Humshakals (2014) - full transcript

He's the worst stand-up comedian.

I cannot believe how
much time I've wasted.

He's cracking such pathetic jokes.
Who let him in?

Okay, I promise you my next joke
will make you crack up.

I tried writing a letter last night..

...with a broken pencil.

But I just couldn't.

You know why?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Anyone?



You?

No?

Because it was pointless.

My three own niece
cracks better jokes.

This guy's jokes are pathetic.

Yeah!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

What did one potato
say to another on the phone?

'Aloo' (Potato)!

That's rubbish!

What do you call
a ghost in a telephone?

A 'Phone-bhooth' (ghost)!

Get out!

Shut up! - You suck!



And now, one of Amitabh Bachchan's
famous dialogue.

Ashok, I don't get one thing.

Why do you get yourself
humiliated every week?

Why do you have to do this?

It's okay.

I'm still a struggling
Stand-up Comedian.

Struggling?

I wish all the strugglers
in the world were like you.

Ashok.
- Yes, Kumar.

We've been best friends
since second Grade.

No one ever laughed
on your jokes back then.

And still no one does.

Take my advice.

Stand-up comedy
isn't your cup of tea.

Then is it my saucer?

Look at this.

Look at this. This is who you are?

You're Ashok Singhania.

Your company's worth
billions of Dollars.

You're such a wealthy man.

Why do you need to do standup comedy?

Because it's my passion.

An“ AmbanL.

In spite of being
such a big businessman.

He puts on his shorts every year..

...and runs the marathon
like a common man.

Why? Because that's his passion.

Bill Gates. The king of Computers.

But he knits, makes sweaters. Why?

Because that's his passion.

So chill out, buddy.
lam not quitting my business.

My bad comedy isn't affecting
the Singhania Company shares.

We just had a bad day.

The next show will
be mind-blowing. Come on.

You love me, right?

Yes.

You trust me?

Yes.

Would I ever take you for a ride?

Never.

Good.

Let's go home.

Pilot, take us for a ride.
- Oh, Come on!

You can't be doing this.
- Come on, it's good joke.

This is a terrible joke.

Good evening, sir.
- Good evening, Mishti.

How was the show, sir?
- Show!

The show was fantastic!
Much better than last time.

This time only 15 people walked out.

Because there were only
15 people in the audience.

Don't listen to him. I am very happy.

In fact, I am so happy.-

...I think I'll give you a raise.

Really, sir?
- You deserve it, Mishti.

You're not just my estate manager..

...but, you're like a sister to me.

But right now,
come inside the house man!

Baby, I've told you a million times.

I don't understand Bengali! Okay!

Fine, then this Bengali
won't marry you.

I love Howrah Bridge.

I love Bappi Da.

I love Mithun Da.
I love Mishti Doi (Curd).

I love you, Mishti.

Sorry!

Come on.

Okay.

Sir, I need your signature.

Thanks.

Good evening, sir.

Any change in dad's condition?

No, sir.

Good evening, sir.

What's up, dad?

What's wrong?

You didn't go out today again.

Come on, dad.

This isn't your age to lie down.

You should be playing golf,
going clubbing.

Handling your business empire.

I am not saying that I cannot
handle this business empire.

It's just that

you handle it much better.

So get well soon, dad.

I miss you.

How about a new joke?

Ashok.

He's already in coma.

Bye, dad.

Catch you later.

If a girl called Sandra
is married to a 'Saand' (Bull)..

...can we call her Sandra Bullock.

Here we go.
Why are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 afraid of 7?

AnybOdY-

AnybOdY-

Because 7 89!

1 a (ate) 9!

Let's get out of here. - Ate 9.

Ate 9.

This really is stand-up comedy.

People are standing up and leaving.

Okay.

If my shoe pops out
while I am sneezing..

...can I say I lost 'A-shoe'.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

I can't breathe.

You're very funny.

And you're very beautiful.

Thank you for laughing.

By the way, I am Ashok.

Ashok Singhania.

The Ashok Singhania!

I always thought Billionaires..

...don't have a sense of humor.

They don't.

This is my best friend, Kumar.

Hi.
- Hi.

I am Shanaya.
- Shanaya!

That's a beautiful name.
- Thank you.

Do you live in London?
- Yes, of course.

I work for Channel 9.

I'm a reality show host.
'Kaun Banega Millionaire!'

Where we randomly pick a common man..

...from the street and make
him a Millionaire for a week.

Oh, wow! - Sounds like
an interesting concept.

It is.

From now on I'll
never miss this show.

So sweet.

So, Ashok, when is your next show?

When are you free?

He'll come and perform.

You guys are so witty.

And you're so Churchgate.

V.T Churchgate.

She gets me, man.

Really nice to meet you.

And you.
- Okay. Bye, then.

Wait, Shanaya.

Would you like to
have breakfast with me?

I've been invited for
lunch and dinner before..

...but for breakfast, never.

Exactly. So?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Okay, I'll call you.

Call me.

I'll call you.

Call me.

I'll call you.

Call me.

I'll call you.

I'll call you.

Call how?
You didn't take her phone number.

Oh my, God!

Shanaya.

Shanaya.

Your number...

Matches are really made in heaven.

An ape has got an angel.

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune."

"Make me your caller tune, darling."

"Every time I see you
lam over the moon, darling."

"I love you, come summer,
winter or monsoon, darling."

"I've never seen anyone
more beautiful than you."

"Your every posture is magical."

"The glow on your
face inebriates me."

"I have no control over my
heart in spite of being rational."

"You intoxicate me."

"You are my passion."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Make me your caller tune, darling."

"Keep me in you line of sight,
in your sanctuary."

"You are my insanity, there's
something about your posture."

"I can't take my eyes off your face."

"I shall live and die
in your arms hereafter."

"All day,
all night I'll stay with you."

"it is my wish to do your bidding."

"I will live and die only for you."

"You are my life
and you are my soul."

"I've never seen anyone
more beautiful than you."

"Your every posture is magical."

"The glow on your
face inebriates me."

"I have no control over my
heart in spite of being rational."

"You intoxicate me."

"You are my passion."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Make me your caller tune, darling."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Only you exist in my memories,
my thoughts and my words."

"You are the one for me,
my heart tells me repeatedly."

"The moment I see
you I become impetuous."

"How does my heart
endure so much excitement?"

"I've never seen anyone
more beautiful than you."

"Your every posture is magical."

"The glow on your
face inebriates me."

"I have no control over my
heart in spite of being rational."

"You intoxicate me."

"You are my passion."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune."

"Make me your caller tune, darling."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Every time I see you
lam over the moon, darling."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"I love you, come summer,
winter or monsoon, darling."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune baby."

"Caller tune.."

kunwar Amar Nath Singh.

You maybe Ashok Singhania's uncle..

...and the Singhania lncorporation's
General Manager.

But you're a big traitor.

You want to take over
the Singhania family empire!

But you can't kill
Ashok or his father.

Because if either one dies..

...the entire wealth
will go to charity.

Your dreams of taking
over can come true..

...only if Ashok goes in coma,
like his father..

...or loses his mental stability.

Khan!

I haven't been funding your
illegal scientific experiments..

...all these years
so you can lecture me.

Why are you telling
me what I already know?

Because you don't know that..

...I'm going to fulfill your dreams.

With this.

MAD.

MAD.

Mind Altering Drug.

Made from samples..

...of different species of dogs.

Whoever takes a dose
of this mixed with water..

...will start thinking
that he's a dog!

It fuses with the blood..

...and alters the human genes.

And due to that the
chromosome structure..

...of humans get altered for 24 hours.

Meaning body of a human..

...but mind of a dog.

Are you crazy?

This is your plan?

I made a big mistake squandering
all that wealth on you.

I knew you wouldn't believe me.

Chinku. Pinku.

Stop holding each other.

You've met my assistants.

Hi, sir.

My God, you've put
on a little weight.

Mr. kunwar's brought the
holy water of Ganges, for you two.

Holy water of Ganges

How religious!

Here, drink.

It works.

It really works.

Oh my, God! Khan.

How did you do it?
You're a genius.

Now wait and watch.

In tomorrow's board meeting..

...I'll turn Ashok
Singhania into a dog..

...In front of all the board members.

Why are you taking
me to your board meeting?

What will I do there?

Oh, come on.
Without you, the board meeting..

...will be more like 'bored meeting'.

Good morning.
- Good morning.

There he is.

Hello.

Good morning. - Good morning, sir.

Hi.

What have you done?

What do you mean?

I'm only drinking water, uncle.

That's Ashok's glass.

What difference does it make?

Sit. Sit.

Sit.

Right, let's get on with it. - Sure.

Everybody please sit down.

Before we start today's meeting..

...I just want to say thank you.

After dad's unfortunate illness..

...none of you ever made me feel..

...that I can't handle
this company like dad did.

Thank you.

You know..

I know.

Many of you are dad's close friends.

