I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958) - full transcript

Those guys ain't even giving us
a hard look.

Maybe they're
married, or something.

Well, if we're willing to overlook
it, they certainly ought to.

Hey, waiter.

Mr. Farrell's getting married
in the morning.

Give him a drink.

Freedom on the rocks.

I am married. Give
me another drink.

Every one of us was married, is
married, or is about to get married,

so, give us all another drink.

No, pass me. I told Marge
I'd stop in on the way home.



Seeing your bride the night before
you're marrying her? That's bad luck.

Sam, seeing her at the wedding,
that's bad luck.

Good night, fellas.
Thanks for the party.

Get in touch with me
when you're getting divorced.

- Then I'll give you a real party.
- Get out of here.

He's such a nice guy. It's a
shame it has to happen to him.

Well, now, you're
so smart, Harry,

how come you never figured out
a way of avoiding matrimony?

I did.

Well?

It hurts.

Well, now, you're making sounds, but
there's no message coming through.

What's your solution?

Mass suicide.



I didn't think I had
that much to drink.

Mother, will you
stop that dirge?

That isn't a dirge, dear,
that's the wedding march.

- If bill ever gets here, it will be a dirge.
- He's not very late.

Well, no. No, it's
still Tuesday.

Just what were you boys drinking
last night?

- Beer.
- Wine.

All right, so,
we had a few drinks, Marge.

- After all, it was bill's last free night.
- Well, thank you.

As a matter of fact,
he left before anybody else did.

He said he was going to drop by
and say good night to you.

Bill.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Marge.

Marge, dear.

Marge, you're not married yet.
Marge?

Goodbye, dear!

Goodbye!

That guy must be blind.

Why don't you turn your
lights on, you dummy.

Bill, you don't
have your lights on.

Lights. I guess I forgot.

Forgot?

- Bill, it's dark, how could you see?
- I told you, I just forgot.

Bill?

I know you've been
absent-minded lately,

but you can't have a honeymoon
without a bride.

Everything's so beautiful here.

The ocean, and the hotel,

and the table.

And you.

Well, you big idiot, you say something.
I'm running out of small talk.

Why do we have to talk?

Well, the least you can do
is ply me with liquor.

To our marriage, darling.

To our marriage, darling.

It's a big ocean.

It is.

Maybe you've guessed, but I've
never been on a honeymoon before.

Neither have I.

Is that why you sound
so strange to me?

I didn't mean to.

Then for heaven's sake,

tell me you love me.

I love you, Marge.

What's that?

Thunder.

Thunder.

Now, that we've
got that settled,

how about kissing me?

I better go inside.

Bill?

Well, there goes a ruined man.

- Anybody we know?
- Bill Farrell.

Never seems to get
out much anymore.

His wife must get
to see him a lot.

He's been married
practically a year, Sam.

All right, I have, too.

But even a coal
miner gets time off.

All right, now,
what's wrong with you?

The evening's
still got braces on its teeth.

I'm worried about Caroline.

Who's Caroline?

Your wife.

Her.

Grady, you are a home-wrecker.

I concur.

That doesn't look
like me at all.

If you were turned inside out,
that's the way you would look.

Well, thank you, Dr. Wayne, but
I think I'll stay the way I am.

That's not bad either.

Seriously, Marge,

there's no reason why you and bill
can't have a half-dozen kids.

Well, we've been married a year.

Today's our anniversary,
as a matter of fact.

Well, life doesn't always run
on a timetable.

I've given you every
test in the book,

and you check out fine,
so stop worrying.

Doris and I were married five years
before we had our first one.

Well,

thank you, doctor.

Marge?

Why don't you have bill
come in and see me.

Marge.

The walls of Troy have fallen.
Sam's finally broken down.

- He proposed to me.
- That's wonderful.

It's about time,
you big lughead.

Well, I'd just
about given up hope.

I was reading books
about Florence nightingale,

Joan of arc, madame du Barry,
you know, career women.

But now, I've been saved.

When are you getting married?

Before Sam has a chance
to change his mind.

Hi, Marge.

Darn.

He was going to be a surprise.

- Who was?
- Junior here.

What's junior?

He's my anniversary present
to you, darling.

He was so cute and friendly
back at the pet shop.

Maybe dogs don't like me.

