I Touched All Your Stuff (2014) - full transcript

[soft music]

[shuttering noises]

[unsettling music]

[birds chittering]

The night here is calling
with possibility,

a low, soft, unending moan

like distant land whispering

over a dark,
wide ocean horizon.

Do you hear that
or is it just me?

So they mapped
the planet from orbit,

measured the mountains,
shrunk the Earth



with jet engines
and telecommunication.

They found the places
where the rivers are born

and already spread strange,
exotic diseases

to all the last remaining
primitive tribes.

Where does the explorer go
when it's all been explored?

[horns honking]

Millions of Americans
pass each other

on the sidewalks
of our cities each day.

For most, things are routine.

They take for granted
the right to walk that street,

protected by a system of laws

that guarantee certain freedoms

and that those freedoms
won't be taken away

without a fair trial,
fair treatment,



and punishment
that fits the crime.

This young man is an exception.

He was arrested
and found out the hard way

that the American constitution

doesn't fit inside
your passport

when you make
a mistake overseas.

His experiences with the laws
of another country

are almost beyond
comprehension.

The retelling of his adventures
is just a reminder

of what can happen.

[guitar music]

[shrill ringing]

Hello?

Matias?

- Yes.
- Hello.

I'm here with Maíra who's
directing the film with me.

Hi, how are you?

I'm good.

[laughing]

- Good.
- You're in Brazil, right?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- We're in Saão Paulo.
- Saão Paulo.

- Yeah.
- We're filmmakers

and we won this grant
to do a film

about foreign inmates
in Brazilian prisons.

So, originally,
the film was just about

foreigners in general
inside prisons,

and once we got there,
we met Chris.

[rain pattering]

[thunder rumbling]

[indistinct conversations]

[traffic roaring]

Approaching right turn
on Fifth Avenue.

[engine whirring]

"To whom it may concern,

by way of introduction, my name
is David B. Shearwater.

I supervise property management
at The Martin apartments,

a residential apartment complex
in Olympia, Washington.

Christopher Kirk rented from us

from January 2001 to June 2004.

I don't get to know
all of our tenants,

but after a hearing a rumor
of his computer talents,

I sought him out and hired him

for several projects
in our buildings.

While living here, he organized
several community projects.

Among these were
a community radio station.

I know he worked for an
environmental consulting firm

for many years.

He paid his rent on time
and there were no complaints.

Our community is better off
because Christopher Kirk

lived and worked here.

I can name a dozen people
who owe him big favors.

The thought of him
behind bars seems wrong.

Chris has made community service
a big part of his life

and his release would be
an asset for the world.

We await his safe return."

[rain pattering]

[thunder rumbling]

He's very gullible
and innocent,

and he really
can easily be swayed.

He's sort of like Pinocchio.

You know, he's like the last
innocent guy in the world.

He hasn't been corrupted yet.

[upbeat music]

[indistinct conversations]

[indistinct singing]

[indistinct shouting]

[cheering]

There was a guy I met
in San Francisco

when I was on a trip
with Andres.

I told him I was about to move
to Colombia.

"What are you going
to do there?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said,

"but I'm sure
it'll be interesting.

Let's just point the controls
straight at the sun

and see what happens."

"I fully endorse this plan,"
he said.

"Excellent idea."

He understood.

He got it.

On the other hand,
he was drunk

and it was about four o'clock
in the morning,

so maybe that's the only way
it makes sense.

[indistinct remarks]

- We're rolling.
- All right.

So I guess I should just start

with the beginning
of the whole story,

like with the hippos.

It all started with the hippos.

In Africa, they say
the hippo used to have

long, beautiful hair.

One day, though,
a rabbit got jealous

of the hippo's hair
and set it on fire.

Hippo ran into the river
to put out the fire

but it was too late.

All of hippo's long, beautiful
hair was burned off.

Hippo was so embarrassed
about the loss of his hair,

he decided never to leave
the river again.

And to this day, that's why
hippos live in the water.

Man, I know just how you feel.

[dramatic music]

The hippopotamus,

an iconic symbol
of the continent of Africa.

These semi-aquatic creatures
roam wild here

and nowhere else in the world.

At least they didn't until now.

This small herd of wild hippos

lives thousands of miles
from Africa

in the South American country
of Colombia.

How they got here
is a crime story.

Where they're going
is a mystery.

I was in my office one day,

reading the internet as you do,

and I found this article
about Pablo Escobar,

and Pablo Escobar,
when he was alive,

he was, according to
Forbes Magazine,

he was at one time, the eighth
richest man in the world.

[mellow music]

It began decades ago

here in what's called
the Hacienda Nápoles.

Now, it's a ruin,

but this was once the fortress
and personal playground

of one of the world's
most famous criminals,

Pablo Escobar,

ruler of the Medellín
drug cartel.

After his death, his mansion,

his palace he had built,

basically fell into ruins.

It was looted,
stripped of anything valuable,

and falling apart.

And the only thing
that was left of his legacy

were the hippos that
he'd imported from Africa.

He'd built this
entire safari park.

He had kids come through,
drive through for free.

And after he was killed,
most of the animals

were carried off to other zoos
or government

or they just kind of died,

and nobody knew
what to do with the hippos

because the hippo
is a very, big, angry animal.

You know, not much
you can do with them.

So they left the hippos alone,

and the climate
in this area of Colombia

suited the hippos perfectly,

and they stayed and they bred.

And now there's more
and more hippos all the time.

And I thought this is a very
interesting legacy to leave

for one of the richest men
in the world, you know,

angry hippos terrorizing
the farmers of the area.

That's all he has left.

I thought, "That's a really
interesting story."

And I thought, "I really want
to go down and see the hippos."

[baby crying]

And then the very next day,

I was at home
and I got a phone call

from an old high school friend.

We got to talking and he asked
me if we'd heard from

one of our mutual friends who
was a captain in the Air Force.

He said, "Well, have you heard
from the captain?

Well, you're not
gonna believe this.

They've got the captain working

down at the embassy
in Colombia."

This is a sign from the universe

that I'm meant
to go to Colombia.

I have to do it now.

Right here you should just
insert a clip of Pinocchio

sort of marching off to school.

That's Chris Kirk.

That's Goose going to school,
you know...

I got no strings
to hold me down

That's him!

Your documentary's not gonna be
as good as Pinocchio.

Pinocchio is the documentary.

That's his story.

He has Pinocchio's posture
even,

like that sort of happy
but clearly made out of

what appears to be
wooden sticks.

I think his father made him
out of wood, right?

And he got swallowed by a whale
and stuff like that.

They both desired to be real.

I think that's what's behind
everything Goose did.

[organ music]

[applause]

[upbeat music]

[whistling]

I got off the airplane and my
friend worked at the embassy,

so he met me at the airport
in an armored pickup truck,

and the door is, you know,
this thick.

And we kind of
piled in the truck

and they had a driver and we're
driving through the streets

and it's just mayhem everywhere,
and I'm thinking,

"This is the life,
this is great."

