I.Q. (1994) - full transcript

No, no.

First, you should find out

what is the essential nature
of the universe.

Is the universe
an inherently irrational place

random and chaotic?

Chipmunk, your spoon.

Oh.

Your spoon...
it's on the floor.

Oh!

Are you ready to order?

Uh, yes, I think.



The usual, please.

No. I'll have a cup of coffee
and a corn muffin, please.

Ow!

Darling, that is your usual.

Oh.

Well, I'll have that then.

Okay.

Thank you.

-Aha!
-What?

It loses 11,000 molecules
per square centimetre

per second.

What does?

The comet.

Now...



which one of these
do you like best?

Is this a personality test?

Mm, it's a sort of surprise.

They're all the same.

What? No, no. Look. That's aquamarine.

That's blue-green, and that's algae.

Well, you know
at the atomic level

there's no such thing as colour.

Though they did do that study
in Belgium that time...

or was it Denmark?

Babbling.

Anyway, babbling.

Anyway, the point was that...

What was the point?

Oh, that since protons
are so much smaller

than light waves...

Algae.

Thank you.

Since protons are so much
smaller than light waves

how could they ever see it
to begin with?

Oh, those Danes.

Or is there a fundamental order
underlying all things?

Hey, Captain Marvel?

Shazam?

Oh, thanks.

I was just reading
about Boyd's comet.

Boyd's what?

Comet? Like in the sky?

They say it's going
to be here soon.

We're going to be able
to see it.

You know why a comet's tail

always points away from the sun?

No.

Want to know?

-No.
-No.

'Cause it's actually
not a tail at all.

It's, it's bits of gas
that the sun lights up.

We earthlings will try
to keep that in mind.

Kind of like a 500-mile
long Jersey torch.

Wow.

It must be true.

The fact remains

that certain events
are strictly accidental.

What fact?

Oh!

Oh, my, look at the time.

No problem.

Oh!

It's because it's spring.

Everything goes through upheaval

in the spring, wouldn't you say?

Come on, you little bitch.

Sounds like business.

M.G.T.F. Roadster.

Austin-Healey.

Cadillac coupe.

Buck.

You're on.

Blown intake valve.

Cracked distributor cap.

Busted muffler.

Are we all victims

of some comic cosmic accident,

or is there a grand design?

Oh, what luck.

T.C. Roadster.

That's a T.F.

A couple of college swells.

You handle them, Ed.

Hi, what seems
to be the problem?

Um, uh...

Do you have anyone here

who knows how to deal
with British automobiles?

I really don't want anyone

just poking around in there
with a sharp stick.

Would it be all right
if I looked under the bonnet?

Well, at least
he called it a bonnet.

Ah...

so, that's the engine, huh?

Um, look, I think,
perhaps we ought

to go somewhere else, do you?

Intake valve, I'm tellin' ya.

Busted muffler.

-Intake valve.
-Busted muffler.

That's your problem right there.

What?

You got no spark.

What?

You have no spark.

Yes, I heard him, Catherine.
So, I mean...

What do you think it means?
Is it the generator?

The coil? What?

Well, it's hard to say.

You see, you have a Lucas
type four generator

on a 12-volt system,
and you know the British.

They'd rather spend time
gluing wood on a dashboard

than getting
the electrical system right.

Fascinating, but what is wrong
with the car?

Well, my guess is
your stroke is too short

and you're getting
premature ignition.

Does it ever feel that way?

Like what?

Like the stroke is too short

and you're getting
premature ignition?

Well, I'm sure I don't
know what you mean.

Could you just fix it at least
temporarily, do you think?

I mean, we're really running
behind schedule here.

I'll check with my boss.

Don't go away.

He seems nice enough.

He, he's a troglodyte.

Intake valve, right?

Busted muffler?

I'm going to marry her.

-Who? The dame?
-Yeah.

Wow, that was fast.

What about the car?

Cracked distributor cap.
You wouldn't believe it.

I looked at her, she
looked at me and it was...

it happened. You could feel it.

It was like death,
but in a good way.

He's going screwy.

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
It was electric.

And then, then I kissed her.

You kissed a customer? When?

In the future.

It was weird. It was like
time and space got all

mixed up and...

it was like a Martian mind-meld.

He's cracking up.

All right, look, I
want you to stay away

from the magazines.
That's an order.

No, you don't understand.
It was, it was, okay...

the past, the present,
and the future

they all went together.

I had kids with her.
I could see the kids.

I had two boys
and three... no.

Three boys, two boys and three...
no.

Excuse me?

How long will all this take?

Well, that's up to you.

It is?

The car, you nut.

Um, I, uh...

the car, a few days.

That long?

I'm going to have to give it
my full attention.

Well, in that case,
I better call a phone.

Do you mind if I use your cab?

There's a cab in the office.

Ja, but the uncertainty
principle postulates

a universe of chaos

where everything happens
merely by chance.

Oh, thank you.

What's going on?

We're gonna take care of it.

Hello? I need a taxi.

Uh, Catherine Boyd.

B-O-Y-D.

What? Oh.

What's the address here?

130 Broad.

130 Broad.

The first stop
is the Silas Paine Institute

then I'm going on to 112 Mercer.

Is that your address?

112 Mercer.

Two minutes! Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, huh!

Well...

it was Belgium.

It was? What was?

Mm-hmm. The study.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

James, the taxi will be here
in two minutes.

Oh, well done, darling.

We'll meet him on the corner.

Belgium.

Well, thank you.

-Two days, isn't it?
-We'll call you.

I, for one, will never believe

that God plays dice
with the universe.

We're wasting time.
Come on, serve already.

That's ridiculous.

How can you waste something
that doesn't exist?

What, time doesn't exist?

Since when?

I wouldn't know.

If time doesn't exist,
then there is no 'when.'

You hear, Liebitzrecht?

Another... another crazy theory.

Then tell me
the correct time now, huh?

You see? You can't, because
as you're telling me

the future has already
become the past.

Therefore, there is no present.

Therefore, time doesn't exist!

Oops!

Now your racket doesn't exist.

Oh.

Yes?

You're Albert Einstein.

Thank you.

Wow.

May I say what a great fan
I am of yours?

Thank you.

