I Love You to Death (1990) - full transcript

[DOOR CLOSING]

Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.

How are you doing?

It's been two weeks
since my last confession.

I've done a lot of bad things
in that time.

Didn't go to church,

I took the Lord's name in vain
quite a few times,

I cursed my mother-in-law,

but it was in Italian,
so she couldn't understand,

so I don't know
if that counts.

It counts.



Okay...

And I cheated on my wife.

You committed adultery?

Yes.

How many times?

Five times the last two weeks.

Wait...

No, that's wrong.

It was four times this week...

with three women...

and three times last week...

with two other women.

Wow.

Plus, one of the women
from this week



was the same as last week...

or maybe two of the women
was the same,

so I guess that makes...

What? I don't know.
Seven times.

I mean, it was more than
seven times, Father.

It was more like 10 or 12
times, but, you know,
it was like...

on seven different occasions,
only with five different
women,

but some of the women
more than once...

Some of them quite a
few times.

In fact,
it's hard to say, Father.

I didn't exactly keep count,

but let's say a dozen times
in the last two weeks...

give or take a few times.

[**]

Rosalie!

Joey, I'm still waiting
for those meatballs, baby.

I'll be right with you.

Hey, thanks for stopping by.

Rosalie,
Wendel wants another beer.

Excuse me.

Benny!What are you doing here?
I thought you was on vacation.

Got back yesterday.

How's Martha?
She's terrific.

You tell her Joey said hello.

I will.

Devo, the meatball,
the meatballs. Come on.

I'll be with you
in one minute, folks.

Donna Joy, you're looking
mighty nice in that mini.

Thanks, Joey.

You're looking
pretty good yourself.

Yeah, you think? Thanks.

[RING]

Joey's Pizza.

Hey, Ty, how you doing?

How many? How soon?

You want pepperoni,
you got pepperoni.

Devo, take this out.

Rosalie!

Tulsky's coming by
to pick up six pies.

We need more pepperoni.
It's in the back.

[RING]

Joey's Pizza.

Hey, baby, how you doing?

Oh!

No, no, now's bad.

Now's bad.

Very busy.

How about later on?

Later on. Okay?

I've got to hang up.
My wife's coming.

Okay, bye.

Thanks for calling.

Be quiet, will you?

Shut up!

Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mom.

Dominic.

Devo.

"Mr. Crystal,
let it shine.

Spikes just like
a porcupine."

Hello, you two.

Hi!

This is hot. I'll be
with you in a minute.

I'm going to
drop this off.

Okay.
I'm going to go see Dad.

Hi, Daddy.

Who said that?

What? What?

Let me see
your picture, Dom.

Oh, that's really good.
What is it?

What does it look like?

It looks like
a pizza pie?

Mom, it's a flower.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What do you think?

Michelangelo.

Look at that.

Oh, the defenders of justice.
Hello.

Uh-oh. Cheese it, the cops!

Here you go, Larry. All set.

Sausage and 'rooms,
heavy on the 'rooms.

Thank you, Joey.

Carlos,
what's the matter?

Nothing.

Hey, kids,
how's it going?

Okay.

Larry, Larry, Larry.

Look what Dominic did today.

You ever see anything
so beautiful?

Dominic, that's lovely.
What is that, a flower?

No,
it's a pizza.

It's pepperoni, I bet.

Yeah, it could be.
I'm not sure. Yeah.

I love pepperoni.

Next time.

You always say next time.

I heard you caught that guy

who was robbing
all them 7-Elevens.

You caught that guy?

Right.

Picked him up
last night.

Thank God!

You're doing
a great job.

You hear that?

That's how come, in America,
we live safe,
have a good life,

because we've got cops like
Larry Schooner and
Carlos Wiley

who make sure everybody
does what he's supposed to do.

You work hard, pay taxes,
obey the law,

you can have anything
you want.

I want my kids to understand

what a great country
we've got here.

I think they understand.

Hey, Rosalie,
keep your eye on the shop.

I've got to look
at Lacey Flynn's plumbing.

Okay, sweetie.

Her plumbing?

Devo, when
you're done there,

I want you to go
around back

and clean out
the garbage cans.

They're full
of maggots.

Maggots. That's perfect.
I love that man.

Don't worry.
I'll do it with you.

No, please, that's my job,
taking care of maggots.

How you doing?

How you doing?

This is the third time this
week

he's gone up there
to visit Lacey's pipes.

Come on,
he owns the building.

He has to take care of it.

See the way
she looks at him?

That's not his fault.

Besides, she's lonely.
I feel sorry for her.

Don't feel sorry
for her.

It's too convenient
for Joey.

Hey, you shouldn't
talk like that.

It's not right.

Joey's my husband.

I don't want
to see you get hurt.

I can take care of myself.
Don't worry about me.

[KNOCKS]

WOMAN:
Who is it?

It's the pizza man.

Hello, pizza man.

Hello.

I'm here
to check your pipes.

I'm so glad because water's
squirting everywhere.

[MOANING]

Think she's pretty?

Yeah, I guess so.

I've got eyes, you know?

I can see a lot of girls
are crazy for Joey,

and he has an eye
for the ladies too.

That's okay. He's Italian.
He's allowed to look.

In reality as we know it,
some men do more than look.

You don't trust anyone, Devo.
That's your whole trouble.

I trust you.

Joey would never
run around on me.

Rosalie--

He never would.

Let me put it
this way.

Let's say you had a dream
that he did,

and the dream
turned out to be true.

What would you do?

I'd kill myself,

and if I didn't feel any
better, I'd kill him.

Yeah.

Joey, stay
a little longer.

Oh, I can't.
I've got a lot of work.

Maybe you'll
come back later?

Maybe later.

Maybe even
spend the night?

What are you, crazy?

I can't spend the night.

I've got a wife and family.

Joey, you don't love
your wife.

Who says so?

Of course I love her.

Just because
I make love to you

doesn't mean
I don't love her.

What kind of marriage is that?

It's a good marriage.

I buy the food, she cooks it.

I can cook for you.

You can't cook for me.
You're not my wife.

You're not even Italian.

