Hush Up Sweet Charlotte (2015) - full transcript
Old Charlotte Holler is about to lose everything, especially her mind.
*
I'd sooner it be one of my
field boys than you!
Like Willis. Dark, piercing
brown eyes, with just a hint of
hazel.
Dark, bulging, glistening
muscles
nice firm buttocks
[squeaking]
Sit down, boy.
My own sweet darling daughter
and Jewel Mayhem's
husband?! Makes me sick to my
stomach to think of the two of
you
co-mingling. You're just a
foul, money-hungry little gigolo
aren't you? That is a great
word, isn't it?
Gigolo? I believe that it's
Italian.
My dad used to sit on that
verandah
buck naked drinking moonshine,
let this whole place fall apart
around him.
I worked my fingers to the bone
to bring this place back
to the successful plantation
you see before you, and I am
not,
not, I say, gonna let some
little adulterer come and steal
it from me!
Charlotte's all I have. I'm
going to protect her from the
likes of you.
- Your daughter is not a little
girl anymore, and there's going
to
be lots of other men.
- and I'm gonna be there with a
shotgun if I have to, and
shoot every god-dang one of
them! What was your plan boy?
She was going to meet me out at
the shed. Her bag is packed.
Then over to the Dramata Inn in
Baton Rouge. They got a real
nice-
Oh shut your filthy mouth boy!
So in this plan,
what were you going to tell your little
- She was giving me a divorce.
Well that's not going to
happen. You see,
Jewel was here last night.
- Last night?
- Last night.
- Right here?
- Right here?
Right here?
- Right here in that chair.
- This chair?
- That chair.
- Last night?
- Last night.
- Right here.
Now when you came in on the
verandah there was
a couple of chairs. Not those.
You go in the foyer, and just
before the music room we've got a whole
Yes that chair, you jackass!
Sat there crying her little
eyes out.
Told her she wouldn't worry
about a thing. Now, you're going to come
night with Jewel, your wife.
But you're going to meet
Charlotte in the shed. What you're going
is this:
*
Big daddy sure knows how to
throw a party!
I just love all the food!
*
Mayhem.
- I heard that see is
having a scandalous affair!
- Have you seen Charlotte?
- Can't you see I am
busy?
- Oh, I'm sorry. Hello
Drew.
- Hello Drew.
- Hello. Don't you
look real pretty tonight.
- I think she went out back with
John Mayhem. Yeah, I bet
they're doing something scandalous. Some
even speak it out loud.
- Jewel Mayhem
Like s-e-x.
Why do you always have to have such a po
potty-brain?
- I don't, you do.
- I don't, you do.
Would you please stop that?
- Would you please stop that? Alright.
I go find her.
You're the pretty sister.
So all I have to do is grow
some big boobies and you'll be
on my hip?
*
*
* Paint the town, wear
something fancy *
* get low down and gallivanting
*
* you will lose that crown
before you know it! Roll off the bed *
* you can sleep when you're dead
- I'm sorry, Charlotte.
I really am. Please don't cry.
Someone will love you someday.
Maybe. And if not,
you can always look forward to
growing old here, by yourself.
Turning into some crazy old
loon.
Probably just you and Velma,
all alone.
Old, old maids.
All wrinkly.
I got you that real nice music
box so you can remember me.
I could kill you!
*
* Drink that up, it's
outrageous, *
* live in sin, it's contagious,
let yourself give in *
* it's advantageous! Stay home
and scowl or go out *
* on the prowl, come on, let
yourself howl *
* and go crazy, crazy, crazy
* crazy, crazy, crazy, go
crazy! *
[clapping]
*
Hello?
Charlotte? Is that you?
[thumping]
*
[thumping]
[laughing]
No! No!
No!
[screaming]
*
*
* [ominous music]
[murmuring]
*
But what if I get caught?
- Then you tell her you're
John Mayhem and you've come
back to take your music box. Now get!
*
[chiming]
[cat meowing, hissing]
*
[music box playing]
[screaming]
*
*
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you
* shine. You heard I was
* leaving you, but darling,
that's *
* a lie. You know I'll
* always love you.
* Until the day I die
* Hush up sweet Charlotte.
* That's a long, long time
*
[birds chirping]
Damn you! Damn you
all!
Grab yourself a rifle, we're
going to have ourselves a shooting party
Again?
- Damn you!
Damn you all!
- Why in tarnation
does she say "you all"? We know
who's out there.
[rifle shots]
[rifle shots]
[more shots]
Are you done playing around up there?
- Damn you
Damn you all! Velma,
are we our of bullets?
- We are fresh out, Miss Charlotte.
- Lookie here, Miss Charlotte,
This house is coming down no
matter what. We got the papers
signed on the dotted line and there is n
- And where you are,
I could spit in your eye with
no strain at all!
I'm sick and tired of this
little turkey shoot we've been playing t
I'm gonna have to head on
downtown and get the sheriff and he's go
Nobody's gonna tear down my
house to build a little bridge
railroad or highfalutin
airport, so you can just
clear off my property once and
for all!
Damn you! Damn you all!
- Ooh, Miss Charlotte. One of the most a
I have ever dealt with in all
of my born days!
I used to think that stuff
about you cutting off your lover's head
Now I'm beginning to think
different.
*
[laughing]
If that Sheriff Luke comes out
here, he'll be
real sorry!
- Oh hush-up Charlotte! Now, how does
a nice chicken fried steak
sound?
With some of your homemade biscuits and
some of them.
- And some ham, bacon, and
sausage on the side? Oh, and
some of your, your buttermilk pancakes
with your maple syrup? And some
of those beignets you make.
The best damn beignets in the county.
- Anything else?
Go easy on the butter, I'm
trying to watch my girlish figure.
That's a good idea.
[bells]
Thank you so much.
Meet Miss Charlotte after waiting for so
why would you be coming all the
way from London England to investigate a
like this? The only journalists
coming around these parts is so they can
like this.
- It's like this, Sheriff. I've never be
that I haven't solved.
- Sheriff, you've gotta come out to the
talk some sense into that
lunatic Miss Charlotte. I almost got kil
She and that Velma were shooting at me l
- Do you mind if I tag along?
I won't say a word, I'll just
observe, I'll be quiet as a churchmouse.
I don't see any harm in that as
long as you just stay in the car and obs
Mr. Wills.
- I'm writing a cookbook about the seven
delicacies in these here parts.
- Oh, nice to meet you.
Is there a Mrs. Stan that I
might get some recipes from?
No, I'm not married.
- Not married? A big handsome, strapping
like you?
- No, I guess just
never met the right girl.
- What kind of girl?
Sheriff, I'd like to get with
that Jewel Mayhem, I'm sure she's got a
You know Miss Jewel?
- Yes, I've done a thorough investigatio
in these here parts.
- Mr. Wills, your accent is very
interesting. What part of
England are you from?
Oh, the southern part.
*
Velma!
He's here!
- Hey, Miss Velma.
How are you doing this fine morning?
- Well, I'd be just fine if
some people would stop meddling
in other people's business.
She don't want to see you anyhow.
- Well that's too bad, I guess I'm just
to come on in and wait until
she feels like seeing me so we can discu
of shooting at Stan. How are
you doing this fine morning?
May I say you're looking mighty pretty.
- Get out Sheriff Luke!
Did you say pretty? Am I
looking pretty today?
I would be just fine is
everybody weren't trying to throw me off
and making such a mess and a
big racket out there
and practically digging up Big Daddy's g
- Charlotte, you know
you've had plenty of time to
pack up and leave before this all starte
This house is coming down and there ain'
This is so unfair. Nobody asked
me to sign anything and
suddenly it's become some sort
of public decree.
I've told you this time and
time again Miss Charlotte, papers were s
That is not true, and if anyone
did it was that Jewel Mayhem,
She's always trying something out to get
about poor Miss Jewel? She's
old and frail and practically senile, co
of anything these days, she's quite ill.
When my cousin MIldred comes,
she'll
fix everything.
- Cousin Mildred?
The pretty one?
- Yeah, the pretty one.
She's going to march right down
to that courthouse and tell them where t
shove that decree. Now, get out!
Now why did you tell him she
was coming?
You haven't heard hide nor tail
from here since you sent her away
I know she's coming. I can feel
it
in my bones.
[Doorbell]
Telegram for Miss Charlotte!
Dear Charlotte, stop.
On my way to help immediately,
stop. We'll take this
to the highest court in the
land, stop. Love, Mildred stop.
You see? I told you she was
coming to
fix everything.
Such beautiful weather we're
having isn't it?
It's gorgeous. It's quite
picturesque really.
It reminds me a bit of a
wedding I went to.
The bride wore red
Oh, oh my, what an odd
coincidence.
Look, it's my sister standing
by the side of the road. Driver,
please pull over.
*
Hello.
- Hello, dear.
- What are you doing here?
Well when I heard you were
coming out here to help poor Cousin Char
two heads would be better than one.
- Oh, marvelous.
- Would you mind helping
me put my bag in the trunk,
it's awfully heavy. Oh, not you, sir. Sh
the exercise.
- Drive on.
But what happened to the other lady?
- She forgot some- she decided not to co
One of those excuses will do. Drive on.
- But-
I said, drive on.
- Okay, lady.
[bell rings]
Well, come on in
then.
Drew. What are you doing here?
I swear, all the comers and
goers that are
happening today.
- Well I stopped by to see if you need a
new something to calm your nerves?
- That's very kind of you Drew, but
my cousin Mildred is coming and
she's going to take care of
everything. I won't have to
leave the house. We can give
parties here again. Wouldn't
that be fun!
Well, here we are.
Isn't this an amazing piece of history?
- History?
Yes. I just hate this place, it gives me
- Too bad it's
going to be torn down next week.
- Oh what a pity. What a pity I'm going
hillbilly for every cent she's got.
- Did you say something?
- I said I need to pee.
So hurry it up.
*
I'm gonna go powder my nose.
I will too.
- Well, I guess
I gotta go out and get her bags.
Velma.
Velma Smothers.
You look so... well.
You are not Mildred.
- Velma, why would you say such
a thing. Of course,
- Well, your boobs are so much bigger.
I mean, Mildred's boobs were big, but yo
- Now, Velma, we haven't seen each other
in many years. The years have
changed us. Some for good and some for-
well.
Milli-
-Dred! Drew, what a surprise.
Why yes. Mildred.
I just can't believe it, you
look
fantastic. It's been so long.
In a recent letter I sent you a
photo, what did you expect?
They look so much better in
person.
Did you have any trouble with you know w
- Oh, it's so wonderful to be back here.
It-way as-way easy-way.
Ock-tray.
Ock-tray!
- Yes, I will take care of that one myse
Who does your hair? I need to
find out because I want to have it done
Well I just do it myself.
I wash it in lye soap that I
make from bacon
fat. That's the secret.
- So that's why you smell like
pork. Well I guess it's time,
I'd best go up and
see dear cousin.
- That's the last of it, I thank you ver
and I'll be on my way, ma'am.
- I sure hope that that fine
lady -
- Oh wonderful, wonderful, well don't di
to pick up.
- Thank you for your generosity.
No, no, there are no buts here
at the plantation, just hurry along. I s
along! As in have a wonderful
day. Life.
[chuckling]
Well don't think I'm bringing
in all them bags.
Specially not that big one!
- Well don't you worry your little hands
my dear Velma. Drew will bring
them into the house and to the
large walk in closet at the end
of the hallway by the
second bathroom.
I should be able to auction all
these old pieces for a very
good price.
- I don't see how you're gonna convince
You just leave that to me Drew.
