I Need You Dead! (2020) - full transcript

[water splashing]

[man moans]

Fuck!

Fucking idiot!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck me!

Fucking me!

Fuck me!

[brooding music]

[people cheering]



[upbeat rock music]

[sighs] All right.

Here we go.

Let's rock.

[upbeat rock music continues]

[upbeat rock music]

[people cheering]

[bong gurgling]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[bong gurgling]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[bong gurgling]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[bong gurgling]
[vacuum cleaner whirring]



[man moaning]

[bong gurgling]

[people chanting]

[toilet flushing]

No!

Man, classic Pissy McGee.

[energetic punk rock music]

Huh, huh, huh?

[man moaning]

[Woman] What's up, DOOD?

[man moaning]

Yo, dude! How's it rocking?

You know, just riding those
existential highs and lows

of my dopamine-hungry youth.

Only existentialist I ever
knew in the fourth grade.

Never change, you freak.

How's your life been, Block boy?

Well, Block's just trying
to get his palm read,

if you know what I mean.

[laid-back sitar music]

Alt cuties?

All right.

Hell yeah, man! Yeah!

[laid-back music]

Your aura is,

it's like a bright magenta.

What's wrong with yours?

Welcome.

[drum chiming]

I

am Scorpiottarius,

birthed during the zero hour

between November 21st and 22nd.

My energy

brings oneness to all.

[both laughing]

- [slap thwacking]
- Ow!

Take a seat.

Ooh! [giggles]

Ah, fuck it. Whatever.

Well, I'll try it.

There's so much energy coursing
through my horotelescope.

I can see

that something may happen

to you,

and that your destiny,

designed by the cosmos themselves,

will be

challenging.
[ominous music]

- [thunder cracking]
- Ah!

[woman whimpering]

I can hear something within you.

This disruption is to be born of a momen

of pathetic desperation.

However, this will merely be a weed

on the lush path towards
something rewarding.

[woman giggling]

[Together] Never giving up on ourselve

I guess I've got nothing
to worry about, or...

Hey, guys!

Y'all, Vintage Suicide is about to play.

Let's go check 'em out, huh?

[metal clanking]

What's the move?

I think my destiny continues
right here, man. [laughs]

Oh. Catch up with you later, man.

Righteous! [laughs]

[man giggling]

Oh!

And thanks for that.

I came in a blind fool,
but now my third eye bats.

Wait.

Before you go,

I have something to give you.

No way!

Are those...

Dummy Gummies.

Dummy Gummies?

'Cause they get you dummy high, man.

Like Floyd-level high?

No, we're talking Sun
Ra live on Apollo '99

with a randomized
pitch-shifter extension, man.

Like that fucking high.

Oh, that's the one
with the backwards sitar.

- Yeah!
- Oh!

[mysterious sitar music]

[Together] The gummy
vitamin will set you free.

Come on, man. Join the ride.

Uh, yeah.

Just don't take more than three.

[aggressive death metal music]

I ate, like, six!

Hope you're ready for some
heady awakenings, my friend.

[upbeat music]

Fuck It. I'm down to
delve into the plasma pool.

Oh, yeah!

See y'all on the other side.

Now, how many of y'all witches
wanna have an in-depth chat

about the works of Hayao Miyazaki?

[Both] Did he just call us witches?

"Ponyo" was so underrated.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ I'm having much less fun ♪

♪ In this new world ♪

♪ Everything is entirely meritless ♪

♪ And it's all it's all starting
to make sense to me now ♪

♪ Muted people ♪

♪ A muted dream ♪

♪ With a little ideal ♪

♪ Muted screams ♪

♪ What are you gonna do to turn it on ♪

♪ There is no multiplying ♪

♪ What we need is to make it stop ♪

♪ Make it stop, make it stop ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

Pizza!

Pizza!

Hey, DOOD.

You want some Punk Rawk pizza?

[pizza muttering]

[pizza spits]

[mysterious voices speaking]

Come on! You like Meat Lovers, huh?

Fuck it. This is life.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd bleating]

[laid-back rock music]

Hey.

You OK, man?

[laughs] Yeah.

No, God. I'm sorry.

I just wanted to say, you,
you killed it up there.

Um, thanks.

No, like seriously, you...

That guitar solo, you
melted a guy's face off.

Like literally. He was fucked up.

Hey, it's rock and roll, baby.

I'm Pal.

And I'm DOOD.

Quite the business card.

But it's missing

a phone number.

[DOOD] One step ahead of you, Pal.

Wow.

You are such a fucking loser.

Oh, I'm shitting you, man.

Did you draw that?

DOOD likes to doodle?

[DOOD chuckles]

Yeah. No, no, no, I drew that.

- Yeah, actually, I-
- Nice.

I draw a lot of things all the time.

Right on. I like it.

Thanks.
[sirens blaring]

Cops!

Cops!

Hey.

Until next time, DOOD.

[people yelling]

- [lively punk rock music]
- Whoa!

[people yelling]

Whoa!

Are you old enough to
be drinking that, missy?

'Cause I sure as hell am.

[officer laughs]

Hey, you need a hand?

Whoa, whoa.

Hey, you mind if I see some ID?

