOR.

THAT MAKES THREE TIMES.

THREE?

CHAPLAIN, DID YOU KNOW

THAT IN CHINA, THE BRIDE

AND GROOM JUST DRINK TEA...

OUT OF THE SAME BOWL,

AND THAT'S IT?

ARE YOU CHINESE, HENRI?

OF COURSE I'M NOT CHINESE.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE.

I'M NOT.

WHAT BROUGHT THAT UP?

YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING

ABOUT DRINKING TEA.

I WAS TELLING THE CHAPLAIN--

I'LL DRINK TEA WITH YOU

IF YOU WANT ME TO.

YOU DO?

STOP IT. STOP IT.

CHAPLAIN, PERHAPS I SHOULDN'T

GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

YOU CAN STILL SAY NO, HENRI.

WE'LL GO TO THE BÜRGERMEISTER,

AND THEN COME BACK TO YOU.

I'LL BE READY FOR YOU ANY TIME.

THANK YOU.

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION

TO HER, CHAPLAIN.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD-BYE.

[ Speaking German ]

YOU HAVE DECIDED NOW

TO LIVE YOUR FUTURE

LIFE TOGETHER.

[ Speaking German ]

AND FORSAKING ALL OTHER,

KEEP THEE ONLY UNTO HIM

SO LONG AS YE

BOTH SHALL LIVE?

I WILL.

WILL YOU PLEASE

JOIN RIGHT HANDS?

HENRI, WILL YOU REPEAT

AFTER ME?

I, HENRI...

TAKE THEE, CATHERINE...

TAKE THEE, CATHERINE--

TO BE MY WEDDED WIFE.

[ Speaking French ]

HE WANTS THE RING.

I HAVEN'T GOT IT.

OH, HERE. I--

[ Speaking French ]

WELL, YOU LIKE IT?

I LIKE IT.

IT'S BEEN QUITE A DAY,

HASN'T IT?

WE'RE A LOT MARRIED,

HENRI, THREE TIMES.

IT WAS WORTH IT.

I DON'T SEE HOW WE COULD

EVER GET A DIVORCE.

IT WOULD BE SOMETHING

LIKE UNWINDING THE INSIDE

OF A GOLF BALL.

WANT SOME MORE COFFEE?

I JUST HAD FOUR CUPS.

BESIDES,

IT KEEPS ME AWAKE.

OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I WAS JUST THINKING

ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE

ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.

OH? WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, YOU SEE,

HE WAS A--

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

[ Speaking French ]

NO, NO. NOT TONIGHT.

NO, NO. NO, NO.

[ Speaks French ]

TELL ME ABOUT HIM.

ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT YOUR FRIEND

ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT.

OH. I'M NOT SO SURE

I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

OH, OF COURSE YOU CAN, HENRI.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I CAN NOW, CAN'T I?

MM-HMM.

WELL, HERE'S

WHAT HAPPENED--

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

THIS IS JUST

LIKE MY FRIEND'S STORY.

NOW WHAT?

HI. CAN I COME IN?

WELL, YOU'RE IN.

I DIDN'T WANNA COME,

BUT I HAVE TO--

[ Henri ]

THEN GO AWAY.

BUT--

KITTY, WHAT ON EARTH

ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU'D GONE BACK.

OF ALL THE TIMES TO--

WELL, WHAT DO YOU

WANT, ANYWAY?

WELL, I CERTAINLY

DIDN'T WANNA COME HERE.

THEN GO AWAY.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL

YOU FIRST, AND YOU'RE NOT

GOING TO LIKE IT.

WHAT IS IT?

I'VE JUST BEEN ON THE PHONE.

THE COLONEL GAVE ORDERS

YOU'RE TO LEAVE FOR

HEIDELBERG IN 20 MINUTES.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

THE WHOLE OUTFIT'S BEEN ALERTED

TO GO BACK TO AMERICA.

TO AMERICA? WELL, THEY'RE

NOT GOING RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THEN WE DON'T HAVE

TO LEAVE TONIGHT.

MAYBE YOU DON'T,

BUT CATHERINE DOES.

THOSE ARE ORDERS.

WHEN DO I

HAVE TO REPORT?

NOT UNTIL MORNING.

THEN WE STAY HERE TONIGHT,

AND FLY BACK AND REPORT

IN THE MORNING.

ORDERS.

YOU COULD TELL THE COLONEL

YOU COULDN'T FIND US.

HE BEAT YOU TO IT.

HE SAID IF I TRIED TO PULL

THAT ONE, WE'D BOTH BE SORRY.

OH!

CATHY, I'M IN A SPOT.

SO ARE YOU.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET WORKING

ON HENRI'S PASSPORT, OR HE WON'T

BE ABLE TO SAIL WITH YOU.

HENRI, WE'RE DEAD.

WELL, THIS IS

A FINE WEDDING NIGHT!

YOU CAN FIND A PLACE

TO STAY IN HEIDELBERG.

IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOTHING?

YOU BETTER START PACKING.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT 20 MINUTES.

HOW DO WE GET BACK FROM HERE?

PLANE TO FRANKFURT.

THERE'LL BE A JEEP THERE.

SEE YOU LATER.

ORDERS ARE I'M TO STICK WITH YOU

UNTIL YOU GET TO HEIDELBERG.

ORDERS.

ORDERS? UH--

ORDERS.

THEY WOULDN'T DO THIS

IN THE FRENCH ARMY.

POOR HENRI.

UH-OH. WANT ME

TO WAIT FOR YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WAIT?

WHAT, ALL NIGHT?

I DON'T THINK IT'S

GOING TO BE THAT LONG.

UH-- WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE

ARE YOU DREAMING UP NOW?

I JUST NOTICED

WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

IT SAYS "B.O.Q."

OH, NO.

THAT MEANS BACHELOR

OFFICERS' QUARTERS, HENRI.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT MEANS.

THAT IS WHERE I LIVE, AND THAT'S

WHERE I'M GOING TO TAKE MY WIFE.

BUT IT'S

AGAINST REGULATIONS.

WHO CARES ANYTHING

ABOUT REGULATIONS

AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

BESIDES, I KNOW

THE SERGEANT ON THE DESK,

AND HE ALWAYS LOOKS THE--

HE'S A VERY NICE FELLOW.

COMES FROM TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

DRIVER, PLEASE TAKE

LIEUTENANT LAWRENCE HOME.

GOOD NIGHT, KITTY.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.

COME ALONG, CATHERINE.

BUT, HENRI, I--

NOW, PLEASE.

GOOD NIGHT,

KITTY.