And I respect all of you..

...just as much as I respect my dad.

This company is yours
as much as it's mine.

No. I mean it. Thank you.

What a speech!

Let's all raise a toast on this note.

Well, alcohol's not
allowed in the office.

But..

...why don't we do it with water?

Come on,
Gentlemen, lift your glasses.

Ashok, raise your glass too.

Cheers. - To Ashok, cheers.

Cheers.

And so..on this wonderful note,
let's start the meeting.

You'll all be happy to know..

...that I spoke to
Prince Charles yesterday.

And he said to me..

Kumar.

Are you okay?

Are you alright?

L..l am sorry.

So as I was saying,
I spoke to Prince Charles yesterday.

On the phone he told me that..

Kumar!

What are you doing?
Have you gone mad?

I'm in a board meeting.

Behave yourself.

So as I was saying,
I spoke to Prince Charles yesterday.

And he said to me..

Ashok..Kumar!

What are you two doing?

Mr. Singh, what is this nonsense.

What is happening?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think we should
all go talk to them.

Come on, come let's go talk to them.
Talk to them.

Ashok. Kumar.

Ashok.

Ashok. Ashok.

Ashok. Kumar.

Listen. Listen.

Open the door somebody. Help.

Help me! It's not opening,
the door's jammed.

Stop! Stop!

Sir, I know what's wrong?

Shut up, Srinivasan,
you're just an accountant.

And you also wear a wig.

Sir, today's a full moon.
Friday the 13th.

Saturn's in its fourth eclipse.

That's why some people
behave like this.

If you don't believe
me then Goggle it.

Four years ago, back in my village..

...my cousin brother Ramindran..

...turned to a goat on the same day.

What nonsense?

No, sir. Really.

Lamb. Lamb Shashlik.

Then what happened?

Nothing, all the villagers
were vegetarians. He survived.

Get to the point, Srinivasan.

Sir, I can handle this sir.

I know what to do?

Wait.

Tommy.

Tommy.

My cute little doggies.

Tommy sir.

Tommy.

Tommy, I'm your Srinivasan Swami.

Come, come. Meet your mommy.

Who's your papa?

Who's your mother.

Hey rowdy dog, let 9°-

Let go of my leg. He peed on me.

Oh my God.

Let go of me.

Help!

Where's my hair?

I am quitting the job.

Sir, I cannot do anything.
They are insane, sir.

What's going on?
Tell us. What's going on?

We demand an explanation.

I am sorry. - We need to know.

Gentlemen,
I hid the truth from you all.

But the truth is
in front of everyone.

Ashok and Kumar get such fits.

They get fits.

Fits? - Fits?

What's he talking about?

Many doctors tried to treat them.

But they have a mental condition.

But I promise you, Gentlemen.

I'll take them to the best doctors.

Try my best to treat them.

They cannot be treated, sir.

They are insane.
They are completely mad.

They should be sent
to a mental asylum.

Yes.

They should be thrown
in a mental asylum.

They are mad people. - Crazy.

Sad.

Very sad.

But don't worry.

We'll take complete care.

Dr. Shivani is a specialist
in such unique cases.

Oh, God!

Hold them.

Don't worry, we'll handle everything.

Please come, please come. Come.

The end is near!

We're all going to die!

I still can't believe this.

A rich man like Ashok Singhania..

...In our mental asylum,
and in this condition.

Doctor, no one should
find out about this?

Yes, of course, Mr.
Singh. You don't worry.

You can rely on our discretion.
- Thank you.

Doctor, why's there a fence..

...and such high-security here?

That's Ward-B of our mental facility.

Mental patient's jail.

Jail? - Yes.

You see, Ward-A is a mental hospital.

Ward-B a jail for mental patients.

The UK government sent..

...different types of criminally
insane inmates here..

...who have no chance of improving.

Oh, I see.

A jail for the insane. - Exactly.

But what do we care?

They don't know what
happens in Ward-A.

And we don't know
what happens in Ward-B.

But we do know one thing.

Their jailor is just
as crazy as they are.

Anyway, I'll take your leave.
Nice meeting you.

Thank you, doctor.

Thank you. - Bye..

You said the effects of your
drug will wear off in 24 hours.

And then those two will be normal.

What do we do then? - Relax.

I've made arrangements for that.

There's a ward-boy
inside on my payroll.

Every morning he'll
keep giving them that drug.

Then no one can save them.

Good morning Doctors.

Please sit down.

Doctors, welcome to B-Wing
of Lord Cray G Mental Asylum's..

...on this Educational Tour.

I am Dr. Ashok.

And this is my colleague Dr. Kumar.

The mental patients
here are very dangerous.

So we request all of you..

...to give your mobile phones,
chains..

...and all other valuables to us.

Just for safety.

Only as long as the tour doesn't end.

Keep all your belongings here.

We'll keep this in
a safe-deposit locker.

Be seated here. We'll be back.

Day-light robbery.

Boys and girls, you all
are a part of day-light robbery.

I am the warden of this institution.

Y.M. Raj.

But for people like them
I am Yamraj (Lord of Death).

They are no doctors.

They are old patients
who are insane themselves.

Hi. - Hello.

And they are here to rob you.

No, no, no We weren't robbing them.

We were just joking. Only joking.

Shut up you mad people.

We aren't mad.
- We're just a little crazy.

Oh, then I'll fix it, right?

Here we go.

No! No! No! No!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

No! No! No! No!

Oh God!

Shock.

Electric.

Electric shock.

Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

Stop it!

Electric shock.

Oh God! Oh God! Stop it!

Oh God!

Sir, what just happened inside?

And who are these two?

You're new here.
So you don't know these two.

They are Ward-B's
most adorable patients.

This is Ashok, and that's Kumar.

Even if they would
have half a brain each..

...they would still end
up having only half a brain.

But what happened to
them watching electricity?

These two were small-time thieves.

They used to make
Paratha (stuffed bread)..

...South Hall Don Karan
T Bijlani's 'Paratha' stall.

Bijlani sir,
why did you get more flour?

We already have more than enough.

This isn't flour, its cocaine.
Cocaine.

Cocaine in a flourjar?

Don't irritate me.
This is a 'Paratha' stall.

If I keep this cocaine
in the flour jar..

...everyone will think it's flour.

These days the narcotics
department are on a high-alert.

Keep it carefully.

I've taken full
advance from the party.

Don't worry, boss.

Your job..will be done.

Why are you winking?

Don't worry, boss.

As you sow.. so shall you reap.

You winked again.
Don't make it so obvious.

Go inside.

Hello and welcome to
'Kaun Banega Millionaire'.

I am your host and friend Shanaya.

One common man that
I choose on this show..

...will get the opportunity
to live the life of a millionaire.

For a week. Oh my, God!

That lucky contestant will
get big cars, exotic manors.

In short, all the luxuries..

...which only a millionaire gets.

Are you a millionaire?

No way. I am a student.

Would you like to be a millionaire?

Of course, who wouldn't?

Perfect. So you're selected
on 'Kaun Banega Millionaire'.

Kumar, you're watching
that rubbish TV show again.

Quiet!

Don't you dare call
this show rubbish.

I'm a big fan of this girl.

Just watch.
Some day this girl will choose us..

...and make us a millionaire.

Stop dreaming. Customers are waiting.

If you don't start
making 'Parathas' soon..

...then we'll certainly
be out on the streets.

Where's the flour?

There's no flour.

Where's the flour? Flour! Flour!

Flour!

That day the customers
ate 'Cocaine parathas'.

Potato paratha,
Cauliflower paratha, Radish paratha..

...and with all that
they got coke free.

Wow, your 'parathas'
are in a big demand today.

It's not me,
it's this miraculous flour.

The flour was over.

So I used the flour
kept below in this jar.

What happened? - What have you done?

Why? - That wasn't flour.

Then? - That was Bijlani's cocaine.

You made cocaine parathas.

Look. Look.

Bijlani gave them electric shocks..

...and it completely ruined
the chemical balance in their brain.

Their mental age started reducing..

...and became like children.

Oh, God!

Shocks. We're getting shocks.

Whenever they see electric current,
they get fits.

You can say that,
they had the body of a man..

...but the brain of a kid.

Poor guys.

Good morning.

No, it's good afternoon.

It's lunchtime. 12 o'clock.

Our clocks stopped ticking long back.

12 o'clock? - Yes.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

Why do you always take
such a risk at lunchtime?

If that warden catches us,
he'll torture us to death.

I am ready to endure every beating,
every torture.

Because she's worth it.

I love her.

If you love her then
why don't you tell her?

And what do I tell her?

Tell her..

We are caught!

That you're a doctor for the insane
and I am the king of the mad men.

Let's fall madly in love.

Right? Right?

Don't feel shy.

I say you jump over the
wall and say it right now.

I insist.

Please.

Or else you'll see my dead face.

Go on.
- Come on.

Go on.
- Thank you.