That thing you wrote

about light being bent
by gravitation

and the whole relativity thing?

Man, that is... jiving.

I'm still trying
to figure it out.

Me, too.

Uh, can I help you, Mr...?

Walters, Ed Walters.

Hi. Um...

actually, I was looking
for a Catherine Boyd.

I must have the wrong address.

I'm sorry to bother you, sir.

Oh, Catherine's my niece.

She's your niece?

She's your niece?

I can't have a niece?

Well, that would
make you her uncle.

It works nicely, doesn't it?

Wow!

Well, you see, I found this...

watch of hers at my garage,
and, uh...

Oh, thank you.

I'll see that she gets it.

Actually, I was hoping
to return it to her personally.

Why?

Let's just say

it would be beneficial
to her future.

Perhaps you better come in,
Mr. Walters.

Ah,

Mr. Walters, may I
present Boris Podolsky

Kurt Godel,
Nathan Liebitzrecht...

three of the greatest minds
of the 20th century

and amongst them,
they can't change a light bulb.

Edward, is it?

Yes.

Edward has come to pay
a call on Catherine.

Oh, really.

That's nice. Very nice.

I could fix this for you.

Oh, very nice.

Very nice. Thank you very much.

Oh, that's my compass.

This is what got me started
in my work.

So, young man,

do you think time exists?

Time?

I was just reading about it

in Future Science magazine.

Tell us.

There are these twins,
and one takes a journey

in a spacecraft
at the speed of light

and the other one
stays on Earth.

Well, the twin that travels into
space comes back years later,

and he's young.

And the one who stayed on Earth,

by this time, is very old.

So, so, which one
do you think is happier?

The young one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No. The one that stayed behind.

Why?

Because he's had a full life

and he's had experiences
and love and pain

and he has a family and friends.

And the one who left,

well, time has just passed.

Yeah.

This is good, no?

Tell us, what is
your field of expertise?

My job?

I'm a...
I'm an auto mechanic.

See the U.S.A.
In your Chevrolet, ja?

Edward, what do you know
about gravity?

Gravity?

Yeah.

We have a little
gravity problem.

Please be careful, Edward.

-Take it easy.
-Yeah. Yeah!

So, what do you think
of our Catherine, Mr. Walters?

I think she's wonderful.

Wonderful to the power of three.

What power of three?
To the power of ten!

We all love her.

She's engaged, you know.

Yeah, I know. I saw the ring.

He's a professor
of experimental psychology,

James, uh...

-Morland.
-The rat man.

You know what he does?

He puts electrodes
on the genitals of the rats.

Some day, I do that to him.

Ah, we threw the racket up
to get the birdie.

We threw Godel's cane up there
to get the racket.

I threw Podolsky's golf club
up there to get even with him.

We're going to throw Godel
up there next.

Yeah.

It's a vicious tree.

Edward,

Edward, what makes you think

that she would be better off
with you?

I don't know. Just a feeling.

A feeling?

What kind of feeling?

This is going to sound crazy.

That's all right.
You can tell us.

We are all a little crazy here.

Well, when she came
in the garage...

it was like everything
slowed down,

and got very clear.

It's like when you're
milling a camshaft

or grinding down the curve
on a fender.

A-A-And as you're doing it,

you just know everything is
going to work out perfect.

Everything's going to fit.

You know?

You ever have that feeling?

Yeah, one time in 1905.

Watch out.
Watch out now!

Mr. Walters,
are you all right?

That gravity...
it's a killer.

Mr. Bamberger, I don't know
what it is you think I can do.

I'm finishing my thesis.

I do some administrative work
for my Uncle Albert...

But he adores you. They all do.
They'll listen to you.

No, no, no, sit here.

Get the full effect.

Please.

Catherine, I know I funded
the Institute for Advanced Study

as a place for pure thought...

but... but...
the symposium next week...

it's our last chance.

My accountants are all over me.

Sit a little closer.

Tell your uncle
we need something...

a new invention
for New Jersey...

something that can be...

bought here, something
that can be made here

something that can be
launched from here.

It's important
for the institute.

Stereo hi-fidelity.

Spike Jones!

Move a little closer.

It sounds like he's right here

like you could reach out
and touch him.

Or slap him.

You were attracted to the earth

at 32 feet per second
per second.

I believe it.

Ah, such a beautiful day.

Come, we'll find Catherine

and you'll give her the watch.

Look at this.

You know...

when I was a patent
clerk in Switzerland

I used to wonder what the
universe would look like

if I was travelling at
the speed of light...

on a motorcycle.

Hello, professor Einstein!

How you doing, doc?

Good. Very good.

I always wanted a convertible.

Wahoo!

What?

Faster.

Faster.

Okay, hang on, doc.

Wahoo!

Please...

Help... help!

James...

Ah, professor.

I was looking for Catherine.
Is she here?

No. No, but I'm glad
you've come anyway.

Dr. Morland!

-I'm not going to do your test anymore!
-Shouldn't somebody help this guy?

Oh, he's all right.

It's a time deprivation
experiment.

Go on. Have a look.

This is right out
of Martians Ate My Brain.

Have you ever read that story?

Don't I know you?

This is my friend Edward.

We're working
on something together.

Really? What?

Attraction at a distance.

Well... shall we, uh...
go and have a look at the, uh...

and, uh, please, don't touch
anything, will you?

Let me show you the mouse
I was talking about.

He's just around here.

Now, the mouse has learned
that the red lever will give him

an electrical stimulus
in the brain

that's something akin
to sexual climax

and the blue lever
will dispense him food.

Now, this one here
hasn't eaten for three days.

There.

Now, why would he do that?

Uh... excuse me
a moment, will you?

Gretchen, would you, um...

This is curious.

That fellow in the booth
calmed down so quickly.

Yes. Funny, huh?

Where's your watch?

Huh?

You were wearing a wristwatch.

Well, I figured
since time doesn't exist...

who needs a watch?

That was ausgezeichnet.
Thank you very much.

You're very welcome.

Next time I bring
my goggles, ja?

All right, doc.

Ah, Catherine...

Hi.

The garage.

He's quite a guy, your uncle.

Yes, he... he...
Do you know him?

I get around.

Did you take him on that thing?

Uh-huh.

