I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change! (2019) - full transcript

The Lord God said "let there be light".

And there was light.

The Lord God said
"let there be man and woman".

And there was man and woman.

And that night man asked woman.

Hey, are you free tomorrow night?

And woman said...

"Okay, let me check.

But I'm not interested
in anything long term.

I want to see other people.

Before I settle down with one".



Cut!

And man said...

There are no other people

in this world.

And woman said...

"Okay, how about this: We get married.

You vow your eternal love for me.

I expel a bunch of miniature humans.

Who are totally dependent
on us for eighteen years.

You look for a job.

And spend time with us
at home every Saturday.

Also, you'll never get to

see another woman

naked again".



And man said...

And the Lord said,

"Why don't you two

explore the world.

Before telling me...

Whether men and women

can be together after all".

And then thousands...

And thousands.

And thousands of years passed.

Men and women...

Show time!

"Romance, new romance"

"Set a date, don't be late"

"Potbelly, slim it up"

"Showing off perfect pecs"

"Trim the beard"

"Primp the hair, dance around"

"Let me be, let me go"

"Wear a condom, we're good to go"

"Scent from my fragrance"

"Express my machismo"

"Zip your fly"

"You'll be fine"

"I have to work harder
finding a partner"

"It'll be a perfect first date"

"Toner, shower gel"

"Antioxidant, anti-aging"

"Reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage"

"Burning fat, watch your weight"

"See my face, smooth and fair"

"Extending hair, manicure"

"Make a laugh, sounds so great"

"Speak English like Janice Mann"

"Waking up, do the hair"

"Whitening and get prepared"

"Work out often"

"Stop eating macarons"

"I have to work harder dressing up"

"For my Mr. Right"

"I try to be a perfect partner"

"Even if I have to be your slave"

"Fake my virtue"

"I'm acting flawlessly
in this chick flick"

"Looking forward to meeting my love"

"Bachelor, where are you?"

"I'm still waiting"

"For him to come into my dream"

"I have my stress"

"Though I'm not perfect"

"I don't expect much
from a relationship"

"That's why I end up with nothing"

"Everybody"

"I have my stress"

"Though I'm not perfect"

"Shame, shame, shame"

"I cry and cry"

"I'm used to it, how time flies"

"Time? Huh?"

"My heart is pounding"

"When I think about my love"

"I'll be happy if we hooked up"

"I'll be grumpy if we broke up"

"How can I tell?
I barely know you"

"Perhaps you are a jerk"

"Toner, shower gel"

"Antioxidant, anti-aging"

"Reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage"

"Burning fat, watch your weight"

"See my face, smooth and fair"

"Extending hair, manicure"

"Make a laugh, sounds so great"

"Speak English like Janice Mann"

"Fake my virtue"

"Toner, shower gel"

"Antioxidant, anti-aging"

"I'm acting flawlessly
in this chick flick"

"Burning fat, watch your weight"

"Don't worry"

"If Venus will stay"

"I only worry"

"If I have to wait again for love"

"When will you show up?"

"Being single sucks"

"I don't want a bad ending"

"I'm in my thirties
and wrinkles start showing"

"A Chapter on Courtship"

Enjoy your meal.

"Let's do dinner"

"And a flick"

"Sure"

"You certainly move quick"

"Sure"

"It's my pleasure to watch it with you"

"How wonderful"

"What movie should we do?"

"Well, that's fully up to you"

This one, please.

"Let me get this"

"And that, my friends,
was my one big mistake"

I'm too sick.

Oppa, don't wait for me.

Why did this happen
when we're about to get married?

"I love Kung Fu action"

"Mindless, violent action"

"Danny Young and IT Man are awesome"

"I watch "Love Section" sometimes"

"Tommy Leung makes people high"

"They say his ass is big, I buy"

"What the hell am I watching?"

"This movie here is cloying"

"All the scenes are dragging"

"I bet she gets all weepy"

"As I get really sleepy"

"No chick will ever pick
the flick again"

Oppa, it's not worth it.

I'll marry you no matter what.

"He and she"

"Can't they be together?"

"They haven't gotten married"

"But he can't hold back..."

"His love"

"He can't let go"

"The love from his wife"

"Taking care of her"

"In sickness and in health"

"That's love"

"I yearn to see a psycho"

"A psycho with pain saw"

"Be nice to see him slice up everyone"

"Mince the meat into buns"

"Sacrifice them to the cult"

"Sex and violence are all I'm after"

"He's dutiful"

"How wonderful"

"To hold on to his wife in misfortune"

"It's nothing new"

"The wife isn't even that hot"

"Farewell, my love"

"A kiss before we part forever"

We're running out of luck in this life.

See you next lifetime.

Bak So Yeon!

"Why do I feel horrible?"

"Did I just feel..."

"A tear now?"

"I bet it's just some sweat
caught in my eye"

"What's happening?"

"My nose feels rather..."

"Runny"

"Good God!"

"My eyes are getting red"

"This should be a lovely wedding"

"But it turns out to be a funeral"

"My manhood is capsizing"

- "Love has not changed"
- "What's happening to me?"