[guitar strings resonating]

[beeps chiming]

Well, DOOD.

Looks like we're only
a year and a day apart.

Ain't that comical?

[DOOD laughs]

Now, you're gonna get home OK?

Do you have a safe
means of transportation?

[donkey braying]

Listen, kid, I know a fake when I see on

and they can see through
a pair of eyes like yours.

Don't make me regret letting
you go out on your own.

Please find a ride, OK?

[DOOD groans]

[upbeat rock music]

Did you just let that
little fucker get away?

[glass shattering]

[officer laughing]

Don't roll. Oh, mother!

[officer retches]
[puke splattering]

Ah. That's quota.

That kid is seriously injured.

I'm gonna stay and
patrol this neighborhood.

Make sure these kids get home all right.

Suit yourself, cadet.

[sirens wailing]

[trashcan clattering]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Man!

Whoa!

Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god!

Holy fuck!

Shit!

[upbeat pop music]

♪ I've been watching
you for a millennium ♪

♪ Watching all the things that you do ♪

[cash register clinking]

[stomach rumbling]

[DOOD yells]

Let's get some grub, huh?

[DOOD yells]
[burger chortles]

[lively hard rock music]

Hey, DOOD!

[people laughing]

[lively hard rock music continues]

[Scorpiottarius laughs]

How fast can your Gizmobile spurt?

It's the only jizz that flies
quicker than yours, playboy.

[thunder rumbling]

[indistinct]

You're about to be a Rockette. Vroom!

[engines revving]

[people cheering]

[tires screeching]

I guess we'll call it a tie?

Hmm, I guess.

I guess it was a tie.

Yeah, I mean...

So where to?

Oh, we're going to Tony's
place in a sec, but like,

I don't really know if it's,
like, an open kind of thing.

Yeah.

No, sure.

Rock out for me, though.

Huh, sure thing, DOOD.

[people cheering]

[melancholy music]

[ominous music]
[creature gurgling]

What?

What the fuck?

[creature groaning]

[engine starting]

OK, so I'm still high as fuck.

[creature wheezes]

OK, this is less fun.

Sorry.

I thrive in ominous silences.

[chuckles] Uh, yeah, sure.

You know, you don't sound too good.

And you don't look great, either.

Slimy motherfucker!

Allergy season.

Uh.

Yeah, no. I mean, I feel that.

Allerfix does the job for me.

Take it every morning.

You got some?

At home.

Can I get some?

Fuck, no! You're nasty, dog.

It's cold out here.

Come on, just take me with you.

As like a pet or something?

Sure, whatever.

Just take me.

Yeah, uh, no offense.

I don't think you're
gonna land me any chicks

like one of those fat little
cute chihuahuas would.

Right. You land a
chick, with or without me?

That ain't gonna happen. Just take me.

Well, not with that attitude.

Take me.

I'll stay with you.

I'm perfect for you.

Sorry. You're not really my type.

Oh, come on. Just take me.

DOOD, come on, come on.

Fucking just fucking
take me, you son of a-

- All right, fine!

Yeah, car's this way.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yippie! [laughs]

[laid-back music]

Oh, well, this is nice.

I could listen to it 24/7.

Yeah, it's very soothing.

You can relax to it. You can study to it

Huh, very typical of a privileged,

uncultured suburbafuck to indulge in.

What?

Hey, at least I'm not some fucked up Fur

made of gum and cum.

Don't tell me that's the wit
that scored you Pal tonight.

She must've been wasted off her ass.

How do you know about-

- I mean, no sober person
would actually take interest

in a shit-filled shrimp tail like you.

With those clammy hands,

she'd leave you the second
she had to hold 'em.

Not to mention...

[sniff] Hey, I know that beautiful stenc

That's my old gal Moki.

I haven't smelled her glory hole

since my years at the fraternity.

Hey,

Moki,

remember that night in Chinatown?

The crisp sewer air
rushing through our fur?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

You wanna?

Oh, [laughs] yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would like that.

Dude!

Fuck!

That's straight up vile.

Don't! Don't try to do that.

That's gross.

Stop! That's my doll!

What?

[creature growling]

Give me that!

[tires screeching]

♪ Pee pee poo poo pee pee pee poo poo ♪

♪ Pee pee pee poo poo
pee pee pee poo poo ♪

♪ Pee pee pee poo poo
pee pee pee poo poo ♪

♪ Pee pee pee poo poo
pee pee pee poo poo ♪

♪ Pee pee pee poo poo
pee pee pee poo poo ♪

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[engine starting]

[tires screeching]

[creature growling]

No!

[tires screeching]

Oh, come on, you're
too old to be in love

with your Beanie Babies.
[siren wailing]

Hey, maybe if your hands weren't
so lubed up with clam cum,

you coulda caught it. [laughs]

Come on, kid. Now
you gotta ride with me.

Lock her up. Let's get a move on.

So you couldn't find a ride, huh?

I'm sorry.

Look, don't apologize to me, kid.

You owe it to yourself to be more carefu

It's not worth your life.

[sighs] I know.

You're not in any trouble tonight.

You'll have to worry about
that towing cost, though,

and that'll be pain in the ass enough.

Thanks. I'm sorry.

I don't know how to deal
with shit like this.