Neither is your wife.

She's some kind of
Eurasian or something.

No, she's not from there.

She's--
Her mother's from Yugoslavia.

It's a good Catholic country.
Right next to Italy.

In fact,
it used to be part of Italy.

I think.

Joey, this isn't Italy.
This is America.

Hey, America was discovered
by one Italian,

and it's named after another.

So what?
What does that prove?

It proves that America
is an Italian country.

I've got to go.

Joey, if you're
such a good Catholic,

why do you commit adultery?

I'm a man.

I've got a lot of hormones
in my body.

* He jumped
So high, high, high *

* He hit the sky, sky, sky

* And didn't come
Back, back, back *

* Till
The Fourth of July-ly-ly *

Okay, here we go again.

Last time. One, two, three.

* Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac

* All dressed
In black, black, black *

* With silver
Buttons, buttons, buttons *

* All down
Her back, back, back *

* She asked
Her mother, mother, mother *

* For 50 cents, cents, cents

* To watch the elephants
Elephants, elephants *

* Jump over
The fence, fence, fence *

* They jumped
So high, high, high *

* They hit the sky, sky, sky

* And didn't come
Back, back, back *

* Till
The Fourth of July-ly-ly *

* Then they got
Worried, worried, worried *

* And went
To Hong Kong, Kong, Kong *

* To see
The King Kong, Kong, Kong *

* To get
His advice, vice, vice *

* But he didn't have
Any, any, any *

* So they went
Back home, home, home *

* They didn't get any
Advice-vice-vice *

* So they went
To Rome, Rome, Rome *

* And didn't come
Home, home, home... *

Rosalie, listen to this.

It says here some woman

was eaten alive
by her own houseplants.

Can you imagine?

Mama, want
more coffee?

If not, I'm going
to throw it out.

Oh, no. Go ahead.
Throw it out.

Otherwise, I'll be
in the bathroom all night.

Remember how your father

used to drink
a big cup of black coffee

every night
right before bed?

Yeah, boiling hot too.

With four sugars.

Very sweet.

Just like him.

You know...

I miss him every day.

I forget almost everything
I hate about him.

Yeah, I know.

I miss him too.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I got it.

* He jumped so high, high,
high He hit the sky, sky,
sky *

Hey, Devo.

Hello.

Come on in.
How you doing?

I'm doing good.

I was just going to catch
the end of the ball game.

Want to watch?

Oh, no, thank you.

I think I'll visit with
Rosalie and Mama Nadja.

Sure.

They're in the kitchen.

Thank you.

What do I do?

You reach in the bag
and take out a rune.

Any one?

Well, they're all
beautiful, you'll see.

What are they, runes?

They're stones.
They're very spiritual.

They have
metaphysical powers.

And what do they do?

It wouldn't say--

Well, they tell you
where you're at.

I'm at home.

We're right here.

What are you saying?

No, spiritually.

Spiritually, they tell you
where you're at.

I don't know
if I should do this.

I mean,
I'm a Catholic.

They're not against God
or anything.

Go ahead. Try it.
What can it hurt?

Okay.

Oh, this is a good one.
I love this one.

This is strength.

Strength?

Yes.

Fast break! Fast break!

Looking good.

Yes! Yes!

[SINGS IN ITALIAN]

* ...means don't forget
You are my darling *

"The rune of replacement
and renewal,

"suggesting
that the time has come

to change the life
you're living."

It doesn't say that.
Let me see.

Sure it does. Look.

Think I made that up?

No, but I know you.

I know what you think.

JOEY: Rosalie, bring me
a beer, will you?

I think you should let him
get his own beer.

I don't mind. He works hard.
I like taking care of him.

There's such a thing
as women's liberation.

She doesn't
have to be a slave.

That's right.

Last week on TV,

I heard about a woman

who stabbed her husband
27 times.

You know why?
Because he refused

to put the top back
on the mustard jar.

Yeah, 27 times.

Can you imagine?

We got any peanuts
or pretzels,

something to munch on?

No, I think we're out.

We're always out.

My mama's house,

there's always
plenty food to eat.

Maybe you should
live with your mama.

Don't be sarcastic.

Don't be a nudge.

Don't call me
that nudge thing.

Come on. I'm Italian.
I like to eat.

I'm Yugoslavian.

I don't like to cook,
especially for nudges.

Yeah, don't call me
a nudge.

Nudge, nudge, nudge.

Give me those shoes.

You going out
again tonight?

Hey, Rosalie, come on.

What? I haven't
said anything.

I work every day. All day.
Okay? Every day.

At night, I like to relax,
go out, have fun, you know.

I thought you were
staying home.

What for?

What for?

I don't know.

Who knows?

Well, like what?

Well, for one thing,
we've got paperwork.

Paperwork?

The monthly bills,
the insurance, the mortgage,

the phone bill.

I'm going out.

* Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac

* At the discotheque
Theque, theque *

* I'm going to get her,
her, her

* Down on
Her back, back, back... *

Vodka, please.

Mickey, that's on me.

You got it, Joey.

Joey Boca's my name.

And you know what?

I know something
about you.

Yeah? What do you know
about me?

I know you never been
in here before in your life.

Really? How do you know?
Maybe I have.

If you had, I would
have known about it.

People would have
talked about it.

Like, "Joey, you see

"what was in here
the other night?

My God, what a beauty."

It's true.

No, someone like you

doesn't come
around that often.

It's like
a national holiday.

Know what I mean?

You don't forget it.

Listen,
I appreciate the drink,

but I'm with someone.

Someone very lucky.

I wish I could be
that lucky.

I look at you
and I say to myself,

"My God, the man
who gets to walk

"with this woman must feel
like a king on earth."

Here's to you.

I guess
I'd better get back.

Show me your boyfriend.

I want to see him
with my own eyes,

so I can spend
the rest of my life

wishing I was him.

He's sitting
in the corner.

Over there.

Not the one
in the yellow shirt?

Yeah, that's him.

No.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, that's him.

Why?

You expect me to believe
that a beauty like you,

a woman any man
would die to be with,

is throwing herself away
on someone like that?

You could have anyone. Anyone.