"I might cry any moment"

"It'd be such a disaster"

- "On this day"
- "I've got to get a grip now"

"Think about a zombie movie"

"Special features"

"Must fight the feeling"

"It's too late"

"This movie is tear-jerking"

"I can't hold it anymore"

"Should've sneaked out long before"

"Don't run away"

"No whimpering like a puppy"

"Don't cry"

"I've got to macho up"

"Women like alpha males"

"Still being brave"

"I didn't plan on shedding tears"

"I can't allow myself to cry..."

Oh God!

Are you okay?

Just an allergy.

You know what?

I love men who aren't afraid
to cry at the movies.

Why didn't the actress come back?

If she came back.

The puppy wouldn't have died.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I shouldn't have played so well.

Come on, it's okay.

No, I shouldn't have beaten you.

Come on, it's okay.

I shouldn't have
caught up with my pride.

And pointed at you

and said "Loser! Loser! Loser!"

You're right,
you shouldn't have done that.

Just now when you pointed at me.

And said "Loser! Loser! Loser!"

Your voice is angelic, and...

You look so pretty.

- Really?
- Yes.

Then why didn't you make a pass at me?

What?

I mean, this is already our fourth date.

Why?

Is it me?

Oh no, you're fine.

Is it you?

No, I'm absolutely fine.

My body works just fine.

Even without Viagra.

I'm sorry... so sorry.

I said the wrong thing again.

Whenever I go on dates with guys.

It's like I have
this moron switch in my head

that goes on.

That makes me say stupid things.

I'm sorry, my bad.

No, King.

I was just trying to be respectful.

Respectful?

Yes.

I don't want you to think I'm a player.

You're the most interesting woman
I've met.

You're pretty.

You play tennis well.

Your voice is so beautiful.

And you're so upfront, also...

Look, I have this moron switch too.

I don't even know
what I'm saying, so stupid.

Dickson, can I make you dinner tonight?

Really?

What would you like to eat?

Black truffle squid
ink lasagna alle Vongole

with cream sauce.

What?

Black truffle squid
ink lasagna alle Vongole

with cream sauce.

With an egg, too.

Great.

So I'll make black truffle...

Cream sauce...

Spam meat instant noodle,

if you don't have plans.

No, I never have plans.

Which is not to say I'm a loser.

It's just that I'm generally free.

If you make me

Black truffle squid
ink lasagna alle Vongole

with cream sauce tonight...

I'll go to convenience store
to get some...

Condoms?

White wine.

White wine! Sure!

White wine is a must.

Absolutely.

What am I saying?

Condoms and black truffle

are two completely different things.

Moron Switch...

If you want,
I can also get some condoms.

Okay.

Then I'll go to the convenience store

and get white wine and...

Yeah!

I have to get home
and learn how to make...

Black truffle... lasagna.

So I'll go to the convenience store now.

Dickson.

Tonight.

Tonight.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Let darkness come"

"Turn up the moonlight"

"It might sound shallow"

"But I want to fuel the spark"

"Surprises to follow"

"I found my love"

"And I will be loved tonight"

"Hold me tight"

"Pamper me"

"Whisper softly to my ears"

"And sing me a love song"

"Let's stay in bed"

"And watch the galaxy above"

"And I will be loved tonight"

"I drowned myself in work"

"I let my days aimlessly pass"

"I forgot how it's like to be in love"

"I was content being single"

"Day after day"

"I lived in my capsule"

"Pretending to be cheerful"

"Looking into the night sky"

"I had no one by my side"

"The sky seems gloomy"

"But I know someone is waiting for me"

"Please treasure"

"This precious love"

"He shows me the light"

"Hold me tight"

"My darling"

"My love"

"Come to me tonight"

"And love me"

I just remembered something funny.

What's that?

I bought an orange yesterday.

And?

It went bad today.

I'll go get another drink.

"I sit here trying to seduce"

"And make this big boy drool"

"But every thought that I produce"

"Makes me sound like such a tool"

"I'm making myself a fool"

"It's not that I can't be diverting"

"Sometimes I can even thrill"

"I want to be with her"

"Because I've fallen for her"

"If I could"

"Transform"

"Into a stud"

"If I were"

"A hunk"

"If I were"

"A babe"

"The kind of guy girls love"

"The kind of girl guys crave"

"My beauty is stunning"

"My pec is so firm"

"My legs are so slim"

"My biceps are so strong"

"My hair is shinning"

"Six huge packs"

"Two huge jugs"

"All people are turning their eyes"

"I get what I want"

"Say my name when we make love"

"Fill me up tonight"

"Can't miss the time of our lives"

"I'm a stud"

"I'm a babe"

"All She wants"

"Is to get him"

"If I were"

Kuen.

You have a pimple on your nose.

Let me buy you a drink.

Hold on.

You don't drink like this.

Get down! Get down!

Get the hell down now!

You lazy bums.

Only good for nothing.

Kuen.

I guess...

I'm not the kind of guy you want.