I've been in mierda. Shit
gets overwhelming sometimes.

Sorry tonight's cards
weren't in your favor.

Just tell me that address
wasn't as far off as your age.

[DOOD chuckles]

Yeah, that was, that was legit.

You know, you have to
be the first pig to...

I meant officer, I meant officer.

[both laughing]

Well, I don't know, man.

I can't complain too much, though.

I've always being a little baby.

I actually met a girl who I'm, like,

I don't know, 99% sure was into me.

Hey, kid. Right on.

Did you get her number?

Actually, she asked for mine.

99%? Come on, that's a done deal.

Ah, I don't know.

Once they get to know you and
all, like really know you...

I mean, who knows?

Maybe she'll be too lame for you.

Hmm.

I don't know.

I like the validation, I guess,

but I'm looking for
something more these days.

Hey, man, we all are.

You seem like a sincere guy.

After all, it's dudes like you

that land the best gals in the end.

Yeah.

Not with clammy hands like mine.

[seagulls squawking]
[foghorn blowing]

Did you just say clammy hands?

Can't believe I'm showing you this.

Baby powder?

What, are you...

Are you still in diapers or something?

No, no, when I met my
boyfriend a couple of...

Yeah, that's right. A cop, too.

Some pork on pork action.

When I met my boyfriend, I
was really insecure about,

believe it or not, having clammy hands.

I was changing my baby
brother before our first date,

and I noticed that the powder
really dried out my hands,

so I decided to take a
capsule like that in my bag.

Ever since then he's just
thought I have baby-smooth hands.

It works like a charm.

Frankly, I think if I stopped,

it wouldn't make any difference to him.

It's really more for myself.

Truth be told, part of me thinks he know

You're a weird fucking
guy, Officer, uh...

Pete. Officer Pete Chambers.

DOOD, right?

[DOOD] A pleasure.

[upbeat music]

Finally I'm alone
and having a good time.

I've got my beer and my
VHS and I'm just having.

Oh, I'm gonna get that porn, yeah.

Riley Reid. I'm gonna watch Riley Reid.

No, no, no.

[knocking at door]
[indistinct]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jumping
Jesus on a pogo stick!

Are you Aaron A. Applebee?

I am, but who the fuck are you?

You have been alphabetically selected

to donate your heart to our president.

My heart? I wouldn't even
don't my anus to the president.

I don't wanna...

Yeah, all right, buddy.
Well, your ID says otherwise.

What? I wanna see your
medical license right now.

I wanna see that medical license.

I'm really fed up with this.

I got a good mind.

Oh, Pete.

[DOOD groans]

Hmm.

Nah, fuck that.

I don't give my heart
to nobody, nothing.

I give my heart only to
punk rock and to independent

[flesh squelches]
[Aaron groans]

cinema.

[doll squeaks]

All right.

It's a rough cut, but I feel
like we got something here.

It was shot incredibly.

Yeah.

You got thoughts, Wade?

Well, I agree with Scout.
It was shot incredibly.

Are you still gonna ruin all that

by putting that analog
overlay on everything?

Uh, I mean, we've talked about this.

It makes the film different.

It's like, everyone's so
focused on chasing the next

- hyper-realism digital format.
- Yeah, man,

because it looks good.

Look, I understand what you're going for

But I think you're just
limiting your audience.

People want quality.

This is just gonna look cheap.

What's your problem?

Why would you say that
two weeks into production?

What are we gonna do?

Just change the entire
aesthetic of the film?

Look, I understand all that,
but he asked me how I felt.

He needs to know.

OK, but the face melt scene
was sick as fuck, though, so.

[door handle rattling]

- Oh.
- Hey.

[Director] Hey, what's up?

Sorry, I'll knock next time.
I just came to get my cash.

[Director] Wait, oh.

[Trent] We get paid today?

Uh, no.

Mika does.

She's just under a different agreement.

Thanks.

Audio's sounding great, by the way.

Uh, this is 40 short.

[Director] Oh. It's not a
big deal, It's not a big deal.

Yeah, you've paid me
through, um, those apps before.

I'll just invoice you.

[Director] All right, all right. Sure.

- Have fun. See you.
- Back to it, guys.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

All right. See you Monday, Mika.

Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Oh.

On the next cut,

can we slow things down just a little bi

I didn't realize every shot was gonna be

like half a second long.

Like, you can't even appreciate
all the work I'm doing.

[Director] Yeah.

And Trent, too.

Yeah, no, I...

We can slow it down a bit.

All right, I'll tell
you what. How about this?

Slow down the cut just a little bit,

and then we can add the analog overlay.

I mean, it's your movie.
You do what you want.

Fine, yeah, we can do it.

[Wade] I just want
people to like the thing.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

All right. I'm gonna take
off. I'll see you all later.

Wait a minute.

Hey, you know what?

We can still make a good movie, man.

Let's just try and keep
our heads together, OK?

Now y'all take care.

Here, dude.

Thanks, Trent. I'm good.

Listen, dude.

I'm working on this
'cause you're my friend.

Just chill out a bit.

Like, think about what
makes a real movie good.

What will make the audience happy about

what they experience, man?

Well, see you later, dude.

I...

I don't get it. I don't, I don't get it.