Come on.
- How dare you?

Come down. Come down.

If this was my uncle
Hitler's Germany..

...I would've put you
two in a gas chamber..

...and used my personal gas
on you two.

Mad fellows.

We are not mad.

We're just a little crazy.

Catch them.

"We are spoilt, madcap barons."

"Read us, for we are open books."

"We are like bread
as well as like butter."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

"Seeing us gives rise
to only this question."

"Does the fish have a black
spot or is the fish black?"

"This is a mint that
makes fake coins."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

"We became notorious,
we became eminent too."

"From our dear ones we are alienated,
alienated, alienated."

"Our hearts were murdered,
and tortured too."

"Grief has crushed us,
crushed us, crushed us."

"Oh, my partner. Oh my partner."

"Oh my partner, a rose has bloomed
in my barren garden on seeing you."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

"We aren't insane, brother."

"We've simply lost our minds."

Excuse me.

Why are you showing us this bone?

And why have we been
kept in this mental asylum?

And in strait jackets.

Do we look insane?

Sir..
- Do you know who I am?

I am Ashok Singhania.

If these strait jackets
aren't taken off immediately..

...I'll sue you and your mental
institution for Millions of Pounds.

Yes.

Please calm down.
- No, you calm down.

Untie us immediately.

Fine. Ward-boy, take them away.

What ward-boy.
- Take them away.

Okay, one second. One second.

We're calm, okay. See.

Alright.
- Please release them.

Fast
- Thank you.

Let's talk like civilized people.

I'll just ask you some questions.

Can we start?

Yes.

What's the last thing
you two remember?

Yesterday we were in a board meeting.
- Yes.

I was presenting something.

And then..

After that we opened our eyes and..

We were here. In the mental asylum.

In strait jackets.

Amazing.

Temporary memory loss.

Patients don't remember
when they turned into dogs.

I just..

I am sorry, what did you say?

When you turned into dogs?

Dogs?
'Dogs.

Dogs!

What rubbish are you talking?

I am serious. Yesterday,
you two were behaving like dogs.

Oh God.
- She called us dogs again.

If we're dogs then..you're a cat.

You're a lizard.
- You're a 'Chamgadad'.

What's a 'Chamgadad'?
- It's a bat

"Batman."

Yeah!

You're a 'Gamchadad'.
- That's 'Chamgadad'.

Yes, whatever. You're that too.
You're the entire zoo.

Ward-boy, take them both away.
- Okay, no.

Listen, listen. Sorry.

We're calm. We're okay.

Ma'am, I think they need some water.

Yeah, please give them.

Drink some water.

Look, doctor.

We're telling you for the last time.

Politely.

We're not dogs.

Stop them.

Close the gates. Stop them.

Let me go.

Inspector, this is public harassment.

Your dog sniffed my entire car.

He even peed on my backseat.
But he didn't find any drugs.

Now can I go please?

Alright, you can go.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ashok, Kumar, why are you two..

...barking and sniffing like a dog?

Why are you barking on me?
lam Karan T Bijlani.

What are you looking for inside?

What are you sniffing for?

Drugs!

Officer, these drugs aren't mine.
- Well done.

This isn't my car either.

I came in a taxi.

Let's go.

Ashok and Kumar,
I won't spare you two?

Oh my, God!

How could we make such
a big mistake, Shivani?

Sir, Ashok and Kumar
were telling the truth.

They've been conspired against.

Someone wants to make them insane.

That's why our ward-boy
was drugging them.

And what did the ward-boy say..

...when you confronted him?

Sir, he isn't saying a thing.

We should call the police.
- Police?

No, no, no, Shivani.

Look, we can deal
with the ward-boy later.

But if we go to the police..

...then Ashok Singhania will sue us.
He'll shut down this hospital.

Yeah!
- Let's do one thing.

Tell Ashok and Kumar
that they're being released..

...because they are cured.

They are cured.

And don't listen to them at all.

Just get them out of here anyway.

In fact, release them right now.
- Not now, sir.

They are still dogs.
They will bite me.

In the morning when they turn
back into humans I will let them go.

Okay.

It's empty-

Where's my doctor?

Doesn't she come during lunchtime?

Today is Valentine's Day.

I've brought a gift for her.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Nobody can keep her
away from me, okay.

I'm going over to Ward-A.

I'll see her face to
face and give her this gift.

You come along too.

It will only take a minute.

We'll just go there,
give her the gift and come back.

Okay?

Only two minutes.

Two minutes. Come on!

Come on.

Ashok, just calm down.
- What calm down?

Thank God you're
discharging us today.

Otherwise my lawyers would've
shutdown this institution forever.

Forget it, we're going out anyway.

Come, sir. Please come, sir.

Wait here for a while,
I'll get your discharge papers.

What papers?

Listen, you release us immediately.

Sir.
- Enough is enough.

Sir, paperwork is important.

It will only take a while.

Ward-boy.
- Yes, ma'am.

Please get Mr.
Ashok and Mr. Kumar's clothes.

Sir, please wait for
a while I'll be right back.

Please hurry up.
- Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Sit.

Sit.

No, no.

Sir. Sir. Sir.

What?

Ashok and Kumarjumped into Ward A.

Oh God, why are You so kind to me?

Thanks. Come on.

She's taking so long
for the paperwork.

Relax, she will be here.
- What relax?

I want to go home.
- Fine.

Let's have coffee.

I don't want coffee.

Come on.
- I don't want coffee.

She will be back by then,
let's have coffee.

She will be back by then.

Okay.

Two lattes please.
- Sure.

Here are your clothes.

Clothes.

We aren't naked.

We're wearing clothes.

Dr. Shivani asked me
to give it to you two.

Dr. Shivani.
Then we'll definitely wear them.

Go and change in the toilet.

Let's go out and drink.
- Good idea.

Don't get furious.

Look, we'll soon be released.

Let's just enjoy this weather
and this lovely coffee

Okay.

"Today's Weather.."

"Today's Weather.."

Lovely day for a coffee, right.

Actually,
this isn't coffee, it's latte.

Ah, Latte.

Latein (kicks).

But you don't drink "Latein",
you endure it.

Crossed over to ward A,

Look, we aren't mad.

Yes, yes, you aren't mad.
You're just a little crazy.

Grab them. Come on.

Let go. Let me go.

Let us go.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Thank you!

You look more beautiful up close.

She looks like Angelina
Jolie from this close.

I guess they aren't
completely sane yet.

Shall we go?

Where

Come with me, Come with me, please.

Come on.

Please come, please.

Open the gate please.

Why did you bring us to the gate?

Because.. the road's on
the other side of the main gate.

And today is Valentine's Day.

So on this occasion
you two are being released.

Here are your release papers.

Thank you.
- Good bye.

What happened, Mr. Ashok?

I hate goodbyes.

Goodbye hug!

Okay.

Don't go! Don't go! Don't go!

Mr. Ashok, you're leaving not me.

Goodbye.
- Doctor.

What now?
- Goodbye kiss.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Come on, at least we don't have to..

...see that oaf Yamraj's face again.

If there's hell anywhere on earth.

Then it's right here.

Its right here. Right here.

The way I am going
to torture you two today..

...will be so terrible,
that my Master..

...Jambo ldi Amin,
Saddam, Achtung Hitler.

Gadaffi and chicken
hakka noodle Kim Jong..

...would give me a
gold medal for torture.

Now I am going to show you.

Sajid Khan's 'Himmatwala'.

Ashok. Kumar.

Ashok.

Kumar. So good to see you guys.

I was on my way to the
mental asylum to see you.

But what are you to doing here.

Today is Valentine's Day,
so I've been discharged.

Of course, they had to.

You two aren't mad.

We've been trying
to say that for so long.

We're just a little crazy.

Ashok, why are you talking like this?

And Kumar, why are you staring at me?

Oh my God.

Aren't you Shanaya,
from the reality show?

She's Shanaya.
- Your Shanaya.

Madam. Madam. He's a big fan.

I guess they aren't
completely sane yet.

Poor things.

Look, I feel you two need some rest.

Shall we go?
- Where?

Home.

I get it.

Now you'll take us to a big house,
won't you?

No, it's a mansion.

Your mansion. Shall we go?

Driver.

Mansion.

Why are we dancing?
- You fool.

We're on a reality show.
'Kaun Banega Millionare...

And this Shanaya
picks any common man..

...and makes them rich.

And this time you've been chosen.

You also got a mansion.

Shall we go?
- Yes, let's go.

Come on.. come on..

Mansion!

Albert, shanaya messaged that
Ashok and Kumar are coming home.

And you're drinking.

I've told you a thousand times
not to drink during work hours.

Haven't I?
- Yes.

If I catch you drinking
during duty hours I will fire you.

It won't happen again.

Crazy fellow.

I'll take the label off the bottle.

No one will know whether
it's vodka or water.

And then I kicked him.

And he fell down..

Welcome home.

