I 2 pompieri (1968) - full transcript

A dark night for me,

but with a fire in my soul.

A night without you

and with ghosts that dance.

There are so many eyes
in the dark,

so many heart shaped mouths!

It's not you!

Tonight I see butterflies.

Tonight I see butterflies.

My skin is burning.

My skin is burning.



- A fire that lights up around me.
- Fire!

My eyes already see red.

- A fire that is spreading.
- Help!

I already feel like I'm dying.

- A fire that consumes my heart.
- Fire!

I feel that love will burn.

A dark night for me,

but with a fire in my soul.

A night without you,

and with ghosts that dance.

There are so many eyes
in the dark,

so many heart shaped mouths!

It's not you.

At night I see butterflies.



At night I see butterflies.

My skin is burning.

My skin is burning.

- A fire that lights up around me.
- Fire!

My eyes already see red.

A fire that is spreading.

I already feel like I'm dying.

- A fire that consumes my heart.
- Help!

I feel that love will burn.

- A fire that burns my heart.
- Fire!

I feel that love will burn.

- Idiot, who gave you a license?
- Repeat what you said!

Idiot, who gave you a license?

Perricone! You must respect me
and call me "sir!"

Excuse me!

Wake up, boys! Everyone
in the courtyard for a drill!

You can't smoke here.
Wake up! Wake up!

Hurry! Hurry!

Wake...

- Who is it?
- Wake up!

- Why do you sleep with your boots?
- I perspire with a coat.

Don't be funny.
If I find you like this again,

I'll grab you by the neck
and bang your head against...

How dare you?
Do you know who she is?

Sure. Miss Caramella.

For those who don't know,
she's my girlfriend!

- She is my girlfriend.
- What did I say? My girlfriend.

- Mine! Mine!
- Mine! Mine!

Must I say it in capital letters?
Mine!

I said to say
that she is my girlfriend!

And I say my girlfriend. Mine!

- Perricone!
- What is it?

Remember that I am
a vice brigadier.

- I demand that you call me "sir".
- But we are relatives.

- There are no relatives here.
- The same blood!

- I don't have blood!
- I told you. You're anemic!

- Let me see your eyes!
- Enough!

As for Miss Caramella,

she is in love with me
because of my fireman uniform.

To destroy competition,

I became a fireman
when I had to do my military service.

Vice apprentice, fireman Perricone!

- You've two minutes to get dressed.
- Can we make it a half hour?

- Hurry, boys!
- No!

All this for you.
I must submit to him.

Do you realize that?

Sooner or later I'll degrade him.
Son of a fireman!

- Attention! Attention!
- Attention! Attention!

We are in this public square
to sell our product,

launched from the...
- Silence!

Attention!
We are in this public... Quiet!

We have come to show you how
we descend a rocky cliff with a rope.

- Perricone, the rope to you
- Yes, sir!

Let go!

Let go!

- What are you doing?
- Singing.

- Listen to me.
- I sing like Modugno.

Give slack. Give slack.

Give slack.

Give slack! Give slack!

- Attention!
- Attention!

A hook!

I didn't bring a hood.
I can go get one.

- Perricone, I said a "hook"!
- A hook for the sergeant.

Give the sergeant a hook.

- Attention! Give slack.
- What are you saying?

Perricone, orders must not
be questioned.

- Give slack!
- Alright.

He made it!

Next!

Alright. Next!

I don't have a parachute!

Go!

One, two, three, four, five,
fifteen...

- Where should I jump?
- Jump!

Ok, I'll jump.

Jump!

Will you jump, you lazy bum?

Yes, sir!

- How's it going?
- Everything is fine, Commander.

- Jump!
- Again?

Will you jump or not?

Alright!

- What is his name?
- Francesco Perricone.

Go!

A third time? But...

- If I may, I'll take care of it.
- Please.

Let me up!

You embarrassed me!
We'll let it go today.

Here I am!

What did you do?

You told me to jump.

- Perricone, call me "sir".
- Yes, sir.

"My Ciccio, ever since
you left Roccamarina,

nobody is left in Roccamarina."

"The streets are deserted,
full of people."

"I look in the crowd
and you are not there."

"Where are you? Tell me.
I love you."

Firemen! The prisoner has escaped!

- Escaped? I am here!
- What are you doing up there?

Getting some fresh air.
There's smog below.

- You were studying a plan, huh?
- What plan?

- An escape plan!
- Escape? Where should I go?

- Come down right away!
- I'm coming.

There.

I didn't do it on purpose.

What is it?

- You’re hiding something from me.
- I would never do that.

- Let me see that hand.
- I washed it this morning.

- Let me see the other one.
- I washed it with bleach.

Let me see what you've got
back there!

I've nothing, Brigadier Barrese.
Don't exaggerate!

- Obey!
- But... How dare you?

- Oh, a letter.
- I don't know who it's from.

Without tearing it...

Violation of
the correspondence secret.

- This is my letter.
- This letter is mine.

No. Caramella wrote it to me.

You're lying!
There's written "My Ciccio".

Until proven otherwise,
I am Ciccio.