GOOD NIGHT, CATHERINE.

HOPE IT WORKS.

LEAVE IT TO ME.

[ Car Drives Off ]

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

IT'S JUST US, KITTY.

SHH!

B.O.Q. MEANS

BACHELOR OFFICERS' QUARTERS.

I TOLD YOU IT DID--

AND AFTER THAT,

WE WENT TO SIX HOTELS.

THEY'RE ALL AGAINST--

NO MILITARY PERSONNEL--

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

BILLINGS IS ON THE COUCH,

AND THOMPSON AND KAY

ARE IN THE BEDROOM.

WHAT ARE

THEY DOING HERE?

SLEEPING.

OH, NO.

COME ON, CATHERINE.

WHERE, HENRI?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT SINCE

THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD,

MAN HAS ALWAYS FOUND

A PLACE FOR HIS MATE,

EVEN IF IT WAS A CAVE.

WELL, TONIGHT

MANKIND'S A FLOP.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CAVE.

YOU HAVEN'T

EVEN GOT A BED.

IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING,

AND IT'S MY WEDDING NIGHT,

AND MY FEET HURT,

AND I COULDN'T WALK

ANOTHER STEP.

YES, DARLING, YES.

WELL, DO YOU WANT

TO SLEEP HERE?

NO. I MEAN, YES,

BUT I WANT YOU

TO SLEEP HERE TOO.

WELL, YOU CAN BUNK UP

WITH ME, AND HE CAN

SLEEP IN THE BATHROOM.

SITTING UP?

IT'S NOT SO BAD.

I SLEPT

IN A BATHTUB ONCE.

ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?

NO. I'LL GET YOU

SOME BLANKETS AND A PILLOW.

COME ALONG.

OH, HENRI, HOW COULD IT

TURN OUT LIKE THIS?

I'D ALWAYS PLANNED US

TO HAVE A WONDERFUL--

I KNOW. I KNOW,

DARLING. COME ON.

THERE'S

THE BATHROOM THERE.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.

HERE'S YOUR PILLOW

AND BLANKETS.

GOOD NIGHT, DEAR. GOOD NIGHT.

OH, EVERYTHING'S WRONG.

NOW I CAN'T WEAR

MY NEW NIGHTGOWN.

THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY RICE--

MAYBE KITTY

HAS SOME MOTHBALLS.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRI.

I DON'T THINK

IT'S FUNNY, NOT A BIT,

WITH ME IN ONE ROOM

AND YOU IN A BATHTUB.

YES, DEAR.

WELL, NEVER MIND.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.

AND DON'T CRY.

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE QUITE COMFORTABLE.

I'LL JUST TURN ON

THE COLD WATER.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Banging ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Moans ]

[ Sighs ]

HMM.

OH, COME ON, HENRI. HURRY UP.

WE'VE GOT A LOT

OF THINGS TO DO.

I AM HURRYING,

JUST AS FAST AS I CAN GO.

WELL, STRAIGHTEN UP.

YOU LOOK LIKE

A QUESTION MARK.

OH! THANK YOU.

THERE. THAT'S BETTER.

[ Sighs ]

WHAT A PLACE

TO PUT A FAUCET.

WHERE?

IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACK.

IT IS UNUSUAL.

WELL, CHEER UP, DEAR.

AT LEAST TONIGHT

YOU'LL HAVE A BED

TO SLEEP ON.

WELL, THAT'S JUST IT.

CATHERINE, I DON'T MEAN

TO SOUND CRANKY,

BUT THIS SITUATION

IS SO UNNATURAL.

I'LL BE AT B.O.Q.

AND YOU'LL BE

SLEEPING MILES AWAY,

ALL BECAUSE

THE UNITED STATES ARMY--

WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME

TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER

PLACE TODAY.

WE'VE GOT TO SEE

THE AMERICAN CONSUL.

COME ON, SILLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

IN THE GUTTER?

WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE?

NOW, I KNOW

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT

AND YOU'RE IN A HURRY,

BUT IT'S NOT

GONNA BE EASY.

TAKE THE MATTER OF SUPPORT.

CAPTAIN, HAVE YOU ANY MONEY

IN THE UNITED STATES?

NO.

AND THE LAWS

OF YOUR COUNTRY...

FORBID YOU TAKING ANYTHING

BUT A NOMINAL AMOUNT

WITH YOU.

YES, I'M AFRAID

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEN A VISITOR'S VISA

WOULD DO YOU NO GOOD.

YOU COULDN'T TAKE

A JOB. AND UNLESS

YOUR WIFE CAN PROVE...

THAT SHE'S ABLE TO

SUPPORT YOU, YOU COULDN'T

GET A PERMANENT VISA.

CATHERINE ISN'T GOING TO

SUPPORT ME, SO IS THERE

ANY OTHER KIND OF VISA?

WHAT ABOUT

THE FRENCH QUOTA?

THE FRENCH QUOTA'S

COMPLETELY FILLED UP

FOR THIS YEAR AND NEXT.

WELL, WHAT'LL WE DO?

I WAS WONDERING...

IF PUBLIC LAW 271

WOULD APPLY.

THAT'S THE ONE REGULATING

THE IMMIGRATION

OF WAR BRIDES.

CATHERINE DOESN'T

HAVE TO IMMIGRATE.

SHE'S AN AMERICAN CITIZEN.

I WAS THINKING OF YOU

AS THE BRIDE.

[ Chuckles ]

THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD

IMAGINATION YOU HAVE THERE.

IT SAYS SPOUSES.

DOESN'T MENTION SEX.

I'M CONVINCED

THE AMERICAN ARMY

DOESN'T BELIEVE IN IT.

THIS IS GONNA WORK.

YES, I THINK THIS

IS GONNA WORK.

WELL, SURE, IT WILL.

SAY, THIS IS WONDERFUL.

WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?

IT SAYS SPOUSES MEANS MATES.

DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

ABOUT MALE OR FEMALE.

WE'RE MATES, AREN'T WE?

[ Chuckles ]

I REALLY WOULDN'T KNOW.

YOU'RE A SPOUSE OF A MEMBER

OF THE AMERICAN

EXPEDITION FORCES.

THEREFORE, YOU'RE

ELIGIBLE TO TRAVEL...

UNDER SECTION 271

AS HER BRIDE.

AS HER BRIDE?

NO, HENRI, PLEASE.

AS YOUR BRIDE?

OH, HENRI, IT'LL BE FUN.

BUT ISN'T IT RIDIC--

OF COURSE IT IS, DARLING,

BUT IT'LL WORK. YOU'LL SEE.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

HERE'S THE APPLICATION

RIGHT HERE.

