I Killed Napoléon (2015) - full transcript
In the space of twenty-four hours the life of Anita , single and brilliant manager in career , is blown away by a hurricane of troubles.
I KILLED NAPOLEON
Hey, Chicco...
How do you feel about divorce?
I believe in marriage.
If I choose you, it's forever.
We'll be together forever
with our two kids.
- Three.
- Three kids...
Just think, once they're older
we'll focus on us, we'll travel,
read, and love each
other till the very end.
Anita, we're back,
the exhibition sucked.
Relax, we didn't do anything.
We only kissed.
- We plan to marry.
- Where are you?
- What are you doing?
- It's okay, kids.
What you're doing is normal.
- We weren't doing anything.
- Who do you think you're fooling?
Calm down, Gabriele.
They're young and innocent.
Young and innocent, my foot.
You're the expert
on young and innocent...
I'm an artist...
This isn't what I meant
when I said I believe in marriage.
I think it's best we take a break.
I can't wait till you up and leave!
And I can't wait to leave!
How the hell
did that thing end up in me?
Well, around 4 months ago...
4 months ago?
I would've noticed...
Stress affects the body,
causing you to miss cycles...
and that's why you didn't notice.
I want to go back 4 months
and pretend I have a migraine.
Have a listen to this...
Okay, Monday the 7th at 8.00 AM.
Will that work for you?
You can no longer do anything.
Terminating a pregnancy
after the 12th week is illegal.
How about tomorrow?
We'll pretend it's the 12th week.
One slip-up
and now my life is ruined?
Well, as you know
our product is very, very good.
We've reached our goal:
weight loss with no side effects.
Our Slim Slam is tops.
Cut to the chase
and tell us who you've nominated
as sales director,
people are drooling
on the table here.
- Ms. Anita Petroni.
- There you go!
This last phase
will be handled by her and:
Riccardo Squassi, Giovanna Spazzola,
and Patrick Hassermann.
Happy?
You might not notice signs of joy,
being cold and unemotional
is something I've worked hard at.
I'm no fool...
you promoted me
because I'm your lover
and you want to control me.
No, because you're the best here.
Now you say you're leaving your wife
and expect me to be happy?
- Aren't you?
- No... yes...
I don't know.
I've got so much to do,
- the product launch...
- The Tokyo conference...
- Now's not a good time.
- For what?
- For what?
- It's never a good time.
Now's not a good time
to have a kid.
- What kid?
- I've always wanted to be alone and independent,
I can't end up
with a husband and kid.
I'm 4 months pregnant.
My gynecologist said
I can't do anything
apart from riding a horse:
bouncing, vibrating, bumping...
all discouraged during pregnancy.
It's late, I have
4 consecutive conference calls.
Anita...
You have a run in your stockings,
take them off.
Congrats on your promotion, Miss.
Save it for later.
I suggest you look at these
documents for research funds.
Don't you handle contracts?
Why are you butting into
administrative matters?
Don't you have enough
of your own work to do, attorney?
Okay, one, two, three... go.
Just a slip, a tumble,
and the problem will disappear.
Just like riding a horse.
Yes, mom?
I said I'm not going
to dad's concert.
I know you'll all be there,
that's why.
Stop calling to pressure me every day.
Thanks.
I'm in a meeting, bye.
Did I drip on you?
Didn't you read the sign?
Don't use these stairs.
Use the damn elevator!
Paride, call me back please,
we need to talk.
Call me back, thanks.
- I am... - I know.
- They are... - I know.
I know who you are: not his wife.
And you never will be.
It's a promising moment
for our conventional family unit:
a new abode has just been furnished,
upcoming vacations have been procured.
- What does procure mean?
- Hush, girls.
The subject's foremother
with Alzheimer's
has finally been situated in a home.
Hope my words are clear to you,
since I couldn't be explicit
due to the presence of minors.
There is no available space
for a new element.
Mom, are you done talking like that?
We're scared.
- There's nothing to be scared of.
- But there is, girls,
because life is scary
but I have a secret for you:
pretend to be frozen fish sticks.
If you want to survive you must be
cold, cold,
cold!
You must've had a horrible,
horrible childhood.
I almost forgot, call this number
at any time,
he's expecting you.
Girls, let's go. Goodbye.
- Paride...
- Did I not make myself clear?
Dr. Enrico Gasperi?
Hello, I'm Anita Petroni.
I'm calling about that procedure...
you already know?
Good. You're willing to perform it
after the legal time limit?
Tomorrow at 9:00 AM, perhaps.
Yes, doctor.
Tomorrow at 9:00 AM.
You're saving my life.
Goodbye, doctor.
Paride?
His name is Napoleon.
Goldfish don't live long enough
to have names.
We're going to Argentina
for the winter.
You'll love Argentina.
Sorry, I have people over for dinner.
Feed him once a day,
change his water twice a week.
Bye Napoleon, be good.
Hello, Dr. Gasperi?
Anita Petroni.
Something's come up,
I need to postpone the procedure.
No, I haven't changed my mind...
I'll call you back.
- Let me in.
- I can't.
- Let me in.
- Here are your things.
- Paride, come here please.
- I know, it's hard...
Don't believe a word my wife said,
she's making my life impossible.
Listen to this:
"Dear Anita Petroni,
due to 'substantial criticalness'
with your role as director
which impedes
our fiduciary relations,
you have been promptly terminated."
Terminated!
But how?
I was just promoted last night!
I must talk to Fanelli.
- No, wait, let me.
- Why didn't you pick up?
I've been calling you all day.
My grandma fell,
I took her to the ER.
I have to go, bye.
Your wife told me your grandma
was placed in a home.
But now you're saying
she's in the ER...
Paride!
I told you to use the elevator,
can't you read the sign?!
- Paride.
- What happened?
Shut up. You sic your wife on me
then have me fired!
I can do without a man and a child,
but not without my job!
Everyone here knows I'm the best!
- Escort her out...
- Especially you.
You won't get rid of me this easily.
Never! Never...
Never...
I know the way out, thanks.
Miss...
Sorry, remember I mentioned
these documents to you?
Yes, and I said I wasn't interested.
You will be.
Trust me, review them.
Thanks.
Yes attorney, I was suddenly fired
due to "substantial criticalness".
"Substantial criticalness",
I don't even know what that means.
I haven't worked in 6 months,
I can't sleep, I'm fat and old.
I think I'm... like... depressed.
What's wrong with me?
You said it.
Could you go talk elsewhere?
- Look at my thighs!
- Don't worry...
your ass is so huge
it overshadows your thighs.
There's a lovely slide over there,
go away, thanks...
What?
In two weeks?
But I want to be back at work
by tomorrow.
Go to hell!
Everything okay, sugar?
- You okay, sugar?
- Sugar?!
- Got a cigarette?
- Take two a day.
You won't lose weight
but will think you did.
Why, do these make me blind?
Got any candy at least?
Dammit!
- Gianna, you owe me money.
- On my tab.
- Here you go.
- Give me a discount.
- They're already half off.
- Please.
No, go on.
You owe me 2.50 euros
from last time too...
You know what you're doing is illegal.
Very illegal!
It's all FDA approved.
Are you a cop or something?
What? Me, a cop?
I worked in a health clinic
but it went belly-up.
I need to get by somehow.
The only thing I still had
were some prescription pads.
I've got the right meds for anything:
insomnia, palpitations, anxiety, fat...
Here you go, honey...
I finished at 05:00 AM
and have to be in court at 08:00 PM.
No, wait, come back.
Miss Enrica here,
"Miss" because she's not married...
Why marry and torment one man
when I can stay single
and torment dozens?
Miss Enrica is a superb attorney.
- And Miss or is it Mrs.?
- Ms.
Oh... I see, Ms. She was fired
for no reason.
- There must be a reason.
- I'm pregnant.
Come here.
Nonsense. They can't fire you
for that nowadays!
- What month?
- Fourth.
- Husband?
- Don't have one.
- Partner, baby daddy?
- Doesn't exist.
You're a single mom!
Perfect, I'll take your case!
You'll take maternity leave
then go back to work.
I want to be back at work tomorrow!
We'll sign the agreement tomorrow.
Don't exert yourself.
Your belly is your insurance.
Pregnant women are untouchable.
I have to go...
By the way, I'm Olga.
You can always find me here,
whatever you need, I've got it.
Thanks.
All right...
I'll go sit over there.
No, doctor,
I can't make it tonight either.
There are some factors
I hadn't considered.
I need more time to think it over.
Yes, I know time is running out.
Goodbye.
"Slim Slam" research funds:
donations, deposits, invoices.
I'm wiped out.
At night I work, during the day
the three of us are home:
me, my husband... when he's not
out drinking, and my kid,
he laughs, cries, pisses, vomits...
Luckily, my baby keeps me happy.
Here, amphetamine.
I made you some lasagna
to take to work tonight.
- Gimme 20 and we're good.
- Okay, 20 total...
- Gotta go, it's late.
- Bye, darling.
Here you go.
You're in my hands now.
"Mom"
Attorney, if I were to discover
illegal activities in the company...
- You need proof.
- If I were to find proof?
How?
You can't even go in the building!
Well, then we'd play off the cushion,
aim to the right
and strike to the left.
Play off the cushion.
Play off the cushion.
- Play off the cushion...
- Hey!
- Attorney, you are nuts.
- Huh?
Those documents...
Missing funds,
phantom suppliers,
fake invoices, pyramid schemes...
Got any proof of the theft?
None. I haven't told anyone,
you're the only one I trust, Miss.
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
"Mom"
Are you free tonight, attorney?
- Yes. - But wipe that dumbass smile
off your face, it irritates me.
"Paride: let me know what's going on"
Let me get this straight:
she isn't your mother. Right, Miss?