And we go to his apartment
and we drop off my bags,

and immediately,
we go to meet his girlfriend

and her friends at a bar.

And as soon as I walk
into the bar,

I'm walking with the captain,
and this girl comes up to me.

She's the first Colombian person
I meet,

and she's the most
beautiful woman

I've ever seen in my life.

She's half Japanese
and half Colombian.

Just incredible mixture,
very exotic.

And she's very, very shy,
very timid.

She's kind of nervous around me.

She won't look at me too much.

She doesn't speak
English very well,

but she always kind of
sitting near me.

And on the other side of me

there's this Colombian girl
who's very pretty

and she's wearing
an American flag bracelet

and she speaks
excellent English,

and she really wants
an American boyfriend.

And she's really talking to me

and all these girls
are trying to talk to me.

They're kind of competing
for my attention,

which, you know, again,
for a guy like me,

it's kind of a new experience.

I'm trying to talk to the girl
with the American flag bracelet.

She speaks English very well,
but this exotic Japanese girl

named V, we'll call her--

V keeps trying to get
my attention and she--

at one point,
she knocks my drink in my lap.

[indistinct chatter]

The next day, we go horseback
riding and V is kind of--

we're holding hands
and she's kind of,

kind of talking to me a lot,

and I'm noticing that every time
she holds my hand,

her hand starts to sweat

and she's actually dripping
sweat off her hand.

She's so nervous around me
and so shy.

She told me that her father
was from Japan

and he would send her money

for her college
and for her apartment,

and she was going to school
to study economics.

Her mother didn't have
any money, very poor.

She told me the story
about how a couple years ago,

she had a boyfriend from Japan

and she broke up with him
after a couple of years,

and she started seeing
this Colombian guy named John

for a couple of years
and then they broke up,

and now she met me.

[indistinct singing]

Saturday night,
I go out to drink and party

and the captain asked me,
he goes,

"So are you kinda
getting with this V girl?"

And I said, "Yeah, actually,
it seems like I am."

And the captain tells me,
"Look, man, forget about it."

He goes, "I know this girl,
I've known her for six months

and she's not a party girl
like all of her friends.

Her friends are all crazy
and all that."

I said, "Yeah," he goes,
"She's not like that.

She's very serious
and she studies.

She doesn't like gringos
very much.

She knows you're only here
for two weeks.

She's not gonna have anything
to do with you."

And I said,
"Well, we'll see about that.

You know, I'm the man,
we'll see."

[hippos moaning]

He meets some shady characters
in Bogota.

Seems that Bogota
can swallow him.

It sure can, it sure can.

So this was, I think, a year
or two before I got here.

He was involved in this...

kind of on and off
relationship he had

with a girl called V.

That was over when I met him.

-Hmmm.
- But...

But it was always
the underlying reason

why he came here.

Do you think that we could
possibly find this V?

I remember once
we were someplace

and somebody saw her.

Um, but I don't think
she's in Bogota.

I think she's
a very smart girl.

[low growling]

I know, I don't know
how to contact her.

[beeping]

[slow footsteps]

[stairs creaking]

[indistinct conversations]

If I remember correctly,

among my things is
an Amtek PC tower

and it should be set up to run.

Just plug it in.

If not, I believe there's
an 80 gig hard drive in there

formatted with Windows XP
and it contains all my stuff.

Please back up the My Documents
folder if you can,

as this is the last remaining
copy of all that stuff.

There should be a Pictures
folder under My Documents

that has subfolders
organized by year and month.

[energetic music]

[mellow music]

Don't believe in dreams

you bought.

Now what you're looking for is
a folder around 2004 or 2005.

There should be a really hazy
photo of V on the beach.

Now that's the perfect photo.

You could be in jail

Brainwashing you

They control

Everything that you do

Oh, no

You could be in jail

So she tells me a story
of her ex-boyfriend John

who was Colombian,

and she told me the story
why they broke up

was that he was crazy
with jealousy,

always just crazy and
she couldn't stand it anymore.

And the story of why
they finally broke up

after two years was that

she went to Cancun
in Mexico alone.

And John,
John worked at the airport

and John was able to look up
her name in the flight computers

and he found out
where she was going,

and he gets cheap flights
working at the airport,

so John followed her to Cancun,
unbeknownst to her.

She arrived in Cancun
for her very lonely vacation

and she was waiting in line
at the airport for a taxi,

and she started talking to a guy
in line waiting for a taxi

and it turned out they were
going to the same hotel.

So the guy said, "Well,
why don't we share a taxi?"

And she said, "Sure, why not?"

They go to the hotel.

V goes to check into her room.

They tell her that her room
is not ready yet

and the guy she's with
in the taxi comes up.

He checks in, his room is ready.

So V asks the guy, she says,
"Hey, can I use your shower?

I just want to freshen up
after the trip."

The guy says, "Sure, why not?"

So she goes up to the room,
she's in the shower.

The guy's in the room.

All of a sudden, there's this
furious pounding on the door,

this hammering on the door.

And the guy opens the door
and there's her boyfriend, John.

The guy says, "Who are you?"
and he's like,

"Who are you and where's
my girlfriend, where's V?"

V comes out of the shower
in a towel.

"Oh my God,
what are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here,
you fucking whore?

You bitch, I can't believe
you're with this guy."

She's like,
"I don't even know this guy!

I'm just using his shower!"

There's clearly something more
to the story than what

she's willing to say,
but what do I care?

I'm only in Colombia
for one more week.

Whatever she does,
it's not my business really.

[dramatic music]

By the end of this week,

I finally went out
to get lunch with V,

just her and I alone.

And she says, "We have to talk."

And I said, "Wait, we haven't
even had sex yet at this point.

You can't pull out
the 'We have to talk' line."

'Cause "We have to talk"
is never anything good.

She says, "Look, Tuesday,"
two days from now,

"Tuesday I have to go to Miami."

I said, "Really?"

She said, "Yes, I have to go.

And I'm going to go to Miami
for one week

because I have a friend
who manages a hotel there

and I can go work there
for a week and make some money,

and then I'm going to New Jersey
to see my uncle for a week."

And I said, "Well,
that sounds like a nice trip,

but why do you have
to go Tuesday?

I'm here for one more week.

Can't you go next week?"

She goes, "Oh no,
it has be--I have to go."

But then she says,

"Well, but I'll be in Miami
for one week

and New Jersey for one week,
and by that time

you'll be back in Seattle,"
and I said, "Yeah,"

and she says,
"Well, can I come

see you in Seattle
for a week?"

And that's exactly
what happened.

She came out
and spent a week with me

and it was an incredible week,
it really was.

And not just the fact that
she's beautiful and all that.

Just--it was like being in love
for the first time.

It's just an amazing
kind of passionate experience

and it's so exciting,
and everything I wanted to do,

everything she wanted to do
was just fun.

We just had
a great time together.

She just wanted to meet
my friends and hang out

and see how things were.

So I was very excited
to meet her actually,

because I thought, "Neat,"
because here's this person

who I can't think
more highly of--

I mean, I adore him,
he's the most enchanting person.