I AM NOT GOING TO TRAVEL

AS HER BRIDE. AND BESIDES,

HER NAME'S ROCHARD.

EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN ROCHARD,

BUT OFFICIALLY,

IT'S STILL GATES.

NOT AT ALL.

OFFICIALLY, IT IS ROCHARD.

I HAVE THREE WEDDING

CERTIFICATES TO PROVE IT.

HENRI.

I DON'T CARE.

ROCHARD. ROCHARD.

PAY NO ATTENTION

TO HIM, MR. JONES.

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO?

HERE YOU FILL OUT YOUR

NAME, RANK, ORGANIZATION,

YOUR WIFE'S MAIDEN NAME.

SHE HASN'T GOT A WIFE.

JUST FOR

THE TIME BEING.

HAVE YOU GOT A WIFE?

NO, DEAR. BUT IT'S

ONLY A PIECE OF PAPER.

WELL, THEN YOU--

WELL, OBVIOUSLY

THESE APPLICATIONS...

ARE INTENDED FOR

THE HUSBAND TO FILL IN.

OH, WELL, I CAN WRITE.

I CAN WRITE.

YES, WE KNOW, DEAR.

YOU CAN WRITE.

NO, THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO YOU.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE

THE PROPER ADJUSTMENTS.

WHAT?

ON THESE PAPERS.

YOU WANT TO GO,

DON'T YOU?

WHAT?

I TELL YOU, HENRI,

IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

JUST HAND THOSE OVER

TO THE IMMIGRATION OFFICER

WHEN YOU'VE FILLED THEM OUT.

THANK YOU, MR. JONES.

BUT, CATHERINE--

IT'LL BE SIMPLE.

YOU'LL SEE.

ON THE CONTRARY,

THE PROCESS OF TURNING

A MAN INTO A WOMAN...

IS ENORMOUSLCOMPLICATED.

BUT I'LL DO MY BEST.

THANK YOU. GOOD DAY.

GOOD DAY.

GOOD-BYE.

JUST A MOMENT.

BRIDES FIRST, PLEASE.

OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, HENRI.

WELL, NOTHING HAPPENED.

HASN'T IT COME YET?

I WONDER

IF THE APPLICATION

EVEN ARRIVED.

I HANDED IT TO THE

IMMIGRATION OFFICER MYSELF

FIRST THING THIS MORNING.

HENRI, BRACE YOURSELF.

I'M LEAVING.

OUR WHOLE OUTFIT

LEAVES TONIGHT.

TONIGHT?

OH, WELL, THAT DOES IT.

WE'RE COOKED.

THE APPLICATION WILL COME

THIS AFTERNOON. IT'S GOT TO.

IT WON'T. OH, YOU'LL SEE.

YOU'LL GO, AND

I'LL SIT HERE WONDERING

WHICH SEX I AM.

WHAT A MARRIAGE.

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.

SEPARATE ROOMS.

I'VE NEVER BEEN

SO LONELY IN MY LIFE.

IF I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU,

I'LL SHOOT MYSELF.

SHOOT ME TOO. I'M--

I THINK THIS IS IT.

IT CAME TO THE OFFICE.

THANK YOU, KITTY.

[ Muttering ]

AT LAST.

"DEAR MADAME"?

OH, YES, THAT'S ME.

"FOLLOWING APPLICATION

OF YOUR HUSBAND--"

THAT'S YOU--

"YOU ARE INFORMED

THAT PERMISSION TO ENTER

THE UNITED STATES...

AS A WAR BRIDE

HAS BEEN GRANTED."

I GOTTA GET BACK.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

THANKS, KITTY.

I'M SO HAPPY. KISS ME.

WE'VE GOT TIME NOW.

THAT CAN WAIT.

OR MAYBE IT CAN'T.

OH, NO, DARLING. NO, NO, HENRI.

PLEASE, THE LETTER.

"PLEASE FILL IN

ATTACHED FORM

AND BRING TO THIS--"

ANOTHER FORM.

WILL THEY EVER

RUN OUT OF FORMS?

HMM. HMM.

[ Chuckles ]

I WON'T.

I WON'T ANSWER

THOSE QUESTIONS.

OH. WELL, HENRI,

THIS ISN'T SO BAD.

I WON'T ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.

YOU'VE GOT TO.

I WON'T!

YOU DON'T WANNA STAY,

DO YOU?

NO.

THEN YOU'VE

GOT TO ANSWER THEM.

HOW CAN I?

YOU CAN, HENRI,

AND PERHAPS THE MAN

AT THE OFFICE WILL HELP YOU.

IT WOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE.

NOW, PLEASE, CONTROL YOURSELF

FOR ONCE AND BE NICE.

HOW CAN YOU ANSWER

A SINGLE--

EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

BE SURE AND READ THEM OVER

ON THE WAY DOWN.

GOOD-BYE, HENRI. GOOD LUCK.

I TELL YOU, THERE

ISN'T ANOTHER FORM.

I TOLD YOU FIRST.

THIS FORM ISN'T FOR A MAN.

IT'S FOR A WOMAN.

UH-HUH.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU DON'T

GET THIS FORM FILLED OUT

AND APPROVED, YOU CAN'T GO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU MEAN I'VE GOT

TO USE THIS FORM?

SERGEANT, I FELT

THE SAME WAY YOU DO,

BUT IF THAT'S THE ONLY FORM,

COME ON, LET'S FILL IT OUT.

WELL, LET'S SEE.

AGE AND BIRTHPLACE.

WE'VE GOT ALL THAT.

WELL, HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

ARE YOU

AN EXPECTANT MOTHER?

UH-HUH.

YES.

HOW MANY MONTHS?

TWENTY.

TWENTY MONTHS.

ANY--

ANY FEMALE TROUBLE?

NOTHING BUT, SERGEANT.

[ Groans ]

AND... HAVE YOU EVER HAD

ANY CHILDREN BEFORE?

OH, MY ACHING BACK.

YOU KNOW THAT AWFUL FEELING

BEFORE BREAKFAST?

NO, CAPTAIN,

I DON'T.

OH, SERGEANT, YOU'RE LUCKY.

CAPTAIN, THIS DOESN'T

MAKE ANY SENSE.

I KNOW, BUT COME ON.

WE GOTTA FILL IT OUT.

ASK ME ANOTHER.

THERE'S SOME GOOD ONES

COMING UP.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

WILL MRS. MILTON

COME TO THE DESK, PLEASE.