Otherwise you'd be adopted
but you're not.
I find it sexy
that you call her Miss!
Why thank you.
While your dad is dating this lady...
so this baby is your brother.
But I can't work out
this woman's connection...
How did you meet?
It's rather cliché: we met at work
and were secret lovers.
Wow, my girl is sharing
emotional secrets with us.
Spare her the sarcasm,
no wonder she never confides in you.
Anita cut us off a long time ago,
sarcasm apart.
Anita is like her mother,
stubborn and strong-willed.
Don't egg them on.
No, Anita is like her dad,
she can't stand bullshit.
I get it now...
So tell us how
your relationship moved forward.
It moved forward quite a bit.
- Very far forward.
- What does that mean?
- Far forward.
- Honey, it's not hard to understand.
- I understood.
- You're going to be a grandparent.
- So will I...
- Honey, now you'll finally be happy too.
I knew that red lock of hair
was a good sign!
Sorry Miss, easy on the wine,
for the baby...
Right, the baby.
Isn't he a wonderful father?
My compliments, your family
is truly fantastic.
I wish I had a family like that.
Musician dad, sculptor mom,
dancer stepmom,
painter second-stepmom.
None of them act like adults.
Says you. Much better than my family,
which is gone.
My mom died when I was born,
my dad took off with someone
when I was small.
I grew up in the countryside
with my gimpy grandma.
A real barrel of laughs.
Orphans would like any family.
Soon I'll tell my parents
we realized
that you're not the father.
I don't mean to pry,
but who is the baby's father?
You see, that's something
you must never ask me.
- Sorry.
- Anyway, thanks for your help.
I'll find a way to pay you back.
You see, that's something
you must never do.
Sorry, I must
- have misunderstood...
- Out.
- I didn't mean to...
- Out.
- It's late, I'll go.
- Goodbye.
Okay, good night.
Goodbye, Miss.
You thought you'd gotten rid of me?
You were wrong, I will be back.
And will make life hell for you!
Fabio Fanelli:
CEO of the family business.
No heirs, end of the dynasty.
Weak spot: his third wife,
secretary turned boss' wife.
Now she has tons of free time.
I worked in HR for 10 years,
I was the one who filled out
forms to evaluate
the staff's weak and strong points,
and I was always spot on.
Riccardo Squassi:
kind, honest, quadrilingual...
and very seductive.
Why don't we go somewhere
tonight, baby?
Seduction is the tool he uses
to get what he wants.
His weak spot:
assuming it'll always work.
Call me ma'am!
See him? He's the youngest of all:
Patrick Hassermann...
His tech skills are irrefutable.
Weak spot:
happy childhood in Germany.
You've been in Italy
since you were 12.
Yes, my family and I left Berlin
on Monday 15 March 1996.
Giovanna Spazzola, the perfect
businesswoman, wife, mother.
I created a probability theory
and organized my family's life
so that the minimum
probability for unforeseen events
is only 0.3%.
The minimum is never enough.
I consider family to be a weak spot.
Being alone is the path to power.
Then this single lady, widow,
and spinster should be ruling
the world.
Paride Presca, COO.
Married with two kids.
We were lovers for 3 years.
No sentimental attachment.
Secret rendezvous once a month.
He's the father.
- We have nothing to talk about.
- Yes, we do.
Did you do the procedure?
Am I still the father?
You and your family
have nothing to fear.
Are you still pregnant?
I'm worried about you.
Worry about yourself.
I know about everything.
- What?
- Money's missing from the research funds.
- Odd you never noticed.
- So?
You were in charge of the funds.
Now I know why I was suddenly fired.
You have no idea
what really happened at Fanelli.
I'll tell you what happened:
you promoted me to silence me.
But then I got pregnant
and everything went topsy-turvy.
- A belly causes more fear than a gun.
- Please...
Let go, don't touch my belly.
You're hurting me,
don't touch my belly...
- Want to know the gender?
- Yes. - No!
You need to stay in bed today.
Amniocentesis can be dangerous.
Don't be alone for the next 24 hours.
Now relax and breathe deeply.
Dad, take your woman's hand,
she needs you.
Attorney...
Carry on.
Everything okay with the baby,
Miss?
This damn baby
is doing better than I am.
There's something in between its legs,
a thin line.
Does that mean it's a boy?
I can't say, it's hard to know.
My life depends on that thin line.
Will it be soccer or dance class?
Dolls or robots?
I should've asked for the gender.
I always imagined a little girl.
If I might...
it'd be lovely to name her Dora,
like my grandma.
- Was she pretty?
- No, she was short and fat.
- And gimpy too?
- Absolutely.
Aren't you hungry?
Here.
No thanks, none for me.
- Too late now...
- Aren't you going to eat?
- No.
- No.
I can't recall
the last time I ate pasta.
When I was 12 I wanted to become
huge so my parents would notice me.
At one point I was 20 kg overweight.
But they kept ignoring me.
Then dad got a 20-year-old
girlfriend,
and mom a 30-year-old woman.
Ever since then
I stopped eating pasta.
- That sauce must be good.
- It's a recipe from grandma...
Dora.
Thanks for today,
you've been an excellent fake father.
No problem.
I'm sure you'll be a great mother.
Send a taxi to Via Farina 5, thanks.
It'll be here in 3 minutes.
Did I say something wrong?
Don't tell anyone in the office
we saw each other.
2 minutes.
All right.
Excuse me.
Close the door quietly, please.
Put the chair back.
Good night, then.
A great mother...
I always had my suspicions,
and as always, I was spot on.
- You're loaded with Slim Slam!
- I'll give it back,
- nobody has ever noticed.
- This is for you.
- What is it?
- A little favor.
I'll take these for now.
By the way, how is it?
Amazing. All my friends want some.
It's the bomb.
- It's what?
- The bomb.
It's the bomb.
Don't tell anyone I gave it to you.
It's illegal and wrong
to hand out an unapproved product.
Lot: 1,000 active ingredient:
zhi shi.
I've never heard of that.
Will people want this?
Who wouldn't want the body
they've always wished for?
If you wish for a flabby,
fat body it's easy enough!
Olga, I have a plan.
I need some stop-at-nothing allies.
You have your clients, I have this:
can you put together a special body
of ruthless troops?
I've got tons of special bodies,
sugar.
Are you in?
- What do you want?
- Nothing.
You'll be taking over Ms. Petroni's
role as sales director.
I'm ready to take the helm.
Good. Good...
- You're fired!
- Me?
Not you, the bastard who's swimming
with my wife.
Sacked! Terminated on the spot.
He risked it all.
- And for a lady like that!
- "Like that"?
Like all men,
you think big boobs make women stupid.
- Is that not true?
- No, dear.
Women with big boobs
make men act stupid.
They're getting started.
When are you coming?
I can't come,
I have a flight in an hour.
Please, hurry up.
- What'll I do here alone?
- Hello?
Take notes, send me constant
email updates...
Move your pelvis.
Come on!
Good.
You're doing a great job. Slowly...
Keep going. Good.
Hanz, you've made a real career
for yourself here in Frankfurt.
In Italy, if you're pregnant
you're screwed, in any sector.
You're as gorgeous as when
we were students in Brussels.
- Too kind!
- You're even more gorgeous.
I've often thought about you.
Hanz, I want to be frank with you.
I'm here to talk about work.
We could use a brain like
yours here.
You're hired.
I'm flattered
but I have a project to complete,
it's very important in Italy so...
But if you need a brain...
or rather, a real brainiac...
You see...
I've been aching to go back
to Germany.
I got a call from Krumps,
they offered me a job starting tomorrow.
It's a sign from destiny.
I'm sorry, sir.
Auf widersehen.
And now it's time
for Mrs. Probability Theory...
Giovanna dear,
I asked to see you because
as you know, something
rather peculiar has happened.
- Sorry, you were saying?
- I was saying, I need to find a solution.
I'll turn it off.
Well, that solution is,
out of all the people...
- I'm in a meeting.
- It's for Mrs. Spazzola.
Her son Paolo's school on the line.
Tell them to call the other
- three emergency numbers I provided.
- Go ahead...
Absolutely not.
It's all organized.
Great, so I was saying...
It's for her again,
her daughter Maria's daycare.
No worries, you can take the call.
Tell them to call grandma, grandpa,
dad, nanny.
They have all the numbers,
this has never happened before...
Incredible.
- Don't worry.
- So you need to find the right person...
Yes, I thought you might be
the right person.
- Yes?
- Your son Alessandro's tennis school...
How many kids?
Two, plus my husband.
Your mother is asking if Maria
has swimming or dance today.
And she said to turn your phone
back on.
I swear, in 20 years of work
nothing like this has ever happened.
Your husband's secretary called to
remind you
to pick up his shirts
at the cleaners.
I've never picked up his shirts
in my life and I never will!
Sorry Paride,
let me get to the bottom of this.
Shall we deliver all this?
Total weight is 70 kg.
How on earth can a 3 kg baby
require 70 kg of goods?
You need to check the AC in here,
it's not working.
Are you behind the chaos
that's happened in the office?
All of your co-workers
have vanished!
Then Paride saw my evaluation form
and made me sales director,
but I'm an attorney!
You filled out that form!
- I don't feel well...
- My vision's getting blurry...
Miss, you're the biggest schemer
I've ever met.
Shame on you.
Can't you see she's expecting?
Her, expecting? True, she expects
everything from everyone!
Ma'am, are you okay?
I'm fine.
How are you?
- I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
- No. Don't worry,
it's just a rough patch.
You're telling me...
I have no idea what's going on.
You know, Presca fired me
before I found out everything.
- So I was right.
- Yes, money is missing.
Now do you understand
why I had you promoted?
I told them to iron out the kinks,
and play off the cushion,
but now we need proof.