You took Albert Einstein
for a ride on a motorcycle?

Uh-huh.

-Well, don't ever do that again.
-Why not?

Because he could've been killed.

He loved it. He went 'wahoo.'

Wahoo?

When was the last time
he went 'wahoo'?

Well, I'm sure I don't know.

When was the last time
you went 'wahoo'?

Well, I'm sure I don't know.

Want a... want a lift?

On that?

No.

No.

No.

Come on, what could happen?

So you die a little.

Hey, help me out, will you?

I'm a little nervous.

Oh, really? Why?

I'm trying to figure
out the best way

to ask you to dinner.

Uh... mister...

Walters. Ed.

Right.

I'm sure you're
a very nice person

and I'm happy to know
that my future automotive safety

is in your large,

very capable hands

but I-I really should
be going that way so...

good-bye.

Well, then dinner's
out of the question.

Yeah.

So I should give you this.

You found it.

You left it.

You fixed it.

I polished it.

Thank you.

And I tightened the screws.

I can feel that.

It's very pretty.

It was my father's. I
thought I'd lost it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Um... I'm sorry
if I was abrupt before.

No problem.

What?

Astonishing.

An unmistakable
chemical reaction.

What?

What?

Marlon Brando.

Maybe not.

So, James?

Yes?

Where is it to be?

Where is what to be, Duncan?

The honeymoon, man,
the honeymoon.

What have you two
love birds decided on?

Uh, well, we haven't really
discussed it much.

Um, though I was thinking
the Ituri forest

in the Belgian Congo.

The Ituri forest.
Excellent.

There's a pygmy village
near the Embouti settlement.

You know it, don't you, Duncan?

Yes, it's fascinating.

Sort of a complete pygmy package
if you'd like.

There's hospitality heart,
wild boar roast

you wash in the river,
tribal rituals...

that sort of a thing.

It's like being one
of the tribe, really.

It's the opportunity
of a lifetime.

I like it.

I was thinking
more along the lines

of a million kisses
on your skin.

I beg your pardon, chipmunk?

On Maui they have
these natural slides

formed from these volcanic
eruptions of obsidian

and you go climbing up

and then you go sliding
down a hundred feet

into what they call
the Seven Sacred Pools.

And the water is so aerated

that it feels like
a million kisses on your skin

or like an enormous tongue
just licking your entire body.

Dean, do you remember

we were talking
about the funding?

Obsidian slides
and great licking tongues?

My god, he's the head
of the whole department.

-James?
-Hmm?

How would you like a million
kisses on your skin?

What?

What if we have our own
primitive ritual right here.

Have you gone mad?
What are you doing?

You don't love me.

What, because I won't make love
to you in the middle

of some dinner party?

Catherine, how can you say
such a thing?

You know I love you
more than anything.

You're my little
munchkin, aren't you?

I don't know, James.
Am I?

But of course you are.

My little munchy munchkin.

Look, I wasn't going to
tell you this till later

but you remember that surprise
I told you about?

No.

The cards.
The colour cards.

Yes.

Well, when we come home
from our honeymoon

we're going to have
a home to come home to.

In Stanford.

Oh...

Full professor. Department
of Applied Psychology.

And it comes with its own
little munchkin nest.

And you already
picked out the colour.

Algae.

This is a colour?

And there'll be plenty
of room for the children.

Children...

James says that spacing them
three and a half years apart

is optimal for their
mental development.

But what about your
mental development?

What?

Your research.

I don't know.

Sometimes I wonder
if I wouldn't be a better mother

than a mechanic...
mathematician.

Catherine...

when your father asked me
to care for you

I tried to tell him
that the things I know

are not very useful
in the real world.

And that's why I'm so lucky
that I have James.

We have common goals
and interests.

He's brilliant,
organized, a planner.

I find him very stimulating.

Intellectually.

Yeah, but what about love,
Catherine?

What?

I said when does this
all happen...

this wonderful, organized life?

In September. They say
Stanford is beautiful.

That's what they say.

This is the happiest day
of my entire life.

Don't worry, liebchen.

It will work out.

I promise.

I'm crazy about this song.

Get him.

What are you, Podolsky,
a hep cat?

No. I'm an American.

Oh... so what is it,
Mr. Hep cat American?

I know. It's a... it's a...

Look out!

Learn to drive, for God's sake!

They should make
people pass a test

before they let them drive!

You had to pass a test.

How else could you
get a license?

A license?

It's 'tutti frutti' or hutti?

Quiet!

What is wrong
with you today, Albert?

Eh!

Catherine...

she should be having more fun.

What she needs is a young man.

She should go out, go dancing...

A little schtupping.

Come on.

Nathan, please.

She thinks schtupping
is a town in Bavaria.

Where are you taking us, Albert?

Well, boys, how would you like
to have a convertible?

-Excellent!
-Excellent.

Phew!

Perfect.

Oh, beautiful.

Sir?

It's very nice upholstery.

You're Albert Einstein.

E = mc squared.

I hope so.

Tell me, this comes
from the factory like this?

Oh, no, no.
It's all custom.

I can't believe it...
in my garage.

This is a real honour.

Frankie, this is
Professor Einstein,

the smartest person
in the world.

How they hanging?

Edward!

Hey, doc.

Edward.

There it is.

What do you think?

Is it possible?

Sure. Anything's possible.

He wants to turn
that into this...

Convertible.

No problem. You
were talking about

the full treatment, Professor?

Ja, ja.
The whole ball of wax.

Podolsky, stop that.

Okay, so we chop the top,

do a modified nose and deck...

Fill and block.

French tuck and roll
on the inside.

Dago the front?

Just a touch.

Quad barrels for the mill.

A master kit.

Hot coil.

Stinger exhaust.

High nickel chrome.

Sound good?

Like Mozart.

You know, I recall
here some place

is an ice cream parlour.
Come, we get a scoop.

Doc, actually, it's this way.

-Oh yeah.
-Is it all right?

Yeah, go, go.

Thank you very much.

-Sure.
-Sure.

When I first arrived
here in 1933,

I went and bought one
of these triple scoops.

What flavour?

Peppermint.

You see?

This is a good question.

'What flavour?'

Simple, specific,
and it has an answer.