YOU TAKE SEAT 18

IN BUS NUMBER THREE.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. ROCHARD,

YOU TAKE SEAT 19

IN BUS NUMBER THREE.

THANK YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE!

YOU'RE NOT MRS. ROCHARD.

I'M MR. ROCHARD.

IT'S YOUR WIFE WHO MUST

REPORT HERE FOR TRANSPORTATION

TO BREMERHAVEN.

ACCORDING TO THE WAR

DEPARTMENT, I AM MY WIFE.

YOU CAN'T BE YOUR WIFE!

IF THE AMERICAN ARMY

SAYS THAT I CAN BE MY WIFE,

WHO AM I TO DISPUTE THEM?

THIS IS ALL WRONG.

MAJOR, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

I AM A WAR BRIDE.

A WAR BRIDE?

YEAH.

WELL, I'M SLIGHTLY CONFUSED.

I DON'T BLAME YOU,

BUT THE OFFICIAL

WORDING SAYS

I AM "AN ALIEN SPOUSE...

"OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL

EN ROUTE TO

THE UNITED STATES...

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS."

THIS IS A STRANGE SITUATION,

BUT I SUPPOSE

IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL.

YES, IT IS.

WELL, UM, MRS. ROCH--

I MEAN, MR. ROCHARD,

IT WON'T BE NECESSARY

FOR YOU TO STOP

AT THE, UH, NURSE'S DESK.

NO?

NO.

OH.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

WILL ALL PASSENGERS BE SURE

TO HAVE THEIR BAGGAGE CHECKED

BEFORE BOARDING THE BUSES.

WILL ALL PASSENGERS

BE SURE TO HAVE

THEIR BAGGAGE CHECKED...

BEFORE BOARDING THE BUSES.

WILL MRS. TURNER--

MRS. TURNER PLEASE

COME TO THE DESK.

WILL MRS. TURNER PLEASE

COME TO THE DESK.

[ Baby Crying ]

HE'S CRYING,

THE BABY.

IS THAT WHAT HE'S DOING?

HE WANTS WATER, YES?

I WOULDN'T KNOW, MADAME.

WHEN I WANT WATER, I HAVE A

DIFFERENT WAY OF ASKING FOR IT.

HE IS A BABY.

YOU ARE A MAN.

THANKS.

I'LL GET HIM SOME WATER.

YOU HOLD THE BABY,

PLEASE.

WELL, I-- NO, NO, I--

I'LL ONLY BE

A MINUTE.

BUT I DON'T KNOW

ANYTHING ABOUT--

[ Crying ]

OH, MY GOOD--

YES, YES, YES.

[ Crying ]

YES, YES, YES.

YES, YES.

[ Stops Crying ]

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

LADIES, PLEASE STOP MOVING

ABOUT AND STAY WHERE

YOU ARE TILL I FINISH.

LADIES, YOU ARE NOW

ON THE FIRST LEG

OF YOUR JOURNEY...

TO THE UNITED STATES

AS GUESTS OF THE ARMY.

ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN

MADE FOR YOUR COMFORT...

IN BREMERHAVEN

AT THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

YOU'LL BE ABLE

TO GET ANYTHING YOU NEED

AT THE P.X. THERE,

SUCH AS LIPSTICK,

HAIR NETS, GARTER BELTS,

FOUNDATION GARMENTS

AND SO FORTH.

NOW, A LOT OF YOU HAVE ASKED ME

ABOUT THE NEWEST STYLES

IN THE GOOD OLD U.S.A.

WELL, HAIR'S BEING WORN SHORTER,

CLOSE TO THE HEAD.

OH.

SKIRTS ARE LONG, OF COURSE,

AND RATHER HIPPY

WITH THAT FULL-BLOWN LOOK.

THE TREND IS TO

THE NATURAL BUSTLINE AND-

[ Chuckles ]

BETWEEN US, GIRLS,

LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM,

I DON'T THINK

ANY OF YOU NEED TO WORRY.

NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST

MOVE OUT IN ORDER,

THE BUSES ARE READY.

HAPPY JOURNEY, LADIES.

[ Crying ]

UH--

WELL, HE HAS TO BE

HERE SOMEWHERE.

I KNOW.

OH, LOOK.

OH, LOOK!

OH, NO. OH, NO.

AH, HENRI,

YOU LOOK SO MATERNAL.

WHAT IS THAT?

A HUMAN FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

YOU WANNA TRY IT?

OH, COME ON.

OH, HE'S CUTE.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

NIAGARA.

HENRI, WHAT A THING TO DO.

WHERE'S THE MOTHER?

SHE WENT TO GET

MORE WATER.

SHE OUGHT TO GET A PLUMBER.

HENRI, YOU'VE GOT

TO GET OUT OF HERE.

HOW CAN WE WHEN WE STILL--

THERE'S THE MOTHER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'M SORRY.

LET'S GET GOING.

OH, DARLING.

[ Woman Over P.A. ]

MR. ROCHARD! MR. ROCHARD!

YOUR SEAT IN THE BUS

HAS BEEN CHANGED.

YOU'RE SITTING WITH THE DRIVER.

OH, NO. I THOUGHT

I'D BE ABLE

TO SIT WITH YOU.

YOU CAN'T. KITTY AND I ARE

FLYING TO BREMERHAVEN.

WHAT?

THE WHOLE OUTFIT'S

GOING THAT WAY.

OH, NO!

I'LL BE THERE TO MEET YOU

WHEN YOU COME IN.

WILL YOU TRY TO ARRANGE THINGS

SO THAT WE CAN BE TOGETHER

IN BREMERHAVEN?

I HOPE SO, HENRI. I'LL TRY.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T,

I WON'T SIT WITH THE DRIVER.

YOU WANT ME

TO CARRY THAT?

NO, THANK YOU.

OH. ALL RIGHT.

DARLING, WAS IT BAD?

OH, 30 WOMEN.

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF YOU, DEAR,

I MAY NEVER TALK WITH ANOTHER

ONE AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE.

POOR HENRI.

LET'S GET AWAY FROM HERE.

WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?

WHERE DO WE GO?

YOU DON'T, HENRI.

I DON'T? BUT YOU MEAN

YOU COULDN'T FIX IT?

THEY WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT.

I'M IN BUILDING 11

ACROSS TOWN,

AND YOU STAY HERE.

BUT ISN'T THERE ANY CHANCE?

I'VE ARGUED

FOR AN HOUR, DARLING.

OH, WELL,

I'M LEARNING WHAT IT IS

TO BE A SOLDIER'S WIFE.