That won't be easy, Paride promoted me
but blocked my access to the accounts.
Now what?
We'll find the link
and make him quit.
So then you'll become COO
and you can hire me again.
There's one thing you don't know yet:
Paride's the father.
- She looks like Barbie.
- So pretty.
If I were to do that
I'd look like a beached whale.
Here, give this a try.
It's a gift.
Thank me when you can see
your feet again.
Olga, I'm stuck in the swing.
- Damn it!
- Give me a push.
Ma'am, you must come sign
the papers,
- we can't miss the deadline.
- Yes.
Here you go.
Can we drop the formalities, ma'am?
- No.
- No... okay.
Attorney? I was kidding.
What a comedian.
- I had a date last night.
- Good for you!
- How was it?
- I kept thinking: "Is this the father
I want my kids to spend
every other weekend with?"
Geez, she already divorced him...
There he is!
Attorney?
He's leaving, I told you
he sees his shrink on Thursday.
So get on it, focus, be careful,
look high and low.
I need a password to get in.
Was there some pet name
he used for you?
- Like buttercup?
- You are a real idiot.
Focus, we don't have much time.
Police, let's scram!
Anita, hurry.
- What is it?
- The police.
Hurry Anita, move it!
My gynecologist suggested
I keep active and exercise,
but didn't mention soft drugs.
Do you think I can take a hit?
According to
a health clinic secretary, no.
But...
a secretary's just a secretary,
right?
Plus,
this is all natural and organic...
there's no tobacco, nicotine,
and garbage like that...
It's natural...
Move your arms quickly.
Don't forget to breathe...
walk... inhale...
Smoking joints...
Miss, are you crazy?
You're a drag,
next time I won't tell you.
I didn't find anything
in Paride's office
aside from these handwritten notes:
"You're the light that guides me,
the flame that warms me,
the water that quenches me".
Signed "A".
- That's none of your business.
- They were in Paride's desk.
- A moment of weakness.
- There's nothing wrong
with having feelings...
You were in love.
Mind your fucking business.
You can't just walk away
from your workout.
- Paride's birthday party is coming up.
- Okay... and?
- At his house, get invited.
- Me?
- No, I don't go to parties.
- His wife hates his co-workers,
but we'll make sure you get invited.
I don't go to parties.
And why should I go?
Why? Why?
Why?
Right, the papers weren't in his
office so they must be at home.
Exert that brain now and then
or it'll dry out.
- Come on, I'm raring to go and...
- Hold on...
- What?
- Hold on.
We'll get up
as soon as an airplane flies by.
Figures... let's go.
Fine, we'll let one more fly by.
Attorney, know anything
about fossils?
Fossils are the key...
Paride's obsessed with fossils.
- Paride, we're leaving.
- What?
- This is no life for a child.
- He stays in Mexico with me.
- To be a volunteer paleontologist?
- Wait, Paride.
If you leave, you'll regret it forever,
hear me?
Paride, decide:
want to grow up without a father
or without a mother?
Lovely, it's not Italian, is it?
No, how do you know?
It's been a passion all my life.
I believe it's a Pepemkay maya.
It's Mexican, right?
- Yes.
- Wonderful and very rare, sir.
Lucky you.
Listen Diamante,
we can drop the formalities.
Okay, call me Biagio.
It's rare to find someone
interested in this.
Usually people stare in dismay:
"You're talking about fossils?"
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.
- Biagio...
- Yes?
- I'm having a birthday party tonight...
- Happy birthday.
Thanks.
I'd like it if you came.
Wow, the boss' party?
Boss? We're co-workers.
I'll be expecting you.
Bye, Paride!
I wanted to show you
this glorious gastropod.
A real beauty, where'd you get it?
My father,
he was in Mexico for 35 years.
He found a bunch of dinosaur fossils,
and wonderful ancient fish.
Fantastic!
Not when your dad lives 100-150
million years in the past...
Look at this, nobody else has this!
Amazing!
Can you participate
in your birthday party?
I've lit the candles on the cake.
- Of course, honey, coming.
- Thanks.
I have to go.
Paride, I forgot my phone,
be right there.
I searched all over: in his papers,
the books, the drawers,
even his tablet,
but there was nothing but fossils.
We must get cracking.
Why are we here?
Why'd you convince me to come?
- I'm leaving.
- Enough already!
Paste a smile on your face
- and act like a puerpera.
- A what?
Welcome everyone.
Get into a comfortable,
relaxed position.
I see the mother's come today!
I'm Anita, the puerpera,
I'm in my 8th month,
I don't know when I'll give birth,
what I'll call it,
if it's a boy or girl,
I don't even know why I'm here.
See, you're not the only one
who feels that way!
I have an idea
for how to find the papers.
- What?
- I'll tell you later, Miss.
- It's important I know now.
- Keep breathing.
Ready?
Don't worry, we'll handle it.
- Don't forget the tools.
- How could we?
- Stealthy steps.
- For sure.
Quiet, girls.
- Can we trust them?
- They're all we have.
A special body of troops...
You think this is the best way
to get proof?
We're co-workers,
we work the nightshift together.
82 kg...
she'd do anything to lose weight.
Here it is, the Holy Grail!
- Why?
- It works miracles.
Look, I was your size.
After two bottles,
I've gone down a weight division.
So what are you now?
Differently thin.
Hi Paride, how are you? It's Biagio.
All is well in the office.
I just wanted to know
how your ski vacation's going.
A flood?
Oh my goodness! At the nursing home?
Your poor grandma, I'm sorry.
I'll go get her.
Sure, no problem.
What?
No, I love driving.
I'm sure she's a lovely granny,
we'll get along fine.
No such thing!
See you soon, bye-bye.
Paride, where are we going?
Ma'am, I'm not Paride, I'm Biagio.
Oh, right.
Paride, granny's doll,
thank God you rescued me from there,
it's like being in jail.
Did I kill someone?
- No, I don't think so.
- Good thing.
- Stop, I need to pee.
- We stopped 5 minutes ago
and it was a false alarm,
are you sure this time?
That's no question to ask a lady!
Come on, stop.
How are you, granny?
Young lad,
I don't think we know each other.
Paride talked my ear off about you.
- Hi!
- Hello. Your sister is here!
Look at that belly...
The first Easter for me
and my illegitimate child.
National Geographic subscription.
On behalf of the attorney too.
He couldn't come, too much work.
Happy Easter from the grandmas!
Anita, ease up on yourself,
and on us...
When I was pregnant
I pretended I wasn't and did it all:
swimming, cycling, running for
kilometers... till I was 9 months.
Then you pretended
you didn't have a daughter.
Nonsense,
I wanted to distance myself
from that obsessive,
obstructive maternal stereotype.
Mom, you forced me to call you
Cecilia.
- It was the 70's.
- It was the 80's,
- but you never noticed.
- I gave birth in water,
it was amazing. You should do it.
No epidural, right?
If it were up to me,
I'd get an epidural every day of pregnancy.
- Can I try?
- Sure.
Further back.
1, 2, 3... point shot!
Handshake!
Time for a toast.
- Like this.
- To us.
What if there's no proof?
You looked everywhere?
Maybe we're wrong.
Attorney, come back.
I'm feeling a bit lonely.
What happened?
It's dark and I want
to go check under the bed.
What bed?
Am I interrupting something?
Are you letting me ramble
on like an idiot?
I'm very interested
in what you're saying
but it's dark
and I'm rummaging around.
- Can we talk later?
- Fine,
do what needs to be done
then come back.
I knew it.
What's going on?
Paride!
Granny, I just came to say
good night, stay calm.
I'm not calm at all.
People like you are trouble.
A fossil expert like you
must be used to climbing
in search of hidden treasures.
Of course...
I'm just... a bit rusty.
Here we go.
- What a great specimen, bravo.
- Knock it off!
You don't give a shit about fossils,
you've been fucking with me.
I never liked you,
I picked you out of desperation.
But you did a good job of tricking me,
I fell for it.
- Paride, I assure you...
- Be quiet.
I know what
you were looking for last night,
you'll never find any proof. Never!
Let's be reasonable.
Calm down!
Help!
Paride, pull me up!
Paride, help!
Help, pull me up!
I'm scared!
Please, Paride!
Oh God, Miss?
Fine...
I'm in a bit of a bind right now.
Hanging by a thread, if you will.
Yes, sure... but could you
call me back later...
Bear with me, thanks.
Thanks, Miss.
Paride...
don't turn into a killer, or you'll
never see your family again.
You won't see your unborn child.
Paride...
How do you know about my child?
Because I went with her
to the ultrasound.
- You went?
- Yes, Anita... Miss Petroni
was afraid to go alone.
You're in love with her too?
Boy or girl?
She didn't want to know.
Why did you do it?
I don't know... the mortgage,
the renovation costs...
my wife busting my balls
about Provençal shabby chic decor,
private schools, private tutors,
private beaches...
I was flat broke!
- How much did you take?
- 300.
You know you'd get
10 years minimum for that.
I'll go to jail then,
it's better than my Provençal hell.
What if I had an alternative
for you?
Such as?
Hi, how are you?
That's none of your business.
So, isn't it horrible getting fired?
- I feel your pain.
- I resigned.
The attorney didn't report you,
he let you off the hook.
Know what I would've done?
Thrown you into jail forever.
To think of how you treated me,
how you sacked me.
- Anita, I didn't...
- What?
I didn't fire you.
Now I can say it: want to know
what really happened?
Watch it, Paride!
She told you to leave her alone.
Remember our deal: you disappear,
don't call or show your face again.
Behave. A deal is a deal.
Be a sport... Get going.
- Happy?
- Yes.
Miss, I...
- Attorney, I...
- Miss...
- I think my water broke.