Why would you take him?

He's not my boyfriend
or anything.

I just came here
with him.

I'm not in love with him
or anything.

Of course not.
How could you be?

[HALL & OATES'
"YOU MAKE MY DREAMS" PLAYS]

[MOANING]

[GROWLS]

[BARKS]

Is he going
to watch or what?

Does it bother you?

Well, I'm Italian,
you know.

I can't make love
to a woman

with a German shepherd
in the room.

It's awkward for him.

You can't?

[BARKS]

Excuse me.

Here you go.

Attaboy.

Auf Wiedersehen, Heinz.

I can't figure it out.

A young, good-looking
guy like you,

how come you're always
hanging out with Rosalie?

I enjoy her company.

You're not moving in
on my wife?

No, of course not.
What are you, kidding?

That's ludicrous.

You're being ridiculous.

What's ridiculous?

There's nobody
like Rosalie.

Right.

She's the best.

Exactly.

I can't believe
you're saying that.

Why not? She's my wife.

Yeah, I know.
I look at other women.

Okay. So what?
That's only natural.

I'm a human man.

It don't hurt Rosalie.

How can you say that?

Even if she knows,
she don't care.

That's how she is.

Oh yeah?

Well, that's
pure projection.

Pure what?

Projection.

It's projection,
what you want to think.

What I want to think?

Yeah, it makes you
feel good

to think
that she's happy.

Yeah!

As long as she's happy,
I'm happy.

I'm glad we understand
each other.

Well, me too.

I hear Spino took off
to Bellingham?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Got to go, man.

Okay, take it easy, Billy.

How do you know
these weird people?

That guy was in prison
with my brother.

My first boyfriend
had a Harley.

Rocco Jacobs.

What a piece of work he was.

We used to go fast.

Maybe I should get a bike.

Sure. Why not?
Drives the girls crazy.

I was wild back then.

So what happened to Rocco?

Joey Boca happened.

He said, "Hey, I'm Joey.
You want to go out?

What are you doing
with that jerk?"

As soon as I saw Joey,
I knew he was the one.

So fast?

Sure, fast.

I do what I feel.

Then you must have felt
suicidal.

Shut up.

Some day, you're going to find
a wonderful woman,

and you'll drive her crazy
with this big motorcycle.

I found myself
a wonderful woman,

but she's married.

Devo, you're good for my ego.

You've got to meet somebody
your own age.

Why?

Your heart doesn't know
how old you are.

Hi. Is Joey around?

No, he's not.

I'm his wife.
Can I help you?

Oh...

I met him at a bowling alley,

and he told me he had
some apartments to rent.

He's up there right now.

Fixing the pipes.

This is my friend, Devo.

What is your name?

Bridget.

Bridget.

Bridget, meet Devo.

Hi.

Hello.

Come on. I'll take you up.

I think it's time I was
moving out of my house.

I was about your age
when I moved out.

I got married to Joey.

Now my mother
lives with us.

That must be fun.

It's okay.

Oh, here's Joey now.

Bridget, how you doing?
What are you doing here?

She wants to look at
one of the apartments, baby.

Today?

Do you have any vacancies?

We might have one
coming up next month.

Might as well take a look
while she's here.

Yeah, yeah.

No.

No, it's--

It's not a good time.

Maybe tomorrow.
How's that?

Sure. Tomorrow.

Well, it was nice to meet you,
Mrs. Boca.

Rosalie.

Rosalie.

Bye.

Bye-bye, now.

Bye-bye.

She came all this way.

You couldn't
show her today?

No, no. I've got a lot to do.
I'm not Superman.

Hey, Joey!

You forgot this.

Thanks.

I don't like
that Dewey Brown.

Why not?
She's a nice girl.

She's got eyes
for you, Joey.

What?

I can see that.

Come on.
She's only a kid.

She's very pretty.
You think she's pretty?

She's pretty.

She's got
a beautiful body too.

So what?
What do I care?

You're the best wife
in the world.

What more could I want?

You work too hard.

You should get a plumber.

I can't afford that,
and you know it.

I can never get you
to fix anything at home.

Your mother
fixes everything.

Grandma Mechanic:
half-woman, half-wrench.

So this goes right here. See?

Holds it together.

This is a restaurant,
not a garage.

Grandma Nadja
can fix anything.

She fixed
Mommy's car yesterday.

Alternator was shot.

It's not natural, a woman
doing this kind of work.

You know, people get paid
$20, $30 an hour

for this kind of work.

You get free room and board.
What more do you want?

Don't talk to Mama that way!

She belongs in an
old-age home.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

What did she say?

Don't listen to him, okay?

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[ARGUING IN SERBIAN
AND ITALIAN]

I'll come back later.

What's the matter, Dom?

What happened?

I hurt my finger.

Let me see.

We can fix that.

Here. No problem.

We'll fix it right up.

Now put that
in your mouth.

How's that?

Better? Yeah?

Good. That's my boy.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

Can we eat?

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

I'm returning these.

Okay. Thanks.

JOEY: What am I doing
in a library?

What's that perfume?
You smell so good.

DONNA JOY:
Joey.

What?

Not here. They're
going to throw us out.

Good.

Get your book,
and let's get out of here.

Where are we
going to go?

I say we go
to your place,

have a good time.

What about your wife?

No, she can't come.

All set? Come on.

I've got to
get back to work soon.

Mrs. Boca?

Hi, Millie. Hi.

You okay?

Did somebody mug you?

I'm fine, sweetie.

I...

I lost something,
but it's okay.

You go ahead, guys.
I'll be all right.

Could we help you
look for it?

I'll find it.

Okay.

Come on.

Fool. Stupid fool!

Divorce him? No, never.
Why should I?

So he can move in
with some other woman?

I'd rather see him dead first.

Good. He deserves to die.

Leaves dirty towels
everywhere. He's a mess.

I hate him, Mama.

All these years,
what a fool I am.

Devo tried
to warn me too.

The sooner he's dead,
the sooner you begin to live.

I know someone
who needs money.

He'd do it.

He's a good boy,
very nice.

How do you know
these sort of people?