I KNOW, DEAR.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

TOMORROW NIGHT ON THE BOAT,

EVERYTHING WILL

BE DIFFERENT.

TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,

I'VE GOTTA GO NOW.

COME ON, KITTY.

I'LL MEET YOU

ON THE DOCK IN THE MORNING.

GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

THAT'S ALL

I'VE BEEN GETTING.

HELLO, HENRI.

GOOD-BYE, HENRI.

HELLO. GOOD-BYE.

[ Woman ]

PUT YOUR NAME AND

ADDRESS ON THE LIST.

YOU UNDERSTAND THERE'LL

BE A LITTLE WAIT

FOR TRANSPORTATION...

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT

A LOT OF PEOPLE TO ATTEND TO.

BUT IF YOU'LL JUST FILL OUT

THAT FORM AND BRING IT BACK

HERE, I'LL SEE IF I CAN HELP.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

VISITING HOURS ARE OVER.

YOU CAN COME AND SEE

YOUR WIFE TOMORROW.

MY WIFE WILL HAVE

TO VISIT ME TOMORROW.

I AM BILLETED HERE.

YOU ARE?

YES.

BUT YOU CAN'T--

LIEUTENANT. THERE MUST

BE SOME MISTAKE.

NO MISTAKE.

I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE

OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS.

GOOD GRIEF.

THE MANIFEST CALLS

FOR 139 WAR BRIDES,

126 CHILDREN

OF WAR BRIDES,

NINE DOGS OF WAR BRIDES,

THREE CATS, TWO CANARIES,

ONE PARROT--

OH, YES, HERE YOU ARE.

THEN ME.

YOU MUST HAVE

BEEN ADDED LATER.

ONE WAR BRIDE, MALE.

IS THAT YOU?

THAT'S ME.

WELL, NOW,

THERE'S A PROBLEM.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU

CAN'T STAY HERE.

I HAVE TO STAY HERE.

I AM BILLETED HERE.

WELL, IF YOU INSIST.

BUT WE ALREADY HAVE

FROM THREE TO TEN WOMEN

IN EVERY ROOM.

TO SAY NOTHING OF THE DOGS

AND CATS. I MEAN,

YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.

I CAN'T STAY HERE, HUH?

I THINK THE PLACE FOR YOU

IS THE OFFICERS' BILLET

IN THE STAGING AREA.

IT WON'T BE HALF

AS INTERESTING.

IT'S JUST DOWN THE STREET,

THE THIRD BUILDING

ON THE LEFT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, YEAH. THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY.

HELLO.

I SUPPOSE YOU WONDER

WHAT I WANT HERE.

WELL, I WILL

IF YOU WANT ME TO.

I'M AN ALIEN SPOUSE

OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS.

HUH?

I AM A WAR BRIDE.

NO KIDDIN'.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

WOULD IT INTEREST YOU ENOUGH

TO GIVE ME A BED?

OH, YOU CAN'T

SLEEP HERE, MAC.

WHY NOT?

ARE YOU

AN AMERICAN OFFICER?

NO.

THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

YOU GO TO THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

I HAVE JUST COME FROM

THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL.

YOU MEAN THE ONE HERE

IN BREMERHAVEN?

MM-HMM.

I MEAN THE ONE DOWN

AT THE STAGING AREA.

I'M AFRAID I'M MUCH TOO TIRED

TO WALK ALL THAT DISTANCE.

WELL, SUIT YOURSELF, MAC,

BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

UH, YEAH.

WELL, THERE MUST BE A BED

THAT ISN'T BEING USED.

YOU MUST HAVE A BED.

WHERE IS IT?

RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

WELL, UH--

MY WIFE'S IN IT,

AND YOU CAN'T--

NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.

YES. QUITE RIGHT. NATURALLY.

WELL, IT'S--

OH, BROTHER.

RIGHT DOWN THIS WAY.

THIS IS AWFULLY KIND

OF YOU, SERGEANT.

I'M A PRIVATE, MISTER,

BUT YOU GOTTA SLEEP SOMEWHERE,

EVEN IF YOU AIN'T IN THE ARMY.

YOU WON'T GET INTO

ANY TROUBLE, WILL YOU?

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO,

BUST A PRIVATE

TO A CIVILIAN?

THIS AIN'T THE RITZ,

BUT IT OUGHT TO DO.

IT'S FINE.

I'M GRATEFUL TO FIND

A FRIEND LIKE YOU.

TELL ME, WHERE DO YOU LIVE

IN THE UNITED STATES?

BROOKLYN.

I'LL LOOK YOU UP

WHEN I GET THERE.

GET A GOOD SLEEP.

THANK YOU.

[ Sighs ]

HEY. HEY!

NO, NO, NO,

THANK YOU.

WAKE UP.

NO, NO, NO.

NOT NOW, THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

OH, I HAD A FEELING.

I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE

OF FEMALE

MILITARY PERSONNEL,

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS.

WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU

AT THE DEPENDENTS' HOTEL?

I AM WRITING

A BOOK ABOUT THAT.

YOU SEE,

I'M NOT A WOMAN.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

BUT I TELL YOU

ONE THING, FRIEND--

YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

YOU WILL NOTE, I HAVE NOT

TAKEN OFF MY CLOTHES

IN ANTICIPATION OF THAT.

WHERE WILL I GO?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU--

CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE AGREED.

WHERE WILL I GO?

WELL, THERE'S ONLY

ONE PLACE LEFT,

AND THAT'S A GERMAN HOTEL.

BUT YOU'RE A DEPENDENT,

AREN'T YOU?

MM-HMM.

AND AS A DEPENDENT,

YOU COME UNDER MILITARY LAW,

AND ALL THE GERMAN HOTELS

ARE OUT OF BOUNDS.

WHERE WILL I GO?

I DON'T KNOW, MISTER.

I'M SORRY,

BUT THERE'S AN ARMY RULE.

AND YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

CAN'T SLEEP HERE.

BEG YOUR PARDON.

WHERE WILL YOU GO?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S A SHAME.

BECAUSE IF WE WAS

IN BROOKLYN,

YOU COULD'VE SLEPT

WITH THE OLD MAN.

HIYA.

OH. HI.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

WELL, UH--

I'M LOOKING

FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP.

CAN YOU HELP ME?

AFRAID NOT.

NOTHING BUT WOMEN

SLEEPIN' IN THERE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

BUILDING 11.

MY WIFE'S IN THERE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE'S WIVES

ARE IN THERE.

YEAH.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WOMEN

ALWAYS GET A PLACE TO SLEEP?

I WONDER WHY THAT IS.