You read a lot
of science fiction.

Tell me, do you think
they'll ever find

intelligent life anywhere
in the universe?

They're still looking for
intelligent life here on Earth.

You know, Catherine...
she's a brilliant mathematician

but she lacks confidence.

She thinks her contribution
to the world

will be through her children.

She has this crazy idea

that if she marries
an intellectual

she will have genius children
or something like that.

Catherine...
she's too smart for that.

Oh, she's too smart here.

But not here.

What she needs is to go out
with someone like you.

The problem is

she would never go out
with someone like you.

That's easy. Just lend me your
brain for a couple of days.

What?

Are you thinking
what I am thinking?

What would be the odds
of that happening?

It's still not right.

What?

He doesn't look
like a scientist.

So, what's the plan again, doc?

Here, try this.

The plan is we talk science.

We have something to eat.

We drink some schnapps.

And we talk about life.

I think it's too fashionable.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Here.

Here... take some.
There's a coat.

Wait, wait.

Nathan, your cardigan.

What do I do
if she asks me a question?

Ah.

She asks you a question...

here... you pretend
to smoke a pipe.

And then you say,

'Interesting concept.'

Don't worry. We'll
change the subject.

Change the subject?

You know, like in football.

We'll run interference.

And now...

this is a tie.

Here... this will
hold up your pants.

Good, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He looks like a French
impressionist.

Yeah, yeah.

the nuclear configuration

is given by
the expectation value

of the nuclear Hamiltonian,
in a state with 'M' neutrons...

Yeah. Yeah.

Will occur if the energy
of the fuse state is lower

than the energy of...

Our task is to see
if the dynamics dictated

by the interaction Hamiltonian

generates a sufficiently
rapid reaction

to make cold fusion-powered
engines feasible.

-Good.
-Uh-uh. Mm-hm.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, liebchen.

So, we have here
E over C squared.

It's E squared. Minus
E squared over B...

-Yeah!
-minus V of X.

Uh, what's going on?

It seems our friend Edward here

has been holding out on us.

In addition to being
a very fine automotive mechanic

he is also in physics
something of a wunderkind.

-A wunderkind!
-Amazing!

A wunderkind.

I... I had this idea.

I ran it by the doc
and we worked on it together

and everybody thought
it wasn't so bad.

So! 'It wasn't so bad.'
It was astonishing.

Very innovative.

Well, do I get to hear
what it is?

I figured out how to build

a nuclear-powered
spacecraft engine, I think.

A fusion engine.

A what?

The process
that fuels the stars.

We're going to put it
in a bottle.

Cold fusion.

It's mind-boggling.

He's a mechanic.

I was a clerk
in a patent office.

Faraday was a carpenter.

Isaac Newton was an
insurance salesman.

Fusion.

Fusion.

Really?
Well, what are you wearing?

What difference does it make
what he is wearing?

A nuclear-powered spacecraft.

Well, that's perfect
for New Jersey.

New Jersey?

The symposium.

I don't suppose you
have a paper on this.

Paper?

No, no, you see,
there are certain details...

We must check the spelling.

We could have it ready.

-You could?
-Yeah. Sure.

-Couldn't we?
-Ja, we could.

When is the symposium?

April 1.

Five days.

That's not a problem.

Oh, this is great!

Bamberger will be thrilled.

I am very grateful.

This is so...
huge, really.

Isaac Newton was not
an insurance salesman.

W-what?

Boys, our little experiment

has just jumped
to a higher energy level.

Over X...

minus Y to the X + Y...

Minus Y to the X...

What language is that, Martian?

Wait, wait a minute, wait.

You're not changing anything,
are you?

No.

Well, what's all that?

Nothing.

All right, grab your scalpel.

Let's operate.

I don't believe it!

Einstein's car!

We do this right, Eddie boy,

we're going to have
a whole new clientele!

Whoo!

Welcome to the first
international physics symposium

designed to bring together
the very best minds.

It's time, Edward.

Now, this is the largest
gathering of the scientific...

I can't do this.

Why? Because you're sick
with fear and anxiety?

99% Of the world

wakes up like this
every morning.

Every morning.

Every morning.

Edward, just remember

why you are doing this.

Many of the mysteries
that we, until now, only...

She's not even here.

You know, I means, it's not
as if he's even ever shown

any signs of normal
intelligence.

Think of that...
nuclear fusion.

I suppose these things happen.

Idiot savant... you know,

a mental patient
plays perfect chess

a nine-year-old from Alabama

suddenly starts speaking
in iambic pentameter.

James, it's packed!

To open our program here,
delivering his paper

entitled 'Cold Fusion-Powered
Exploration Paradigms'

is our very own Edward Walters.

Edward Walters.

Dr. Walters?

Dr. Walters?

Doctor...?

Are you all right,
Dr. Walters?

Ed.

Ed?

Ed.

No, no

it's P squared over N,
not N squared over P.

She's not even here.

If she marries a genius,
she'll have genius children.

Do something.

I am doing something,
but it's not helpful.

Or pleasant.

A nuclear-powered spacecraft.

Distinguished colleagues...

honoured guests...

Edward, just remember

why you are doing this.

Any journey in life...

if not done for human reasons,
with understanding and love...

This is not the paper we wrote.

Shh! Listen.

would be a very empty
and lonely one.

And look.

Something worth remembering,

since nuclear-powered
spacecraft may soon

make the ancient
dream of travelling

to the edge of the
universe and back...

a reality.

The source of that power

is the very source
that fuels the stars themselves

and, in doing so

fuels our imagination
and our dreams.

Let us suppose

that V of X
is the standard barrier

of penetration potential

and that size... and nuclear...
function...

then, as usual,

minus I-H-R-D sine D-T equals

minus D squared

psi D-X squared

plus V of X.

What a circus!

As if the scientific analysis
wasn't mind-numbing enough

what was all that mush
about the human heart?

You didn't understand that
because you're not a physicist.

Yeah, well,
let's remember, darling,

neither was he until recently.

Did you notice he still had
grease under his fingernails?

Edward, congratulations.

To genius.

To fusion.

To the heart.

-Ah!
-Ah!

Ah, oh, so you never
went to college.

I barely finished high school.

I was always taking
apart some car.

