I Always Wanted to Be a Gangster (2007) - full transcript
This is just another roadside cafeteria. Gino, who enters it discreetly, is an armed robber ... without an arm! He tries to hold up the place but fails pitifully: the pretty waitress won't allow! Two amateur kidnappers take a rich teenage girl hostage and want to exchange her for ransom. But their victim is not easy to deal with. Two singers meet in the cafeteria by chance and talk about a stolen song and a stolen woman. Five seventy-year-old retired robbers also meet at the cafeteria - where their hideout used to be - and work out a last caper. In the end, after having tried to steal from each other, go away together.
Translated by AsifAkheir♪♪
[Kris Kristofferson]
♪♪ Casey's Last Ride
1
Drew Barrymore
reminds you of a hamburger.
Be right back.
Excuse me!
Miss! Excuse me...
Just a second, please.
Ok. I’ll be in the toilet.
[Adriano Celentano]
♪♪ 24 Mila Baci
Hello.
What would you like?
I'll have a coffee.
Glass of water?
No, it's fine.
You want to eat something?
Ah.. I don’t know.
What's a "Brad Pitt Burger" ?
A hamburger.
Alright.
And the "Kim Basinger Burger"?
A cheeseburger.
A cheeseburger?
How did you decide Kim Basinger...
I didn’t decide anything.
It was already called that
when I got here.
'Cause Kim Basinger couldn't
really be a cheeseburger.
Yeah.
Who do you see
instead of Kim Basinger?
A lot of people could...
Cameron Diaz, could be.
Demi Moore, could be.
Angelina Jolie, could be.
-Drew Barrymore !
-Drew Barrymore, could, yes.
- There's a lot of'em.
- That's true.
Mademoiselle ?
Excuse me,
I have to take this order.
[George Gershwin]
♪♪ He Loves and She Loves
So, you want a cheeseburger?
I'd like another coffee, please.
Careful!
Thank you!
Been working here long?
About... umm
...2 days.
Only 2 days!
Found this job
in the classified ads?
Yeah.
Sort of.
THE EVENING BEFORE LAST
[Vanilla Fudge]
♪♪ 12th Street Rag
[Scott Joplin]
♪♪ A Real Slow Drag
SSERTIAW DEEN YLTNEGRU
URGENTLY NEED WAITRESS
"How'd you like to be
a waitress?"
"With the platter!"
"Hello... May I take your order?"
[Benny Goodman]
♪♪ Alexander's Rag Time Band
[Scott Joplin]
♪♪ Silver Swan Rag
"GET OUTTA HERE, NOW!"
"GO, OR I’LL CRACK YOUR SKULLS!"
"Ohh... my head!"
"Mister, you've been mugged..."
"How many were there?"
"10,15... 20, maybe"
"You saved my life!
Thank you!"
"You're an angel!"
"No... just an unemployed
waitress. G'bye..."
"MADEMOISELLE...
WAIT..."
Would you like to work here?"
"I’ll have to think about it"
You held-up your boss?
And he ended up hiring you as a waitress?
Yeah. I said to myself "why not?"
"You got nothing going,
and you need money".
Until something better comes along.
Holy shit !
And what’s so funny?
Me too.
You too, what?
Me too, I came here to...
It can't be!
So you wanted to... eh?
Here ?!
But, still, you didn’t hold me up?
Yeah, that's true.
Why?
Well I came in. No one even looked at me. I went to the toilet.
As I came out,
I passed one of those guys.
Your back was turned, and
I'm not too sure what happened.
You had a piece?
'Course I had a gun. I had
everything. Even a stocking
over my head. The whole deal.
Can I see ?
What?
Your gun and the stocking.
Well, I "had" a gun. I had to
get rid of it a few days ago.
How did you intend to do it?
With my hand... like this.
How, again?
Like this!
And the stocking?
It's in the car. Inside...
...with the keys.
I’m not putting you on.
I really came to do what I said.
Alright, I didn’t do it but
if I happen to go go into
another bar a little more...
I’ll really do it.
Do it here!
Pardon ?
Do it here! That’s what
you came for, isn’t it?
You want me to rob you, is that it?
Why not?
We don’t know each other.
We just talked a couple of minutes.
It's not the same anymore.
You know I have no gun, so...
we know each other a little.
Doesn't bother me.
So, shall I rob you, now?
You can always try! If it
doesn't work I'll buy you a coffee.
OK.
Well... the till!
OK, it's not working!
Stop laughing at me
and make me another coffee!
What !
Maybe I could get hired too.
How's that?
- Well, like you.
Hired as what?
I don’t know...
He doesn’t need another waitress?
- No.
A waiter?
- No.
What other staff is there?
A cleaning lady comes in the morning.
A cook for lunch and dinner.
That’s all.
I think so.
Want me to ask my boss
if he needs someone?
Why not ?
[Tremolo Beer Gut]
♪♪ The Worm
Not looking for anyone.
The cleaning lady has worked
here for 10 years.
The cook hasn’t missed a day
in 15 years.
Fuck ! 15 years !
Uhuh !
What if something happened to'em?
What?
Something that'd make'em
"unable to work".
What, you wanna beat up
the cleaning lady?
No, more likely the cook.
- Ah, right.
He leaves around 11 at night,
after his shift.
OK.
Takes the trash cans out back
and goes home.
Around 11.
OK.
I’m going to my car to
think it over a while.
Alright.
See you later.
Excuse me...
Could you lend me something to...
'cause, see, I...
I left my keys in the car and
I have to break the window.
Thank you.
[P. Susheela & T. M. Sounderarajan]
♪♪ Rajaavin Parvai
[Schubert]
♪♪ Sonata in E Major
2
Why do you want to die,
little one?
Is it her?
- Yeah.
Why is she on the ground?
You knocked her out with the window.
I'll take the arms. You take
her feet and go down first.
Why me first?
It's harder to go first.
If we drop her feet first,
she won’t land on her head.
Why don't I take the arms,
and you go first?
Because I said so, Goddammit!
- Wait... Shhhh!
- What are you doing?
I'm looking for a personal item.
What for?
Proof, to send to her folks,
if they don't believe us.
The computer!
What computer?
Take it.
Kids love those things.
Her parents would catch on
right away...
Look at the size of it!
Plus we have to carry the girl.
Plus it'll add "robbery" to "kidnapping".
Take a plush toy!
- Which plush toy?
The elephant!
- Are you nuts?
It's bigger than the computer
I can't help it
if everything’s big here!
Rich people buy big toys
for their kids.
Hand me the zebra.
- The zebra?
The zebra, zebra...
Shit!
What now?
I made the ladder drop.
Stupid cunt!
I can throw down this zebra
to break our fall.
What if we miss? Climb down
and re-set the ladder.
- Why me?
'Cause you dropped the ladder!
Well ok...
- Goddammit!
Paul, throw down the zebra.
It won’t get hurt.
Ayy!
Paul! Paul!!!
Paul, are you ok?
I skinned my knee.
Lemme go !
Pick her up!
Come on!
One, two, three
Wait, slow down!
I don't have a good hold...
Slowy!
Don’t drop her!
Go!
Hold her back!
Paul.
You can take off your mask!
What the hell are you doing?
Trying to straighten her,
she's all twisted.
She'll have a crick in her neck
when she wakes up.
What’s the matter?
- She woke up.
Stuff your scarf in her mouth
and stop her screaming.
You ok, kid?
You ok, kid?
Just nod your head.
Apparently,
you've been badly raised...
You remember what to say?
- Yup.
You sure? 'Cause we can’t
afford mistakes!
I said, I remember.
You take me for an idiot?
Not for an idiot...
..but I worry about your
professionalism!
Don’t talk a lot. Be precise!
How so?
Don't stretch it out. Give them
specific instructions and hang up.
- Sure.
Anyway no more than 55 seconds!
Why 55 seconds?
'Cause in a minute they
can trace you.
Why hang up after 55 seconds,
and not 1 minute?
It gives us a 5 second margin
in case they improved the trace.
You calculated they improved
call-tracing by 5 seconds?
You're a real genius, Leo!
Just make the call, Paulo.
What are you waiting for?
I don't have the number!
You don't ?
I gave it to you before.
No, you said you would,
but I still don't have it.
I’m sure I gave it to you.
Where did you have it
before you "gave it to me"?
In the car.
Go check. If it's still there,
we’ll see who’s right.
So...?
Concentrate, Paulo !
Damn! It's the machine.
Leave a message. Be brief!
Hello Mr uhh...
- Stone.
Mr Stone... uh... We...
We have your daughter.
What?
That was a message ?!
What?
How do you expect the guy to
understand?
"We have your daughter"...
You said, be brief.
Brief, but comprehensible !
Give'em more info.
Tell him we kidnapped her.
Mention the ransom...
Amount of ransom...
Rendezvous to exchange
ransom and girl.
Place and time of rendezvous.
All we rehearsed for days, Paulo !
All that can’t fit in 55 seconds.
If you're quick and clear
it'll fit.
Go on!
Still his machine.
Yes, Mr...?
Stone. Fuck !
Mr Stone, it's the kidnapper again,
excuse me.
I'm taking the liberty
to leave you a message
intended to complete to the preceding one.
So: we have your daughter,
who is very sweet...
We’ll return her for the sum...
of 5,000 euros, to be precise.
No, 50,000 eur...
500,000.
of 500,000 euros.
500.000 euro! Damn!
So, we’ll exchange her
for the sum of 500,000 euros,
which you have.