You know, I mean,
he's so just delightful

and engaging, so I thought,

"I'm so excited
to meet this woman

that has captivated his heart,
neat!"

She kept her sunglasses on
as much as she could,

so it wasn't easy to kind of
read her facial expressions

to know what
was happening inside,

but she was clearly
uncomfortable.

And I was underwhelmed,

like profoundly underwhelmed
by her.

She seemed very, um,

very vain and, um,

not genuine.

When she went to leave,
she said,

"Look, what do you think?

Are we boyfriend
and girlfriend now?"

And I said,
"Well, I live in Seattle,

you live in Colombia.

I don't know how
this is supposed to work,

but I'll tell you what.

There's nobody else
I'm interested in in Seattle."

I said, "I'll try to come down
to Colombia as much as I can

and I'll try to get you
to come up here

and we'll see how things go.

And just one thing
you need to promise me

is that just never try
to lie to me,

never try to play games
with me."

[intense music]

I wish I had open eyes

on my back

So I could see

my life going past

Seems when it's good

everything goes too fast

And when it's gone

you can never get it back

Trying to take a picture

Through a dirty window

[high-pitched ringing]

[message alert]

[keys clicking]

[message alert]

[keys clicking]

[ringing]

Uh, good morning.

- Good morning.
- Morning, Sam.

Yeah, I found some pictures
of [inaudible],

the painting,
if you wanted those.

- Oh.
- Yeah, for sure.

Do you have it there with you?

Do you have it there with you?

Yeah, I'm sending it to you now.

Was she really beautiful?

Uh, I think so,
she was very exotic.

Just opening up.

[inaudible]

[beeping]

[atmospheric whirring]

[water bubbling]

Things just got progressively
weirder with all of it.

I would routinely
get phone calls at,

you know, 10, 11 at night
from him saying,

"I just got off the phone
with V, we need to talk."

I came down the second week
of September

and again,
we had this great time.

And I stayed with her
in her apartment

and there's pictures of us
on the walls everywhere,

and, and just a lovely time.

I spent a week there

and everything was great.

There was only,
only a few small things

that I thought were strange.

And one thing was
she would always have

two cell phones with her,

but only one battery.

And just at random times
throughout the day,

she would take the battery
out of one cell phone

and put it into another
cell phone and turn it on.

And after a couple days
of that, I just got curious.

I said, "Well, why do you have
two cell phones?"

And she said, "Oh, because
I only have one battery."

And I said, "Why do you
only have one battery?"

And she said, "Because I have
two cell phones."

[whirring]

[speaking foreign language]

[indistinct chatter]

[singing in foreign language]

And she started telling me
stories about some other people

that she knew,
her friends all over the world.

She had Japanese friends
who lived in Egypt

and lived in Panama
and lived here and there,

and she knew
some American people,

and there was really
so much of it

that I really couldn't
keep track of

everything she had done.

She was going everywhere,
doing things all the time.

And then the first weekend
of December comes

and it's her last day of school,

and she doesn't call me all day,
which was unusual.

Usually, she's calling
once or twice a day at least

and she doesn't call.

And I try calling her.

Her cell phone is off.

I try calling her house,
nobody's home.

I tried on the internet, she's
not on messenger at any point.

That's really strange.

Saturday comes around,
same thing all day.

Sunday come around, same thing.

She's just--
she's gone, disappeared.

Sunday night, I call her house
and she answers the phone.

She said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hey, baby,
what are you doing?

What's going on?"

And she said, "Hello, hello?

Hello, hello, hello?"

And she hangs up.

And I said, I said, "You know,

that's, um,
that's really stupid."

That's basically what I told her
months ago,

never do that kind of thing
with me.

So I call back immediately

and this time,
a guy answers the phone.

And so I say in English,
kind of pointedly, I say,

"Yeah, is V there?"

And he says, "Yeah, hang on,"
in English.

And she gets on the phone
and she says, "Hello?

Hello, hello, hello?"

And then she hangs up.

So I went
and I sent her an email.

Basically I said in the email,
I said, "Look, you know,

I've had a great time with you,
but you know,

if that's how you answer
the phone,

I'm never calling you again,
that's just stupid.

I've told you that's not what--
I cannot have that.

Just forget about it."

And so a couple of hours later,
she reads her email

and she calls me
and she's just crying

and she doesn't understand,

what am I saying in this email
and what's going on?

And I said, "Well,
you're playing the game on the--

the 'Hello, hello' game
is not gonna work with me.

I'm just--I'm not having it."

And she says,
"But, but, but you know,

Christmas is coming up,"
and I said, "Yeah."

And she goes,
"Well, I really want to come

and spend the holidays
with you.

Can I come up and stay with you
for a month?"

I said, "Well, hm."

I kind of had to think
about that for a second.

I thought--
normally during the holidays,

I would go back to Michigan
and see my family,

and you know,
that's fine, it's okay.

But Michigan, where I'm from,

is not especially
a nice place really.

And I thought, "Well, gee,

if my options are I can go back
to Michigan for Christmas

or I can spend a month
having really great sex

with this incredible woman,

you know, it's not really much
of a choice at all."

Did I understand her?

It took a couple of years
before I even thought

I understood her even a little.

I was baffled by her
for a long, long time.

That's a large part
of what was so intriguing.

[atmospheric whirring]

[message alert]

[keys clicking]

[message alert]

[keys clicking]

[message alert]

[message alert]

[message alerts]

She came running down
the hallway

and jumped in my arms
and it's Christmas Eve.

She doesn't have
any bags with her,

just her carry-on bag
just kind of crammed full

of clothes and makeup
and things.

And she says, "Oh look,
it's Christmas Eve

and I don't have
a present for you."

And I said,
"Don't worry about that."

You know, like you'd say,
you say,

"Oh, you're my present,"
like you would.

And she goes, "No, no, no,

I really want to go
buy you a gift."

And she said, "You know,
I have a friend here,

the Mexican guy, and look,
if you take me to his apartment,

drop me off, he can take me
shopping, you know,

kind of in secret,
I can buy you a gift

and we'll come right back."

And I thought,
"That's a great idea."

I'm kind of curious
who this Mexican guy is,

so let's go do that.

So we get to
the Mexican guy's apartment

and the Mexican guy lives in
a very bad area of Los Angeles,

and we go upstairs
to his apartment

and he's in his mid 40s
maybe, 50s.

He's very fat
and he has his wife there

and they're obviously
not rich.

And I just thought,
"Well, this is clearly not

a romantic thing
happening here."

And she went shopping with him,
they went off,

and she came back within an hour

and she had bought me a shirt
and everybody was happy.

And so, I asked her, I said,

"You know, so how do you know
this Mexican guy again?"

And she said, "Oh, I took
an English class one time

in Los Angeles
and I met him there."

I said, "Well, I thought you
told me he was a friend

of your aunt's?"

She said, "Oh yeah,
that too, that too."

We spend about another
five days in Los Angeles.

