Husbands and Wives (1992) - full transcript

♪ What is this thing ♪

♪ Called love? ♪

♪ This funny thing ♪

♪ Called love ♪

♪ Just who can solve ♪

♪ Its mystery ♪

♪ Why should it make ♪

♪ A fool of me? ♪♪

Einstein was then celebrating, uh,

the 70th birthday anniversary,

and there was a colloquium
given for him.



And he said,

"God doesn't play dice
with the universe."

No. He-He just plays hide-and-seek.

Learn to write screenplays,
television scripts, plays and‒

Jesus, they're so full of it,
you know?

You-You can't teach writing.
It's not something you can teach.

You can only expose the students to
good literature and hope it inspires them.

The ones that can write can write
when they come to my class;

The others never learn.

You lose patience if the student
isn't Dostoyevsky or Joyce.

- No, that isn't true. That's crazy.
- Sure you do.

But what makes it worth it is that every
now and then you get a gifted pupil.

There's this young girl in my class
who wrote a fabulous short story called

"Oral Sex in the Age of Deconstruction,"
and it's full of insights and romantic‒



There they are.

I guarantee Jack is gonna want
to take us for Chinese food again.

I think Sally's getting a little tired
of our pasta places.

Hi.
Is it supposed to rain?

- Rain? No. God, I‒
- Hi, Judy.

Hi. How are you? Can I take your coat?

I opened some cold white wine.
Do you want some?

- Was it okay on the highway?
- No, they're doing something at 80th.

- Jack, do you want some‒
- They're always doing something.

- I'm sick of it.
- You want some white wine?

Every time I go up to your place,
it's murder.

So, uh, the‒
it's the Chinese restaurant, right?

I can't talk you
into the Italian restaurant?

No, no, let's-let's do this.

Listen, don't get crazy, you know?

Now, before we go out to dinner,
we want to tell you something.

- I was just about to serve Jack. What?
- Oh, yeah?

- Well, do you want to?
- No, no, go ahead.

- What, what?
- Somebody tell us.

Jack and I are splitting up.

- Oh, I see. It's just nothing serious, so‒
- What?

Gabe, we discussed this for a long, long
time, and we both think it's for the best.

- Okay?
- You are joking, of course? It is a joke.

Do me a favor. Don't make a big deal
out of it. Because we're both fine.

- Are you serious?
- No, we are. We're fine. We're fine.

- Yeah, no, no. We both‒ We discussed it.
- It's mutual.

- It's-It's‒
- What do you mean?

Hey, uh, let's‒ I got a great idea.
Let's go talk about this at dinner.

- Yes.
- This is gonna turn into a bad thing.

- I'm not going out to dinner.
- Since when has this been decided?

What are we talking about here?
You‒ She's right.

It's something we've discussed
for a while now.

Don't be worried.

- Why?
- There's no hostility.

- Nobody's angry here. We're fine.
- What is the reason?

- Don't turn it into a tragedy.
- It's none of our business.

- Guys. Don't turn this into a tragedy.
- I'm going to get a drink.

'Cause it's a very positive step
for both of us.

How can you get a‒
you know, break up?

That's insane.
You're Jack and Sally. You got two kids.

Hey, our kids are grown up, for Christ's
sake, you know? They're in college.

And we don't want to
bore you with the details.

I can't get my mind around this.
You guys get along so well.

She's right. I mean,
have you met other people?

- What is the story here?
- Gabe, Gabe, that isn't our business.

- I'm fascinated by this.
- I just feel sick.

Hey, we didn't want
to ruin anything, okay?

We want to see what it's like
to be, to be, you know‒

- Apart for a while. Don't not support us.
- To be apart, yeah.

We've finally gotten the nerve
to do this thing.

This is total insanity. You'll be
back together in one week. I just‒

She's gonna keep the place in Riverdale,
and I'm looking for a place in town.

- Oh, I just feel shattered!
- Oh, come on, Judy.

- I do!
- Hey, come on. Let's eat, hmm?

What do you mean, "Come on, let's eat"?
"Come on"? I can't eat.

- Well, don't get angry.
- I'm not angry.

- You are angry.
- I'm not angry!

I knew it. I told you.

You march in here and announce
you're-you're breaking up.

You-You have two kids together!
Why are you doing this?

- Why are you doing this?
- This is not our business.

Why isn't it our business?
They're our closest friends.

Hey, you're looking for one little answer.
There is no one traumatic event.

You know that. People grow apart.

It's a lot of little personal things.
Now, stop it.

- I don't want to hear this bullshit.
- Judy!

- What's she so upset for?
- Judy, what‒

- She cares about us.
- I care about you too.

Hey, hey, we're fine, okay?
We want to do this.

Judy. Judy? This is crazy.

Listen, Judy, what are you
taking this so personally for?

- I'm upset, all right? Can't I be upset?
- Yeah, but, you know‒

Judy, I've discussed this
with a therapist. Really.

You have?
You've never said a word!

You said this was none
of our business. What is happen‒

Well, we were all so close!
Or I assumed we were.

- She's upset. She's very upset.
- Hey, hey, hey.

Will you guys please
not turn this into a wake?

You know, what-what, why‒ what is this
such a personal thing for you?

I don't know what to say.

Let's just go out to dinner
as planned and forget it.

- Judy, come on!
- I knew this would turn into a big thing.

So, why were you so upset?

I don't know. I really don't know.

- It was a total shock?
- Yeah, completely.

You know, they-they-they
were so casual about it.

They didn't seem to be
appropriately upset.

Well, were you hurt because Sally
never mentioned anything to you?

Well, I think, you know,
if I really look hard,

you know, searching over the time
when we were alone together,

I think she may have made
an occasional remark about, you know,

just wondering what it
would be like to be single‒

Now, with all she knew,
all she'd experienced, that kind of thing.

But she never said any‒ anything
negative at all about Jack, you know.

Listen, before we go on.
Excuse me.

Just tell us something about yourself,
you know, so we know who you are.

Okay, um, my name is Judy Roth.
I'm married to Gabe.

Mm, we've been married
about ten years.

Um, I work for an art magazine.

We don't have any children. Um, I do have
a daughter from a previous marriage.

I was married when I was
very young to‒

Excuse me‒ to an architect,
and it just didn't work out.

It was nobody's fault.

Judy told us she did
finally go out to dinner that night.

She said she was tense and nervous,
although the others seemed fine.

After dinner, they walked home
from the restaurant together.

While she tried her best to participate,
she found the atmosphere strained.

All in all, she said, for her
it was a very peculiar evening.

It's amazing, isn't it?

You know, you think you're so friendly
with people, and so close,

and then it turns out that you really
have no idea what they're thinking.

Do you ever hide things from me?

Me? Wh-What kind of things?

I don't know. Feelings.
You know, longings, complaints.

No. Do you?

No.

Sometimes, maybe.

Really? Like what?

I don't know. You know
how you're always so critical.

W-We've had this conversation.

You know, you are definitely
in a strange mood tonight.

I'm fine. I'm sorry.

So Jack never, never
gave you an inkling, huh?

That's so strange.
You guys are so close.

Actually, I do remember one incident
he mentioned at his office.

Jack, you have to
trust me on this.

This girl is to die.

Her name is Shawn Grainger.
She's built out to here.

You will have
the greatest time of your life.

And for 200 bucks,
believe me, it's a bargain.

Hey, I'm not gonna sleep with a whore.
What about AIDS?

She's not a streetwalker.
She's a high-class call girl,

and she will do anything you want.

And on top of it,
she's got friends.

Hey, I'm not gonna do that
to my wife, all right? It's dangerous.

Look, who was the guy who told me that
your sex life wasn't so terrific, right?

Oh, come on. At a two-martini lunch,
I'll say, uh, anything.

Shawn has got a mouth
like velvet.

Believe me, just like vel‒
She was a former Miss Something or other.

- Oh, she's got‒
- Listen, what exactly did I say at lunch?

You said that Sally was cold,
and you would, uh‒

You were dying to fuck
your aerobics trainer.

I should never,
ever drink at lunch.

Look, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna write down the number,

- and I advise you to‒ I advise you to‒
- What are you doing? Look‒

- Hey, what are you‒ Get out of here!
- Have I ever steered you wrong?

- I've never steered you wrong.
- Get out of here.

All right, there it is.
Use it.

He called me.

Um, I got the impression it was about
a month or so after he got my number.

Uh, he was very polite
on the phone. A little tense.

You know, I can always tell the ones
who haven't had experience.

He wanted me to meet him
at the Americana Hotel.

And when I got there,
he was very polite,

very gentlemanly, very nervous.

He couldn't go through with the sex.

He couldn't get it up.

While I was there, he experienced
some terrible pains in his chest.

And, uh, I thought he was having
a heart attack, but they passed.

And that was the last you saw of him?

No. He called me
a couple months later.

Um, I met him at the same hotel.
This time he slept with me.

And, um, then I started
seeing him fairly regularly.

Every two, three weeks.

He said he'd seen a psychiatrist
and worked out his problem.

One time I couldn't make it,
and I sent my girlfriend.

And then he started seeing the both of us.
You know, alternating.

Uh, then neither one of us
ever saw him again.

So he never called her. At least he had
the decency to throw the number away.

Well, to the best
of my knowledge.

But, you know, Jack is not a hooker guy.
Jack is very straitlaced.

And Sally's cold in bed.

Sally's cold‒ Well, that
shouldn't come as a surprise.

- She's very cerebral anyhow.
- Am I cold in bed?

No. Why would you say that?
Of course not.

But I am inhibited, right?
I remember you said that yourself.

Amazing.
You can't forget that.

We had one minor, little argument
years ago about that,

which you blew up into a major
confrontation, and I can't get it off‒

Do you ever have the urge
to sleep with a whore?

- Me? No, definitely not.
- No?

- Yeah. Yeah, when I was in college, I did.
- Yeah?

You-You're in an odd mood tonight.
I can see it.

You know, I think Jack and Sally's
breakup has definitely affected you.

You think‒ You think
we'd ever break up?

What kind of question is that?
I'm not planning it. Are you?

- No.
- Okay.

But I don't know
how I'm gonna feel if‒

If you continue to not want
to make me pregnant.

Hey, are we gonna have to
go through that conversation again?

- You know, you have a daughter‒
- Yeah.

- She's a wonderful girl.
- I want another. I want another.

- Why? What is so important?
- Why?

It's cruel to bring life into this
terrible world, you know? It's not‒

Oh, don't glorify your refusal
on philosophical grounds.

You know, if you could see the angry look
on your face when you say that.

You wanna make love?

Okay, but I‒ You know,
if we can get into it in some way.

- I-I can't just do it on command.
- We can get into it.

- We can get into it.
- Okay, so put your diaphragm on.

Okay.

Hey, you would‒
you would never tell me

you were putting your diaphragm on
and then not do it, right?

What? What a thing to say!

That's a terrible thing to say!
My God!

You really trust no one, do you?

No wonder people accuse you
of cynicism. Jesus!