I'm the mastermind in this.
You're the Rhoda. I'm the Mary.
I'll take care
of her.
- You'll take care of her?
Now what did you mean by that
remark?
It's just that poor Charlotte
has lived here for so long, and I will h
care of her with the move and
all.
Them bags are not going to move
themselves.
Yes, of course.
- I've got the guest room all ready for
Second door on the right.
Thank you Velma. And once
again, what a pleasure to
see you. You look ravishing.
Well, I guess you're
gonna be wanting to stay for
supper, especially now
that Miss Mildred is here. I'm
not
doing anything fancy, so don't
'spect much. I don't serve
nothing, I am out of here
before dark. This place
gives me the willies after
dark.
Just fine, Velma, just fine.
I am so hungry for your
homestyle cooking, but
I just have to get the bag, put
it in the back of the closet like
Mil-dred suggested.
*
Something sure smells
fishy.
Charlotte. It's me.
Melanie?
- No dear, it's Mildred.
I got your letter asking me to
come.
But you've gotten so much
bigger.
Well, it's been a very long
time. A lot can happen to a girl when sh
off to New York City, gets
caught up in a wild and carefree lifesty
and smoking and drinking until all hours
I met the right surgeon.
- You have come to help me?
Yes.
- What is it?
Oh, the baby Jane doll.
Remember how we would play with her
for hours? How much you loved
her?
I never could understand why
your sister was so afraid of her, I mean
afraid of such an angelic face.
- Come here little girl!
[laughing]
Not me.
- Do you
do you remember Preston? The
boy I dated who
went off to war and came back
with a Yankee wife?
I thought his name was Ashley.
- No. Preston.
Do you remember the time you
went to the big ball and wore that red d
Oh, and everyone was appalled
and made fun of you, saying, 'lady of th
Hussy, whore.
And Big Daddy was so upset.
That's when I met John Mayhem and
and, oh Mildred.
You have come to help me?
- Yes Charlotte. I'm come to help with
everything. Just everything.
You won't have to worry about
a thing. Not a single thing,
I'll take care of everything.
Really, I will. You won't even
know
what hit you.
*
This was Big Daddy's favorite
room
in the entire house. He'd just
sit in here and eat and drink
and eat and drink
and eat and drink and eat and
drink and
eat and drink. And then he'd
have a big old cigar.
He'd be in here for days and
days sometimes.
Carrying on, entertaining
different business associates.
Sometimes he'd call me and have
me lift up my dress
and show my belly button and
we'd giggle.
Mildred, you can go into town
first thing tomorrow morning and walk st
them what's what.
- Now Charlotte, you're going to have to
I don't think Mildred or you can do anyt
- Charlotte, Drew
is right. You have to leave the
house.
But that's just, that's just crazy talk!
- Tomorrow
at breakfast, we sit down and
discuss all this and come up with a plan
A plan? We don't need to make
any plans.
What do you think I asked you
here for?
Company? Do you think I'd ask
you back here just to - just to
make a plan?
You owe me, missy.
Remember when Big Daddy took
you and your sister downtown? Bought you
whole new wardrobes?
- Yes, I remember.
Down to a sleazy Baton Rouge-
- It wasn't good enough for you?
Big daddy didn't give you
enough? Well maybe that's what you came
swindle me out of all of this -
- Charlotte, what's gotten into you? You
come here to come and help.
And you continue like this?
What is dragging up the past
going to do for you?
- It's all right Drew. Charlotte's not h
She's been carrying such a
large burden for many years and now with
new threat of the demolition of
this beautiful old house
we all just need to stay calm
and come up with
a plan.
We all know exactly she came back here t
house. It was you who went
sneaking off
to Jewel and told her about her
husband and me in the
first place!
- You seem to be forgetting
that was my sister, Melanie.
- Oh that's right.
I'm sorry. You're the nice one.
The pretty one.
But you still didn't know about
that, did you Drew? Or did you?
I know the two of you were
having a sordid little affair,
but Drew dumped you because you
weren't in line to get any of Big Daddy'
money. You know something Melanie?
- Mildred.
You're just a vile, conniving,
sour little
bitch!
Would you like me to get that
cousin dear?
I'll get it. It's still my
house.
*
Did you take care of Mildred?
Oh yes. I took care of her.
*
Yes?
- Miss Charlotte?
- Yes?
Miss Charlotte Holler? The Miss Charlott
- Yes.
I'm a reporter with the
international newspaper, The Daily Nosey
you if I asked you a few
questions? Did you kill
your lover?
- Please get off my property!
*
What are you two doing?
Conniving behind my back?
- Oh, Charlotte.
- Charlotte
don't be silly. I think you've
been locked up here with
only Velma and myself as your
only connection to the world.
Too long. I mean, it has
altered your perception
of reality. Not everyone is out
to get you.
Yes, Charlotte. I am here for
one reason. I only want
what's best for me. For you.
Like the time I told Big Daddy
that his darling little girl
was having a dirty little
affair with someone who could only end
up badly. I- we- only
wanted what was best for you
then, too. How could we have known
it would end up in a
horrifically, bloody, disgusting
murder that would haunt you and this hou
How could we have known that?
- Absolutely, how would we know that.
But... but you said it was
Melanie who did it, not you.
- Well, I meant my sister
She actually confided in me,
although I must
admit, I strongly agreed with
her actions. In fact, I suggested it.
We all knew he was in it for no
good reasons.
We didn't want you to get hurt.
Well,
no you couldn't have known that.
John.
John?
*
John? John?
Everytime I come out here to
visit, she's a little worse.
She seems to lose her grip on
reality more and more
She goes up there in that room,
puts on that dress, the same dress
she wore that night, and she
waits for him.
Or she goes to the music room
and plays that song.
The music box that John gave
her over and over,
again and again.
- We have no choice but to follow the pl
Come on, Drew. Don't get
sentimental
on me now. Just think about the
money.
John. John.
- See? She is insane.
We're actually doing a good
deed. She needs to be taken care of by s
Other than that pork-smelling
hick! How much more would it
take? You know, so that there
isn't any doubt?
I don't think it would take
much.
Push her over the edge
completely.
Really? You really think so?
- Charlotte was wrong.
I mean, I never left you
because of what
well, my mother didn't -
- Drew! You know I don't
hold on to things. Let bygones
be bygones and
never bring it up again. Don't
even think about it. Not even a little b
See, I've completely forgotten
about it, I've moved on with my life, ok
Do you want me to stay here in
this house with you?
It's a big old scary house.
I'll be fine. I'm not a little
girl anymore.
No, you're not.
Well, Drew, are you forgetting
something?
You said you were
going to bring me something for
my protection.
The gun, you im-patient
fool.
So I guess you can see yourself
out, Drew. Good night.
I said, good night.
Good night, Meli.
See you later.
John.
*
John. [crying]
[creaking]
My dress!
Somebody slashed my dress!
[child laughing]
Why do you think that she was
sent off the London if she
wasn't guilty? It's the best way to take
To stay here and deny the
allegations,
proud of it?
- That's the thing Mr. Wills. From what
poor old Miss Charlotte
couldn't remember anything that happened
her daddy sent her over there
to prevent her from bein charged with
murder.
- But how, she was the leading suspect.
- Big daddy
was in bed with the mayor, the
governor, anyone of any power
here in this here parts. He
could do anything he wanted.
Do you think she could've done
it?
No, I don't. Do you?
- I agree.
Sugar?
- Please. Five.
One,
two, three, four,
five.
All right? It's delightful, I'm
not typically a coffee drinker, I'm more
a tea drinker being from London
and all.
So, I hope you don't mind my
asking Sheriff, how did you become
the local law and a newspaper
man.
I guess it's just in my blood.
My mama
loved reading the newspaper,
and my daddy, he loved listening
to little orphan Annie on the
radio.
So I guess that's as good as
reason as any.
I was the understand that her
cousin Mildred is coming to help?
That's what I've been told, but
I don't know.
Now we just have to do one more
thing and then we can be done with all o
It was such a nice visit, but
what
did we just do?
- Miss Jewel, we have to go file those p
plantation in my name. You promised, rem
Now we just have to do one more
thing and we can be done with all this.
Excuse me Sheriff, but I'm a
bit confused.
If that's Mildred, she's all
grown up now.
The other lady out there in the
black dress, that's Jewel Mayhem.
Interesting. As you may already
know, Mildred has a sister Melanie,
they were identical twins,
except for a few
things.
- What things?
What I want to do is
go back home, have some tea,
and your special
scones.
- Miss Melanie?
But you're quite mistaken, I'm Mildred.
- Miss MIldred,
my deepest apologies.
- It's always so difficult to
tell you two apart, except for-
[laughing]
Jewel. Jewel Mayhem.
How good it is to see you after
all these years.
Can't you even give me the time
of day?
I haven't the time in my last
dying days
to give anyone the time of day.
Especially the likes of you.
Well you must be confusing me
with my sister Melanie.
Jewel, she had told me that you
two had had some sort of spat.
You are not Mildred. I love
Mildred.
I can tell by every fiber in my
body that you are that
thieving, disgusting vile pig
Melanie!
Please not here. Not on the
public street.
I'll do whatever I wish! Now
get out of my way
you stinky harlot bitch! Murder
starts in the heart. Its first
weapon is a vicious, vile,
disgusting, really gross,
not nice, unalluring,
loose tongue.
- Now, Miss Mayhem,
let's go and get you back home
where we can get you that tea
and a nice scone.
- I am not unalluring.
I aways did say she was unalluring.
- Oh, you never say that.
I may not have said it, but I thought it
- Will you two hush up?
Let's go over there and say
hello and find out what she's up to.
That must've hit the nail right
on the head.
Do stop this, Charlotte!
- And you forgot this!
And that!
- Now, who do you think you
is going to clean this mess all
up? Just because you saw
a bit of literature about you
and that John Mayhem.
Now I thought this was all kind
of funny, but you've just
lost all your sense of humor, I swear!pp
I thought this was a real nice
picture of Miss Charlotte.
Yes, I see what you mean. Where did you
- I bought it.
Down at the Piggly Wiggly. I
thought it was a real nice
likeness of Miss Charlotte,
just like I said, and I thought it was g
brighten up her day, what with
all the goings on and all.
Well you obviously were very
mistaken, even though I hate to admit it
it's a lovely picture of her.
Oh, by the way Velma, I've
hired your old friends
Bertie, Agnes, and Trudy to
pack up Charlotte's belongings
They'll be here any moment, so
please, have them start in the dining ro
With the silver. Someone will
be by tomorrow
to pick up the boxes and put
them into safekeeping.
Safekeeping, huh?
I bet it's for safekeeping.
- Worst picture of me on the cover!
Charlotte, you know that Velma
has always been someone with special
needs. I'm sure she was just
trying to be amusing.
But look at it. It- it looks
terrible. I don't look like that. They m
done something to the picture.
I bet Jewel Mayhem is behind all this.
She hates me. All she wants to
do is try to make my life miserable.
Don't be ridiculous. You're
beginning to sound a bit mad. Batty.
Irrational, wacky, crazy,
delusional, delirious, psychotic, banana
and a bit mental.
Now, Charlotte, I just saw
Jewel Mayhem at City Hall
downtown. Crazy as a loon and
practically at death's door.
She called me unalluring. Crazy.
Me. Unalluring.
- I'm glad Jewel
Mayhem is ill. She deserves to
be ill. She
deserves to die! I've got
evidence. Lots of it.
Now do you think I'm crazy? I
know
Jewel Mayhem is behind this, I
have all of these hidden all over the ho
Bertie, Agnes, and Trudy are
downstairs.