A misunderstanding.
"Ciccio" is short for Francesco.

Francesco is "long" for Franco.

So "Ciccio" equals "Franco".
Understand? Without a doubt.

Caramella is talking
about me in the letter.

She can't forget these eyes,
free and independent!

She talks about my hair,
my mouth, my nose.

She doesn't mention a moustache.
So that means it's me.

Do I have a moustache?
No, I don't.

Alright. You see this letter?
You won't read it anymore!

One, two! One, two! One, two!

You're one heck of an idiot.
Continue.

Idiot 2, idiot 3,
idiot 4 and idiot 5.

- What are you saying?
- I continued.

If you want idiot 6,
I'll give you his phone number.

Trainee fireman Perricone!

- Yes, sir!
- Continue with your assignment.

- Fill the tank truck.
- Yes, sir!

Hurry with that water!

- I'm hurrying!
- Hurry! One, two!

- Fill the fire engine tank!
- I'm hurrying!

- Quick, Perricone!
- Here's the water.

Come on, move it!

Fire maneuvers on the third floor,
Commander.

Fine, fine. It's 10:18.

At 10:21 have the last pump
go into operation.

- Yes, sir!
- Check your stopwatch.

What time do you have?

- Quarter to five.
- Perfect.

You go to 15!

Excuse me, Commander.
What about the transfer request?

Oh, yes.
It was accepted and will soon arrive.

- I am very thankful, Commander.
- You're welcome.

Thirty seconds to 10:21.

God will protect me from water,
but I'll take care of fire!

- D'Annunzio.
- Just a moment...

Go, Perricone! The other fire engines
aren't enough to reduce the flames.

Let me get to the site,
and I'll open the Niagara Falls,

and transform the fire
into a flood!

Hurry, boys!

Hurry with that water!

- Fire! Fire!
- Pump!

I'll go to the pump!

Charge! Water!

Is the water coming? Water!

My gosh!
The water is catching on fire!

Call the firemen!

- Here's the culprit.
- Great drill!

- It will burn for two weeks!
- Don't worry, Commander.

- What do you mean?
- It'll soon pour.

- How do you know?
- My callouses hurt.

You have irritated me at times.

Some of you were particularly hard,

but after
these months spent together,

and having come to my last lesson,

I must say I'm sorry
to separate myself from all of you.

Well, not exactly from all of you.

The rank as brigadier
has brought on my transfer.

Excuse me.
Where did they transfer you?

Perricone, what to you care?

- Vice Brigadier Barrese...
- Please, Brigadier.

Excuse me, Vice Brigadier.
I said it to send you

a Christmas card, a plate of pasta
with sardines, "cannoli"...

I don't accept gifts from
my subordinates, especially some.

But we are cousins.
For an exchange of correspondence.

- Where are they send you?
- Perricone!

That's a military secret.

Now pay attention.
Commander Pappalardo is coming.

He will probably ask you
some questions.

Don't have me make
a bad impression.

The questions are always
the usual ones.

What you must do
when facing a fire,

the relationship between superior
and his subordinate, and so on.

Let's proceed with a practical
example. Now pay attention.

Benenato, what does a fireman do
when facing a fire?

He attacks it with water
and fights resistance with a hatchet.

- Bravo! De Leonardis?
- Yes, sir!

What does a fireman do when
a superior rightly reproaches him?

He must not answer
and remain at attention.

Attention!

Who is it?

At ease, at ease.

Good morning, Brigadier.

- May we ask some questions?
- Yes, they are all prepared.

Very well.

Let's see.
We'll question some bright man.

- You!
- Me? Excuse me.

You know what pumps
were like in the past,

and how they have been improved.

Hand pumps, steam fire engines,
electric pumps.

What name do we give
to the latest ones?

What sort of pumps?

Pumpkins!

Thank you again for the transfer.

How does a fireman behave
when facing a fire?

He doesn't answer and remains
at attention until it goes out.

What does a fireman do
when he is reproached by a superior?

He thrusts water at him
and fights resistance with a hatchet!

I want to leave...

Miss?

Don't insist, please!

- Miss Caramella...
- I can't talk to you.

I asked to be transferred to
Roccamarina because I love you.

- I am betrothed!
- Yes, betrothed to an idiot!

- An idiot and a traitor!
- What are you saying?

What I am saying is proven
by a photograph. Here!

It can't be!

- He did this?
- Yes.

Until the day before yesterday
he wrote about the wedding date!

That scoundrel!

Caramella,
Francesco Perricone is a clown!

You need a serious man,
tall and funny,

who has the rank of brigadier
in the social world!

Me, Caramella.

A fireman brigadier, Ciccio Barrese.

What're you doing? Leaving?

But... Caramella!

Right now my heart
is too anguished. Don't insist.

Dear! Dear! Caramella...

- Thank you. Goodbye.
- Good morning, Cucurucù.

- Clip my hair a bit.
- I can't do it.

- My moustache too.
- Forget it.

I serve the military at the station.
I don't want them in the shop.

- I am a pacifist barber.
- You are a rude barber.

A tear on my finger?

A tear on my finger

made me realize many things.