They were just full of themselves.

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

Just...

God, it just makes me feel like
I'm not made out to do this,

like I don't know what I'm doing, man.

Of course you do.

You got this entire
crew together, not them.

And we're making something great.

And I believe in you.

I'm lucky to have you.

When are we gonna be done
filming DOOD's room scene?

Kinda sucks not having a bed in here.

[both chuckling]

I don't know.

Well, just forget about all of that.

Let's just get back to work.

I know we have to film that one scene.

I feel like...

I don't know, I just feel like

I might wanna work alone tonight.

You can take the night off.

I just...

We always work together.

I know, I know, I just...

I, I don't know. It's just dumb stuff.

Like, I'll just retape
these storyboard cards

and touch up the script.

I just need space or...

OK, yeah, no, um...

I do love you.

G'night, buddy.

G'night.

G'night.

[doll squeaking]

[creature wheezing]

What?

Dammit.

DOOD!

Hey, DOOD!

[creature regurgitates]

You got a light?

You know, all that existential bullshi

that comes with psychedelics

is fucking child's play compared to this

What kind of a drug has a cynical
hairball as a side effect?

I would consider myself

very well educated on psychedelic usage,

and this is just-

- I don't think you understand, DOOD.

I'm real.

I'm very, very,

very real.

Listen, as much as I
love watching you squirm,

let me explain things a bit
and really get under your skin.

OK, but I need a shower first.

If you're real, why
wouldn't Pete have seen you?

[creature coughs]

Like I said, I'm a part of
you. More than you'd like.

Consider me a perpetual
reality check from here on.

Like a tumor.

[DOOD] Reality check?

You're putting that special
volume-boosting conditioner

in your hair right now,
but for what purpose?

You don't know how to style your hair.

You'll frizzle it around
using that pre-moistened towel

you haven't washed in a half a year,

without expending a single brain cell.

Soon enough you'll be
waddling out the door,

a human pedestal for that
monument of a pubic bush

you'd like to call playfully messy.

[chuckles] See? Reality check. [laughs]

Ow, ow ow!

Ow! Fuck me!

Ah!

If only you had the
key to getting that out.

[electricity zapping]

Always getting mustard stains
on your favorite band tees?

Well, worry no longer.

Assuming you're not a
fucking brain-dead moron,

it's terribly simple.

All you have to do is add detergent

and select the appropriate cycle.

However, if you have the
intelligence of a college dropout.

[Pal] Yo, it's Pal.

I'm getting off work in like 30,

if you wanna grab coffee or something.

Lemme know!

'Cause you and I both know
you have no idea what that is.

And you probably don't have
a washing machine, either.

But maybe your mom does,

if she hasn't disowned you by this point

Although, she probably has.

Why don't you go back to that Chinese

production line you came from?

Calling you a "Critters" knockoff

would be too high of an honor.

You're like one of those
nasty-ass Ghoulies.

Hey. Hey.

Hey!

She may want you now,

but she'll see you right through you.

Given time, she'll want a real man.

One of quality.

You're just cheap.

[ominous music]

[upbeat music]

Aw, dude, she is a freak.

Oh my god.

I fucked a broad like that last night.

[officers laughing]

Asshole!

[Officer] Hey, fuck you, Pete!

[officers laughing]

[knocking at door]

What?

Sarge, tell me this isn't true.

The kid we brought in last
night, the DUI downtown,

I heard we were gonna
use him for something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I happen to think it's a great ide

How could you possibly
be against this one?

How is using a child
to bait troubled youth

for incarceration a win-win?

First off, he's 18,
so not a kid, per se.

Plus, he gets off scot-free.

No torture, nothing.

[chuckles] assuming he
complies, of course.

[sighs] He's one of them, Peter.

And because of him,

we've got a whole line on this
whole Dummy Gummy fiasco now,

and we can get those nasty little kid,

excuse me, future
criminals, off the streets.

How can you just stall
these kids' development?

I mean, you are paralyzing
them with extreme punishment.

We're doing our job, Pete.

You don't think I got to become sergeant

by handing out lollipops, do ya?

I was like you once.

Thought I was gonna save the world.

[laughs] Oh, wow, I was wrong.

Summer camp?

[explosion booming]

[men yelling]

[explosion booming]

[machine guns rattling]

I keep this to remind me of
what made me the man I am today.

We turned the tables on them, Peter,

in what I like to call good police work.

This is not war, Sergeant.

These are kids, not the
Vietnamese military.

I'm gonna talk to the chief about this.

[sergeant laughs]

The old boss hog? [laughs]

That fat fucker hasn't left his chair

since Cock Gobblers started
delivering back in '04.

[chief burps]

Face it, Pete.

This is my town.

It's gonna be long before any,

any of the nobodies in this dump

consider you a real officer.

[sergeant laughs]

[ominous music]

Names are not enough, you little shit.

Where's your phone?

We want contacts.

Fuck you, man!

Phones are for vacant-minded,

social media-enslaved fuckboys.

Everyone knows a true
punk stays off the grid.

Plant-ass swine.

[blow thwacking]

Ah!

Not cool!

[laid-back music]
[people chattering]

[Woman] Hey! You gonna
order something, kid?