Bill, you've had dogs all your
life, ever since you were a child.

Here, boy.

Maybe I'm a little
out of practice.

Put him in the basement, Marge.

I don't know why he's
acting like this.

He sure turned out to be a fine
anniversary present, didn't he?

Maybe he just needs a little
time to get accustomed to me.

Yeah. Well, t'll put
him in the basement.

Quiet, boy.

I said, quiet, boy.

Bill.

I'm afraid we didn't have very good luck
with your anniversary present, Marge.

- Puppy's dead.
- How?

Well, he must have strangled himself.
I think his collar was too tight.

- He couldn't have.
- But he did.

I don't want you getting
yourself upset about it.

You go back upstairs.
I'l take care of it.

I'm sorry, darling.

- About what?
- About the dog.

I think, maybe,
I've outgrown them.

Maybe.

I saw Dr. Wayne today.

He took all kinds
of tests and things.

Tests? What kind of tests?

To find out if I
can have children.

And?

And there's nothing
wrong with me.

Then there's nothing
to worry about.

I know, except...

Except what?

We're not having any.

Dr. Wayne thought,

- and please, bill, don't get angry.
- Why should I get angry?

Well, I don't know,
except I never know

how you're going to react
to anything anymore.

If it weren't so silly,

I'd say that you were bill's twin
brother from some other place.

I don't have a twin brother.

Darling, of course, you don't.

And what did Dr. Wayne think?

Bill, I want children.

What did Dr. Wayne think?

That you ought to go see him.

Will you go, bill?

Sure.

Sure, I will.

I'll get it.

- How are you?
- Hi, Marge.

I know it's late, but there's something
I want to talk to bill about.

Bill? Sam's here.

- Hello, Sam.
- Hiya, Billy-boy.

I need some information on that policy
you sold old man Dexter the other day.

Sure.

Well, I'm a little tired.
Would you excuse me, please?

Sure. I won't let this bum
stay around too long.

- How about a drink?
- Scotch.

Aren't you gonna join me?

I didn't get engaged today.

I haven't seen you take a drink
since you were married, bill.

Well, I guess I've lost
my taste for the stuff.

Well, are you going to drink
that, or just hang on to it?

You know, I've lost
my taste for it, too.

I'll get the policy.

I don't need it.

Did you make many
mistakes at first?

Selling insurance?

No, wearing this thing.

The design's pretty lousy.

How much did you have
before you came here tonight?

I'll say one thing for humans,
they may not be very bright,

and their bodies fall apart
in a ridiculously short time,

but they do manage
to enjoy themselves.

You celebrating
"be kind to humans week?"

They've improved the methane
reservoirs in these bodies.

You're due to report
to the ship tonight.

I'll get the policy.

Well...

Congratulations.

I'll make the call.

Frank,

have I been getting
off base with you?

What I mean is,
the last couple of months,

you been clamming up on me every time
we've been out on the beat together.

- So, I thought maybe I made some...
- Shultz.

It's some drunk.

Bill?

Bill?

I need help.

Could be you came to
the right place, sister.

I've just seen a...

I know it sounds crazy, but
you've got to believe me, I've...

I've just seen a monster.

Who hasn't? Seen them myself.

- I'm not joking.
- I believe you.

What color was yours?

They look just like us.

Well, some of us
look different than others.

You're not really
listening to me.

Sure, I am.

Max, give the little lady a...

Tell me, what were you drinking
when you started seeing yours?

Funny thing. She didn't
look like a lush.

They don't wear
badges, you know.

I could tell you,
there was this little old dame

who looked just like
your grandmother...

I never seen my grandmother.

You happen to know
who the broad was?

Yeah, she's a Mrs. Farrell.

Local?

She married a guy who sells insurance
in town, little over a year ago.

Bill Farrell, that's
it, bill Farrell.

He used to drop in here every once
in a while, just to knock one over.

I guess she's taking over all
the drinking for the family now.

I seen a monster once,

yeah?

That's why I'm afraid to go
home alone without an escort,

so, I thought maybe you might.

No, call up the monster.

I need help. I want
to see chief Collins.

It's the middle of the night,
ma'am. He'll be home in bed.

I'm Marge Farrell. He's my
godfather. He'll believe me.

Believe you about what?

About my husband, and about...