What a house.

Dumbo, this is not a real house.

It's a set.

Take a peek at the back,
I'm sure it's hoisted with bamboos.

Come on.

But what kind of
a reality show is this?

I don't see any cameras.

Do you see cameras in Big Boss?

No,fight

This is in the same format.
Hidden cameras.

And these servants.

They've been hired, per-day artist.

And who's the one that's
walking towards us.

Her? That's the supporting actor.

Now just act like
a millionaire, okay.

Okay, okay.

Welcome, sir.
It's so good to have you back.

Hello young lady.

Wow, that's Pran sir.
Let's see you mimic Rajendra Nath.

What a house.

What a blouse.

Do you have a spouse?

Hey. Wow!

Where are you going?

Sweety, did you miss me?

I missed you so much.

Pardon me,
aunty, but I don't know Punjabi.

Means I understand no Punjabi.

Aunty!

Ashok.

Ashok, wait.

Sandwiches.

Sir. Sir.

Won't you meet your father?

Father?

His father passed away years ago.
- Oh my, God!

Don't say that.

He isn't dead..he's in coma.

Coma. - Coma?

Please excuse me.

There's a 'father in
coma' angle in play here.

Wow! Why?

For TRP!

Women cry a lot seeing these things.

I get it.

So what do I do?

Dumbo, if there's a father in coma..

...then act like they
do on daily soaps.

You know.

The highest TRP comes from Gujarat.

I get it. I get it.

Wow. Where's papa?

Papa!

Papa!

He's been in coma for six years.

He's in coma for six years.

I've wept buckets
of tears in your memory.

He's crying like
a buffoon in his memory.

Wake up, papa. Wake UP-

Go jogging, papa. Go jogging. - What?

A son is talking to his father.

Will you please step outside?

I beg you. - Okay, okay, come on.

Please go out.

Hey aunty..you too.

Leave quickly.

Papa.

You're over acting too much. Get up.

Uncle, get up.

Get up.

Uncle. - Uncle.

Uncle. - Uncle.

Uncle.

What method acting, uncle?

What's method acting?

Once you get in the
skin of the character..

...then you get out only
after the end of the episode.

Then will he lie down like that..

...throughout the
entire episode? - Yes.

That's what he's paid for.

Wow! Video games.

Wow.

Why isn't it working?

It's broken.

It's not broken,
there's a fault with the wiring.

Really? - Look.

Dumbo, this wire doesn't go here,
it goes there.

It won't fit here.

It goes here, not there.

It doesn't go here.

It does.

Doesn't.

It does, put it.

The game's working.

I won! I won! I won!

Yes, Mishti.

Ashok and Kumar have been
discharged from the mental asylum.

And they are at home.

What?

I mean..good. That's great news.

You look after them.
I'll return tomorrow from Mauritius.

I'll see you guys then. - Okay, sir.

Hello.

You said you can keep them in
the hospital for as long as you want.

Yes, I did. So?

So how were they
released from the asylum?

What?

All rubbish talks.

Hold on, listen to me.

I'll go the asylum right now
and find out how they were released.

Get them back in the asylum today!

How did they come out?

You've been at it for two hours.
Hurry up.

Is your information correct?

Yes. I found out that there's a
way out through the bathroom ceiling.

Hurry UP!

You already drank
fifty glasses of water.

How much more do you need?

Let me concentrate.

Yes.

Come on.

Go.

Go.. go..

Come on.

What are you doing?

I've got to pee.

If the warden catches
us he'll kill us.

Hurry up. - I know, but..I'm coming.

I can't believe you, hurry up.

I had fifty glasses of water.

We'll be caught.

I am coming.

Chit-chat in the bathroom.

Caught you!

I haven't finished yet.

I can't control it.

No, no.

No.

Control. Control.

Done. Done.

Yuck!

What's wrong, baby!

We gave an off to all the servants..

...and prepared this special
Valentines dinner for you.

And we thought chicken
ala-Keev is your favorite.

Our favorite is potato 'Paratha'.

Potato 'Paratha'?

But we don't know how to make it.

So what? We'll make it.

When did you two start
making potato 'Parathas'?

Madam, there are just two
things famous in this world.

Wow!

Only two!

Bruce Lee's karate.

And Ashok-Kumar's Parathe.

Where's your kitchen?

Where is it?

First take flour.

Flour! Flour!

Next add lots of water.

Water. Water. Water. Water.

Water.

Water.

Vodka in pancake

That was great.

Buddy, sometimes you make
the most amazing parathas.

I never had such parathas
in my life before.

I can see two Ashoks.

Even I can see two Kumars.

Come here.

Come here.

Valentine's dinner is over.

Now let's do what's
done on Valentine's.

No, no.
- Why?

We need to go for a
morning walk after dinner.

No, no. - Kumar.

Kumar.

Don't go.

Come on.

Stick one there.

Come on, stick it up there.

There as well.

Put one on the sky
and on the ground too.

Let's see how they escape..

Car..in my area?

Excuse me.

Why are Ashok and Kumar's
posters being put up everywhere?

Because these two dogs
fled from this asylum.

Fled?

You mean they haven't
been discharged.

I would never release them.

But who are you?

They were admitted in
this asylum after my diagnosis.

I am Dr. Khan.

Doctor?

You look more like
a protein shake model.

I know where these two are hiding?

Really?

If you tell me where
they are hiding..

...I'll make your nights colorful.

What do you mean?

I mean..I'll gift you colorful lamps.

Okay?

Don't get ideas, mister.

I know young men like you.

Then listen. - Yes.

But from a distance.

Then speak louder..but in my ears.

George.

Albert.

Stella.

Where's everyone?

Forget it.

Parathe.

I guess your staff was having
a paratha party in your absence.

I am hungry.

I am eating these parathas.

Me too.

Sweaty-pie,
don't stay so far from me.

Wait. Wait.

We'll go change.

Night-suit. Night-suit. Night-suit.

Change later.

What kind of a staff do you have..

...and what type of
parathas did they make?

It's making my head spin.

They're my staff.

They're excused.

Must be some spice which they added.

My head's spinning too.

Let's go sleep.

Let's go change first.

Come with me. Follow me.

Why are you taking so long?

Earlier we could see two of them.

Now I can see four.

And in different color night suits.

Shanaya.

Mishti.

Oh, baby. - Come here, baby.

"Your attitude is
intoxicating to me."

"Your heart is my address."

"I am feeling naughty,
listen to my heart."

"I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart."

"Lest our night together
gets destroyed."

"You have checked into my heart."

"Everything is set between us now."

"This is the breaking news on TV."

"This is the breaking news on TV."

"I am lost and you are lost."

"Your heart is my address."

"All my dreams are full of you."

"I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart."

"Lest our night together
gets destroyed."

"Baby, you are in my dreams."

"Baby, you know how
I'm so hung on you."

"Baby, now you tell me what to do."

"Baby, now you tell me..
Tell me what to do."

"You tell me what you want."

"Your heart is my address."

"I want you to say this
like you mean it, baby."

"I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart."

"Lest our night together
gets destroyed."

Yes, Ayesha.

What?

The channel head's
coming here to meet me.

Oh my, God!

I think I am going to
get an extension of my show.

Thanks for letting me know.
Okay, I'll go get ready. Bye.

The reality show's
channel head's coming here.

The owner of this channel..

...which hosts our reality
show is coming here.

So?-So?

We'll please him and
he'll make us win this show.

But how will we please him?

Idea!

My grandmother used to say..

...If you want to please
someone then butter him up.

Look.

I guess that's him.

Sir.

Sir.

These two are still here?

Stupid Khan couldn't do a simple job.

Ashok. Kumar.

Sir. Come, sir. - You two..

Come. Come, sir. Sit.

Come, sir. Sit.

Sir, you're so handsome.

What a suit, sir.
Sir, shoulder massage?

Sir, head massage?

What sir?

Ashok. Kumar.
Are you two alright?

We're absolutely fine, sir.

Sir, your reality show
'Kaun Banega Millionaire'..

...Is just fantastic.

Reality show?

Ashok. Kumar.

You do know who I am?
- Of course, sir.

Everyone knows who you are.

You're the owner of Channel 9.

When Shivani released
us from the asylum..

...and Shanaya chose
us as participants we knew..

That our luck's going to change.

Our luck's going to change.

We can dance too, sir.

See, we're such good contestants.

We even have good set of teethes.

Look at our muscles, sir.

What are you two doing?

Look at us fight.

And look at this, sir.

What are you two doing?

And, look at this
amazing death scene.

Ready? Ready?

What are you guys doing?

We showed you everything.

Please let us win this show.

Let us win this show.

Look..we can do anything
to win this show.

What do you two mean? What can I do?

I get it. I get it. - What can I do?

You won't agree so easily.

What are you doing?

What are you two doing?
What are you doing?

We're buttering you, sir.

It's absolutely fresh, sir.
Made from buffalo's milk.