- Your water? - Yes.
Thanks, attorney.
I couldn't have done it without you.
- May I have a kiss?
- Sure.
- Miss!
- Attorney...
What did you name her?
Dora. This is Dora.
- May I?
- Mom, easy she's sleeping.
Darling... Such tiny hands.
Look, honey!
Well Attorney, now we can officially
drop the formalities.
Gladly, Miss.
- Hold the kid.
- Thanks.
You'll get more later.
You want to drop the lawsuit?
- Exactly.
- You were pregnant when they fired you!
- Yes, I know.
- We'd win this case.
The company is obliged
to rehire you.
The lawsuit's statute
of limitations expires today!
It's okay,
my husband will rehire me.
- You're fucking up big time!
- Cool it.
I realize you want to do
your job and do it well...
Fuck my job,
we're talking about your job.
If I got rehired for suing them,
everyone would hate me.
Fine, tell me what you want from me.
To not proceed... wake up!
Get out before I beat you senseless.
Go!
So, Mr. COO, the packaging graphics
still need to be polished up.
And call me after the meeting.
- Yes.
- Your collar's creased.
It wasn't ironed well.
- Did you go see the attorney?
- Yes.
- Will you talk to the boss about me?
- Yes, at lunch.
It's cold.
I reheated it.
- I have to go.
- I'm afraid.
Of what? You're great, you know it, relax.
See you later.
- Biagio...
- Yes?
Dora!
Sorry, my head's all over the place...
God, she's so beautiful!
Be good, actually, be bad...
You be good.
Ladies,
8 kg lighter and I'm aiming at 10!
Something magical for you...
My work contract!
When do I start?
You start now.
You raised two kids without a husband.
Here you go.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
- Take care of Dora.
- Yes.
Hooray, sweetpea!
You work your ass off, kid.
And do it well.
Paride couldn't work like
this in his dreams!
Your words make my hard work
worth it, thanks.
But you need a sales director,
you can't carry on alone like this.
Speaking of which,
I'd like to be frank with you.
I honestly don't feel
an ideal candidate exists.
- In here?
- Or out there.
You want to keep working alone?
May I?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
I forgot to tell you,
I didn't see him today.
We postponed our meeting.
- Tomorrow?
- What?
- You'll talk to him tomorrow?
- Yes.
Biagio...
Have you ever smoked?
Never, smoking disgusts me.
Why?
Just asking...
Who's that?
Expecting anyone?
- Answer!
- No!
Oh my God, now what'll I do?
Anita, the baby's crying.
- Will you open the door?
- I can't.
Are you paralyzed?
Why can't you?
Because...
Because I killed Napoleon.
I want an appointment with Fanelli.
I promise you'll have one tomorrow.
Don't sulk,
you're so ugly when you sulk!
Don't touch me.
Miss, do you give me permission
to touch you?
- Yes, attorney.
- I can?
Yes? Are you sure?
Gianna, Gianna...
- Lift her legs.
- I can't.
Answer!
What's going on? Oh God...
What's this?
She broke out in a cold sweat
then she collapsed on the ground.
Honey, I left you
with a junkie and a dealer.
Junkie? Gianna's only been taking
those pills you gave her.
- Should I call an ambulance?
- Of course!
Lift up her legs.
Pulse is weak.
If they find out they'll report you.
Olga's the only one
who knows everything.
- But she'd never betray me.
- Which one's Olga?
- The dealer.
- What has become of you?
You hang out with dealers
and hire a junkie as nanny.
Anita, you're a mother.
Be responsible, plus you're my wife.
Don't make me look bad.
Got any other surreal news for me?
My credit card's not working.
Neither is my ATM card.
That's no problem. From now on,
if you need money,
ask and I'll give you cash.
- What does that mean?
- You heard me.
- My money?
- Our money. Remember?
That's my life savings...
You co-signed just in case
of emergencies with Dora.
Go to the bank
and sort this out tomorrow.
Or else?
What are you playing at?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
I'll never be rehired, will I?
It's easy to get ahead
by being Paride's lover.
You're all the same.
You thought I didn't know
about your fling?
- How nasty!
- Of course you knew.
You even let him knock you up,
like a mediocre woman.
- You knew that too?
- Yes, the walls are thin.
Who are you?
What do you want?
What you wanted Anita, and now
I have it and you have squat.
You'd better pray
I don't report you
for theft and illegal drug peddling.
That would mean you'd lose Dora...
- Good night.
- Get out of my house.
Our house.
Community property...
Don't make any racket,
I'd like to get some rest.
3 kg and 50 centimeters at birth,
now she's 7 kg, pale with blue eyes.
She's had her diphtheria, tetanus,
polio, and hepatitis B vaccines.
She sleeps through the night
and drinks formula 4-5 times a day.
Every now
and then she looks at me...
and stares, like she's doing now,
like an alien.
Where should I turn?
Left or right?
Where's your wife?
- She's moved back to Parma.
- Go ahead, feed her.
Dora, Dora, Dora. Come here.
- Got anything to drink?
- What?
- Got anything to drink?
- Like what?
She doesn't want it,
don't force her.
Give her the pacifier.
Turn it around,
like that.
Got anything to drink?
- Wine, beer, whisky, milk.
- Not milk.
Why'd you do it to me?
I look in the mirror
and see a rotten thief.
I hoped you'd help me fix things
so nobody would notice.
That's why I had you promoted,
anyone else would've ratted on me.
There's one thing you need to know
or we'll never be okay.
Remember when you went
to the doctor
and found out you were pregnant?
That night,
when you left the office,
all of the project associates met
up and decided to oust you.
They were willing to do
anything to get rid of you.
It was a unanimous vote.
I couldn't do anything or they
would've gotten rid of me too.
And Biagio? Did he vote?
She's asleep.
This way.
What a surprise!
It's been at least 2 years
since I've seen you.
I know you're busy,
I won't take up your time.
Biagio, it's fine by me,
you could stay all day.
I don't want to.
- Sorry.
- I just came to say...
I've been made COO, like you.
Actually, I'm also handling
the sales department
so technically, I do more than you.
And soon I'll be promoted to CEO.
That's wonderful news,
I'm happy for you.
Thanks, mom.
And it wasn't even that hard.
I used your strategy:
first I fucked my boss,
then I married her.
What's the next step? Help me recall...
I know: betray her and throw her out
since she's useless now.
Biagio, when did you last see
Dr. Ricciardi?
- Are you not taking your lithium?
- Why ask?
Your father and I divorced
when you were 7.
There's your father, see?
Biagio, don't fall asleep now.
I'd been at the company for 4 years.
- He left me.
- Rightfully so,
you were never present:
not as a wife, not as a mother,
it was all about work, work.
Biagio, don't be childish.
I'm much better than you are
and I'll prove it, you'll see.
Biagio, where are you going?
Wait, let's talk.
Talk...
Poor thing.
Since being hospitalized,
she's gotten worse.
Her heart's flipped out
and they don't know why.
Poor thing, all alone with nobody.
Nobody?
Her family, her kids?
Her two kids are in Germany
working with their dad.
Only her nephew
comes to visit her at night.
Sugar, we have to tell them
about Slim Slam.
If I do it's the end of me:
my life, my career.
Plus, Slim Slam can't be to blame,
it was tested,
there were no side effects.
Check out this scribble!
I should've become a doctor...
I'm on the other side of the wall.
Knock if you need anything.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Rotten bastard changed the locks!
Napoleon!
Silly me, I forgot my house keys!
Napoleon behaved well,
he's polite and kind, a good fish!
I've never seen a fish
like that before.
Both of Biagio's parents are alive.
His father's a CEO in Holland,
and his mom's VP
of a telecommunications company.
By the way...
there is no grandmother named Dora.
Oh Lord, poor sugar!
- What did you put in your pocket?
- Huh?
- I saw you.
- Honey, you're paranoid.
- Look, I'll show you.
- What is it?
- How cute.
- Like it?
- How is she today?
- I don't have good news for you.
Your aunt is getting worse
by the day, I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Hello, dear nephew.
- Anita!
- Hello, dear Biagio.
- We know everything.
- There's nothing to know.
- You tried to kill me
the other day in the park. - Me?
You poisoned her with synephrine.
Zhi Shi, know it, right?
Small doses aid weight loss,
- large doses are lethal.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
If Gianna had died,
Fanelli would've been gone.
You didn't want my job or Paride's,
you wanted Fanelli's.
These are serious accusations
that require real proof.
Be good...
give me the house keys.
Give her the keys
so we can go sleep.
I'm not a homicidal lunatic.
No, you're a normal husband.
- Give her the keys.
- The keys!
- Now!
- I'm looking for them...
Plus, technically it's our house...
My house.
Oh sorry...
He ran off!
- Where is he?
- He's gone.
I'm his father and her grandfather.
So you're his brother-in-law
- and her father.
- Yes.
So she is his niece
and he is her uncle.
- Dora, say hi to uncle!
- Dora, say hi!
It's rather confusing for me too.
It's not that hard, you see:
she is my daughter,
and his sister, and her mother.
Now tell me who you are!
Who knows...
I'm just here waiting.
I'm already a daughter, mother,
sister, the rest is TBD.
Right, grandmothers? TBD!
Sweetpea!
- Welcome, ma'am.
- I see you're all glad I'm back,
especially you, Mr. Fanelli...
I saved your ass!
Now stop wasting time on civilities
and get to work.
- Good morning, Waterloo.
- Morning ma'am,
here's your mail.
Sugar, don't be this way
or they'll oust you again.
I'm not being this way...
I am this way.
I KILLED NAPOLEON
A FEW MONTHS LATER
Not Wednesday.
Thursday night.
Just do it.
Ma'am, excuse me...
Attorney, not now.