Well, that's it.
Rendezvous...
The meeting for the exchange
of the girl for the money.
Ah, yes, Mr Stone,
we'll set a rendezvous...
- Tonight.
Tonight, around 11 or 11:30
on the parking lot of the
Cafeteria: National Route 17
And no cops!
And come without cops!
So, see you soon.
And... have a nice day.
See that?
- What?
I remembered the meeting spot.
See how I told him ?
Did I go over 55 seconds?
Yes.
- Really, you sure ?
2:30.
Hard to believe !
We've definitely been traced.
Who the hell cares if they
traced a call...
to a country phone booth,
miles away from our hideout.
Shit!
She’s not there!
What?
Where is she?
I dunno, I thought
you locked the doors.
I did lock the doors!
I'm certain.
Here's what I think happened. You locked the doors the first time,
it's the second time when you went back for the number, that you forgot to re-lock them.
Isn’t that her up ahead?
What the hell is she up to?
What happened to her?
What are you doing on the ground?
I’m waiting.
Waiting for what?
To be run over.
Run over?
Not many cars come by here,
you’ll be waiting a long time.
Its deserted out here,
that’s why we chose this road.
Anyway I’m not in a hurry.
What do we do?
We have to get her
back in the car.
We can’t leave you here.
What are you waiting for?
Get her feet!
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone!
You assfucked bastards !
Why do I always get the feet?
What a rude brat!
Open the door!
Motherfuckers ! Assholes !
Get in!
Cunt-heads !
Motherfuckers ! Lemme go, cocksucker ! Cunt-face !
Assfuckers! Let me out ! Assholes !
Scream all you want! No one'll
hear you, and we're in no hurry.
We are in a BIT of a hurry, Leo.
I just said that, to shut her up.
OK, lets go.
You calmed down, now?
We won’t hurt you, we just
want some dough from your daddy.
Who's got so much,
he won’t even miss it.
He won’t give you a thing.
Why do you say that?
He won’t give you anything,
that's all.
He will! Of course, he will.
This is it. We'll wait here, today.
It's my apartment.
It's not like your place,
but still, not so bad, hey?
You like the bird?
It's a canary. He’s called Bob.
After Bob Marley.
I would’ve liked to call him Marley,
but I already had a dog called that.
A good dog.
- Oh, yeah.
Wanna rest up a bit?
I prepared a room for you.
What’s all this?
Stuff I borrowed from my niece.
How old's your niece?
- 15...
But she’s a bit...
You can sleep a bit, if you want.
Or play.
We’ll leave you now, if you get
hungry or anything, don't hesitate...
We did lots of shopping.
Got lots of Corn Flakes.
Fine...
What did Marley die of?
Of cancer.
Hurt his foot playing soccer.
Problem was,
his wound didn’t scar over
So they realized he had cancer.
No, that's the singer.
Yeah.
I was asking about your dog, Marley.
Ah ! OK.
So how did he die?
Run over by a car.
Remember, he always loved to
listen to Bob Marley songs.
Yeah.
As soon as I put a record
on the stereo, he'd hear and
come running around me
barking like crazy.
Sometimes it seemed
he barked in rythm.
One day as I took him for a walk
a guy drives by, listening full blast
to "I 'Shoot' The Sheriff".
Marley, thought I was calling him,
he takes off after the car...
got hit by another car coming the other way.
Died on the spot, poor dog.
What a drag, he was a good dog.
Yep.
Maybe if he was on a leash
he wouldn’t have got run over.
Hm...
Still, calling your dog Marley
and keeping it on a leash is lame.
Why?
Well, it's paradoxical.
You don't name him after a free
man, just to put a leash on him.
Yeah, that’s true.
But, it 'WAS' a dog.
- That’s true.
You feel a draught of air?
Yeah, you're right.
Mallory!
Mallory?!
We're coming in now.
We're coming!
Are you out of your mind?
It's dangerous to climb up
on the window sill !
What if you fell?
Mind your own fucking business!
You think I was admiring
your crappy view ?
I wanna die!
What are you going on about?
I said I wanna die.
Understand?
Why do you wanna die?
Hey, why do you wanna die?
Because !
I don't give a fuck about life.
Life is beautiful.
You have a wonderful life
Look at you!
You're so young and beautiful!
Think I give a fuck about that?
Don't you have friends?
What friends? Guys?
Well, yeh... schoolmates...
No!
There must be people you see.
At school or in the neighborhood.
Just one girl friend.
Its good to have a friend.
You can have fun with her
it's important at your age.
Whats her name?
Jennifer.
You should talk to Jennifer.
Confide in her.
My friend's like me.
She wants to die.
She too wants to die?
Yeah.
We tried, together.
On a Wednesday afternoon she
came over with a bunch of pills.
[Schubert]
♪♪ Sonata in E Major
After 2 hours nothing had
happened, so she went home.
Why do you both wanna die?
Does your father know
you want to die?
He doesn't give a fuck about me.
Ah, you can't say that!
It's not easy to understand kids
especially at your age.
No one knows how to talk to you.
You're becoming adults, but
at the same time you're still children...
How about your mother?
You talk to her?
My mother's dead.
Excuse me.
I lost my mom too, you know.
Well, me too, hey?
Yeah that's true.
We’re all 3 in the same boat.
How old were you when she died?
17.
She'd been sick a long time.
And you?
I never knew her.
She died bringing me
into the world.
Actually, one week later.
How old were you?
I was 5.
How'd it happen to her?
Car accident.
Afterwards your father
took care you?
Yeah!
Did he remarry?
No.
You see, It couldn't
be easy for him, either.
Finding himself all alone with you.
Perhaps he couldn't handle it.
You kidding? All he cares about
is his job. That asshole!
I hope you take all his dough.
If he pays what we're asking
for you, it's a good start.
OK.
Wanna eat something?
No, I'm not hungry.
You hungry?
Yeah, you?
Yeah, we only have cornflakes.
Well, yeah...
OK, we'll leave you.
Hey, dont do anything stupid!
Paul!
How do we know she won't
try the "high dive" again?
No! She’s in pain
but she won't go that far.
You realize, if she does it,
we’re in for life.
Try explaining to a judge that
we kidnapped a suicidal teenager.
We could chain up the window.
I don't have a chain.
A rope, then.
Wait...
I have an idea.
What are you up to?
Open the door!
Say, do you like the bird?
You like Bob?
Yeah.
He’s nice.
You want him?
How's that?
You want him?
If you want him, he’s yours.
Why would you do that?
Because I like you.
I like Bob too but I've already
benefited from him.
You can take him, now, if you want.
Want him?
Yeah, sure.
Here!
You can let him go. He loves
flying around the apartment.
Sometimes, if you whistle
gently he’ll fly back to your hand.
Well... sometimes.
What are you watching?
A figure skating championship.
Figure skating is lame.
We know, but we like seeing
skaters crack their skulls.
OK. Lets play cards.
You like cards?
We'll play ouist, you know it?
No, Whist with a "W".
Kind of like in between,
bridge and belote. Sorta.
Ever play cards before?
First you deal all the cards.
Normally it's 4 players,
for 3 we add a dummy hand.
11 cards each...
13
- No, 11.
- 13!
52 divided by 4 ?...
13.
13... Anyway, deal‘em all.
Then choose a suit
They're not all the same value.
Hearts beat diamonds, clubs...
It's the reverse.
It's just the reverse.
Yes, blacks first:
spades, clubs, diamonds, hearts.
I have hearts,
I declare: "hearts"
You're next,
with lots of hearts,
so you say: "join".
It means you're my partner.
Ah, no !
-Ah, yes !
She can't partner up with you
if you say "join".
No, SHE says "join"
What about the dummy ?
What does the dummy do ?
Me first, then her,
and in this direction.
So I partner with who ?
You can partner with him.
Oh, yeah? I'm the dummy's partner?
Why me? why can't you be
the dummy's partner ?
Because I led with hearts,
and another player joined.
Me neither.
I'm not joining the dummy.
It's not the dummy you join,
it's you who...
You're making up your own rules
I won't partner with a dummy.
Plus he can't even see his
own cards, they must face down.
I know they must...
No you don't, otherwise you wouldn't say this.
But I hadn't got to the dummy yet...
No, you hadn't...
Yes, you had gotten to the dummy.
'Cause you're saying I'm his partner.
It's like when we went shopping,
you tell me: "get 5 boxes"
Then: "Why didn't you get
5 different boxes?"
I got 5 boxes, I don't know
if they're different.
I have to tell you every detail ?
- Yes!
Details are very important
for the understanding.
Alright I'll explain !
Explain it well 'cause she
can't understand a damn thing!
Excuse me.
I, know the rules and I can't
understand a damn thing you're saying!
Partner with a dummy, my ass!
May I ?
Yes you may. Go ahead !
I can explain.
It might be better if I explained!
Here we go !
- Fine I'll explain.
5 boxes of corn-flakes!
(2 seconds).
Just take 2 seconds.
5 boxes of corn-flakes,..
What the fuck will we do with
a ton of corn-flakes all the same!
The idea is to get different flavors.
Damn, you're two faced !
-No, it's true...
First of all, 5 boxes isn't 5 tons.
5 boxes'll be eaten in no time !
You think she'll eat
a ton of corn flakes?
No. We're not talking about a ton.
We're talking about 5 boxes.
That's far from a ton!
Boxes like that !
He's such a prick.
Shall we push this to the end?
I thought I was dealing with
an adult. Excuse me.