[laughs] Ah, Jesus.

Were they hiring you in the back

while I was just wasting away out here?

Yeah. So order or get out!

What are you thinking?

Iced coffee.

Ah, very nice.

You?

Um, hot coffee.

[Pal] Right on.

You think they like working here?

[Pal] Hmm, probably.

Really.

Looks kinda like they just watched the v

have a hard time put their dog down.

OK, well, she was
probably an artist, too.

They hate doing shit like that.

I mean, I'm not like that.

Do you consider yourself an artist?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to be.

I really enjoy it.

Is it just drawing?

Yeah, right now. I mean,
I've always liked doodling.

I mean, I don't know.
I'd love to write songs.

Like, when I go to shows
and see people play,

that's a lot of fun for me.

And I know, maybe that's dumb,
but it always inspires me.

It's not dumb.

I mean, I feel like
I'm a creative person.

I see outfits in my head all the time.

I get super excited about
colors and garments,

And that brings me a lot of creative joy

But it's like, you know, is
that being self obsessed?

Is that being an artist?

I don't know.

Maybe it sounds really pretentious,

but I just think being an
artist is such an outdated idea.

You know?

It's so limiting. It's so exclusive.

Like, if all your purpose is derived

from this one act of creating,

then you're only worth shit
if you're being creative.

And I'd rather just enjoy
everything out there.

But as an artist, I
feel bad, I don't know,

watching TV or ripping a
joint by the waterfront.

I think that's so fucking stupid.

So I make art, but I'd rather just be Pa

doing what I enjoy.

No title, just me, my name.

In think you've got a great name for I

Thanks, DOOD.

Hey. I think that's gonna
be a really beautiful scene.

Thanks.

[Scout] What's wrong?

Ah, I don't know.

It just

feels phony.

No, no, it is not
funny. It is so genuine.

I don't know.

Reminds me of us.

I'm sorry. Why are you
doing this right now?

Like, we've already talked about this.

This isn't the time or the place.

[Scout] No, um, yeah.

You're my friend, right?

No, no, you don't have
to say anything else.

Um, I shouldn't have said anything.

You know, this isn't about
us. This is about the movie.

So I'm gonna go, OK?

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, no, it's all good.

It's all good. It's all good.

Why don't you guys go meet
me over by the van, all right?

Hey, man, what's up with Scout?

It's none of your business, Wade.

Hey, look, I'm just
looking out for y'all.

Come on, work with me, man.

On the movie, sure.

Look, Scout is a part
of this production.

Her mental state is kind
of vital to our success.

Listen, we're friends, OK?
But she's in love with me.

Sometimes we fuck, so
naturally it's complicated.

Tell me how you can help.

You know what? Forget I asked.

Dude, he's under a lot of stress.

Yeah, but he's fucking losing it.

Like, he doesn't need to
be on with Scout like that.

[Mika] As long as he pays
us and he keeps it together

for another couple of weeks.

I don't know, man, I'm kinda...

That could never happen to you.

Nobody would ever care for you like that

You lied to yourself for comfort.

You're stupid. You're pathetic.

Pathetic. Pathetic!

Stop!

No matter how hard you try,

you will always be a failure.

A complete fucking joke.

Nobody will ever respect you.

You'll never be worth
anything, let alone an artist.

[DOOD grunts]

[creature gurgles]
[DOOD groans]

Eat me, DOOD.
[DOOD whimpers]

Eat me, DOOD.

What?

Eat me, DOOD. Only then
will your misery subside.

Eat this!

[creature yells]

Eat me, DOOD.

Eat me, DOOD.

[DOOD grunts]
[flesh squelching]

DOOD.

DOOD!

Eat me, you fucking killer!

[ominous music]

[DOOD yells]

[energetic rock music]

[DOOD weeping]

Listen, I understand it's
not what you were expecting,

but you're really doing something
great by continuing the-

No.

Yes, yes. No, I understand
that completely.

I mean, there's gotta
be something we can do

to get you to stay.

No, no. I told you I can't do that.

I understand.

Clearly.

OK.

I'm sorry this didn't work out.

Goodbye.

[knocking at door]

Come in.

Hey.

[Director] Hey, what's up?

Oh, I just have, uh,
this week's hard drive.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah. I compressed the files, too.

It should be easier to
listen to any given file,

no matter how much
software you're running.

Great, great, thank you.

Yeah. Um, so do you have my pay?

[sigh] Um, yeah, sorry.

Fuck. Yeah, yeah.

I just got off the phone
with an investor, and they,

they requested to see some
of the recent dailies.

DOOD eating the creature?

Yeah.

Ah, man.

Yeah, I knew that scene was too much.

But why don't you just cut it out?

I mean, that montage of DOOD
trying to kill the creature,

that was a funny idea.

And we're really not that far ahead.

I mean, isn't this why he wanted to shoo

chronologically in the first place?

Hmm, no.

No, this is my story.

I'm doing this chronologically

so I can make changes like this,

because it feels right,
because it is right.

So it's staying.

OK, whatever.

Um, can I just get my cash?

They pulled out two
grand out of the film,

and now I have to factor
it out of the payroll.

- It's-
- And?

Probably gonna be more
like 250 a week now.