I'm not the kind of girl you want.

"I'm not a stud"

"I'm a loser"

"I'm nothing close to a hunk"

"I'm not pretty"

"I'm stupid and boring"

"I'm not attractive"

"My clothes are synthetic"

"I only got one style"

"I don't like to be flashy"

"I like girls with no make up"

"I've a flat chest"

"We're actually a perfect match"

"I'll call you everyday"

"I want to see you night and day"

"I'll always be around"

"One more round, what do you say?"

Due to the Rayleigh-Taylor instability.

The rising air

will drag the dust and debris up.

That's why after an atomic explosion.

A mushroom cloud is formed.

Wow! German.

I wouldn't know
if you hadn't explained to me.

Mushroom.

I didn't know that's
how mushroom came from.

It's mushroom cloud.

Yes, mushroom cloud.

Veronica.

Was I boring you?

Not at all.

It's just me.

When I'm listening real hard.

My eyes are closed like that.

Dessert?

No, thanks.

I never liked dessert.

Stuff like chocolate...

I just hate it.

"I'm lying"

Oops, I didn't get to the gym today.

I generally go every single day.

"I'm really lying"

Veronica.

You're one special lady.

I could discuss

nuclear fission with you.

All night long.

I really want to do that.

"Please God, don't let him".

Let me tell you then.

My favorite thing to do is

Chinese chess.

No wonder.

That was my guess too.

Do you play?

Of course.

It's so exciting.

"I'm lying"

Let's find time.

To play together.

Your place.

Or mine?

"Who is this woman talking"

Did you ever see the movie,

"Emperor of Chess?"

I love it.

"I didn't see this movie"

What's your favorite scene?

"Help me"

"This time"

"Help me"

If you had to choose a gas
to represent yourself.

Would you pick hydrogen...

Or nitrogen?

Excuse me.

"I want to say"

"Just a thing or two"

"But listening to his voice"

"I'm ready to drop"

"He eyes my breast, he talks, and talks"

"He never stops"

"There's a serious single man drought"

"It has to be right
when everybody likes"

"A match among singles"

"There're just too many idiots"

"There's a serious single man drought"

"I can't believe he's still talking"

"I should seek refuge"

"He eats, he shits"

"It's like a torture"

"There's a serious single man drought"

"Defeated"

"I used to have some standards"

"But man by man"

"I look older everytime"

"Lesbian"

"I should be a lesbian"

"It's so much easier to be with a woman"

"No nonsense from men no more"

We seem to be made for each other.

And in "Emperor of Chess".

Who was your favorite character?

The old guy who is not too old.

Kind of chubby but too chubby.

Johnny Sham!

Yes!

Me too!

"I could grow old alone just fine"

"Adopt some cats and cuddle them"

"They'll find me dead
in my feline shrine"

"There's a serious single man drought"

"I date"

"And try"

"Wait for him"

"To marry me"

"Flaws, there are just too much"

"I'm screwed"

"Single man, please come to me"

"Help me please"

"Anyone"

"Help me please"

Let me get the check.

No, let's split it.

"I'm lying"

"I'm lying"

"I'm seriously lying"

"Hope you can find a bachelor"

"Because there's a serious
single man drought"

"I bluff to give myself away"

"Single man, oh, single man"

"Anyone come take me"

"I'm totally screwed"

Fine, split the bill then.

- Screw you!
- You old fart!

Veronica!

Betty!

Veronica!

Betty!

Wait a minute!

- Betty...
- Veronica...

Betty!

Baby, I want to ride carousel.

Okay.

You have chapped lips, drink some water.

It's so cold, my teeth hurts.

Let me warm you up.

Wong Hoi Nay, will you marry me?

Kong Ka Ching, I will.

"Love has no logic"

"But I still fall for it"

"Why am I always single?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm a guy"

"My hairline is receding"

"My confidence is lacking"

"The doctors are not helping"

"Us single men"

"My kitchen is disgusting"

"My bedroom is messy"

"My clothes are all stinky"

"My God"

"I'm just a guy"

"I want to be a husband"

"I want to be brave"

"I want to be an alpha male"

"And not to be alone"

"As a matter of fact"

"I"

"Am a total husband material"

"I'm loud and grumpy"

"I gamble to see if I'm lucky"

"My balls are itchy"

"Being noisy"

"Being lazy"

"I'm a single guy"

"An outstanding single guy"

"A Chapter on Marriage"

My future in-laws.

Chi Keung has an announcement.

He must be proposing.

You have to be here.

This pair of golden bracelets
is a family heirloom.

It finally has its successor.

We've been waiting for this,

we brought wine as well.

When they come, let's...

Mr. and Mrs. Lee, they're here.

Let's hide.

Sure, let's talk later.

Kiki.

- Daddy, Mommy.
- Auntie.

Please take a seat.

We're so excited today.

We'd like to celebrate with you.

And your better half, Kiki.

How long have you been dating?

Two years.

Two years only?

Kiki, remember,

consider carefully before jumping into
anything as serious as...

What?

