Hustlers (2010) - full transcript

Saku and Ässä: two guys spend careless life. One day Ässä meet woman named Anna and boys careless lifestyle is in danger. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Let me tell you what people are like.
An example.

When I was five,
I got something I really wanted.

The world's biggest balloon.

I thought that if I held onto it
and jumped high enough, I could fly.

When I thought I'd be able to do it,
the balloon slipped from my hand.

When I hear stories about people
dreaming of flying with balloons,...

I remember my balloon.
The point is...

that those people want to relive
their childhood and be noticed...

and break out of the pigeonholes
people have put them into.

We've been taught
to define everything.

Categorize everything.

Bad and good people, skinny and fat.

And people still do this
when they're adults.

They ask themselves,
where do I belong.

They need someone to tell them
what's in and what's out,...

who's a winner and who's a loser.

They need someone like me.






You want a challenge?
- Tell me.

Make these a hit, and I'll buy you
a bottle of sparkling wine.

I want champagne.

Size 43?

Okay. Bye.

The mostly sunny weather
will continue.

In Central Finland and Lapland,
we'll see cumulus clouds.

The temperatures will be chilly.

In the south, 15 degrees Celsius...

and in Lapland, 10 degrees.

So put your fur coats on
and hit the beach!

Assa come take a look.
Your fur coat was so uncool.

That's you.
I'll upload this on YouTube.

- Because it's funny.


Besides, I have a plan.

Wear your costume to the bar tonight.
- No way. I'm staying home.

Forget the costume,
we'll go for a drink. Or two.

If I have two, I'll have more.
It's okay to stay home sometimes.

And light candles
and fiddle with our balls, or what?

Let's go boozing and
see if we can hit the jackpot.

Let's go to Turku.
- Why?

Why not?

What's in Turku?
- Miss Finland runners-up.

No way.
- To Forssa then.

I know. I'll go and take a dump.

A triathlon. The winner decides.
- So we'll go out.

If you win.
- We'll go to the bar. - Shit.

Yes, we'll go the bar.

Fuck! Not even close.

To the bar.
- If you win.

Watch out!
Careful with the floor.

Four. Five. We'll go the bar.

This is a double click.

You can't double click like that.
You double clicked!

That's a double click.
- We'll go the bar!

You're a double clicker.


Pete, hi!
- Hi.

Yes! Action.

Ready, steady...

Look, Kimi Raikkonen!


These were on me.

Should we piss into a pint?
- What?

Piss into a pint and
sell it as cider to some idiot.

It'd be funny.

A pint or a half-pint?

If you think about the word

it comes from 'Karate do!"
Karate can do anything.

Grab my wrist.

You need something to say
and another cider.

This is beer. - Great.
Want to buy mine for half-price?

- My friend left me this.

I have beerrexia. And I'm
on antipediotics, so I can't drink.

Are you trying to hustle me?

Hustle you? Of course not.

I'll buy it.

This is warm.
- Really?

Oh, you're right. And you,
pull up your jeans a little higher.

Okay, grab my wrist.
- How?

The other way around.


Please put ice in it.

Isn't that the celebrity bitch,
Cheryl Lamour?

Sari Mottola.

Erotic dancer, lifestyle coach
and Miss Helsinki finalist.

We're fans. Let's go say hi.


Excuse me. My name is Saku,
and this is my friend Assa.

I admire you. You're a real lady,
and you do valuable work.

I agree.
- Are you trying fuck with us?

Yes, we're trying to fuck with you.
C'mon, calm down.

How could I fuck with
a woman like that? Look at her.

170 plus centimeters
of pure self-confidence.

Thank you.
- Our pleasure.

I think it's great that a girl
with average looks and brains...

Listen, I've got a point here.

...can become the top celebrity
in this country.

And that's what you are, Cheryl.

You've made mediocrity an art form.

You're the celebrity wannabe
of our generation. - A cider?


A celebrity wannabe. Think about it.

Let's go.
- Wait a second, dickheads.

Spearer, you think
you can fool us that easy?

Spearer? - Spearer.
Think you're going to fool us?

Say that again,
and I'll beat the shit out of you.

Let's go outside.
- Anytime.

Let's go then.
- Calm down, Goldilocks.

Shut up, weather homo.

What did you say?
- Weather homo.

I didn't mention her mother!

He tripped over on top of
those girls.

I didn't do anything.

Calm down, he's not worth it.

I'll go smash his face.
I'll go talk to him right now.

That idiot got his punishment.
He has to fuck that pig tonight.