I told them to start on silver,
like you said.
Thank you Velma.
- What are Bertie, Agnes and Trudy doing
And what about the siler?
- Oh Charlotte,
I'm so worried about you in
this terrible stress.
Now later, we will sit down and
discuss everything and talk
about the plan. Oh, and by the
way dear,
I picked up something today for
your nerves.
But what happened today at City Hall?
- We'll talk about that later Charlotte,
now, drink up, okay?
Just one.
Now that's a good girl. Well,
I'm going to go downstairs
and make sure they're doing
everything correctly.
*
Velma!
What are those women doing in
my house?
Damn you! Damn you all!
And don't come back!
Please, do sit down. I'm sure
you're quite pleased
that I gave you permission for an audien
- Oh yes, I'm very
happy. Just to be clear, I've
been wanting to sit down with
you for many, many, many years.
- Really?
Well I'm not quite sure why.
Montgomery,
do we have any of those nice
blueberry scones left?
Yes, Miss Mayhem. We've got two
left. Why not go get them?
Oh Montgomery.
- Yes, Miss Mayhem?
Look what I made you.
Yes. Very nice.
Very nice.
Some goober peas, Mr. Wills?
Now, where were we? Yes.
I need something from you.
- Oh! Well now I'm intrigued.
How can I help?
- This town is incredibly miniscule.
I'm sure by now everybody's
talking about
my repartee with Melanie today.
- Melanie? I thought it was Mildred.
Yes. So she claims. Melanie,
Mildred,
I don't care who she says she
is.
You see Mr. Wills, I know that
I do not have much time left in this
world. I'm sick. Fragile.
Some say I'm losing my grip on
reality.
Oh, you're fine.
I'm not wearing any panties!
I was going to be a dancer.
I'm slender, beautiful. But John
Mayhem proposed, and I said yes.
Oh, I'd loved him ever since we
were little together
and we played doctor.
With popsicle sticks.
- With popsicle sticks.
- Sticky ones.
He said he would see to it that
John
never ever got any of our
family money. So John
wanted Charlotte for just one
thing. He told me
when he'd swindled Charlotte
out of all her money, he'd come back to
I want you
to keep something for me. To
give to the Sheriff
after I've passed. You see,
everyone's out to get me.
- Out to get you?
This town is filled with dark,
dirty little secrets.
Dirty little secrets.
- Repeat after me! I promise.
- I promise
Never to open the envelope that
Jewel Mayhem gave me
Never to open the envelope that Jewel Ma
- Even if I'm stripped naked
and if my testicles are beaten
with tiny little bats!
Where did they find these tiny little ba
- Just say it.
All right, even if they strip
me naked and beat my testicles with tiny
Until I'm dead and gone.
- Until you're dead and gone!
Well, now. Wasn't that good fun?
Now, how about some of my
nice buggrass tea?
*
Charlotte?
*
Charlotte.
Charlotte, come to bed.
Don't turn on the light.
It's not real when it's light.
It's only
real when it's dark.
Now come to bed.
*
[screaming]
He's dead! He's dead! He's dead!
He's dead, he's dead!
Well I think she's plum crazy.
- Well, maybe she is,
maybe she ain't.
- That's what I always say.
Well, which isn't?
- I don't know.
Well I do know. We should do
this real slow, because
we get paid by the hour.
*
Charlotte!
Jesus Christ
Miss Charlotte?
Miss Charlotte, please, can I
talk with you? I've come such a long way
meet with you.
- Where are you from?
- I'm from England.
Oh really? How nice for you.
- Yes, I was there to greet you
when you came to London so many years ag
journalists who stood in line to have a
interviews. Big daddy forbid it.
- I know.
Let me introduce myself. I'm
Mr. Wills.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
startle you, but I just wanted
to be with you for such a long time.
- You really were there?
Oh yes indeed.
- Then what was I wearing.
- Let me think.
Hot pink dress and a big green hat?
- No.
- A snakeskin coat
with matching t-straps?
- No.
- A little black dress, a monkey
fur collar?
- No. It was a pale blue
dress with matching bag and shoes.
- Oh yes, of course.
How could I forget? And you
were just lovely.
Then you really were there.
- Of course.
Well, well what can I
do for you now?
I've something to confess. I'm
your number one fan.
You're my favorite living
mystery.
Have you
ever ever solved me?
- No.
Then you wouldn't be a mystery
anymore, now would you?
No I wouldn't.
- Then what would I do myself?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I've offended you with all this
I never talk to people about
you-know-what.
I know. I'm so glad you allowed
me to talk with you
about you-know-what.
- Mr. Wills, do you
think I'm a certifiable
demented lunatic unbalanced
killer?
- Well,
Miss Charlotte, that is the big
question. Now, I've entertained many the
that you've taken his
taxidermic head and kept it under the be
or you exhumed Big Daddy's body
and put Mr. Mayhem in his place
or you've kept him under the
floorboards and brought him out to celeb
and re-enacted that night over
and over again, but
alas,
you're the only one that knows
the real truth.
I didn't do it. I know I didn't
do it.
But just lately,
at night, things have gotten so
crazy
in my head, it's made me
question everything and everybody.
I really don't know
anymore.
Would you like
a tour of the inside of the
house?
That's Big Daddy. You see, he'd
sit in here and
eat and drink and eat and
drink, and eat and drink
eat and drink, and then he'd
have a big old cigar.
He'd be in here for days and
days sometimes.
Entertaining different business
associates. He'd call me in
sometimes and have me lift up
my dress and show my bellybutton,
and we'd giggle.
So, why do you call him Big
Daddy? He's not that big.
That's not why we called him
Big Daddy.
So you're, you're
Miss Mell-
-dred. Yes I am. And what are you doing
when she's in such a delicate state.
- I'm Mr. Wills and she was kind enough
A tour. Isn't that special?
I was just showing him the
portrait of Big Daddy, it's so impressiv
Isn't it impressive? He's such
a big man.
He was a fine figure of a man.
There seems to be-
Take you hands off that! You
give that to me!
Oh Charlotte! Charlotte! Calm
down, it's just an old
stinky out-of-tune music box.
- An old stinky out of tune music box,
it's all I have left of John.
How dare you call it an old
stinky out of tune music box!
Get out! Get out! Get out all
of you! Get out!
Damn you! Damn you all!
Charlotte? Melanie? Anybody?
*
Go! You gotta go!
Get out!
Charlotte.
- Get out!
Get the hell out!
How did this happen?
Big daddy. He was mad about
something
Get out!
- Charlotte!
Oh my god! Charlotte.
How did this happen?
- It was Big Daddy.
He was mad about something,
he was so angry. Real angry,
and he was here.
He was right here.
- Charlotte, you know that's
impossible. Big daddy's been
dead for many years.
But he was here. Right here. He
was so angry.
Real angry, he was here. Right
here.
Yes, I got that he was here.
Right here.
Go upstairs and go to bed and
I'll get some bandages and call Drew.
Charlotte. Stop dripping over
everything.
Real angry. And he's here.
He was right here.
- Go upstairs!
Please?
Okay.
- Oh, dammit.
Melanie?
Mildred.
- Mildred.
Drew, what are you doing in my
room?
What is my suitcase
doing up here?
- Charlotte, we're taking you away from
today. Especially after last night.
- Last night?
Charlotte, you just stay put.
I'm gonna give you something to
help calm your nerves.
While Mildred packs up a nice
little bag for you.
Ow.
Charlotte. Drew and I have
talked it over, we believe this house is
making you do things you can't
control.
No I'm not, I won't go.
Jewel will be sitting down
there, waiting for me and laughing at me
I can't give her that
satisfaction.
You see? She thinks Jewel Mayhem
is sitting outside, waiting for
her to go insane.
Is there anything else I can
get you Miss Mayhem?
How much more of this do we have to endu
- Now Melanie, she may be there now
But I think we should stay the
course and make sure that, when she's qu
she doesn't make any sense at
all.
But she just thought that Big
Daddy broke the mirror. I'd say that's p
Give me the police. Yes, Luke?
This is Velma from down at
Holler Plantation. I need to come
down to the hotel and talk to
you and Mr. Wills right away. Yes.
Oh good, good. All right, well,
I will be coming right away and
I need to get me
a nice ham hock so I can make a
good stew for supper.
Yep, yep, that will be real
good, why thank you butcher
John. Yes I'll see you real
soon.
That was the butcher. I just
wanted to make sure I could get a nice
ham hock for stew for supper.
I heard your conversation. I
assume you
want to make some more of your
lovely hair products so you can continue
I might as well tell you now
Velma, we will be taking
Miss Charlotte away from here
tonight. Somewhere where she can be take
care of properly. So there will
be no more need for you
or your lovely stew.
- Taken care of? Someplace
where she can be taken care of?
Well I've been taking care of
her ever since Big Daddy died,
and we've been getting along
just fine until the likes of
you came.
Besides, only Miss Charlotte
can give me my walking papers.
- You don't seem to understand
My cousin is not in the right
frame of mind.
Oh and by the way, the childish
tricks you've been playing here,
trying to frighten me into
leaving? A more than sufficient reason t
Tricks? I didn't rip your
slutty old red
dress.
- Odd, you seem to know it was ripped.
I saw it. I saw it hanging in
your room.
Besides. I know you're here to
get your
hands on all Miss Charlotte's
money. That's why you
want to take her out of here
and take her someplace and commit her.
I know what you're up to missy,
missy, missy, miss missy.
This is none of your concern.
The point is, you are
no longer needed. You are being
let go.
You are fired! Is that plain
enough
for your lily-white trash brain
to comprehend?
Now get out.
No. I'm gonna go upstairs
and tell Miss Charlotte what
you've been up to.
Go ahead. Tell her whatever
you'd like,
Come now my dear Velma. You're
not exactly the most reliable
sort due to your long standing
as an alcoholic.
What's all this ruckus going on down her
Oh, you should be ashamed,
both of you! I see everything
now
missy, missy miss missy, miss
missy!
Now Velma, don't be ridiculous.
There ain't nothing going on
here.
We're just trying to take care
of Charlotte, because she's
ill and she needs special care.
All right.
I'm going. But don't think
you're not going to be
sorry. Both of you!
Yuck, that little pork-smelling
slut.
Can't wait until she's out of
my hair. Do you think she's going to be
Now Melanie, no one's going to
believe her.
Trust me.
Well they are taking advantage
of Miss Charlotte!
I tell you, she has not been
the same since that woman got here.
There is something going on
there that is really bad, it's really ba
I tell you! I think they are
trying to
commit her to someplace so they
can get her money!
I'm so sorry, what can I do.
- Well now, I saw the way she took to yo
I never saw her take to no one
like she did that, now, you could
talk to her, and you could tell
her not to listen to that
Miss Melanie and Dr. Drew.
- I thought it was Mildred.
Oh, I heard Dr. Drew address
her as Melanie.
What if he just addressed her by acciden
That woman ain't sweet at all.
ou do realize these are serious
accusations you're making. What if I cam
Oh, no, no, no, that would not
do. She just doesn't take to you like sh
to Mr. Wills. I mean, she likes
you for other things, but
she still doesn't trust you.
Besides,
I'm worried about that Miss
Melanie and her charms.
Oh, I just don't think Mr.
Wells would be as influenced by that wom
charms.
- I wouldn't be influenced at all by her
I've never met that Dr. Drew.
- Oh, he's a real looker.
Really?
See Charlotte, you just needed
a good nap.
You look much better, and
you'll feel much better once you're away
old dusty house filled with
antique treasures.
[chuckling]
*
Big Daddy.