Okay, I'm sorry. I apologize.
I'm tired. It's 1:00 in the morning.

Well, we don't have to do it.

- Are you still attracted to me?
- Yes, I'm attracted to you.

- Truly? Because we do it less and less.
- Yes. Of course.

Well, you know, our schedules
are not exactly conducive to‒

Oh, that's just bullshit. You know,
when we wanted to, we found time.

Hey, come here. Come here.

People's parties,
in other people's bathrooms.

- Wherever.
- Sit and relax for a minute, will you?

If you remember clearly, when we used
to do that-that, that spontaneous sex,

you, you were very, you know‒
you never really liked it.

You were always tense.
You always heard people in the next room,

eating or making noises
in the dining room.

Remember that? Now you remember it,
you know, in a glorified way.

- Are you ever attracted to other women?
- Who? Like who?

Well, like all those women
that you have in your class,

who are so talented
and insightful.

You know, I'm sure they
totally worship you.

Can I tell you that they don't want
an old man, all right?

I think an old man does better
than an old woman.

Well, then we're definitely
stuck with one another.

Now, come on.
You're-You're really‒ Come on.

Some time later,
Sally had a dinner date with Paul,

a colleague at work
who had always liked her.

- Hi, Sally. Come on in.
- Hello. Thank you very much.

Come into my rent-stabilized den.
Can I take your coat?

Oh, it's lovely. I, I love it.

- Thank you.
- Just, um‒

I thought we'd have a drink. And I was
able to get some tickets to Don Giovanni.

- Great. Great.
- So, you all right?

- Yes, yes, I, I‒
- What would you like?

Anything. Uh... white wine?

White wine.

Oooh.

I hear the staging of this opera
is not to be believed.

Oh, really? How fabulous.

- Oh, that's lovely. Oh!
- Oh, hey, don't worry about it.

- Excuse me.
- Don't worry about it. I'll get it later.

- Can I use the phone?
- Yeah, sure. Uh, you all right?

- Yes! Yes, I'm looking forward to it.
- Uh, it's this way.

- Through here?
- A good friend of mine did the sets.

- Oh.
- Uh, you want‒

It's me. You're living with her,
aren't you? You've moved in together.

Don't lie to me, Jack.
You're living with someone.

Because I know. Because I do.

Yes, I heard.

Don't give me that shit!

It's been three fucking weeks!
How did you meet someone so fast?

Oh, bullshit! You had to
have known her before.

Bullshit! Don't give me that shit!

Oh, you're in love? So fast?

I don't fucking believe it!

You were seeing
whoever it is all along.

Well, of-of course
I expected things to happen.

But not so fast!
Are you that sure?

No, I'm not.

Oh, God, it's just
fucking dishonest bullshit!

Hi. You, uh, you‒

I'm fine. I am fine.

Listen, if you're having
some kind of personal thing‒

Really, I'm okay.

I'm looking forward to tonight.
What are we seeing?

- Uh, Don Giovanni.
- A Don Juan story.

I can only think of it as Mozart.

Fucking Don Juans.

They should've cut
his fucking dick off.

Uh, can I, can I
get you some more wine?

Please.

You know, we don't‒
we don't have to go.

No. No, no. I'm not gonna
put my life on hold.

I've been dying to see this opera.

- Excuse me one second.
- Sure.

Hello. Me again.
I know who she is.

Bullshit! It's Gale.
Of course it's Gale!

She's been after you
since she joined the firm.

You two like that sports bullshit.

Don't lie to me, Jack.
Of course it's Gale!

She's exactly what you like.
She's got that dark look,

and she's bright and all that
fucking Princeton bullshit.

No! No, no!

I, I thought it was an‒
it was an experiment!

I didn't think it was final. I didn't
realize you were having an affair!

Yeah? Well, that's bullshit!
I don't buy a fucking word of it!

What time do we
have to be there?

Listen, uh, I-I don't
really think I can do this.

I'm feeling upset.

What are you upset about?
Fucking men!

A woman gets to be over a certain age,
it becomes a different ball game!

- Oh, no, no. Not really.
- Don't defend your sex! It's true!

You're great till you start
to show your age.

Then they want a newer model.

Sally, Sally, Sally, you're‒

You're a very attractive woman...
for any age.

Hmph!

It was a terrible blow to my ego.

You know, I thought he loved me,

that we were experimenting,
you know?

What if you had met someone first?

Tsk. Probably right.

Probably would have done
the same thing.

I had fantasized about
being single many times.

You know,

it's hard to keep a marriage
going smoothly

with all the frustration
and baggage.

I don't know. I don't know.

Gale came to work in his office
the year before,

and I had met her several times.

Look, what can I say?
She's-She's

cultivated, intelligent.

It's what he likes.

She'd been over to the house
a few times.

She loved my taste in everything.

She even dressed like me a little.

What can I say? She's me,
but she's younger, you know?

Hey, listen, your short story
was absolutely fabulous.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

I was very, very impressed,
I must say.

And I thought it was probably
the best thing that I read this term.

- It was really wonderful.
- Oh, that's great!

Yeah. The insights were great,
and I thought the prose was very graceful.

And, you know, in general,
I was, I was impressed.

- Oh, God, I'm blushing, right?
- Well, don't. You know, I‒

My face gets all red.
I may just cry. Um‒

Don't take it that, that badly.
I meant it as a compliment.

- Well, I know, but‒
- It was great.

The insights were wonderful.

It's just, your approbation means
more to me than anybody's.

I mean, you're the reason
why I wanted to start writing.

- Really?
- Yeah.

My family and I, we used to quote,
you know, "The Grey Hat."

- Oh, God. How do you remember that story?
- Yeah.

Where it goes,
"Giving up his hopes,

compromising one's dreams,
is like putting on a grey hat."

We used to‒
I loved that! I mean‒

You remember that. That's great.

Listen to me.
You can hear my heart beating. Oh‒

H-How'd you get
the name Rain?

Uh, my parents named me
after, uh, Rilke.

- Did they?
- Yeah. That's my mother's favorite poet,

and, um,
so that's how I got it.

Are you folks,
you know, writers or‒

Oh, no. My dad's
an investment banker,

and my mom works
at Lincoln Center.

Uh-huh.
Are you an only child?

Why are you asking
all these questions?

Oh, I'm just‒ I'm just interested.

You know, I was so impressed
by the, by the story.

I gave it to someone else to read,

and she was also very,
very impressed with it, so I‒

- Oh, really?
- Yeah. Are you from New York or‒

- Yeah, I'm from East End. East End Avenue.
- Are these too many questions?

No, it's fine. It's just the "only child"
one. Yes, I was an only child.

- You know. Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

So how did you manage
to write something so, so deep?

I mean, I-I‒ Have you had a‒
Have you been married and divorced?

Or, I‒ Is your whole family stormy
and tempestuous or‒

What? I didn't know I was
stormy and tempestuous.

- The writing was very‒ was very intense.
- I don't know. Yeah.

It's-It's just a trick, you know?

It's like, um,
when I was ten, one time

I wrote this whole story on Paris,
and I'd never even been there, you know?

So it's, like, you don't have to‒

It's just a trick.
You don't have to know or‒

Can you, can you just
turn it out? I mean‒

There are a number
of very, very good professors

who are notorious for seducing
their female pupils.

This goes on, and, um‒
because it's a cinch.

You know, they-they look up to them,

and they're, you know,
they're older men,

and their students
are flattered by the attention.

It's not something
that I've ever done.

I'm not saying that I haven't
had daydreams in class at times,

because some of those women
are very attractive and very interesting,

but I've never,
I've never acted on it,

and I've, you know,
I've never cheated on Judy,

um, or any other relationship
in my life, really,

'cause that, that has
not been my style, um, to‒

But once, many years ago‒
One time, many years ago‒

I was, uh, living with this fabulous,
interesting woman

named Harriet Harmon.

I'm ashamed to say this,
but Harriet Harmon remains‒

was the great love of my life.

You know, it was
a very passionate relationship.

You know,
I loved her very, very intensely,

and, you know, she‒
We just made love everywhere.

She was, she was sexually
carnivorous, you know?

She-She‒
We did it in stalled elevators

and in bushes
and people's houses,

at parties in the bathroom.

And, I hate to tell you,
in the back of cars,

she'd-she'd put a coat
on our laps

and then suddenly grab my hand
and stick it between her legs.

I mean, she was really
something, and she‒

You know, she was‒
she was highly, highly libidinous.

You know what I mean?
She used to‒

She wanted to make love
with other women,

and she used to‒
she got into dope for a while.

She would break that thing you sniff
when she'd have her orgasm.

And, you know, I was‒
For me, I was getting a real education.

And I was, you know, fascinated.
I was just absolutely nuts about her.

And, um, you know, ultimately
she wound up in an institution.

I mean, it's not funny.
It was a very sad thing.

She was, you know, great
but-but nuts.

See, I've always had,

um, this penchant for what I call
kamikaze women, because they‒

I call 'em kamikazes because they,
you know, they crash their plane.

They're self-destructive. But they crash
it into you, and you die along with them.

Now, soon as there's a challenge,

as soon as there's very little chance
of it working out, or no chance,

or there's gonna be hurdles or obstacles,
something clicks into my mind.

Maybe that's because I'm a writer.

But some dramatic or aesthetic
component becomes right,

and I go after that person.

And there's a certain
dramatic ambience that‒

that's almost as if I'm in‒
I fall in love with the person,

in love with the situation
in some way.

And, um, of course, it has
not worked out well for me.

It has not been great, and, um‒

Anyhow, a few weeks
after Jack and Sally split,

you know,
he and I didn't speak much.

And because I, you know,
found him elusive at the time,

and we spent much more time
with Sally.

And she was depressed, you know, and
we'd try and cheer her up all the time.

I would be scared to live by myself
where you live.

- It is scary. It's really scary.
- Yeah, I can believe it.

And there's been
a series of burglaries.

- The house next door to mine was robbed.
- Really?

- And nearby, the people were at home.
- Excuse me. Really?

- It's lucky for them I didn't wake up.
- I would die.

I-I'd never close my eyes
at night if I had to.

So do you want to
get something to eat or what?

Sure.

Hey!

- Sam. This is Sam.
- Hi. How are you?

- Gabe and Sally.
- This is Judy.

- Hi, Judy.
- Well, look, I have to go. I'm sorry, but‒

- Oh, don't be silly.
- No, I have an appointment. I really do.

- Really?
- No, don't be crazy!

- Well, I have an appointment.
- We're going to get something to eat.

I just wanted you guys‒

Oh! Oh, God!

- Some coincidence, huh?
- Oh, wha‒ I didn't get your name before.

- Sam.
- Sam. Right. Okay, Sam.

So-So you guys are just walking
around down here? I mean, what‒

- We just had lunch across the street.
- What do you do, uh, Sam?

- Aerobics.
- She's great at it.

- And I'm a trainer, and some nutrition.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- This is‒
- Hey, what are you guys doing later?

You want to come and have dinner at
the house? She's an unbelievable cook.