That pig's drinking my piss!
- The night is young. Let's party.

You did great.

Weather homo...
- Thanks, Pete!

Patrik, if you're not here
in three minutes, don't come at all.

I knew this.
- He probably ran out of battery.

A war doesn't need one man.

What if someone calls the cops?
- We're okay.

You think they could help?


“Flash Attack“? Why does
everything have to be in English?

Why can't it be flash attack
in Finnish?

Or Flash Lightning?
But I like your style.

Are you going to help or not?

What is it about?
- It doesn't matter.

Are you in or out?
- We're always in. Always.

Grab an arm and a leg then.

Wait. I need to check something.

Sorry, some other time. Good luck!

Where is he going?

Sorry I'm late.

You forgot your beer.

- Well, well.

Hi. What's up, girl?
- Hi.

You don't remember me, do you?
- Of course we do. Anna Salmi.

President of the student counciL
Graduated with high honors.

We remember your striptease show...

on the graduation cruise.
- I remember it fondly.

You look familiar.

- Seppo is his name.

We were in French class together.
- German.

In medical school?
- High school.

Are you a doctor?
- Yes.


You're a living example
of beauty and brains in one body.

I mean head. And body.

I'm a doctor too.

Whatever the case,...

we have to go
and refresh our memories.

Thanks, but we'll go home.
- Wait.

We'll party at the after-party.
- Gena...

Kommen sie, bitte.

Warten sie, bitte.
Don't go anywhere.

Really. We can't go.

Citizens don't want to bother.
They've sunken into apathy.

What the fuck are they doing?

What's the name of that doctor?
- Anna Salmi.

Anna Salmi?
- She was in our year.

Why does that Saku guy look
so familiar?

Remember that javelin thrower...

who was supposed to win
Olympic gold...

but instead speared
another contestant?

Vaguely. But I know him
from somewhere else.

You remember her?
- No.

Never too late to create new
memories of her. - She's mine.

Create memories of the other one.
Let's go.


We have Kimble!

She peeked at us! Did you see?

And she smiled.


Don't point at me.
I don't want attention.

Oh no. A dare.
Tell me to get naked.

Answer honestly.
Why did you leave Miia?

That's not a dare.

That's a truth.
- It's a dare.

The dare is to describe
a past event...

with a sentence or two.

Anna, stop.

Who is this Miia we're talking about?

My cousin, Miia Salmela.

You told her you loved her,...

and she left her long-time boyfriend.

She thought
you were getting engaged,...

but then you, Mr. Spear Hero,

dumped her with a text message...

you sent from the Olympics
or somewhere.

Before or after he speared that guy?
- After.

It wasn't like that. I called her.

She didn't answer,
so I left her a message.

It was a voice message,
not a text message. - I see. Wow.

There were all kinds of things

if your 'accident' is your excuse.

It was wrong. I'm sorry.
Tell that to her.

My turn to spin.

You didn't do your dare yet.

You didn't tell us why you left her.

What does it matter?
It was ten years ago.

I thought she'd be different.
I thought she'd be fun...

and live life to the fullest.

And she was, at first.
- What changed?

We got engaged.

It was half a joke,
and then she changed.

She started dreaming about children
and moving in together.

She dreamed about houses and
dogs... - What's wrong with that?

I don't want that.
I want to live on my terms.

I'm sure she'll be happy to hear...

that you are
a commitment-phobic stud.

Do you categorize people...

so that it's easier
to understand them?

If it makes you feel safe, great.
But you're wrong.

You're wrong.
- You're wrong.

You're childish.
- You're a child. - C'mon.

There's a playground outside.

Go fight there.


Okay, I'm outside.
Can you see? I'm naked.

I can see it's a bit chilly.

Where are Saku and Rita?
- They're in Saku's room.

Saku wanted to show her
his medals? - Yeah.

Rita's fiancé is in Russia 'fishing.'
It's his bachelor party.

Their wedding is in two weeks,...

so Rita is interested
in other men's balls.

It might take some time then.
- That's right.

You want something?
- You have beer?

I have a brew.
- Oh, a brew.

Have you been best friends
for a longtime?


You'll find yourself an ugly wife.
- You won't find a wife.

I'm sorry.

Bullying is not worth it.


End of story.

We've been friends ever since.

You know what?
- What?

I remember you from German class.

You sat in the back.

When the teacher asked you
something, you'd say "keine Ahnung."

But you always got good grades
in tests.

I know you have prejudices
against Saku, and for a reason.