What nonsense is this?

We even buttered you up now.
Please let us win the show.

Please, sir.
- Okay, okay, okay. Fine.

Oh, God!

Please let us win, sir.
- I'll show you another trick.

Look.

Look.

I'll pull this table-cloth out..

...and none of the
utensil will fall. Okay.

Abracadabra..hocus-pocus.

They are completely mad.

It worked the last time.

There were no utensils
on the table last time.

Hello. - Khan.

Did you find out
how Ashok and Kumar..

...were released from
the mental asylum?

Actually, they weren't released..

...they had escaped.

But last night,
I brought them back to the asylum..

...with the help of the warden.

Then tell me something you rascal.

What are those two
doing in garden right now?

What?

I mean they are right here.

But how's that possible?

They are right before my eyes
in the asylum's B-wing.

What nonsense.

Honestly.

Come and see for yourself.

What?

What are you blabbering?
Those two are here?

Do you know what they've
done to me at home?

They buttered my face.

What..

Uncle!

Ashok.

Thank God you're here.

What's happening with us?

Why are we in a mental asylum?

And..we were released.

So why are we being kept here?

Ashok. Kumar.
lam so sorry about all this.

This..is certainly the
doing of our rival companies.

But you two don't worry.

I will do my best to
get you two out of here.

And when I find out
who drugged your glasses..

...during the board meeting,
I won't spare him.

I will get you two out
of here at any cost, okay.

I'll be back.

Uncle.

How did you know our
glasses were drugged?

Son..the doctor told me.

How could I not see this coming?

You're behind all this.

No, no, Ashok. Of course not.

Dad's in coma.

I am in jail.

So who will run the company?

You!

And the company's
clause states that..

...If you lose your
mental balance, then..

You'll be given the
temporary power of attorney.

And soon..it will be permanent.

Caught me! Caught me! Caught me!

Finally you two saw my true colors.

But..look at the irony of life.

I am the one that's
caught red-handed..

...and you two are behind bars.

Yes, I dosed you with that drug.

And that drug was
prepared by Dr. Khan.

He's a big rascal..

...Kunwar Amar Nath Singh.

KANS. (mythological villain)

So how can you expect
any goodness from him?

In the next board meeting..

...I'll be the new boss
of Singhania Group of Industries.

And you..will officially
handover the entire property to me.

Now you'll ask how.

We have your look-alikes.

And right now..

...they are at your house.

And it's no rocket
science to understand..

...that they are the
real mental patients.

And you're being held
here in their place.

You know what I mean.

Two Double roles.

And coincidently,
do you know what their names are?

Ashok..and Kumar!

Now..I'm going to use
those stupid doubles..

...and seize the entire property.

And yes..after last
night's 'great escape'..

...there's no chance
of escaping again.

Because all the security
locks have been changed.

Now you two will rot here.

See you guys like..

Never!

I've seen and heard everything.

What are you doing?

I want to show you two something.

Come with me

Consider me a friend. Come on.

Come.

There aren't just
two look-alikes here.

There are three.

This is the most dangerous..

...and insane patient
of this institution.

That's why he's been
kept in secret ward C.

Johnny!

When I saw your uncle,
I couldn't believe my eyes either.

Just like you two can't believe it.

Get ready KANS.

If you have our look-alikes ..

...then we've your look-alike.

The real fun begins.

Ashok. Kumar.

Cyrus has told me everything..

...that happened with you.

Somehow I feel very guilty.

Confused by your look-alikes..

...I released the
other Ashok and Kumar.

Now that you know everything..

...I'm sure you understand that..

...how important Johnny's for us.

Doctor, if we train Johnny
to act like my uncle..

...then will you help
us get out of here?

Of course.

I am with you. - Thank you.

Hold on.

No one can help anyone here.

I admit that I took
you to see Johnny..

...but I don't think
he's of any use to you.

Why? - He's got 3rd stage OCD

What? 3rd stage 0CD? - Yes, doctor.

3rd stage? 0CD?

What's that?

0CD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

An illness to stay clean.

They are scared of germs.
Wear gloves.

Yes, but that's stage one.

Stage two patients
are a threat to themselves.

Like..they'll rub soap so hard..

...that they'll bleed themselves.

But stage three.

Stage three cases are very rare.

Almost one in a million.

Their condition is so worse..

...that if someone sneezes,
they feel..

...he's trying to kill
them by spreading germs.

They attack to kill.

What?

And Johnny has already
attacked seventeen people.

What nonsense.

If someone sneezes
Johnny will kill him?

Yes. - Yes.

And anyway, how can you use someone..

...who attacks even
if someone sneezes?

Simple.

We won't sneeze.

Please don't sneeze.

Don't sneeze.

Don't sneeze.

Don't..

Why will I sneeze?

Please, leave it to us.

Hi, Johnny.

I am Ashok, this is Kumar.

Hi.

We're from Ward-B.

Actually,
our look-alikes are in Ward-B.

Actually,
they aren't in Ward-B either.

They are at hour home.

And we're stuck in
their place instead.

And the one that got us in here..

...has a look-alike too.

Do you know who?

You!

Now we've two choices.

Either we spend the
rest of our lives here..

...and turn crazy ourselves.

Or we take revenge from the man..

...that got us in here.

And if we chose the second option..

...then we'll need your help.

And if you help us, Johnny..

...then I promise to get you treated..

...by the best doctors in the world.

I'll take you some place..

...where you're treated
like a human being

A place..which is absolutely clean.

Where there's no dirt.

No germs.

Where no one will ever sneeze.

I hate germs.

I hate germs.

Johnny"

Open the door.
Open the door. - Get out! Get out!

I hate germs!

It's not opening, it's jammed.

Open the door.

He's gone berserk. Open it quickly.

I hate germs!

I hate germs! - I am sorry.

I am sorry, Johnny.

Johnny..son..listen to me.
Let's talk.

No,no,no,no.

Please stop, Johnny. - Lollypop.

Please stop, Johnny. - Lollypop.

LOHYPOP-

Get up.

Saved.

He loves lollypop.

What?

Johnny.

Will you help us?

Did you catch anything? - No.

And you? - Yes.

What? - This rod.

Ashok. Kumar.

Sir, you.

Where were you? - You ran away.

I've been looking all
over the house for you.

And you two are fishing
in this artificial pond.

Sir, we're catching fish for you.

Butterfish, Indian Salmon.

Mackerel. Prawns.

Shut up!

What is this? What are you two doing?

You said 'shirt up',
so we pulled our 'shirt-up'.

Lower it. Pull it down.

Are you here to pull such antics..

...or win the show?

Win the show. - Then stop all this.

I've to start your training.

What training, sir?

Your training to be a millionaire.

Do you want to win this reality show?

Yes.

You do want to make one
million Pounds, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Our channel has received
thousands of sms'.

People really love you.

Wow!

What..what are you two doing?
Again. Stop. Stop it.

Stand straight.

If you behave like this,
wear such clothes..

...then you'll be disqualified.
- Sorry, sir.

From today I'm coming
on this reality show too.

You?

But..not as the channel head.

But as Ashok's uncle.

His mother's..

Brother.

His uncle.

In-short, you've to do as I say.

Without asking any questions. Okay.

Okay. - Sir, we'll do as you say.

Just let us win this show.

Let us win. - I will.

Let go.

Nonsense.

Just wait and watch.

When you two attend
all the board meetings..

...and parties with me,
the world will be shocked..

...when I say..

Gentlemen, I proudly present to you..

...kunwar Amar Nath Singh.

Respected members of the board.

I'm pleased to tell you that..

...Ashok and Kumar
are completely cured now.

So I would like to
request all of you..

...to once again handover
the power of attorney..

...to Ashok Singhania.

Brilliant. - Yes.

Uncle.

Take it.

Thank you.

Come on. Very good.

Now get back to your cells..

...before that Yamraj comes here.

"You spoke my name."

"You thought of me."

Sir, please don't torture us.

We beg you.

But I have nothing to spare.

Boys, you know the drill.

Come on.

Don't touch him. Don't touch him.

Johnny, go. Go.

Come on, take them away.

Hitler's favorite dish,
chicken steak.

A lot of crazy people like you..

...make shoes and clothes
in the workshop..

...for poor children of Burma.

And they're shipped from here daily.

But..l sell half of them right here.

First..I'll torture you three..

...and then ship you off
to Burma in these crates.

No!

No!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

Johnny!No!

Johnny! You will kill him!

I hate germs! - Johnny, stop.

Doctor. Johnny! - I hate germs!

Johnny. Lollypop.

LOHYPOP-

Kumar, lift him by his arms.

What are you two doing?

He was planning to send us to Burma.

Now he'll go to Burma.

Come on, there's a safe way
to escape through the bathroom.

Actually, the warden's right here.

So we can go out the main-gate.

You can hide in the trunk of my car.

I will first clean the trunk.

Come on. Let's go.