Here, dear.

I am so upset!

You're wasting away in your tears,
my child!

For who? For that toad,
that scorpion, that chimpanzee!

I'd like to know who is that...
Don't let me say it!

- I'll kill her!
- Calm down, my child.

I'll kill her!

Don't do this!
Calm down. Calm down.

What is this silence?
Why don't I hear you?

The hearing aid battery is dead.

Yes, very much.
I haven't heard from you for a while.

- I thought you were both dead!
- No, we are alive!

I won't be for long
because of that delinquent Franco.

I am desperate,
and he's probably laughing!

My poor child!
You'll get tuberculosis.

She will get....
She will get tuberculosis.

Play! Play!

Help! Help!
Mrs. Pappalardo, help me!

I called at the station
for a fireman to help me,

and not for a fireman
who needs my help!

- My ladder fell. Get it.
- Hey, young man!

Remember that I'm your commander's
wife. You’re telling me what to do?

Oh, no, Mrs. Commander.
But the ladder is gone.

Get it, please. I can't resist.
I'm falling! I'm falling!

The ladder is here.
Come down and get it.

How will I get down
without a ladder?

- Jump.
- Ok, I'll jump.

Goodbye, cruel world. I'm jumping!
Goodbye.

Poor thing!

Poor thing!

First you tell me to jump,
and then you say "poor thing".

I am not talking to you!

My poor little Pipetto.

Don't move, don't rush away.

Now this... thing...
will come get you.

I'll come get you.

- Hurry, lazy bum!
- I'm going, I'm going!

Go on!

- I'm coming.
- Hurry!

I'm coming. You darn parrot!

From man to man, we'll see!

Don't worry, madam.
He'll be right there.

You'll see, you scum parrot,

son of a hen,
the kind I'm familiar with!

You don't feel safe anymore, huh?

You're starting to lose
your balance?

Don't worry, madam!

I'll have him land
without a parachute.

Get ready. Here's the parro...

Come, dear. Come.

Did that brute hurt you?
Come, don't be afraid.

My little Pipetto!

Forgive me, madam.
You too, Pipetto.

- My sassafras!
- Your what?

You mutilated my sassafras!
Why did you cut that branch?

- Forgive me, Commander Parrot.
- How dare you?

Commander "Parrotfras". The
"sassaparrot" was on that "frass".

- Mrs. Commander...
- Who is that?

- The wife... of the parrot.
- My wife?

Never have a parrot
get between husband and wife!

Enough! Enough! Be quiet.
Go away, get the heck out!

Luckily, you finished the course and
can't cause damages where you’ll go.

- Go!
- Am I discharged?

- Discharged!
- Alright. I'm leaving!

Three.

- Here!
- "Scopa"!

Masetti, shall we play a game?

- I'm coming! I'm coming!
- I've been waiting a half hour.

- Good morning, Marshal.
- Good morning.

To start the day off well,
you need...

You must first get up
on the right foot.

- Why?
- So that nothing is "left" behind.

Brigadier Barrese, you take care
of receiving the new contingency.

I don't know...
I don't know how to use it.

- Don't worry.
- Alright.

Don't get too tired, boys.
Remember to keep calm.

Who is moving? We are calm.

We are very calm!

- What are we?
- Calm.

Until we set fire to Town Hall
you'll never be able to prove your...

- Your...
- Qualities.

- Whose turn is it?
- Yours.

- Four!
- Five and two is seven.

Go! Go!

It's for...

You're here?

You don't salute?

This was your unconfessed
destination, your military secret?

- Call me "sir"!
- I came to Caramella.

You requested a transfer
to make a pass at her.

Fireman Perricone,
you must call me "sir"!

- We went to school together.
- You were my student!

- I am your cousin.
- I'm not yours.

You're not part of the family,
but of the new contingency.

No, I am the new "continent".

- Contingency!
- In fact!

- Where are the others?
- The others? I am the others.

You give orders and I carry them out.
What should I do?

- "Scopa"!
- Do you want me to sweep?

Good... Is this uniform new?

Nice, huh? Brand new!

Perricone, don't be so funny!

We have discipline here!

The Roccamarina firemen
are irreproachable.

With this new uniform
you wear a crooked tie?

I'll give you three days in jail.
Follow me!

- Vice Brigadier Masetti.
- What is it, Brigadier?

- Excuse me.
- Will you put down your suitcase?

What are you doing?

It's deplorable
that the new fireman

goes on duty with improper attire.
Three days in jail.

- You should give him life in prison!
- Be quiet!

Prison? There is no prison here.

I'm surprised,
after so many years of a career.

A fireman doesn't go to prison.
He pays a fine.

For those in service.
Perricone is considered a military,

so he'll go to prison!
- Then you don't understand.

- There is no prison here.
- There isn't?

- There isn't.
- Be quiet!

- He said that.
- There isn't.

- Then where is it?
- It must be on holiday.

- Where will we keep him?
- Outside.

That's a good idea.

Isn't there a room
where we can lock him up?

There is a room
where we can lock him up.

There is? There is.

- Colombo, my head hurts!
- I can imagine.