Paf ! And paf !
And paf ! And paf !
And, shit !
Damn, you won it all!
Wow, you sure you never
played this game?
Beginner's luck.
Oh, we gotta go now.
Already? We have lots of time
it's in two hours.
Better to be a little early.
Yeah, it's true. Plus at this
time there are traffic jams
Taking me with you ?
Ah no. If we take you might get nabbed.
You wait here. We'll give
the adress to your father,..
he'll come get you in 3 or 4 hours.
You can watch TV, if you want
There are comics
in the bathroom, too.
Oh yeah, don't forget the heater.
Is it real ?
No. Looks real, though.
It's a pellet gun, see.
Are you fucked in the head ?
I told you that really hurts.
Well...
OK, bye.
We'll lock you in and
give the key to your father.
Don't do anything stupid.
Bye, Mallory.
I don't think,
the father's coming.
No.
He didn't come ?
No.
So, what'll you do?
We'll take you back home.
Already ?
You could wait a while,
try something else.
Try what ?
I dunno...
One of you can film the other
beating me up.
And send the cassette to my dad.
No, we don't do that sorta stuff.
Anyway, we have no camera.
It doesn't have to be for real.
We can fake it.
Even faked, we wouldn't do it.
We're not real kidnappers
real gangsters...
We're just in a lot of shit.
You understand ?
We'll find another way to get
some cash. Without hurting anyone.
Not even fake.
[Bob Marley]
♪♪ I Shot The Sheriff
3
Oh, Gaby!
Arno?
Arno! Hey!
Arno!
Arno, I was right.
Alain, is it you?
I called, you didn't seem to hear.
Probably. When I piss,
I’m lost in thought.
I know. When I piss,
I think of incredible stuff.
Alain, I'm the same.
When I piss... I think.
You OK?
-Yeah, excuse me...
-Yeah I know...
I know how it is.
Are you alright?
Yeah.
And you?
Alright, alright.
Hi Arno.
Hi Alain.
It's a pleasure to see you.
- Me too.
It's funny, because just the
other day I was thinking of you.
No kidding, really?
What did you think about me?
Stuff I thought.. Stuff from
the good old days Pff! About you.
OK.
You have time for a coffee?
Yeah... well not really.
Can't spare 5 minutes for me?
Have 'YOU' got 5 minutes?
Not really.
Want get a coffee?
With you, yeah.
[PAT BOONE]
♪♪ Speedy Gonzales - 1962
Well, how about that !
Alain Brocheau !
Yeah, Arno.
It's been at least...
- Whoa, let's not keep track.
Yeah.
Good evening! Something to drink?
Ahh, I'll have a coffee and you?
I'll have a tea.
- Tea?
Coffee is disgusting...
It fucks up my voice.
Otherwise what do you do?
I'm touring with my musicians.
Me too. Me too.
Tomorrow we play Lyon.
Us too, we're playing Lyon.
We're at Marcel Cerdan Stadium.
Its a huge thing.
We're playing at
Gee Drew Stadium. It's a riot!
Never heard of it.
Tell me, that stadium,
what did you call it?...
Marcel Cerdan.
Yeah, that's it!
Is it big?
20,000 seats.
20,000 seats?
It'll take some filling!
They added a date 'cause...
the first show sold out
They wanted to add a third but
I told them to go fuck themselves
Well done!
They take us for robots.
Exactly.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Excuse me, I know I shouldn't,but
can I ask for your autograph?
Yes.
What's your name?
Suzy.
Thank you.
Can you sign as well?
Yes, Suzy...
Please!
Thank you.
Thank you.
[Bobby Rydell]
♪♪ Volare
Listen, funny thing...anyway
I can tell you this, we know
each other well enough, but..
one of your biggest hits
is a song you swiped from me.
What?
But, it's no big deal, huh?
Who gives a fuck?
Which song? ...eh..
Y'know, the one where you did uh..
Gaby, Gaby.
Yeah, I know the one, yes.
You swiped that one.
What makes you think so?
Since, back in the day
you often came to my place,
and my place was a Bedlam.
I may have played it
like that... It's a riff
Just a riff...
Maybe it stuck with you.
You know how it is with us.
We hear something and it stays
You think I swiped this song?
I did: "Sandy, Sandy"
And you did: "Gaby, Gaby".
No sweat.
Who gives a fuck?
I don't think I swiped this song.
No that you mention it,I may have
done it accidentally on purpose
How's that?
Since you split with Swan,
I may have subconsciously
reproduced this song.
Swan?
You remember Swan, don't you?
Great, Cambodian girl,
with whom I lived at the time.
She ran off with you.
Aah, yes, yes. Swan, the tall one.
Yes!
That girl was my muse, y'know.
I had a hard time getting over it.
Shit!
No, it's alright now.
In any case, I know things
are going well for you.
Yeah, alright. Can't complain.
Great. And the writing?
I write all the time.
You see this bag?
There’s hundreds of songs in it.
Thousands of words, ideas, phrases
I don't even have time
to record them.
Looks like things are
alright with you, too.
I’ll tell you something...
that I don't tell everybody.
I don't even need to write anymore.
Oh, yeah?
It's incredible.
I get behind a mike, and
my words flow just like that!
They flow out.
That's great!
But!
Tomorrow it could be over, hey?
I'm happy to see you again.
Me too.
And you look in shape.
Well that's me.
I was made this way. I'm fine
Totally!
Gotta go to the crapper
all this tea makes me piss.
- When you gotta go...
Lets go, guys!
[]
♪♪
4
It's crazy how everything changes!
Guys!
Here he is!
Doesn't look in great shape.
What do you think,
is he sleeping or in coma?
No idea.
I’d say, coma.
We could try to waking him up
to find out.
You never know here.
We don't even know what he's got
Acute coalescent anomeric coliosis.
What are you taking about?
I'm just reading what it says.
Acute coalescent anomeric coliosis.
(bile duct blockage?)
What does that mean?
No idea... I'm not a medic.
So... What do we do, now?
We do like we said,
we pull the plug.
But, he's not plugged into anything.
What do you mean,
not plugged into anything?
Look, no machines,
not even electric outlets.
Holy shit, it's true !
He's not plugged in!
So, what do we do?
Well, we can suffocate him.
Like in that movie, with the Indian.
Are you nuts?
We're not going to suffocate him.
Why not?
You wanted to unplug him!
-No, it's not the same. -Huh ?
-It's different !
It's less violent.
To unplug him you just pull
a plug, but to suffocate him..
It's just more violent, see.
We'll have to take him like this.
What do you mean ?
We were going to finish him here
then take him to the hideout.
We'll do it in reverse !
We'll take him like this
and bump him off there.
Alright ! Why not, hey?
Comes to the same thing.
Jean...
Oh, Jean !
What ?
What's happening?
He's awake ! He's awake !
He scared the shit out of me!
Stop the car!
Why are you screaming?
He woke up.
So? He’s not dead yet !
Whats going on, guys?
You alright, Pierrot?
Yeah!
But I should as you guys that.
You look like you've seen a ghost.
What am I doing here?
-We kidnapped you.
Why kidnapped?
To take you to the hide-out.
Take me to the hide-out?!
Why the fuck would I wanna go there?
Are you guys stoned?
No, we're not stoned
– What, then?
For 25 years, we haven't
set foot in the hide-out.
We know, but...
that's not why we wanted to go.
Remember what we talked about
the last time we were there?
[Bach]
♪♪ The Well Tempered Clavier
No, no ! Listen. If one day
something happens to me,
don’t let me croak on the
street or in a hospital.
I want you to bring me here
I wanna die in our hideout, OK?
-OK.
-OK.
You kidnapped me in order to
kill me, at the hideout?
Yes.
If I didnt wake up you'd have
liquidated me?
Exactly...
Good thing I'm not a heavy sleeper.
Let me out, I need some air.
Listen, Pierrot...
we had all agreed!
I'm not ready to croak.
I'm in great shape!
What, great shape ?!
Yes, great shape!
Nothing wrong. I'm fine!
Why, the fuck, were you
in the hospital then?
Kidney stones.
- Kidney stones?
They told us you were
about to kick the bucket.
They said: Pierrot Lapin is in
the hospital and hasn't got long.
Who told you this crap?
Jean, wasnt it you?
Are you nuts?
How could I know this stuff?
I'm out of the loop.
I never see anyone.
Emile, was it you?
- No!
I got a call from Joe who said
Pierrot is in the hospital dying.
Me too, Joe. YOU called me!
OK, fine, it was me.
But the rumour seemed serious.
The owner of Cafe Cascade,
on Pont Dorée, told me...
Pierrot is in the hospital, dying.
How would he know? I haven't
been there for 15 years.
Maybe he heard about it.
From who? My sister?
Anyway... you guys were gonna
plug me based on a rumour?!
Way to go, guys! Thank God
you're not perfectionists!
We apologize, Pierrot!
We're sorry!
Still, we're happy to see
that you're alright.
Oh, you're good !
Just a minute...
He may be screwing with us?
How do you mean?
Maybe he really is sick,
and he doesn't wanna
be shot at the hideout,
so he invents the story about
kidney stones.
You're completely mad.
Why would I ?
Maybe you're lily-livered.
Not my liver.
It's kidney stones!
Cut it out! Pierrot's fine.
We blew it. Better this way.
Fine! Now what'll we do?
You want us to take you back
to the hospital?
No need.
I was getting out today, anyway.
We can still go to the hideout.