As serious as...

What?

Marriage!

Daddy, Mommy.

We wanted to wait till after dinner.

But...

You wanted to surprise us I know!

Well...

Yeah, yeah.

Me and Kiki.

Yeah, yeah.

We've talked it over.

We're breaking up.

Surprise!

Why are you two breaking up?

Daddy, Mommy, why are you here?

Say it, why are you two breaking up?

We don't want to let you all down.

But Kiki and I have thought
about it long and hard.

The decision we make right now.

Is right.

And I just want to focus on

my foot massage KOL career now.

Daddy, Mommy, are you okay?

What do you think?

Chi Keung, remember,

no matter what happened,

what kind of decision you've made.
I'm still here to support you.

Honey.

This is good news, right?

It's certainly wonderful news.

Bring it!

Let's make a toast
for Chi Keung and that one.

Who will never be our daughter-in-law...

- And her name?
- Kiki.

Cheers.

"Congratulations, single girl"

"You're courageous to be single"

"We understand why you dumped him"

"But we don't pity you"

"Very happy for you indeed"

"Being single"

"What's wrong with that?"

"You've got too much work"

"You dump him for your career"

"You're self-sufficient,
you don't need a man"

"To hold your hand"

"You two didn't
put your hearts into this"

"It's not that bad after all"

"Being single is great"

"No doubt"

"Maybe we should go"

"You're so lucky"

"You have everything figured out"

"You've got much more
than mother ever had"

"You're such a strong guy"

"If you want to break up, we don't mind"

"Get a drink, you'll be fine"

"We're your parents, we support you"

"You little shit"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Perverted, gay, or herpes?"

"So bad that you want to be single"

"Leave all things behind"

"He is a nice guy"

"You'll be sorry for dumping her"

"How long would it take
to finally find another person?"

"We don't mean to pry"

"Relax, don't complain"

"Adulthood's not as crucial as it seems"

"For another thousand days maybe"

"Or ten thousand years it could be"

"Our grandkids will never be born"

"Even when we're gone"

"Focus on your career"

"What a great idea"

"Keep working forever"

"Our dreams are destroyed"

Calm down, my in-laws.

We're not in-laws no more.

"Best wishes to all"

"Here's to you!"

"Prison for the Singles"

Welcome, singles over thirty.

To our "Matchmaking Escape Room"

I'm your instructor Louis Yuen.

I guarantee you'll be highly entertained

by this extraordinary

"big fun" experience.

It's just matchmaking.

It doesn't have to be so scary, does it?

I said you'll have "big fun".

Of course the scarier the better.

Don't scare them.

You look sharp.

In order to live up
to the horror of this game.

Let me introduce.

The main character this game.

Granny Lung.

Hi, everyone...

I'm Granny Lung.

Decades ago,

I was referred to as Baby Lung.

At that time,

I was just like you two.

Working in Central.

As a white collar.

Whenever I was free,

I watched Korean and Japanese dramas

with MyTV SUPER.

MyTV SUPER existed back then?

Why not?

Don't interrupt.

Fine, fine, fine.

But for some reasons.

No matter how hard I tried,

I just couldn't seem
to find my significant other.

This feeling that I had.

You should understand.

Then came Christmas Eve.

A friend of mine.

Invited me to a Christmas party.

I couldn't find a date to go with.

So I went alone.

As soon as I arrived,

I saw everyone came with a partner.

Couples everywhere.

Kissing and cuddling.

Calling each other cute names.

Baby, "Piggy".

Give me a kiss, Baby.

Piggy, give me a smooch.

Sweetie, try this mini franks.

Darling, Honey.

They even started talking like babies.

Don't you think it's unbearable?

I was so mad,

I grabbed a AK47 out of nowhere.

And killed all those jerks
once and for all.

After they died.

Their souls lingered.

They took revenge on me.

That's why I can only be a medium now.

People call me
Granny Lung out of respect.

In fact I'm just Lonely Lung.

What are you laughing at?

I'm almost eighty.

But I don't have a soulmate.

Is that funny to you?

No, not at all.

"For the Singles"

And what about you, bitch?

I apologize.

Can we go now? I want to go.

If you don't get married.

You can never leave this prison.

Are you still waiting.

For Mr. and Mrs. Right to show up?

Yes.

Let me ask for you.

They're dead already.

What's your name?

And what kind of partner
are you looking for?

Tell me all about it.

Let me see if I can help.

My Chinese name is Chung King Fai.

English name, KFC.

They all call me King Fai Ching,

I'm 34.

I'm looking for a young Christian girl.

Who wants to get married
and have kids with me.

And you?

My Chinese name is Kam Kung Mun.

English name, Madonald,

I'm 24.

What?

42...

So young.

Will you marry her?

How about you?

Well... yeah...

Speak up.

Let's get married!

"Congratulations"

Congratulations.

Congratulations on escaping this prison.

"Soon to be man and wife"

"Ladies and gentlemen"

"We have gathered here under God above"

"To bear witness
to this man and this woman"

"Love"

"As they vow their eternal love"

"Do you swear?"