We went to Disneyland
and we had a great time

and I'm in the shower
in the morning

and I can hear her using
my cell phone and speaking

in Spanish and then Japanese
and Spanish again,

get out of the shower
and V is very excited.

And she says, "Hey, guess what?

My Mexican friend
is having a barbecue today.

Can I go?"

And I said, "Well, you know,
sure, we can go."

And she said, "No, no, no.

I have to go alone.

It's a bunch of Mexicans
and, you know,

me being with you
is a little awkward

because they don't
really like Americans too much.

And I thought, "I should just
let her go, drop her off,

and maybe I'll see something
or pick up a clue

and see what happens."

Let her go.

So, I did, I drove her back
to the Mexican guy's apartment

and dropped her off.

And the Mexican guy
was very nice.

You know, "I'll see you later."

I went back to my car
and I kinda sat and watched

and a couple minutes later,
she comes out,

they get into
the Mexican guy's car

and they drive off
and I thought,

"I should follow them."

And I thought, "No, no, no.

You know what, I'm not
gonna be that kinda guy,

that kinda boyfriend
who follows...no.

She needs to come to tell me
when she's ready.

When she feels comfortable,
she can tell me

what she's doing.

I'm not gonna try
to play those kinda games."

So, I just waited, basically,

went out and did some errands,

and about an hour
and a half later

she calls me and she says,
"Oh, hi.

We're at the casino now.

We went shopping
and now we're at the casino."

And there's a big casino near
the Mexican guy's apartment.

And I said, "Yeah,"
and I can hear the machines

and bing, bing, bing, bing,
the machines.

And she said, "Yeah, we're
just doing a little gambling

and we'll be back in about
an hour, two hours,

and I'll call you
when we get back."

And I said, "Okay."

And, yeah, sure enough,
about an hour and a half later

she calls me and she says,
"I'm back at

the Mexican guy's apartment,
please come get me."

So, I went there
and she was drinking

a little bit at the casino
and V would always get

a little obnoxious
when she drank,

which is kinda charming
in itself.

And so, when I arrived,
V's there and she has

a new jacket
and she's got bags

of things that she's bought.

She's obviously went on
a big shopping trip

in a very short amount of time.

Bought all kinds of things,

I don't even know what all,

and I said, "Well, this is
great, nice jacket, V.

That's beautiful.

But, where did you get
the money for all this?"

And she said, "Oh, I had some
money saved to go shopping."

And I said, "Well, but,
you know, you took a bus

to Chile because you didn't
have the money to fly..."

She said, "Oh no,
I had money saved for shopping."

And I was like, "Okay."

And so, why did you have
to go shopping into the casino

with the Mexican guy
and I couldn't come?

And just, she wouldn't
even answer.

She just, you know,
kind of obnoxious.

Like, "Oh, well
you're here now,"

or something and...okay.

Okay, there's my clues
right there.

That's what I've got
to work with.

And I really couldn't
figure it out.

I didn't have
any theory whatsoever.

Obviously, there's something
going on with this girl,

but if she was smuggling drugs,
if you swallow the drugs,

it takes quite a bit of time

to get that out of your system.

It takes at least several
hours, if not a day.

Then, her carry-on bag,
it was crammed

full of her stuff.

They had to fly into
Los Angeles airport

with a carry-on full of drugs,
isn't gonna happen

in Colombia, especially.

I thought, "Well, maybe she's a
prostitute or something?"

There just wasn't enough time
to do anything like that.

It just doesn't make
any sense at all.

I can't...work it out.

And I felt like I couldn't
really punish her

for telling me the truth
and I wanted--

Son of a bitch!

What's wrong with you?

I would hate to see
any of my friends

talking trash about V
because I think she's

a complicated,
fascinating character

and to simply write her off
as a crazy bitch

leaves us no opportunity
to explore all kinds of issues-

men, women, fidelity, ethics,
equality, economics, politics,

culture, drug prohibition,
and yeah, subversion

and self-destruction.

There's a lot to talk about,

too much for a film, maybe,
but I don't think any

of my friends have this
kind of take on the story.

To be that frustrated
for so long

and then all of a sudden have
this beautiful woman

just showering her attention
on you is intoxicating

and it just...

like...

if you're thirsty enough,
drowning looks really good.

[snorting]

There's stories
and then there's stories.

You look for signals
like a poker player

looking for tells:

eyes, body language,
speech mannerisms.

You watch a person
when they're being honest

and you watch them in a lie,
draw the baseline and compare.

There are generalizations,
but every person is unique.

A liar will avoid
direct eye contact.

Arm, hand, and leg movement
will be constrained,

directed inward,
covering up.

They may turn their
body away from you.

Touching the ear and nose,
the face, throat, and mouth.

Nervous tics.

You want to catch a liar?

You study.

[haunting music]

[speaking foreign language]

Something that I've been
thinking is that

you were always trying
to find her logic

and never to find your logic.

Yeah.

I'd like to hear
about your own logic.

It's confusing is what it is.

And which I really appreciated
later on, too,

being in Colombia.

What I found in Colombia
was that everything there

was like that.

Everything was just confusing.

There was nothing
that was good or bad,

there was always something
mixed all together

and it was just crazy
and I really enjoyed that.

I really enjoyed trying
to figure these kinds

of questions out.

Who are you really
and what are you made of?

How far would you go
and what would you do?

These are questions
that you really can't answer

if you're just going
to the office everyday

and working a normal job,
mowing the lawn on the weekends.

You'll never know.

Did you ever go
to another country

and meet another American
when you didn't expect to?

You're down in Costa Rica
out in the jungle trying

to fuck a monkey so you have
a story to tell your buddy.

[horn honks]

[horn honks]

[speaking foreign language]

I was just bored.

I really wanted
to go out and travel,

see the world
and have adventures.

And so, to try to meet
a nice, normal woman in Seattle

and have a good relationship,
it just...

I'm not ready for that.

That's not what
I want right now.

I want some craziness.

And I found exactly
what I wanted.

I'll try and get out
of your way.

No problem, I'm waiting,
no problem.

Come on, Shelby, let's go.

Are you...why are you here?

She's taking pictures
and making a movie, let's go.

Chris was not the job
kinda guy.

That might have been one
of the reasons

he had a hard time...
[distorted audio]

back in the States,
the idea of going back

to get up in the morning,
the American lifestyle

of work for the man,
get up everyday,

do your thing,
sit at your desk.

That's the kinda things
we talked about

that, you know,
we didn't wanna get back into.

Work, make somebody else money,
buy a house, buy a car, work,

go home, watch TV, go to sleep.

On the weekends, go play golf.

The tranquility is nice.

The excitement is good
in your youth,

but tranquil's nice
as you get older and--

I agree.

Goose just isn't that old yet.

Who has less liberty than
the children you make say this?

That's the irony; they get
the least liberty of anyone.

We don't have it;
they got dick.

They can't do shit.

We have the oldest children
in the world in this country.

We don't let 'em
do shit forever.