- I am.
- Oh, I don't think it's possible tonight.

- It's totally vegetarian.
- Well, we can't. We can't tonight.

- You don't eat meat, do you?
- No, no, I don't. She eats it a little.

I used to eat red meat every day,
and then I gave it up.

Then I had some again recently,
and I was totally bloated.

Look, we can order out.

There's a little Mexican place
around the corner,

if you don't like this vegetarian stuff.

Oh, yeah!
I flip over couscous!

You feel like cookin'?
Let's do it. Come on.

Whatever you want.

- We're gonna stay in, watch the Grammys.
- I can't, you know, because‒

I'm not watching the Grammys.
She watches all these dumb-ass shows.

I have a bet with Jill
over the best single!

- I'm not watching the Grammys, okay?
- My mother is in town.

Yeah, his mother is gonna be in
town for the rest of the week.

Well, you know, maybe later.
I've been meaning to call.

- You know, I've thought about you guys.
- I wanted to call you last week.

While we're down here,
I'd like to pick up some decaf.

There's a great store!
I need some ginseng!

Okay.

She is really something.
She is so great.

You know, she's got a degree
in psychology.

- She's really into this, this fitness.
- You're fucking nuts.

Hey, she is terrific. She's in this
fitness thing. She's a nice girl.

Her family's from Delaware.
Her father's in police work.

I can't get my mind around this.
This is what you leave Sally for?

- Hey, that's not your‒ Be careful, man.
- I'm shocked!

I'm serious about her.

But, you know,
you're my friend. I love you.

I mean,
we've been friends for years.

It's like your IQ
is suddenly in remission.

Oh, please. Please!

- It's like a mini-stroke.
- Don't give me some moralizing discourse.

- You're not my rabbi. Quit it.
- I just can't believe it.

You know, you're married
to this woman for years.

You raised a family.
You know, she's wonderful.

Yeah?

- So she's a ball-breaker sometimes, but‒
- She's a ball-breaker.

Don't you give me that bullshit.
I lived with her. You didn't.

- You don't know her.
- I don't know her, no.

So tell me something terrible.
It better be incriminating.

There's nothing terrible
to tell you, okay?

I care about her. She's great.
I don't want to hurt her.

That's not what this is about.

Then suddenly out of left field,
you take up with a cocktail waitress.

- And I'm supposed to‒
- She's not a cocktail waitress.

- She's an educated girl.
- I'm thinking of you and Sally.

She's terrific.
She's warm, and she's nice.

I can relax around her.
I can breathe.

Sally was hyper. You know that.
She's great, but she's cold,

and she's-she's-she's difficult.

- You're telling me that.
- Her Radcliffe friends

and all that crap
about her interior decorator.

Hey, you wanna know something?
I was bored at the opera.

- Shh.
- I was bored at the opera.

She would never go
to a Giants game with me.

We would never
just sit around and relax.

If I put an ashtray down
in the wrong place in the house‒

So suddenly you‒ It took you
15 years to understand this, right?

Okay, so I should've done it
a long time ago, but, you know‒

I mean, there were kids,
and we're all scared of being alone.

Hey, listen,
I love Sally, okay?

Don't get me wrong. What's wrong
with aerobics? What am I, a snob?

- What's that got to do with aerobics?
- So she's not Simone de Beauvoir.

I want to enjoy
the rest of my life, okay?

I want somebody who digs her nails into
my back and screams when I fuck her.

- She's a fucking cocktail waitress.
- Or at least moves.

Hey, I said stop it.
That's not your business, man.

You don't know what goes on
between two people.

I'm tired of being
corrected and criticized.

That's all I ever did with Sally.
I was always auditioning.

And your mother is not in town, Gabe.
She's in Florida.

I really think
no matter how hard we worked,

the marriage
wouldn't have lasted.

How long were you and Judy married?

Um... five years.

Why did you split up?

At the time,
I thought I wanted out.

I felt I had just run out of gas.

But as I look back at it, I think
it was really Judy who wanted out.

Oh, so she left you?

No. No, she'd never‒
That's not her style.

Don't let Judy fool you.

She-She's what I call
passive/aggressive.

Everything is,
"Poor me, give me a break."

But she gets what she wants.

I remember the day she met
her current husband, Gabriel Roth.

My husband's staying out here
for the rest of the week with my daughter.

But I have to take the train in tomorrow
night. I have some business in town.

Let me give you a lift.
I'm gonna drive in tomorrow.

No, don't be silly!

- No, why should you go in on the train?
- The train is fine, really.

I was just gonna get something to eat.
Would you like something?

Me? No, no, no. I'll get you something.
What do you want?

I was just on my way.
Just tell me what you want.

No, I'll get you something. Pasta salad.
You want anything to drink?

- Just pasta salad?
- Yeah.

And I can easily get a cab
from Penn Station.

- No, don't be silly.
- See what I mean?

He winds up getting the food.

He changes his schedule,
drives her to her door.

And all the time, it's,
"No, no. I'll be okay. Don't help me."

What my ex-husband doesn't say

is that for the last two years
of our marriage

he was virtually impotent,
when it came to me.

Um, he was just raging

because I didn't turn out
to be what he thought I'd‒

He thought I'd be one thing.
His mother, to be exact.

And I couldn't take the fact that he
was totally unromantic in every way.

He was the kind of guy that gives you
an appliance for your birthday.

I-I never got her a Melior Coffeemaker
for a birthday present.

I got her a camera once

and an enlarger,
uh, for our anniversary.

But she wanted it.
She asked for it.

What are you thinking about?

I don't know. I was, I was just thinking
about that manuscript you're reading.

Oh, geez.
It's just a terrible novel.

- It's very autobiographical.
- Well, what else am I gonna work on?

- Should I be insulted?
- Why should you be insulted?

Your description of the way we met‒
that party in the Hamptons.

"He spotted her from
a distance, and Harriet leapt to mind.

It was that simple.
He was drawn to her instantly,

because she reminded him
of his only genuine passion.

His sixth sense
told him to move on it.

But she wasn't Harriet.

The minute he met her,
the dream evaporated."

- Yeah, right. So she wasn't crazy.
- Oh, no, just boring.

Oh, no. She's the best
woman in the book.

- That's why he marries her.
- But he pays a price.

This is just junk anyhow.
I want to throw it away.

No, you're wrong. Listen,
it's full of vitality and wit. It's good.

- You're prejudiced, 'cause you're my wife.
- Your dull wife.

I don't know why you ask
for my opinion ever.

You know?
You don't care about it.

- That's not true.
- It is true.

Mm-mmm. I happen to think
it's a mediocre novel.

Because you have no respect
for my judgment.

If somebody else came along and-and
said that, you'd accept it totally.

I would not.

After a little time passed,
Judy and Sally had lunch.

Sally made a surprising announcement.

I like being single.

You do?
I had the opposite impression.

Well, that's all anticipatory anxiety.

When you calm down, you realize
it's not as bad as you fantasized.

It's like pulling a bad tooth.

All the festering wounds
of your marriage,

the disappointments,
the resentments,

they're gone in one clean yank,
and you're free.

- Boy!
- You can't imagine.

After years of accumulating problems
and swallowing one's anger,

to have the chance to begin again.

Yeah, I-I can imagine.

The clock ticks faster
for a woman.

You have to do it while you
still have some allure left.

The one advantage
of being a little older

- is you have a lot of experience.
- Yeah.

I have a much better shot at making things
work out... if I meet someone.

I've often thought that if Gabe and I met
now, knowing all the things we know,

we'd have a better relationship,
no question.

Would you still marry him?

God, what a question!

You know, for me, I just‒ the thought
of breaking up is just so painful.

You can't stay together out of fear,
because then you know what you become?

- What?
- My mother and father.

Well, I‒ I've pictured myself free.

I know you have.

How do you know?

Because you got so angry
that night

when Jack and I
said we were splitting.

I thought about it later.
I realized we must have touched a nerve.

- No.
- Yes, it's like Hamlet and Oedipus.

You were angry that night because
I did what you really want to do.

No, you're overdramatizing.

Gabe and I are okay.
Nobody has it perfect.

I know. I know.

Listen, when it's good,
nothing's better. Hmm.

Listen, so I think maybe
I have a possibility for you.

- Tell me.
- Michael Gates?

The one you said
was attractive in your office?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

He's only been there a few months.

I know he had a girlfriend,
but now they've broken up.

I do think he's attractive.
He's-He's-He's charming. He's bright.

The timing's perfect.
What more could you want?

I just think if you'd come up
to the office now

and meet him
and see how you feel‒

If you think you're interested, we could
all, I don't know, arrange something.

We'll all go out together or something.

Michael, this is my friend Sally.

- I'm finding some back issues for her.
- Hi, Sally.

Sally's with the Landmarks
Preservation Committee.

Oh, Preservation Committee.
Well, I'll tell you something.

I don't believe in capital punishment,
except for certain New York builders.

It's not just New York, though.

There's always just a blind passion
for the new, the young.

- Nice to meet you.
- Oh. Hello.

You two wait here, and I'll go and Xerox
those copies. I'll be right with you.

- Uh, fine.
- Take your coat off.

- Make yourself comfortable.
- All right.

Throw it anywhere.
Sorry about the clutter.

We're in the middle of putting
together a full issue

of German furniture styles
in the '20s and '30s.

- I hate that period.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

I did my college thesis
on Bauhaus architecture.

- It was called "Function and Fascism."
- Mm-hmm.

This was years ago at Radcliffe,
you know.

I got so much flak on it.
It was very unpopular.

Not that it won't make
a good magazine subject.

Well, go on. Have a look at that chair.
Do you remember that?

- Yes, I, I truly dislike that chair.
- Isn't it wonderful?

- Okay, what about this one here?
- I hated that chair.

So, what do you think?
Isn't he sweet?

Well, yes. He seems nice.

Yeah, I think he's sort of
great-looking, don't you?

- And he's single and not gay.
- Oh, I'm telling you, he just broke up.

I don't know him that well.
You know, he-he's kind of quiet.

But I like that about him.
He's got a great sense of humor.

And he's a very charming drunk, because
it was somebody's birthday party up here,

and he had quite a lot of whiskey,

and he was quoting Yeats' poems
and he was crying.

- He was? He weeps?
- Yes. But in the sweetest way.

So, what do you think?
Shall I get us all together?

Oh, you don't have to.
He already asked me to lunch.

- He did?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

It came up that we both
took courses at Cambridge.

Uh-huh.

Well, he suggested we both have
lunch next week, so, you know‒

That would be great.
I'd be the matchmaker.

I, I took an instant liking for Sally.

God, I was immediately attracted to her.

She spoke her mind, she spoke
her thoughts, which I really liked.

And she's, she's very sexy,
you know?

Um, now look, remember, I wasn't
looking for another relationship,

because I'd just split up with Amy,
and I'd sworn off gettin' involved.

But with Sally, God, there was,

there was something
that just hooked in at once.

So you were grateful
to Judy for introducing you?

Yes, I was, very.