- I have an urgent need.
- You're telling me!

- Colombo, you must do me a favor.
- Me?

Talk to some superior. My helmet
is too small. It hurts my head.

- What is your head size?
- 66.

- Helmet size?
- 33, half.

The marshal!

Boys, you'll surely understand
your commander's need.

It'll be our turn in the afternoon.

- You've been wai...
- Who is waving?

Waving?
No. Have you been waiting long?

A half hour.
They were already here.

- Marshal Perepe'...
- Piripicchio!

I've been here since this morning.
There were stars when I came.

Marshal, what is the matter?

So it's serious!

Open! Who is there?

- Who is it?
- Who is speaking?

You called! What number do you want?
This number is 100. It's busy!

Open and don't make a fuss!
Open or I'll punish you!

I'm already in punishment.

Brigadier Barrese
locked me up in here.

- Who are you?
- I am fireman Franco Perricone.

Let me out!

You, here. Here.

Marshal! Marshal!

- You'll hurt yourself.
- We'll take care of it.

66. Show him what we can do.

One, two, three!

What kind of fireman are you?
You can't even break down a door!

Marshal, my head hurts.

It's useless that you try
to break the door down.

To simplify things, call
Brigadier Barrese. He has the key.

Why don't we call
Brigadier Barrese?

Barrese isn't here.
The prisoner is in there.

Prisoner? Alright,
but where is Brigadier Barrese?

- In town.
- Who has the key?

- He must have it with him.
- What about out physical needs?

- There's the courtyard.
- The courtyard!

The courtyard...

I'll take care of it. Follow me!

Quickly, boys! Hurry!

It's one word, Marshal!

- Will you move?
- It's rusty.

It hasn't been used for a century!

Hurry! Be quick!

- It's hard!
- I can't hold it anymore!

These movements move me.

Come on! My God!
I can't resist. My gosh!

- Are you in confinement too?
- What is this friendly tone?

I am the marshal in command!
Go away! Go away!

Which way? The door is locked.

- Through... Through the window.
- If you don't move, how can I?

- Go!
- Yes, sir!

- Go! Go!
- I'm going.

- What is it?
- Did you do it?

- Go! Go away!
- Yes, sir.

Excuse me, Marshal.
We've already met.

- Your white streak isn't new to me.
- I said to go away!

Go away. I can't resist!

Marshal, I have to go back.
I'm in confinement.

- I release you. Go!
- Yes, sir.

Will you tell Brigadier Barrese?

I said to leave.
Go away. I can't resist!

Don't get angry. It is pointless,
I am leaving. Calm down.

Too late.

No. My heart has ceased forever.

- What are you saying?
- Nothing. Nothing!

My child,
a fireman had it cease,

and a fireman of a superior rank
will have it come to life again.

- Set it on fire.
- I like it put out.

I don't want to be bothered
or pestered!

My child,
Don Ciccio truly loves you.

That is why he wants to be with you
and cherishes you!

Oh, a chair!

- Madam, there's...
- I'll tell you with flowers.

- Scoundrel!
- But...

Madam...

- Sir...
- I didn't hear very well!

I did.

Will someone explain?

- Me!
- Who is it?

Perricone, you're in confinement.
Why are you freely going around?

I was given an amnesty
for bathroom reasons.

This photo can clear things up
immediately!

I was married
and didn't realize it?

But... But...

- Madam...
- Enough. I am sick of you!

But, sir...

Stop! Go. But... But...

I'm sorry I can't slap you
because I'm your superior.

Thank goodness!

I should have the maid
slap me too?

No need! I am here.

- Then it's a family habit!
- Be quiet and stand at attention!

- Oh, gosh! The bells are ringing.
- What happened?

- The bells!
- Oh, the bells!

- What happened?
- I don't know.

All the fireman have been alerted
at the station. Hurry!

- Perricone, let's go!
- Go away. Get out!

Alright. I'll jump out the window!

- Hurry! Quickly!
- I'm coming!

Excuse me, Marshal.

If you meet up with Perricone,
send him to the station.

I managed to free myself
from those two bores.

Look at what happened to us!

That Caramella found
two firemen suitors.

You realize that nobody
better than a fireman can find out

that we secretly make bombs.
- You're telling me!

What are you doing?

Marshal, a man like you
doesn't wake up with these salts?

- I think he needs vinegar.
- Sure, holy oil!

- Bomb, what is it?
- It's Wednesday.

- I know! What happened?
- He fainted.

- I see. What happened?
- He answered the phone.

Then he went...

- And he collapsed.
- The swan song.

- Be quiet. Yes?
- It's the first time...

In twenty years
this had never happened to me.

- Cheer up!
- Thank you.

- Why are you crying?
- To keep him company.

- What happened?
- A fire!

- A fire? Where?
- In town!

- I'll go call the fire department!
- We are the fire department!

47th Fire Fighter Squad.

- Alarm!
- The Germans!

The squad is ready.

47th Squad, to the pole!

We're stuck.

47th Squad, let's detach. Go!

I'm coming!

Please let me get down.

Keep calm. Order and discipline!