"Do you swear to love and honor?"

"I swear"

"Then your bachelorhood is a goner"

"As a husband"

"Now you'll have a lot of chores"

"Really?"

"Do you swear?"

"Is your love for him wholehearted?"

"I swear"

"Then your freedom just departed"

"And remember"

"Now his family is yours"

"Do I swear?"

"Lan Kwai Fong is no longer reachable"

"Do I swear?"

"His belly will grow and chin
will be doubled"

"Who do you think you are?"

"I should hold out for someone better"

"Do you vow?"

"I should ask my mother"

"Do you vow?"

"Is this really what I want
my life to be?"

"You've really got to think"

"Do you really want to get married?"

"And remember it's forever"

"And forever"

"And forever
is a really long, long time"

- "Get away from here"
- "And remember it's forever"

- "Listen to your heart"
- "And forever"

"Do you swear?"

"Do you vow?"

"Do you swear?"

"Do you vow?"

"Do you really want to get married?"

"Do you do we do?"

"Do you swear?"

"Do you vow?"

"Think twice before you say it"

"Do you do we do?"

"Do you?"

"Oh, God!"

I'm going to throw the bouquet.

Who wants it?

Me, me, me!

Here we go!

One, two.

It's coming, it's coming.

One, two, three!

Congratulations.

It's going to be your turn soon.

Sure, I'll be getting married real soon.

"Well I've walked down the aisle"

"More than once in a while"

"But I've always stood off to the side"

"Each bride has me dressed,
not quite looking my best"

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride"

"I was Kuen's bridesmaid once"

"Fatty is the name of her husband"

"They made out on their wedding day"

"Both of them are overweight"

"In the middle of their business"

"Her husband went lifeless"

"And soon he died of fatness"

"Too many weddings"

"Too many dresses"

"Bridesmaids' dresses are hard to carry"

"They all make my hips look so wide"

"So you've got to be picky"

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride"

"I was Fun's bridesmaid later"

"I trusted my instinct"

"That's a red flag"

"She was too ruthless"

"The groom was a playboy"

"On the big day"

"He tried to grope a bridesmaid"

"What a shame"

"The bride changed here mind"

"We gave them money and gifts"

"Chun's wedding didn't go well"

"Indecent affair"

"No one could bare"

"The guy and the girl,
both heavily sinned"

"For they were supposed to be akin"

"They got caught red handed"

"And Chun got him castrated"

"Too many weddings"

"Too many dresses"

"Sisters, let's stay together"

"Forever and ever"

"Don't make your life a bummer"

"Always a bridesmaid, never a bride"

"What is this attitude?"

"With so many dresses for weddings"

"Silence, I'm sick of explaining"

"I was there for them"

"But they separated in the end"

"These gowns bring me sorrows"

"Too many weddings"

"Too many dresses"

"I'm content"

"I need not crying over a man"

"I don't ask for much"

"My fate is in my hand"

"Too many weddings"

"Praise the Lord"

"I've hung on to my pride"

"A Chapter on Couples"

- Say my name, Baby.
- Siu Ming.

- Louder.
- Siu Ming.

- Louder.
- Siu Ming.

How was it, Baby? Was it good?

Yeah.

On the scale of Richter magnitude.

How intense was it?

Enough!

You were terrible!

You were focused only on your pleasure!

Don't mention about a quake.

The bed didn't even move an inch.

What now?

If your other half
can't satisfy you sexually?

No problem.

Did you ever wish you could sue them?

No?

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We have a lot of
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Who will follow you into your bedroom.

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all in one go.

Mr. Kwan King Lung, please.

Let's follow Siu Ming and Mei Ling.

To Romantic Hotel.

And take a look at their case.

Higher, higher.

Lower, lower.

I don't mean lowering your voice.

All too familiar, isn't it?

If you don't want this, what can you do?

Don't get stuck with this.

Step out and make a move.

Back to you, Mr. Kwan King Lung.

It's our priority to safeguard.

The sexual satisfaction of our clients.

Siu Ming, your contract states.

You must nibble Mei Ling's elbow.

Mei Ling, you must
fondle Siu Ming's feet.

It's awesome.

With an annual fee of $4999.

You can satisfy
all your darkest desires.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Or your money back.

I got fifty thousand dollars.

Because Siu Ming
refused to nibble my elbow.

And I got one hundred thousand dollars.

Because Mei Ling
wouldn't fondle my feet.

We won't rip you off.

If your partner doesn't get you off.

No problem.

At Kwan King Lung Solicitors.

We care about your bedroom business!

I love Hong Kong!

Kwan King Lung Solicitors Hotline.

44535210.

Baby.

Have you paid the management fee?

Yeah.

Honey, have you paid
the credit card bill?

Yeah.

Have you called the technician
to fix the washing machine?

Yeah.

Have you applied for a day off
for the PTA meeting?

Yeah.

Have you fed the tortoise?

Yeah.

Have you bought
Chinese sausage for your mom?

Yeah.

Have you put your mom on the taxi?