It's funny, you know, when I‒
when I first got to know Judy,

I had the vague impression that she
was flirting with me, you know?

And I thought she must be
unhappily married, you know.

But I met her husband,
and they seemed fine.

But that seems typical of Judy, you know?

She's very giving, and she did me
this big favor by introducing me to Sally.

Your second story was every bit
as interesting as your first.

- I just thought it was wonderful.
- Oh, great!

- I was knocked out by it.
- I'm thrilled. I'm so glad you like it.

You're so encouraging to me, you know?
I want you to know that.

No, don't be‒ Oh, don't be silly.
I'm just one opinion.

- And I was impressed.
- I know, but you're the opinion.

I thought your line
was great about, uh,

"Life doesn't imitate art;
It imitates bad television."

- Because it is completely true.
- Right.

I can't tell you how much your opinion
means to me, you know?

- Oh, you know‒
- Listen, you wanna go for a walk?

- Or I mean‒
- A walk?

- You're busy, right?
- No, no, no, no, no. Wha-Wha‒

I just meant for a walk,
like to discuss the‒

- You want to hear more about your story.
- Yeah. Well, no‒

You know, it was great. I thought
the way that you structured the story‒

Because the tension built up
so, so beautifully,

and you released all the energy
in the last paragraph.

- I thought that was very sophisticated.
- Oh, thanks.

I spent five days searching for
the perfect word to describe the husband,

and that's when
I came up with "appucious."

"Appucious," yeah. I looked that up
in the dictionary, but I couldn't find it.

- Yeah, I know. I made it up.
- Oh, really?

- I thought it described it perfectly.
- Oh, you‒

Tolstoy is a full meal.

Uh, Turgenev, I would say,
is a fabulous dessert.

- That's how I'd characterize him.
- And Dostoyevsky?

Dostoyevsky is a full meal with, um,
a vitamin pill and extra wheat germ.

"I fall upon the thorns of life.
I bleed."

I used to think
that was so romantic.

Oh, to write, to fall in love

and to experience real passion.

Really? You-You think that passion
could actually be sustained?

Oh, I don't know.
Time magazine, they said

you lose your sexual attraction
for the other person in four years,

I think it was.

Well, you know‒

- And Time must know, right?
- Yeah.

I sometimes think of living in Paris,
you know, or Europe in general.

I just find that very romantic, you know?
'Cause I like café life.

I would like to write,
get maybe a small flat or something.

That sounds great.

Yeah, well, just walking
the streets is fun in Paris.

Listen, let me tell you.
Until you've been kissed

on one of those rainy Parisian afternoons,
you've never been kissed.

- I promise you.
- And were you kissed in the rain?

Well, I-I wasn't kissed,
but I was the kisser.

Okay, I was wondering
if I could read your novel.

How'd you know I had a novel?

Um, you mentioned it at lunch,
when we had lunch that time.

Ah. You know, it's‒ I'm very
disenchanted with it. I'm really‒

Yes. I know.
And I'm only asking you

because I think I could learn
a lot from it,

and I just would like to know
what you like and what you don't like

and why you're so critical
of it, you know?

- Let me think about it.
- Whoo!

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

Well, let me think about it.
I-I'll think about it, you know, and‒

- Oh, I shouldn't have asked you.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- L-L-Let me think about it.
- Okay.

Oh, Gabe. He's always picked
the wrong women. Except for Judy.

She's the first‒ you know, she's the first
sane woman he ever fell for.

He's always attracted to the crazies,
the nutcases, for some reason.

I got a couple of theories about it.

One is that, deep down somewhere,
he knows it's not gonna work.

So he suffers,
and that, that kind of atones

for some sort of early-on guilt
he's got.

Over what, I don't know.

Another is,
like, you know, all of us,

he grew up on movies
and novels

where doomed love was romantic.

Well, what about you?
How are things going with Sam?

Great. Absolutely great.
You know, Saturday, we got up.

We had a run down by the river.
It was a beautiful day.

The light was great, you know?
It was just terrific.

I'm down to a good weight.
She's got me exercising.

It feels,
feels incredible to get in shape.

I eat great. That's the other thing.

You know, salads, no meat.
Never touch meat.

Later in the day, we rented a‒
some kind of a video, you know?

It was some sort of dopey,
funny, stupid little thing.

Something Sally would have never
let me bring in the house.

I want to tell you something.
I laughed like hell.

I had a terrific time, and
I didn't have to feel guilty about it.

Like I said, she's not Simone de Beauvoir,
okay? We argue sometimes.

Trust me on this, will you?
It's Lear. King Lear.

Shakespeare never wrote
about a King Leo.

Well, Mr. Intellectual,

Shakespeare wrote in English,
not Japanese.

That's wonderful.

Mm, I was just gonna make some cappuccino
or something. You want some?

- Nope.
- You're sure?

I'm positive. Absolutely. Mm.

Listen, don't start getting all excited.

I don't have my diaphragm in.

Tonight I want to make love to you
without your diaphragm.

What are you talking about?

I'm serious.
I was thinking about it,

and I, you know,
I thought maybe,

you know, maybe I've been resisting
having a child too strenuously.

What? What are you‒
Since when?

I don't know. I don't know.
I just was, uh‒

These are just some thoughts
that I've had, that's all.

I thought maybe, you know, maybe
it would be helpful in some way.

What kind of help were you‒
did you have in mind?

- I don't know.
- Are you unhappy in our marriage?

You know, I‒ to tell you the truth,
I don't think about it that much.

Which is probably a good sign.

You know, it's late.
It's‒ I'm tired.

Do you really want
to talk about this now?

All I said was I thought it was
a good idea to have a baby.

I don't think
it's such a good idea.

Why?
Why not all of a sudden?

Because I think that we have
some straightening out to do

before we have a baby.

You wanted to have a baby.
Why are you in such a bad mood?

Do you want somebody new?

No! Who? Like who?
I mean, do you?

Certainly not a baby.

Okay, so forget it. I was bringing it up
because I thought you wanted‒

- Okay, fine.
- Are you‒

You're in a bad mood, or something you
want to say to me and you're not saying.

We should be careful.

We don't want to get into one
of those things you can't get out of.

So you don't want to have a baby, right?
I mean, that's what I should‒

You know I do.

Okay, so then
we have to work on it.

But not tonight. Tonight, any thought
of sex is now, you know‒

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.
You know, this is crazy.

I'm begging you to have a baby
that I don't even want.

- I knew you didn't want it.
- I don't mean it that way.

I mean it differently.

You know, it's late,
and I'm, I'm confused.

You know, we have
a perfectly fine marriage.

I don't know what all this
talk is suddenly about.

Excuse me, Michael?
I brought you a wonton soup.

- Since you were too busy to come to lunch.
- Oh, thanks, Judy.

You're a sweetheart.
Thank you.

You're going
to Carnegie Hall, I see.

Yes, I'm going to see Mahler.
Mahler's Ninth.

Really? Oh.

- Jesus, I hope Sally likes Mahler.
- Of course she'll like it.

God, it's my favorite
of all of his.

- Let me give you some napkins.
- Thanks, Judy.

I've got this great place to bring her
to after the concert lets out.

A little supper joint run by
an Italian family. It's very intimate.

Got a courtyard,
trellis, little fairy lights.

- Sounds beautiful.
- Yeah, it is, it is.

It's funny, you know,

seein' someone who, you know,
who's just left a long marriage.

I bet it's been a while
since she was courted,

romanced, so to speak,
you know?

Yes. I'm sure.

I'm such a square, Judy.
You know that?

I'm so old-fashioned.
I eat all that stuff up, you know?

Music, intimate restaurants,
candlelight joints and stuff.

I'm from a different era, I think.

Amy used to say I should've
been born in the 1800s.

I think she found it all a bit corny.

Oh, no, it's not at all corny.
It's very sweet.

Ah, but it's great, isn't it? I mean,
you go in for that stuff too, don't you?

- Oh, sure.
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- Well‒

Tonight was fun, Sally, eh?

- Yes, it was good. It was good. Yes.
- That music was fantastic.

I usually hate Mahler, but it was good.

The last movement was too long.
I think he should've cut it down.

The second movement was good.
Well, you know, it began well.

- Yeah, it started a little bit‒
- It gets sentimental, don't you think?

- Yeah, but‒
- The conductor fought his way out.

Oh, dinner was wonderful.

Although I should teach the chef
how to make an Alfredo sauce.

- It didn't quite make it.
- Oh, I'm sorry you didn't like it.

- You want a... coffee?
- Yeah. I mean, is it okay?

I'd love to.

Oh, no, I'm only yawning
because I'm hyper-oxygenating

because the car ride
just made me a little bit sick.

I'm sorry, Sally. I know I'm not
the greatest driver in the world.

No, your driving was fine,
for the most part. It's not your fault.

I shouldn't have had that last margarita.
Three's my limit.

I couldn't even finish the second.

Ah, this is, this is lovely.

It's very homely. English pine.
That's my‒ That's the finest.

I prefer French.
My decorator screwed me.

Anyhow, it's too big for one person.
I have to get a place in town.

It's funny
how your whole life changes.

- I'm scared here alone, you know?
- Oh, it must be terrible.

- There's been robberies.
- Yeah, I bet.

Uh, do you want to get married
again straight away, Sally,

or do you like being single?

I love being single.

Because, you know, I think certain
personalities just need to be married.

- I disagree.
- Well, that's what they say.

Not me. I thought I did.

I do. I do.
I think it's time for me.

Uh-huh. So why have you
never gotten married?

Oh, I don't know.
I've‒ I got close,

uh, in my 20s once,
but it didn't work out.

- Is-Is wine okay?
- Oh, lovely. Thank you.

I want to be alone,
for a while at least.

I want to have a few experiences.

Then if it happens, great.
If not, that's just fine.

Well, I'm-I'm sure
you'll get what you want.

You're a very‒
You're a very beautiful woman.

Oh, thank you.

- I can't. I can't go so fast.
- I'm sorry.

It's just, you know,

- metabolically, it's not my rhythm.
- I understand.

Thank you.

I haven't been in a social,
social situation, you know,

that's meant anything to me
in-in-in a very long time.

Well, thank you, Sally.
I'm really glad to know you care.

Well, I would not
be here with you

if I wasn't at least interested
in exploring it, you know?

Well, cheers.

- Cheers.
- Uh, tonight's meant a lot to me, Sally.

- Thank you.
- Lovely. That's nice.

- Okay, okay.
- What's the rush?

I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm just‒
I'm overanxious because I like you a lot.

Oh, dear.

Michael, what can I say?

I haven't made love, you know,
in a‒ such a long time.

- Mm-hmm.
- My marriage, I told you, was, was dead.

- Sure.
- For years. I don't know why.

Oh, yes, I do. It's the second law
of thermodynamics.

Sooner or later,
everything turns to shit.

That's my phrasing,
not the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

That is strange, too, because often
one doesn't even see it happening.

I did.
That's the part that kills me.

I was in town working.