Charlotte. I got to tell you
something, you've got to listen
[bell dings]
- Don't get that. You got to
listen to me. Charlotte, these
people are out to get you, my
sweet. That's not Mildred. And
Drew?
Well, he's -
[bell dings]
Maybe it's John coming to get
me.
Miss Charlotte, over here!
That's great, Miss Charlotte,
give me more excitement?
Now, give me some fear. Really
great stuff.
This time, give it all you've
got.
Thank you, Miss Charlotte.
*
Charlotte? What was all the
commotion?
*
I love you, Charlotte.
*
How is she?
- I would say
she'd be tripping real good
right now. Probably sleep
till morning.
- Well I have to figure out how to dispo
had made. He's quite charming,
don't you think?
Amazing work.
So, do you think we have her
where we want her?
Oh, Drew, I love you.
- Drew?
Where were you?
I should say. She's just one
little
more nudge until she's locked
up for the
rest of her days.
[laughing]
Good morning Charlotte!
There, what a lovely breakfast!
- That's not Velma's
southern cooking.
- No, I made it. Doesn't it look yummy?
- I want Velma's
southern breakfast. Where's
Velma?
Don't you remember Charlotte?
You fired her!
You told her she was a no good
filthy whore and to get out and
to never step foot in this house again.
I did?
- Yes.
- I don't remember that.
You also mentioned she smelled
like pork.
I remember being downstairs
and...
John...
[crying]
There, isn't that better? Now
I'll just take this tray
away and you can lie there and
drool.
Hello?
A priceless heirloom.
Poor Charlotte will be so upset.
Meeoooww.
- Oh, it's just a cat.
Just an old, disgusting
pork-smelling cat.
I guess I'll go to the kitchen
and get a broom and clean up this mess.
And maybe I'll have a snack. Oh
yes.
A snack would be nice.
*
Miss Charlotte? Miss Charlotte?
Mis Charlotte!
*
They've been drugging you up!
Oh my stars. What kind of
crazy trip have they set you on?
- John...
No, It's not John! John is dead
and buried.
Big Daddy?
- No, it's not Big Daddy, he's dead and
Now hush Miss Charlotte, we've
got to get you out of here.
*
Charlotte. I brought you a
candy bar.
It is chocolate and nougat and
plenty of nuts. Doesn't that sound
tasty?
- Velma?
Velma? Why Charlotte, why would
you be asking for her? She's gone,
remember? You fired that little
hillbilly pork-smelling
slut.
- She's getting me a sweater.
A sweater! Charlotte, you're
delusional, because
that little bitch better not
show her face around here
ever!
- Meeeoooww.
- What the hell do you
think you're doing?
- I came here to check on Charlotte.
She seemed a little cold, so I
was getting her
a sweater.
- A sweater. How nice.
I was coming to collect some of
my things.
Is my cousin one of your things?
Now get out of my house! This
house! Get out!
Oh now you're showing your true
colors!
You're that stinking bitch
sister
Melanie!
- I told you
to get out and stay out!
- Oh, I'll go all right.
I'll go right to the Sheriff's
office and tell him
everything that's going on down
here!
* [ominous music]
*
The filthy pork-smelling whore
is dead.
No stupid, Charlotte doesn't
smell like pork. She smells like- neverm
Just get here right away.
This is Drew. I'm over here at
Velma's and she's had a terrible acciden
She fell off a roof.
- That's terrible
news, Drew.
- Velma's dead.
You know Velma. She was
probably up on the
roof fixing her antennae or
taking down her Christmas lights
from last year or fixing the
holes in her roof, who knows.
Guess I'd better call some of
her kinfolk. Not that she
has much more than a cousin out
in Lafayette.
Thanks for calling.
There's nothing
more to worry about. Now, I'm
the Mary, and you're the Rhoda.
Well I guess I'd better be
taking the body down to the morgue.
We wouldn't want them to know
that "Miss Mildred"
threw Velma down the stairs and
practically broke every bone in
her body.
Now I have the upper hand, and
we're
going to follow my plan.
Charlotte...
Charlotte!
Charlotte...
Charlotte, Charlotte!
Charlotte. Charlotte.
Charlotte...
Charlotte. Charlotte. Please,
Charlotte.
Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte.
Charlotte!
It's Mildred. Keep things
going. I'll take care of her.
*
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you sigh
* You heard that I'm leaving
you *
* darling, that's a lie
* You know I'll always love you
*
* until the day I die
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte...
* and that's a long, long
time... *
Nighty night,
dear.
[laughing]
*
[laughing]
[gunshots]
*
Look what you've done!
You've killed Drew!
You stupid, stupid bitch!
[screaming]
Melanie! Mildred, whatever your
name is, please
don't call the sheriff, Jewel
Mayhem will be laughing at me if she fin
killed anybody. Never, never,
never, we can think of something
I've got lots of money. Lots of
money.
Piles of money. I'll give it to
you. All of it. You can have all of my m
I wish to God
I'd never come here.
All right. I'll get the car and you watc
It's the Sheriff and that nosy
Mr. Wills.
Just stay quiet and stay out of
sight.
Well go on!
Luke, Mr. Wills.
What can I do for you?
- Well, Miss Mildred.
Sorry I haven't been by to give you my r
- That's quite all right,
I know you have a lot to do,
doing Sheriff things and all.
[laughing]
Well, you sure are a sight for
sore eyes.
What can I help you with?
- Velma.
I wanted to ask you a few
questions about Velma's
issue, there seems to me some
confusion with time and such,
so Velma came by, she was real upset abo
Sheriff, but Charlotte is still
asleep, can't this wait until morning?
Yes, I suppose it could.
I'm sorry. We'll just come
by first thing. And you sure
are a sight for sore eyes.
Oh Luke, you're not so bad
yourself.
Please give Miss Charlotte my
condolences.
Yes, this has been a terrible
shock for her.
Give her my deepest sympathies.
- I will, Mr. Wills.
- Goodnight.
Miss Melanie.
- Mildred!
- Melanie!
I can't do it.
I can't do anything else. I
don't think I can help you.
You can't help me?
I'm the one that's helping you!
Do you want me to call the
Sheriff, Charlotte? Wash my hands of the
Is that what you want? All
right, then.
[screeching]
*
Do you mind?
*
I must be the worst person in
the world
to have killed Drew!
- Will you please
shut up?
- Sorry.
Now get out.
Don't make me do it Mildred.
- I said get out!
[splashing]
[crying]
Will you please shut up?
Mildred, they'll be finding him
soon and coming to the house
and asking questions, and I
can't do it. I just can't
do it. You have to tell them.
You have to talk to them and tell them I
I'm really ill and I'm not able
to answer questions. They'll believe tha
Everybody in town thinks I'm
looney anyway. They'll believe that. Jew
have a field day with this one.
You have to talk to them!
They'll find out if you don't!
Now really,
you shut your mouth!
You'll do exactly what I tell
you
to do. If I tell you to lie,
you'll lie. If I tell you to
run around
town with your panties on your
head,
you'll do that, too.
Do you understand?
[horn beeping]
Now get out! I'm going to drive
the car out back.
Why are you going to drive -
- Because I want to, that's why!
Go up to your room, and I'll
come back later to check on you.
[crying]
*
Ah! Ah!
Ah!
[screaming]
- He's here! He's here!
He's here! He's here!
He's dead! He's dead!
*
Hush up, sweet Charlotte.
Hush up
[chuckling]
Oh gorgeous!
Wow.
[chuckling]
To a very profitable
arrangement. By tomorrow,
we should have her fully
committed, and it shouldn't be too long
you are in charge of all that
she possesses.
Which I believe is in the
millions.
- Well, as soon as everything's in my na
I'm going to move far, far
away. Maybe Paris.
Hong Kong. Tuluth.
Without me?
- Drew.
You didn't honestly think that
we would be romantically involved, did y
I used you. Now you'll be amply
rewarded.
- But you have forgotten one minor
little detail. Velma.
You killed her. For me to
forget that bit of information,
I'm afraid I'm coming with you.
I love you, Melanie. With all
my heart.
Touche'.
Oh, my dear, dear Drew, but you
don't know
the whole story. You see,
I've been blackmailing Jewel
Mayhem for years.
Ever since I just happened to
see her kill her husband John in a viole
Once I bled her dry
and helped her go stark raving
mad, I began to
work on Charlotte.
Charlotte never liked me. She
liked my sister, of course.
The nice one. The pretty one.
Not me. So, I started
sending her those letters.
She's been getting those for
years and years and years.
Well that's all well and good
Melanie,
You seem
to keep forgetting that you and
I are in this
together. And if I go down in
any way,
I'll take you down with me.
Well Drew, when you're right,
you're right. Here, darling,
let's have a drink then.
To us.
- To us.
Well, we have one more show to
put on tomorrow morning, and that's goin
to be a doozy. I have to act
devastated that my
poor cousin Charlotte has gone
completely insane!
Now I'm just stuck figuring out
to do with all these old, decrepit
priceless relics.
Is something wrong, Drew?
- Very strange
tingling sensation. My thumbs
is going numb!
I'm losing my, my footing.
My tongue is...
swollen. It's like I'm letting
go of all my
faculties! Like I've been...
Like what, Drew?
Like you've been poisoned?
Some men can't hold their
poison. And by the way, Drew,
That was for jilting me.
Maybe I do hold onto things.
[chuckling]
[screaming]
*
*
Fix your hair up all pretty,
and put on some nice lipstick.
*
I got you that real nice music
box.
So you can remember me.
*
Mildred is actually
Miss Melanie.
That means
Melanie must've gotten the boobie job!pp
that's what I always say.
- I bet Miss Charlotte just went on a ra
and killed Velma and her cousin.
- and she probably got
away with it, too. Just like
she did before.
She was living in the lap of
luxury.
Big Daddy... I gotta go now.
They're going to tear down the
house, and I have to stay in a hotel unt
figure out what I'm going to
do. Where I'm going to live.
If only that Jewel Mayhem would
drop dead so I could buy her house
and live there. Still be close
to you and John.
Don't worry about a thing my
little daughter.
No, Miss Melanie.
Somebody help! Miss Mayhem, she
done died!
Charlotte!
Charlotte, please! Please,
Charlotte!
Please!
Charlotte!
- Mildred, is that you?
Yes, She tied me up and kept me
drugged.
Drugged?
My stars!
I killed John Mayhem. Sorry.
Yours Truly, Jewel Mayhem.
All this time.
*
*
*
*
Driver,
take me to Jewel Mayhem's place.
She won't be needing it anymore.
Driver, stop the car.
Yes, Miss Charlotte?
Get in. I'm moving to Jewel
Mayhem's place.
That's a marvelous idea,
Charlotte. Now, don't you worry
about a thing.
Montgomery and I are going to
take care of everything.
Aren't we, Montgomery?
Oh, it's so good to be home,
and so wonderful
to see you. And remember
darling,
not a thing to worry about.
Everything's going to be just
fine.
Okay.
*
* Hush up sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you
* sigh. You heard that
* I'm leaving you, darling,
* that's a lie.
* you know I'll always love you
*
* until the day I die
* hush up, sweet Charlotte
* that's a long, long time
*
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, dry your tears
* I'll come to you and hold you
*
* close and kiss away your
* fears. You know our
* love's forever. Forever and
* a day.
* hush up, sweet Charlotte
* I'll never go away
*
* hush up
* sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte don't you wait
* close your eyes and pray to
* the Lord our souls to keep
* you know I'll never leave you
*
* I wouldn't even try
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* you will always be mine
* you will always be mine
* you will always be mine
mine mine mine
I'd sooner it be one of my
field boys than you!