Perfect.

Everything will be fine now.

Perfect?

You call this perfect.

Two days later that uncle of yours..

...will use your look-alike
in your Mauritius Beach Resort..

...In front of your Board Members..

...and strip you of your fortune.

You will be ruined in two days.

You will lose everything.
And you call it perfect.

Mishit, is your information correct?

Yes, sir.

I overheard your uncle
discuss the entire plan..

...over the phone with Dr. Khan.

Dinner Party on Friday.
Get-together on Saturday.

And all important
conferences on Sunday.

That's why I called it perfect.

We won't get a better chance.

The three of them will
be together at the same place.

And with the board members.

We'll go there..

...and exchange places with
our look-alikes at the right moment.

And then Ashok, Kumar and
Kans will attend the conference.

And Johnny, as we discussed.

In the meeting you'll tell the board
members that I am absolutely fine.

And the entire property
should be returned to me. Okay?

What about those three then?

Back to the mental asylum..

...where you will
treat Ashok and Kumar.

And what about Kans.

He'll rot in Ward-C forever.

Good plan. Done?

Done. - Done.

Done. - Not done.

Why? - If anyone sees
you with your look-alike..

...then it'll be hard to
recognize which is the real one.

Fine, then we'll
go there in disguise.

Done?

Done.

Done. - Done.

Not done. - What now?

Because all the bookings are
strictly done for company employees..

...and board members.

Each person is accounted for.

So..you can't go there
in disguise either.

Sir, there's one way.

I had a word with
the resort manager today.

And they are hiring waitresses.

If you don't mind..

SQ?

You can go there
disguised as waitresses.

What?

By the way, it's not a bad option.

You three will look really cute..

...In a waitress outfit.

It's not funny, doctor.

There's no other way, guys.

This is your only chance
to take revenge on Kans.

Don't let it slip.

So done?

Done.

Done.

Done!

I'll wear a red frock.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
can I have your attention please.

Thank you.

To all our board members
and their families..

...a warm welcome to Mauritius.

Here, we're dressed as girls.

What next?

Now go and flirt with those three.

And render them unconscious
with chloroform.

Wow. Is it so simple?

Why would anyone flirt with us?

Because of this.

Pheromones.

What are pheromones?

Haven't you seen that ad where..

...the boy sprays a perfume on
himself and all the girls go crazy?

It's something like that..for boys.

Oh my, God.

You're a celebrity, aren't you?

I know you. You're Kumar.

You used to make
'Parathas' at South Hall.

I used to,
but now I am a millionaire.

Millionaire.

You aren't my husband.

What do you mean?
- Means..I'm a big fan.

Every time I ate your Paratha..

...It made me feel like
I had grown 'Par' (wings).

Please, can I have
one autograph and one pic?

No autograph. I am hungry.

I'll go have the buffet.
- Where are you going?

I mean..the buffet's that way.

Where?

Where?

This way. See.

Baby doll. You're absolutely right.

The buffet's right here.

Someone might see us here.

This isn't right.

I can't do any better in this place.

When do you want it? - What?

Autograph.

Oh! I was scared.

Listen.

My pen and paper is in the cabin.

Come to my cabin.

'Good deeds need no invitation.'

But no smooch here.

Come on. - Let's go.

Come on. - Let's go.

Come on. - Let's go.

Oh my, God. I am so sorry.

I am so sorry, I ruined your shirt.

Then clean it.

Not here,
come with me..to the washroom.

I'll clean it up.

Your perfume's really nice.

It's awakening the animal in me.

I bought it at the duty-free.

Enough about duty-free..

...when is this beauty
going to be free?

In a while.

Then make me another drink.

This is the local stuff.

I've got the international
stuff with me.

At the back, in the corner.

Then let's go in the corner.

By the way, what name should I write?

My name is Sona.

Gold in English, or sleep.

Sleep! That's what I want, baby.

What are you doing? I am scared.

What's happened, baby?
What's happened?

Rich people like you
come here for a break.

And break our hearts instead.

I am not that type of a guy.

Even I am not that type of a guy.

I mean I am not that type of a girl.

Then what type of a girl are you..
Chandi (Silver).

Virgin.

Damn“!

Virgin Airlines, silly.

I was the airhostess.

But they fired me.

Why did they fire my sweetheart?

One day my ex-boyfriend..

Ex-boyfriend.

Met me on the flight.
So I yelled aloud.

Hi Jack.

You just hijacked me.

Looking at you I feel..
If someone like you comes in my life.

Then you'll be floored.

No, he'll be the father of my kid.

You've a kid, Heera?

No, no.

No one's turned this
bud into a flower yet.

You're more like a cauliflower.

'Gobi Ka Phool!' (Cauliflower)

No.. I am a mistake.

I was born in a laundry.

Then I'll have to
dry-clean your youth.

By the way what are your vital stats?

96-84-96.

Wow..what numbers.

I am big fan of these numbers.

You're sweating so much.

Let me wipe it.

'Oh my, God!
The chloroform isn't working.'

Don't fear, come near.

Put my passion in third top gear.

Sir, sir, please not today. - Why?

Today's my 'Brath' (fast).
- What 'Brath'?

Bad 'Brath'. (Bad breath)!

Smell it. Smell it.

Smell it.

What's this way of making
me smell your perfume?

This is my favorite perfume.
- Which one?

'Dakaar' (Burp)-

Then make me smell it.

Smell it. Smell it.

Smell it. Smell it.

Do you feel giddy?

Why would I feel giddy, darling?

What are you doing?

Playing hanky-panky.

Hanky-panky. Hanky-panky.

I want to play hanky-panky with you.

No, no, not today.

Tomorrow. - Tomorrow where?

The place where no one goes.

If no one goes there,
then why are we going there?

So that..we meet in private.

Okay. I'm going. Bye.

Where are you going, baby?

Let me go.

Please, let me go.
I'll see you later.

Help! Help! Help! - Calm down, girls.

Calm down. - What happened?

It's true.

All men are such rascals.
- What happened?

No sooner they see
a girl in short skirt..

...they pounce on her like animals.

Girls. Girls, what happened?

Her chloroform didn't work. Why?

Oh my God. I just realized.

Pheromone kills the
effect of chloroform.

Girls. Girls.
Girls, calm down. Please calm down.

Tomorrow you keep romancing them..

...and..leave the rest to us.

Please, please,
sister, don't be late.

Otherwise..he won't
be able to face anyone.

"We see stars in broad daylight."

"All our aspirations are jolly."

"My heart simply wants more of you."

"We see stars in broad daylight."

"All our aspirations are jolly."

"My heart simply wants more of you."

"Open the window to your
heart open the door to your heart.

Door, door, door."

"Open the window to your
heart open the door to your heart."

Door, door, door."

"Your intentions are very devilish."

"My youth is unavailable."

"I am a fragile belle.
Do not tease me."

"Our story will only
last a couple of seconds."

"I know your intent.
I know you inside out."

"I won't believe you
no matter what you say."

"My heart's guitar beckons you."

"All our aspirations are jolly."

"My heart simply wants more of you."

"Open the window to your heart
open the door to your heart.

Door, door, door."

"There is talk that you are a flirt."

"You look one way
and aim the other way."

"Go away for you
won't succeed with me."

"Your eyes are wicked and
you have an ulterior motive."

"I am the princess of angels.
My freedom is dear to me."

"You are total disaster, my dear."

"The bells of love toll."

"All our aspirations are jolly."

"My heart simply wants more of you."

"Open the window to your heart
open the door to your heart."

Door, door, door."

"Open the window to your heart
open the door to your heart."

Door, door, door."

Baby doll.

Mister, why did you
bring me on the terrace?

JacuzzL

The water in the Jacuzzi's warm.

So what are we waiting for?

Look, I am an Indian girl.

I cannot do all this
before marriage. Yes.

Then why don't we take
rounds of the Jacuzzi.

Shut up!

Welcome to my casting.. - Ouch!

Ouch!

These Indian clothes
don't look good on you at all.

Let's take them off.

Mister. What are you doing?

Don't do this. Don't be so cruel.

Mister. Oh my, God!

I fell down.

You really are very lowly.

Mister, don't do it.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Shock! Shock!

Oh, God!

Shock! Shock!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God! - Run! Run!

Shock! Shock!

Oh, God!

What happened?
Where did those two go?

They ran out screaming. - Why?

I don't know. Those two are crazy.

Very good, our job just got easier.

Let's change clothes quickly
we've to get to the board meeting.

I wonder what's
happening with Johnny.

You can't do anything now.
The bed's broken.

You're a bed yourself, darling.

No I am not, I am a sister.

And I am very sinister.

Don't come any closer.
Don't come any closer.

I'm no good to you.
Don't come any closer.

Don't sneeze!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

I hate germs!

He sneezed again.

He sneezed again. Run.

Help. Help.

He sneezed again. Help me.

Why does every woman
run away from me?