They can't do shit,
they can't drink,

they can't smoke,
they can't drive,

they can't vote,
they can't work,

they can't fuck
for God sakes.

If you wonder why your
teenager's such an asshole,

you wonder why he's sitting
in a Taco Bell parking lot

after the Friday night
high school football game,

he's keying cars
and he's smearing dog shit

on your door handles
for no particular reason,

it's 'cause he's bored
out of his tit.

This path is well lit.

It starts with marriage,
then mortgage,

parenthood, pensions.

I start saying things like,
"How was your vacay?"

Choose a health plan
and watch my waist expand.

Really care about
local elections.

Subscribe to Consumer Reports
so I make sure I pick

the best leaf blower.

Is a clean gutter
the best I can hope for?

Will I tell
outrageous anecdotes

about my car insurance
and be in bed by 11?

Which fabric softener
is right for my lifestyle?

Maybe I'll start
watching TV news,

find a political position
that best expresses

my sublimated feelings
of impotence and frustration.

Maybe I'll take interest
in the love lives

of famous people
or the statistics of people

who throw a ball
around a field.

I'll worry I'm not getting
the best gasoline

for my engine or claiming
all the right deductions.

Did I pay that
parking ticket on time?

Okay, Honey, try to remember

the last place
you saw the baby.

And maybe all will be cool
because with one device,

I'll be able to watch movies
about people

who have interesting lives
and then play video games

to pretend I'm having
an interesting life

and it's high fucking
definition.

And yeah, yeah, I believe
I will thank God it's Friday.

Oh, sweet candy Jesus,
thank you, hallelujah, Friday.

Free at last, free at last,
at least until Monday.

And a weekend becomes a week,
becomes a month, becomes

a year, becomes, "Whoops,
here's your wheelchair,"

and then it's ringing for
the nurse to come roll you over

so as to rotate the bedsores.

And you try to say,
"Hey, wait,

I wanted to try things,
I wanted to see things,

I wanted something else,"
but too late, Jack.

You had options.

My dad worked
in a factory in Flint.

He carried a programmable
HP calculator

in a belt holster
that counted down

24 hours a day
to the milliseconds

until the exact moment
when he'd retire.

This is the fear.

[clock ticking]

[lawnmower puttering]

He would be very bored here.

He needed other stimulus

to keep his mind going.

- Wouldn't you...
- I would agree.

Yeah, this--

Staying in our hometown
would not have done him well,

I don't think.

[clicking]

[tapping of computer keys]

[guitar music]

I'm up all night
against my will.

There's nothing in religion,
science, or philosophy

that is anything more than
the thing to wear for a time.

- Bitch.
- Anything at all.

The doctor gave me
sleeping pills,

and I took one.

Then I felt all alone.

Sleeping like a stone.

And, babe...

...you were the light.

But, now...

...you are the dark.

But I don't have
anything to say,

so you can shut that off.

Shut it off!

[static crackling]

But, um,
it's a little bit creepy,

I have to say,
especially at night.

You're there by yourself
and it's totally creepy.

I've tried to leave it
untouched.

Really, we've gotten
a lot of attention

out of this thing, more than
probably it deserves.

[clicking]

It's very hard
to really touch him,

to really feel him
touched by his own experience.

He tells it really well,
and he's a great storyteller.

But at the same time,
you can--like talking to him,

interviewing him as we did

for, like, I don't know,
16 hours,

and he's always
talking like that,

this kind of distance
from himself

which is the main character
of his story.

Hi, Chris.

Welcome to my apartment.

[indistinct chatter]

This is Chris, come on.

If you need can come through,
come on.

Thank you.

Hi, Ben.

This is now my apartment.

Seventy-five square feet
of Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil,

$2.49.

Four thousand square feet
of Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil?

$132.80.

Our number one story
on the countdown tonight,

victimizing your close friend
while he's out of town

with a massive Reynolds Wrap
Aluminum Foil practical joke?

Priceless.

That is exactly
what Luke Trerice did

to his good friend Chris Kirk

using approximately
4,000 square feet of foil

to not nearly wrap
every inch of Mr. Kirk's

Olympia, Washington apartment,

but also every one of Mr. Kirk's
belongings individually,

including his toilet
and his toilet paper

and his change.

Chris Kirk, foiled again,

as it were, joins us now.

- Good evening, sir.
- Hello.

So, uh, is this guy, Luke,
under a bus somewhere,

or are you gonna let him live?

No, no, he's okay, he's okay.

What on earth was he doing
in your apartment, please?

Where were you?

I was in Los Angeles

with my girlfriend

for the holidays.

And Luke needed
a place to stay,

and it seemed harmless enough
at the time.

We're seeing pictures
of your apartment.

What did they leave unwrapped,
please?

Not much. My bed,

a picture of my girlfriend,
and, uh, and a book.

Um...

Everything else
is completely wrapped.

My girlfriend left untouched.

She'll be pleased
when she arrives.

[muffled laughing]

This is the note left by Luke.

Said, "Would it kill you
to get a stepladder?

P.S. I touched all your stuff."

I'm feeling the love, yeah,

the bright, shiny,
silvery love.

Every TV show, CNN,

every news organization
is calling,

every radio show is calling.

They just went crazy.

And it was kind of a lot
to deal with.

I'm trying to work as well,
being--having been gone

for a couple of weeks
from work,

trying to catch up on that.

At the same time,
now, remember,

I've got this girl, V,
down in Los Angeles.

And the first night
that she stayed there,

we talked about it,
and we had found

kind of a cheap hotel near
where the Mexican guy lived,

oddly enough,

and it was kind of
a cool place,

and I told her, I said,
"Well, you know,

you should probably stay there.

It's cheap and all that
and, obviously,

you have enough money
to support yourself here.

I don't know."

And she said, "Yeah, I will,
actually," and so...

So, the next morning,
um, I called that hotel

and I said--I was asking
for her name,

and the front desk clerk
said, "No,

there's nobody here
under that name."

I said, "Oh, okay,
didn't think so."

And then a few hours later,
V calls me,

and we're talking,
and she's saying,

"Oh, I went shopping
and I did this and that,"

and I said, "That's great.

So where did you stay
last night?"

She said, "Oh, I stayed
at that one hotel

that was cheap and cool."

And I said, "Well, that's funny,

because I tried to call you
this morning there

and they said
you weren't there.

You weren't a guest there."

And she said, "Oh, well,

I checked out really early
this morning."

[intense music]

[clicking]

I work in computers,
it's what I do.

And many times,
people will come to me

and they'll want me to hack
into somebody's e-mail

or spy on their wife
or something,

and I always tell them,
"No, it's a bad idea."

[blipping]

Ethically, us nerds,
privacy is a big deal.

And furthermore,
I've always felt

like if you're coming to me,

asking me to help you spy
on your partner,

that it doesn't matter
what's in your partner's e-mail

because your relationship
is already pretty messed up,

because you've just come
to ask me to spy on them.

So your partner
can't trust you.

And if you're asking me
to spy on them,

then you can't trust
your partner.

And when it's gone,

you can never get it back.