- Watch out for my calf!
- The head, please!

47th, attention!

- Everyone to the ladders!
- No!

Everyone to the fire engine radios!

To the driving school!

To the fire truck!

Hurry! Hurry!

Quickly!

Everyone
to fire extinguishing positions!

How will we get by?

Hurry!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Excuse me!

What are you doing?

- Shall we sing?
- Be calm, be calm!

Go!

- What is going on?
- I don't know. It won't start.

- Is something broken?
- No, everything is in order.

- Well?
- Only the gas is missing.

The fire fighters are coming!

Hurry!

- Quickly!
- Forward!

Water! Water!

Here nice fresh water.

Idiot! The pump water!

What are you doing?

- Let go!
- What are you doing? Come on!

Hurry up, step on it!

Go on! The house...

What're you doing with the ladder?
Go to the house! Hurry!

Help! Help! Stop with that water!

Enough! Enough!

In the house! Enough water!

Turn off the water!

Put that away!

- What do you want?
- The owner.

- That's me!
- Find safety!

- We must put out the fire!
- What fire?

There is no fire here, just smoke!

You smoke too much.
You must smoke less.

- He doesn't. The house is smoking!
- Who is she?

- My wife.
- I'll save her!

- Not her, the house!
- Don't be afraid!

Let's go inside!

Oh, God, all this smoke!

The smoke is coming from here.

I know! The chimney is "chogged".
It's "mogged".

- The chimney is clogged!
- Yes.

I'd just come back from the beach.
I wanted to grill some fish.

I lit the fire,
and this is the result!

Meanwhile, let's open the window
and let out the smoke!

Yes, hurry!

What are you doing there?

I'm trying to save her.
Mouth to mouth resuscitation!

She doesn't need it!
Put her down!

- I'll put her down.
- Poor thing! Poor thing!

- Go on, go on!
- Quiet. I think I hear something.

- A child is in the chimney.
- A child?

Let's call the chimney "de-blogged".

The chimney de-cloggers.

- It's not a child, but a cat.
- Let's call the cat removers.

The cat removers
for the clogged chimney.

Maybe some tripe is enough.

Stop talking!
The cat is on a hot tin roof!

- The cat caught its tongue.
- Curiosity killed the cat.

- But satisfaction brought it back.
- I'll kill it.

It's not the moment for
this nonsense. Let's get to work!

Brigadier Barrese,
slip inside and get the cat.

Perricone, come with me.
We'll go into action from above.

- Come on!
- Yes, sir! Let's go!

- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to save her.

- There's no need. Put her down!
- I'll put her down.

- I'm coming!
- Oh, dear! Dear!

- What is he doing?
- Come on!

Are you reading the paper?

What is going on?

- Excuse me. Did I hurt you?
- Yes.

- So much the better!
- Oh!

The cat was located.
It clogged the chimney.

Brigadier Barrese!

Brigadier Barrese, do you hear me?
Over and out!

Perricone, call me "sir"!
He is my subordinate.

Brigadier Barrese,
I'm lowering the rope.

I'll lower it slowly
so the cat won't get frightened.

Good!

- Has it arrived?
- Yes, I see it.

What happens now?

By rotating the rope up and down,
the cat clings to it

and it goes up or down. Clear?
- No.

My compliments.
You have an intelligent husband.

- Hold on tight!
- I'm coming!

Ciccio, guess who's coming to dinner.

Darn you! Always in the middle.

- Good evening.
- You again?

I forbid you to go inside.
You must not see my daughter!

We'll stay in the dark,
and save money!

I will not budge on moral principles.

We must clarify the misunderstanding.
I don't accept this madness.

- How dare you say I'm mad?
- Who said that?

- That scum tried to trick me!
- I heard you.

My deafness is a legend.
Speak here.

Franco Perricone
from Roccamarina is talking to you.

- It's a sorry situation.
- Well, if you apologize!

- Anyway, forget my daughter.
- No, Dad! Dad!

Good evening, sir.

I told you not to come here,
but you don't hear.

If anyone doesn't hear, it's him!

- Want to talk?
- Perricone!

When?

Darn firemen!
I hope they get a stroke!

They are always around here.

They'll end up catching us
making bombs,

or while we are loading.
We can't waste time.

We have to think of something
to get rid of them.

Right, Megatone?

You washed my head.

Right, Megatone!
A nice head washing.

Bravo!

The aqueduct pipe is broken
and flooded the warehouse!

A capital going to ruin!

There is a manhole in the floor.
Try to open it!

Don't worry. The specialists
are coming, the frogmen.

Go on, hurry!

Slow pokes!

- 47th Frogmen Squad ready!
- Good. The water is rising.

I'm curious about something.
Have you ever spoken on television?

- Television?
- Your white streak isn't new to me.

- Let's go!
- Save my store, please!

Don't worry, madam.
I'll dive in and come back!

Make way!

Here I come!

There is water everywhere.
Let's call a plumber.

Go on down, idiot!

I'm here.
A third degree flood.

- Let's find a way out!
- I'll take care of it.

47th Frogmen Squad, immersion!

I'll dive.