He's always been loyal to me.
He's a smart guy.

But he's totally unable
to tolerate the daily grind.

Ls this your natural color?
- What?

Or did you used to be a blond?
- Yeah, in high school.

Were you on that graduation cruise...

where we had the radio host? - Yeah.

I was too!
- You want to talk or fuck?

Yeah, yeah.


You ?e hopeless.

Two 30-year-old guys...
- Two nice-looking guys.

Okay. Two nice-looking guys,...

who take care of their hygiene,...

share an apartment, travel and party.

Neither one of you has a girlfriend.

And one of you is a weather guy.
You can't fool me.

Okay, I'll admit it.
We're a couple...

A couple of guys who want
to have fun and enjoy life.

When do you enjoy life the most?

Now would be a good time to leave.

Come. Let's go.


So, are you glad
we went out last night?


Did Miss Moralist give you some?

She did.

We had a nice conversation.
- That's it?

We talked.

That might be a good thing.
She reminds me of Miia.

She just wants to have children
and get married. - Oh.

How do you know
I don't want the same?

You don't want that.

She said she often has breakfast
at Café Ekberg.

Go take a shower.

We have plenty of stuff to do.


Viral marketing.

Go take a shower. Miss Moralist!

Breakfast at Ekberg's.

"Anna Salmi. What a coincidence!"

I love the way you looked for me.

Who else would've sat at Café
Ekberg for a month? - That's scary.

I would've sat there for a year.
- That's even scarier.

Are these too thick?

I fucking love you.

- Really.

I fucking love you.

This is Assa Talk to me!

Take your head
out of her pussy, stupid!

I've got invitations to the new club.
Call me!

Arja, this has been viewed
over 30,000 times.

The weather is gentle,
so be gentle to your sweethearts.

Thank you. Prepare for the news.

That was good.

Remember what we spoke
about the beginning?

We could do the same thing
that we do at the end.

Hey, Lance Armstrong. Nice pants.
- Oh, hi.

What are you doing here?

I came to check
that your phone is okay.

I also wanted to know you're okay.
- Sorry, Mom.

Tonight's the party.
- Yeah. I'm not sure I can make it.

L. 0. IL E..

You couldn't find
a cheesier ring tone?

Hi, honey.
I'm just leaving work.

Saku came to meet me.

I'll stop when everybody
believes I'm straight.

You want to see me tonight?

Oh, you're going there.

Okey dokey, Love Bug.

I will. I love you, too. Bye.

Anna said hi.

Don't worry, it'll pass.
- Fuck you. It won't.

So, are we going to the party?

Oh, you want my company
now that Anna's not free? - Exactly.

You want a ride?

Will it carry us? - I don't know
about a fatso like you.

Hey, the Beckhams of Finland.

You're the loser whose boyfriend
tried to make Cheryl drink piss.

What the fuck are you doing here?

I was going to ask you
the same thing.

Who did you screw to get in?
Or did someone screw you?

I'll break you.
- Gee.

You know you can't go around
breaking people.

Let bygones be bygones.

Hold that.
- Okay, go ahead.

I'll break you.
- Blow yourself, closet faggot.

What are you doing?

Already fighting
and the party just started.

- Bring my gin and tonic!

Going home? I'm sure
you'll have a nice movie night.

Let's have some fun.

I had a similar situation with Anna.

We bumped into her,
but Anna kept her cool.

She's a great girl.

A last-minute flight to New York
for 400 euros. Tomorrow.

I have to work.
- Tell them you're sick.

I'll book.
- No, you won't.

Yes, I will.
- No, you won't.

I'll lend you money.

When did you become so stingy?
- I'm not stingy.

Yes, you are.
- No, you're the stingy one.

You're no fun anymore.

She's brainwashed you.
You get it? - That's not true.

Yes, it is.
- It's not.

You only talk about Anna.
- Anna said it's not true.

You want examples?
- Shoot!

Anna and I love riding our bikes.
Anna hates Coldplay.

Anna wants me to go back
to business school.

She loves my smell.

We like to chill and make love.

This is Anna's favorite wine.

And this is Dick's
favorite fuckin' beer.

Okay. But it doesn't mean
that something has to change.

What has changed?

Prove it.
Come with me to New York.

Anna and I agreed that...
- I see.

We want to go to New York together.
- Fine. I understand.

But that doesn't stop me
from partying hardy tonight.

- Here you go.

I was going to say no hard liquor.

I'm going to see Anna later tonight.

Ready, steady...
- Your deodorant has failed you.