I've got
a lot of friends.

You know that.

Killers?

Not real killers, no.

They only do it
for money.

What if we get caught?

Oh, Rosalie, please.

In America, people kill
each other left and right.

It's like national pastime.

Nobody gets caught.

I don't know.

I just haven't done
this kind of thing

in a long time.

Well, it comes
back easy.

When was last time?

It was a long time ago.
I don't remember exactly.

Well, you'll do it for me.

Okay.

In honor of your friendship
with my grandmother,

I guarantee I'll take
this guy out.

Okay. You're very good boy.

So many young people today,
they have no respect.

I think
it's because of TV,

so much sex and violence.

Yeah, who can figure what
this world's coming to?

Wrong house.

Son of a bitch, bastard!

[GROANS]

Rosalie!

It was unbelievable.
It was by this much.

Come on in. Sit down here.

I appreciate your
coming over so quick.

Well, it's okay.

Ever hear of it?

Trying to hit me
with a baseball bat?

My God,
it's unbelievable.

Rosalie,
what are you doing?

Get Detective Schooner
a cup of coffee.

No. I'm okay, Rosalie.
Thank you.

No, she'll make you coffee
in five minutes.

Thanks, Joey.
I'm trying to give it up.

No, come on, please--

You give up coffee?
Never heard of that.

Makes me jumpy.

Jumpy?

Rosalie, how about
some bacon and eggs for Larry?

He works hard.

Nothing for me, thank you.
Rosalie, please sit down.

I didn't come here
for breakfast, Joey.

Okay. From the beginning.

Sure, from the beginning.
Okay.

Some maniac
in an Abraham Lincoln mask

tries to brain me
with a baseball bat.

That's the whole story.

Yeah, could you see
what he looked like?

Yeah, he looked like

Abraham Lincoln
coming up to bat.

What kind of way
is that to kill somebody?

A baseball bat?

Now I know why you think
murder's the national pastime.

Baseball bat is much
cheaper than gun.

Abraham Lincoln is cheaper
than George Washington?

I don't know him.

JOEY: Rosalie,
where are you?

Now what
are we going to do?

This time, I take care
of everything.

We'll talk tomorrow.

This is wrong.
It's wrong.

You leave it to me.
I do it myself.

No! Don't do
anything.

We'll talk tomorrow.

What are you doing out here?

What?

What are you doing?

Just getting some air.

Come on.

There's a maniac loose
in the neighborhood.

Get in the house.

What? Is everybody crazy?

[CLICK]

Son of a bitch!

All right, Mr. Abraham
Lincoln, son of a bitch,
bastard!

Now what are you
going to do, huh?

Yeah--

What are you doing?

Nothing. I've got my gun.

What do you want
a gun for?

I figure that guy in the mask
is trying to rob me.

Business is good.

People think I carry
a lot of cash around.

I don't like
having a gun in the house

with the children.

* Don't forget
You are my darling *

* Don't forget to be... *

Rosalie,
come on, if you're coming.

Joey, wait up.

I'm not a track star.

What's the matter?

Look what he did
to this bush.

Come on. Let's go.

No! No, stop!

Wait! Wait.
No, wait.

What's wrong?

What are you doing?

Going to work.

No, wait.

What's the matter
with you?

You never
go to work together.

So today,
we go together.

I didn't like the way

my car sounded
this morning,

so would you look at it?

It's very bad luck

for man and woman to go
together in car on Wednesday,

when it's raining.

It's raining. So what?

It's wet.

Rain is always wet.

The streets are wet.

Mama Nadja,
what are you doing?

What's the matter with you?

What the hell's
wrong with you?

It's Wednesday.

Do you mind?
We've got to go to work.

Traffic is bad
on Wednesdays,

especially when
streets are wet.

You want me to stay home
because of traffic?

I want Rosalie to stay home

and help me with
the housecleaning.

Housecleaning?

I've got work to do.

No!

[ENGINE RUNNING SMOOTHLY]

What's the matter with
you two?

Why didn't you tell me

you were going to
blow up the car?

I thought it would be
a nice surprise for you.

Mama, we're not talking about
a birthday party.

We're supposed
to be killing him, not me.

I don't know
what goes wrong.

I run a wire
from distributor cap

to spark plug
in gas tank.

I figure when
he starts car, boom!

Whole thing goes up.

Bye-bye, Joey.

Joey shouldn't
die that way.

That's a terrible way
to die.

Well, how should he die?

I don't know,
but something a little more...

Nicer?

I'll think about it.

He's still my husband.

You said yourself you
hate him.

When I think of
all the women he's been with--

Oh, God, Mama!

He cheats on you

and makes
a fool of you.

I know. I know.

Rosalie, please,
if you don't kill him,

kill yourself.

I'm sure that
can be arranged.

I see the code
specifically states--

Stand fast in the ranks!

You speak to me
of code?

What code?

A coward's code.

What do you know of
the Soldier's Code?

A lot of pepper.

Some nice oregano.

And a little basil.

A lot of sleeping pills.

You sure he won't
come in here?

Joey? Not a chance.

He expects to be waited on
hand and foot.

Mama, don't taste it.

Needs more pepper.

Make it spicy.

A little salt.

And a splash of wine.

And a lot
of sleeping pills.

How much did you
put in so far?

Two whole bottles.

What?

Should be enough
to kill anyone.

Even Joey.

He's going to do it.

Believe me,
he's really going to do it.

Here you go.

I warn you,
Colonel Saito.

Where are the kids?

They're at Aunt Lucy's
for the weekend.

Make sure
he eats it.

What are you looking at?

How's your spaghetti?

Okay.

There's plenty more.

It's the best spaghetti
ever, Rosalie.

See, nice and spicy,
just like my mother's.

That's okay.

Too bad the kids
are at Aunt Lucy's.

They're missing
a great meal.

[WHISTLING]

One more helping.

And bring me
another beer.

What's the matter?
You're not hungry?

I don't feel so good.

No?

A little stomachache.

Is that all?

What do you mean,
"Is that all?"

What do you
want me to have?

Maybe you should
take something.

Like what?

How about some more
spaghetti?