Jack was supposed to be
out of town on business, in Chicago.

All of a sudden, by sheer accident‒

- Hi. Hey.
- Hi. Hey, how was Chicago?

It's, uh‒ It was good. I mean,
it was, well, busy. It was busy.

I mean, uh, he, the old guy
doesn't want to settle.

He's a tough old bird, boy.

I couldn't bring it up. I was so hurt.

And so full of rage.

And scared.

For weeks, you know,

I waited for him to say he'd met
someone, but he never did.

Although I was always suspicious,
I never found another incident.

So I chose to overlook it,
and I hoped it would go away.

But it didn't

because I began thinking.

of getting rid of him

and being single.

And things just got worse
between us.

We put up
bigger and bigger fronts.

Now I'm single

and I realize I'm one of those people
who needs to be married.

- Hey. Hey, come here.
- Oh, hi.

- Where are you going?
- I'm just going home.

- Come on. I'll give you a lift.
- Oh, great.

Come on.

- I have a surprise for you.
- What?

I don't know if you'll think
it's such a surprise.

- I'm gonna let you read my novel.
- Oh, great!

Oh, that's great. Thanks.

Now, you have to really go easy
on it because‒ you know.

Oh, of course.

- So you wanna come up?
- Now?

Come on. Yeah, meet my parents.
They're so in love with you.

- Don't you wanna see how I live?
- Well‒

Richard,
what are you doing here?

So this is why
I don't see you anymore, huh?

What are you talking about?
That's‒ You're mistaken.

I'm mistaken. I just wanted
to see what he looked like.

No.

You're not what
I thought you'd look like.

- Yeah, beca‒ this isn't even my boyfriend.
- Oh, really?

- Yeah, he's my professor. Yes.
- Your professor?

- This is your professor.
- I'm professor Gabriel Roth.

Ah, nice to meet you.
Yeah. Columbia? Columbia?

Oh, stop.

- Yeah. How interested are you?
- Barnard.

Excuse me. I wanna ask you, Professor.
Do you seduce all your students?

- Stop it.
- I don't know what this is about.

- I was just taking her upstairs to‒
- I see.

Just go, please.
I don't even know why you're here.

- What are you doing here?
- Because you led me on!

I did not lead you on! I told you
from day one I didn't want to marry.

When you have her in your arms,
what does she say to you?

Oh, stop it!

- I don't know what to say.
- Why are you acting childish?

- I ought to take you apart.
- That's ridiculous.

- You're acting like a 15-year‒
- I'm sorry, okay?

- You're sorry?
- Yeah, we were never meant to be.

What do you think I am?

I just know you're going
through one of your phases.

- Why don't you just go in?
- I am.

What, I'm trying to help you out here.

- All right. Fine. I'm sorry.
- I'm getting cold. I'm getting cold.

This is my mother,
and this is Professor Gabe Roth.

It is such an immense pleasure
to meet you.

- That's my father.
- Oh.

- It is an honor, sir.
- How do you do?

- Now, what can we get you?
- Me? Nothing. I'm just‒ I'm fine.

Just a, you know, sedative,
if you have one.

Who was that character downstairs?

- I'll tell you about it later.
- Oh, it's just you‒

- It got so sunny all of a sudden.
- We're tremendous fans of yours.

We wish you'd still write those funny,
short‒ funny, sad stories you wrote.

- Let me take your coat.
- Oh, sure.

So what were you gonna tell me
about that guy downstairs? Who is this?

Oh, God. I better start from the beginning
then, if I'm going to tell you.

Um, my father,
he had this, this colleague.

It was his business partner,
and, um‒

This guy was your father's
business partner?

No, no. This is why I have to tell you
way in the beginning.

- It leads up to him.
- Mm-hmm.

Um, and this‒
my father's business partner‒

He'd come by the house
fairly often, right?

And one day he told me that
he was in love with me, right?

And I was very flattered,
to say the least.

He was, he was real bright and single.

And we started having this affair.

Naturally, we told nobody.

So now I have this friend Jane.

And her parents, they were divorced.

And her father Jerry developed
this mad crush over me, right?

Um, and before long,
I was seeing both these men.

And instead of being happy,
I was, I was just miserable.

And I couldn't get my feelings straight.

And so I went to an analyst.

And... I tried for a few months
to work things out.

And then, one day,
my analyst said that‒

that he was gonna stop
treating me

because he felt it wasn't
the thing to do

since he was falling in love with me.

I was taken with him.

I mean, you can imagine.
He's, he's quite brilliant.

And I started seeing him.

And I did.
I broke off from the other two.

But something inside me told me

that he couldn't be a very stable person,
I mean, let alone a good analyst.

So, I never really let things
get too far with him.

Um, then one night I met Carl,

and he was very sweet
and he really came on with me.

And I came to my senses,

and I said to myself, "What am I doing
with these older men, "you know?

So I, I cleaned up my act.

And I've been dating Carl.

But, as you can see,
Richard is so unstable.

He really took it badly.

My God. You've got material
for your first novel,

and the sequel and,
and an opera by Puccini here.

- This is incredible.
- Yes, but don't you think I'm right?

I mean, Carl‒ he's fun.

And what the hell am I doing
with the mid-life crisis set?

I mean, they're all, they're all
wonderful, rather accomplished men.

But, in the end, I just felt like
I was some kind of symbol

of lost youth or unfulfilled dreams.

Or am I being too dramatic?

Gabe. Gabe, now Rain's birthday party's
coming up soon, and we'd love you to come.

Gee, I don't know
if it'd be possible or not.

- He doesn't want to come to my party.
- Oh, come. Please.

Please. We would love you to come
for a drink. You and your wife, huh?

Mom, he isn't.
He's not gonna come to my birthday.

You know, I think you've been a wonderful
influence on Rain‒ almost inspirational.

Well, she's great.

I'd consider it an honor
if you'd come for a birthday drink.

Just as Gabe gave his manuscript to Rain,

Judy also presented some of her writing.

Listen, um, I finally got around
to reading these lovely poems.

Oh. You‒ Oh, you can be
completely honest. I‒

- I am.
- You know, i-it's just a hobby. I‒

I was amazed.
They are so full of feeling.

- Really?
- Honestly. What does your husband say?

- Oh, no. I'd never show them to him.
- What?

He'd be much too critical.
You know, he has very high standards.

- He'd be right too.
- Come on. No, no. Listen.

The two of you wrote about,
uh, new England. Oh!

There's a little graveyard on Martha's
Vineyard where I'd love to be buried.

I know it, I know it. I used to say to Amy
that's the place I'd choose too.

- Do you want to have lunch outside today?
- It's so nice. Sure, I'd love to.

- Gosh, are you soaked?
- No, I'm not so bad.

- What about you?
- Oh, I think just my coat.

Your hair's wet.

- Is it?
- Thank you, Annie. Thank you.

Oh. That was fun, wasn't it?

Yes. My hair's a mess.

Listen, um‒ Judy,
can I speak frank with you?

- Sure.
- Thank you for introducing me to Sally.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

- I think I'm in love with her.
- Gee, that was quick.

I mean, not that she shares my feelings
or if she ever will, you know?

- Well, she hasn't been single that long.
- Yeah, yeah.

I realize that, but it's, like,
I've finally met someone I care about,

and I keep waiting
for the other shoe to fall.

Well, you, you probably had‒
you know,

you're just a little gun-shy
from, maybe, some bad experiences.

Yeah. Is she as terrific
as she seems?

She is. She is. She's wonderful.

She's honest and decent, and I,
I can't say enough good things about her.

Oh, thank you, Judy. I've‒ You know
how much I respect your opinion.

Listen, do you mind if I just, um‒

I'm just feeling a little funny.

It's probably that run
down the block, you know?

- I think there's some in the drawer.
- I'm fine.

I-I don't know why
I introduced Sally to Michael.

Why did I push them together
like that when, uh‒

You know, when obviously
I had feelings for him myself?

So, you know,
I was just very confused.

I didn't know what I wanted.

You look good.
You don't get any older.

You have to work out, huh?

You know, since Sally and I
broke up, I'm single.

- I gotta‒ gotta watch it, you know?
- I saw Sally the other night.

She's dating some guy.
She introduced us.

Seemed nice. Nice looking.
Claire could tell you.

Yeah, I think that‒
What was he? He's an editor.

- Hmm.
- Ah.

- Hmm.
- So, so, I mean, so what's the deal?

I mean, are they‒ I mean, is‒
Are they seeing one another, or what's‒

No, I don't‒ We don't know.

I'm drunk so don't
hold me responsible,

but, Jack, you gave up a great one
when you gave up Sally.

- Ken? Ken?
- Yeah, yeah.

- He's just having a good time tonight.
- No, he's right.

He's right, he's right.
I know, I know.

Look, we were together a lot of years.
She's a great lady. I know.

I mean, not to worry.
She'll be all right.

- This guy Michael something seemed fine.
- Ken, let's go home.

Don't tell me I'm out of line.
You're okay, right?

That blonde girl Samantha, Sam.
She should be in the Olympics.

Hey, what do you think? I mean,
are they serious about each other?

- No, we don't know.
- Did she say she's serious?

What did she say?

Jack, we didn't talk but for
a few minutes. We just had a‒

She looked great.
Has she had face work?

- Face work?
- Ken, we have to go.

- It was good to see you. Let's go home.
- Hey, where is Sam?

If astrology were true,
twins would have the same fate.

It is true. It is totally, totally,
totally provable, you know?

- From gypsies?
- It is totally logical, right?

Why wouldn't the position of the planets
have an influence on our personalities?

That's easy to refute.

Do you know who believes this?
My baby-sitter.

They know there is more crime
during a full moon, right?

Well, who knows?

Well, you know, it's like who?
The universe knows this stuff.

You are all so smart. But it's like you
just don't get the fundamental basics‒

I'd love to get you together
with my baby-sitter.

- I would love to meet her.
- Hi, sweetheart.

She's been with me two months.
Her father's not around.

We were solving
the secrets of the universe.

- My ex-wife was a believer.
- You should listen to your wife.

What can I tell you?
I'm just making a point.

Because, you know, the positions
of the planets‒ it's, like‒

It is crucial to your life. I cannot
stress this strongly enough, you know.

- And your body and‒
- Yeah, but be logical.

I'm totally logical. I would not put
a Sagittarius with a Libra, right?

Sam, we gotta go.
Come on. Come on.

- But‒
- We're just getting started here.

- We were having a perfectly nice time.
- Come on. Come on.

- It's early.
- Come. We'll see you later.

- Come on. Come on.
- It was really nice meeting you.

- I can't believe you did that.
- Jesus Christ.

If you don't know what you're talking
about, why don't you try not talking?

They don't know
what they're talking about.

What do you mean?

You feel so goddamn obligated
to make conversation all the‒

- How about listening?
- I listen!

That's a novel idea for you.

Oh, you are so‒
you are so rude, Jack.

- I can't believe you just did that to me.
- Right, you're the expert.

Embarrassing.
That is the most embarrassing‒

Come on. Let's go.