Like Willis. Dark, piercing
brown eyes, with just a hint of
hazel.
Dark, bulging, glistening
muscles
nice firm buttocks
[squeaking]
Sit down, boy.
My own sweet darling daughter
and Jewel Mayhem's
husband?! Makes me sick to my
stomach to think of the two of
you
co-mingling. You're just a
foul, money-hungry little gigolo
aren't you? That is a great
word, isn't it?
Gigolo? I believe that it's
Italian.
My dad used to sit on that
verandah
buck naked drinking moonshine,
let this whole place fall apart
around him.
I worked my fingers to the bone
to bring this place back
to the successful plantation
you see before you, and I am
not,
not, I say, gonna let some
little adulterer come and steal
it from me!
Charlotte's all I have. I'm
going to protect her from the
likes of you.
- Your daughter is not a little
girl anymore, and there's going
to
be lots of other men.
- and I'm gonna be there with a
shotgun if I have to, and
shoot every god-dang one of
them! What was your plan boy?
She was going to meet me out at
the shed. Her bag is packed.
Then over to the Dramata Inn in
Baton Rouge. They got a real
nice-
Oh shut your filthy mouth boy!
So in this plan,
what were you going to tell your little
- She was giving me a divorce.
Well that's not going to
happen. You see,
Jewel was here last night.
- Last night?
- Last night.
- Right here?
- Right here?
Right here?
- Right here in that chair.
- This chair?
- That chair.
- Last night?
- Last night.
- Right here.
Now when you came in on the
verandah there was
a couple of chairs. Not those.
You go in the foyer, and just
before the music room we've got a whole
Yes that chair, you jackass!
Sat there crying her little
eyes out.
Told her she wouldn't worry
about a thing. Now, you're going to come
night with Jewel, your wife.
But you're going to meet
Charlotte in the shed. What you're going
is this:
*
Big daddy sure knows how to
throw a party!
I just love all the food!
*
Mayhem.
- I heard that see is
having a scandalous affair!
- Have you seen Charlotte?
- Can't you see I am
busy?
- Oh, I'm sorry. Hello
Drew.
- Hello Drew.
- Hello. Don't you
look real pretty tonight.
- I think she went out back with
John Mayhem. Yeah, I bet
they're doing something scandalous. Some
even speak it out loud.
- Jewel Mayhem
Like s-e-x.
Why do you always have to have such a po
potty-brain?
- I don't, you do.
- I don't, you do.
Would you please stop that?
- Would you please stop that? Alright.
I go find her.
You're the pretty sister.
So all I have to do is grow
some big boobies and you'll be
on my hip?
*
*
* Paint the town, wear
something fancy *
* get low down and gallivanting
*
* you will lose that crown
before you know it! Roll off the bed *
* you can sleep when you're dead
- I'm sorry, Charlotte.
I really am. Please don't cry.
Someone will love you someday.
Maybe. And if not,
you can always look forward to
growing old here, by yourself.
Turning into some crazy old
loon.
Probably just you and Velma,
all alone.
Old, old maids.
All wrinkly.
I got you that real nice music
box so you can remember me.
I could kill you!
*
* Drink that up, it's
outrageous, *
* live in sin, it's contagious,
let yourself give in *
* it's advantageous! Stay home
and scowl or go out *
* on the prowl, come on, let
yourself howl *
* and go crazy, crazy, crazy
* crazy, crazy, crazy, go
crazy! *
[clapping]
*
Hello?
Charlotte? Is that you?
[thumping]
*
[thumping]
[laughing]
No! No!
No!
[screaming]
*
*
* [ominous music]
[murmuring]
*
But what if I get caught?
- Then you tell her you're
John Mayhem and you've come
back to take your music box. Now get!
*
[chiming]
[cat meowing, hissing]
*
[music box playing]
[screaming]
*
*
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you
* shine. You heard I was
* leaving you, but darling,
that's *
* a lie. You know I'll
* always love you.
* Until the day I die
* Hush up sweet Charlotte.
* That's a long, long time
*
[birds chirping]
Damn you! Damn you
all!
Grab yourself a rifle, we're
going to have ourselves a shooting party
Again?
- Damn you!
Damn you all!
- Why in tarnation
does she say "you all"? We know
who's out there.
[rifle shots]
[rifle shots]
[more shots]
Are you done playing around up there?
- Damn you
Damn you all! Velma,
are we our of bullets?
- We are fresh out, Miss Charlotte.
- Lookie here, Miss Charlotte,
This house is coming down no
matter what. We got the papers
signed on the dotted line and there is n
- And where you are,
I could spit in your eye with
no strain at all!
I'm sick and tired of this
little turkey shoot we've been playing t
I'm gonna have to head on
downtown and get the sheriff and he's go
Nobody's gonna tear down my
house to build a little bridge
railroad or highfalutin
airport, so you can just
clear off my property once and
for all!
Damn you! Damn you all!
- Ooh, Miss Charlotte. One of the most a
I have ever dealt with in all
of my born days!
I used to think that stuff
about you cutting off your lover's head
Now I'm beginning to think
different.
*
[laughing]
If that Sheriff Luke comes out
here, he'll be
real sorry!
- Oh hush-up Charlotte! Now, how does
a nice chicken fried steak
sound?
With some of your homemade biscuits and
some of them.
- And some ham, bacon, and
sausage on the side? Oh, and
some of your, your buttermilk pancakes
with your maple syrup? And some
of those beignets you make.
The best damn beignets in the county.
- Anything else?
Go easy on the butter, I'm
trying to watch my girlish figure.
That's a good idea.
[bells]
Thank you so much.
Meet Miss Charlotte after waiting for so
why would you be coming all the
way from London England to investigate a
like this? The only journalists
coming around these parts is so they can
like this.
- It's like this, Sheriff. I've never be
that I haven't solved.
- Sheriff, you've gotta come out to the
talk some sense into that
lunatic Miss Charlotte. I almost got kil
She and that Velma were shooting at me l
- Do you mind if I tag along?
I won't say a word, I'll just
observe, I'll be quiet as a churchmouse.
I don't see any harm in that as
long as you just stay in the car and obs
Mr. Wills.
- I'm writing a cookbook about the seven
delicacies in these here parts.
- Oh, nice to meet you.
Is there a Mrs. Stan that I
might get some recipes from?
No, I'm not married.
- Not married? A big handsome, strapping
like you?
- No, I guess just
never met the right girl.
- What kind of girl?
Sheriff, I'd like to get with
that Jewel Mayhem, I'm sure she's got a
You know Miss Jewel?
- Yes, I've done a thorough investigatio
in these here parts.
- Mr. Wills, your accent is very
interesting. What part of
England are you from?
Oh, the southern part.
*
Velma!
He's here!
- Hey, Miss Velma.
How are you doing this fine morning?
- Well, I'd be just fine if
some people would stop meddling
in other people's business.
She don't want to see you anyhow.
- Well that's too bad, I guess I'm just
to come on in and wait until
she feels like seeing me so we can discu
of shooting at Stan. How are
you doing this fine morning?
May I say you're looking mighty pretty.
- Get out Sheriff Luke!
Did you say pretty? Am I
looking pretty today?
I would be just fine is
everybody weren't trying to throw me off
and making such a mess and a
big racket out there
and practically digging up Big Daddy's g
- Charlotte, you know
you've had plenty of time to
pack up and leave before this all starte
This house is coming down and there ain'
This is so unfair. Nobody asked
me to sign anything and
suddenly it's become some sort
of public decree.
I've told you this time and
time again Miss Charlotte, papers were s
That is not true, and if anyone
did it was that Jewel Mayhem,
She's always trying something out to get
about poor Miss Jewel? She's
old and frail and practically senile, co
of anything these days, she's quite ill.
When my cousin MIldred comes,
she'll
fix everything.
- Cousin Mildred?
The pretty one?
- Yeah, the pretty one.
She's going to march right down
to that courthouse and tell them where t
shove that decree. Now, get out!
Now why did you tell him she
was coming?
You haven't heard hide nor tail
from here since you sent her away
I know she's coming. I can feel
it
in my bones.
[Doorbell]
Telegram for Miss Charlotte!
Dear Charlotte, stop.
On my way to help immediately,
stop. We'll take this
to the highest court in the
land, stop. Love, Mildred stop.
You see? I told you she was
coming to
fix everything.
Such beautiful weather we're
having isn't it?
It's gorgeous. It's quite
picturesque really.
It reminds me a bit of a
wedding I went to.
The bride wore red
Oh, oh my, what an odd
coincidence.
Look, it's my sister standing
by the side of the road. Driver,
please pull over.
*
Hello.
- Hello, dear.
- What are you doing here?
Well when I heard you were
coming out here to help poor Cousin Char
two heads would be better than one.
- Oh, marvelous.
- Would you mind helping
me put my bag in the trunk,
it's awfully heavy. Oh, not you, sir. Sh
the exercise.
- Drive on.
But what happened to the other lady?
- She forgot some- she decided not to co
One of those excuses will do. Drive on.
- But-
I said, drive on.
- Okay, lady.
[bell rings]
Well, come on in
then.
Drew. What are you doing here?
I swear, all the comers and
goers that are
happening today.
- Well I stopped by to see if you need a
new something to calm your nerves?
- That's very kind of you Drew, but
my cousin Mildred is coming and
she's going to take care of
everything. I won't have to
leave the house. We can give
parties here again. Wouldn't
that be fun!
Well, here we are.
Isn't this an amazing piece of history?
- History?
Yes. I just hate this place, it gives me
- Too bad it's
going to be torn down next week.
- Oh what a pity. What a pity I'm going
hillbilly for every cent she's got.
- Did you say something?
- I said I need to pee.
So hurry it up.
*
I'm gonna go powder my nose.
I will too.
- Well, I guess
I gotta go out and get her bags.
Velma.
Velma Smothers.
You look so... well.
You are not Mildred.
- Velma, why would you say such
a thing. Of course,
- Well, your boobs are so much bigger.
I mean, Mildred's boobs were big, but yo
- Now, Velma, we haven't seen each other
in many years. The years have
changed us. Some for good and some for-
well.
Milli-
-Dred! Drew, what a surprise.
Why yes. Mildred.
I just can't believe it, you
look
fantastic. It's been so long.
In a recent letter I sent you a
photo, what did you expect?
They look so much better in
person.
Did you have any trouble with you know w
- Oh, it's so wonderful to be back here.
It-way as-way easy-way.
Ock-tray.
Ock-tray!
- Yes, I will take care of that one myse
Who does your hair? I need to
find out because I want to have it done
Well I just do it myself.
I wash it in lye soap that I
make from bacon
fat. That's the secret.
- So that's why you smell like
pork. Well I guess it's time,
I'd best go up and
see dear cousin.
- That's the last of it, I thank you ver
and I'll be on my way, ma'am.
- I sure hope that that fine
lady -
- Oh wonderful, wonderful, well don't di
to pick up.
- Thank you for your generosity.
No, no, there are no buts here
at the plantation, just hurry along. I s
along! As in have a wonderful
day. Life.
[chuckling]
Well don't think I'm bringing
in all them bags.
Specially not that big one!
- Well don't you worry your little hands
my dear Velma. Drew will bring
them into the house and to the
large walk in closet at the end
of the hallway by the
second bathroom.
I should be able to auction all
these old pieces for a very
good price.
- I don't see how you're gonna convince
You just leave that to me Drew.
I'm the mastermind in this.
You're the Rhoda. I'm the Mary.
I'll take care
of her.
- You'll take care of her?