I have some documents to show you.
They don't concern me.
I think they do, look.
Hey, Chicco...
How do you feel about divorce?
I believe in marriage.
If I choose you, it's forever.
We'll be together forever
with our two kids.
- Three.
- Three kids...
Just think, once they're older
we'll focus on us, we'll travel,
read, and love each
other till the very end.
Anita, we're back,
the exhibition sucked.
Relax, we didn't do anything.
We only kissed.
- We plan to marry.
- Where are you?
- What are you doing?
- It's okay, kids.
What you're doing is normal.
- We weren't doing anything.
- Who do you think you're fooling?
Calm down, Gabriele.
They're young and innocent.
Young and innocent, my foot.
You're the expert
on young and innocent...
I'm an artist...
This isn't what I meant
when I said I believe in marriage.
I think it's best we take a break.
I can't wait till you up and leave!
And I can't wait to leave!
How the hell
did that thing end up in me?
Well, around 4 months ago...
4 months ago?
I would've noticed...
Stress affects the body,
causing you to miss cycles...
and that's why you didn't notice.
I want to go back 4 months
and pretend I have a migraine.
Have a listen to this...
Okay, Monday the 7th at 8.00 AM.
Will that work for you?
You can no longer do anything.
Terminating a pregnancy
after the 12th week is illegal.
How about tomorrow?
We'll pretend it's the 12th week.
One slip-up
and now my life is ruined?
Well, as you know
our product is very, very good.
We've reached our goal:
weight loss with no side effects.
Our Slim Slam is tops.
Cut to the chase
and tell us who you've nominated
as sales director,
people are drooling
on the table here.
- Ms. Anita Petroni.
- There you go!
This last phase
will be handled by her and:
Riccardo Squassi, Giovanna Spazzola,
and Patrick Hassermann.
Happy?
You might not notice signs of joy,
being cold and unemotional
is something I've worked hard at.
I'm no fool...
you promoted me
because I'm your lover
and you want to control me.
No, because you're the best here.
Now you say you're leaving your wife
and expect me to be happy?
- Aren't you?
- No... yes...
I don't know.
I've got so much to do,
- the product launch...
- The Tokyo conference...
- Now's not a good time.
- For what?
- For what?
- It's never a good time.
Now's not a good time
to have a kid.
- What kid?
- I've always wanted to be alone and independent,
I can't end up
with a husband and kid.
I'm 4 months pregnant.
My gynecologist said
I can't do anything
apart from riding a horse:
bouncing, vibrating, bumping...
all discouraged during pregnancy.
It's late, I have
4 consecutive conference calls.
Anita...
You have a run in your stockings,
take them off.
Congrats on your promotion, Miss.
Save it for later.
I suggest you look at these
documents for research funds.
Don't you handle contracts?
Why are you butting into
administrative matters?
Don't you have enough
of your own work to do, attorney?
Okay, one, two, three... go.
Just a slip, a tumble,
and the problem will disappear.
Just like riding a horse.
Yes, mom?
I said I'm not going
to dad's concert.
I know you'll all be there,
that's why.
Stop calling to pressure me every day.
Thanks.
I'm in a meeting, bye.
Did I drip on you?
Didn't you read the sign?
Don't use these stairs.
Use the damn elevator!
Paride, call me back please,
we need to talk.
Call me back, thanks.
- I am... - I know.
- They are... - I know.
I know who you are: not his wife.
And you never will be.
It's a promising moment
for our conventional family unit:
a new abode has just been furnished,
upcoming vacations have been procured.
- What does procure mean?
- Hush, girls.
The subject's foremother
with Alzheimer's
has finally been situated in a home.
Hope my words are clear to you,
since I couldn't be explicit
due to the presence of minors.
There is no available space
for a new element.
Mom, are you done talking like that?
We're scared.
- There's nothing to be scared of.
- But there is, girls,
because life is scary
but I have a secret for you:
pretend to be frozen fish sticks.
If you want to survive you must be
cold, cold,
cold!
You must've had a horrible,
horrible childhood.
I almost forgot, call this number
at any time,
he's expecting you.
Girls, let's go. Goodbye.
- Paride...
- Did I not make myself clear?
Dr. Enrico Gasperi?
Hello, I'm Anita Petroni.
I'm calling about that procedure...
you already know?
Good. You're willing to perform it
after the legal time limit?
Tomorrow at 9:00 AM, perhaps.
Yes, doctor.
Tomorrow at 9:00 AM.
You're saving my life.
Goodbye, doctor.
Paride?
His name is Napoleon.
Goldfish don't live long enough
to have names.
We're going to Argentina
for the winter.
You'll love Argentina.
Sorry, I have people over for dinner.
Feed him once a day,
change his water twice a week.
Bye Napoleon, be good.
Hello, Dr. Gasperi?
Anita Petroni.
Something's come up,
I need to postpone the procedure.
No, I haven't changed my mind...
I'll call you back.
- Let me in.
- I can't.
- Let me in.
- Here are your things.
- Paride, come here please.
- I know, it's hard...
Don't believe a word my wife said,
she's making my life impossible.
Listen to this:
"Dear Anita Petroni,
due to 'substantial criticalness'
with your role as director
which impedes
our fiduciary relations,
you have been promptly terminated."
Terminated!
But how?
I was just promoted last night!
I must talk to Fanelli.
- No, wait, let me.
- Why didn't you pick up?
I've been calling you all day.
My grandma fell,
I took her to the ER.
I have to go, bye.
Your wife told me your grandma
was placed in a home.
But now you're saying
she's in the ER...
Paride!
I told you to use the elevator,
can't you read the sign?!
- Paride.
- What happened?
Shut up. You sic your wife on me
then have me fired!
I can do without a man and a child,
but not without my job!
Everyone here knows I'm the best!
- Escort her out...
- Especially you.
You won't get rid of me this easily.
Never! Never...
Never...
I know the way out, thanks.
Miss...
Sorry, remember I mentioned
these documents to you?
Yes, and I said I wasn't interested.
You will be.
Trust me, review them.
Thanks.
Yes attorney, I was suddenly fired
due to "substantial criticalness".
"Substantial criticalness",
I don't even know what that means.
I haven't worked in 6 months,
I can't sleep, I'm fat and old.
I think I'm... like... depressed.
What's wrong with me?
You said it.
Could you go talk elsewhere?
- Look at my thighs!
- Don't worry...
your ass is so huge
it overshadows your thighs.
There's a lovely slide over there,
go away, thanks...
What?
In two weeks?
But I want to be back at work
by tomorrow.
Go to hell!
Everything okay, sugar?
- You okay, sugar?
- Sugar?!
- Got a cigarette?
- Take two a day.
You won't lose weight
but will think you did.
Why, do these make me blind?
Got any candy at least?
Dammit!
- Gianna, you owe me money.
- On my tab.
- Here you go.
- Give me a discount.
- They're already half off.
- Please.
No, go on.
You owe me 2.50 euros
from last time too...
You know what you're doing is illegal.
Very illegal!
It's all FDA approved.
Are you a cop or something?
What? Me, a cop?
I worked in a health clinic
but it went belly-up.
I need to get by somehow.
The only thing I still had
were some prescription pads.
I've got the right meds for anything:
insomnia, palpitations, anxiety, fat...
Here you go, honey...
I finished at 05:00 AM
and have to be in court at 08:00 PM.
No, wait, come back.
Miss Enrica here,
"Miss" because she's not married...
Why marry and torment one man
when I can stay single
and torment dozens?
Miss Enrica is a superb attorney.
- And Miss or is it Mrs.?
- Ms.
Oh... I see, Ms. She was fired
for no reason.
- There must be a reason.
- I'm pregnant.
Come here.
Nonsense. They can't fire you
for that nowadays!
- What month?
- Fourth.
- Husband?
- Don't have one.
- Partner, baby daddy?
- Doesn't exist.
You're a single mom!
Perfect, I'll take your case!
You'll take maternity leave
then go back to work.
I want to be back at work tomorrow!
We'll sign the agreement tomorrow.
Don't exert yourself.
Your belly is your insurance.
Pregnant women are untouchable.
I have to go...
By the way, I'm Olga.
You can always find me here,
whatever you need, I've got it.
Thanks.
All right...
I'll go sit over there.
No, doctor,
I can't make it tonight either.
There are some factors
I hadn't considered.
I need more time to think it over.
Yes, I know time is running out.
Goodbye.
"Slim Slam" research funds:
donations, deposits, invoices.
I'm wiped out.
At night I work, during the day
the three of us are home:
me, my husband... when he's not
out drinking, and my kid,
he laughs, cries, pisses, vomits...
Luckily, my baby keeps me happy.
Here, amphetamine.
I made you some lasagna
to take to work tonight.
- Gimme 20 and we're good.
- Okay, 20 total...
- Gotta go, it's late.
- Bye, darling.
Here you go.
You're in my hands now.
"Mom"
Attorney, if I were to discover
illegal activities in the company...
- You need proof.
- If I were to find proof?
How?
You can't even go in the building!
Well, then we'd play off the cushion,
aim to the right
and strike to the left.
Play off the cushion.
Play off the cushion.
- Play off the cushion...
- Hey!
- Attorney, you are nuts.
- Huh?
Those documents...
Missing funds,
phantom suppliers,
fake invoices, pyramid schemes...
Got any proof of the theft?
None. I haven't told anyone,
you're the only one I trust, Miss.
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
"Mom"
Are you free tonight, attorney?
- Yes. - But wipe that dumbass smile
off your face, it irritates me.
"Paride: let me know what's going on"
Let me get this straight:
she isn't your mother. Right, Miss?
Otherwise you'd be adopted
but you're not.
I find it sexy
that you call her Miss!
Why thank you.