- These things happen.

It's on him.

This is Anna. I can't talk
right now so leave a message.

I'm listening to loud sex
in the toilet and thinking of you.

I'll see you tonight, right?
Kiss kiss.

What is it?

I was hoping it wouldn't go this far.

But you need an intervention.

- No, not you.

I need what?
- An intervention.

See you outside.
- Hi, Mirva!

- Get back down.

A minute or maximum two.

You have a biochemical disorder.
It's called falling in love.

I have to go home.
- You're obsessive.

It happens when you fuck
one woman too many times.

You'll be back to normal
in a couple of years.

But if you don't break up now,...

you'll have psychological
and physical problems.

I don't want to break up.
- That's because you're addicted.

- Hello.

You need distance.
A trip around the world.

- It's been a long time.

You look wonderful.
- So do you.

Thank you.
- Have fun.

That's it.
You break up with Anna,...

and we'll take
a six-month trip round the world.

But I don't want to break up
with her. - I know.

Who's the one who's nuts here?
- You. You need medicine.


Guess who can help you?

Il Capitano! I see a gentleman.

Who do we have here?
- Helena. - Hi. I'm Saku.

- Saku.

Don't take the whole thing.

Have you ever kissed a girl?
- Yes.

I can tell you're a naughty girl.
- Maybe.


Show me.
- Okay, just this once.


Whales can sing to their beloved
28 hours straight.

Think about the other whales.

They'll be like “Shut the fuck up.”

”Don't sing for another second."

It would be like a song
playing on the radio.

Once more.
I promise I won't ask for more.

Okay, just once.


Where have you been?

You want to see me tonight?

I'll be there in eight minutes.

What are you doing?
Our skipper is dozing on the deck.

Assa. Where are you?

Its me Assa. Talk to me...


More gasoline!

Oh, hi.
- This is fucking genuine!

A bonfire of the Vanities?
- Come with us!

Cops! Let's go!

Let's go!

Fucking shit!

Those ugly color sneakers
are a hit now.


What do we market next?

Make tracksuits the new trend,...

and I'll buy you a box of champagne.


Food and drinks.
Kids are welcome.

Bad news?

Make tracksuits the new trend?

I need a bigger challenge. I know.

Sandals with socks.

Hi. I'm here to look at the room.

You don't eat meat, do you?

- I'm a vegan.

I'll call you.

You have fiber optic cable?
- Excuse me?

How come you don't know?

Are you fifteen or something?
- I'll call you.

How would you describe yourself?
- I'm a night person.


I'll call you.

- Hi!

I'm here to look at the room.


Before I let you in,...

tell me
how you would define yourself.

How I would define myself?

I don't believe in definitions.

You know what?

The room is yours.
- Of course.

You owe me a shirt.
- Deduct it from my rent.

In front of the Parliament House?
- That is an outstanding idea.

Maybe a couple of other places, too?
- Yes, central places.

Hola! Greetings from Barcelona.
- Thanks.

That's okay.

- Please go on. Don't mind me.

You two have met, right? Alex started
the whole movement. - Hi.

What is this Flash Attack?
A performance group? - No.

Yes. - No. - Yes. - No.

Is it or isn't it?
- It is.

I don't want to define it in any way.
- I'll define it.

There's no need to.
- I'll define it.

I'm pissed off...

because people don't realize
what is happening around them.

I want people to wake up and
see things from a new perspective.

You don't have to live your life
with blinders over your eyes.

I'll be happy to nudge people
in the right direction.

There is one question I want to ask.

What will be left in the world
when we die?

For me, this is about leaving
a mark in history.

I want to distinguish myself
from the masses. - I see.

And now you're leaving your mark
with these posters?

In a way...

If I wanted to leave a mark,
I'd leave a real brand.

What do you mean?
- What would it be?

Remember the Brazilian priest
who tried to fly with balloons?

Yes, he failed and died.

But he will be remembered forever.

A lot longer than this mundane crap.

This is a great idea,
but take it further.

His idea is an old one.

We have a summerhouse by the sea...

Oh, hi!

What's up?

The maestro himself. Hi!
- Nice house.


Oh, hi.

You think I've fucking missed you?


Saku, where are you?

I'm glad you came.
It's been a long time...

We'll talk later.
- Sure.

Where's her husband?
- He's in the garden.

He's that wealthy-looking
Captain America.

I'm bored.

Let's go to my place.
Vilma's having a party.

Congratulations on your new home!
- Thanks, Miia.

Hi, Miia. You look good.