Now what did you mean by that
remark?
It's just that poor Charlotte
has lived here for so long, and I will h
care of her with the move and
all.
Them bags are not going to move
themselves.
Yes, of course.
- I've got the guest room all ready for
Second door on the right.
Thank you Velma. And once
again, what a pleasure to
see you. You look ravishing.
Well, I guess you're
gonna be wanting to stay for
supper, especially now
that Miss Mildred is here. I'm
not
doing anything fancy, so don't
'spect much. I don't serve
nothing, I am out of here
before dark. This place
gives me the willies after
dark.
Just fine, Velma, just fine.
I am so hungry for your
homestyle cooking, but
I just have to get the bag, put
it in the back of the closet like
Mil-dred suggested.
*
Something sure smells
fishy.
Charlotte. It's me.
Melanie?
- No dear, it's Mildred.
I got your letter asking me to
come.
But you've gotten so much
bigger.
Well, it's been a very long
time. A lot can happen to a girl when sh
off to New York City, gets
caught up in a wild and carefree lifesty
and smoking and drinking until all hours
I met the right surgeon.
- You have come to help me?
Yes.
- What is it?
Oh, the baby Jane doll.
Remember how we would play with her
for hours? How much you loved
her?
I never could understand why
your sister was so afraid of her, I mean
afraid of such an angelic face.
- Come here little girl!
[laughing]
Not me.
- Do you
do you remember Preston? The
boy I dated who
went off to war and came back
with a Yankee wife?
I thought his name was Ashley.
- No. Preston.
Do you remember the time you
went to the big ball and wore that red d
Oh, and everyone was appalled
and made fun of you, saying, 'lady of th
Hussy, whore.
And Big Daddy was so upset.
That's when I met John Mayhem and
and, oh Mildred.
You have come to help me?
- Yes Charlotte. I'm come to help with
everything. Just everything.
You won't have to worry about
a thing. Not a single thing,
I'll take care of everything.
Really, I will. You won't even
know
what hit you.
*
This was Big Daddy's favorite
room
in the entire house. He'd just
sit in here and eat and drink
and eat and drink
and eat and drink and eat and
drink and
eat and drink. And then he'd
have a big old cigar.
He'd be in here for days and
days sometimes.
Carrying on, entertaining
different business associates.
Sometimes he'd call me and have
me lift up my dress
and show my belly button and
we'd giggle.
Mildred, you can go into town
first thing tomorrow morning and walk st
them what's what.
- Now Charlotte, you're going to have to
I don't think Mildred or you can do anyt
- Charlotte, Drew
is right. You have to leave the
house.
But that's just, that's just crazy talk!
- Tomorrow
at breakfast, we sit down and
discuss all this and come up with a plan
A plan? We don't need to make
any plans.
What do you think I asked you
here for?
Company? Do you think I'd ask
you back here just to - just to
make a plan?
You owe me, missy.
Remember when Big Daddy took
you and your sister downtown? Bought you
whole new wardrobes?
- Yes, I remember.
Down to a sleazy Baton Rouge-
- It wasn't good enough for you?
Big daddy didn't give you
enough? Well maybe that's what you came
swindle me out of all of this -
- Charlotte, what's gotten into you? You
come here to come and help.
And you continue like this?
What is dragging up the past
going to do for you?
- It's all right Drew. Charlotte's not h
She's been carrying such a
large burden for many years and now with
new threat of the demolition of
this beautiful old house
we all just need to stay calm
and come up with
a plan.
We all know exactly she came back here t
house. It was you who went
sneaking off
to Jewel and told her about her
husband and me in the
first place!
- You seem to be forgetting
that was my sister, Melanie.
- Oh that's right.
I'm sorry. You're the nice one.
The pretty one.
But you still didn't know about
that, did you Drew? Or did you?
I know the two of you were
having a sordid little affair,
but Drew dumped you because you
weren't in line to get any of Big Daddy'
money. You know something Melanie?
- Mildred.
You're just a vile, conniving,
sour little
bitch!
Would you like me to get that
cousin dear?
I'll get it. It's still my
house.
*
Did you take care of Mildred?
Oh yes. I took care of her.
*
Yes?
- Miss Charlotte?
- Yes?
Miss Charlotte Holler? The Miss Charlott
- Yes.
I'm a reporter with the
international newspaper, The Daily Nosey
you if I asked you a few
questions? Did you kill
your lover?
- Please get off my property!
*
What are you two doing?
Conniving behind my back?
- Oh, Charlotte.
- Charlotte
don't be silly. I think you've
been locked up here with
only Velma and myself as your
only connection to the world.
Too long. I mean, it has
altered your perception
of reality. Not everyone is out
to get you.
Yes, Charlotte. I am here for
one reason. I only want
what's best for me. For you.
Like the time I told Big Daddy
that his darling little girl
was having a dirty little
affair with someone who could only end
up badly. I- we- only
wanted what was best for you
then, too. How could we have known
it would end up in a
horrifically, bloody, disgusting
murder that would haunt you and this hou
How could we have known that?
- Absolutely, how would we know that.
But... but you said it was
Melanie who did it, not you.
- Well, I meant my sister
She actually confided in me,
although I must
admit, I strongly agreed with
her actions. In fact, I suggested it.
We all knew he was in it for no
good reasons.
We didn't want you to get hurt.
Well,
no you couldn't have known that.
John.
John?
*
John? John?
Everytime I come out here to
visit, she's a little worse.
She seems to lose her grip on
reality more and more
She goes up there in that room,
puts on that dress, the same dress
she wore that night, and she
waits for him.
Or she goes to the music room
and plays that song.
The music box that John gave
her over and over,
again and again.
- We have no choice but to follow the pl
Come on, Drew. Don't get
sentimental
on me now. Just think about the
money.
John. John.
- See? She is insane.
We're actually doing a good
deed. She needs to be taken care of by s
Other than that pork-smelling
hick! How much more would it
take? You know, so that there
isn't any doubt?
I don't think it would take
much.
Push her over the edge
completely.
Really? You really think so?
- Charlotte was wrong.
I mean, I never left you
because of what
well, my mother didn't -
- Drew! You know I don't
hold on to things. Let bygones
be bygones and
never bring it up again. Don't
even think about it. Not even a little b
See, I've completely forgotten
about it, I've moved on with my life, ok
Do you want me to stay here in
this house with you?
It's a big old scary house.
I'll be fine. I'm not a little
girl anymore.
No, you're not.
Well, Drew, are you forgetting
something?
You said you were
going to bring me something for
my protection.
The gun, you im-patient
fool.
So I guess you can see yourself
out, Drew. Good night.
I said, good night.
Good night, Meli.
See you later.
John.
*
John. [crying]
[creaking]
My dress!
Somebody slashed my dress!
[child laughing]
Why do you think that she was
sent off the London if she
wasn't guilty? It's the best way to take
To stay here and deny the
allegations,
proud of it?
- That's the thing Mr. Wills. From what
poor old Miss Charlotte
couldn't remember anything that happened
her daddy sent her over there
to prevent her from bein charged with
murder.
- But how, she was the leading suspect.
- Big daddy
was in bed with the mayor, the
governor, anyone of any power
here in this here parts. He
could do anything he wanted.
Do you think she could've done
it?
No, I don't. Do you?
- I agree.
Sugar?
- Please. Five.
One,
two, three, four,
five.
All right? It's delightful, I'm
not typically a coffee drinker, I'm more
a tea drinker being from London
and all.
So, I hope you don't mind my
asking Sheriff, how did you become
the local law and a newspaper
man.
I guess it's just in my blood.
My mama
loved reading the newspaper,
and my daddy, he loved listening
to little orphan Annie on the
radio.
So I guess that's as good as
reason as any.
I was the understand that her
cousin Mildred is coming to help?
That's what I've been told, but
I don't know.
Now we just have to do one more
thing and then we can be done with all o
It was such a nice visit, but
what
did we just do?
- Miss Jewel, we have to go file those p
plantation in my name. You promised, rem
Now we just have to do one more
thing and we can be done with all this.
Excuse me Sheriff, but I'm a
bit confused.
If that's Mildred, she's all
grown up now.
The other lady out there in the
black dress, that's Jewel Mayhem.
Interesting. As you may already
know, Mildred has a sister Melanie,
they were identical twins,
except for a few
things.
- What things?
What I want to do is
go back home, have some tea,
and your special
scones.
- Miss Melanie?
But you're quite mistaken, I'm Mildred.
- Miss MIldred,
my deepest apologies.
- It's always so difficult to
tell you two apart, except for-
[laughing]
Jewel. Jewel Mayhem.
How good it is to see you after
all these years.
Can't you even give me the time
of day?
I haven't the time in my last
dying days
to give anyone the time of day.
Especially the likes of you.
Well you must be confusing me
with my sister Melanie.
Jewel, she had told me that you
two had had some sort of spat.
You are not Mildred. I love
Mildred.
I can tell by every fiber in my
body that you are that
thieving, disgusting vile pig
Melanie!
Please not here. Not on the
public street.
I'll do whatever I wish! Now
get out of my way
you stinky harlot bitch! Murder
starts in the heart. Its first
weapon is a vicious, vile,
disgusting, really gross,
not nice, unalluring,
loose tongue.
- Now, Miss Mayhem,
let's go and get you back home
where we can get you that tea
and a nice scone.
- I am not unalluring.
I aways did say she was unalluring.
- Oh, you never say that.
I may not have said it, but I thought it
- Will you two hush up?
Let's go over there and say
hello and find out what she's up to.
That must've hit the nail right
on the head.
Do stop this, Charlotte!
- And you forgot this!
And that!
- Now, who do you think you
is going to clean this mess all
up? Just because you saw
a bit of literature about you
and that John Mayhem.
Now I thought this was all kind
of funny, but you've just
lost all your sense of humor, I swear!pp
I thought this was a real nice
picture of Miss Charlotte.
Yes, I see what you mean. Where did you
- I bought it.
Down at the Piggly Wiggly. I
thought it was a real nice
likeness of Miss Charlotte,
just like I said, and I thought it was g
brighten up her day, what with
all the goings on and all.
Well you obviously were very
mistaken, even though I hate to admit it
it's a lovely picture of her.
Oh, by the way Velma, I've
hired your old friends
Bertie, Agnes, and Trudy to
pack up Charlotte's belongings
They'll be here any moment, so
please, have them start in the dining ro
With the silver. Someone will
be by tomorrow
to pick up the boxes and put
them into safekeeping.
Safekeeping, huh?
I bet it's for safekeeping.
- Worst picture of me on the cover!
Charlotte, you know that Velma
has always been someone with special
needs. I'm sure she was just
trying to be amusing.
But look at it. It- it looks
terrible. I don't look like that. They m
done something to the picture.
I bet Jewel Mayhem is behind all this.
She hates me. All she wants to
do is try to make my life miserable.
Don't be ridiculous. You're
beginning to sound a bit mad. Batty.
Irrational, wacky, crazy,
delusional, delirious, psychotic, banana
and a bit mental.
Now, Charlotte, I just saw
Jewel Mayhem at City Hall
downtown. Crazy as a loon and
practically at death's door.
She called me unalluring. Crazy.
Me. Unalluring.
- I'm glad Jewel
Mayhem is ill. She deserves to
be ill. She
deserves to die! I've got
evidence. Lots of it.
Now do you think I'm crazy? I
know
Jewel Mayhem is behind this, I
have all of these hidden all over the ho
Bertie, Agnes, and Trudy are
downstairs.
I told them to start on silver,
like you said.
Thank you Velma.