Since we’re here anyway,
we could check it out.
Damn! It sure changed a lot!
Shit, they destroyed our hideout!
And the forest around it too.
It was a beautiful forest.
True, it was a beautiful forest.
I loved going for walks, specially
when we'd hide out for several weeks.
Didn't you bag a boar, once?
- No, it was Joe.
He emptied 2 clips in it
we couldn’t even eat it.
I remember, it was funny.
Incredible how everything changes !
[Kris Kristofferson]
♪♪ Casey's Last Ride
I gotta take a piss.
[Adriano Celentano]
♪♪ 24 Mila Baci
You guys think he'll hold her up?
He won't dare.
50 says he holds her up.
I'm in for 50.
Damn! I got nothing.
Max, loan me a 50?
Damn!
Thanks boys, It was a pleasure
to lighten your pockets.
You pain in the ass!
Love lost us this money.
What's happening?
-Nothing.
-Nothing.
Know what you're gonna have?
No.
Mademoiselle!
Can we have the menu, please?
Alright, I know.
Me too. - Me too.
- Me too.
You, Pierrot, what'll you get?
I cant read without my glasses.
They're at the hospital with my stuff.
Take mine.
Can't see shit.
Try these!
Even worse.
Hand me yours?
Better, but still blurry.
Put these over them.
Damn! It's perfect!
You're a real optician!
OK, I know.
Mademoiselle!
You know what you want?
Draft beer.
- Me too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
5 drafts - coming right away.
Cute waitress.
"Hot", you mean.
Odd. It feels exactly like
we were at the hideout.
We ARE at the hideout.
I mean, here, at this table.
This precise spot.
Exactly the same places as the
table we had in the hideout.
How can you tell?
From the window behind Pierrot.
Theres no window behind me.
No, the window that WAS
behind you at the hideout.
Didn't you notice?
And we always sat like today,
in the same places.
Max – next to me,
by the hearth 'cause he was always
cold and got up to poke the fire.
Joe there – at the end of the table,
becase he couldn't stand sitting
beside anyone during card games.
Jean – opposite me, by the door because he...
he always came last and he
used to go piss every half hour.
And Pierrot, there, because
that was the only seat left.
And I sat here, facing that window
that I often looked through.
I dont know why...
Maybe, to see if someone was coming.
M'selle, do you know how long
this cafeteria's been open?
No, I’ve only been
working here, 2 days.
2 days ?! But, you carry
the beers with such grace !
Just by the way it looks,
I'd say ... 30 years ?
What? 30 years ? Impossible.
Last time we came here was in '78.
that'd make it ... 28 years.
You knew this spot before
it was a cafeteria?
- Yes.
How was it?
It was green
It was a huge forest. No one
around. Very easy to get lost.
There were boars, huge boars,
walking around, just like that!
Enormous !
On this very spot there was
a hideout... I-I mean, a hut.
Did you come often?
No, not often. But when we came
we'd stay a long time.
Too bad. Surely a forest is better
than a cafeteria or a parking lot.
Sometimes it seems things are
becoming less and less beautiful.
It moves me, to see people
of your age together, like this.
When I was little, heaps of
old folks lived at our house.
My parents were
a host family for the old.
As many as 15 at a time.
the livingroom, my room...
Everywhere!
I thought my parents took them in
for love of humanity.
Turns out they got 500 Francs
for each old person.
That disappointed me a bit.
The hardest part was
they often died.
At least one a month.
Once, we lost 3 in 1 day.
In August.
I was always worried, because...
I couldn't tell the difference
when they were asleep or dead.
It's not always obvious...
You know what I mean.
Pretty weird waitress, huh?
We gotta find a new hideout.
Why do you wanna find a new one?
You need a hideout to hide out.
Do YOU need to hide out?
Well no!
Anybody here need to hide out?
No...
- So ?!!
Take it easy, Joe!
Why are you so worked up?
It's Jean talking nonsense!
I'm not talking nonsense!
You talk about a hideout like
it was easy, like it had no meaning.
Like our hideout is the same
as any other hideout.
You’re delirious!
I never said such crap!
I'm dying for a hideout!
I'd give everything to have one.
Damn... a pretty little hut,
surrounded by wooded paths.
I'd know what to do there!
I miss chlorophyll !
Whenever we come here;
-- that was my vacation,
-- my paid holidays.
It's 25 years,
I haven't seen the countryside.
I go to Castorama Hardware's
garden center to see some greenery.
What I miss most is fresh air.
I’m suffocating! Suffocating!
I like to get up early, with the light...
take a piss outside, against a tree.
Feel a fresh breeze about my glans.
Damn!.. To piss against a tree...
and hug it afterwards!..
When you phoned, before I knew
it was about Pierrot.
I thought, "that's it!
We're back in business!".
My heart raced...
Like the old days,..
..when a mere phone call
would set my heart racing.
What is it you want?
Wanna do another break-in?
No, I just said I miss nature.
So take a holiday!
How do I do that?
Think I a get Government Stipend
for my contribution to society?
You guys wanna do a break-in?
Stop talking about heists!
Stop it! We'll end up getting caught.
Caught for what? You kidding?
5 old geezers drinking beer
in some godforsaken cafeteria.
What's suspicious about that?
You wanna pull another heist?
No, I said, you guys want to.
You been talking for a while
about nature, boars, woods...
You're looking depressed, guys.
I'd like to pull another heist.
What are you saying?
I said, I'd like to pull another heist.
Well, what ?!...
I don't have anything better to do.
You guys got anything better?
I was gonna pick up my
granddaughter at school
and take her to the racetrack at Vincennes.
I got poker tonight.
Seems there's these two suckers...
I'm supposed to be convalescing.
You, Emile?
I got nothing better to do.
Whaddaya say guys,
wanna pull another job?
This can't be!
Wanna pull a heist ?
'Cause tonight I can't play poker!
Fine, what'll we knock over?
You know the Crédit du Nord
on National Route 17 ?
No, we hit that bank 3 times!
Precisely, we know it well.
When was the last time?
In '82, I had a BMW convertible.
Aah, bella macchina!
Well, why not?
There are fields around it, and
a forest big enough to hide in.
After 25 years, they’ll be
surprised to see us again.
You sure it's here?
- Well yeah!
Nationale 17.
This is, 17?
- Yeah!
Shit, we got no fucking luck.
Fuck the world's disappearing!
No more hideouts, no more
banks... what's left then?
Those places crop up overight.
Can you heist a McDonalds?
Anything can be heisted.
Alright, lets go!
- Yeah!
Wait, who's the wheel man?
- Pierrot.
Why Pierrot?
I wanna rob McDonalds too!
You always drove the getaway car.
And you're wearing pyjamas.
Have you looked at your duds?
Anyway, I cant drive,
I cant see fuck all.
We’ll smash into a wall.
OK, Jean, you stay in the car.
That's crap! Why me, why not Joe?
Why do you get to decide?
Nobody made you boss!
Who's for Jean staying in the car?
Alright?
-Alright.
Shall we go?
Wait... What do we do for heaters?
What heaters?
Whaddya mean "What heaters"?
We got no rods.
What, you don't have guns?!
How were you gonna finish me off
at the hideout?
Joe had an idea.
We just put our hands in our
pockets to create the illusion!
Who'll keep his hand in his pocket?
Emile and me!
Why not me?
Joe you know what happens
if you have a gun!
Why, what happens?
You shoot, you can't help yourself.
It's not a gun, it's my hand!
Even so! You're liable
to shoot with your hand!
But, I learned to control myself.
Who's for Joe not carrying a gun?
Alright! Let's go!
What the hell you doing, Jean?
What?
You're supposed to stay in the car!
Oh yeah right.
What's going on?
He just fell.
You alright, Pierrot?
Fine, fine.
What happened to you?
– I fell, that's all.
Come on, lets go back!
Your nose is bleeding, Pierrot.
Are you sick ?
Yes.
Is it serious?
Yes.
Want us to take you back to hospital?
No!
What do you want us to do?
Drive on, we'll see...
- Shall I start'er up?
- Sure go head!
epilogue
epilogue
Don't we know each other?
When you mugged your boss
did you hit him with the gun?
I whacked him from behind.
Can I see it?
What?
The piece.
Umm, yeah.
I’ll show it to you, but turn around.
- Why?
Because I’m asking you.
You gonna whack me on the skull?
No way!
OK!
There!
We've met...
THE EVENING BEFORE LAST
The evening before last,
the young man was being
chased by the police
So he asked the young woman at
the toll-booth to hold his weapon,
then asked her to raise the barrier
but the young woman answered:
"I cant, it's 1 euro .20"
The young man who had no
loose change asked the young
woman to give back his gun.
He asked her to raise the barrier.
He thanked her, as he
gave her back his weapon,
for fear of being caught with it.
So we know each other.
We've run across each other.
So...
So, stick ‘em up!
Hands up!
The till.
What?
The till!
What's this ?!
That's all.
The boss took the rest to the bank
Always does that after his shift.
How about that ?!
See ya later.
Hey!
This is all crap !
- Why?
We ought to split it!
I took a risk too.
You come with nothing
not even daring to rob me...
and now you're gonna split
with the cash and the gun ?
Alright.
Here's the money. I keep the piece.
OK?
-Alright.
-Voilà.
Actually, no !
I prefer the gun.
Why?
A gun's better.
But it's my gun!
Yeah, but you gave it to me.
OK... Here's the piece...
Hand me the cash!
No.
-Look, you can't...