It's kind of late in the season
for a thunderstorm.

You believe me, don't you?

Finish your coffee, Marge.
Have a cookie.

You know,

a policeman hears
a lot of strange stories.

He starts out
by not believing any of them.

Most of the time, he's right.

But when you've been a policeman
as long as I have,

you begin to wonder.

Then you're not sending for a
psychiatrist, chief Collins?

I am not, Mrs. Farrell.

I've known you a
long time, Marge.

I wouldn't risk a nickel on
your temper, or your cooking.

But I'd bet my pension
on your sanity.

I almost wish I were insane.

Because I saw that...

Now, hold it, Marge. I said
I believed in your sanity.

That doesn't mean I believe
everything you told me.

You saw something tonight.
I accept that.

But there have been
a lot of reports about

landings on earth
from outer space.

It might tie in.
Might be hysteria.

Then you really don't believe
I saw anything tonight.

I'm gambling that you did.

Marge,

you're in a state of shock.

Now, what you saw doesn't have
to mean that bill is changed,

or even inhabited.

We're gonna make sure.

I can do it.

Now, meantime,
you go home to your husband.

- No, I can't.
- Marge, you've got to.

Suppose you're right.

If you don't go home,
bill will realize that you know.

They'll be warned. We don't
know what action they'll take.

You come home.

- Swanson.
- Yes, sir.

Take Mrs. Farrell home.

Are you sure that we're
doing the right thing?

- You're sending me home to a...
- Marge.

You gotta trust me.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

I guess I'm jumpy, or something.

I'm sorry I startled you.

Where have you been?

Out for a walk.
I couldn't sleep.

It's pretty late.

That's fine.

Now, Mr. Alexander, when I say, "who
giveth this woman in marriage?"

Please say, "I do."
Now, that's good.

Let's relax, and we'll try
it again in a few minutes.

Helen, I've got to
talk to you alone.

- But, Marge...
- Please, it's important.

Well, all right.

Marge, people are gonna think
this is funny.

Never mind what people think.

I just love rehearsing for weddings.
Especially when it's my own.

Helen, don't marry him.

I mean, don't marry him today.
Postpone it for a while?

After all the years
it took me to land him?

- I'm serious.
- Well, so am I.

I wouldn't ask you to do this
unless I had a reason.

You trying to tell me
that Sam's already married?

No.

For a minute, you
had me worried.

There can be other reasons
why you shouldn't marry him.

Not good ones.

Helen, I can't tell you.

And it may not be true of Sam.
I just don't know.

Honey, what may
not be true of Sam?

Well, I've already told chief
Collins. I might as well...

You mean Sam's been robbing
banks, or something?

Worse than that, or it could be.

Marge.

Honey, I don't know
what's bothering you,

but it's not gonna keep me
from marrying Sam. I love him.

Well, I may be wrong,

but I've got to tell you anyway.

Better tell her later.

Helen, they need you outside.

Thanks, bill.

What were you gonna
tell her, darling?

Nothing important.

Where's the lighter, bill?

It needed to be fixed.
I took it over to tompkins'.

Here's your drink.
I'll get you a light.

Never mind. Where's your drink?

I'm not having any.

Why not?

You know I've developed
an allergy for alcohol.

You never used to have one.

I never used to
be married either.

I think I'm way
ahead on the deal.

That wedding today,

it meant something to me.

Sure, I know it was just
Helen and Sam getting married,

but I don't know, maybe I'm
just getting sentimental, or...

Maybe I'm beginning
to understand.

Marge?

What?

The past few weeks you...

You've changed,
as though you'd gone away.

I'm still here.

Yes.

I'm tired, bill.

Sure.

Just what do you
think you're doing?

Taking a walk.

You've been walking around going
nowhere for the last half-hour.

I'm tired.

What's your name?

John Smith.

- Your address?
- I'm looking for an address.

Well, you've found one.

City jail.

- I ain't done nothing, but watch.
- Watch what?

Look, I'll level out with you,
which I don't often do with cops.

Couple weeks ago, a broad
blows into the bar and grill.

She's gassed to the gills,
but she had something.

Who was she?

All right, she's a married dame, but
I figured her marriage don't take.

Otherwise, how come she floats
around town on the loose?

Who was she?

Look, all I've been doing
is hanging around,

hoping one night, she might
decide to take off again.