Here I am. To find a way out,
we must get to the beltway.

- Imbecile. Find the manhole!
- The manhole!

Perricone, immerge!

Brigadier Barrese, we're being
attacked by the "toy navy".

We won't stop.
We shall defeat it!

We shall destroy it!

We'll attack it from behind.

Darn ship!
You were trying to get away!

I'll shoot you!

Man at sea!

We must rescue him!
Hurry, the cart!

Let's go!

Poor thing! He fainted.
Some water to wake him up.

He's a "cellophaned" man.

Yes, sir!

- We must find the manhole.
- We'll find it.

Goodbye! If I don't come back,
it's because I didn't surface.

- What is going on?
- The manhole is too heavy.

- What'll we do now?
- Wait! I know.

We'll tie the missile K5
to the manhole and have it explode.

Brigadier Barrese,
you're a genius!

Von Braun compared to you
is a plumber!

- Immersion!
- I should say that!

Two castaway frogmen!
Pull it up!

Where are we?
We're in the middle of the ocean!

Hello? Over and out!
Do you hear me?

- They fished us.
- Do they think we're two mullets?

The soap bars are ready.
They're stronger than the others.

Good.

What a delightful smell!
Who would ever suspect?

When it comes in contact with water,
the scented exterior layer dissolves,

and boom!

The explosive nucleus
determines the massacre.

Megatone, you're fantastic!
This time you outdid yourself.

This is an experimental
mini soap bar.

Look at the effect. Watch.

Bravo, Megatone! My compliments!

I'd like to know who developed
that photograph

where I found myself married.
- I don't know.

- Why do you ask?
- It must be developed again.

- Explain that.
- I'll explain it to Caramella.

No, you won't go to Caramella.
I will stop you!

To stop me,
you'll have to stay here with me.

In that case, I'll stop you
from going to Caramella.

- I can stay out until tomorrow.
- I, until the day after.

I'll ask for a week's permit,
and won't move from here.

I will end up in trouble
with these two!

We have a quarter of an hour to load,

and they want to stay here a week!

- What do you plan on doing?
- I know!

My head hurts!

- What should we do?
- Put out the fire. Hurry!

Brigadier, let's see if you're
good enough to do your job!

- What do we do now?
- We'll create an enclosure.

- A pen to write the enclosure.
- Enclose the area!

Limit the fire
with an encircling belt!

Right! Follow instructions.

So, so, so...

Enclosure... Enclosure.

Excuse me. Do you remember
how to create an encircling belt?

I don't remember. We haven't been
active for a long time.

Consult the manual
for the perfect fire fighter.

I'll take care of it!

- Yes, sir!
- Get the manual.

Yes, sir!

- Do you have a light?
- A light?

You can't beat this!

Hurry with the pumps!

Marshal, here's the manual laborer!

- A manual, an instructions book!
- Sorry. It was a misunderstanding.

- Bomb! Get the manual.
- There isn't one.

The San Gregorio colleagues
didn't return it.

What are you doing?

Untangle those hoses!

Water. Barrese, water!

Bomb! Water!

- Still or sparkling?
- The pump, imbecile!

Darn it! The wind
is blowing the flames southward.

- We spared the woods.
- Roccamarina is towards the south!

47th Squad, hands up!

No, I mean, pumps up!

Hurry with the water!

- Turn the water on.
- Come on, slow pokes!

It's too little.

I am out of breath.

It looks like the Trevi Fountain.

There's no more water.
Every man for himself!

Where're you going?
Get back to your positions!

I'm going to safety.

What are you doing?

Perricone, come back!
Come back!

I can't. There's no steering wheel!

Help! Where is it taking me?

Save me! I'll end up in the flames!
My God!

He sacrificed.

So that is how
an unknown fire fighter,

unfearing,
with a super human courage,

risked his life among the flames!

What do you want, Daddy's love? Wait.

Citizens, excuse this moment
of uncontrolled emotion.

What do you want? Wait.

With a leap, the heroic fire fighter
jumped on a heavy tractor

and drove it among the flames,
leading it to the irrigation dam.

- What do you want?
- Dad, you're a bore!

He then brilliantly
created an opening

from which the waters flooded
the devastating fire

and saved our city!

Bravo! Bravo!

Long life to the Fire Department!

Maestro, please.

Fellow citizens, I have the pleasure
of inviting on this stand,

fire fighter Francesco Perricone!

Bravo, Perricone!

Let me embrace the hero.

Enough!

Even if he's a hero,
you won't marry a married man!

- What did she say?
- She can't marry a married man.

There's been a misunderstanding.

Here, look.

Give it to the lady!

You are the misunderstanding.
This photograph speaks clearly.

- What did she say?
- This photograph speaks clearly.

This photograph doesn't speak.
It is deaf mute.

Look at it with this one.

Give it to the lady!

What should I look at?

It's very clear!
A 1920 calendar!

- I wasn't born then. Was I?
- How do I know?

- It's a photomontage.
- I was "photomontaged"

by a rapacious hawk
who wanted to kidnap my dove.

The most beautiful,
the most pure!