That went well.
How are you, chief?

Really great.
- That's nice to hear.

Stay strong.

Nice seeing you.

Assa, let's get the fuck out of here.

That didn't go so well.
- Should we go?

You don't have to leave.

I promised Vilma
I'd drop by at her party.

I can't leave.

I can't leave my party.
- Geez, what a doormat.

Come with me. - I won't.
- Okay, don't come with me.

I won't!

You know where to find me.

It's unbelievable
that there are guys...

who think they can do
whatever they want.

If I had done the same,...

I probably would've killed myself.

What are you talking about?
- Your friend. The spearer.

You think
he should've killed himself?

You know what he did to Miia.

Based on what Anna has told Miia,...

he hasn't changed.
- That's right.

At least not for the better.

He should accept
that he's not a star anymore.


A great party!
- Hi. Was your party good?

A garden swing, children,
non-alcoholic punch.



You have to get rid
of your polo shirt.

Make him...


Let's destroy apathy.

Let's not accept this apathy
that keeps our eyes closed.

Let's not succumb to sleep.

Let's not follow the masses.

Friends, let's aim higher.
Let's destroy apathy.

I lived like you when I first moved
to Helsinki.

But I was twenty! Twenty!

Soon I'll be thirty, and
I want to move forward in life.

I don't want to be
part of that lifestyle.

What do you mean?
You want to break up with me?

What do you mean?

I want a man, not a teenage boy.
- I want to be that man.

I am that man.

Okay, I won't see Saku anymore.

I don't want you to abandon
your friends. Can't you see...

Can't you...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I don't want to live without you.


I don't want to live without you.

Marry me.

Are you serious?


I went to my best friend's party
last night. Did you?

In a way, he's right.

You have to do what feels right.

Destroying is easy. Building is hard.

The idea is that we should build
something surprising...

that will encourage others
to build something new.

Let's not accept this apathy
that keeps our eyes closed.

Let's not succumb to sleep.

Let's get going!
The afterparty is downtown.

Let's move.

Oh yeah.


My brother.

How did the rest of the party go?
- Really good. I punched Pan...

Good. What did Anna say?
- She threw a fit.

Really? Don't tell me she left you.

I'm sorry.
It would be terrible if you broke up.

I proposed to her.


I got down on my knees
and the whole works. - Why?

Because I love her.

Wait a minute.

You're screwing with me.
- I want you to be my best man.

Nothing will change. I promise.

How about congratulations
or something like that?

Friends usually congratulate...

That's it. Now we'll wait
for an Indian summer.

Thank you. It's a wrap.

Indian summer. Indian summer.

See you at the café.
I'll give you a feather.

Don't shake your head like that.

You're not going anywhere!
- Wonderful!

You're a naughty boy.
- Yes, I've been so naughty.

Get in and we'll go.
- Hurry up!

Ladies and not so ladylike ladies!

Lance Armstrong!

Weather homo.

Ls Anna really worth all this?
- Yes.

I'm sitting there with my dick out,...

drinking beer
and watching porn on TV...

Chief, why don't you just shut up.

Let's change the subject.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Night Club Kaivohuone.


I know. I'll call my friend.

His dad is someone big in Moscow.

He said I can borrow his airplane.

We'll party in Moscow.
- Sure, spearer.

You talk big, but no one
has taken you seriously in years.

That's right.

My wife Rita said you're
the biggest loser she's ever met.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I thought your wife
was in love with me...

because she begged
for more sex at Assa's party.

You didn't know
that I fucked your wife...

in her bachelorette party?

“Oh my gosh.”

“Oh my gosh.”

Hold this.

Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.
- Too bad.

Tele and Tubby started this!

Come and try again!

Come here!


Let it go. Assa?

I've had enough
getting kicked out of bars.

This was meant to happen.
- You mean this?

You think
your bachelor party is over?

Well, I've still got
a couple of intact organs.

Thanks for the bachelor party.

You're welcome.

You ever think about
where this train is going? - Yes.

I think about it all the time.
Ever since that accident,...

I've asked myself
if there's any sense in all this.

Does there need to be sense?

Can't we just be? Let life guide you.

I'll ask one last time.

Please, don't do this to yourself.

Don't become a dog.

Think really hard
if Anna is worth it.

Yes, she is.

No, she's not.

Shit. I was supposed to see Saku.
- Today?

What do I tell him?

Hi. - Where are you?
Your beer is getting cold.

I'm sorry.

Something came up...

Do you have time next week?