While your dad is dating this lady...
so this baby is your brother.
But I can't work out
this woman's connection...
How did you meet?
It's rather cliché: we met at work
and were secret lovers.
Wow, my girl is sharing
emotional secrets with us.
Spare her the sarcasm,
no wonder she never confides in you.
Anita cut us off a long time ago,
sarcasm apart.
Anita is like her mother,
stubborn and strong-willed.
Don't egg them on.
No, Anita is like her dad,
she can't stand bullshit.
I get it now...
So tell us how
your relationship moved forward.
It moved forward quite a bit.
- Very far forward.
- What does that mean?
- Far forward.
- Honey, it's not hard to understand.
- I understood.
- You're going to be a grandparent.
- So will I...
- Honey, now you'll finally be happy too.
I knew that red lock of hair
was a good sign!
Sorry Miss, easy on the wine,
for the baby...
Right, the baby.
Isn't he a wonderful father?
My compliments, your family
is truly fantastic.
I wish I had a family like that.
Musician dad, sculptor mom,
dancer stepmom,
painter second-stepmom.
None of them act like adults.
Says you. Much better than my family,
which is gone.
My mom died when I was born,
my dad took off with someone
when I was small.
I grew up in the countryside
with my gimpy grandma.
A real barrel of laughs.
Orphans would like any family.
Soon I'll tell my parents
we realized
that you're not the father.
I don't mean to pry,
but who is the baby's father?
You see, that's something
you must never ask me.
- Sorry.
- Anyway, thanks for your help.
I'll find a way to pay you back.
You see, that's something
you must never do.
Sorry, I must
- have misunderstood...
- Out.
- I didn't mean to...
- Out.
- It's late, I'll go.
- Goodbye.
Okay, good night.
Goodbye, Miss.
You thought you'd gotten rid of me?
You were wrong, I will be back.
And will make life hell for you!
Fabio Fanelli:
CEO of the family business.
No heirs, end of the dynasty.
Weak spot: his third wife,
secretary turned boss' wife.
Now she has tons of free time.
I worked in HR for 10 years,
I was the one who filled out
forms to evaluate
the staff's weak and strong points,
and I was always spot on.
Riccardo Squassi:
kind, honest, quadrilingual...
and very seductive.
Why don't we go somewhere
tonight, baby?
Seduction is the tool he uses
to get what he wants.
His weak spot:
assuming it'll always work.
Call me ma'am!
See him? He's the youngest of all:
Patrick Hassermann...
His tech skills are irrefutable.
Weak spot:
happy childhood in Germany.
You've been in Italy
since you were 12.
Yes, my family and I left Berlin
on Monday 15 March 1996.
Giovanna Spazzola, the perfect
businesswoman, wife, mother.
I created a probability theory
and organized my family's life
so that the minimum
probability for unforeseen events
is only 0.3%.
The minimum is never enough.
I consider family to be a weak spot.
Being alone is the path to power.
Then this single lady, widow,
and spinster should be ruling
the world.
Paride Presca, COO.
Married with two kids.
We were lovers for 3 years.
No sentimental attachment.
Secret rendezvous once a month.
He's the father.
- We have nothing to talk about.
- Yes, we do.
Did you do the procedure?
Am I still the father?
You and your family
have nothing to fear.
Are you still pregnant?
I'm worried about you.
Worry about yourself.
I know about everything.
- What?
- Money's missing from the research funds.
- Odd you never noticed.
- So?
You were in charge of the funds.
Now I know why I was suddenly fired.
You have no idea
what really happened at Fanelli.
I'll tell you what happened:
you promoted me to silence me.
But then I got pregnant
and everything went topsy-turvy.
- A belly causes more fear than a gun.
- Please...
Let go, don't touch my belly.
You're hurting me,
don't touch my belly...
- Want to know the gender?
- Yes. - No!
You need to stay in bed today.
Amniocentesis can be dangerous.
Don't be alone for the next 24 hours.
Now relax and breathe deeply.
Dad, take your woman's hand,
she needs you.
Attorney...
Carry on.
Everything okay with the baby,
Miss?
This damn baby
is doing better than I am.
There's something in between its legs,
a thin line.
Does that mean it's a boy?
I can't say, it's hard to know.
My life depends on that thin line.
Will it be soccer or dance class?
Dolls or robots?
I should've asked for the gender.
I always imagined a little girl.
If I might...
it'd be lovely to name her Dora,
like my grandma.
- Was she pretty?
- No, she was short and fat.
- And gimpy too?
- Absolutely.
Aren't you hungry?
Here.
No thanks, none for me.
- Too late now...
- Aren't you going to eat?
- No.
- No.
I can't recall
the last time I ate pasta.
When I was 12 I wanted to become
huge so my parents would notice me.
At one point I was 20 kg overweight.
But they kept ignoring me.
Then dad got a 20-year-old
girlfriend,
and mom a 30-year-old woman.
Ever since then
I stopped eating pasta.
- That sauce must be good.
- It's a recipe from grandma...
Dora.
Thanks for today,
you've been an excellent fake father.
No problem.
I'm sure you'll be a great mother.
Send a taxi to Via Farina 5, thanks.
It'll be here in 3 minutes.
Did I say something wrong?
Don't tell anyone in the office
we saw each other.
2 minutes.
All right.
Excuse me.
Close the door quietly, please.
Put the chair back.
Good night, then.
A great mother...
I always had my suspicions,
and as always, I was spot on.
- You're loaded with Slim Slam!
- I'll give it back,
- nobody has ever noticed.
- This is for you.
- What is it?
- A little favor.
I'll take these for now.
By the way, how is it?
Amazing. All my friends want some.
It's the bomb.
- It's what?
- The bomb.
It's the bomb.
Don't tell anyone I gave it to you.
It's illegal and wrong
to hand out an unapproved product.
Lot: 1,000 active ingredient:
zhi shi.
I've never heard of that.
Will people want this?
Who wouldn't want the body
they've always wished for?
If you wish for a flabby,
fat body it's easy enough!
Olga, I have a plan.
I need some stop-at-nothing allies.
You have your clients, I have this:
can you put together a special body
of ruthless troops?
I've got tons of special bodies,
sugar.
Are you in?
- What do you want?
- Nothing.
You'll be taking over Ms. Petroni's
role as sales director.
I'm ready to take the helm.
Good. Good...
- You're fired!
- Me?
Not you, the bastard who's swimming
with my wife.
Sacked! Terminated on the spot.
He risked it all.
- And for a lady like that!
- "Like that"?
Like all men,
you think big boobs make women stupid.
- Is that not true?
- No, dear.
Women with big boobs
make men act stupid.
They're getting started.
When are you coming?
I can't come,
I have a flight in an hour.
Please, hurry up.
- What'll I do here alone?
- Hello?
Take notes, send me constant
email updates...
Move your pelvis.
Come on!
Good.
You're doing a great job. Slowly...
Keep going. Good.
Hanz, you've made a real career
for yourself here in Frankfurt.
In Italy, if you're pregnant
you're screwed, in any sector.
You're as gorgeous as when
we were students in Brussels.
- Too kind!
- You're even more gorgeous.
I've often thought about you.
Hanz, I want to be frank with you.
I'm here to talk about work.
We could use a brain like
yours here.
You're hired.
I'm flattered
but I have a project to complete,
it's very important in Italy so...
But if you need a brain...
or rather, a real brainiac...
You see...
I've been aching to go back
to Germany.
I got a call from Krumps,
they offered me a job starting tomorrow.
It's a sign from destiny.
I'm sorry, sir.
Auf widersehen.
And now it's time
for Mrs. Probability Theory...
Giovanna dear,
I asked to see you because
as you know, something
rather peculiar has happened.
- Sorry, you were saying?
- I was saying, I need to find a solution.
I'll turn it off.
Well, that solution is,
out of all the people...
- I'm in a meeting.
- It's for Mrs. Spazzola.
Her son Paolo's school on the line.
Tell them to call the other
- three emergency numbers I provided.
- Go ahead...
Absolutely not.
It's all organized.
Great, so I was saying...
It's for her again,
her daughter Maria's daycare.
No worries, you can take the call.
Tell them to call grandma, grandpa,
dad, nanny.
They have all the numbers,
this has never happened before...
Incredible.
- Don't worry.
- So you need to find the right person...
Yes, I thought you might be
the right person.
- Yes?
- Your son Alessandro's tennis school...
How many kids?
Two, plus my husband.
Your mother is asking if Maria
has swimming or dance today.
And she said to turn your phone
back on.
I swear, in 20 years of work
nothing like this has ever happened.
Your husband's secretary called to
remind you
to pick up his shirts
at the cleaners.
I've never picked up his shirts
in my life and I never will!
Sorry Paride,
let me get to the bottom of this.
Shall we deliver all this?
Total weight is 70 kg.
How on earth can a 3 kg baby
require 70 kg of goods?
You need to check the AC in here,
it's not working.
Are you behind the chaos
that's happened in the office?
All of your co-workers
have vanished!
Then Paride saw my evaluation form
and made me sales director,
but I'm an attorney!
You filled out that form!
- I don't feel well...
- My vision's getting blurry...
Miss, you're the biggest schemer
I've ever met.
Shame on you.
Can't you see she's expecting?
Her, expecting? True, she expects
everything from everyone!
Ma'am, are you okay?
I'm fine.
How are you?
- I'm sorry, it's all my fault.
- No. Don't worry,
it's just a rough patch.
You're telling me...
I have no idea what's going on.
You know, Presca fired me
before I found out everything.
- So I was right.
- Yes, money is missing.
Now do you understand
why I had you promoted?
I told them to iron out the kinks,
and play off the cushion,
but now we need proof.
That won't be easy, Paride promoted me
but blocked my access to the accounts.