Yeah.

Have you put the kids to bed?

Yeah.

Yeah?

How?

I promised them if they go to bed,

I'm taking them
to Didiland this Saturday.

Just for going to bed?

I am exhausted.

They were cutting
polystyrene foam in their room.

Playing the "Let Eat Go" game.

It's not happening.

Whatever, we can tell them later.

Didiland is burnt to the ground.

I have to clean up the snow before bed.

Don't stay up too late, okay?

Look at the dark circles
under your eyes.

Ouch.

Honey, you want me to come?

There's no need,

I can clean it myself.

No...

I'm asking if you want me

to come have a little fun
with you in bed.

Really?

I don't know.

What do you say?

It's only 9:15pm.

I can clean up the snow tomorrow.

Really?

Wait.

I forgot to put fabric softener
in the washer.

Baby!

"I tucked in the kids"

"And I put away their toys"

"So tonight I'll feel
the joy of being wed"

Put away the toys.

"Pepper Pig"

"Alsa, Ana are all gone"

"So tonight this Daddy's turf
will be his bed!"

Sweep the floor first.

"My territory is cursed"

"By models and toys"

"Tidying up is annoying"

"I'm getting rid of all of them"

"Everything is cleared"

"I can be wild and crazy"

"I'm married"

"And I'm gonna have sex!"

Daddy, little brother threw up in bed!

I'm coming.

"The leftovers I froze"

"And I laid out their school clothes"

"Tonight I have to show off my lingerie"

"I finished everything quickly today"

"Nothing else will get in the way"

"Mommy has her urges
that can no longer be suppressed"

"Everywhere they roam"

"Thore and Dooramon"

"Superheroes gather"

"All in the living room"

"Everything is cleared"

"I can be wild and crazy"

"I'm married"

"And I'm gonna have sex!"

Little Bunny.

Tiger.

- "There was a time"
- "When we were passionate"

"We made the bed shake"

"With love and desire"

"From dusk till dawn"

"I'm so turned on"

"Make love all night long"

Let's get rough.

What's going on, baby?

Mommy, little brother has to go poo poo.

How come he has so much poop?

"I can't wait"

"I'm burning with desire"

"I'm going to put on my sexy attire"

What happened, baby?

Daddy, I want to hear a bedtime story.

What story do you want?

"I walked the toy poodle"

"Bought beef and soy sauce"

"Now watch Mommy work
as hard as Mommy can"

"The kids have what they want"

"But tonight we need to bond"

"Making endless love until dawn"

"The kids can't stop us going"

"The bed now is bouncing"

"Come on, hottie"

"Come on, sexy"

- "My wifey is going to be..."
- "My hubby is going to be..."

- "Screaming"
- "Craving"

- "Moaning"
- "Yearning"

- "Heaving"
- "Giggling"

- "Steaming"
- "Coming"

"We're going to make..."

We can explain.

Mommy can explain to you.

Mommy has always wanted to
be a very good...

Policewoman.

If you told us.

We wouldn't have bothered you.

I wonder if we're going to have

a little brother or sister
after tonight.

"Love"

Celine,

Mommy and Daddy
stayed up late last night.

They're still in bed.

We still haven't had breakfast yet.

That's so nice,

my parents woke me up so early today.

Hang up now.

- Byebye.
- Byebye.

It tastes better than Mommy's breakfast.

Little brother, you scored number one

on Planetii this month.

Yes!

We got the candy
and the present for Grandpa.

The TV is off.

The AC is off, the windows are shut.

Oh God, we didn't unplug the iron.

We forgot put water into the boiler.

You two come with me.

You, wait here.

"In my home, I'm not the boss"

"Follow orders, never call the shots"

"I'm the head of the family,
not a butler"

"With my kids, I'm at a loss"

"At least..."

"I've got my car"

"At full throttle"

Okay, everyone in, let's go.

"At least I've got my car"

"It can take me very far"

Careful, there are lots of cars.

"When I'm driving"

"I'm a beast without a chain"

Slow, slow, we're not in a hurry.

"When I'm driving"

"I'm the king of my domain"

Put on your blinker.

People aren't mind readers.

"On the highway of love"

"She's driving me nuts"

"Keep your eyes on the road"

"Every little thing she needs to know"

"Keep your hands on the wheel"

"Shut the hell up for real"

"I should've taken a cab"

"Calm yourself down or we're dead"

"When automobiling,"

"I'm (he's) messing and raging"

"When they're driving,
it's always frightening"

You take the wheel then.

"On the highway of love"

"They are driving us insane"

Everyone, as men.

We are most annoyed.

When our wives keep nagging us
while we drive.

I wish one day there's a company.

That produces a car.

Like the one in "Kingsman".

Once I press a button.

I can shoot my wife out of the car.

Together with the seat,

into a land far, far away.

It'll be a highly profitable business.

Thank you very much.

"Once we start the car,
the marriage goes to hell"

"We're losing our grip
on this family trip"

"On the highway of love"

"Our fights are high-octane"

"On the highway of love"

"The marriage is rocky"

"On the highway of love"

"Forever shall we reign"

Stop kissing.