Let's get out of here before you
make it any worse, for Christ's sake.

This bullshit all the time about
astrology. It's so stupid. I've told you.

- There's nothing stupid about it.
- It is.

I'm so sick of listening to your crap
about soy beans and Zen foods

and the fuckin' Zodiac.

- Leave me alone. No.
- Hey, get in the car!

- Who do you think you're talking to?
- Hey, listen to me.

You wanna embarrass me
in front of my friends?

They're trying to make
an intellectual conversation,

and you're jerking off about tofu
and crystals or something.

Believe me, they're just stupid.
There's nothing intellectual about them!

- Get in the car.
- No, I'm not going.

- Yes, you are.
- Help! Help!

Shut up, will you?
Shut your mouth, will you?

- What are you, crazy?
- I want to embarrass you.

You want to embarrass me?
Are you coming with me or not?

No! I hate you and your stupid fucking
asshole, asshole, asshole friends!

Get in the car.
Get your ass in the car right now.

- Where's my bag?
- I don't know where it is.

It doesn't matter where it is.
Here. Get in the car.

Goddamn, I must have been
out of my mind.

Crazy. You're totally crazy.

- You're too drunk to drive.
- Oh, bullshit. I'm not drunk.

Just shut up and let's go,
for Christ's sake.

Stop. Jack!

- Goddamn it.
- Look what you've done now!

Just let me out of here!
Let me out of here!

No. Hey. Come on.

- Will you just stop this‒
- I'm not stop‒

- Get in the car.
- You maniac!

- You trying to be cute?
- No!

- Get in the fucking car!
- No, no, no!

- Oh, I don't believe this.
- No, no. Help!

What am I doing?
Get in the car, you infant!

Get in the fucking car!

Christ Almighty.

Jesus.

Why were you able to have an orgasm
with Michael and not with your husband?

I didn't. I was trying to‒

Trying very hard to go with it‒
but I was tense.

- I came close.
- What makes it so difficult for you?

My mind just gets racing
with thoughts.

You'd laugh if I told you.
I get so mentally hyperactive.

Like what?

I thought that I liked
what Michael was doing to me,

and it felt different from Jack‒

More gentle and more exciting.

And I thought how different
Michael was from Jack

and how much deeper
his vision of life was.

And I thought...
Michael was a hedgehog

and Jack was a fox.

And then I thought... Judy was a fox

and Gabe was a hedgehog.

And I thought about
all the people I knew

and which were hedgehogs

and which were foxes.

Al Simon, a friend, was a hedgehog.

And his wife Jenny was a hedgehog.

And Cindy Salkind was a fox.

And Lou Patrino was a hedgehog.

I had the impression that,
at times, you weren't,

you weren't quite into it.

- Oh, no, no.
- Mmm?

I mean‒

You know, I‒

I told you the problems
I had with Jack, but‒

No. It was wonderful.

Oh, God.
I've hurt your feelings, right?

I don't want you to get
the wrong impression. I loved it.

Me too.

I used to get really excited
when we first got married.

Then, somewhere along the line,
it slipped away.

Hey. It's okay.

What? That I'm not responsive?

We had a really nice experience.

Yes, but we had two separate,
nice experiences.

- O-Okay, but they were nice.
- They were separate.

I'm beginning to see
why your husband got a bit crazy.

- Very funny.
- Oh, come on, Sally.

- Are you hungry?
- He said, trying to change the subject.

Oh, stop it.

What was that?

- There's been a series of burglaries.
- Have you got the alarm on?

- No, no, no, no.
- Well, call the police.

- No, no, no.
- Call the police. I'll take a look.

- Who are you?
- Who are you?

Jack! My God!

You changed the lock
on my own goddamn house.

- Who's this? Who's this?
- This is my husband.

It's none of your business.
Please leave right now.

- None of my business?
- Are you all right?

Am I all right?
What the hell‒ Who are you?

- Is he living here? What's the deal?
- Don't get upset.

Don't get upset?
What's he doing, fucking in our bed?

Hey, hey, listen.
Let's not get ugly here.

- This is my house.
- I can talk to him.

- Please, go upstairs.
- Where's he going now, huh?

- I'll just be up there.
- Yes, I know.

- Is he going to our bed? Is that the deal?
- It's not our bed anymore.

You need some black coffee.
I'm gonna make it. Then just go.

Wait a minute. Sally, listen.
I wanna come back.

- Oh, tsk! You're drunk.
- Oh, please.

Oh, man, my life is such
a fuckin' mess.

Jack, this is not the time
and place to discuss this.

- Please go.
- This is not the place? This is my house!

- Hey, this is my fuckin' house!
- No, it's my fucking house.

My house now.

- I wanna start over.
- No. That's not possible.

- Too much has happened.
- Oh, God. I made so many‒

- Sally, can I help?
- Please.

Hey, would you get lost?
What is it with him?

Do you mind?

What is he, the guardian here
or something? This is ridiculous!

- I can handle this.
- Oh, man.

I don't believe this. I don't believe it.

Well, you don't have to believe it.
Go.

You‒ Listen. I‒

My God. I‒ Lookit.

This was not all my fault,
you know? Okay?

It takes two of us.
Both of us screwed up.

I never said it was your fault.

You don't know
how hard you are to live with.

Oh, please. Have I heard
this before somewhere?

That's it. Perfect. See? She's got
an answer to everything. Everything.

What do you want me to say?
Our marriage was full of problems.

Yes, I know that.

You know, some were my fault,
some were yours. But you lied to me.

- Go ahead. Hey.
- You deceived me. You cheated on me.

Why don't you just run upstairs and tell
him there's a stranger in the house.

- He knows. He knows!
- He knows. Swell. That's perfect too.

Hey, you show me one couple that
doesn't have problems, you know?

It's not that unusual.
Everybody‒ It's tough.

Everybody has a tough time, you know?

What happened to the one
you moved in with?

That's bullshit.
It's total bullshit.

Well, I met someone I like.

What? You what?

I met someone I like.

What about all the‒ What about
all the years we had together?

Well... you know, you had no problem
wiping them out when it suited you.

But I‒
I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know what else to do.

- I didn't know what to do.
- Oh, no, no! I can't discuss this now!

Please! Go!

You know,
you'll feel better tomorrow.

I'm gonna feel like shit tomorrow.
That's what I'm gonna feel like.

Oh, shit.

Hi. Um, I need to...
speak to Jack.

How long are you just gonna
leave me out there, right?

I told you.

I have never, never been treated
like this in my life before!

This is really perfect
how you ruin a life.

- Then go see a psychiatrist.
- My life!

God, I need to see a shrink,
dating a slime bag!

Oh, please! Hey, come on in.
Come on in.

Why don't you join us?
This is about all of us, you know?

- We don't have any secrets.
- Bullshit.

- We have nothing but secrets.
- What do you mean?

I never met a Scorpio
who wasn't secretive.

Will you stop with that shit?
Scorpio sh‒

I'm going to bed.
Get out. Both of you, get out.

What's the big deal? I mean,
so I did a couple of things wrong.

I yelled, I misbehaved.
Does it have to be irreversible?

The heart raged and demanded,

grew melancholy and confused,
and toward what end?

To articulate what nitwit strategy?
Procreation?

It told him something‒ this business
of how mind-boggling numbers of sperm

competed for a single egg.

It was not the other way around.
Of course men would make love

at any time and place
with any number of women,

including total strangers,
while females were more selective.

They were, in each case, catering
to the demands of only one small egg,

while each male had millions
and millions of frantic sperm

screaming wildly,
"Let us out! Please, let us out now!"

It was like those desperate ads
in the personals column

with a dozen requirements and,

if they were not enough,
there was added, "Must be a nonsmoker."

Feldman longed to meet a woman
who attracted him physically

and had the following personality:

a quick sense of humor equal to his,

a love of sports equal to his,
a love of classical music equal to his

with a particular fondness
for Bach and balmy climates.

In short, he wanted himself,
but as a pretty woman.

Pepkin married and raised a family.

He led a warm, domestic life,
placid but dull.

Knapp was a swinger.
He eschewed nuptial ties

and bedded five different women a week.

Students, housewives, nurses,
actresses, a doctor, a salesgirl.

You name it,
it held Knapp between its legs.

Pepkin, from the calm of his fidelity,
envied Knapp.

Knapp, lonely beyond belief,
envied Pepkin.

What happened
after the honeymoon was over?

Did desire really grow with the years,

or did familiarity cause partners
to long for other lovers?

Was the notion of ever-deepening romance
a myth we had grown up on,

along with simultaneous orgasm?

The only time Rifkin and his wife
experienced a simultaneous orgasm

was when the judge handed them
their divorce.

Maybe, in the end,

the idea was not to expect
too much out of life.

So, the book was wonderful. It was‒

Oh, it was entertaining
and imaginative and moving.

You don't have to say this.
You can be critical and honest.

- Oh, I know, of course.
- Really?

All this suffering and how you
make it so funny, you know?

All the little lost souls running around.

That's funny, you know, 'cause I've had
so much trouble with this book.

- I can't tell you.
- Have you let anybody else read it?

Oh, not exactly, you know.

Uh, listen. I'm so thrilled
that you feel this way.

I can't tell you how encouraged I am.
It means so much to me, really.

Your feelings about it are really‒

I'm glad.

You are a sucker for my work,
so I shouldn't get excited.

Oh, no. That's not true.
I mean, I'm objective.

I mean, yes, I do love the way
you write and everything.

I had some criticisms,
but overall the thing was just‒

I'm sure you must have had criticisms,
obviously. You know, what were they?

N-Nothing serious. I mean,
the whole thing was just a delight.

- Ah, really?
- Uh-huh. Yeah.

I can't tell you. I've had such
a love/hate relationship with this book.

- Oh, no. Oh, my God. This can't be.
- What's the matter?

Oh, I think I left
the, um, thing in the cab.

You're kidding.

- In a taxicab? Are you sure?
- Oh, my God. I'm gonna cry.

I can't believe I did this to you!

- Okay, he was Indian.
- You left it in an Indian's cab?

No. He was Armenian.
I can't believe this.

That was the only copy.

- I know. Wait.
- You must be joking. Do‒ Could‒

Was it Hargopian?
Could that be possible?

Hargopian? Yes. Mr. Hargopian?
Or Swami Hargopian? Or what?

I was totally crushed. I abs‒
You know, I wanted to die.

This was, you know, this was
the worst thing that happened.

But you put up a false front for her.

Right. I had to 'cause
the poor girl was wrecked.

I mean, what was I gonna do?
I was trying to bail her out.

So this book
was very meaningful to you,

despite all your carrying on
about how you hated it.

- I guess so.
- And the young woman? Rain?

Her approbation was very significant
to me. I mean, it was, uh‒

Well, why was her praise and encouragement
for your work so pleasing?

Judy, your own wife,
had liked it very much,

and you gave her such a hard time.

I don't know, but there was
some kind of rapport I felt here

that I thought was,
was meaningful to me.