What?

Hey, is this a joke?

I mean, I'm barely
making anything as it is.

Listen, you're already the
highest-paid person on set.

Even above Wade.

Everyone else in this movie
is making jack shit as it is.

I work my ass off every day for you,

and that's your response,

that just because you're
ripping everyone else off,

that makes it OK?

I don't live just down the street.

I had to move here for a month,

and I can barely afford to
eat outside this production.

I get that, Mika.

But don't you understand
how this is hard for me?

I'm going through fucking hell
trying to finish this thing.

It's not about the money
anyways. It's about the art.

Is that so hard to understand?

Look, I'm sorry, but
I can't do this anymore.

- What?
- I need my last full payment,

and I have to be done.

No. I can't.

Look, you have my address,

because it's on the
agreement you made me sign.

The same agreement that said

you wouldn't do something like this.

But knowing the professionalism
of this production,

I doubt it holds any real
liability against you anyways.

Look, Mika, I can't finish
this thing without you. Please.

We're still new to this.
We're all still new to this.

[director wheezes]

[director coughs]

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

[dreamlike electronic music]

[Pal] Hey, it's Pal.
Sorry, my phone's off.

Fuck you!

That could never happen to me.

She doesn't give a fuck!

[DOOD coughs]

Trash.

Who would be with someone
who will make fucking trash?

[DOOD hyperventilates]

[high-frequency noise squealing]

Oh, don't listen to her,

or to anybody.

Nobody cares about you.

Nobody will ever care about you!

[dreamlike electronic music continues]

[high-frequency noise squealing]

No.

No.

No.

[flesh squelches]

[dreamlike electronic music continues]

[high-frequency noise squealing]

[dreamlike electronic music continues]

[phone buzzing]

[flesh squelching]

[phone buzzing]

[DOOD groans]

Wow.

Truly a work of

[flesh squelching]
art.

[DOOD screaming]

[suspenseful music]

[TV blaring]

[phone ringing]

911.

What?

What, what is your emergency?

I, I need help.

I'm in a lot of pain, and I
don't really know what's up,

but there's something inside me.

Slow down, kid. I can
barely understand you.

There's something inside of my stomach

and I don't know what it is, but-

- [Officer] Inside your stomach?

It's, it's, it's like
it's attacking me, OK?

It's tearing me up from the inside of me

and my skin is all fucked up.

Please, please.

Please, please, please send help.

- Listen to this, Sarge.
- Send help, please.

I'm in a lot of pain.

Ah, stop, stop! [hyperventilates]

I don't know what's wrong with me.

It's like this shouldn't be real.

It's like, it's like there's some evil,

evil fucking monster in me.

Listen, kid.

Do you think we sit on our asses all day

just to listen to tweakers like you?

Go piss on a 7-Eleven, or something.

[DOOD] No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!

- Yeah, tweak off, buddy.
- Please send help.

Please send help. My name is DOOD.

Wait. DOOD?

That's one of the users.

What?

[sighs] Do you still have his number?

Yeah, I got it right
here on the old caller ID.

Uh, should I call him back?

No.

I've got a better idea.

[suspenseful music]

Huh? What?

Hello?

DOOD?

Block? You finally got a phone?

Oh, uh, yeah, man.

I decided to submit to the
old generational conformities.

How are you doing, man?

Fucking rancid, man.
Something is horribly wrong.

I don't know what it is, but-

- I think I know what it could be.

Please, please, please,

tell me it was those Dummy
Gummies, Block, please.

Yeah, man, they were no good.

They've been fucking people up.

Are you OK, Block?

You don't, you don't sound like Block.

Oh, no, man. Sorry, I'm just
a little hungover, you know?

But dog, I got the fix for it.

It's all just caused by a
chemical imbalance in your head.

I got a little pill you can take

that straightens you right out.

Fuck, are you serious?
What kind of pill?

It's like a, uh,
supplement or something.

[DOOD] Whatever you say,
man, whatever you say.

Please just tell me this
nightmare will be over.

I want you to promise me.

Promise me that this
shit will work, Block.

Fuck!

Listen, are you free
later this afternoon?

I can meet you at Kenilworth Park.

Are, I'll be there in, like, an hour.

Perfect timing, Chambers.

We got a job.

Let's see if we can get
that career of yours

as an officer started today.

We've just got a kid who has admitted

to using illegal substances.

Now it's our turn.

There's no time for laundry,
Peter. I'm gonna slap.

[suspenseful music]

[high-frequency noise squealing]

[laughs] Here he comes, boys. Ah.

Why are they prepared to fire?

You never know how these
addicts are gonna act.

They will claw your eyes out

with those nasty little
goblin nails of theirs.

There's no way this kid
is gonna take us down.

Pete, shut the fuck up.

You're kinda killing the vibe, man.

[suspenseful music]

[DOOD coughs]

What?

[DOOD whimpers]

What?

[suspenseful music]
[DOOD whimpering]

[DOOD screaming]

[suspenseful music]

[screams] Oh my fucking god!

What the fuck?

Oh shit!

Oh god!

What the...

Hell yeah. This one's tweaking, all righ

Boys, this one looks like
he's gonna get violent.

I don't think he's worth the risk.