The kindest. Kind!

Chicchio!

Elga!

You still call me "Chicchio".

My name is "Ciccio", with a soft "C".

- Say it.
- Yes, Chicchio.

- How are you?
- You were wicked with me.

Two years ago
when I fell in love with you,

you were a circus fireman.
You left without saying goodbye.

I was forced to.
They kicked me out

when I emptied the fire extinguisher
in the mouth of the fire-eater.

- I always thought of you.
- I thought of you too.

You see, Elga, you're too tall.
I feel like a midget next to you.

- I am not used to it.
- It's simple, Chicchio.

Put on my high heels
and I'll wear your "plat" ones.

Elga, the word is "flat", not "plat".

- "Flat"! Say it.
- Plat shoes!

I give up!

My pleasant friend!

Listen, Elga.
Would you do me a favor?

Yes, Chicchio.

- How much sugar, dear mother-in-law?
- One pack, thank you.

I'll serve you right away.

He's nice.

Is that the wind?

Tea...

Tea brings good luck.
It's like children's pee-pee.

You have the nerve to talk
about children! Scoundrel father!

My poor daughter!

- My daughter will get tuberculosis.
- Explain that.

Don't you recognize the child
I am carrying? He looks like you.

- How dare you?
- You're pretending you don't know?

- You don't know what this is?
- It must be watermelon.

- You ate it and didn't digest it.
- Listen to this scoundrel!

When I came to Italy
I could only say "ja".

He asked, and I would say "ja",
and I found myself with this tummy!

Tummy? How dare you?
I've never seen you!

Don't insist. You're not even
my size. I am shorter.

- You don't remember Elga?
- Of course.

She's that woman who has
children in cinemascope.

- I'm Elga, you're my child's father.
- It's ridiculous. You believe it?

Caramella, I don't know her!

How can you think I could
exchange you with this giant?

Oh, really?
Is this a photomontage too?

- Take this too!
- What happens?

Your daughter's fiancée
is expecting a child.

- Congratulations!
- Congratulations?

I am pure, honest!
I have loved only you!

Miss Volkswagen, do you want
to create a hell in my home?

Will you please leave?

Does he look like me?

That darn woman ran away!

I know this child's father.
Permaflex.

If I catch him...

I'll kill him.

- What are you doing?
- I'm here to receive a phone call.

- You were counting on your fingers.
- Yes. I was doing a statistic.

- It's not a good idea.
- You must refer to your superiors

You may be right,
but I must arouse a doubt.

Do you believe, as I do, in jinxes?

Be quiet! Be quiet! Please.

Marshal, fireman Francesco
Perricone, the tractor hero,

brings bad luck!
- No!

- Yes.
- Him?

Him!

What are you saying?

Since he was transferred here,
we intervened three times.

The cat in the chimney,
the warehouse flood,

and the most serious event,
the fire in the woods!

Just think.
Nothing had ever happened before.

In fact!

Good evening, Marshal.
Did you call for me?

What's the weather like outside?

A magnificent evening full of stars,
with a full moon.

Did you hear?
He says the weather is nice!

- It's raining!
- Must be a passing cloud.

I feel ill. I feel ill...

- Come sit down.
- I feel ill...

Sit down.

Don't touch me.
Back up, Satan.

Consider yourself a prisoner
until further orders!

My fiancée invited me!

You can forget her until the order
of your transfer arrives!

- What transfer?
- Make out the request.

I'll make it out right away.
I need some...

You must write out the request.

Here's the pen.

- What are you doing?
- I'll dry it right away.

Consider yourself in confinement
until a train takes you away,

far from Roccamarina!
- Yes, sir.

If the train doesn't derail.

He was to be here at 8.

It's useless. Being on time is a virtue
of punctual men!

- Don't interrupt me when I speak!
- Who is speaking?

- This is lack of respect for me.
- He must have run into a problem.

I'm glad about that!

You're making her cry again.
She's become all skin and bones!

What are you saying?

My poor child!

Good night.

While Franco sleeps, Ciccio works.
Have a good nap.

Mom, Dad...

They said that Franco isn't
a Roccamarina firemen anymore.

When is he coming?
Tomorrow morning?

I told you he is never on time.

I don't understand...

Don't do that, Mama's love.

You'll get tuberculosis...
She'll die over this!

My poor child! Mama's beauty!

Mama's beauty.

- You're here?
- Yes, me.

Brigadier Barrese,
the man who loves you.

Go away, liar!

It's true. I am a liar.

First with the falsified photo,
then with the fake unwed mother.

I did it for you, because I love you.
You must not marry that idiot!

Go away. My father will kill
both of us. All three of us!

- You're here? You're in confinement.
- You are a scoundrel!

- You must address me as "sir"!
- You are a scoundrel, sir!

What is going on?
Open, Caramella!

- Caramella, open!
- Open!

My father!

- Oh, God, she fainted!
- Open!

It's nothing.
Thieves broke in.

I said to them,
"Tomorrow. Today isn't possible."

- Anna, get the rifle. Run!
- Right away!

- What did he say?
- Not the rifle!

- I'm running!
- He'll kill us!