-What are you gonna do ?
Can I come with you?
But I'm not going anywhere.
Doesn't matter...
You wanna come with me ?!
Yeah, I wanna.
(Lower that!)
(I like holding it like this.)
I ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING A GANGSTER
Translated by AsifAkheir
Written and directed by
Samuel Benchetrit
[Kris Kristofferson]
♪♪ Casey's Last Ride
1
Drew Barrymore
reminds you of a hamburger.
Be right back.
Excuse me!
Miss! Excuse me...
Just a second, please.
Ok. I’ll be in the toilet.
[Adriano Celentano]
♪♪ 24 Mila Baci
Hello.
What would you like?
I'll have a coffee.
Glass of water?
No, it's fine.
You want to eat something?
Ah.. I don’t know.
What's a "Brad Pitt Burger" ?
A hamburger.
Alright.
And the "Kim Basinger Burger"?
A cheeseburger.
A cheeseburger?
How did you decide Kim Basinger...
I didn’t decide anything.
It was already called that
when I got here.
'Cause Kim Basinger couldn't
really be a cheeseburger.
Yeah.
Who do you see
instead of Kim Basinger?
A lot of people could...
Cameron Diaz, could be.
Demi Moore, could be.
Angelina Jolie, could be.
-Drew Barrymore !
-Drew Barrymore, could, yes.
- There's a lot of'em.
- That's true.
Mademoiselle ?
Excuse me,
I have to take this order.
[George Gershwin]
♪♪ He Loves and She Loves
So, you want a cheeseburger?
I'd like another coffee, please.
Careful!
Thank you!
Been working here long?
About... umm
...2 days.
Only 2 days!
Found this job
in the classified ads?
Yeah.
Sort of.
THE EVENING BEFORE LAST
[Vanilla Fudge]
♪♪ 12th Street Rag
[Scott Joplin]
♪♪ A Real Slow Drag
SSERTIAW DEEN YLTNEGRU
URGENTLY NEED WAITRESS
"How'd you like to be
a waitress?"
"With the platter!"
"Hello... May I take your order?"
[Benny Goodman]
♪♪ Alexander's Rag Time Band
[Scott Joplin]
♪♪ Silver Swan Rag
"GET OUTTA HERE, NOW!"
"GO, OR I’LL CRACK YOUR SKULLS!"
"Ohh... my head!"
"Mister, you've been mugged..."
"How many were there?"
"10,15... 20, maybe"
"You saved my life!
Thank you!"
"You're an angel!"
"No... just an unemployed
waitress. G'bye..."
"MADEMOISELLE...
WAIT..."
Would you like to work here?"
"I’ll have to think about it"
You held-up your boss?
And he ended up hiring you as a waitress?
Yeah. I said to myself "why not?"
"You got nothing going,
and you need money".
Until something better comes along.
Holy shit !
And what’s so funny?
Me too.
You too, what?
Me too, I came here to...
It can't be!
So you wanted to... eh?
Here ?!
But, still, you didn’t hold me up?
Yeah, that's true.
Why?
Well I came in. No one even looked at me. I went to the toilet.
As I came out,
I passed one of those guys.
Your back was turned, and
I'm not too sure what happened.
You had a piece?
'Course I had a gun. I had
everything. Even a stocking
over my head. The whole deal.
Can I see ?
What?
Your gun and the stocking.
Well, I "had" a gun. I had to
get rid of it a few days ago.
How did you intend to do it?
With my hand... like this.
How, again?
Like this!
And the stocking?
It's in the car. Inside...
...with the keys.
I’m not putting you on.
I really came to do what I said.
Alright, I didn’t do it but
if I happen to go go into
another bar a little more...
I’ll really do it.
Do it here!
Pardon ?
Do it here! That’s what
you came for, isn’t it?
You want me to rob you, is that it?
Why not?
We don’t know each other.
We just talked a couple of minutes.
It's not the same anymore.
You know I have no gun, so...
we know each other a little.
Doesn't bother me.
So, shall I rob you, now?
You can always try! If it
doesn't work I'll buy you a coffee.
OK.
Well... the till!
OK, it's not working!
Stop laughing at me
and make me another coffee!
What !
Maybe I could get hired too.
How's that?
- Well, like you.
Hired as what?
I don’t know...
He doesn’t need another waitress?
- No.
A waiter?
- No.
What other staff is there?
A cleaning lady comes in the morning.
A cook for lunch and dinner.
That’s all.
I think so.
Want me to ask my boss
if he needs someone?
Why not ?
[Tremolo Beer Gut]
♪♪ The Worm
Not looking for anyone.
The cleaning lady has worked
here for 10 years.
The cook hasn’t missed a day
in 15 years.
Fuck ! 15 years !
Uhuh !
What if something happened to'em?
What?
Something that'd make'em
"unable to work".
What, you wanna beat up
the cleaning lady?
No, more likely the cook.
- Ah, right.
He leaves around 11 at night,
after his shift.
OK.
Takes the trash cans out back
and goes home.
Around 11.
OK.
I’m going to my car to
think it over a while.
Alright.
See you later.
Excuse me...
Could you lend me something to...
'cause, see, I...
I left my keys in the car and
I have to break the window.
Thank you.
[P. Susheela & T. M. Sounderarajan]
♪♪ Rajaavin Parvai
[Schubert]
♪♪ Sonata in E Major
2
Why do you want to die,
little one?
Is it her?
- Yeah.
Why is she on the ground?
You knocked her out with the window.
I'll take the arms. You take
her feet and go down first.
Why me first?
It's harder to go first.
If we drop her feet first,
she won’t land on her head.
Why don't I take the arms,
and you go first?
Because I said so, Goddammit!
- Wait... Shhhh!
- What are you doing?
I'm looking for a personal item.
What for?
Proof, to send to her folks,
if they don't believe us.
The computer!
What computer?
Take it.
Kids love those things.
Her parents would catch on
right away...
Look at the size of it!
Plus we have to carry the girl.
Plus it'll add "robbery" to "kidnapping".
Take a plush toy!
- Which plush toy?
The elephant!
- Are you nuts?
It's bigger than the computer
I can't help it
if everything’s big here!
Rich people buy big toys
for their kids.
Hand me the zebra.
- The zebra?
The zebra, zebra...
Shit!
What now?
I made the ladder drop.
Stupid cunt!
I can throw down this zebra
to break our fall.
What if we miss? Climb down
and re-set the ladder.
- Why me?
'Cause you dropped the ladder!
Well ok...
- Goddammit!
Paul, throw down the zebra.
It won’t get hurt.
Ayy!
Paul! Paul!!!
Paul, are you ok?
I skinned my knee.
Lemme go !
Pick her up!
Come on!
One, two, three
Wait, slow down!
I don't have a good hold...
Slowy!
Don’t drop her!
Go!
Hold her back!
Paul.
You can take off your mask!
What the hell are you doing?
Trying to straighten her,
she's all twisted.
She'll have a crick in her neck
when she wakes up.
What’s the matter?
- She woke up.
Stuff your scarf in her mouth
and stop her screaming.
You ok, kid?
You ok, kid?
Just nod your head.
Apparently,
you've been badly raised...
You remember what to say?
- Yup.
You sure? 'Cause we can’t
afford mistakes!
I said, I remember.
You take me for an idiot?
Not for an idiot...
..but I worry about your
professionalism!
Don’t talk a lot. Be precise!
How so?
Don't stretch it out. Give them
specific instructions and hang up.
- Sure.
Anyway no more than 55 seconds!
Why 55 seconds?
'Cause in a minute they
can trace you.
Why hang up after 55 seconds,
and not 1 minute?
It gives us a 5 second margin
in case they improved the trace.
You calculated they improved
call-tracing by 5 seconds?
You're a real genius, Leo!
Just make the call, Paulo.
What are you waiting for?
I don't have the number!
You don't ?
I gave it to you before.
No, you said you would,
but I still don't have it.
I’m sure I gave it to you.
Where did you have it
before you "gave it to me"?
In the car.
Go check. If it's still there,
we’ll see who’s right.
So...?
Concentrate, Paulo !
Damn! It's the machine.
Leave a message. Be brief!
Hello Mr uhh...
- Stone.
Mr Stone... uh... We...
We have your daughter.
What?
That was a message ?!
What?
How do you expect the guy to
understand?
"We have your daughter"...
You said, be brief.
Brief, but comprehensible !
Give'em more info.
Tell him we kidnapped her.
Mention the ransom...
Amount of ransom...
Rendezvous to exchange
ransom and girl.
Place and time of rendezvous.
All we rehearsed for days, Paulo !
All that can’t fit in 55 seconds.
If you're quick and clear
it'll fit.
Go on!
Still his machine.
Yes, Mr...?
Stone. Fuck !
Mr Stone, it's the kidnapper again,
excuse me.
I'm taking the liberty
to leave you a message
intended to complete to the preceding one.
So: we have your daughter,
who is very sweet...
We’ll return her for the sum...
of 5,000 euros, to be precise.
No, 50,000 eur...
500,000.
of 500,000 euros.
500.000 euro! Damn!
So, we’ll exchange her
for the sum of 500,000 euros,
which you have.
Well, that's it.
Rendezvous...
The meeting for the exchange
of the girl for the money.
Ah, yes, Mr Stone,
we'll set a rendezvous...
- Tonight.
Tonight, around 11 or 11:30
on the parking lot of the
Cafeteria: National Route 17
And no cops!
And come without cops!
So, see you soon.