Fuckers like this

don't deserve to walk
our streets as it is.

Let's see who's gonna be
the hero today, shall we?

What? No?

Something's wrong. He looks sick.

Stand down.

Get on your knees.

Knees!

Now stay put.

And unlike this fuck, you
might get to get back up again.

[suspenseful music]

Block, please give 'em to me.

What the fuck? What
happened to you, man?

It was the Dummy Gummy
vitamins. I don't know.

I just need those pills.

I'm sorry man, but I...

What? Just give them to me.

No, you don't understand.

Give them to me!

The pills, they're bogus, man.

What?

I don't know what's wrong with you.

They used me. You gotta get outta here.

You betrayed me?

[gunshot banging]
[suspenseful music]

[DOOD whimpers]

You fucking moron!

[gunshots banging]

what the fuck?

[sergeant grunts]

[gunshot banging]

[grunts] Son of a bitch!

[gunshot banging]
Fuck!

What the fuck?

Fuck! Son of a bitch!

You motherfucker!

Goddammit, you son of a bitch!

You fucking two-hole bitch!

Hey, are we wrapping
this up pretty soon?

You only paid for the hour.

Um, we just finished the screening.

Can we have like five
minutes to talk to the crew?

Then we'll be out of here.

OK, five minutes.

OK, everyone. Um, so this
is what we have so far.

But you know what, I wanna
take a moment to say thank you

to those of you who have stuck
with us until this point,

because without you guys, none
of this would be possible.

Thanks, Scout.

Can our director tell us what
he thinks of the cut so far?

[Scout] Oh, we're
really happy with what-

- Who's we?

What's your problem now, Wade?

Frankly, I've got a lot of 'em.

The first act of this thing,
we had pristine sound.

Now we have the consistency
of a fucking student film,

and a ratchet-ass one at that.

I mean, the fucking boom
should have its own credit,

for Chrissakes.

And where the fuck is this story going?

This is not the movie
any of us signed up for.

Yeah, like, how is
DOOD supposed to get rid

of the creature by accepting Pal's love?

It's inside his body.

It kind of it all up.

And, like, what's the
point of Pete anymore?

If DOOD doesn't get arrested,

then Pete doesn't need to
help him escape the jail cell,

and then Pal doesn't need to
be his getaway driver, so-

- Trent brings up a good point.

You know, if the creature
is inseparable from DOOD,

and he doesn't need to make the escape,

then how is Pal's role being
maintained in the story?

You just have to trust me.

Look, you already cut
my scene on the phone.

I think replacing it

with that self-harm moment is horrible.

That is a pivotal
moment for his character.

[Actress] It's too much.
It's beyond his character.

I wrote the character.

OK, but we're all making this movie.

If you don't wanna
be a part of my movie,

then you can get the fuck outta here.

Oh, motherfuck.

Fine, good luck finding
another manic pixie dream girl

for your stupid sap story.

Anybody else?

If anybody else

wants to go,

please just go.

Changing the story is a
part of my creative process.

My vision is clear.

Yes?

So if we leave now, will we
receive any credit for this?

No. I'm sorry, no.

Hey, listen, man.

Our flight leaves out on
Tuesday, next Tuesday,

so let's just, let's
just shoot this thing.

But you, you gotta chill the fuck out.

I have to be done.

I'm not gonna waste my
time on this anymore.

Scout, please save yourself
from this train wreck.

You don't act like it,

but you deserve better than this.

He's not, he's not wrong, man.

I'm sorry. This just sucks.

You wanna know something?
You're no artist.

What you are as a selfish,
manipulative, ego-hungry leech.

If you had a shred of dignity,

you'd drop this whole thing right now.

But I can tell that's not gonna happen.

I don't wanna see how this ends.

Man.

I just, I don't know if
I'm up for this anymore.

Yeah.

I, uh,

I felt uncomfortable about
the direction this has taken.

Well, it's up to you, buddy.

I'm in this shit show with
you. We're in it together.

Please.

Please stay.

If I have the three of you,
I can finish this thing.

This is all I have.

I just want...

We have put in so much hard work.

We could just see it to the end.

Please. We have enough crew
left to make it happen.

There's three more scenes
left, and we are done.

Please.

[aggressive metal music]

What?

What the fuck are you doing here, kid?

Can't you see you're ruining this?

[aggressive metal music]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Stop!

[DOOD hyperventilates]

[glitchy electronic music]

Fuck!

Traitors!

Traitors!

Traitors!

Traitors!

Traitors!

Traitors, traitors, traitors!

[director yells]

[director moans]

[laughs] No.

[director coughs]

Please, no, don't do this.

[Director] Come on, put the gun up.

Put the gun up!

[gun clicks]

[Officer] Oh shit!

[gun clicking]

[blood gurgling]

[Director] Come on.
Go into the next room.

Scream! I want you to scream!

[woman screaming]
Come on! Scream!

Come on, look over here!

Look at me in the eye. Look at me in thi

Scream into the camera lens!

[woman screaming]
Scream into the camera lens!

I want you to look to the
ceiling. Look to the ceiling.

Breath heavy. [hyperventilates]

Scream it. Now look at me.
[woman screams]

Scream. Look at me.