- What are Bertie, Agnes and Trudy doing
And what about the siler?
- Oh Charlotte,
I'm so worried about you in
this terrible stress.
Now later, we will sit down and
discuss everything and talk
about the plan. Oh, and by the
way dear,
I picked up something today for
your nerves.
But what happened today at City Hall?
- We'll talk about that later Charlotte,
now, drink up, okay?
Just one.
Now that's a good girl. Well,
I'm going to go downstairs
and make sure they're doing
everything correctly.
*
Velma!
What are those women doing in
my house?
Damn you! Damn you all!
And don't come back!
Please, do sit down. I'm sure
you're quite pleased
that I gave you permission for an audien
- Oh yes, I'm very
happy. Just to be clear, I've
been wanting to sit down with
you for many, many, many years.
- Really?
Well I'm not quite sure why.
Montgomery,
do we have any of those nice
blueberry scones left?
Yes, Miss Mayhem. We've got two
left. Why not go get them?
Oh Montgomery.
- Yes, Miss Mayhem?
Look what I made you.
Yes. Very nice.
Very nice.
Some goober peas, Mr. Wills?
Now, where were we? Yes.
I need something from you.
- Oh! Well now I'm intrigued.
How can I help?
- This town is incredibly miniscule.
I'm sure by now everybody's
talking about
my repartee with Melanie today.
- Melanie? I thought it was Mildred.
Yes. So she claims. Melanie,
Mildred,
I don't care who she says she
is.
You see Mr. Wills, I know that
I do not have much time left in this
world. I'm sick. Fragile.
Some say I'm losing my grip on
reality.
Oh, you're fine.
I'm not wearing any panties!
I was going to be a dancer.
I'm slender, beautiful. But John
Mayhem proposed, and I said yes.
Oh, I'd loved him ever since we
were little together
and we played doctor.
With popsicle sticks.
- With popsicle sticks.
- Sticky ones.
He said he would see to it that
John
never ever got any of our
family money. So John
wanted Charlotte for just one
thing. He told me
when he'd swindled Charlotte
out of all her money, he'd come back to
I want you
to keep something for me. To
give to the Sheriff
after I've passed. You see,
everyone's out to get me.
- Out to get you?
This town is filled with dark,
dirty little secrets.
Dirty little secrets.
- Repeat after me! I promise.
- I promise
Never to open the envelope that
Jewel Mayhem gave me
Never to open the envelope that Jewel Ma
- Even if I'm stripped naked
and if my testicles are beaten
with tiny little bats!
Where did they find these tiny little ba
- Just say it.
All right, even if they strip
me naked and beat my testicles with tiny
Until I'm dead and gone.
- Until you're dead and gone!
Well, now. Wasn't that good fun?
Now, how about some of my
nice buggrass tea?
*
Charlotte?
*
Charlotte.
Charlotte, come to bed.
Don't turn on the light.
It's not real when it's light.
It's only
real when it's dark.
Now come to bed.
*
[screaming]
He's dead! He's dead! He's dead!
He's dead, he's dead!
Well I think she's plum crazy.
- Well, maybe she is,
maybe she ain't.
- That's what I always say.
Well, which isn't?
- I don't know.
Well I do know. We should do
this real slow, because
we get paid by the hour.
*
Charlotte!
Jesus Christ
Miss Charlotte?
Miss Charlotte, please, can I
talk with you? I've come such a long way
meet with you.
- Where are you from?
- I'm from England.
Oh really? How nice for you.
- Yes, I was there to greet you
when you came to London so many years ag
journalists who stood in line to have a
interviews. Big daddy forbid it.
- I know.
Let me introduce myself. I'm
Mr. Wills.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
startle you, but I just wanted
to be with you for such a long time.
- You really were there?
Oh yes indeed.
- Then what was I wearing.
- Let me think.
Hot pink dress and a big green hat?
- No.
- A snakeskin coat
with matching t-straps?
- No.
- A little black dress, a monkey
fur collar?
- No. It was a pale blue
dress with matching bag and shoes.
- Oh yes, of course.
How could I forget? And you
were just lovely.
Then you really were there.
- Of course.
Well, well what can I
do for you now?
I've something to confess. I'm
your number one fan.
You're my favorite living
mystery.
Have you
ever ever solved me?
- No.
Then you wouldn't be a mystery
anymore, now would you?
No I wouldn't.
- Then what would I do myself?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I've offended you with all this
I never talk to people about
you-know-what.
I know. I'm so glad you allowed
me to talk with you
about you-know-what.
- Mr. Wills, do you
think I'm a certifiable
demented lunatic unbalanced
killer?
- Well,
Miss Charlotte, that is the big
question. Now, I've entertained many the
that you've taken his
taxidermic head and kept it under the be
or you exhumed Big Daddy's body
and put Mr. Mayhem in his place
or you've kept him under the
floorboards and brought him out to celeb
and re-enacted that night over
and over again, but
alas,
you're the only one that knows
the real truth.
I didn't do it. I know I didn't
do it.
But just lately,
at night, things have gotten so
crazy
in my head, it's made me
question everything and everybody.
I really don't know
anymore.
Would you like
a tour of the inside of the
house?
That's Big Daddy. You see, he'd
sit in here and
eat and drink and eat and
drink, and eat and drink
eat and drink, and then he'd
have a big old cigar.
He'd be in here for days and
days sometimes.
Entertaining different business
associates. He'd call me in
sometimes and have me lift up
my dress and show my bellybutton,
and we'd giggle.
So, why do you call him Big
Daddy? He's not that big.
That's not why we called him
Big Daddy.
So you're, you're
Miss Mell-
-dred. Yes I am. And what are you doing
when she's in such a delicate state.
- I'm Mr. Wills and she was kind enough
A tour. Isn't that special?
I was just showing him the
portrait of Big Daddy, it's so impressiv
Isn't it impressive? He's such
a big man.
He was a fine figure of a man.
There seems to be-
Take you hands off that! You
give that to me!
Oh Charlotte! Charlotte! Calm
down, it's just an old
stinky out-of-tune music box.
- An old stinky out of tune music box,
it's all I have left of John.
How dare you call it an old
stinky out of tune music box!
Get out! Get out! Get out all
of you! Get out!
Damn you! Damn you all!
Charlotte? Melanie? Anybody?
*
Go! You gotta go!
Get out!
Charlotte.
- Get out!
Get the hell out!
How did this happen?
Big daddy. He was mad about
something
Get out!
- Charlotte!
Oh my god! Charlotte.
How did this happen?
- It was Big Daddy.
He was mad about something,
he was so angry. Real angry,
and he was here.
He was right here.
- Charlotte, you know that's
impossible. Big daddy's been
dead for many years.
But he was here. Right here. He
was so angry.
Real angry, he was here. Right
here.
Yes, I got that he was here.
Right here.
Go upstairs and go to bed and
I'll get some bandages and call Drew.
Charlotte. Stop dripping over
everything.
Real angry. And he's here.
He was right here.
- Go upstairs!
Please?
Okay.
- Oh, dammit.
Melanie?
Mildred.
- Mildred.
Drew, what are you doing in my
room?
What is my suitcase
doing up here?
- Charlotte, we're taking you away from
today. Especially after last night.
- Last night?
Charlotte, you just stay put.
I'm gonna give you something to
help calm your nerves.
While Mildred packs up a nice
little bag for you.
Ow.
Charlotte. Drew and I have
talked it over, we believe this house is
making you do things you can't
control.
No I'm not, I won't go.
Jewel will be sitting down
there, waiting for me and laughing at me
I can't give her that
satisfaction.
You see? She thinks Jewel Mayhem
is sitting outside, waiting for
her to go insane.
Is there anything else I can
get you Miss Mayhem?
How much more of this do we have to endu
- Now Melanie, she may be there now
But I think we should stay the
course and make sure that, when she's qu
she doesn't make any sense at
all.
But she just thought that Big
Daddy broke the mirror. I'd say that's p
Give me the police. Yes, Luke?
This is Velma from down at
Holler Plantation. I need to come
down to the hotel and talk to
you and Mr. Wills right away. Yes.
Oh good, good. All right, well,
I will be coming right away and
I need to get me
a nice ham hock so I can make a
good stew for supper.
Yep, yep, that will be real
good, why thank you butcher
John. Yes I'll see you real
soon.
That was the butcher. I just
wanted to make sure I could get a nice
ham hock for stew for supper.
I heard your conversation. I
assume you
want to make some more of your
lovely hair products so you can continue
I might as well tell you now
Velma, we will be taking
Miss Charlotte away from here
tonight. Somewhere where she can be take
care of properly. So there will
be no more need for you
or your lovely stew.
- Taken care of? Someplace
where she can be taken care of?
Well I've been taking care of
her ever since Big Daddy died,
and we've been getting along
just fine until the likes of
you came.
Besides, only Miss Charlotte
can give me my walking papers.
- You don't seem to understand
My cousin is not in the right
frame of mind.
Oh and by the way, the childish
tricks you've been playing here,
trying to frighten me into
leaving? A more than sufficient reason t
Tricks? I didn't rip your
slutty old red
dress.
- Odd, you seem to know it was ripped.
I saw it. I saw it hanging in
your room.
Besides. I know you're here to
get your
hands on all Miss Charlotte's
money. That's why you
want to take her out of here
and take her someplace and commit her.
I know what you're up to missy,
missy, missy, miss missy.
This is none of your concern.
The point is, you are
no longer needed. You are being
let go.
You are fired! Is that plain
enough
for your lily-white trash brain
to comprehend?
Now get out.
No. I'm gonna go upstairs
and tell Miss Charlotte what
you've been up to.
Go ahead. Tell her whatever
you'd like,
Come now my dear Velma. You're
not exactly the most reliable
sort due to your long standing
as an alcoholic.
What's all this ruckus going on down her
Oh, you should be ashamed,
both of you! I see everything
now
missy, missy miss missy, miss
missy!
Now Velma, don't be ridiculous.
There ain't nothing going on
here.
We're just trying to take care
of Charlotte, because she's
ill and she needs special care.
All right.
I'm going. But don't think
you're not going to be
sorry. Both of you!
Yuck, that little pork-smelling
slut.
Can't wait until she's out of
my hair. Do you think she's going to be
Now Melanie, no one's going to
believe her.
Trust me.
Well they are taking advantage
of Miss Charlotte!
I tell you, she has not been
the same since that woman got here.
There is something going on
there that is really bad, it's really ba
I tell you! I think they are
trying to
commit her to someplace so they
can get her money!
I'm so sorry, what can I do.
- Well now, I saw the way she took to yo
I never saw her take to no one
like she did that, now, you could
talk to her, and you could tell
her not to listen to that
Miss Melanie and Dr. Drew.
- I thought it was Mildred.
Oh, I heard Dr. Drew address
her as Melanie.
What if he just addressed her by acciden
That woman ain't sweet at all.
ou do realize these are serious
accusations you're making. What if I cam
Oh, no, no, no, that would not
do. She just doesn't take to you like sh
to Mr. Wills. I mean, she likes
you for other things, but
she still doesn't trust you.
Besides,
I'm worried about that Miss
Melanie and her charms.
Oh, I just don't think Mr.
Wells would be as influenced by that wom
charms.
- I wouldn't be influenced at all by her
I've never met that Dr. Drew.
- Oh, he's a real looker.
Really?
See Charlotte, you just needed
a good nap.
You look much better, and
you'll feel much better once you're away
old dusty house filled with
antique treasures.
[chuckling]
*
Big Daddy.
Charlotte. I got to tell you
something, you've got to listen
[bell dings]
- Don't get that. You got to
listen to me. Charlotte, these
people are out to get you, my
sweet. That's not Mildred. And
Drew?