Now what?
We'll find the link
and make him quit.
So then you'll become COO
and you can hire me again.
There's one thing you don't know yet:
Paride's the father.
- She looks like Barbie.
- So pretty.
If I were to do that
I'd look like a beached whale.
Here, give this a try.
It's a gift.
Thank me when you can see
your feet again.
Olga, I'm stuck in the swing.
- Damn it!
- Give me a push.
Ma'am, you must come sign
the papers,
- we can't miss the deadline.
- Yes.
Here you go.
Can we drop the formalities, ma'am?
- No.
- No... okay.
Attorney? I was kidding.
What a comedian.
- I had a date last night.
- Good for you!
- How was it?
- I kept thinking: "Is this the father
I want my kids to spend
every other weekend with?"
Geez, she already divorced him...
There he is!
Attorney?
He's leaving, I told you
he sees his shrink on Thursday.
So get on it, focus, be careful,
look high and low.
I need a password to get in.
Was there some pet name
he used for you?
- Like buttercup?
- You are a real idiot.
Focus, we don't have much time.
Police, let's scram!
Anita, hurry.
- What is it?
- The police.
Hurry Anita, move it!
My gynecologist suggested
I keep active and exercise,
but didn't mention soft drugs.
Do you think I can take a hit?
According to
a health clinic secretary, no.
But...
a secretary's just a secretary,
right?
Plus,
this is all natural and organic...
there's no tobacco, nicotine,
and garbage like that...
It's natural...
Move your arms quickly.
Don't forget to breathe...
walk... inhale...
Smoking joints...
Miss, are you crazy?
You're a drag,
next time I won't tell you.
I didn't find anything
in Paride's office
aside from these handwritten notes:
"You're the light that guides me,
the flame that warms me,
the water that quenches me".
Signed "A".
- That's none of your business.
- They were in Paride's desk.
- A moment of weakness.
- There's nothing wrong
with having feelings...
You were in love.
Mind your fucking business.
You can't just walk away
from your workout.
- Paride's birthday party is coming up.
- Okay... and?
- At his house, get invited.
- Me?
- No, I don't go to parties.
- His wife hates his co-workers,
but we'll make sure you get invited.
I don't go to parties.
And why should I go?
Why? Why?
Why?
Right, the papers weren't in his
office so they must be at home.
Exert that brain now and then
or it'll dry out.
- Come on, I'm raring to go and...
- Hold on...
- What?
- Hold on.
We'll get up
as soon as an airplane flies by.
Figures... let's go.
Fine, we'll let one more fly by.
Attorney, know anything
about fossils?
Fossils are the key...
Paride's obsessed with fossils.
- Paride, we're leaving.
- What?
- This is no life for a child.
- He stays in Mexico with me.
- To be a volunteer paleontologist?
- Wait, Paride.
If you leave, you'll regret it forever,
hear me?
Paride, decide:
want to grow up without a father
or without a mother?
Lovely, it's not Italian, is it?
No, how do you know?
It's been a passion all my life.
I believe it's a Pepemkay maya.
It's Mexican, right?
- Yes.
- Wonderful and very rare, sir.
Lucky you.
Listen Diamante,
we can drop the formalities.
Okay, call me Biagio.
It's rare to find someone
interested in this.
Usually people stare in dismay:
"You're talking about fossils?"
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.
- Biagio...
- Yes?
- I'm having a birthday party tonight...
- Happy birthday.
Thanks.
I'd like it if you came.
Wow, the boss' party?
Boss? We're co-workers.
I'll be expecting you.
Bye, Paride!
I wanted to show you
this glorious gastropod.
A real beauty, where'd you get it?
My father,
he was in Mexico for 35 years.
He found a bunch of dinosaur fossils,
and wonderful ancient fish.
Fantastic!
Not when your dad lives 100-150
million years in the past...
Look at this, nobody else has this!
Amazing!
Can you participate
in your birthday party?
I've lit the candles on the cake.
- Of course, honey, coming.
- Thanks.
I have to go.
Paride, I forgot my phone,
be right there.
I searched all over: in his papers,
the books, the drawers,
even his tablet,
but there was nothing but fossils.
We must get cracking.
Why are we here?
Why'd you convince me to come?
- I'm leaving.
- Enough already!
Paste a smile on your face
- and act like a puerpera.
- A what?
Welcome everyone.
Get into a comfortable,
relaxed position.
I see the mother's come today!
I'm Anita, the puerpera,
I'm in my 8th month,
I don't know when I'll give birth,
what I'll call it,
if it's a boy or girl,
I don't even know why I'm here.
See, you're not the only one
who feels that way!
I have an idea
for how to find the papers.
- What?
- I'll tell you later, Miss.
- It's important I know now.
- Keep breathing.
Ready?
Don't worry, we'll handle it.
- Don't forget the tools.
- How could we?
- Stealthy steps.
- For sure.
Quiet, girls.
- Can we trust them?
- They're all we have.
A special body of troops...
You think this is the best way
to get proof?
We're co-workers,
we work the nightshift together.
82 kg...
she'd do anything to lose weight.
Here it is, the Holy Grail!
- Why?
- It works miracles.
Look, I was your size.
After two bottles,
I've gone down a weight division.
So what are you now?
Differently thin.
Hi Paride, how are you? It's Biagio.
All is well in the office.
I just wanted to know
how your ski vacation's going.
A flood?
Oh my goodness! At the nursing home?
Your poor grandma, I'm sorry.
I'll go get her.
Sure, no problem.
What?
No, I love driving.
I'm sure she's a lovely granny,
we'll get along fine.
No such thing!
See you soon, bye-bye.
Paride, where are we going?
Ma'am, I'm not Paride, I'm Biagio.
Oh, right.
Paride, granny's doll,
thank God you rescued me from there,
it's like being in jail.
Did I kill someone?
- No, I don't think so.
- Good thing.
- Stop, I need to pee.
- We stopped 5 minutes ago
and it was a false alarm,
are you sure this time?
That's no question to ask a lady!
Come on, stop.
How are you, granny?
Young lad,
I don't think we know each other.
Paride talked my ear off about you.
- Hi!
- Hello. Your sister is here!
Look at that belly...
The first Easter for me
and my illegitimate child.
National Geographic subscription.
On behalf of the attorney too.
He couldn't come, too much work.
Happy Easter from the grandmas!
Anita, ease up on yourself,
and on us...
When I was pregnant
I pretended I wasn't and did it all:
swimming, cycling, running for
kilometers... till I was 9 months.
Then you pretended
you didn't have a daughter.
Nonsense,
I wanted to distance myself
from that obsessive,
obstructive maternal stereotype.
Mom, you forced me to call you
Cecilia.
- It was the 70's.
- It was the 80's,
- but you never noticed.
- I gave birth in water,
it was amazing. You should do it.
No epidural, right?
If it were up to me,
I'd get an epidural every day of pregnancy.
- Can I try?
- Sure.
Further back.
1, 2, 3... point shot!
Handshake!
Time for a toast.
- Like this.
- To us.
What if there's no proof?
You looked everywhere?
Maybe we're wrong.
Attorney, come back.
I'm feeling a bit lonely.
What happened?
It's dark and I want
to go check under the bed.
What bed?
Am I interrupting something?
Are you letting me ramble
on like an idiot?
I'm very interested
in what you're saying
but it's dark
and I'm rummaging around.
- Can we talk later?
- Fine,
do what needs to be done
then come back.
I knew it.
What's going on?
Paride!
Granny, I just came to say
good night, stay calm.
I'm not calm at all.
People like you are trouble.
A fossil expert like you
must be used to climbing
in search of hidden treasures.
Of course...
I'm just... a bit rusty.
Here we go.
- What a great specimen, bravo.
- Knock it off!
You don't give a shit about fossils,
you've been fucking with me.
I never liked you,
I picked you out of desperation.
But you did a good job of tricking me,
I fell for it.
- Paride, I assure you...
- Be quiet.
I know what
you were looking for last night,
you'll never find any proof. Never!
Let's be reasonable.
Calm down!
Help!
Paride, pull me up!
Paride, help!
Help, pull me up!
I'm scared!
Please, Paride!
Oh God, Miss?
Fine...
I'm in a bit of a bind right now.
Hanging by a thread, if you will.
Yes, sure... but could you
call me back later...
Bear with me, thanks.
Thanks, Miss.
Paride...
don't turn into a killer, or you'll
never see your family again.
You won't see your unborn child.
Paride...
How do you know about my child?
Because I went with her
to the ultrasound.
- You went?
- Yes, Anita... Miss Petroni
was afraid to go alone.
You're in love with her too?
Boy or girl?
She didn't want to know.
Why did you do it?
I don't know... the mortgage,
the renovation costs...
my wife busting my balls
about Provençal shabby chic decor,
private schools, private tutors,
private beaches...
I was flat broke!
- How much did you take?
- 300.
You know you'd get
10 years minimum for that.
I'll go to jail then,
it's better than my Provençal hell.
What if I had an alternative
for you?
Such as?
Hi, how are you?
That's none of your business.
So, isn't it horrible getting fired?
- I feel your pain.
- I resigned.
The attorney didn't report you,
he let you off the hook.
Know what I would've done?
Thrown you into jail forever.
To think of how you treated me,
how you sacked me.
- Anita, I didn't...
- What?
I didn't fire you.
Now I can say it: want to know
what really happened?
Watch it, Paride!
She told you to leave her alone.
Remember our deal: you disappear,
don't call or show your face again.
Behave. A deal is a deal.
Be a sport... Get going.
- Happy?
- Yes.
Miss, I...
- Attorney, I...
- Miss...
- I think my water broke.
- Your water? - Yes.
Thanks, attorney.
I couldn't have done it without you.