And yet, you have
such an amazing grasp of theory.

Do you know, I believe that
you used Debrawley's formula

for the length
of the pilot wave.

Of course he did. It was
a brilliant stroke.

I couldn't have done without it.

Oh! I forgot that.
Wait a minute.

Could you, could you remind me?

Um...

Yeah. Um, sure.

Uh...

X

equals...

one

plus, uh...

W...

X equals one plus W

cubed...

in...

over pi.

Right, right. Can
you invert that?

Where is he?

Where is that beautiful boy?

Rocket ships.

-Zoom!
-Zoom!

Home run, Catherine, home run!

Thank you, sir.

Ed Walters, may I present
Louis Bamberger?

If you had a nickel
for every nickel he has,

you would have a lot of nickels.

An honour and a pleasure, sir.

New Jersey...

leader in intergalactic
rocket exploration.

How does that sound
for a license plate?

Long.

Huh? Oh... sense of humour.

I love this boy.

May I steal my niece
for one minute, please?

Uh, well, actually,
we were just about to leave.

Just for one moment, please.
I need some air.

-Well?
-James, how is the rat business?

Um, well, it's really students

that I'm experimenting on now.

My god, the mazes
must be enormous.

Green, black, red.

Look at that.

It's like having
four pens in one.

What an exciting time
to be alive.

Louis, we need to have a talk.

This is going to be something
I understand, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

I don't understand
what you say to me.

Yes, but you see...

Oh, that's better.

Look, Catherine.

Look at the stars,
look at the sky,

look at...

Edward.

We were just talking
about the stars.

Ah... well,
enough breathing.

Wow.

What a night.

I haven't seen a sky like
this since I was a kid.

That's stargazers' field.

How many stars
do you think are up there?

Hmm.

Um, ten to the
twelfth, plus one.

Ah, you don't have to say that.

No, really, everybody
is quite impressed.

Do you know why a comet's tail

always points away from the sun?

Yes.

Me, too.

My grandma used to tell me that

stars are where a woodpecker
pecked holes in the sky.

She wasn't that
scientifically minded.

When my father looked at the sky

he didn't really see stars.

He said he saw

great seas of fire
and nuclear furnaces.

He said it was like
a very violent ballet

only it was too small
for anyone to see.

What is keeping James?

I don't know.

He discovered a comet.

James discovered a...?

No. My father. They
named it after him.

-Boyd's comet.
-Mm-hmm.

Oh, my god, that's you.
That's your father.

Mm-hmm.

I-I was just reading
about that in the...

Oh, you've read his works?

Well, some of them.
There are so many.

Three.

Three? Really? There...
it seemed like more.

They're all so action-packed.

Action-packed?

What is he saying?

He's coming back.

James?

No. Uh, my father.

You know, just before he died

he promised
that when the comet came back

he'd be riding on it.

Right, uh...

right there.

I think it's there,
just below Cassiopeia.

Ah, you're right.

He said he'd be riding on it

looking down
to make sure I was okay.

So, how are you? Are you okay?

Catherine?

Catherine!

The rat man cometh.

I...

Catherine?

Somebody call a doctor.

Albert, say something.

I just had too many knerdlers
for lunch.

I need my pills.

Catherine, you know
where they are?

At home.

Edward, you drive me.

Yes, all right,
you-you drive him home.

I'll collect your
things, Catherine,

and I'll see you at the Cafe
Day Cup later for coffee.

Yes. Yes.

Yes?

Albert, you want us
to come with you?

No, no.

Watch out.

Good-bye, please.

Let's go.
Let's go.

Wait a minute.

How do we get home?

Good question.

Oh...

it's a lovely night.

We walk.

Oh, look, I found my pills.

Now...

maybe we can catch some
of this in a glass.

Should get you out of this.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Over there.

That cafe, Edward.

It's a very bad
Albert Einstein joke.

Maleva was his first wife.
She divorced him.

Yeah, I lived too much here
and not enough here.

She have children?

Two boys.

Hans Albert.

His mother named him
while I was out of town.

And Edward.

Yes?

No. Edward was the name
of the other boy.

Oh.

Well, you must have lived
here at least twice.

Edward...

how did you first think
of atomic fuel?

Well, it just sort of hit me.

Boom.

-Boom.
-Boom.

Was it a Kessler boom
or an accident?

Because Kessler believes
that accidental discoveries

are not accidents at all.

That people have moments
of insight and intuition

that they're prepared for
by their experience

to recognize them
for what they are.

Babbling.

Babbling?

No, you're not babbling.

If I had a mind like yours,

I wouldn't stop talking.

I think it's letting up.

I think she wants to leave.

She doesn't know what she wants.

Still raining.

Still raining.

I think your uncle wants us...
to dance.

Oh, now,

don't be irrelevant, Ed.

You can't get
from there to here.

Why not?

Now, don't tell me that a
famous and brilliant scientist

such as yourself doesn't
know about Zeno's paradox.

Remind me.

You can't get from there to here

because you always have to cover
half the remaining distance.

Like, from me to you,
I have to cover half of it.

But, see? I still have half
of that remaining, so...

I cover half that and, um...

there's still half of that
left so I cover half of that

and, uh... half of that

and half of that
and half of that.

And since there are
infinite halves left...

can't ever get there.

So how did that happen?

I don't know.

It's not possible.

James.

No. Ed.

James. I was supposed
to meet him.

Oh, oh.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Shall we go again?

So we have particle
'C'...Catherine...

in orbit around
particle 'J'...James...

powerize particle
'E'...Edward...

follows 'C',
becomes a new entity.

'C' plus 'E'

which causes 'J'
to disintegrate.

If I could take you up
in paradise above.

If you would tell me
I'm the only one that you love.

Life could be a dream,
sweetheart.

'Edward Walters,
a local garage mechanic

'and amateur physicist
dropped a bombshell

'on the international
physics symposium

'with the announcement

'of a formula that makes
interplanetary travel

by nu-Cu-Lear rocket
a real possibility.'

Nuclear.

I said nu-Cu-Lear, professor.

Nuclear.

Good picture.

This has got to be
the dumbest thing

anybody ever did
to impress a dame.

Especially one that expects you
to talk to her... she's smart.