You hit someone.

Ma'am, are you all right?

- I'm fine.
- Are you hurt?

It's all right.

Why are you sitting on the ground?

I'm in a hurry.

- Watch it.
- I didn't hit her.

Yes...

I've seen you act before, you are...

Your name is...

I'm a makeup artist.
You can call me Mo.

Take a seat.

Mo.

Mo, please make me look prettier.

What do you have in mind?

You think you are
an award-winning actress?

Ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the dating show

that might change your life.

Finding True Love.

I'm your host, Yam Wing Chuen.

In this show,
everyone will be able to find...

The better halves
that can enrich your lives.

Hi, I'm from Zhuhai, Guangdong.

My name is Jenny.

What kind of music do you like?

Classical music.

What kind of guy appeals to you?

I like guys with good sense of humor.

Travel around the world
with me if you like me.

That's wonderful.

A perfect match.

A perfect match.

Up next, we have...

The last lady waiting for true love.

Hello, everyone,

I'm Mrs. Li.

Silly me.

I'm Wong Oi May.

You can call me May.

Li is my husband's surname.

But he's dead.

He's actually not dead.

We are divorced.

But I'm much happier,

thinking he's dead.

That was a fantastic introduction
by Miss Wong.

I, Wong Oi May, am a divorcee.

I'm divorced.

Divorced!

Actually, I still love him.

No way!

Can we not talk about divorce?

During my divorce.

It felt like having a heart surgery.

But without anesthesia.

It's like I'm cut open,

with my lungs and guts
spilled everywhere.

Am I a good speaker?

You've been staring at me
the whole time.

You must be falling for me!

I know I'm the one you want to choose!

May, let's talk about your job.

All right...

I work as a telemarketer.

Those who ask if you need money

and get hung up on.

It's such a fulfilling job,

I also attend a locksmith class
at the community centre.

Locksmith and aerobics classes
were the only available ones.

I thought by attending
the locksmith class,

I could pick up a few more guys.

But damn it.

The class was full of desperate women.

In this classroom,

desperate women were learning
how to break locks.

In that classroom,

old guys were learning how to dance.

Do you have kids?

Yes.

Almost forgot to mention, I have a kid.

Will this make things more interesting?

I hope you won't find children annoying.

Although I do.

I don't hate my son.

How could I?

I only hate my heartless husband.

Who abandoned the family
when I was fifty two.

So I have to raise my child alone.

Did I just blurt that out...

I was dumped by my husband?

Do you want to date a divorcee?

Give it a try, it feels great.

That bitch.

She's not even twenty yet.

Young enough to be his granddaughter.

She looks just like a snake demon.

With eyes bigger than Avata's

and chin sharper than La tour Eiffel.

I had many sleepless nights.

Why?

I can't figure it out.

I can't let that

bastard affect me anymore.

Everything happened because of him.

Choosing the snake demon.

Over his wife of twenty seven years.

He said.

I love her more.

Then he left.

My world stopped.

Everything stopped.

Miss Wong.

That was very touching.

Would you like to make a shorter speech?

It's fine.

If you agree with what I said.

Then pick me.

Pick me.

If you think otherwise.

Then forget about it.

"Finale"

"Amazing Grace,"

"how sweet the sound..."

Sau Mau Ping, "Good Times".

Huh?

Last month, after Wong's funeral.

The consolation feast was held there.

We sat at the same table.

Do I know you?

You're Fan, right?

And you are...

I'm Chan.

Hello, Chan.

This seems like a nice funeral.

Who's it for?

You don't know who the deceased is too?

I'm here for the funeral
right next door,

I'm just a little bored.

So I thought it'd be nice

to pay my respects here as well.

To be honest,

I also don't know this person,

I just accompanied my girlfriend.

That's nice of you.

Do you want a pork bun?

Huh?

Right, it's not too appropriate
to eat here.

My wife's funeral was done here as well.

We were married
for forty something years.

Really?

Is this where your husband had the wake?

How would you know
my husband passed away?

Just had that look about you.

I can also tell you miss him.

Was his funeral held here?

His funeral was held in
"International Funeral Parlor".

Two and a half years ago.

International is nice.

Their seats are nice and soft.

Right, much better than the ones here.

Fan, are you seeing anyone?

This is a funeral.

Even though we don't know who this is.

We shouldn't behave like this.

I'm sorry,

I don't usually do this,

I just seem to be going to
a lot of these lately.

So... my apologies.

You like pork buns, right?

Winter Garden in Yau Ma Tei.

Serves pork buns in a set of four.

And they're huge.

Really?
We should go there sometimes.

Chan, is this a pickup?

What are you talking about?

You'd have to agree to a date.

In order for it to actually be a pickup.

Right now.

It's just an attempted pickup.

You seem like a funny man,

I don't really go out
like you're intending.