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE

THEY'RE THE WEAKER SEX.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I BELIEVE THEY'RE STRONGER.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE THEY GET ENOUGH

SLEEP, THAT'S WHY.

I AM SORRY

I CAN'T HELP YOU.

[ Chuckles ]

WELL, VERY KIND

OF YOU, CORPORAL.

GOOD NIGHT.

YOU FROM BROOKLYN?

YONKERS.

WHAT ARE THOSE?

GOOD NIGHT, BUDDY.

I AM AN ALIEN SPOUSE

OF FEMALE MILITARY PERSONNEL

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES...

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS,

AND I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE IN TOWN

LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP.

YOU POOR MAN.

WELL, YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.

THIS IS A FEMALE BUILDING.

IT IS?

[ Mutters ]

ANOTHER WOMAN'S BUILDING.

YOU KNOW, I'VE COME

TO THE CONCLUSION...

THAT AMERICAN MEN

DON'T SLEEP.

WELL, NOT

IN THIS BUILDING.

I WAS WONDERING

IF THERE'D BE ANY OBJECTION

TO MY SITTING HERE FOR A WHILE.

YOU COULD SORT OF IMAGINE

I'M WAITING FOR SOMETHING.

WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS

ON WHAT YOU IMAGINE

YOU'RE WAITING FOR.

I'M SURE I DON'T

WANT TO SEND YOU OUT

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

THAT'S VERY KIND.

THAT'S NICE.

TELL ME, WHAT PART

OF THE UNITED STATES

DO YOU COME FROM?

BOSTON,

UP IN MASSACHUSETTS.

MASSACHU-CHU-CHU--

RIGHT. IS THERE A PLACE

CALLED YONKERS?

SURE. IT'S IN NEW YORK.

OH. I WAS WONDERING.

WELL, I'M--

I'M A LITTLE MIXED UP.

MAY I HOLD THAT FOR YOU?

OH, THANKS.

[ Sighs ]

YOU SEE, I JUST GOT MARRIED.

WELL, WHERE'S YOUR WIFE?

OH, SHE'S IN

ANOTHER FEMALE BUILDING.

BUILDING 11.

AND YOU COULDN'T FIND

A BED ANYWHERE?

NO-- WELL, ALMOST.

THERE WAS, UH--

THERE WAS ONE IN BROOKLYN...

AND ANOTHER ONE

WITH A WOMAN IN IT.

A WOMAN?

HE WAS A VERY

DISAGREEABLE MAN.

WHO WAS?

HER HUSBAND.

YEAH, IT WOULD'VE BEEN

NICER IN BROOKLYN.

WITH THE HUSBAND?

NO. THE OLD MAN.

YOU ATIRED,

AREN'T YOU?

THERE HE IS.

I'LL SEE YOU ON THE BOAT.

OKAY.

PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME.

PARDON ME.

OH, DARLING, I WAS AFRAID

YOU'D MISSED THE LAST BUS.

OH, SAILOR, COULD YOU TAKE

THESE BAGS, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU. HENRI--

HENRI, YOU LOOK AWFUL.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

I'VE BEEN SITTING UP

ALL NIGHT WITH A REDHEAD.

WHAT?

KNITTING.

WHAT?

YOU OUGHT

TO SEE ME PURL.

OH, YOU OUGHT TO SEE

HER PURL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[ Man Over P.A. ]

ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS.

PLEASE GET ON BOARD

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE--

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.

I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU

HOW TO DO THAT SOMETIME.

WE GOTTA GO.

GOT YOUR PAPERS?

WHAT?

HAVE YOU GOT YOUR PAPERS?

THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.

LISTEN, DARLING.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS GET ABOARD THE SHIP.

REMEMBER, NO BACK TALK,

NO ARGUMENT. JUST KEEP

YOUR TEMPER. PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

YOU'VE BEEN

TO THE NAVY PERSONNEL.

THEY'LL CLEAR YOU THROUGH.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD.

YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE,

LIEUTENANT. THANK YOU.

LIEUTENANT GATES.

RIGHT.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD,

LIEUTENANT.

THANK YOU.

SURELY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT,

MISTER?

I WANT TO GO ABOARD.

I'M SORRY. THIS SHIP IS

FOR WAR BRIDES AND A FEW--

I KNOW.

I KNOW, SERGEANT.

HERE ARE MY ORDERS.

HAVE YOU GOT A ROCHARD

ON YOUR LIST?

YEAH, A MRS. HENRI ROCHARD.

THAT'S ME.

YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.

WE DON'T WANT YOU.

WE WANT YOUR WIFE.

YOU CAN'T HAVE MY WIFE.

THAT'S ONE THING

I'M PARTICULAR ABOUT.

HENRI.

OH, YES, CATHERINE,

I'LL REMEMBER.

THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT

MISUNDERSTANDING, GENTLEMEN.

MY NAME IS HENRI ROCHARD.

HENRI. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD

OF A WOMAN CALLED HENRI?

I'M TRYIN' TO THINK.

YOU KNOW A LOT

OF DAMES, SAM.

I KNOW A BILLIE.

I DON'T KNOW ANY.

MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.

YOU SEE,

I AM A WAR BRIDE.

WHAT?

THIS IS MY WIFE.

[ Both ]

OH.

IT'S A VERY NATURAL

MISTAKE. YOU'RE NOT THE

FIRST TO HAVE MADE IT.

NOW, IF MY PAPERS

ARE IN ORDER,

MAY I GO ABOARD?

I GUESS WE'LL HAVE

TO LET HIM GO ON.

HERE'S YOUR BOARDING CARD.

THANK YOU.

GOOD DAY.

YOU WERE WONDERFUL,

HENRI.

I KNEW IF YOU

KEPT YOUR TEMPER,

EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.

I THOUGHT I BEHAVED

QUITE WELL.

OH, YOU DID.

MAY I SEE

YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE?

STATEROOM B-14,

LIEUTENANT.

THANK YOU.

HOW'D YOU GET UP HERE?

THIS SHIP IS FOR WAR BRIDES

AND MILITARY PERSONNEL.

YES, YES, I KNOW.

MY NAME IS ROCHARD.

YOU'LL THINK I'M A BRIDE,

BUT ACTUALLY, I'M A HUSBAND.

THERE'LL BE A MOMENT

OR TWO OF CONFUSION,

BUT IF WE ALL KEEP OUR HEADS,

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

I DON'T THINK IT WILL.

I'VE GOT A MRS. "ROTCHERD"

ON MY LIST.

ROCHARD!