Shut up, Frankie.

Eddie, you hardly finished
high school.

How do you expect
to get away with this?

I know a lot about science.

Excuse me.

Ed Walters?

Who the hell are you?

Bill Reilly, Times.

Yeah?

Hey, hi.

Bob Rosetti.

I own the place.

Oh, hey, Mr. Rosetti.

So were you surprised
to find out you had such a

a brilliant employee?

Surprised? Why do you think I hired him?
He's a genius.

Hey, Ed, a lot of folks
are wondering

how an ordinary guy like
yourself could come up

with such advanced ideas.

I think I can answer that.

Hello, Edward.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

You see, the fact is
that we're only now

just beginning to understand
the true nature of intelligence.

And you are?

James Morland.

With the, uh...?

Silas Paine Institute.

Experimental psychology.

We're learning that, uh,
that thing that we call genius

that is the ability to make
intuitive breakthroughs

can flower almost anywhere.

Isn't that so, Edward?

You're the expert.

Yes. Yes, I am.

That's really why I'm here.

Oh, apart from to pick up
my car, of course,

which I trust is ready by now.

We'd like to study you.

Study me?

Your brain.
Your thinking processes.

It's an extraordinary
opportunity

to increase our understanding
of human knowledge.

What do you say?

Can we count on you?

One, uh, colleague to another.

Many of you may recognize
this test.

It's a variation on the classic
P.C. & D. Examination.

Mr. Walters will have ten
minutes to complete the series.

You will find the first problem
inside this box.

Are you ready, Ed?

-Actually...
-Start the clock, please.

Yes, uh...

Yes, quite, uh...

Quite impressive.

Uh, now we move on to phase two.

Phase two?

Yes, we've, uh, tested
the subject's motor ability.

Now it's time to test
his general knowledge...

something which, I must confess

I've been quite curious about...
and to that end

I have devised a series
of multiple choice questions...

50 in all... on relativity, Newtonian
physics, physical chemistry

and, of course,
some basic quantum mechanics.

The subject has 18 minutes
in which to complete the series.

Uh, lights, please.

Would you like to sit down?

And, uh, projector.

Start the clock.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Ow!

I'm done.

That it?

In an intensive IQ test today,
young auto mechanic Ed Walters

scored 186, placing him in the
top point-zero-zero-zero...

Did he pass?

That's our Eddie!

Come on, mention the garage.

Come on...
Bob and Al's...

Bob and Al's...

At the White House,
President Eisenhower

scoffed at the Soviet claims
to have leapt ahead

in the race to space.

He dismissed the red rumours,

saying that the first man
in space

will have hot dogs for lunch...
not borscht.

And the name of the man
who could put us there?

Ed Walters.

I was wrong about him.

He's not an idiot savant at all.

He's the real thing...

he's an idiot idiot.

Shh.

The boy grease-pit genius.

And like his mentor,
Albert Einstein,

young Ed Walters dreamed

of solving
the mysteries of the universe.

If you'd get the stars
out of your eyes

-you'd see for yourself.
-James!

Before long,
we'll all be going to the Moon

for the weekend
on nuclear rocket engines

and save on our fuel bills
in the bargain.

Have you actually
read this stupendous,

earth-shattering paper of his?

No.

You didn't?

I'm surprised. I thought you'd be
dying to get your hands on it.

You know, as a fellow
mathematician.

Mathematicians and physicists
everywhere

are putting this startling
new theory under the microscope...

It's me.

to examine in detail
the mathematical brilliance

of this simple garage mechanic

who believes,
in the land of the free

and the home of the brave,
nothing is impossible.

Do the horn again, Edward.

Ja, ja.

Albert, we have our convertible.

Good, good.

This is like sailing,
without the wetness.

Wonderful thing
you have made here, Edward.

Why aren't you smiling?

I think I've got to tell
Catherine the truth.

No, no, it's too soon.

She's falling in love
with the wrong guy, doc.

Ja, but it's love.

Edward, it's love.

Catherine?

No, thank you.

Ed.

Hi.

I was going to ask you
why you use that operator there?

I often ask myself
the same question.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's just a stroke
of brilliance.

I think I'm just so close
to figuring it out.

Trouble ahead.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe, maybe not.

What if she finds
the flaw in our theory?

Easy. We just undermine
her confidence.

Well, we shouldn't do that.

How?

We'll be obscure and obtuse.

Maybe you're taking something
for granted.

What if you question everything?

Look at it from an entirely
different perspective.

Question everything.

Uh-oh.

Uncle Albert...

could this be right?

What?

I know that look. What did I do?

I never saw it this way.

Oh.

I don't know what
I was thinking.

Excuse me.

What did you say to her?

Why do you let them
scare you off like that?

They are the greatest
minds in the world.

So? Who says they have
all the answers?

Wait. Who says what?

Who says you're not one of the
greatest minds in the world?

Well, I'm not like you.
You're a natural.

You're just like one of them.

-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are.

-No, I'm not.
-Yes, you are.

Believe me, I'm not.

Oh! Well, okay...
you're younger.

The point is,

you're not just some
dumb garage mechanic.

You're a genius, and I'm just...

I don't know what I am.

What? What are you?

A housewife?

Almost.

I think you're more than that.

Lady, the only thing
you're afraid of is yourself.

Wait. Can I just
ask you something?

What?

What, um...

Why do you do that?

What?

Brando.

I'm just trying
to make you smile.

Oh.

Well...

Thanks.

Bye.

It's for the best.

We squeeze the brain a little
to make room for the heart.

But maybe accidents
are part of the grand design?

If you cause the accident

then it is not an accident.

Ah, ja, ja.

You know, the trouble
with accidents is

you can't predict the outcome.

Ah! So-So maybe Catherine

will fall in love
with one of us.

You are such a dreamer,
lieblich.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you sleeping?

Oh, Catherine, no.

I was just in repose.

Oh.

Where were you?

Thinking.

I was worried about you.

That I was thinking?

Me, too.

No, I was worried that
you were angry with me

since it's the one thing
I would not be able to bear.

Please forgive
a foolish old man.

Oh, no, no, no.

You weren't being...

Well, maybe a little.

It was me.

He'll tell me what to think.

Who?