Do I have time?
Let me check my calendar.

I have all kinds of things,...

but I think I'll be able to fit you.

I'm really sorry.
This isn't about you.

Please, do me a favor...

and stop talking to me
like you talk to women.

Anna is ovulating.
We're making a baby.

Anna is ovulating.
They're making a baby.

That's beautiful.

I won't bother you any longer.
Please continue. Bye.

He didn't like that.

Assa flaked out again?
- They're trying to have a baby.

You want to take a last-minute flight
somewhere? - Okay.



A contest.

Who comes up with the yuckiest shot?

Whoever pukes first loses. - Okay.

C. 0. C. K.

Wow, this is fresh!
- You're perfect.

Let's get married.
- Oh, honey...

As much as I like you,
I can't be with you.

Because I'm a man and
you're a woman? - Well, yeah.

Relationships are not for you.
You know that.

I can be in a relationship
if I want to. - Uh-huh.

I bet you won't last a month
with someone.

Will you go to bed with me if I do?
- No.

Will you marry me if I do?
- Yes, I will.

I will.

You will... You're perfect.

Excuse me.
Can you bring me a glass of water...

cause I'm so hungry
that I don't know...

where to spend the night?

C'mon, don't be like that.
Be like this.

I'm Saku. Can I buy you a drink?

Hi, honey.

I thought we'd go for a picnic.

You remembered
our one-month anniversary.

That's why we're going for a picnic.
- You mean like, in the snow?

Yeah, like in the snow.

No, at my place.

You're sweet.

Did you have a good day?
- It was okay.

Were the customers nice?

Guess what I'd like to do next?
- What?

Like, go rent a movie.

Like, make hot chocolate and cuddle.

You know what I'd like to do next,

You probably want to go rent a movie.

Make hot chocolate and cuddle.

Travel to Tallinn for sushi.

My friend has a helicopter,
and he owes me a flight.

I'm serious.
- That's a great idea...

...but can't we just stay home
and watch W?

Don't be a fucking granny, okay?

What's wrong with chilling at home
with your sweetheart?

Wouldn't it be cooler to chill
in Tallinn with your sweetheart?

In Prague, New York or wherever.

Huh? It would.

You get tired of champagne if you
drink it all the time. - What's that?

If everything is always so awesome,...

nothing will be awesome in the end.
- What a load of shit.

Honey, look at me.

Let's go watch TV, please.

Go watch TV by yourself. Please.

Maybe I will.

Honey bunny, don't be mad at me.

Saku is really sorry.
Teddy bear's here to cheer you up.

What the fuck is going on?

- C'mon.

How do you dare?

If you want to cuddle,
I'll find you a girlfriend.

Are you crazy? - Yes, for letting
a lesbian seduce my girlfriend.

The girlfriend you got to get me
in bed. - You're my fuckin' roommate!

Are you fuckin' blind?
I'm cleaning up your mess here!

I'll go to the bar.
Have your ass out before I get back.

I wish I had been wrong about you.

You're nothing
but a co-dependent loser.

You live through other people.

Like I said, I'm going to the bar.

Have your ass out before I get back.

And her, too.
- Fuck you!

And grow up, for fuck's sake!

- Assa, we have to meet.

How about tomorrow?
Get back to bed!

Anna, back to bed

What did you want to say?

Nothing, actually.


Are you in bed already?
- I'm not telling you.

What are you doing?
- I'm not telling you.

Are you hiding?
- Yes.

The problem is not
that he wants that.

He doesn't know what he wants.

Remember that I want a girl.

I've known him since childhood

I've saved him from his choices.

My friend 3 girlfriend
mined our friendship too.

He used to party,
but now when you call him,...

he'll tell you
he'll stay home with his girl...

and do the dishes together.

Shut up for a moment.

It's insane.

And now this insemination.

I mean, think about.

He's twenty-one
and he's living like...

like he's thirty.

That's right.

I don't want to go home!

We have to go.
- I wanted to stay in daycare.

I don't want to!

No, I don't want to!

Good evening. I'll give you
10 euros if you beat me up.



I think this time we did it.

I'm serious.
- Seriously?

Who's that?


What happened?
- Mira left me.

I'll ask him to come in.
Don't move. - I won't.

I don't want to see him.
- We'll go out. I'll be back at ten.

You said you wouldn't drink.
- One beer can't ruin the whole load.

Don't go.
- At eleven.

How are you?

Well, making a baby
is a little harder than I thought.

We lost a baby at six weeks.
- What?

A miscarriage?