But I thought, "In this case,
this might be justified."

So what I decided to do

is I put what's called
a "key logger"

on my computers
in my apartment.

So, now, when I'm gone to work,
she's there,

if she uses the internet,
I'm gonna see everything

that she does on the internet.

Why was I so obsessively

trying to figure
all this stuff out?

I don't know.

He had a fever.

He was on fire.

He was...

He couldn't stop thinking
about her.

And, now, I can see
everything she types,

so now I can see
what her e-mail password is.

And her e-mail password
is "mentir,"

which is the Spanish verb
meaning "to lie."

We were going through
all my books,

and we were unwrapping
the books.

And V loved books as well,
so she really enjoyed that.

And I pointed to an entire shelf
I had of books,

and I said, "Look,
see the shelf.

This shelf contains
nearly every book

ever published in English
about con artists

and con games.

It's kind of a hobby of mine."

Every book
individually wrapped.

I've read all these books.

I said, um, "If you think
that you're a better trickster

than any of these stories
I've read,

I can tell you you're wrong."

Cool Tricks for Dear Friends.

Goose had an ongoing fascination

with con men and grifters
and that sort of thing.

He could talk for hours,
actually,

about different scams
that he'd read about

and the way that con men
and grifters work.

He was fascinated
by that sort of...

...play with people's
expectations

and just kind of with--

I don't want to call it
"manipulation" necessarily,

but he was fascinated by

getting people to do things
without them realizing

that they were doing
what you wanted.

If you want to, I can help you
become a better liar.

I will even do that for you,

but you have to let me in
on the inside.

So I went into her e-mail
and looked,

and there was a lot
of interesting things there.

Actually, there was
a bunch of e-mails

from her Colombian boyfriend,
John.

So I sent that guy an e-mail,

and I didn't say anything more,
I just said,

I said, "Look,
here's my phone number.

You might want to call me.

We may have a mutual interest
in Colombia."

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

John tells me the story
about Cancun.

He says, you know,
"She told me

she was going to Cancun alone,
and I got suspicious,

and so I followed her there

and I found out
where she was staying."

And he said, "I was waiting
outside the hotel,

just waiting to see
if I'd see her.

And she came out with some guy,
some old guy,

and I tried to yell to them,
and they just got into a cab

and drove away, and then
I never saw them again.

So I spent the whole week
in Cancun just getting drunk."

Looking for her,
never found her.

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

Then John says, "Well,
I have the phone number

of this guy named Isaac
who lives in Virginia

that she knows."

And I call this guy's number,

and I say, "Hi, is this Isaac,"

and he says, "Yeah."

"I'm one of V's boyfriends.

There's several of us.

And I'm not like an angry,
jealous boyfriend or anything.

Listen, V has been telling me
that she really loves me

and she wants me to quit my job

and move to Colombia
and live with her,

and I really want to do this,
it sounds like a lot of fun.

But, um, you know,
obviously, there's a lot more

going on with this girl
than I know about.

I'm just hoping maybe
you have some insight here,

and maybe you can help me out,
just kind of man to man,

gringo to gringo,
just help me out here.

What's going on with this girl?

What's she all about?

I don't understand."

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

"You seem like an okay guy,
and I'll help you out.

Do you know who I am?"

And I said, "Well, V's
mentioned you a little bit.

I don't really know, no."

He said, "Well, do you know
how old I am?"

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

So he told me the story,
he said,

"So a couple of years ago,"
he said,

"I was going to Aruba
for a vacation,

and I was waiting in line
for a taxi at the airport."

And I said, "Wait,
this story sounds familiar."

He said, "Yeah, I was
waiting in line for a taxi,

and V and her friend, May,
were standing right behind me,

and it turned out
we were going the same way,

so I invited the girls
to share the taxi.

Then, when we got
near my hotel,

I invited the girls up
for a drink

and, uh, well, then,

you know, you work it
like you do."

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

And Isaac says,

"I was laying in the bed
just watching TV.

V was in the shower.

And, suddenly, there was
this furious pounding

on the door,
hammering on the door,

and of course, I didn't
get up to answer it.

I just picked up the phone

and called the front desk
and said,

'Why is there somebody
knocking on my door?'

The front desk said,
'We don't know, sir,

but we'll look into it.'"

And as far as Isaac
was concerned,

that was the end of it.

And a couple hours later,
he says,

"A couple hours later,
me and V are leaving the hotel,

we're going to go eat

and, suddenly, this guy
comes running up

from out of nowhere.

The guy comes running up
and he's screaming.

He's saying, 'Hey, hey, hey!

That's my girlfriend,
that's my girlfriend!'"

And Isaac just turns to him
and says,

"Buddy, you got problems,"

and V gets a taxi,
and they jump into the taxi,

they drive away.

And V is kind of stressed out,

and she says,
"Oh, that was my--

that was my crazy brother

who just escaped
from the mental hospital."

And Isaac said,
"Sure, honey, whatever.

Let's go buy you
something nice."

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

"Did you think that V
was working as a prostitute?"

And Isaac says, "Well,

that's really--no, no,

but V would never ask
for money directly,

but she obviously knows
how to use what she has

to get the things
that she wants."

And I said,
"Oh, you know, Isaac,

so much is starting
to come together now.

This is making more sense."

And I said, "Oh, wait,"
said, "Wait, wait.

You were the guy in Miami
last June."

He said, "Yeah, yeah,
that was me last June."

Uh, he says, "Wait,"

he goes, "You're Chris
from Seattle."

And I said, "Yeah,"
and he says, "Oh, yeah.

Last June,
V was talking about you

and she was so excited
to go see you."

And he says, "Actually,
I paid for that flight

for her to go to Seattle
to see you.

Hope you enjoyed."

I said, "Yeah, I did.

Thank you, I think, you know?"

[tapping of computer keys]

[tapping of computer keys]

And Isaac says,
he says, "Well,

I can't tell you
what you should do,

um, but I can tell you this:

It doesn't matter
if V gets a job

and makes her own money,
gets rich.

It doesn't matter
if she has a boyfriend.

It doesn't matter if she gets
married and has children.

None of that will matter ever.

I can tell you, this girl
will always call me."

Then there were all the e-mails

from the Japanese guy.

She's e-mailing
the Japanese guy

and she's telling him,
"Hi, how are you doing?

I'm traveling
in the United States

alone on a bus.

And, no, I don't know
where I'm going to be staying,

so you can't call me."

And so the Japanese guy
is e-mailing back to her

and he's saying,
"I don't believe any of this.

You're such a lying bitch.

What are you really doing?

Where'd you get the money
for this trip?

You're--this is ridiculous."

And she's e-mailing
back to him, saying,

"No, it's really true,
I swear, I promise,

and I really love you so much,

and I hope we get married
this year."

[blip]

[tapping of computer keys]

[blip]

[music starting]

And she got angry.

She said, uh,
"I've only been with you

since I met you
last April or May.

There's nobody else in my life
I'm interested in.

It's only you,
it's only you,

and, you know,
you're kind of an asshole

for even bringing this up."