Look in the camera lens,
directly into the camera lens.

Look into the camera, look
into the camera. Look harder.

You're not looking hard
enough into the camera lens!

Look into the camera lens!
Look at me in the eyes!

Why are you not looking me in the eyes?

[woman screams]

Action!

[officer moaning]

[gun clicks]

Come on, dude.

What are you doing, dude?

Come on, what are you,
what are you doing, dude?

Come on, what are you doing?

What are you doing, dude?

Come on, what are you doing?

What are you doing, dude?

[blood gurgling]

Why? Why are you doing this?

You, all of you.

You miserable fucking lunatic!

You fucking...

You fucking loser.

Nobody respects you.

You fucking loser.

Nobody respects you.

[sergeant groans]

How many bullets?

What?

[Director] Goddammit!

"How many bullets are
in this fucking gun?"

How many fucking
bullets are in this gun?

Three!

[gun clicks]

[sergeant coughs]

[gun clicks]
[glitchy electronic music]

[knocking at door]

[Actor] Hello?

Are you, are you in there?

Yes.

I read the new ending.

I don't think I can do this, man.

This project has stopped being
healthy for me a while ago.

I did want to help you finish this, but,

this is too dark, man.

I feel uncomfortable.

Really uncomfortable.

More than anything, I'm concerned for yo

And I know that we aren't that close, bu

I am worried about you and
I have been for a while.

I'm sorry.

I wish you the best.

How do we finish this?

I will finish it

I will finish.

[director coughs]

I will finish it.

Finish yourself.

Finish yourself.

Finish yourself!

You pathetic fucking fuck.

All you are was this movie!

You have failed.

You've failed!

You failure!

You fucking failure!

Nobody would bat a fucking eye,

nobody would bat a fucking eye,

nobody would bat a fucking eye.

Nobody would

bat a fucking eye.

Kill yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah, kill yourself.

Kill yourself!

Kill yourself!

Kill yourself!

Is this really it?

I guess so.

Won't the audience know it's you?

Not when my back is turned.

Yeah, I guess.

Why can't you be just a little happy

after everything we've been through?

This is it.

All right.

I want this last shot to be

wide.

So you'll have to move
back a little bit more,

and don't zoom in OK, you know?

Don't zoom.

I want it to be long.

So don't cut until I say to.

Wait, that's the last shot of the movi

I don't understand.

Don't be like them!

This is it, just like you said.

Just finish it with me.

This is it.

OK.

I'm ready.

Action!

[Scout] Stop, stop it! Stop!

[Director] No, wait, stop. Get off!

[Scout] What are you
doing? This is insane.

[Director] Get off me! Get off.

[Scout yells]

[impact thuds]

[director sobbing]

[ominous music]

Hey, hang on, I got this one coming to

Hey, hey, you with me, buddy?

Hey, can you hear me?

You're gonna be OK, all right?

I need you to relax, OK?

I need you to breathe.

[both laughing]

[Man] Surrender!

Oh, come on.

This has gotta be the
best movie ever made.

Oh, it's official.

I mean, "Citizen Kane," "The Godfather

Of course.

"Big Fat Liar."

- Duh.
- I mean,

this is gonna be taught in
film schools for centuries.

Oh, history best be taking notes.

Mm-hmm.

[both chuckling]

Could you imagine?

I mean...

- What?
- I don't know.

I don't know.

I mean, could you imagine
making a movie like this?

Like, even if it was
stupid, you know, like.

[Scout] For the
millionth time, just do it.

[Director] Yeah, maybe.

Why don't you?

I'll help you.

I'll be there every step of the way.

I'm tired of just hearing
you dream about this.

[Director] And how would we?

[Scout] We just would.

[Director] Ah, I don't
think I'm that kind of person.

Oh, come on. Sure you are.

It'd be so fun.

Ah, I don't know.

I believe in you.

[Director] Where would we start?

[Scout] Why not make DOOD
and the creature into a script?

Ah.

Huh.

I mean, yeah.

But is there something there?

Really?

Yeah.

- Fuck it.
- Yes.

Oh, I'm so excited.

[both giggle]

This is amazing.

Yeah, I mean,

what kind of movie has a
Pomeranian as the killer?

No, not the movie.

You.

You're amazing.

You make me feel safe.

I'll always be here.

Just promise you'll be here, too.

[upbeat music]

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ I've been working on
this movie way too long ♪

♪ I want to be done ♪

♪ I want to run away ♪

♪ I want to go ♪

♪ Into the sky, gone, gone ♪

♪ I don't want to live another day ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ Ruined my life ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ Ruined my life ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ Ruined my life ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ I need you dead, I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ I need you dead, I need you dead ♪

♪ Oh no [indistinct] ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ I need you dead, I need
you dead, I need you dead ♪

♪ I need you dead, I need you dead ♪

♪ I don't wanna make this movie anymore ♪

♪ I wanna be down on the floor ♪

♪ I don't wanna sit in
this computer chair ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ Be do do do do do do do ♪

♪ Be do do do do do do do ♪

♪ Do do do do do do ♪

♪ Be do do do do do do do ♪

♪ Be do do do do do do do ♪

♪ I need you a shred more ♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[brooding electronic music]

[creature laughing]