People say it's common,...

but it's really tough,
especially for Anna.

Anna felt she'd failed somehow.

But you lost that baby too.

It's okay if you're hurting, too.


I'll go get us another round.
- You sure?

Yes. I need another one.

Ring the doorbell.

Stomp your feet a little.
- Why didn't you ring the bell?

Guess who's staying over?
- Hello, princess!

You stink.

We got you a burger.
It's a love burger.

I'll put it in the refrigerator.

Why didn't you answer my calls?

I called you many times.
- Calm down. Let me see.

Oh, my volume is turned off.

Do you realize how worried I was?

You realize how worried I was?

I'm sorry.

How can I have a baby with you
if I can't trust you?

Are you going to do this
when I have a baby?

When you have a baby? You, you.

Did you hear? We're making
a baby for her. - I didn't mean that.

You should've thought about that...

before you made me marry you
and stopped using birth control.

You wanted that!
You proposed to me.

You stopped using birth control.
- We agreed on it.

Okay. Let's calm down.

The damage is already done;
you're married.

What would you do, princess?
- Get the fuck out.

I'm not staying with this nag.

Fine. Get the fuck out of here.
Both of you.

- Get the fuck out of here now!

I'm not leaving my TV here.
I'm taking it with me.

Saku, take the lamp from the porch.

Take the fucking lamp from the porch.

I won't leave my TV here.
That's right.

This is how we get
the fuck out of here.

let's get the fuck out of here.

This is how we do it.

Come and watch TV with us.

Let's go.

Is Assa here?

He's sleeping.

I want to talk to him now.

He's really tired.
- I need to talk to him now.

That's why you broke up.
It's just "me, me, me.”

There's nothing to see here.




This is not me.

I'm not like this.

I'm not like this.

Let's go home.

If you ever come near me,
I'll kill you.

Get ready for broadcast.

Seppo, two minutes.

We have a rain front
coming in from northwest.

From the southwest...

Who knows about these.

As you can see,
here we have cuntolous clouds...



What are you waving at me for?
You're in the same boat.

Stay behind the camera
or I'll tape you to it.


Holy shit...

That's a wrap.

What happened?

How can I be in the same spot again?

Why didn't I apologize to her
after all those fights?

How can I be so stupid?

Why was I so proud
that I let things go this far?

Anna is the best woman
I've ever met,...

but we're like oil and water.
Fuck, oil and water...

- Okay.

I had something, but I blew it.
- Stop.

That's enough of crying.

I've been listening to you whine
for six months now.

It won't take you anywhere.


Thank you.
- Thank you, Saku.

No, thank you.
- Don't make fun of everything.

Thank you.
- Thank you if you stop.

Fuck you and your jokes.

Really, we got to go downtown.
Let's go.

Ready, steady... Look, a moose!

Look, Jesus!

You're so dumb.

I bet you won't be able...

to get a woman
to take off her bra in here.

I just want to get drunk.
I'm too tired to play.

This amusement park is open
and we've got access to all rides.

The night is young.
If you lose, you'll get a tattoo.

I don't know what to tattoo.
- I'll do the dishes for six months.


Hi, Cheryl.
I've been wanting to apologize...

...for the way we behaved last time
and the time before that.

We had a difficult childhood.
- Can you leave?

I admire you.
- I'm not interested.

I'm serious.
It's great that you exist.

You make the rest of us
feel superior.

Cheryl, you're a modern Jesus.

You're a heroine willing to sacrifice
herself. - Don't touch me.

I'm asking you for a small favor...

after all this sucking up to you.

Will you give me your bra?

I tripped.
Haven't you ever tripped? What?

Assa, calm down.

You calm down!
- I am calm.

Of course you are.

Why do you always provoke me?

Explain it to me.
- We're having fun.

Besides, it would've been wrong...

if they hadn't kicked us out.

This is fun?

We're trying to have fun
with a taste of blood in our mouths?

Why is it always me who tastes it?

Explain that to me!


Fucking move!

Are you going to move or what?


Fucking move.



Move. Move. Move...

Fucking move!

Fucking move!

There are people who will pick up
a coin from the urinal.

Then there are people
who will put the coin there...

to see who'll pick it up.
Guess which you are.

Well, well.
Superlosers on the go again.

I can tell you're in top shape.

You want to see what we just did?
You should like it.

Let me guess.

Dildos made out of Barbies,
buzzing around on the streets.

Let's go home. Let's agree you won.

What was Flash Attack?

Was it a group or these attacks
or something else?