Well, he's -
[bell dings]
Maybe it's John coming to get
me.
Miss Charlotte, over here!
That's great, Miss Charlotte,
give me more excitement?
Now, give me some fear. Really
great stuff.
This time, give it all you've
got.
Thank you, Miss Charlotte.
*
Charlotte? What was all the
commotion?
*
I love you, Charlotte.
*
How is she?
- I would say
she'd be tripping real good
right now. Probably sleep
till morning.
- Well I have to figure out how to dispo
had made. He's quite charming,
don't you think?
Amazing work.
So, do you think we have her
where we want her?
Oh, Drew, I love you.
- Drew?
Where were you?
I should say. She's just one
little
more nudge until she's locked
up for the
rest of her days.
[laughing]
Good morning Charlotte!
There, what a lovely breakfast!
- That's not Velma's
southern cooking.
- No, I made it. Doesn't it look yummy?
- I want Velma's
southern breakfast. Where's
Velma?
Don't you remember Charlotte?
You fired her!
You told her she was a no good
filthy whore and to get out and
to never step foot in this house again.
I did?
- Yes.
- I don't remember that.
You also mentioned she smelled
like pork.
I remember being downstairs
and...
John...
[crying]
There, isn't that better? Now
I'll just take this tray
away and you can lie there and
drool.
Hello?
A priceless heirloom.
Poor Charlotte will be so upset.
Meeoooww.
- Oh, it's just a cat.
Just an old, disgusting
pork-smelling cat.
I guess I'll go to the kitchen
and get a broom and clean up this mess.
And maybe I'll have a snack. Oh
yes.
A snack would be nice.
*
Miss Charlotte? Miss Charlotte?
Mis Charlotte!
*
They've been drugging you up!
Oh my stars. What kind of
crazy trip have they set you on?
- John...
No, It's not John! John is dead
and buried.
Big Daddy?
- No, it's not Big Daddy, he's dead and
Now hush Miss Charlotte, we've
got to get you out of here.
*
Charlotte. I brought you a
candy bar.
It is chocolate and nougat and
plenty of nuts. Doesn't that sound
tasty?
- Velma?
Velma? Why Charlotte, why would
you be asking for her? She's gone,
remember? You fired that little
hillbilly pork-smelling
slut.
- She's getting me a sweater.
A sweater! Charlotte, you're
delusional, because
that little bitch better not
show her face around here
ever!
- Meeeoooww.
- What the hell do you
think you're doing?
- I came here to check on Charlotte.
She seemed a little cold, so I
was getting her
a sweater.
- A sweater. How nice.
I was coming to collect some of
my things.
Is my cousin one of your things?
Now get out of my house! This
house! Get out!
Oh now you're showing your true
colors!
You're that stinking bitch
sister
Melanie!
- I told you
to get out and stay out!
- Oh, I'll go all right.
I'll go right to the Sheriff's
office and tell him
everything that's going on down
here!
* [ominous music]
*
The filthy pork-smelling whore
is dead.
No stupid, Charlotte doesn't
smell like pork. She smells like- neverm
Just get here right away.
This is Drew. I'm over here at
Velma's and she's had a terrible acciden
She fell off a roof.
- That's terrible
news, Drew.
- Velma's dead.
You know Velma. She was
probably up on the
roof fixing her antennae or
taking down her Christmas lights
from last year or fixing the
holes in her roof, who knows.
Guess I'd better call some of
her kinfolk. Not that she
has much more than a cousin out
in Lafayette.
Thanks for calling.
There's nothing
more to worry about. Now, I'm
the Mary, and you're the Rhoda.
Well I guess I'd better be
taking the body down to the morgue.
We wouldn't want them to know
that "Miss Mildred"
threw Velma down the stairs and
practically broke every bone in
her body.
Now I have the upper hand, and
we're
going to follow my plan.
Charlotte...
Charlotte!
Charlotte...
Charlotte, Charlotte!
Charlotte. Charlotte.
Charlotte...
Charlotte. Charlotte. Please,
Charlotte.
Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte.
Charlotte!
It's Mildred. Keep things
going. I'll take care of her.
*
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you sigh
* You heard that I'm leaving
you *
* darling, that's a lie
* You know I'll always love you
*
* until the day I die
* Hush up, sweet Charlotte...
* and that's a long, long
time... *
Nighty night,
dear.
[laughing]
*
[laughing]
[gunshots]
*
Look what you've done!
You've killed Drew!
You stupid, stupid bitch!
[screaming]
Melanie! Mildred, whatever your
name is, please
don't call the sheriff, Jewel
Mayhem will be laughing at me if she fin
killed anybody. Never, never,
never, we can think of something
I've got lots of money. Lots of
money.
Piles of money. I'll give it to
you. All of it. You can have all of my m
I wish to God
I'd never come here.
All right. I'll get the car and you watc
It's the Sheriff and that nosy
Mr. Wills.
Just stay quiet and stay out of
sight.
Well go on!
Luke, Mr. Wills.
What can I do for you?
- Well, Miss Mildred.
Sorry I haven't been by to give you my r
- That's quite all right,
I know you have a lot to do,
doing Sheriff things and all.
[laughing]
Well, you sure are a sight for
sore eyes.
What can I help you with?
- Velma.
I wanted to ask you a few
questions about Velma's
issue, there seems to me some
confusion with time and such,
so Velma came by, she was real upset abo
Sheriff, but Charlotte is still
asleep, can't this wait until morning?
Yes, I suppose it could.
I'm sorry. We'll just come
by first thing. And you sure
are a sight for sore eyes.
Oh Luke, you're not so bad
yourself.
Please give Miss Charlotte my
condolences.
Yes, this has been a terrible
shock for her.
Give her my deepest sympathies.
- I will, Mr. Wills.
- Goodnight.
Miss Melanie.
- Mildred!
- Melanie!
I can't do it.
I can't do anything else. I
don't think I can help you.
You can't help me?
I'm the one that's helping you!
Do you want me to call the
Sheriff, Charlotte? Wash my hands of the
Is that what you want? All
right, then.
[screeching]
*
Do you mind?
*
I must be the worst person in
the world
to have killed Drew!
- Will you please
shut up?
- Sorry.
Now get out.
Don't make me do it Mildred.
- I said get out!
[splashing]
[crying]
Will you please shut up?
Mildred, they'll be finding him
soon and coming to the house
and asking questions, and I
can't do it. I just can't
do it. You have to tell them.
You have to talk to them and tell them I
I'm really ill and I'm not able
to answer questions. They'll believe tha
Everybody in town thinks I'm
looney anyway. They'll believe that. Jew
have a field day with this one.
You have to talk to them!
They'll find out if you don't!
Now really,
you shut your mouth!
You'll do exactly what I tell
you
to do. If I tell you to lie,
you'll lie. If I tell you to
run around
town with your panties on your
head,
you'll do that, too.
Do you understand?
[horn beeping]
Now get out! I'm going to drive
the car out back.
Why are you going to drive -
- Because I want to, that's why!
Go up to your room, and I'll
come back later to check on you.
[crying]
*
Ah! Ah!
Ah!
[screaming]
- He's here! He's here!
He's here! He's here!
He's dead! He's dead!
*
Hush up, sweet Charlotte.
Hush up
[chuckling]
Oh gorgeous!
Wow.
[chuckling]
To a very profitable
arrangement. By tomorrow,
we should have her fully
committed, and it shouldn't be too long
you are in charge of all that
she possesses.
Which I believe is in the
millions.
- Well, as soon as everything's in my na
I'm going to move far, far
away. Maybe Paris.
Hong Kong. Tuluth.
Without me?
- Drew.
You didn't honestly think that
we would be romantically involved, did y
I used you. Now you'll be amply
rewarded.
- But you have forgotten one minor
little detail. Velma.
You killed her. For me to
forget that bit of information,
I'm afraid I'm coming with you.
I love you, Melanie. With all
my heart.
Touche'.
Oh, my dear, dear Drew, but you
don't know
the whole story. You see,
I've been blackmailing Jewel
Mayhem for years.
Ever since I just happened to
see her kill her husband John in a viole
Once I bled her dry
and helped her go stark raving
mad, I began to
work on Charlotte.
Charlotte never liked me. She
liked my sister, of course.
The nice one. The pretty one.
Not me. So, I started
sending her those letters.
She's been getting those for
years and years and years.
Well that's all well and good
Melanie,
You seem
to keep forgetting that you and
I are in this
together. And if I go down in
any way,
I'll take you down with me.
Well Drew, when you're right,
you're right. Here, darling,
let's have a drink then.
To us.
- To us.
Well, we have one more show to
put on tomorrow morning, and that's goin
to be a doozy. I have to act
devastated that my
poor cousin Charlotte has gone
completely insane!
Now I'm just stuck figuring out
to do with all these old, decrepit
priceless relics.
Is something wrong, Drew?
- Very strange
tingling sensation. My thumbs
is going numb!
I'm losing my, my footing.
My tongue is...
swollen. It's like I'm letting
go of all my
faculties! Like I've been...
Like what, Drew?
Like you've been poisoned?
Some men can't hold their
poison. And by the way, Drew,
That was for jilting me.
Maybe I do hold onto things.
[chuckling]
[screaming]
*
*
Fix your hair up all pretty,
and put on some nice lipstick.
*
I got you that real nice music
box.
So you can remember me.
*
Mildred is actually
Miss Melanie.
That means
Melanie must've gotten the boobie job!pp
that's what I always say.
- I bet Miss Charlotte just went on a ra
and killed Velma and her cousin.
- and she probably got
away with it, too. Just like
she did before.
She was living in the lap of
luxury.
Big Daddy... I gotta go now.
They're going to tear down the
house, and I have to stay in a hotel unt
figure out what I'm going to
do. Where I'm going to live.
If only that Jewel Mayhem would
drop dead so I could buy her house
and live there. Still be close
to you and John.
Don't worry about a thing my
little daughter.
No, Miss Melanie.
Somebody help! Miss Mayhem, she
done died!
Charlotte!
Charlotte, please! Please,
Charlotte!
Please!
Charlotte!
- Mildred, is that you?
Yes, She tied me up and kept me
drugged.
Drugged?
My stars!
I killed John Mayhem. Sorry.
Yours Truly, Jewel Mayhem.
All this time.
*
*
*
*
Driver,
take me to Jewel Mayhem's place.
She won't be needing it anymore.
Driver, stop the car.
Yes, Miss Charlotte?
Get in. I'm moving to Jewel
Mayhem's place.
That's a marvelous idea,
Charlotte. Now, don't you worry
about a thing.
Montgomery and I are going to
take care of everything.
Aren't we, Montgomery?
Oh, it's so good to be home,
and so wonderful
to see you. And remember
darling,
not a thing to worry about.
Everything's going to be just
fine.
Okay.
*
* Hush up sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, don't you
* sigh. You heard that
* I'm leaving you, darling,
* that's a lie.
* you know I'll always love you
*
* until the day I die
* hush up, sweet Charlotte
* that's a long, long time
*
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte, dry your tears
* I'll come to you and hold you
*
* close and kiss away your
* fears. You know our
* love's forever. Forever and
* a day.
* hush up, sweet Charlotte
* I'll never go away
*
* hush up
* sweet Charlotte
* Charlotte don't you wait
* close your eyes and pray to
* the Lord our souls to keep
* you know I'll never leave you
*
* I wouldn't even try
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* hush up sweet Charlotte
* you will always be mine
* you will always be mine
* you will always be mine
mine mine mine