- May I have a kiss?
- Sure.
- Miss!
- Attorney...
What did you name her?
Dora. This is Dora.
- May I?
- Mom, easy she's sleeping.
Darling... Such tiny hands.
Look, honey!
Well Attorney, now we can officially
drop the formalities.
Gladly, Miss.
- Hold the kid.
- Thanks.
You'll get more later.
You want to drop the lawsuit?
- Exactly.
- You were pregnant when they fired you!
- Yes, I know.
- We'd win this case.
The company is obliged
to rehire you.
The lawsuit's statute
of limitations expires today!
It's okay,
my husband will rehire me.
- You're fucking up big time!
- Cool it.
I realize you want to do
your job and do it well...
Fuck my job,
we're talking about your job.
If I got rehired for suing them,
everyone would hate me.
Fine, tell me what you want from me.
To not proceed... wake up!
Get out before I beat you senseless.
Go!
So, Mr. COO, the packaging graphics
still need to be polished up.
And call me after the meeting.
- Yes.
- Your collar's creased.
It wasn't ironed well.
- Did you go see the attorney?
- Yes.
- Will you talk to the boss about me?
- Yes, at lunch.
It's cold.
I reheated it.
- I have to go.
- I'm afraid.
Of what? You're great, you know it, relax.
See you later.
- Biagio...
- Yes?
Dora!
Sorry, my head's all over the place...
God, she's so beautiful!
Be good, actually, be bad...
You be good.
Ladies,
8 kg lighter and I'm aiming at 10!
Something magical for you...
My work contract!
When do I start?
You start now.
You raised two kids without a husband.
Here you go.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
- Take care of Dora.
- Yes.
Hooray, sweetpea!
You work your ass off, kid.
And do it well.
Paride couldn't work like
this in his dreams!
Your words make my hard work
worth it, thanks.
But you need a sales director,
you can't carry on alone like this.
Speaking of which,
I'd like to be frank with you.
I honestly don't feel
an ideal candidate exists.
- In here?
- Or out there.
You want to keep working alone?
May I?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
I forgot to tell you,
I didn't see him today.
We postponed our meeting.
- Tomorrow?
- What?
- You'll talk to him tomorrow?
- Yes.
Biagio...
Have you ever smoked?
Never, smoking disgusts me.
Why?
Just asking...
Who's that?
Expecting anyone?
- Answer!
- No!
Oh my God, now what'll I do?
Anita, the baby's crying.
- Will you open the door?
- I can't.
Are you paralyzed?
Why can't you?
Because...
Because I killed Napoleon.
I want an appointment with Fanelli.
I promise you'll have one tomorrow.
Don't sulk,
you're so ugly when you sulk!
Don't touch me.
Miss, do you give me permission
to touch you?
- Yes, attorney.
- I can?
Yes? Are you sure?
Gianna, Gianna...
- Lift her legs.
- I can't.
Answer!
What's going on? Oh God...
What's this?
She broke out in a cold sweat
then she collapsed on the ground.
Honey, I left you
with a junkie and a dealer.
Junkie? Gianna's only been taking
those pills you gave her.
- Should I call an ambulance?
- Of course!
Lift up her legs.
Pulse is weak.
If they find out they'll report you.
Olga's the only one
who knows everything.
- But she'd never betray me.
- Which one's Olga?
- The dealer.
- What has become of you?
You hang out with dealers
and hire a junkie as nanny.
Anita, you're a mother.
Be responsible, plus you're my wife.
Don't make me look bad.
Got any other surreal news for me?
My credit card's not working.
Neither is my ATM card.
That's no problem. From now on,
if you need money,
ask and I'll give you cash.
- What does that mean?
- You heard me.
- My money?
- Our money. Remember?
That's my life savings...
You co-signed just in case
of emergencies with Dora.
Go to the bank
and sort this out tomorrow.
Or else?
What are you playing at?
Did you talk to Fanelli?
I'll never be rehired, will I?
It's easy to get ahead
by being Paride's lover.
You're all the same.
You thought I didn't know
about your fling?
- How nasty!
- Of course you knew.
You even let him knock you up,
like a mediocre woman.
- You knew that too?
- Yes, the walls are thin.
Who are you?
What do you want?
What you wanted Anita, and now
I have it and you have squat.
You'd better pray
I don't report you
for theft and illegal drug peddling.
That would mean you'd lose Dora...
- Good night.
- Get out of my house.
Our house.
Community property...
Don't make any racket,
I'd like to get some rest.
3 kg and 50 centimeters at birth,
now she's 7 kg, pale with blue eyes.
She's had her diphtheria, tetanus,
polio, and hepatitis B vaccines.
She sleeps through the night
and drinks formula 4-5 times a day.
Every now
and then she looks at me...
and stares, like she's doing now,
like an alien.
Where should I turn?
Left or right?
Where's your wife?
- She's moved back to Parma.
- Go ahead, feed her.
Dora, Dora, Dora. Come here.
- Got anything to drink?
- What?
- Got anything to drink?
- Like what?
She doesn't want it,
don't force her.
Give her the pacifier.
Turn it around,
like that.
Got anything to drink?
- Wine, beer, whisky, milk.
- Not milk.
Why'd you do it to me?
I look in the mirror
and see a rotten thief.
I hoped you'd help me fix things
so nobody would notice.
That's why I had you promoted,
anyone else would've ratted on me.
There's one thing you need to know
or we'll never be okay.
Remember when you went
to the doctor
and found out you were pregnant?
That night,
when you left the office,
all of the project associates met
up and decided to oust you.
They were willing to do
anything to get rid of you.
It was a unanimous vote.
I couldn't do anything or they
would've gotten rid of me too.
And Biagio? Did he vote?
She's asleep.
This way.
What a surprise!
It's been at least 2 years
since I've seen you.
I know you're busy,
I won't take up your time.
Biagio, it's fine by me,
you could stay all day.
I don't want to.
- Sorry.
- I just came to say...
I've been made COO, like you.
Actually, I'm also handling
the sales department
so technically, I do more than you.
And soon I'll be promoted to CEO.
That's wonderful news,
I'm happy for you.
Thanks, mom.
And it wasn't even that hard.
I used your strategy:
first I fucked my boss,
then I married her.
What's the next step? Help me recall...
I know: betray her and throw her out
since she's useless now.
Biagio, when did you last see
Dr. Ricciardi?
- Are you not taking your lithium?
- Why ask?
Your father and I divorced
when you were 7.
There's your father, see?
Biagio, don't fall asleep now.
I'd been at the company for 4 years.
- He left me.
- Rightfully so,
you were never present:
not as a wife, not as a mother,
it was all about work, work.
Biagio, don't be childish.
I'm much better than you are
and I'll prove it, you'll see.
Biagio, where are you going?
Wait, let's talk.
Talk...
Poor thing.
Since being hospitalized,
she's gotten worse.
Her heart's flipped out
and they don't know why.
Poor thing, all alone with nobody.
Nobody?
Her family, her kids?
Her two kids are in Germany
working with their dad.
Only her nephew
comes to visit her at night.
Sugar, we have to tell them
about Slim Slam.
If I do it's the end of me:
my life, my career.
Plus, Slim Slam can't be to blame,
it was tested,
there were no side effects.
Check out this scribble!
I should've become a doctor...
I'm on the other side of the wall.
Knock if you need anything.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Rotten bastard changed the locks!
Napoleon!
Silly me, I forgot my house keys!
Napoleon behaved well,
he's polite and kind, a good fish!
I've never seen a fish
like that before.
Both of Biagio's parents are alive.
His father's a CEO in Holland,
and his mom's VP
of a telecommunications company.
By the way...
there is no grandmother named Dora.
Oh Lord, poor sugar!
- What did you put in your pocket?
- Huh?
- I saw you.
- Honey, you're paranoid.
- Look, I'll show you.
- What is it?
- How cute.
- Like it?
- How is she today?
- I don't have good news for you.
Your aunt is getting worse
by the day, I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Hello, dear nephew.
- Anita!
- Hello, dear Biagio.
- We know everything.
- There's nothing to know.
- You tried to kill me
the other day in the park. - Me?
You poisoned her with synephrine.
Zhi Shi, know it, right?
Small doses aid weight loss,
- large doses are lethal.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
If Gianna had died,
Fanelli would've been gone.
You didn't want my job or Paride's,
you wanted Fanelli's.
These are serious accusations
that require real proof.
Be good...
give me the house keys.
Give her the keys
so we can go sleep.
I'm not a homicidal lunatic.
No, you're a normal husband.
- Give her the keys.
- The keys!
- Now!
- I'm looking for them...
Plus, technically it's our house...
My house.
Oh sorry...
He ran off!
- Where is he?
- He's gone.
I'm his father and her grandfather.
So you're his brother-in-law
- and her father.
- Yes.
So she is his niece
and he is her uncle.
- Dora, say hi to uncle!
- Dora, say hi!
It's rather confusing for me too.
It's not that hard, you see:
she is my daughter,
and his sister, and her mother.
Now tell me who you are!
Who knows...
I'm just here waiting.
I'm already a daughter, mother,
sister, the rest is TBD.
Right, grandmothers? TBD!
Sweetpea!
- Welcome, ma'am.
- I see you're all glad I'm back,
especially you, Mr. Fanelli...
I saved your ass!
Now stop wasting time on civilities
and get to work.
- Good morning, Waterloo.
- Morning ma'am,
here's your mail.
Sugar, don't be this way
or they'll oust you again.
I'm not being this way...
I am this way.
I KILLED NAPOLEON
A FEW MONTHS LATER
Not Wednesday.
Thursday night.
Just do it.
Ma'am, excuse me...
Attorney, not now.
I have some documents to show you.
They don't concern me.
I think they do, look.