My notebook! I
thought I lost this.

Catherine, who?

My dad... the comet...
Friday, 10:35.

Liebchen...

I know we make fun
of your James.

We call him 'the rat man'
and 'the rodent king.'

And 'the lesser professor'

and 'the excremental
psychologist.'

Ja... and 'sir monkey lips.'

'Chimp pimp.'

This all stops now.

Hmm.

What I wish for you:

You go out and have a good life.

You mean that?

I just spoke with him.

Who?

With the rat... with James.

Tomorrow, we all go together,

and we have an excursion.

Hello? Someone lost in...

-Hello.
-Hello.

We heard screaming.

-Screaming?
-Ja, ja.

We are looking for
professor Einstein.

He said you would be together.

Uh, yes, but not here.

I'm going sailing with him.

Oh, sailing...
of course!

We were...
we were mistaken.

We never go sailing.

Really?

He says the fish don't want
to eat what we have just eaten.

I'd better check on this.

No, no! He's fine.

Don't touch anything.

Quiet!

This is what we miss
in physics: Screaming.

If anybody screams,
it's usually me.

Uh, please, don't,
don't touch anything.

You let the rats
run around like that, eh?

Very democratic of you.

18 months
of experimental research gone!

Oh, the monkeys!

It's very plain to see
you're very busy.

We come back another time.

Psychologists... So crazy!

Go!

Well, I don't understand it.

He's always ten minutes
early for everything.

Any longer, we lose the wind.

Okay, that's it.
We're set.

I'm very disappointed.

I was looking forward
to getting to know him better.

Um...

well, maybe next time.

It's pretty.

Mmm.

-Oh!
-Whoa.

-Sorry.
-It's all right. You okay?

Uncle Albert...
cut it out!

Listen, Catherine, there's
something I have to tell you.

No, listen, uh...

I know that Uncle Albert
and everybody

wants us to... you know.

But there's something else...

No. You have to let me finish.
It's just that...

Well, love between
two people, uh...

Oh!

Sorry.

Uncle Albert!

I'm steering the boat.

Uh...

Uh...

Love...

No.

People who share common
goals and interests...

Did you ever hear
of the colour algae?

-No.
-Oh.

Anyway, the point is, Ed,
that, um...

you can't choose
who you're gonna love.

Well, I know that.

You know? It just happens.

And I think you're
a decent person

and I respect you...

I respect you, too.

Thank you. And I know
how you feel about me.

It's just that you can't...

you can't expect somebody
who you've just met...

somebody who hardly knows you...
to suddenly say...

I love you.

I understand. That's okay.

No, I love you.

I do!

I do! I said it!

You love me?

Yes! I love you.

Whoa!

-Uncle Albert...
-Would you stop?

would you please
cut that out?

I can do it myself now.

Wahoo.

Did you feel that?

Ja!

Somewhere, an atom
collided with an atom

that collided with
an atom, and so on

until it collided with us!

To atoms...

those sexy little kinkies.

Suppose you think you're
in love with this...

this mechanic, do you?

Yes! Ed!

I'm in love with him!

Let me explain...

Oh...

it's an infatuation.

It's not love.

He's pleasant-looking,
he's, he's popular...

Uncle Albert likes him,

so, naturally, you feel
attracted, but it...

it won't last.

What we have will last:

Common aims and interests...

verbal communications...
financial security...

intellectual compatibility.

What about love?

Sounds like a hundred-dollar
brake job, Frank.

Busted tappets. Ed?

Huh?

What do you think?

She loves me.

I thought that was the idea.

You haven't told her, have you?

I've been trying.

Ah, tell 'em nothing,
that's what I say.

It's not that hard.

You just call her up and say,

'Hello. I'm a lying
grease monkey.'

Leave me alone, will you?

It's going to be all right.

She loves me.

Will it work?

Will it work?

You never know.

Hmm... I've seen
this before.

Well, yes, it's been
in all the papers:

Ed Walters' cold fusion.

No, no, I mean years ago...

somewhere.

First I want to say,

'I lie you... I-I love you.

I'm a I... a liar.'

There's been some things

that I haven't been
completely honest about,

and, um, I would like the...

Just a minute, Catherine.

Edward Walters?

Yes?

Hey!

Quiet. Speak when
you're spoken to.

Act natural. Keep
the answers short.

Edward... Edward,
I want you to meet

the President
of the United States.

Ike?

You're... you're...

you're the...

You're President Eisenhower.

Well, at least until
the next election.

Um, some special...
occasion?

Oh, um...

I'm expecting someone...

um... a friend...

Catherine.

Catherine Boyd?

Yes.

-Albert Einstein's niece.
-Ah.

I have to tell her something.

Ah.

Well, son, about this engine...

Uh, when can we see
a working prototype?

A-A prototype?

The Russians have announced

that they'll have a working
model within the year.

The President would like
to make an announcement

that we are building a
prototype here in New Jersey.

We have a press
conference tonight.

7:00 at the symposium.

I'd like to be able to tell them

we'll have something
ready by say, um...

7:00?

Then Eisenhower tells
everyone the good news!

There's good news?

About the prototype!

Does Edward know this?

Sure! It was
practically his idea!

Come on, let's go! They're
waiting for us out front!

Oh, my god.

Excuse me.

Catherine Boyd?

I met your friend Edward.

You must be very proud.

I have very strong
feelings about him.

We should leave the country!

Don't panic!

When should we panic...

when they shoot us for treason?

They don't shoot you
for treason.

I think it's electrocution.

Ed. It's Ed!

Where's Catherine?

With Eisenhower!

Back!

Stay back, sir!

Catherine! Stop!

-Isn't that, uh...?
-Walters!

Ed!

Catherine!

Catherine! Stop!

Congratulations, young lady.

I felt the same way
when I proposed to Mamie.

Mr. President,
I think you'd better get...

It's okay. Okay.
Stop the car.

Isn't that Ed Walters?

Yeah, that's him.

Some kind of problem?

Why'd we stop?

Catherine...

Don't talk to me,

you liar, you fake, you phony...

You found out.

How could you think
I was that stupid?

I don't think you're stupid.
How'd you find out?

I figured it out, okay?
I just figured it out.

I put two and two together...
V over R equals H...