SHE'S IN A-88

WITH TWO OTHER BRIDES

AND THREE CHILDREN.

OH, WELL, THAT, OF COURSE,

WILL HAVE TO BE ALTERED.

NOT BY ME IT WON'T.

I HAVE JUST

EXPLAINED EVERYTHING

TO THE ARMY.

THEY UNDERSTOOD.

THEY PASSED ME.

THE ARMY UNDERSTOOD,

AND THEY PASSED YOU.

OH, THAT'S FINE.

THAT'S JUST DANDY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THE ARMY UNDERSTOOD,

AND THEY PASSED HIM.

THIS IS THE NAVY, BUD.

MY FRIEND, I HAVE HAD WEEKS OF

THE UNITED STATES ARMY, AND--

HENRI.

AND I'M QUITE PREPARED

TO TAKE ON THE

UNITED STATES NAVY.

AND THE UNITED STATES NAVY'S

QUITE PREPARED

TO TAKE YOU ON, MISTER.

HEY, FELLAS,

GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE.

JUST A MINUTE.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF

A WOMAN CALLED HENRI?

YEAH. HENRIETTA.

POWELL STREET.

SAN FRANCISCO. TAKE HIM.

NO, NO, NO. NO.

NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.

GET GOIN'.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING.

JUST GO ON

ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

HENRI, YOU SHOULDN'T

HAVE LOST YOUR TEMPER.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING

SOMEPLACE TO CHANGE

BACK INTO A MAN.

I'M TIRED OF BEING

MY OWN WIFE.

YOU CAN'T GIVE UP NOW.

WELL, MAKE THEM GIVE UP.

SOMEONE HAS TO.

LISTEN, WILL YOU?

ONCE ON BOARD THAT SHIP,

EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER,

AND YOU'LL BE A MAN FOREVER.

NOW, IT'S WORTH A TRY,

ISN'T IT, DARLING?

HOW CAN WE?

WELL, HENRI, I DON'T KNOW--

LIEUTENANT, WOULD YOU

TAKE THIS BAG FOR ME?

I LEFT SOMETHING ON THE BUS.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE PUT IT

IN THE MESS HALL FOR YOU.

NOW, WHAT

WERE YOU SAYING?

HENRI, DO YOU LOVE ME?

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.

AND YOU'LL MAKE ONE MORE TRY

TO GET ABOARD THAT BOAT?

IF YOU SAY SO.

YOU PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

AND YOU'LL KEEP IT?

I PROMISED,

DIDN'T I?

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

HERE. HOLD THESE.

WHOA, BOY. WHOA.

NAH, THAT WON'T DO.

OH, HERE'S

A BETTER ONE HERE.

WHOA, BOY.

WHOA, FELLA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COME ON, HENRI.

LEAN DOWN.

LEAN DOWN CLOSE.

I WANNA SEE SOMETHIN'.

UH-HUH. THAT GOES PERFECT.

WITH WHAT?

GIVE ME YOUR KNIFE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO--

I WON'T DO IT.

THIS WILL MAKE

A PERFECTLY GOOD WIG.

I WON'T DO IT.

AND WE'VE GOT

THE CLOTHES RIGHT HERE.

CATHERINE, I WILL NOT DO IT.

BUT, HENRI, YOU SAID

YOU LOVED ME.

WELL, I'M NOT SO SURE NOW.

AND YOU PROMISED.

GIVE ME YOUR KNIFE.

[ Ship Whistle Blows ]

COME ON, HENRI.

THERE'S NOT MUCH TIME.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

CATHERINE,

CAN'T YOU AT LEAST

CUT IT OFF THE MANE?

HENRI, YOU'RE TAKING THIS

MUCH TOO PERSONALLY.

NOW, STAND SO NO ONE

CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING.

MMM, A LITTLE TOUGH.

HMM. WON'T BE SO BAD

WHEN I GET YOUR BANGS ROLLED.

WANNA SEE

WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?

HORRIBLE.

I DON'T THINK

I'LL BE CALLED UPON

TO DEFEND MY HONOR.

I DOUBT IT.

IT'S A PITY.

I WONDER IF

SOME LIPSTICK WOULD HELP.

OH, NO.

WELL, WHY NOT?

I'M MORE

THE OUTDOOR TYPE.

SEA BISCUIT. BANG TAIL.

YOU KNOW?

OH, SILLY, HOLD STILL.

LET ME ROLL THESE.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

I FORGOT SOMETHIN'.

CAN YOU TALK LIKE A WOMAN?

[ High-pitched ]

YOU MEAN LIKE THIS?

CAN'T YOU DO BETTER THAN THAT?

[ Own Voice ] NO.

JUST REMEMBER-- KEEP YOUR

MOUTH CLOSED. NOT A WORD.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.

AND KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN.

OH, SAILOR, WOULD YOU

PUT THIS IN THE MESS HALL

FOR ME, PLEASE?

SURE, LIEUTENANT.

THANK YOU.

WAIT A MOMENT.

[ Wolf Whistle ]

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

I MUST LOOK PRETTY GOOD.

DON'T BE SILLY.

THAT WAS FOR ME.

FOR YOU?

OF COURSE.

I OUGHT TO PUNCH HIM

IN THE NOSE.

HENRI, REMEMBER,

YOU'RE A LADY.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

WE HAVE OUR BOARDING CARDS.

WE'VE BEEN UP BEFORE.

GO AHEAD.

I DON'T REMEMBER

THAT TALL ONE, SAM.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE YOU COULD

FORGET A FACE LIKE THAT.

YEAH.

LIEUTENANT GATES. B-14.

I WAS UP BEFORE.

OH, YES.

YOUR ORDERS, PLEASE.

SAY, THAT'S FUNNY.

ROCHARD.

WHY AREN'T YOU LISTED

AMONG THE MILITARY

PERSONNEL, LIEUTENANT?

SAVE YOUR VOICE.

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE HER.

SHE HAS LARYNGITIS.

NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?

WHY ISN'T THE LIEUTENANT

LISTED AMONG MILITARY PERSONNEL?

WELL, YOU SEE,

SHE WAS JUST MARRIED.

MARRIED? THAT MAY BE, BUT--

HEY, RED.

COME HERE.

WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?

THIS LIEUTENANT

IS LISTED AS A MISSUS.

WHY'D THEY PUT YOU

DOWN AS MI--

HOW DO YOU DO?

WHY'D THEY PUT YOU DOWN AS

MISSUS INSTEAD OF LIEUTENANT?

SHE HAS LARYNGITIS.