Here. Take the rifle.
Open up for Mommy! Open!

Where are they? Darn them!

I will kill them!

I ran into the curtain.

It's dark! There's a candle here.

I hope he doesn't
look for us in here.

- Are you wearing perfume?
- No.

It's the soap bars.

I didn't know Cucurucù
made soap bars.

Very perfumed! I'll keep it
because it smells like a rose.

- Put that soap bar down.
- Right away.

- The coast is clear. Let's go!
- Let's go.

It doesn't matter.
Some other time.

- Why're you wearing boots?
- My head is cold.

- Did you sleep with a woman?
- No. I'm confined by myself.

- I wanted to say...
- Don't touch me!

Who is touching you?

It's the soap bar that smells nice.

Yes. It smells like a loose woman.

I wanted to say
that I was wrongly confined.

Later!
Now... I am going to take a bath.

Go on. Is the soap bar
in confinement too?

That white streak is not new to me.
It reminds me of someone.

Torquato Tasso? Dante Alighieri?
Alighiero Noschese?

He even swiped the soap bar.
So much the better, I won't wash.

You wanted to kill me for
the punishment I inflicted on you?

I'll report you for very premeditated
attempted murder.

No, for attempted murder
caused by an explosive soap bar,

and in critical condition.
- Be quiet.

The more I look at you, the worse
I feel! I feel like I'm dying...

"I'm dying! I'm dying!"

- Now I remember the white streak!
- What?

Like Aldo Moro.

Marshal, the here present
Perricone Franco

is innocent of any guilt.
- Thank you!

So, in making out the report,

you'll say that I was joking!

The soap bars that closed your eye,
opened my two eyes up.

I found out who builds the bombs
for the illegal fishermen.

- This calls for caution.
- Who is Caution?

- Speak only when you're questioned!
- Yes, sir.

To destroy the soap bars, Cucurucù

would have the building explode.
- The whole building.

My fiancée lives in that building!

- We must save her!
- A good observation.

- And so?
- And so?

- And so? I have it!
- He has it!

- He has it!
- Listen.

The marshal's foot!

Go on!

Hey! Are you sleeping?

Water! Water!

May fatso die
with all the soap bars!

- Mission accomplished!
- I will go make sure...

What are you doing?
Cucurucù is the barber.

- Let's follow him!
- I'll get in first.

Watch out for my neck!
You're climbing on top of me!

Let's hurry!

- Just a moment...
- Come down.

The amusement park!

He's not here.

Where can he be?

What a strange tree!
Instead of leaves falling, hams fall.

The rooster again!
Cucurucù, that scum went up!

You're up there, you scoundrel!

We'll get him!

I'll take care of it.
Come down, hippopotamus!

Help me. Hurry!

What happened?

Don't throw it!

A mozzarella in my eye!

- Come, you scums!
- A salami!

- Come up!
- Some baloney!

- Are you falling?
- You're not?

Wait. I'll take care of it.

What are you doing?
Running away?

You'll pay for having stuck
your nose in my business!

You are a scoundrel!

This time you won't get away!
They call me "ham hand"!

Defend yourself, coward!

You won't catch me,
even if I'm shorter!

It's useless! Take this!

You won't get away with it!

Darn you! Darn you!

I'm falling!

Did you fall too, Ciccio?

There he is!

Don't try to run away.
You're surrounded!

You're done for!

- Telegram!
- What telegram?

- Let's follow him!
- Right away!

Chicchio, what happened?

Move away, Elga.
It's a matter of life or death.

We'll enter and get everything.
It's a child's game.

- We've done it often. It's easy.
- See you in front of the store.

The bicycle!

Come, hurry!

I have an idea.

We made it, right under his nose!
Ciccio, your idea...

- Perricone, call me "sir"!
- Even in the air?

Your idea was marvelous, sir,
but how will we get down?

- Let's get rid of some balloons.
- How?

He has a rifle!
Don't shoot! Murderer!

It's not right!
We don't have a parachute!

He is popping all the balloons.
My gosh!

Help us! Save us!

Get him!

Take him away!

Bravo! Bravo, Elga!

47th Balloon Squad.
Release the balloons!

I'm coming!

What are you doing here?

Excuse me, Caramella.
We were passing by.

Caramella, call louder!

Degenerate daughter!
Two men alone in your room!

Dad, they fell from the sky!

Yes. I was the first to violate
her bedroom,

and will be the first to marry her.

Are you happy to take this man
as your legal spouse?

Yes!

- One moment! What about me?
- I am here for you, Chicchio.

Elga, my name is Ciccio
with a soft "C".

Yes, Chicchio. Give me a kiss.

Brigadier, she is head
over heels in love.

- You can call me by my first name.
- We are cousins.

Congratulations! Congratulations!

These things happen!

Boys, a fire broke out at
the fire department! Let's go!

- Should I come too?
- No, not you!

- Why not?
- Just because!

Franco and Ciccio are in love,
caught by a lasso.

With their brides and relatives,
they are very happy.

But we will never forget
the troublemaker squad.

And surely within the year,
we'll go back to being firemen!