And... have a nice day.
See that?
- What?
I remembered the meeting spot.
See how I told him ?
Did I go over 55 seconds?
Yes.
- Really, you sure ?
2:30.
Hard to believe !
We've definitely been traced.
Who the hell cares if they
traced a call...
to a country phone booth,
miles away from our hideout.
Shit!
She’s not there!
What?
Where is she?
I dunno, I thought
you locked the doors.
I did lock the doors!
I'm certain.
Here's what I think happened. You locked the doors the first time,
it's the second time when you went back for the number, that you forgot to re-lock them.
Isn’t that her up ahead?
What the hell is she up to?
What happened to her?
What are you doing on the ground?
I’m waiting.
Waiting for what?
To be run over.
Run over?
Not many cars come by here,
you’ll be waiting a long time.
Its deserted out here,
that’s why we chose this road.
Anyway I’m not in a hurry.
What do we do?
We have to get her
back in the car.
We can’t leave you here.
What are you waiting for?
Get her feet!
Leave me alone.
Leave me alone!
You assfucked bastards !
Why do I always get the feet?
What a rude brat!
Open the door!
Motherfuckers ! Assholes !
Get in!
Cunt-heads !
Motherfuckers ! Lemme go, cocksucker ! Cunt-face !
Assfuckers! Let me out ! Assholes !
Scream all you want! No one'll
hear you, and we're in no hurry.
We are in a BIT of a hurry, Leo.
I just said that, to shut her up.
OK, lets go.
You calmed down, now?
We won’t hurt you, we just
want some dough from your daddy.
Who's got so much,
he won’t even miss it.
He won’t give you a thing.
Why do you say that?
He won’t give you anything,
that's all.
He will! Of course, he will.
This is it. We'll wait here, today.
It's my apartment.
It's not like your place,
but still, not so bad, hey?
You like the bird?
It's a canary. He’s called Bob.
After Bob Marley.
I would’ve liked to call him Marley,
but I already had a dog called that.
A good dog.
- Oh, yeah.
Wanna rest up a bit?
I prepared a room for you.
What’s all this?
Stuff I borrowed from my niece.
How old's your niece?
- 15...
But she’s a bit...
You can sleep a bit, if you want.
Or play.
We’ll leave you now, if you get
hungry or anything, don't hesitate...
We did lots of shopping.
Got lots of Corn Flakes.
Fine...
What did Marley die of?
Of cancer.
Hurt his foot playing soccer.
Problem was,
his wound didn’t scar over
So they realized he had cancer.
No, that's the singer.
Yeah.
I was asking about your dog, Marley.
Ah ! OK.
So how did he die?
Run over by a car.
Remember, he always loved to
listen to Bob Marley songs.
Yeah.
As soon as I put a record
on the stereo, he'd hear and
come running around me
barking like crazy.
Sometimes it seemed
he barked in rythm.
One day as I took him for a walk
a guy drives by, listening full blast
to "I 'Shoot' The Sheriff".
Marley, thought I was calling him,
he takes off after the car...
got hit by another car coming the other way.
Died on the spot, poor dog.
What a drag, he was a good dog.
Yep.
Maybe if he was on a leash
he wouldn’t have got run over.
Hm...
Still, calling your dog Marley
and keeping it on a leash is lame.
Why?
Well, it's paradoxical.
You don't name him after a free
man, just to put a leash on him.
Yeah, that’s true.
But, it 'WAS' a dog.
- That’s true.
You feel a draught of air?
Yeah, you're right.
Mallory!
Mallory?!
We're coming in now.
We're coming!
Are you out of your mind?
It's dangerous to climb up
on the window sill !
What if you fell?
Mind your own fucking business!
You think I was admiring
your crappy view ?
I wanna die!
What are you going on about?
I said I wanna die.
Understand?
Why do you wanna die?
Hey, why do you wanna die?
Because !
I don't give a fuck about life.
Life is beautiful.
You have a wonderful life
Look at you!
You're so young and beautiful!
Think I give a fuck about that?
Don't you have friends?
What friends? Guys?
Well, yeh... schoolmates...
No!
There must be people you see.
At school or in the neighborhood.
Just one girl friend.
Its good to have a friend.
You can have fun with her
it's important at your age.
Whats her name?
Jennifer.
You should talk to Jennifer.
Confide in her.
My friend's like me.
She wants to die.
She too wants to die?
Yeah.
We tried, together.
On a Wednesday afternoon she
came over with a bunch of pills.
[Schubert]
♪♪ Sonata in E Major
After 2 hours nothing had
happened, so she went home.
Why do you both wanna die?
Does your father know
you want to die?
He doesn't give a fuck about me.
Ah, you can't say that!
It's not easy to understand kids
especially at your age.
No one knows how to talk to you.
You're becoming adults, but
at the same time you're still children...
How about your mother?
You talk to her?
My mother's dead.
Excuse me.
I lost my mom too, you know.
Well, me too, hey?
Yeah that's true.
We’re all 3 in the same boat.
How old were you when she died?
17.
She'd been sick a long time.
And you?
I never knew her.
She died bringing me
into the world.
Actually, one week later.
How old were you?
I was 5.
How'd it happen to her?
Car accident.
Afterwards your father
took care you?
Yeah!
Did he remarry?
No.
You see, It couldn't
be easy for him, either.
Finding himself all alone with you.
Perhaps he couldn't handle it.
You kidding? All he cares about
is his job. That asshole!
I hope you take all his dough.
If he pays what we're asking
for you, it's a good start.
OK.
Wanna eat something?
No, I'm not hungry.
You hungry?
Yeah, you?
Yeah, we only have cornflakes.
Well, yeah...
OK, we'll leave you.
Hey, dont do anything stupid!
Paul!
How do we know she won't
try the "high dive" again?
No! She’s in pain
but she won't go that far.
You realize, if she does it,
we’re in for life.
Try explaining to a judge that
we kidnapped a suicidal teenager.
We could chain up the window.
I don't have a chain.
A rope, then.
Wait...
I have an idea.
What are you up to?
Open the door!
Say, do you like the bird?
You like Bob?
Yeah.
He’s nice.
You want him?
How's that?
You want him?
If you want him, he’s yours.
Why would you do that?
Because I like you.
I like Bob too but I've already
benefited from him.
You can take him, now, if you want.
Want him?
Yeah, sure.
Here!
You can let him go. He loves
flying around the apartment.
Sometimes, if you whistle
gently he’ll fly back to your hand.
Well... sometimes.
What are you watching?
A figure skating championship.
Figure skating is lame.
We know, but we like seeing
skaters crack their skulls.
OK. Lets play cards.
You like cards?
We'll play ouist, you know it?
No, Whist with a "W".
Kind of like in between,
bridge and belote. Sorta.
Ever play cards before?
First you deal all the cards.
Normally it's 4 players,
for 3 we add a dummy hand.
11 cards each...
13
- No, 11.
- 13!
52 divided by 4 ?...
13.
13... Anyway, deal‘em all.
Then choose a suit
They're not all the same value.
Hearts beat diamonds, clubs...
It's the reverse.
It's just the reverse.
Yes, blacks first:
spades, clubs, diamonds, hearts.
I have hearts,
I declare: "hearts"
You're next,
with lots of hearts,
so you say: "join".
It means you're my partner.
Ah, no !
-Ah, yes !
She can't partner up with you
if you say "join".
No, SHE says "join"
What about the dummy ?
What does the dummy do ?
Me first, then her,
and in this direction.
So I partner with who ?
You can partner with him.
Oh, yeah? I'm the dummy's partner?
Why me? why can't you be
the dummy's partner ?
Because I led with hearts,
and another player joined.
Me neither.
I'm not joining the dummy.
It's not the dummy you join,
it's you who...
You're making up your own rules
I won't partner with a dummy.
Plus he can't even see his
own cards, they must face down.
I know they must...
No you don't, otherwise you wouldn't say this.
But I hadn't got to the dummy yet...
No, you hadn't...
Yes, you had gotten to the dummy.
'Cause you're saying I'm his partner.
It's like when we went shopping,
you tell me: "get 5 boxes"
Then: "Why didn't you get
5 different boxes?"
I got 5 boxes, I don't know
if they're different.
I have to tell you every detail ?
- Yes!
Details are very important
for the understanding.
Alright I'll explain !
Explain it well 'cause she
can't understand a damn thing!
Excuse me.
I, know the rules and I can't
understand a damn thing you're saying!
Partner with a dummy, my ass!
May I ?
Yes you may. Go ahead !
I can explain.
It might be better if I explained!
Here we go !
- Fine I'll explain.
5 boxes of corn-flakes!
(2 seconds).
Just take 2 seconds.
5 boxes of corn-flakes,..
What the fuck will we do with
a ton of corn-flakes all the same!
The idea is to get different flavors.
Damn, you're two faced !
-No, it's true...
First of all, 5 boxes isn't 5 tons.
5 boxes'll be eaten in no time !
You think she'll eat
a ton of corn flakes?
No. We're not talking about a ton.
We're talking about 5 boxes.
That's far from a ton!
Boxes like that !
He's such a prick.
Shall we push this to the end?
I thought I was dealing with
an adult. Excuse me.
Paf ! And paf !
And paf ! And paf !
And, shit !
Damn, you won it all!
Wow, you sure you never
played this game?
Beginner's luck.
Oh, we gotta go now.
Already? We have lots of time
it's in two hours.
Better to be a little early.
Yeah, it's true. Plus at this
time there are traffic jams
Taking me with you ?