Now, the last time I heard,
there's no law against that.

Got a permit
for that gun you're carrying?

- What makes you think I got a gun?
- Come on.

No, you're too much too quick.

Farrell broad, she was yakking about
monsters looking just like us.

- You ain't taking me no place.
- That's where you're wrong.

I am?

Criminal type.

Any use to us?

- Was that a shot?
- Just a car backfiring.

You're very
beautiful, aren't you?

You should be a better
judge of that than I.

I'm learning.

Learning?

I'm your husband, Marge.

But you don't want me here.

There's always the guestroom.

It's a nice idea, anyway.

What is?

Making guests comfortable.

Excuse me, but do any of you
gentlemen have the right time?

I'm getting tired of this
childish game we're playing.

I don't know anything about the
unconscious of the body you took over.

But as far as mine goes, there's
nothing childish about it.

Personally, I find
human beings disgusting.

I kind of like them.

Like them or not,
we've gotta live with them.

How long are we gonna wait?

Until we know, one
way or the other.

Look, Harry, our scientists
are working on a way right now

to mutate human female chromosomes,
so we can have children with them.

Now, until we get a positive
yes or no, why don't you relax.

Believe it or not,
it can be fun.

I think we're gonna have trouble
with our bartender friend.

What's the matter
with my liquor?

Nothing.

How come you ain't drinking it?

We paid for the drinks. What we
do with them is our business.

You guys used to come in here
and lap the stuff up.

Now, you come in here, you order
one drink, you don't touch it.

You sit around, talk to nobody.
You hardly talk to each other.

Like a bunch of ghouls
waiting for the corpse to ripen.

I suppose that ain't none
of my business either, huh?

No.

Look, Farrell, don't talk to
me like I'm a stupid idiot.

What are you?

Why, you...

Come on, let's go.

Wait a minute.

I'll leave him a tip.

He can use it for band-aids.

Grady, you ain't got it no more,
if you ever had.

Excuse me, honey,
but have you got the time?

Who cares what
time it is, anyway?

You know, I got a bad habit. I always
go around calling men "honey".

You know why it's a bad habit?
It gives them ideas.

I hope you ain't
getting any ideas.

I'm crazy about dolls.

Would you like to buy me a doll?

If you was a gentleman,
you'd at least speak to me.

Hey, you. Look at me
when I'm talking to you!

Go to the ant, thou sluggard.
Consider her ways and be wise.

That is, if what you want out of
life is leftover picnic lunches.

What do you want out of life?

- Please, we're in mixed company.
- They're all married.

That doesn't worry me.

The only trouble is,
they're married to us.

Your arm's sharp.

You know, nobody'd ever believe

you'd once had a tryout pitching
for the New York Yankees.

How come they
didn't sign her up?

Caroline's from Georgia.

And every time she said "yankee", she
put the word "damn" in front of it.

That ain't exactly right. But I
tell you what really did happen.

The day the scout came around,
I had a sore arm.

- What was that from, pitching too often?
- No.

It was from wrestling with Ted
in the back seat

of that darned old
convertible of his.

You know something?

I never could manage
to get the top down.

Helen and Sam been out in
that rowboat a long time.

They didn't even
come in for lunch.

When Caroline and I
came back from our honeymoon,

I couldn't stop
eating for a week.

Well, you still haven't stopped.

Maybe, but I breathe in between.

- Sam fell overboard.
- He can swim like a fish.

But he's not swimming.

Dr. Wayne?

He's dead.

But he was still alive
before you fed him the oxygen.

I know.

I don't understand it.

It's impossible, but
if anyone asked me,

I'd have to say it was the
oxygen that killed him.

Marge, do you wanna spend the rest
of your life in an insane asylum?

- I'm not insane!
- I don't think you are.

But if you go around talking about
monsters invading norrisville,

everyone else will.

Hello?

Is this the Washington operator?

I see,

all lines to
Washington are busy.

I'll check on it and
call you back. All right.

- Hello, Mr. Potter.
- Nice day, Mrs. Farrell.

How much?

FBI?

How much?

$1.60.

- Will it go out right away?
- Right away.

Sorry we had to stop you, Mrs.
Farrell.

Well, then why did you?

The road's washed out
a couple miles ahead.