Hey! Hey!
Somebody found your envelope!

He's waitin' at the house now.
Come here!

It's‒ It's so Freudian.

What is?

Uh, oh, the whole thing

of leaving the novel in the cab
and everything.

No, don't be silly.
You know, it could happen to anybody.

- You misplaced it for a moment.
- No.

I think m-maybe
it meant something.

- Like what?
- Well, I don't, I don't know.

I think, maybe,
I could have been threatened.

- Threatened by my book?
- Yeah.

- That's abs‒
- I mean, I'm very competitive by nature.

- That's absurd.
- Why, because I'm a young female?

No, don't‒
You know, don't get angry.

Because I'm in your corner.
You know, I'm, I'm your biggest fan.

Yeah.

I just think that, maybe,
I could have been threatened

by certain things in the book.

Like what? You know, wh-wh‒

Um, some of the attitudes towards
women and your ideas on life.

- You told me you love the book.
- I do.

I do love it. Yeah.

- What were your criticisms?
- Um, nothing.

No, tell me. Tell me
what your criticisms were.

Uh, I was a little disappointed,
I guess,

with, uh,
with some of your attitudes.

Like what? What attitudes?

With what?

The way your people just
casually have affairs like that.

- That's‒
- The book doesn't condone affairs.

- I'm exaggerating for comic purposes.
- Yeah.

I mean, but are our choices

really between chronic dissatisfaction
and suburban drudgery?

No, but, you know, that's how
I'm deliberately distorting it.

I'm trying to show how hard it is
to be married.

Well, you have to be careful not
to trivialize with things like that.

Well, Jesus, I hope I haven't.

Well, the way your lead character
views women‒

It's so retrograde.
It's so shallow, you know?

What are you talk‒ You told me‒
You told me it was a great book.

Yeah, it's wonderful.
And I never said "great."

I said it's brilliant and it's alive and‒

You know, that's not what I'm‒

We're not arguing
about whether it's brilliant or not.

I'm‒
You know, Triumph of the Will.

It was a great movie,
but you despise the ideas behind it.

What are you saying now?
You despise my ideas?

No, I don't despise them.
I‒ That, that example was‒

Okay, isn't it beneath you,
as a mature thinker,

I mean,
to allow your lead character

to waste so much
of this emotional energy

obsessing over
this psychotic relationship

with a woman that you fantasize

as powerfully sexual and inspired

when, in fact,
she was pitifully sick?

Look, let's stop this right now
because I don't need a lecture

on maturity or writing
from a 20-year-old twit.

You asked me if you could read my book.
I said okay. You told me you loved it.

And I do.

Then you leave the fucking thing
in a taxicab.

And you're weeping, and I'm consoling you.
And suddenly you turn on me.

Okay. I must
have hit a nerve with you.

Well, yeah. I‒ You know‒

Boy, I'd hate to be your boyfriend.
He must go through hell.

Well, I'm worth it.

- Did you have trouble finding the house?
- None at all.

I'm glad. Please, step this way.

Thank you so much. You know,
I can't tell you what this means to me.

- This is so nice of you.
- That's all right.

You just found it in a cab?

Yeah, I jumped in the cab,
and I wound up sitting on it.

I opened the door
and there's this envelope.

- Let me give you something. I wanna‒
- Oh, okay. No, no, no.

- It's okay.
- Really. I can't‒

Please, I want you guys
to stay for coffee.

- You've been too sweet already.
- I won't take no for an answer.

- She won't take no for an answer.
- She won't. Trust me.

- Fine. We'll have coffee.
- Good. Great.

- A quick cup of coffee.
- I'm sorry for everything that happened.

- No, I'm sorry. It was my fault.
- No, it was totally mine.

Excuse me, Mr. Roth.
If you don't mind my saying,

you got a beautiful daughter
yourself.

Yes, I admit it. Her, her‒

You know, our, our argument
in the cab was, um‒

I found attractive
and it attracted me to her in some way.

You know, that she was not
just a, sort of a passive,

little, worshipful pupil
or something.

You know, uh, something in me
sensed that, uh‒

Not that I was gonna do anything
about it. I certainly wasn't.

Though... I had,

you know,
certain daydreams about it.

Less than two weeks later,
Jack and Sally got back together.

This turn of events was celebrated
over dinner with Judy and Gabe.

Listen, you know, you can't‒ You just
can't wipe out years of closeness.

I mean, you think you can. You don't
see the roots, but, boy, they're there.

I think some people are just
not constituted to be single.

Hey, look. Everybody
screws up, you know? Nobody's perfect.

The question is, do you learn from it?
What do you do then?

I think the true test of a relationship
is how you weather it in a crisis. Yes?

Yeah. Everybody looks great, you know,
when everything's going smoothly.

That's great.
If you can be that mature, it's great.

It's not that. It's just‒
I think you‒

You start finally thinking about
priorities. It's a question of priorities.

Yeah, I mean, how long can you discuss
physical fitness and the Zodiac?

Mmm.

Hey, this Michael character
was no bargain. Come on.

Oh, my God.

- How was Michael?
- I don't know. He was sick.

He called in sick. So I gave him a call,
and he did sound very terrible.

- But, I don't know. He had a cold.
- Oh, dear. He's so sweet.

I guess I really pulled
the rug out from under him.

Although, you know,
his real crush is on Judy.

- Oh, no.
- Not to offend you, Gabe.

I'm not. I‒ You know, I love it
when somebody thinks highly of Judy.

Mmm. G-Gabe needs
confirmation of his feelings.

- Especially when it comes to me.
- That's a terrible thing to say.

- True. That's true.
- No, no. No, but‒ No, really.

- I'd watch it if I were you, Gabe.
- Excuse me, please.

He always talks about Judy
in hushed tones.

I think those poems you wrote
impressed him.

Hey, hey, hey, come on.
Here's to a good marriage, huh?

Mmm.

Finally, the best
two people can hope for.

Absolutely.

I didn't know you were
fooling around with poetry.

I didn't think
you'd be interested.

- Well, why not?
- Because.

I'll tell you something.
I'd be embarrassed to show you my stuff.

- Why?
- Because you're so hard on everything.

- I am not. What are you talking about?
- You are too.

- You're very, very judgmental.
- I'm not judgmental. I like poetry.

You know, I'm crazy about Shakespeare
and Byron and T.S. Eliot. You know‒

Uh, yeah, well.
My stuff isn't quite that good yet.

Well, I would have given you
an objective evaluation.

I don't want an objective evaluation,
you know?

I'd like something a little more
supportive. A little more generous.

You mean like from that character
in your office?

He's not a "character."

- Are you in love with him?
- No.

Why, b-because
I've shown a few poems?

I saw Dr. Ritchie today.

- Oh, where?
- I went back into psychotherapy.

Jesus, you're kidding! You don't need
psychotherapy, and certainly not with her.

You're just threatened by her
because she's postmodern.

Anyone who writes a paper suggesting
the Sabine women had it coming to them‒

- That's not it.
- Jesus.

- I do not flirt!
- Don't tell me you don't flirt,

because I've seen you do it
at parties.

- You put on a whole other personality.
- Oh, you're crazy!

Of course you do.

You get all soulful and pretend
to want things you really can't stand.

- Like what? What are you talking about?
- Like moving to Europe.

That's a flirting technique.

You couldn't survive off the island
of Manhattan for more than 48 hours.

You're the one that misrepresented
herself when we got married.

- What do you mean? Like what?
- Like what?

Like you had one child
and you didn't want any more.

That was the way I felt then.

People change. I'm not the same
person I was all those years ago.

- That's why relationships go sour.
- Yeah, you hate change.

- Sure I hate‒ Change equals death.
- What kind of bullshit?

It's death.

Maybe you're fooling
your 20-year-old students into thinking

that's some kind of an insight
or something, but it means nothing.

Change is what life is made of.

If you don't change, you don't grow.
You just shrivel up!

I don't want to make love.

You always get sexual
at the oddest times.

What are you so tense for?

You use sex to express
every emotion except love.

Yeah, you were attracted to me
because, in some way‒

And I never figured out how‒ but
in some way, I reminded you of Harriet.

But then I disappointed you
because I was too normal.

I was attracted to you
because you were solid

and decent
and you were not crazy.

- Yeah, and you found that too boring.
- No. As it turns out, you‒

In your own quiet way,
you're as crazy as Harriet was.

- Oh, see? I did remind you of Harriet.
- No, look.

My sixth sense told me‒

Some kind of sixth sense said
that you were not stable.

But on the surface, you were.

But now that we're having
all kinds of problems, you‒

You're not stable. You were
on the surface, but not really.

This whole thing
is becoming very clear to me.

Uh, w-w-we both couldn't sleep
one night, remember?

And we found... the movie
of Wild Strawberries

on the cable station
and we stayed up all night watching it?

- Remember that? That was such a great‒
- Yeah.

For some reason,
a great moment for me.

Or when we were going
to the faculty dinner and‒

I'll never forget this.
We were on Fifth Avenue,

and it was just an icy, black night.

We were walking downtown.
You remember that?

- Suddenly we decided not to go to dinner.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

We said the hell with it.
It was such a beautiful night,

We walked into Central Park.

It was so snowy that night,
and you could see every star.

Mmm, remember how cold it was?

You were so beautiful
in that black dress. Really.

- Mmm.
- Don't do that.

Wh-Why not?

Because it's over,
and we both know it.

Do we?

Yeah. You know,
all that stuff that‒

Those memories.
They're just memories.

They're, they're, they're
from years gone by.

They're just isolated moments,
you know?

They don't, they don't tell
the whole, the whole story.

Several days later,

Gabe moved out of his apartment
and into a hotel.

No, I wasn't being
completely honest with Gabe

because I didn't want
to hurt him.

But, but I did know what I wanted.

Um, I was in love with Michael,
and I just‒

I wanted to be free
to, um, pursue that

and not have to, not have to lie
or cheat or sneak around or anything.

How could I be, you know,
a hundred percent honest with Judy?

I‒ You know,
I felt that I loved her. And I‒

I didn't want to hurt her.

So what am I gonna say?

That I feel myself becoming infatuated
with a 20-year-old girl?

And that, you know, I see myself
sleepwalking into a mess

and I've learned nothing
over the years?

Then why didn't you
stop yourself?

There was something in my marriage
that I craved that I was not getting.

And Rain‒ You know, there was a certain
excitement there for me. I don't know.

- Rain had a boyfriend.
- I know.

Believe me,
everything about it was wrong.

I know. But, uh,
you know, that did not deter me.

That, if anything, made me,
as usual‒

You know, th-there
was something interesting.

So what is it?
You have a self-destructive streak?

You know, I don't know.

My heart does not know from logic.
You know, it just‒

I'll get myself one of these.

- Go ahead.
- I'll get it.

Hello? Oh, Michael, please.

Look, I‒ We‒
I can't keep discussing this.

I mean, it was a decision
I felt I should make.

No, I wanted to. I'm sorry.

Look, I can't.
I've said sorry many times now.

I can't keep discussing this.