Ah no. If we take you might get nabbed.
You wait here. We'll give
the adress to your father,..
he'll come get you in 3 or 4 hours.
You can watch TV, if you want
There are comics
in the bathroom, too.
Oh yeah, don't forget the heater.
Is it real ?
No. Looks real, though.
It's a pellet gun, see.
Are you fucked in the head ?
I told you that really hurts.
Well...
OK, bye.
We'll lock you in and
give the key to your father.
Don't do anything stupid.
Bye, Mallory.
I don't think,
the father's coming.
No.
He didn't come ?
No.
So, what'll you do?
We'll take you back home.
Already ?
You could wait a while,
try something else.
Try what ?
I dunno...
One of you can film the other
beating me up.
And send the cassette to my dad.
No, we don't do that sorta stuff.
Anyway, we have no camera.
It doesn't have to be for real.
We can fake it.
Even faked, we wouldn't do it.
We're not real kidnappers
real gangsters...
We're just in a lot of shit.
You understand ?
We'll find another way to get
some cash. Without hurting anyone.
Not even fake.
[Bob Marley]
♪♪ I Shot The Sheriff
3
Oh, Gaby!
Arno?
Arno! Hey!
Arno!
Arno, I was right.
Alain, is it you?
I called, you didn't seem to hear.
Probably. When I piss,
I’m lost in thought.
I know. When I piss,
I think of incredible stuff.
Alain, I'm the same.
When I piss... I think.
You OK?
-Yeah, excuse me...
-Yeah I know...
I know how it is.
Are you alright?
Yeah.
And you?
Alright, alright.
Hi Arno.
Hi Alain.
It's a pleasure to see you.
- Me too.
It's funny, because just the
other day I was thinking of you.
No kidding, really?
What did you think about me?
Stuff I thought.. Stuff from
the good old days Pff! About you.
OK.
You have time for a coffee?
Yeah... well not really.
Can't spare 5 minutes for me?
Have 'YOU' got 5 minutes?
Not really.
Want get a coffee?
With you, yeah.
[PAT BOONE]
♪♪ Speedy Gonzales - 1962
Well, how about that !
Alain Brocheau !
Yeah, Arno.
It's been at least...
- Whoa, let's not keep track.
Yeah.
Good evening! Something to drink?
Ahh, I'll have a coffee and you?
I'll have a tea.
- Tea?
Coffee is disgusting...
It fucks up my voice.
Otherwise what do you do?
I'm touring with my musicians.
Me too. Me too.
Tomorrow we play Lyon.
Us too, we're playing Lyon.
We're at Marcel Cerdan Stadium.
Its a huge thing.
We're playing at
Gee Drew Stadium. It's a riot!
Never heard of it.
Tell me, that stadium,
what did you call it?...
Marcel Cerdan.
Yeah, that's it!
Is it big?
20,000 seats.
20,000 seats?
It'll take some filling!
They added a date 'cause...
the first show sold out
They wanted to add a third but
I told them to go fuck themselves
Well done!
They take us for robots.
Exactly.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Excuse me, I know I shouldn't,but
can I ask for your autograph?
Yes.
What's your name?
Suzy.
Thank you.
Can you sign as well?
Yes, Suzy...
Please!
Thank you.
Thank you.
[Bobby Rydell]
♪♪ Volare
Listen, funny thing...anyway
I can tell you this, we know
each other well enough, but..
one of your biggest hits
is a song you swiped from me.
What?
But, it's no big deal, huh?
Who gives a fuck?
Which song? ...eh..
Y'know, the one where you did uh..
Gaby, Gaby.
Yeah, I know the one, yes.
You swiped that one.
What makes you think so?
Since, back in the day
you often came to my place,
and my place was a Bedlam.
I may have played it
like that... It's a riff
Just a riff...
Maybe it stuck with you.
You know how it is with us.
We hear something and it stays
You think I swiped this song?
I did: "Sandy, Sandy"
And you did: "Gaby, Gaby".
No sweat.
Who gives a fuck?
I don't think I swiped this song.
No that you mention it,I may have
done it accidentally on purpose
How's that?
Since you split with Swan,
I may have subconsciously
reproduced this song.
Swan?
You remember Swan, don't you?
Great, Cambodian girl,
with whom I lived at the time.
She ran off with you.
Aah, yes, yes. Swan, the tall one.
Yes!
That girl was my muse, y'know.
I had a hard time getting over it.
Shit!
No, it's alright now.
In any case, I know things
are going well for you.
Yeah, alright. Can't complain.
Great. And the writing?
I write all the time.
You see this bag?
There’s hundreds of songs in it.
Thousands of words, ideas, phrases
I don't even have time
to record them.
Looks like things are
alright with you, too.
I’ll tell you something...
that I don't tell everybody.
I don't even need to write anymore.
Oh, yeah?
It's incredible.
I get behind a mike, and
my words flow just like that!
They flow out.
That's great!
But!
Tomorrow it could be over, hey?
I'm happy to see you again.
Me too.
And you look in shape.
Well that's me.
I was made this way. I'm fine
Totally!
Gotta go to the crapper
all this tea makes me piss.
- When you gotta go...
Lets go, guys!
[]
♪♪
4
It's crazy how everything changes!
Guys!
Here he is!
Doesn't look in great shape.
What do you think,
is he sleeping or in coma?
No idea.
I’d say, coma.
We could try to waking him up
to find out.
You never know here.
We don't even know what he's got
Acute coalescent anomeric coliosis.
What are you taking about?
I'm just reading what it says.
Acute coalescent anomeric coliosis.
(bile duct blockage?)
What does that mean?
No idea... I'm not a medic.
So... What do we do, now?
We do like we said,
we pull the plug.
But, he's not plugged into anything.
What do you mean,
not plugged into anything?
Look, no machines,
not even electric outlets.
Holy shit, it's true !
He's not plugged in!
So, what do we do?
Well, we can suffocate him.
Like in that movie, with the Indian.
Are you nuts?
We're not going to suffocate him.
Why not?
You wanted to unplug him!
-No, it's not the same. -Huh ?
-It's different !
It's less violent.
To unplug him you just pull
a plug, but to suffocate him..
It's just more violent, see.
We'll have to take him like this.
What do you mean ?
We were going to finish him here
then take him to the hideout.
We'll do it in reverse !
We'll take him like this
and bump him off there.
Alright ! Why not, hey?
Comes to the same thing.
Jean...
Oh, Jean !
What ?
What's happening?
He's awake ! He's awake !
He scared the shit out of me!
Stop the car!
Why are you screaming?
He woke up.
So? He’s not dead yet !
Whats going on, guys?
You alright, Pierrot?
Yeah!
But I should as you guys that.
You look like you've seen a ghost.
What am I doing here?
-We kidnapped you.
Why kidnapped?
To take you to the hide-out.
Take me to the hide-out?!
Why the fuck would I wanna go there?
Are you guys stoned?
No, we're not stoned
– What, then?
For 25 years, we haven't
set foot in the hide-out.
We know, but...
that's not why we wanted to go.
Remember what we talked about
the last time we were there?
[Bach]
♪♪ The Well Tempered Clavier
No, no ! Listen. If one day
something happens to me,
don’t let me croak on the
street or in a hospital.
I want you to bring me here
I wanna die in our hideout, OK?
-OK.
-OK.
You kidnapped me in order to
kill me, at the hideout?
Yes.
If I didnt wake up you'd have
liquidated me?
Exactly...
Good thing I'm not a heavy sleeper.
Let me out, I need some air.
Listen, Pierrot...
we had all agreed!
I'm not ready to croak.
I'm in great shape!
What, great shape ?!
Yes, great shape!
Nothing wrong. I'm fine!
Why, the fuck, were you
in the hospital then?
Kidney stones.
- Kidney stones?
They told us you were
about to kick the bucket.
They said: Pierrot Lapin is in
the hospital and hasn't got long.
Who told you this crap?
Jean, wasnt it you?
Are you nuts?
How could I know this stuff?
I'm out of the loop.
I never see anyone.
Emile, was it you?
- No!
I got a call from Joe who said
Pierrot is in the hospital dying.
Me too, Joe. YOU called me!
OK, fine, it was me.
But the rumour seemed serious.
The owner of Cafe Cascade,
on Pont Dorée, told me...
Pierrot is in the hospital, dying.
How would he know? I haven't
been there for 15 years.
Maybe he heard about it.
From who? My sister?
Anyway... you guys were gonna
plug me based on a rumour?!
Way to go, guys! Thank God
you're not perfectionists!
We apologize, Pierrot!
We're sorry!
Still, we're happy to see
that you're alright.
Oh, you're good !
Just a minute...
He may be screwing with us?
How do you mean?
Maybe he really is sick,
and he doesn't wanna
be shot at the hideout,
so he invents the story about
kidney stones.
You're completely mad.
Why would I ?
Maybe you're lily-livered.
Not my liver.
It's kidney stones!
Cut it out! Pierrot's fine.
We blew it. Better this way.
Fine! Now what'll we do?
You want us to take you back
to the hospital?
No need.
I was getting out today, anyway.
We can still go to the hideout.
Since we’re here anyway,
we could check it out.
Damn! It sure changed a lot!
Shit, they destroyed our hideout!
And the forest around it too.
It was a beautiful forest.
True, it was a beautiful forest.
I loved going for walks, specially
when we'd hide out for several weeks.
Didn't you bag a boar, once?
- No, it was Joe.