And I said, "Great.

The airport is somewhere
over that way.

Just look for the airplanes

that are coming in and landing.

You'll find it eventually.

Just start walking."

I said, "Just get the fuck
out of here.

I'm going to bed, you're not.

You know, see you later,
fuck off."

And...

And she started crying
immediately.

She said, "My God,
I don't understand.

What's going on?

Why are you doing this?

What? What do you mean?"

And I said, "Oh, oh,
you want to know what I mean?

You want to know why?
I'll tell you why.

I'll tell ya. Listen,
I've read all your e-mails.

I know. I know
about the guy in Peru

who would be really jealous

if you were going to the States

to be with your boyfriend.

Um, I know who's in
Tucson, Arizona.

I know his name.
And it's really rude of you

to not even answer him back.

He invited you
to go to the States.

You didn't even answer,
very rude."

I said, "I know about John
who's not really

your ex-boyfriend so much,
is he?

You know, you just kind of
play with him a lot

and go back to him.

I know about the Japanese guy.

Oh, you know, you want
to marry him this year.

You know, have you even
thought about

how that's gonna work?

I'm gonna come down
and live with you,

and he comes to Colombia
to marry you?

Have you even thought
about this,

you stupid fucking bitch?

What is wrong with you?

What's gonna happen?
What is gonna happen

when he comes to Colombia
to marry you?"

And she's crying,
and then she says,

"No, no, no.
No, please, look."

She said,
"Just wait, wait, wait.

The Japanese guy, it's that
you just don't understand

Spanish very well.

I was telling him
how much I love you

and I want to marry you."

And in that moment
she said it,

and all that anger,
just the pure rage

that I had building,

all that anger just evaporated,

it just went "poof."

I just went, "Oh my God."

[exploding]

Fireworks are so much better

when they're exploding
directly overhead, low,

in the middle of the city

where the explosions
hit you in the chest

like an unexpected divorce

and rain fire and shrapnel
on your head.

The booms echo
and amplify off the buildings,

somehow not shattering glass.

Down close
where the launchers are,

just a few yards away,

close enough that
even a minor malfunction

could light off
your own personal Armageddon.

That's where it's best,

and that's where
you'll find me,

trying to brush the napalm
off my dome.

You've never truly seen
fireworks

until you've seen them
streaming

straight the fuck down at ya.

[popping]

I'm feeling great.
I'm driving in the car

and I'm practically
whistling to myself.

I'm ready to put some closure
to this story.

It's over, you know, phew.

What an experience.

And V, she's sitting
in her chair

in the seat of the car,

and she's just slumped
in her seat

and everything about her
had changed,

like, her face had changed.

The way she carried herself
had changed.

Her voice changed,

the way she spoke,
everything.

Like a completely different
person.

She would just sit there
and just be very, very quiet.

It was the quietest drive
of my life, I think,

just not saying anything.

And I finally stopped
for some coffee

and I parked the car.

And then, very quietly,
V says,

she says, "Look, um,

everything you said
last night was true.

All those e-mails, yes,
it was all true.

And there's that guy
in Peru I met

just a couple nights.

He wasn't anybody important.

And, yeah,
there's that American guy

who lives in Tucson, Arizona,

and I met him in a bar,
we went out a few times,

but it's nothing important.

And, yes, I still see John,
my Colombian boyfriend.

But I don't really have
any respect for him

and I don't really like him
that much.

But he's always there.

No matter what I do,
every time I call him,

he comes back to me always.

So if I'm lonely,
if I feel bad,

you know, I can always call him.

And then there's
the Japanese guy,

you know, I really loved him

and I thought I might
want to marry him.

But since I met you,
I really love you

and I really want to try
to make this work with you,

and I'm so sorry
for everything I've done

and all this crap.

I just--I really want
to try to make this work.

Please, can you give me
just a chance to make it work?"

I thought, "Shit.

Oh, God.

Oh, Christ."

You know, like now, um...

What--what can you do?

She's just told me
exactly what I wanted to hear

all this time.

That's all I wanted
to hear from her.

Now she's given this to me,

and I felt like I couldn't
really punish her

for telling me the truth.

And I wanted...

I still--God.

I'm really thinking,
I'm really thinking,

"No, this girl is--
she's just crazy.

There's something
really wrong with her."

I'm thinking,
"And this isn't gonna work."

But I thought, "Well, maybe

there's that one percent chance

that maybe this could
actually work," you know?

And even if
it's just one percent,

it's worth it, you know?

It isn't--isn't that kind of--

that kind of passion,
that kind of love.

Certainly something
I've never experienced

in my life before like that.

And if there's
that one percent chance

that it could work out,
then it's worth it,

it's worth a shot,
you know, why not?

I don't have anything more
to actually lose

at this point, right?

[plane whooshing]

[car whooshing]

[engine puttering]

[indistinct chatter]

I lived with her
for a couple of months

and it just went haywire,
it went crazy.

I had to move out.

And when I moved out
from her place, I just said,

"No, I cannot see you
anymore at all.

Please don't call me.

I'm not gonna answer
your e-mails.

And I cannot see you.

That's it, there's no way."

[engine whirring]

I put in some quality
drinking time after that

and I found other people
who knew V:

Americans, Puerto Ricans,

people who worked
for the DEA.

They said she had
a connection in Chile

who could put a suitcase
with cocaine on an airplane,

and if she was going
to the right place,

like Los Angeles,
they had somebody there,

like the Mexican guy,

who worked as a baggage handler
at the airport.

He could pull the bag
with cocaine off the airplane

and no one would know
it was ever there.

I remember V's passport
completely full of stamps.

V was on the move all the time,

all over the world.

How many of those points
on the map were for love,

or money, or drugs,

or all of those things
at the same time?

Ten months.

Hard to believe
it's been ten months,

although it's actually
been a year

with two months of hard time
tacked on.

There is no doubt
there was no other option.

It was the right thing to do.

Ten months and I hardly
thought about her.

Early on, when she called,
I just let the phone ring.

When she called
from a phone number

I didn't recognize,
I refused to talk to her.

When she asked where I was,

I said I wouldn't
tell her that.

When she asked if I was okay,

I said I wouldn't
tell her that.

When she asked if I wanted
to talk to her, I said "no"

and hung up often,
every day, every week.

For how long?
I didn't pay attention.

When she called
on her birthday,

she said, "It's my birthday,"

and I said, "Uh-huh."

She said, "Wish me
happy birthday,"

and I said, "Fine,
happy birthday.

Now I got to go.
My ice cream is melting."

It was the right thing to do.

When she e-mailed and said,
"I'm not doing well,

please just talk to me,
tell me you're all right,"

I ignored her.

When she said she'd spent
three days in the hospital

for depression after I left,
and you'd have to be

pretty damn far gone
in Colombia to score that,

I thought, "Well, there you go,
you crazy bitch.

You knew it was coming
for months and did nothing

to stop it
while I tried everything.

What did you think
would happen?"

A week would go by, two weeks.