Spaghetti?

Settles the stomach.

I'll go get some.

I don't know.

Maybe I didn't
give him enough.

But he had
three whole bowls.

What an ox.

Well, Joey
is not a normal man.

You know how he is.

Works 14,
15 hours a day,

seven days a week,

never sleeps more than
two or three hours a night.

Out with a different woman
every night.

Rosalie...

He eats anything he wants,
never gains any weight.

He's not human.

It's like
some kind of animal.

We're dealing
with a machine.

Rosalie!
What?

I feel better now.

I had a good crap.
That's all I needed.

What a beautiful night!

See?

[SINGS IN ITALIAN]

* Means don't forget
You are my darlings *

Come on.
You're not singing.

* Don't forget to be
All you mean to me... *

* My love is like a star

* My darling

[JOEY FARTS]

* Shining bright and clear
Just because you're here *

* Please do not forget...

* Why the hell
Are you leaving? *

Come on, ladies. Let's go.

Monopoly.

ANNOUNCER: Whoa, the Wild Hare
is feeling his oats tonight.

A close call.

That's what
it looks like,

but we'll wait
for the measurement.

No more.

You finish it.

A starting-line launch
gave him the advantage.

Completely airborne
over the cars,

but inches behind
Barefoot, the winner.

[**]

Joey? Joey?

[SNORING]

What are you doing?

We shoot him.

No! No.

But we have to.
We can't go back now.

No, we've gone too far.

If we take him
to the hospital,

they find him
full of dreamies.

They'll know
we tried to kill him.

We have no choice.

We can't do that.

We can't shoot him, Mama.

We can't?
No!

[SNORING]

Okay, we get Devo.

His brother was in Marines.

He knows guns.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Devo, it's Nadja.

Hey, Nadja.

Are you alone?

Yeah, why?

Good.

Devo, you know how
you feel about Rosalie?

How you say how much
you like her?

I love Rosalie.

And how you would do
anything for her?

Yes, anything.
Absolutely.

Anything?
Yeah, anything. Why?

You are a good boy,
very sweet.

I want you to do
a little favor

for Rosalie and me.

You come to the house,
I'll tell you what it is.

Okay.

Wait a moment. Wait a minute.

The bedspread is very
precious.

Don't ruin it.

Okay. On his back.

You know what to do.

Wait. Where
are you going?

I can't watch.

I can't
do this alone.

He's my husband.

Do you want him
dead or not?

I want him dead,
but I don't want him hurt.

He won't get hurt.
He won't.

He's sound asleep.

Yeah.

We're keeping him
asleep forever.

I can't watch.

Rosalie!

How long has it been?

Pretty soon, Joey wakes up.
Then what?

I can't do it.
I'm going to stop him.

[GUNSHOT]

Are you all right?

Am I all right?

Am I all--

Why are you asking me
if I'm all right?

He's the one
who got shot.

You'd better sit down.

No! I don't
want to sit down.

What about Joey?

Is he alive or dead?

I don't know.

Blood.

No, tomato sauce.

Tomato sauce?

Did you shoot him
or not?

I think so.

What do you mean?
I heard a shot.

I shot him, but I don't know
if I hit him.

I mean, I turned my head away
at the last second.

I'm sorry,

but I couldn't
bear to watch.

I thought you knew about guns.

I never shot anyone before.

Oh, don't worry.
I understand.

There's a first time
for everything.

I read about
a dental hygienist--

Mama, never mind.

Oh, wait.
There's some blood.

Let me see.

What is it?

I think it's a bullet hole.
It's very small.

A bullet hole?
Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Is he dead?

Joey? Joey? Joey?

Rosalie.
What?

I don't feel so hot.
Got a little headache.

My stomach don't feel
so hot neither.

You got a virus, honey.

That's all,
a virus.

Virus? How can you tell?

Dr. Lowe was here.

He was?

Yeah.

I don't remember.

Yeah, he was here,
and he gave you a shot.

Ohh...

Can I get
a glass of water?

Rosalie?

Maybe I take
a couple of aspirin too.

Oh, okay.

Whoa.

NADJA: What are we
going to do?

You're going to have
to shoot him again.

No. I can't.

I can't believe I did it
the first time.

I can't believe
you let me do that.

If you can't do it,

you have to find
someone who can.

I'll put up
the money.

We need professionals.

This has to be done
right away.

Oh, you know
someone?

I need to collect myself.

All right, get a grip.

Get your shit together.
Okay? Okay. Let's go.

How much can we pay?

As much
as we have to.

Yeah, not too much,
though.

You know,
try for discount.

Is there
a Harlan James here?

In the back, Devo.

Hello, Harlan,
how's it going?

Devo.

What do you say?

You know my cousin Marlon?

Well, of course I do.
How are you, Marlon?

What?

[BALLS FALLING]

$300 is not much.

He's already dying.

All you have to do
is finish him off.

It's still--

It's still murder!

But I've already done
most of the work.

I'll tell you,
we'll do it for $600.

$400.

He's practically got
one foot in the grave.

$550. What do you say?

If we're going to
waste the dude,

we ought to get
paid for it, man.

That's the American
way, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we're not...
communists here, you know?

We're Americans.
We got a right to make
a living.

$500. That's my final offer.

You tell him.

Okay.

How you feeling, Joey?

A little tired.

You're real sick,
baby.

Yeah.

Maybe I sleep,
hey?

[GURGLE]

What? What's happening?
Where am I?

You got a virus, honey.
It's okay.

A virus.

Oh, yes. I forgot.

Can you see anything?

No.

Wait a minute.
Here is something.

It's a cab.
It can't be for us.

Do you want a bite?

No.

Who are these guys?

$8.50, please.

What's going on?

The meter.
Give me $8.50.

What are they doing?

I don't know.

They're going
someplace else.

Guys! Over here.

Where are you going?

It's over here.

Rosalie!

It's me.

You took a taxi.

How could you do that?

What's wrong
with that?

You came here
to kill Joey.

So what?

So it's generally not
considered a very good idea

to take a taxi
to the scene of a crime.

Hey, man, look.
Be cool, okay?