Before becoming paralyzed..
- Isn't this your new best friend?

...a big dream.
He was a Brazilian priest.

He tried to break the record for
flying with helium-filled balloons.

That was my idea!

What a guy! I told him about that.

As if that wuss would ever have
the courage to do that.

Would you have the courage?

His body was found...
- would you have the courage?

But this great legend lives on.

He'll be remembered forever.

What the hell...


What are you doing?
- I'm filling balloons.

Are you drunk? - No.
The most sober I've been in months.

- It's possible to break the record.

The priest would've broken it
if he hadn't drifted over the ocean.

Get real.
The whole trick is an illusion.

You'll kill yourself.
- At least l will be remembered...

for something other
than spearing someone.

Are you with me?
Flash Patrol is calling.

Flash Patrol?
You're out of your mind.

People have definitely noticed
a group called Flash Patrol

The group will try to break
the record...

for flying with
helium-filled balloons.

A Brazilian priest was the last
person to try to break the recent..

I've never seen this many balloons.

They have to be as big as possible.
- We have these.

Shelf C.

I'll jump out of the window
to see if this works. - See you.

You'll find yourself an ugly wife.
- You won't find a wife.

It almost flew.
- Let's be honest with ourselves.

This is an insane idea.
- An insanely good idea.

Neither of us has experience.

That's the point.
Dangerous and difficult.

That's what you wanted.
- Not this dangerous and difficult.

What's the worst thing
that could happen?

We'll add balloons,
and it'll go straight up.

This isn't that difficult.
We'll make one man fly anytime.

More helium, and he'll be airborne.

- Fuck!

Can we talk? Assa is in danger.

Sure, if he hangs out with you.
Move, please.

Okay, not in danger, but losing it.

You're the only one he'll listen to.

This is a long story.
I would like you to trust me. Okay?

You want me to trust you?

Anna, I'm trying to fix things here.
- No, you're not.

You don't want to be happy,...

and that's why no one else
can be either.

I want to be happy. - Why don't
you stop this recklessness then?

It's not that simple.
- It's exactly that simple.

Assa realized it.

And then you came
and messed his head up.

He lost his happiness
and I lost mine.

So thanks a fucking lot.

I screwed up everything,
but this is about Assa.

He's losing it.


Okay, five minutes.


Excuse me.

One question.
Why are you doing this?


This is senseless. This is
like trying to commit suicide.

What do I have to lose?
- You want me to list everything?

Good health. A good job.
A good woman. - Anna dumped me.

I lost my job.
- I'll talk to your boss.

Anna will take you back.
- Yeah, sure.

I talked to her.

Did she say she wants me back?
- Yes.

Okay, she didn't.
But she didn't say she doesn't.

I curse the day I met you.

I'm fucking stupid.
- No, you're not.

You're just a little confused.
- If she takes me back, what then?

You'll make a baby
and live happily ever after.


Fuck! There's nothing like that!
I should've believed you.

My relationships just cause
tears and pain.

I'm fucking tired of crying
like a girl.

I want to be a man!

Are you with me or not?


I'll do it.

No fucking way.
- My costume and my idea.

You got scared.
- No, I didn't.

You did.
- I didn't. - You did.

We'll flip a coin.
- Heads.

Two out of three.

This is so unnecessary.

What the fuck? Let me go.

This is for your own good.

God damn!


You're my only and dearest friend.

Go back to Anna, okay?

You owe it to me.
- I don't owe you anything.

Soon you will. - Did you hear
what I said, dickhead?

Don't you dare go out there!

I'm sorry,...

but unfortunately there will be
no balloon flight today.

Why not?
- Because there's no sense in it.

Saku, I'm sure
you want to use the publicity.

You'd get a lot of attention.

You'll be a hero, and
not a failed javelin thrower.

I don't have the guts.

You can leave.
- Did we come here for nothing?

What do we write about now? Saku!

I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry. just die!

That's right.

Too bad he didn't die.

Let's go. There's nothing to see.

Yeah, yeah.
- Let's go.

Let's go.

Fuck. Undo these!


I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I think I should go.






No. No. No.

So you took the battery.


Saku, I fucking hate you.

I thank the lord every day
for not getting on that thing.

People often ask me
what! think happened to you.

Based on what I know about Saku
he planned it.

This was meant to happen.

Put that away.

- Shh.

I did it.

I'll go.


Translated by Aretta Vahala
Proofread by Rich Lyons

And cut!

And cut!
- And cut!


And cut.
- And peep.