She never crossed my mind.

[eerie music]

[telephone ringing]

[computer beeping]

Colombia is a very enticing
kind of place.

You know, if you have a vice,

it can deliver your vice,

whatever, gambling, women,
drugs, all that stuff.

And I had all the vices.

I think he was
a different person in Olympia

than the Chris I know here,

'cause their stories
are probably

like computer geek
Star Trek stories,

and our stories are, you know,
bordellos and rumba

and, you know, Pelaya.

We lived in this big house
for a while.

The landlord was an Englishman.

He bought
this old colonial house

and wanted people
to live in it,

and there was a group
living there at the time.

In the beginning,
there was like six people,

and the guy was leaving
the country.

For some reason,
he picked Chris to be in charge

to collect the rent
and give it to him.

Uh, I didn't find this out
till later,

but the guy...

[no audio]

'cause Chris was collecting
the rent from everybody

and spending it, you know,
he never gave it to the guy.

Why was Chris the one
that, you know, he picked?

And that's 'cause Chris
has that face.

Chris, I mean, you can't help
but like the guy.

And people were giving
more money

or, you know, let him stay
in their hotels.

I mean, there's a property,
a list of hotels

that Chris owes a significant
amount of money to.

People would tell me,
"Yeah, Chris owes me

this much money
for this business we started.

I bought him a laptop
and he disappears."

But I was his best friend

and I didn't really know
everything he was up to.

You know, but he came up to me
and he approached me

with a proposal to make money.

Why he did it, you know,
how many times he did it,

I don't know, but I mean,
I know why.

It's--the goal was to go
back to the States.

I could imagine Chris
doing anything.

[guitar music]

Chris was the kind of guy
that would wake up

at 3:00 in the afternoon

and stay up till 9:00
in the morning, you know.

He's a very nocturnal guy.

He really didn't like
the mornings.

Yeah, I'm trying to understand
this side of Chris

that you cannot see

when you look to his face,
you know?

I know Chris.

People, you know,
Chris is what I would call

a "dark horse."

He's the one in the film

that you'd be surprised
is the murderer, you know,

in a movie.

He's the one
you would never expect

to do the bad things.

Chris is hardcore,
I know Chris.

Chris is capable of anything,
you know.

I mean, he might have not been
before he got here,

but living in downtown Bogotá
for five years,

you have to, you know,
just become tougher

to deal with these things
that you see every day.

I'm really looking forward
to seeing this film

and find out what kind of guy,

what kind of life he lived
in Olympia.

Bogotá is no Olympia.

I've never been to Olympia,
but I'm pretty sure

they're really different.

Later, she asks me,
"So why did you choose

to come to Colombia?"

I start to give
my stock answer,

some blah-de-blah nonsense

that placates the cab drivers.

She stops me.

"Three words," she says.

"Give me three words why."

I say, "Well, I'll have
to think about that."

But then she gives me
the first word:

"nearer."

[indistinct radio chatter]

[plane whooshing]

[chatter continues]

[tapping of computer keys]

[soft music]

Oh, it's Thanksgiving.

I can't come.

You have the key?

Mm-hm.

This isn't Los Angeles.

Look at that one right there.

Very yellow.

All the trees are yellow.

Look at that one,
that's so pretty.

Over there, in the corner.

So pretty, like in a movie.

I told V once
after we first met

no matter what happens
between us,

I'd really like to know
what happens to her

in five years.

And five years after we met,
I found out

she finally met the right man.

He was married with children,

but he divorced his wife
to marry V,

take her to live in Canada
happily ever after.

I got an e-mail from him
a few years later.

He said she was
going to school,

working a few part-time jobs,
improving her English.

He said she was doing fine,
pretty much normal,

and they were 89% happy.

Eighty-nine percent.

So, in a weird way,
V and I sort of traded places.

She went on to a regular,
peaceful life in the suburbs,

and I, well,
I went the other way.

Oof, where was I going next
with that?

[indistinct chatter]

[birds chirping]

[snorting]

[bubbling]

[snorting]

[snorting, grunting]

[snapping]

Okay, I'm here
at the Bar do Arante

in Florianópolis, Brazil.

Take a look around,
now this place is famous

because people who come here,
they write little notes

and they hang them on the walls
and ceiling.

Take a look around here.

[uplifting music]

Pretty cool place.

Now, of course,
I need to leave a note.

In less than 24 hours,
I will be crossing the border

into Uruguay
wherein I will officially be

an international fugitive
from justice.

So, keeping with that spirit,

I think it's only fair
that I leave a message

on the walls here like this.

Wanted: bald, goofy,
nasty reddish goatee.

Yeah, that's me.

I'm gonna leave it
right over here.

You can see right
in the little space there,

probably the best seat
in the house,

right at eye level.

Wanted.

[music stopping]

[wipers thumping]

[rain pouring]

[thumping continues]

Oh, Christopher Kirk,
welcome back.

[laughing]

Really?

And what's the first thing
you did when you got back?

Oh, man, ate. I just ate.

Tell me it was something awful
like McDonald's.

No, I went to Denny's
'cause it was the worst thing

I could think of.
- Yeah, that's right up there.

I'm in Vegas, I'm staying
at the Hooters Hotel.

Like, it's the most
American thing.

[laughing]

You don't know what you got
till it's gone.

[jazz music]

We're glad
to have you back, sir.

-Thanks.
- We're gonna fucking break.

Thanks for listening to
this untitled shit we record.

Hopefully, this will be
the first one we put out.

Ghost Kirk.

...saving my love for you.

Mm, like Jack Horner
in the corner.

[indistinct chatter]

I went to bed a little bit,
a little bit tipsy,

and slept very, very soundly.

And, then, I was disturbed
by something

early in the morning,

and it was--it was my wife
trying to sneak

Goose into my bed.
- What?

She was trying to sneak him
into bed with me

so that he could wake up.

He was wearing footie pajamas

with the little booties on them

all the way up, all zipped up,
all the way up,

and he laid there and said,
"I had the strangest dream

I was in South America."

[static crackling]

[sustained dramatic tone]

[slamming]

You can talk about your farms
and your Chinaman's charms,

talk about your silver
and your gold,

but the cowboy's life
is a very dreary life,

it's riding through the heat
and the cold.

Early every morning,
you'll hear the boss say,

"Get up, it's the breaking
of the day."

It's now for to rise
with your little sleepy eyes

and the bright dreamy night's
passed away.

You can talk about your farms
and your Chinaman's charms,

talk about your silver
and your gold,

but the cowboy's life
is a very dreary life,

it's riding through the heat
and the cold.

When springtime comes,
double hardships begun.

The rain, it's so fresh
and so cold.

We almost freeze
from the water on our clothes,

and the cattle
you can scarcely hold.

You can talk about your farms
and your Chinaman's charms,

talk about your silver
and gold,

but the cowboy's life
is a very dreary life,

it's riding through the heat
and the cold.

Gentlemen, take my advice,

setting out for to roam,
but you better stay at home

with your kind
and your loving little wife.