I mean, you know,

the dude's
only a taxi driver.

He's not like
what's his name.

What's his name?

Who?

You know.

Yeah, right.

Look, never mind.

Forget it.
It's done. Okay?

This is Rosalie,
Joey's wife,

and this is
Rosalie's mother.

Harlan, Marlon.

Be careful.

Nice to meet you.

How's it going?

Would you like
some coffee or tea

or something to eat
before you...

Well, before you
get started?

No. Thanks.

We're cool.

Excuse me, Harlan,
Marlon.

Just for one second,

I'd like to have a word
with Devo over here.

They look like
drug addicts.

Well, they are
drug addicts.

Oh, my God! You hired
drug addicts?

Who did you expect
me to hire,

the Red Cross?

They seem like
very polite boys.

I don't like drug
addicts in my house.

Rosalie, please, don't think
of them as drug addicts.

Think of them as killers.

How can a kangaroo

give birth
to a human baby?

It's a miracle.
It says so right here.

Is that legal?

You know...

having sex
with a kangaroo?

Here it is.

Oh, sorry.

.22 caliber.

Not much of a gun.

What do you mean?

Well, it's kind of small,
you know?

Not much pop.

Well, that's all we've got.

Yeah, this is our gun.

Put on some music,
okay?

Make it real loud

so's it drowns out
the noise of the gunshot.

Yeah, ooh.

In the back, on the right.

In the corner.
See the lamp? Door.

What is that for?

I don't know.

Just in case, you know,
like if he wakes up.

Oh, okay.

You ready?

Yeah, I guess.

How about you, Joey?
You ready?

Let's do it.

Harlan?

What?

I never killed
nobody before.

He's already half-dead.

Even so, I mean...

you know--

I never killed nobody
neither.

So what?
How hard can it be?

I mean, all's we do is...

we read him his rights
and then kill him.

What are you doing?

Looking for a record.

Mama, any record will do.

I'm looking
for Johnny Mathis.

I love him.

Play this one.

What? Oh, Madonna?
No, Rosalie, please.

You know I love
Johnny Mathis.

Where's the fucking music?

I don't know.

I don't want to sit here
all night.

Rosalie?

[GROAN]

Look at that.

What?

That's a Reggie
Jackson model.

Oh yeah.

Reggie!

Reggie!

Reggie! Reggie!
Reggie!

I love Reggie.

Me too, man.
He's the greatest.

How many homers
has he hit?

I mean, lifetime.

Shit, man.

Wow.

Fuck.

A bunch.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!
Reggie! Reggie!

They want to hear
reggae music.

Reggae?
Yes.

No, it's right here somewhere.
I know it is.

I'll be waiting
outside.

Why?

Because I can't stand
this anymore.

What is reggae music?

I'm going to
shoot this dude.

I'm sick of waiting.

Where you going to
shoot him?

Right here.

What do you think,

I'm going to
take him downtown?

No. I mean,
where on his body?

Well, I don't know.
His heart, I guess.

Which side is that on?
His heart?

Oh, shit, man.
I don't know.

It's in there somewhere.

I don't hear nothing.

Wait a minute.

School.

What?

School, man, you know.
Pledge allegiance.

Oh, yeah.

Hand over your heart.

Yeah, right.

I pledge allegiance

to the flag of the United
States of America.

And to the republic...

under one
invisible nation...

Nations under God whose...

Spacious skies

and amber graves of liberty
for all...

Deliver us from freedom.

Harlan.
What?

I can't watch this, man.

Pussy.

This side. This side.

[YAWN]

Aah! Fuck!

[GUNSHOT]

[RECORD SCRATCHES
AND PLAYS LOUDLY]

[SHUTS RECORD OFF]

You were supposed to
put it on before the shot!

Yeah, they shoots
too fast.

Well?

Well, what?

Is he dead?

Of course he's dead, man.

What do you think?

I shot him.

[SIGH]

What's the matter?
What happened?

She's upset.

She'll be all right.

I thought
she wanted him dead.

[WAILING]

What did we do, man?

Did we kill
the wrong person?

No, no.

No, she'll be
all right.

We leave her
alone now.

It's the shock,
you know.

The music.

I could use a drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.
Yeah. Ooh.

Good idea.

Come.

[WAILING]

[SOBS]

What should we drink to?

Here's to Joey.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN POORLY]

That's cool.

It's wrong.

It's wrong.

Oh, dear Lord.

Oh, please help me, God.

Oh, I never should have
done this thing.

I never should have
sinned this way. Ohh...

I never--

Whatever you do to me, God,
please bring Joey back.

Rosalie?

Aah!

What? What?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

What...oh!

What...what are you
doing here?

I was praying.

I thought...

Praying?

Yeah.

Rosalie...I'm not that sick.

All I got is what?

A little virus.
That's all.

Joey.

What are you doing up?

I heard a noise

like firecracker
or something.

Woke me up.

Jesus.

[CRUNCH]

Rosalie, how come
you don't...?

You know...

we have company.

You're not feeding them.

What's the matter?

We got no food in
the house, or what?

They're not hungry, Joey.

They don't want
anything to eat.

I don't know--

Do I know everybody?

Uh, yeah.

Well...um...

[CRASH]

Is he okay?

Yeah.

I'm Marlon--

I mean, I'm William.

I'm William Brown.

I'm Louie...

James. No.

No, wait.

Louie...

Smith?

Smith.

Joey's Pizza.

Some cheese
and crackers?

Maybe some
pretzels, huh?

How are you feeling, Joey?

You feeling all right?

Thank you.

What?

Feeling okay?

Uh...

No, I don't feel so hot. No.

Hello, Devo.

Honey.

Joey...you shouldn't be
out of bed.

You got a bad virus.

Come on.

You're telling me.

It's killing me,
this virus.

Well, good night,
everybody.

Whoops.

Joey, pull
your pants up.

Nice to meet you.

You sure
they're not hungry?

I'm positive, baby.

We could send out
for Chinese.

No, they don't want
anything.

We got spaghetti.

I am very disappointed.

Nice guys.

[CRASH]

Ooh, you okay?