The formula?
That's fantastic! That's great!

Stop it! You fake...

Just kiss me.

What?

Be right there, Ike!

Take your time!

The president thinks
that you are proposing to me,

so just kiss me.

We're in a lot of trouble here.

Looks like a yes to me.

Yes, it does.

Ow!

You... you mechanic.

See? That's all I am to you...
just a mechanic, right?

Yeah!

Is your name really Ed?

Yes, it's Ed.

Do you really work at a garage?

Yes, a garage where you
fell in love with me

when you first saw me, remember?

That's real. That's true.

That hurts!

One second, Ike!

Ow! Ow!

Oh, for God's sake...

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

You know what?

What?

You had to know.

Something in you had to know.
You're not dumb.

Yes, I am!

I think you wanted
to go along with it.

As a matter of fact,
I think you needed to.

In a way,
you should be thanking me.

Thanking you?

Ow!

Geez...

Be right there, Ike!

You bit me!

Aah!

Sorry, Ed.

Sorry about that.

Listen, Ed.

You're right.

I've learned quite a bit
from you, you know?

I have a...
I have a great brain

-and I should trust that.
-Yeah.

And it's not about what you do.

It's about who you are.

So, I've learned that from you.
So, thank you.

Fake.

Albert...
what's going on?

Catherine has just found out

that Edward is not
really a scientist.

He is simply
an automobile mechanic.

What the hell does
an automobile mechanic

know about cold fusion?

Nothing. It's all a big lie.

April Fool's?

We meant no harm.

Just foolish old men...

So I was right about
the cold fusion, wasn't I?

Catherine, do you realize

that you have proven
conclusively

that my approach is impossible?

Conclusively.

I knew that,
but you said that...

Ja. I meant that

I could not prove it
or disprove it.

Therefore, I could
not publish it.

I did something
that you couldn't do?

Ja. It's, uh, mathematics.

I was always terrible
at mathematics.

Professor...

Ed Walters' atomic fuel theory.

An unpublished paper
of Albert Einstein's

written 30 years ago.

Gentlemen, they are identical.

In every respect, identical.

Are you accusing Ed Walters
of plagiarism?

Hardly.

I'm accusing Ed Walters
and Professor Einstein

and his colleagues...
of, um...

of outright fraud.

Cold fusion is nothing more
than a hoax.

If you will please bear with us.

Professor Einstein
has a statement to make.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Dr. James Morland is correct.

Cold fusion is a hoax.

A hoax so brilliant,
so daring, so secret

that not more than five
people on the planet Earth

know about it.

We called it
'Operation Red Cabbage.'

But now, we can reveal

through the efforts
of my colleague, Miss Boyd

and Mr. Walters...
two of the finest minds

it has ever been my privilege
to know...

we have proven the Russian claim
to have leapt ahead

in the space race
with cold fusion

is nothing but hot air.

Personally, I think any
race of this nature...

arms or space...

is complete foolishness.

Thank you very much.

A master stroke, gentlemen.

A triumph for the institute.

Catherine, darling,
you must understand.

I said what I said
in good faith.

Albert!

Sorry. Uncle Albert, that's
not going to work this time.

Unfortunately, Catherine,
this is the real thing.

Please, I go to the hospital.

Boys, please,
it's just a little flutter.

Please, go out, see the comet.

Go get some girls.

Should we get one for you?

Ja, a redhead.

Stay, Edward.

Good-bye, boys.
Thanks for coming.

I will see you all shortly.

Up there.

It will be okay in no time.

I thought you said
that time doesn't exist.

He said nothing.

You know,
I always imagined heaven

to be one enormous library.

Only you can't take out
the books.

Oh, I need something
from my trousers.

Oh, I'll get it.

It's in the left-hand pocket.

The left hand.

No, the other left hand.

What am I looking for?

Ja, that's it. You found it.
Thank you.

Bring it here, please.

Ja, my compass.

My memory is...

of my father

when I was five years old.

I think I was sick
in bed then, too.

He gave me this compass.

When I first held it in my hand,

I was wonder-struck

by what force,
invisible and unfelt

could be holding the needle.

Here, Edward, you take this

so that you never lose your way.

And you keep your sense
of wonder.

You both have good hearts.

Don't let your brain
interfere with your heart.

I'd really love to talk, Ed.

Listen, Catherine,

I never meant for this
to get as crazy as it did.

If I've hurt you in any way
I'm very sorry.

For one brief moment
there I was actually

taken seriously
by some pretty...

extraordinary people.

And that's never
happened to me before.

It felt great.

I just hope at some point

that you can truly believe
how extraordinary you are.

I'll miss you.

So what are you saying?

If we hadn't interfered

they would have
ended up together?

Everything affects everything.

I believe everything
will turn out fine.

Why?

Because I would rather be
an optimist and a fool

than a pessimist and right.

We're all fools. We should
have taken the elevator.

Boys, please.

You're going to wake up
the nurses.

23 degrees up.

No, no, no.
24 degrees.

It would be 22 degrees down...

Please, just do it.

Why? Why?

A dying man's wish.

In time.

But since time doesn't exist...

What do you see?

I see... I see the road
to the observatory.

And, and?

And Catherine.

And?

She is going
towards stargazers' field.

Wait a minute.

That's where Edward went.

Boy, if ever there was a time
for an accident.

Sometimes, accidents
need a little help.

God does not play dice
with the universe

but I will.

What kind of a thing is that?

What is that?

This is a transmitter.

Watch.

Wunderbar!

Oh!

Great.

Push it down.

Push it down.

Ah! No!

I'm going to look at...

Please.

Enough! Enough already!

I want her back in one piece.

What's happening now, Albert?

The motor has died.

She's turning off the road
into stargazers' field.

Let me see!

Uh... it just happened.
Just boom!

Boom.

Do you believe in accidents?

No.

Oh.

This is so right.

This is the way
I wanted to see it.

Have you ever heard
of the Seven Sacred Pools?

In Hawaii?

Are you all right, Albert?

Ja, this is very
good for my heart.

Oh, my god!

Look!

Look!

Hi, Daddy. I missed you.

This is Ed, the man I love.

Out of this world.

What's happening?

Wahoo.

Wahoo.