The road's washed out? But it
hasn't been raining for weeks.

- It has to postpone your trip for a while.
- But it hasn't been raining!

The road's washed out, Mrs.
Farrell.

How about some light?

You don't need any.

Don't be too sure.

Why not?

Or is there still
something I don't know?

What do you know?

I know you're not bill.

You're some thing
that crept into bill's body.

Something that can't even
breathe the same air we do.

Sam died because oxygen
was forced into his lungs.

Aren't you afraid
to be telling me all this?

Yes.

Does frightening women
make you proud?

Or is pride something

monsters don't understand?

We understand pride.

But we can't afford it.

It was something else that drove
us halfway across the universe.

We come from a planet
in the Andromeda constellation.

Our sun became unstable,
so we built some spaceships,

enough to carry all our people
safely away before our sun exploded.

But it took time to
build those ships.

And in that time,

as our sun's rays
became more intense,

our women died.

But we went on, anyway,
a race doomed to extinction.

Why did you have to come here?

You have no idea
how rare life is in those

cold, countless miles of space.

Did you love your women
before they died?

Love?

No, we came together
for breeding purposes only.

That's why it's taken me
so long to understand.

Understand what?

Something happened
that we hadn't foreseen.

Along with these bodies, we
inherited other things as well.

Human desires, emotions.

Are you telling me

you're learning how to love?

I'm telling you I'm
learning what love is.

You?

I wish you hadn't found out.

Your race has no women.
It can't have children.

It will die out.

Eventually, we'll have
children with you.

What kind of children?

Our kind.

Marge, if I didn't know you so well,
I'd give you a strong sedative

and keep you under observation
for a week.

Everything I've
told you is true.

Now, don't you worry
about a thing, Mrs. Farrell.

Why don't you drop by the office in the
morning? We'll look at the x-rays.

You say there's
no way of telling

whether any given man in town
is @ monster, or not.

No.

Yet you've come to me for help.

- How do you know I'm not one of them?
- It don't.

I had to try.

Are you?

No, Marge, I'm not.

We've got to destroy their ship.

Otherwise, they'll overrun the earth,
and we'll be bearing their children.

But I'll need help.

The only trouble is, how can I tell the
men I go to for that help are human?

Marge? Dr. Wayne?
Caroline's done ijt.

Have a cigar, Marge.
Have a cigar, Dr. Wayne.

Twins.

That Southern belle of mine
is really ringing.

I think she's trying to build a
confederate army all by herself.

- Marge, you'd better go home.
- Why?

I don't want bill waking up
and finding you gone.

Don't you worry, Marge.
I know where to get our men.

Human men.

- Come on, Ted.
- Well, what's going on?

I'll tell you later. Come on.

Marge.

Come here.

Where were you?

I went to chief Collins.

Why?

I told him about you
and all the others.

And he called the national guard,
and they're sending in troops.

And the air force is going to cooperate,
and I don't care what you do to me now.

I'm not going to do anything.

From here on in,
we'd better be quiet.

Couldn't you have left those darn
dogs of yours home for once?

They'll be okay.

Come on.

Chief Collins, please.

This is bill Farrell.

Did my wife stop by
and talk to you earlier tonight?

Marge.

It wasn't chief Collins you saw
when you went out before.

Who did you get to believe you?

Who was it? There's no
chance we won't find out.

Then why ask?

Marge said the ship was hidden
at the far end.

Under the Ridge.

Tell Mel

So, your friends are
attacking our ship?

Good lord.

Head out! Head for
the nearest town!

Doc. Doc, my dog.

What are they?

These are the humans.

Wired into some kind of
broadcasting circuit.

Electrical impulses
from the real human bodies

even memories.

In that case, all we gotta
do is smash these things.

Unless it's a two-way circuit.

What's that mean?

Destroying the shell
might also destroy the human.

What choice have we got?

None.

Earth mission has failed.

They're alerted and dangerous.

Suggest continuing on
to another galaxy.

Total personnel

lost.

Destroy

scout ship.

Your people have won.

That makes you
happy, doesn't it?

We never knew happiness.

Or love or any emotion
when we came here to your...

Earth.

I'd just begun to learn.

- What is it?
- Get out.

Get out.

Marge.

Bill?

Bill.

We'd better get
out of here, quick.