I'm getting late for the meeting.

I hope Johnny's ready.

Ready?

Ready?

Shall we?

Let's go.

Help. - Johnny.

Help. - Johnny, wait.

Johnny, what are you doing here?

You should be upstairs
with uncle Kans.

He threw me on the bed. I fell down.

He sneezed.

I hit him. Then he lied down.

I can't do it.

It's alright. Now do one thing.

Go inside. Here.

Take these clothes.

Get changed and take
your place in the conference.

Ashok and Kumar must
be waiting for you, right?

Will anyone sneeze there?

Not at all.

Okay.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good morning.

Sorry for the delay, Gentlemen.
Please sit down.

Distinguished members of the Board.

The agenda of this meeting..

...Is to discuss the
future leadership..

...of the Singhania
Group of Companies.

As you all know,
due to their illness..

...they had strange fits,
they were sent to a asylum.

They had to undergo treatment.

Doctors say there's been..

...considerable improvement
in their condition.

Johnny's acting really well.

But..not enough to
handle the companies.

What?

I want that the temporary
power of attorney..

...vested with me should
be made permanent.

And Ashok Singhania
himself will say this.

Ashok.

Tell them.

This is what happens
if you trust a madman.

We were sent to the mental asylum
but I think uncle's getting the fits.

What? Ashok?

We're just as crazy as all of you.

I am absolutely fine, Gentlemen.

And I want my power of attorney..

...to be rightfully returned to me.

Ashok? - Alright?

Now all those in favor
please raise your hands.

Thank you.

What are you all doing?

It's the question
of our company's future.

Please lower your hands. Lower them.

Down. Please, down.

I think Ashok's getting fits again.

Ashok, you were just saying..

...that you can't even ride a cycle,
let alone run a company.

Hey uncle, enough of you.

You think we'll just listen
quietly to whatever you say.

Kumar, stay out of this.

Why should he stay out of this?

Because he isn't family member.

He's like family.

Like family, but he isn't family.

Get lost you..

To hell with the reality show.
- Don't say that.

We're so close to winning.

And if we don't go for the
meeting we'll be disqualified.

Come on, please. Please, let's go.

Okay.
- Thank you, let's go.

Sorry.
- Sorry.

We'll never do it again.
- I'll never do it again.

Shall we go for the meeting?

Stop it!
- He cannot talk to me like this.

Calm down.

Hold on!

Hold on! Wait. Please.

There's a small confusion.

Please step outside and sort
out this confusion peacefully.

Please step outside.

Come outside right now.
- Let's go.

Come outside right now.
- Yes, come.

I am sorry,
it's just a misunderstanding.

Wow! That was fast.

Is it all sorted?

So what have you all decided?

Distinguished members of the board.

As you all know,
due to their illness..

...they suffered strange fits.

They were sent to the mental asylum.

They had to undergo treatment.

The doctors say that..

...there's been considerable
improvement in their condition.

In fact, the improvement's so good..

...that they can run
the companies again.

What?

I would like to request you all..

...to return the temporary
power of attorney..

...vested with me back to Ashok.

What are you doing?

Uncle taught us something else..

...and now he's saying
something different.

I think..he's gone
crazy after that fat girl.

Yes.

But you say what you've been taught.

All those in favor
please raise your hands.

My God!

Get up.
- No, no, no, what are you all doing?

Hands down, hands down.
You also down.

Hands down.

Hey baldy, lower your hand.

I admit we aren't mad..

But we're still crazy.

So I suggest that you..

...make this temporary
power of attorney permanent..

...and give it to uncle.

What are you saying?

No, no, no.

Give it to them.

No,no,no,no.

Give it to him.

Stop it.
- Come on.

Why you..
- Enough!Enough!Enough!Enough!

What are you doing?

You got so engrossed
in uncle's character..

...that you forgot
you're his look-alike.

You're Johnny from Ward-C.

We got you out of jail.

We trained you.

We were going to
make your life better.

And you were uttering
rubbish in the meeting.

Now look, you know what
to do once you're inside.

You've to handover
all the companies to me.

Understand?

Yes.

Now..l understand everything.

Good. Now let's go inside.

Come on.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Let me clean it.
Let me clean it.

Oh..

But you should get the companies.

No, no, no.
You should get the companies.

But what will I do
with these companies?

But what will I do
with these companies.

Will you all shut up!

There's a limit to everything!

I am extremely sorry.

I think there's still
some confusion.

Please step outside..

...and sort this
confusion out peacefully.

Uncle, you first.

No, no, no, you first.

No, no, no, uncle..

I beg you. Please.

For God sake..
please go out and sort this.

Please step outside.

I am..

What?

They are the real ones.

What?

They are the real Ashok and Kumar.

I wonder where those
crazy fellows disappeared to.

Do something or we'll
lose the entire fortune.

Do something.
- Relax, I'll do something.

Members of the board.

All the confusion
is now completely cured.

The man who's been dreaming..

...to be the chairman
of this company..

...wants to say
something to all of you.

Come, uncle.

Will you tell the truth..
or do I?

Come on, uncle, everyone's waiting.

Actually..

No, you take it.

What's going on?

Oh, God!

Shock! Shock!

What are you waiting for? Run.

Fire! There's a fire in the hotel.

Everyone get out.

He escaped.

Relax, kunwar.
- What relax?

That Ashok and Kumar
came up with my look-alike.

And I wonder where our crazy
Ashok and Kumar disappeared to.

Your Plan A and Plan
B failed miserably.

You're telling me to relax.

Look, Plan A and Plan B failed..

...but Plan C won't.

What Plan C?

Ashok. Kumar.

Oh, these two fools
were hiding at your place.

Hi, uncle.

You've put on weight again.

Let's go take..steam, sauna.

First we'll take steam..
and then sauna.

Why are they talking
like Chinku-Pinku?

Because they aren't
your crazy Ashok and Kumar.

In fact, they are my
assistants Chinku-Pinku.

Yes.

What?

How is that even possible?

When you were training
those crazy Ashok and Kumar..

...I was capturing their
facial molecular structure.

So that I could perform
plastic surgery on them.

Plastic surgery?

Oh my, God.

Oh my, God.

Oh my, God!

But..why do these two
sound like Ashok and Kumar.

Voice modulator chip.

He stuffed it in himself.

This is really fantastic.

Now tomorrow,
at the House of Commons..

...Chinku and Pinku.. No.

Ashok and Kumar will go with us.

And finally they will handover..

...the entire property to me.
- Yes.

Don't forget my One million Pounds.

Why one million,
Doc, I'll give you two million.

You're a genius.

And..us?

Yes, I'll give you two as well.

Really?

We're really going
through a bad phase.

Uncle Kans knows
we've his look-alike.

And actually speaking
he's no longer with us.

I wonder where Johnny disappeared to.

Things just cannot get worse for us.

Sorry, guys, they just did.

Look.

What the hell.

Kunwar Amar Nath Singh's
the new owner..

...of Singhania Group of Companies.

Official signing is tomorrow.

At the House of Commons.

How did this happen?

Don't worry.

The official signing
hasn't taken place yet.

We still have one day to stop him.

But where do we find
that crazy Johnny?

Dear, I've finished my chores.
Can I leave?

Yes, aunt.

That's my Balbir.

Do you know Balbir?

No, aunt. You're mistaken.

He isn't Balbir,
that's their uncle Kans.

If he's Kans..
then you're Shrupnakha(Demoness).

How long have I been your housemaid?

Ten years.

Have I ever lied?

But.. - I said that's my
nephew Balbir, then that's Balbir.

Aunt, I am sorry..but, are you sure?

Look at them.

How dare you doubt me?

You two are in the photo too,
so why ask me?

That's my nephew Balbir.

He runs a nightclub in South Hall.

See you.

Balbir.

That means..

Triple Role!

Baby.

Baby doll, don't do it.

Listen to me.

What are you doing? I'll be ruined.

You know..how important
today's function is.

Listen to me.

Hello. Hello.

Balbir.

Why are you all staring at me?

Who are you people?
What do you want?

Same face.

Say it.

Balbir, we need your help.

Help?

A poor man has limited means.

I am not capable of helping anyone.

I need help myself.

The item girl of this dance bar..

...who's the main attraction
here signed a movie.

Sir, please listen to us.

When I came here from Ludhiana..

...everyone said a dance bar will
never do good business in South Hall.

But I made it successful. I did.

And today's this dance
bar's 5th Anniversary.

The people will be
here in half an hour.

But the girl they're coming
here to watch isn't here.

Now..will I dance here in my shorts?

I am ruined. I'll be humiliated.

My dance bar will close down.
What do I do?

Balbir.

We can help you.

One minute. Guys, come here.

Your dance bar won't close down..

...nor will your show be cancelled.

Neither will you be humiliated.

But..if we help you,
you will have to help us in return.

Anything-

I am ready to do anything, I swear.

I'll do as you say, please.