He emptied 2 clips in it
we couldn’t even eat it.
I remember, it was funny.
Incredible how everything changes !
[Kris Kristofferson]
♪♪ Casey's Last Ride
I gotta take a piss.
[Adriano Celentano]
♪♪ 24 Mila Baci
You guys think he'll hold her up?
He won't dare.
50 says he holds her up.
I'm in for 50.
Damn! I got nothing.
Max, loan me a 50?
Damn!
Thanks boys, It was a pleasure
to lighten your pockets.
You pain in the ass!
Love lost us this money.
What's happening?
-Nothing.
-Nothing.
Know what you're gonna have?
No.
Mademoiselle!
Can we have the menu, please?
Alright, I know.
Me too. - Me too.
- Me too.
You, Pierrot, what'll you get?
I cant read without my glasses.
They're at the hospital with my stuff.
Take mine.
Can't see shit.
Try these!
Even worse.
Hand me yours?
Better, but still blurry.
Put these over them.
Damn! It's perfect!
You're a real optician!
OK, I know.
Mademoiselle!
You know what you want?
Draft beer.
- Me too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
5 drafts - coming right away.
Cute waitress.
"Hot", you mean.
Odd. It feels exactly like
we were at the hideout.
We ARE at the hideout.
I mean, here, at this table.
This precise spot.
Exactly the same places as the
table we had in the hideout.
How can you tell?
From the window behind Pierrot.
Theres no window behind me.
No, the window that WAS
behind you at the hideout.
Didn't you notice?
And we always sat like today,
in the same places.
Max – next to me,
by the hearth 'cause he was always
cold and got up to poke the fire.
Joe there – at the end of the table,
becase he couldn't stand sitting
beside anyone during card games.
Jean – opposite me, by the door because he...
he always came last and he
used to go piss every half hour.
And Pierrot, there, because
that was the only seat left.
And I sat here, facing that window
that I often looked through.
I dont know why...
Maybe, to see if someone was coming.
M'selle, do you know how long
this cafeteria's been open?
No, I’ve only been
working here, 2 days.
2 days ?! But, you carry
the beers with such grace !
Just by the way it looks,
I'd say ... 30 years ?
What? 30 years ? Impossible.
Last time we came here was in '78.
that'd make it ... 28 years.
You knew this spot before
it was a cafeteria?
- Yes.
How was it?
It was green
It was a huge forest. No one
around. Very easy to get lost.
There were boars, huge boars,
walking around, just like that!
Enormous !
On this very spot there was
a hideout... I-I mean, a hut.
Did you come often?
No, not often. But when we came
we'd stay a long time.
Too bad. Surely a forest is better
than a cafeteria or a parking lot.
Sometimes it seems things are
becoming less and less beautiful.
It moves me, to see people
of your age together, like this.
When I was little, heaps of
old folks lived at our house.
My parents were
a host family for the old.
As many as 15 at a time.
the livingroom, my room...
Everywhere!
I thought my parents took them in
for love of humanity.
Turns out they got 500 Francs
for each old person.
That disappointed me a bit.
The hardest part was
they often died.
At least one a month.
Once, we lost 3 in 1 day.
In August.
I was always worried, because...
I couldn't tell the difference
when they were asleep or dead.
It's not always obvious...
You know what I mean.
Pretty weird waitress, huh?
We gotta find a new hideout.
Why do you wanna find a new one?
You need a hideout to hide out.
Do YOU need to hide out?
Well no!
Anybody here need to hide out?
No...
- So ?!!
Take it easy, Joe!
Why are you so worked up?
It's Jean talking nonsense!
I'm not talking nonsense!
You talk about a hideout like
it was easy, like it had no meaning.
Like our hideout is the same
as any other hideout.
You’re delirious!
I never said such crap!
I'm dying for a hideout!
I'd give everything to have one.
Damn... a pretty little hut,
surrounded by wooded paths.
I'd know what to do there!
I miss chlorophyll !
Whenever we come here;
-- that was my vacation,
-- my paid holidays.
It's 25 years,
I haven't seen the countryside.
I go to Castorama Hardware's
garden center to see some greenery.
What I miss most is fresh air.
I’m suffocating! Suffocating!
I like to get up early, with the light...
take a piss outside, against a tree.
Feel a fresh breeze about my glans.
Damn!.. To piss against a tree...
and hug it afterwards!..
When you phoned, before I knew
it was about Pierrot.
I thought, "that's it!
We're back in business!".
My heart raced...
Like the old days,..
..when a mere phone call
would set my heart racing.
What is it you want?
Wanna do another break-in?
No, I just said I miss nature.
So take a holiday!
How do I do that?
Think I a get Government Stipend
for my contribution to society?
You guys wanna do a break-in?
Stop talking about heists!
Stop it! We'll end up getting caught.
Caught for what? You kidding?
5 old geezers drinking beer
in some godforsaken cafeteria.
What's suspicious about that?
You wanna pull another heist?
No, I said, you guys want to.
You been talking for a while
about nature, boars, woods...
You're looking depressed, guys.
I'd like to pull another heist.
What are you saying?
I said, I'd like to pull another heist.
Well, what ?!...
I don't have anything better to do.
You guys got anything better?
I was gonna pick up my
granddaughter at school
and take her to the racetrack at Vincennes.
I got poker tonight.
Seems there's these two suckers...
I'm supposed to be convalescing.
You, Emile?
I got nothing better to do.
Whaddaya say guys,
wanna pull another job?
This can't be!
Wanna pull a heist ?
'Cause tonight I can't play poker!
Fine, what'll we knock over?
You know the Crédit du Nord
on National Route 17 ?
No, we hit that bank 3 times!
Precisely, we know it well.
When was the last time?
In '82, I had a BMW convertible.
Aah, bella macchina!
Well, why not?
There are fields around it, and
a forest big enough to hide in.
After 25 years, they’ll be
surprised to see us again.
You sure it's here?
- Well yeah!
Nationale 17.
This is, 17?
- Yeah!
Shit, we got no fucking luck.
Fuck the world's disappearing!
No more hideouts, no more
banks... what's left then?
Those places crop up overight.
Can you heist a McDonalds?
Anything can be heisted.
Alright, lets go!
- Yeah!
Wait, who's the wheel man?
- Pierrot.
Why Pierrot?
I wanna rob McDonalds too!
You always drove the getaway car.
And you're wearing pyjamas.
Have you looked at your duds?
Anyway, I cant drive,
I cant see fuck all.
We’ll smash into a wall.
OK, Jean, you stay in the car.
That's crap! Why me, why not Joe?
Why do you get to decide?
Nobody made you boss!
Who's for Jean staying in the car?
Alright?
-Alright.
Shall we go?
Wait... What do we do for heaters?
What heaters?
Whaddya mean "What heaters"?
We got no rods.
What, you don't have guns?!
How were you gonna finish me off
at the hideout?
Joe had an idea.
We just put our hands in our
pockets to create the illusion!
Who'll keep his hand in his pocket?
Emile and me!
Why not me?
Joe you know what happens
if you have a gun!
Why, what happens?
You shoot, you can't help yourself.
It's not a gun, it's my hand!
Even so! You're liable
to shoot with your hand!
But, I learned to control myself.
Who's for Joe not carrying a gun?
Alright! Let's go!
What the hell you doing, Jean?
What?
You're supposed to stay in the car!
Oh yeah right.
What's going on?
He just fell.
You alright, Pierrot?
Fine, fine.
What happened to you?
– I fell, that's all.
Come on, lets go back!
Your nose is bleeding, Pierrot.
Are you sick ?
Yes.
Is it serious?
Yes.
Want us to take you back to hospital?
No!
What do you want us to do?
Drive on, we'll see...
- Shall I start'er up?
- Sure go head!
epilogue
epilogue
Don't we know each other?
When you mugged your boss
did you hit him with the gun?
I whacked him from behind.
Can I see it?
What?
The piece.
Umm, yeah.
I’ll show it to you, but turn around.
- Why?
Because I’m asking you.
You gonna whack me on the skull?
No way!
OK!
There!
We've met...
THE EVENING BEFORE LAST
The evening before last,
the young man was being
chased by the police
So he asked the young woman at
the toll-booth to hold his weapon,
then asked her to raise the barrier
but the young woman answered:
"I cant, it's 1 euro .20"
The young man who had no
loose change asked the young
woman to give back his gun.
He asked her to raise the barrier.
He thanked her, as he
gave her back his weapon,
for fear of being caught with it.
So we know each other.
We've run across each other.
So...
So, stick ‘em up!
Hands up!
The till.
What?
The till!
What's this ?!
That's all.
The boss took the rest to the bank
Always does that after his shift.
How about that ?!
See ya later.
Hey!
This is all crap !
- Why?
We ought to split it!
I took a risk too.
You come with nothing
not even daring to rob me...
and now you're gonna split
with the cash and the gun ?
Alright.
Here's the money. I keep the piece.
OK?
-Alright.
-Voilà.
Actually, no !
I prefer the gun.
Why?
A gun's better.
But it's my gun!
Yeah, but you gave it to me.
OK... Here's the piece...
Hand me the cash!
No.
-Look, you can't...
-What are you gonna do ?
Can I come with you?
But I'm not going anywhere.
Doesn't matter...
You wanna come with me ?!
Yeah, I wanna.
(Lower that!)
(I like holding it like this.)
I ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING A GANGSTER
Translated by AsifAkheir
Written and directed by
Samuel Benchetrit