"I've got some problems"

"My health's not good"

"Well, at our age"

"That's understood"

"I've got arthritis"

"Oh yes, the ankle hurts"

"I've got gout"

"I know it swells up"

"No matter, I can live with that"

"My kids don't visit"

"It's been always like that"

"I only see them during New Year"

"It doesn't matter,
they don't like us either"

- "I find you sexy"
- "I find you strange"

"No matter, I can live with that"

"Friends keep dying"

"But I've grown strong"

"It's wonderful being young"

"I think about it all the time"

"But it makes me nostalgic"

"I like cleanliness,
tranquility and quietness"

"Kiss me and I'll be quiet,"

"I'll listen to everything you say"

"Well then, dream on"

"I'll be quiet for a bit"

"And let you calm down"

"No matter, I can live with that"

May I?

I can't, Chan.

I'm not that type that
just hops right into the bed.

Like some of the women
in the elderly home.

I don't do one night stands.

It takes time with me.

That's a problem.

What problem?

Depends on how much time you're talking.

If you're talking years.

I don't think either of us
has that long.

I suppose I'm talking a few weeks.

"No matter, I can live with that"

"I'll see Man, when I go to heaven"

"I promise to meet Wan,
in just a moment"

"He (she) is still in my heart"

"Things we've been through"

"The promises we've made"

"But I'm still here"

I'll always miss my Man,

I'm always thinking of my Wan.

I just don't know...

It's normal,
because I don't know either.

"I'm still missing her"

"No matter"

"We can live with that"

In this city familiar to all of us.

This is how the story of man and woman

shall be written.

With one truth
that shall remain eternal.

All ye good people of earth.

Find someone to love,
someone you think is perfect.

Then spend the rest of your life
trying to change them.

And tell him (her)

I love you! You are perfect!

"Keep coming back"

"Somehow I keep coming back"

"I keep coming back"

"To this whirlwind tour"

"And wanting more"

"I swear that
I swore off of love before"

"Again"

"Once more"

"Amour"

"Keep coming back"

"Somehow I keep coming back"

"I keep coming back"

"I've been through the wringer"

"And been drip-dried"

"I say I'm a mess"

"But I say it with pride"

"Again"

"Once more"

"Amour"

"Keep coming back"

"I don't care"

"If it's right or wrong"

"Once you hit bliss"

"Then you hit reverse"

"Go find love"

"No matter how you're badly hurt"

"I've let things go"

"And ready to be in love"

"Again"

"Once more"

"Amour"

"Keep coming back"

"Let me be"

"Keep coming back"

"Believe in the future"

"I still try"

"To love another"

"Makes me want to die"

"Just let me"

"Fall in love again"

"All I hope for is to"

"Spend the rest of my life with you"

"I love you"

"I don't care"

"I love you"

"I belong to you"

"I love you more everyday"

"I don't care"

"I love you"

"Anytime now"

"There might be a chance"

"I don't care"

"I want to fly"

"I love you"

"No matter what happens"

"May love be always with you"

I want this, and this, and this.

Wait, I haven't tried this one on.

And this one too, I'm trying them on.

Hey, Honey!

Honey.

When will you finish watching the game?

Just one more minute.

So when will you be done watching?

What the hell? That's ridiculous,

I've made a lot of effort
learning the game.

I know you like it.

Honey, hurry up.

Otherwise we'll miss
the ferry back to Shekou.

I'll take this too.

Honey, even if you buy more bras.

You won't get bigger boobs,
or grow taller.

Or get prettier, hurry up.

"Shopping with my wife"

"Here we are again"

"She takes forever
to pick out a few clothes"

"Damn slow"

"Like a snail"

"I have no choice"

"But to stand here"

"Now she's left me"

"Waiting here, how sad"

"Shopping,
getting her nails and hair done"

"Waiting for the wife"

"She's left me for a dress"

"I'm dying"

"She won't leave if a sale is on"

"When can I get a massage?"

"My days are wasted everyday"

"Won't someone just shoot me now?"

Excuse me.

Ma'am, can I go first?

No.

Sorry, can I...

"I'm about to pee myself,"

"I drank too much water"

"I want to pee"

"but there's a long queue ahead"

"Men have it all easy"

"There are never queues for them"

"How troublesome,"

"there aren't enough ladies' room"

"Hold it until I can release in a stall"

"I should have just barged into one"

"Being a woman"

"Taking a leak"

"How pathetic"

"Non-stop shopping"

"Wait a little longer"

"I want to rebel but I'm still here"

"This is my destiny"

"Wait a little longer"

"This is my destiny"

"Our relationship
might be halted anytime"

"Keep holding, damn it,
I'm about to burst"

"Keep waiting, damn it,
there aren't enough toilets"

"Non-stop shopping
(Wait a little longer)"

"Keep holding, I'm about to burst"

"She's not stopping
(Wait a little longer)"

"Wait a bit, hold it in"

"It's hurting my bladder"

"I don't have energy to wait any longer"

"This is insane"

"Wait a little longer"

"I need to release"

"I need to piss"

I can't wait anymore!

Hey guys, zip your flies.

I'm coming in!

What's happening?

What's wrong?