What?

We got any meatballs left?

What, are you hungry?

Could eat a little something.

You know,
get my strength back.

Come on. Sorry.

What time is it?

It's late.

You should try to sleep.

You take good care of me,
Rosalie.

I know you do.

You're my husband.

Rosalie.

Yeah?

Oh, Joey, no.

No, not now. Come on.

Just lie quietly, okay?

This is only 200.

We was promised five.

For killing him,
five.

For wounding him,
two.

Well, you wanted me
to shoot him, right?

So I shot him.

You woke him up.
What good is that?

Okay.

Next time we do this,

we're going to get
paid in advance.

If we keep shooting Joey,

don't you think he might
get suspicious?

Larry.

Tell him
what you told me.

I want to make a deal.

Not that,
the other thing.

There's not enough
heat in my cell.

No, Harlan
and Marlon.

Oh yeah.

Harlan James
and his cousin Marlon.

I heard they was paid
a lot of money

to hit Joey Boca.

Joey Boca? Why?

I don't know.
That's what I heard, you know?

Harlan and Marlon
was buying drinks for everyone

and bragging on it.

Said they shot the dude.
Said they got $5,000.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's kind of late.
Maybe they're asleep.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'd better answer.
I have to.

No. No. Rosalie...

Now, look, whatever happens,
let me do the talking.

Mama, I don't want you
to say anything.

What?

You too, Devo.

There's no sense everyone
getting in trouble.

But I don't want you
to get in trouble.

Anyway, Joey's not dead,
you know.

All we did was put him to
sleep and wake him up a
few times.

Mama, he has
two bullets in him.

He could be dying.

So how come
he wants meatballs?

[RINGING]

Evening, Rosalie.

Is something wrong?

May we come in?

Oh, you mean now?

We'd like to see Joey.

Joey?

Your husband. Joey.

Oh, yeah, Joey. Oh, Joey.

Uh, well, he's not feeling
well right now.

Maybe you could come back
in a couple of days?

Joey very sick.

You come back
some other time.

We'd like to see him tonight.

Maybe tomorrow.

Rosalie, if we have to,
we'll come back
with a warrant.

Joey?

Hey, Larry, how you doing?

You all right?

I got a little virus.

A virus?

Yes, some kind
of virus.

I got a headache.

You mind if I turn
on the light?

Sure. Go ahead.

I don't think you should.

Just for a second.

It doesn't work,
anyway.

Oh.

Get you nice
and comfortable.

Excuse me, Rosalie.
Excuse me, please.

Please, excuse me.
Thank you.

Jesus.

What?

What the hell's going on here?

He's been shot in the head.

Really?
What?

No wonder
he has headache.

Headache?
He's got a bullet in him.

Carlos, get an ambulance
over here right away.

Devo!

I was going to get a Band-Aid
for Joey.

Yeah, this is Detective
Carlos Wiley.

I'm at 424 North C,
as in "Charlie."

We didn't do it.
I swear to God we didn't.

We found him
outside on the lawn.

Yeah.
He was lying there.

Someone had shot him
and thrown him on the lawn.

It was a mess.

It was terrible,
so we...

we brought him inside
and we put him in bed.

Yeah, like you see.

And it must have been
the Mafia.

Mafia?

The Mafia.

Yeah, Joey was Italian.

He is Italian.

Rosalie, why didn't you take
him to the hospital?

He didn't want to go.

He wasn't
feeling up to it.

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

Joey, you didn't want
to go to the hospital?

No. Why,
for a virus?

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

[**]

Rosalie. Don't tell Rosalie.

How many bottles
of pills

did you give him?

I gave him two bottles.
One, two.

Harlan and Marlon say
Devo shot him the first time.

Is that right?

Devo wouldn't even
have been there

if it wasn't for me.

How do you mean?

I wanted to kill Joey.
Devo had nothing to
do with it.

Did Devo shoot him or not?

What does Devo say?

Never mind him.
What do you say?

It wasn't Devo. It was me.

I shot him the first time,
and then...

Who shot him? Let me see.
It was Marlon.

No, no. Harlan. Harlan.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.
Why? Who do you think
shot him?

What about your mother?

She had nothing to do with it.
Nothing.

Yes, I shoot him. Yes.

You know why?
He is no-good son of a bitch.

Who gave him the pills?

I did.
What do you think?

First I give him
sleeping pills,

then I shoot him.

You want me to confess?

Give me piece of paper.
I confess.

What about Rosalie?

Rosalie? She does nothing.

No, I do everything.

I give him pills,
I shoot him, everything.

And while you were doing this,
what was your daughter doing?

She was begging me to stop.

But I do it anyway,
and you know why?

I am her mother.
I do what I like.

I thought Devo shot him
the first time.

Devo?

Oh, no.
You must be joking.

No, Devo's very nice boy.

He wouldn't shoot
nobody.

I don't understand

why you're trying
to blame it on Rosalie.

Maybe I did it.

Maybe I'm glad
I did it.

Are you saying
you did it?

No, he's not
saying that.

What's he saying?

He's not saying
anything.

I know how to fire a gun.

My brother was in
the National Guard.

So what are you
saying?

He's saying that his brother
is a patriotic American.

Ms. Boca, was it
a crime of passion?

Look at all these people.

Rosalie, it's me, Tony.
What can you tell me?

Mama, remember, you had
nothing to do with it.

Tonight
I bet you anything

we'll be on TV,
you and me.

Can you imagine?

Rosalie, can you
give us a statement?

Devo. Devo, what
can you tell us?

What happened?

Is it true that
the Mafia involved?

I have nothing to say
at this time.

No comment.

What about you,
sir?

Get the fuck away from me.

What about Joey?
Is he dead, or what?

Who's Joey?

You know, the guy.
The guy.

Oh, yeah, the guy.

Fuck.

He's still alive.

Why? What do you
know about it?

Oh, nothing.

Rosalie...

Lacey.

How you doing?

Hi, Joey. How do you feel?

You should see all
the reporters outside.

You're going to be
so famous.

I even heard
People magazine

was going to interview you.

Lacey, you shouldn't
be here now.