But what are you all going to do?

"By god, we will serve you."

"Oh my queen Bullo."

"By god, it will be a big hit."

"Our love story."

"By god, come for my sake."

"Come, come, come, come."

"By god,
don't break my heart by leaving."

"Don't go,
don't go, don't go, don't go."

"How can I simply
give my heart to you?"

"My love will prove
very dear to you."

uGo away, go awayflu

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

"Why do you produce
new stories every day?"

"Why do you come here to
squander your peace and solace?"

"You are my peace,
you are my solace."

"Come evening and my
heart leads me to your path."

"How can I simply
give my heart to you?"

"My love will prove
very dear to you."

uGo away, go awayflu

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

"Come by car if not by scooty."

"Cross the seven
seas and come to me."

"My heart beckons, come with love."

"Come, come, come, come."

"Don't underestimate my attitude."

"My love is razor sharp,
not a mystery."

I am your confidant,
I am your Romeo."

"My heart truly loves you,
it is not a traitor."

"How can I simply
give my heart to you?"

"My love will prove
very dear to you."

uGo away, go awayflu

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

"Come, come.
Come to your lover's market."

The mental asylum is much
better then this outer world.

Yes, in there we're
given electric shocks..

...only if we make a mistake

Out here..we always get
shocked one way or another.

And then..my Shivani's here too.

Come on, let's go inside.

We don't want to win
this reality show. Come on.

That wasn't a reality show.

Uncle!
- No.

I am not uncle.

I am the uncle's look-alike, Johnny.

And you two are Ashok
and Kumar's look-alikes.

Look-alikes?

We should help Ashok and Kumar.

They are very nice people.

All our lives we've
done only bad things.

Now we've an opportunity
to do something good.

Let's go..and expose
that rascal uncle.

Hello, boys!

I am back!

Because of you three,
the people of Burma..

...left me unworthy of facing anyone.

What?
- But now..

...I'll take you three back..

...and I'll get my old job again.

Come on.
- Shut up!

Shut up?

You insect. Spineless creature.

Slapstick comedy!

Why you?
- Stop.

You are mistaken.

L..l am kunwar Amar Nath Singh.

And these two aren't
the Ashok and Kumar..

...from your mental asylum.

They are my Ashok and Kumar.

Millionaires.

But..but..

What but? Are you stupid?

They Ashok and Kumar
you're looking for..

...are our look-alikes.
- Yes.

Look-alikes. New story.

I'll tell your story to the world.

What the people of
Burma did with you..

...should I put that on Facebook?

Should I put it on Whatsapp?
- Should I put it on Twitter?

He has many followers on Twitter.
I don't know how?

But I do. I do.

Yes.

I hate social networking.

Let us go,
we'll go and catch those look-alikes.

Halt!

Sir. Sir, take me along too.

For the sake of my tainted honor.

When I find those three..

...I'll make their plight such that..

Why are you scared?

I was talking about
those look-alikes.

Follow me.
- This way.

Follow me.

Today, on the special
occasion of 15th August..

...I would like to welcome all of you.

I would like to call
the guest of honor..

...His royal Highness,
the Prince of Wales..

...Prince Charles on
stage to say a few words.

Thank you very much, Ashok.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it
really is a great honor to be here.

The Royal family has
always made the effort..

...to strengthen the bonds between..

...the United Kingdom and India.

Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!

After ruining me Ashok and Kumar..

...are posing as millionaires.

I swear on God,
they won't escape my wrath today.

Thappa and his papa.

Did you fix the bomb
properly in the chandelier?

Yes, boss.

Now let's activate
it and get out of here.

The bomb will explode
in exactly two minutes.

Why isn't the light coming on?

Battery?

We don't have batteries.

Go buy batteries from the store.

Go on.

Like every year,
we'll donate a cheque..

...to the Prince Charles
Charitable Organization.

But this year..l won't
do this good deed myself.

In fact, the future boss of
the Singhania Group of Companies..

...kunwar Amar Nath
Singh will do the honors.

What are you saying?
- Yes, your Highness.

Unfortunately, due to
my degrading mental condition..

...I had to take this step.

Today, in everyone's presence..

With Prince Charles as my witness.

Today, I officially handover..

...the Singhania Group
properties and fortune..

...to my uncle, kunwar Amar Nath Singh.

Slop!

How can this man
handover the fortune..

...when it doesn't belong to him.

He's absolutely right.

He isn't the real Ashok,
or the real Kumar..

...nor is he the real uncle.

Here's..the real Ashok.

Three people with double roles.

Your Majesty,
these three are escaped patients..

...from the mental asylum.

Impossible.

Is that true?

No.
- No.

Your Majesty, they are lying.

They are insane.
- Yes.

Great. Blaming us instead.

Shut up, crazy.
- You are crazy.

No, you're crazy.
- You're crazy.

You three are crazy.
- Halt.

I'll tell you who's really..

What is going on?

One more.

What the"

Three people with triple roles.

You said you have look-alikes.

But even your look-alikes
have look-alikes.

That means three people
with triple roles.

Three times three!

We don't know that.

But we do know that one
group's real and the other's fake.

Which group are you?
- We're the crazy group.

They are the crazy ones, not them.

They are the crazy group.

We aren't mad.
- How dare you?

Are you calling us crazy?
- Yes, you're crazy.

They are the crazy ones.
- Oh my God, confession.

They're admitting they are crazy.

We aren't mad.
- We're just crazy.

I am going crazy here.

This is more confusing
than my first marriage.

Who's real? Who's fake?

We're real.

We're real.

We're crazy.

One of them is real.

Security! Security!
Take them away.

Rascal..
- Why you..

I'll show you who's real.

Let go my collar.

Let's go the asylum.
- Is there a bed.

Come on.

Reality show uncle.

Once the batteries arrive
I will blow everyone up.

Are you Crazy or what?

We aren't crazy.

We aren't crazy.

This one's for Hitler.

This one's for Churchill.

Don't sneeze. Don't sneeze.

Who are you?

I am Ashok.
- I am Kumar.

Which one?

Slop!

I'll tell you..

...who the real Ashok Singhania,
my son is.

This is my son, Ashok.

The real Ashok Singhania.

Because only a son..

...sheds tears seeing his father.

SQ“!

Dad.

I knew, dad..

...that you will be fine some day.

I had to, son.

Otherwise I would have had
to listen to your rotten jokes.

Battery.
- Battery, Give it.

Enough.

Enough of this father-son
emotional scene.

At least this clears one thing..

...that you're the real Ashok.

Now handover your fortune to me..

...or this will be the
last day of your father's life.

No. I'll sign.

Here.

Dad.

That's a bomb.

What's the matter!

Mr. Singhania's
about to explode. Run!

Dad.

Oh my, God!

Oh my, God!

I can't touch this bomb.
- Me neither.

Liar.

Move you idiots.
- Someone save me.

It's after me.

Ladies and Sindhis first.

Let me go first, I am Sindhi.

I am Sindhi.
- Get lost.

Move aside. Move aside.

I am never coming back
to an Indian function again.

What's the hurry, sweetheart?

I am Thappa and that's my papa.

And now we'll brand
you with our love.

Don't worry girls, we'll save you.

How will you save us?

Madam, there are just..

This is not the time, dumbo.
Fighting. Fighting.

Okay.

Where did they go?

Stop! Stop!

I don't like midgets.
I hate them.

Leave them.

Hold me. Hold me.

Hi, I am Chinku.
- I am Pinku.

Let me go. Let me go.

Move. Move aside.

The bomb can explode any moment.
Let me go.

I am a decent man.
lam a decent man.

Please get me down!

Shut up!

Forgive me. Forgive me.

Sorry. Sorry.

Forgive me.

They bit us.

Let go. Let go.

Let go, I'll give you a chocolate.

Help. Save us.

Help, they will eat up everything.

Help me. Get this out.

Bomb. Bomb.

You got me in this.
No. You got me in this.

Bomb.

I am safe.

Uncle, don't slip
back into coma again.

Otherwise we'll play
video games again.

Thank you, my children.

Ashok. Kumar.
- Shivani.

Uncle.

Uncle, forgive us.
Forgive us. Forgive us.

If you forgive us..

...we'll clean your back
every day with castor oil.

Why not?

Yippee!

Where are you going?

Son.
- Dad.

Are you okay?
- Yes, son.

Dad.

Take them to the asylum.

Oh, God!
How did I get stuck in this?

And do keep visiting.

Good they were caught.

We've been saying
that we're not mad..

We're just crazy.
- Don't worry, darling.

I'll fix that.
- Wow!

S how-offs!

There's a big difference..

...between their
'wapa-chiki' and ours.

The most interesting thing is..

...we had so much action,
but no one sneezed.

No!

I am just joking.

Till now I had just one son.

But now I have four sons.

And yes, two daughter as well.

Wow.

I'll never get a bigger audience.

I'll tell you a new joke.

No way man!