THEY POSSIBLY DIDN'T

LIST HER AS LIEUTENANT

BECAUSE OF HER HUSBAND.

WHO'D SHE MARRY?

ADMIRAL ROCHARD.

WHO?

ADMIRAL ROCHARD.

THE NAME IS FAMILIAR,

BUT I DON'T REMEMBER IT

CONNECTED WITH AN ADMIRAL.

YOU NEVER HEARD

OF HER HUSBAND?

HE WON'T LIKE THAT.

FLORENCE, IF I WERE YOU,

I WOULDN'T SAY

A WORD ABOUT THIS.

SURE. YOU HEARD OF HIM, RED.

ADMIRAL ROCHARD. SURE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

MAYBE I HAVE. ALL RIGHT.

STATEROOM A-88, LIEUTENANT.

GET YOUR INSTRUCTIONS

IN THE MESS HALL.

THANKS SO MUCH.

COME, FLORENCE.

FIRST TIME

I EVER FELT SORRY

FOR AN ADMIRAL.

GAMS AREN'T BAD.

NOW I'M BEGINNING

TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

IN HERE, PLEASE.

WE WERE JUST GOING--

PLEASE, LIEUTENANT.

YOUR INSTRUCTIONS FIRST.

COME ON, FLORENCE.

I DON'T LIKE

THAT NAME FLORENCE.

OH, SHUT UP.

KITTY.

I'VE BEEN WAITING--

SHH.

OH, NO.

STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE

SO THEY CAN'T SEE SO WELL.

THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY.

THEY WOULDN'T LET HIM--

HENRI, DUCK DOWN.

I CAN HEAR QUITE WELL.

YOU'RE TOO TALL.

DUCK DOWN.

HE LOOKS AWFUL.

I DIDN'T HAVE

MUCH TO WORK WITH.

I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD GET

HIM ABOARD. YOU GOT A ROOM

WHERE WE CAN PUT HIM?

I'VE GOT A ROOM,

BUT THEY WOULDN'T LET

A THING LIKE THAT IN.

WE GOTTA HIDE HIM SOMEWHERE

TILL WE CAN CHANGE HIS CLOTHES

AND THE BOAT SAILS.

WHAT ABOUT THE LINEN--

NO, AND THE MEN'S ROOM

WON'T DO EITHER.

SOMEBODY'S

SPOTTED HIM ALREADY.

WHAT?

WE NEED A NURSE.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY. WILL YOU

COME WITH ME, PLEASE?

I'M A NURSE?

COME ALONG, PLEASE.

I HADN'T

COUNTED ON THIS.

[ Ship Whistle Blows ]

IT'S VERY LUCKY

THEY FOUND A NURSE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY WIFE'S

EXPECTIN' A BABY.

WHAT? OH, NO!

NO. IT ISN'T A VERY

CONVENIENT TIME, IS IT?

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

IT ISN'T A VERY

CONVENIENT TIME, IS IT?

NO. NO, IT ISN'T.

NO. OH, GEE.

I WONDER IF THE BABY

WILL BE A GIRL.

I'LL BE GRATEFUL

IF IT'S A BABY.

YOU WILL?

OH, YOU'RE VERY KIND.

GOSH, I-- I WISH I KNEW

WHAT WAS GOING ON

IN THERE.

OH, YOU WON'T HAVE

LONG TO WAIT.

I WON'T?

OH, GEE WHIZ.

GOSH, I-- I DON'T THINK

I CAN STAND THIS.

YOU GOT

A BIGGER SHOCK COMING.

I HAVE?

MM-HMM.

THE LIEUTENANT

GOT A LITTLE DIZZY.

THANK YOU.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

I'LL GET YOU SOME WATER, DEAR.

PARDON ME.

OH, THIS IS

THE FATHER, FLORENCE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

IS IT A BOY

OR A... GIRL--

[ Sighs ]

OH, NO!

WHAT HAPPENED TO HI--

WELL, IF IT ISN'T

FLORENCE, HUH?

ARREST THAT MAN.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, HENRI.

THE SHIP HAS SAILED.

HMM?

COME ALONG.

COME ON, FLO.

FLORENCE.

MR. ROCHARD,

MAY WE COME IN?

I DON'T SEE HOW

I CAN STOP YOU.

THE KEY'S ON THE OUTSIDE.

THANK YOU. HENRI,

THIS IS LIEUTENANT PERKINS

AND COMMANDER WILLIS.

THE COMMANDER'S

THE CHAPLAIN.

CHAPLAIN? OH, NO, NO.

NO, NOTHIN' DOING.

I'M SORRY, CHAPLAIN.

NOTHING DOING WHAT?

NO MORE MARRIAGES.

IT ISN'T WORTH IT.

I'M NOT GONNA MARRY HER

AGAIN, CHAPLAIN.

WHY, HENRI.

I DON'T THINK THAT'LL

BE NECESSARY. WE'VE GOT THE

WHOLE THING STRAIGHTENED OUT.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MIX-UP,

SIR, BUT YOUR CASE

WAS A LITTLE UNUSUAL.

YOU SEE, YOU'RE

AN ALIEN SPOUSE OF FEMALE

MILITARY PERSONNEL...

EN ROUTE TO THE UNITED STATES

UNDER PUBLIC LAW 271

OF THE CONGRESS.

AM I NOW?

YES, AND UNDER

THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

THE CAPTAIN WOULD LIKE

TO FORGET THE WHOLE THING.

[ Chuckles ]

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,

DEAR? YOU'RE FREE.

YOU CAN GO NOW.

WHERE?

ANYWHERE ON THE SHIP.

WE'VE GOT YOU BUNKED IN

WITH ONE OF THE OFFICERS.

HE DOESN'T MIND.

I THINK HE WOULD MIND.

HE WOULDN'T

LIKE THAT AT ALL.

YOU SEE, I SNORE TERRIBLY.

WHY, HENRI,

YOU DON'T SNORE.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW

I DON'T?

OH.

COULDN'T WE DO

SOMETHING SIMPLE?

COULDN'T I JUST STAY HERE?

WELL, I--

I SUPPOSE THAT--

I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

WELL, THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY NICE.

YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT HELP.

GOOD NIGHT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT.

MM-HMM.

YOU WOULDN'T.

YES, I WOULD.

I BELIEVE YOU WOULD.

HENRI, HOW WILL WE EVER

GET OUT OF HERE?

I'M NOT GONNA WORRY ABOUT THAT

UNTIL THE STATUE OF LIBERTY

GOES BY THAT PORTHOLE.

I Was a Male War Bride (1949) - full transcript