It's not right.

But the doctor said you're
going to be out in a week.

Listen, baby...

when somebody
shoot you in the head...

it makes you think.

I've been doing
a lot of thinking lately,

a whole lot, and...

I can't mess around anymore.

I've got to be, you know,
a good husband.

From now on, I've got to take
my marriage

a little more serious.

You know what I mean?

Joey, what are you saying?

She shot you. Twice.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

She never shot me herself,
per se.

So what about us?

That's what I'm trying
to tell you.

That's all over now.

I always told you
I loved my wife.

Joey, who is this woman?

Mama, this is Lacey.

She's a friend of mine.

My Joey has to get his rest.

You shouldn't be here now.

I was just leaving.

Good. Just leave.

You don't belong here anyway.

You're not his wife.

I'll see you
later, Joey.

How are you feeling today?

Okay, Mama, better.

I spoke to Rosalie
this morning.

You did? What
did she tell you?

What did she tell me?

She told me the truth.

What's the matter
with you, you big shot?

Cheating on your wife.

Ai, Mama!

Please, I got
a bullet in my head.

You should have
two bullets in your head.

Three bullets!
Four bullets!

Ai! Mama, please,
I'm so sorry.

What can I say?

You no tell me
you're sorry.

No.
No.

You tell Rosalie.

Oh, si, good idea.
Sure, yeah.

Otherwise, I give you
such a beating...

Okay.

Mama, that's
a good idea.

Oh, no.

Mama...

Ai!

[SOBBING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

How can you
bail her out?

Don't you see
what that means?

It means she can come home.

In the hospital,

you said
you'd prosecute.

I know, Larry.
I changed my mind.

I'm sorry.

I learned a lot
in the last few weeks.

You wouldn't have
revenge on your mind,

would you, Joey?

She's my wife.

I want to bring her home.

I love her.

You understand?

She shouldn't be in prison.

She's the mother of
my children.

Maybe she had plenty
of good reasons

for trying to kill me.

You ever think
of that?

Joe, suppose she tries again.

She could, you know.

Yeah, she could.

You know Rosalie.

When she's in love,
she's a complete maniac.

Don't get your dress wet
for Mommy.

I won't.

[BELL RINGING]

[BUZZ]

Hey, Devo!

Devo!

How are you?

Devo?

Wait, Marlon...

look who's here.

Hey, wow.

How you doing?

I'm okay.

Who is this?

This is Joey.

Joey?

You know, the guy.

The guy.

Oh. Wow. Joey.

You bailed us out.

Yeah, I bail out
everybody.

I want to
make a new start,

wipe the slate clean.

I hear they may charge us
with attempted murder.

No, no, no. I'm not
going to prosecute.

See, if I prosecute you,

they're going to put
Rosalie in jail too.

I don't want that.

No, without me,
they got no case.

Don't worry.

Hey, you know,
what happened,

it wasn't personal
or anything.

Yeah.

Right. I mean...

we didn't even know you
or anything.

Yeah, we weren't friends
or anything,

like now.

No. No. It wasn't
the best way to meet.

We'd better
get out of here,

you know, before they
change their mind.

Yeah. Right.

So long, Joey.

I guess
we'll see you around.

Okay.

Oh, what a nice guy.

Yeah.

Who's Rosalie?

[CRASH]

Joey, I'm really,
really sorry

about what happened.

You tried to tell me
a long time ago, Devo.

I should have
listened to you.

I wasn't treating
Rosalie right.

Rosalie is
a wonderful lady.

I know. I'm going to
make it up to her.

Good.

Thanks for
bailing me out.

Sure, sure.

Just no more shooting me
in the head, okay?

Why not? It seems
to have helped.

It's the truth.

I got a bullet in my head,
I never felt better.

[BELL RINGING]

[BUZZ]

Hi, Mom.

Oh, my babies!

Oh, Dominic,
Dominic.

Don't worry,
we're safe.

Don't worry.

So, what do you want?

I'm sorry I treat
your daughter so bad.

I broke my marriage vows...

but I don't break nothing
ever again, I swear.

And this is for me,
this candy?

Well, I...

Yeah, thank you.

You're very good boy.

Yeah, you know,
I liked you once.

Maybe I like you again...

except chocolate
is not my favorite.

I like hard candy.

Well, I'll remember--

No, no, no, no.
I keep this for now.

ROSALIE: Great. I can't
wait to get home.

Dominic. Dominic, come.

You come with me.

Come with me, I give you
some of my candy.

We go find Devo.
Come.

What's this?

What are you
giving me flowers for?

I want you
to marry me again.

What?

A new marriage, new life.

We have big ceremony.

You think I'm going to
make the same mistake?

We're not even divorced yet.

How can you marry me again?

Rosie! Rosie!

Come here, please.

I love you.
I bailed you out.

Don't do this
to me again, Joey.

I tried to kill you.

No.
You saved my life.

What?

Those sleeping pills
you gave me,

they slowed down
my bleeding.

It's what kept me alive.

The doctor told me.

Son of bitch,

you cheated on me
all these years.

Why should I trust you now?

Because I'm changed.
I'm a new man.

Why? Why now
all of a sudden?

Because you shot me.

What?

Oh, Rosie, when I woke up
in that hospital

and I found out
what happened,

I said to myself,

"My God, this woman,
she loves me to death."

She loves me so much
she'd rather kill me

than see me
with another woman.

She's ready to go
to prison for me,

she loves me so much.

Oh, baby.

That's all I needed,
just to feel your passion,

to know you still love me
like a man...

not like a husband,
like a man.

You are my husband.

You should be proud of it.

I'm your wife.
I was always proud of it.

Okay, you're right.

I am your husband.

I'll be proud too.

I'll never cheat on you
again. Never.

Oh, Rosie, I love you.

Be my wife again.

Oh, you're crazy.

Don't you see?

It's our destiny.

We're doomed to be together.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

And I'll always
be faithful to you.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

Whatever.

You think Joey can be
faithful to her?

Anything is possible.

He gave me
a box of candy.

[MOANING]

What if he isn't?

We shoot him again.

Just kidding.