No, I don't want to have a drink.

I have to go.
Well, you make it hard.

I have to go.

A week or two passed,

and Judy helped Michael
get over the loss of Sally.

Here we go.

- Oh, heavens, Judy.
- Pretty good, huh?

That's, that's mine. Where's yours?

- I am so hungry.
- Okay.

- Here.
- Thanks.

- All right. Shall I be mum? Hey, cheers.
- Cheers.

- It's a real treat, Judy.
- Oh, you're welcome.

- Where's your wife? Did she come?
- Uh, no, no.

To tell you the truth,
we're not together anymore.

Oh, you writers!

- Happy birthday! Hi, how you doing?
- Hi!

Did you meet Jessica? Her daughter
and I used to be best friends.

No, I met Angela, though.

- Gee, did you see that?
- What?

Incredible this time of year.
It's so beautiful!

- Oh, I love storms.
- It's great to look at it from up here.

The television said we were
supposed to get the tail end

of that hurricane off Carolina.

- Really?
- It's really coming down heavy now.

Oh, it's very fitting.
I was born during a hurricane.

I really was.

- It's dangerous out there.
- Wow.

Wow!

- She looks so lovely, doesn't she?
- She's having a great time.

My God. She's 21.
You know, it's absolutely incredible.

- Our little Rainer, hmm?
- I'm gonna be 55.

Well, you know, it's our 25th
wedding anniversary in June.

Don't worry. We got some light in here.

I know I paid that bill. Take some
of these candles out in the other room.

- Actually, we'd better just‒ Can you guys‒
- Here we go, here we go.

All right.

I can't believe this.
I know I have a flashlight.

Oh, this is just my luck
on my own birthday.

It goes black.

Hey, you look very, very pretty
in the candlelight.

Oh, God, did you see
the lightning flashes?

I'm completely drunk.

- Mmm!
- It's great. It's great.

And the wind
is supposed to get worse.

I just don't know how everybody's
gonna get home now.

Happy birthday.
I've been carrying this around all night.

I didn't want to give it to you
in the other room

because I thought that,
you know, it might‒

people might think
it was funny or something.

It could be misconstrued, so I've
been hiding it under my jacket for‒

Mmm, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God, that's lovely.

That is so pretty.

- Happy birthday.
- Why would it be misconstrued?

I-I don't‒ you know. 'Cause I-I-It
would just look funny, I think,

'cause you have a boyfriend and I give
you this very romantic music box.

You know, I just didn't want anyone
to get the wrong idea.

No, it didn't look funny at all.

It's beautiful.

You know, um‒
You know what I'd really like?

What?

A nice, um, birthday kiss.

- You want a birthday kiss?
- Yeah.

Birthday kiss.

Happy birthday.

- That's all?
- I'm really drunk. This is not funny.

I know. Mm. So‒

What, why?
What do you mean, "That's all"?

That was a birthday kiss.
What do you want me to do,

bend you back and stick my tongue
down your throat to your shoe tops?

No. Come on.
You know what I mean, don't you?

I can't give you a birthday kiss.
You're nuts.

- You got a boyfriend in the other room.
- I know.

That's not serious.
You know, it isn't serious.

Listen. It's insane.

I can't even have this conversation.
Not that I haven't thought about it.

- I have thought about it. I have.
- Oh.

But I‒ You know, I‒
It's just too crazy. I‒

- That's so disappointing.
- Mm.

Why is it disappointing?
You got‒ You got a boyfriend.

Because, it's‒ You couldn't ask
for a more romantic moment.

I mean, it's my 21st birthday,

and we're in the middle of a storm,
and the lights are out

and there's... the wind and rain
sweeping the New York skyline.

Oh, Jesus. Don't do this to me.
Why do I hear‒

It's magical.

$50,000 worth of psychotherapy
dialing 911 now?

Okay, I'm sorry.

- I can't. I can't.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm‒

- I've had a little too much to drink too.
- Me too.

- I had a‒
- Yeah. I'm just‒

So what do you‒ You want a kiss?
I mean, you want a real kiss?

- Yeah.
- You want a‒

You want an actual,
professional kiss, right?

Yes.

Both lips, upper and lower,
simultaneously?

Yeah, I really‒ been really
thinking about it, I gotta tell you.

Come here.

All I could think of was

I hoped that lightning
can't come into a penthouse

because I had never been in one before
and it was tumultuous out there.

It was crashing all around, and the scene
just cried out dramatically to be played.

I mean, she was adorable,

I wanted to kiss her and,
you know, it was pouring rain.

But there was lightning bouncing around
the terrace and I figured, any second,

it's gonna come right through the glass
or come right into the apartment,

and, um, and that I would die.

Judy, leave me be.

I do not want to spend Sunday together,
because I need some time alone!

So be alone!
I'm certainly not pushing you!

Yes. Yes, you are, in that,
that quiet, steady way of yours.

You're always there for me.
"Supportive" is your word.

"Understanding." God, stop being
so bloody-well understanding.

- Thanks.
- I'm sorry.

I still think a lot about Sally.
I still have feelings for her‒

feelings I don't think I could
ever have for you.

Oh, God!

Where are you go‒
Oh, shit! Judy!

Judy, I'm sorry.
I'm really so sorry, darling.

I never want to see you again!
Okay?

Don't say that.
I need you. I need you.

It's good to know how
you really feel!

But I don't feel that way.
I was just upset.

- You are so selfish and self-centered!
- Please. I am. I know.

- Nauseating!
- Don't give up on me.

I didn't mean those things.

What did you say them for
if you didn't mean them?

Because I'm confused!
I'm upset.

Lord, I never want to
hurt you again in my life.

- It's just bullshit!
- It's not bullshit.

I don't deserve you. I'm sorry.

Please.

- Did you close all the windows?
- Yeah, I was just thinking that.

It's a good thing
we fixed that leak in the den.

We'd be swimmin' now. Geez.

It's crazy, but after all these years,
I'm still scared of thunder.

Any loud noise.

We would have been absolutely nuts
to use those theater tickets,

you know that?

We would have been swerving
all over the road.

- It's a damn good thing we stayed home.
- I'm glad we stayed home.

Me too.

You know,
when we were separated,

this is exactly the kind of night
that would have terrified me.

And I was scared enough
sleeping alone.

You know, sometimes you can be a lot
more alone when you're with somebody.

Uh-huh.

Do you think we should have given
those other tickets to Gabe or Judy?

I mean,
we did buy them for them.

Yeah, I know,

but the situation's
completely different now.

Right.

A year and a half later,
much had occurred.

Judy was divorced
and married to Michael.

So, you happy?

- Go on.
- Yes, yes.

Yes, I think things have gone
pretty smoothly.

- Michael puts up with my idiosyncrasies.
- No, no, no.

It's you‒ It's she
that puts up with mine.

Look, I told you.
She's passive/aggressive.

Somehow,
she gets what she wants.

She wanted me,
she wanted Gabe,

she wanted the job
at the magazine,

out of her marriages.

She wants Michael.

I disagree. No, when Sally
went back to her husband,

I made a big play for Judy.

I mean, not at first, but, but...
when I decided, I went after her.

Yeah, gee, I hope I didn't push.

Yeah, I-I wanted it to work,
it's true.

We're, you know, we're doin' fine.
We really are.

We're doin' good.

We've learned to tolerate
one another's problems more, I think.

- Don't you?
- Mmm. And‒ well, I've learned, anyway,

that, that love is, is, is not about
passion and romance necessarily.

It's, it's also
about companionship and, um‒

You know, it's like a buffer
against loneliness, I think.

That stuff is really important. It really‒
You know, somebody to grow old with.

I think the thing that's so tough
that kills most people

is just unreal expectations.

Mm, absolutely.

What about things
that can't be talked about?

Like sexual problems, for instance.

- Well, that's‒
- Unresolved.

Unresolved?

Well, there-there's some things
you can't solve.

And then you have to live with it.

You construct some kind
of patchwork thing and, um, it's, uh‒

- But sometimes they flare up.
- They do, and when that happens‒

They do.They just‒ It kind of
gets tough when that happens.

You know,
they're gonna do it.

But you learn to deal with the problem
and push it back down.

It's not bad.

And, you know, it works.
That's the weird thing.

It works okay. It's not bad.

I mean, you can't force yourself to
conform to some abstract vision of love

or, or, you know, marriage.

It's, um‒
Every situation's different.

See, whatever works is the deal.
I mean, everything is gonna be different.

Ours is one way,
somebody else's is another way.

It's funny.
You know what's funny?

Last year when we were at Gabe
and Judy's that night.

And we announced so flippantly
we were splitting.

- Ridiculous.
- I wasn't feeling that confident inside.

I sure as hell wasn't either.
Stupid.

I remember envying them so,
thinking they were so lucky.

They had such a great marriage.

Yeah, it's ironic that, you know,
we're together and they aren't.

- Yeah.
- Weird.

I experienced a very romantic
moment with Rain

at her 21st birthday party,

and... I could feel...
the old pull coming back.

You know,
the old attraction coming back

and some feelings that I sensed
from the past in my life.

It was very vivid to me.

That was a, that was a...
a great moment there,

but I don't really think
that we should follow up on it.

Oh, wh-what do you,
what do you mean?

Well, you know. I just‒ My‒

If things were, you know,
were different‒

If I was younger or,
you know, if you were older

or anything different, but I just‒

Somehow I-I just feel I know
how this is gonna come out.

You sure?

I am. I, you know, I really am.

Okay.

Okay.

Um...

mmm, I know
how i-it would end.

And...

I left and I walked out
into the pouring rain.

You know, first I, you know,

just headed instinctively
back to my apartment

'cause, you know,
I wanted to hold Judy

and kiss her
and say things to her.

And, you know, and then‒

Then I realized that,
you know, I really blew it.

So what's your life like now?

Uh, you know, I'm, I'm out
of the race at the moment.

I-I-I don't want
to get involved with anybody.

I-I, um, I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to get hurt.

I just, you know, I just‒

I don't mind... you know,
living by myself and working.

I‒ You know, it's temporary.
I mean, the feelings will pass.

And then I'll have the urge
to get back into the swing of things

and, you know, that seems
to be how it goes and‒

But, as I say, I'm, I'm writing.
I'm working on a, uh, a novel‒

A new novel,
not the old one anymore.

And, um, you know, it's fine.
Absolutely fine.

- Is it different? Uh‒
- My novel?

Yes, it's less, uh, less confessional,
more, more political.

Uh‒

Eh, eh, can I go? Is this over?

♪ What is this thing ♪

♪ Called love? ♪

♪ This funny thing ♪

♪ Called love ♪

♪ Just who can solve ♪

♪ Its mystery? ♪

♪ Why should it make ♪

♪ A fool of me? ♪

♪ I saw you there ♪

♪ One wonderful day ♪

♪ You took my heart ♪

♪ And threw it away ♪

♪ That's why I asked the Lord ♪

♪ In heaven above ♪

♪ What is this thing ♪

♪ Called love? ♪♪